How to Survive Valentine’s Day When You Are Single
M A G A Z I N E
February/March, 2019
Warning Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist The Lasting Impact of Abortion An Interview with Kelly Roy
How to Keep Family and Friends Out of Your Relationship
10 Simple Ways to Make Money in 2019
10 Things Never to Say to Your Adult Children
February/March, 2019 BLESSEDMAGAZINE.ORG
Martin Luther King Jr. The Legacy of ‘The Man’
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Contents February/March, 2019
Inside This Issue
Spiritual Wellness ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪
Warning Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist – 20 Evidence of God’s Hand in Your Life? – 25 Spending a Year Living Like Jesus – 28 How to Grow in Christ -- 31
73
Personal Wellness ▪ ▪ ▪
The Lasting Impact of Abortion: An Interview with Kelly Roy - 39 How to Survive Valentine’s Day When You Are Single – 44 Change Your Life in 30 Days -- 46
Relationships ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪
10 Things to Never Say to Your Adult Children – 52 How to Keep Family and Friends Out of Your Relationship – 58 Freedom From the Need for a Boyfriend – 61 Surviving the First Year After Losing a Loved One - 69
Also in this issue: ▪
▪ ▪ ▪ ▪
10 Simple Ways to Make Money in 2019 – 64 Sneaky Causes of Acne – 72 10 Effective Home Remedies for Skin Tightening – 77 How to Promote Optimal Hair Growth – 81 How to Look Good Without Make-up - 85
Martin Luther King Jr.
Regulars ▪ ▪ ▪
Editor’s Corner -15 Just For Fun - 87 Market Place - 90
13 | Blessed Magazine
The Legacy of ‘The Man’
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Editor’s Corner
Praise the Lord My Brothers and Sisters in Christ! First, I always give all glory and honor to my Lord Jesus Christ for without Him in my life, nothing I could ever do would amount to anything! With so much going on in our world today, I want to take this time to remind our readers to not lose faith in God. We might not understand what’s going on and may not agree with everything that’s happening, but we all should pray more for our leaders and trust God to do what He does best, govern every aspect related to our well being I want to personally thank all of our fans and readers for their continued support of this ministry which has continued to strive and for that I am grateful to our Lord,
Jesus Christ Our goal is to continue being a resource for Christians and others for years to come and with your support we can keep this publication available free of charge always on our digital platform Pray for us as we continue to pray for you and thank you for reading this issue of Blessed Magazine God bless you! Your Humble Servant in Christ,
Laraine Turner Editor-in-Chief 15 | Blessed Magazine
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Spiritual Wellness It’s sad to say, but not everyone who claims to be Christian is really a follower of Christ. Many are simply pursuing their own agendas, be it money, fame, or political influence. These false disciples come in many shapes and forms, but perhaps none is more dangerous as the Spiritual Narcissist. A Spiritual Narcissist is someone who uses the Gospel to build themselves up while they tear others down. If left unchecked, their actions can inflict devastating harm on both Christians and nonChristians alike. Below are 10 warning signs that you may be dealing with a Spiritual Narcissist:
Warning Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist by Ryan Duncan
They Constantly Reference Their Own Achievements The Spiritual Narcissist loves to self-promote. For them, every conversation is an opportunity to share just how superior they are to the average believer. They typically go about this by listing off their own achievements. You’ll hear them talk incessantly about their upcoming book, their latest blog post, sermon series, missions work, or that time they led someone to Christ. Scripture tells us not seek our own glory and to let our work stand on its own (Proverbs 27:2), but the Spiritual Narcissist will flaunt anything they believe might bring them praise. The best way for Christians to counter this display is to follow the example of Micah 6:8, live justly, show mercy, and walk humbly with the LORD your God 20 | Blessed Magazine
Spiritual Wellness They Invade Conversations The Spiritual Narcissist craves control, and their highest authority is always their own self-reference. As a result, it’s not uncommon for them to invade the personal or private conversations of others. They’ll often do this under the guise of “helping” or “correcting” fellow Christians, but they have no real interest in two-way dialogue. You’ll notice they also have a way of injecting their own opinions into situations, and are the first voice their complaints about recent events in the Church. The Bible warns that such people create division among believers and serve (*Image Credit:©madamenoire.com)
only their own appetites (Romans 16:17-18, Psalms 36:1-4). There’s no good way to speak with Spiritual Narcissists (Proverbs 26:4-5), the best response Christians can make is stand their ground and refuse to be bullied.
They Twist Scripture Susan B. Anthony once said, “I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires”. In the same way, a Spiritual Narcissist uses scripture as a tool for their purpose instead of God’s. They approach the Bible with a closed mind, memorizing only a handful of useful verses that will justify their behavior. Anything else, particularly scripture that conflicts with their actions, gets ignored. Like the men of Jude 1:4, they should not to be trusted.
The best defense Christians have against this kind of faulty theology is to simply read the Bible. The more familiar we become with God’s work, the more familiar we become with God.
They Profess Love, but Never Show It Perhaps the easiest way to identify a Spiritual Narcissist is to see if their works match their words. Many will claim they have nothing but love and compassion in their hearts for those they rebuke, but their actions prove otherwise. Matthew 7 teaches us that we can judge a prophet by the fruit of his labors, “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.” So, what kind 21 | Blessed Magazine
Spiritual Wellness of harvest do they bring to God’s table? Division? Disdain? Cruelty? Love is more than words, love is actions. That’s what separates the true Christian from the Spiritual Narcissist.
They Talk, but They Don’t Listen Listening can be a powerful tool for Christians. Listening builds trust, creates empathy, and fosters understanding among individuals. James 1:19 even urges believers to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. The Spiritual Narcissist, by contrast, is quick to speak, quick to take offense, and incapable of listening. They enjoy being the loudest one in the room, and the idea of deferring to someone else galls them. A true Christian listens to others, even when they might not agree with them. Listening requires that we be selfless, which is the one thing a Spiritual Narcissist can never be.
and Ahab king of Israel join forces to wage war against a neighboring adversary. However, before they depart Jehoshaphat decides to inquire upon the Lord for guidance. Four hundred prophets parade in front of the kings proclaiming victory is at hand, but Jehoshaphat isn’t convinced. When asked whether there is still a disciple of the Lord they can speak with, Ahab reluctantly admits, “There is still one prophet through whom we can inquire of the LORD, but I hate him because he never prophesies anything good about me, but always bad. He is Micaiah son of Imlah.” Like Ahab, the Spiritual Narcissist lives in their own personal echo chamber. They surround themselves with indiviguals who will always affirm their existing preconceptions or opinions. Don’t make the same mistake. A wise Christian knows the right answer isn’t always the popular one.
They Refuse To Acknowledge Their Mistakes
They Live In Echo Chambers
No one likes admitting they were wrong. It’s a humbling (and let's be honest, sometimes embarrassing) experience, but accepting responsibility for your mistakes is the first step towards real maturity. Naturally, the Spiritual Narcissist will have none of it. Even when confronted with insurmountable evidence, the Spiritual Narcissist will continue to defend their actions as right. For them, it’s not about the greater good, it’s about protecting their self-image.
In 1 Kings 22, Jehoshaphat king of Judah
Humility is a precious gift. It allows us to
(*Image Credit:avoiceformen.com)
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Spiritual Wellness learn from our mistakes, recognize our faults, and grow into better people because of it. Take some advice from Philippians 3:13, accept what you’ve done wrong and strive to live for what comes ahead!
They Tear Others Down
humility and wisdom for God's anointed rulers (1 Samuel 24). What about Peter? He spent his life testifying to Christ’s resurrection and building bridges of fellowship between strangers (Acts 10). Unlike the Spiritual Narcissist, a true leader knows their duty is to serve, not be served.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 reads, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”. A Spiritual Narcissist prefers to do the opposite. Rather than serving as a source of inspiration, the Spiritual Narcissist enjoys being a voice of derision. They’re quick to criticize others for their perceived failings, and frequently cause mischief by enflaming arguments amongst believers. In short, they build their sense of worth by tearing others down.
