BLAIRE JULY 2015 by Blaire Magazine

JULY â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;15

REBELLION noun

uprising, or insurrection as a refusal of obedience or order. It may, therefore, be seen as encompassing a range of behaviours aimed at destroying or taking over the position of an established authority such as a government, governor, president, political leader, financial institution, or person in charge. 3

REBELLION ISSUE JULY 15 EMILY EATON EDITOR SARAH LONG CREATIVE DIRECTOR MONICA JANKOWSKI MUSIC DIRECTOR ALECZANDER GAMBOA SUBEDITOR EDITORIAL CONTRUBITIONS MITCHELL PASCOE SPORT TORY PRICE FASHION TOM BENSLEY LIFE MIA FRANCISCO LIFE YEN LI WONG LIFE ROBERT KAUFMAN LET’S GET WEIRD MICHAEL BURRILL LIFE DREW BEETHAM LAYOUT / DESIGN FEATURING: YOUR PARENTS SEX TAPES, BONNIE ARBITTIER, ROSS ULBRICHT PROFILE, YSTRDAYBONE, NICK DE CARLO, ANGEL RAE ENQUIRIES / SUBMISSION / ADVERTISING: SARAH@BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM ABN: 62359130068 WWW.BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM 4

JULY ‘15

CONTENTS REGULAR

08 18 24

FEATURED

ANGEL RAE COMIC

BONNIE CLICKS Resident Photo editorial

DEBATE - TV IS DEAD Anyone still watching?

47 50

JESSE BIRTHISEL COMIC

52 53

MUSIC REVIEWS

CHEEKY CHAPTER Semen is weird.

ROBERT KAUFMAN POEM ‘R’

30 34 42

YOUR PARENTS SEX TAPES: INTERVIEW The weirdest interview we’ve done to date. TO TRANSGENDER AND BEYOND What defines your gender? THE END OF CANCER / DEBATE Ignorance is bliss for pharmaceutical co’s. CHARACTER PROFILE - ROSS ULBRICHT Silk Road is dead. YSTRDAY BONE - FASHION INTERVIEW ARTIST PROFILE Nick De Carlo.

I BARK, THEREFORE I AM Dog Profiling?

WE’RE DOOMED Is buying a house possible?

IS SPORT RIGGED? A chat with the Australian public.

ANGEL RAE COMIC PROPS

SEX

YOUR PARENTS SEX TAPES HE SWEARS THAT HE HASN’T SEEN HIS PARENT’S SEX TAPES, BUT HAS SOMEHOW FORMULATED QUIRKY YET QUESTIONABLE CONTENT OF A DEVIANT ‘I DON’T GIVE A FUCK’ LIFESTYLE. WE REALLY DIG GRIFFIN’S SHIT. SO HERE’S TO THE WEIRDEST INTERVIEW WE’VE DONE TO DATE. 11

I NEED TO KNOW, HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SEEN YOUR PARENT’S SEX TAPE? I actually haven’t, I saw a friends once in 9th grade. Their last name was Brown. The tape was called ‘house of brown’. We only got about 10 seconds in so I never found out if the title was a pun. WOULD YOU RATHER WATCH YOUR PARENT’S SEX TAPE EVERY DAY OR WATCH TONY ABBOTT HAVE SEX WITH JOHN HOWARD ONCE A WEEK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Honestly, I’d watch Tony and Johnny go at it. I’ve never seen that side of Tony. WHEN DO YOU FEEL SEXY? From the 1st of January until the 31st of December. YOU ALSO HAVE A COOKING SHOW, WELL DONE! EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A CELEBRITY CHEF THESE DAYS, IS GORDON RAMSAY YOUR INSPIRATION OR ARE YOU MORE OF A JAMIE OLIVER GUY? I prefer Jamie, he’s fucking dangerous... In a conservative, sensible way. WAS THAT YOUR BUM IN EPISODE 4? I wish! That’s my mate callum @johncutesack. Sweet sweet buns. I’M NOT SURE PUTTING THE WORD SHIT IN THE TITLE OF A COOKING SHOW IS ALL THAT DELICIOUS SOUNDING, WHY DID YOU CALL IT THAT? Originally, we called it that to take some pressure off, if the food was ever bad or there was sloppy editing, we could be like, ‘yeah, we know’. The soups have been stupidly tasty though and the videos bring that raw humor that you can only find when you’re fuckin’ around with your friends. YOU HAVE PARTNERED UP WITH SEBASTIEN FOUGERE OF STICKS AND STONES AGENCY ON THE SHOW, HOW DID YOU HOOK THIS UP? I helped Sebastien and Ainsley with videos years ago. We made little quirky clips to showcase clothing ranges. We disconnected for a while, I hit him up last year telling him I had been filming and was keen to get involved. He asked me if I wanted to film and edit his show. I dogged university and decided to do this shit instead. BE HONEST, WHO IS THE BETTER COOK BETWEEN YOU? Sebastien, quite easily. He’s never made a bad soup. He couldn’t.

NOT ONLY A BRILLIANT CHEF, BUT ALSO A FUCKING RAD PHOTOGRAPHER DUDE YOU ARE A MAJOR DOUBLE THREAT! HOW DID YOU GET INTO PHOTOGRAPHY? I would always snap, film and edit the dumb shit my friends were doing since we were like 14. I guess that’s what I still do, but now it’s in high definition and our ideas are a little better. WHO ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SUBJECTS TO SHOOT AND WHY? My friends, for sure. They are the most interesting creatures. When we’re all together, that’s when we make that good good. RATHER THAN GOING IT ALONE, YOU HAVE COLLABORATED WITH SOME COOL PEOPLE USING ARTISTS AND OTHER COOL-SHIT MAKERS, HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO YOUR CREATIVITY TO VIBE OFF OTHER PEOPLE? It’s super impor tant. The people I have collaborated with thus far are my closest friends, so the vibes are thumping when we get together. It’s made my work everything it is. It all comes down to our mates and documenting what we get up to. TELL US WHAT ELSE GETS YOUR CREATIVE JUICES FLOWING? Weed, the fellas, beer and trap music. WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER A CAREER MOVE TO START TAKING BABY GLAMOUR SHOTS? I THINK YOU HAVE THE TALENT FOR IT! I could do weddings? SO I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE FEELING THE SOCIAL MEDIA LOVE, HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO YOUR WORK? It’s cool to get noticed and it’s definitely impor tant to be recognised if you want to star t paying yo’ fuckin’ bills! WE ARE A BIT OF A FUCKED UP SOCIETY WHERE WE THINK THE MORE INSTA LIKES WE GET EQUATES TO US BEING LIKED MORE, HOW DO YOU SEPARATE THAT SUPERFICIAL SHIT WITH YOUR REAL LIFE? I don’t take it too seriously. It’s just fun at the moment and that seems to be working for us. ANY LAST WORDS OF WISDOM FOR THE BLAIRE READERS? Have fun. If you’re not doing what you like. What’s the point?

YOUR PARENTS SEX TAPES ‘IT’S COOL TO GE T NOTICED AND IT’S DEFINITELY IMPORTANT TO BE RECOGNISED IF YOU WANT TO START ANGEL RAE PAYING YO’ FUCKIN’ BILLS!’ 13

T O

T R ND E A N G S

AT WHAT AGE DID YOU KNOW YOUR GENDER AND WHAT DEFINED IT? Can I ask, what gender are you? Okay. Now play along. Imagine you are dressed in the opposite gender’s clothes. Cool. Imagine you are shaped differently. Your shoulders feel different. You’re walking differently. You’re the opposite sex. You have been offered $100,000,000 to stay this way. Your height is different, your weight is different, and your face feels and looks different. You have to stay this way forever. Do you choose it? Do you want to change your sex and gender? For all people the answer is no. And this includes transgender people. Because transgender people have felt like this for some or all of their lives. It’s the feeling that your body just isn’t you. Your outside isn’t matching how you feel inside. Now ask yourself this. What defines your gender? Is it the clothes your wear? Surely not. Men and women can wear different types of clothes now. Is it your height? But both men and women can have different heights, weights, and shapes.

The answer is – your gender. The gender you identify with. Gender is a social construct that has been deeply embedded in your society. And this has been reiterated for centuries. There are so many social constructs (race, ethnicity, gender, wealth, etc.) and all of them are ver y deeply engrained. That’s why they’re hard to over throw. Oh yes, social constructs are ver y, ver y powerful things. Take money, arguably the most powerful social construct of all time, but when you get down to it they’re just pieces of paper with faces on them. As a society we’re finally coming about to accepting homosexuality but haven’t really nailed the whole transgender thing. Why?

