Kol Hadash: Spring 2019

‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH

SPRING 2019

Sanctuary Centennial Joyfully Capped Off With 100 Years of Song

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ast fall, the BJ community came together in a variety of ways, celebrating a truly historic event: the centennial of BJ’s Sanctuary.

We had the opportunity to remember, reflect, and celebrate in small groups who shared synchronicity in the specific and personal ways they are connected to BJ. We celebrated in style at the Sanctuary Centennial Gala, honoring the leadership of Jeannie Blaustein and Peter Bokor and to celebrate the life and work of Rabbi Rachel Cowan z”l. An exhibit was installed in the gallery of our community house, chronicling the history SHULAMIT PHOTO + VIDEO and impact of our remarkable community, with a focus on the 100 years we have occupied our beloved 88th Street Sanctuary. Each panel of the exhibit reflected themes at the core of BJ, tracing the beauty and the continued on page 4 stories of the building and all that it has contained.

CONTENTS

The Magic of The Centennial Gala

100 Years of Song. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1, 4

By Shira Nadich Levin

Centennial Gala. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1, 3

ou felt the magic the moment you entered the Community House and walked along the red carpet, gazing at the moving exhibit lining the walls, which chronicled the hundred-year history of our Sanctuary. There was something in the air; with everyone greeting each other as though it were a family wedding, making the warmth and joy of the evening palpable.

Paying it Forward. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 Purim with Family Life and Learning . . . 5 Sustainability at BJ. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Experience the Women’s Retreat. . . . . . . . . 6 From the Executive Director. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Kadima@BJ: Register Soon!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Meet Sarah Rosenthal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 My Path to BJ: Phyllis Bard. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Bikkur Holim: Stories. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10, 12 Reimagine: End of Life. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11, 12 What Are You Doing After Life? . . . . . . . . . . 13 Marshall T. Meyer 25th Yahrzeit. . . . . . . . . 14 Remembering Ellen Landau. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Spring Fundraising Concert. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

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CLEVER SANGALAZA

The excitement became even more intense once you walked into the magnificent Sanctuary, dressed for the occasion. The kippot dangled from the large, gold fixture hanging from the ceiling, representing b’nai mitzvah and wedding ceremonies that took place during the centennial period. Elegant decorations, special lighting, and delicious food, beautifully served, greeted you as you entered. It was obvious from the very beginning of the evening that everyone was having such a wonderful time, with members of continued on page 3

‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH

SPRING 2019

Paying it Forward

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ince October, over 100 BJ members have attended a Paying it Forward Shabbat Dinner in another member’s home, while committing to pay it forward by hosting a meal themselves in the future. Together, we are broadening Shabbat meal culture at BJ and transforming our community through building closer connections and elevating the beauty of Shabbat at home. hank you to all those who have hosted a Paying it Forward Shabbat Dinner so far. Through opening your homes, you help shape our community—one Shabbat table at a time.

“This was fantastic. Now I want to host Shabbat dinner all the time!” —BJ Member and Paying it Forward Shabbat Dinner Host

Hadley Allen Gail Amsterdam Renee Cherow-O’Leary and John O’Leary Gail and William Cohen Ted and Debbie Geiger Carol Gelles Alison and Jeffrey Horowitz Michelle and Leonard Jacoby Ruth Jarmul and Irv Rosenthal Alissa Koloff and Kerri Lanoue Neil and Alisa Kurshan Judith Lipton

Linda and Bob Marshall Les Nelson and Jill Hayman Jody Prusan Ilana and Scott Ruskay-Kidd Jonathan and Oriyan Schwartz Leah Silver Orli and Jon Silver Lisa and Dan Zucker There are just a few spots left in our next series of Paying it Forward Shabbat dinners. Sign up now at www.bj.org/payingitfoward.

Rabbi Rachel Cowan Chapel Dedication Sunday, May 19 | 5:00-6:30PM | Chapel

Join us to name the BJ Chapel in Rachel’s honor, creating a holy gathering space dedicated to her continued legacy and commitment to BJ. Visit www.bj.org/chapeldedication for registration, gifts, and memorial tributes.

‫ • וַּיִזְּכֹר אֱֹלהים אֶת־ָרחֵל‬And God remembered Rachel (Genesis 30:22)

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The Magic of the Centennial Gala continued from page 1 the community greeting old friends and making new ones.

The details that helped to create the special atmosphere were planned and worked on by a large and devoted group, led by the four co-chairs, Suzanne Schecter and Todd Ruback

Rabbis Erin Glazer, Roly Matalon, Felicia Sol, and Marcelo Bronstein, and Hazzan Ari Priven

and Jessica Feder Mantel and Alan Mantel, as well as by Colin Weil, Amanda Greenawalt, and HuiWon Choi.

