The Brunswickan, Issue 4, Vol. 154

VOLUME 154, ISSUE 4, DECEMBER 2020

High School Students and COVID-19

High school students on the decision to attend university in a mixed learning method.

Holiday Spaces

Arts Editor Marlowe Evans reflects on holiday spaces before a holiday season away from home.

Holiday Issue

Editorial Policy While we endeavour to provide an open forum for a variety of viewpoints and ideas, we may refuse any submission considered by the Editorial Board to be racist, sexist, libellous or in any way discriminatory.

About us The Brunswickan, in its 154th year of publication, is Canada’s Oldest Official Student Publication.

We are an autonomous student publication owned and operated by Brunswickan Publishing Inc. , a nonprofit, independent body.

We are also a founding member of the Canadian University Press.

Now a magazine, we publish monthly during the academic year with a circulation of 300. We publish weekly online at Thebruns.ca. @thebrunswickan

2

The opinions and views expressed in this publication are those of the individual writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Brunswickan, its Editorial Board or its Board of Directors.

All editorial content appearing in The Brunswickan is the property of Brunswickan Publishing Inc. Stories, photographs and artwork contained herein cannot be reproduced without the express, written permission of the Editor-in-Chief.

Front Cover Fuschia Glow by Lisa Metz.

Art Director: Jules Keenan Light Crew: Ian Humber, Liam Endresen.

Model: Marlowe Evans Makeup Artist: Taylor Chalker.

Staff Reporters Andrew McCullough Ibukun Keyamo David Bunce Creative Team Josh Vandenborre Jules Keenan Social Media Manager Emma Warwick

Editorial Board Editor-in-Chief Ally Buchanan Business Manager Cameron Wiseman Ceative Director Jules Keenan News Editor Taylor Chalker Arts & Lifestyle Editor Marlowe Evans Ad Manager Curtis Brewster Multimedia Editor Josh Vandenborre Copy Editor Jack Sparks

INSIDE THIS ISSUE THE BRUNSWICKAN | VOL. 154, ISSUE 4

6

Children’s Rights in a Pandemic Ibukun Keyamo

New Brunswick Farmers Adjust to COVID-19 David Bunce

10

8

High School Students and COVID-19 Taylor Chalker

Burnout: How to Recognize It, Work Through It, and Prevent It Andrew McCullough

14

12

Holiday Spaces Marlowe Evans

Dear Sharkie Sharkie

18 3

of the UNB community.

“We will not be issuing letters of invitation for travel purposes or processing work permit applications,” Mazerolle explained in the email. “We will issue letters of invitation to future visitors for scholarship applications.”

Words by Taylor Chalker Illustration by Jules Keenan

UNB Mi'kmaq-Wolastoqey Centre Virtual Pow-Wow From December 1-5, the UNB MWC held a virtual Pow-Wow in honour of the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls (MMIWG).

In light of the pandemic, this event was held on Facebook and called for participants to submit videos that corresponded to certain categories.

People were able to vote on the videos using the “like, love, care” feature on Facebook, with the video with the highest number of votes winning that category.

The event was a way of amplifying and celebrating Indigenous Artists and their culture in a safe and socially distant manner. “[To highlight] and amplify Indigenous Artists by sharing and connecting to our culture. Energizing our spirits with connection to our traditional ways.

With celebration of culture, music, drumming and dancing of Indigenous people on Turtle Island,” explained the Facebook Page for the event.

The event brought together a multitude of video submissions of dancers, drummers, and drum groups.

UNB Announces Suspension of Visiting Students and Faculty On November 27, UNB President Paul Mazerolle announced in an email that UNB would be suspending visiting students, faculty, and researchers effective immediately. He explained that this decision came due to the ongoing impact of the pandemic, and that it was in the best interest 4

Mazerolle explained that letters of invitation cannot be used as travel documents, and that individuals will not be given access to UNB campuses until their visitation is approved by New Brunswick Public Health.

