Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Are Our Modern Day Worship Services Pleasing To God?

The Benefit of Being Humble Helping Yourself Heal When Your Spouse Dies How to Help Your Child Build a Relationship with Jesus

Long Distance Dating: When Marriage is Far Away Six Wrong Reasons to Check Your Phone in the Morning How to Fight From Being Lukewarm Enter to Win

What Getting Dumped Says About You

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Contents April/May, 2016

On the cover

11

 How to Help Your Child Build a Relationship with Jesus -- 47 15  What Getting Dumped Says About You -- 25  Long Distance Dating: When Marriage is Far Away– 15 Personal Wellness:  The Benefit of Being Humble -- 57  Helping Yourself Heal When Your 33 Spouse Dies -- 33  6 Wrong Reasons to Check Your Phone in the Morning -- 77  How to Fight From Being Lukewarm – 61 On Our Cover: Radiate elegance in this sleeveless gown that makes you stand out from the rest.

Shimmering sequins embellish the slimfitting bodice and trim the bateau neckline in full for a dazzling glow Available at DressLinn dresslinn.com

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BEADED BATEAU NECK SLEEVELESS MINTGREEN TULLE PROM DRESS 2016 FORMAL PROM By Dresslinn

Relationships:

Also in this issue‌ 14 55 65 68 11 39 71

5 Healthy Ways to Lose Weight

One of the strongest foundations on this earth is FAMILY

A Word from the Lord by Evangelist Nancy Turner Dear Blessed Magazine We Heard You! Letter from the Editor Are Our Modern Day Worship Services Pleasing to God? Prom 2016: 49 Ways to Save Money on Prom

Steps for a Strong Foundation in Jesus Read the Bible Together Pray Together Go to Church Together Communicate with Each Other Blessed Magazine

Letter From the Editor

Praise the Lord My Brothers and Sisters in Christ!

First giving all glory and honor unto the Lord Jesus Christ for without Him in my life, nothing I could ever do would amount to anything!

And, I would like to render a praise report for the many souls who have accepted Jesus into their lives these past months. Continue praying for this ministry as it is all done to the glory and honor of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!!

There is so much going on these days, we must continue to seek God for everything in our lives. Keep praying for our spouses, our children, our loved ones and our friends. And, a special prayer for the many churches around the globe as the enemy is forever dividing and making havoc of the sanctuary, but we must endeavor to keep praying and believing God!!!

This world seems to be turning upside down because so many have lost their way, but again, the devil is a liar and as long as our God (Jesus Christ) sits on His throne, we will be more than conquerors through Him‌AMEN I want to personally thank all of our fans and readers for their continued support of this ministry which is striving and for that I am grateful Our goal is to continue being a resource for Christians and others for years to come and with your support we can keep this publication available free of charge always on our digital platform Pray for us as we continue to pray for you and thank you for reading this issue of Blessed Magazine God bless you!

Yours in Christ,

Laraine Turner Editor in Chief 11 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

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Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 14

Relationships

Long Distance Dating: When Marriage is Far Away

By Marshall Segal

15 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Relationships People are pursuing marriage in more ways than ever before. With developments in technology and communication, dating is changing as well. The goals and principles for dating remain the same, but sometimes the players are farther part, meeting each other through websites, like eHarmony, or social media, like Facebook, or just through long-distance networks of friends.

My wife and I dated long-distance for two years — 1,906 miles and two time zones apart.

Any dating couple — whether they‘re nextdoor neighbors or international heartthrobs — should pursue clarity and postpone intimacy. The great prize in marriage is Christ-centered intimacy; the great prize in dating is Christ-centered clarity. We all do well to make decisions in dating with that reality in mind. However, since long-distance relationships bring special challenges, they require special wisdom.

LONG-DISTANCE DATING IS THE WORST If you have friends that have dated longdistance, you have friends who have complained about dating long-distance. In long-distance dating, you will not have the regular, everyday time together that samecity relationships will — fewer nights out, fewer errand trips, less time together with mutual friends, fewer shared experiences that feel like normal life. It‘s hard because you want to be with this person, but it also makes discernment especially difficult.

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 16

Tweet Long-distance will not feel as real as same-city dating. You‘re connecting in the cracks of life, often debriefing after all the action of the day is done. You‘re trying to make the headlines — exciting and discouraging — feel real for your boyfriend or girlfriend, but as much as they care about you, they aren‘t there.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

How can you develop clarity about doing everyday life with them for the rest of your days if you never get to taste everyday life with them now in dating? The partial integration of a boyfriend or girlfriend into your life is undeniably helpful for imagining what the complete integration might be like.

LONG-DISTANCE DATING IS THE BEST That being said, I wish everyone could date long-distance. I‘m not in any way taking a stand against same-city unions, but I am commending long-distance dating whenever God connects the dots, especially in our day.

The costs were real and felt for us, but the benefits, especially for Christians, are as real and lasting.

Relationships If you have friends that have done same-city dating, you likely have friends who have wrestled against sexual impurity. It may not be every couple‘s battle, but anyone in premarital counseling will say it‘s extremely prevalent. Long-distance dating doesn‘t eliminate temptation in this area (presumably you‘re spending at least a few weekends in the same town), but it limits it tremendously.

A lot of energy in same-city attractions is expended in the daily fight to restrain the impulses toward sexual intimacy (sex is, after all, the right culmination of all Christian dating when the dating ends in marriage).

That fight is much more focused and occasional when the relationship is longdistance. In a day and age in which sexual immorality is excused, celebrated, and even legislated, these benefits could not be sweeter.

of just watching television or movies. You actually talk — and talk and talk.

If clarity is your shared aim in dating, and if healthy communication is a priority for your marriage (and it should be), then there‘s nothing better for you to do together than just talk LONG-DISTANCE TIPS From my experience, then, and from talking with several others who‘ve recently dated long-distance, here are three pieces of counsel for those pursuing clarity toward marriage from far away.

1. BE MORE SKEPTICAL OF YOUR FEELINGS.

Long-distance dating is easier in some ways (less intrusive, and often less demanding in the day-to-day). That shouldn‘t make Christians relax in dating, though, because there‘s just as much at stake. Ironically, we may need to be more intentional and vigilant.

In pursuing a marriage between sinners, be wary of anything that comes too easily.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Another great blessing in long-distance dating is lots and lots of forced communication. In these relationships, spending time ―together‖ typically means talking to each other on the phone. It removes the need to dress up and impress one another. It eliminates nights and nights

You probably will learn more facts about one another than you would have if you were living in the same city, because you‘ll talk more. It‘s also easier to hide, though, in longdistance dating. In a same-city relationship, you would likely see things about one another that you might not readily admit over the phone. If you get married, you‘ll realize you didn‘t know each other as well as you thought.

17 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Relationships thought.

My advice: Be slower to declare clarity about the future in a long-distance relationship. The hurdles should keep us from hurrying to a decision to marry. Be skeptical of the romantic euphoria you feel after a month of late-night talks or your first couple weekends together. Give yourself more time to get to know each other. Plan for trips to spend time with people in each other‘s lives. Be honest about the limitations of technology alone — as great as technology can be for dating — in developing a relationship and discerning each other‘s readiness to wed.

2. WORK HARDER TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER‟S FRIENDS.

Community is absolutely, undeniably critical in Christian dating (or any other calling in life). Just as in every other area of your Christian life, you need the body of Christ as you think about who to date, how to date, and when to wed. If you‘re deciding how to serve, where to work, or whom to marry without Christian brothers and sisters helping you make those decisions, you‘re doing so foolishly (Hebrews 3:12–13;Proverbs 3:5).

An essential part of God‘s means for confirming the desires of our hearts — for confirming what the Spirit is doing in us and in our relationships — is the church, the community of believers in our lives.

Long-distance dating really complicates this dynamic in dating. People are already Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 18

reluctant to go out of their way to include other people in their love-life, even in a same-city relationship. It‘s inconvenient, but it‘s also crucial. And it‘s much more challenging when your networks of friends are miles and miles away.

Be creative, and ―date‖ a few people in each other‘s lives, too — not necessarily one-onone, but work to get to know them, and to be known by them. Someone who loves you and Jesus should know you both (individually and as a couple) well enough to agree with you that you should get married. Prioritize and initiate this in your long-distance dating.

3. DON‟T THINK YOU DON‟T NEED BOUNDARIES. Boundaries are important in any not-yetmarried relationship, because God loves you and wants what‘s best for you. He did not create you to recklessly give away your heart without a covenant. While spontaneous plunges into intimacy look great in chickflicks and feel great in the moment, they breed shame, regret, distrust, and emptiness.

