Issue 52, November 2012
BROAD
LOVE
Table of Contents
A Feminist & Social Justice Magazine
Image: Goddess Love Dance
ŠNastassia Davis
A feminist is a person who answers “yes” to the question, “Are women human?” Feminism is not about whether women are better than, worse than or identical with men. And it’s certainly not about trading personal liberty--abortion, divorce, sexual self-expression-for social protection as wives and mothers, as pro-life feminists propose. It’s about justice, fairness, and access to the
BROAD
range of human experience. It’s about women consulting their own well-being and being judged as individuals rather than as members of a class with one personality, one social function, one road to happiness. It’s about women having intrinsic value as persons rather than contingent value as a means to an end for others: fetuses, children, the “family,” men. ~ Katha Pollitt
broad | brÔd | adjective 1 having an ample distance from side to side; wide 2 covering a large number and wide scope of subjects or areas: a broad range of experience 3 having or incorporating a wide range of meanings 4 including or coming from many people of many kinds 5 general without detail 6 (of a regional accent) very noticeable and strong 7 full, complete, clear, bright; she was attacked in broad daylight noun (informal) a woman.
broad | brÔd |
slang a promiscuous woman
phrases broad in the beam: with wide hips or large buttocks in broad daylight: during the day, when it is light, and surprising for this reason have broad shoulders: ability to cope with unpleasant responsibilities or to accept criticism City of broad shoulders: Chicago synonyms see: wide, extensive, ample, vast, liberal, open, all-embracing antonyms see: narrow, constricted, limited, subtle, slight, closed see also broadside (n.) historical: a common form of printed material, especially for poetry
Broad’s mission is connectartists, the WSGS program Our witheditorial communities of students, communities ofto scholars, and activists. mission is to provoke faculty, and staff at Loyola and beyond, continuing and extending the program’s thought and debate in an open forum characterized by respect and civility. mission. We provide space and support for a variety of voices while bridging communities of scholars, artists, and activists. Our editorial mission is to provoke thought and debate in an open forum characterized by respect and civility.
WSGS Mission: Founded in 1979, Loyola’s Women’s Studies Program is the first women’s studies program at a Mission: Jesuit institution and has served as a model for women’s studies WSGS programs at other Jesuit and Catholic universities. Our mission is to introduce
Founded in to 1979, Loyola’s Women’sacross Studies is the studies students feminist scholarship theProgram disciplines andfirst thewomen’s professional schools; program at a Jesuit institution and has served as a model for women’s studies to provide innovative, challenging, and thoughtful approaches to learning; and to programs atsocial other justice. Jesuit and Catholic universities. Our mission is to introduce promote students to feminist scholarship across the disciplines and the professional schools; to provide innovative, challenging, and thoughtful approaches to learning; and to promote social justice.
Activism and Academia: This special themed issue on Activism & Academia explores: how activism and academia are related, whether or not they are compatible, what it means to BROAD LOVE: be a part of the academy, what types of education are lacking from academic
This special themed on BROAD who, how, why we love. to disciplines, accessissue to education andLOVE rightsexplores to education, how and academia relates Topics include: sex, friendship, alternative sexualities, relationship the real world, if love, there family, is a disconnect between universities and society at large, styles, intimate interracial relationships, and reproduction, how we can make whatbonds, we learn matter. and Lookmulticultural for the [A&A] symbol for casual affairs, and what love means to our contributors. Look for the [BL] symbol contributions on our theme! for contributions on our theme!
BROAD People: BROAD People: Karolyne Carloss
Abi Wilberding
Junior Editor Technology & Administration
Junior Editor Publicity & Outreach
Jenn Miller Senior Editor
Brandie Madrid Consulting Editor
Julia DeLuca
WSGS/WLA/Gannon Coordinator
Natalie Beck
Archives & Website Coordinator
J. Curtis Main Consulting Editor
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BROAD Mission: Broad’s mission is to connect the WSGS program with communities of students, faculty, and staff Mission: at Loyola and beyond, continuing and extending the program’s BROAD mission. We provide space and support for a variety of voices while bridging
CONTENTS FROM YOUR EDITOR VISITING EDITOR Ashley Smith [BL] The Sun and the Moon
by Ashley Smith
[BL] Holding Tight
by Megan Judy
EX BIBLIOTHECIS
5 Things to Love about your Mobile Library by Jane Currie
BOOKMARK HERE The Power of Love EDUCATED GUESS Revolutionizing Friendship
by Abi Wilberding
[BL] LOVE, Am I A Fool to Believe in You?
by KrystiAna Disbrow
CAREER CALL Professional Stage Actor
by Brandon St. Clair Saunders
[BL] Katrina
by Katerina Theodossiou
CON/SCIENCE The Love Hypothesis
by Brandon Haydon
BROADSIDE The Taste of Love
by Natalie Beck
QUOTE CORNER A Collection of Love Quotes, Part 1 by Ashley Smith
[BL] Loves is: Shades of Blue by Niyah Lee
WORDS ARE USELESS Better by Rachael McHan
WLA RE-ANIMATED Beanie Bounce Dance, 1952 [BL] Spread the Word & Raise Awareness: Love Shouldn’t Hurt by Katherine Nieweglowski
EMBRACING CHAOS Loving Imperfection by Jason Lemberg
BOOKMARK HERE The Ethical Slut [BL]
A Theory of Love: Theory Aside
by Janelle Jones
MADADS The Privledge of Being Loved by Natalie Beck
[BL]
Beyond the Pale: A True Story of First Love
by Anonymous, Age 19
WORDS ARE USELESS Crown & Glory by Nastassia Davis
[BL] I Used to Be Gay by Jillian Anderson
BROADSIDE Day 35:
by Tim “Toaster” Henderson
SCREEN/PLAY
by Brandie Rae Madrid
I Love You, Man
PEOPLE TELLING STORIES Rico by Bryce Parsons-Twesten
QUOTE CORNER A Collection of Love Quotes, Part 2 by Ashley Smith
[BL] Love: Understanding its Evolution BROADSIDE Until Then by Grace Esparza
WORDS ARE USELESS Cradled by Rachael McHan
[BL] Why You Ought to Have Your Cake (And How You Can Eat it, Too!) A Short Intro to Polyamory by Holly Shackelford
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by Julia DeLuca
CONTENTScontinued FEMINIST FIRES Anais Nin OFF THE SHELF On Books
by Anna Gentry
ALUM ALERT Anna Gentry INSIDE R OUT? We fought, and loved, and listened, and most of all, Connected
by Curtis Main
[BL] BILLET-DOUX by Tania Hossain
QUOTE CORNER The Ethical Slut [BL] Beyond Physical: Loving the Spirit by Ariana Lewis
BROAD LOVES A list of LOVES from the BROAD Team QUOTE CORNER
A Collection of Love Quotes, Part 3 by Ashley Smith
SUBTLE SEXISMS Loving Out Prejudice
by Karolyne Carloss
[BL] Not to Judge Love by Aaron Heisohn
WORDS ARE USELESS Untitled by Nastassia Davis
VOLUNTEER VOICES Koseli School in Kathmandu, Nepal by Ombeline Picquet
[BL] Expressions of Love: A Look at Gensis P-Orridge’s and Lady Jaye’s Relationship
by Emma Steiber
FACULTY FEED Diversifying Love
by Cortney Irby
BROADSIDE Re-Framing Love By Ida Sefer Roche
[BL] Love Justice by Wade Reed
[BL] Loving Yourself, Each Other, and Something Greater Than Us All by Christina Ferrari
BROADSIDE The Terror, of the death, of the realtiy, of us by KBS
SPOTLIGHT ON Women in Literature
by Dionne Addai, Kelly Ahlman, Ashley Doubet, Lacey Eberle, Stephanie Steidel, Melissa Wagoner, & Karen Wong
QUOTE CORNER My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser TELL-A-VISION Whoopi Goldberg’s Spook Show QUOTE CORNER The Way We Really Are: Coming to Terms with America’s Changing Families
[BL] Independent Love by Meg Helming
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CONTRIBUTOR GUIDELINES
From Your Editor
Dear Readers, In honor of our BROAD LOVE theme, I have been tweeting feminist love quotes on our twitter account (@BroadMagazine) for the past month. If you follow us on twitter, I hope you enjoyed them - it was a lot of fun finding them!
The search for quotes about love related to our social justice and feminist lenses got me thinking about the idea of “feminist love,� generally speaking, or how these two ideas relate to one another. Love is not a topic that is commonly associated with
fight, and yet, motivated by love, we continue in this struggle for justice. To me, this aligns perfectly with my definition of love...that aspect of love that is aware of, appreciates, and accepts beings outside of oneself is what drives us to fight for A few months ago, someone near and dear to their rights, to correct injustices against them, to me asked me to define love. It took quite a bit of advocate for their well-being. The profound sense pondering and grappling with different streams of of love we feel commits us to doing what we can to thought, but ultimately, this is what I came up with: extend love’s reach. As another truly awe-inspiring “Love is a state of profound individual, Mother Teresa, awareness, appreciation, once said “I have found the When I think of love, I and acceptance of oneself paradox that if I love until it and other beings outside of think of human connection, hurts, then there is no hurt, oneself.” In articulating this but only more love.” oneness of being, definition, I wasn’t thinking profound gratitude for of love in relation to feminism or social justice, back to my self, for others, and for life Going only as an abstract concept adventures in Twitter, I came and what it meant for me, and all of its possibilities, across a Twitter account that personally. But throughout led me to discover a truly an empathic concern for this month of investigating inspirational organization, feminist perspectives on and celebration of all who and I want to share their love, I came to see love unconventional love story share this earth. And my as integral to, inseparable with you. This organization overwhelming desire is to is called LOVE146. It’s a from, and emanating within feminism and social justice. rather vague, but intriguing share love, to give love, to name, and so, wanting When I think of love, I fill the world and everyone to find out more, I visited think of human connection, their (beautifully-designed!) in it with love! oneness of being, profound website, and found out that gratitude for self, for LOVE146 is an international others, and for life and organization dedicated to all of its possibilities, an empathic concern for ending child trafficking and exploitation through and celebration of all who share this earth. And prevention education and survivor care. my overwhelming desire is to share love, to give love, to fill the world and everyone in it with love! LOVE146’s name was partially inspired by a young And to me, this multi-faceted view of love and its girl who was sold into sexual slavery. This young expression seamlessly integrates with my identity girl was one among many, but the organization’s as a feminist and social justice advocate. founders say she stood out because there was “fight left in her eyes...In her eyes we found our calling.” Civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr. once said Along with all of the other trafficked children, “Justice at its best is love correcting everything she wore a number to identify her to buyers. That that stands against love.” Isn’t this the work that number was 146. And the “fight” they describe social justice and feminism are doing? The way I seeing in her eyes? - I would certainly call it love. see it, our actions, theories, and political stances in Despite all that she had been through, this girl still these realms are rooted in love. It is because of our had hope, still felt a connection to her humanity, love for ourselves, our environment (and its living still had the capacity to feel love. creatures), and our fellow human beings that we fight against oppression, injustice, and social inequality. This is a shortened version of the story, and I won’t It is a difficult, frustrating, and seemingly endless delve into the entire history, mission, and vision of
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feminist theories and ideas. While some feminists have certainly written about love (bell hooks, Anais Nin), definitions of feminist love, or what it means to love as a feminist, are not easy to encounter.
the organization (please take a look at those things on their website), but I want to highlight how their work perfectly illustrates Martin Luther King, Jr.’s statement, and the deep connection between love and social justice/ feminism. They see love as the reason for their work, stating, “Love is the stability of our name because it is our motivating drive to end child sex slavery and exploitation. We believe love to be the foundation of real, sustainable change... Love protects. Love defends. Love restores. Love empowers. We are LOVE146.” And LOVE146 is one organization out of many engaged in social justice work that, when you really think about it, is inspired by love.
multi-racial relationships, love in literature and volunteering, bromantic love and romantic love, love between friends, loving what you do, selflove, love in other species, your brain on love, navigating alternative relationships, and first love with all of its complications. As you’ll see from our incredible contributors, love is certainly an inspiration, whether it be for social justice efforts, interpersonal relationships, embracing oneself, and anything in between. This is our biggest (and best?) issue yet, so we can say one thing for sure: love inspires us to write and create! So, readers, what will love inspire you to do today?
As you know by now, BROAD Magazine is a social justice and feminist publication, and I think I can speak for our whole team when I say that it is certainly a labor of love. I know that I do this work because I love it. And what I love even more than creating this magazine with the team every month is finally being able to share it with all of you! BROAD LOVE to you all, As you read this issue, you’ll see many other perspectives on love, its infinite forms and modes of expression, and the varied ways in which it is connected to feminism and social justice. The amazing contributions we have for this issue cover parental love, gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans/pan love,
Jenn
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Visiting Editor
Ashley Smith All you ever needed to know about Ashley Smith: She’s so damn cool it makes her awkward, which kind of cancels out the original coolness. She hit the 30 Rock and is climbing like a rock star. She spends her time deciphering the mystical messages of an 8 year old guru, and studying Chicago culture via public transportation and ethnic restaurants. After studying culinary art in Atlanta, and design in Chicago, she began working in the non-profit sector. Obviously, she wants to be a writer if/when she grows up. Love is her official religion, but she does not identify Bob Marley as the messiah. She is a mad scientist that likes to dive into the deep undercurrents of life and learn from her scars. Her equally dramatic and totally extroverted daughter is probably the reason why anything gets done...including cursing the heavens and eating her feelings. She really enjoys eating her feelings. If you or someone you know would like to be a Visiting Editor, please email broad.luc@gmail.com
BROAD LOVE
The Sun and the Moon
I cast a mental spell Pulled stars to my hips Whispered his name into the clouds And tucked them into every pocket Sprinkled intentions over my shoulder And waited The universe and I We exchanged heated words a few times But I waited And then he was exactly where he was supposed to be The sun never forgets to shine I came to him Reminded him of our karmic agreement Our unfinished business We rested eyes upon the other Sight weary from endless searching Hope buoyed by familiar So began the dance of day and night. He rose every morning Exposing dreams And spoiling dark plans I disappeared into clouds But we shared a rhythm on the night sky My nervous body moved with uncertainty Afraid to strike a chord Afraid to like it I held my breath But he surrounded me Despite my hesitation
By Ashley Smith
Can you imagine? The moon Forgetting to breathe? Night would last forever I wanted nothing more We spoke in cycles, retrogrades Rarely existing in the same sky But for a moment I learned the rhythms Melancholy melodies Silent nights Thoughts lingering on Still morning breezes I saw his importance Reflected it back to him And I waited Knowing he belonged to the world How they were drawn to him Inspired by his light Devoted to his constancy I remained erratic Mysterious, selfish As elusive as I was He respected my darkness Loving me more For what he could not fully understand He knew it was somehow Apart of his own legacy Though never touching We were linked cosmically Every night Our dance Scales relying on the other For balance For the world.
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I recognized him, instantly. Lifetimes had passed since our encounter. But the moon never forgets the sun. He dug the way his heat illuminated me The way I glowed in his presence From behind the shadow of his shades He took in my roundness, smoothness The years of running into rough spots Had somehow dulled my sharp corners Eased my jagged expressions. He smiled. I remembered his lips. The day ended with an ellipsis‌ There was more to come Some kind of intensity had been stirred.
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Holding Tight By Megan Judy Last week, I took my five-year-old son, Kai, to an indoor amusement park at a mall in Minnesota. He asked me if I would take him on the log ride. He held my hand and waited patiently in line, and we squeezed into the boat together, still wearing our down jackets. The boat bumped jauntily through the waterway, weaving past Hooters, American Girl Place, and an animatronic Paul Bunyan, whose mouth moved but no sound came out.
As the boat caught on the rubber conveyor that took us up the first big hill, Kai leaned back against me. “Hold tight to me,” he said. I put my arms around him, squeezing him through his coat, and brushed his course hair with my lips. “I’ve got you,” I said.
Hold on tight to you, child? I thought. Just try and get me to let go.
I tried to disguise my shaking hands as I gathered coats and keys and my son, and made it to the car before I started to cry. What did this mean for us? Didn’t autistic kids have trouble making an emotional connection with people? I loved him so much, a crushing, tidal wave of love that sometimes threatened to pull me under. Would he be able to return any of it? I spent the next day in my pajamas, alternatively crying and recalibrating my expectations. Okay, so maybe he won’t play football. Maybe he won’t be the homecoming king. Or a track star. Or an astronaut. Or have a girlfriend. Go on Spring break. All the things I wanted him to be, gone with a single word.
About a week after we entered him in a preschool at two-and-a-half, the teachers asked for a But in truth, I was meeting. “He doesn’t make scared. I had been eye contact,” they said. “He doesn’t talk.” worried about autism “He does talk, and he does make eye contact,” I insisted. “It’s just that there’s so much here to do and look at.” Their faces registered pity as they handed me a list of people to call. I hated them.
since he was born - not because he showed any of the signs, but because I had fallen in love with this child and I was scared to lose him.
I called the director and angrily asked for my tuition money back, and took him to a speech therapist just to spite the teachers. “I’ll show them,” I thought, when his results come back and he’s perfectly normal. But in truth, I was scared. I had been worried about autism since he was born—not because he showed any of the signs, but because I had fallen in love with this child and I was scared to lose him. I had heard about kids who had autism, all kinds of stories that went, “Yeah, it was the craziest thing—one day he was here with us and then, bam! The light went out.” The idea was terrifying. And then, “I think he has autism,” the therapist said brightly, lightly, as though she wasn’t breaking my heart.
Suddenly, I began to notice a chasm between Kai and my friends’ kids that seemed a mile wide. One day, we went to the park with another mom and her son. “My God,” my friend said. “Noah wouldn’t stop talking the whole way here. What’s this and where’s that, I’m like stop already.”
I bit back a reply. How lucky she was to be annoyed with all that talking. On our way to the park, Kai had stared out the window while I listened to NPR. He’d never asked me a single question. At three, he had the language skills of a 15-month-old baby. At a new pre-school, the teachers wanted to talk to me. “He doesn’t sit in group,” they said. “He doesn’t listen to directions.” “I know,” I whispered, anguished. “I know.” Not too long after that, I picked him up from yet another pre-school. He was in hysterics when I arrived. “He thought another mother was you,” his teacher said.
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It is remarkable that we can even do something like this together. Waiting in line, following directions, asking questions and communicating anxiety are incredibly hard for him. It has taken hundreds of hours of therapy, tearful calls to the insurance company, seminars, doctors’ visits, and many sleepless nights just to do something as mundane as a carnival ride. My son has autism, you see.
I found this both baffling and troubling. How could he think another woman was me? “Did she look like me?” I asked. “Not really. She has short hair, kind of blonder than yours.” The next day, I put a picture of us together inside his lunchbox. Was it possible that he didn’t remember what I looked like? Is it possible that he never really looks at me, and is therefore unable to identify me in a crowd? The thought made me ache. He was holding the picture when I picked him up. “Mommy!” he exclaimed when he saw me, his face lighting up. I gathered him into my arms. “Hi, Buddy,” I said. “Who’s this?” I asked him, pointing to the picture. “Kai and Mommy,” he said. I beamed at him. I put the picture in his lunch box every day for the rest of the week, but on the following Monday I forgot in the start-ofthe-week melee, and when I arrived to pick him up, Kai was crying. “The other mother again?” I asked. The teacher nodded. This time, she had asked the other woman to wait for me to arrive.
I forced a laugh, the practiced one I used to give to strangers to explain Kai’s odd behavior. “He’s so tired at the end of the day I think he’s even forgotten his name,” I said. Kai was clinging to me. I carried him to the car and strapped him into his car seat. I was near tears myself. This was exactly what I had been so scared of. And yet. How could he not know me? When he was first born, six weeks early and gasping for breath, I spent every moment of the two weeks he was in intensive care, stroking his back, singing to him, reading to him. I breastfed him for fifteen entire months. I read him stories. I took him to the zoo and the park and the pool. I knew every inch of him, could identify him by a flash of an elbow or part of a sneaker as he zoomed by on the playground.
She looked nothing like me, except maybe she had my same sort of disheveled mother look, a demeanor that says, I have nothing in the pantry but a can of green beans, what am I going to do about dinner?
She looked nothing like me, except maybe she had my same sort of disheveled mother look, the one with the yoga pants and sloppy hair, a demeanor that says, I have nothing in the pantry but a can of green beans, what am I going to do about dinner? She was completely confused by my son’s reaction to her, and I could feel her burning question— what’s wrong with that child that he doesn’t know you? And what’s wrong with you?
I buckled my own seat belt and let out a steadying breath and started the car. I glanced back at Kai in his booster. His face was unreadable, staring out of the car window, but I don’t know if he really saw, lost as he was in his own inner depths, the autism pulling him away even as he had cried out for me, minutes earlier and watched a person he thought was his mother choosing another little boy to take home and make her
own. Choosing another little boy, I thought. Oh, no. I pulled over and turned to face him. “Kai,” I said, and my voice caught and the tears came, “Did you think I chose another boy to take home?”
This was the disease, like he doesn’t hear me or seem to acknowledge me in any way. “Kai, I would never choose another boy, ever.”
When we read our story before bed that night, I snuggled him close, so that maybe, even if he didn’t hear my words that day, he would know, by my touch, the tone of my voice. He would know that there was never a choice to make.
I looked at him for another long moment. My son. My strange and beautiful boy. He didn’t say anything. So I put the car in gear and drove home.
And suddenly I knew. I knew that this wasn’t about what I did and didn’t do for him, how I measured up as a mother in his eyes. Like autism had been my worst fear, this was his; that I would give up, let go, that I would choose another kid. One who didn’t melt down for two hours because the cart he wants to ride in is broken, or who would hurry up, already. How could I explain it to him? How could I possibly make him understand what I must have known all along? That if I had to do it all over again and was somehow given a choice of children, that I would still choose him, only even faster because I knew what an amazing little person he would turn out to be? How much joy he brought to me every day?