Listuguj First Nation Students Fighting for Education For a majority of the pandemic, Listuguj First Nation students in Quebec were able to bubble with New Brunswick to enter the province for their schooling, which takes place at Sugarloaf High School in Campbellton.

On October 8, New Brunswick burst this bubble due to rising case numbers in Quebec, and, on November 27, students began marching across the J.C. Van Horne Bridge into New Brunswick to protest the denial of their education.

The Canadian Civil Liberties Association (CCLA) has accused New Brunswick of illegally barring students from obtaining an education that is their right.

“The New Brunswick Government is now illegally denying Listuguj First Nation students access to their OWN high school,” says the CCLA, questioning the motivations of the New Brunswick Government.

They report that over 90 students are being denied education, despite the fact that Sugarloaf High School staff who live in Listuguj First Nation are being allowed to cross the bridge to work.

“These kids from Listuguj are being caught in the middle, and I applaud their passion for education,” said New Brunswick Education Minister Dominic Cardy to CBC. He further stated that it was up to Quebec, not New Brunswick, to allow students to attend Sugarloaf.

Cardy explained that the Department of Education had created an online learning curriculum and had opened a learning center in Listuguj for the displaced students.

Words by Marlowe Evans Illustration by Jules Keenan

Pine Grove Festival of Lights When: December 1-31, evenings Where: Pine Grove Nursing Home A beautiful drive-thru light display has been created at Pine Grove this year! Donations are appreciated, and the entire set up is designed to bring maximum joy with minimum contact. Driving through the light display with a warm cup of cocoa and a warm friend is a great way to end off your December.

Symphony NB: Winter Delights When: December 19, 7:30 p.m.

Where: The Playhouse Symphony New Brunswick presents a classical, beautiful winter performance with much-anticipated soloists. With what promises to be an amazing musical performance, this would be a perfect early gift for someone special this holiday season. Tickets are $36.52, or $8.70 for students, taxes not included.

Feelsgood Christmas Market When: December 19, 10 a.m. - 3 p.m.

Where: Charlotte Street Arts Centre Have you found yourself stuck with last minute gifts to find but still want to shop local? The Feelsgood market is presenting local craft vendors along with some serious deals. This is probably one of the final opportunities of the season to get in on a traditional craft market, even if the masks make things a little different this year.

CRAFTED by Picaroons: NB Drink Market When: December 20, 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Where: Picaroon’s Roundhouse This careful curation of New Brunswick craft beer, spirits, wine, and cider was skilfully created for Fredericton’s first drink market. Want to stock up on local spirits to get yourself in the spirit before New Year’s? Picaroon’s CRAFTED drink market is just the opportunity for you.

5

Children’s Rights in A Pandemic Words by Ibukun Keyamo Illustration by Jules Keenan

6

On Friday, 20 November 2020, Norman Bossé, New Brunswick’s Child and Youth Advocate, delivered his seventh State report titled “Protecting Child Rights in Times of Pandemic”. In this report he detailed what the government should do to ensure the safeguarding of children’s rights during a pandemic.

The report makes six recommendations to the province including considerations for child poverty in the province’s economic recovery from COVID-19, the formation of an acting youth parliament, province-wide education reform, and the creation of a provincial youth suicide prevention strategy, which Bossé says is extremely urgent.

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) defines a child as being anyone under the age of 18, but, in New Brunswick, there are many different ages for different legal rights.

“A minor, for most purposes in New Brunswick, is anyone under the age of 19, so an 18-year-old is still a ‘child’ for purposes such as buying alcohol or cannabis, but an 18-year-old is an adult for criminal justice purposes under federal law,” Bossé explained.

“A 16-year-old is treated as an adult under the law for the purposes of making personal medical decisions; they can refuse child protection services and, under federal law, can consent to sexual activity.”

Several countries automatically adopted the UNCRC and made it a part of their laws, whereas Canada attempts to mirror the rights outlined in the UNCRC but do not fully incorporate it into the body of laws.