But most importantly, everyone was thrilled to celebrate the Sanctuary’s centennial, to pay honor to the outstanding and unique leadership and generosity of Jeannie Blaustein and Peter Bokor, and to pay tribute to the memory of Rabbi Rachel Cowan, z’l, a beloved member of our community, who made such critical contributions to the world of Judaism and spirituality.

Each was commemorated in beautifully executed video tributes, which were presented with moving introductions from Rabbis Matalon, Sol, and Bronstein.

The opening of the Sanctuary Centennial Exhibition

Alan Mantel, Jessica Feder Mantel, Peter Bokor, Jeannie Blaustein, Suzanne Schecter, and Todd Ruback

Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein remembers Rabbi Rachel Cowan, with her children, Lisa and Matt.

It was a magical evening, in which we paid tribute to our history and to individuals who are so deserving of honor. And—it was the most successful event of its kind in BJ, not only in the 375 attendees (we reached capacity days before the event) but in the $848,000 raised. How fitting that this occasion, and these honorees, were the cause of a tremendous addition to our endowment, which will help make the outstanding programming at BJ more accessible to this community.

ALL PHOTOS: SHULAMIT PHOTO + VIDEO

Save the Date: Annual Meeting 2019 Tuesday, June 4 | 7:00PM | Sanctuary Save the date for this year’s Annual Meeting, where you will hear from our rabbis, executive director, board leaders, and treasurer about the accomplishments and milestones of the past year. We will also look ahead to next year’s goals, programmatic highlights, and financial outlook, as well as sharing in a moment to say “thank you” to outgoing trustees and to welcome the new trustees to the board.

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‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH

SPRING 2019

Sanctuary Centennial continued from page 1 All of this was capped-off by a community-wide concert and celebration: 100 Years of Song, developed and produced by BJ’s Center for Prayer and Spirituality. This deeply moving concert, brought all who attended on a journey through the past century, through the music With an elegant reception following the concert, the whole event was a wild success. that has sustained us spiritually and culturally over that span. The musical program was developed by our music director, Dan Nadel, and featured our artist in residence, Shira Averbuch, and acclaimed jazz vocalist, Gabrielle Stravelli. Taking us through 100 years of history, the program was narrated by BJ member and actor Ronald Guttman (Homeland, Mad Men, The West Wing), and supported an ensemble of world-class musicians. Spanning the breadth of the experience of these hundred years, the program brought us from a piece of cantorial music once sung by Hazzan Jacob Schwartz z”l (grandfather of BJ’s gabbai, Freddie Goldstein), to the New York Yiddish theater scene; from the Shoah to the establishment of the State of Israel; from the American civil rights movement, the gay rights movement; from the arrival of Rabbi Marshall Meyer at BJ, his influence, his untimely death, and finally, our arrival as BJ ALL PHOTOS: CLEVER SANGALAZA

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Under One Roof. The evening brought together an intergenerational crosssection of the community, with young children, community elders, and everyone in between, all dancing in the aisles during a rousing Lekha Dodi medley, led by BJ’s spiritual leaders.

With an elegant reception following the concert, the whole event was a wild success, concluding a joyful period of celebration for BJ’s magnificent and historic Sanctuary, inspiring us all to imagine the possibilities for the hundred years to come. See and share the video of the concert at www.bj.org/100.

The 100 Years of Song Community Centennial and Hanukkah Celebration was made possible through the generous support of Edward Brill and the Miriam Siroky Fund.

Purim Celebrations with Family Life and Learning

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his year’s Purim Carnival was a colorful and joyful affair! Over 100 children flooded into the Sanctuary and Community House dressed as superheroes, Supreme Court justices,

The BJ Theater Company celebrated Purim as 31 kindergarten-sixth grade shpielniks performed the world premiere of Megillah Mia!

Young Families Purim Celebration, children in 2nd grade and under enjoyed a kid-friendly version of the Purim story with music, snacks, and a costume parade.

The BJ Theater Company celebrated Purim as 31 kindergarten through sixth grade shpielniks performed the world premiere of Megillah Mia! Complete with Purim-ified parodies of all our favorite ABBA songs (think “I’m not your Dancing Queen” sung by Vashti and “Oh Haman’s the name” sung

by Haman), Megillah Mia! told the Purim story with a disco twist. These young performers rehearsed every Sunday since January. As they learned choreography, tried on sparkly costumes, and memorized lines, they This column (top): Our shpielniks take to the stage in Megillah Mia! This column (bottom) and next column (middle and bottom): Purim also built community, Carnival fun. Next column (top): Megillah Mia! Rehearsals. bravely tried new things on stage, formed and cemented lasting friendships, and animals, and more! BJ teens planned engaged meaningfully with the story and facilitated a variety of carnival of Purim. The BJ Theater Company booths, including henna tattoos, face performed the show in front of a painting, giant bowling, two bounce packed house, including Kadima@ houses, basketball, and a photo booth.

