20.14 Halloween II by boiMAGazine & boiMAG.com

3700 N. Halsted St. #2-S Chicago, IL 60613 773.975.0264 Editorial: boieditorial@aol.com Advertising: boiads@aol.com

EDITORIAL Mike Macharello: Publisher Rick Karlin: Editor

layout & design Titanium Graphics, Inc.

advertising Freddie: freddie@boiMAGazineChicago.com Dave: dave@boiMAG.com National, Rivendell Media: sales@rivendellmedia.com

photographerS Eamonn Sexton Ken Brown, KAB Photography

COVER 13th Floor Haunted House

editorial contributors Gregg Shapiro, Ace Magyar, Parker Carr Sue Deaunym, Anita Taylor, Michael Elder

boiMAG

halloween

countdown

Friday, October 17 The Call “Witches Among Us” musical tickets at www.brownpapertickets.com/ Thursday, October 23 Sidetrack - Night of 100 Drag Queens event/863646 (see above) Saturday, October 18 Friday October 24 The Call - Ashley Morgan and the Chicago Spirit Brigade present “Heaven The Call “Witches Among Us” musical tickets at www.brownpapertickets.com/ and Hell - A Halloween Drag Review” event/863646 Followed by “Jai Ho(rror)” benefits HOW, Housing Opportunities Trikone Chicago’s annual Bollywood for Women. Halloween party. Special points for South Asian-inspired scary costumes! Sunday, October 19 Performances at midnight and a lineup The Call - “Hard Candy - A Drag of Best Costumes begins at 10. Experience” Have you ever wanted to try drag? Have you done it and have Crew holds its annual “Rocky Horror the itch, and need a stage to perform? Picture Show” party with favors Are you a seasoned performer and for all the “most unconventional just want to try out a new number or conventionists" and a costume contest routine? Sign up at 8:30, show at 9. at 11, with $100 cash/prizes for first Fear City Haunted House LGBTQ night, place, $50 second and a $25 Crew gift “Scream!”, benefits the AIDS Foundation certificate for third. of Chicago. Cash bar, DJ $20-$35, tickets Hydrate - Hydrate and Neverland may be purchased in advance at www. present a "Dia de los Muertos" FearCityChicago.com or at the box Halloween party. office. Bus transportation to and from Scream! will be available. Buses will Saturday October 25 leave from Mary’s Attic and Little Jim’s. The Call “Whores of Horror 5: Freak Show” An eerie drag show tale of Tuesday, October 21 horror from outside the big top at 9, $10 Roscoe’s Say “Halleloo!” as the club welcomes special guest Shangela, from ticket at the door “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” CGMC- Lipstick & Lyrics, "Into the Hood: A Mary-Tale" at Park West, $35 to $100, Wednesday October 22 Sidetrack - “Night of 100 Drag Queens” 8. Tickets available at www.cgmc.org. features a “who’s who” of Chicago drag. Halloween Booze Cruise and fireworks. A VIP reception allows early access to the best seats in the house and a Hydrate kicks off its "Asylum" themed performance by Dixie Lynn Cartwright Halloween parties with "Psych Ward." as she sings live. Tickets: VIP $20 in BTW, a $30 VIP pass is good for express advance/$25 at the door, general access to all of Hydrate's Halloween admission, doors open at 8. Tickets parties. are available at Sidetrack or www. sidetrackchicago.com.

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Sidetrack becomes a sideshow for the entire week leading up to Halloween. Special pop-up sideshow performances will take place throughout the week starting with a Dog Day Saturday costume party for canines. From 3-5. Later that night, roaming performers from the “Carnival of Curiosity and Chaos” are on hand. Stop by in costume and have your picture taken with the Sidetrack Sideshow backdrop. Wheaton Flea Market has tons of activities. Wear your costume and join in the fun.

ProgressBar holds its costume contest tonight with $700 in prizes. Sidetrack screens Halloween and horror comedy videos in the Main, Glass and Cherry bars and music and scares in the BackBar and DeckBar. Friday October 31 The Call “Witches Among Us” musical tickets at www.brownpapertickets. com/event/863646 Followed by “It’s Britney Halloween Bitch!” Chicago’s Original Britney Spears tribute night! Come dressed as your favorite Britney, contest for best Britney looks as well as Halloween costume at 10, no cover.

