V 47 i 2 lowres

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× September 16th 2013

CAPILANO north vancouver

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N o . 02

COURIER

THE FIGHT FOR RECONCILIATION AT THE FRINGE

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CHEMICAL WARFARE

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EAST END HOUSING

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FROM NORTH WEST TO SYRIA

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CAPILANO Courier TABLE OF contents news

The Staff 04

of this love-intoxicated university newspaper

Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

Closing the looney bins

columns

06

All post-grads are special

features

10

Scott Moraes Managing Editor

Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor

Katherine Gillard News Editor

Faye Alexander Opinions Editor

Therese Guieb Features Editor

Andy Rice Arts Editor

Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Carlo Javier Staff Writer

Bed bugs rule Vancity

calendar

12

Scott Moraes and Lance Armstrong get older

arts + culture

13

Bands pay more to play more

Opinions

16

Boys don't buy their underwear

CABOOSE

19

Pharmaceauticals and bad movies make love

the capilano courier

Ă—

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47 issue N o . 02

Lindsay Howe Marketing/Ads/Web Editor

2

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student n e w s p a p e r.

Literary and visual submissions are welcomed.

All submissions are subject to editing for b r e v i t y, taste, and l e g a l i t y.

The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia.

The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

. This past week the Capilano Courier staff got slightly intoxicated mid-day Monday and forgot to go to the Capilano Student Union Annual General Meeting. I apologize on behalf of the entire staff and we promise to not miss another meeting again. For more information on what is going on with the CSU this year, and what we missed, contact Brandon Hofmarks at senate4@csu.bc.ca.

Katherine Gillard Ă— News Editor

× LETTER FROM THE EDITOR ×

on

drinking and deadlines

“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they have an excuse to drink alcohol.” – Steve Martin

Leah Scheitel

The most amazing thing about this sentence is that I’m typing it sober. Not claiming that I’m a raging alcoholic that chugs vodka like it’s the elixir of life, but this editorial is four days past deadline. Usually when I have to push out articles on demand, I have to lube up my fingers with booze to do it.

This habit started when I was in journalism school, and would have a minimum of 10 articles due per week. I wouldn’t be able to write a sentence, because I immediately thought whatever I wrote was inherently stupid. I needed to lower my inhibitions and raise my confidence to do my homework, so wine became a nightly indulgence. And the words flowed. My work in school that year was noteworthy, and earned me an internship at SBC Media in Toronto, which was a positive experience for me, and led me to business school. It was there that I realized writing is cool, but hiring writers and helping to decide the creative direction of an entire publication would be so much fun.

I have noticed this habit grow. If I have a deadline or an important article due, I will drink three gin and sodas with berries in them, marvel at how witty I can be, and write something that I could use and work with. This worked, until I noticed that I haven’t gone a week without a hangover in three years.

And I don’t think I’m alone with this problem. Universityaffairs.ca published an article that states that most Canadian universities, “if not all”, have a problem with students binge drinking, citing a report by the Nova Scotia Department of Health and Wellness. The report estimates that over 90 per cent of Canadian students drink on a regular basis, with 32 per cent of that drinking heavily, past what is recommended at more than once a month.

That last statistic isn’t alarming, as universities are places of newfound freedom for many students. You can show up to class with last night’s make up under your

eyes, and smelling slightly like a bottle depot, and nobody threatens to tell your parents or sends you to the vice principal’s office. It’s no surprise that students want to take advantage of that.

I’m the last person who can lecture anyone on the evils of alcohol, and why you shouldn’t drink. Just like sex, abstinence isn’t the best answer.

It can be a remarkable social tool, allowing friendships to grow and networking to happen. And it can be a stress relief after a shitty week of mid-terms. But having it in your life in a responsible manner from the start isn’t a bad idea. If you can find a way to drink respectfully without wanting to bitch slap your best friend for talking to your crush or belting out Whitney Houston ballads and crying that she was the best diva ever and died too young, it will benefit you and your friends. Believe me, you will have more friends if you can find your line, and stay on the positive side of it.

Because I’ve noticed my habit grow since the start of this semester (after only two weeks…) due to impending deadlines and five nearly dull business and accounting classes, I’m making an effort to combat it without wine or gin. The work will probably take longer, and it may feel strange to not have a hangover for an entire week, but I think it’s something that I will be able to get used to. My friend and I, who founded our friendship at the bottom of three bottles of shitty red, are opting for coffee shops instead of bars, and soda water sans gin. It may not stick, but it’s definitely worth the effort.

× Editor-in-Chief

× Cheryl Swan

THE VOICE BOX

We're flattered that you have come to us for advice, but we are neither therapists nor lawyers. But since we sincerely cannot recommend therapists or lawyers because they lie through their teeth more often than not, we would like to advise you that there are other fish in the sea. Legal, young, unmarried, sexy fish. Go fish, woman! By the way, off the record, nothing's illegal if no one knows about it. You gotta live life a bit, you know.

