Her Voice Magazine - Spring 2020 Edition

By Women. For Women. About Women.

A BRAINERD DISPATCH PUBLICATION

Whelma Dukuly DeKontee Hennessey

LIBERATED

from Liberia

PLUS!

Spring 2020

+ BOLD

Girls Camp

+ Embracing

Our Elders

+ Local Teachers

Nationally Recognized

Welcome home

“

The entire team at Lakewood anticipated our needs before we even knew them. The care we received was phenomenal.

-Caitlin Moore

0

Visit our website to read the Moore’s full pregnancy story and check out our new 360° guided virtual tour where you’ll learn all about the Lakewood OB experience. If you’d like to set up a personal tour, call 218-894-8525.

You have a home at Lakewood. lakewoodhealthsystem.com

!

36

°V

UR

CHE

OUT OUR ON K C

E LIN

”

IR T U A L T O

HER VOICE

OUR VOICE

By women. For women.

About women.

PUBLISHER

Pete Mohs ADVERTISING DIRECTOR

Susie Alters Eller

CONTENT COORDINATOR

Sarah Herron COPY EDITOR

DeLynn Howard GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Lisa Morales

PHOTOGRAPHER

Joey Halvorson

BY LISA MORALES We didn't realize it until all the stories were selected that we had the perfect theme to our spring edition, the first edition in the 2020 decade.

Drumroll... transformation.

From winter to spring or a cocoon to butterfly, the literal meaning of transformation is colorfully displayed in Jan Kurtz's story about the monarch butterfly migration (PAGE 14). Transformation can also be seen in our artist spotlight— rocks to stunning jewelry and clay to beautiful, useful pottery (PAGES 6-9).

Other times transformation can take the form of something intangible like seeing the culmination of hard work and effort pay off into an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment. Much like the experiences of the campers from BOLD girls camp (PAGE 26). They emerge with heightened self confidence, empowerment and self awareness.

Sometimes there's an award to commemorate the outcome of such positive change like the one awarded to teachers Lainey Sandberg and Alesha Bates who developed a social skills curriculum now being implemented in our school systems. (PAGE 10).

Sometimes it takes looking back at memories to realize transformation was happening all along. Writer Audrae Gruber reminds us just how much has changed over the years (PAGE 30). Michelle Oie's article about forgiveness (PAGE 18) explains how we can become adversely transformed by bitterness if we can't forgive and move on.

There's also the kind of transformation that sneaks up on you, moves you in a direction of realization to mindfully appreciate the details along the way. I felt this looking at photos and videos of my children the other night. I was amused by their tiny little voices and topics of conversation. At what point did that change, I wondered. I don't remember the last time they wanted to watch Dora and I don't recall the day they lost their chubby little toddler hands. However, looking at the videos and photos I could see the differences clearly. They had grown so much, learned so much. We laughed watching our favorites again and again and I thought back, "We had a lot of fun, didn't we?" Transformation had seemingly snuck up on me. I was reminded then that it's not always about an end result, but enjoying the many good moments along the way.

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Next Issue of Her Voice: Summer- publishes Brainerd Dispatch: May 12 Echo Journal: May 14 You can also find Her Voice Magazine in over 100 Discover Rack locations in the area or read it online at:

www.BrainerdDispatch.com

(Magazine Rack Tab)

Advertising: (218) 855-5895 Advertising@BrainerdDispatch.com Comments/story ideas:

(218) 855-5821 Sarah.Herron@BrainerdDispatch.com Mail: ATTN: Her Voice Brainerd Dispatch, P.O. Box 974, Brainerd, MN 56401 Quarterly publication of the Brainerd Dispatch. Printed by Forum Communications. copyright© 2003 VOLUME 17, EDITION 1 SPRING 2020

CONTENTS Spring 2020

Artist Spotlight Brittany Moore Petersen 6 Jewelry

38

By Maureen Farnsworth

Artist Spotlight

Her Table

Linda Holliday 8 Pottery

How Do I Cook With That?

Jicama

By Maureen Farnsworth

By Sue Ready

Her Career Women in Business

24

Mikinzie Fox, Frandsen Bank Stacy Meyers, First National Bank Missy Norring, Belle Cheveux Salon

Her Story Remember When

18 For Her

30

By Audrae Gruber

Her Passion

34 Embracing Our Elders

Fixing Life's "Leaky Faucets"

By Michelle Oie

On the cover— Photo by Joey Halvorson

Her Story Liberated From Liberia

20

By Kim Raboin Whelma Dukuly DeKontee Hennesey has walked a path so extreme, it resembles a dramatic cinema thriller including a daring escape from Liberia. Despite her pain-filled past, she is able to smile and appreciate all the good in her life.

By Jenney Egertson

Her Career

10 Calming the Storm

Her Travels

14 Where the Monarchs Go

BOLD Girls Camp

By Sarah Nelson Katzenberger Lainey Sandberg and Alesha Bates developed a nationally awarded curriculum for social emotional skills.

By Jan Kurtz Jan Kurtz fulfilled a lifelong dream to be surrounded by monarch butterflies when she made the trek to central Mexico and the monarch butterfly sanctuary.

By Gail Clifford Stacy Germundson is on a mission to empower young women at the camp she's created — and she's got a tribe of support to help her.

4 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

Her Community

26

Believe that your best is yet to come.

Believe that your best is yet to come.

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ARTIST SPOTLIGHT

Brittany Moore Petersen PHOTOS BY JOEY HALVORSON

“My love for jewelry began

as a kid on summer trips to Minnesota."

-Brittany Moore Petersen

BY MAUREEN FARNSWORTH

Brittany Moore Petersen is an artisan who crafts lovely and unique original jewelry and is the creator and owner of BMoore Jewelry.

Brittany hand selects natural stones and gems.

Her favorites include turquoise, larimar, picture jasper and amber. Her designs are created around the stone, melting and soldering metal to make a setting and add further artistic features.

“My love for jewelry began as a kid on summer trips to Minnesota. I found bead shops along the way and created wearable pieces with beads and stones,” she said.

Her formal learning started in high school in a jewelry metals class which propelled her further to study art education with a jewelry emphasis at Bemidji State University. After graduation, she taught K-5 art for five years and

realized she missed creating art and began her journey as a jewelry entrepreneur.

She works out of her studio in Lake Shore where she, her husband and two very young children have recently made their home.

Maureen Farnsworth is a contributing writer for Her Voice and active volunteer in the community. She lives in Nisswa with her husband Michael of 34 years.

Find more of Brittany’s art at BMoore Jewelry on Facebook Marketplace — Also at The Crossing Arts Alliance and Arts in the Park.

6 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

ORIGINAL PIECE OF ART

“I strive to be more original in everything I create, so that anyone who purchases from me is getting an original piece of art."

- Petersen

“I want to provide a beautiful quality product that is affordable and lasts a lifetime."

- Petersen

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ARTIST SPOTLIGHT

Linda Holliday

BY MAUREEN FARNSWORTH

Linda Holliday creates beautiful, functional pottery for use in your home.

She learned her craft at the nationally renowned Northern Clay Center in St. Paul after which she opened her home studio “Holliday Pottery.”

“The most important thing I think about is function, how does it feel in the hand, what is its purpose, and is it attractive?”

You may not know what it takes to transform a hard slab of clay into a beautiful mug, pot or vase.