“Under Canadian Constitutional law,” Bossé explains, “children have the rights that adults have under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, such as: the right to freedom of expression, association, assembly and religion; the right not to be arbitrarily detained, to be tried in court within a reasonable time if arrested, and not to be subjected to cruel or unusual treatment or punishment; and the right not to be discriminated against.”

have a right to be detained or imprisoned only as a last resort when other means of addressing criminal behaviour are not effective; they have rights to access healthcare and education; and they have rights to be protected from abuse or neglect.

“Legal rights such as these are similar to the human rights found in the UNCRC, but, generally, the UNCRC obligates governments to do more than what Canadian laws actually provide for,” Bossé says.

The pandemic has affected quite a few of these rights. Bossé confirms that New Brunswick was not as successful as other provinces in providing alternative means of education during the school closures and, because of that, education rights were negatively impacted by the pandemic because schools were shut down, and high school students still do not have daily access to education.

Child protection intakes in New Brunswick dropped by several hundred intakes during the period that schools were closed, and Bossé believes that in-person schooling and access to healthcare gives professionals the opportunity to identify potential instances of child abuse and neglect.

Bossé feels that although the federal government has a role to play in safeguarding these rights during a pandemic, it is up to the provincial government to oversee jurisdiction.

“If New Brunswick followed the lead of governments around the world and actually put the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child into provincial law, then our province would be far better able to safeguard the rights of children at all times, including during a pandemic,” Bossé concluded.

In addition to their constitutional rights, children also have legal rights under provincial or federal laws.

Children below the age of 12 have a right not to be held criminally responsible, and those from 12-17 7

New Brunswick Farmers Adjust to COVID-19 Words by David Bunce Photo submitted by Hayes Farm

With the onset of COVID-19, the farming industry in New Brunswick has faced unique challenges. The essential nature of food production has kept the industry afloat but has forced adaptation of business practices to offset lost revenues.

“We lost about 8 per cent of total revenue from hotels, restaurants, and other institutions serving our products.” However, this was largely made up from personal sales of dairy products. “Our revenues increased via the grocery store.”

Cedric MacLeod of Local Valley Beef specializes in beef production. He notes that the loss of restaurant revenue has been a major challenge.

Gaunce says an unforeseen frustration has been simply getting parts for farm equipment. “Getting parts for the farm has been much slower.”

“Historically, our margins move with the restaurant industry. With less patrons dining at restaurants, there is less demand for our beef products.”

With overall demand and production not changing much, this has been the main challenge to meeting goals during COVID-19.

Like many other businesses, this has forced the beef industry to adapt to the online world. Local Valley Beef now generates a significant portion of its revenue through online sales and home delivery.

Students can be sure they are supporting local dairy farmers by looking for the “Blue Cow - Dairy Farmers of Canada” logo on all dairy products in their local grocery store.

With increased home purchases comes logistical challenges.

Gaunce is incredibly appreciative of all the support the dairy industry has received from New Brunswick workers who make everything possible.

“On average, it takes 14 households to sell the same amount of beef as one restaurant. This means 14 orders and 14 deliveries.”

The offerings can be found at Local Valley Beef’s website. While originally meant for families, there are attractive offerings for student households. 20lb and 25lb packages of assorted beef products are individually packaged and can be delivered to your door for no additional cost.

While the beef industry was hit hard by lost restaurant revenue, the dairy industry did not feel the effects on the same magnitude. Paul Gaunce, Chair of the Dairy Farmers of New Brunswick, notes that COVID-19 did not have much effect on jobs.

8

“We are all in this together, and thank God for the frontline workers.”

Outside of the farms serving Fredericton’s restaurants and grocery stores lie small, independent farms serving the community on an intimate, local level.

Within the city limits of Fredericton lies Hayes Farm, a community garden seeking to grow new farmers as much as the crops themselves. Clarie May, the coordinator of Hayes Farm, is enthusiastic about the farm’s programming and ability to adapt to COVID-19 restrictions.

