Relationships are key to Iamily business success

flenHnes rHE sTNGLE most important I element in the success or failure of a family business is the relationship among key members of the business family. Most businesses can survive the threats of competition, economic cycles, changes in technology, or other factors, but the deterioration of interpersonal relationships will devastate the business and tear apart the family.

Both the direct and opportunity costs can be monumental. If family members spend just one hour per day bickering, avoiding each other, or talking to others about family problems, the cost of lost productivity is measurable. Even more costly are the opportunities that will be missed because of the conflicts.

Whatever affects the family is likely to reverberate through the business, and vice versa. Unfortunately, little is taught about how to build good relationships. Yet there are skills that can be taught, to make working together and living together more rewarding and enjoyable. These skills form a pyramid that, if implemented, will help improve relationships within the family and the business.

The foundation for building good relationships is open and honest communication. Often poor communication is the biggest problem, and work done on this element can pave the way for improved relations. Parties must be willing to address issues that might be touchy or controversial. Avoidance only makes the problems more severe when they surface-and surface they will.

Equally damaging is silent agreement just to keep the peace. Find ways to disagree without belittling or enraging the other party. Communication must be built upon honesty, otherwise the other party(ies) can have misunderstandings which will ultimately damage the relationship more than the initial confrontation.

Remember that about 70Vo of all communication is non-verbal. Your body language may negate your words and call into question whether your communication is honest. Your tone of voice often conveys more than what you say. Take care to remove s:ucasm, anger, doubt, and superiority from your speech. Active listening is another vital part of good communication skills. Seek to understand rather than be understood-a good axiom to follow in building relationships. Like a building constructed on a faulty foundation, relationships that do not start with honest and open communication are doomed to crumble.

The next block on the pyramid is the agreement on common values.

What values are important to you?

Ask the other party to identify those values he or she believes important. Match them up. Values such as honesty, trustworthiness, stewardship, loyalty, hard work, harmony, tolerance, and courtesy are some common qualities most family members admire. Seek agreement on values.

What shared visions do the parties have in common? Families in business with each other rarely talk about shared vision, but to build a meaningful and caring relationship with someone with whom you work and live requires agreement on outcomes you would like to see. What is your vision for the future of the business? How about the future for the family? Spend time talking with the other party about his or her vision and look for common ground.

It is also important to reach agreement about expectations, both within the business and the family. It is reasonable to expect family members to show up for work and stay on the job for an appropriate number of hours. It is fair to expect family members to appear at family functions. What specific expectations should you have of someone with whom you have a relationship? Differing expectations are great sources of misunderstanding and conflict between people.

Identify the roles you are expected to play, as well as the roles of others. For instance, in a typical family of four there are a total of seven different roles that can be played out. There is the husband and wife relationship. They are also father and mother. You can have mother and daughter, as well as mother and son. Then you could find father and daughter and brother and sister. If this family works together you must add the roles of employers, employees, coworkers, and owners. This could increase the number of roles to 14. Sometimes in family businesses, one party might need to begin a conversation by identifying the role he or she is representing. Is this a father talking to a son or a boss talking with a co-worker? Because it is difficult separating roles, this factor complicates good relationships in family businesses.

Another essential building block is accountability. Family members must be accountable for their actions within the family, just as they must be accountable for performing certain responsibilities within the business, Every member must be accountable for his or her actions. Most family businesses have no written job descriptions for family members, so there are no written performance expectations or accountability requirements. To whom are you accountable? Spell it out in order to achieve better relationships.

What attitude do you carry into the relationship? Is it one of concern and care for another, or do you demonstrate a disregard for their interests and feelings? The attitude you demonstrate goes a long way toward establishing mutually fulfilling or broken relationships. Again, attitude is often demonstrated through body language and actions as much as through what you say. Genuine attention and interest in other parties will encourage them to demonstrate the same in return.

To have a good relationship with others you must have contact with them. Spending time together helps strengthen bonds, especially when that time is out of the office. Make certain that you agree to not discuss business during family social settings. Playing together is just as important as working together. Social settings often help you understand the other person and leam more about the factors that affect other areas of his or her life. Conversely, if all contact is in an informal social setting, it is difficult to gauge how a person will perform in a work setting. Like all other areas of life, balance is important.

Understanding the decision-making process will go a long way toward improving relationships. Historically, in the home and at work, a strong leader made all the decisions, with other family members expected to concur. When family members enter the business, they are less likely to automatically accept these dictates, leading to strains on relationships. Business families need to understand what authority will be shared at home as well as at work. The ideal model would be to establish how far leaders can go in making decisions, which decisions need agreement by a majority of family members and which might need a "super majority" to concur.

