l"'Why Retailer's Wives Leave .t Home"

By Dick Ustick, Stanislaus Lumber Co., Modesto, Cal.

Time-7:45.

Place-A Lumber Office in Modesto, California' Dramatis PersonaeLumber Company Manager....Mr. N. E. Retailer Mrs. Busybee ...Mrs. Housewife / Plasterers

I Contractors

Chorus { Farmers / Busy men seeking eqtimates

I Customers desiring to pay bills

Synopsis-The scene opens with contractors, plasterers, painters and others lined up to counter expecting sudden 5ssvi6s-anxious to leave orders so that materiaLs may start on way to jobs where ffi.00 per day workmen may start to justify their cost per diem. A farmer waits to discuss the tree prop situation and another seeks information on the cost of a tank house. Two others wish to have contracts checked so they can pay their bills. The regular Order Clerk has gone into the yard to show a customer the comparative clearness of No. 4 Flooring-The bookkeepers have not yet arrived-The manager with the usual cheerfulness, peculiar to managers when a crowded counter bears the earmarks of a prosperous day flits from customer to customer with a cheery rvord to forestall impatience and a speedy pencil to help them through their orders.

-ACT 1 and only-

Telephone-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r and a couple of more r-r-s Manager to one of the chorus: "Pardon me a second, please. It's the telephone." Hello, Hello, "Umpty Ump Lumber Company."

Mrs. Busybee (At other end of wire) : "Oh helloah. Is this the Lumber Company? Well I'm glad to get my number at last. I've tried three times-the first time they gave me the Police Department and the second time I got the Western Reduction Works. Don't you think the telephone service in this town is the limit, those girls never pay attention to the number and us busy people have to suffer for it. I certainly intend to tell the Manager of the Telephone Company when I go to pay my bill. Well I don't want to take any of your time. Ilerbert, thats my husband, said he would put in my order because lumber yards were usually busy on Monday mornings but I told him to tend to his irrigating, that I would put in my own order because I think the idea of what I am going to do is clever and I thought it all out myself ; and anyway any person with brains would know that Saturdav was vour busv dav and that you stayed open Saturday -till nine o'clocft titce ttre barber shops so the working men could get their Sunday orders sent out-you do now, don't you ? I told Herbert, that's my husband, that I guess I ought to know what I rvas talking about because Grandfather ran a Lumber Company bddk in Iowa-used to saw up folks' trees into posts

, and take his pay in shoats or corn or whatever the people could pay. Did you ever get any of your wood from Grandfather's Company? It's really an awfully big place-Anyway, with lumber people right in the family, I decided I would place my own order."

Manager-(resembling elephant at bay, glances around corner of his cheek at pacing mob on off side of counter)- "But Madam, f-"

Mrs. Busybee-"I know-you want to come right out here and measure things and bring me down and show me your different kinds of wood-you lumbermen are the last word in courtesy but I just won't allow you.to take the time-Now the first thing I want to know is, just how much is the lumber these days? Mrs. Cheesemonger, who lives right across the street from me built the darlingest little English home with tile sink and hot and cold folding doors and everything but she says it's terrible how the price of lumber has gone up. Oh you want to know what kind? Well, you know that kind that's not the most expensive but it can't have any knots in it and I want it,-let's see, grandfdther would say smooth on all four sides."

Manager-(near self destruction)-What are you building?

Mrs. Busybee-"We11, as if that made any differencebut if you must know, I am planning on a little fence to hide our back yard, something not too expensive but dignified."

Manager-(extreme desperation)-"How long is the fence ?"

Mrs. B. B.-"Oh, that's so. You should know thatwell just hold the line, my tape measure is right here in the machine drawer and I'll measure the yard. (Business of fumbling in machine drawers). Voice continuing, "it's just five yards and thirty-three inches. Now that's exact. Oh, the height. Well,.what heights do they usually use? Then I want two of those sticks that go in the ground and a lot of t'hose nice thin pieces that go back and forth. You know, like this. Get off the line, please; this line is busy. Hello-where were we? Oh yes, the thin pieces. Now, have I left out anything? Just a second. Oh I'm so sorry, Herbert, that's my husband, came in just now and said he had an account at the Jimcrack Lumber Company. I'm so sorry I have taken your time, but don't be too disappointed because we really don't intend to build the fence until fall. but I was so anxious to know what the cost would be so I could see if we could save enough to get both the fence and a floor lamp. J-".

But two colored plasterers and the bookkeeper were endeavoring to locate a heart beat in the prostrate form of the Manager'

We are prepared to furnish PROMPTLY

SEGREGATEID

FIR IN H ICT1 EST QIJATITY STOOK YOUR LUNflBER NEEDS YOU CAN ALWAYS GE1F FRONfl US ALSO GRADE,MARKED €d TRADE,MARKED FIR LUMBER IN BUNDLED UPPERS ,-