Monday October 27 Sidetrack show tunes get spooktacular, Circuit holds a costume contest with $1,000 in cash prizes. with a live performance of “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” Haunted Booze Cruise, includes some by Porchlight Theater. light snacks and an after party. Tuesday October 28 Hydrate is "Deranged" featuring a Sidetrack Diva night is spellbinding performance by Alyson Calanga, with the Annie Lennox album release party, as they screen Annie's “I Put A Little Jim’s costume contest has $200 in Spell On You." video. prizes Wednesday October 29 NortHalsted 18th Annual Halloween Sidetrack hosts an “American Horror Story” costume and viewing party, with Parade - This year’s theme is “Freak live performances and trivia. Watch the Show.” The costume contest kicks off the freaky festivities at Halsted and show and enter the costume contest Belmont. Finalists and winners will be representing any of the seasons of chosen prior to parade start. Costume “AHS.” categories include: drag, group, original, pet and scariest costume. Winners Thursday, October 30 receive prize packages valued at more Circuit celebrates “Latino Halloweeno” than $2,000. Registration 5-7 at Halsted/ with a special show and no cover Belmont, parade kicks-off at 8 and (especially on the men dancing.) travels north along Halsted to Addison. Hydrate goes "Paranoia" with its Las Mañanitas gives ever diner in Halloween Eve party. costume a shot of Patron XO Café. That NortHalsted 18th Annual Halloween should warm you up a bit. Parade sneak peak and pre-registration, MB Financial Bank, 3179 N. Clark, 5:30- “A Nightmare At Phoenix” in Elk Grove 8. Free, have some eats and drinks while Village with a $300 prize costume contest. you check out the freak show peeps.

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Sidetrack offers up a “Sideshow.” Get there early for the best seats to watch the “Northalsted Halloween Parade” (kicking-off at 8pm) in comfort simulcast live inside on more than 35 TV screens. Live performances continue all night with a $500 costume contest at 10:30. Smart Bar “Savages” with Justin Long, Harry & Jpeg. Those who come dressed to the hilt for the occasion will be rewarded in kind. Touche’ - Treats & tricks all night long; starting at 10. Enter to win the costume contest. Saturday, November 1 We can’t get enough Halloween, so let's continue the fun and celebrate Day of the dead as well. Circuit holds a "Day of the Dead" party with hot and horny dancers CircuitMom/Revolution presents “Haunted Hollywood”. Wanna guess how many Bette Davis/Joan Crawford duos there’ll be as Baby Jane and Blanche at House of Blues? Hydrate gets rid of all the demons with "Exorcism" featuring the debut of DJ Gary Scheiman. Last night was such a success, they're repeating “A Nightmare At Phoenix” in Elk Grove Village with a $200 prize costume contest.

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TOWN HALL APARTMENTS Chicago’s First GLBT Friendly Senior Housing Development Opens By Rick Karlin

Heartland Housing and Center on Halsted (COH) recently welcomed its first residents to Town Hall apartments, the Chicago area’s first GLBT-welcoming, affordable senior housing development. The 79-unit building on Halsted and Addison provides seniors of all sexual orientations with a safe, welcoming, affordable place to live. The $24 million project will incorporate programming and support from the COH’s senior group and the building will be maintained and managed by Heartland Alliance, which operates many other senior residences throughout the city. Ed Lund, 69, one of Town Hall’s first residents explains the need for GLBT friendly housing, “As you get older, it just feels more comfortable to be around people who understand and share your background."

neighboring COH (also constructed on property formerly owned by the City of Chicago) and Heartland Housing to develop the building into the affordable housing for seniors was accepted by the city in 2011. Most of the building was demolished, but the facade was retained. "It is very powerful to know we are reclaiming history," says COH director Tico Valle. "We are creating something beautiful with it." For more information, visit: www.heartlandalliance.org or

Town Hall, which had more than 400 applicants for 79 studio and one-bedroom apartments, makes Chicago became the third city in the country to open housing catering to low-income GLBT people in the past year. Rent and income restrictions vary and there are currently no vacancies and the waitlist is closed. The Town Hall police station was constructed in 1907 on the site of a former city hall and housed the Lakeview unit of the police department. The building, a well-preserved example of Classical Revival architecture common to the city at the start of the 20th century, has always been a landmark in the neighborhood. During the 1960s through the early ‘70s, police routinely raided on gay establishments, bringing those arrested to the Town Hall Station for detainment. In the mid-80s relations between the police and GLBT community improved, but the station served as a reminder of past oppression. The Town Hall Station was decommissioned by the city in 2009 and a proposal by the