BJ students, and then were honored Everybody enjoyed pizza, cotton candy, to perform highlights at the Young and delicious hamantaschen. At the 5

Families Purim Celebration and Community Megillah Reading. Then, they had the meaningful chance to do a special mitzvah and take the show

on the road, performing for seniors and Holocaust survivors in our Upper West Side community and participating in a Bikkur Holim workshop organized by Galit Lopatin Bordereau. The Purim Shpiel is another highlight in an exciting inaugural year for the BJ Theater Company; this year’s programming also included a Hanukkah Play starring pre-K-third grade students and an upcoming workshop production of The Diary of Anne Frank performed by Kadima students. We can’t wait for next year!

‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH

SPRING 2019

Sustainability at BJ: We Need Your Help!

Our community composts at programs and events and through our Community Composting Initiative.

You can drop off your food scraps at the community house every day, year round. Learn more at www.bj.org/ compost. Questions? Contact Larissa at lwohl@bj.org.

This year, we are looking for volunteers to help all members become familiar with our recycling and composting practices. We are looking for Kiddush volunteers and hope you will choose to help out. Becoming a Kiddush Volunteer is easy and will support BJ members in learning how to dispose of their waste properly. We are looking

Rabbi Roly Matalon brings his compost from home every week!

for volunteers to sign up for one or two dates per year. You can volunteer on your own or with friends or family.

Once you pick your date, here’s how it will work:

1. After services end, head up to kiddush in the 3rd floor.

2. Take some food for yourself and stand next to the recycling and brown bins.

3. When people come up to the bins to deposit their food waste, help them put all the items in the correct bins.

4. Almost everything can be placed in the brown bins, with the exception of plastic utensils and cups (blue recycling bin).

5. Food waste, (compostable) paper plates and cups, and paper napkins can be placed in the brown bins. No liquids, please!

Sign up for a date at www.bj.org/ kiddushvolunteer. Questions? Contact Les Judd at lesjudd@aol.com.

Experience the BJ Women’s Retreat Friday, May 31-Sunday, June 2 • Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center, Falls Village, CT

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ith the ongoing revelation in the #metoo era of the structural and institutionalized sexism that still persists in our time, we encounter our tradition as women with a range of emotion. As we prepare for Shavuot and the revelation of Torah once again, we will join together as women to confront the emotions that are revealed in our texts, in our liturgy, and raise up a Torah that is both broken and holy, just as we too are broken and holy.

Join Rabbi Felicia Sol, and M.T.M. Fellows Abi Weber and Margo HughesRobinson, for a glorious Shabbat of joy, song, learning, and connection

in a beautiful, natural environment filled with the exclusive sound of women’s voices. Whether you are new to BJ or a long-time member, the Women’s Retreat creates an atmosphere of connection where all are embraced for who they are. Community is built throughout the weekend and sustains itself when we get back to NYC. Questions?

Contact Kristen Kersey at kkersey@bj.org.

Register now at www.bj.org/womensreatreat.

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From the Dusty Desk of the Executive Director

By Colin A. Weil

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ver the past few ‘quiet’ months at BJ, while the major construction projects have wound down, we have been busy completing a comprehensive assessment of the historic BJ campus—top to bottom, inside and outside. Working with our team at Howard L. Zimmerman Architects to gain an up-to-date and complete understanding of the condition of our beloved buildings, we can now develop the timeline, budget, and work plans necessary to optimize our spaces for programming, while ensuring our environments are safe, secure, and more environmentally sound.

To be sure, there is much work to be done in the coming years, and we will share more details as the planning evolves. In the meantime, if you have visited the Community House recently, you have seen signs of the work related to replacement of the Community House elevators mechanicals. While we will retain the elevator cabs, the motors, cables, and electronics will all be replaced, leaving us with safe, reliable, and energy-efficient elevators

Did you know that our current elevators are powered by direct-current (DC) motors which are descended from the original 1927 motors? As such, there are no spare parts available, and power must flow through a converter, adding complexity. So when one of the motors fails, we have to have parts custom-fabricated, greatly increasing cost and time. The elevator update plan will take care of this and many other maintenance challenges we face regularly. The new mechanicals will be anchored by the “Prius” of elevator motors: A brake-regenerative AC Drive system which will take excess energy from the hoist motor and supply it back to the incoming AC power system, saving energy. The new mechanics will also employ gearless magnetic landing controls, traction, and braking, providing for more accurate stopping, lower cost maintenance, and longer life of the equipment.

(see inset for some interesting details).

The first “new” elevator should be operational by June, and the work completed by Labor Day. I am also happy to report that we were recently approved for a $150,000 security grant from the Department of Homeland Security (and we are grateful to the JCRC for their help in this effort). The funds will be used to enhance our security in a number of areas, of which will share some details in the coming months.

In addition to the elevator work, the facade restoration team will be back in full force this summer, continuing their work replacing window sills and lintels, refurbishing terra cotta and stone, and replacing bricks. This work will likely take two more summers to complete.