Boundaries are necessary because on the road to marriage and its consummation, the appetite for intimacy only grows as you feed it.

Distance does not remove sexual temptation.

In fact, for many, the temptation will be much stronger when you are together. We foolishly try to make up for lost time physically, as if we owe each other something. Anticipate that, and talk before

Relationships the trip about how you‘ll avoid temptation and confront it when it comes. Also, beware of trying to experiment with sexual intimacy together through technology. Pictures and words can be just as dangerous to our hearts as touching.

your pleasures in marriage. Spontaneity is one important flavor in dating and in marriage, but marriage is fueled by faithfulness and reliability, not surprise.

Agree on some real, objective boundaries, even if they feel arbitrary at first, and follow through together.

Boundaries, though, are not just for guarding against sexual immorality. Boundaries build trust. When we set clear standards and expectations in dating, and then fulfill those standards and expectations, we say we will do the same in marriage. That‘s true in sexual purity and in a hundred other ways.

Other questions to ask ourselves about boundaries include:

MARSHALL SEGAL

 How often is it healthy to talk?  How long is it healthy to talk each night?  What kinds of conversations should we have at each stage of the relationship?  When is it loving to say, ―I love you‖?  When is it safe to talk about marriage?

How will we guard each other when talking about marriage?  How often should we visit each other?  How will we protect our purity during those short and often more romantic days together?

Marshall Segal (@MarshallSegal) is executive assistant to John Piper and associate editor at desiringGod.org. He graduated from Bethlehem College & Seminary and is editor of Killjoys: The Seven Deadly Sins. He and his wife Faye live in Minneapolis.

By getting out ahead of these questions and others, you will sacrifice some of the adrenaline of spontaneity, but you‘ll also protect one another in dating, and you‘ll cultivate the treasure of trust.

Do You Know God Loves You?

With patience, you‘ll preserve and multiply 19 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

64

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Relationships

What Getting Dumped Says About You

By Paul Maxwell

Breakups are bad enough. Getting broken up with — that‘s another monster entirely. Getting dumped comes in many forms — outright rejection, being left, being cheated on, being broken up with. ―Heartache‖ is a pathetic term. Better than heart-ache is heart-death. ―Ache‖ implies slow, deep, and dull. ―Death‖ is violent, consuming, and paralyzing. Heartache is a relational migraine without Advil. Getting dumped is a relational burn victim without anesthesia.

25 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Relationships Things You Say to You Danger is on every side of being dumped.

One of the greatest dangers is believing that a breakup says something about our value; about our intrinsic worth.

people around us — and we look in the mirror and give ourselves a number: ―4. I‘m a solid 4.‖ Therefore, unlovable.

2. THERE‟S NO ONE ELSE LIKE THEM.

The greatest challenge in being dumped is not to heal; it is not to get over it; it is not to be content with singleness. Such burdens are placed on us by well-meaning, misguided advisors. The greatest challenge of being dumped is to grieve well, while not being overwhelmed and indoctrinated by the voices that deafen us to hope, to light, to God. The greatest challenge of being dumped is to welcome our emotions as real and insurmountable, and to face all hatred and bitterness, toward self and others, with joyful defiance.

―No one can make me feel the way they did.‖

Here are five deafening voices we need to defy when we‘ve been dumped.

―I‘ll feel this way forever.‖

―They were perfect.‖ After getting dumped, everything reminds us of the ex. That tree. ―They loved trees.‖ This book. ―They pretended to read books.‖ Everything. They‘re now an emotional intruder — by their unwelcome departure they have made themselves unwelcome ghosts in our hearts.

3. YOU‟LL BE ALONE FOREVER.

―I fail every time. And it‘s all my fault.‖ 1.

YOU‟RE UNLOVABLE.

―They were ―You‘re ugly.‖

right

to

dump

you.‖

―You‘re insufficient.‖ We take metaphorical sharp objects and jab ourselves until we‘re too numb to cry. ―I‘m fat.‖ ―I‘m not funny enough.‖ ―I‘m not good enough.‖ We compare ourselves to others.

We look at all of the perfect 10s — the eloquent, successful, well-dressed, wellgroomed, well-off, well-behaved, beautiful Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 26

Even more frightening than being dumped is the prospect of being alone forever. The logic feels fairly simple. ―Of course,‖ you think, ―If I‘m unlovable, no one will love me.‖ If someone as great as your ex would dump you, then everybody worth being with will inevitably do the same — so the voices say.

4. YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOREVER. ―I lost my shot at being happy.‖ ―Nothing can overturn this feeling.‖

Relationships There is no bodily location of the despair.

More like someone tied a searing hot anchor to every internal organ. No sunlight can come in. Hope is hedged out. Being broken up with is like getting dropped in a maze, and always ending up at the same wall: rejection. You submitted your request for love to the universe, only to be returned with bright red block letters: DENIED.

But that truth may not sink in for weeks, or months, or years. For those whose sin weighs on them, who know with friendly familiarity the voice of the accuser, it feels impossible to disbelieve the lie: ―God is punishing me for sin.‖ THINGS GOD SAYS TO YOU Being broken up with can have the same effect as a bomb — it can create a ringing in our ears, so that we cannot hear the voices of those who love us; even God himself. But just because it‘s hard to hear, that doesn‘t mean the love isn‘t there. Here are five truths to revive your hearts from the haze of being dumped.

1. LOVE ISN‟T ABOUT BEING A 10.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

5. GOD IS PUNISHING ME. ―If I had only established better boundaries . . . ‖ ―If we had only prayed more, God might have . . . ‖ ―God, next time, I‘ll do better.‖ It‘s simple. Worse people than you have great marriages. And better people than you are single, who don‘t want to be. Your present marital status cannot be calculated or causally related to your behavior. It is an obvious mistake to think that the feelings of rejection offer you clarity into the mathematical equation that God uses to determine your circumstances.

Christian dating does not escape the 1–10 scale thinking. ―Is she a 6 or a 7?‖ But we are shooting ourselves in the foot with this type of thinking. Dating that assumes the goal is to get the very best person to love you has a relational shelf life of maybe a year or two.

The truth is, the only thing we have to offer is love. That‘s it. And the only thing a potential partner can offer is love. And what greater love is there than the love of Christ (John 15:13)? The love of God liberates us from shallow and plastic mockeries of intimacy. Sometimes this means that breakups are even more difficult (something deeper is at stake). Even so, the good news of God‘s deep love for us inverses the weight 27 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Relationships of lost superficial dating relationships.

We will go insane nit-picking through partners. When life is lived between 1 and 10, there is no room for God‘s grace. Dating done best is dating between two people who show ―no partiality to princes, nor regards the rich more than the poor, for they are all the work of his hands‖ (Job 34:19).

a breakup comes from accepting God‘s gift of community: ―Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another‖ (1 John 4:11).

The command to love one another is not just a command. It‘s also something we receive, and in which we can rest when we need others to carry us into God‘s love for us in Christ.

2. YOU ARE LOVED. It‘s not that you don‘t feel loved right now — it goes further than that. You feel unloveable.

How do you receive the love of God when someone has thrown a rejection bomb into your heart, closed the hatch, and broken off the key?

First things first: Lean into those people who have made the love of God most tangible to you. It‘s easy to spiritualize the gettingdumped-recovery-process, so that what looks like relying on God is actually just isolating yourself from love. Prayer, Bible reading, and spiritual disciplines are great, but you need people to help heal what‘s broken inside of you.

It‘s not unspiritual to need the love of friends and family to heal — in fact, it is the way God made you: ―Love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another‖ (John 13:34). Lean into those who love you. I won‘t ask you to believe you are loved, because I don‘t know your story, your childhood, or your deepest feelings of pain and betrayal. But accepting God‘s love after Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 28

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

3. YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NOT RANDOM. If we strain to glimpse through the cracks of heart-death for just a moment, we can see others who have been heartbroken, who end up praising God, even within the year. Many people who have been dumped are so thankful years down the road. It‘s almost impossible to imagine that you‘ll ever be thankful for being dumped. But the reality of God‘s sovereignty always trumps the terrifying myth of ―The one that got away.‖ With God, there‘s never one who gets away.

Unrequited love is God‘s protection, his plan, his care.

Relationships his care.

The psalmist knows: ―Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?‖ (Psalm 77:8). Now, don‘t move too quickly to the next verse. Rest here. Cry with the psalmist. You‘re allowed to stay on verse 8 for a time. We don‘t know how long it took him to move past verse 8. It may have been months. But eventually, there was a time when the cloud lifted from his eyes: ―Then I thought, ‗To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand‘‖ (Psalm 77:10).