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Motor Mouth What Your Car Says About You

By Parker Carr There’s an old saying, “Clothes make the man.” That may be true if you wear $5,000 suits, but for most of us, it’s our cars that tell the world about us. Here are some types to watch for. Rich Pricks buy an expensive car just to show they can afford it. They don’t care about the effect on the environment or the cost of gas. They also tend to be the folks who park straddling two parking spaces so their cars don’t get scratched, cut you off in traffic and generally treat everyone as if they were their servants. I have a friend who insists that the men who drive these cars are compensating for having a small penis. When asked about the women who buy them, he responds that they probably have small penises, too. You’ll see them driving a Porsche Cayenne, Hummer H2 or any other luxury SUV. Roid Rager is almost exclusively a male category, although some really butch dykes would be happy to be included. These men think power under the hood means power in the pants. Their jacked up cars often match their jacked up bodies. Watch for a Corvette, Mustang or an exotic European sports car, preferably with gull wings. A subset of this category is the person is the Faux Frontiersmen. Most likely they belong to a militia group and listen to Ted Nugent. Green as Grass is one category in which men and women are equally represented. They’re driving a hybrid or all electric car. The hatch or trunk

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is filled with reusable shopping bags, so they have to put the containers they’re taking in for recycling in the back seat, on top of the blanket that covers the seat so that their six rescued greyhounds don’t get hair all over the upholstery. Their ride is a Prius, Spark, Leaf, Accord Hybrid, or if they’ve got big bucks a Tesla Model S or BMW i3. Mom Jeans are cars that say, “I don’t ever expect to be considered sexy ever again.” It doesn’t matter if it’s a man or a woman these rides indicate that they’ve decided to go for comfort over fashion. It’s no surprise that the most popular colors for these cars is beige; Dodge Caravan, Toyota Camry and Chevy Impala. OMWA is an acronym for “old man with a hat.” We could also call this category OLWTH (old lady with teased hair.) There are usually four signifiers; a huge car driven by a small person who can barely see over the wheel, driving well below the speed limit, not hearing (or ignoring) fellow drivers honking at them and the right turn indicator is always blinking. Their ride is usually a Buick of some kind, most likely a Park Avenue. Other popular options are the Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Grand Marquis, Cadillac DeVille or Lincoln Town Car.

FIT TIPS By Michael Elder

The Beauty of The Roman Chair To perform lower back extensions on the Roman Chair 1. Lay face down, tucking your ankles securely under the footpads. 2. Adjust the upper pad if possible so your upper thighs lie flat across the wide pad, leaving enough room for you to bend at the waist without any restriction. 3. With your body straight, cross your arms in front of you or behind your head. This will be your starting position. You can also hold a weight plate for extra resistance in front of you under your crossed arms.

One thing I have noticed as a trainer over the years, is that there seems to be an obsession with some people when it comes to training their abs. It is just as important to train the lower back. One sure fire way to effectively train the lower back is by utilizing the Roman Chair. This glorious piece of equipment can be found in just about any gym or health club and is a gold standard for training the lower back. This is a simple exercise but can feel intense to certain people. If lowering all the way down feels like too much, simply decrease your range of motion by lowering only half way down. If you experience any light headedness with this movement, place your arms over your head and take deep breaths upon completion. It should dissipate quickly.

4. Start bending forward slowly at the waist as far as you can while keeping your back flat. Inhale as you perform this movement. Keep moving forward until you feel a nice stretch on the hamstrings. Some people can go farther than others. The key thing is to go as far as your body allows without rounding your back. 5. Slowly raise your torso back to the initial position as you exhale. Avoid the temptation to arch your back past a straight line. Care should be taken to perform this movement slowly as too much momentum can actually cause hyperextension, risking the lower back strain. 6. Repeat until your lower back begins to fatigue.

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ignore your lower back; it is too important. Hop on that Roman Chair! Michael Elder has been working as a fitness professional in Chicago for the last fifteen years. He comes from a background in gymnastics and is certified as a personal trainer through the American Council on Exercise (ACE). He can be reached directly through his website: www.MichaelElder.com.