Is it a lack of education? I didn’t really know ver y much about it until I star ted researching this ar ticle. Recently I discussed with my friends Caitlyn Jenner’s transformation. Good on her I said, though I can’t really understand or imagine feeling like this. So why does our society shun it? Why is it discriminated against? Western culture hasn’t ever y really embraced third genders, or people who don’t fit into MALE or FEMALE. Apar t from that there is only OTHER. And OTHER is distrusted. OTHER is not embraced. It’s not natural people say. But wait... it’s seen as not natural now, but in hundreds of other cultures in the past it was normal. It was even enshrined in some places. ‘Two spirit’ people were common in the indigenous Americas, where they often took on roles that other genders usually did or wore the other gender’s clothes. Many other cultures had not two, not three or four cultures but even five. Which goes to show, like a lot of other things engrained in our society, things haven’t always been sorigid. The human mind has imagination, passion, and can’t be restrained. When it comes to something as phenomenally personal as what gender you feel you are, how offensive is it to have someone telling you that you’re wrong? To tell someone what they’re feeling is wrong – it’s not normal, it’s not accepted. Even with kids we trust, they’ll know what gender they are. Ask any five year old and they’ll tell you. Or at least ask a five year old who tells you what society has deemed to be male or female and they’ll tell you. If they give you an answer that adults think is incorrect, then they’re ‘confused’ or ‘too young to know who they are’.

My guess? In a hundred years the same will be said for transgender. People will look back and be unable to comprehend how society forced these people to be who they weren’t.

So male. Or female. Or transgender, or androgynous, or unsure. Go out there and be the best you can be. Fuck conformity!

A N D

We’re taking baby steps, but at least they’re steps in the right direction. Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Coz in Orange Is The New Black and even a new Google ad are all embracing transgender people. And we know when Hollywood star ts to embrace something, the rest of the world are sure to follow.

Think of left-handed people. Can you imagine forcing a left-handed person to write with their right hand? No, me neither. That’s why it’s so hard to understand why people were so adamant to stamp it out in earlier times. ‘Crazy’ we called them. ‘Backwards’ we scoff. But in our current society, we’re doing it to so many other groups.

YO ND

Why do we have to force ourselves into these roles when we don’t feel that they show our true selves?

THE END OF

Image courtesy of: wikipedia.org/wiki/Immunology

NCER THERE’S A CURE FOR CANCER, SO WHY ARE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES IGNORING IT?

Cancer. Not a word to be taken lightly. Not a topic to be bandied about even as a joke. Cancer just might be the Omnipotent Being’s way of telling us humans that we aren’t in control of our lives. After all, our bodies react to different things and ultimately metamorphose into those deadly cancerous cells. Nothing is as devastating as receiving confirmation of cancer in the body. The doomsday countdown then begins. Cue bucket lists, will writing, and goodbyes. BUT – it doesn’t have to be that way, though. What if there is already a viable cure for cancer? Wouldn’t you like to know about it?

I’ve read enough books and watched enough trashy shows that highlight the dangers of tr ying to play God where science and medicine are concerned. Yet, immunotherapy has been used in clinical trial after clinical trial after clinical trial. Drugs such as iplimumab and nivolumab are already in stages of use in some par ts of the world. So what gives? Recently, the annual conference of the American Society of Clinical Oncology were presented with results of the successful use of this therapy in treating cer tain forms of cancer par ticularly lung and bowel. Doctors and medical exper ts are calling the findings ‘astounding’ and ‘a major breakthrough’. However, despite those words, it doesn’t look like we actually have anything on the fight against cancer. So don’t bring out the champagne and par ty hats yet, people. Ever yone still seems to be moving with extreme caution – from researchers to pharmaceutical companies.

In actual fact, this treatment is not a new thing. It’s called immunotherapy. And it dates as far back as 1891 when William Coley, a New York surgeon, injected bacteria into his patients in an attempt to activate the body’s immune system to fight both the new bacteria and the existing mutated cells. 2 centuries later and it seems surprising that we are nowhere near utilising this therapy to its full potential. After all, cancer is Death personified. More people in the world die each year from cancer than from other illnesses. So if there is a chance – no matter how small – that this devil can be beaten, why aren’t we working harder towards reaching that goal?

Shouldn’t be too surprising, though. Much like ever ything in this world, the medical industr y is governed not by humane considerations but by the All Mighty Powerhouse known as Money. As much good as pharmaceutical companies are doing with their heavy investments on medical research, let us not kid ourselves that the bottom line is not at the, well, bottom of all their business decisions. Obviously, if there really was a cure for cancer – in any form or treatment – the pharmaceutical companies would have been the first to jump on the bandwagon and make a resounding clarion call to the rest of the world. So, no-go for now and cancer patients remain hopeful that something will come up soon.

Basically, immunotherapy activates our body’s immune system to seek and fight cancerous cells. It’s pretty much the police force in our body. And the chief of this force are the T-Cells. However, cancerous cells can be perfect bad arses which know how to hide from our immune system. These bastards can also produce protein that reduces the effectiveness of our T-Cells. Previous tests using immunotherapy have shown that the treatment activates T-Cells which then stalls the spread of the disease.

Look, we all know that research is a long and complicated process. It is tedious and finicky and loads needs to be done before a conclusion can be reached. We also know that research has received its fair share of setbacks in past years. Clinical trials don’t always go the way its researchers want it to. And sometimes people die during testing. This can be from complications relating to the disease. Or from the drugs gone haywire in the system – attacking both cancerous and healthy cells. So it is understandable when such ‘breakthroughs’ are viewed with a healthy dose of expectant pessimism.

Immunotherapy has also been known to use the big brother/ big sister approach. Traditional treatment for cancer such as chemotherapy typically attempts to kill the cancerous cells. Enter immunotherapy. It’s more about rehabilitation than death by execution. Medical researchers are working on leading cancerous cells back into the path of goodness and light. Yeah, it’s obvious I’m no scientist or medical researcher. And I’m not thumbing my nose at the people who are most cer tainly working their arses off to find a breakthrough in this fight against the Big C.

But as the medical industr y is slowly inching its way towards a cure for cancer, 8.2 million people around the world died of cancer in 2012. According to the World Health Organisation, this number is expected to rise by about 70% over the next 2 decades. That’s a whole lot of people who will potentially die from cancer. Grandfathers, grandmothers, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters – that is too big a number to fuck around with. YEN LI WONG

BONNIE PHOTO EDITORIAL

JULY ‘15

EBELLION

PHOTOGRAPHY BY BONNIE ARBITTIER

DEBATE

CHRIS MILLS AND CARLA HUTCHISON

CHRIS: Guys, television is dead. If you haven’t yet curled up with your cat collection and a glowing Netflix-filled computer screen, then it won’t be long until Murdoch gets you with Foxtel Go and Presto, or Fairfax with Stan, or even just that mate with the freakishly extensive hard-drive collection, and then that 3D-Capable 50-inch Plasma will only function as either a substitute heater in winter or as a mere extension to your laptop. Yep, it may not be quite six feet deep yet, but streaming has already paid for TV’s funeral and is measuring the coffin. In it’s place is this new ‘television’ where shows might still be a thing, but have fundamentally been reshaped.

CARLA: We keep tolling the death bell for older technology each time we get excited with new tech. We did this with newspapers and magazines when the Internet star ted to pick up the pace. ‘Video killed the radio star,’ isn’t that how the song goes? Yet even the “dead” genre of radio is still thriving, operating within cer tain ideal conditions – just like TV will. While streaming is definitely gaining in popularity with millennials, there are those for whom TV will always be the comfor ting presence in the living room. Let’s not forget that streaming is just a natural extension of the exact content thatTV pioneered – and old habits die hard.

CHRIS: I think that radio has a massive thing going for it that television does not: cars. People will always have a need for noise without pictures as long as we are staring through our windshields, but with TV it’s looking increasingly like there are perfect substitutes. Adver tising drove a lot of television’s growth and enabled production and diversity of content in the hunt for demographics, but now that adver tising is shifting focus online, while simultaneously streaming providers like Netflix make sufficient revenue off subscriptions to forgo traditional adver tising altogether. I’m not saying I won’t miss it, but this is one habit that may be withdrawal-free thanks to new media.