He remembers: ―Last time I was in trouble, God had a purpose, and the ability to bring me up from the bog.‖ Circumstances are ordained, and they are malleable in God‘s hand — in his never-leaving, never-forsaking love.

4. YOU WILL BE OKAY. When it comes to getting dumped, our hearts feel the threat of open and violent exile — of shame, of regret, of deflation and defeat. We want that person back. Or, we want the guarantee that we will get something better.

At the rock bottom of all of rejection‘s disappointments is this: We will receive no guarantee. To speak a word of peaceful assurance to all who have been dumped is to utter a bald faced lie.

We have one promise from God about our future: He has not yet given us today the grace we need for tomorrow. Full stop. You

don‘t have it. You can‘t tap into it. ―The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning‖ (Lamentations 3:22–23).

Don‘t underestimate the difficulty of today’s wrestling with being dumped.

Today requires your full attention. Thoughts of tomorrow will keep you stuck in bed, stuck watching TV, stuck inside, stuck binge eating (and worse, purging). Tomorrow is a weight too difficult for you to carry today. ―Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble‖ (Matthew 6:34).

You will be okay. You‘ll have what you need.

Today. Anybody offering you more is offering more than God. There is sober, but real peace in that kind of provision.

5. HEARTBREAK ENABLES YOU TO LOVE. Jesus‘s own love is bound up with his suffering — ―Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God‖ (Ephesians 5:2). The suffering of Christ because of his love for us is his glory.

Heartache is often experienced as a sign that life is spiraling downward toward destruction and death. Yet, even with no assurance about the future, we know that it signifies glory in you. Do you hurt because of unrequited love? That is you being 29 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Relationships transformed into the image of the glory of God (2 Corinthians 3:18). You now have a special insight into the heart of God for sinners.

INJURIES MAKE US SOMEONE NEW A breakup can be like getting hit with shrapnel — much like Tony Starke, the Iron Man. He‘s hit with a dirty bomb in Iraq and has sharp pieces of metal lodged in his chest.

They‘re too close to his heart to be surgically removed, but can‘t be left alone either, or they‘ll kill him. His only choice: Move into a new phase of existence — with a magnet in his chest, which keeps the shrapnel away from his heart.

A breakup can be like that. It‘s often more than a scar. We‘re left walking with pieces of us stolen and gone, and other pieces weighing us down, unrelentingly coming back to our mind. ―I can‘t stop thinking about them.‖ Yeah, you got hit by a dirty bomb. The surgery is impossible. Healing might not be in going back, but in becoming something new.

God is in control. His love has not ceased to be what guides your life, your heart, your circumstances. Though you feel the sting of death in your soul, God‘s resurrection life is what sustains you when you feel crushed, defeated, and hopeless. Your life and your heart are not ultimately in your hands. They never were, and that‘s terrifyingly beautiful news.

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 30

PAUL MAXWELL Paul Maxwell (@paulcmaxwell) is a PhD student at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, and philosophy professor at Moody Bible Institute. He writes more at his blog, and pretends to like coffee.

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Listen, If God is not glorified in everything we do, then we are simply wasting our time.

God must be glorified in our walk and in our talk. If this isn’t happening, well‌what’s the point in existing?

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Personal Wellness Helping Yourself Heal When Your Spouse Dies

by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D

Few events in life are as painful as the death of your spouse. You may be uncertain you will survive this overwhelming loss. At times, you may be uncertain you even have the energy or desire to try to heal.

You are beginning a journey that is often frightening, overwhelming and sometimes lonely. This article provides practical suggestions to help you move toward healing in your personal grief experience.

33 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness ALLOW YOURSELF TO MOURN Your husband or wife has died. This was your companion, the person you shared your life with. If right now you are not sure of who you are, and you feel confused, that is appropriate because you have lost a part of yourself. When you experience the death of someone you love, live with, and depend on, feeling disoriented is natural.

You are now faced with the difficult but important need to mourn. Mourning is the open expression of your thoughts and feelings regarding the death of your spouse. It is an essential part of healing.

RECOGNIZE YOUR GRIEF IS UNIQUE Your grief is unique because no one else had the same relationship you had with your spouse. Your experience will also be influenced by the circumstances surrounding the death, other losses you have experienced, your emotional support system and your cultural and religious background.

As a result, you will grieve in your own special way. Don't try to compare your experience with that of others or to adopt assumptions about just how long your grief should last. Consider taking a "one-day-ata-time" approach that allows you to grieve at your own pace.

TALK OUT YOUR THOUGHT AND FEELINGS Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 34

Express your grief openly. When you share your grief outside yourself, healing occurs.

Allow yourself to talk about the circumstances of the death, your feelings of loss and loneliness, and the special things you miss about your spouse. Talk about the type of person your husband or wife was, activities that you enjoyed together, and memories that bring both laughter and tears.

Whatever you do, don't ignore your grief.

You have been wounded by this loss, and your wound needs to be attended to. Allow yourself to speak from your heart, not just your head. Doing so doesn't mean you are losing control, or going "crazy." It is a normal part of your grief journey.

EXPECT TO FEEL A MULTITUDE OF EMOTIONS Experiencing the death of your spouse affects your head, heart and spirit, so you may experience a variety of emotions as part of your grief work. It is called work because it takes a great deal of energy and effort to heal. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, relief and anger are just a few of the emotions you may feel. Sometimes these emotions will follow each other within a short period of time. Or they may occur simultaneously.

As strange as some of these emotions may seem, they are normal and healthy. Allow yourself to learn from these feelings. And don't be surprised if out of nowhere you suddenly experience surges of grief, even

Personal Wellness at the most unexpected times. These grief attacks can be frightening and leave you feeling overwhelmed. They are, however, a natural response to the death of someone loved. Find someone who understands your feelings and will allow you to talk about them.

FIND A SUPPORT SYSTEM Reaching out to others and accepting support is often difficult, particularly when you hurt so much. But the most compassionate self-action you can take at this difficult time is to find a support system of caring friends and relatives who will provide the understanding you need.

Seek out those persons who will "walk with," not "in front of" or "behind" you in your journey through grief. Find out if there is a support group in your area that you might want to attend. There is no substitute for learning from other persons who have experienced the death of their spouse.

Avoid people who are critical or who try to steal your grief from you. They may tell you "time heals all wounds" or "you will get over it" or "keep your chin up." While these comments may be well-intended, you do not have to accept them. Find those people who encourage you to be yourself and acknowledge your feelings-both happy and sad. You have a right to express your grief; no one has the right to take it away.

BE TOLERANT OF YOUR PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL LIMITS

Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you fatigued. Your ability to think clearly and make decisions may be impaired. And your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. Lighten your schedule as much as possible.

Ask yourself: Am I treating myself better or worse than I would treat a good friend?

Am I being too hard on myself? You may think you should be more capable, more in control, and "getting over" your grief.

These are inappropriate expectations and may complicate your healing. Think of it this way: caring for yourself doesn't mean feeling sorry for yourself; it means you are using your survival skills.

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TAKE YOUR TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE'S PERSONAL BELONGINGS You, and only you, should decide what is done when with your spouse's clothes and personal belongings. Don't force yourself to go through these things until you are ready to. Take your time. Right now you may not have the energy or desire to do anything with them.

35 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness Remember that some people may try to measure your healing by how quickly they can get you to do something with these belongings. Don't let them make decisions for you. It isn't hurting anything to leave your spouse's belongings right where they are for now. Odds are, when you have the energy to go through them you will. Again, only you should determine when the time is right for you.

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BE COMPASSIONATE WITH YOURSELF DURING HOLIDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES AND SPECIAL OCCASIONS You will probably find that some days make you miss your spouse more than others. Days and events that held special meaning for you as a couple, such as your birthday, your spouse's birthday, your wedding anniversary or holidays, may be more difficult to go through by yourself.

These events emphasize the absence of your husband or wife. The reawakening of painful emotions may leave you feeling drained. Learn from these feelings and never try to take away the hurt. If you Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 36

belong to a support group, perhaps you can have a special friend stay in close contact with you during these naturally difficult days.

TREASURE YOUR MEMORIES Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after your spouse dies. Treasure those memories that comfort you, but also explore those that may trouble you. Even difficult memories find healing in expression. Share memories with those who listen well and support you.

Recognize that your memories may make you laugh or cry. In either case, they are a lasting part of the relationship you had with a very special person in your life.