One patriarch observed, "We don't have time to tum this business into a democracy and take a vote on every decision." This is exactly why everyone needs to understand the process for making decisions, who can make them, and when they can expect to be involved in the process. Those who feel they have input in the direction of an organization will feel better about their relationships with other members of the organization.

What do you do when conflict arises? Any family that denies it has conflict is either in serious denial or else family members are afraid to disagree. Either alternative points to serious relationship problems in the future.

How do you resolve conflict? Do you pretend it doesn't exist? Do you get together with the proper person and discuss it? Call a family meeting and resolve it? If the disagreement persists, do you call in an independent third party to help in mediation? Again, a written understanding of this process, before conflict arises, will help prevent misunderstandings and bad feelings when conflict occurs. A good family meeting can be held on the subject of how to resolve conflicts when they do occur.

Do family members understand that compromise is necessary? Constantly being on the short end of a win-lose relationship will only encourage problems between family members. In order for win-win solutions to surface, parties must be willing to seek compromise. No one would suggest that you compromise values, but finding common ground on solutions to disagreements doesn't generally require giving up one's basic values. Problem-solving exercises can help demonstrate how to seek compromise.

Mutual respect is essential. The best way to receive respect is to conduct yourself in a consistent and honorable way. You must also treat others as persons of worth. Do you communicate honestly and openly? Are you accountable for your actions? Do you demonstrate as well as verbally embrace the values that are respected by others? Do you show respect to others? If you talk down to others or treat them in a disrespectful way, do not be surprised if others do not treat you with respect. When mutual respect is present in a relationship, a sound basis is established for ironing out any differences that exist.

The top block on the relationship skills pyramid is trust. Trust is something you earn over time. Trust can also easily be broken through mistreatment of others, dishonest communications. conflict. and other intentional and unintentional actions. Once the trust relationship is broken it is difficult to rebuild, so great care must be taken to be trustworthy at all times. Another important element is forgiveness. When someone admits a mistake and asks for forgiveness, we must be willing to move forward with the relationship, understanding that the trust element might take a while to repair.

The implementation of these skills will improve existing relationships and help build new relationships that are lasting and fulfilling. Keep in mind that none of us is perfect, so we must constantly work to build goodwill and improved relationships. Families that work together and live together are mutually dependent on both the business and the family. Good relationships will cement the successes ofboth.

Reprinted

WEST C0AST LUMBER & Building Material Association's 2nd Growth held a March 6 meeting at Knott's Berry Farm & Resort Hotel, Buena Park, Ca. [1] John Assman, Shawn Knight, Tony Campbell. [2] Ryan Mitchell, Danny Sosa. [3] Jason Sumpter, Omar Diaz, Luis Rojas. [4] Mark Spitz, Alex Uniack, Bill Sullivan, Rex Klopfer. [5] Damien Simpson, Ron Souto, Tom Barclay, Mark Davis. [6] Jason Rutledge, Mo Shearer, Chris McDonough, Carlos Zarate. l7l Dan Sweeny,

Gerry Perez. [8] Betsy Bendix, Jean Henning. [9] Doug Willis, Jim Nicodemus, Al Reed. [10] Dora Lopez, Alex Gomez, Kressie Bates. [11] Pete Ganahl, Natalie Allen. [12] Fia Faumuina, Pete Meichtry, Larry Bollinger. [13] Dan Lucero, Jason Croy, Steven Mitchell. [14] Karin & Tom Angel. [15] Chad Kidder, Vaughan Barker. [16] Joe Lozano, Luis Mendez, Will Lone. [17] Jay MacArthur, Chuck Casey. [18] Larry Christensen, Ryan Lauterborn. [19] Jason Womack, Tianna Roman.

Western Building Material Associationts headquarters in Olympia, Wa., will play host to a yard and delivery managers workshop April 29-30, followed by an "Executive Imperatives" advanced workshop for emerging LBM industry leaders May l.

West Coast Lumber & Building Material Association will donate the net proceeds of its annual Associates/ Dealers Golf Tournament to the Wounded Warriors Building Homes for Our Troops. The event is set for June 5 at Rancho Solano Golf Course. Fairfield, Ca.

Composite Panel Association will host its spring meeting May 18-21 at CasaMagna Marriott, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

Highlights will include a welcome reception and dinner, plus the chairman's dinner.