Scripture tells us the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). A disciple of Jesus should be known for what they build, not for what they break.
They Lead By Force, Not Example A Spiritual Narcissist makes for the worst kind of leader. They’re petty, uncompromising, spiteful, and controlling. Heaven help the ministry which falls under their stewardship. By comparison, great leaders have always inspired their followers by example. They correct others without humiliating them, mentor those who need growth, and weigh their words carefully before speaking.
Take David, who despite his faults, showed
(*Image Credit:@ThinkstockSlphotography)
They Ultimately Put God Second An expert in the law once asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was. His reply, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’” – Matthew 22:37-40 Many Christians know this verse by heart, but the meaning behind Christ’s words goes much farther than we realize. Not only is Jesus calling believers to love God with all their heart, he’s telling them our faithfulness is affirmed by our love for our neighbors. To put it simply: we can only love God if we’re unselfish. A Spiritual Narcissist will always put God second. Whether it’s by neglecting
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Spiritual Wellness Christ’s commands, or how they treat their neighbors, pride will always make a person spiritually toxic. Don’t let yourself miss out on God’s amazing plan by being a Spiritual Narcissist. END
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Spiritual Wellness
Evidence of God’s Hand in Your Life? By Compelling Truth
God's hand is always moving, meaning He is always at work, in our lives because God is sovereign over all life. Man may make plans but it is God who determines his steps (Proverbs 16:9). God's sovereign reign extends from the rise and fall of kings and nations to the very numbering of our days and hairs on our heads (Proverbs 21:1; Job 12:23; Psalm 47:8; Psalm 139:16; Matthew 10:30). In the life of a Christian, God's hand is not only always moving, but is always moving for the believer's ultimate good. This does not mean that all things that happen to a believer are good in themselves, but that God works them all together for good (Romans 8:28). This can be difficult to understand until one realizes that the ultimate good for a believer is not external earthly comfort but internal conformity to the image of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). 25 | Blessed Magazine
Spiritual Wellness Two of the most important ways in which we can see God's hand move in our lives are through His Word and His Spirit. God's Word applied by God's Spirit is the means of our faith, regeneration, and growth in grace (Romans 10:17; John 3:8; 2 Timothy 3:16– 17). It is through the preaching of the gospel and the power of the Spirit that God moves most powerfully in our lives to save us (Romans 1:16). It is by His Word and Spirit that we are called, justified, adopted, sanctified, and will one day be glorified (Romans 8:15; Romans 8:30; 1 Corinthians 6:11).
aid; I'll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
God's hand is also at work in the trials, temptations, and hardships of our lives (James 1:2–4). He uses these difficulties as a refiner of gold uses a furnace, to remove impurities (1 Peter 1:6–7). In love, God disciplines His children in order to bring about their holiness (Hebrews 12:6–11). God afflicts us so that we will learn His ways and learn to depend on Him (Psalm 119:67), our ultimate good.
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose I will not, I will not desert to its foes; that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I'll never, no, never, no never forsake!“
The following hymn, How Firm a Foundation, Ye Saints of the Lord, is a beautiful reminder of how God's hand moves in the life of a believer: "How firm a foundation you saints of the Lord, is laid for your faith in his excellent Word!
When through the deep waters I call you to go, the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow, for I will be with you in trouble to bless, and sanctify to you your deepest distress. When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie, my grace all-sufficient shall be your supply; the flame shall not hurt you; I only design your dross to consume and your gold to refine.
In summary, we can see God's hand moving in our lives when the Spirit of God opens our hearts and minds to the truth of His Word. We can see God's hand in His providential blessings, including the deep waters of sorrow and the fiery trials of affliction. Ultimately, we can see God's hand moving most clearly when we see His Son, Jesus Christ, who has been revealed to those who love God. For, it is Jesus Christ who is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature (Hebrews 1:3), and it is through Jesus that God speaks to us today (Hebrews 1:2). END
What more can he say than to you he has said, to you who for refuge to Jesus have fled? Fear not, I am with you, O be not dismayed, for I am your God, and will still give you 26 | Blessed Magazine
Question: Do You Know
Jesus?
Spiritual Wellness We were made to be like Jesus— but how is that different than trying to be like Buddha or Confucius? How is Christianity different from other religions that tell people to imitate a highly respected role model? It is different in several ways. First, most religions teach some form of works as the path of salvation—saying the right prayers, doing the right things, hoping it will be enough. They imply that people can be good enough if they try hard enough.
Spending a Year
Sam Storms
Living Like Jesus By Michael Morrison
But Christianity teaches that we all need grace because we cannot be good enough no matter how hard we try. The point of grace, and of Jesus’ sacrifice, is that no amount of good works or religious deeds can ever save anyone. If such a path could have been designed, then God would have done it (Galatians 3:21). The Christian gospel teaches that no one can earn salvation, and yet it is available to all, because Jesus gives it to us. Second, most religions tell us to change our behavior, and they expect us to supply all the effort. Christianity says that God himself will supply the power we need to change our lives. We humans have gotten ourselves into this mess, and we can’t rescue ourselves. The power of salvation must come from God. We are not trying to transform ourselves into the image of Christ—we want to let God do it in us. The Bible describes this as the Holy Spirit living in us, God living in us, or Jesus Christ living in us. The power to change our behavior comes from him, not from within ourselves. It is his work, not anything we can take credit for. Third, most religions motivate people through threats and desire for reward. Christianity motivates us through grace and love. We obey God not out of fear, but out of love and thankfulness for what he has done. And we are confident that he has given us the best instructions possible on how to live. Christianity says that we were created for a purpose, and that purpose is eternal happiness living with a supremely loving God (Psalm 16:11). Jesus is not just an example of how we ought to live— 28 | Blessed Magazine
Spiritual Wellness he is also an example of what salvation means. He lives in eternal glory, and says that we can join him in that glory, if we trust him. SPIRITUAL GROWTH Over the centuries, Christians have found several ways to let God do his work in our lives. God does not force us to love him— love by definition has to be willingly given; it cannot be programmed into us or forced out of us. We have to choose it. God works in us as we submit to him. “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Philippians 2:13). How do we invite God to do his work in our lives? How do we become more like Jesus Christ? In several ways: In worship, we are reminded of God’s greatness, his mercy and his desire to do good in our lives. We are reminded that we can trust him and that we depend on him, just as Jesus did. In prayer, we acknowledge that we depend on God, and we ask him for the help we need—needs such as food, intervention, and spiritual change. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6). In Bible study, we read and think about the works and words of God. Jesus studied Scripture and used its words to help him resist temptations (Matthew 4:1-11). He said that humans do “not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of
God” (verse 4). Spiritual life needs spiritual nourishment. In the church, we interact with other people in the same Christ-focused training program. We learn from our interactions about how to express love, and we grow in appreciation for people who have talents and abilities different from our own. Jesus created the church not just to preach the gospel, but to help us grow, because that is also part of his work and purpose. In service, in helping others, we act the way Jesus would. We learn by experience that service gives us more life satisfaction than selfishness does. Being involved in the work of God is the most satisfying feeling of all, for it will be of eternal value. When we die, we can’t take physical things with us, but we can take relationships. TOIL AND TROUBLE In the day-to-day experiences of life, we have opportunities to learn to be like Jesus, to choose to be patient, to be considerate, to help others, to pray. On the job and in our homes, Jesus has something to say about what we do. What about the trials and difficulties of life? We wish they’d go away, but Jesus never promised that. Instead, he promised us problems: “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). “No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also” (John 15:20). God uses our difficulties as opportunities for us to learn. Even Jesus had to experience troubles. “Although he was a son, he learned
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Spiritual Wellness obedience from what he suffered” (Hebrews 5:8). If even Jesus had to learn through suffering, we can expect it to be part of our training program, too.
comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (verse 18). We can be confident, even in our trials, that God has something wonderful planned for us. Our trials are only temporary, but the glory will last forever! ENEMIES OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH The Bible warns us that several things can stifle the work God is doing in our lives. We can resist those enemies, but it will take some effort.