You may also find comfort in finding a way to commemorate your spouse's life. If your spouse liked nature, plant a tree you know he or she would have liked. If your spouse liked a certain piece of music, play it often while you embrace some of your favorite memories. Or, you may want to create a memory book of photos that portray your life together as a couple.

Remember-healing in grief doesn't mean forgetting your spouse and the life you shared together.

EMBRACE YOUR SPIRITUALITY If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious

Personal Wellness beliefs. If you are angry at God because your spouse died, accept this feeling as a normal part of your grief work. Find someone to talk with who won't be critical of whatever thoughts and feelings you need to explore.

You may hear someone say, "With faith, you don't need to grieve." Don't believe it.

Having your personal faith does not mean you don't have to talk out and explore your thought and feelings. To deny your grief is to invite problems to build up inside you.

Express your faith, but express your grief as well.

MOVE TOWARD YOUR GRIEF AND HEAL Remember, grief is a process, not an event.

Be patient and tolerant with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself as you work to relinquish old roles and establish new ones. No, your life isn't the same, but you deserve to go on living while always remembering the one you loved.

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37 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Church Life

Are Our Modern Day Worship Services Pleasing to God?

By Alex Dodson

Worship services abound in the nation. We have more mega churches than ever before, it seems. We have worship services brought into our homes by television. Many churches are filled with loud music and raised hands.

Some even resemble rock concerts with the music being so loud that you can hardly hear yourself sing. There are all sorts of musical instruments from guitars to drums to cymbals to orchestras. Worship services abound and music abounds in them. Many churches have become seeker friendly and have Saturday night worship services or very informal services on Sunday morning. We have experts in worship. We have books on worship.

We have seminars and teaching on how to conduct worship. We have the latest state of the art audio and projection systems in our churches.

39 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Church Life We no longer need hymn books. It‘s all on the screen or screens before us. We have well trained worship teams to lead us. Worship abounds in evangelical churches. Yet, in all of this are we pleasing God? Is He the center of our worship?

Jon D. Payne in his book In the Splendor of Holiness writes, ―Indeed, the so-called seeker-sensitive churches, well-meaning as they may be, put more emphasis upon what man will get out of a service of worship (unbeliever or believer) than upon what God will get out of it. To be sure, we are supposed to be seeker-sensitive when designing and executing worship, but according to Scripture, God (not man) is the Seeker toward whom we are to be sensitive in worship.‖ (p. 25) Payne goes on to write, ―In the New Covenant, as in the Old, Christians are called to worship God in the manner that He prescribes, and not according to the shifting desires and changing fads of the unbelieving culture. If we worship in God‘s Spirit and according to His truth, the object of our worship will inevitably be God Himself. In other words, our worship will be God-centered. Therefore, to make anything other than God the center of our worship is, in a word, idolatry.‖ (p. 26) This is a very serious charge and something that we need to be concerned about in our modern day worship services.

When we come to worship, should not we be concerned the most at directing our worship toward God? After all, God is the one who is seeking our worship. In John 4:23-24, Jesus is talking to the Samaritan woman and tells Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 40

us some important things about worship in his discourse with her. Jesus told her, ―But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.‖ God is seeking worshipers who will worship him truly from their hearts.

E. J. Young points out in his commentary on Isaiah that ―….the people ‗worshiped‘ God in the way that pleased them, but not in the way that was prescribed. This they did in that they regarded the outward form of worship as sufficient, irrespective of the attitude of the heart. The priests evidently encouraged this, exhibiting a concern only that the worshipper bring the requisite sacrifices, but not that he come to the Lord in humble and true devotion.‖ (The Book of Isaiah, Vol. 2, p.

320) So many of our worship services today put emphasis on the music, the worship leaders, the acoustic and sound system but not coming to the Lord in humble and true devotion. There are churches that have little of these things but where people truly worship the Lord with a humble and devoted heart. God could care less if we have the latest sound system and the best worship teams if we do not come to worship Him from our hearts. God wants our hearts!

Isaiah 29:13 says, ―The Lord says, ‗These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.‖ God wants our

Church Life hearts. This is something we need to come to grips with in our churches. It would be better if we get rid of our great sound and projection systems, do away with our worship teams and worship bands if we could just have simple worship services where people come with humble and devoted hearts. We don‘t have to have all these other things to worship God. Our greatest need is to have people who come to worship with their hearts turned toward God and who come to worship in spirit and truth. It would be better if our mega churches would disband, get rid of their giant sanctuaries with the latest state of the art equipment and have smaller services in different places with people who come with humble and devoted hearts to worship. That‘s what God wants.

He wants our hearts. He could care less about our big modern buildings that are built to make people comfortable. God is seeking true worshippers. When and if true revival comes, we may see much of what we see in worship today come to an end. God wants us to get back to the basics and rid of all this stuff we have accumulated in our churches.

He does not want our stuff. (Our great buildings and elaborate equipment) He wants our hearts.

Our outward worship is not what God wants.

Great worship services are not necessarily what God desires. We think we are pleasing God by holding worship services that are great in the eyes of men. Yet, God may not be pleased with our worship services at all.

The Bible condemns worship services that are not what God wants. Listen to what God says in Amos 5:21-24 – ―I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies. Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them. Away with the noise of your songs!

I will not listen to the music of your harps.

But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream.‖ God is more interested in our heart devotion to Him and our obedience to His Word than He is in our offerings and songs.

We may have all kinds of praise songs and gifted song leaders and a great variety of musical instruments and the latest in sound and projection systems. We may have all of that with lively worship services but unless our hearts are devoted to the Lord and we are walking in obedience to Him, all of this is useless. We just as well close down our worship services if God does not have our hearts and devotion.

Another passage that addresses this matter of outward worship is Isaiah 1:10-17 – ―Hear the word of the Lord, you rulers of Sodom: listen to the law of our God, you people of Gomorrah! ‗The multitude of your sacrifices – what are they to me?‘ says the Lord. ‗I have more than enough of burnt offerings, of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have

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41 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

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Church Life no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. When you come to meet with me, who has asked this of you, this trampling of my courts? Stop bringing meaningless offerings! Your incense is detestable to me.

New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations – I cannot bear your evil assemblies.

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Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts my soul hates. They have become a burden to me; I am weary of bearing them. When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood; wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.‘‖ You see, God is not interested in our great worship services as much as we are. He is more interested in the state of our hearts. He wants our heart devotion and obedience to His Word more than He wants our elaborate noisy worship services. He even grows weary of our prayers in worship if our hearts are not where they should be.

David puts the whole matter like this in

Psalm 51:16-17 – ―You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.‖ God wants our hearts. He could care less about our fancy worship services and costly sanctuaries and elaborate equipment. He wants our brokenness before Him. He wants our humble heart devotion. Edward J. Young writes, ―Religion was on all hands, but the heart of the people sought not the Lord.‖ (The Book of Isaiah – Volume 2, p. 320) Today, we can say that our nation is filled with religion but the hearts of the people are far from the Lord. We are pretty good at devising elaborate worship services that attract people to our churches but are we pleasing God with them? Where are our hearts when we come to worship God? Matthew Henry writes, ―But there are many whose religion is lip-labor only.‖ (Matthew Henry‘s Commentary on Isaiah, p. 161) We come with our mouths and our lips and our raised hands but where are our hearts?

The second part of Isaiah 29:13 says, ―Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.‖ We want to see now that the Word of God should guide and dominate our worship. Not only are we to worship from our hearts but to worship in accordance with God‘s Word. Jon D. Payne writes, ―Authentic Christian worship, when carried out according to what God (the ultimate governing authority) has instituted in His Word, is the context in which God is honored and His people flourish.‖ (In the Splendor of Holiness, p. 25) John Calvin writes, ―On the second point, when God is worshipped by 41 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Church Life inventions of men, he condemns this ‗fear‘ as superstitious, though men endeavor to cloak it under a plausible practice of religion, or devotion, or reverence.

He assigns the reason, that it ‗hath been taught by men.‘…But it is the will of the Lord, that our ‗fear,‘ and the reverence with which we worship him, shall be regulated by the rule of his word; and he demands nothing so much as simple obedience, by which we shall conform ourselves and all our actions to the rule of the Word, and not turn aside to the right hand or to the left.‖ (Calvin‘s Commentary on Isaiah – www.ccel.org) When we let music dominate our worship services and give the Word of God only an inferior role in the service, are we not conducting our worship to please men and not giving God‘s Word its rightful place?