CARLA: There’s always a specialized niche that can be tapped – with radios, it’s cars. With TV, there are enough to keep it afloat because no other ser vice can top it. Things like children’s car toons, nature documentaries, reality shows – streaming ser vices still don’t have the resources to come up with winning formulas and original content that will keep people coming back. And let’s not forget one of the biggest draws that TV dominates but streaming still can’t touch: spor ts. You can always rely on your favourite spor t being televised on a par ticular channel you subscribe to, and you can watch the games live, as they’re being played. The delays, network problems, and unreliability of streaming still hasn’t drawn enough confidence to replace TV in that aspect.

Well, we can thank the fantastic roll-out of the NBN on our streaming speeds before blaming Netflix on that front. But asides aside, I will give you spor t. That is adver tising central, and people still tune in. I’d say spor t is the final rattling breaths in TV’s dying body, but only because they can still be the highest bidder for the rights; my opinion is that as online ser vices increase and stabilise their revenue streams they will star t competing for those rights and likely win. I will also admit to on occasion streaming various global (cable) spor ting events, although they are direct streams of real television channels. In regards to original content I beg to differ. Put aside the behemoth that is House of Cards and look at Daredevil (the only non-Mar vel/Warner-produced Mar vel tale); Orange is the New Black; Peaky Blinders; and so on for Netflix alone, and all ad-free and block released, redefining the concept of ashow into essentially a 13-hour continuous stor y arc. Let’s see television do that!

IS DEAD CARLA: Thing is, television doesn’t have to do that – its power is such that despite having ads and releasing episodes ever y week, people still tune in and give them money, hand over fist. In the future, streaming may be a big threat, but right now? TV is still king. Look at the star power of The Emmys, look at the adver tising power of massive spor ts events like the Superbowl (millions of USD for a 30 second ad), look at the massive appeal of Game of Thrones. While streaming is growing up fast, it’s still dealing in big brother TV’s hand-me-downs. Global season premieres still rely on TV to release episodes – streaming ser vices don’t get the new shows for a while after they star t.

CHRIS: Well if multi-million dollar Budweiser ads and waiting for Hodor is all television has to offer then it might as well be dead to me. Now I’ve tasted the fruit of the streaming tree I don’t want to go back to six nights a week of The Block! Alright, television is kicking, sure, but if we like its shiny new internet-based replacement (and I cer tainly do), the pressure is on the networks to show us what they can offer to match the ser vice. I’m interested to see who wins – Netflix have said their goal is to become HBO before HBO becomes Netflix, so there is going to be some tight competition in times to come.

CARLA: Oh, definitely! I’m interested in seeing how TV and streaming go head-to-head, especially when it comes to fighting off their mutual enemy: internet piracy. But that’s a topic for another debate. For now, TV is alive and kicking, ensuring that people still watch the news, still watch spor ts, still watch talk shows, hell – still watch reality shows about people watching TV (now that’s some really meta shit there). While the audience might be declining ever so slightly, its hold on the pop culture and celebrity landscape still promises a healthy future, one that streaming can’t match at themoment. And with TV networks like HBO dipping their toes into streaming, such as with the HBO Go ser vice, well – they can have their cake and eat it too.

CHRIS: As long as the cake produces good content I’ll be happy. I still think TV has a lot more to do to come back from the brink, even though the spor t and news is hard to take away from them, but they do have the time, funds, and even the loyal audience to make it happen. Let it be noted though that getting a proper NBN rolled out to help out the online producers would be absolutely a-okay in my books, but for now I guess I’m happy to split my watching between screens. Ever yone needs some Masterchef comfor t at some point... Agreed?

CARLA: Definitely! Besides, man cannot live on cable alone, but needs Netflix to sustain him... er, her. Content is king, and hopefully we’re not trusting networks naively when it comes to producing quality content, whether for TV or streaming. That said, if it comes to the point where the only shows on TV are the news, the big game, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I’ll be jumping ship ASAP.

RIP SILK ROAD

ROSS ULBRICHT, THE FOUNDER OF SILK ROAD IS NOW BEHIND BARS. HERE’S THE STORY OF HIS UNDERGROUND ILLEGAL CREATION AND THE REVOLUTION THAT FOLLOWED.

DREADED PIRATE SURFING THE DEEP WEB: THE ROSS ULBRICHT STORY Tuesday, October 1, 2013 On a warm, autumn afternoon in San Francisco, California, Ross William Ulbricht decided to head to the Café Bello to work. The walk would do him good, and it was too nice a day to pass up the oppor tunity. Where was the harm in it? After breakfast he packed his lunch (something light – he was staying healthy these days) and grabbed his laptop. Before leaving he said goodbye to his housemate. Bye Josh,’ Drew called back from the living room. Walking to the Cafe, Ross looked at the people passing him on the streets. Celebrating the seasonal warmth, lots of San Franciscans were wearing bright colours, loose fitting t-shir ts and shor ts. Any one of these people, catching a glimpse of Ulbricht, might assume he was an aged student or a recent graduate, perhaps unemployed and going to waste time in a café. The 30 year-old Texan was a handsome guy with a soft, brown rug of hair and a deep tan. His only uncharacteristic feature was his narrowed eyes, like little slits on the top of his face. Many nights spent programming on the computer had caused bags to form underneath, narrowing them fur ther. Ross tried the café, but Bello was full up. There was nowhere to plug in his laptop. He left a few seconds later and went next door, into the Glen Park branch of the SF Public Librar y. Coming through the doors, Ross kept his head down. Something about the enclosed space, and getting closer to logging into his anonymous profile, made

him ner vous about eye-contact. Ross had managed to keep his appearance hidden, but as he came closer to opening his laptop and signing on as the Dread Pirate Rober ts, administrator and creator of the Silk Road marketplace, ever y incidental glance in his direction caused a flutter of warning in his chest. Ross headed upstairs and found a vacant spot in the science fiction section. He sat down, plugged in his laptop and got to work. What Ross Ulbricht didn’t know was that from the moment he left his house, his ever y move was being watched by the FBI. Even online, he wasn’t safe. Keeping tabs on him was Homeland Security special agent Jared Der-Yeghiayan, whom Ross knew as Cirrus. Cirrus was a moderator on the Silk Road forums. He’d been working for Ulbricht for a year or so, having spent thousands of hours on the Silk Road forums looking for clues about its creator’s identity, while gaining his trust. Der-Yeghiayan was par t of an investigation team led by Christopher Tarbell of the FBI. Today was the day they planned to capture the infamous Dread Pirate Rober ts, or “DPR”, and they believed him to be the man who is in the science fiction section of the Glen Park Branch Librar y. At around noon of October first, Der-Yeghiayan – a chubby, pale man with his hair slicked to the side – Christopher Tarbell, and several other FBI agents met at Café Bello, a few blocks from Ulbricht’s house and next door to the librar y. Bello was a spacious café with bright yellow and orange walls. It was a popular hub for locals because of its location and free WiFi. On October 1st it was bustling, and the six agents crowded themselves into a corner, leaning down over Der-Yeghiayan’s laptop.