Don't rub in it, pal. We're aware and we'll punish the people responsible. That's just the way it is. You don't like it, read the paper online at Capilanocourier.com and zoom as freely as you want, Grandpa.

It’s just coincidence, not a planned affair. And while Katherine has recently found puppy love (as evidenced by her staff editorial this week), you can come and meet the rest of us “hotties” on Tuesdays, at noon in Maple 122. See you and your boner there.

47 issue N o . 02

“Your staff looks like they are full of hotties. Especially Carlo and Katherine. What’s up with hiring hot people?”

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We shall publish a story about it, but in the meantime, I'll offer you some advice, not as a journalist, but as a chef: Don't eat at the cafeteria, ever. Buy an insulated lunch box or something, bring your own food, boycott Aramark and their crap food, and

“A lot of your pages are blurred. That's really annoying to read. Also, the font size is really small. Can you not do that anymore and print in larger font? I'm not old or anything, but I don't carry a blur-correcting device on me or a magnifying glass. Who does?”

×

*

The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything Courier. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 (thats me, Scott) to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox.

It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.

“The cafeteria at Cap only serves vegetarian food on Mondays! What's up with that? I'm not only Vegetarian on Mondays! You guys should write a story about this and promote a balanced approach at the caf!”

be happy! But yes, we should have a salad bar or something. Or a Nuba.

the capilano courier

WITH : SCOTT MORAES

“I have this really big crush on a teacher and I think he likes me too. I need some advice, what should I do? Is it illegal to date your teacher, even if no one knows about it?”

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NEWS

NEWS EDITOR × KATHERINE GILLARD

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

the end of the east end HOUSING PROJECTS ENDANGERING CITY'S LONG HISTORY Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

Vancouver’s oldest neighbourhood is in for a change.

A project poised to revamp Downtown Eastside’s housing buildings is getting maligned for issues with costs, gentrification and tarnishing the neighbourhood’s cherished history, all the while attempting to improve the standards of many occupancy hotels in the area.

“Well, the unfortunate thing is that most housing projects require a number of lots to be economically feasible,”says East Van-based historian James Johnstone.

“And the Downtown Eastside or the old EastEnd of Vancouver is made up of usually small lot buildings and those are under threat of being demolished because of the need to develop large scale housing projects.”

The projects will involve the conversion of one hundred-year-old buildings into self-contained housing units, and unlike most occupancy hotels in the area, these new housing units will include private bathrooms and personal kitchens – a glaring sign that the cost per month will no longer be the $375 that they used to be. The individual bathrooms and kitchens also signify an upgrade in the living standards at these Downtown Eastside occupancy hotels.

The projects have been described as being more student-friendly and less accommodating to people in need of social assistance.

× Emily McGratten The rent costs that now run up to more than $500 per month prove to be near impossible to meet while living on welfare.

Living Balance, the company that owns more than 400 of Vancouver’s Single Room Occupancies – colloquially called SROs – have been a target of gentrification accusations.

One of Living Balance’s projects is transforming a 111-year-old building into an occupancy hotel, equipped with retail operations in the lower floors. These units are expected to cost somewhere between $650 and $700, a considerable increase from the welfare-friendly price of $375.

“There’s a lot of different ways of having density down here, but it doesn’t necessarily have to mean towers and the destruction of the heritage that we have here in East Vancouver,” adds Johnstone.

The recent news of a Downtown Eastside landlord who bribed and evicted no less than two tenants in order to increase rents have also been linked to Living Balance.

Spokesperson Geoffrey Howes said that the eviction was executed through legal procedures and was done in order to rid the building of a notorious drug dealer, “We have had ongoing problems with rampant drug dealing in the building,” said Howes.

Howes also defended other evictions, which were accused of having been done in order to raise rent prices. “The fact is, the only people we evict from any properties are for nonpayment of rent or illegal activities,” he said.

Vancouver-based activist group Pivot Legal Society is among the vanguards in the stand against

the recent evictions and has also coined the term “renovicting,” which they define as the process of renovating hotels and increases rent prices, which then drives out the welfare dependant tenants.

But ballooning prices and allegations of gentrification aren’t the only issues that have risen from the new housing projects of Downtown Eastside.

Just as rent price increase, and just as old tenants are evicted, the reminders of a long-storied past are also beginning to disappear.

Strathcona is the oldest residential neighbourhood in Vancouver. East Vancouver itself is the oldest part of the city; its history stretches back to the 1880s, when more than a hundred years ago, the area was bustling with boisterous horse traffic.