As always, I welcome questions you may have, and I’m always happy to give campus tours. To book an appointment, please reach out to my new Executive Assistant, Jane Potter, at jpotter@bj.org.

Learn more at www.bj.org/kadima.

Registration opening soon for 2019-20.

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‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH

SPRING 2019

Meet Sarah Rosenthal, BJ’s Jewish Home Project Coordinator

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ne of Sarah Rosenthal’s favorite pastimes since she moved to New York City four years ago is to invite friends of all backgrounds into her home. They enjoy each other’s company and nosh on homemade, traditional Jewish foods.

and De-Mystifying Mikvah, a guided tour of a local mikvah. (Learn about other upcoming programs at www. bj.org/jhp.)

“My hope is that when people interact with us, they feel excited about creating their own traditions in their This past Hanukkah, Sarah—who joined own homes and figuring out how Judaism works for them,” she said. “I BJ in October as the synagogue’s want people to have a place where first Jewish Home Project Program they feel comfortable and immediately Coordinator—made sufganiyot from welcomed.” scratch for the first time. Other weeks, she’ll bake challah for her friends.

It’s a tradition shaped by Sarah’s Sarah is focused on helping childhood. Every Shabbat, she would people to embrace their own, bake challah and desserts from unique traditions, while creating scratch in the kitchen alongside her a welcoming and inclusive space father. for all community members to strengthen their Jewish identities.

Now, in her role at BJ, Sarah is focused on helping people to embrace their own, unique traditions, while creating a welcoming and inclusive space for all community members to strengthen their Jewish identities.

“Being a part of the Jewish Home Project and the team at BJ is an exciting opportunity to make Jewish home practices and traditions accessible for our diverse Jewish community,” Sarah said. The Jewish Home Project has been evolving constantly since its launch in early 2018.

Sarah has been busy coordinating a series of programs to help bring more Jewish life into members’ homes.

Programs like Next Stop...Marriage, a three-part series to help couples prepare for their wedding and beyond,

Sarah comes to BJ from Temple Israel of the City of New York, where she worked first during college as a religious school teacher, and then as a staff assistant. She’s the only daughter in a family of five children (she’s right in the middle) and moved to New York in 2014 from her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She attended Marymount Manhattan College and studied theater directing and communication media studies.

“Moving to New York was the best decision,” she said, “even though it was a big change. This is a city that really allows me to fully explore all of my interests. There are so many interesting and amazing people here.”

Growing up, Sarah attended a Jewish day school and summer camp (Camp

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Young Judea Midwest), and she eventually assumed the role of camp program director. In New York, she knew she wanted to stay involved with Jewish community.

Now, in her spare time, Sarah continues to pursue her passion for theater, directing shows on the evenings and weekends.

Sarah is also taking American Sign Language classes. “I wanted to learn a new language,” she said. The classes have allowed her to learn more about and connect with the deaf community.

On weekends during football season, Sarah can be found glued to her television set watching her Green Bay Packers. And when she can, she loves traveling to far-flung destinations. She recently returned from a trip to Israel and Amsterdam. Thailand and Fiji are also high up on her list.

To learn more about Sarah, you can reach her at srosenthal@bj.org. To find out more about the Jewish Home Project, visit www.bj.org/jhp.

My Path to BJ: Phyllis Bard In this regular feature, we profile a member and look at what led them to BJ, and how it has helped shape their life.

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my life, and it is part of what drew me to BJ,” Phyllis said.

t was 2014 when Phyllis, a New York native, moved from the East Side to the West Side and was eager to embrace her new neighborhood. “I decided BJ was the place for me,” said Phyllis, a psychotherapist who recently celebrated her eightieth birthday.

At first, Phyllis wasn’t sure how to connect with BJ. She attended services, but wanted to find ways to build deeper connections within the community.

Then she signed up for BJ’s Mindfulness Retreat to Costa Rica, led at the time by Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein and Rabbi Rachel Cowan, who passed away last year.

the process of aging, welcoming it as an opportunity for growth and personal renewal,” said Phyllis. “The creativity, self-awareness, and tools for accepting the aging process that develop within the group can be life changing.”

A graduate from City College, Phyllis taught elementary school before taking time off to raise her two daughters, eventually returning to school and earning two masters degrees. She started her own management consultant business, working for top companies in finance and other industries, and one day, a client asked her to help figure out why one team couldn’t get along. That moment sparked her mid-career change into psychotherapy.

