by
A Middle Child Zine
Submitted to the Department of Human and Family Retrogression Studies
Birth Order University
In Fulfillment to Please the Higher-Ups
For a Middle Child’s Degree
November 2024
Benedict Megriño Cauilan
TheSecondPlacer(Monologue)
BenedictMegriñoCauilan
Character:Geoff,24yrs.old
Garage There'samotorcycleinthemiddle,andtoolsandpartsarescatteredon thefloor.Helmetsarehungontheleftwall,whileapictureframeisontherightwall.
DanFogelberg'sLeaderoftheBandisplayingalongwiththesoundofclanking tools.Geoffenterswithcansofrootbeerinhishands.Heiswearingabackpack.
Geoff:Iknowyou'realwaysworkingonthatoldmotorcycle,whichiswhyIbought ourfavoritecansofrootbeeronmywayhere.(Handsoneofthecans.)Pa,Ihave somegoodnews.(Heputshisbackpackdown.)Iwasdirectlyinvitedtothe upcomingRoadRacingChampionship.But,asyouknow,Iaccidentallycrashedmy racingmotorcycleandIneedanewone.IknowitisonlyKuyaChristhatyoutrust withmoney,butPa(pauses)Ibadlyneedhundredsofthousandsrightnow.
Letmeholdtheflashlightforyou,Pa.(Looksclosely.)Oh,itseemslikethebrake caliperisbroken.Youknowyoushouldnotridethemotorcycleinthiscondition, right?Iknow,Papa.Ridingisyourfavoritepastimebutlet'sfixthebrakefirstforyour safety.HaveyouboughtnewrubbercomponentsoraskedKuyaChrisforhelp?Oh no(facepalm),hereallyknowsnothingaboutmotorcycles.Heshould,atleast,drive youtothenearestautosupplystore YougavehimaRoverandyethecan'thelp youwithyourmotorcycle knowingthatthismotorcycleisveryimportanttoyou?
Wait.IthinkIbroughtmycalipergreasewithme.No,Papa,it'sokay.Idon'thavea motorcyclerightnow;hence,wecanusemygreaseforthisbigman.(Laughs.)We willfixyourmotorcycleonewayoranother.ThisisthemotorcycleyouusedwhenI wasyourbackriderduringyourbreak-ininTagaytay Iwassurprisedthatday becauseIthoughtyouweregoingtopickKuyaChrislikeyoualwaysdo.Yes,Pa,I wassurprised.I'mgoingtotellyousomething.ThatwasthedayIfellinlovewith motorcyclesanddecidedIwantedtobelikeyou.DoyouthinkI'mdoingbetterthan youare?No,Pa.Youwillalwaysbetheman.
Ifnotforyou,Iwon'tlearnhowtoputmyweightonthekickstart,revuptheengine, andridesmoothly.YouarethereasonwhyIjoinedmotorracingcompetitions—you alwayswantedtohaveamotorracingchampioninourfamily (Whispers)Iwantto beachampionbecauseofyou.
WhataboutthegoodnewsItoldyouearlier?Thatistrue.(Hepicksuphisphone.) ThisistheemailthattheYamahaPHRacingTeamsentme.Theywantedmeto representLuzonintheRoadRacingChampionship.Papa,thisisthedream.Thisis yourdream Andthisismydream Icanwinthisandbringourfamilynametothe podium.AndifIwin,Pa,Iwillreturnthemoneyifyouletmehaveit.Ijustreallyneed tobuyadecentmotorcyclerightnow.HowmuchisadecentYamahasports motorcycle?Pa,anR7whichCCisaround690cost597,000pesos.Doyouthinkit's toomuch?
