THE TO\TN \TITS

Jack Dionne Has Collected 3500 Stories of AU Models and Ages

He's Not Only in a Class by Himself as a'Story Tellet but in Another School; He Doesn't Teff His Yarns, He Lives Them. Magter of Dialect and Style-Has Practiced Ad 29 Yearc

By PAUL HOCHULI Reporter for The Precr

Whenever story tellers get together, whether in the pullman smoker, drawing room or at the banquet table, at least one of the yarn spinners will start off with "Here's one that I heard Jack Dionne tell."

Instantly he gains the attention of the entire company, because when it comes to telling stories, Jack Dionne is not only in a class by himself, he just belongs to another s,chool.

Perhaps the term "telling stories" is rather misleading in Mr. Dionne's case. He does what you might call "live" them, and never delivers one in the sense of a parrot flinging back words he heard someone else say before him.

Born with a sense of humor and a natural ability to twist his tongue around any dialect, Mr. Dionne just couldn't help being a teller of tales.

He's been at it for D years and has 3500 stories of all models and ages. No one else can say more truly "that reminds me of a story" when some situation comes up, because Mr. Dionne knows them all.

For 13 years he's been toastmaster at the annual Communitv Chest banquet and many is the egg that grows cold while its owner forgets to eat, listening to him mix humor and business.

Collection of 3500

"Twenty-nine years ago," Mr. Dionne said, "I found I had a natural flair for telling stories, so I just started telling them. I started keeping a,collection and every story I heard I wrote dorvn, revising a bit here and there, until now I have 3500 of them. I like to tell stories and people know I like good ones and I get many new ones each year.

"However, you'd be surprised how folks like the old ones. Many times I get repeated requests for stories I have told many times."

Mr. Dionne has re'clined at the feet of two men he considers the gods of story telling, imbibing the knowledge of how a story should be put across.

One was a doctor in San Francisco. He was Dr. Jack Shields, a heart specialist who, ironically enough, died of heart trouble. '

Other Is Oklahoman

The other is George Walker, an Oklahoma resident.

"They were the best I have ever heard," Mr. Dionne said, and that's really a compliment coming from the man who is recognized the country over as the best.

"They didn't resort to wisecracks for the humor of their stories. They told stories and a real story teller is as scarce as hard refreshments at a W.C.T.U. convention. The real story tellers of the nation can be counted on the fingers of one hand."

One of the best ways in the world to ruin a story is to start off "f 'can't imitate the dialect, but anyway here's the story." Mr, Dionne never has to say that. I{e's a master of them all, including the Scandinavian.

Negro Tales Favorites

Negro stories, however, he finds are the favorites of the South and he has a host of them. As a matter of fact. he has collected a book of them, called Cullud Fun, and tells many on his Texas radio hookup from Dallas every Friday night. He also is writing another book to be called Lotsa Fun, a collection of his best.

The best Negro story he ever heard con.cerns the doings of one Monroe.

It seems that Monroe, a ragged short-time resident o{ Memphis, was shuffling down the street wishing he could ride a street car. He had never ridden one because Monroe never had any money. As he walked along his foot struck something and he discovered a purse containing $2.85, more cash than he had ever seen before.

IVlonroe looked around cautiously and then took the money and threw the purse away.

He hopped the first street,car that came by.

Named for Presidents

Now it seems that the vicinity served b1' that particular car had streets named for the presidents of the United States.

Let Monroe tell his own story:

"De man on ,de back o' dat cah mus' know evervbodv in Memphis. Yassuh. IIe mus' a' knowed 'em, beiuz hi called dey names when it cum time fo' dem t'git off. Fust he calls 'Washin'ton' and sho nuff, Mr. Washin'ton git off. Den he stick his haid in and say 'Jeffe'son' and Mr. Jeffe'son leave de cah.

"I sez to mahself dat dat man cain't put me off 'cuz de ain't nobody in Memphis knows mah nime and caint tell him and Ah's goin' t' ride jest as far as Ah kin.

"Next he hollahed 'Jackson' and Mis' Jackson and huh little boy gits off.