Like when we played hide-and-seek and he looked for me in ridiculous places, like in the peanut butter jar or the dryer. Like the time in art class that he was looking for a place to wipe his paint-covered hands and he chose some woman’s pristine, white designer jeans, and how weak my apology to her sounded because I was laughing so hard. Like the time we were at a party and someone took their baby home in a carrier, and he started to cry, thinking that it was our baby, his sister, who had a similar carrier. Like his impish grin, like his blue-blue eyes, like his wild giggle, like his open heart.
“I love you, Kai,” I said. He smiled at me then. “Good night, Mommy.” I could feel tears threaten once again. I wanted to do more, to say more, to penetrate his inscrutable brain, to make everything okay. But I couldn’t. I can’t.
All I can do is hope. Love him and hope. Kai hasn’t mistaken another woman for me since that time so long ago, since I told him I’d always hold on, that I would meet him where he stood, and love him wherever that was. And on that log ride, as our little boat rounded the top of the hill, and the track gave way beneath it, I held fast to my son and we met what was coming together. We rushed down the hill with a roar and an almighty splash. Kai turned to me. “Thanks, Mommy,” he said, and he gave me a rare hug. I didn’t trust myself to speak right away, so it was a few moments before I was able to say, “Kai, you are so welcome.”
“I love you so much. I love you more than you’ll ever even know. I choose you always, Kai.” I looked at him for another long moment. My son. My strange and beautiful boy. He didn’t say anything. So I put the car in gear and drove home.
Megan is sometimes cool, always tired, and often halfway thru a bottle of Cabernet. She’s an awesome mother, reluctant teacher and a fast learner. Yeah, she’s kind of amazing.
[BL]
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His expression didn’t change.
by Jane P. Currie
Ex Bibliothecis From Loyola’s Libraries to you. Assisting you in your search for information.
5 Things to LOVE about your Mobile Library When you carry a smart phone, it’s as though you have Loyola’s library in your pocket. Here’s a list of five things to LOVE about your mobile library. Your questions about mobile device access and more are welcome. Contact me at: jcurrie@luc.edu.
1. Maps. Find location and floor maps on our mobile site at http://libraries.luc.edu/m/ locations.php. 2. Library books. Search the WorldCat Local catalog at http://luclibrary.worldcat.org/m./ 3. Scholarly and popular articles. Find both in the EBSCO mobile databases at http://search. ebscohost.mobi/. Click on Mobile Device Interface to begin. 4. News and announcements. Follow us on Twitter at https://twitter.com/LUCLibraries. 5. Help! Contact us by sending a text to 66746 and starting your question with askluc.
First Published:
Bookmark Here
2003
Current Publisher: Epica Task Force
MSRP:
The Power of Love: My Experience in a U.S. Immigration Jail
$14.95 122
Genre:
Auto-biography
Topics:
»» U.S. Immigration Law and Policy »» Motherhood and Resilience »» The immigrant experience
From the back cover:
Amalia Molina’s story. A bi-lingual book. “A courageous and beautiful testimony of how the great American dream becomes a nightmare.” ~Mario Bencastro, author, Odyseey to the North
by Ana Amalia Guzman Molina
Pages
“I felt like I was back in prison, remembering the abuse, negligence and frustration, but in awe of the creativity and caring that women offer one another. The prison system - on all levels - is broken, a travesty of the concept of ‘rehabilitation.’ Only trust in God gets one through the disappearance of detention. I pray that we learn the truth about the ‘justice’ system and set all our souls free.” ~Judith Kelly, School of the Americas prisoner of conscience
Pros:
Illuminates the experiences of a family thrown into detention by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, a story that often goes untold. Both Spanish and English are included in one volume. Despite the atrocities the family experienced, Amalia Molina focuses on the love that held them together, and her incredible strength as a mother, a spiritual leader, and a woman shine through.
Cons:
The book is difficult to find because it is not widely produced or distributed. Some of the material is graphic and difficult to read. The author is not a writer, but has chosen to share her story in an accessible, if not always poetic, voice.
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“The Power of Love tears down the walls between us and our immigrant neighbors, opens us up to their plight, strength, and courage, and calls us to advocate for their release and profound reform in current immigration law, since we, too, were once strangers in a strange land.” ~Alice Linsmeier, Jesuit Refugee Services, Los Angeles
by Abi Wilberding
Educated Guess Asking How, Why, and What the Hell?
Revolutionizing Friendship You Went to An All-Girls School?! When I explain to people that I went to an all women’s college they frequently respond with disheartening or semi-offensive comments. As one of the “Seven Sisters”, a historic group of all women’s colleges functioning as “sister” colleges to the historically all-male Ivy Leagues, Smith has an incredible history of academic excellence,
community building, and butt kicking. Despite its laudable history, however, the response I receive from others when I mention my attendance there is frequently far from a positive pat on the back. Some people ask if I “experimented”, others ponder out loud if I “missed men”, still more grimace silently, shaking their heads. Both men and women
boundaries that has been created by a societal “male gaze”. This gaze forces women to perform and negotiate their friendships in confining ways.
Women become friends understanding certain The “Male Gaze” unsaid rules. We can be close (both physically Although there seems to be a general consensus and emotionally) but not too close. Our primary that female friendships are accepted and relationship is with those we are romantic with, promoted in contemporary America, I would and our friendships are support systems, not argue that this acceptance applies to breadth but intruding into that sacred primary-love ground. not depth. In high school hallways, college dorms, and office cubicles, women are talking to one Basically: there is a severe and intentional line another, they’re gossiping, they’re sharing stories, between a significant other and a friend. A line and they are labeled as that covers much more than “friends”. However, these If every relationship sexual relations, and spreads relationships function with into how we define and care stays within these distinct boundaries related about friendships. If you’re to affection, authentic safe definitions, we too close to a woman then conversation, and they are your significant other are not authentically connection. We get coffee and you are gay, ipso facto. with our friends, we might However, these lines between experiencing our go to movies, we gripe “friendship” and “relationship” about our relationships relationships to other should be a lot blurrier than we and careers. Women’s people. Unknowingly, like to assume that they are. If friendships appear close, every relationship stays within arguably closer than men we stop ourselves short these safe definitions, we are are societally allowed to not authentically experiencing of knowing or caring be. our relationships to other deeply about other people. Unknowingly, we stop However, and this is going ourselves short of knowing women in fear that we to be a hard argument or caring deeply about other might be seen as “more to swallow for some, women in fear that we might female relationships are be seen as “more than friends”. than friends.” consistently monitored Or worse, we don’t even see and confined by an outside this type of care as an option “male gaze”. This “male gaze” was originally in a friendship. attributed to women in film by Laura Mulvey. Mulvey argued that women in film were typically Although I would argue that this “male gaze” “gazed upon” as objects rather than having agency phenomenon began as expectations enforced by over themselves. John Berger, in “Ways of Being” men, that is not to say that women do not reinforce added to this concept, stating that whereas men it by accepting it and rejecting couplings that were typically depicted as “doers”, women were challenge the friendship/relationship delineation. “done to”. The semi-good news is that women have adapted Now, I’m going to back up for a moment. I to this gaze and normalized it and function as well understand that the 1970s, when Mulvey was as they can by defining their friendships within it. writing, is not now. I also realize that film is However, as a graduate of an all women’s college, not real life. So we’ve got those bases covered. I’m here to deliver some bad news: We could have However, I am arguing that female friendships are better friendships. created and developed within a set of rules and
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respond this way, semi-joking, semi-serious, semireally weirded out. I bring this troubling trend up because I think it is a direct reflection on how we see female friendship in American culture.
Life Outside the Gaze as I’d like to, we still see each other. And when we My time at Smith was not perfect, but I did develop do? It’s not unusual to see us holding hands on the friendships that were as outside of the societal male street, or having an incredibly deep and emotional gaze as is likely to happen. It’s hard to describe the conversation, or expecting the other to support closeness that I experienced us noncompetitively, at Smith and what it meant cheer our victories It’s not unusual to see us to my friendships. I ate and empathize with meals at a round table holding hands on the street, our failures. The expectations that where the women around or having an incredibly me talked heatedly and one usually has of a unapologetically about the significant other, I have deep and emotional fields they were considering of some of my dearest conversation, or expecting entering. From Neuroscience friends. to Victorian Literature to the other to support Contemporary Dance, my Revolution us noncompetitively, friends were passionate You might not agree and they wanted me to be with most of what I’ve cheer our victories and passionate too. You would written. You might say empathize with our failures. hear people congratulating that your friendships one another on finishing a have overcome this The expectations that one paper, and frequently asking societal “male gaze” usually has of a significant to read it. or that you think that there is no need for this other, I have of some of my Every success of a friend was “friendship feminism” dearest friends. your own success. When that I’m proposing. I am people presented or were in no way questioning published or found a fellowship, I remember feeling the importance of friendship, regardless of context incredibly personally elated, as if this positive and societal boundaries. I am, instead, asking for thing had happened to me. We were in something all of us to be our full selves in our friendships. To invest and prioritize them as we might our together, not apart. When something horrible romantic relationships. To “Fried Green Tomatoes” happened to a friend, a break-up, a bad grade, the hell out of them. And to become better people a mental block, all of us would surround them, for it. taking turns to give them positive reinforcement and let them know how much we loved them. Or, at the least, to question the boundaries that we’ve accepted, the ways of being that we’ve This love was not limited to coffee meetings or normalized, and wonder what limitations we can in-between-class-hellos. There was no reservation challenge to realize love. in this type of love and there was no fear of boundaries. Embracing, holding hands, sleepovers with conversation until early morning, this was the stuff of everyday life. This love felt limitless to most of us. Now, most people might say, “Well, that’s college!”. First off: No. It’s not. That’s not normal for most colleges. I’ve experienced a few, and this is not the normal college culture that is perpetuated in America today. Secondly: These friendships still exist for me today. Although I might not see my friends from Smith half as much
BROAD LOVE
Love, Am I a Fool to Believe in You? Love, what a concept. The only thing that can destroy every ounce of you in a matter of seconds. The only thing that can bring you out of the darkness without hesitation. Love. Butterflies in your stomach. Racing heart. Sweaty palms. Love can make a blind man see, a deaf man hear, and a mute man speak. Love, in all its glory, in all its power. There isn’t anything like it. How can one word cause so much flux? If you’re any sort of romantic, you see love in all forms. If you’re anything like me, you believe in love when all else is impossible. Love, if used for its good, its positive abilities can change the world. But love
isn’t like that. In all its good and glory is evil and despair. People are manipulative. Get a gal with a pretty face or a boy with a broken heart and fit them with their counterparts; you have a recipe for disaster. Love. A prominent cause for the dark days and lonely nights. Love. Angelic devil. Beautiful disaster. Love is my disease and I’m not looking for a cure. KrystiAna Disbrow is a Junior majoring is Social Work and double minoring in English and WSGS. She loves to write and really finds comfort in it.
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By KrystiAna Disbrow
Career Call Memos from the Workforce Email Brandon with questions, comments, and responses at: thisshoulddoit@gmail.com. What is your career? I am a professional stage actor. I pursue jobs in theater across the country. I tell stories on a stage for anyone and everyone. What does it mean to be an actor? Acting is the opportunity to be a story teller, a story interpreter, and sometimes a story writer. My body is my instrument, every skill I possess as a human being I have the opportunity to use on stage. Some actors study singing, dancing and acting. I studied dancing and I studied acting, and I do sing but I never studied it. For acting, all skills are important which is why I went to a liberal arts college as opposed to a vocational, technical skills-based school. It’s encouraged that all actors study all aspects of life, many of the actors I work with come from different backgrounds. Some are accountants, some are writers, some are English teachers, they are from all walks of life. The beauty of acting is that there is no skill that is not used. How did you first find out about acting? What made you interested at first? I was exposed to acting in elementary school. A teacher asked the class, “Who would like to volunteer for the Christmas pageant?” and my friend and I volunteered, in the fifth grade. And from that moment on I enjoyed being on stage whether it was choir, speech, debate, a spelling bee, band, I enjoyed performance. I didn’t have what many people have, which is the most common fear: stage fright. I had the opposite: stage love [laughs]. I don’t know what the opposite of fright would be, stage fascination? And from that moment on I explored all those things until I got into high school. I bounced around a lot from high school to high school. It wasn’t until my junior and senior year that I fully delved into theater. Most of my high school experience was an exposure to
I pursued something I loved instead of something that would give me economic fortune or stability. Shakespeare and classical theater in general. After deciding that going to college to study law would be an endeavor that would be fascinating but far too much work, I instead pursued something I loved. I pursued something I loved instead of something that would give me economic fortune or stability. Something that, instead, would give me spiritual and artistic fulfillment. Would you encourage others to do the same? If so, how should they go about it? Yes. I would encourage everyone to explore acting. More importantly, I demand everyone explore art in general. Every aspect of it. Any aspect of it. Acting is just one part of art, and it’s very fulfilling when people explore it. Dancing, painting, song. However you define art. Acting is accessible for everybody, we all encounter a form of acting in real life. To do it on stage, it’s just a scripted version of what we do in real life. Acting is weaving together speech, movement, instinct, understanding, and comprehension. The best actors do it seamlessly, but even the worst actors do it well. Study. Take classes. Go to school. Go back to school. Remember the age old adage, “Good actors borrow, great actors steal”. Watch movies. Imitate. I practice this all the time. Always trying to understand how we communicate with each other, with ourselves, by ourselves, in large groups. World culture, local culture, historical culture. It’s not a look at one specific moment, it’s a look at every moment at once. I’m trying to stay out of the metaphysical though [in this conversation], it can be interpreted as bullshit, pretentious, you know. Is this job for the long-term? Why or why not? Yes, it’s for the long term. Why? [Pauses to think] Because it’s the most fulfilling path I’ve ever traveled on. It brings me the most joy in life. Being on stage. Career-wise.
Employee: Brandon St. Clair Saunders Title: Professional Stage Actor Field/Career: Theater Arts
We streamline, we look for benefits within rather than on top of the art. But thankfully there are unions that help actors financially get what they need so they can pursue these avenues of life. Both stage and screen. Radio. For example the Actors Equity Association and the Screen Actors Guild. The AEA will guarantee you a minimum wage and benefits. BM: Share your most memorable experience(s) from the position; good, bad, funny, and ugly Working with the Oregon Shakespeare Festival right out of college, the opportunity to work with, at the time, the second largest repertory theater in the country, and one of the most recognizable theater’s in America was one of the most memorable experiences I have had. I was able to perform Shakespeare and Marlowe with professional actors and get paid. It was thrilling. I worked with encouraging, thoughtful, joyful actors, and also a handful that were selfish, cutthroat, and only looking out for number one. Trying to encourage your own career’s longevity might force you to do things you did not expect yourself to be able to do, and this did surprise me about others and about myself. The economical size of that theater allowed me to see the business of theater outside the art of theater. Like any business, you want to keep the best and cut anything else out. Like many theaters, some actors stay, many actors go. After two years I moved to Chicago for other opportunities, with a hope that eventually I’d go back. There is no expectation in theater, every three months actors are looking for jobs. I was happy to be spoiled right after college. I didn’t take it for granted, I took advantage and learned as much as I could. I learned a lot. I made many great relationships personal and professional. I’m trying to do the same in Chicago as well.
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Does the job and employer reinforce current social conditions or try to change them? Theater is a reflection of society, the status quo. Many counter-culture movements come out of the arts, theater moves in tandem with current culture and revolutions. Does my individual employer support social conditions? It changes employer to employer. Some company’s are making money, some are making art. As an actor I have the privilege to pick and choose the companies I work for. I just completed a play called November about the presidency. It was a satire based on what we fear the President’s power could be, or the exploitation of power could be. And yes, it directly reflected the social conditions seeing as that we’re in an election year. But this reflection can also be a challenge to these social conditions. Performance can also make an audience and a population aware of social conditions, and aware of their power to change or enforce them. A closing night audience member was a local circuit court judge, he appreciated the show, and wanted to make sure cast knew he appreciated their work. This is an example of how theater influences society and society influences theater. We go to the theater to be cathartic, to be entertained. And we do theater to entertain, to make people laugh and cry. When the audience and performers are of the same mind, a beautiful moment is created. We are all artists in this way.Alum Alert contributed by Julia DeLuc What level of survival do the benefits/pay allow? Little to none. I mean, only the top 1% get more than a living wage. The top 10% barely get a living wage. There are so many people pursuing this specific art form that it’s a flooded field. That being said, when we do it, the fulfillment of doing it far outweighs the lack of benefits. Actors that I’m accustomed to working with live minimally or sacrifice avenues of life that most people assume to be normal. Meaning buy a house, have children, have a spouse, go on vacation, travel. As an actor, I absorb some of those when I pursue work. Some actors travel the country while looking for work, other actors marry actors in order to travel and have meaningful relationships.
BROAD LOVE
Katrina by Katerina Theodossiou “Why aren’t you going to be a doctor?” The question gets posed to me often, and I’ve stopped minding. It makes sense. My father is an internationally respected and lauded oncologist, and my mother is one of the best cardiac nurses in our state. I heard about cancer treatments, heart valves, and organ harvesting at the dinner table;
I knew the medical name for every childhood illness that ever plagued myself or a friend. To be in the medical profession would be natural. I’d be following in their footsteps. Instead, in a few short months, I’ll be a certified, practicing... English teacher. That’s usually the
And still, my mother got up unbelievably early every morning and worked. Her complaints were minimal (how could we complain? We had each other and a home to go back to when it was over) and her work ethic still astounds me years later. In the time filled with chaos, the constant was the dedication my mother—and all the other nurses, doctors, and professionals I encountered— had for the patients. I’ve always respected my parents for what they do, but nothing could have cemented my respect like that summer. My parents realized something: they had a very special set of skills, and those skills can help people in great ways. Even in times of danger, it is their duty to help as many people as they can. And that is why I am going to be an English teacher. I might not have the necessary skills to save someone’s heart or cure them of cancer. My skills are different. But, like my parents knew they were obligated to help their patients during Katrina, I know I am obligated to use my skills to help others. I have a duty to work as hard as I can to help as many students as possible. My parents taught me that. And that is why, even though I am not going into the medical profession, I am following in their footsteps in the closest way I can. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for showing me how.
As people got news of their loved ones and homes, tears - both happy and sad - were abundant. The food became more and more scarce as the days went on.
For most of you, that month doesn’t have any real significance. But for me, and for everyone from my home state of Louisiana, that was the month that changed everything. That was the month a Category 4 hurricane named Katrina slammed into us, destroying the city we knew and loved and leaving the suburbs where I lived an absolute mess. Thousands of people fled the Gulf Coast area, as they should have. But we didn’t. I never left. I was with my father that morning when we realized just how bad it would be. I will never forget the way he shook me awake just past 6am, or the fear in his eyes (a rare thing to see in him) as he told me, “it’s a Category 4, and it’s coming.” Ultimately, my father made the decision to stay in Louisiana and only evacuate less than an hour and a half north to Baton Rouge. I asked him why we weren’t leaving the state like everyone else. “I’ll have to work,” he said. “My patients don’t stop needing me.” And so we stayed. My mother had a similar mindset. Less than 48 hours after the storm, my mother had moved into the hospital where she worked—the only functioning one left in Southeast Louisiana. The area around the hospital was devastated, but the hospital’s generators allowed for great luxuries: lights, air conditioning, and cooked food. I moved in with her as soon as I could, and we stayed there for three weeks. The hospital was filled with the Army, Air Force, and National Guard. We slept on air mattresses in crowded rooms. As people got news of their loved ones and homes, tears—both happy and sad—were abundant. The food became more and more scarce as the days went on.
Katerina Theodossiou is a senior at Loyola University Chicago, studying Education and English. She’s overly fond of obscure words, great literature, storytelling, and exposing students to all of those things. She lives with a very cuddly kitten named Gatsby.
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point where people get confused and start to make awkward jokes about how my parents scared me away with too much talk of blood. But, really, my decision to go into Education is rooted, in no small part, by the example my parents set for me in August of 2005.
Con/Science by Brandon Haydon
Explorations of feminist space in the vehicle of skeptical wonder
The Love Hypothesis “For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.” ~Carl Sagan Love is a hypothesis. How common for us, when we form a strong positive association to someone, somewhere, or
something, to say we “love” that. I love science. And I science love. Perhaps what we are actually expressing is that the said person, place, or thing somehow makes us feel more validated, connected, whole, affirmed, authentic than we did prior to experiencing it.
When we say we share a “chemistry” with someone, we are saying perhaps more than we mean in that moment. The first agents of love are molecular. Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher has shown us what love looks like in the brain. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEHHKVxkFw&feature=related
the music of their voice. And then, in the gaze it is galvanized; the eyes meet and hold, and in vulnerability the love bond is born. What’s more, as we humans well know, is that it doesn’t all happen in service to procreation. Nor do we have the monopoly on intimate bondship. These characteristics of romantic love can be found in an amazing array of creatures. The works of biologists Joan Roughgarden and Bruce Bagemihl, culminating in their University of Olso museum exhibit Against Nature?, documents and displays the very real and recurring homosexuality, bisexuality, and transgender behavior across the entire Animal Kingdom. The humans of non-binary, non-normative sexual identity and orientation may now consider themselves alongside the 1,500 or so other species with members displaying the same traits. Bonobo chimpanzees, our closest evolutionary relatives, prompt a compelling love reflection, with their pronounced sexual-social behavior. Sexual contact and physical affection are the primary devices of social interaction, from greetings to pair bonding to conflict resolution. Heretofore they are the most extraordinarily peaceful and collaborative of all primates before and alongside us.
These processes and their attendant drives, in tandem with psychological and sociocultural cues are the sophisticated backdrop, the elegant machinery behind the curtain, to the feelings and actions that more often than not hardly appear as sophisticated. Chemicals conspire to write synaptic sonnets across our neural networks and yet as far as we’re concerned, it’s that person’s shapes, the
Perhaps these cousins of ours serve as something of a for the loving bonds lateral apparition for cultures where sexuality is more freely beyond the sexual expressed and less tethered to purview, making the proprietary notions or highly institutionalized conventions cultivation of erotic steeped in archaic moralities. fulfillment and loving There may actually be more of an appreciation for the relationships both loving bonds beyond the more distinct and sexual purview, making the cultivation of erotic whole on their own, fulfillment and loving and collaborative in the relationships both more distinct and whole on their social venture. own, and collaborative in the social venture. Aggression is light of their face, tempered by connectedness and mutuality.
