into the (suburban) wild

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ecall that secret place.

You’ve been there, you remember: That special place where once- Just once- in your crowded sunlit lifetime, you hid away in shadow from the tyranny of time. That spot beside the clover where someone’s hand held your hand and love was sweeter than the berries, or the honey, or the stinging taste of mint. It is October before a rainfall - the perfect time to be in love.

-The Fantasticks by Tom Jones & Harvey Schmidt

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01 02 03 I had been looking forward to this all week. I’ve always loved going out into the woods, camping, hiking, you name it, I love it. I loved that I had an excuse to get away from people for three whole hours and just be myself. I may be the #1 Chris McCandless hater, but I don’t think he was wrong about the lure and the healing power of nature. I just don’t think you should abondon those who love you just so you can “find yourself.” I went to the Overland Park arboretum, a place I went to a lot as a kid, but I hadn’t been there in years. This was the first trail I went onto, the beginning of the “rocky ridge” trail that was, like, 4.5 miles long.

A few minutes into my hike, the sun was shining through the trees in the most beautiful way, it looked nearly like a movie. I had started to think about coming here when I was a kid, and how much I had changed since then.

When I was really young, I was one of those little brats who thought they were the funniest, bravest, smartest kids ever. Into middle school, I had basically became the opposite of that, and now I was somewhere in the middle. I started to think about how that happened, if there was something concrete and singular that happened to change me, or if it was a thousand tiny hurts that made me change who I was.

I stumbled upon one of the streams in the aboretum, and I remembered once whenI had went here with my cousins, and I had thrown off my shoes and waded in the stream. I had pretended it was an actual river, stretching from sea to sea, because it had seemed bigger then. Now it looked small and dirty. But I thought about how I used to brave and how I didn’t care when I was little, so I even though it was more than a little chilly, I took off my shoes and waded in it for a while because I wanted to be brave again.

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I followed the stream until I found one of the bridges, and I remembered another time I visited, with a girl named Sydney, and we ate lunch there. I thought about how Sydney and I hadn’t spoken since 8th grade graduration, and how I would probably forget her when I was older, even though she was my best friend for years and years and years.

I thought about how I saw her life play out on instagram, how different it was from mine. I thought about what I would be like if we had never stopped being friends. I certainly wouldn’t be the same person I am right now. I might not even be at the same school.

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05 06 07 As I was walking in the woods, I turned a corner and was suddenly in the middle of a field of grass that stretched for as long as I could see, which made me think about how diverse and beautiful the nature in this country was. I started getting almost patriotic, thinking about those amber waves of grain and all that. It, unfortunatly, made me think about the upcoming election, but it also made me appreciate that America is already great, at least because of it’s greatest idea: the parks, and all the nature we put aside for future generations.

I thought about how the arboretum was one of those places and I would be able to take my kids there someday.

As I turned back into the woods, I thought about how I would take my kids there someday, which made me start thinking about the future and how unsure I am about everything. My parents want me to start thinking about colleges, when I feel like I was just picking out what high school to go to. I wanted to feel like a little kid again, brave and quirky and doing whatever I want. So I laid down on the ground for a minute where I took the picture.

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This was my view when I was laying down. There was definitly bugs and dirt and everything else getting in my hair, but I closed by eyes and felt the wind go around me, heard all the leaves rustling around me and all the animals scampering around. I felt peaceful, which is kind of a big deal for me, as I am a certified not-chill person. But for once, in that moment, I felt like nothing bad was going to ever happen.

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I came upon this lovely lady along my hike, probably put there by someboy scout or something, but she made me think about womanhood. Before I had gone out, my mom warned me to be careful and to try and avoid people on the paths when I was alone. I thought about how this advice could have been given to anyone, but it was given to me because I’m a girl and if I don’t take precautions things are going to happen. And it made me sad and angry because I like being a girl, but I don’t like how society treats you if you’re a girl, espicially if you’re a brave, smart, funny, ambitious girl who doesn’t care what people think. I wondered if that was why I changed.

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I was sad as I finished my hike, not because of what I thought about, but actually because it was over, and I had enjoyed immensly. But I also realized that while thinking things through had helped me come to conclusions, and, as Kylie Jenner says, just realizing things, they hadn’t done any good for anyone else, and if I wanted to actually deal with them, I would have to talk to other people. But the insight I got on my hike was nice. That realization is what seperates me from Chris McCandless, I already knew happiness is not real unless it is shared

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On the rocky ridge trail, there was this like 10/12 foor cliff that I remember climbing with my friend Sydney and her dad when I was too little to bedoing that. Off-handedly, I thought, “What was he thinking, the old drunk, we could have died.”

But that made me sad, because Sydney’s Dad was--is?--a drunk, I just didn’t realize it then. And I thought about how a few of my old friends parents were alcoholics now, with chips and everything, and how a lot of the people who I thought were strong when I was young were and are actually broken and trying to deal with it. I thought about how a lot of people my age are going down the same way and trying to solve their problems with a bottle. I thought about how there’s always been alcohol at every major event in my life, and I’ve never questioned it. Maybe that’s just being Catholic.

Anyway, I climbed the cliff, because I was being brave that day.

This was the view from the top.

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by bridget graham

theology and media

period two 10/30/2016

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thanks for reading -bridget