}|ONOLITH

Waterlrroof Portland Gernent A Buclness Bullder tor Plarterers

A good plastering job-one that the plasterer can point to with pride-is a permanent advertisement that helps to create future business for him.

One reason why so many plastering contracton use Monolith Vaterproof land Cement is that rfrey know in advance that they will cet saticfacory Portl,and ie they rerults-that the wall will be harder and get rnd petmanently waterproof. No patching and permanently will be required after the work is completed.

They have alro lcarned from expcrience that placter made with it epreads farthct and works eariet. ft spede up the worls, savcr time ar well aa other materials.

Get the facts-we will be glad to furnish you statements of succeerful contractors who have found Monolith Vaterproof cenrent the most econotnical ac well as the most satiifactory material to usFfor plastering work.

Us€ Monolith-The Original Vate4rroof Pordand Ccurent.

Returning Ttie Compliment

During a grouse hunt in $rgland, where men and women both were in the line of sh{oters, two families were shooting from covers close t\frer. Suddenly a red, angry face showed orrer the side of il'blind", and the man streufsfl-

"Curse you, sir, you nearly hit my wife that last shot."

"Did I?' said the othqf, aghast. "I'm horribly sorry, old fellow-ei-have a shot at mine."

. ELBCrnrcmV OEFTNUO

Some unknown genius has finally worked out a definition of electricity, which has been going the rounds, as foll,ows:

Electricity is something that starts, the Lord knows where, and ends in the same place. It is 1/36 of a second faster on its feet than its nearest competitor-backyard .t gossipand wh{r turned loose in Europe will get to the United States fife hours before it starts-daylight savings time. Nobodl kfrows exactly what it is because it never stands still longfenough to be examined. If you are a per-' son with livel[fimagination you may think of electricity as science gone goofy with the heat, and you will be very close to the truth. If you understand its curves you can do anything with it except open a jar of raspberry jam at a picnic. Electricity was locked up in ignorance for centuries until Ben Franklin let it out with a pass key. Since then it has been pulling off more stunts than a pet monkey on a thousand yards of grape vine. With it you can start a conversation, or stop one permanently, cook dinner, curl your hair, press your trousers, blow up a battleship, run an automobile, signal Mars, and many more cute tricks for it to do are being invented.

Diplomacy

A group of men were conversing when one asked another to comply with a certain request. The reply was an emphatic "No."

Another of the group said to him, "You should reply like a dipl,omat, a lady, or an insurance prospect. When a diplomat says'No'ohe means 'Maybe', if he says 'Maybe' he means 'Yes', br$ if he says 'Yes', he's no diplomat. Or, in case a t\r i} asked for a kiss, if she says 'No' she means 'Maybe', iFlre says 'Maybe' she means 'Yes', but if she says 'Yes' she's no lady. Again, take the case of an insurance prospect. If he says 'No' he means 'Maybe', if he says 'Maybe' he means 'Yes', but if he says 'Yes' you'll know he can't pass the physical examination."

A Builder

A builder builded a temple, He wrought it with grace and skill; Pillars and groins and archesAlt fashioned to work his will. And men said as they saw its beauty, "It shall never know decay; Great is thy skill, O, Builder! Thy fame shall endure for aye."

A teacher builded a temPle, With loving and infinite care, Planning each arch /vith patience, Laying each sto with care. No one could see fhis structure, None knew of thf builder's plan, For the ternple tfe teacher builded, 'Was unseen by/the eye of man.

Gone is the builder's temple, Crumbled into the dust; Low lies each stately pillar, Food for consuming dust. But the temple the teacher builded Will last while the ages roll, For that beautiful, unseen temple, Was a child's immortal soul.

-Anon5rmous.

Freak Figures

Put down the number of your living brothers; multiply by two; add three; multifly by five; add the number of your living sisters; q.ultipfi the result by ten; now add the number of your dead\tfers and sisters, if any; subtract 150. The right hand figuie tells you the number of deaths, the middle figure is the number of sisters you have living, while the figure to the left gives the numbs of your living brothers.

A Fast One Ou Grandma

An old lady was walking bf the creek when she came upon some boys bathin{in t$ir birthday suits.

"Boys" she said severdl', tsn't it against the law to go swimming without bathin!,1/suits?"

"Yessum," replied a wise one, "but come on in. We wontt tell on you."