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Her research foray into the experience of love as the articulation of our neurobiological reward system provides the scientific exhibition of the chemicals between us; how one tiny nugget of gray matter the ventral tegmental area - and the production of dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, estrogen, and oxytocin within the brain translate to our powerful There may actually be experiences of lust, romance, more of an appreciation and attachment.
One small hop away in DNA, we can relate, as we cooked light elements into heavy elements in their too arrive at more lucid, collaborative decisions core under extreme temperatures and pressures. when we are in states of These stars, the high mass fulfilment. Not only may we ones among them, went Love is an expanding be more excited about the unstable in their later implications of our existence force. The connective years. They collapsed and that await us, but perhaps then exploded, scattering tissue in the body of temper our susceptibility to their enriched guts across knowledge. The natural humanistic conceits. Our the galaxy, guts made of greatest powers emanate from companion of wonder, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen our togetherness; civilization, and all the fundamental which, when coupled education, technological ingredients of life itself. development, even the quest with our burgeoning These ingredients become for purpose, is framed by the part of gas clouds that intelligence, frames meaning of those around us. condense, collapse, form Is love measured by what we the next generation of solar our discoveries within own and defend, or by what systems’ stars with orbiting wisdom, the bridge we share and cultivate? planets, and those planets now have the ingredients between love and What are the implications for life itself. So that when of love in the cosmic understanding. I look up at the night sky perspective? and I know that yes, we are part of this universe, we are in this universe, but Love is an expanding force. The connective tissue perhaps more important than both of those facts is in the body of knowledge. The natural companion that the Universe is in us. When I reflect on that of wonder, which, when coupled with our fact, I look up – many people feel small because burgeoning intelligence, frames our discoveries they’re small and the Universe is big – but I feel within wisdom, the bridge between love and big, because my atoms came from those stars. understanding. There’s a level of connectivity. That’s really what you want in life, you want Love is how we cope But just as we may now to feel connected, you want observe love through the with the vulnerable state to feel relevant you want to scrutinizing lens of science, feel like a participant in the of tentative purpose and we may also - and I deign goings on of activities and to say we must - propel our events around you. That’s meaning. In the cosmic scientific discipline with a precisely what we are, just perspective, on the scale love principle. Science, if by being alive…” uncompromised by social, of worlds and galaxies, cultural, and economic (Watch the moving video human footholds on agendas, creates a space in composition of this quote which discovery only serves meaning are tentative at here: http://www.youtube. to appraise the profound com/watch?v=9D05ej8uoneness; the love principle. best. But ever tentative gU) Astrophysicist Neil Degrasse as they are, they are also Tyson captures this reflection: As we’ve discussed in ever growing. previous articles, human ”The most astounding fact is beings, the participant the knowledge that the atoms observers of nature that comprise life on Earth, the atoms that make up through science, are at certain mercies of our the human body, are traceable to the crucibles that social nature. We undertake our adventures with
images of our achievements constructed by the values of our society, our wonder launched in crafts designed in part by our culture, often to happen upon more than we imagined, encounter things that suggest the folly of our prior convictions, and discern truths that require the vulnerable disruption of our certainties if we wish to embrace them and advance the purview of our species.
As we are an expression of the universe, love is an expression of connections to the universe, to ourselves, to one another, all of which will be required for our continued survival, and all the moreso for our advancement.
Love is how we cope with the vulnerable state of tentative purpose and meaning. In the cosmic perspective, on the scale of worlds and galaxies, human footholds on meaning are tentative at best. But ever tentative as they are, they are also ever growing.
Some may say that science demystifies love, saps its awesome mystery or arcane savor. To that worry, Dr. Helen Fisher offers the delectably clever observation that just because we know the ingredients and processes that comprise a chocolate cake does not mean we are likely to enjoy it any less.
and the mystery of the unknown. In these ways, love is our leverage on the future. On existence. On both our individual and collective potential and identity. Dr. Tyson has gone on to say, “we are all connected, to each other - biologically, to the earth - chemically, to the rest of the universe atomically.”
As we are an expression of the universe, love is an expression of connections to the universe, to ourselves, to one another, all of which will be required for our continued survival, and all the moreso for our advancement. From a more conscious union of a scientific, skeptically adventurous perspective and a vulnerable, compassionate, collaborative disposition we may come to know more intimately still, this curious capacity of love. That is my hypothesis, in this living experiment.
Through the cosmic scope, fitted with a willing lens, we may trace with vivid imagery the biopsychosocial phenomena of love from neurological to chemical to physiological to psychological to sociological to economic, which then forms the constructs and institutions which permit, promote, or restrict the subsequent evolution of loving qualities. Perhaps “God” is a name we give to the hope that love bore us into this existence and that love awaits us still beyond the mortal coil, beyond the diminutive window we are granted to glimpse the wonders and agonies of being brief creatures mining meaning between the struggle for survival
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Just as our understandings of love become more specific, our opportunities and prompts to share them are expanding.
BroadSide Expressions in Poetry via Street Literature Style
The Taste of Love by Natalie Beck He is made of cocoa And she of sweet white sugar And oh the fit of every foe! Saying, “Look what he done to her!” Alone, he is bitter By herself, she is plain To remain as they were, The world is put to shame Mix and match ingredients, I say! These things are not to remain alone. The best of recipes are made this wayCreating tastes that make us moan
I am made of the same white treat Mine other of a delicate cinnamon How I love the taste of tangy heat And she of the mix when we meet Put us on churros, Eat us on toast, Taste us in your ice cream, Then listen to your friends boast Of culinary art that makes them scream! Sugar white and Cinnamon brown We mix together and feel complete Do not judge, do not frown! Do not tell me what to eat!
Natalie Beck is a graduate student in the Master of Social Work & Master of Arts in Women’s Studies & Gender Studies dual-degree program at Loyola University Chicago. She is the Archiving and Website coordinator for BROAD.
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Quote Corner A collection of love quotes from our Visiting Editor, Ashley Smith
It is all about falling in love with Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold— yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t you, rather than looking for love bind. Love says, “I love you. I love you if you’re in china. I love you to compensate for a self if you’re across town. love deficit.~Eartha Kitt I love you if you’re
I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even knowing it, live your way into the answer...~Rainer Maria Rilke
in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.” ~Maya Angelou
Fantasy love is much better than reality love. ~Andy Warhol
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…They didn’t understand how female and strong work together. Or young and wise. Or black and divine… ~Lauryn Hill
BROAD LOVE
Love Is: Shades of Blue By Niyah Lee He left a trail of fire everywhere he went. He would ignite the women he came in contact with; the ones who caught a glimpse of his deep, dark, tight skin. When Desiree laid eyes on Kerrington she too was caught. He galloped towards her like Ogun, the African god of war. He remembered her from the neighborhood store. And then 5 years had passed. He lay propped up on Des’ pillows full of masculinity and pride. With strong body and weak mind, he easily fell into the pitfalls of romance. Des was aware of his other two active relationships. Brenda had confronted her once, at the store. She was a middle-aged woman, sex appeal held together by a thin string, but she managed to gather up the nerve to approach, “Do you know who I am?” Desiree, forewarned, looked up with a pleasant smile, “Excuse me, ma’am?” “Do you know who I am?” Brenda repeated sternly. “Oh, yeah…you come in here with Kerrington, right?” “Yeah, I’m his woman, and I was told you and Kerrington was seeing each other. So I’m asking woman to woman.”
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Desiree stared at the stress creases on Brenda’s The old men snickered. When they approached worn face. Underneath the ignorance was a the register Miss Regina stood up, back straight, woman in love. ass protruding, as if it were searching for a “Oh, no Ma’am…He’s just missing part. Kerrington paid a customer. We might speak smacked her ass as he led Desiree’ made her way and on issues just like everyone the way out to her truck. Des who comes in here, but picked up the tip he left behind, home. She undressed he’s not my type…with all shaking her head in amazement. and hopped inside the due respect, Ma’am.” Des Old man Raymond, assuming performed. warm shower, trying to Des and Kerrington’s truth, Kerrington’s scent still whispered, “You could get a understand why these lingered inside of her from better man than that at Salvation the night before. Army, that boy ain’t shit.” They women and their man Brenda smirked, “My both snickered. chose ignorance. apologies, I guess they have Dear Miss Regina, so lost and the wrong person.” She left eager to please—even if their with a crumbled ego sure of her informant. love was superficial they had an understanding. Desiree tried to pry herself away from the love It was enough to carry Miss Regina to glory triangle Kerrington created with his two women. anytime Kerrington decided to show his face. She Brenda was one thing, and Dear Miss Regina was had confessed to Desiree’ how tired she was of a whole notha’ situation. the other women. How tired she was of getting up in the middle of the night to fix a drunken Kerrington sat on the edge of the bed kissing Kerrington breakfast after a rodeo. “That Brenda Desiree’s feet, calves, working his way up her calls all night.” Desiree’ would shake her head, thighs. and give some words of encouragement to the Desiree pouted, “I don’t wanna hurt nobody… woman who obviously didn’t have much to look why can’t you just be honest. I could ‘cept it forward to. betta’ if dey knew.” Desiree’ made her way home. She undressed The moonlight whispered hints of perfection and hopped inside the warm shower trying to against their naked skin. Kerrington took a small understand why these women and their man break from studying Desiree’s body. “Why is you chose ignorance. No matter how much Brenda, so worried bout them or anybody? He parted Regina or even Desiree tried to stitch pieces of Desiree’s legs “All you need to do is worry bout their soul to Kerrington’s heart, there was nothing yourself and keeping our connection clear.” that would ever hold them there securely. Kerrington made his words final then began his slow devouring of what was left of Desiree. Desiree sat on the porch; she picked up her phone to dial Kerrington, feeling the urge to talk The next day while Des’ was stocking shelves, about her day. The call went unanswered, of Dear Miss Regina sashayed into the store with course. She wasn’t disappointed though; he had Kerrington. She, of course, followed behind him mentioned that Brenda was cooking smothered in her usual submissive manner. At 53, her age chicken, potatoes, greens, and cornbread. So it showed in the loose skin hanging from her body. was Brenda’s evening. Years of hard work had made her successful, Desiree pulled out an old issue of Essence but also added signs of wear and tear. She sat magazine and began reading. That night, it would down and started talking to old man Raymond be her only comfort. She made peace with being while Kerrington grabbed sodas. Kerrington, consistent with truth and herself. noticing her comfort decided to strut in front Niyah is a full-time magician—juggling the demands of 3 of the audience of older male customers. “Get young boys and the hysterics of country life. Oklahoma City is her muse and life is her canvas. What she can’t your ass up here and get you a drink!” Dear express in words she translates into to colors and sounds. Miss Regina shot up and walked to the cooler.
Words Are Useless Artist: Rachael McHan
Better
7”x9” (oval), acrylic on panel, 2011 Biography: Rachael McHan is a visual artist residing in the Edgewater neighborhood of Chicago, IL. She received her B.A. in Art from North Park University, with concentrations in painting, drawing, spatial, and printmaking. Since her graduation in 2009, McHan has exhibited in many gallery and alternative spaces across Chicago and in other areas, both solo and in-group settings. She identifies as being a neoexpressionist, making work that is aesthetically influenced by art historical Expressionist and Flemish painting. McHan’s work primarily explores ideas of gender, femaleness, community, and personal experience. Her work has been described as being very dark, iconic, honest, subtle and emotional. Links: Online Portfolio; Facebook; Tumblr; Flickr; Email
WLA Re-Animated Artifacts from the vaults of the Women’s & Leadership Archives
1952: “Beanie Bounce Dance” Description: Students at the annual Beanie Bounce Dance. Commentary: In previous generations, the only recognized and accepted form of love was between a man and a woman, usually of the same race. This 1952 photograph shows white woman dancing with a man of color, which was rather progressive/transgressive for the time period prior to the Civil Rights Movement. Today, love is recognized as being expressed in many different relationships, and can be shared between anyone, no matter his/her sexual orientation, race, or any other characteristic. However, those forms of love that do not fit into the heterosexist and ethnocentric “norm” are still likely to be marginalized and oppressed.
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WLA Mission Statement: Established in 1994, the Women and Leadership Archives (WLA) collects, preserves, organizes, describes, and makes available materials of enduring value to researches studying women’s contributions to society.
BROAD LOVE
Spread the Word & Raise Awareness: Love Shouldn’t Hurt By Katherine Nieweglowski
October is a very important month for the Alpha Chi Omega chapter at Loyola University Chicago. It is recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which is also our national philanthropy. This is a time for us to raise awareness of the fact that, every nine seconds, a woman suffers at the hands of an abuser. Alpha Chi Omega is passionate about this cause because we are a group of Real Strong Women devoted to helping these victims become survivors. These women
could be our grandmothers, mothers, sisters, friends, or even classmates. The only way we can end this abuse is by bringing everyone together to work toward the eradication of domestic violence. Alpha Chi Omega helps contribute to domestic violence awareness by working with Between Friends Chicago. Between Friends is a local non-profit organization in Rogers Park that
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provides six key services to victims of domestic well as spread awareness of domestic violence violence: a 24-hour crisis hotline, counseling on campus. services, legal services, community education, healthcare education, and youth relationship The Alpha Chi Omega chapter at Loyola consists education. Every year, of a diverse group of The Alpha Chi Omega on October 1st, we women with unique volunteer to help with backgrounds, interests, chapter at Loyola consists of their annual event, Light and personalities. a diverse group of women Up the Lakefront. This Despite our differences, is a way to signify the we have nothing but with unique backgrounds, beginning of Domestic the utmost respect and interests, and personalities. Violence Awareness love for one another, Month. Candles are and we are able to ban Despite our differences, we lined up on the shore of together for an issue that have nothing but the utmost Oak Street Beach to shed is very dear to our hearts. light for the 1 in every 4 Domestic violence does respect and love for one women are affected by not discriminate against another, and we are able to abuse. This event has race, age, socioeconomic become one of Alpha Chi ban together for an issue that status, or any other Omega’s favorites over factor. Unfortunately, it is very dear to our hearts. the years. affects a very broad range of women all over the Other ways that we are country. Nevertheless, involved with the efforts of Between Friends Alpha Chi Omega represents a broad range of include our own annual fundraisers. During women who are able to stand up for each and the week of Valentine’s Day, we sell Crush every one of these victims to spread love and Soda Cans for students to send to that special awareness. Domestic violence is a prevalent someone. Students choose from a variety of issue that will only cease to exist if we are all flavors and write personalized messages, and able to show just how broad our love can be. we take the time to deliver for them. It is a way to show someone that you love and care about them while also taking the time to donate to a worthy cause. For the past two years, we have Katherine Nieweglowski is currently a junior also put on a Casino Night for the students on at Loyola University with a double major in campus where they are able to get together Sociology and Psychology. She has been and play games like Blackjack and Poker. Their involved with Alpha Chi Omega since her participation helps raise money to support these freshman year and has been serving as the critical services as well. Victims of domestic Philanthropy Chair for the past two semesters. violence need all of the love and support they As a part of her sociology major, she has also can get, so that they are able to escape the been interning at the Development Department danger in their lives. That is something that at Between Friends. This internship has served as Between Friends provides and, by raising money, a way for her to become more directly involved we are able to help this support continue. with Between Friends as well as to strengthen its connection with Alpha Chi Omega. Some of her Just a few weeks ago, we raised $880.58 for other involvements include serving as president Between Friends by selling bracelets with the for Loyola’s Undergraduate Sociology Club slogan “Love Shouldn’t Hurt.” This was our first and working as a research assistant for a social time selling these bracelets, and it turned out to psychology lab. be a huge success! It was a way for us to get our new members involved in our philanthropy as
Embracing Chaos by Jsaon Lemberg
Catching Words in the Wind
Loving Imperfection Discovering an Insecurity Somewhere over the course of my youth I become a harsh critic towards an imperfect world. Whatever I deemed wrong, ignorant, or misguided became my target for criticism. I also never failed to see the irony in my judgment when I would change (as we all do) and adopt some of the actions I once deemed wrong or ignorant.
In August of 2006 I returned to Chicago after living two years abroad in Kyrgyzstan serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Upon returning to the US I was faced with a pretty hardcore bout of reverse culture shock. Having the world I’ve known my entire life suddenly seem foreign to me turned me inward pretty fast.
I leave it at that. But my neighbors? I don’t hate them, but I surely don’t love them. I’ve spent more time trying to develop stories about their lives from the little facts I know instead of just loving them for who they are. If anything, I’ve spent more time judging them than loving them.
Over the last fifteen months of my son’s life, one of the most surprising discoveries has been the influence other of giving parents have on me. I have AND receiving. Love is only just begun to experience I’m not sure of the day as much listening as it the joys of playground politics or even the thought, but and can only imagine what’s is hugging or holding somewhere in this intense in store for me once he starts period of re-entry to my someone’s hand. All I ask school. But what has really life in America I became shocked me has been how from the world around aware of an intense internal affected I am by the parenting struggle. I realized that me is to respect the choices and styles of other while I was judging the parents. I’ve caught myself views of others. world around me for their in the moment a few times actions and faults, I was recently, shocked as I watched actually struggling with my myself from distance harshly own fears of imperfection. My insecurities about criticizing other parents. At some point in my life, who I was was being manifest in judging people I began judging people for flaws that I’ve chosen for wrongs that didn’t fit into a bubble of perfection as flaws. that I (nor anyone) would ever obtain. Writing this down make these actions seem For the next few years I would engage in a series disgusting. I am judging people’s choices or of deeper explorations of self, some intentional actions solely based on what I have chosen to be or accidental. I went to grad school, I was a flaw. It has never really been laid out so clearly introduced to, and fell in love with, yoga, I found in front of me: My actions, my perceptions, my myself reading a lot of cultural critics searching for thoughts, and my reflections have a pretty drastic answers and clues to the world around me. This misalignment—a self-imposed misalignment. all helped to change how I saw the world and my Self in this world. I remember writing a post for a blog my wife and I co-wrote leading up to our son’s birth. Exactly Then I became a parent. twelve days before the birth of my son, I posted a short observation of the changing responses that Love Thy Neighbor? people had begun to have towards us. The post, titled ‘Just Love’, ended with this quote: What does this all have to do with love? Well, my time on earth has conditioned me to believe that “Love is the act of giving AND receiving. Love love is what makes the world around go ‘round. I is as much listening as it is hugging or holding am enamored by the idea of love, but I’m not sure someone’s hand. All I ask from the world around what this actually means. me is to respect the views of others. Love my thoughts as you would your own. Love our I love my wife and my son. I could name a million decisions as you would your own. We will make reasons why or I could give none. I just do. I don’t a lot of mistakes. We all do. When we fall, help know why and I don’t need to know. I feel it and us get up. When we are in tears and have no idea
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I spent the few months following my return searching for jobs, spending hours devouring online news, and going for long walks. The walks have stayed with me and are my daily meditation (though, now they include a baby in a carrier and a dog on a leash). In these walks and over the course of a few months, I slowly began to look back on my Peace Corps service– a time in my life where I spent hours each day alone, writing and Love is the act thinking about my life.
what to do with our child, give us a hug. We will forever do the same for you. That is love, and love is all I ask for.”
neighbors, and that when we criticize it’s only to point out where other people and parents do not love their children as much. Politics is no different.
Fast forward fifteen months and here I am, writing a column about my judgments of the other parents. I can’t say this is shocking, because I’m also learning to accept the cycles of life and learning as I get older. Nonetheless, it’s not fun to become the person you love to criticize. We Are All Crazy
I could cite dozens of examples here, but I will spare the readers with from a litany of parenting stories and experiences. I am not calling for a complete reversal of action into a dangerous world of cultural relativism. Leaving your two year-old daughter home alone is something we can all agree is wrong. Not following every principle of Attachment Parenting is a different story. It’s a parent’s choice and going in either direction does not make you a good or The act of judgment is a bad parent. The act of judgment is a fine line a fine line and one that and one that can easily can easily carry us into a carry us into a place well beyond love. Love itself place well beyond love. is complicated and I am Love itself is complicated learning to be OK with that. and I am learning to be
We just wrapped up a pretty heated and divided election cycle. Depending on who you supported, it’s pretty much a given that you were met with two choices: Vote for your candidate and hate the other one. The gray areas in the politics of 2012 were few and far between. I will withhold a Star Wars reference here, but OK with that. My wife and I love our I am not the only social and child. The love will never political observer to comment be perfect. That needs to on the very partisan politics of this past election. Is be something I accept. The other option is live this different than other elections or social scenes a life where perfection is the standard and thus in our nation? I’m not sure. I don’t really have the failure is the inevitable result. For my sake, and knowledge to comment on that. What I do know the sake of the world, we need to find a path that is that the black and white, A or B mentality is is OK with multiple versions of love and Self, and prevalent in a lot more than just politics. being OK that they will never be perfect. The world of parents and parenting is like the viciousness of politics without the voting and adding in lifelong terms. Everyone’s a critic and an expert and if you’re not, you make it up. We vote ourselves in and then, from our pedestal, with tired eyes, we view the world around us and judge. What bothers me about the critics, the judges of other people’s actions, is that we (I) seem very aware of our actions. We don’t judge blindly, we do so believing that we are in the right to do so. We judge and criticize because we believe we are doing so from a place of firm grounding and—from a place of love. Our criticisms of the world around us come from believing our actions are rooted in love for our family, for our children, for our friends, for our
First Published:
Bookmark Here
Current Publisher: Celestial Arts $11.00
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, & Other Adventures
Pages 296
Genre:
Sexuality
Topics:
»» Polyamorous relationships »» Alternative sexualities »» Theory of relationships
From the Back Cover:
The groundbreaking book that gave sluts a good name. If you’ve ever yearned for love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy, The Ethical Slut will open you up to infinite possibilities. RElationship pioneers Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths about sluthood and show you how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer-sex practices. This updated and expanded edition includes new strategies for single sluts, advice on how to open an existing relationship or marriage, and exercises to help you and your partners define relationships on your own terms. Whether you’re a card-carrying slut or just testing the waters, you’ll learn how to expand your circle of lovers and partners, balance your family and personal life, and discover romance and friendship beyond your dreams. Praise for the Second Edition of The Ethical Slut: “This book is the definitive guide to having your marriage and eating other people too. The Ethical Slut made me the ethical slut I am today, and I am so proud!” ~Margaret Cho “Many people wish for and dream of a wider world sexually and live out their lives, unable to find the courage to explore. This book is a thoughtful, practical, and loving look at that exploration.” ~David Crosby
Pros:
A must-read for anyone considering polyamory, nonjudgmental tone, provides practical advice, and informs readers of many different forms of polyamorous lifestyles, with a focus on determining what is right for you. The authors provide a strong theoretical base for the merits of an ethical polyamorous lifestyle, but use a casual tone that is easy to connect with and understand.