Logged on as Cirrus, Der-Yeghiayan saw the DPR come online. Having tracked his IP address months earlier, this confirmed that Ulbricht was at home. The operation was underway. Over the next few hours, the team dispersed. Der-Yeghiayan stayed in Café Bello for the internet connection, but all the power outlets had been taken up. His laptop drained, threatening to screw ever ything up. At almost 3pm, DPR signed off. Ulbricht would be moving locations, Der-Yeghiayan figured, so he left the café and crossed the street to consult with another agent, computer scientist Thomas Kiernan. Kiernan and Der-Yeghiayan watched as Ulbricht appeared. He waited at the lights to cross, laptop bag in hand. He walked into the café and left almost immediately. He went into the librar y. Kiernan left to follow Ulbricht into the librar y where Tarbell and several other agents waited. Der-Yeghiayan stayed on the street corner, tr ying to shield the sun’s glare so he could wait for DPR to come back online. He needed to message him just once, so they could confirm it was Ross Ulbricht and arrest him. His laptop continued to drain, nearing 18%. He had maybe 20 minutes of power left. A few stressful minutes later, he saw DPR come online. Der-Yeghiayan messaged him, asking him to check out a customer suppor t issue. DPR responded: ‘Okay, which post?’ That confirmed it. The Dread Pirate Rober ts was one Ross Ulbricht, upstairs in the librar y right now. Inside, Ross continued chatting with Cirrus. Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him. His pulse jumped. A door swung open violently and quick footsteps marched across the floor. Butterflies rose up in Ross’s stomach, but he relaxed when he realised it was just a man and a woman, arguing. Ross tried to ignore it and get back to work, but the two of them were so loud in the silent librar y, and they were coming towards him, that he just decided to wait it out. He moved back from his laptop. The couple continued to come forward, their voices getting louder as they came right past Ulbricht’s desk. He turned his head slightly to get a look at the feisty couple. He saw the man reach down with gloved hands to grab his laptop from right under his nose. Ross barely had time to watch it go from the man’s hands to the woman’s, who then ran with it to the back of the room and passed it to another man, before disappearing out the door through which they’d come. Panic surged through Ross’s guts and he thought he might collapse. As the officer grabbed him from behind, Ross stood up slowly with his arms raised and allowed himself to be arrested. He was escor ted out of the building within minutes, surrounded by six plain-clothed FBI agents who flashed badges at baffled, onlooking librar y staff and customers. The Dread Pirate Rober ts had been caught. 1984 – 2011: Ross’s early life Ross Ulbricht was born to Lyn and Kirk Ulbricht. He grew up around Austin, Texas, a place he eventually left because there just wasn’t much going on there. Ulbricht increasingly became ambitious about ‘star tups’ (risky ventures under taken by new companies) and found that Texas just wasn’t accommodating to young entrepreneur wannabes like him. His friends called him ‘Rossman’ and described him as a carefree, modern-day hippie. Close friend Jaspreet Sidhu mentioned Ulbricht’s dir ty, ‘stinky’ feet and reluctance to wear a shir t. Ross often showed up to university lectures with his shir t tied around his waist, holding up the class because the professor would make him put it on before they

could star t. He smoked pot and loved to go surfing in Costa Rica at his parents’ holiday house. The hundreds of photos of Ross on the internet show a grinning, bearded guy arm-in-arm with his parents on graduation day, wearing sandals while out on a hike, or with his niece on his shoulders. In almost ever y photo, he has a wide smile on his face. Eschewing the stoner-burnout stereotype, Ross got a 1460 on his SATs and earned a scholarship to the University of Texas in Dallas. From there, he earned a graduate scholarship at Pennsylvania State University doing a Master’s in material science, specialising in cr ystallography. It was at Penn State that two ver y pivotal things happened: 1) he met long-term girlfriend Julia Vie for whom he forged a blue cr ystal, and fastened it to a ring for her. He believed that one day he would marr y Julia. And 2) he became interested in economics.Owing to his hippie lifestyle, Ross was big on freedom. At university he star ted to read Ludwig Von Mises, an Austrian economist who believed strongly in the expansion of the free market. Mises was a hard-line capitalist and liber tarian. For both Ulbricht and von Mises, freedom was spiritual and economical – a free individual had to live in a free society. Ulbricht found the American government to be deeply unsatisfactor y. In a Facebook note on 6 July 2012, Ross wrote about freedom for Independence Day. It’s easy to see that Ulbricht was deeply passionate about desiring more freedom for the individual in all aspects. He wants us to ask ourselves, ‘How can I be freer?’ Ross had his ideas, but he wasn’t just going to be a writer. He was an entrepreneur, and Silk Road became his philosophical and economical legacy. Ross got his Masters in 2009 and moved back to Austin with his girlfriend. To star t his career, Ross tried a few different business ventures. Probably his most successful one was a book-trading business he star ted up with a friend, called Good Wagon Books. Good Wagon collected used books and sold them on websites like Amazon for an inflated price. It was Ulbricht’s first foray into the digital marketplace. During this time Ross was developing his relationship with Julia, practicing yoga and hiking. Suffering many ups and downs, their relationship had star ted to fracture. They disagreed on too much. While Ross was a dedicated liber tarian, she was a democrat. She lived her social life more than he did and liked to spend money more freely than him. Ross was ver y frugal. Even as a billionaire operating Silk Road he was still living in shared housing and only had a few changes of clothes. Good Wagon books eventually – literally – fell apar t. It was early 2011 and Ross was solely in charge of the company. Ross was working late in the office, above the warehouse where the 50,000 books sat on shelves he himself had built. He heard a thunderous crash downstairs and leapt out of his chair to see what had happened. Because of a few screws he left out when he was building the shelves, they were now falling apar t. Good Wagon Books died as a pile of splintered wood and torn paperbacks at the bottom of a warehouse. 2011: Silk Road In Ancient China, The Silk Road was a caravan route along which silk was carried through all of central Asia. It was operational for almost 1500 years. Ulbricht might have chosen the name because of its ambiguous title. He was tossing up between this and ‘Underground Brokers’, but settled on Silk Road. Perhaps he liked the idea

that the illegal goods would travel ‘smooth as silk’ from all around the world in vacuum-sealed bags, to buyers’ doorsteps. A lot of the information about Silk Road’s beginnings is documented in Ulbricht’s own words, in a journal folder on his computer, most of which has since been released to the public. Ross wrote that he wanted to, ‘create a website where people could buy anything anonymously, with no trail whatsoever that could lead back to them.’ From the beginning, he was wildly ambitious, yet strict in maintaining his anonymity: ‘Silk Road is going to become a phenomenon and at least one person will tell me about it, unknowing that I was its creator.’ Silk Road operated on something called the Dark Web (or the Deep Web), which is accessible from the Tor browser. The Dark Web has been described by many as the seamy underbelly of the internet – a meeting place for cyber terrorists to discuss illicit dealings. Honestly, there’s some pretty disturbing stuff on there. Not so long ago the police were hunting the mysterious Lux, who owned ‘The Pedo Empire’, a hub for Dark Web addresses where paedophilic pornography could be accessed. But the intentions for the Dark Web aren’t strictly malevolent. It’s simply about being untraceable. The Dark Web hides its users’ IP addresses (the string of numbers indicating your computers’ location) and so the websites can be visited by anyone anonymously, and the hosts are extremely difficult to find. Think of it like living in the bush in a shed with no address, not marked on any maps, to which no postal ser vice could deliver. You could stumble across it, but finding it might take rigorous detective work. The Tor browser, downloadable from the regular internet, is what most people use to access the Dark Web. Tor essentially scrambles IP addresses, conver ting the location information and continually changing its location by bouncing it off computers all around the world. Anyone tr ying to trace a Tor-hidden network will be chasing a re-translated version of an address which is always on the move, making the browser – and the Dark Web – a perfect host for an illegal marketplace. Most marketplace transactions on the Dark Web (including Silk Road’s) are done via Bitcoin exchange. Bitcoin is a ‘decentralised currency’. This means that, while traditional currencies are issued by central banks, there’s no central authority over Bitcoin. It’s instead mathematically generated by computers and circulated via its users, who trade it. It’s as if a secret society, under totalitarian rule, had created their own currency to bypass the government. The upsides to Bitcoin include no international exchange rate and no hidden charges from banks. Bitcoins are bought with credit cards and fur ther shroud the identity of its users. How do you track a transaction made with an anonymous currency from a scrambled address? It’s estimated that 1 Bitcoin is currently wor th $140 USD. When Ulbricht first star ted Silk Road, he was working out of a cabin “off the grid” in Bastrop county, a few hundred kilometres out of Austin. Bastrop is surrounded by towering mountains and most of its roads are wide, weather-beaten highways. Ross was growing psilocybin mushrooms and selling them anonymously online on Silk Road. Word spread among forums like TheShroomer y.org (information on the usage and growing of magic mushrooms). This was the first time anyone had seen anything like Silk Road. Stay tuned for next issue, and the second half of Ulbricht’s stor y… TOM BENSLEY

FASHION INTERVIEW

YSTRDAYBONE

HOW DID YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS MEET? T: We got lumped together working in construction; it definitely wasn’t love at first at site. N: Haha yeah, from the beginning we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but funnily enough, that’s why it works. MY BOYFRIEND THREATENED TO BREAK UP WITH ME IF I LOST HIS FAVOURITE EARRINGS, IS THERE ANYTHING THAT WOULD CAUSE THE TWO OF YOU TO SPLIT? T: I threaten to murder him everyday, we are forever butting heads. However we always end the day with a cuddle. N: It goes par t in parcel with running a small business. When there’s an error with samples or stuff doesn’t go to plan we generally turn on each other. Toby is a giant teddy bear though, he masquerades as a tough guy. YOU GUYS ARE PRODUCING SOME SERIOUSLY COOL STUFF. WHAT GETS YOUR CREATIVE JUICES GOING? T: Travel is probably the greatest source of inspiration. There are some people overseas producing really amazing garments. We are planning on heading over to the US and Japan towards the end of the year. Quality fabrics and small batch production are concepts that are really shaping the brand into the future. WHAT IS A TYPICAL DAY LIKE FOR YOU GUYS? N: We meet up around 8am to run through the day and decide who is doing what. Usually around three coffees later we pedal to the studio and get busy. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO LOOK FOR INDEPENDENT LABELS AND LOCALLY-DESIGNED CLOTHING LIKE YSTRDAYBONE?