Phyllis became a licensed clinical social worker in 1987, and two years “It was a very spiritual week for me,” later she completed a four-year Phyllis said. She requested a private institute training involving integration room, but none were left. So, she of the body, mind, and spirit— roomed in close quarters with a fellow which was considered member who had also requested a Most recently, “Looking back on all very progressive (and private room. It was the best thing she’s volunteered as the transformations a bit suspect!) at the that could have happened, she said. a co-leader, for the second of my life that have time. She developed “We connected instantly.” Today, she time, of one of BJ’s Wise Living taken place, I value a strong connection counts her retreat roommate as a good groups. The facilitated peer the experiences with meditation friend. groups meet regularly to give that have brought and somatic energy members social, emotional, me to this stage. It work and led groups Over the years, Phyllis has found her and spiritual insights as continues to be a in the United States community within BJ. Most recently, they age time of learning, of and internationally, as she’s volunteered as a co-leader, pleasure, and of making well as maintaining a for the second time, of one of BJ’s peace with the inevitabilites private therapy and supervision Wise Living groups. The facilitated of living. Mindfulness and spiritual practice in New York. Currently, she peer groups meet regularly to give beliefs, whatever form they may take, still works with a handful of patients. members social, emotional, and become stronger—and we become spiritual insights as they age. Groups wiser.”

“I love people,” she said. And it’s are guided by the book Wise Aging: that spirit of gratitude, inspiration, Living with Joy, Resilience, and Spirit by Phyllis’ family name is Amigo. During tolerance, and helping others that Rabbi Rachel Cowan and BJ member the Spanish Inquisition, her family left drew her to BJ. “It is what I value above Dr. Linda Thal.

Spain rather than deny their Judaism. all in the BJ community.”

“Perhaps that is why I feel the need to “The goal is to guide the group to honor and support the Jewish faith in create a safe place to speak about 9

Bikkur Holim Volunteers Share Their Stories of Action and Compassion

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ikkur Holim is the mitzvah of serving the community by caring for the sick, the aging, and their caregivers with loving kindness. The process is private and confidential, preserving the person’s dignity and performed by trained community volunteers.

Bikkur Holim Co-Chair Mandy Braun points out: “At BJ, Bikkur Holim actually operates like a two-way street: the recipient feels cared for and acknowledged; the volunteer feels pleased to be able to help.”

Following are some vignettes from our volunteers and reflections from the people they visited or assisted.

The interactions ranged from meal preparation and food deliveries to home visits and trips to medical appointments.

“The member I visited was recovering from a debilitating and painful surgery.

There were times when she was not up for company, but I continued to check in by phone and text, to make sure she had what she needed and didn’t feel isolated. The Bikkur Holim team also arranged for different people to stop by to bring her dinners. “ The member’s takeaway: “They kept my spirits up...and gave me an opportunity to survey and rate the chicken dinners at most of the neighborhood delis and supermarkets.”

“Visiting the sick is a great expression of selfless kindness which has the power to reduce the burden of suffering at the same time as it increases love and holiness in the community.”

—Rabbi Roly Matalon “I had the opportunity and the challenge of assisting a friend who was waiting for a lung transplant. During the time we spent waiting for “the call,” I read to her, we did jigsaw puzzles, and investigated our Eastern European roots. But mostly, I sat quietly as she spoke about her fears. As the months wore on, I realized I was using active listening skills I learned at a Bikkur Holim training: the skills of gentle encouragement, kind support, and a listening ear. “ My friend summed up the experience this way: “I was able to get through the waiting, the surgery, and the recovery, with someone who created a space for me to feel safe, secure, and comfortable. I could ask for help and count on you to quietly relieve my stress. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

One volunteer became a recipient when her husband was badly injured in an accident. She and her three young children were treated to many delicious meals and handmade greeting cards, but the family was most taken with the outpouring of warmth they received from so many BJ members who checked in by email and text. continued on page 12 10

Bikkur Holim: Support During Illness Our community is defined by the connection we feel to each other.

When that connection is threatened by illness or confinement, it is our spiritual obligation to offer support.

For BJ members undergoing or recovering from illness our Bikkur Holim volunteers provide support and resources by: • Visiting people in hospitals, nursing homes, or in their own homes • Making phone calls to congregants who are homebound • Performing practical tasks such as shopping or running errands • Calling those whose names are on the Mi Sheberakh list for healing prayers on Shabbat morning • Helping congregants who are experiencing illness or facing surgery with person-to-person support Let us know if we may visit you at home or in the hospital or help in any other way.

To get involved, please contact bikkurholim@bj.org.

‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH

SPRING 2019

Reimagine: End of Life

By Jeannie Blaustein

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ow is it that death has become a taboo topic in our culture? It’s confusing, because in fact, death happens all around us through miscarriage, auto accidents, sudden illness, addiction, suicide and community violence. The cognitive dissonance of losing a loved one too soon often leaves us scrambling to make sense of such agony. Consequently, we tend to think of these tragic sudden losses as aberrant, wrong and unfair, as if we are all ‘supposed’ to live out our full lives. But even when we do live to a ripe old age, we don’t generally see natural death unfolding around us as much as our forebears did only 100 year ago, since most of our sick and elderly die now outside the home, in long-term care facilities or hospitals. Benefits for home hospice are despicably low, resulting in gross under-utilization of home hospice care, with New York State among the lowest hospice utilization rates in the country. So most people die in hospitals, in spite of the wishes of over 90% of Americans to die at home.

