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professional development
THE FIVE STAGES OF JOB LOSS By Joanne Courtney, MHR
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AVE YOU WORKED FOR A COMPANY for 21 years and relocated just because they asked? You sound like a dedicated employee. Now, fast forward. You get a Zoom invite to meet with your supervisor and learn you’ve been laid off. WHAT?! Surely, they made a mistake! Yet days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, you end up on a roller coaster of emotions. This is the complicated result of job loss. When we think of loss, we often think of losing a loved one or ending a relationship. But the feelings of loss also happen when we get fired, laid off, quit, as well as retire. There could be loss of purpose, income, workfamily and stability. Kubler-Ross defines the five stages of loss as disbelief, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.* While this seems like a nice road map to recovery, the steps are often not in order and can reoccur over long periods. I didn’t stay in the disbelief stage long at first... I said to myself, “No one is exempt from this.” That worked for a while, but I eventually started saying “Why me?” I realized that it did, in fact, happen to me, so I needed to push forward. With lots of work experience and great networks of people supporting me, I had to focus on the future. One day, I landed in an angry place. There were so many company shirts. Now I would never wear them again! I wanted them out. Next it was the coffee mugs, water bottles and all of the personalized things. They all had to go!
26 | BLACK IN HR
Anger is a normal emotion. The key is not to stay in that space. Process it and move on. There is also the bargaining stage. “Maybe if I just wait them out, my employer will come to their senses.” Bargaining isn’t a real strategy. Depression is the fourth emotion. It can start to sink in before, during or after any of the phases. Mine kicked in after I had interviewed 8 times for 2 different companies. What a long, tiring and mentally exhausting process. I was consistently “on” so it was especially depressing that within the same week I got denials from both. The self-defeating talk started immediately. “Well, maybe I’m not as great as I think I am.” “Maybe I’m not going to ever find a job.” Often, it’s hard to quiet the doubt, but we have to remember our worth and surround ourselves with people who will also remind us often and keep pushing us forward. We can also talk to a professional... There is power in taking that step to mental clarity. The last stage is acceptance. I’ve come to acceptance in waves. I know that things happen for a reason and that my dream job is out there, I just need to be prepared and put in the work to find it. You may experience periods of disbelief, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance over time, and in varying degrees of intensities. Let your family, friends and a professional help. While it may not feel good as you go through the process, keep pushing forward like me because there is good just on the other side. u
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