N: If you get a chance, check out the CEO of LEVIS discuss the company’s mantra on YouTube, his name is Charles V. Bergh. It’s basically a super interesting talk on fast or disposable fashion and its toxic effect on today’s industry. I think now people are star ting to become aware of where their clothing is coming from, from both a moral and quality standpoint. People are moving way from purchasing $7 tees from conglomerates, which you wash 3 times and then they end up in landfill. With our new range we wanted to produce everything within Australia. It does come at premium but with that comes quality garments that we can stand by. T: another local designer friend of ours summed it all up pretty well, ‘if you’re paying less than $60 for a t-shir t, someone is getting fucked over’. EVERYONE HAS TO START SOMEWHERE, HOW DID YOU HUSTLE AND BUILD YSTRDAYBONE UP TO A PLACE WHERE YOU ARE COVETABLE? T: Like everyone we began screen-printing, large, simple designs on blank tees. We scraped by and poured every cent back into the business. Slowly we built and developed our image, our brand and our knowledge. N: I come from a science background and Toby had a little experience in this industry but we made loads of mistakes. Would have been nice to know what we know now back in the beginning. That said it been a good learning curve, you never make the same mistake twice. YOU HAVE WORKED WITH SUCH HIGH CALIBER OF PHOTOGRAPHER FOR YOUR CAMPAIGNS, FIRSTLY HOW DO YOU SCORE THEM SEEING AS YOU ARE AN INDEPENDENT LABEL? SECONDLY, HOW IMPORTANT IS TO YSTRDAYBONE THAT YOU DON’T END UP WITH THE SAME OLD SHITTY PHOTOS AS OTHER BRANDS?

T: We have been pretty lucky, it’s more of a right place right time kind of story. Basically from the beginning we worked with Aleksandar Jason Photography. I first remember seeing Aleks’ club photos when he was just star ting out. I teed him up to shoot the first campaign and the rest is history. N: It’s been perfect how we have both progressed along really well. He is always super meticulous but as the quality of our garments increased, so did the quality of his photography. We recently shot some campaign stuff with Jess Brohier. We just dug her Instagram, so we just hit her up. She has a really unique style of shooting women, which we though would be a nice change up for our winter drop. YOUR BIO SAYS THAT I SHOULD WEAR YOUR THREADS DAY IN AND DAY OUT, THAT’S A BIT GROSS, AM I NOT MEANT TO WASH IT? T: Ha no, we do encourage proper hygiene. It just means that I wouldn’t blink twice at wearing the same piece of clothing four times a week. N: Its also means that we want you to get the most possible out of every garment. You would be surprised how many manufactures would tell us to use cer tain fabrics because “you want them to wear out, you want people buy more”. It’s a concept that we personally hate. We want to get the most out of our clothing.

‘ ANOTHER LOCAL DESIGNER FRIEND OF OURS SUMMED IT ALL UP PRETTY WELL, ‘IF YOU’RE PAYING LESS THAN $60 FOR A T-SHIRT, SOMEONE IS GETTING FUCKED OVER ’. 35

YSTRDAYBONE

TOBY HAS FEATURED IN A CAMPAIGN, WHEN IS IT YOUR TURN TO MODEL NATH? N: I already have! I did the entire sock campaign, I’ve been told I have stunning calves. It was massive in Japan. TOBY, ARE YOU PURSUING A CAREER IN MODELING? T: No, apparently I only have one look (sad thug face). I need to work on my versatility. N: Its classic, look at the campaign shots. He looks like a gangbanger who’s kitten just got run over. A QUICK GOOGLE OF YESTERDAY BONE BRINGS UP A 90’S HIP HOP CREW CALLED BONE THUGS N HARMONY AND ALL OF THE MEMBERS HAVE BONE AS THERE LAST NAME, ARE YOU CONSIDERING THIS? N: We bought decks a while back, my DJ name is Mr Elliot. All I play is missy Elliot songs. Toby is a backup dancer. We are currently in negotiations to do a set out in the nor thern suburbs at Drurys – drop in. WHAT’S UP AHEAD FOR YSTRDAYBONE? T: Custom small batch garments, quality fabrics and travel. We have also recently star ted throwing par ties in Melbourne, keep your eyes peeled for AROUND THE WAY.

YSTRDAYBONE

IS FOR VAGINA IN EL SALVADOR, WOMEN ARE RAPED. SOME THEN HAVE MISCARRIAGES. OTHERS GIVE BIRTH TO STILLBORNS. AND THEN, MOST OF THE WOMEN ARE JAILED, ACCUSED OF MURDERING THEIR BABIES.

Being born female inevitably means having fewer rights than those of the male species. Being born female naturally increases females’ chances of being assaulted, raped, and murdered. Having a vagina instead of an oh-so-awesome dick, means that women the world over will forever be at the mercy of the powerful, controlling dicks. Here is a stor y, of a woman who has a vagina. And therefore, was stripped of her rights as a woman, and, ultimately, rights as a human being. ‘Once upon a time, there lived a woman named Guadalupe. She lived in El Salvador, and to make ends meet she worked as a maid. She was good at her job. She kept to herself and worked hard. One day, the neighbour from next door decided to let himself into the house Guadalupe was working at. Being a male, he had a penis. Therefore, he believed it was appropriate to rape and hurt and frighten a seventeen-year-old girl. Guadalupe, being a female and all, had a vagina. Hence why she would be the one who was raped. Even though this man caused Guadalupe a lot of pain and distress, he was never, ever, ever charged with his assault. He was never, ever searched for or given a prison sentencing that would never compare to the nightmarish horror he had inflicted on an innocent woman. Why? Because he was and has a dick. Guadalupe was brave. She decided to keep the baby, even choosing a name for her baby boy: Gabriel. In 2007, Guadalupe experienced severe pain and even though she begged her employer to take her to the hospital, they refused, leaving Guadalupe alone and terrified in her room. She was bleeding. She was hurting. She went into labour. The baby died at birth. It was only then that Guadalupe’s employer decided to get Guadalupe to the hospital. During the ordeal, Guadalupe passed out. When she came to, she found herself handcuffed to a bed in the state hospital. The rapist was a free man. Guadalupe was not a free woman. She was sentenced to prison for nearly 8 years. Why? Because V is for Vagina.’

Scar y stor y hey? Well this is even scarier. There are thousands of women like Guadalupe who have been charged under the countr y’s abor tion and/or homicide laws after they miscarriage or experience similar pregnancy-related complications. Sickening isn’t it? A lot of these women were raped, and yet they are the ones being punished. Why?! I hear you scream. Well, remember that ol’ thing star ting with V? Yeah, exactly. But V is also for Victor y. And slowly, but surely, justice is beginning to appear in a countr y so corrupt and void of rights for women. The regional director for Latin America and the Caribbean, at the center for Reproductive Rights says, ‘El Salvador has finally heard the chorus of human rights advocates across the globe,’ upon the release of Guadalupe and other women who, although still healing, are free from prison and free from their unfair accusations of murdering their babies. There has also been a call for the government to release ever y single woman who was ever wrongfully imprisoned under the oppressive and disturbing abor tion laws. El Salvador has ignored and refused the rights of countless women. The Countr y has defied a large percentage of its people. And most shockingly, the government of this insane Nation knowingly sent broken women off to the dangerous world of jail, even after they had already suffered some of the most hear t-breaking and excruciatingly painful assaults and moments of their lives. V is for Vagina. And Values, Vir tue, and Vision. El Salvador should get acquainted with the Ver y impor tant V’s of their nation. Vaginas being the number one. MIA BEVERLEY FRANCISCO

ARTIST 42

NICK

DE CARLO

STATISTICS SAY DOGS HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF A TWO YEAR-OLD, BUT WE’RE CONVINCED THEY FEEL MUCH MORE COMPLEX EMOTIONS SUCH AS DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND EVEN LOVE.