We will experience problems in life whether or not we follow Jesus. Our choice is not whether to have problems, but whether we learn from those problems. Do we react to them the way Jesus would, or do we become bitter and seek revenge? We learn more about love when we love people who are hard to love; we learn more about forgiveness when people sin against us. Our character is shaped more like Jesus not so much in good times, but in difficult times. We do not always understand why God allows people to suffer. We may not see any good in it, or any lesson to learn. But God assures us that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). We may not know how—we just have to trust him. Whatever the trial, we can at least be assured of this: “Our present sufferings are not worth
In Luke 8, Jesus told a story about seeds in different types of soil. In his story, the seed represented the word of God (verse 11). Some people receive the gospel message with joy. “They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away” (verse 13). They expected Christianity to be smooth sailing, but that is not what Jesus promises. “When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away” (Matthew 13:21). Another group of people are like seeds that fell among weeds. Although the message of Jesus began to grow in their lives, it was eventually choked out by weeds. “As they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature” (Luke 8:14). Some people are so distracted by the things of this world, that they fail to think about eternal life. The gospel has no results in their lives because they ignore it—they are too “busy” to give eternity any time. Either they are amusing themselves with wealth, or they are frustrating themselves trying to get
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Spiritual Wellness wealth (see also 1 John 2:16-17). Either way, they don’t give God any time. They are choosing mortal life instead of eternal life. However, some people respond well to the message: “The seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by perseverance produce a crop” (Luke 8:15). Perseverance helps us grow and produce fruit. Our choices make a difference in what the gospel does in our lives.
How to Grow in Christ By Tom Smith
Image Credit: pumcfortmill.org
Have you ever asked yourself this question? We need to value the eternal life that Jesus offers us—and we need to act like it is more valuable than the temporary rewards of this mortal life. We should love God more than we love money, physical pleasures, or the success that this world offers. Those things are temporary, so we need to keep our eyes on the goal of eternal life, with eternal pleasures and eternal significance. We have a choice. If we want a meaningful life, a satisfying life, an enjoyable life, then we need to look to Jesus as our model, and as the power that can change our life. God wants us to live forever in love and joy, and we need to trust him to do the work that he has already begun. He’s the one who created us to be “in his own image”; he’s the one who sent Jesus to guarantee it for us; we can be sure that he will finish his work in our lives. Trust him, and open your life to let him work more powerfully! END Question: Do You Know
Jesus?
Whether you have been a Christian for many years or just recently received the Lord Jesus, it’s very important to know how to grow in Christ. Unfortunately, improving behavior, increasing Bible knowledge, or developing spiritual gifts may become distractions from real growth in Christ. The real growth in Christ is the increase of God’s life in you. For example, the believers in Corinth were very much for knowledge and gifts, but the Apostle Paul told them that they were “infants in Christ”—short of the real growth in God’s life (1 Cor. 3:1-2). So if you’re longing for growth in Christ, I hope you’ll keep reading… The First Way To Grow In Christ Is To Love Him. Loving the Lord Jesus is the first step we need to take in order to grow in our Christian life.
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Spiritual Wellness That’s because the divine life we receive when we believe the gospel is actually this living Christ in us. There is now such a wonderful Person in us! And there is no other way deal with a person but by love. The Gospel of John is the gospel of life showing the way to receive Christ, to be reborn as a child of God (1:12-13). It also stresses that after we believe in the Lord to receive God’s life, we need to love the Lord Jesus. In John 21:15-17, the Lord Jesus, in His resurrection, came to Peter and asked him three times:
Each day, we need to tell the Lord Jesus that we love Him—at least in the morning and at night. Start and end each day by telling the Lord that you love Him. It’s also very helpful to sing out our love for Christ with hymns or spiritual songs. The Second Way To Grow In Christ Is By Confession And Clearance. As we’re enjoying an intimate love for the Lord, we’ll often sense the need to confess and clear up things that separate us from Him. In Practical Lessons on the Experience of Life, Witness Lee points out that,
“Simon, do you love Me?’ Today, the Lord may be calling us by name and saying the same thing—“Do you love Me?”
“The more we love the Lord, the more we sense our failures, shortcomings, weaknesses, and wrongdoings.” (p. 203)
The Song of Songs, a poetic portrayal of the Christian life in four progressive stages, begins with love.
This isn’t some kind of introspection. It’s simply the issue of loving the Lord. We have an increased consciousness of our need to confess to Him anything that darkens our conscience.
The king’s lover begins by saying, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine” (S.S. 1:2)
Lee goes on to say,
Our Christian life is actually a romantic love story and we need to build up a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus. We simply need to come to Him saying, “Lord Jesus, kiss me with the kisses of Your mouth. Show me Your love that I may love You. Lord be merciful to me and grant me an affectionate love for You.”
“We need to pray that the Lord would grant us love for Him. Then we must be faithful to make a thorough dealing with the Lord.” You may want to pray, “Lord Jesus, I love You and I want to have nothing negative between me and You. Lord, I like to confess all my sins, failures, and trespasses so that You can grow freely in me.” Continued page 34
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Spiritual Wellness The Third Way To Grow In Christ Is To Know And Exercise Your Spirit
The Fourth Way To Grow In Christ Is To Always Stay In Contact With The Lord
After we begin to love the Lord and confess those things that separate us from Him, there is a further step. We need to know and exercise our spirit.
We need to be so simple to love the Lord Jesus, deal thoroughly with Him, and exercise our spirit. In this way we’ll be able to stay in contact with Him–living by Him, living in Him, and living with Him in everything.
Sadly, many diligent, devoted believers have missed this matter. We may love the Lord very much and even do our best to deal with negative things that separate us from Him.
A further quote from this chapter says,
However, if we don’t know the difference between our soul and our spirit, we may know a lot of Bible doctrines but with little or no growth in the Lord’s life. So we need to know our spirit and exercise our spirit. To have the real exercise of our spirit depends on our love for the Lord and our pure conscience. Lee says further in this chapter, “If we do not have a love for the Lord, we cannot exercise our spirit. Likewise, if we constantly have something accusing us in our conscience, we are finished with the exercise of the spirit. To exercise the spirit requires a love for the Lord and a pure conscience. After we have love and a pure conscience, we must learn the lesson of always exercising our spirit.” (p. 205) “Build up a habit to exercise your spirit starting first thing each morning. Call on the name of the Lord, pray, pray-read His Word, and sing to Him. Practicing in this way will help you to exercise your spirit to grow in Christ more each day.”
Image Credit: discoverunion.org
“Only one thing avails: learn to love the Lord, deal with Him thoroughly, exercise your spirit, and contact Him. Then you will grow.” (p. 209) It may be good to turn this word into your personal prayer saying, “Lord Jesus, make me so simple to experience You as my life every day. Draw me to love You. Enlighten me to deal thoroughly with any obstacles to Your life in me. Show me how to exercise my spirit all the time to contact You so that You can grow freely in me.” END
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Question: Do You Know
Jesus?
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Personal Wellness
The Lasting Impact of Abortion:
An Interview with Kelly Roy By Erin Davis
In 2008, Revive Our Hearts featured a series on abortion. Kelly Roy was one of three individuals interviewed by Nancy Leigh DeMoss as part of that series. I thought Kelly’s story was especially compelling because she is a Christian who was raised in a Christian home and yet when faced with an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 20, she decided to have an abortion. Kelly’s story may not be as unique as you’d think. Researchers estimate that as many as 1 in 5 women who have an abortion are Christians. I see this as an important point of conversation for us here on the blog. I asked Kelly for an in-depth interview. Her honest answers are a powerful reminder of the gravity of this issue. Take a look. Erin: Please tell me a little bit about your
home life growing up. What was your family situation? Kelly: My parents were married and still are to this day. I was the middle daughter of three girls and basically grew up in the church. We started attending when I was seven and have gone to the same church ever since. It wasn’t an unhappy home, quite the opposite actually. I had a good relationship with my parents; I did tend to be closer to my dad- probably because we are so much alike. Erin: How old were you when you made a personal decision to accept Christ? Kelly: I remember it very clearly. I was seven years old and I remember my pastor standing at the pulpit giving an alter call for anyone who wanted to accept Jesus as their
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Personal Wellness Savior…I remember making my way up there because I wanted Jesus in my heart.
spiritually, initially and then later as you began to heal?