The Downtown Eastside’s backstory has even provided the backbone of its identity, and the importance of preserving this not only speaks for the city’s past but also for the families who have been the area’s mainstays. “I think investing in history and heritage and pointing to the fact that they are part of a proud history of struggling people that includes immigrants from all over the world, who came here from countries that were war torn or torn apart by famine,” said Johnstone.

In the end, a fine line between preserving the Downtown Eastside’s antiquity, while maintaining an effort to help those on social assistance in having a roof above their heads remains as an ideal goal for the city. “It is very important that we preserve our history, it is very important at the same time that we be working hard to create housing for people who are homeless.”

the shipyards NORTH VANCOUVER'S NEWEST PLACE FOR FOOD, VOLLEYBALL AND HISTORY Lauren Gargiulo

the capilano courier

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× Writer

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“There’s a lot going [on] down there,” Barbara Pearce says. Pearce is the Director of Special Projects for the District of North Vancouver. Since 2001, the City has been working on The Shipyards. Located at the foot of Lonsdale, The Shipyards were active from 1906 to the early 1990s, known as the Versatile Shipyards. After the Shipyards closed, they became depleted and desolate, until 2001 when they got rezoned and the City of North Vancouver decided to renovate them for public use.

“It’s a huge job,” Pearce says. Ship Builder’s Square, where the North Vancouver night markets are currently being held is part of the 1.25 million square feet of land that totals the Shipyards.

For a nominal fee, anyone can rent Ship Builder’s Square, which comes with a covered stage. Located in what is called Lot 5, currently are five Beach Volleyball courts. One court is available for drop in use while the other four are available by booking, or if no one is currently using them, drop-ins.

Lot 5 is another piece of land Pearce says is still under renovation. “Because of all the contamination that comes from so many years of being a ship yard, there’s a huge amount of work renovating the land and the buildings,” Pearce says. “There are a lot of suggestions of what to do with Lot 5.”

× Dominic Chan “From a public water park to an outdoor Plaza, it’s not decided what will go in there but there are a lot of great ideas.”

Two buildings, located on The Shipyards have caught the attention of the public eye. These two large buildings that are currently empty, were first built in 1909, and used to be condemned until recently. Pearce says the reason is because of renovations to make them safe for the public. Due to being used for over a hundred years, both buildings were extremely contaminated and not safe for the general public. “We are currently waiting for the Province to approve that all remediation in both buildings is complete. Once we have a certificate stating that the buildings are safe for commercial use then we can start putting businesses in.”

The smaller of the two buildings used to be a

pipe shop, if all goes well it will be the new home of the North Vancouver archives museum.

“The City has already approved the museum moving there, it all depends on if they raise enough money,” Pearce says. If all goes according to plan the museum would be open for the public in 2017.

The larger building once was a coppersmith shop. Pearce says they do not have a tenant for the building yet. Part of the reason is the small brown building surrounded by a large balcony in front of the Coppersmith shop. Located in the parking lot beside Ship Builder’s Square, the building used to be a Railroad station. Pearce says the Railroad Station will begin remediation in November of this year, until 2014. “It’s a huge task,” Pearce says, “but part of the reason the Coppersmith Shop is empty is because of the Railroad station. We want

to be sure that everything is renovated and taken care of safely and environmentally.”

Besides the publicly available services located at the Shipyards, The Pinnacle Hotel and several small businesses including restaurant Pier 7 are conveniently located within walking distance of one another at the foot of Lonsdale. Currently being built as well, are several apartment buildings called The Versatile buildings in honour of the Versatile Shipyards.

The construction and renovations happening at the foot of Lonsdale are not limited to renovating the Shipyards. Along with the Versatile buildings, roadwork will also take place as well as infrastructure development. The three buildings, being built

by Pinnacle International – which also owns the Pinnacle Hotel – are scheduled to be done within the next two to five years.

Because of the various large construction and renovation jobs happening at the Shipyards, Pearce says she does not know when they will be completely through with the renovations. “There’s a lot going on,” Pearce says, “and even more to come.”

If you are at all interested in the future of The Shipyards, or have an idea of what should either be at the Coppersmith shop or Lot 5, (currently the Volley ball courts) there is a public meeting on September 16 from 6:30 - 8:30p.m. at the Pinnacle Hotel where members of the community can listen to current ideas and share their own.

closing up METRO VANCOUVER'S MENTAL CLINICS CUT HOURS AND SERVICES Amber Bedard × Writer The mental health resources in Greater Vancouver are suffering substantially due to a recent budget cut, leaving those seeking refuge grimly clinging to even less than the little resources previously offered. Having already commenced on Sept.1, a total of six health clinics in the area of Vancouver reduced their daily hours, thus limiting their catering capabilities to daytime patients only.