I Bark. Therfore “There was nobody in the house when she awoke. The air was cold and nasty, and ever y wall held a shadow of her suffocating sadness. ‘I should speak to someone and tell them how miserable I’m feeling’, she thought with a heavy head, and an even heavier heart. Stepping into her pair of faded green slippers, she heard a familiar thud coming from the lounge-room. Without even realising, she had begun to silently cr y an unstoppable river and was not walking, but crawling into her loungeroom. Immediately, she was greeted with an abundance of gentle licks and a warm, excited breath blowing in her face. Her best friend bounded left and right and practically into her lap for his morning cuddle. She wiped away at her blurr y eyes and face, and kissed the top of her dog’s soft head. Ever y single time she felt the walls closing in, her dog managed to push them back. He had this special ability to sense her sadness and it appeared as though he would make it his little mission to provide her with comfort, joy and love. It was as if he knew how sore her heart was, as if he too felt her pain. Empathy. Love. For a moment, the shadows on the walls disappeared. In fact, whenever she was with him, there were no walls. Just an endless supply of wide, open spaces for them both to run and be free and happy.” – Anonymous Dog-Lover

I understand a lot of people out there don’t give a damn about dogs and their feelings or mental capacity and all that cognitive stuff, but I still think those people are morons. How could you seriously think that man’s best friend, my best friend, doesn’t possess the innate ability to feel and express depression, anxiety, empathy and love? If you are one of the people or know of anyone who couldn’t care less about one of the most loyal, loving and kind creatures of this world, then I have four words for you: Beef Schmacko. Shove it. Whether or not you have your own fluffy pal, I am cer tain that at some point in your life you have either witnessed or experienced a dog displaying a complex emotion that not even human children are fully yet equipped with. Science says this, Believers say that. Dog-lover slash Professor slash anti-believer says another. So many opinions, so many words, so many lies, and yet, so many truths. Okay, cool. But what is bullshit and what is beautifully real? Ah-ha! This is where all my wisdom and I come in. You see, as a dog person who knows my Retriever loves and adores me (I mean, how could you not?), I believe with all of my hear t and soul that dogs do feel and understand love. Here is a little fact that suppor ts my, and a million other’s, notion: An American Scientist and their colleagues, at Emor y University, have been conducting some pretty rad and animal-friendly experiments on some eager canines, with the hypothesis being

dogs experience and feel love. Without giving you or myself a headache, I’ll spare the science jargon and get straight to the impor tant stuff: science has proven dogs feel love! Yay! So it’s true. Need more evidence Mr Hard-To-Convince? Fine. Scientists performed MRI scans on numerous dogs to measure the activity in the brain, specifically to gain clarity on what they were thinking. Pretty neat hey? Not only did science gauge an idea of how dogs process smells, faces and tapped into their memor y systems, they also uncovered the fact that dogs have a ‘hot spot’ in the map area of the brain. This hot spot increases when a dog recognises their owner and their smell. The main man himself, Professor Gregor y Berns, says, ‘Dog’s have preferred people. They do in fact, feel love.’

In Sagamihara, Japan, at Azabu Uni: School of Veterinar y Medicine, some really cool and crazy intelligent peeps have carried out three successful studies* that suppor t leading lady, Miho Nagasawa’s theor y that DOGS FEEL LOVE. Woohoo! To cut a long stor y shor t, Miho and her team scanned the pooches for Oxytocin levels after they had interacted with their owners, and especially gazing into each other’s eyes, and sure enough, they discovered the levels had dramatically changed, indicating puppy love is real! Apparently, chemical levels speak volumes to non-believers, so here it is in the form of Oxytocin, the lurrrr ve hormone. It has been described as one of the most impor tant evolutionar y bonding mechanisms known to man. And here, we can star t to see why dogs’ became man’s best friend thousands of years ago. Science and my bias aside, who can honestly say that a living animal with a brain, hear t and mind, cannot feel nor express the overwhelming and overriding feeling of love? To me, love is universal and is felt by all. So when science says it is hard to detect if a dog’s love is the same as a human’s, I get all moany and groany, and so bloody frustrated. Babies who can’t speak somehow convince their parents they love them. Two people from two ver y different cultures can recognise and detect love from each other, it is immediately understood. I believe dogs epitomise true love and for those of you who are still not convinced, well, my dog and I both feel sorr y for you. MIA BEVERLEY FRANCISCO mone/

I am.

For fur ther info check out the studies at: http://r t.com/news/250485-dogs-love-humans-hormonew

WE’RE

DOOMED

THE HOUSING PRICES ARE NOW SOARING, PRETTY MUCH LEAVING US YOUNGSTERS WITH LITTLE TO NO HOPE OF LIVING THE TRADITIONAL ‘AUSTRALIAN DREAM’. IS BUYING A HOUSE POSSIBLE? The ‘Australian dream’ of owning your own proper ty by the time you hit your late 20’s is one that is hard to achieve. Contrar y to what our politicians have been telling us of late (yeah, I’m implying you Joe Hockey), it is not as easy as just ‘getting a good job with good pay’. It’s not as easy as saving up all our income and magically having enough to buy a proper ty. It’s not as easy as finding a good paying job, straight out of school and getting paid anywhere near an average weekly wage. At this stage of our lives, we as young adults all really want the same things. Security with our finances and enough of an income to be able to set ourselves up. Owning a home is a goal that is now not only a goal for young men, but for young women as well and it is fucking hard for all of us. Independence is something we all strive for but it will be one of the toughest challenges of our lives actually getting to the stage where we own our own proper ty. And so it should be. A house is an investment, a life decision and only those who could spend that kind of money without thinking about it, would find it easy. In theor y, what Joe is saying is true. With a good wage, it is super easy. But that is not the reality of life and good paying jobs aren’t just sitting around, waiting for us to come along and sign up. People don’t throw money at just anyone who is willing to work for it. Regardless of all that though, it is super insensitive for Joe Hockey to come out and say that buying a home is easy as pie, when he’s had a better chance at it then most. With one sentence, he has angered a large group of people who he relies on for suppor t.

Maybe it is easy for a politician who earns the same amount as some of us yearly, just in his travel allowance ($270 per night he spends away from home). Maybe it is easy for a politician who whilst a great businessman, fails to understand that other factors come into play, not just a good wage. Maybe it is easy for a man who grew up in Nor th Sydney, studied finance and had a good upbringing. But it isn’t easy for a majority of Australians. Scrolling through my Facebook timeline one night, I came across a post of a woman’s open letter to Joe Hockey after he had made his comments on home ownership. Mel Wison, a mother of two put into words just how difficult it actually is. She compared the average weekly wage of $904 (using ABS statistics from 1 June 2015) to the Sydney median house price of $914 056 (using the March 2015 Domain Group Housing Price Repor t). She also took into account the real life situation of ter tiar y education and highlights that income during those years of schooling, as we all know, is quite shitty. $904 (average weekly wage) x 52 (weeks in a year) = $47,008 (yearly income) $47,008 (yearly income) x 4 = $188,032. Using her calculations, it would take an average person four years saving ever y cent of an average wage to make enough money to pay a 20% deposit on an average Sydney priced home. Sounds easy right Joe?Reading all this got me thinking. I decided to compare the price of home ownership 50 years ago to that of home ownership today. I asked a first homeowner from each

RESIDENT COMIC PROPS

JESSE BIRTHISEL

period of time a couple of questions about how they came to buy their first homes. Here’s what they said: Renata, a 69 year-old mother and grandmother of 2 respectively from the Central Coast bought her first house about 50 years ago. “I bought my first house in Fairfield in Sydney’s western suburbs and in 1969, I only paid $5800. My second house, also in Sydney’s western suburbs, I bought at the end of 1970 for $21,000. My mortgage on that house was $19,000. Back then, milk and bread was about 20 cents and I got my weekly groceries for $10. At the time, I was earning $30 a week. I lived in this house for 42 years and only recently moved away. I raised my children in this house.” Crazy to think that that was normal back then. What about buying a house today?

