"Not at All Papa, Not at All!" By: GuidanceHD After several miscarriages, I arrived safely at last. The first boy and the longawaited guest! My parents didn't have any other children until I grew up into a young man. They doted on me so much that I came to feel like an important member of the family, and that I had my share of responsibility in it. All the same, I had a feeling there was something incomprehensible about our family, something that made it different from my uncles'. I could feel my father was constantly anxious about something. It was as if he were labouring under strenuous burdens, and struggling hard with them. All of a sudden, I got it all one day. It was a day I will never forget. I entered my father's room running enthusiastically. Breathless, I told him with innocent zeal about the "heaps" of toys and "incredible" luxuries I had seen at my nephews'. He listened to me with a weird expression on his tender, wrinkled face; a mixture of surprise and sadness. When I had finished, he tapped me on the shoulder with one hand, and ran the other across my hair, still with the same lost gaze. I looked him in the eye with amazement. I could see they were getting red, with some tears ready to fall. "Are you ill, Papa?" I asked anxiously, putting my little palm on his cheeks, as he used to do with me whenever I was sad. He smiled at me sadly, put his hands on my palm, and drew me closer to his him. "Wow!" I thought, "I can hear Papa's heart beating!"
"Papa!" I said happily, "your heart is beating!" He smiled and whispered, "Do you know what it says?" I put my ears on his chest, and listened carefully. Then I looked up at him helplessly. "No, Papa!� I answered, “What does it say?" "It says: ' I love you'" "Really?" I asked, rather amazed. My father nodded assuringly. Then he took my face in his palms, and asked me gently: "Are you sad I don't buy you all these toys like your nephews?" At that point, I felt something, too deep to be described, even in grown-ups' terms. It was a combination of sorrow and respect. I looked into my father's eyes, and they looked wider than anytime before. I felt his tender looks were enfolding me warmly. I held my father's arms strongly with my hands, and impulsively replied, "Not at all Papa, not at all!" From that moment onward, I started to meditate on the true value of the things that differentiated me from others, and always prided myself on mine. I owe my ability to discern appearance from reality to that precious moment. That moment that I prize more than all else, even my nephews' heaps of toys and incredible luxuries!
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