Cons:
Readers will have to be ready to let go of certain myths and romantic fantasies to connect with this book, some find it quite scary. It doesn’t adequately cover cultural and ethnic issues.
by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
MSRP:
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1997
BROAD LOVE
A Theory of Love: Theory Aside By Janelle Jones
Ah “love,” the banal mantra of our existence. For College: I refused to go to school with him. We feminists love is by default suspect. Who has the knew we needed to be apart. He ended up in San right to love each other? Why do expressions of Francisco and we attempted to break up. When “love” differ depending on gender? Is love merely that lasted all of ten minutes, we reverted back to an institutional concept? Can love exist without our 8th grade habits of long phone conversations capitalism? Is heterosexual love indefinitely to cope with the distance. But with very different oppressive? Why can’t topics. I was with him when women have sex void of love my dad was diagnosed with We said I love you. while men are welcome to lymphoma. He’s currently it? Should we just queer the in El Salvador. I will spend Knew nothing of its concept of love altogether? Is Thanksgiving with him there meaning. We both came love truly class and race blind next week. like societal tropes seem to to love knowledge and tell us? --- Your theory is as So yes, love should always reading. My feminist good as mine. be suspect. We should never stop deconstructing consciousness was But here’s how I came to the monumental amounts growing exponentially. love. Theory aside. of bullshit that inform what Elementary School: Michael His radical ideology we believe love is and who and I grew up together. has a right to it. But I reveal When I say “together” I was beginning to form. my mildly embarrassing mean we were clad in the relationship vignettes to argue We became part of same St. Patrick’s green and that although in theory love is each other’s families. blue uniform from 2nd to 8th a complete and utter sham, we grade. We rarely interacted; should also allow ourselves to you know the self-imposed gender segregation put theory aside. of elementary/middle school. I remember he was always smart and quiet. Still is.
High School: We grew older, we changed. Things that we thought essential to our identities weren’t. We fought occasionally. He quit basketball, I got cut from soccer. We won homecoming court… multiple times. We said I love you. Knew nothing of its meaning. We both came to love knowledge and reading. My feminist consciousness was growing exponentially. His radical ideology was beginning to form. We became part of each other’s families.
Janelle Jones is a junior at Loyola, English and Women’s and Gender Studies double major. When she is not producing the Vagina Monologues or organizing with the Gannon Scholars she enjoys knitting, listening to public radio and sitting in her rocking chair for hours on end.
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8th grade: He “asked me out” by my locker. Worried about his quiet disposition, I blurted back “you have to talk to me!” And he did. In fact, we would talk on the phone for hours. I remember the first time I called his home phone. Scared shitless doesn’t cover it. I proceeded to call 6 times during dinner. God only knows what crap we talked about. But, I do know these humorously long phone calls must have been when I came to love his mind. How we came to truly know each other.
MADADS Busted Advertising, Bustling Economy
Why is ideal, romantic love portrayed as heterosexual, white, and attractive? Where are people of color or interracial relationships represented? Where are same-sex couples represented? What do you think?
Contributed by Natalie Beck
The Priv Being
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vilege of g Loved
MADADS Busted Advertising, Bustling Economy
The Priv Being
vilege of g Loved
Do visuals of simultaneous multiple partners perpetuate stereotypes of bisexual, pansexual, and polyamorous relationships being oversexualized and lacking commitment? Why are men’s sexual desires always the focus?
What do you think?
Contributed by Natalie Beck
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If a woman is surrounded by men, she is entertaining them; if a man is surrounded by women, they are flocking to him. What does this say about how media constructs gender roles in romantic relationships?
BROAD LOVE
Beyond the Pale: A True Story of First Love By Anonymous, Age 19
I first spoke to her because we both professed to find enjoyment in swimming - which is ironic because, I only discovered my enjoyment of swimming by first discovering the immense sexual pleasure that was to be found in clinging a bit uncomfortably to the granulated pool edge and positioning myself in such a way that one of the pool jets was hurtling
its stream of water directly upon my clitoris. This early discovery caused me to spend a great deal of time in pools, and thus, by the age of 4, I was an adapt and agile swimmer, eventually perfecting every stroke, joining the swim team, and later instructing children (and sometimes adults) in basic swimming skills and stroke perfection. Only
me fall in love with her a little in that instant. And she smiled at me and her smile was bright and blinding, the kind of smile that makes your face hurt in the way that you never want it to stop We were freshman in college, at a small, private hurting. She was beautiful. I realized this in that university, in the small and presitigious Honors instant when she smiled at me, and I remember program, living on the co-ed Honors college realizing it because I knew I had seen her before dorm room floor (the and hadn’t taken much I first noticed her smile 11th floor) and attending notice of what she actually (by mandate) the first of - she had rather big lips looked like, her features, what was to be many her beauty, until just then. accentuated by lip gloss; lame Honors floor socials in the “lounge,” which and her teeth - there was She was beautiful and was really another dorm she made me feel ugly, something about her teeth. room with 80’s furniture appalling, horrid to look at instead of beds. We had it, but not in the way that Something that made me to play some sort of game I was jealous or ashamed, as an icebreaker where fall in love with her a little no, it was a feeling of you wrote down things in that instant. And she seeing her, so beautiful about yourself (like things and radiant and glowing, you enjoyed, answers to smiled at me and her smile and feeling secure in my questions, one of which was bright and blinding, not being any of those was, I believe, “What is things because she was the kind of smile that makes your favorite animal?” enough for the both of us and really? - who gives a your face hurt in the way that was hers. And maybe damn? You don’t become we would balance each that you never want it to friends with someone other out. because you both like stop hurting. antelopes,) and then you I don’t remember what had to go around the room, was said exactly. A few finding people’s answers that matched your own, lines about loving swimming, and I remember she and introduce yourself. (I realize that becoming laughed. friends with someone based on a mutual enjoyment of swimming may seem as ridiculous I no longer remember the sound of her laugh, wish or at least comparable to befriending someone on I did so I could describe it, wish I had written it the basis of a shared affection for antelopes, but as down somewhere phonetically or recorded it or explained before, swimming is very deeply rooted at least made some sort of analogy comparing to my physical/sexual psyche, and, this mutual its sound to a sound I’ll always know; but I do swimming enjoyment was not actually the reason remember that I loved that sound, wanted to hear we became friends, merely, the reason we first it every day, wanted to cause it, to create it, to be spoke.) its conduit. I was for a while. She was wearing some sort of flowy skirt and a ribbed tank top (yellow perhaps?) and flip-flops or Birkenstocks, and her long, curly hair was down, cascading over her shoulders. I first noticed her smile - she had rather big lips accentuated by lip gloss; and her teeth - there was something about her teeth. Something that made
She lived the down the hall from me, two doors down on the opposite side, and knowing no one (in my case) and almost no one (in hers) we quickly fastened ourselves to each other. I don’t even really remember how it happened. We had classes together - one of which was at eight in the morning, and we routinely overslept,
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one of these hundreds of children I instructed had made the jet-clitoris discovery I made so long ago. Only one that I noticed in class, in anyway.
one of us, by some miracle, She and I shared breakfast I felt beautiful lying awakening with a start at often. Breakfast was the 7:46 AM or so, bolting to the next to her, felt like only decent meal our school other’s room and pounding cafeteria served, and only this moment should on the door, shuffling to get on weekends, and it was our things together, put on be captured in a glorious. There were eggs and bras or pull on sweaters, find pancakes, muffins and toast, our keys, our phones, our photograph, forever on and bagels, and fresh fruit, ID’s, waiting for the elevator film if not forever in life. and salad, and huge, fluffy, to go down the eleven flights make-it-yourself-in-the-iron Forever young, beautiful, Belgian waffles. I also lived of stairs, then half-running, half-speed-walking across for those waffles, lived for touching, close. campus, up two flights of those breakfasts, lived for stairs, collapsing in our those mornings when, after seats, she behind me, panting heavily, calf muscles a long night of drinking and dancing, one of us searing, brows sweating. would awaken groggily, fumble for some flipflops, and creep down the hall to the other’s room, In an effort not to gain the “freshman fifteen,” crawling into bed beside her under those thick, we we worked out together a few times a week. warm covers that smelled of peaceful afternoons We’d go to the gym where I’d hop on the treadmill spent reading a book and tea. We would lay there while she preferred to run around the track. Once together for what felt like hours, soft brown skin completely soaked with perspiration and red as brushing against smooth fair skin, light golden tomatoes (we both became astoundingly red in ringlets mixing with deep black waves, eyes closed the face from running,) we’d lie down on a mat, blue behind thick brown lashes beside eyes closed side by side, and do a crunch regimen in unison. brown behind long black lashes. We were young Sometimes we did that part in the hallway at and beautiful. our dorm. And afterwards followed a leg toning exercise where you sat with your back pressed up I felt beautiful lying next to her, felt like this moment against a wall and slowly raised and lowered one in time should be captured in a photograph, straightened leg at a time. forever on film if not forever in life. Forever young, beautiful, touching, close. This was the beginning. I loved watching our bodies working simultaneously, seeing her flexed muscles beside But, the end is all that’s true. my flexed muscles, feeling as though we could not more synchronized, our bodies struggling to Eight thousand times I’ve imagined your lips soft perform these same tasks together, sweating and on my mouth, your eyes in my stomach, and your panting and feeling alive. dress on the floor. On weekends, we would go dancing. I lived for that dancing. On a crowded danceroom floor, our bodies would communicate, selecting only each other and speaking to one another in that inaudible language of bodily motion, rhythm, pulse. On the dance floor, it was as if we’d known each other for years, grown up as dancing partners. Her body spoke and mine responded, my body posed a question and hers answered. We were fluid and loose and melding together. We were golden.
Eight thousand times I’ve mistaken your words for something more. I know the beginning. Is this the end? Out this She She
of respect for other’s privacy, the author of piece has chosen to remain anonymous. wants readers to know that she is female. does not appear in the image above.
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Words Are Useless Featured Cover Artist: Nastassia Davis
Photo, 2012 Biography:Nastassia Davis is a photographer, specializing in self-portraits. She also shoots music shows, weddings, and engagements. Nastassia is a graduate of Montclair State University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts. Her work has been featured in numerous magazines, books, blogs, and newspapers. Website: www.nastasiadavis.com
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Crown & Glory
BROAD LOVE
I Used to Be Gay By Jillian Anderson “She used to be gay! Is that not funny? She used to be gay, but now she is dating a man!” This is how my prior roommate’s mother described me before I had even met her. Identifying as a queer genderqueer transman
himself, her son tried to explain to his mother that it was not particularly funny. But when he told me about this story months later, after he had moved in and we began to develop our friendship, it WAS funny.
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I can see how my sexuality is confusing to those definition of bisexual, being attracted to both who are less informed and nothing short of sexes? disgusting to those who are close-minded. I am not ashamed of it; I embrace it. I laugh as I share As I traveled through my liberal liberal arts this anecdote with an acquaintance or friend, education, I became more aware of the other which is far better than fighting to keep my past ways in which people described their sexuality. relationships a secret and I transitioned to labeling feeling embarrassed to myself as gay, explaining I cannot say that I “always tell my story. to anyone that was willing to listen that I knew” I liked girls, and Here is my story: When did not consider myself had truthfully never spent I was twelve I had my a lesbian, knew I was first “boyfriend” and it not straight, and hated much time even thinking was very serious. We the word bisexual. I about it. My first kiss with a went to the Halloween had always known one school dance together, thing with certainty: I woman was fairly innocent, exchanged Christmas like people. The broad an “exploration” of sorts. It gifts (he told me Sugar doors of sexuality were Ray’s cassette tape was just beginning to open just so happened to lead to so expensive), and for me, and I reveled more. The first person I ever in the opportunity to we promptly broke up a week later. I was fell in love with was a woman be surrounded by a devastated. My first kiss number of welcoming and it was an accident. happened when I was individuals in an open fourteen, and I remember community. While there feeling rather unimpressed by my then-boyfriend. were certainly those that were considered LUGs Sometime in high school, I began dating women. or BUGs (lesbians until graduation/bisexual until graduation), the underlying air was not the It was not an active decision. I cannot say that same as that of our general culture. You were not I “always knew” I liked girls, and had truthfully straight until proven otherwise. As a matter of never spent much time even thinking about it. fact, I would say that it was assumed you were My first kiss with a woman was fairly innocent, NOT straight until proven otherwise. an “exploration” of sorts. It just so happened to lead to more. The first person I ever fell in love These four years were the easiest of my life. with was a woman, and it was an accident. I did I never had to hide who I was, and more not mean to, and I did not think it was possible. importantly, rarely had to defend who I was. At the same time, I did not think it was NOT It was very readily accepted, and the most possible. And so it happened. comfortable way to live. I can only hope that everyone, regardless of gender identity or sexual Going to an all women’s college carries with it preference, has a chance to live in a similar the stigma of lesbianism and experimentation. environment. It truly helps you understand who I felt confident that I understood my sexuality you are and become who you are meant to before this time, labeling myself as bisexual and be. It also gave me the chance to further open entering into the hallowed halls of academia with my mind to the idea that all of my friends and my heart pledged to the same woman for almost acquaintances were who they were, with no a year before that time. I did not like the term definitions or labels required. “bisexual,” but did not know what else to call myself. After all, I was committed to a woman, After I graduated, I entered into the straighthad been involved with other women, and had dominated workforce and greater world. I had experience with men as well. Was this not the forgotten what it was like to be assumed straight,
and constantly deferred questions like “So, do you have a boyfriend?” or “How many guys have broken your heart?” It was too complicated to tell every single person that I encountered that I had never felt love for a man the way that I had experienced love for a woman. Mostly, I kept my mouth shut and opened up about my personal life only to my closest friends.
humans, it is difficult to oppose black and When we stop feeling the white thinking, opting need to live inside one to live in the undefined gray area. I speak from box or another, I truly experience when I believe that we can find tell you that it is not a bad place to be. contentment with ourselves There is nothing wrong and with those with whom with being straight, we choose to share our lives. gay, bisexual, queer, trans or any other As humans, it is difficult to term that you may use to describe yourself. oppose black and white There is also nothing thinking, opting to live in the wrong with choosing My best friend introduced undefined gray area. I speak to not define yourself me to most of his friends, by any of these from experience when I tell and through him I met my words. In my eyes, current significant other, a you are only opening you that it is not a bad place man. He worked with my your heart to more to be. friend, and when I talked to happiness and love if him, I told him he was the you reject all of these nicest guy I had ever met. It norms and live your was honest, and a not-so-interesting view on the life by your own standards, whatever they may typical gender binary that exists in our culture. be. It is okay to just say, “I like people.” Nonetheless, I found myself drawn to this “nice guy” in a way that I had never felt chemistry with a man before. We began to embark on our journey together almost two years ago, and our relationship has brought me to the opposite side of the country from where I spent my entire life. And so we come back to my original point: I used to be gay. To the layperson this may make perfect sense. But to my family, my friends, my boyfriend, and myself, I am still gay. Fundamentally, there is nothing different about me. I am the same person that I was two, four, even twenty-four years ago. My current relationship brings me happiness and peace. I have found someone that complements my personality, grounds me, and makes me laugh. And whether or not that person is male or female, gay or straight is no one’s business but my own. When we stop feeling the need to live inside one box or another, I truly believe that we can find contentment with ourselves and with those with whom we choose to share our lives. As
Jillian Anderson graduated from Smith College in 2009 where she studied neuroscience, chemistry, and pre-med. For a year and a half she worked with young women with eating disorders and co-morbid mental illnesses near Boston, after another year in various healthcare settings. Now she is living in the bay area where she is enjoying the sunshine, singing Taylor Swift while vacuuming, practicing yoga every other day, and finding her true self.
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BroadSide Expressions in Poetry via Street Literature Style
I’ve stopped staring at women As they walk by. High heels Stretchy pants Their boyfriends dress shirts Lost in a sea of gluttonous Eyes scratching at the roundness Of them.
I haven’t had sex Since I realized my bed Was home to A treasure chest of lost earrings. Treasure I’d never return To exes.
A road To some garage I am the tracks Who wishes himself a Final stop
I am not stopping.
A final destination. A mess of curled metal And burnt tissue I am a broken bridge. The repairs That always creak When you pass. The fear that this will be The last ride you will ever enjoy. the treasure You may never sail home.
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Here I am lateral As train tracks.
By Tim “Toaster” Henderson
I am a train Without breaks Barreling through your town With more baggage Then my passengers Could can burn in my coal I am a train wreck.
The opportunity In their calves The veins in their throat My irises wear experience For blinders As they pass.
Exes I’d never buried.
Day 35:
Toaster is an artist out of Chicago, Illinois. A poet, mural artist, and musician, Toaster uses a kaleidoscope of artistic vision to create, express and teach.Before leaving Chicago, He has been featured on National Public Radio, at the legendary Green Mill, and at the largest youth poetry festival, “Louder Than A Bomb.” In 2011-2012 Toaster moved to the Bay to build a name for himself. Featuring in various venues, schools and festivals across Northern California including: The Art Murmur in Oakland, The University of San Francisco and The Berkeley Slam. He is also a successful competitor, recently becoming the “Berkeley Slam” Individual World Slam Poetry representative for 2012. You can find Toaster’s work, on: TVOAG.COM, youtube. com and at facebook.com/timtoasterhenderson.
by Brandie Rae Madrid
SCREEN/PLAY SCREENing films for entertainment value and diversity to decide whether or not to press PLAY.
On the topic of love, there could hardly be a more fitting title than that of the 2009 bromantic comedy I Love You, Man. Until recently, it fell into a category of “I don’t need to see this because I’ve seen this before, but better.” I mean, if you’ve seen a few of the recent comedies with Paul Rudd or Jason Segel (or any of the other regulars from movies like 40 Year Old Virgin), I feel like you’ve seen them all. So although I can’t recommend that you run right out and watch I Love You, Man, I do want to break down what
makes me think this otherwise run-of-the-mill buddy pic is worth thinking about in terms of love, relationships, and gender. But let me first start by reminding you about Bridesmaids, a film previously reviewed in this column—rather unfavorably, I should add. Although that review was not my own, I shared the same opinion. For a film so embraced as a step forward for women, I found Bridesmaids to be unwatchable in its depiction of catty women
down his accidental date, the fairly romanticlooking kiss they share is not a source of crude humor. In fact, Peter later befriends the man who stands up in his wedding.
Which brings me to the topic of the wedding. I dislike most films with a wedding as a central event, but I barely minded it in this film at all. Again, don’t get me wrong—there are plenty That is because the main romance of the film of problems in the film. Peter (Paul Rudd) is is the heterosexual relationship between Peter marrying a woman and when both his best and his new best friend Sydney (Jason Segel). friend and bride-to-be ask him why, he literally Although I won’t spoil how they meet and their cannot answer either of them. And the film particular on-again off-again details, their scene reeks of war-of-the-sexes humor, including the of reconciliation at Peter’s wedding is not only aforementioned cattiness the most romantic scene that is often found amongst of the film, but completely You can decide for yourself same-sex friends. But in this if the feminization of Peter is distracts attention away case, men are more eager to from the fact that Peter is, just a source of humor or if it in fact, getting married to a tear down other men, like when Barry (Jon Favreau) woman at the moment they is a problematizing of rigid repeatedly asserts that Peter gender roles - or if it means proclaim their affection to is not cool enough (read: each other (even if it is in something else entirely. But masculine) to engage in the bromantic language of his poker night. Which is the film’s title). you can’t ignore that the certainly not a step in the film is constantly playing right direction. But films You can decide for yourself with ideas of masculinity cannot all be utopias where if the feminization of Peter tension based on sex and is just a source of humor and femininity, and it never gender is magically erased. or if it is a problematizing really lands in that unusual of rigid gender roles—or space where men are men What is interesting is that if it means something else Peter is more comfortable entirely. But you can’t and women are women... around women and has ignore that the film is never even had a male constantly playing with best friend. Granted, he doesn’t seem to have a ideas of masculinity and femininity, and it never female best friend either, since he has always put really lands in that usual space where men are all his energy into his female romantic partners. men and women are women and that’s-just-howThis drives the central action of the film, which it-is. Rather, Peter (with his phallic name) stays is for Peter to find a best (male) friend so he fairly feminine and Sydney (with his androgynous can have a best man on his wedding day. The name) stays pretty dudely, and they all lived homoeroticism that ensues is (not surprisingly) happily ever after. strong in I Love You, Man, but the film actually deals fairly well with the topic of homosexuality. Rewatchability: It may be worth it to have a film Peter’s brother is gay, and though he works as a like this around to show people that a biggerpersonal trainer, his sexual identity is really not budget bromance doesn’t always have to be important to the thrust of the film. If anything, it entirely crass and sexist, and is best enjoyed in a shows how Peter has come to be so comfortable group rather than alone. when he unwittingly finds himself on a date (not just a heterosexual “man date”) where he nearly Where to Find It: Specialty Video, Amazon reciprocates a goodnight kiss. Although Peter lets Instant Video.
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tearing each other down at every turn. So it was refreshing to see a film entitled I Love You, Man in which both the men and the women in the film have (at least some) same-sex friendships that are supportive, let alone opposite-sex friendships that don’t result in the typical ending of: “They were right there all along!”
By Bryce Parsons-Twesten
People Telling Stories peopletellingstories.tumblr.com
Rico [On singing to himself when he walks] It’s soothing. I sing in the shower and I like to sing a lot, so. My mother’s a singer, my father’s a musician, my brother’s a rapper. I record for my personal pleasure, I’ve done a few open mics around this area. Music is something I’m putting on the back burner for now. There’s been a few times I’ve been on the train and if I’m irritated I’ll be in my own little world, and people will be like, “Why are you singing? It’s other people sitting here. We don’t want to hear you,” and if I’m pissed off I’m probably still gonna keep singing, just to be a jerk.