(and had) good jobs for their respected periods of time and that didn’t make anything easier. Tony Abbott (who if you don’t know is unfor tunately our Prime Minister) has also said that it is hard to pay off a mor tgage, even as a cabinet minister. His words I swear! So how are we meant to do it? Life is tough and it would be fantastic if our struggles for owning a home were acknowledged as reality rather than a whinge or a whine. No one needs the added insult of a twat in charge of our treasur y, who has a good run in life and knows little about how hard it truly is, making it seem unwarranted. The dream is alive! You’ll get there. MONICA JANKOWSKI

Veronica, a 23 year-old accreditation specialist is looking to buy her first house with her longtime par tner. ‘We have been saving since the beginning of last year. We want to buy a house in South West Sydney. Together we make about $2000 weekly and to save up enough money to be able to pay a deposit, we will need to save for a while longer. After all our weekly expenses, we have about $700 left per week. Our mortgage will be about $600 000 before we add on the interest which could work out to be an extra $115 000 - $330 000 depending on the length of our loan.” Clearly, the differences in house prices and weekly wages over the last 50 years is insane. But for both of these people, the process of buying a house is not just that easy. Both of these people have

MITCHELL PASCOE / SPORT THE UPCOMING 2022 WORLD CUP HAS BEEN AN EVENT SURROUNDED BY MUCH CONTROVERSY ALREADY. NOT BAD FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T BEGIN FOR ANOTHER SEVEN YEARS. BUT HAS OUR MEDIA REALLY PORTRAYED THE SERIOUSNESS OF THIS SITUATION, OR HAVE WE BEEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN OUR LOCAL DRUG SCANDALS? THE AUSTRALIAN PUBLIC GETS THEIR SAY.

CHRIS

MORGAN

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT QATAR HOSTING THE 2022 WORLD CUP?

Absolutely not, they should be stripped of their hosting rights because of the dubious selection process that saw it awarded to them. Also because of the 1000s of deaths of migrant and local workers who have been killed in work place-related accidents.

I find it unusual being such a small countr y. I would have thought the World Cup would be held in a countr y that is more popular with tourists, (China, England, Spain etc) as it would bring in more fans to the game who get to fit in a holiday at the same time. It’s rare that you’d hear someone say they want to travel to Qatar, just for the hell of it. However this adds some diversity and introduces a new culture to the game.

WOULD YOU PREFER AUSTRALIA TO HOST IT?

No, because they have been implicated in the FIFA scandal that has seen bidding countries make suspect payments and favours for votes.

It would be good for the countr y, bringing in the extra tourists, but altogether I’m not phased by it.

SHOULD ALCOHOL BE SERVED AT THE EVENT?

Alcohol ser vice should be dependent on the prevailing laws of the countr y.

I don’t see why not. I don’t see a problem with sharing a few cold ones with a group of mates over a game you enjoy.

WILL THE WEATHER RUIN THE EVENT?

nother reason for Qatar not to host it.

Possibly. However if you’re watching your favourite game up close and personal, with all your mates around, sometimes the weather can be irrelevant.

WOULD YOU ATTEND IT?

No interest in attending. I can’t stand watching soccer.

No. When I watch soccer on TV, I just feel lost. I couldn’t imagine how out of place I’d feel at a game (let alone the World Cup.) I guess that’s what happens when you grow up in a family of Footy and Cricket suppor ters.

IS SPORT RIGGED? DMITRY

JESSE

LUCAS

Curious. Both Qatar and the UAE have been stretching the boundaries of tourism by constructing some of the most unique deser t-based cities in the world. Obviously the financial side won’t be a problem. The real interesting concern would be their ability to safely and leisurely accommodate one of the largest and passionate suppor ter bases in the world.

I have no idea about Qatar but I heard there were bribes. If they won it fairly, then good on them. Ever yone should have a go.

No it shouldn’t be hosting it. Qatar shouldn’t even be considered due to the extreme deser t climate. The players should not be forced to play in those conditions. Also the corruption and briber ysurrounding the Qatar World Cup bid needs to be investigated fur ther before granting them a World Cup.

Yes simply because Australia has the sufficient infrastructure, man power and have previously proven their ability to host a major spor ting event. A 2026 world cup would have been more suitable, giving Qatar enough time to test their newly-built facilities on a smaller scale.

It would be good if Australia would host it. Wouldn’t have to go to another countr y to watch it.

Personally I don’t want the World Cup here. I’ve seen on television the postgame riots that canoccur and I don’t want that in my countr y. In saying that though, I would assume hosting a World Cup would bring a lot of money into the countr y

It’s hard to imagine one of the biggest spor ting events in the world without alcohol. But a guest should always be respectful when visiting. Perhaps a compromise should be reached to allow cer tain areas where alcohol could be consumed without offending the local citizens.

I guess it will be dr y because it is in their countr y. Have to respect it.

No. Qatar is a dr y countr y and it should stay that way. A countr y’s culture and/or laws should not be modified for a spor ting event no matter how large.

The weather could be an issue to all attending. Especially those who aren’t used to the intense deser t climate. Since the proposed air conditioned stadiums are turning out to be a flop, it will be interesting to see what Qatar does to compensate, in order to provide safe and comfor table conditions.

Way too hot for spor ts. It would be unfair on the athletes.

Yes it will. The hot deser t climate will reach temperatures above 50 degrees Celsius. Not only will the players be prone to dehydration and heat stroke but so will the crowds.

It would be hard for any fan to say no. The real question at hand is at what price?

I would not go, too hot. We received mixed reviews, but the common opinion is that unless you have a pre-existing interest in the spor t, or world news, you are likely to be in the dark about what is really happening over there. If the world game wants to be all that, maybe it is time for a lot more transparency, and to give ever yone a fair go.

No I wouldn’t. I’m not going to fly half way across the world to sit in blistering heat. I’m also not fond of going to the Middle East due to the wars that are raging in nearby countries

AS MUCH AS I’VE REALLY FROTHED ON SHARING KINKY AS FUCK, OR SOMETIMES DEEP-AS-ALL-HELL ARTICLES, I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE ABOUT TIME TO START SHARING THE LOVE BY ASKING ALL OUR BELOVED READERS WHAT IS UP, WHAT IS DOWN (LITERALLY), AND WHETHER YOU GUYS HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS ENTAILING YOUR BITS. FROM WHAT I’VE DISCOVERED, IS THAT MANY OF THESE QUESTIONS AREN’T AS TWISTED AS I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE, IN FACT THEY’RE KIND OF INSIGHTFUL AND SUPER COOL TO KNOW (AFTER EXTENSIVE AMOUNTS OF RESEARCH FROM MY END)

SO HERE GOES... CAN A DICK SHRINK FROM BEING COLD ALL THE TIME?

I HAVE THRUSH. CAN I SPREAD IT?

Ahhh, no.

Yeeep.

I HAVE A BIG CLIT, DOES THAT MEAN I CAN ORGASM EASIER?

I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND, BUT I’M PREGNANT – WILL I JAB THE BABY?

I would be injecting botox into mine if that was the case.

Yep, in the eye. Tell your boyfriend to watch his aim... No of course you can’t.