Matthew Henry writes, ―They do not make the Word of God the rule of their worship, nor his will his reason: Their fear towards me is taught by the precept of men. They worshipped the God of Israel, not according to his appointment, but their own inventions, the directions of their false prophets or their idolatrous kings, or the usages of the nations that were round about them.‖ (Matthew Henry‘s Commentary on Isaiah, p. 161) The preaching of the Word of God should be foremost in our worship services. Martyn Lloyd-Jones in his book Preaching & Preacherswrites, ―The primary task of the Church and of the Christian minister is the preaching of the Word of God.‖ (p. 19) Jon D. Payne writes, ―…I have discovered time Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 44

and again through the study of Scripture that it is through the primary means of Wordcentered proclamation that God advances His redemptive purpose in the course of history.

This is precisely why the preaching of God‘s Word has historically held a central place in Protestant worship.‖ (Payne, p. 83) Today, many evangelical churches have done away with the pulpit entirely to make room for the worship team. The preacher either has no lectern at all or only a small one that takes up little room. The days of the large pulpits with the big pulpit bibles are just about gone in modern evangelical churches. What does this tell us about the importance of the preaching the Word today?

Payne goes on to write, ―The Apostle Paul builds on this truth, namely, that God has ordained the act of preaching to be the primary means and method of advancing the Kingdom. In his first epistle to the Corinthian Church, Paul has in view the sharp contrast between the wisdom of the world and the wisdom of God. He states that ‗since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe‘ (1 Cor. 1:21).‖ (Payne, p. 84) John Calvin comments on the role of preaching in the Christian Church, ―Paul expressly states, that, according to the command of Christ, no real union or perfection is attained, but by the outward preaching….The church is the common mother of all the godly, which bears, nourishes, and brings up children to God, kings and peasants alike; and this is done by the ministry (of the word). Those who

Church Life neglect or despise this order choose to be wiser than Christ. Woe to the pride of such men! It is, no doubt, a thing in itself possible that divine influence alone should make us perfect without human assistance. But the present inquiry is not what the power of God can accomplish, but what is the will of God and the appointment of Christ.‖ (Quoted by Payne, p. 86) If the preaching of the Word of God is portrayed in scripture as of supreme importance, why then have modern evangelical churches relegated the preaching of the Word to an inferior position? Payne explains, ―If the Word of God, then, is the primary means by which God saves and nourishes the elect and the faithful proclamation of His Word is His primary method of accomplishing His redemptive purposes, why has preaching taken a back seat in modern-day evangelical churches? In short, it is because God-centered, careful, exegetical, authoritative preaching is not appealing to the culture. In order for the church to get big, church growth experts surmise, biblical preaching must go (or be changed into a superficial, therapeutic, anecdote-filled message).‖ (Payne, p. 85) True worship should then have the proclamation of the Word of God at its center and everything else should take their place behind it. When the preaching of the Word of God returns in power to our pulpits, we will know then that revival has returned to this nation. Iain Murray comments on the word ―revival‖ when he says, ―Our English word for that phenomenon (revival) is akin to the

French, reveille, and provides an illustration. Reveille, the morning hour of wakening in the army, is announced by a bugle. When times of awakening occur in the church the preaching of the Word serves that same function, as was once said of John Knox: ‗The voice of this one man is able in one hour to put more life in us than five hundred trumpets continually blustering in our ears.‘…Truth preached is the means of awakening.‖ (The Old Evangelicalism, p. 56) May the Lord restore to us the powerful preaching of His Word and may this powerful preaching usher in the long awaited revival that we so desperately need.

Works Cited All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version unless indicated otherwise Calvin, John. Commentary on Isaiah, www.ccel.org .

Henry, Matthew. Matthew Henry‘s Commentary on the Whole Bible – Volume 4 – Isaiah to Malachi, Fleming H. Revell Company, United States of America.

Lloyd-Jones, D. Martyn. Preaching and Preachers, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1971.

Murray, Iain. The Old Evangelicalism, The Banner of Truth Trust, Edinburgh, 2005.

Payne, Jon D. In the Splendor of Holiness, Tolle Lege Press, White Hall, WV, 2008.

Young, Edward J. The Book of Isaiah – Volume 2, William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1969.

45 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Relationships

How to Help Your Child Build a Relationship with Jesus

By Tom and Mary Clark

Relationships As Christian parents, we deeply desire our children to develop a strong, enduring and close relationship with God. What can we do to help them on that path?

with God is to begin talking about God when they first begin to comprehend. Point out how God created food or the plants in your yard or the sunset and sunrise.

I sat in the first row with tears in my eyes.

One of my friends sat beside me. I could just make out my son with his father, standing at the front of the hall.

As they mature, explain God‘s instructions on how to live. InDeuteronomy 6:6-7 (and again in Deuteronomy 11:18-19) we find instructions to talk about God‘s ways when we sit in our house, when we walk, when we lie down and when we rise up. That pretty much covers all of our activities for the day.

The minister stepped out, everyone grew quiet, and the ceremony we had waited for all of our son‘s life began. ―Have you repented of your sins? … Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, your Lord and master? … I am now going to baptize you. …‖ As a young adult, our son made a commitment to have and maintain a relationship with God for the rest of his life.

What a joyous and pivotal occasion!

As Christians, our relationship with God is the most important relationship we will ever have. As Christian parents, our goal—our hope—for our children is that they learn to build and maintain that relationship as well.

But how do we help our children grow to become truly Christian young men and young women? How can we point them in the right direction?

The point is that wherever we are and whatever we are doing, we need to take the opportunity to talk to our children about God and His beneficial laws. This should be a natural part of our conversation, born from a deep and abiding relationship that we ourselves have built with God and are maintaining.

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TALK ABOUT GOD TALK ABOUT BLESSINGS One of the first things we need to do in helping our children build a relationship

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 48

Talk about the things that God has given to you. Each family lives in different circumstances and enjoys a different variety

Relationships of blessings. Explain to your children the many blessings God has given them and you, and your specific family blessings.

Mention some of these blessings when giving thanks before meals.

One way we tried to convey God‘s beneficence to our children was to point out things in God‘s marvelous creation.

Occasionally we woke them up to see an especially beautiful sunrise. There is nothing like that moment of silence as you watch the sky blossom with color as the master artist paints a beautiful picture.

A friend once described some of the amazing things we see in nature as ―gratuitous beauty.‖ God has made so much beauty for us to enjoy. Why not take the time to notice and then share that with your children?

Tell your children about the wonderful blessing He has given them and you by placing you together in a family. Let them know how thankful you are to have them as a part of your family and how you feel they are a gift God has given you personally.

There are many people in this world who have tragically lost their families. Help your children see the blessing that God has given them to be a part of a family.

Another way to talk to your children about God‘s blessings is to point out situations

where God has intervened in your life or the lives of others. He cares very deeply about each one of us, and He does intervene in our lives.

One lady related an incident from her childhood. She had gone to bed one evening when a brick came flying through the window and landed on her pillow—right in the indentation where her head had been just moments before! You see, she had suddenly remembered something she had to go tell her mom and had gotten up to tell her. She had no doubt that God had protected her!

At times, we pray and ask God for healing or something specific, and He provides it for us. Help your children recognize these answered prayers when they occur. These blessings of healings or protection become a part of your family story.

On the other hand, there are also times when we pray about something and do not get the answer we want. At such times, show your children why God may have said ―no‖ or ―wait.‖ Sometimes we as parents have to say ―no‖ or ―wait‖ to something our children have asked for. It is not because we don‘t love them or we want to withhold something from them, but because we can see a bigger picture and realize another answer is better. God does the same thing for us (Romans 8:28).

TALK TO GOD

49 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Relationships Involve your children in worshipping God. Teach your children how to pray and pray with them. Teach your children how to study the Bible and study it with them. Take your children to church and talk about the message with them afterwards.

One of my memories as a child is sitting beside my mom as she did her Bible study.

She would talk to me about what she was studying and explain from the Scriptures what she was learning. My dad would read Bible stories to us before we went to sleep.

It was always exciting to listen to the stories. As we got older, our family would play Bible games like 20 questions or ―catch me if you can‖ and had family Bible studies.

The same thing applies with Bible study.

Tailor your Bible study to the attention span and understanding level of the child you are working with. A young child can generally relate to a story—and there are so many great stories in the Bible. After you have read a story, help your child draw lessons that he or she can understand. As your children get older, make sure they have their own Bibles.

Parents need to show their children how to walk through the steps to build their relationship with God, and walk through those steps with them.