“COVID-19 has been an eye-opener in terms of what our current food system can facilitate. Though we never welcomed it, sometimes a massive event such as this forces us all to reimagine our systems and what needs to be done collectively to make a positive shift.”

As a community farm, volunteers are welcome to assist with the growing and harvesting process.

Hayes also provides farming education and intern programs. A member could earn their regenerative farming certificate which prepares them for sustainable farming on a “human-scale.”

“We offer exceptional learn-to-farm programming, which focuses on both practical production skills and also theory and discussion on the social and environmental implications of agriculture.”

All of this has been done with an eye towards COVID-19 safety.

“We did have to reduce numbers in terms of what we were able to accommodate in our programming and the kind and number of events we could offer.

On the farm, we adapted by making sure all interns had their own set of tools, distancing individuals, and setting up mobile hand washing stations.”

While winter is almost upon us, Hayes is still offering programming for interested individuals.

“We will be offering some informal winter programming open to anyone. Stay tuned at www.hayesfarm.ca.”

May is eager for the 2021 season to begin, and she has helpful advice for anyone looking to begin their farming journey.

“In season, consider buddying up with another veggie-lover and commit to our seasonal weekly veggie share program. If a full shift of buying habits is too much at once, start by choosing one or two things, do your research, and commit!”

MacLeod, Gaunce, and May all express their gratitude for those who commit to buying from local farmers in New Brunswick. The sentiment was clear. It is the local consumer who keeps local business alive. All three express hope for a simpler 2021 season and appreciate the support from UNB student communities.

High School Students and COVID-19 Words by Taylor Chalker Illustration by Jules Keenan

Due to the pandemic, high school students in New Brunswick are experiencing an alternate delivery method that includes a combination of online and in-person learning, which has had a varying effect on their grades, work ethic, and social life.

“[Teachers] really pile on the homework and projects,” Desaulniers said. “It seems really extreme this year. Even though we have a full day to work, everything takes much more time than you would think.”

Micheline Desaulniers, a Grade 11 student at École Sainte-Anne, attends in-person classes every second day and has found herself thriving in her new learning environment.

While online learning has not been all positive, Desaulniers explained that she is enjoying the sense of community that has been created in the online learning environment, expressing gratitude to her teachers for their positive attitudes.

She credits her success to the extra time that she has on her “off days” when she is not attending in-person classes, which allows her to finish her schoolwork during the day and have time to relax at night.

“Even though not going to school half of the time may not sound like the most educationally correct option, I’ve been enjoying my off days,” Desaulniers explained. “I find not having to do homework at night decreases my stress by a lot, and that really helps my mental health.”

Desaulniers explained that, while she is receiving good marks, that is not the universal experience of her classmates. She believes that, like students, some teachers are struggling to adjust to online learning, resulting in an increase in assignments and homework.

“I understand that it's hard to know how to operate your classes when you only see them three times a week, but it’s a known fact right now that my grade’s average is very low,” Desaulniers said.

She feels that teachers are compensating for fewer classes by increasing the amount of work being assigned, and expressed concern about the high expectations that teachers have for students who are experiencing an entirely new learning model.

10

“I find that our teachers are making an effort to keep a good attitude and make school as enjoyable as possible,” she explained, saying that she really enjoys her online classes. “My classes with Zoom calls move much faster, and learning new material everyday makes those classes seem normal again.”

Alex Greer, a Grade 12 student at Leo Hayes, has seen his grades rise significantly this year but struggles with the lack of social interaction associated with online learning.

“It's definitely affecting my school this year, like, socially, because I can’t see half of my friends that don't have the same school days as me,” Greer explained. “We're split into two groups by last name and, being a social person like I am, that really sucks.”

The pandemic has not affected Greer’s plans on applying to secondary school this year, and he has been accepted to Moncton’s Oulton College for the fall.