Linda starts by wedging the hard clay with her hands to make it pliable, then centers the clay exactly in the middle of the potter’s wheel. The wheel rotates like a record player as her hands and fingers pull and transform the clay into the desired shape.

After removing the pot, she trims, alters and applies ar-

tistic detail, dry bisque fires to harden, glazes for color, then fires it again in a kiln to temperatures over 2,220 degrees.

“The most important thing

I think about is function..."

- Linda Holliday

PHOTO BY JOEY HALVORSON

There is something special about holding a finished handcrafted piece of pottery that invites appreciation for the things made of this earth by human hands that come into our home and become meaningful and life giving gifts as we use them over time.

Maureen Farnsworth is a contributing writer for Her Voice and active volunteer in the community. She lives in Nisswa with her husband Michael of 34 years.

You can find Holliday Pottery at The Crossing Arts Alliance as well as other locations | www.hollidaypottery.com 8 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

PHOTO BY JOEY HALVORSON

“The most important thing I think about is function, how does it feel in the hand, what is its purpose, and is it attractive?” - Holliday

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HER CAREER

CALMING THE

ST

+ education

RM

Area educators create curriculum to help students

Lainey Sandberg, (left), and Alesha Bates didn't expect their research to produce such important results and with it, ideas for help.

PHOTOS BY JOEY HALVORSON

S

BY SARAH NELSON KATZENBERGER

ome things are truly meant to be. That’s the feeling area teachers Alesha Bates and Lainey Sandberg have about the difference they are making for more than 300 stu-

dents in the Brainerd lakes area through a program they developed together called Calming the Storm: Regulating Behavior.

10 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

The pair met in a master’s program through Southwest Minnesota State University while researching social and emotional skills and found they had a common passion for helping students develop healthy emotional behaviors.

Bates and Sandberg found through extensive research that students at all grade levels suffered a lack of social and emotional skills and it was taking a major toll on their behavioral and academic performance.

That’s when the ideas started flying.

Bates said as she and Sandberg started presenting their research to their professor, Dennis Lamb, he told them they were onto something really important and believed they needed to take it a step further. So they did.

Out of their research came a book, a curriculum, soon a classroom workbook and even a board game to help students build better social and emotional coping skills.

“We had no idea we would be where we are now when we started all this,” Sandberg said.

Sandberg always knew she wanted to be a teacher. It’s in her blood — both of her parents are teachers. “I just always knew I wanted to work with students,” she said. Sandberg has taught for 15 years at all grade levels and currently works specifically with students who struggle with emotional regulation and social skills.

She serves about 10% of Aitkin School’s total student population. While education has always been in the cards for Sandberg, she said it wasn’t until about halfway through college that she realized her real passion was working in special

"[Calming the Storm curriculum] has allowed more relationship building in the classroom between instructors and peers."

Sandberg leading a class on coping with change. The cat photo says: "As long as everything's exactly the way I want it, I'm totally flexible."

education. “I ended up switching my major to special education,” Sandberg said. “I really enjoy working with students, building rapport, solving problems and collecting data.”

Bates’ path to becoming an educator took a few turns before she really landed in her passion. “It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do,” Bates said. After completing cosmetology school and working as a hair stylist for 10 years, Bates knew she needed a change.

“I just felt like I needed to make a difference,” she said.

A Brainerd native, Bates took classes at Central Lakes College to become a sign language interpreter and ended up landing a job as an educational assistant at Forestview Middle School.

“I had no background,” Bates said. “I had no idea what I was doing.” But Bates said she just fell in love with the students and the classroom. She continued her education, completing both her bachelor’s and master’s degrees and has spent the last four years teaching at Harrison School in Brainerd.

Together, Bates and Sandberg developed an idea for a social skills

-Lainey Sandberg

curriculum for use in grades K-12 that tracks student social and emotional behavior by using weather forecast language — Calming the Storm.

Their research initially focused on special education needs and tailoring a curriculum to fit students who already need extra help with regulating their emotions and developing appropriate classroom behavior, but has quickly evolved into a tool that can be used in any classroom setting.

“Everyone struggles with something,” Bates explained. “It’s really just about finding coping skills to be able to handle the thing we’re facing.”

Teachers can use daily checkins with students to gauge whether a child is “sunny” or “stormy” or somewhere in between. When consistent stormy emotions are identified, teachers work with students to find activities called “raindrops” that help them find some calm and relief in coping with their social or emotional difficulty — things like empathy, de-escalating anger, smooth transitions, taking ownership for behavior and developing appropriate social interactions.

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What does Calming the Storm do?

Calming the Storm teaches social skills to students. Some of the many skills focused on with students include, but not limited to:

Appropriate Classroom Behavior

Work habits/academic survival skills, listening, attending to task, following directions, seeking attention properly, accepting the consequences of one's behavior.

Manners and Positive Interaction with others

Approaching others in social acceptable ways, asking for permission rather than acting, making and keeping friends, sharing toys/materials.

Resolve Conflict with Others

Using words instead of physical contact, seeking the assistance of the teacher or conflict resolution team, knowing how to remedy differences with others.

Handling Frustration/Anger

Counting to 10 before reacting, distracting oneself to a pleasurable task, learning an internal dialog to cool down and reflect upon the best course of action.

Through the implementation of Calming The Storm, we have learned that implementing specific behavior regulating skills positively influence student academics, as well as classroom environment. The students displayed higher expectations for themselves and their peers in the classroom. Students were able to “close the gap” between positive behaviors and positive academic scores.

Source: Calming the Storm Website

Bates demonstrates the emotional forecast, encouraging students to be in touch with their feelings.

"At Harrison we quickly saw that this idea really needed to be accessible to the whole school."

- Alesha Bates Bates and Sandberg have piloted the Calming the Storm curriculum at Harrison School where Bates teaches special education, and Aitkin, where Sandberg teaches social skills and trade math. Sandberg currently works with 66 students in grades 8-12 but is working on moving the Calming the Storm curriculum into the mainstream classroom setting. “As a teacher, having a curriculum for social skills has saved time, allowing me to be more prepared for teaching a specific skill,” Sandberg said.

“And it has also allowed for more relationship building in the classroom between instructor and peers.”

Bates took the curriculum to Harrison School Principal Cathy Nault, hoping to start implementing Calming the Storm with special education students.

With Nault’s enthusiastic support, Bates said the focus became much larger.

“At Harrison we quickly saw that this idea really needed to be accessible to the whole school,” Bates said, “We have developed a common language school-wide — everyone is in on it and that really helps with the effectiveness of the program.”

Bates meets with every class in grades K-4 at Harrison at least once a week to talk about emotional health and works directly

For more information on Calming the Storm curriculum and learning opportunities 12 her her voice voice || Spring Spring 2020 2020 •• Share Share your your voice voice with with us us 12

with every teacher to provide extra tools for students who need it.

“It’s really about listening to the language,” Bates explained.

“It’s easy to pick up on the kids who are often stormy, but it’s also important to watch the ones who always have a sunny report.”

Harrison School second-grade teacher, Sarah Armstrong, is a big believer in Calming the Storm and how it is helping her students who might otherwise struggle to identify their emotions and find a healthy way to cope with them.

"We have an opportunity for a much bigger reach."