This advance from the Fraser Health Authority is a result of dwindling support and resources that are greatly needed in this time. Because of these recent adjustments, figures such as the police, Vancouver mayors and those belonging to the B.C. Nurses Union are left dissatisfied, expressing the need for an increase of support in regards to the mental health field.

Notably, this move limits the amount of patients seen daily, drastically affecting those residing in the area such as students and those who are making efforts to hold down necessary daytime jobs. A growing and valid fear in Vancouver is that resources in this field will be essentially inaccessible to those in need.

Sarbi Aujla, a senior mental health worker in Vancouver Coastal Health’s adult mental intake program, does not believe it is an unreasonable request to ask the public to seek mental health

resources in daytime hours. When pressed for an explanation, Aujla said, “The question posed here is, ‘would you be able to provide the same support with limited hours?’ Forcing the community to access the resources in a limited time frame is not unreasonable in terms of [patient] intake. Vancouver is generally busier than Surrey, which means they are able to fit their needs into a certain time period.”

The reasoning as to why Fraser Health reduced their hours is inherently clear to most: the cost.

To Aujla’s understanding, Fraser Health initially attempted to “divert attention from emergency in a beneficial way,” therefore preventing people from accessing the vital resource of an emergency room when other outlets were available. The attempt was unsuccessful, resulting in the reduction of hours at several Fraser Health clinics.

Vancouver Coastal Health has not made any move to limit its hours, however it is uncertain if Fraser Health will inspire a new course of action for other health authorities.

Optimistically, resources for students and young people have not dwindled, with the help of health services offered in universities in the Vancouver area. If a student needs specialized support, Sarbi Aujla’s office in Vancouver (Adult Mental Health Intake) can help. The department is equipped to assess each patient’s needs, and can direct you to the correct outlet for each particular condition.

The department can also refer patients to the Early Psychosis Intervention Program (EPI), which offers early identification and treatment of psychosis for young people.

For students who frequent the North Shore, Capilano University is steadfast with their support of mental health for its scholars. According to Alison Perry, coordinator of counseling and learning support, "Capilano University provides in house support for students dealing with a multitude of issues related to mental health."

The university has recently instituted budget cuts; however the importance of mental health resources for students remains the same. "With the recent budget cuts at Capilano, counseling was not affected, offering the same level [of resources] as before to students," Perry stresses.

This statement comes to appease the growing need of university students seeking support for mental health. Counseling and learning support provides resources five days a week, from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m, with hours extending on Tuesday, closing at 7 p.m. Perry relays, "students can make individual appointments, on a one on one basis with a qualified support team. We seek to help students with personal problems, such as anxiety or depression- problems that can get in the way with dealing with school."

In addition to the resources above, Capilano University also offers the benefit of drop-in coun-

seling every day, an outlet where each individual is guaranteed at least 10 minutes of support, and from there other assessments can be made. Students can also be aided in the areas of career counseling, learning support, and help for minorities such as First Nations.

All of these resources listed above are free and confidential. Alison Perry stresses that the department "never shares any information about your visit," making it a safe environment to tackle any mental health needs.

Regardless of how slight this change may be, the move to cut down on the hours of patient intake

by Fraser Health Authority poses a threat to the general public, as it is a significant adjustment to the quality of mental health care in the Greater Vancouver region. With the increase of mental illness and substance abuse on the streets, the demand for resources may possibly reach a boiling point. The ultimate question remains unanswered: will the limited hours be adequate for Vancouver’s citizens suffering mental illness? It is unclear to many health authorities at this point in time if any further changes will be made following Fraser Health’s decision. For now, we can only speculate the repercussions of a decision such as this.

is that degree getting you a job?

DECLINE IN JOBS AVAILABLE FOR STUDENTS POST GRAD RAISES CONCERN Jay Verspeelt × Writer - The Lance, University of Windsor

× Cheryl Swan

47 issue N o . 02

#OSAP on Instagram reveals literally pages and pages of OSAP documents showing total loans and monthly payments, monthlies shown as high as $300.

St. Clair College journalism student Sean Previl is unfazed by the challenges of low employment facing his trade.

“It’s really going to be a matter of just choosing what suits me best and also how I can help them,” said Previl. “I don’t look at internships with regards to how they help me, I want to make sure I’m going to contribute to their network to the best of my ability.”

Unfortunately, at least in the U.S., data shows that unpaid internships have a 1.8 per cent higher rate of employment than those who never interned at all, according to the National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE).

“I plan to make sure I’m educated when doing so [contract negotiating], and since an average base appears to be around the $35,000 to $40,000 range, that may be what I ask for,” said Previl.

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est and now 7.1 per cent nationally as of June, the federal government is looking to tackle getting more skilled trades persons into the workforce by possibly making companies give apprenticeship training when they bid for government contracts or by tax credits.