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iMUSIC By Gregg Shapiro

AUTUMN DANCE PARTY The dance music world was dealt a tragic blow when legendary producer and songwriter Frankie Knuckles passed away in March 2014. An artist of epic proportions, openly gay Frankie Knuckles single-handedly made Chicago’s house music genre a household word, if you will. Just how significant Knuckles’ contributions were was exemplified by his signing to a major label (Virgin) in the 1990s, bringing a formerly underground kind of music to the fore. Both of his albums for that label, 1991’s Beyond The Mix and 1995’s Welcome To The Real World have been reissued “straight from the crates on heavyweight vinyl” by Virgin/UMe. Beyond The Mix opens with the dated hip-hop/house hybrid “Godfather” which bellows 1991. Things improve on “Rain Falls’ (which could have used a little more thunder) and the airy treat of Eric Kupper’s “The Whistle Song.” Side two is more consistent, with the “Party At My House,” “Right Thing” and “Workout” triple play. Welcome To The Real World, featuring vocalist Adeva on 10 of the 13 tracks (as well as prominently on the cover alongside Knuckles), contains the huge dance hit “Too Many Fish,” as well as the club sensation “Whadda U Want (From Me).” On the whole, though, the album sounds like the corporate idea of what house music ought to sound like for the masses rather than the foundation on which Knuckles built his own house. With its debut album New Eyes UK dance music quartet Clean Bandit has made a record as irresistible as Disclosure’s Settle or Goldfish’s Three Second Memory. High-kicking things 22 boiMAG

off with the tasteful “Mozart’s House,” Clean Bandit makes a powerful opening statement. “Extraordinary” comes close to living up to its title, “Rather Be” is rather exciting, “A&E” adds a pleasing island breeze to the disc and “Telephone Banking” cashes in on electronic experimentation. Don’t listen to Junto by groundbreaking Basement Jaxx and expect the Basement Jaxx of their Astralwerks days. Those first three albums, especially Remedy and Rooty, were unique unto themselves and the time. Fifteen or so years later, the groundwork Basement Jaxx helped to lay has benefited countless deserving (and undeserving) electronic music acts. That said, Junto is an improvement on prior releases and offers an array of delightfully danceable tunes including “Power To The People” , “Never Say Never,” the spacey “We Are Not Alone,” the I-came-to-party-anthem “What’s The News” and the (fish) tail wagging “Mermaid of Salinas.” Sometimes dance music comes from unexpected sources. Take brainy pop band Bishop Allen, for example. In a little over ten years, the band, led by Justin Rice and Christian Rudder, has perfected its distinctive style of sophisticated but accessible pop. On its latest full-length Lights Out, Bishop Allen amps up the dance factor on songs such as “Hammer and Nail,” “Bread Crumbs,” “Start Again,” “Good Talk,” and unlock the funk on “Skeleton Key.”

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By Rick Karlin

NEWS BYTES

The new breakfast of champions!

couples, a federal judge in North Carolina has lifted temporary delays in two cases challenging the state’s same-sex marriage ban.

Recent commercials for the Cheerios have featured bi-racial and same sex couples. General Mills, the company that makes the cereal is no Nathan Lane Children’s Book Author! doubt getting a lot of negative feedback. The best way to show your support is to go out and Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers announced Monday that the Broadway, film buy a box. and movie star, has signed a deal for a picture book, “Naughty Mabel.” The book, the first of a Healthy Hook Ups planned series about Mabel’s misadventures, New York’s health department has launched will be released next fall. Co-written by Lane a $500,000 advertising campaign promoting and his partner, Devlin Elliott and illustrated by HIV-preventative drugs on hookup apps, Dan Krall, it is inspired by the couple’s French predominantly those which are designed for bulldog, who they acknowledge is spoiled. gay men. The ads for the controversial PrEP drug She is supposedly known as “the queen of the Truvada (a daily pill which claims to reduce the Hamptons.” Funny, I thought that was Nathan’s risk of HIV infection by up to 99%) target users nickname. of hookup apps Grindr and Scruff, as well as gay men on Twitter and Facebook with the slogan, Gilding the Lily “Share the Night, Not HIV”. Lily Tomlin will be one of five recipients of this Kennedy Center Honors, the national Revenge is Best Served… With Cake year’s awards for influencing American culture The owners of Sweet Cakes, an Oregon Bakery through the arts, being presented on Dec. which last year refused to provide a wedding 7. Tomlin, 75, will be the first openly lesbian cake to a same-sex couple, is now facing a fine recipient of the award. She gained fame on of up to $150,000 and bankruptcy. The owners “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In” with her popular of a bakery closed have accused gay activists of characters of Ernestine, the telephone operator, using “militant, mafia-style tactics” to force their and Edith Ann, a little girl. She went on to business to shut down. perform in comedy specials and Broadway shows written by her partner of 43 years, Jane Do You Take This…Wait A Minute Wagner. In the movies, Tomlin appeared in It appeared as if Nevada, home to Las Vegas, Robert Altman’s “Nashville” and “9 to 5″ with which bills itself as “The marriage capital of Jane Fonda and Dolly Parton. On TV, she had the world”, wouldn’t be hosting any same roles in “Murphy Brown,” “Will and Grace” and sex weddings following the Supreme Court “The West Wing,” among others. decision that effectively made gay marriage legal in about 30 states. The 9th Circuit Court of Cruz Control Appeals, which handles much of the Western After, same-sex couples in the five effected U.S., issued a decision that overturned gay states began lining up to finally take part in the marriage bans in cases from Nevada and Idaho. constitutional right to marry. Most people were Before any couples were able to make their happy. Texas Senator Ted Cruz was furious when unions official, Justice Anthony Kennedy issued the Supreme Court announced that it would a ruling that seemed to block gay marriage in not hear any of the pending marriage equality both states with a temporary delay, but hours cases. In a seven paragraph statement posted to later a new memo from the Supreme Court his U.S. Senate web site, Cruz unleashed hateful clarified the decision, saying it applied only to anti-gay marriage statements the Supreme Idaho because officials there challenged the Court’s action “judicial activism at its worst,” 9th Circuit’s decision but those in Nevada did “tragic and indefensible,” “preposterous,” and a not. In other states; a judge in northeast Kansas “usurpation” by the courts. He also called for ordered a county to issue same-sex marriage a bill to undo federal recognition of marriage licenses and said the ruling was meant to clear equality. The idiot wants to modify the U.S. up confusion, South Carolina’s attorney general Constitution to block marriage equality. asked the state Supreme Court to stop a judge from issuing marriage licenses to same-sex