- Alesha Bates Armstrong checks in with her students at the beginning and end of every day to see how they are feeling.

It’s a usually simple response — sunny, rainy, stormy — but Armstrong said it is really about students learning to be aware of their emotions and what they can do to help manage them.

Armstrong works hard to create space for her students to develop healthy social and emotional skills.

Tucked inside a small greenhouse inside her classroom is a Calming Corner, Armstrong allows her students to use when they just need a minute to reset and identify what they are feeling and what tools might help them overcome.

“I just see so much value in a schoolwide concept and terminology in the social and emotional journey for students,” she said. “(Calming the Storm) has taken what I strive for in my classroom and makes it into a building-wide approach.”

Others are taking notice too.

Bates, Sandberg and their professor and now facilitator, Dennis Lamb, have presented Calming the Storm throughout Minnesota at conferences and school trainings. In April of 2019, Calming the Storm won an award for Best Overall Presentation at the Center for Scholastic Inquiry Research Professional Practice National Conference in Kissimmee, Florida.

“That was when we knew this wasn’t just a local thing,” Bates said.

“We have an opportunity for a much bigger reach.”

Sarah Nelson Katzenberger is a displaced Californian who had no idea there were four seasons until she moved to Minnesota. She is a former missionary, law school drop-out, high school teacher and award-winning journalist with the Brainerd Dispatch. She continues to write for local and national publications and provides unsolicited grammar correction as needed. Sarah lives in Brainerd with her husband Chad and their three baby Vikings, Ellis, Meredith and Truett.

Bates said the ultimate goal is simply educating others and getting the curriculum into schools throughout Minnesota and beyond.

“It’s open for anyone to start implementing,” Bates said. “We just want to get the word out as much as we can.”

For Bates, Calming the Storm is truly the culmination of a lifetime of purpose. Bates said she was a special education student at Garfield School in Brainerd and struggled with her own emotions as a girl. “Everyone has a reason for why they are passionate about what they do,” she said. “For me, this was me as a child. I remember struggling and having a hard time— I really feel like I was meant to do this.”

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HER TRAVELS + Mexico

Where the Monarchs Go

ARTICLE AND PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY JAN KURTZ

Angagueo. Never heard of it before, but I was headed there, seat-belted right behind the van’s driver so I could ask him all my questions as we meandered through the canyon before ascending into the Sierra Chincua mountains of central Mexico.

The entrance of the butterfly sanctuary, Santuario De Le Mariposa Monarca.

This was a dream come true. A dream dating to childhood summers spent in the northwoods watching the orange and black butterflies flit down the ditches of gravel roads, over fields and along the lake’s shoreline.

These brightly decorated monarchs were a harbinger of spring, a richness of summer and their departure – a sign of fall. They danced in my heart. They even showed up on the matching dresses my mom sewed for herself, my doll and me when I was four. Later, I developed the habit of looking for caterpillars, putting them in jars and watching the whole metamorphosis process, never thinking too much about where they went when not in my yard.

Until I came across that National Geographic magazine with a Mexican woman on the cover surrounded by a snowstorm of butterflies, black and orange flakes floating on the air currents around her. Where? Central Mexico – in the cloud forests of oyamel fir trees where the ecosystem provided them with the required altitude, moisture and protection. There were so many monarchs clustered in the pines warming themselves the branches bent and broke under their weight. I couldn’t imagine butterflies keeping each other warm much less having enough of

You can help the monarchs starting in your own garden.

Excellent site on growing milkweed, pollinator gardens, cutting back on Round-UP: vermontwoodsstudios.com/blog/saving-monarch-butterfly-tips/ 14 her voice || Spring 2020 Share your voice with usus 1414 her voice Winter 2019 •• Share your voice with us her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with

them to break tree limbs. My back prairie included blazing stars and milkweed flowers that drew in migrating monarchs, but not by the millions. I wanted to know how it would feel to be totally enveloped by monarchs soaring, fluttering and landing on me.

But, it wasn’t that easy. It never occurred to me that one day the monarchs’ habitat would be in danger on both sides of the human border. To the north, pesticides and mowing ditches stripped miles of pollinator feeding grounds. No

"I wanted to know how it would feel to be totally enveloped by monarchs..."

- Jan Kurtz

milkweed, no monarchs. To the south, illegal logging literally cut into the oyamel fir tree habitat at an alarming rate. Visits to that area were deemed dangerous. Finally, the Mexican government stepped in and took action. If the locals could make a living out of tourism promoting the monarch, the deforestation might be stopped.

When an email from the Spanish Language Institute of Cuernavaca arrived in my inbox advertising: “January; Monarchs in Michoacán; Visit the Rosario Sanctuary of. . .” I forwarded it to my Spanish group.

Jamy Olson responded, “I still have my passport.” That sealed it. We did the paperwork resulting in our van ride up the Chincua to approximately 10,000 feet and the Sanctuario de la Mariposa Monarca, World UNESCO monarch sanctuary.

First however, we flew into Morelia’s airport and taxied off to the 17th century center city Hotel de la Soledad for a few days of cultural and altitude acclimation. Maru Cortes, group

Jamy Olson, traveling partner, and Maru Cortes, group leader riding out of Chincua.

leader, and Debora, local guide, introduced us to this beautiful colonial town with its exquisite art, cuisine, history and oriented us for our monarch expedition. After detailing monarch protocol, Maru informed us we could either hike or rent a horse to arrive at the observation points. With my record of harrowing mountain horseback rides, I chose to hike. Jamy concurred.

The van traversed the switchbacks until we glimpsed Angangueo up ahead. Even at dusk, the lime green, pink, turquoise and yellow painted buildings jumped out at us.

"...It never occurred to me that one day the monarchs’ habitat would be in danger."

- Jan Kurtz

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Saturday, October 10, 2020

9:00 am-3pm

Saturday, November 14, 2020

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Like us on Facebook • Spring 2020 | her voice 15

"It was beyond belief..." - Jan Kurtz

A kaleidoscope of monarchs among the oyamel fir trees.

We checked in at the Hotel Don Bruno, only to find more climbing within. The patio rose to the steps leading to the stairs rising to the three stories built into the hillside.

Any warmth from the day left when the sun slid below the mountaintops.

We were at 8,460 feet and had been advised to bring warm clothes. Our room included a chimenea, fireplace, but the firewood wasn’t cured and gave little heat. After a hot shower, we put on all of our clothes, and burrowed into our beds. Tomorrow we would finally be embraced by a kaleidoscope (aka a swarm, flock, bunch) of monarchs – a paradise of ethereal beauty.

Ancient legends speak of deepened

Monarchs warming themselves in the trees, very difficult to discern.

16 her her voice voice || Spring Spring Winter 2020 2020 2019 •••Share Shareyour yourvoice voicewith withus us 16 Share your voice with us

spirituality, soul metamorphosis, and messages delivered to the gods. A bolt of excitement ran through me as we chattered ourselves to sleep.

The sun rose into a glorious blue sky. The van wove its way higher, passing a man with his firewood laden burro. We turned right at the butterfly mural and came to a stop at the line of wooden-planked shops, a gauntlet of butterfly commercialism. The boardwalk led us narrowly past embroidered monarch tablecloths, hair pins, napkin holders, paintings, and finally, hiking sticks, in case the path ahead seemed too steep.