Now, when our little grandson comes to visit, his nightly routine includes prayers with Grandpa and Bible reading with Grandma. He looks forward to that time snuggling and learning. Almost without fail, he wants to keep reading when we get to the end of our story for that night.

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Daily prayer is a foundational part of a Christian‘s life, so our children must learn its importance and how to do it. Make praying a normal part of the daily routine of life. A prayer of thanksgiving before every meal is a good place to start. Dad or Mom can start out giving the prayer, but as the kids grow, help them take a turn saying the prayer. Prayer becomes a natural part of family life.

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 50

We see in Psalm 78:4-7 that we as parents are to make God‘s law known to our children. It is a kind of heritage that is to be passed from generation to generation. What better heritage can we give our children than a healthy pattern of worship?

DEMONSTRATE GODLY CHARACTERISTICS

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Relationships There is an adage that says, ―Don‘t judge a book by its cover.‖ But the truth is, we as humans do judge a book—or a person, organization or way of life—by what we see. Our children will do the same thing.

at church. They see whether you are ethical in your dealings with other people. They see whether you are respectful to your spouse and parents. Actions really do speak louder than words.

If parents are hypocritical, unethical, immoral or even just simply lazy in their approach to obedience to God, their children will be the first to know! And not only will they know, but it will taint their approach to God.

A JOYOUS DAY!

On the other hand, if children see their parents praying and studying and upholding God‘s standards, they are much more likely to do the same.

In 2 Corinthians 5:20 Paul talks about how he and Timothy were Christ‘s ambassadors—His representatives urging people to be reconciled to God. Christians are likewise to be ambassadors of God‘s way of life to others. Nowhere is that role of ambassador more important than with our children. God wants to use parents as a conduit to teach their children both what to do and how to live.

Your children hear the words that come out of your mouth when you hit your thumb with a hammer. They know whether you turn a movie off because of the bad language or other inappropriate content.

They know how much you drink. They know whether you break the speed limit.

They know how you apply what you learn

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 52

On the day of our son‘s baptism, he formalized his journey as a Christian. It was a joyous day for us.

Teaching our children is one of the most amazing and important tasks in all of creation. None of us is perfect at the task, but neither can we afford to neglect it. Of course, it is God who calls each person, and it will be each of our children‘s personal decision whether to accept that calling. But that does not diminish the responsibility and privilege we have to help our children build a relationship with God that can last for eternity!

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A Word From the Lord

by Evangelist Nancy Turner When you are feeling lonely and seem like no one cares You don't even feel good about yourself you need a word from the Lord…

We are sometimes burdened with the cares of this world and don't know what to do. But there is only one way to receive help when we are burdened and that is from the Word of the Lord.

We have to realize that God is our burden bearer. He said in His word, ‗Cast all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you‘: 1 Peter: 5:7 We are the people of God the Word of God let us know: He shall sustain thee, He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved: Psalms: 55:22b We have to remember to depend and believe in the word of God and He will lift the burden and see you through This is (A Word from the Lord) 55 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness

The Benefit Of Being Humble

By Mrs Claudia Brito

If we were all asked, certainly many of us would consider ourselves humble people. Very few would admit to being proud or even arrogant. But, are we truly? During our Women‘s Meeting on Sunday, we looked into what it truly meant to be humble. Many often think of being humble as being meek, having a humble background, being modest or even accepting ill-treatment from others, but being humble is not being ill-treated and is a lot broader than many think.

57 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness HUMBLENESS PRECEDES EXALTATION To explain what humbleness is, we would like you to imagine jumping. If you want to jump, you first have to bend. And, the lower you bend, the higher you can jump. That is what humbleness does; it precedes exaltation. If you want to be a person who is highly esteemed by people, you need to humble yourself, the key word being ‗yourself‘. Many endure being humbled by others or their situation in life, but this is not the kind of humbleness that will lead you to be exalted by others. The humbleness that is most valuable is when you have an opportunity to exalt yourself, but you choose to give in. However, humbleness should not be confused with humiliation, which means being shamed or dishonoured.

EXAMPLES OF HUMBLING YOURSELF How exactly can you humble yourself? It is simpler than you think. It is when you choose to value other people more than yourself. When you give in during an argument, even though you know you are right; when you choose to allow others to shine, when you know you can easily outshine them; when you choose to bite your tongue, when you know your harsh words could easily disarm the person you are arguing with; when you choose not to suffer in silence and try to be self-sufficient

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 58

and seek help from others when you need it.

Those who choose to humble themselves prove that they value their own and the wellbeing of their relationships more than they value being right or getting their own way. And, it is this value that they place in their relationships that makes them highly exalted or esteemed. People who are humble make others around them feel good and important. And, who wants to dispense someone who makes them feel important?

Many times we think that to be respected and stand our ground, we need to impose our opinions and ourselves on others, so that they know not to cross us. But, during our meeting, we could understand that esteem and respect are earned and inspired in others. When someone gives you their respect voluntarily, it has much more value.

Unlike what many think, that choosing to humble will cause you to lose, we see that it will in fact lead you to enjoy relationships that are richer and more valuable. So, next time you have to bite your tongue, for example, think of it as the bend you have to give before jumping. After that, exaltation and justification will come.

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Personal Wellness

How to Fight From Being Lukewarm

By Jon Bloom

As we give thanks to God for his ―abounding faithfulness‖ (Exodus 34:6), it is good for us to examine our own faithfulness. How faithful are we? This is important because ―it is required of stewards that they be found faithful‖ (1 Corinthians 4:2). And a gauge of our faithfulness is our level of lukewarmness.

61 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness DON‟T GROW GREY WITH AGE Lukewarmness is the dying of conviction.

And conviction often dies the slow death of a thousand compromises.

When I was 22 years old, I worked at a company where my supervisor was defrauding customers and asking me to comply by fudging inventory reports. I refused and raised serious concerns about his conduct. This got back to the company owner, who one day asked me into his office and sagely said, ―When I was your age I also saw things in black and white.

But I‘ve come to learn that things are mainly shades of grey.‖ That was baloney.

Fraud isn‘t grey. If the customer became aware of the fraud, the colors would have sharpened very quickly.

But what had happened to this owner that made his youthful black dilute to grey with age?

Well, now that I‘m near the age he was back then, I understand more. I know how longer, broader life experiences can season and temper the soul. But I also know that his sort of ―greying with age‖ is not the tempering of age-acquired wisdom. It is the result of failing to be faithful, of being lured and enticed and ensnared by our sinful desires (James 1:14).

Truth does not grey with age. Rather, our moral eyes cloud from the cataracts of Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 62

compromise. And with each compromise we lose more resolve to see truth and be faithful to it. We call black grey only to ease our consciences.

LUKEWARMNESS IS A SYMPTOM OF A DISEASE Most of us in the prosperous West live in modern day Laodiceas (Revelation 3:14–22).

Our faith is not endangered by persecution but by the constant temptations of worldly compromise. Jesus, the ―faithful and true witness‖ (verse 14) rebuked the Laodiceans for having grown ―lukewarm‖ (verse 16) in unfaithfulness and exhorted them to ―buy from [him]. . . salve to anoint [their] eyes‖ (verse 18) to heal their cataracts of compromise.

If a fever is a symptom of disease in the body, lukewarmness is a symptom of the disease of unfaithfulness in the soul. And like all of us experience bodily fevers and fight disease, all of us experience lukewarmness to greater or lesser degrees and must fight the disease of unfaithfulness JESUS‟S PRESCRIPTION UNFAITHFULNESS

FOR

If we feel lukewarm, how do we fight the disease? Our faithful and true Physician gives us his prescription: ―be zealous and repent‖ (Revelation 3:19).

But how does a lukewarm person just ―be

Personal Wellness zealous‖? Isn‘t that the problem — not being zealous? No! The problem is not perceiving the disease of which lukewarmness is a symptom. If you think all that you have is a cold, you may not think much of a fever. But if you find out that cancer is causing your fever, suddenly zeal is not a problem. Lukewarmness is a symptom of the cancer of unfaithful unbelief in the soul. If left untreated it will result in an unspeakably horrible experience: Jesus will spew you out of his mouth (Revelation 3:16). It is not the unfaithful who receive the eternal reward. The reward goes to ―the one who conquers‖ (Revelation 3:21) — the one who fights and overcomes.

GRACE TO THE UNFAITHFUL

How does a lukewarm person repent? Don‘t wait for some emotional muse. Repent right now! Turn around and get moving in the right direction. Take one step and then another. When it comes to repenting, rarely is our problem not knowing what to do. The Spirit shows us what to do if we want to repent. Our problem is wanting to repent.