“The politicians, they say we need more mould and tool makers, fine maybe in the short run,” said Kulisek. “The colleges tend to draw from the local area and how many skilled tradesmen can be absorbed into the local area?”

So the question is where are the jobs and what should students be studying?

“It’s always been a challenge to coordinate the formation of graduates with the needs of the economy,” said Trudeau. “With natural resources everything is dependent on the world market; a mine that is profitable now may not be six months later.”

The Ontario Student Assistance Program (OSAP) in 2011 reported 4755 defaults out of 60,189, or 7.9 per cent. The average loan in 2008 to 2009 was $7,792. However the default rate did go down slightly from 2008 when it was at 8.4 per cent.

Many students show no modesty with sharing their loan information with the world, a search for

×

of economics. “There’s more risk now when you start a career. The days of knowing you’re going to go into a job and work there for 30 to 40 years, those days are almost gone, except for guys like me.”

Canada has fared better than many countries since the recession. Natural resource exports play a large factor in this, and Australia fared well for the same reason due to coal exports. Individuals from all over have gone to Alberta to make a quick buck on an oil rig. Good pay, back breaking work if you take it, and hardly conducive to a higher education. The untrained look to this with less and less manufacturing and globalization rooted deep into the collective economy.

“There’s no reason we should have these jobs and no one else should. Sure it’s tough for these workers and for our economy but at the same time workers get worse but consumers are much better off,” said Trudeau. “It’s always been a challenge to co-ordinate the formation of graduates with the needs of the economy. Especially now with everything changing so fast. Everything is dependent on the world market.”

Although unemployment is currently on the decline, 8.7 per cent in August of 2009 at its high-

the capilano courier

More than ever, the future for coming graduates is bleak.

In March, University of Windsor president Alan Wildeman said at a CBC town hall meeting on post secondary education, that the purpose of university is higher education and not necessarily employment.

Unfortunate news for those hoping to get an edge on the competition, but university is not the ticket to prosperity it once was.

“If you have more people with higher qualifications they’re going to raise the entry level. No one is ever going to advertise a job anymore where they didn’t throw in a BA right away,” said University of Windsor coordinator of interdisciplinary programs Larry Kulisek.

The populace is more educated than ever before and still not educated enough.

“If you do an honours in psychology it doesn’t make you a psychiatrist, psychologist or even a counselor, because if you don’t do an MA or graduate work, you’re an educated person but that doesn’t slot you in and most professions are requiring more training,” said Kulisek.

Generation Y has been called narcissistic, entitled and lacking in work ethic, yet today many young workers find themselves in unpaid internships or underemployed doing the same work they used to push through school.

In July, employees at a Halifax Second Cup have started trying to unionize, a move prompted by the lack of real field work its staff can’t find.

“Job security is basically gone,” said Christian Trudeau, tenured University of Windsor professor

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Columns

COLUMNS EDITOR

× LEAH SCHEITEL

deadbeat grad

Carly Vandergriendt × Columnist

I WAS TOLD I WAS UNIQUE "What a relief it is to be in school again."

When I say this, my brother's face twitches as though I've just told him I have a sexually transmitted infection. He shakes his head.

"You want to go back to school?"

Duh. As siblings, there are some things that we will never agree on, like whether or not tribal tattoos are douchey (they are), but when it comes to lifestyle, being a student – whether it's your first degree or your fifth – is like having a get-out-ofjail-free card. Yes, there's some work involved, but it's well worth it. Think of the perks: you get to spend your days loafing around libraries sucking back coffee. The general public, including friends of your parents, tend not to ask you prying questions about your uncertain future; and if you're lucky, people see your journey on the road to selffulfillment as worthwhile and they actually pay you money to study. Most importantly, you don't need to show up somewhere every day at 9 a.m. for the rest of your life.

I guess my brother missed the Generation Y boat. He's no Peter Pan, that's for sure. He got a career as an engineering technologist right out of college. He always has some money and by that I mean more than me. He recently bought a house.

He pays – gasp – taxes.

For years, his lifestyle choices puzzled me. I remember a time when he spoke of quitting his job and moving out west and I clapped my hands with glee, believing he was finally going to start living the life of a free-spirited vagabond. But his

plans never materialized and in the blink of an eye he assumed the exalted role of a homeowner.

Now he can never leave the comfortable suburb of a suburb of Toronto where we were raised. The strangest part is that he seems … happy.

I guess I can't really say much if he's satisfied with where his life is at, but I do wonder if he is an outlier of his generation. The rest of the people in our age bracket – including me, my boyfriend, my friends, and pretty much everyone else I know – are doing internships, or "figuring out their lives," or getting irrelevant master's degrees, or collecting EI, or reappearing after a few months in Southeast Asia, or working shit - jobs that couldn't be anything but temporary. We all have debt, we're underemployed, and we're the constant subject of degrading but catchy headlines in Maclean's magazine, as in "Generation Y Me?" – good one.