(Drinkstherootbeer)ButPapa,I'veheardyouwillgivetwomillionpesostoKuya Christostarthisbusiness.Papa,thatisalmostaquadrupleofwhatI'maskingyou. (Laughssarcastically).KuyaChrisislucky,hedoesn'thavetoprovehimselfworthy ofyouradoration.Hejusthastobealive.Yes,Papa.Iwillsayit.I'mtiredofthisgame offavoritism.Idon'tevenblamehimbuteversinceKuyaChriswasdiagnosedwitha heartdiseasewhenwewereyoung,youforgotthatyouhaveotherchildrentoo. (Pointsatthepicturehangingonthewall)Youevenhavehispictureinyourgarage (Voicecracking)ItrainedandriskedmylifeinthismotorracingjourneybecauseI wantedtomakeyouproud butIthinkIfailed.
Youdon'tthinkIfailed,Papa?DoyouthinkIdidgreat,really?Areyouproudofme, Papa?I'msorryfortheoutburstofemotion.IknowKuyaChrisneedsyoumorethan usbecauseunlikehim,wearestronger Ishouldhavebeenmoreunderstanding (Picksuphisgrease.)Iwillgobacktofixingyourmotorcycle.Icanhandlethis,Pa. Don'tworry.Youshouldgobackanddrinksomewater.Also,Pa,canyouaskKuya Christobringsometoolshere?Thankyou,Pa.
(Spreadsthegreaseonthefrontsideofthegarage).KuyaChris!Faster!Ineedtofix thisassoonaspossiblesoIcangobacktomyplace Bringthathere!KuyaChris? KuyaChris!Papa,KuyaChrisslippedandfellheadfirst.Papa!PoorKuyaChris.
julybabies/brb
BenedictMegriñoCa ilan
Iseeyouinevery
eIlookforyouin everyone.Irealize ydaylives.That’s whyit'swayhard urebecauseit imitatesrealitya behindnature. Numberoneproo Doyouthink we'llevergetclos ingsendsusto anotherdimensio usvisitors.When thekidssing:
d'yankamagalin d'yankaililibing
ndloving you?
Angdamingna gel,myAngel makesiteasier gelmakesiteasier tobelievethatI
MaybeIdon’thavetokilltheoldme,butIwillpayavisittoitsgraveonceamonth.If Iprayedforstrengthtoforgivemyfatherforallthethingshedidn’tdo,I’dscrapemy kneesbadly.HewouldthentellmetowashitandpoursomePovidone-iodine becausethat’sallheknows.That’sallheknows.Hedidn’twishtolearnmore.
Encoding...
] If I had a child of my own, I would impart her everything I know. And when there is no knowledge left to share, I’d ask God to reincarnate me in a different body with a different name so I would experience life again but from another perspective and learn whole new things. Then I would come back and teach it to her. If she asked me where did I went, sasabihin ko, nagpahangin lang. And she will believe it. She will believe me. [
Doyoubelieveinyourselfenoughtobecertainthatdespiteallthedespites,youwill persist?You’reaJulybaby.ItwasraininghardwhenyouwerebornandyourLola waspreparingalltherekadosforsopas.Youwereherfavorite.Unfortunately,she wenttoheavenbeforeseeingthatshineinyoureyestellingstrangersthatsomeday, youwillbeamongstthecelestialbodiesthatwouldgivesensetotheirdeepest nights.
Runkid,run!Takethislansetafrommypocketandneverspeaktoanyone.さような ら(Sayonara).
goodbreast
The "good breast"
to the nurturing refers and satisfying aspect of the mother that provides milk, and care. warmth, warmth, It is perceived as of a symb l. safety, love, and fulfillment, associatedassociated with posi+ive feelings of love and t rust.
badbreast
OnOn the other the hand, "bad breast" frustration represents and deprivation, when the or breast (or the mother) unavailable, is when the infant and hungry is not immediately fed. to This leads feelings
The of anger, anxiety, and fear. "bad breast" becomes a symbol of and threat, absence , neglect, lea leading to nega-ive emotions.