Our collective aversion to talking about death has by now created a generation or two that are largely illiterate when it comes to thinking about death, and preparing for end of life. When we do inevitably encounter death, we are often left to do so without the tools, resources, and emotional preparation it requires. Faith communities often serve as the source of comfort and ritual after death has occurred. But since few of us really accept that mortality will ever really touch us, and we resist talking about our mortality, we too often deprive ourselves of

I began an incredible journey: visiting ill BJ members through our Bikkur Holim committee, volunteering at a local hospice, and finding many ways to assist families and their loved ones through the dying process. the opportunities for the meaningful connection that can arise in these poignant conversations. Additionally, too many families must struggle under stressful conditions when making difficult medical decisions that have never been discussed with their loved ones until it is simply too late to know their wishes.

My own relationship with fear and grief were profoundly shaped by the ways in which my grandparents handled my grandmother’s tragic death from breast cancer at the age of 41 in 1947. I grew up in a home where we focused only on the ‘bright’ side; we never talked about loss or death. When my father died suddenly, only weeks after my wedding, I was stricken and completely overwhelmed. Years later, I realized that in addition to the shock I felt after my father’s death, I actually had no cognitive or emotional fluency in this critical area of life. I realized then that I needed to break the cycle of denial and silence around death 11

that had shaped my own upbringing, and I began exploring multiple ways of assisting families and their loved ones through the dying process.

I began an incredible journey: visiting ill BJ members through our Bikkur Holim committee, volunteering at a local hospice, and finding many ways to assist families and their loved ones through the dying process.

The more exposure I had to the world of end-of-life care and the current literature boom on death and dying (note Atul Gawande’s bestseller Being Mortal), the more I realized that my mother’s experiences in the 1940s and ‘50s are, in fact, not uncommon even today. Over 60 years after my mom’s losses, we still live in a culture that avoids talking about death, despite the fact that roughly 7500 Americans die every single day.

So, perhaps you can imagine my surprise in 2016 when I heard Dying to Talk, a radio podcast hosted by Dr. Dawn Gross, a Bay Area Palliative Care physician, who was interviewing Brad Wolfe, the founder of Reimagine End of Life, a city-wide program launched that year in San Francisco, to engage Bay Area residents from all walks of life in continued on page 12

Reimagine

continued from page 11

experiential opportunities designed to break down taboos around death and dying. I had to see this for myself!

And sure enough, in mid-October 2016, I found myself in San Francisco sitting in faith communities, concert halls, galleries, and bookstores filled with people coming together to talk, listen, share, cry, grieve, and even laugh. They had gathered to deepen the experience of living and improve the experience of dying. There were participants of all ages connecting to each other, and I just knew that this was something to bring to NYC. Now in its third year, Reimagine End of Life seeks to enlarge the conversation around death and dying, and to create gentle gateways of entry for members of diverse communities wishing to explore death and dying, as well as

Bikkur Holim

At BJ, we we have hosted a series of events including Death Over (Shabbat) Dinner and an interactive storysharing performance about death and dying. the power of living fully in gratitude and community until the last breath.

What sets Reimagine End of Life apart from many other festivals is that it is community driven, with 75 percent offered at no cost. While Reimagine helps to catalyze community partners, it is largely the local partners themselves who, as BJ so generously and creatively did, create engaging programs that build community, spark conversations, and encourage action steps that help individuals better prepare for their own end of life care as well as deepen their appreciation

and gratitude for the lives they’re living today.

At BJ, we we have hosted a series of events including Death Over (Shabbat) Dinner and an interactive storysharing performance about death and dying. Led by our own rabbis, other faith leaders, physicians, artists, and authors, each event is designed to help us reclaim our humanity as mortal beings and invigorate our planning and action steps around planning for our end of life care. The result is a powerful connective message that, with all that divides us, we are united in our shared humanity and a collective appreciation for the preciousness of our lives. Contact Billie Di Stefano at bdistefano@bj.org to learn more or to schedule a facilitated What Matters conversation.

continued from page 10

She said, “One volunteer prepared a mouthwatering dinner, with a hand-printed menu and a sweet note describing how she prepared the meal while listening to Debbie Friedman’s Mi Sheberakh song. That meal contained all the ingredients in Bikkur Holim: spiritual support, lovingkindness, and a personal touch.”

Another member requested an escort to pick her up after a doctor’s appointment. She said, “A member I didn’t know volunteered. This person was so pleasant and generous with

“I delivered meals to a member I was glad I could be there to support and her family after she had major them, particularly because this surgery. She told me that her husband member asks for so little and gives and kids were “feeling at sea” and so much, and is always grateful for “completely overwhelmed by her everything we do. It’s nice to know illness.” I understood how distressing that what we do makes a difference. the situation was and how difficult it was for them to deal with it. I was her time, I was really moved that she glad I could be there to support them, offered to help without even knowing particularly because this member asks me. That member told us that she for so little and gives so much, and volunteers whenever she can. “It’s part is always grateful for everything we of my responsibility as a member of do. It’s nice to know that what we do the community.” makes a difference.” Find out more at www.bj.org/hesed.