“I would still attend [secondary] school if it was online because I just want to get it done so I can work,” Greer explained, eager to begin his studies.

Jack LeBlanc, a Grade 11 student at Leo Hayes, has been feeling a decrease in motivation when it comes to completing schoolwork, and has found himself procrastinating more than before the pandemic.

Unlike Desaulnier, he feels that teachers are doing well in terms of how much work they are assigning, but he feels a disconnect in online lectures.

“Teachers could definitely do better with the athome learning part of school. The lessons online can be a bit difficult to understand and unclear,” LeBlanc said.

There is hope that learning will return to traditional methods in the fall, but, until further notice, high school students will continue learning in an alternate delivery method.

11

Burnout: How to recognize it, work through it, and prevent it Words by Andrew McCullough Illustration by Jules Keenan

Are you sick of the daily grind? The hard work, the pull-up-your-bootstraps mentality of the present-day meritocracy has created a mythology that success means overworking oneself, avoiding sleep, and becoming a machine of non-stop productivity.

well-rounded and enjoyable life outside of school or the workplace; if that personal time is sacrificed for the sake of a job or school, then a person feels more a machine than a human.

But the reality is that you inevitably put in so much work, churning out paper after paper, or doing more and more for your boss, but you aren’t rewarded on par with the efforts you put in. Burnout develops from the unrelenting stress that forms when you are running on empty.

First off, tell yourself that IT IS OK for you to feel burnout at any time. More importantly, in the borderline apocalyptic year that was 2020, everyone felt burnout. This has been the year of doing the same thing…everyday… in and out… surrounded by the same people, the same grey-paint walls… day after day.

It can be easy to confuse burnout with general stress or even depression. While these diagnoses aren’t unrelated, burnout is the feeling one gets from being completely drained, when a person can’t do any more work, and their projects drum up feelings of dread.

In May 2019, the World Health Organization declared burnout an, “occupational phenomenon,” and described it as, “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” WHO characterizes burnout as having three dimensions: 1.

2.

3.

Energy Depletion or Exhaustion Mental distance or cynicism related to work Reduced professional Efficacy

While burnout is directly connected to the workplace, as a student, it is important to remind yourself that academia is a job that requires similar skill management, networking, and deadlines. Being a student is a real job!

One way to quickly notice burnout is if you have forgotten why you work or study in the first place.

One works or studies so that they can have a more 12

Coping with Burnout

You get the point.

Give yourself a break!

This is truly the best solution and only immediate remedy. Figure out the things that are best for yourself mentally and do those things. Then don’t let your soul become a second priority in the future. Care for your mental well-being and you’ll be rewarded in the long run.

Replenish your energy. Drink a smoothie. Have a nap. Meditate or journal. It might all sound cliché, but sometimes what one truly needs is to just breathe and relax.

Message your professor and ask for an extension or a break. They are here to help you, and for the most part they are understanding and cooperative.

Organize yourself! This is the hard part. As a student, end-of-term deadlines are inevitable. You can make the work easier by taking this approach: 1. Take half an hour to write out a list of all your remaining projects and tasks, no matter how small.

Use sticky notes or a project management app like

Notion or Trello and create a card for each task.

2. Organize your projects by due dates.

3. Then based on the remaining days of the term, distribute time to each of your projects, whether it be 15 minutes or a couple of days. Keep in mind the assignments graded-weight and required work when distributing time.

4. Squeeze in a bubble for self-care. After your organization work is done, but before you start any projects, give yourself a short break. Designate at least one night and, if you have the luxury, take a whole weekend. Enjoy a bubble bath, play a video game, do whatever – as long as it sparks joy.

Preventing Burnout After this term is complete, make a promise that you will take better care of yourself and avoid falling into a burnout rut in the first place.

Here are some tips to prevent burnout: 1. Get eight hours of sleep a night.

2. Eat healthier. A green smoothie is always a good choice.

3.

4.

5.

Always schedule yourself personal time.

Embrace spontaneity over repetition.