Erin: What circumstances led up to your choice to have an abortion?
Kelly: I became numb when I was sitting in the waiting room, in my gown, waiting for my turn. I sat there crying out to God because I didn’t want to do this, but I was scared not to. Once you are in a place like that it is very difficult to get out, I was convinced by those working at the abortion facility that I was doing the right thing and they knew exactly what to say to confirm my fears. Before I even went into the procedure room I became numb and couldn’t feel anything emotionally. The procedure was painful – in more ways than one and two days after the procedure while I was at home, I passed my baby. I was numb still from two days earlier, but when I saw the baby (91/2- 10 weeks along) I went into a state of shock.
Kelly: Many, and it’s interesting how they form around you before you even realize it. I had stopped going to church when I was fifteen and decided to let boys pursue me instead of pursuing God. I became sexually active at 16 years old (in long term relationships) and by the time I was eighteen I gave birth to my daughter (as a senior in high school.) At twenty I was pregnant again from a long time boyfriend and that’s when the issue of abortion came up, it had never come up with my daughter, and fear seized me. I was not living at home at the time and was not surrounded by positive pro-life people, including the father of the baby. Erin: What lies do you think that you believed that caused you to make that choice? Kelly: Honestly, I wouldn’t have acknowledged it then, but I didn’t want my boyfriend to leave me. The clincher though, was when someone said to me, “Your parents forgave you the first time you got pregnant, and do you really think they’ll forgive you again?” I didn’t want to disappoint my parents and cause them to be upset with me. It’s amazing the lies that surround you when you are in a situation like that. You cannot see clearly. Erin: How did that decision impact you
Nine months later my breaking point came and my parents were some of the ones who helped me greatly, especially when I broke down and cried heavily for hours- they were there with me. I had to deal with the guilt, anger and many other aspects of how it had affected me. I had to face what I had done and it wasn’t easy, but God was there with me, forgave me and started me down a path of healing. Erin: How did the Lord restore your heart after your abortion? Kelly: It was a process and an unpleasant one at times. The first step was to seek God’s forgiveness, which He readily gives, and then I had to forgive myself. One very important aspect of healing is that many
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Personal Wellness women believe they are healed when they repent, but they have to go through a healing process. I had to allow God to minister to my heart and all the pain and emotions that I needed to go through. I had to grieve, what I had done and what I had lost. At one point I remember dealing with anger that I had been robbed of my child and that I let it happen. The Lord is good and is gentle. I always recommend a bible study like Forgiven and Set Free, or even Rachel’s Vineyard because you need the word of God to bring healing and a support system. Erin: I recently read that somewhere around 20% of women who choose to have abortions are born-again Christians. In addition to the lies you believed when you found yourself choosing abortion, what other lies have you encountered when speaking to post-abortive Christian women? Kelly: Being a Christian woman who is pregnant, the evidence of how you have been secretly living is now for all to see, so many girls believe they have to abort to escape shame, but it actually throws them into a deeper and more complex level of shame. They believe they will be shunned, unforgivable and the list goes on. We as the body of Christ need to offer the hand of forgiveness and help to these girls.
2. Having a speaker come and share her testimony in your church or on your campus to bring truth and healing through Operation Outcry or Campus Outcry 3. Volunteering at a pregnancy center 4. Operation Outcry/ Campus Outcry have a project to collect One Million Voices of those hurt by abortion and you don’t have to be post-abortion to help us. Erin: What would you say to the girls reading this interview to encourage them to commit to never choose abortion themselves? Kelly: The commitment starts with realizing how valuable they are- how valuable all life is and to wait for marriage. Abortion is never the answer and there is always someone out there to help. I encourage every girl to never have an abortion because it doesn’t end a problem; it begins a lifetime long problem. Abortion is like a tree planted right in the middle of your life and the roots go out and touch every part of your life and only the Lord can remove that tree and all it’s roots. So don’t choose to plant abortion in your life, it only reaps pain. END
Erin: Many of the girls on this blog have expressed that they feel helpless to do anything about this issue. What are some practical ways they can make a difference in their own communities?
Used with permission from www.LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com
Kelly: There are many ways to help. 1. Prayer initiatives like Bound 4 Life or 40 Days for Life
Jesus?
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Question: Do You Know
Personal Wellness If you’re single, and actively looking for a relationship, then February is quite literally the worst month of the year. You can’t even walk into a supermarket without being bombarded by hearts, flowers, and helium balloons covered with the dreaded ‘L word’. If you’re single, Valentine’s Day sucks … there are no two ways about it. But there are five ways you can make the day a lot more fun, regardless of your single status.
mean that you can’t spend Valentine’s Day with someone you love. Make plans with your parents, siblings or best friends. Remind yourself how tough it can be to pin some people down when they’re in a relationship, and celebrate the fact that you have time to devote to the other people in your life who you love. Don’t be afraid to ask people what they are doing – you’ll be surprised how many couples don’t do anything special on Valentine’s Day.
SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE
ASK ‘WHAT MAKES ME SPECIAL?’
There are lots of people in our live who we love. A significant other is just one of those people. Just because you don’t currently have a boyfriend or girlfriend at doesn’t
We all need a bit of a pick me up at times, and if you’re single, February can be a really tough month. If you feel yourself getting down, make a concerted effort to raise your
How to Survive Valentine’s Day When You Are Single By Charly Lester
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Personal Wellness self-esteem. Firstly, sit down and write a list of all the things that make you special. What are you proud of? What things in your life make you smile? Next, repeat the exercise with a trusted friend or two. Admit that you’re feeling down, and talk about it. A problem shared really is a problem halved, and a good friend will be able to tell you about the reasons he or she thinks you are special. DON’T SPEND THE EVENING ALONE Of all the nights of the year, Valentine’s Day is one you really don’t want to spend alone at home. If all your friends are busy, check out a cookery class, do some volunteer work, or head to a singles event. There are often a number of ‘anti-Valentine’s’ events on, and you’ll be surprised how many people head out alone. It may take you a bit of courage, but it’s a great reminder of how many other people are in the exact same boat as you. Sitting at home alone, you can feel like the only person in the world who isn’t in a relationship, but that really isn’t the case!