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‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH 2.0

FALL 2018

What Are You Doing After Life?

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s part of encouraging our community to make end-of-life decisions early, we suggest making your burial plans a part of that process.

“We’ve seen the burden put on those left behind to deal with these issues during a time of grief. Planning ahead is not morbid...it’s actually life affirming, and truly the best gift we can give to those we love.”

—Paula Kramer Weiss, BJ Member For more than 4,000 years, we have assumed the sacred responsibility begun by our ancestors to provide a place for the burial of our departed loved ones.

At B’nai Jeshurun, this obligation began when our congregation was founded in 1825, with a small plot for burials on West 32nd Street. In 1851, with our sister congregations Shearith Israel and Shaaray Tefilah, we purchased 12 acres of Brooklyn/Queens land to found Beth Olam Cemetery. Many prominent people are buried at Beth Olam, including Uriah Levy (founder of the B’nai Jeshurun Education Institute and the first Jewish commodore of the US Navy), Emma Lazarus, Benjamin Cardozo, BJ Rabbis Morris Jacob Raphall and Judah Magnes, and Sam Spiegel, producer of On the Waterfront and Lawrence of Arabia. Alongside these and other famous people, many generations of BJ families are buried there. BJ is now able to continue this tradition, having just confirmed the availability of two new sections of land with more than 200 burial plots at Beth Olam (an extremely rare find in the five

boroughs, where no new cemetery land will ever be approved).

In addition to the new plots at Beth Olam, a generous benefactor donated a section of King Solomon Memorial Park in Clifton, NJ, to BJ, more than 40 years ago, allowing new generations of our members to plan ahead for the eventualities we all face.

To that end, we encourage our community to explore the options available and to make arrangements before being confronted by the grief of loss. As we plan for the legal and emotional exigencies attendant to the end of life, we hope that purchasing burial plots will be part of that effort, and that doing so in the context of our BJ community will bring comfort.

Find out more at www.bj.org/cemetery.

For more information, questions, or to set up a private meeting, please email cemetery@bj.org.

Left: King Solomon Memorial Park, Clifton, NJ. This column: Beth Olam Cemetery, Brooklyn and Queens.

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‫ קולחדש‬KOL HADASH

SPRING 2019

Marshall T. Meyer 25th Anniversary Yahrzeit

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the man, the rabbi, to feel so incredibly anuary 2019 marked 25 years close to him and his legacy. For me, since the death of Rabbi Marshall the weekend awakened and enlivened T. Meyer. Through a series of that connection in even deeper ways. events, services, and gatherings, our To see all the fellows speak of the community came together to honor impact that Marshall has had on them Marshall and his memory, as we felt like such a gift—a moving reminder continue to build on his vision for BJ. After Shabbat, M.T.M. Rabbinic Fellows of who he was, as well as what BJ has been to so many, and an enduring from around the country continued affirmation of the power of Marshall’s the conversation at the fellows retreat.

Together, we looked back at Marshall’s life.” —Rabbi Felicia Sol Above: Kabbalat Shabbat with Rabbis Roly Matalon, legacy, we looked forward to the BJ Felicia Sol, Marcelo Bronstein, and Hazzan Ari community and the Marshall T. Meyer Priven, joined by current and former Marshall T. Meyer Rabbinic Fellows.

“When Roly and I began the fellowship, Rabbinic Fellows around the world, we had the intention of sharing what through whom Marshall’s vision lives Below: The 2019 M.T.M. Rabbinic Fellows Retreat. on, and we explored some of the issues we learned from Marshall with the next generation. facing America today through the lens Now, 25 years after his of Marshall’s experience and wisdom. death, many at BJ never personally knew Marshall.

The weekend was an “In 1985, 160 years after its founding, opportunity to go back B’nai Jeshurun embarked upon a to the images, sounds, new beginning under the spiritual and experiences of our leadership of Rabbi Marshall T. Meyer. teacher, to honor the Marshall’s passionate message past, and to be grateful resonated with many in search of a not only for what he gave relevant Judaism, and BJ flourished. us, but also how we have His vision and the fruits of his work evolved since. continue to live in our community.

May Marshall’s teachings continue to Since our very first fellow, Yael inspire, guide, and challenge us.”

