PWH LEADERHIP SUMMIT

3 Magical Phrases to Enhance Your Communication Skills

By AmyK Hutchens

On average, you engage in six to nine significantly meaningful conversations each day that will influence your future. Relationships with colleagues, family members, neighbors, your partner, and even yourself are filled with meaningful conversations, and several of them, can be down-right tough conversations.

Suppose in this crazy, complex world you could start every day with a confident smile, knowing every tough conversation at work and at home will ignite an “aha” moment and get you the results you desire. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Guess what: you can. And all it requires is one significant adjustment to how you play this game called communication. You have to learn how to navigate the tough conversations in your life without saying something you’ll regret, giving your power away, or damaging your relationships along the way.

Communication is hard, so we’re going to make it a whole lot easier with three Magical Phrases. Start using these three Magical Phrases, and you’ll start turning tough conversations into highly profitable ones.

1. “How Might We...”

Maybe you want to increase sales by 12 percent, improve your marriage, or raise money for a charity. Unfortunately, when you first think about your wants, your brain’s initial reaction is, “Yep, that’s nice. I want that too.” But it doesn’t do anything.

This inaction stems from the fact that the brain needs a trigger. To effectively ignite your thinking, you must flip your objective from a statement to a question using: “How might we…” Posed as a question, this phrase immediately engages your brain into figuring out how to answer and fulfill this want of yours. You start reflecting on past successes and failures. You start evaluating current conditions, variables, and options. You start predicting exactly how you and your posse might best move forward and make it happen.

“How might we…” instantly conveys that you expect everyone to do some thinking and invites the collective sharing of ideas. “How might we…” requests engagement and participation and expresses inclusion and collaboration.

For example:

> How might we make this process more efficient? > How might we meet and exceed this goal? > How might we create more time for us?

Placing the words “How might we…” at the beginning of your stated desire, so you turn it into a question, will raise the quality of your thinking and have you (and others) working toward your want, pronto.

2. “A Part of Me…”

One of my most favorite one-liners to reduce tension in a tough conversation and lower the other person’s defenses is: “A part of me…” This phrase is a brilliant way to express a negative emotion you are feeling while simultaneously creating space for other emotions and possible solutions.

Whether you’re upset with a partner, frustrated with one of your kids, fed up with an underperformer at work, or dealing with a difficult sibling, it’s important to not speak in absolutes. When you say, “I’m frustrated” or “I’m disappointed,” the other person hears an absolute. There’s no wiggle room for other emotions. It’s as if you just said, “I’m 100 percent frustrated” or “I’m 100 percent disappointed.”

Whereas, when you say, “A part of me is frustrated…, “ or “A part of me is disappointed,” you’re communicating that it’s not your only emotion. You’re also leaving wiggle room for respect, hope, love, and connection. Tension deescalates because you’ve created space for dialogue instead of defensiveness.

3. “I Have This Story in My Head.”

When you get triggered by a life event, by some circumstance—whether it’s a computer system crashing, a diet failing, or a presentation going up in smoke—you make up a story about it in your head.

When you share a story in your head, you frequently approach these conversations bombastically, aggressively, passive-aggressively, or defensively. You say things such as, “You don’t want to hang out with us anymore,” “You don’t want me to be successful,” or, “Nothing I ever say is good enough.”

During difficult conversations, your story might get in the way of resolution. When you state your story as if it is fact, as if it is the only reality that could possibly exist, you risk fanning the flames of a fight. Rather than feeling more connected, accepted, and loved (which is what you really want when you share your story), you increase another’s defensiveness and walls start going up—fast.

Conversely, when you state your story as if it’s a work in progress and open to modification, you make space for greater understanding. You’re inviting further interpretations and a more complete perspective.

When you say, “I have this story in my head… I don’t even know if it’s true. I’m sharing it with you because I’m wondering if it’s even accurate,” this creates space for the possibility that you don’t have it all figured out, and it gives the other party a chance to confirm or correct.

REGISTER BY APRIL 15, 2021

Quality Conversations Make for a Quality Life

After twenty-eight years as a teacher, trainer, business consultant, coach, and award-winning international speaker, I have repeatedly proven in my own life and the lives of my clients that the quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of your conversations.

When you use these three Magical Phrases, your toughest conversations will almost magically become far less daunting. These phrases will have you confidently and competently navigating your way through your most critical conversations, so you strengthen your relationships and get more of what you want, starting today.

SNEAK PREVIEW:

PWH® Leadership Summit Keynote Speaker

AmyK Hutchens is all about personal and professional growth – one conversation at a time. Hutchens is an international award-winning speaker, the Amazon #1 bestselling author of the books, GET IT: Five Steps to the Sex, Salary and Success You Want and The Secrets Leaders Keep and is the founder of the global community shegetsit.com. AmyK has over twenty years’ experience training and consulting with clients such as The Home Depot, Starbucks Canada, Comerica Bank, Expedia, Lockheed Martin, Securian Financial, Walmart, John Paul Mitchell Systems and hundreds more. AmyK travels the globe, physically and virtually, sharing with executives, influencers and go-getters HOW to confidently and competently navigate their toughest conversations. AmyK received her M.S. from Johns Hopkins University, and has been seen, heard or read on Bloomberg, NBC, ABC, USA Today, Entrepreneur, and U.S. News & World Report. She resides in San Diego, California.

Don’t miss AmyK Hutchens’ keynote address, “The Power of Profitable Conversations— Leadership,” during the PWH® Leadership Summit, Monday, May 17 at 4:00 pm ET.

Visit www.mywph.org for details on how to register to attend.