I would take any of that over a real career.

My mom is always armed with questions about the real career I will get after I finish my master's. She likes to send me emails with the links to corporate gigs that I should apply for but unfailingly don't. When I see her, she pokes and prods me about my finances and throws around fancy bank lingo that I don't understand, like "equity."

Apparently, my brother has it and I don't. When she asks me how I am going to retire, I joke that I'm already living the life of a retired person. According to my mother, I should be worried for my uncertain future.

I sometimes see myself as the proverbial "black

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

School and ketchup are two of Carly Vandergriendt’s true loves. After taking a small break, she is continuing her education in a UBC Master’s program, while living and “working” in Montreal. Being a full-time student, she knows the intricacies of student life and the woes that accompany it. Check out some of her work at Carlyrosalie.com

sheep" of my own predictably affluent middle-class family for not wanting this mysterious equity – but then I laugh off the possibility. Firstly, if I'm the worst my family has got then we're doing pretty damn good for ourselves – I may not have a day job, but it's not like I'm addicted to street drugs.

Secondly, as a child I was told I was unique – so my reluctance to become a productive member of society is not my fault. Adults led me to believe that I could "follow my dreams." So what if I always had a vague inkling that my dreams probably weren't all that profitable. There are a surprising number of things that I will do for money, but giving up my Monday-to-Friday freedom and only getting it back when I'm 65 and the best years of my life are gone isn't one of them.

Besides, I've worked full-time before and it sucks. I've had jobs that I've actually liked before and they still sucked. Working five days in one week is just too much. Maybe I'm missing out on something – but how can anyone do the things they actually want to do when they only have two free days? The redundancy of having to spend 40 hours per week in one place makes me want to fake a nervous breakdown and take a leave of absence for my mental health. Unfortunately, I've never really worked anywhere long enough to get employee benefits.

In the mere one-and-a-half years since I've completed my undergraduate degree, I've come to the conclusion that I just shouldn't have to work, in the traditional sense. Having to report somewhere every day is too taxing. Hence, I took out a student loan and decided to do a master's degree in one of least practical fields ever – creative writing. At least it's not Classical Studies.

As for my brother, I sometimes wonder if no one ever told him he was unique.

× Tina Furesz

from the arm chair WHY THE REDZONE CHANNEL IS RUINING MY SUNDAYS Mike Schwieder × Columnist

the capilano courier

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Mike Schwieder once compared his infant cousin to the size of a football and mocked throwing it across the kitchen to his brother. His grandmother was not impressed. He has volunteered at three different Olympic games, and coaches football for the UofC Dinos. He knows sports better than Don Cherry knows women, and that’s saying something.

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It’s that time of year again, when fantasy football kicks off and office pools around North America begin to focus on the sport I adore. I’ve been a part of fantasy football leagues multiple times, and really enjoyed them. Yet, that doesn’t take away from my gripes about them. It pains me to watch football on Sunday with people who are serious about their fantasy leagues as they often choose to watch the RedZone channel, a channel that changes to show only games that have teams that are about to score, or when they are inside the 20 yard line, which is referred to as the Red Zone.

The RedZone channel annoys me. As it was created for a niche of fantasy viewers, it doesn’t allow viewers to get into the flow of any game. Instead, it flips back and forth between games like your idiot friend trying to appease everybody while actually pleasing nobody.

Picture this: It’s second and 8 from the 19 yard

line, Jets are trailing the Raiders by 6 with 8 minutes left in the fourth. Now, I don’t care about either of these teams, in fact I have a little chuckle when both of them lose as the Jets are a running joke and I have too many friends who grew up liking the Los Angeles Raiders (now the Oakland Raiders) because they liked their black and silver colour scheme in the ‘90s. However, this is an intriguing scenario. Any person who gives up their Sunday to watch football will agree they wouldn’t mind seeing how this plays out unless, of course, there is a better game which is close or with a team you actually have something invested in.

As the Raiders break the huddle your idiot friend changes the channel to New England game.

New England is blowing out the Miami Dolphins 38 – 17 in a game which has no relevance in the standings as the conference has already been wrapped up. New England is on the 4 and the

ball is about to be snapped. You yell and throw Cheezies at your friend who took charge of the remote control because “it was his house so he got to choose what to watch.” You vow to never return to this moron’s house on a Sunday again.

You ask for a reason to miss a good game for this nothing game and he replies “I need Tom Brady to throw another touchdown.” This is, essentially, what watching football on the RedZone channel is like. Never letting you enjoy how a play was set up throughout the game. Never letting you enjoy the 24 other carries that running back Frank Gore had that day that allowed him to score from the 4, or allow Colin Kaepernick to use play action to throw it in.