Our footfalls fell silent when we stepped off the boardwalk onto the

Eight ways you can help save the monarch butterflies:

Left: a monarch lands on Jamy, a sign of good luck.

Center: monarchs warming themselves in the trees.

Right: a dream come true for Jan, entering the monarch sanctuary.

Inset: Jan's doll with a butterfly-print dress made by Jan's mother.

Are you ready to simplify your life by downsizing?

Each Listing Comes With 4 Hours of: forest floor. The clatter of vendors calling to us in broken English faded.

Towering pines replaced taco stands.

One, then two, then dozens of monarchs rose off the nearby bushes, snatching my breath away. I exhaled slowly, releasing a prayer. Reverently, we proceeded to our waiting guide.

He whispered a welcome before reminding us to stay on the path and maintain quiet. Together we climbed to an opening and stopped.

It was beyond belief. Pine branches looked like giant hanging hives quivering, pulsating, shedding thousands of butterflies into the updraft.

Hundreds of monarchs flittered over the wet rocks of trickling streams, soaring up, then diving down for a dainty drink. So much life in the air.

So much death on the ground. Our guide picked up two lifeless butter-

flies, pointed out the black dots distinguishing the male, and explained that this generation mates and dies here. It is the next generation that begins the return trip north. It takes four generational cycles to complete the nearly 3,000-mile migration.

Incomprehensible. Amazing.

Amazing to be among an estimated 200 million monarchs. We gasped, giggled, grinned. My heart lifted; my soul filled. I made it.

Now, what can we do to assure that they make it, too?

Jan Kurtz's roots are in the north country, but Spanish continues to add extra dimensions to her life’s journey. Since retiring from teaching Spanish, her travels cycle between family, the Wisconsin cabin and the occasional foray across borders. She is writing a book about the surprising places and unexpected adventures opened to her by virtue of speaking Spanish. Find her writings at: www.janetkurtz.com.

1. Don't use pesticides in your garden.

2. Avoid genetically engineered foods.

3. Plant native Milkweed.

4. Create a monarch way-station.

5. Join the fight to stop climate change.

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FOR HER + motivation

FIXING LIFE'S "LEAKY FAUCETS"

BY MICHELLE OIE

We

had a leaky faucet for 18 years. Yes, 18 years. At first, I wanted to take a sledge hammer to that dang faucet. The leak caused the well pump to kick on a lot. I put a bucket under it in the winter so the pipes wouldn’t freeze and burst. It was a big pain for us (but the cat seemed to like accessibility to a quick drink).

Why didn’t we fix it? Because the effort seemed overwhelming.

We'd have to tear out a cabinet and cut an access hole in the wall to replace the faucet. This could have led to replacing bad pipes or the tub surround which might have led to discovering mold. Not to mention trying to find someone to do the work. Considering the possibility of a total bathroom remodel it was easier to just deal with the leak. But would not fixing it eventually cause more damage? Damage that would some day

require an even bigger fix?

Over time, we hardly noticed the leaky faucet anymore. This constant irritant became part of our daily life.

How many times have I refused to fix the “leaky faucets” in my life? Like the time someone made my life miserable and I refused to forgive. Holding that grudge made me feel like I was right. But as good as it felt, it was an annoying leaky faucet in my life (drip, drip, drip...).

The longer I refused to forgive the more this constant irritant became a

18 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

"WHY DIDN’T I FORGIVE? Because the effort to do so seemed overwhelming." -Oie

"EVENTUALLY I was able to forgive, but believe me, it was not a one-time event." -Oie

part of me. A me that was less happy because of it.

Why didn’t I forgive?

Because the effort to do so seemed overwhelming. I’d have to let go of self-righteousness. I felt like forgiving meant I was OK with what happened and it was imperative that someone constantly declare the wrongfulness of the situation. Considering all this it was easier to deal with the unhappiness of holding a grudge. But would not forgiving eventually cause me more damage? Damage that would some day require an even bigger fix?

(Drip, drip, drip...)

Eventually I was able to forgive, but believe me, it was not a one-time event. It was a process during which I consciously chose to “let it go” over and over every time those hateful feelings surfaced. I learned forgiving isn’t saying what they did was OK or that I will forget it. It’s choosing to stop replaying the injustice in my mind and move on with my life.

Forgiving gave me the opportunity to take the energy I used to hold a grudge and use it for positive things. I've heard it said that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It hurts me much more than it hurts them. Heck, they didn’t even know I was holding that grudge.

I’m not sure what triggered me, but the day finally came when I’d had enough. I announced loudly to my husband, “We are fixing this faucet!” We replaced it without having to redo the whole bathroom.

(Whew!) It was still an effort but the new faucet works great -- an end result that was definitely worth it. We should have done it long ago.

Forgiving others is not easy, but when we find the meaning and motivation to do the right thing, it can afford us a much happier, healthier life.

Michelle Oie is a motivational speaker, blogger, freelance writer and soon-to-be author whose passion is letting people know how awesome they are. She loves Jeep Wranglers, peanut butter and hitting all green lights driving through Brainerd.

Learn more at www.michelleoie.com.

Like us on Facebook • Winter 2019 | her voice 19

HER STORY + liberation

Liberated from Liberia

BY KIM RABOIN

Long ago passengers on the Mayflower sailed toward their new country in the name of freedom. Only this time it wasn’t the famed British vessel bringing pilgrims to America, it was a ship bringing the first emancipated slaves back to their native West African coastline in 1820. They’re the ancestors of Whelma Dukuly DeKontee Hennesey. The harsh realities of their history are part of her pain filled past growing up in Liberia.

Whelma Dukuly DeKontee Hennesey.

Photo by Joey Halvorson. Other article photos submitted by Whelma.

20 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us 20

"Children had no voice in our culture.”

- Whelma Photo: Whelma, kindergarten graduation- a proud day.

Liberia

Whelma was born illegitimate in 1983 and shares, “My mother and I were socially shunned by our community. I was a very vocal child so I was often chastised, especially when asking about my birth father. Children had no voice in our culture.”

A sexual assault at the age of

Grandmother Mabel “Mama” Gbakoyah recently passed away Dec. 1, 2019. Her motto: “How you do anything is how you do everything."

5 added to Whelma’s traumatic young life. She says, “That’s the day I began building my emotional wall.” If only the trouble had stopped there.

Power struggles ebbed and flowed between the freed slaves and the native population in Liberia until 1989, when a tidal wave of civil war crashed upon their shores. Whelma and her mother were living in Monrovia with her maternal grandmother, Mabel Aquila Gbakoyah, at the time. Whelma woke up to fireworks on her 6th birthday, so she ran excitedly into her mother’s room only to be slammed to the floor.

Those fireworks were bombs and gunfire.

Her grandmother’s ancestry and position in the Liberian Secret Service made them targets of the indigenous “freedom fighters.” Relatives arrived continually on Whelma’s fateful birthday until she says, “My devout Christian grandmother called everyone into our living room for prayer. Dividing us

The chaotic exodus turned into a stream of genocidal atrocities too horrible to mention.

Africa

into three groups, she appointed leaders and tied scarves with valuables around the smallest child for bartering.

We would attempt the long journey to the refuge of my grandfather’s tribe.”

Whelma’s mother warned, “Today you will see bad things.”

