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26 WAYS TO KNOW

You Might Be a Mom of All Boys

BY SANDI HAUSTEIN Coming from a family of all girls, I never pictured myself as a boy mom. But one, two, three rambunctious boys later, I’m kneedeep in the waters of Legos, mud, and potty words, and it doesn’t look like I’m getting out anytime soon. You, too, may be a mom of boys. Read on to find out.

YOU MIGHT BE A MOM OF ALL BOYS IF…

1. Your kids scream and hide their eyes every time a Disney princess gets kissed. 2. You know all of the best spots for catching frogs, salamanders, and crawdads. 3. You have PTSD from being sprayed in the face by a fountain of urine during diaper changes. 4. Your kids know all of the characters in Star Wars. 5. Pillow fights and wrestling with Daddy are the best part of your kids’ day. 6. Your couch cushions double as fort walls. 7. You have no trouble finding someone to kill a spider for you. 8. You can tie a superhero cape around a neck in less than 10 seconds. 9. You hear siblings screaming and slamming doors one minute, then sounds of laughter and happy playing the next. 10. Your children wear their underwear backwards just so the big Buzz Lightyear can be on the front. 11. You are sadly familiar with the stabbing pain of stepping on a Lego. 12. You own multiple pairs of cleats, football pads, or baseball gloves. 13. Your kids not only know their ABCs, they can burp them proudly. 14. Flatulence is followed by laughter instead of red cheeks in your house. 15. Your children take pride in bruises, Band-Aids, and stitches. 16. You cook meals in large quantities (and they’re still hungry). 17. The only way your kids will play with Barbies is with scissors and matches. 18. You’ve sat for an hour in front of a creek while your kids throw rocks in the water. 19. One of your kids wants to be a ninja spy when he grows up. 20. Your children are more experienced in “giving trees a drink” than using a restroom. 21. Anything, including a vacuum attachment, can become a sword at any moment. 22. You’ve been asked to feel someone’s muscles today. 23. You’ve tried every household cleaner known to man but still can’t get rid of the urine smell around the toilet. 24. You’ve gotten your kids to eat spaghetti and meatballs by calling it “worms and eyeballs.” 25. You have a hard time finding another cup for the new handful of “flowers” outstretched in the hands in front of you. 26. Your kids treat you like the only princess around. ■