Reward yourself for doing well.

Now, I’m no expert on avoiding stress. I often fall prey to the same trappings of routine and unhealthy behaviour. I’m creating this guide, in a way, to help myself by writing a healthy dose of much needed self-advice that will help my sprint towards the finish line.

If nothing helps and the negative feelings seem unavoidable, perhaps it isn’t burnout but depression or anxiety that you are feeling. There is no shame in reaching out for mental health support. Get that shit off your chest! UNB and STU both offer mental health services for students.

Also, consider that there is a chance that your current faculty or major is not what you actually want to be doing. Talk to your academic advisor about different major options, or, if you need to, take some time off school to reprioritize and give yourself the breathing room you deserve. Life is about making do in our own ways, so permit yourself to live on your terms.

13

Holiday Spaces

Photo by Andrew McCullough

Words by Marlowe Evans Photos submitted by The Brunswickan Staff

What makes the holiday season special?

Everyone probably has their own reason. It could be the way the weather changes. It could be something religious. It could be the transition to a new year, a fresh start. But I know what does it for me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think my reason for liking the holidays is any better than anyone else’s.

I just think that the magic for me has to do with the change in the spaces we occupy. So many different faiths and cultures have important traditions and events that occur between November and January – Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Diwali, the Solstice, and Christmas, just to pick a handful – but as someone who’s agnostic and grew up with the “tree and Santa Claus” Christmas, I have very little connection to any of those beautiful, rich traditions. So why do I still love that “holiday glow” that shows up in November and lasts until New Years? I shouldn’t have a good reason, but I do have one: décor.

dream that I invented. I swear to god it was channel 5 when I was 5, but who knows). On Teletoon, every November or December, they’d start to play The Secret World of Santa Claus. I cannot vouch for the quality of this TV show, because I haven’t seen a single episode of it since I was 11.

However, just like the MarineLand commercials heralded the arrival of summer, The Secret World of Santa Claus playing during my weekday cartoons meant that it was going to be Christmas.

I still value holiday spaces. I love the fireplace channel on the TV, especially since they added it to Netflix so I can play it in my apartment (I am 20 years old, no I don’t own a television). I love having my own Christmas tree, and nothing has made me more proud in 2020 than the fact that, for the first time in my life, I have my very own full-sized, real Christmas tree, that I purchased with my own money, for the absolutely insane price of $20. Those bad boys set you back $80 at the minimum where

Hear me out! What usually lets you know that the holidays are fast approaching? As a kid, it was two things for me: cartoons and bells. I’ll start with the bells, because it’s quicker to say that it felt like Christmas when I would rub my palm over the frost-foggy windows of my mom’s PT Cruiser (which I was very much not supposed to do because it streaked the glass) to be able to better see the giant red bells, easily twice the size of me, being hung up on the lamp-posts all down Lougheed Highway. I love those, and it brings me unfathomable joy that despite everything else that’s changed in the twenty years I’ve been alive, those red bells still appear every year. See? Décor. Sets the stage for everything. However, let me move on to the cartoons.

Now I get it – cartoons aren’t really décor, but they were still part of my holiday space, especially as a child. My mom would drop off Beckett and me off at Shelley’s house before she went to work, and between the time that she dropped us off and the time Shelley would buckle us into carseats in the red van, there was just enough time for exactly one-and-a-half cartoons including commercials.

Now, I have no idea if Teletoon was a Canada-wide channel, or if it was another Knowledge Network (which apparently only exists in B.C. or was a fever

Photo by Ally Buchanan

15

Photo by Taylor Chalker

I’m from. So my holiday space is defined by that tree, and the popcorn and juniper chains that I made for it, and the little silver star I bought with my best friend when we still lived together and tried to keep a christmas tree in a metal pail full of water on top of our microwave. There are candy canes (enough for every reindeer) and a cat ornament my boyfriend bought me. It bumps against my ceiling slightly, because I live in someone’s basement, but it is my tree, and my space, and I think it’s beautiful. Just as beautiful as any of the spaces I create for myself around any holiday – the plastic bat and cobwebs at Hallowe’en, or the actual 12lb turkey I cooked at Thanksgiving – but I think it feels more important.