AVOID RESTAURANTS Quite simply, Valentine’s Day is the worst day of the year to eat out. Restaurants are chock-full of loved up couples, gazing into each other’s eyes, kissing over dessert, or awkwardly proposing in front of a room full of strangers. There is no point subjecting yourself to that atmosphere – it will only make you feel worse about your single status. If you can’t be bothered to cook, opt for a delivery service. Or if you really must eat out, go to the least romantic restaurant you can think of, and then giggle to yourself at any couples who have chosen the venue! TURN VALENTINE’S POSITIVE
DAY INTO A
The thing about Valentine’s Day is that there are quite literally hundreds of thousands of other single people feeling the exact same way you do. And as a result, January and February are the busiest time of year for new sign ups to online dating sites. Capitalize on this by signing up to a dating site, or going online more, if you already have a dating profile. New people sign up every day, so take some time to explore the site and chat to other people who are just like you. You are not alone! END
Question: Do You Know
Jesus? 45 | Blessed Magazine
Personal Wellness At some point in life, many if not most people will become dissatisfied with themselves. Whether the issue is professional plateaus, low self-esteem, or something else, people who want to lead healthier, happier lives need to implement strategies that will facilitate long-term change. HERE ARE WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 30 DAYS:
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END UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Once you decide to change your life in 30 days, make sure that you end unhealthy relationships. While accepting responsibility for your own well-being and happiness is important, it’s equally important to ensure that your external environment is conducive to holistic wellness. In many cases, people do not realize their ultimate potential because they are constantly surrounded by negative individuals who undermine them. If you know that there is someone in your life who consistently degrades you in a subtle or salient manner, find the strength within yourself to bring the relationship to an end. DEVELOP GOALS Another strategy you can implement to change your life is goal development. Consistently setting and realizing goals is known to improve an individual’s self-esteem, and this is why people who have decided to change their life for the better should tap into the power of regularly creating and accomplishing objectives. Make sure that your goals are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Specific. A sample goal would be “I will run for thirty minutes per day three times a week to lose three pounds per month.” 46 | Blessed Magazine
Personal Wellness KEEP A JOURNAL Once you decide that you want to change your life for better, it’s time to begin keeping a journal. The journal will help you vent negative emotions in a manner which does no harm to self or the people around you. Also note that journals are oftentimes the vehicle through which individuals attain deeper dimensions of self-knowledge. This is the case because the journal allows individuals to discuss issues, feelings, thoughts, and emotions that they may not feel comfortable sharing aloud. Also note that journaling is a writing enterprise, and writing consistently can optimize your cognitive processes so that you begin to consistently think in a more creative, critical manner.
the to-do list is two-fold. First, the lists enable you to see which activities are the most important, thereby helping you prioritize so that you’re accomplishing the most critical tasks first. Second, the to-do list allows you to physically or digitally cross off tasks once you’ve completed them. This factor will prevent confusion regarding whether you’ve actually done everything you need to do to keep your life going and growing.
OPTIMIZE YOUR EATING HABITS In many cases, an individual’s life is disappointing or merely mediocre in part because of their food habits. Note that the Standard American Diet (SAD) is comprised largely of processed foods. These chemicalladen items detract from general well-being in multiple ways. In addition to causing lethargy, they can precipitate weight gain and brain fog. This is why individuals who want to change their lives for the better should focus on optimizing their eating habits. Luckily, there are many ways that individuals can realize this objective. MAKE A TO-DO LIST If you really want to change your life for better, get in the habit of making a daily to-do list. This is a success strategy that many people have utilized to become more organized in their personal and/or professional lives. The power of
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MAINTAIN A GRATEFUL ATTITUDE As many researchers know, maintaining a grateful attitude towards the world can improve your life in many ways. For example, being grateful can empower you to retain a positive state of mind. This outcome is incredibly important in a world where negative thinking is prevalent. If negative thinking is not dealt with, it can lead to various diseases of the mind and body. Another reason that you should definitely focus on maintaining a grateful attitude is because doing so can connect you with other individuals who have chosen to adopt this disposition towards the world. Once this happens, you’ll find yourself constantly coming in contact with people who are
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Personal Wellness consciously looking for the good in themselves, other individuals, and the world at large. There are several ways that you can get the process of maintaining a grateful attitude underway. As noted by Chris Winfield, you could begin by creating a gratitude journal and developing a list of three things that you feel grateful for every day. STOP WATCHING TELEVISION If you really want to change your life, stop watching television. There are multiple negative effects that result from regular television consumption. For example, one study found that participants who watched over 3 hours of television each day were more likely to perform poorly on cognitive tests. Additionally, Psychology Today reports that prefrontal cortex activity decreases when individuals watch television. While the regions of the brain responsible for decision making, concentration, and self-control are hindered with television consumption, the practice also activates the amygdala. This emotional center can trigger problematic emotions such as aggression and anger while also fueling impulsive behavior. Giving up television may have a wide range of wonderful effects, including your ability to cultivate and maintain a calmer, more thoughtful way of being in the world. Note that there may also be a link between abandoning television and your ability to generate wealth. One research study indicates that most wealthy people watch television for an hour or less per day.
One final technique you can deploy to change your life in 30 days is by taking selfcare seriously. Because of the ongoing stress that many if not most people experience while working or socializing, it’s important to implement strategies that will help you limit the experience of anxiety while also cultivating a disposition of self-respect. Some of the self-care strategies that other people find beneficial include massage, yoga, and meditation. CHANGE YOUR LIFE NOW! There’s nothing quite as disheartening as waking up to realize that you’re dissatisfied with your life. Whether you’re experiencing a health issue, compromised self-esteem, or some other significant problem, feeling as if something is amiss can detract from your quality of life in numerous ways. Once people realize that they are no longer satisfied with the substance and scope of their personal or professional world, it’s time to start thinking about what they can do to begin moving forward. If you’re ready to change your life for better, know that the key to success is accessing and implementing strategies that will yield substantive results. You can begin to change your life now by implementing some or all of the simple strategies outlined in this article. END
TAKE SELF-CARE SERIOUSLY
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Question: Do You Know
Jesus?
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Relationships
10 Things to Never Say to Your Adult Children By Susan B. Mead
Image Credit: North Shore Family Services
Millennials… Emotions may be triggered by that one word for many. May I pose a question? Do you realize they are our legacy? The babe that babbles. The two-year old that toddles and tumbles. The teen that tests limits – and tempts fate. The young adult – the millennial – that begins “adulting” The older adult that is now parenting. What connects these statements? Children. They are our children. It’s our responsibility to mold and shape the next generation, one child at a time. Like every generation before them, the generation behind us needs to know one thing – they matter. Specifically that they matter to you, their parent. And our words matter – possibly more than we realize. There are things we need to say – and not say – to build confidence, esteem and self-respect at each stage of their lives. If we don’t support our children, who will? And where will they turn? And what will they turn to for solace when they cannot find it from us? 52 | Blessed Magazine
Relationships So many things can tear a person down, not all can be addressed in a single article. Let’s look at a few that have a powerful but negative impact on our kids. Like poison kills a person, poisonous words kill the spirit and soul of a person. Regardless of your age, what would you not want to hear your parents say to you? With that in mind, here are 10 things not to say to your adult children: I Wish I’d Never Had You. Death. My spirit is challenged just writing that sentence, yet so many people have heard that judgment rendered against them by one or both parents. God has something better to say about your child. Oh by the way, if your parents broke your spirit with spiteful words, every time you read the words your child, please replace it in your head with the word you. God created your child. He guided one particular egg and one particular sperm to connect to create one unique person. And God continues with His truth.
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 Never before and never since has that unique person, your child, walked this earth to do what God formed them to do. God set your child apart for some special assignment that only they can do. Thank You, O Mighty God!
You Were An Accident Whether it was a happy accident or an unhappy accident, your child hears “You don’t want me.” And the damage is done in four words. I speak from experience as I shared that casually in a conversation with my younger son when he was a teenager. He was SO VERY WELCOME when I learned the great news we were expecting him, yet what he heard was we didn’t want him. That broke his heart – and mine for unintentionally inflicting a wound. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. Psalm 139:15 And God watched as your child was formed and woven in the womb. That is no accident. And now the Lord speaks— the one who formed me in my mother’s womb to be his servant, who commissioned me to bring Israel back to him. The Lord has honored me, and my God has given me strength. Isaiah 49:5 God created your child to be His servant. God commissioned your child for a special task, He honors your child and gives your child strength. Did you know that? Does your child know it? You’ll Never Or You Can’t… The words that follow either of those two don’t matter as the walls have gone up and the mind has shut down in your child. Children don’t have the filters of not possible
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Relationships ingrained. Yet our children stop believing as they grow into adults. Remind your adult child that it’s CHRIST IN THEM that allows them to do anything and all things. That means yes, your child CAN! So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. 2 Thessalonians 1:11 Glory to God! His word says He will enable your child to accomplish ALL the good things your child’s faith prompts your child to do. So pray and encourage your child with this verse.
hand; I will trust reward.” Isaiah 49:4
God
for
my
Have you heard your child say that their work seems so useless?! Even Isaiah felt useless and worthless, yet he determined to trust the Lord. Even God’s mighty prophet felt useless, yet chose to trust God for his reward. Teach your child this worthwhile lesson. I’m Too Busy… I pray all you meant was you were too busy for that one moment…yet what does your child hear – regardless of their age or how many times they hear this statement? You’re too busy to bother carving out time for them. They don’t matter to you. You have other priorities, and it does not include your child. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 Ask yourself this question – what is God’s perfect will regarding how you spend your time with your family?