Shouts "Monro€"

"Den he sti.cks his haid in agin and shout 'Monroe.' An' Ah say Ah don'know how you find mah name but Ah gits out of the cah and it goes ofi without me.

"Ah's standin' 'dere on the cawnuh won'erin' what Ah do nex' when a big auto comes up with two white men in it.

"'Boy, is dis Monroe?'he say and Ah say'Yassuh, dis is Munroe.'

"An he sez to me, 'Ah'm lookin' for TWO EIGHTYFIVE,' and I reches fo' mah pocket, en sez, 'Mah Gawd, dese white folks sho is smaht'."

Another Negro classic is the short story about a big man and little man arguing over a girl at a dance.

"Am Ah Right?"

The big Negro pulled himself up to his full height and said: "Dis is mah dance. Am Ah right?"

The little Negro bowed to the inevitable but rvas bitter about it.

"Big Boy," he said, "Ah ain't saying you ain't right. But Ah's sayin' dat if you wus 12 inches shawtah you'd be wrong as lfell."

Mr. Dionne has told stories from the rock-ribbed 'coast of Maine to the sun-kissed shores of California. from Canada to the Gulf, but he still clings to the story of the Louisiana plantation owner and his first trip to the opera, as the best he has ever heard or told.

This planter lived in the Sugar Bowl and had taken his refined sugar to New Orleans to sell. He had barged it dorvn the river and had taken his little daughter, Marie, with him for the first time.

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CoQUILLE, OREGON

.Main Ofice: Ralph L. Smith Lumber Co.

519 City Bank Bldg.' Kansas City' Mo.

California Sales Agents:

JAMES L. HALL

1026 Mills Bldg.

Eager for Sights

Naturally Marie was all eyes when the s'cow tied up at the foot of Canal street and was eager to see the sights.

They were walking along the streets when Marie saw an advertisement of the opera Rigoletto. She begged to go see it as she knew the music by heart, having heard it played at home.

Grand opera meant nothing to this simple Cajun, but he loved his daughter and wanted her to have a good time, so he agreed.

However, when he reached the box office and found the prices ranged from $2.50 to 50 cents, he sort of backed down and wanted to get two SGcent seats in the top ring. Marie. however, objected and a'compromise was reached in which Marie sat in a $2 seat and her father, who was just going along to keep an eye on Marie, in a four-bit one.

The old man had never seen an opera, but when the story of the hunchback who seeks revenge on a nobleman for ruining his sister was gradually unfolded, he became intensely interested. He became the hunchback's hen'chman and lived his scenes with him, forgetting the rvorld about him. Raises Knife

As the story wore on, the hunchback raised his knife on high and screamed, "Revenge, Revenge."

The old man decided he better see how Marie was getting along in the midst of tragedy and called, "Marie, Xlfarie," to her.

"Shh, father," came her answer from the $2 circle.

The father dropped ba,ck into his seat and soon was enveloped in the story again.

Finally came the great climax and the Cajun, in his mind. was by the side of the hunchback as he looked into the window of a mountain cabin where the high-stepping duke was singing to another young girl.

The innocent maid also was singing and on the side of the stage the entire troupe was gathered raising their voices in song. In the pit the or'chestra blared forth a great volume of music. The hunchback grasped his knife and the tension r,vas intense. The Cajun was almost beside himself with excitement.

Storm Breaks

Right in the middle of all this drama a great stage storm broke. Lightning flashed, thunder rolled and then the stagehands turned loose the rain, and it looked like real water drenching the actors.

Then clear as a bugle above all this rang out the voice of the father. "Marie. Marie."

Marie was horrified and called, "Shh, father, shh."

But the old man was not to be downed this time.

"No, Marie," he said. "it is not to shush. Stay where you are until I return. I must go to ze levee and 'cover up ze sugaire. Ze storm eez too bad, you know."

Get him to tell it, the next time Mr. Dionne is on the program. You'll be rewarded by being rolled in the aisle.