“
Quote Corner A Collection of Love Quotes from our Visiting Editor, Ashley Smith
He disliked emotion, not because he felt lightly, but because he felt deeply. ~John Buchan
You know that feeling in your heart? When your heart is just pounding, like it’s actually outside your ribs, exposed, vulnerable, but wonderful and awful, and heartsick, and alive, all at the same time? ~Steve Carell in Dan in Real Life
…I love you because it’s been so good for so long that if I didn’t love you I’d have to be born again and that is not a theological statement… ~Nikki Giovanni from Resignation
Even in the most perfect love one person loves less profoundly than the other. ~Thornton Wilder I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, Even after all this time without problems or pride: I love you in The sun never says to this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no the earth, I or you, so intimate that your hand upon “You owe Me.” Look what happens with my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.~Pablo Neruda
A love like that, It lights the Whole Sky. ~Sufi poet, Hafiz
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I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was… And I think that’s why she struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed. ~Carrie Ryan, The Dead-Tossed Waves
I want to live only for ecstasy. Small doses, moderate loves, all half-shades, leave me cold. I like extravagance. Letters which give the postman a stiff back to carry, books which overflow from their covers, sexuality which bursts the thermometers. ~Anais Nin
BROAD LOVE
Love: Understanding its Evolution By Julia DeLuca The definition of “Love” has changed over the past several generations. Love has been defined as being natural between a man and woman. Even then, the concept of “love” was irrelevant as marriage was a partnership to form alliances. However, as time went on, society gradually found that love was a necessary part of any
intimate relationship rather than irrelevant to any relationship. In the past, love was connected with marriage. However, as our nation and our own personal identities have evolved since then, love has taken on so many forms. Diversity in relationships, and diversity with the meaning of love. Whether that love comes from being in
an intimate relationship, a stable and supporting family, a group of friends, or casual affairs, it is a feeling which helps to shape our overall wellbeing.
perfection rather than the reality, or present the difficulties in a way that relates to the everyman and everywoman.
As a society, we believe that relationships are one of the “be all-end all” aspects of our lives: if we are not successful in finding and securing intimate relationships, we must be doing something wrong. However, how we define a successful intimate relationship is not as clear-cut anymore. America has the highest divorce rate, and breakups are common in many relationships. The concept of “love” is different from how we see it in music, movies and television: many leave out the difficulties after obtaining that relationship, and show only the idealized
Julia DeLuca is the WLA Archives and Gannon Center Coordinator for Broad Magazine. She is currently pursuing a Master’s in Women’s Studies & Gender Studies and Master of Social Work at Loyola University Chicago.
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Love is more than just a goal we as people are Just as the definition of “love” has changed for to strive for in our lives. Rather, it is something many people, it has been that needs to be worked changed personally for me. on in order to grow and Love is more than just a While growing up, my range thrive. While this is my of intimate relationships own personal perspective, goal we as people are was limited. I had many Love is where you can to strive for in our lives. friends and a strong family share the good and the structure, but I always felt bad with your significant Rather, it is something left out because I did not other, share what went on that needs to be worked have a boyfriend. I did in your day, be willing to not have one in middle listen as the other vents on in order to grow and school, high school, or about his or her problems thrive. even undergraduate. I while you offer a comforting always believed it was shoulder or advice if you an experience which are in that position. Love is was supposed to define my existence as a where you think that whatever the other person teenager, but the dating pool was limited in is wearing makes him or her look good, whether my neighborhood. I had plenty of guys who it be a Victoria Secrets nightie or that old baggy liked being with me, but the extent of their shirt from years ago you wear to sleep or lounge companionship was limited to just being friends. around your place in. It is not simply a goal we It was the same when I went for my undergrad: strive for, then overlook once we “win” it. We I had plenty of guy-friends, but no “boyfriend”. have for so long seen Love as a prize, rather than It wasn’t until I graduated that I had my first embracing it for what it is: affection for someone real experience with an intimate relationship. you care about. Whether that be a romantic However, it was not an experience which I love, a love for family, love for friends, we must enjoyed: we both had different expectations for remember that love is a continuously evolving the relationship, and he had decided to end it feeling and part of life. without considering what we could do together to make it work. However, it was this that helped me realize that how we as a society define relationships is different from our idealized expectations.
BroadSide Expressions in Poetry via Street Literature Style
Until Then by Grace Esparza
Before you can hate me. I surrender. Before you choose some one else. I give up. I won’t let you define us. No, sir. I’ll have the last laugh. So loud. Light up a little lustful love. That’s us. Simply seeking sweet sensations. We did. I’m always going to love you. Sad truth. I wonder what you wonder about. Its true. You sense my passion. And can’t compete. You fear my might. You’ve fallen short. Your little secret has escaped. I’m free. A wild youth, chasing visions. Join me. You hide yourself from me. Since the beginning. I’ve always come looking. I’m brave. Our conversations broke ground. So profound. We have so much more to say. But can’t. I could always make you laugh. Admit it. A silence laced with intimacy. It’s sad. The biggest risk is not taking a risk, so risk it all. I have. Now I’m free falling through uncertainty. I’m afraid. This life isn’t long enough. Please understand. I’m out to find great love. So long!
Grace Esparza: Junior. Social Work Major. A wild youth chasing visions of her future. Hates grass. Loves laughing. Dreamer.
Words Are Useless Artist: Rachael McHan
Cradled
Biography: Rachael McHan is a visual artist residing in the Edgewater neighborhood of Chicago, IL. She received her B.A. in Art from North Park University, with concentrations in painting, drawing, spatial, and printmaking. Since her graduation in 2009, McHan has exhibited in many gallery and alternative spaces across Chicago and in other areas, both solo and in-group settings. She identifies as being a neoexpressionist, making work that is aesthetically influenced by art historical Expressionist and Flemish painting. McHan’s work primarily explores ideas of gender, femaleness, community, and personal experience. Her work has been described as being very dark, iconic, honest, subtle and emotional. Links: Online Portfolio; Facebook; Tumblr; Flickr; Email
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6”x6”, acrylic, ink, and chalk on panel, 2010
BROAD LOVE
Why You Ought to Have Your Cake (and How to Eat it Too!) - A Short Intro to Polyamory By Holly Shackelford Why Polyamory? Polyamory is not for sale
Capitalism hasn’t figured out how to benefit from polyamory. It’s too mercurial, too individual for there to be a blanket Hallmark card or gift set available. There are no His, Hers, and Theirs towel sets, cake toppers, or holidays for poly folks.
Additionally, socialized monogamy instills a belief of person-as-property-- marriage, historically, was a tool of oppression against women, making them the property of their husbands, sometimes an improvement over being property of their fathers, sometimes not. Polyamory is not interested in possession. Polyamory seeks to celebrate the infinite capacity
Polyamory is political resistance
lover who usually knows about the partner and at a certain point isn’t excited about being a secret any longer (unless there is money exchanging hands), and the fantasy life, which isn’t getting nearly the honest attention it deserves--from anyone.
Keeping binary mindsets advances the status quo. Polyamory asks for honest attention to desire and Dominant culture has no interest in individual’s seeks to fulfill attainable fantasy consensually. desire and need. Desire does not keep the machine Though, there are certainly those fantasies that are running. Capitalism depends on the people under better kept as such! it’s reign to stay discontented and believe that their Most people who happiness can be bought. WITH TIME AND are in explicit polyChristian heteronormativity PRACTICE, YOU CAN does not condone pleasure relationships are there EAT A LOT OF CAKE! for the sake of pleasure. Once because they have deconstruction of socialized How Polyamory? concepts begins, there is an thought long and hard avalanche of realizations about their desires concerning society, self, and Sensitively tell all parties interpersonal relationships. and needs. The myth of involved Polyamory demands There are lots of ways to monogamy states that continual examination and tell a potential new partner re-examination. one person is capable of you practice non-traditional or tell a providing all necessities relationships, Polyamory is intentional primary partner you are and can fulfill all desire interested in someone, or & realistic check in about how things Most folks who are in explicit for one other person. are unfolding emotionally. poly-relationships are there because they have thought long and hard about their desires and needs. WAYS TO OPEN CONVERSATION The myth of monogamy states that one person is DOORS capable of providing all necessities and can fulfill all desire for one other person. What an incredible amount of pressure for both parties. Polyamory is more realistic in its expectations of individuals, which comes with a better acceptance of the individual and recognition of their strengths in the relationship, rather than hoping they will change to fulfill all needs. Monogamy fetishizes secrets and unfulfilled fantasies. Monogamy states (not out loud, of course) that there are things you do with your partner (wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend), and there is your fantasy life, which is mostly in your head or on the internet, and possibly there is your lover outside the relationship (who is a secret). These all live in a sort of bizarre Venn Diagram of needs, where the partner fulfills emotional needs Withholding information is manipulative and and some sexual, overlapping only slightly with dishonest. the fantasy life and never with the lover, and the
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for exploration and communication, love and desire. Polyamory is expansive and vast, and cannot be broken down into binaristic categories.
The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” model of polyamory is as dangerous as it is a monogamous construct. The Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell model creates a giant question mark, with which all manner of madeup scenarios, most much more insidious than what is actually happening, are used to fill in the blanks. It is an escape route from open communication and expressing needs. It is also unconsensual—if your partners are uninformed, they cannot give consent to the relationship they are in. That being said, communicate with your partners about when, how much, and what they are willing to discuss regarding relationships. Not all your partners will want to hear about what you got up to last night, in every sordid detail. They will probably want to know who you were with and if you were safe.
5. Make it their fault 6. Tell them over IM/email/text Try opening with, “I need to talk to you, is this a good time?” Again, don’t omit information, but be gentle! A mistake is time-sensitive information. The longer you wait to discuss it, the worse the outcome will be, and you don’t want your partner(s) to find out from someone else, or even more dramatic, from an online social network. Trust me. Successful polyrelationships do not happen overnight, anymore than successful monogamous relationships do. They are a lot of work and practice, but in the end are more dynamic, fulfilling, and honest. Pick up The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy for a more complete picture.
Play safe (including emotionally)
Using barriers (condoms, gloves, etc) with all partners is ideal—your relationship might not be forever, but HPV is, and is difficult to test for. That being said, no one is going to use barriers each and every time, realistically. But if you are in a primary partner relationship, using barriers with all other partners is pretty standard. If someone “demands” you not use them, or says things to the tune of “I don’t use barriers”, they probably don’t use barriers with anyone. Playing emotionally safe means playing consensually and with open communication--ask before you do. Don’t play when you’re under the influence, unless you know who you’re playing with fairly well. Read body language. Talk to your partners.
If you make a mistake, own up to it! ASAP! There is a right way and a wrong way to admit you made a mistake. Here is a “how to” so you can ensure the death of your relationship(s):
1. Get really defensive 2. Say “I don’t understand, you said you wanted to be poly”. 3. Say, “Being poly means I can do whatever I want”. 4. Negate their feelings
Holly Shackelford is an artist, activist, and academic. She works with children, travels the world, and practices butoh. She can be contacted at hollychernobyl@gmail.com.
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Feminist Fires Anais Nin, Writer and Diarist
Major Achievements:
Anais Nin was an avid writer who gained international recognition and fame for her journals. In addition to journaling, Nin wrote literature and fiction, most often in the form of short stories and passionate erotica. Nin’s diaries span more than 60 years, beginning when she was 11 years old and writing up until her death. She influenced many prominent literary figures, inlcuding Henry Miller, Gore Vidal, and Edmund Wilson. Nin received an honorary doctorate from the Philadelphia College of Art and was elected to the United States National Institute of Arts and Letters.
Inspired By:
Many female artists, including Martha Graham and Djuna Barnes (both dancers), Marguerite Young (writer), Georgia O’Keefe (painter), Maude Hutchins, Collete, and Marianne Houser (all writers), and Maya Deren (filmmaker). She was also influenced by the works of Marcel Proust and the tenets of psychotherapy.
Is An Inspiration to:
Personal Life:
Nin was born in Paris to a Cuban artist father and a Danish singer mother. Nin was raised in Europe and her parents separated at an early age. She had a disturbing incestous relationship with her father, which she later wrote about. She was married but had many others lovers, and at one time, was simultaneously and secretly married to two men. Nin was in extensive psychotherapy for many years, and found it be transformative.
Importance to Feminism:
Anais Nin was one of the first female writers to write openly about women’s sexuality and desires. Her work was re-discovered in the 1960’s by the feminist movement and Nin was considered an important voice in establishing the need for women’s expression. In one diary, Nin wrote: “It’s all right for a woman to be, above all, human.”
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Many female writers of her time, especially those interested in writing erotic literature, which was very uncommon for women to do; Henry Miller’s writing; writer Kim Krizan, who featured Nin as a character in one of her books; countless other writers and diarists, some of whom contribute to A Cafe in Space: The Anais Nin Literary Journal; all those who embrace women’s sexuality.
byAnna Gentry
Off the Shelf Books, Brains, and Broads
On Books:
Books are important to feminism. Books are a vital part of feminism. Books are so important to the WSGS Masters program at Loyola that an Annotated Bibliography of influential texts is required to graduate. These were the texts in mine: “Past Burning: The (Post-) Traumatic Memories of (Post) Queer Theory” by Chris Castiglia and Susan Gillman, Times Square Red, Times Square Blue by Samuel Delany, The Ethics of Sex by Mark Jordan, “Feminist Approaches to Research as a Process of Reconceptualizing Epistemology, Methodology, and Method” by Patricia Levy, “Under Western Eyes” Revisited: Feminist Solidarity through Anticapitalist Struggles” by Chandra Mohanty, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” by Laura Mulvey, “Notes Towards a Politics of Location” by Adrienne Rich, Volver (this one is a film) by Pedro Almodóvar, The Trouble with Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life by Michael Warner, and Three Guineas by Virginia Woolf.
Anna Gentry is our newest columnist at Broad Magazine - be sure to look for Off the Shelf in future issues! Anna graduated from Loyola’s Women’s Studies & Gender Studies Master of Arts program in 2010. To learn more about Anna, see her featured in Alum Alert below.
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I started out wanting to write one of these texts is a book review and then a Each one of these texts is Each interesting all on its own, book review column, but interesting all on its own, but together they tell a books are so much more story about me, my time than what we have to say but together they tell a at Loyola, my interests, about what is inside of them; story about me, my time my collected knowledge, they are more than what and how I have come they say to us. I like buying at Loyola, my interests, to view the world. Your books as much as I like my collected knowledge, own lists will be different reading them. I love the way and complex. What is on they feel; the way they smell. and how I have come to yours right now? What I can spend hours pouring view the world. books, films, articles, and over book shelves and magazines tell your story? jackets. They have stayed my How do they help you tell most consistent choice of the tales you want to tell? Where would we be bed partner throughout the years, and learning without stories? Even when we are left out of how to read meant I never had to be lonely. books we need the lines to read between. This is what my column is about. It is about our stories. There will never be enough time to meet, read, The stories we want to read and the stories we and digest every book on my wishlist. When it want to tell. Books are our voice. comes to books there are so many things to cover (get it - cover, it is a not so clever pun), authors, bookstores, feminist bookstores, the new literacy bar that opened up in the New Orleans French Quarter a mile away from my house, book clubs, community, voice, knowledge, libraries, social justice, and yes, book reviews.
Alum Alert Re-connect with WSGS Alumnae
Broad Magazine caught up with our new columnist and WSGS MA grad, Anna Gentry, this month! Broad Magazine (BM): Tell us a little about yourself and your time at Loyola. Anna Gentry (AG): Hi! My name is Anna E. Gentry, and I’m a 2011 Women’s and Gender Studies graduate student alumni. I chose to attend Loyola because of the emphasis on social justice and education. I went here for my undergraduate degrees and began working in Cudahy Library full time after I graduated. The Women’s and Gender Studies program appealed to me based on classes I had taken in my psychology and religious studies bachelor courses. The women’s studies classes made me want to change the world. They taught me how to think critically and understand multiple sides of an issue. The master’s program at Loyola focuses on putting theory into practice which I highly value. BM: What are some of your favorite memories from the program?
Women’s & Gender Studies teaches you how to better interact with people. It cultivates empathy and understanding. AG: My best memories are of my fellow classmates and cohorts. My feminist theory course consisted of 5 incredible women who are still some of the greatest friends and allies in my life. The individuals in my program were my greatest sources of inspiration, community, and scholarship. BM: Tell us what you have been up to since graduation. What was it like seeking work? AG: After graduating I moved to New Orleans, Louisiana with my partner, Chris. He was placed here as part of his Teach for America program, and I decided I could use a change of pace. Wow, did I get it. New Orleans is a complex and beautiful city. I got my first job here as a library associate at Tulane University through my previous work experience and by having a master’s degree. BM: Where are you currently working? Did your WSGS degree prove beneficial when getting the job? AG: My current job is as the birthday party sales manager for the recreational services department at New Orleans City Park. I book and sell children’s birthday parties in the amusement park. After leaving my job at Tulane, I started working in the park as a ride operator (a job with zero education requirements), and cashier. I then worked as a boating supervisor and was most recently promoted to the sales manager position. I got my job
Anna E. Gentry M.A. 2011
because my employers were impressed with my work. They promoted me three times. I am sure my degree didn’t hurt, but they were able to see my abilities first-hand and promoted me from there. BM: What do you consider the strengths and weaknesses of your education? What could have been better? What has helped you? AG: One of the great strengths of my education is that my program was interdisciplinary. I was able to study the issues I found most interesting in a variety of fields. This forced me to learn how to write in a number of different styles and for various audiences. This was also a very challenging part of the degree. I didn’t have the same background experience my fellow classmates did in their fields, but I was expected to perform at the same level.
BM: Do you have any suggestions for current Loyola students? What do you miss or what would you have done differently? AG: If you are currently going to Loyola I would encourage you to take advantage of the city you are in, relax, work hard, but don’t forget to play. There is so much to be learned from pleasure. Take a queer theory course. If I were to go back and do anything differently I would become more involved in local community volunteer work. I took advantage of what Chicago offered. I wish I had given more back. Enjoy your time there. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
I use my Women’s and Gender Studies degree everyday. It has influenced how I have performed each of my jobs. Women’s and Gender Studies teaches you how to better interact with people. It cultivates empathy and understanding. My degree directly affects how I work with clients and co-workers. Having a job that is so focused on understanding what people need and want can be difficult when those people come from various standpoints and locations in the world. I have to think about what my clients need, want, expect, and hope for on a daily basis. I would not have my job here if I had not demonstrated to my supervisors that, through my education, I had an understanding of intersectionality and standpoint theories. A master’s in women’s studies is not required to be a part of marketing, communications, or sales teams, but it is why I am able to perform well in the position I have now.
Alum Alert contributed by Julia DeLuca
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BM: How do you now apply feminism in your everyday life?
by J. Curtis Main
Inside R Out? White? Male? Feminist? YES.
We fought, and loved, and listened, and most of all, Connected
In recent weeks and throughout much of my higher education and life, I have listened to researchers and others repeatedly argue for social identity bonding, mentoring, and relationships. “Like goes best with like,” and “seeing one’s self and representation around them will serve them well.” Honestly, I do not disagree with these findings and sentiments— that there is power and progress in, for example, a deaf black youth finding strength and connection in another deaf black youth. When an aspect of your self is scarce or entirely missing in positive representation in your environment, you may feel lesser, incapable, alone, misunderstood, and many other negative reactions and realities. I am not denying this, nor the importance of bonding through
shared identity and experience. What I would like to consider, and what I would like to read and hear about more often, are the BROADer connections made across differences— especially “differences” regarding inequalities and inequities. Beyond finding strength, advice, and so on through a person like yourself, what about finding positivity, wisdom, guidance, and other connections in people supposedly “other” to you? In breaking down barriers and oppressive structures erected between all kinds of people, I believe there lies immense positive social and individual transformation in connections made through differences.
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Perhaps sharing a personal experience will help. together—you will note a LOT of difference beyond Since I was maybe 4 or 5 years old, I have always us all being in school. Heterosexual, poor, rich, looked up to women, most especially, my Aunt queer, immigrant, tall, female, trans, Jewish, virgin, Heather. I am not necessarily supposed to look up white, shy, in/sane, large, artistic, loud, skinny, to her, and more importantly, society has taught me Latina, atheist, dropout, Buddhist, Christian, not to want to be like her nor emulate her. I was a doctor, monogamous, cisgendered, working, single, boy and am a man, and she is an older woman. We polyamorous, and on and on—not one person have many commonalities— was like the next in over a we share family, whiteness, handful of ways. But we were As I grow older and education, nationality, an family. We mentored one experience more of attraction to men, to name another, we learned from some. In my quests for selfone another, we fought and the world and other identity, self-love, and selfloved and listened and, most people, I hope to see exploration, her “other” age of all, connected. We found and “other” gender, plus one another, regardless of so more mentoring, love, “other” body did not get much “difference.” connection, partnerships, in our ways of connection. For a boy to connect to As I grow older and friendships, and other a woman, who is not his experience more of the world forms of positive relations and other people, I hope to mother nor lover, well, is not necessarily most of the see more mentoring, love, across differences. world’s plan per gender/ connection, partnerships, sex. Yet that does not mean friendships, and other forms it should not happen, nor of positive relations across does it mean that it is not a beautiful and beneficial differences. I really do hope to watch others find relationship. For the rest of my days I will remain themselves in someone so very different from forever grateful to Aunt Heather for introducing themselves. Oppression, inequity, and limitation cut me to the natural world and teaching me how to across social differences, such as physical ability and respect, nourish, and connect to nonhuman, living access to education. Experiencing unfair limitations things. Our gender and age aside, she was and may be all that is necessary to connect two people, continues to be an incredible inspiration. even when the limitations are not the same. An American Muslim may idolize a white, homeless Which brings me to my BROADer point: crissperson who might learn from a black professor who crossed connections between “unlike,” oppressed can find strength in a Latina CEO who was possibly people happen all the time. Harmful divides and influenced by a heterosexual sex worker who could structures, like class and race, that teach us that we inspire a queer, disabled high school teacher that are inherently different may often result in missed may very well serve as your future child’s biggest connections. Again, I am not saying that people inspiration in life. should not connect through and benefit from their shared characteristics. What I am saying, though, It’s BROAD love, maybe? Everyday, a quote by is that there comes a time, also, when connections one of my biggest mentors in life (though from a through difference may result in incredible growth distance), inspires this white, American, Atheist, and possibility. After all, would anyone want to only 29 year old, middle class, cisgendered, queer man; seek others just like them? Certainly, some people from Margaret Cho: “Try to love someone you want do this; but I digress. to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way Perhaps my college family serves as my favorite that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot example of connection through difference (speaking believe it.” of BROAD love). If you take a glimpse at us, this group of people who met our first year and stuck BROADen LOVE, PEOPLE.