(To address that problem read the above paragraph again.)

To remain faithful is not merely a struggle. It is war. To be faithful to God, our spouse, our children, our church, and our vocation, requires that we fight every day against the indwelling sin that presses us toward compromises.

Don‘t coddle little compromises. Kill them. Fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12) by fighting fiercely for fidelity.

Jesus‘s hard words of warning to the Laodiceans was grace. He wasn‘t telling them to earn their salvation by being faithful.

He was telling them that lukewarm unfaithfulness might be evidence that they didn‘t have saving faith. It was a ―you have cancer‖ moment. And he had the treatment.

He was telling them to repent and come back to him for healing. That‘s the grace he extends to most of us followers who, like Peter (Luke 22:60–62), fall at some time into the sin of unfaithfulness. Repentance is the evidence of real, if deficient, faith.

FIERCE FIDELITY

Repentance becomes a holy habit of the faithful fighter. The sin of compromise is always crouching at our door and we must rule over it (Genesis 4:7). We do this by cultivating the skill of taking every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

In your thanksgiving, thank God for the grace of his hard words that, in kindness, Photo Credit: Mark Ambrose

63 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness leads you to repentance (Romans 2:4).

Resist the devil (James 4:7), repent of any greying of black, and fight lukewarmness like the plague.

JON BLOOM Jon Bloom serves as author, board chair, and co-founder of Desiring God and has penned three books, Not by Sight (2013), Things Not Seen (2015), and Don‘t Follow Your Heart (2015). He lives in the Twin Cities with his wife, Pam, their five children, and one naughty dog.

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 64

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Dear Blessed Magazine, Blessed Magazine, your page has been a great inspiration to me and my family. We look forward to your daily trivia puzzles as we have contests to see who gets the most right. Thank you for helping me and my family learn more about God’s word – Grateful Learners Dear Grateful Learners, Wow!!! We are so grateful you and your family are now studying the Bible and enjoying our posts. Pray for us as we continue to do what we can for the kingdom of God through our Facebook ministry. Remain blessed of the Lord Jesus always! – Blessed Magazine

to your comment as to us not wanting to hear disputes from our Fans. We apologize if you found it difficult to contact us, but we welcome our Fans to bring anything they desire to our attention for review. We hope you continue to play Bible Trivia with us and bring to our attention any questions or concerns you may have to us in the future. Thank you for contacting Blessed Magazine. Remain blessed – Blessed Magazine Dear Blessed Magazine, I have learned so much about the Bible through your articles and just wanted to say thank you! – She’s Blessed Dear She’s Blessed,

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It is always a pleasure to receive notes from our Fans on how they are learning more and more about the Word of God. We pray to continue to be an outlet for you and others in years to come. Remain blessed – Blessed Magazine Dear Blessed Magazine,

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Our magazine can be viewed from any mobile device such as your Smartphone, iPad or tablet. Remain blessed – Blessed Magazine Dear Blessed Magazine, Who creates your bible trivia puzzles?

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"IS CHURCH ATTENDANCE REQUIRED FOR SALVATION?" Pauline Brown -- No but being a believer and accepting Jesus you should want to go to church I for one need to be around and receive the word of God just to get through my week Kathy Baylon -- Church attendance is not required for salvation accepting Jesus Christ is the only thing that saves you but church attendance is good for education edification and for fellowship

Sylvia Dubose -- Yes.... God said seek the kingdom first and all things will be added Josephine John-Rose -- It's an importance to worship with man and woman of God but it is not a requirement.

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 68

Diane Bradford -- No but its always good to go into the house of worships. Even way back they built a place for worships

Tiffany Williams -- No as long as you continue to honor God in other ways ... Read your bible, pray, do good and not evil Joslyn Richardson NO BUT THE BIBLE SAY FAIL NOT TO ASSEMBLE YOURSELVES Christopher Yanoski-No its not necessary.

Joyce Sheppard -- I'd say no

Linda Rivera -- Hebrews10; 23-25: Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Please note: the views and expressions expressed are not necessarily the views of Blessed Magazine or its affiliates

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Prom

Prom 2016: 49 Ways to Save Money on Prom

By LuLuâ€&#x;s

Prom Did you know that the average prom night costs over $1,000?

These days, most families can‘t afford to spend as lavishly as they used to. So without further ado, here are 49 ways to be a frugal fashionista on prom night.

GENERAL TIPS  Buy your prom dress (and shoes, and jewelry, and accessories) from LuLus.com, of course! Cute clothes, reasonable prices and free shipping over $75.  Plan everything well in advance. If you wait until the last minute, you‘re more likely to feel desperate and buy something too expensive.  As early as you can, start hoarding your allowance (or income from a part-time job) so you can afford to splurge when the big event rolls around.  Always compare prices. Call around to at least 5 different shops before choosing a florist, tuxedo shop, limo service, etc.  When in doubt, DIY. Why spend countless hours searching for something perfect AND affordable, when you can probably make it yourself?

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 72

 Keep a level head. Movies make it seem like prom is the most important night of your life. But in a few years, you‘ll probably wonder why you got so worked up.

DRESS & ACCESSORIES  Raid your best friend‘s closet! No one will know that she wore the dress to a previous event; and even if they know, why would they care?   Dust off that bridesmaid‘s dress and give it another whirl. If you don‘t have one, chances are you know someone who does.   Go bargain hunting at your local thrift stores and consignment shops. In addition to being affordable, you can almost guarantee your look will be unique.  Go bargain hunting online! You can find ridiculous deals on beautiful gowns and shoes on websites like eBay or Craigslist.  Look for a shop that specializes in renting formal gowns, or check to see if your local bridal shops offer rentals.   Choose your own fabrics and design, and make your dress from scratch; if you‘re not handy with a sewing machine, enlist the help of a friend, relative or affordable seamstress.

Prom  Check to see if an organization like Donate My Dress exists in your area; these non-profit groups provide free prom dresses to low-income teens.  Look for a local prom dress exchange event; if you can‘t find one, take the initiative and organize one for your community!  See if you can borrow your mother‘s (or grandmother‘s) vintage jewelry and handbags.  Head down to the bead store and make your own jewelry. If you‘ve never tried it before, you may be surprised how it easy it is.

 Hit up the local beauty school for bargain priced hair styling and nails.  Schedule an appointment at one of the beauty counters at your local mall. Buy the lipstick so you‘ll be able to touch up throughout the night.  Plan a Mary K or Avon party at your house the afternoon before the prom, and invite all your friends over for free makeovers.  Host a manicure/pedicure party at your house; it‘s easier (and much more fun) when everyone helps each other!  Search YouTube for hair and makeup tutorials. Practice, practice, practice!  Don‘t spend a small fortune on tanning sessions; grab some self-tanning lotion at your local drugstore and fake the bake at home.

TRANSPORTATION

Photo Credit: AliExpress

Have your heart set on a stretch limousine? You‘ll save money — and probably have way more fun — if you split the cost with other couples.

HAIR & MAKEUP  Almost everyone knows one friend or relative whose hair and makeup always look fabulous; enlist their help on your big day, and thank them with a lunch or a return favor.

If you live in a big city, consider downgrading to a chic, chauffeured but more affordable Lincoln Town Car. Make an appointment for a cab. But shop around beforehand, or you never know what might show up at your door.

73 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Prom  Really don‘t want to drive? Ask a responsible older friend (or nonembarrassing relative) to chauffeur you for the night

 If you choose to eat a restaurant, don‘t go in blind. Look at menus beforehand so you‘ll know which eatery has the food you want at the price you can afford.   Imagine walking into your local fast food joint wearing tuxedos and ball gowns. If this sounds like hilarious fun, why not do it? It‘ll make a great story some day.

FLOWERS

Photo Credit: Pink Hammer Limo

 There‘s no law against driving your own car to prom. Just make sure it‘s clean. Look for coupons to your local car wash, or just bust out the hose and the vacuum.

DINING  Cook a romantic dinner for two. It‘s less expensive than a fancy restaurant and sets a relaxed tone for the rest of the evening.

Invite a few couples over and make your own restaurant. Ask mom and dad to cook and serve. Set up a few small tables, add candles and soft music, and enjoy!  Eat a hearty meal before you go out, but splurge on a fancy dessert in a restaurant — especially if you usually say no to dessert. Prom Night‘s a perfect excuse to indulge.

Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 74

 Get a price quote from at least 5 different florists before committing to a purchase. Bonus points for pricechecking 10.  Choose less expensive flowers.

