PERSPECTIVES
Finding courage in friends, family, and a rainbow flag By
Zander
Escaping the ‘Straight’ Jacket I absolutely knew it. I knew I was gay. It was probably in fifth grade that I knew. Coming out was a pretty weird, long process for me. My school at the time (I now go to a very supportive, gay-friendly school) was an uncomfortable place for me even to think about coming out. I heard the word “fag” a lot and kids used the word “gay” as an insult, which I never understood. I worried about other kids’ opinions and felt like I had to keep my true self in. I mean, if people were using “gay” as an insult, how would they feel if I was gay? Because of the attitudes that came from kids around me, I truly believed that I had to be straight, so I tried to force myself. I felt depressed. Keeping my secret from the whole family, made my depression so strong that I felt like maybe if I wasn’t alive I wouldn't have this burden anymore. When it became clear that I couldn’t force myself to be straight, I decided that if I was going to come out, I would inch my way into it. I’d probably start out by saying that I was bi and then work up to my elaborate, full coming out! My coming out actually started when I was sitting in my hammock and texting a good friend. I suddenly had a revelation: this could be my chance to come out. We were joking around, and one thing led to another. She said, “I thought you were going to come out gay or something!” By this time we were really close, and I knew she’d be open. So I told her that I thought I was bi. We had a long conversation by text, and in the end, my heart was beating really fast. My friend has been amazingly supportive ever since I came out to her. What if this was the day I was going to come out for real? Was this going to change the whole dynamic of my relationships with my family members? I finally mustered up the courage.
94 | Boston Pride 2017
Credit: Tom Hamilton.