BROAD LOVE
BILLET-DOUX By Tania Hossain
My love, I remember the day my life changed, like it was yesterday… “To see the world in a grain of sand, And heaven in a wold flower; To hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.” The words were roughly scrawled on the glossy back cover of my untouched poetry book, and I inwardly marvelled at the careless grace of your script. There was a sort of elegance in every loop and every curve, but I already knew that. Only you could make fine, simple, hurriedly written sentences look like an artistic masterpiece, and only you could make me feel as alive by quoting Blake. Is that what love feels like to you? And yet all I could think of was Marvell’s forsaken words, “The love which us doth bind, But Fate so enviously debars, Is the Conjunction of the Mind, And Opposition of the Stars.” We both knew it was never meant to be. Yet love has a strange way of manifesting itself despite all our efforts to shun it. It is like a ray of sunlight glowing silently with a hidden passion…blushing more ardently than the dew-drenched waterlily bathed in its warmth. And hope glimmers through saliently yet meekly like a rainbow through the
all-embracing ether. Alas, it was never meant to be. The darkness that befell was abysmal and all-consumming. The stars seemed imprisoned in the deep of the night as the dark clouds crept over it, not menacing or wistful, but plunged in tedious, torpid sleep with lightening bursts through the shadows in lonely streaks. With each day apart their flares became more presumptuous and unrelenting, like the fire in our hearts and the tears in our eyes, like deaf mute lovers speculating the trials of a forlorn heart. Although the blood runs poorer in my veins, and breath leaves me in silent remorse, my heart is no less rich in tenderness for love of you. You are, my sweet, both bliss and pain, and joy- and hopelessness. Do not be sad, nor mournful, for we shall meet again…in some obsolete Eden, where the heavens would freeze in an eternal twilight and below the crimson sky the velvety clouds would sail and dance; Luscious green leaves, soft and emerald in the scattered light, would whistle in the passing warm breeze. Dark blue waves would lap on the shore, crashing and glittering like shattered sapphires; the sheep would bleat and the birds would sing, the moon would shine like an obscure pearl in a sea of blood and in the middle of a never-ending meadow would be just you and me alone at last. The troubles of the world would fade away, and there would be only you and me at peace in eternity. Forever yours…
Quote Corner The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polamory, Open Relationships, & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
The real test of love is when a person— including you— can know your weaknesses, your stupidities and your smallnesses, and still love you.
One remedy for the fear of not being loved is to remember how good it feels to love someone. If you’re feeling unloved and you want to feel better, go love someone, and see what happens.
We want to open our vision to accommodate monogamy as well as a plethora of other options - to plan for family and social structures that have growing room, that will continue to stretch and adapt, that we can fit to our needs in the future. We believe that new forms of families are evolving now and will continue to evolve, not to supplant the nuclear family but to supplement it with an amazing abundance, a whole world of choices about sharing family, sex, and love. We want to set you free to invent the society you want to live in.
Faithfulness has very little to do with who you have sex with.’ Faithfulness is about honoring your commitments and respecting your friends and lovers, about caring for their well-being as well as your own.
Knowing, loving and respecting yourself is an absolute prerequisite to knowing,loving and respecting someone else.
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BROAD LOVE
Beyond Physical: Loving the Spirit By Ariana Lewis This article is dedicated to my fellow feminine creatures of the world, my mother and all the women of the world who understand the value in self-love, and if you don’t, please continue reading so you can learn how to begin embracing yourself.
In a very literal sense, embrace means to accept, enjoy, invite and enthrall. The peripheral of embrace is self-love. There are women all over the world who wake up embracing their body, personality, cognition and psychosocial delicacies;
If you aren’t sure how to embrace yourself, you can begin by examining your personality. Examine your desires, wants, needs and limitations. How far will you go? We, women, must always accept ourselves to the highest standards of self-love, self-appreciation, self-respect, self-awareness and self-deserving (less arrogance). To understand we deserve greatness does not warrant, nor infer, an act of arrogance. Contrarily, understanding love begins with taking care of a woman’s mere existence, her body, mind and soul. Women must begin to understand what it means to practice self-love. Selflove, self-appreciation, self-respect, self-awareness and self-deserving attitudes allow a woman to better understand her needs and desires. It is then, when a woman can truly begin helping others through actively developing and nurturing relationships
Fellow feminists, we are a fine specimen of beauty, courage, discipline, joy, labor, love and strength, to name a few. Always remember, joy always comes in the midst of the storm, you just have to find the beauty in the chaos. This is what LOVE means to me. What does LOVE mean to you? As you ponder, remember to take time to EMBRACE YOURSELF. TODAY. FOREVER. ALWAYS.
[BL]
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they understand they’re not perfect but continue amongst family, friends, colleagues, strangers and working on perfecting their definition of perfection exemplifying agape love for those in need. through acquiring knowledge, practicing hard work, developing friendships, nurturing relationships Ultimately, self-awareness permits a woman to and continuously understanding and invoking the become not only helpful for self, but also others, value of self-appreciation. Self-appreciation is a which in turn has the power to transcend and requirement of self-love. Your physical and spiritual transform life. Tangibly and existence is the one entity metaphysically, a woman has Understanding how to of the world unique to your the power to conceive and person. No two women are embrace yourself begins give birth. Birth alone is love. the same, not even identical Love is powerful, subversive with taking time to twins. Our experiences are and is powerful in creating, vastly different yet similarly understand what makes shifting and altering. Love is understood. Understanding transformative. For example, you happy, learning how to embrace yourself take a few minutes to reflect begins with taking time to how to create an aura on a wonderful childhood understand what makes you experience. Do you remember adept in welcoming happy, learning how to create how the experience made you an aura adept in welcoming happiness into your feel at that very moment? happiness into your life Did it create a sense of life and continually and continually living a internal awesomeness? This successful life. Remember, living a successful life. could be the first time you success is self-defined, not performed well in a school Remember, success is socially constructed. I do play or helped your team win realize it is quite possible self-defined, not socially a challenging game. These my last statement struck a are the types of memories we constructed. nerve. However, success is should hold near our hearts determined by the self-love and continuously reflect upon we endorse daily, in both the when we need a joyous moment, especially when life physical and emotional consideration of our self, throws a curve ball or two, simultaneously. including happiness.
Broad LOVES A list of LOVES from the Broad team
Feminists 1) Gloria Steinem, 2) Alice Walker, 3) Octavia Butler, 4) Robert Jensen, 5) The “Broad” Squad Social Justice causes: 1) Young Chicago Authors, 2) Poetry 180, 3) Louder than a Bomb, 4) Gender Equality, 5) Religious/A-religious acceptance & awareness
Abi
Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) Smart advice, a lesson in interior decorating, and a warm bowl of soup with my sister, Sam. 2) Taking a deep breath and working on a novel for the first time. 3)Adopting a kitten named Beans from PAWS. 4) So, so much support from my close friends. 5) A fall walk admiring leaves with my partner, Brandon.
Feminists 1)Kate Bornstein, 2) Nellie McKaye, 3) My friend Danny Lesh 4) Feminist Ryan Gosling, 5) My partner, Matthew Williamson Social Justice causes: 1) Anti-marriage/singletons, 2) Nonmonogamy and other queer relationships/kinships, 3) Trans Issues, 4) Body politics, 5) Class/race issues Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) My partner encouarging my love of queer theory by giving me a book shopping spree. 2) My mother calling to invite me to arts & crafts events. 3) My friend Janna sharing a fall feast with her friends. 4) Some friends dropping in to say hi to me at work. 5) Finding time to be around old and new friends.
Brandie
We think who, what, and how a person LOVES says a lot about who that person is, and we wanted to give our readers the opportunity to get to know more about the people behind Broad. So, for this issue, we asked each columnist and staff member to write a list of 5 feminists they love, 5 social justice causes they love, and 5 ways they’ve experienced love this month, all in a sentence or less! Share your lists with us on Facebook!
Feminists 1) My partner, 2) Carl Sagan, 3) Jane Addams, 4) Jeanette Winterson, 5) Anais Nin Social Justice causes: 1) Ultraviolet, 2) The Zeitgeist Movement, 3) Physicians for Social Responsibility, 4) Veganism, 5) Food Recovery
Feminists 1) Audre Lorde, 2) Nikki Giovanni, 3) Anais Nin, 4) Niyah Lee, 5) Sasha Brookner Social Justice causes: 1) Awareness of indigenous cultures, 2) Equal access to education/information, 3) Challenging everything you’ve ever known/been taught, 4) Teaching communities self-reliance, 5) Focusing on family structure rather than corporate structure Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) Practicing patience. 2) Having people be patient with me. 3) Listening to my daughter talk, uninterrupted. 4) Distance actually making my heart grow fonder. 5) Sitting with the uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability.
Ashley
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Brandon
Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) Napped with kitties. 2) Minight walk alone. 3) Lazy Sunday with my partner. 4) Missives of vulnerable hope between a near-stranger and myself. 5) Spending a day undisturbed in my imagination.
Broad LOVES A list of LOVES from the Broad team
Feminists 1) Arundhati Roy, 2) Judith Butler, 3) Martin Luther King, Jr., 4) Audre Lorde, 5) Frida Kahlo Social Justice causes: 1) Fair Immigration Reform 2) The Zeitgeist Movement, 3) Intentional Living Communities, 4) Pedagogy of the Oppressed, 5) Human rights of children
Jenn
Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) My partner bringing me breakfast in bed. 2) Being there for mi hermana during a difficult time. 3) A barbershop quartet in the Jackson blue line subway station. 4) Warm snuggles from my kitties. 5) Feeling the sunshine on my face at the Peace Garden.
Feminists 1) Laurie Brink, O.P., 2) Sylvia Plath, 3) Virginia Woolf, 4) bell hooks, 5) Elizabeth Johnson, C.S.J. Social Justice causes: 1) Violence against women/Gender-based violence, 2) Education as a tool to alleviate poverty, 3) Genocide awareness, remembrance, & prevention, 4) the LGBTQ Movement, 5) CeaseFire Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1)Going for a walk through a park on my lunch break. 2) Laughing with my partner. 3) Sharing a meal and conversation with friends. 4) My dog greeting me at the door. 5) Drinking tea with my mom.
Natalie
Feminists 1) bell hooks, 2) Naomi Wolf, 3) Hillary Clinton, 4) Dolores Huleta, 5) Rachel Carson Social Justice causes: 1) LGBTQA Rights, 2) Reproductive Rights, 3) Labor Rights, 4) Immigration Rights, 5) Environmental Justice
Julia
Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) Went on a student retreat. 2) Received a care package from home. 3) Enjoyed the company of others. 4) Shared a cup of coffee with some classmates. 5) Spoke with an old friend over the phone.
Feminists 1) My wife - superhero, 2) Tim Braughn - inspiration, 3) Krista Paradiso - teacher, 4) Michael Paradiso-Michau - Guide, 5) Michelle Cliff - Light
Jason
Social Justice causes: 1) Parent Rights in Schools, 2) Religious Freedom & Accceptance, 3) Marriage Equality, 4) Public Education, 5) Community Building Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1)My son’s kisses. 2) My parent’s unending support of who I am and the choices I make. 3) My wife supporting my interests and passions (no matter how ridiculous.) 4) My coworkers trusting me. 5) My brother’s being OK with doing nothing.
Social Justice causes: 1) LGBTQ Rights, 2) Reproductive Freedom, 3) Education 4) St. Baldrick’s Foundation, 5) Sexual Violence Awareness
Anna
Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) My best friend sending me an ecard telling me how much she misses me. 2) Cuddling with my cat. 3) An unexpected hug from a new friend. 4) My parents buying me new eyeglasses “because your eyes are so important.” 5) My neighbor offering to drive me to Illinois to spend the holidays with my family.
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Feminists 1) bell hooks, 2) My WSGS cohort, 3) Jennifer Baumgardner 4) all of my women and religion professors, 5) Leslie Knope
Broad LOVES A list of LOVES from the Broad team
Feminists 1) Eleanor Roosevelt, 2) The strongest women in my life - my mom and three sisters, 3) Sojourner Truth, 4) Joan of Arc, 5) Cornel West Social Justice causes: 1) Kiva Micro-credit loans 2) The Fistula Foundation, 3) Heifer International, 4) Girl Up!, 5) International Justice Mission
Karolyne
Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) A stranger helping me carry my groceries onto the bus. 2) Someone telling me I made their day. 3) The toddler I babysit falling asleep on my chest. 4) The constant support from my mom and sisters. 5) A sweet message from an old friend.
Feminists 1) Whoopi Goldberg, 2) Leslie Feinberg, 3) Margaret Cho, 4) Karen Booth, 5) Barack Obama Social Justice causes: 1) Disability Awareness and Rights, 2) Radical Queer and Trans Movements, 3) Critical Race Work and Theory, 4) Feminist Solidarity, 5) Universal Healthcare and Education Ways I’ve Experienced Love: 1) My new roommate spending three hours to make me a birthday dinner, unannounced. 2) When, in a moment of intense emotion, my professor reminded me that I was me, and that was good. 3) Everyday when Symone offers a smile, two ears, a hug, wisdom, and connections. 4) Dancing, alone, in my underwear and socks, sliding around on the floor, to Missy Elliott. 5) Sara telling me that if she has to live through the shit of life, I have to stick around to join her.
Curtis
Quote Corner A Collection of Love Quotes from our Visiting Editor, Ashley Smith
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. ~From the Four Loves by C.S Lewis
Fantasy is what people want but reality is what they need. ~Lauryn Hill
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~Rumi Many people still confuse ‘attachment’ with ‘love’. Attachments are about fear and dependency, and have more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you, because you’re empty. It’s about what you can give others—because you’re already full. ~Yasmin Mogahed.
When we are loved we are afraid love will vanish when we are alone we are afraid love will never return… ~Audre Lorde
Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift. ~Mary Oliver
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom… ~Anne Morrow Lindberg from “the gift from the sea”
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by Karolyne Carloss
Subtle Sexisms Challenging the isms and schisms of politics and culture
Loving Out Prejudice
Simply put, I am moved by the belief that we have a moral imperative to recognize each other’s full humanity. This, I know is a big declaration to make right out of the gate. But ultimately, I believe that our failings as a society have been rooted in our inability or refusal to recognize our shared humanity.
Simply put, I am moved by the belief that we have a moral imperative to recognize each other’s full humanity. This, I know, is a big declaration to make right out of the gate. But ultimately, I believe that our failings as a society have been rooted in our inability or refusal to recognize our shared humanity. Slavery, gender inequality, religious persecution, homophobia, class discriminationthese events, mistreatments and attitudes are all sourced in and reinforced by the de-legitimization of an individual’s full humanity. They are characterized by the idea that gender, race, class, or sexual orientation mark errors in humanity, rather than simple consequences of human diversity. This impression is most commonly identified as an “ism”- rac(ism), gender essential(ism), sex(ism), able(ism), class(ism), oriental(ism). The list is long and varied, but each “ism” shares a similar intention. They each seek to divide, devalue, destruct and ultimately de-humanize. What is perhaps most terrifying is that these “isms” do not always operate in obvious ways. More often than not, these “isms” work subtly and just beneath the surface. Sometimes they’re so small and seemingly innocuous that they almost feel normal. Which is what makes identifying and calling them out all the more important. It is the insignificant, indirect, every-day prejudices that do real damage. They embed themselves in our social interactions
and eat away at our ability to engage each other, foster community, and ultimately love.
Martin Luther King once famously said that we are all tied together in a single garment of destiny, an inescapable network of mutuality. Unfortunately, “isms” and prejudices allow us to fray that garment and temporarily escape that mutuality. I know that I myself am culpable of my own fair share of stereotyping and profiling, but it is my hope that through this column we can grow together and try to bring attention to the “benign” bigotry that runs deep and wide in our social interactions. I would like to hear from you, our readers, about your daily encounters with subtle prejudice. Whether it be at school, work, home, or even on the CTA, I think it could be really powerful if we engage in a monthly discussion about the subtle “isms” that we experience, witness or are guilty of in our day-to-day routine. Eradicating prejudice is difficult, especially when it’s difficult to identify. But through love, through a broad love for eachother, I think that we can use this column to try to mend our own little corner of our shared garment of destiny. So, what do you say? Should we venture into this labor of love together? Can we find a way to love out prejudice? Email me your thoughts at kcarloss@ luc.edu!
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When I was asked to write a column for Broad, I spent hours staring at a blinking cursor. I wondered how I should go about developing a clear voice that would strike a chord with our readers. Should I be quirky? smart? angsty? Should I kick things off with a quote or a clever remark on current events? After a few false starts, I realized that I needed to first identify what strikes a chord with me.
BROAD LOVE
Not to Judge Love By Aaron Heisohn “Once I knew I was not magnificent...I could see for miles, miles, miles...” “Holocene” by Bon Iver First morning, camp at 12000ft, below Mount Harvard Greg brought it up again—that thing I normally
just gulp down and snuff out. But he said no “kids” instead of “kid” this time and that pissed me off so I did what I always do when he acts like an ass—I packed my camping gear and drove off in my Chevy to the Sawatch range. As I drove down into Buena Vista, Bon Iver came on shuffle, and the lyrics haven’t left me after a night out
Second evening, camp at 12000ft, below Mount Harvard Decided not to summit today. Just relaxed. Did some hiking and thinking. With all the journaling I do, I’ve never sat down and penned how Greg and I came to be the lovers we are...
And then with everything else that happened, I learned to be alone, maybe not by choice but by neccessity for myself and for my parents. I suppose all that fucked up shit’s why I sprinted from being gay...and maybe that’s why prayer came so easily.
It’s been ten years now, on and off. Which I guess means I left the Jesuits thirteen years ago. Still can’t shake the stillness of that place. All the walks through the fields, runs on the backroads, all the time spent wrestling with God...with my heart.
Well, maybe I have to go back further to that pool party sophomore year when I saw Kevin with his shirt off. From across the bonfire, I stared at all the pale skin, the shallow crevices in his abdomen, the black hair just starting to sprout about his navel. Such raw awe, not yet tainted by the lust and repression and fear that would swell in the following years. When I ran into him the following Monday, I put my head down and walked past. “...I was not magnificent...” It’s colder than I anticipated up here. Will have to make a hot water bottle before turning in. Going back further. Mom and Dad went out and left me home with James. We went to Blockbuster, and he cursed some guy who didn’t hold the door open. “Fuck you.” Back at home, we went for a walk through the alley. He stumbled about and lost a flip flop. Some dog kept barking at us so he yelled it again. “Fuck you.” A few days later, Mom would explain he’d have to go to rehab and that I might not see him for a long while. I didn’t.
And then with everything else that happened, I learned to be alone, maybe not by choice but by necessity for myself and for my parents. I suppose all that fucked up shit’s why I sprinted from being gay; enough was broken in their life, in their children. And maybe that’s why prayer came so easily. I got to share the internal with someone without really telling anyone. So after high school, I kept running and became a Jesuit. “Once I knew...”
Early in the novitiate, the novice master assigned me to hospital chaplaincy. An older priest allowed me to shadow his rounds. He seemed capable of looking into the dying and discerning what they yearned for—touch, prayer, comfort, silence. Before going into some old guy’s room, I saw a few nurses rushing in and out of a curtained room. “Fuck you! Get away from me!” Then, a flustered nurse called us over. A young OD patient. “Father, can you calm her down?” Behind the room’s curtain, a young woman lied moaning in a dark room, a small red sore on her lip and bile crusted on her chin. Crimson hair. Yellowy skin—cross between a drowning and embalming victim. I can’t quite remember the color of her eyes, only that tears fell from them. The priest managed to quiet her mumblings by stroking her forehead and speaking sweetly to her, telling her that she was beautiful, deserved a better boyfriend, and that the doctors wanted to help her. After rounds, the priest asked me to go back and check on her. Same room, same stench, same clammy air, same little bile-crust, but quieter. “Where’s my Teddy?” Before I could tell her Teddy was a shitty boyfriend, I noticed a teddy bear lost in the ruffles of her blanket. I set it in her hands, and snuggling it, she mumbled “he gave it
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here under the stars and peaks and pines.
to me.” She turned her head away and closed her eyes. Shit reminded me of James. Back in the office, the Baptist chaplain said, “Oh my beautiful, you look upset, sit down and tell me about it.” I did.
Both of those were such rough times, but I guess those are what refine a relationship, if they don’t break it. And now, this new shit. I want to raise a son and daughter so badly, to teach them how to live and love, laugh and cry with them. I guess it makes sense he’s so scared with the drinking and all, but we manage in spite of the occasional raging hangover. He’s the love that set me free and that binds me and I want that forever and I want him to see he did that and not to think of himself as so terrible.