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You’re Worthless…
God says otherwise. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 God’s plans are for the good of your child. I replied, “But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5 Your heritage. Do not put yourself to shame by abandoning your child with your busyness. I’m preaching to myself here too!
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Relationships You see, many years ago, my dad was too busy to come see my new house 10 minutes from the airport during a layover. I was so hurt that Dad didn’t make time for me, especially when he made time to visit another sibling the following week. Learn from someone else’s parenting mistake.
For your adult child who has an issue with a food, an eating disorder or is chronically under or overweight, your words can either lift them up or let them down. Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
You Must Do And Be… When you encourage achievement and perfection in such a demanding way that your child feels pressured beyond reasonable bounds, the potential exists to virtually destroy your adult child’s drive – and their desire to live. Your child learns that NOTHING they do pleases or satisfies you. Their response may become “why bother?” And we have seen the suicide rates climb nearly 30 percent among Americans ages 35-64 from 1999 to 2010 and reach a 30 year high in 2016. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 Instruct and encourage your child in the Lord’s ways. Teach them who they are and Whose they are – even as adults.
Choose words that help your child heal. A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 Be good medicine for your adult child. Serve them gracious words. Get Out Of My Life. Never Come Back Here Here’s what God’s word says. Get out of my life, you evil-minded people, for I intend to obey the commands of my God. Psalm 119:115 Get out you evil-minded people – I pray that is not your child. Do choose to obey the commands of God.
Everyone has sinned and fallen short of God’s glorious standard, Romans 3:23
I have asked the LORD for one thing--this is what I desire! I want to live in the LORD's house all the days of my life, so I can gaze at the splendor of the LORD and contemplate in his temple. Psalm 27:4
Newsflash! Perfection is not humanly possible – except for Jesus. And even Jesus was giving the choice to make for Himself – not My will, but Yours…
Your child has one house where he or she is always welcome – the house of the Lord. Never Tell Anyone About
You’re Too Fat – Or Skinny A secret can literally wrap your child’s mind
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Relationships in chains regardless of their age. Immobilizing. Controlling. Damaging. Destroying. Life. For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all. Luke 8:17 What is done “in the dark” will come to light. Light heals as Jesus is The Light of the Lord. Healer. Redeemer. Savior and King. For everything hidden is meant to be revealed, and everything concealed is meant to be brought to light. Mark 4:22 I Hate You God is good all the time – hold that in your right hand. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy – hold that in your left hand. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. God is love… 1 John 4:8 and 1 John 4:16
I frequently share the illustration and verses above to help people SEE good and evil in everyday living – they can think of what they experience and determine either good or evil. I believe if you know love you know God. Help your child seek Him while He may be found for an even richer, deeper and more meaningful relationship filled with faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is love. END 56 | Blessed Magazine
Relationships
How to Keep Family and Friends Out of Your Relationship By Rhonda Growing up, I’m sure we’ve all heard, “blood is thicker than water,” and “when all else fails you’ll always have your family”. I believe this instills the message that family ties aren’t supposed to be broken. In my opinion, one of the reasons why relationships turn sour is because family members know too much of your business. There’s no one to blame but yourself for this. Stop complaining to your relatives about what’s going on in your love life. Your relationship and its workings are no one’s business. Do your best to minimize all outside commentary or as we would say in the islands, “MELEE!“.
“EVERYONE IS NOT IN YOUR CORNER AND ARE NOT ROOTING FOR YOU! SOME PEOPLE WILL TRY TO CONVINCE YOU THAT SMALL ISSUES ARE BIG AND THAT DEAL BREAKERS ARE OKAY.” 58 | Blessed Magazine
Relationships When people ask you how your significant other is or how your marriage is going, do not take this as the opportunity to air all your dirty laundry (she never cleans the house, he is a lazy good for nothing, etc.). Those questions are not an open door for a boyfriend-bashing session or a rant about your wife. If there are problems going on that you want honest opinions on, talk to someone whom you absolutely trust. Your relatives should show basic respect for the person you are in a relationship with. If anyone tries to take a dig or hit below the belt, let them know right away that their behavior is unacceptable. Plain and simple, let the person making disrespectful comments know they’re being rude and you won’t entertain such childish behavior. I’ve found that relatives try to create havoc in your relationship when they feel like they are being left out and like they are going to lose you. Give your significant other and relatives opportunities to spend time together. Men… don’t expect your mother to love your girlfriend and accept her with open arms when she doesn’t really know her. Also, if you know your mother or spouse said something foul about the other person, stop telling them. Even more important maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship if your significant other is talking foul about your mother. This is totally unacceptable!
goes wrong in their relationships. This creates a burden on your family because now they feel like they have to choose sides. 9 out of 10 times they will chose the side of their relative. Then when things get better in the relationship and you get back together your family is still angry and upset over something you’ve already moved on from. Another no, no, is sharing too much on social media. There is such a thing as oversharing. Tweeting your frustrations like our No. 45 (lol) is a big no-no. Changing your status on Facebook from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” every other month is simply begging for trouble. I’ve seen some down right trifling behavior on Facebook when relationships end. SIDE NOTE: It’s no one’s business who your “dating” and that information should not be on social media. You don’t want to be that chic or dude who has a new Boo every six months. All relationships have there ups and downs, let me emphasize ALL (lol). There should be a line that neither person would dare cross when there is an argument or disagreement. If it’s common for your spouse to cause havoc that involves the whole neighborhood knowing you had a fall out, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. Communication between couples is vital. When you confide in each other, there really is no need to confide in someone else. END
I find that women like to go crying into the arms of their relatives for everything that 59 | Blessed Magazine
Question: Do You Know
Jesus?
Relationships
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Relationships
Freedom From the Need for a Boyfriend By Erin Davis
Image Credit: Develop Good Habits
Let me introduce you to my friend, Brita. She is active in the youth group my husband pastors. She sings in the praise team, she loves to use her acting talent for God’s glory, and she is gifted at hospitality. She’s awesome! But for years she struggled with the ramifications of believing the lie “I need a boyfriend.” The good news is Lies Young Women Believe played an important role in exposing this lie in Brita’s life and pointing her toward truth. Since I know this group of readers well enough to realize it’s likely a few of you are wrestling with this lie as well, I invited Brita to share her story. It is a story of great hope. Erin: What helped you realize that you were believing the lie “I need a boyfriend”? Brita: I really think that it was reading Lies Young Women Believe for the first time. I read the chapter about guys, and it was like a lightning bolt just struck me. I mean, so much of what was said there was stuff that I thought to myself quite a bit. I mean, I was content just hanging out with my friends, but at the same time, I felt that I wasn’t “normal” because I didn’t have something that all of my friends have had at one time or another. I’m still sort of struggling with that craving for romance in my life, but I’m trying to let God take control and be patient.