Photo by Marlowe Evans 16

Photo by Jules Keenan

Creating these winter holiday spaces is a labour we undertake to make the world less plain and ugly in the dark. The nights are long now, and the snow has given me the choice of slushing it in my hopeful-looking green-checkered Vans, or rubbing my ankles raw in the riding boots I use like they’re for snow. I will be honest and say that I really, really hate winter when it comes down to weather.

I don’t like how the cold gets in my bones, and I don’t like how the snow makes everything look

white and dead. But making my own home bright, reds, greens, blacks, silvers, blues – a million jewel tones – brings colour back into the world until spring can come again. Humans fill their homes with beauty in the winter like animals that burrow down to sleep. That’s what makes a holiday space in winter different from any other time of the year.

We survive the harshness by lining our burrows with warm lights and candles.

17

Send any questions regarding school, university culture, or life in general to dearsharkie@thebruns. ca in less than 100 words for a chance to gain really bad advice from everyone’s favourite red herring.

Disclaimer: Please don’t actually follow this advice.

Dear Sharkie, I want to break up with my girlfriend, and my only chance will be on Christmas Eve. Do you have any advice to make it easier for me?

-g.conman69 on Instagram Dear g.conman69, Why? Why, why, why? Does this year’s Christmas not suck enough? I don’t even want to know why you’re breaking up with her, you may have a really good reason, and she might totally suck. But are you going to remember Christmas Eve as the night you had to break up with some girl super awkwardly in the middle of a global pandemic? It seems like it.

Now usually I would say put it off to some nondescript day. That’s what I do whenever I break up with people. I can’t tell you the date or even the day of the week I broke up with my last girlfriend – that’s how little I cared about doing it. All you have to say is, “I don’t know how to say this, but I think we should break up.” Then it sounds like a mutual thing, when you are still 100 per cent in control, and you can pretend that you haven’t been planning on doing it since before this magazine was published!

But, since you say you’re stuck with Christmas Eve, let me make some more relevant suggestions.

Sugarcoat the whole thing. Get her a really nice Christmas present, like one of those squishy pillow animals from Walmart that people on TikTok like, or jewellery, or a fancy candle, or a new boyfriend who 18

isn’t you and also isn’t me. I would like it if someone got me a Christmas present this year, but I don’t want your girlfriend because she is a stranger and, also, I prefer to date fish. One time I dated a dolphin for a few weeks, but we didn’t work out. Anyways, if you give your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend a nice present and say it’s a goodbye gift, and then break up with her, maybe it will be easier.

Contrarily, you could just hop back on Tinder, and then her best friend will tell her that you’re on Tinder within four hours, and then she will break up with you instead! As long as you weren’t planning on dating anyone she knows, because she will tell everyone, then you’re totally good with this option.

There are two easy choices, three if you can redo your schedule. As for what to get me for Christmas – I like hotdogs from the Exhibition Market and gold-pressed latinum. Contrarily, I really miss those little chocolate coins I used to get as gelt when I was a fry, so if you celebrate Hanukkah, please feel free to find me some of those instead of latinum. I am a sentimental herring. I just hope your girlfriend isn’t.

19

Across: 4. The traditional colours of the Kwanzaa candles.

5. Name the major city with the most annual snowfall.

6. Santa’s postal code?

8. What is Bloc na Nollag?

11. The number of Bumpus hounds.

13. In what country is the North Pole found?

14. The number of lights which Hanukkah lasts.

Down: 1. Who wrote a Christmas Carol?

2. What province of territory has the lowest recorded temperature?

3. What is the main component of a latke?

7. How tall was the giant Maine snowman (in feet)?

9. What country first brought cut trees inside during the winter?

10. Who was left behind in Home Alone?