Carnations are a traditional choice because they‘re cheap and easy to dye in various colors.  Skip the fancy florist and head to the grocery store. The selection is usually smaller, but you‘re sure to find something you like. They are flowers, after all.  Don‘t go overboard with a massive bouquet. A few tasteful flowers will suffice, and it won‘t weigh heavy on your arm all night.  Get crafty! Make your own corsage and boutonnière using a few inexpensive materials from a craft store and flowers from the grocery store.

Prom  Take advantage of your region‘s natural beauty.

Pick some gorgeous wildflowers, or ask your neighbors for donations from their gardens.

 Find a safe, suitable outdoor space and organize an evening picnic for two. All you need is finger foods, a warm blanket and a sky full of stars.

PHOTOS

 Grab 10 of your closest friends and head to the nearest beach or lake for an old-fashioned bonfire and barbecue.

 Let‘s be honest; a lot of those professional prom photos look awful.

Ask an artistic friend or relative to take pictures before prom, and forgo the expensive train wreck.  Don‘t have a talented photographer in your social circle? Trying recruiting a photography student from the local university.  If your photographer uses traditional film, ask if you can buy the negatives and have them printed yourself.  If you photographer uses a digital camera, ask if you can buy the files and print your photos at home.  This may sound crazy, but consider (gasp!) not taking pictures at all. Just put the cameras aside, get on the dance floor and enjoy your big night to the fullest!

POST-PROM PARTYING  If you live in a medium to large city, just take a stroll downtown. You may find live music and street performers, or just some great conversation and people-watching.

 Not every prom night has to be romantic. Why not throw some bowling shoes on under that formal gown? Or does evening wear go better with roller skates?  Assuming your parents are cool with it, why not just party at home? They‘ll be relieved, you‘ll still have a great time with friends, and it won‘t cost a fortune.

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Personal Wellness

Six Wrong Reasons to Check Your Phone in the Morning

BY TONY REINKE

Our phones now go wherever we go — which is everywhere. And that means most of us sleep with our phones. In the bedroom, our phone wakes us up, tracks our sleep patterns, and makes us available in the event of an emergency.

All these benefits are wonderful. The problem comes when our phone is within arm‘s reach and we grab it out of habit to check email and social media in our half-conscious state of sleep inertia — before our groggy eyes can even fully open.

77 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness In our survey of 8,000 readers of desiringGod.org, over half of you (54%) admit to checking your Smartphone within minutes of waking up on a typical morning.

Then we asked, whether you are more likely to check email and social media before or after your spiritual disciplines on a typical morning, 73% of you said before.

Here‘s the breakdown by age and gender.

We don‘t need charts to know we are quick to Facebook and slow to God, and this impulse is a problem if John Piper is right when he says, ―I feel like I have to get saved every morning. I wake up and the devil is sitting on my face.‖ That‘s a startling way to talk about the daily challenge of the Christian life.

Put another way, whatever we focus our hearts on first in the morning will shape our entire day.

So why are we so quick to check email and social media in the morning, and so slow to spend intentional time with God in his word and prayer? And can we find a better way forward in the pages of Scripture?

I asked John Piper. What follows is an edited and abbreviated transcript of what he said…

Why are we so prone to click on our phones before we do almost Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 78

Personal Wellness anything else? I thought of six possible reasons, which came out of analyzing my heart and temptations.

It seems to me that all of these six things are rooted in sin, rather than in the desire to serve others and savor God. And I put it like that because I do think the Great Commandment sets the agenda for our mornings and our midday and our evening.

We are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength when we wake up in the morning. And we are to prepare ourselves to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37–40).

Very few of us wake up with our whole soul spring-loaded to love God and love people.

This disposition takes some refocusing — to put it mildly — by means of the word of God and prayer.

So here are my six guesses for why so many of us are drawn almost addictively to consult with our phones when we wake up in the morning. The first three I call candy motives.

The second three I call avoidance motives.

Reason 1: Novelty Candy We simply love to hear what is new in the world and new among our friends. What happened since we last glanced at the world?

Most of us like to be the first one to know something, and then we don‘t have to assume the humble posture of being told something that smart and savvy and on-the-ball people already know.

Then maybe we can assume the role of being the informer, rather than the poor benighted people that need to be informed about what happened and if they were smart enough they would have been on their social media earlier.

Reason 2: Ego Candy What have people said about us since the last time we checked? Who has taken note of us?

Who has retweeted us? Who mentioned us or liked us or followed us? In our fallen, sinful condition, there is an inordinate enjoyment of the human ego being attended to. Some of us are weak enough, wounded enough, fragile enough, insecure enough, that any little mention of us feels good. It is like somebody kissed us.

Reason 3: Entertainment Candy On the Internet, there is an endless stream of fascinating, weird, strange, wonderful, shocking, spell-binding, and cute pictures, quotes, videos, stories, and links. Many of us now are almost addicted to the need of something striking and bizarre and extraordinary and amazing.

So at least those three candy motives are at work in us as we wake up in the morning and have these cravings that we seek to satisfy with our phones.

Then there are three avoidance motives. In other words, these aren‘t positive desires for something; these are facing things in life that we simply want to avoid for another five minutes.

79 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

Personal Wellness Reason 4: Boredom Avoidance We wake up in the morning and the day in front of us looks boring. There is nothing exciting coming in our day and little incentive to get out of bed. And of course, the human soul hates a vacuum. If there is nothing significant and positive and hopeful in front of us to fill the hope-shaped place in our souls, then we are going to use our phones to avoid stepping into that boredom.

because it hurts so bad in the morning, and it is just easier to lie there a little longer. And the phone adds to the escape.

Reason 5: Responsibility Avoidance We each have a role: father, mother, boss, employee, whatever. There are burdens that are coming at us in the day that are weighty.

The buck stops with us. Decisions have to be made about our children, the house, the car, the finances, and dozens of other things. Life is full of weighty responsibilities, we feel inadequate for them, and we are lying there in bed feeling fearful — maybe even resentful — that people put so much pressure on us. We are not attracted to this day, and we prefer to avoid it for another five or ten minutes. And there is the phone to help us postpone the day.

Reason 6: Hardship Avoidance You may be in a season of life where what you meet when you get out of bed is not just boredom and not just responsibility, but mega relational conflict, or issues of disease or disability in the home, friends who are against you, or pain in your own body in your joints and you can barely get out of bed Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016 80

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Thinking in the Other Direction So those are my six guesses for why so many of us are drawn almost addictively to consult with our phones when we wake up in the morning — candy motives and avoidance motives.

But think about this. Suppose you open your phone immediately in the morning. What if you are the first one to horrible news? Or what if in your search for ego-candy, you find ego-acid, and people have hated you overnight? And what if you spend five minutes getting yourself happily entertained in the morning, rather than facing the responsibilities of the day immediately, and you find at the end of those five minutes that they have drug you down into a silly, demeaning, small-minded, hollow, immature frame of mind?

Personal Wellness Was it worth it?

And what if you take five minutes to avoid the boredom and responsibility and hardship of the day only to find at the end of those five minutes of avoidance, you are spiritually, morally, and emotionally less able to cope with the reality of the day?

Before you go to bed tonight, make some choices and some plans to free yourself from the candy addictions and the habits of avoidance that have been ruining the strengthening potential of your mornings.

Was it worth it?

What we want in our morning routine is to be filled with the Holy Spirit. We want something that gives us a zeal for the glory of Christ for the day‘s work. We want to be strengthened to face whatever the day may bring. We want something that gives us joyful courage to resolve to count others better than ourselves and pursue true greatness, like Jesus said, by becoming the servant of all (Matthew 20:26–28). That is our real agenda in the morning.

We Need Our Mornings Very few of us wake up strengthened to do all of those glorious things. So the new course for the morning, I think, is laid out in the Psalms.

O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. (Psalm 5:3) Let the first thing out of your mouth in the morning, while you are still on the pillow, be a cry to God: ―I love you, Lord. I need you, Lord. Help me, Lord.‖ That is the first cry out of my mouth in the morning. I need you again today. Then, prepare a sacrifice and watch. I think that sacrifice is my body and my attention devoted to him.

TONY REINKE Tony Reinke is a staff writer for Desiring God and the author of three books: Lit! A Christian Guide to Reading Books(2011), Newton on the Christian Life: To Live Is Christ (2015), and The Joy Project: A True Story of Inescapable Happiness (2015). He hosts the popular Ask Pastor John podcast, and lives in the Twin Cities with his wife and their three children. He also blogs attonyreinke.com.

81 Blessed Magazine April/May, 2016

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