H E A LT H
Hitting Close to Home
Art: Sam Shendi, Isolated (2015).
Recognizing the Signs of Intimate Partner Abuse By Amy Santana, Paige Gunning, and Xavier Quinn So many of us came out into LGBTQ communities with stars in our eyes and rainbow-colored glasses on, thinking abuse doesn’t happen in our relationships. The media often portrays domestic violence as only affecting straight cisgender women. The sad reality is that domestic violence affects people from all races, class backgrounds, genders, and sexual orientations at similar rates. LGBTQ communities are no different. According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner Violence and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), 44 percent of lesbian women, 61 percent of bisexual women, 26 percent of gay men, and 37 percent of bisexual men experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Unfortunately, when we assume that abuse can’t happen in LGBTQ communities, we dismiss or fail to recognize abuse when it happens to our friends, loved ones, or even in our own relationships. The myth that abuse is only physical violence adds to our inability 152 | Boston Pride 2017
to notice it happening around us. This was the case with Taylor, who had been with his boyfriend for three years. Even the couple’s friends agreed that his relationship with his boyfriend was “intense”. But abusive? No. They’d seen the way the two were always fighting, and how these fights would end with Taylor giving into whatever his boyfriend wanted. Taylor thought that his boyfriend was just emotional because he was under stress; he wanted to be understanding. He didn’t realize that somehow his needs were never met, while his boyfriend always managed to get his way. Taylor’s boyfriend demanded that Taylor stop seeing his best friend Sophie, saying that Taylor might sleep with her because he is bisexual. These types of emotional tactics of abuse are common because the abuser’s goal is to gain power and control over their partner’s thoughts and actions. The abuser belittles their partner, questions and criticizes their actions, acts jealously, and tries to isolate them from any support.