The chaotic exodus turned into a stream of genocidal atrocities too horrible to mention.

Nature was almost as cruel, with wild animals and rough terrain constantly threatening these fugitives as they journeyed across rivers and jungles.

They finally arrived intact, but Whelma became deathly ill almost immediately. Her organs were shutting down.

She couldn’t move, eat, drink or open her swollen eyes. Just outside the mud hut she heard

Like us on Facebook • Spring 2020 | her voice 21

"We would attempt the long journey to the refuge of my grandfather’s tribe.”

-Whelma her sobbing mother planning her funeral. She prayed, “Lord, if I’m going to die please don’t let my mom’s heart break. She’s been through so much because of me.” Whelma continues, “Suddenly a man appeared next to my cot and said, ‘Go tell them you are not going to die.’ Miraculously, I made it outside, only to be met by my mother’s shock at how I could have gotten out of bed.” It was an undeniable, unexplainable miracle.

Thereafter, Whelma’s health improved. Liberia’s conflict slowly diminished, and by 1997 her family immigrated to America. They later settled in Minneapolis, where she finished high school. After entering college, an unplanned pregnancy brought Whelma’s plans to a halt. The father’s

ultimatum was to get an abortion. Whelma reluctantly proceeded but shares, “I was overcome by the same sick feeling of being violated as I had during the sexual assault years earlier.”

As her life spiralled downward, she became pregnant by another man who gave her the same ultimatum -- to get an abortion -- or move out. This time Whelma refused to be coerced. She also refused to turn to her family due to the shame she felt. Homeless and afraid, she was welcomed into the home of a Christian couple who helped her through the birth of her baby. They modelled Christ’s love so powerfully she was moved to faith herself.

As a result of her spiritual rebirth and the birth of her baby, Whelma’s joy had replaced the fetters binding her to the past. To celebrate this new life, she enrolled in a Bible college and began attending the church where she met her husband, Gavin Hennessy.

Whelma explains, “He was sort of shy - he asked me on our first date three years after I’d met him! We’ve never parted since. God used all my past to bring me to Minnesota, to meet a godly man who shows me unconditional love, acceptance

Mother Wilhelmina (left) and Whelma (right) with twin sisters Andrea and Jemima, and brother Garmina. Taken just days before departing to America in 1997.

Whelma in 2006, seated at right, with stepdad Andrew, seated on left with her oldest daughter Abigail, along with siblings and cousins.

"It was an undeniable, unexplainable miracle."

- Whelma says of her ability to get out of bed after being close to death.

22 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

and support.” They married in 2015 and moved to Pine River, where they were blessed with two more children.

Whelma’s contagious joy and laughter doesn’t suggest a trouble free life. It means she views hardship through the lens of all the good things she has. Chief among them are a loving husband and the opportunity to finish her college degree while raising her children. She also found needed help at Lakes Area Pregnancy Support (LAPS) in Brainerd. Whelma shared her story with them and says, “I want people to know God can take bad circumstances and turn them into blessings. To Him, every life has value.”

Her long journey from outcast to overcomer is living proof.

“Lord, if I’m going to die please don’t let my mom’s heart break.

She’s been through so much because of me.” - Whelma

VIRGINIA KNUDSON Attorney-at-Law

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April 23 • 6:30 p.m.

Cragun’s Event Center, Brainerd April 30 • noon & 6:30 p.m.

Timbers Event Center, Staples These events are open to anyone interested in learning more about LAPS. No cost, but an opportunity to give is presented at the end. The Staples evening event is full, but the noon event still has room.

Call for more information 218-825-0793

Kim Raboin is a bread baking, recipe sleuthing, sugar eating, coffee drinking, Bible studying, book reading junkie. Oh, and a lefse rolling Norwegian. Uffda! Writing combines her love of words with her desire to communicate accurately – and humorously. She also believes everyone has an interesting life story to share, even if they don’t know how to tell it. Kim lives in Brainerd with her husband Jim. They have seven grown children and four grandchildren to date.

Corner of 7th & Laurel Downtown Brainerd 218-829-7266 www.elmenkjewelers.com

Like us on Facebook • Spring 2020 | her voice 23

BUS in ESS HER VOICE

Mikinzie Fox

Personal Banking Officer | Customer Service Supervisor Frandsen Bank and Trust Nisswa & Crosslake Locations

Mikinzie Fox

we will be able to help, no matter Where did you grow up?

Pequot Lakes — I grew up there, if you’re an 18-year-old looking for Personal Banking Officer | Customer Service Supervisor graduated from high school there, your first checking account or a Bank and Trustmillion-dollar Nisswa & Crosslake Locations and am raisingFrandsen my family there. business looking for a loan — we do it all. Our goal is What was your work journey to help our customers through all to where you are now? stages of be life,able whether means we will to help, that no matter Where did you grow up?

In high school I worked in a coffee a savings account for a new Pequot Lakes — I grew up there, if you’re an 18-year-old looking for shop in Pequot Lakes. became graduated from Ihigh school there, baby, your first checking account or a a buying a home, running and am and raising my family there. business, million-dollar business for a legal assistant worked planning for looking retirement, a loan — we do it all. Our goal is in that profession until Leann wealth to the next What was your work journey transferring to help our customers through all Pitzl recruited me as a part-time generation and everything in to where you are now? stages of life, whether that means seasonal teller Frandsen Bank In highatschool I worked in a coffee between. a savings account for a new & Trust in shop Crosslake.

That was six in Pequot Lakes.

I became baby, buying a home, running a legal assistant worked years ago.aToday I am aand Personal business, planning for retirement, What is something that might in that profession until Leann transferring wealth to the next Banking Officer and Customer your colleagues?

Pitzl recruited me as a part-time surprise generation and everything in Service Supervisor for Frandsen’s seasonal teller at Frandsen Bank I can juggle pretty well — my between.

Nisswa and Crosslake locations. & Trust in Crosslake. That was six brother taught me when I was years ago. Today I am a Personal What is something that might really young and for some reason Banking Officer and Customer What is your favorite part of surprise your colleagues? it stuck with me!

So I guess if I Service Supervisor for Frandsen’s your job?

I can juggle pretty well — my Nisswa and Crosslake locations. ever leave banking, I could always brother taught me when I was From day one, I fell in love with joinreally the circus. young and for some reason being ableWhat to help people reach is your favorite part of it stuck with me! So I guess if I their financial goals.

I love finding your job? ever leave banking, I could always you’re not at work, I fell ways to doFrom thatday —one, such asin love with When join will the circus. what people find you being able to help people reach someone coming in wanting to their financial goals. I love finding doing? buy a car ways and making that happen.

When you’re not at work, to do that — such as Mywhat mainwill function infind life you right people And I lovesomeone managing my inbanking coming wanting to now is chasing toddlers!

My wife, doing? team. We buy have three a car andseparate making that happen.

My main function in life right Kaitlyn, and I are raising two And I love managing my banking locations — Baxter, Nisswa and now is chasing toddlers! My wife, Weeveryone have three works separate 3-year-olds — daughter Macy Crosslaketeam.

— but and I are raising two locations — Baxter, Nisswa and andKaitlyn, son Kohen. Beyond that, I together as a team.— but everyone works 3-year-olds — daughter Macy Crosslake am growing my involvement and son Kohen.

Beyond that, I in together as a team.