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Chicago's

in the know ... ON THE GO!

By Sue Deaunym

Boo! We’ve got all of our Halloween happenings covered in the “Halloween Countdown” article, but that doesn’t stop us from giving a Big Boo to The Lakeside Pride Band. On Sunday, Nov. 16 the band will feature Lea Delaria, in “Women in Music: a celebration” at the Preston Bradley Center. Delaria, who plays a supporting role as Big Boo on the series “Orange is the New Black”, will host the event, which will also feature a guest appearance by the Artemis Singers. ... And even though we’re not listing all the Halloween events in this column, we couldn’t let two of our favorites go without mention. Night of 100 Drag Queens at Sidetrack is a Chicago institution and this year’s shows are on Wednesday and Thursday, Oct. 22 and 23. The theme is “Animal Queendom” and, as usual benefits Equality IL… A bit newer on the scene, but just as much fun is the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus’ Lipstick & Lyrics benefit on Oct. 25. This year’s show "Into the Hood: A MaryTale" will feature over the top fun at Park West. Ticket prices range from $35 to $100. Living History On Thursday, Oct. 16 Peter Fiske shares stories and experiences from his 50+ years in the leather community at the Leather Archives and Museum (LA&M). Jakob VanLammeren, LA&M archivist and collections librarian, will host the event. It’s free for those 18 and older. … On Wednesday, Nov. 12 Chicago’s Gay & Lesbian Hall of Fame will induct its new members at The Chicago History Museum. The event is free and open to the public... The first Tuesday of the month is upon us, so head over to Sidetrack for “OUTspoken! LGBTQ Stories” on Nov. 4… Ride ‘em cowboy or ride a cowboy! Either one is apropos at Rancho Bracho, the Latino C&W night on Sundays at Phoenix. Women and Song On Saturday, Nov. 15 open lesbian and same-sex marriage fan (she’d had like five