THOUGHTS FROM CARLISLE, THE GREAT THINKER

"So ii has been frorn the beginning, so it will be to the end. Generation after generation takes to itself the form of Body; and forth-issuing from Cimmerian Night on Ffeaven's rnission appears. What Force and Fire is in each, he expends: one grinding the mills of industry; one hunterlike climbing the giddy Alpine heights of science; one madly dashed in fieces on the rocks of Strive, in war with his fellows; and then the Heaven-sent is recalled; his earthly vesture falls away, and soon even to sense becomes a vanished Shadow.

"Thus, like some wild-flaming train of Heaven's Artillery, does this mysterious mankind flutter and flame, in longdrawn, quick-succeeding grandeur, through the unknown Deep. Thus, like a God-created, fire-breathing, spirit-host, we emerge from the inane; haste stormfully across the astonished Earth; then plunge again into the inane.

"Earth's mountains are levelled, and her seas filled up in our passage; can the Earth, which is but dead and a vision, resist spirits which have reality and are alive ? On the hardest adamant sorne foot-print of us is stamped-in; the last Rear of the host will read traces of the earliest Van. But whence? O Heavens, whither? Sense knows not; Faith knows not; only that it is through Mystery to Mystery, from God to God.

"We are such stuff As dreams are made of And our little life fs rounded with a sleep."

The Test

Little Boy1"Ma, that dentist \ rasn't painless, like he advertised?"

Mother-"Why, Son, did he hurt you when he pulled that tooth?"

Son-"Naw. But he yelled just like anyone else when I bit his finger."

THE DIF CE AGE'MAKES

Circulation

The dollar you paid on your last month's Was only a dollar to you.

The day it was paid i{ was laid in

But its work was farSom through.

Who gave it in

And the butcher

And bought

The clothier

But wanted

And the spent, yes, every cent

On a sign f{ the big front door.

The painter took your dollar, and look-

And the keen bought gasoline, your yen, of oil then banked his spoil, quite merr-i-lee, The And

Then boss sent across (though he thought it a loss) Andyour salaree.

So the lttle old dollar went on its rounds Wit or fuss, And brought to you your due so youCould bring us what's due to us.

Right

Reno, they say, now claims to be an important factor in the dairy industry. That's where the cream of the country goes to get separated.

MAYBE YOU'VE SEEN THIS SE.T OF FIGURES

Population of the United States is .... 124,000,000 Those eligibte. for old age pensions under President's Security Bill... ... 50,000,000 74,0O0,000

Number of persons prohibited by child labor laws, plus those now working on Government jobs 60,000,(X)0

Leaves just . 14,000,000

Number of people now unemployed. .. l3,gg9,9gg

Young men talk of what are going to do; old men talk of what they have done; like to do. men talk of what they

Balance left to produce Nation,s goods. Just you and I. And I'm tired as Hell.

Dick Schiller Now Handlins l(/holesale

Safeg at Hammond's L. A. OJfice

Di'ck Schiller is now handling the wholesale lumber sales for the Hammond Lumber Company at their Los Angeles bffice. He succeeds Dan Strite who has joined the Los Angeles sales staft of the Hammond & Little River Redwood Co.

Mr. Schiller has been with the Hammond Lumber Company for the past fifteen years and is well known to the lumber trade in Southern California.

Peterson-Hardy

Mr. and Mrs. J. Harold Peterson of Coronado have announ'ced the engagement of their daughter, Arvilla, to Jack Wagner Hardy of Los Angeles. The wedding ceremony will be solemnized in the garden of their home on September 12. Miss Peterson is the daughter of J. Harold Peterson of the Peterson Lumber & Finance Co., San Diego.

Miss Peterson is a graduate of the Bishop's school for girls at LialoIla and has also studied at the San Diego State College. She is a member of the San Diego Junior League. Mr. Hardy is a graduate of Stanford and is with the law firm of Lawler-Degnan of Los 'Angeles. Mr. Hardy is secretary of the Los Angeles Bar Association and secretary of the Los Angeles Junior Chamber of Commerce. They will make their home in Los Angeles.