HOW LONG DOES SEX WITH A NORMAL PERSON LAST? There’s no such thing as a normal person, nor dick. But generally between 3-13 minutes. It’s generally luck of the draw. Maybe tr y far ting during intercourse, that will extend some time. HOW MANY CALORIES CAN YOU BURN HAVING SEX? Depends on if you’re the lazy starfish down the bottom or not. But up to 300 calories... per hour. You can technically lose up to 8kgs per year, as long as you’re up top and extending the boning time to roughly 30 minutes per cheeky session. WHAT THE HELL IS AN ASEXUAL? How do I know when I meet one? That’s a hard question – you don’t just know. It’s not like they’re a disease. They just don’t love sex like we do. Apparently giving them some intimate sexy cuddles is on point. HOW DO MEN FAKE THEIR ORGASMS? They generally jolt their body a few times, make some weird noises and run off to the bathroom, so we can’t see anything. Sometimes a tissue can be involved. They get pretty creative. Kind of like us really. Except I don’t think it’s such a rad idea to fake it. If you’re done/over it, either change it up a little or have a break. We’re human. We’re not porn stars. Sometimes we just can’t climax. HOW LONG CAN ERECTIONS LAST FOR? This was an interesting one to research. They can generally last up to an hour. That’s a pretty convenient hat stand to have around. 50

WHY DO NORMALLY PAINFUL THINGS FEEL GOOD DURING SEX? Because you’re so immersed in the penis entering the vagina, that all these amazing little fun endorphins are released. Yippee. WE WERE DRUNK AND HE FELL ASLEEP DURING SEX. AM I SHIT IN BED? Ah, no. He was drunk. It happens. APPARENTLY SEMEN CAN PREVENT DEPRESSION IN WOMEN? I also heard that making a girl orgasm can get you rich quick. Umm, look, it can prevent depression but it’s a less than 1% statistic. Men have just found a reason to put more of their dick in holes. HOW DEEP IS MY VAGINA? Generally 4-5inches. But extends a little bit more when all your right buttons are being pushed. WHY IS SEMEN SO GOOEY AND WEIRD? Weird, ha. Histor y has it that semen is gooey, so it sticks to the back of the vagina wall so that you can become impregnated so much easier! IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE SEX IN YOUR SLEEP? I always joked about this, as it ends up being something that I have found myself doing – either blaming it on the guy for initiating it, or convincing myself that I must have been awake. But yes, it’s actually a thing. It’s called sexsomnia.

CHEEKY CHAPTERS

SARAH LONG

MY BOYFRIEND CLAIMS THAT HE’S BROKEN HIS PENIS BEFORE. I DIDN’T THINK THAT IT WAS A BONE? Haha he’s definitely not lying about this. When he’s hard and he hits something else hard with force, it can do some serious damage. DO ANIMALS MASTURBATE? My Google search is looking creatively juicy, but yes they do masturbate. Deer and monkeys are an example of this frivolous activity. The females are apparently the ones to watch. They put sticks up their pink bits. I wonder how many campers have used those sticks to roast marshmallows? I HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ACTIVE, BUT YET TO FIND MY G-SPOT. WHY? Some women find it harder to locate it than others, however practice does make perfect. Keep playing around with yourself to work out whether you can find it. Apparently some women don’t have one, but I beg to differ. We just need to continue sexually exploring our own body. MY BOYFRIEND SEEMS TO BE REALLY HORNY ALL THE TIME. HOW MANY ERECTIONS IS THE AVERAGE PER DAY? Generally about 11, according to Googs. But men can actually get erections and not be horny. So maybe you’ve just got a little sexual being on your hands, which isn’t so bad! MY DUDE GETS A TINGLY DICK AFTER HE CUMS. DO YOU THINK HE MIGHT BE ALLERGIC TO HIS SEMEN? Highly likely that this is possible, or he has chlamydia. Fun times for your boyfriend. I AM INTERESTED IN DOMINATION, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ASK MY GIRLFRIEND FOR IT. ANY SUGGESTIONS? On Halloween dress up in a Gimp mask unzip the mouth par t and chase her around with your tongue. She’ll get it.

MY GUY HAS A THIRD NIPPLE. I INITIALLY THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A PIMPLE BUT IT NEVER DISAPPEARED. I ASKED HIM ABOUT IT AND HE GOT ANGRY – SHOULD I TRY AND PLAY WITH IT TO MAKE HIM FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE WITH HAVING IT? Ah this is a hard one (no pun intended). Look I wouldn’t normally suggest this, but maybe wait until he’s drunk. It will allow his inhabitations to let go and hopefully his worries. Then maybe give it some attention, otherwise its always going to be that elephant in the room. MY BOYFRIEND WANTS TO DO ANAL. I’M CURIOUS THAT IT’S GOING TO HURT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Use lots of lubricant. Make sure you’re ‘empty’ and also relaxed. Maybe get him to fondle your clit while he enters, as that can be the most painful par t. DO PEOPLE NORMALLY HAVE THREESOMES IN RELATIONSHIPS?

How long is a piece of string? I preferably don’t, but there’s some people out there who are much more liberated and don’t mind bending the rules of monogamy. MY NEIGHBOR HAS BEEN HAVING SEX WITH HIS PLASTIC GARDEN GNOMES. SHOULD I TELL HIM I CAN SEE WHAT HE’S DOING? Write ‘I can see what you’re doing’ on a paper plane and throw it over the fence. Hopefully you don’t get a bull’s eye. CHEERS, BLAIRE MAGAZINE.

MUSIC REVIEWS / BRADLEY COWAN

Shamir / Ratchet

Muse / Drones.

Hot Chip / Why Make Sense?

The Vaccines / English Graffiti

At the young age of 20, Shamir proves he has talent beyond his years with the release of his debut LP, Ratchet. The lead single ‘On the Regular’ could be the catchiest gay anthem to come out this year. So catchy in fact that it could make its way out of the darkness of those seedy gay bars and onto the playlists of the most commercial radio stations. Shamir proves that he is more than just a camp rapper with his smooth falsetto vocals in the beautiful ballad ‘I know it’s a good thing’ one of the more emotional tracks from this incredible album. Shamir’s androgynous vocals make him one colourful character who seems to jump from one side of the gender divide to the other. He may not make a Caitlin Jenner impact, but if you love fun and upbeat RnB/pop/rap music then give this album a hoon.

After headlining just about ever y festival in the world and making a billion dollars one would think that Muse would simply stop making music. Unfor tunately the British trio seem to think they can reclaim the success they once achieved way back in 2008. Drones is another example of a Muse album that does nothing but make you hate the band you may have once loved. This album attempts to throw in some dramatic in-between tracks with horrendous militar y style interludes. ‘Deep Inside’, one of the first singles released is so awful I feel as though it’s a pisstake. The Freddy Mercur ystyled repetition of the song title is horrific. It’s so bad that I had to minimise the volume on my iPhone whilst on the tram for fear of embarrassment. Muse, you should have stopped at Knights of Cydonia. Let’s face it, no one wants to see or hear you perform any of this new droney BS.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been three years since Hot Chip released any new material. Perhaps that’s due to the success of the 2012 album In Our Heads. Unfor tunately the freshly cooked Why Make Sense? hasn’t followed in the same direction as the previous hit maker. Sadly, the latest album is a bit of a disappointment. The lead single ‘Need You Now’sounds like an overproduced, remixed-for-theclub track which ironically will probably never find it’s way into any DJ Booth. Similarly, the single sharing the name with the album ‘Why make Sense?’is nothing but a harsh mess of noises building to an anticlimactic and repetitive chorus. After being a fan of Hot Chip for over ten years, it cuts me deep to write a not-sopositive review. But let’s be honest, none of this shit is going to make their greatest hits album.

There is always a slight feeling of anxiety when a band you are fond of releases a new album. There is fear that you will give it its first listen and it just won’t live up to the expectations of the previous hits. For tunately, instead of disappointing, The Vaccines have climbed to new melodious heights with the release of their third studio album English Graffiti. This album contains no monotony with each track giving a different vibe to the previous. ‘Dream Lover’ has a heavy Ar tic Monkeys feel, ‘20/20’ picks up the tempo to provide us more of a par ty number and ‘Give Me a Sign’, a personal favourite, is so upbeat it could be the theme song for the next Olympic Games (will NOT happen... but should). If you ever even liked just one little rift from The Vaccines, then there will be a hidden gem on this album simply waiting for you to discover.

I called my male students in Texas by their last names to remind them their dad shared that name and would be pretty fucking agitated if his 18 holes was interrupted because the penis carrying his name scored yet another discipline infraction. I called my female students in Texas by their last names too. And when I did, Each girl giggled, Or blushed Or looked away, Or pretended not to care. Then, Later, At volleyball practice, Or in the shower, Or not sleeping in bed, She thought about it... She thought about it... She thought about it and wondered Why her English teacher didn’t Call her by her first name, Not realizing that Miss is a linguistic Venus Fly-trap Always reminding its direct objects what they lack. The subtext of Miss is, ‘Hey! You!’ You’re not married, So if you’re fucking someone You’re a slut, And, If you’re not, You’re fat.’ some southern girls will develop Or really develop Or seduce a new name, An oak-solid last name, Their husbands’ last name, The husbands they have yet to meet But before then, they wonder: What differentiates Miss and Mrs anyway? An R? What is an R? Yo, my English teacher’s name starts with an R

Robert A. Kaufman

JULY ‘15

REBELLION 54