Department of Human and Family Retrogression Studies
Birth Order University
Dream-Goal Processing Session PsychologicalMoratoriumLab
Patient’sName:
H 152 CM W 50 KG
DC
WD (SWIM MORE, MA PSYCHOLOGY UP DILIMAN, SAVE 5K/MO, TRANSLATE ERIK ERIKSON’S PSYCHOSOCIAL THEORY, PUBLISH A ZINE, GROW OUT HAIR, LEARN HOW TO COOK YANG CHOW FRIED RICE, RDL 60KG, MASTER VERB CONJUGATION IN FRENCH, GAIN WEIGHT, WIN A PALANCA AWARD, CREATE A DIGI.P0D, BUY A SHOES, PRODUCE A ONE ACT PLAY, GET VALID IDS, TRAIN SUDOKU, CYCLE 10 KM, FINISH A BOOK, MEDITATE 30 MINS 2X/WK, VISIT DENTAL CLINIC, TEACH CHILDREN, CAFE RACER MOTORCYCLE, SEE AN OCEAN, BE A CYBORG.)
<A: 17-21 Y.O>
H 150 CM W 38 KG
WD (HOUSE IN A GATED DIVISION IN ALABANG, KENNETH COBBONPUE FURNITURES, ENROL DAUGHTERS IN SBCA, USPA POLOS, ENTER UP )
<A: 15-16 Y.O>
H 142 CM 32 KG
WD (NOT TO BE FORCED TO GO TO CHURCH)
<A: 12 Y.O>
H 137 CM 30 KG
WD (BE A HUMAN CALCULATOR, MAMA AND PAPA’S RECONCILIATION, CUT MY HAIR, WIN A HISTORY QUIZ BEE ) <A: 9-10 Y.O>
H 130 CM 27KG
WD (BE AN ASTRONAUT, RIDE A BICYCLE, BUY A ROBOT TOY, FISHERMAN, PLAY WITH MY PLAYMATES MORE OFTEN, LEARN HOW TO DO A RABONA KICK, SEE MY DENTIST, STAY AWAKE IN CHRISTMAS EVE TO SEE SANTA CLAUS, OWN A TECH DECK, FINISH WINDOW CARDS FASTER, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ) <A: 6 Y.O>
Result of 21-year-old P D-GP session H = Height W = Weight WD = Working Dream A = Age
The information provided above will serve as a foundation for the next stage of analysis, where we will explore the relationship between dreams and goals over time, and how they are influenced by physical changes, such as aging or life transitions.
ABUTIN ANG SUNOD NA ANTAS
BIBRASYON ANG UNANG TANDA NG ENERHIYA. ANG LAKAS NITO AY HINDI KATUMBAS NG
LIGALIG, BAGKUS NG KALMA. SA KONTROL AT SA PAGLIKHA.
Pavlov’sDogExperiment
BenedictMegriñoCauilan
[5stepstoberich:
1.Wakeupearly
2.Savemoney
3.Investinyourgrowth
4.Avoiddebt…]
Richpeoplewakeupearlyontheirultra-comfortmattressnexttotheirloving spousebecauseit’seasiertostaycommittedwhenmoneyisnotanissue.Rich peoplewakeupearlybecausetheycanindulgeinthemiddlepartoftheir clubhousesandwich[andthrowthecornerofthebread]orbabythebottleofthe maplesyrupthey’reabouttopourontheirpancakes.Richpeoplewakeupearlyand theywakeuptotheire-mailsandsuitsandKuyaDriversendsthemsafelyfrom pointAtopointBthroughthefamily’sToyotaFortuner.Richpeoplewakeupearly andwashtheirfaceinfrontoftheirvanitycabinets,whichvaultvariousskincare productsthattheirfavoriteYouTubersrecommend.Richpeoplewakeupearly,wear theircomfyclotheswiththeirAdidasSambaorOnitsukaTiger,andgotoschool.Rich peoplewakeupearlytogotoschoolwiththeirMacBookand/oriPads,ormaybe studyinacafeandordertheirfavoriteFrappe.Richpeoplewakeupearlyandjog aroundthevilla,takepicturesoftheiroutfits,andadjustthecontrastbeforeputting itontheirIGstoriestofittheirnewsfeeds’aesthetic.Richpeoplewakeupearlyand playgolfortenniswiththesonsoftheirfathers’conglomeratesandtalkbusiness. Richpeoplewakeupearlywithoutworryingaboutwhattoeatorwhattowear.Rich peoplewakeupearlyandtheyhavetheirscheduleironed.Richpeoplewakeup earlyandcreateaworldwhereinchoiceisanillusion.Richpeoplewakeupearly becausetheycanaffordtotakeanapintheafternoon.Richpeoplewakeupearly becausetheycanaffordtowakeupearly.Richpeoplecanwakeupearlyifthey wantto.