Hardwood Plywood & Veneer Association will gather May 18-20 at the Waldorf Astoria Resort, Naples,

Fl., for its 93rd annual meeting.

Keynote speaker Dave Crowe, chief economist for the National Association of Home Builders, will discuss markets by city and region. Speakers from the Environmental

Investigation Agency, World Wildlife Fund, and HPVA will review the new national consensus standard on legal timber due diligence and the association's accredited certification prosram.

32()0 Patterson Rd., Rtverbank, CA 95367 Fac Iarry Wade: (209) 996-2338 . larry@thunderboltcrt.;

Miguel Gutierrez: (2091 747 -7773,

Roger N. Pellow, 86, retired vice president of sales for Woodfold Marco Manufacturing, Forest Grove, Or., died March 17.

After serving with the U.S. Army in Japan right after World War II, he began his wood products industry career, starting with U.S. Plywood, Rochester. N.Y.. and later Welch Panel Co., Longview, Wa. He joined Woodfold Marco in 1971, retiring as v.p. in 1993, but remaining on the board until 2000.

Harvey B. Hoff, 80, retired president and c.e.o., Hoff Companies, Meridian.Id.. died March 10.

He studied business and forestry at

CLASSIFIED Ma

the University of Idaho. After graduation, he joined the Marine Corps and achieved the rank ofcaptain.

Mr. Hoff began his lumber career in 1960, at Hoff Building Supply, his father's yard in Caldwell, Id. In 1965, he joined Boise Cascade's building materials division, eventually rising to district manager. In 1980, he rejoined the family business, becoming the fourth generation to lead the company. He retired in 1998, but remained chairman of the board until his death.

Richard "Dick" Blake, 92, founder of Blake's True Value Hardware, Paso Robles, Ca., died Feb. 24 in Paso Robles.

A veteran of World War II , he served on the U.S.S. Carmick from 1942 to 1945, and participated in the D-Day invasion of Normandy.

He started the business, originally known as Blake's Plumbing, Heating & Sheet Metal, in 1952.

Stanley Lee Snook, 82, co-founder of Wolverine Wood Products, Powers, Or., died Feb.22.

After serving in the U.S. Army during the Korean War, he worked at Ross, Elk, Boise Cascade, and Double Dee Lumber, Central Point, Or.

At age 61, he graduated from the NHLA grading school in Memphis, Tn., and helped start Wolverine Wood, a hardwood logging, drying and milling business.

Rates: $1.20 per word (25 word minimum). Phone number counts as 1 word, address as 6. Centered copy or headline, $9 per line. Border, $9. Private box, $15. Column inch rate: $55 if art furnished "cameraready" (advertiser sets the type), $65 if we set type. Send ad to Fax 949-852-0231 or dkoenig@building-products.com. For more info, call (949)852-1990. Make checks payable to Cutler

Boise Cascade

BRANCH MANAGER - RIVERSIDE, CA.

Boise Cascade, a leading building materials distributor, has an opening for a Branch Manager at our Riverside, Ca., location. The Riverside branch services all of Southern California. This is a transitional position. The successful incumbent will function as the assistant branch manager during training and transition, and assume branch manager duties at the end of 2014. The branch manager is responsible for managing a wholesale building materials location, consisting of administrative, sales, product management, and warehouse and delivery operations. Coaches, counsels, leads and is responsible for financial and safety results. Requires college degree or equivalent experience and an equivalent of l0 years in product management, operations, or comprehensive knowledge of building products industry.

Boise Cascade is committed to Total Quality and offers an excellent compensation package. If you meet the above qualifications, apply online at www.bc.com. (JoblD #5225)

All qualified applicants will receive consideration for employment without regard to race, color, religion, sex, national origin, protected veteran or disability status.

Publishing, 4500 Campus Dr., Ste. 480, Newport Beach, Ca. 92660.

Deadline: 18th of previous month.

To reply to ads with private box numbers, send conespondence to box number shown, c/o The Merchant. Names of advertisers using a box number cannot be released.

THUNDERBOLT WOOD TREATING, INC.

We are looking for a qualified Outside Sales Representative to join our sales team. You MUST have experience in the lumber industry. Sales position covers Central and Southern Califomia. Requirements: Live or be willing to relocate to Central Valley. Very competitive wage. based on years of experience.

No phone calls. Please send resume, including cover letter with years of experience in industry, to robin@thunderboltwt.com.