Lakes Area civic activities. I’m am growing my involvement in What do you like most about Lakes Area civic activities.

I’m What do you like most about on the Crosslake St. Patrick’s your company? the Crosslake St. Patrick’s DayonParade Committee and will Frandsen your Bankcompany? is big enough to Day Parade Committee and will Frandsen Bank is big enough to be participating in the Blue help everyone but we but arewe small be participating in the Blue OxOx help everyone are small Business Leadership enough that we know your name BusinessAcademy Academy Leadership enough that we know your name Experience2020 2020 with with the the walk through the door. Experience when youwhen walkyou through the door.

BrainerdLakes Lakes Chamber.

Chamber.

Anyone cantocome to Frandsen Anyone can come Frandsen and andBrainerd

Frandsen Bank and Trust

Frandsen Bank 35470 and Co RdTrust 3, Crosslake, MN

| 218.692.2455 Smiley Rd, Nisswa, MN | 218.963.3316 5470 Co Rd 3,24110 Crosslake, MN | 218.692.2455 7429 Excelsior Rd, Baxter, MN | 218.855.1320 4110 Smiley Rd, Nisswa, MN | 218.963.3316

24 her voice | Spring 2020 MN • Share| your voice with us 429 Excelsior Rd, Baxter, 218.855.1320

Going Above and Beyond Stacy Meyers Stacy Meyers brought 15 years of title experience with First American Title as well as some prestigious awards when she joined First National Bank as a Consumer Loan Officer in the summer of 2018.

In 2017, she was awarded the People First Award, given to employees who personify First American’s values of integrity, commitment, service, leadership and teamwork. This award is given to approximately 50 people nationwide each year.

That same year she received the DPK Circle of Excellence Award that is given to those who have demonstrated outstanding contribution in areas of growth and sales. She likely achieved these awards

due to her dig in and help work ethic, and her desire to learn a little about the many different areas of the banking business.

family they spend a lot of their free time outside enjoying the different activities that northern Minnesota has to offer especially family “wheeling” trips and weekends at the lake. In her “spare time,” Stacy likes to watch football and listen to crime podcasts.

First National Bank is a good fit for Stacy because she loves that they treat both their customers and employees like family - going above and beyond. She believes they really are the definition of a community bank. “I also love the people I work with, and seeing their smiling faces every day,” she said.

On a more personal note, Stacy and her husband, Jason, spend their time attending the many activities of their children - Rausie, James and Dalten. As a

www.fnbnorth.com MEMBER FDIC

Belle Cheveux Salon Nisswa Missy Norring

Owner/stylist

When Missy is not at the salon or teaching she enjoys spending time with her husband and son. She also enjoys cooking and tending to her perennial garden.

Missy has been doing hair for twenty years and opened Belle Cheveux Salon ten years ago in Nisswa. Her most proud career moment was becoming and educator for Paul Mitchell. With this distinction Missy travels the Midwest teaching advanced color and cutting techniques at salons and schools. Missy has been an educator for Paul Mitchell for 9 years now.

Another big accomplishment is when she purchased the building for their current location on Hazelwood Drive four years ago giving the team the ability to expand and enjoy the tranquil space they now call home.

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24719 Hazelwood Dr, Nisswa | 218.961.0095 www.bellecheveuxnisswa.com

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A different brew I always liked coffee, and trying different coffees. I wanted to add new flavor combinations that are unique.

Menu items

We serve a variety of coffees, lates, but where we really shine is our specialty spicy hot coffees.

It’s a whole new experience in drinking coffee.

Favorite menue item?

We serve a variety of coffees, lates, but where

we really shine is our specialty spicy hot coffees. It’s a whole new experience in drinking coffee.

What is unique about your location or shop?

Good Morning Cafe is located in Brainerd on Oak Stree. “I used to volunteer at Harrison Elementary and I thought how great would it be if that little abandoned store was the new location of my coffee shop.” The rest is history.

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GOOD MORNING

COFFEE CO.

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orningcoffee.com

KATHRINE SMITH About the owner: Previously worked as a volunteer and artist.

Katherine went to CLC for business management.

She has certificates in food safety training as well as kitchen management.

Her family

Katherine and her Husband Joe grew up in the Brainerd area. They have a daughter Annie, 8. We like to cook as a family. We’re always coming up with new recipes and ingredients .

“I’ve always loved creating new recipes and adding unique ingredients.”

Sarah Herron 218-855-5821

Like us on Facebook • Spring 2020 | her voice 25

HER COMMUNITY + camp

Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.

Camp mentor Saanii Hernandez from the Women's Foundation of MN (bottom center), with campers of BOLD Girls camp, Whipple Lake, Baxter.

Girls Camp PHOTOS BY JOEY HALVORSON

BY GAIL CLIFFORD

Mention the name Stacy Germundson, a school counselor of 19 years, to Pillager parents and they’ll invariably get a big smile on their faces. Germundson’s BOLD program is doing the same for middle school girls.

26 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

Inspiration As Germundson reflected on the shift in middle school girls from being brave, bold young ladies too concerned about what the other girls thought, she watched the TED talk “Brave, Not Perfect” by Reshma Saujani. Germundson explains, “She speaks to how socialization has us raising our boys to be brave and girls to be perfect. It fits with what I see in ninth grade girls. They’re afraid to be themselves, worried about how other girls respond. It gets in the way of exploring their true passions.”

It was Germundson’s final “aha” moment. What if our 10-year-old girls continued to feel brave and empowered and didn’t need to wait 25 years for the aha moment?

If she could get young girls to the woods, away from pressure, back

to what they’re supposed to be, perhaps she could bring out their inner beauty and strengths. She could let them flex those courage muscles.

Germundson and school social worker, Nancy Underferth, have created a place where girls from fifth to 12th grade can discover their inner beauty and empower themselves to be bold.

Two years ago, the first BOLD summer camp had 14 campers.

Last year, 13 returned. Germundson shares, “Almost everyone wants to come back and asks if they can bring a friend. I’m so glad I can say, OK!” They learn about self-care and how to survive mental health issues so many kids face in high school. “When girls support girls, wonderful things happen.”

Organizers of BOLD Girls Camp: Nancy Underferth, Stacy Germundson and Cortney Kroska. Photo submitted.

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CONTACT US 13540 Ironwood Drive • Brainerd, MN 56401 | HOURS Monday - Friday 8am-5pm Like us on Facebook • Spring 2020 | her voice 27

Background Jerry and Sandy Eyler raised Germundson and her brother to be their best selves, to love themselves and serve others. The song of her childhood, Helen Reddy’s “I am Woman, Hear me Roar,” helped her realize how strong women can be and instilled determination to achieve her goals.

Germundson and her mother identified that, while women do an awesome job, doing a thousand things, they didn’t do a great job at celebrating other women’s successes. Changing that creates bold girls.

In college, she joined a small sorority, Gamma Phi Beta Sorority. Her leadership skills thrived in the supportive environment. Nine of the women were bridesmaids at her wedding. Two are on the BOLD board and many travel to mentor the girls on camp nights. As Germundson says, “There’s nothing like someone who knows and gets you and supports you” Her endeavors are supported by her husband, Dan, and their children, Gaje and Ellen, “my inspiration for everything in life,” she said.

Plans

Stacy's daughter Ellen Germundson attends camp activities.