Now I know that I don’t have to watch the RedZone channel. However, it is the channel of choice for fantasy fans that I know because they want to see scores and don’t really care about the set up or the hard work. They like the fireworks, not the gears that set them in motion.

I understand the joy of fantasy football. Competition and gambling and putting a side bet on things always make it a little more interesting to watch. And it’s nice to watch things happen in just the way you wanted them to. You need Brady to have a big game. He delivered. Four touchdown passes, 330 yards passing and surprisingly he even ran for an extra 45 yards. That’s big. If you watched the whole game from start to finish I have no prob-

lem with it. To flip to it when he’s about to score is my problem. That’s what the RedZone channel does. They do it because that’s what fantasy football owners want. That’s my beef with fantasy football.

The things I dislike about fantasy football are mostly from a purist’s standpoint and not from a casual fans point of view. I don’t like that teams that spread the ball around are considered less appealing. I don’t like that a touchdown is weighted to the point where 60 yards of rushing is usually equal to a one-yard plunge for a touchdown. I don’t like the message it sends to those watching and learning the game, that it’s more important for your individual success than it is for the team to have success. That Frank Gore gets the credit while few fantasy owners realize the impact of the offensive line, the play calling, and the deep threat that has to be taken away to allow for that thousand-yard season. And I really don’t like watching football with fantasy owners when they can’t decide which game is more important to their leagues outcome they settle on the twit of channels flipping from game to game with no idea what’s happening in them or what was happening in the last game they just left. I understand the thrill of winning, and getting interested in a nothing game though. I guess I will just have to wrestle the controller away from those that watch that channel and become my own RedZone master.

Exotic intoxication

Columnist × Mirey Faema likes to drink and travel, or travel while drinking. Her taste for booze and awkward situations have created the worst hangovers and some amazing stories. In this column, she will divulge her travel tales, and probably write while still plagued with a hangover. Check out her writings at Whereismymuse.com, and follow her on Twitter @ Mirey_Wimm.

BEACH, BOOZE, + BYRON BAY As I crawled around the beach, in a bikini that was made for someone half my size, projectile vomiting last night’s booze, I had a feeling like somewhere along the sun filled days of sandy roads, and Australian babes, I was embarrassing myself. If you can move past the fact that Australian harbours approximately 300 different kinds of creatures that can kill you, you will see that it has a lot to offer including my favorite selection of things known as the three Bs: Beer, Babes & the beautiful Byron Bay, the scene of my unfortunate situation.

I can confidently say that out of all of the places I have been, (and I have been to a lot of places) Byron Bay is to me what a soft garden bed is to an extremely drunk person: my favorite place on earth.

Not only is it the perfect base for a multitude of awesome activities, such as surfing, snorkeling and sky diving, it is also incredibly beautiful and for the geography nerds of the group, it boasts the most eastern point of Australia.

Before admitting the gory details pertaining to how I ended in the extremely compromising position I mentioned earlier, I must confess, that I in fact grew up in Australia. And before you say “well, that explains why you love Byron Bay so much” with your fingers wagging with your head gliding from side to side like you are a guest on the Jerry Springer Show, you should also know that I left because I thought it sucked. It wasn’t until I travelled elsewhere and went back for a vacation

Mirey Faema

× Tierney Milne that I realized the country’s full potential.

On this particular trip I was visiting a Canadian friend from Nelson, who was working as an oncall kayak guide. From the moment I arrived we started drinking Vodka sodas and Carlton Colds (a classic Australian Beer). And as the sun went down, so did our inhibitions.

I should let you know that when you have been drinking since the mid afternoon Happy Hour in Byron can begin to feel like the longest hour of your life. The bars boast different drink specials but I have to recommend hitting up the local staple Cheeky Monkey's and participating in a token table dance as you slam back shots.

Somewhere along the line, maybe after my two - hundredth drink I remember looking my friend in the eye and promising her that if she had to lead a tour in the morning, I would join. At this point

it was lightly raining so I honestly didn’t believe that this would end up being a possibility. Had I known there was even the slightest chance, I would not have made such a declaration.

Yet, there I was, dragging my sorry ass out of bed three hours later, when my friend woke me to cash in on my drunken promise. Once I rubbed the chunks of mascara out of my eyes and dealt with the confusion I jumped up, put on a swimsuit and bounded to the beach with so much enthusiasm it was clear I was still very highly intoxicated.

While trying to keep it together I strapped on a life jacket, introduced myself to my American kayak mate and started paddling out to sea.

At first everything was glorious, we were snorkeling with turtles and gleefully snapping underwater pictures. Then without warning, the hangover from hell arrived. In a panic I looked at my options: firstly jumping ship and swimming to shore; secondly vomiting in the water and watching it float around me; or, as a last resort, feeding myself to sharks.