Erin: What were the consequences of believing that lie? 61 | Blessed Magazine
Relationships Brita: I’ve always been boy crazy, to a certain extent. That was something my family told me I was from an early age, so it was sort of ingrained in my mind as something I was supposed to be. When I was 16, I convinced myself that I was in love with a guy from my youth group, and I struggled with that for a year. When I told him how I felt, I didn’t realize that he was in a relationship and, despite what I told myself, I really did want him to tell me he felt the same way. When that didn’t happen (and he was amazingly kind to me about the whole thing), I was very hurt, and I allowed myself to become bitter and hateful. I almost lost him as a friend, and that made me realize how good I’d had it. We’re all right now, but it really made me realize how far I’d fallen into that obsession with having a boyfriend. Erin: What specific truths from God’s Word have helped you overcome this lie? Brita: Well, in the book, it talks about how in Song of Solomon it says three times, “Do not awaken love before it so desires.” It was like God was saying it to me specifically. I also talked to a friend who had gone through sort of the same thing. Since she was older and had more experience with these things, she had gone through the same things and it was such a help to talk to someone who knew how I was feeling and what I was going through.
of the week” infatuation. I also think that I’m able to focus more fully on God now that I’m not always thinking, Is he looking at me? Does he like me?, etc. It’s very refreshing to be in worship and focus on God alone. Erin: What advice would you give to a friend who you thought was basing her sense of worth on attention from guys? Brita: I think it all comes down to “I’m not (insert adjective here) enough.” And it’s important to realize that God made you in His image. Louisa May Alcott once said, “If God had wanted me other than I am, He would have made me so.” God made you as a masterpiece, so even though your sin separates you from Him, you are still beautiful in His eyes. You also need to know that God has someone special and amazing who you were made for, who will love and respect you unconditionally and take care of you. When your mate comes along, God will tell you, so you don’t need to worry about dating, because God will provide. END
Erin: How has exposing this lie changed your life? Brita: It’s made me less focused on guys, definitely. I’m happier, because I’m not constantly brooding over my newest “flavor 62 | Blessed Magazine
Finance Want to make money quickly in 2019? If so, you’ve come to the right place. There are many opportunities for you to make money in 2019. However, that doesn’t mean that they’re all legit. Some opportunities to make money are scams. I’ll help you avoid scams and show you real ways to make money in 2019. In this article, I’m going to show you the best ways for you to make money in 2019. Get Paid To Do Tasks There are numerous websites out there that will pay you to do simple tasks. Doing tasks online is one of the easiest ways to make money online in 2019. Websites that you can use to get paid for doing tasks include Task Rabbit, Zaarly, Fiverr, Amazon Mechanical Turk, CrowdFlower, EasyShift, Field Agent, GigWalk, Fancy Hands, Spare5, and Humanatic. Webinars One of the easiest ways to make a lot of money is by creating a webinar. You could create your own webinar and show your audience what you’re good at. If you have a skill that you have expert knowledge of, you’ll realize that there’s a lot of people who would love to learn from you. So, a webinar will allow you to bring in additional income. Webinars are very useful in educating others, so if your webinar provides value, people won’t have any problem paying for it. So, a webinar is an excellent way for you to make easy money in 2019.
Amazon Flex 64 | Blessed Magazine
Finance You could make money by delivering packages for Amazon. According to Amazon, you could make $18-$25 an hour. With Amazon Flex, you can be your own boss by working on your own terms. Amazon is one of the largest companies in the world, so you can’t go wrong with working for them. Slice The Pie Slice The Pie is the largest paid to review site. You can money in 2019 with Slice The Pie by writing reviews. The reviews that you write will be about music. You will get paid to listen to music and write reviews so that you can help artists improve their songs. So, if you love to listen to music, then you’re going to love Slice The Pie! Become A Virtual Assistant
could make up to $16 an hour as a virtual assistant. To work as a virtual assistant, all you need is a laptop and a microphone, and you’re good to go. Sell Stuff That You Don’t Need You might be surprised at all the stuff that you have laying around the house that you don’t need. I’m talking about clothes as well as electronics. So, if you don’t need it, just sell it. You could have a yard sale; I’m sure you’ll be able to make a good amount of money by selling stuff that you don’t need. Teach Online If you’re a teacher and have some extra time around the house, you should think about becoming an online teacher. As an online teacher, you could make $20 an hour or more, it all depends on your skills and the company you’re working for. You could make extra cash as a part-time online teacher with flexible hours that fit within your schedule. So, don’t let your teaching skills go to waste!
Sell Pictures For Money
Image Credit: FanPop
Becoming a virtual assistant is an easy way to make money quickly in 2019. As a virtual assistant, you’ll be able to have a flexible schedule that works on your terms. You
Did you know that you could make money in 2019 by selling pictures that you take? You sure can. Foap is a website that you can use to make money from pictures that you take. You can upload your pictures, and when someone buys it, you’ll make money. So, don’t let your pictures go to waste, sell them and make money in 2019. Get Paid To Test Websites
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Finance A simple way to make money in 2019 is by testing websites. You could make extra money on the side by testing websites. Whenever a new website is launched, there could be spelling errors, speed issues, broken links, design issues, and so on. So, as a website tester, your job would be to analyze websites to find any issues that can help the website owner improve their website. Focus Groups
Image Credit: Global Young Voices
Focus groups are similar to paid surveys in the sense that you’re getting paid for your opinions. Focus group companies rely on your opinion and feedback to help improve products and services for some of the largest brands in the world. You could make $100 or more for an hour or two of your time. Participating in focus groups is an easy and simple way to earn real cash in 2019. Conclusions Making money in 2019 isn’t as hard as you might think. There are many ways to make money online and offline. So, hopefully, this article will help put you on the right path to making money in 2019. END
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Question: Do You Know
Jesus?
Relationships
Surviving the First Year After Losing a Loved One By Aubrey Sampson
Image Credit: Next Avenue
When my kids catch a glimpse of lightning bugs for the first time one summer, they assume they’re battery powered. “Are those little flashlights attached to anything?” they ask. “Those aren’t flashlights,” I reply. “That’s God’s little magic trick. Wanna know something else?” I continue. “Those lightning bugs got me through one of the worst summers of my childhood.” They’re awestruck when I tell them about the summer I cut my foot open with glass. I show them the faded checkmark scar on the underside of my foot. “I wasn’t allowed to ride my bike or climb trees that summer. So I spent most evenings catching fireflies in mason jars.” They grab jars from the kitchen and try it for
themselves. I watch them and find myself feeling nostalgic for the invincibility of childhood. If we jump, our mom or dad will catch us. If we want to find magic, we need only look for a firefly. The first year after Cameron goes missing, it’s my inner child—the one who still believes in the magic of lightning bugs—that hurts the most. Permanent Laments A few months after that firefly night, my family is playing a round of cards. We’re trash-talking and laughing, when my phone interrupts our fun. My mother is on the other end, frantically explaining that Cameron was hiking in Oregon and that we all need to pray. She implores us to
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Relationships help call the Oregon Park Service. Three years later, the Crater Lake park ranger’s number is still EXPO’d on the whiteboard in my kitchen. Putting together clues and tracks, the best guess we can come up with is that Cameron, my cousin and childhood friend, fell from a snow-covered cornice into the waters of Crater Lake—a two-thousand-foot-deep body of water famous for its startling beauty. The night of Cam’s funeral, his rugby buddies and our family release paper lanterns into the night. We stand there for a very long time, watching the lanterns float across the starry Nashville sky. Some lanterns unite and form the letter C, as if they are honoring Cameron with us. Even now, in the daylight, my aunt, Cameron’s mom, notices clouds in the shape of the letter C. She can’t help but wonder if it’s her imagination or a supernatural gift of love. “Hugs from heaven,” she calls them.
It’s Okay to Just be Sad My sister-in-law, who knows me well, texts me encouraging words every now and then. Usually along the lines of “You don’t have to have all the answers, Aubrey. It’s okay to just be sad.” In other words, not all suffering is reasonable. Not all agonizing questions can be answered sensibly, especially in losses like these. In our deepest grief, we don’t lament (cry out to God) to find answers. We lament to stop searching for them. We lament to be still in the unanswerable.
Image Credit: bridgestorecovery.com
Like most of us do in grief, I want to make sense of nonsense. I want my questions answered so that I can write a good sermon on the topic. But there are no remains of Cameron and also oh-so-many remains: the gorgeous photo of Crater Lake he texted before his fall, all of our lingering questions, all of our memories and stories. Where is the hope in a tragic, sudden death like his? Where is God’s presence in freak accidents? How do you find God’s love in a thing that feels so loveless? God, can your love show up, even here?