Ontheotherhand,we,poorpeoplewakeupearlybecausewearetryingtocatch earlypublictransportation butsincetherearesomanypoorpeople,weallendup inthesamePUVsorPUJs—condensedlikesardinesinacan.We,poorpeople,wake upearly,anddipourpandesalinourmugsofinstantcoffee,beforehavingour mindsandbodiestoastedfromthefiresofcapitalismfrom9to5.We,poorpeople wakeupearlyandsayoursilentprayerswhilewewrestleagainsttheseaofother
devotees,it’soursports.Poorpeoplewakeupearlybecausewecan’tbemourning fromsalarydeductions.Inflationisrisingandincomesarestagnantourpurchasing powerisbecomingweakerandweaker,wecan’tbemourningfromsalary deductions.Poorpeoplewakeupearlybecausewemust,hopingthathardwork wouldbeenough.God,letitbethefifthstep.
[5stepstoberich: 5…Havean(orbethe)ultra-richparentthatexploitstheworkersand/orfarmers]
Tellmethehorrorsinsideyourheart.Areyoureallyabadadult,or justachildwhoseneedswereneglected?
Mammamexitibus
Pueritiatrauma
Sanatioquaesitor
Fig.1Karkinos(2003)
BigGirlsDon’tCry
BenedictMegriñoCauilan
I.
IwassixyearsoldwhenMamajoinedusduringherbath.ItwasthefirsttimeIsawa nakedwoman Iwasinawe Iwatchherasshegentlysoapshernape,thenher underboob,downtoherbuttocksandthighs.MyMama'sbodyisgreat.It'savessel thatgavebirthtofourlegendsifnotfive.Whatwasmagicalthough,washowher softskincalmedmysystemliketherewasnothingtoworryaboutintheworld,not evenasingleone.Whatwasmagicalwashowherhandguidedmewhensolving mathematicalproblemsandgavemetheconfidencethatIcouldanswerallthe arithmeticquestionsleftinthetextbook
II.
WhenwillIeverstopwritingaboutmyloveformyMama?ThatisallIcando.She doesn'tneedit.Shedoesn'tneedit.WhenwillIeverstopcryingaboutmyMama? ThatisthelastthingIwanttodo.Ineedit.Ineedit.
III.
Aloveroncetoldmethatshewasshybecauseshewasn'tlightweight.Iwasn'table totellherthatitwasfine.Itwascompletelyfine.Noteverybodyprefersapetiteone.I lookformyMamainthecurvesofallthewomenI'velovedandgetdisappointed whenIseeher.Isawher.Isawhereyes.Isawthegleaminhereyes.Isawthegleam inhereyesthatIsoondiscoveredtoberaysofuntruthfulness MyMamataughtme howtolieandhowitisnecessaryinordertosurvive,andnow,theonlytruethingleft inmeismyloveforher.
IV.
Herweightbrokemyribcage.DoIgiveafuck?She'sfuckinghot.I'dfuckherbrains out I'dfuckheruntilshe'stiredandwhenshe'sasleep,I'drollontheothersideofthe bed.Ineedtocry.