the
THE AQUARIUM Bruns Spoof 2012
Marineland’s Unofficial Newspaper Since 1935 Splitting
Banana split
Billy Banana is looking forward to spending time on multiple campuses this year. Bruce Wayne / The Aquarium Oscar Orange Banana Hater After debating for months on which university to attend, Billy Banana is pealing. By pulling back his peal he’s going to split and hit both campuses to get the best of both worlds. His reasoning behind attending both universities is the different opportunities. “Who wouldn’t want to pay $150 to utilize a brand-new gym,” said
Billy. “I can’t use it because of a rare banana disease, but hey, if we’ve all got to pay it then, we’ve all got to pay it.” And if tuition wasn’t high enough, he will have to do some clothes shopping seeing as he does not have sweatpants to wear to his UNF classes. He also doesn’t have enough dress clothes to attend St. Timothy’s. “It’s quite an expensive endeavor, this going to university,” said Billy. “I can’t believe each school would have a dress code that nearly every
student adheres too, but I just want to fit in.” The other thing Billy pointed out was the architecture. “I love watching the decay of UNF’s buildings,” said Billy. “Everyone is building new buildings like St. Timothy’s. Who doesn’t want to look at some brick from the 1800s that is collapsing every once and awhile. Paying lots of money for a mix of both is the best feeling in the world.” “It’s no wonder UNF students wear sweats, they might need to run out
of a collapsing building that is over 100 years old.” Being a young person, Billy said one appealing thing about UNF was the UNFSU’s social media section of their website like Facebook. “I’m just so over Facebook,” said Billy. “I just can’t wait to use this new form of social media, at least now I have the opportunity to use a tool that SO many UNF students use. I just can’t wait.” Billy summed up his interview, saying that he is excited to start his time
in university, all things considered….
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‘The Centrespread’