SUMMER Sleepaway Camps Camp Vanasek on Whipple Lake, Baxter

Two Sessions Available: Week 1 - Sunday, June 21 - Thursday, June 25 Week 2 - Sunday, July 12 - Thursday, July 16

This year, BOLD summer sleepaway camps return to Camp Vanasek on Whipple Lake in Baxter.

The site limits to 25 girls per week and they’ll have two sessions.

Janine Erickson, a local artist, teaches the girls how to paint on canvas. While it may be out of their comfort zone, someone is always impressed with what they’re able to accomplish.

Amy Gray, a local yoga and mindfulness instructor, teaches the four assignments, based on a book Germundson’s parents gave to her in college that she carries with her today:

Camp includes a curriculum that allows girls to flex their courage muscles and other fun activities like: • Beach yoga & low ropes course • Nature mindfulness hikes • Gratitude journaling • Self-esteem empowerment exercises • Leadership & resilience-building activities • Kayaking and canoeing • Crafts and art • Bonfires

Mission: to empower young women 28 her hervoice voice| Spring | Spring2020 2020• •Share Shareyour yourvoice voicewith withus us 28

Amy keeps things super practical for the girls, using strategies to give the girls options. “I’m a middle school kid. How do we handle this?”

Cortney Kroska, Shawn Hansen, Kaylo Brooks, Melissa Anderson, Dawn Iacarella and Saanii Hernandez Mohr have all volunteered their time and stories to mentor the girls.

Germundson’s been overwhelmed by the generosity of these wonderful women. “Start something you’re passionate about and you’re flooded with support.”

“Almost everyone wants to come back and asks if they can bring a friend..."

program to her. Support BOLD financially – support a girl’s camp fees.

Last summer over 85% of the girls needed some type of scholarship.

Folks can donate right on the website: https://www.girlsarebold.org/ Be a mentor. With your story and special skills, you, too, could be a great mentor one night at the BOLD camp. Or, if you can make the time, volunteer for a week. And if you have access to the owner of a local larger camp, Stacy’s going to need one.

bl ic Schools

• Be impeccable with your word • Always do your best • Don’t take things personally • Don’t make assumptions

d Brainer

Pu

Gail Clifford, M.D., a physician for more than 25 years has traveled to five continents and all 50 United States. An avid traveler, she happily goes on new adventures, especially on birthdays.

She enjoys inter-generational and solo travel focused on learning a new skill. When traveling locally, she enjoys digging deeper into history to discover new things about old experiences. Her articles have been published in area, national and international magazines and websites. She divides her time between Ireland and the U.S.

On a mission to ensure

all students achieve

their individual potential

www.isd181.org (218) 454-6900

- Germundson

Germundson’s dream to have 80 girls per week, divided into groups of 12 to 15, will need to grow to a different site. “I’d love for all the girls to return each year as campers, mentors or leaders,” she said.

She’s also developing mother/ daughter events for other times of the year. All mothers want to be able to communicate better with their children. We don’t always have the tools. Thanks to programs like BOLD, we can.

“Mom and I are writing a workbook that mom, guardian or auntie can use as a how to raise bold girl," Germundson said.

Get the word out. This grassroots movement will make a lifelong difference for our girls. Know a middle school girl? Recommend the

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Like us on Facebook • Spring 2020 | her voice 29

HER STORY + reminiscing

Remember When

T

BY AUDRAE GRUBER

he clump, clump, sound of coal chunks being delivered could be heard as my brothers and I watched from a bedroom window.

The men waved as they guided the coal down the narrow metal ramp to the basement window which dumped the coal into the coal room. The furnace was like a huge octopus with large extended arms reaching radiators in every room. It had to be stoked at 6 every morning shoveling from the large coal bin to the furnace after removing dead coals. That became a daily chore for my 12-year-old brother Bob since my father worked for the Great Northern Railway traveling the train services going west – leaving on Sundays and back on Fridays.

Hurdy Gurdy man drawing by Kieren Wiley.

A typical kitchen scene of the 1930s at Crow Wing County Historical Museum. Photo by Joey Halvorson.

Crow Wing County Historical Museum's early Depression Era wash machine. Photo by Joey Halvorson.

30 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

A dozen eggs cost 18 cents and a pound of hamburger 11 cents.

We moved from the second-floor duplex to a home on Hague Avenue in St. Paul. I had a new baby brother, Paul. A fireman lived on one side of our house and a policeman on the other. St. Paul Mayor Delaney and family lived on the corner. We were just a block from a railroad stop and ice supply company and the Selby Lake streetcar line, which was a major connection to downtown.

The house was a rented two-story with four bedrooms, a large basement with coalbin, laundry area and fruit cellar. It even had a laundry chute from the first floor that was great for hiding when playing hide and seek. It included two large laundry tubs and a wash machine with a wringer and hanging rope and clothespins for winter drying. An ironing board was part of the process for Monday wash day. My mother also used a mangle which ironed sheets and

pillowcases. My brothers and I wore leather shoes which would get holes in the soles. We used cardboard to cover the holes. The kitchen had a new electric refrigerator – no more ice delivery.

The Great Depression continued. Two million people wandered the United States looking for work.

Weekly, someone would come to the door seeking food. My mother would give them food or a dollar.

One day, when I was playing on the sidewalk in front of our house, I saw a hurdy-gurdy man playing his hand organ with his monkey coming down the street. He was seeking food or money as the monkey danced for us with a cup in its hand.

This was a rare sight in the Midwest.

My mother put a dollar in his cup and he and his monkey performed.

During that time, a dozen eggs cost 18 cents and a pound of hamburger 11 cents.

Drawing of a hurdy-gurdy man by Audrae's great-grandson, Kieren Wiley.

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The prohibition of alcohol from 1919-1933 encouraged gang activity.

During this time the country also experienced the worst drought in history. In 1934, government agencies were developed to provide relief. The Taylor Grazing Act monitored the over-grazing of land and WPA programs help struggling farmers and people needing work. Men and women were hired for huge national projects. The Hoover Dam was built and airports, roads, bridges, public buildings and parks.

Additionally, in the early 30s, St. Paul became known as “crooks haven” for gangster groups who traveled the U.S. The prohibition of alcohol from 1919-1933 encouraged gang activity. Al Capone established his business from the St. Paul Hotel. Otto Bremer, founder of Bremer Bank, was kidnapped in 1934 and was held for ransom of $200,000 and was released shortly after it was paid. Brainerd was even the target of a gun mob who robbed the First National Bank building on the corner of Laurel and Sixth streets, now the

Brainerd was even the target of a gun mob who robbed the First National Bank building Poster of The Brainerd Daily Dispatch's article located inside Design Consign.

Photo by Jeff Johnson.

32 her her voice voice || Spring Spring 2020 2020 •• Share Share your your voice voice with with us us 32

home of Design Consign. With guns in hand “Baby Face Nelson” and his gang corralled bank employees on the floor and each teller was led to open his vault as they arrived. There was evidence that they had been in town for ten days staking out the operation. They escaped with $30,000 spraying the building and surrounding area with gunfire. Design Consign has a poster displaying the bank event from the Brainerd Daily Dispatch headline. The Crow Wing County Historical Museum in Brainerd has the container that carried Baby Face Nelson’s gun.