wives, hasn’t she?) Melissa Etheridge comes to the Cadillac Palace with her "This Is M.E." tour. Tickets are priced from $60 to $115 (she’s got a lot of alimony to pay.)… Speaking of out lesbians, but one who has held on to her wife, Wanda Sykes is at The Chicago Theatre on Oct. 18... “The Book of Merman”, a new musical comedy by Jeff Award-winning author/composer Leo Schwartz, imagines what happens when two Mormons ring a doorbell, and a certain Broadway legend answers. The show doesn’t open until Jan. 23, but since it’s at the intimate Mary's Attic, and bound to be a hot ticket, you’d better get yours now at brownpapertickets.com… Roscoe's Drag Race will feature special guest, my favorite “RuPaul’s Drag Race” contestant, Ben DeLaCreme on Tuesday, Oct. 28. Political Poop Is Tom Tunney crazy? Why would he suggest moving the Pride Parade downtown? Does he really think the area’s bars would be willing to give up that day’s business? According to Tunney, more than half of Lakeview residents would prefer the Chicago Pride Parade be moved downtown. Which half is that? The stroller brigades that have moved into a neighborhood that the GLBT neighborhood improved? Yes, the parade draws more than a million people to the neighborhood, but moving it isn’t the answer, distributing the crowd better is! As anyone who has ridden a float in the parade can tell you, some areas are packed as tight as a virgin’s ass and others are as wide open as a bottom ass at Steamworks. Tunney’s website www.44thward.org/site/ files/1026/155261/509962/714847/44th_ ward_identified_responses.pdf shows all sorts of charts and graphs, but there’s no way to see who’s pushing for the parade to move. I bet it isn’t the GLBT community… Don’t forget that general elections are being held on Tuesday, Nov. 4. Publishers note: Problems occur when the parade goes on too long. To address the neighborhood concerns, make sure the parade is limited to two hours or less.

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ASK ACE by Ace Magyar

the problem was about and it has affected his business. I removed the comment, but the damage is done. Is there any way to fix this?

Perplexed Party Planner

Dear FF,

I have two friends (a couple) who are lovely people. I adore them and they have proven to be true friends, coming through for me in difficult times. They are nearly perfect, except for one thing, they don’t ever clean their house. I’m certain that the board of health would condemn their house of they ever saw it. I haven’t been there in years, but the last time I was, I saw things scurrying about, not just roaches, but I’m certain that they have rats as well. The odd thing is that they are both fastidious about their dress and grooming, so most people wouldn’t ever think they had this problem. I’m a clean freak and I’ve been able to deal with this for the most part just by avoiding visiting them; we meet at clubs or for dinner. I’m having a big party and many of our mutual friends will be there, so I must invite them. I get upset enough thinking what vermin they might bring into my house in their clothing, but now they’ve informed me that they’d like to bring something for the party. I can’t tell them not to since they know others are doing so. What can I do?

Dear PPP,

Simply say that you’d prefer that they didn’t bring anything, just their company is enough. I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t pick up on the reason that you don’t want them to bring anything to the party. Most hoarders, ablutophobics (those who have a fear of cleaning) and just plain slobs, know they have a problem. If they don’t pick up on your hint and you truly feel that they are friends, you owe it to them to be honest with them. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, suggest that they bring a bottle of wine or stop on the way and buy a couple bags of ice.

Facebook Fiasco

I was very angry with someone and made a comment on Facebook. I thought only the few people involved with the incident would know what I was talking about, but it seemed many people were able to figure out what

Unfortunately, no. All you can do is apologize and acknowledge your mistake. Admit you acted rashly and that you wish you hadn’t done what you did. Accept the consequences and move on. If it affected your friends business, don’t be surprised if he is no longer your friend.

Hurt Houseguest

I stayed at a friend’s house during a visit to another city. We have been hosting each other for more than 30 years and have always had a great time visiting each other. We’re both visual artists so much of the time I stay in my room sketching, while she works in her studio. We take a break mid-day and chat, and then head back to our respective workspaces, getting together again in the evening. On this last trip, I was in her city for a gallery opening of my work. I was supposed to stay for a week, but she was so unpleasant (criticizing my work, making snarky comments) that I ended up moving to a hotel. I am very considerate when I stay with her, so I don’t understand why her behavior changed. It’s been a few weeks since I returned home and neither of us has initiated any contact.

Dear HH,

If this relationship is important to you, pick up the phone now. Talk it out. Maybe you inadvertently did something to upset her or maybe she was just having a really bad day. Since you say you’ve been friends for 30 years, I’m assuming that she is at least middle aged or older. As we age we get rather set in our ways and routines (even more so if we live alone) and a disruption, even a pleasant one, such as a visit from a friend, can be unsettling. Also, your gallery showing could have stirred up some jealousy. Even if we are happy for a friend’s success, we may have feelings of envy. Any or all of these factors (or none) may have caused your friend’s behavior. The only way you’ll know is to talk it over and since a few weeks have gone by, it may be easier now, but don’t wait too long or it may become irreparable.

Ace Magyar has a BA in communications, a MA in sex therapy and a PhD in zoology. He is a registered couple’s counselor specializing in the GLBT community. Send your questions to ASK ACE at boieditorial@aol.com

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