Consider a Way to Honor Your Loved One Because she is so uniquely impacted by Cameron’s death, I know it’s probably unfair of me to look to Cameron’s mom to learn how to grieve—especially in the first year following his death. Still, I find that she is helping me find God’s love in this. She and my uncle have such huge hearts. In the year following their son’s death, they start a scholarship in Cameron’s name. They build a memorial bench at Crater Lake. They bless others. They scatter love everywhere they go. When I ask her how she is processing things,
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Relationships sometimes she cries. Other times, she quotes Charles Spurgeon: “God is too good to be unkind and too wise to be mistaken. When we cannot trace his hand, we must trust his heart.” She tells me that she is trying—“Lord knows, I try.” But she doesn’t always understand. “Some days are better than others. I keep praying for good days. I keep asking how, why, and why now, but those answers don’t come.”
God May Not Give You the Answers You Want – But He Will Give You Himself It’s now been four years since Cameron died and God never swept in like Superman to fix it, never traveled back in time to stop it from happening. God never truly answered my grief- questions the way I wanted HIM to. But sometimes, it’s only in looking back that we see clearly. As I look back now, over that first year, even in this horrible circumstance, I can see God’s hand of love touching everything. Look for God’s Love in the Beautiful – and Painful – Moments
Image Credit: ©Thinkstock/diego_cervo
Know that the First Year May Not be the Hardest In spite of what people say, the first year of grieving a loved one is not always the hardest year. In fact, sometimes the years that follow are more difficult because reality sets in. But the first year is the year of adrenaline. The year of firsts. The year of putting one foot in front of the other. The year of doing the next thing you are capable of doing. The year of thinking through new systems and new structures in place to make your life livable. It’s a year of reckoning—a year of listing that which has been lost, and trying to make sense of what will never really make sense—this new reality.
God’s love is in the encouraging texts from my sister-in-law. God’s love is in the kindness of the park ranger allowing a memorial bench to take up space on national park property. God’s love is in the tearful phone calls with my aunt, in the photo Cam sent us before he died. God’s love was even with Cameron as he died, doing what he most enjoyed. God’s love is in the symbols, symbols that we were created to need—the Cs in the sky, the floating lanterns, even in tattoos that our family got in Cam’s honor, and a million more like them. God’s love has shown up in all of these miniature miracles. Instead of answering our grief with explanations, God shows up in our pain. In God, Our Lament is Held in His Love Surely, this is a God in whom all lament songs become love songs.
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Relationships
Also In This Issue
Though death feels like the opposite of love, God showed us his own love in dying for us, in overcoming death for us. So are death and love opposites after all? In Jesus, perhaps not. In him, one can be the means to the other. Dear one, as you grieve this first year, may you continue to tell stories, light lanterns, honor your lost ones in the ways you see fit, and find childhood wonder and God’s presence even in your darkest hour. He is near, showering you with love. END Adapted from The Louder Song: Listening for Hope in the Midst of Lament by Aubrey Sampson. Copyright Š 2019. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
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Martin Luther King Jr. The Legacy of ‘The Man’
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Feature Story Martin Luther King Jr. dedicated his life to the nonviolent struggle for racial equality in the United States. The third Monday in January marks Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a U.S. holiday that honors King’s legacy and challenges citizens to engage in volunteer service in their communities.
BEGINNING THE JOURNEY
bus segregation laws in 1956, King cofounded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference and promoted nonviolent action for civil rights throughout the South. He was influenced by the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi and traveled to India in 1959. AN ICONIC FIGURE OF THE 1960S
Joining his father as co-pastor of the Ebenezer Baptist Born on January 15, 1929, to Church in Atlanta, King a long line of Baptist continued to use his oratorical ministers, King grew up in gifts to urge an end to Atlanta at a time when Jim segregation and legal Crow laws made segregation inequality. Throughout the and discrimination a daily 1960s, he was arrested during reality for blacks in the South. nonviolent protests in Alabama, Florida and King attended Morehouse Georgia. While incarcerated College in Atlanta, where he after one such arrest, in 1963, came to view religion as a King penned the Letter from powerful catalyst for social Birmingham City Jail, change. He received his outlining the moral basis for doctorate from Boston the civil rights movement. University’s School of That August, he delivered his Theology before returning to Image Credit: National Park Service famous “I Have a Dream” the South, where he served as Atlanta Georgia speech to more than 200,000 pastor of the Dexter Avenue people gathered on the National Mall in Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. Washington. Today, King’s Atlanta birthplace is registered as a National Historic Site with the National March 7, 1965, became known as Bloody Park Service. Sunday because voting-rights marchers were beaten by state troopers and civilians CIVIL RIGHTS STRUGGLE IN THE as they crossed the Edmund Pettus Bridge in 1950S Selma, Alabama. The violence turned them back, but the ordeal led King to call for King helped organize the Montgomery bus another, longer march (pictured) — an 87boycott, a yearlong campaign touched off kilometer-long, Selma-to-Montgomery when seamstress Rosa Parks was arrested march for voting rights. after refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a white passenger. After the Supreme Court CIVIL RIGHTS VICTORIES overturned Alabama’s 74 | Blessed Magazine
Feature Story Martin Luther King Jr. dedicated his life to the nonviolent struggle for racial equality in the United States. The third Monday in January marks Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a U.S. holiday that honors King’s legacy and challenges citizens to engage in volunteer service in their communities.
Image Credit: © AP Images
In 1964, President Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act, which banned discrimination in employment, public accommodations and other aspects of life. King attended the signing of the act into law (pictured). He continued to press for a law to ensure that blacks could not be denied the right to vote by discriminatory practices such as literacy tests, and, in 1965, Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act. King received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964.
Americans to continue their commitment to nonviolence, but also cautioned that “justice for black people cannot be achieved without radical changes in the structure of our society.” KING’S LEGACY: NONVIOLENT PROTEST In a 1959 radio address during his visit to India, King said: “Today we no longer have a choice between violence and nonviolence; it is either nonviolence or nonexistence.” His philosophy was inspired by Gandhi’s nonviolent action to end British rule in India. In his turn, King inspired others to change their societies through nonviolent means, from the Solidarity movement’s cracking of Soviet occupation in Poland to Nelson Mandela’s struggle to end apartheid in South Africa.
Image Credit: © AP Images
IN THE WAKE OF ASSASSINATION On April 4, 1968, King was assassinated on the balcony outside his Memphis, Tennessee, hotel room. At his funeral, thousands of mourners marched through Atlanta behind a mule-drawn wagon bearing his coffin. In a posthumously published essay titled “A Testament of Hope,” King urged black
KING’S LEGACY: FIGHTING PREJUDICE During the 1963 March on Washington, King declared that all people should be judged not “by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” The King Center in Atlanta is a living memorial to King’s vision of a free and equal world dedicated to expanding opportunity, fighting racism and
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Feature Story ending all forms of discrimination. KING’S LEGACY: PURSUING SOCIAL JUSTICE
his “I Have a Dream” speech. The memorial invites visitors to reflect on King’s life and legacy. END
The Martin Luther King Jr. Research and Education Institute at Stanford University is home to the King Papers Project, a comprehensive collection of all of King’s speeches, correspondence and other writings. The institute is also involved with the Liberation Curriculum Initiative and the Gandhi-King Community, both of which use King’s life and ideas to connect social activists around the world working to promote human rights. KING’S LEGACY: SERVICE TO OTHERS In the U.S., Martin Luther King Day is designated a national day of service. Americans are urged to celebrate “a day on, not a day off” in honor of King’s commitment to improving the lives of others. President Obama promotes volunteerism as a way to help meet the challenges facing our world. KEEPING THE DREAM ALIVE
Image Credit: © AP Images
A national memorial to King was built near the Lincoln Memorial, where King delivered 76 | Blessed Magazine
Question: Do You Know
Jesus?
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