The movies were our main entertainment. Shirley Temple was a child star with tap dancing and singing.

Her songs “On the Good Ship Lollipop” and “Animal Crackers in My Soup” were tops on the charts. I took tap dancing lessons at the age of 3 until I was 8.

The movies often had Shirley Temple look-alike contests on the stage after the film. My mother arranged my hair with 50 curls done with strips of rags like Shirley’s.

I performed at the opening of the Rochester, Minnesota, auditorium, when I was 6. Afterwards, some local businessmen spoke to my family about sponsoring me for a trip to Hollywood. Fortunately, they declined. Child stars lost popularity by 1939.

My father used to say “Life is all about change.” I hope this encourages you to think about and share your past with family and friends.

Audrae Gruber, retired St. Paul elementary teacher, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, Brainerd resident of 15 years, poet, writer, nature lover, former volunteer for hospice, suicide prevention, library board, Brainerd Dispatch advisory, member of Homer’s Writers group and happy camper.

Audrae, 6, during a Shirley Temple look-a-like contest. Photo submitted by Audrae Gruber.

Likeus uson onFacebook Facebook•• Spring 2020 | her voice 33 Like

HER PASSION + aging

Embracing Our Elders

T

BY JENNEY EGERTSON

here was a reason I loved my job in high school, when I served as a part-time receptionist for a suburban nursing home. A reason I was thrilled when the recreations director put me in charge of summer activities for the residents. A reason I tried twice

— although somewhat unsuccessfully — to serve as a nurse’s aide during college. And it wasn’t about altruism.

34 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

After college, the reason I took a four-hour bus ride — many times — to visit my great-uncle was not because he needed my help. My uncle Ben — married first to my great-aunt and then to her sister, my grandmother — was a brilliant, 90-something lawyer with an amazing memory and a head for details . . . a man blinded by illness at age four, who one day spent several hours explaining to me exactly how and why the U.S. got into two world wars. . . a man who had run every other lawyer out of Nashwauk, Minnesota, since he had arrived there in his 30s, and 50 years later remodeled his law office to accommodate the “older” clients.

In the 1990s, I didn’t tape a twohour interview with my grandfather, who was by then slipping into dementia, so that my family would appreciate me; that was over 25 years ago and they still haven’t heard the tape. And I didn’t spend 18 years writing about women over 80 in order to help them come to grips with the past. A few of them thanked me for giving them a chance to work through painful memories, but that wasn’t my goal.

And now, I don’t speak publicly about the close relationships I’ve enjoyed with my elders out of the goodness of my heart — I talk about those friends and family members because of what I have personally gained as a result of knowing them.

In spite of the ways my culture seems to pity anyone over 80 — often portraying them as burdensome — and in spite of the products and services being pushed at my generation to help us “feel younger,” I really don’t want to think about the oldest members of our society — or of myself — as being somehow deficient.

Here’s the thing: I pursue the elders in my life — those I know and others I’d like to know — because I treasure their friendship. I love their stories, their wisdom and their calm reactions to moments that have felt like calamity in my own life. I have fun with them. I depend on them for

"I believe they should be honored.

Even revered, as they are in some other cultures."

-Egertson

guidance. But I feel disheartened when I think about the challenges facing some of the 80 and 90 year olds I know and love. After leading full, productive lives, some routinely deal with anxiety and uncertainty related to health care, housing, finances and — two of the biggest threats to elderly adults — loneliness and isolation. And it happens during the very time in their lives when I believe they should be honored. Even revered, as they are in some other cultures.

Sadly, research confirms the American public believes aging to be synonymous with decline — that an older person’s identity, knowledge and skills, and the kind of success he or she is capable of achieving all become “fixed” or immovable. Those cultural attitudes fly in the face of data showing with the right support and resources — the kinds we fight to provide for other groups — adults can remain healthy, independent and highly engaged as they age.

They can keep contributing.

Today I’m wondering what would happen if we began to think differently about what our elders have to offer — and what each of us will have to offer as we age. How would things be different if we believed that every human being is born with a purpose that remains with us until the

Jenney's grandmother, Irene Egertson, circa 1964, around the time of her 25th wedding anniversary.

moment of death? What if we made room culturally, socially and economically for people to continue contributing throughout their lives? For example, we could build conversations with the most experienced among us into our elementary, secondary and college curricula. Or pay our elders — and not just recent retirees — to bring their knowledge and expertise into the workplace.

Of course, many men and women who are way past retirement age still work within their professions — two presidential candidates in their late 70s seem to be doing quite well.

And personally, I know several faculty physicians who are over 80. I also know octogenarians, retired or not, who like this stage of life. Many would even be gracious and patient enough to answer our questions.

Who knows — maybe, as a result, the rest of us would make better decisions.

I know I certainly have.

Jenney Egertson is an author and semi-retired communications consultant whose first book, BEFORE I LEAVE, Wisdom from the Stories of Six Women Over Eighty, won a 2019 IP Book Award recognizing excellence in independent publishing.

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HER TABLE + ingredients

HOW DO I COOK WITH THAT?

BY SUE READY

-JICAMA-

About: Jicama (pronounced hee-cama)

is a low-carb, low-calorie root vegetable native to Mexico that can be eaten raw or cooked. It shares the same color and shape as a turnip, but is about 2-3 times the size. The texture of jicama’s root is likened to a potato and is firm as a pear. Its flesh

is juicy and crunchy, with a slightly sweet and nutty flavor. Jicama contains many important vitamins and minerals, including vitamin C, folate, potassium and magnesium. It’s low in calories and high in fiber and water.

LOOKS LIKE A TURNIP.

JICAMA SALAD WITH HONEY CLEMENTINE VINAIGRETTE Recipe serves 4

Honey Clementine Vinaigrette Salad Ingredients 2 cups jicama, cubed 1 cup red bell pepper, finely diced 3/4 cup yellow bell pepper, finely diced 1/2 cup chopped red onion 1 cup cucumber, seeded, chopped 2-3 clementines, peeled into sections Mixed greens Optional: 2 avocados, diced Optional: 1/4 cup fresh cilantro

Directions Mix salad ingredients except greens and toss lightly with citrus vinaigrette.

Let set 10 minutes.

Serve salad mixture over a bed of greens.

38 her voice | Spring 2020 • Share your voice with us

To make the vinaigrette, add all the ingredients together in a blender or pour into a small Mason jar, shake to combine.

If you use a Mason jar, you can keep the leftover vinaigrette in the jar and store in the refrigerator.

2 cups jicama, cubed 1/3 cup clementine juice (about 3)

substitute with fresh orange juice

6 TBL extra-virgin olive oil or blood orange olive oil 2 TBL honey (add more to taste) 3 tsp. white balsamic vinegar, cranberry

pear white balsamic or pomegranate quince balsamic

1 garlic clove, minced Salt and pepper to taste

The best way is to to just peel the outer part of jicama, cut in half and into julienne sticks.

Also: Other ways to enjoy Jicama: Enjoy it raw with your favorite dip. It’s very good when refrigerated for a little extra coolness too. Add jicama in spring or summer rolls. Bake jicama sticks as fries. Stir-fry jicama as its flesh stays crisp when cooked briefly, adding a refreshing crunch to any stir fry. Try it with broccoli, garlic, ginger, scallions, and toasted sesame seeds or cashews.

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