“Although I never had the chance to —Rabbi Roly Matalon Ridberg, we have been meeting every meet him, Marshall’s legacy of fierce year or so, to check in, to see where leadership, heartfelt spirituality, and we are in life and share our common the pursuit of justice in the face of the experiences and challenges within our “The Marshall T. Meyer 25th perpetual plagues in the universe, has vocation. I learned how to be a mentor Anniversary Yahrzeit was a profound taught me that my own kotzer ruah, with my beloved fellows. For that, and opportunity to revisit Marshall’s life constriction of spirit, must not paralyze for the real sharing that has happened and vision and how he reshaped BJ in me, but motivate me to pursue a just during our time together, I am forever the 1980s, as well as to see how his and free society for all.” grateful.” legacy has shaped the rabbinate of —Rabbi Yael Ridberg —Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein so many M.T.M. fellows, and through them, their communities. It is amazing, despite not having personally known

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Remembering Ellen Landau

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hether it was mentoring young doctors, treating patients, or entertaining friends during the High Holy Days, Ellen Landau z”l welcomed people into her life, and she listened.

retreats, and other events. Through the ups and downs of her illness, she really searched to find spirituality in the brokenness and to hold up the possibility of healing.”

A long-time Upper West Side resident A long-time Upper West Side resident and social worker in private practice and social worker in private practice who specialized in family therapy, who specialized in family therapy, Ellen helped countless families Ellen helped countless families in the in the community struggling with community struggling with depression, depression, loss and other issues.

In her mid-thirties, Ellen met and got loss and other issues. She was known engaged to a doctor who, shortly after, for her warmth, thoughtfulness and her “Ellen was wonderful,” said Anne Ziff, a died suddenly. She never married or love of inviting guests into her home. friend, fellow clinician and BJ member. had children, instead fulfilling the role During Shabbat, Rosh Hashanah and “She was warm, open, and gracious, of auntie to her sister’s children and Yom Kippur break fast, her table would and she heard you when she listened. the children of her many friends. She spill over with food.

You could trust her.” Ellen and Anne trained local residents, who she fondly would often talk about clinical cases as referred to as “the baby doctors,” and well as the parashah of the week. “She Ellen made BJ her spiritual home she dug into her private family therapy believed and prayed,” Anne said, “and decades ago, attending services when practice on the Upper West Side. In her she could take time away from her she liked the way it felt to be at BJ.” later years, Ellen nurtured and lovingly busy professional life. When Ellen cared for a dog she adopted, Lucy. passed away this past year from cancer Ellen’s grandfather belonged to a at age 65, she left a generous portion Yeshiva on Coney Island, and Ellen Bob Goldman, who Ellen met in of her estate to BJ. She was proud, her grew up in an Orthodox household in graduate school, remembers friends said, of Rabbi Felicia Sol, and to Brooklyn, attending Orthodox summer gatherings at Ellen’s home always belong to a synagogue with a woman’s camp. She earned her bachelor’s brought together diverse groups of voice so prominent in its spiritual degree in social work from SUNY people. In her thick Brooklyn accent, leadership. It was a model absent from Buffalo, and then her master’s degree Ellen would regale guests with detailed Ellen’s Orthodox childhood. in social work from Columbia. In stories about each other. the 1980s, she worked with Salvador “Ellen was so happy to have found Minuchin, an Argentinian pioneer of “Ellen was a wonderful person and a a spiritual home at BJ,” said Rabbi family therapy and son of Jewish good friend,” Bob said. “She was warm Felicia Sol, “She anchored herself in immigrants from Russia. and welcoming. Her house, mind, and the community by coming to Shabbat heart were open. And she was proud to services, women’s programming and be a part of BJ.”

Planned Giving Making a planned gift to BJ ensures that your commitment to our spirited and dynamic community continues to help us grow, innovate, and make lasting social change for generations to come. To find out more about how you can create a meaningful legacy through supporting the BJ community, visit www.bj.org/plannedgiving or contact Jennifer Rubenstein at 212-787-7600 x252.

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SPRING FUNDRAISING CONCERT

Rise Up:

Music of Justice, Resistance, and Hope Wednesday, May 29 | 7:00PM | Sanctuary

Rise Up will celebrate how social change movements throughout the ages have been powered by the music of justice, resistance, and hope.

Through the music of Bob Dylan, Aretha Franklin, Harry Belafonte, and many more, this journey will reflect a true global tapestry of sound, creating a uniquely BJ experience.

Featuring: Shira Averbuch, Or Bareket, Deborah Sacks Mintz, Dan Nadel, Shoko Nagai, Arun Ramamurthy, Tali Rubinstein, Will Stone, and Satoshi Takeishi, with a special appearance by Hazzan Ari Priven.

Sponsorships and tickets are available now at www.bj.org/riseup.

B’nai Jeshurun SANCTUARY: 257 West 88th Street

RABBIS: J. Rolando Matalon • Felicia L. Sol • Erin R. Glazer • Marcelo R. Bronstein

OFFICE: 270 West 89th Street, New York, NY 10024-1705

HAZZAN: Ari Priven

TEL: 212-787-7600 | www.bj.org

MARSHALL T. MEYER RABBINIC FELLOWS:

facebook.com/bnai.jeshurun | twitter.com/bjnyc |

instagram.com/bj_nyc

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR: Colin A. Weil

Tobias Divack Moss • Margo Hughes-Robinson • Abi Weber