“Honey, let me tell you a story. A couple of years ago, I had an AIDS patient. Poor thing was so sick and dying, but he loved when I’d come in and sing for him. God’s gift to me—my Fuck. Thought writing all this would help... voice. Now I had my assumptions about the “...I could see...” young man, and he had a That night while praying, He bouldered his way particular friend that came around often. Well, when to Harvard’s peak at 14, I wept but didn’t feel so he died, his friend asked 421feet, bringing his terrified or disconnected journal with him but me to sing at the poor boy’s funeral, which I was writing nothing more on or trapped anymore... nervous to do because I love and brokenness. The After a good, hard look had never done anything clouds hung closely to the like that before. But I did it mountains, but he could still at my life, I stopped anyways. And well, it was see Pike’s Peak some twobullshitting myself. a small funeral, and I felt a hundred miles away. little uncomfortable. But let me tell you, there was more He made the drive back to love in that little chapel than I had ever seen. The the city of Golden that evening in several hours, Holy Spirit filled me with tears. God’s gift to me— listening to Bon Iver, the Avett Brothers, and the not to judge love.” like. That night while praying, after all that had happened, I wept but didn’t feel so terrified or disconnected or trapped anymore. The novice master and I started talking about my being gay, and he led me through the Exercises. After a good, hard look at my life, I stopped bullshitting myself. With more consolation than I had ever known, I discerned that I needed to leave the Jesuits. While at university, I continued chaplaincy at a new hospital, learning evermore to be broken and to love the broken. Greg did his nursing clinical at that hospital. We dated and stuck together even after James took his life and I fell into a depression. And we stayed together even after his mother died and he went back to his old drinking habit. Clusterfucked everything for a while—him having kept the alcoholism hidden.
He was not greeted by Greg at the door, but he found a bottle of Scotch missing one glass’s worth. Exhausted, he looked around and saw that a glass rested on the table, full. Collapsing into a chair, he stared at the whiskey for all of five minutes, angered and relieved. He sighed before chugging it down and pouring the rest of the bottle down the sink. He found his lover asleep in bed, laptop still open and a browser opened to a list of local adoption agencies.
Aaron Heisohn is a freshman English and Secondary Education major from St. Louis. He spent six months as a Jesuit novice and enjoys backpacking, playing racquetball, and cooking for family and friends.
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Words Are Useless Featured Cover Artist: Nastassia Davis
Photo, 2012 Biography:Nastassia Davis is a photographer, specializing in self-portraits. She also shoots music shows, weddings, and engagements. Nastassia is a graduate of Montclair State University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts. Her work has been featured in numerous magazines, books, blogs, and newspapers. Website: www.nastasiadavis.com
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Volunteer Voices Stories from those who serve freely
Ombeline Picquet Koseli School: Kathmandu, Nepal Website: http://nepalkoseli.blogspot.com/ Volunteer Position Title: English tutor/teacher Nature of Volunteer Position: Education Mission of Organization: Koseli to integrate the slum and street main stream society by providing normal childhood and empowering education.
School seeks children into them with a them through
Length of Time with Organization: 1 month What motivated you to get involved with this organization? I really wanted to spend my summer volunteering abroad. For me, there is really to better way to learn
about the world, about yourself and to remind yourself of the beauty that exists in this world. It was a very last minute decision for me because all of my summer plans fell through and one of the few organizations that was still taking volunteers was Koseli School in Kathmandu. I truly knew nothing about Nepal or what I was getting myself into, but this is a perfect example of how everything happens for a reason and I ended up exactly where I was meant to be. What was a “typical day” of volunteering like for you? A typical day volunteering at Koseli school began around 11am where I would arrive at school and help to feed the children. All of the kids were given one meal, usually the only meal they would eat all day of traditional “Dahl Baht” which consisted
What have you learned and how have you grown from this experience? This experience taught me a great deal about the nature of volunteering in general. I think a lot of people, including myself, arrive in the developing world expecting to save the world and change thousands of people’s lives that are living in extreme poverty. Once you get there, it is extremely disheartening to see the extent of the problems that exist and you realize immediately that these problems are way beyond your power or control. For me, arriving in Kathmandu was the most intense culture shock I had ever experienced. The poverty, pollution and chaos was unlike anything I had ever experienced in other countries. The problems in society were deeply rooted in the government, corruption, sanitation, lack of job opportunity etc. These were all things I really could not do much about in my one-month stay in Nepal. For the first few days, this really discouraged me but then I told myself that even if I could make a difference in one person’s life, if I could make one suffering person smile, that would be enough. When I focused on this everyday, making a difference seemed more and more feasible. I realize that in a month, I may not have lifted anyone out of poverty or saved a child’s future but I do think that I made many people smile, laugh and gave many of them hope, and that was enough for me to feel satisfied with my work. What were the most rewarding and challenging aspects of your position? As I mentioned, the most challenging part of my work was definitely trying not to look at the big picture. Every volunteer comes in with unrealistic expectations about the impact they are going to have and it is really important yet challenging to focus even on the smallest positive changes you are creating in your position as a volunteer. I read
a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson when I was in Nepal that said, “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—that is to have succeeded”. That is really what I told myself everyday. If I made one orphan child feel loved and smile for the first time in a long time, that was enough for me to go home that night and feel like I did something good. The most rewarding aspects of my experience were definitely the kids being so excited to see me when I arrived at the school in the morning. They would immediately have the biggest shining smiles on their faces. It was amazing to see children who had gone through so many awful things from abuse, to drug addiction to becoming orphans, always smiling and being positive. It gives you hope and it truly makes you realize how much you take for granted. Those smiles were definitely the most rewarding part of my experience. Also, on the last day, the children wrote me letters and made me drawings as a goodbye gift. The things they said were absolutely heart-warming and in that moment, everything I had gone through to get to that exact place in time seemed beyond worth it. How do you think your experience of volunteerism contributes to social justice and/or feminism? This experience greatly contributes to social justice in Nepal as it is attempting to educate the absolute poorest children of society in order to give them a brighter future with more opportunity. What other volunteer opportunities are available with this organization, and would you reccomend them to others? I believe that Koseli School takes volunteers year around, I would definitely recommend them to others. The school is such an amazing organization that does great and influential work.
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of rice, potatoes and lentils. Then I would help to teach an English class of about 20 students ranging from 5-12. The ages varied greatly because some older children had never attended school before and were very behind on their English. Around 2pm I would begin one on one tutoring with some of the older students that were struggling and severely behind grade level. I would do this until around 5 and then head home.
BROAD LOVE
Expressions of Love: A look at Genesis P-Orridge and Lady Jaye’s Relationship By Emma Steiber with contribution from Timothy Steinman When a relationship is established, a title is often given to it. A friendship. A partnership. An acquaintance. These entanglements of titles are what create multi-layered connections, in which titles melt together, obscuring, blurring, and destabilizing the platforms that these relationships sometimes rely on
too heavily. The attention shouldn’t be placed on the titles of love, but what can give love power. Within this focus, love is enhanced through art, which strongly influences the creation of the self. When two artists explore physical change together in the act of love and art, a new identity can be created.
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Genesis P-Orridge is an English avant-garde artist of the body…One of the central themes of our work and industrial musician who has explored his music is the malleability of physical and behavioral identithrough such bands as Throbbing Gristle and Psyty.” Stated by Lady Jaye and Genesis P-Orridge from chic TV. In an interview with Prism Films, Genesis, the “Pandrogeny Manifesto,” this idea brings to light describing his thoughts on music and his growth as a relationship that defies society’s boundaries of a musician, emphasizes that music is ever expansive gender and crosses over into art and spirit. The body, and could be defined through any medium, any inmerely a template, can be transformed. Through this strument, and any person. You love, the bodies’ templates Their love became that could “create your own backcan be combined to form this ground” through the music’s “third mind” or single entity. of a single, genderless limitless universe. Quoting the As a result, separateness and being, both physical and individuality, usually seen as music theorist and composer John Cage, Genesis promotes important to the growth of internal. the belief that silence could two individuals in a relationdescribe music the same way ship, fall to the wayside. noise could. Through this, Genesis’ music can be seen as a boundary-less art Looking at this relationship, a new terrain is exthat holds no limits or actions within a norm. pressed that is multi-layered in its meanings of love, yet also facile in its physical expressions. “It began While his music is a unique subject by itself that can as really romantic. Instead of having children, what be analyzed for pages, the focus is on Genesis and his if we made ourselves the new person?” Asked and love for and marriage to Lady Jaye (later named Lady explored by Genesis in the documentary The Ballad Jaye Breyer P-Orridge). However, Genesis’ music is of Genesis and Lady Jaye, this idea of the individual is an important backdrop to his life because his love for restructured through the combination of two individit is a part of his identity. It gives us a sense of him uals that could only occur through this combination as a creator, an inventor, and a lover. “Lover” isn’t and no other. Thus, the self becomes fulfilled through just meant to define his sexual self in a relationship. the blending of two entities. This mode of behavior Rather, it is also meant to emphasize his passionately is, in Genesis’ words in a Soft Focus interview, “Viva driven self and its role in a physically altered relationla Evolution.” This relationship not only signifies the ship. growth of love, but the evolution of love. If one can look at this love, not in terms of the physical changes Genesis, born a boy, finds himself/herself unsure but the signification behind it, we can view this love of who he/she is. Some may observe Genesis as a as we do any other expression of love. Compared to male-to-female transgender, but to Genesis, there is Genesis and his music, love is a limitless expression, a sense of a genderless identity. When Genesis meets whether it is external and loud or internal and silent. Lady Jaye, their consuming love shifts this identity. Through the combination of art, love, and self, sexual identity was demolished, and the formation of a “pandrogenous” being followed. Thus, they created a new art with a new expression that was publicly Emma Steiber has been a barista in the Chicago documented. By using William S. Burrough’s idea of coffee industry since 2010. In addition to being a the “cut-up,” Genesis and Lady Jaye changed themcoffee enthusiast, she is also a transfer student at selves. Taking from each other’s faces and bodies, Loyola University Chicago, majoring in Women’s they incorporated a new self that made one look like Studies and Gender Studies. On her own time, she the other through plastic surgery. Their love became writes short fiction and creative non-fiction. Her that of a single, genderless being, both physical and hopes are to combine her passion for coffee and internal. gender studies into a future endeavor she has yet to figure out. “[W]e see the eye of our consciousness as a fictional assembly or collage that resides in the environment
Faculty Feed Connect with Loyola University Chicago’s inctructors & professors
Diversifying Love Over the past several years, I have taught the Sociology of Families course at Loyola. This class primarily tends to attract young women, many of whom are concerned about how to prepare for their future families. While young men do not enroll as frequently in the class or discuss their aspirations with the same candidness as young women, I know from my research and the research of others that young men also worry about their future relationships. The reservations I hear about often focus on the viability of building healthy, happy and long-lasting relationships, concerns that draws on both real and imagined perceptions of changes in American relationships over the past fifty years. Young adults are aware of rising divorce rates and increasing patterns of “less committed” relationships such as “hook-ups.” In listening to the stories of young adults’ relationship experiences, however, I do not hear stories about a lack of commitment but, instead, a deep desire to understand how to build better, long-lasting relationships. Young women apprehensively plan for a future moment where they may need to choose between their career and family aspirations, while young men ponder whether their career goals will allow them to care for a family. Both men and women worry about selecting the right partner who will stick by them through these difficulties. Perhaps most troublesome, I have discovered through my research and interactions with young adults that there is a tendency to assume that a golden era existed for relationships. Students compare their position of uncertainty to an imagined past of relationship clarity, such as that presented in
Cortney Ann Irby Department of Sociology PhD Student & Instructor Loyola University Chicago
sitcoms of the 1950s. My research on the history of premarital counseling, however, reveals that contemporary young adults’ concerns about relationships in actuality reflect decades-old fears. For instance, one brochure advertising a Catholic premarital counseling event in the mid-twentieth century stated “Here’s the Challenge: You must make decisions about entering modern marriage in an atmosphere of tension and confusion.” Rather than focus on what we believe we’ve lost in building relationships, our energy would be better spent shifting our attention towards imagining how we want to build relationships in the future and what type of society we imagine supporting these relationships. Young Americans have already begun to forge new ideals for relationships, but their ability to accomplish these dreams remains constrained by narrow understandings of gender that prescribe limited options to men and women. While our culture often focuses on what is different about men and women, I find that a there is a great variety of beliefs, behaviors, and goals within and across genders. Young men want to be increasingly involved in family life and young women aspire to have fulfilling careers. As a result, both young men and women would like to strike a balance between work and family. Therefore, narrow cultural scripts for men and women in relationships increasingly do not reflect real behavior in society, but often continue to structure our institutions and create a background of misunderstanding as young adults attempt to negotiate relationships. It is my hope that by studying gender, dating, and families, we can promote a greater acceptance of relationship diversity in our society.
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BroadSide Expressions in Poetry via Street Literature Style
Re-framing Love by Ida Sefer Roche
We tied the knot, and pulled on the ends of the twine. Grabbing your hand, and sketching our borders and lines. Suffocating in the fibers of our bed sheets. Mapping where our needs and wants meet. Then adding a warm space between us, this full bed never felt so intimidating and small. Questioning the foundation, with the mattress on the floor, it was still a risky fall. Tugging at the fabric of our fixed reasoning. Sewing in new patching and colorful meaning. Supporting the frame, we gave the parquet some reprieve. Ironing out the covers, and engineering the love we believe.
Ida Sefer Roche is a dual degree Master of Arts in Women’s Studies & Gender Studies/Master of Social Work student at Loyola University. She has served as the Visiting Editor of Broad Magazine, and is originally from Bosnia.
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Wearing out the threads in this quilt. This new queen bed is not dressed in guilt.
BROAD LOVE
Love Justice By Wade Reed Stōr·gē: A new father finds a way to extend his love for his son to children in another hemisphere. I hope I will always have clear memories of my son’s birth. The process had gone incredibly well thanks to my wife Kelly’s thorough preparation, and most of my role involved telling her how well
she was doing, how incredible she is, and how eager I was to meet our first child. In that moment, the only thing I could do was exclaim, “He’s here! Xander’s here!” Adopted in my infancy, it was the first time in my life I had ever consciously been in the presence
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of a blood relative. Maybe that’s where that farms, but we were able to send one of our owners, powerful bond, and all that love, came from. To Ben, to Nicaragua to see the operation. These are my surprise, that love expressed itself as a desire big steps toward ensuring quality and sustainability to share with him all the things I love. I sang my in our relationships with the communities who favorite songs to him, and on our first day home grow our coffee. I read to him from Ted Kooser’s Winter Morning Walks, one of my favorite books of poetry. I hope Wanting to maximize the impact of these new someday he will understand those works on an steps, we looked for ways to draw attention to even deeper level than the advantages a direct they have touched my life, trade relationship could But love always establishes but I know it didn’t happen afford growers. We started that day. Still, my love for itself on sharing those planning a fundraiser him was expressed in the designed to incentivize things we find most lifedesire to give that to him. baristas and interested coffee professionals to giving, maybe things we The more I think about it, the raise money for a project thought we could never more I see how the desire in Nicaragua. I was to share is fundamental to share with anyone. And that thrilled to find out that the our expressions of love, most focused project Gold almost seems instictual. especially when it comes Mountain was involved to sharing our other loves. Even when I see Kelly with in was a school in the Sure, there is a kind of community. Because of general altruism we try to Xander, knowing that my Xander, I was starting to encourage in our world see the value of sharing wife is his mother, that we that will share a dollar or our resources and energy share her, fills me with joy. a meal with anyone who with children, specifically. happens to ask for one. What’s more, this is a But love always establishes major value espoused by itself on sharing those things we find most lifeGold Mountain: sharing their love for the coffeegiving, maybe things we thought we could growing community in Jinotega with the rest of the never share with anyone. And this seems almost world by bringing others into the tangible good instinctual. Even when I see Kelly with Xander, they strive to do. knowing that my wife is his mother, that we share her, fills me with joy. Gold Mountain is a social enterprise working between in Jinotega Nicaragua. Besides supporting Another love I find myself sharing with Xander the school, they offer free computing classes on the is my love for coffee. Whether brewing coffee company-owned farm. They offer microcredit to or drinking it, I like to hold him and talk to him farmers in need, especially female-owned estates, about coffee agriculture, chemistry, flavor, or and they have done work to alleviate malnutrition whatever. Again, I know very little of this gains and other health problems for children in the any real traction with him right now, but sharing community. One of the heads of the enterprise it has special value for me because this love has went as far as to claim that every dollar of profit actually allowed me to share an experience with a after covering costs is reinvested in community community a world away. Around the same time development projects. And hearing some of his Xander was born, the coffee company I work for stories, I believe he meant that literally. There’s no in Rochester, New York, Joe Bean Coffee Roasters, other way they could do some of the things they established our first direct trade relationship with do. Gold Mountain Coffee Growers Association in Jinotega, Nicaragua. Not only did we have the Being connected with Gold Mountain means opportunity to bring the coffee in directly from the our love for coffee can have a direct impact, and
we can express that love Obviously, powerlessness is It strikes me that all these by sharing our resources not just a reality for children. with the children of the In fact, one could go so far as loves can be shared in community. But more to claim that powerlessness the pursuit of enriching amazing, is all the love that and power relations are a has been shared along the central issue in any vision the lives of children, way. For example, when we of social justice. However, just like I hope to enrich encountered the problem this issue is more poignant in of how to ask people to Xander’s life by sharing the case of children, whose donate money to a for-profit powerlessness is a matter of the things I love. enterprise, it was the love of law in modern society. For other individuals that solved example, Kelly and I have this problem for us. We met had to completely alter the Bob and Sally Kuehl, who run a non-profit called way we exercise our buying power to both provide Journeys of Solutions, which raises money for for Xander and maintain our financial values. It projects around the world. Because they share is precisely this kind of alteration in the use of our love for projects like Gold Mountain, we are economic power that we are seeking to enact able to make donations tax-deductible and more on another scale through our work with Gold comfortable for donors. Mountain. Movement in the use of economic power is essential for children in a number of ways. It strikes me that all these loves can be shared in I am not simply talking about giving to children’s the pursuit of enriching the lives of children, just charities. I am talking about our everyday buying like I hope to enrich Xander’s life by sharing the decisions, particularly when we are buying things things I love. Just as I cannot be certain what the like clothes. impact of sharing the things I love with him may be, so we are not guaranteed what the impact Similarly, Gold Mountain displays the power of of sharing our love on behalf of the children of presence and time. There are some needs you Jinotega may be. But I think we can afford to and I will never hear about, but Gold Mountain loosen our results-based thinking a little (though has committed to being present. Moreover, they certainly not entirely) when it comes to acting on have taken the time to survey the community and behalf of children. The simple reason for this is that compile a needs assessment to effectively address children are restricted by a particular reality that the most pressing issues. Thus, when the school calls for action in nearly any case: powerlessness. was without a library, a few employees of the Gold Mountain enterprise found local materials, Xander’s powerlessness can be overwhelming at contracted local carpenters to build bookshelves, times. When he cries because he can’t get out of walked into a bookstore, and delivered the bed on his own or can’t reach a toy on his own (or students their first library. And when they heard thinks he can’t) the extent of that powerlessness about a girl who had never walked before in her comes home. The gravity of his powerlessness life, they began an aggressive fundraising drive hits me when I consider that he completely relies which resulted in both a necessary operation to on us for food, clothing, cleansing, attention, and give her this ability and a house near to a roadway any other thing a human might need to sustain to further increase her mobility. The resources life. He’s even powerless to nurture and protect marshaled in these projects are clearly impressive, himself. Sometimes when we’re brewing coffee but they are ultimately secondary to the time together, he’ll reach for things that could do serious and presence necessary to address these kinds of damage if I am not careful to protect him. What’s issues. more, if I don’t consistently, actively communicate with him, particularly linguistically, this could Anyone who has worked with children or on have a major impact on his development. This is behalf of children knows that the power of time a daunting reality, to say the least. and presence can only be enacted gently. This is
imitate what they see, regardless. In another sense, this places the largest responsibility on those who take this issue seriously.
I don’t think anyone who knows me would Too many children are told their whole lives to look characterize me as a gentle person, but the tender out for themselves first (or only) and that everyone moments in my life have increased tenfold since else is doing the same. In that environment, how his birth. When we were can we possibly expect What if the next generation having trouble getting him to raise a generation with to sleep early on, I was grows because we have concern for social issues, astonished to discover the especially issues facing the stayed close to them and power of gently rocking generation after them? By and singing in a low voice. flourishes because we contrast, what if the next Far less effective were our generation grows because have shared with them our attempts to get tough with we have stayed close Xander through the “cry it tangible acts of love? Not to them and flourishes out” method. I am finding because we have shared only will the world change, that these tender moments with them our tangible are reflexive, and as I but they will know the value acts of love? Not only will exercise influence over their world change, but him in a gentle manner, my of investing in that world, they will know the value hunger for the moments of investing in that world, not to mention the value of increases. This, in turn, is not to mention the value of investing in the generation working more gentleness investing in the generation into me, a double-return following them. following them. This twoon my investment. tiered benefit is exactly the kind of structure of justice But I hope I am not kidding myself, here. Sometimes that is needed if we are ever to undo or redirect I feel almost incidental to these moments. For the many unjust structures in our society. instance, one night Kelly and I were sitting on the couch talking, with Xander lying between I think about my son’s education often, and I hope us. I don’t remember what we were talking he will benefit from my guidance. But you can bet about, but I will never forget when he jumped he’s going to grow up learning about Nicaragua into the conversation with the most linguistically and all the places where we need to help kids recognizable noises I have ever heard from him. just like him. And I hope he never separates the A couple months later, Xander was playing on stake he holds in this world from the same stake the floor and I got down on my hands and knees held by those who will come after him, those with in front of him. He took a good, thoughtful look different loves, or those with less power. and propped himself up on his hands and knees with a big smile on his face. I was shocked. Fast Wade Reed lives with his wife, Kelly, and their forward to a couple of weeks ago, breakfast. He seven-month-old son, Xander in Rochester, had just finished a small bowl of pureed bananas New York. Wade is currently a barista, roaster, and, as is my custom, I was signing and saying to wholesale trainer, and coffee educator for Joe Bean him, “All done.” Again, that thoughtful look and Coffee Roasters. When not completely consumed his response rang out, “All done!” (Or something by the craft and culture of coffee, he hikes, reads, more like Ah-Dah, close enough right?). geeks out about comic books, and continues his ongoing search for the ineffable something that And this is probably the most important point: will make us all a little more like family. children are watching. In a sense, we are totally incidental to this process because children will
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not the typical form of power as self-congratulatory compulsion. This is made more and more real to me by my time with Xander.
BROAD LOVE
Loving Yourself, Each Other and Something Greater Than Us All By Christina Ferrari
Love. There are many different kinds: romantic, erotic, familial, my love of chocolate, the love I have for Chicago, and my passions like music and theater. It’s a concept that surrounds each of us in many ways throughout our lives. Currently, as a first year master’s student studying Higher Education, I’m on the planning team for Campus Ministry’s Interfaith Retreat. I have a special love for retreats, as a high school and undergraduate college student I’ve gone on quite a few and planned or facilitated several. What I love about these immersive experiences is that they pull you out of your everyday life with homework, jobs, to-do lists, and stress. It’s a chance to connect back to the core of yourself—to get back in touch with who you are and what you love about life. When I was a junior in college I did a lot of interfaith work, bringing groups and individuals from different belief systems together, to share and learn from each other’s beliefs and experiences. My major project that year was to develop an interfaith retreat. As the planning team and I sat down to the first meeting, we thought about what theme the retreat should focus on. We talked about what issues could
people relate to, what was a concept that Catholics, Buddhists, Earth Spiritualists, Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews, Agnostics, Atheists, and others could explore together? “What about love?” I said. “We all believe it’s important to love, don’t we?” and thus, for the next six months the planning committee talked about love: what it looked like, how religions or value systems teach us to love, and why it’s important to love in a world of hate. The retreat focused on three aspects of love: inward (loving yourself), outward (loving each other), and awkward (loving something greater than ourselves; some call that faith or a belief in a higher power and it can be awkward to talk about sometimes). By exploring love in these ways, we can examine the challenges that occur for each of us and that to really love someone or something is a hard and ongoing process. I’m excited to announce that the Interfaith Retreat this year at Loyola University Chicago will be exploring these very themes. So far, it’s been a wonderful experience to see how these questions and concepts are being understood and explored
Whether or not you can attend the retreat this winter (January 20-21, 2013), it’s important that we each spend time thinking about why we choose to love, and then consciously act with love embedded in each of our actions. It is so easy to forget that love is at the core of the human experience. Love: it’s what separates us from all other living things—we have the
ability to be compassionate, to care for others, and to comprehend that life is about more than ourselves. The Interfaith Retreat will be held January 2021st, 2013. All are welcome! To sign-up, or for more information, please visit: www.luc.edu/ retreat/group_retreats/interfaith. Christina Ferrari is a first year M.Ed candidate studying Higher Education at Loyola University Chicago. As a DePaul University alum (‘12), she is deeply interested in urban Catholic higher education and students’ moral development. As an aspiring student affairs professional, Christina would like to work in experiential learning, leadership, or student activities and believes cocurricular programming that focus on reflection are some of the most important experiences a student can have in college.
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within the Rambler community. As students infused with Jesuit pedagogy, we have a special calling to be men and women of others: to serve and love unconditionally and to be voices for others who cannot be heard. We have to love the whole person—including ourselves, flaws and all. I invite you to join me on this journey of love, to ask yourself questions like: What do I love and why? How am I failing to love? What can I do to love myself, others, and the world around me more fully?
BroadSide Expressions in Poetry via Street Literature Style
I’m stuck and puddled on the hard floor The drinks and leftover weed meant for us Had me calm for swift moments Then I found myself weighted to the floor Not our floor Beside the bed that is not our bed Grasping and gasping and aching and shaking To touch you again, to be touched by you again, inside and outside. I wake in paralysis The closet to my right The books to my left The dark, shadowy, orange lit door in front of me My beaming phone to my right This is our room, the room where we love But is it my new room? I turn to my left and you are absent And my heart sinks to the bottom of the loneliest grave I lie in paralysis Am I hallucinating? I don’t know. I’m terrified. Where are you? I repeat to myself that everything is okay, and real Except this real does not include your real, our real And the pain is enough to take my breath away
The pain is paralysis I lay not knowing what is real, what was real, what will be real I lay not knowing if this is a nightmare A waking nightmare A night terror without you, yet all about you I lay, awake, asleep, drowned, paralyzed, alone. My core is burning My stomach is burning My ass and cock and lips and endless skin Are burning For you And for you I crumble I crumble next to newness next to strangeness next to… myself. My body shudders My nights interrupt and disrupt and erupt With ripped separation and longing I’m ripped, I’m broken, I’m stripped, I’m separated From you And the pain is immense and intense and incensed I’m on fire, I’m erupting into nothing I want to scream and scream for you and my scream is nothing For hours and days and weeks, I’m paralyzed I think I’m dying Closet to my right, books to my left, dark door in front I look at my bright screened phone you got me and I don’t know…
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The Terror, of the death, of the reality, of us By KBS
I want you to save me I want you inside me I want to be inside you I want so bad I want so bad to be Dead, like this. For better dead, Then in this hell This waking hell This where am I kind of hell This what happened to us what did I do kind of terror Than lying here, paralyzed, shocked, abandoned, Ripped, exposed, scathing, scarred kind of terror I’m waking. I’m waking. I’m waking, then drowning. I’m waking then drowning in worlds without you. Where are our worlds? My world is the floor Paralyzed.
Hallucinating Longing for the skin of your back The curve of your body Pushed into mine Pushed into me With our toes curled into one another And our fingers wrapped in our skins I want to die I’m dying I don’t think I will make it I won’t make it My skin burns My core aches My brain reaches My heart stops I’m so not us, without you. And I’m so me, against you And you’re so you, without me. And us, is dead. I thought I was dead. And in my terror, I found, I’m alive. And I carry you with me.
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Where am I? Am I waking, am I sleeping? I am terrorized by the night terrors that visit me nightly And in this one terror Of drink and weed meant for us I don’t think I will make it I think my breath will stop My breath stops My body breaks My lungs labor My heart crashes My body paralyzes
Spotlight On Women in Literature Submissions from students at Loyola
“Giving Up the Ghost” - A Play by Cherríe Moraga from “A Genderless Love” by Kelly Ahlman
Sex in this play is portrayed as somewhat of a simple act, but Amalia lets the audience see sex in a different way. Gender is a very defining characteristic of a person, and Amalia seems to rid her lovers of that during times of intimacy. In doing so, Amalia crosses heteronormative boundaries, transgressing against the gender roles society has created to which all people are expected to adhere. Amalia breaks through these obstacles through her relationships with Marisa and Alejandro. Reading about these transgressive relationships made me think of the different types of relationships that people have in society today. It made me think that although one might argue that losing one’s gender through sex is negative, I argue that love goes beyond gender roles and allows people to be themselves in relationships. The idea of a genderless love may be unconventional to some, but for the characters of this play, a genderless love is made the norm and it is what makes their relationships unique. These relationships show people that love goes beyond gender and creates a new space for two people to be on the same level in many different ways. These relationships are transgressive because they defy the gender roles that society expects from them. Genderless love opens doors for new or different relationships as well as enables confidence in one’s own sexuality, even though it might be seen as crossing social or physical boundaries, or transgressive behavior. Love and relationships in general can go beyond gender roles and beyond what society thinks they should be, because a relationship is whatever someone makes it, even if it might seem unconventional at first. Being yourself is the most important thing, and the ability to be who you want to be in a relationship and in society is something everyone deserves.
This month, students in Professor Bolf’s Women in Literature course at Loyola submitted their essays and images based on issues of boundaries in class texts. Love, intimacy, and relationships are major themes of each of these literary works as well. Here, we showcase the students’ multi-faceted, insightful, and inquisitive ideas with excerpts from their academic articles. Thanks to Professor Bolf and all who submitted! From “Soñé Contigo” by Stephanie Steidel
Amalia is a woman pulled between separate cultures who must discover where she truly belongs, not in Mexico or the US but with her genuine lover, Marisa. Amalia’s first border crossing marks her coming of age not only from childhood to pubescence but also from innocence to guilt, a transition which permanently embeds itself in her person. She first expresses guilt in leaving her Tia Fita behind and later in the much darker context of Alejandro’s death by drowning she asks, “Whose face do you think he saw in the belly of that river moments before it swallowed him?” (Moraga 33), feeling she had a part in his suicide. Perhaps he saw her face, entered her belly to “come out in torrents” (Moraga 24) as a river, born through Amalia, that would ultimately lead her to truth. Her first return to Mexico leads Amalia to develop a fresh affection for her homeland, sparking a renewal of her Mexican identity. Conversely, the trip also leads to the ache of living between two cultures becoming salient in Amalia’s mind leaving her discontented and unable to live fully in either land. On her final return to Mexico, Amalia is able to sift through the murkiness of her position between Mexico and America with the sharp clarity of grief brought about by Alejandro’s death; she is able to seek out where her true home lies – with people she loves and is loved by. A home not confined within geographic borders, a home that is always available and growing with her – a home in Marisa. Marisa who “wanted to save her” (Moraga 34) from her memories and remorse, Marisa who could “make love to [her] like worship” (Moraga 34) – with fervor, with grace, with perfect love and faith and devotion – Marisa who could see her “in all [her] pus and glory and still love” (Moraga 35) her. Marisa, a singular home without borders, the one Amalia dreamed of.
“Which brings me to the questions of prisons, politics, sex.” (Moraga, 6). Giving up the Ghost, written by Cherrie Moraga, is a play which describes and questions the main character, Marisa’s, encounters with sex. Sex has been bounded with a predetermined thought of achieving the greatest level of intimacy between partners. The theoretical “connection of intimacy” in sex, is that in which one learns his or her partner to the highest sense. In previous artwork, sex has been portrayed as a threshold to closeness between partners. Even in current media, such as romantic comedies and chick flicks, sex is portrayed as an act of love between partners, to which no other act can compare. Although some may argue sex intensifies intimacy with their partner, after reading Giving Up the Ghost, I would argue sex increases self awareness as a result of crossing the boundary of intimacy. Sex crosses the self-imposed boundary of intimacy, bringing forth unexpected self- reflection. Physical privates shared with others, open up insightful privates that have never-before been discovered. Crossing the boundary of intimacy provides the element of sharing the changed perceptions of one’s self, leaving behind a different part of oneself and ultimately, making a connection with oneself to the larger world. Successfully crossing the boundary of intimacy to self-reflection is a matter of acceptance and nurturance to the dynamics that follow. Not all crossings are positive reflections, but acceptance of change and willingness to move towards or against the change, is a successful boundary crossing.
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From “Crossing Connections” by Ashley Doubet
Spotlight On Women in Literature Submissions from students at Loyola
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz From “Borders and Boundaries in The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” by Lacey Eberle
Boundaries are often defined by stereotypes. Therefore, someone that does not adhere to these stereotypes may be described as transgressive. In Junot Diaz’s The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, transgression of the Dominican masculinity stereotype is necessary in order to fulfill one’s desires. Oscar’s refusal to morph into a stereotypical Dominican male allows him to achieve the intimacy that he desires. Oscar is described as a “passionate enamorao who fell in love easily and deeply” (Diaz 23). The connotations of the words “passionate” and “deeply” are significant because they convey Oscar’s intense desire for intimacy and love, things that are not usually associated with casual sex. Furthermore, the fact that Oscar falls in love “easily” reinforces the strength of his desires and by doing so, suggests that Oscar is willing to seek intimacy from virtually any woman. When Oscar finally does achieve physical intimacy, he affirms that “what really got him was not the bam-bam-bam of sex—it was the little intimacies that he’d never in his whole life anticipated” (Diaz 334). The employment of a dash in this instance suggests that Oscar’s feelings are complex and that he is contemplating the correct description of his experience. In addition, the use of the word “little” to describe the intimacies is reminiscent of the common phrase “enjoy the little things.” The main reason that Oscar was able to discover and appreciate these intimacies is because he refused to conform to the Dominican masculinity stereotype. At the conclusion of the novel, Ybon suggests, in reference to Oscar’s time as a virgin, “you could call it life” (Diaz 335). Referring to his violation of this stereotype as “life” signifies that Oscar’s choice to remain true to himself is much more rewarding than choosing to conform to a stereotype.
This month, students in Professor Bolf’s Women in Literature course at Loyola submitted their essays and images based on issues of boundaries in class texts. Love, intimacy, and relationships are major themes of each of these literary works as well. Here, we showcase the students’ multi-faceted, insightful, and inquisitive ideas with excerpts from their academic articles. Thanks to Professor Bolf and all who submitted! From “Respect Past Boundaries” by Melissa Wagoner
There are all sorts of boundaries within our society when it comes to the word respect. One can definitely feel the distance created socially when we don’t keep behind these imaginary lines. Junot Diaz does an incredible job portraying this throughout his novel The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao especially when it came to his character Belicia Cabral. She was known to have a tough shell, but she was insulting to no one more than her own daughter Lola. Due to Belicia’s lack of respect for her daughter’s words and feelings, she creates a large distance between them both socially and physically. Diaz primarily presents Beli (Belicia) to readers as a single mother of two with a strong attitude. Fairly quickly, she becomes the mom most are grateful they do not have. Beli crosses boundaries as a mother left and right as she believes making Lola’s (her only daughter) self-esteem almost nonexistent is beneficial to her in order to make her obey her every command, which in the beginning actually works. Throughout Lola’s life, Beli’s constant lack of respect for her daughter brings a distance between the two of them that anyone would hope to never have. No matter what Lola did to please her mother, Beli’s toughness never failed to make her feel worthless but in the end brought the two so far apart that they would wish death upon one another. We can see how when anyone goes beyond the boundaries of respect, there really cannot be any real relationship, even when related.
In Junot Díaz’s The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, the model of Dominican masculinity involves key traits such as power and domination, attractiveness, charm, and most importantly, hyper sexuality, none of which Oscar possesses. Although one might argue Oscar de Léon’s failure to find love is due to his lack of Dominican masculinity, I argue that his transgression of this boundary is what makes his romantic relationships most successful compared to his traditionally masculine counterparts in the novel. This essay will focus on the three intimate relationships Oscar had with Ana, Jenni, and Ybón. Although these relationships were not all sexually intimate, and thus may not be classified as successful according to the model of Dominican masculinity, they were nonetheless intimate and successful because they involved deep, meaningful interactions in which the three women trusted Oscar and opened up to him. Though there is much emphasis and encouragement on losing one’s virginity by model of Dominican masculinity, Oscar still enjoys the “little” yet arguably deeper intimacies that involve getting to know each other through in-depth conversations. This reinforces the fact that Oscar’s relationships with these women were successful because he got to know each of them on a more profound level; they shared facts about their lives they would not share with just anyone. Oscar did not follow any typical archetype of masculinity in that he was sensitive, genuine, caring, nerdy, emotional, and was never afraid to show his true feelings. It was his possession of these transgressive traits that enabled him to develop successful, intimate relationships with the women he loved throughout his life.
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From “Oscar de Léon in Love” by Karen Wong
Spotlight On Women in Literature Submissions from students at Loyola
So Far From God by Ana Castillo From “So Far From God: Boundary Transgressions” by Dionne Addai
…In Ana Castillo’s So Far From God, La Loca crosses a seemingly impenetrable border: the line between death and life. What is a one-way trip for most humans for La Loca is a journey through hell that results in her resurrection. Although some may argue La Loca’s resurrection distances her from the rest of human kind, I argue this the resurrection is a humanizing transgression, and allows her to love people across boundaries. My image is set in the afterlife La Loca visits after she dies…In the image she is leaving the afterlife to enter the human realm. She also wears no clothing, which symbolizes her being “reborn” into the world… La Llorona is the other major focus in this image. She is the part of La Loca that is associated with spirituality, perhaps a remnant of the afterlife. La Llorona’s tragic story makes her a figure that many fear. Yet she decides to visit Loca. This is because La Loca has an understanding of transgressing femininity. La Llorona would be drawn to this because her legend involves a mother killing her child—the ultimate denial of a feminine role… The two women depicted here are both powerful in unconventional ways, transgressing the very definition of “power” when it is associated with femininity.
There is nothing more amusing to me than watching my husband, in skirt, heels, and hose, shouting at this television when his team misses a pass. I call it “the worst of both worlds.”
Quote Corner My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser by Helen Boyd
For the crossdresser, a sexual love of women is deeply tied to his own transgendered feeling; he loves, erotically and romantically and even platonically, that which he cannot be.
Because women have babies, they are primarily trained to raise children, and thus their gender role is created: because you are a future woman, you are socialized as a future mother..
Being married to a crossdresser has meant giving up certain small things—and being repaid tenfold. It has, most of all, been about stretching myself and my heart to fit the one I love.”
Kids test their boundaries, but when they know they’ve crossed one, they’re smart enough to keep it a secret. So it is for the boy who discovers his love of stockings, who, from the moment he puts them on, knows he will tell no one about it. They are more extraordinarily in love with girls than even your average testosterone-loaded teenaged boy, because their love of girls is more complex: they want to take a girl’s clothes off and put them on their own bodies.
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Tell-A-Vision Visions and revisions of our culture through film and media
“The Spook Show: Little Girl with Blonde Hair” click the image below to play!
This is a video clip of Whoopi Goldberg’s Oscar winning Broadway play of five underrepresented characters called “The SPOOK Show.” It won her national recognition and fame in 1984 for its brilliance, heart, and social message. Steven Spielberg, in seeing the performance for the first time, immediately approached Whoopi and asked her to star in The Color Purple with Oprah Winfrey. She wrote this play in the year prior to its debut, as a single mother on welfare. In this clip, of one of five characters, Whoopi plays the role of a six year old Black girl in the US, who simply wants to know important people and be on tv. At such a young age, she ponders how this is possible with her black, curly hair and dark skin. This clip shows a lack of love and connection. How can we BROADen our love?
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Quote Corner The Way We Really Are: Coming to Terms with America’s Changing Families by Stephanie Coontz
There never was a golden age of family life, a time when all families were capable of meeting the needs of their members and protecting them from poverty, violence, or sexual exploitation.
One of the main ways that children are hurt by unemployment and income loss, in middle- and upperincome families as well as lowincome ones, is through the increase in stress and depression that their parents experience.
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Cutbacks in social Transitions of any support systems, kind are stressful for economic decline kids, mostly because for working families, they are stressful for growing poverty for the unemployed and parents and therefore marginally employed, disrupt parental and highly visible functioning. affluence for the top 20 percent, along with The worst effect the dazzling increase of today’s family in consumer goods and values crusade services, all combine to make family life more difficult and social solidarity is that by blaming our problems on the more elusive for everyone. breakdown of the traditional family it fails to recognize the strengths of today’s diverse families—strengths we can mobilize to help solve our social problems.
BROAD LOVE
Independent Love By Meg Helming Our culture’s popular portrayals of love between partners leave little room for admitting imperfection, doubt, or confusion. Movies, television shows, commercials, books, magazines, celebrities and politicians applaud stories of matches made in heaven, of the yin finding his yang, of individuals who were lost and struggling until a perfect union
with the right partner helped them figure out their true selves and calling. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel more lost and imperfect in love than I ever did out of it. As an independent woman I know who I am without question, while operating within
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a committed partnership has challenged me to myself into that unexplored, out-of-control space figure out how I continue to be me in a new where I have to rely on my faith in us and our context; how being in love changes me and how love for each other that we will reemerge intact. it does not. Sharing my life - my past, my space, I want the relationship I have with my partner to my body, my future - requires that I reveal myself be deeper and more complete than any other. I completely like I never have before, displaying expect to spend my life with someone who loves my shortcomings right along me fully. At the same time, with my strengths. This exI don’t think my partner is How do I convince myself posure, and my resistance to able to love me fully until it, often leaves me confused, he knows me fully. There that personal strength exhilarated, terrified, raw, are parts of me that he lies in being open and and relieved within the same hasn’t seen, not because of brief moment. any shortcoming on his end, true to myself and my but because I can’t seem partner, not withholding I’ve been told that I wear my to get out of my (our) own emotions on my sleeve and way. parts of myself from the that I’m easy to read. Honperson I love? Is there estly, though, I pride myself Why do I do this? What on being able to control does it mean for me to be enough space within my what others are able to see myself, with him? What will relationship for both my of me. I feel weak when I it take for me to stop hiding allow anyone to see a negamy emotional reactions unfull self and my partner? tive expression of emotion, til I have time to pretty them unless or until I decide to up? How do I convince myshow it—and only then in what I deem is an self that personal strength lies in being open and acceptable form. Almost always, any emotion I true to myself and my partner, not in withholding display, while genuine, is only visible because I parts of myself from the person I love? Is there want it to be. If I’m really upset, I wait hours or enough space within my relationship for both my days before electing to discuss it so I know exfull self and my partner? actly what I’m going to say. I run through every thinkable avenue of the conversation so I have I don’t feel like I was lost and now, in love, I’ve a response ready for whatever direction it may found myself and my place in the world. If anytake. I act on my emotional terms, and my emothing, clearly, I can’t seem to stop coming up tional terms only. against questions to which I don’t (yet?) have answers, insufficiencies that I must improve upon I’ve been in my current relationship for just over if my relationship is going to succeed. The struga year. I love him. I feel scared every single day gle and fear and pain I’ve put myself through as that we won’t make it because I won’t allow it, I simultaneously hold back and insist that we because I can’t allow myself to be me. I don’t move forward, though, have encouraged personthink he knows this. I’m pretty sure I’ve conal exploration and growth like nothing I could vinced him that the anger, frustration, hurt, and have imagined. My relationship challenges me vulnerability he’s seen in me are spontaneous and every day to continue on a path towards being a uncontrolled reactions. He doesn’t know about stronger woman, for the best of myself both as an the times I’ve tucked pain out of sight for the moindividual and a partner. ment, only to later cry and process and fret and then plan the tempered reaction that I decide he Meg Helming grew up in Portland, Maine and will see. There have been brief, fleeting moments graduated from Smith College in 2011. She where I feel myself on the edge of letting go in currently lives in Boston, Massachusetts where she front of him. And every time, I’ve stepped back works at a statewide association of nonprofits. from the precipice, too fucking terrified to plunge
We want you to Submit!
Digest Contributor Guidelines BROAD Mission: Broad’s mission is to connect the WSGS program with communities of students, faculty, and staff at Loyola and beyond, continuing and extending the program’s mission. We provide space and support for a variety of voices while bridging i) Feminist Consciousness: communities of scholars, artists, and activists. Our editorial mission is to provoke (a) recognizes all voices and experiences as important, and not in a hierarchical form. thought (b) takes for an the self and does not assume false objectivity. andresponsibility debate in open forum characterized by respect and civility.
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