Vomiting isn’t my thing, and I try to avoid it at all costs. Additionally if I jumped ship my poor kayak partner would have been screwed. There were no sharks that day so I decided to complain until they let us head back to shore.

dirty pop

As we got closer I started paddling like crazy believing that once I was on the shore this awful feeling would pass. Instead when I hit the shore I simultaneously hit the ground. I lay there, immobile, physically unable to lift my head from the sand as the guide tried to cradle my head and give me water. I remember thinking that unless someone carried me off in a stretcher I wasn’t leaving this beach.

Then without warning, right at the moment when the other 20 tourists in the group had started eating their complimentary snacks, I sat up and started projectile vomiting. Now if that wasn’t enough to put the tourists off their food I then started crawling towards the ocean giving them an eyeful of my giant white ass in a tiny Brazilian bikini to choke down with their meal.

Once I was done expelling the booze from my system like some sort of weird exorcism I felt great and much to everyone’s horror rejoined the group and began munching on, a delicious Australian biscuit known as the Tim Tam as if nothing had gone wrong. That what you do in Australia.

This is why Byron Bay has a special place in my heart. Check it out. It has a drunken story waiting for you as well.

JJ Brewis Columnist ×

A NATION OF FASINATION

JJ Brewis is a lover and analyst of all things pop culture. In this column, he will examine the inner workings of pop culture and its cause and effect on the rest of us who just live and love as celebrities at heart. Because that’s what JJ is all about. He’s also pretty into that new Paramore song, for the record.

× Jessica Viaje

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But we, as a collective whole, are dumbing down as time progresses. Our attention spans are shortening. If the Google searches don’t confirm that enough, an article in the Daily Mail titled “Are we getting more stupid?” does numbers to illustrate issues with our current collective brainpower. Mark Prigg surmises a claim from Stanford University that outlines a horrifying discovery that we should really try to combat. Prigg explains that we are “losing our intellectual and emotional capabilities” naturally over time via a diminishing ability to retain knowledge and intelligence to be able to survive. “We shouldn’t lose any sleep over our diminishing brain power – as by the time it becomes a real problem, technology will have found a solution making natural selection obsolete.” Yikes.

We need to inform ourselves more. Spend five minutes calculating just exactly what it means when a white 20-something re-appropriates Black culture and challenges notions of slut shaming with a mere wardrobe choice and musical performance. Think about it a bit deeper than the oft-popular about how “Miley Cyrus is a dumb slut.” Next time someone tells you that you’re uninformed, don’t pout about it and prove them right. Tell them your opinion on Russia’s views on homosexuals participating in the Olympics, because, holy shit, what the fuck is up with that

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bit more concrete, like stats on human survival rates in third world countries, might actually get me laid on a first date.

Pop culture consumes us. We flip through the pages of Us or People while waiting in the checkout aisle of our groceries as a reminder that there are people out there in the world who have it easier than we do. It’s a breath of escapism for the everyday person. After all, Us panders to the common folk with sections like “Stars — They’re Just Like Us”, which allow us to find out that, oh gosh, Jake Gyllenhaal also buys milk. What a fucking coincidence. We actually pay for this “information” that feeds into our stupidity. It seems harmless, but it may be taking a bigger toll than we realize. Yes, our lives are hard and it is a relief to escape at the end of a hard day by pre-occupying ourselves with updates about Channing Tatum’s abs, but we also owe it to each other — and ourselves — to stay informed in a balanced manner about both light and serious matters. But we aren’t really doing that.

Of the 10 most Googled terms from last year, only two, teen suicide victim Amanda Todd and Hurricane Sandy, were not pop culture-related. It appears then, that we are more inclined to searching for parodies of “Gangnam Style” than we are curious about natural disasters, health risks and epidemics that we should not only be informed on and empathetic about, but may one day soon find ourselves plighted by on a more personal and direct level.

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This summer, Kim Kardashian gave birth to a daughter, and then named her something ridiculous. Perhaps you heard about that. In fact, it was probably unavoidable information-- even if you don’t give two shits about Kim Kardashian. Even if you didn’t even know who she was when you heard this worldwide idle chatter about her bringing a child into the world. The same week, two states in India entered a two-week stretch suffering a series of flash floods and landslides that would go on to kill nearly 6,000 people and trap over three times as many. But chances are you didn’t hear as much about that.

The fact is most of us didn’t. Because the information about thousands of our fellow humans suffering manic chaos wasn’t projected as far and wide as the lighter news concerning a socialite and a hip-hop artist bearing a child. Celebrity and pop culture news constantly out shadows the daily grit

and more legitimately informative reality found in the remainder of our available news content — you know, that boring stuff they wedge somewhere between the sports results and horoscopes. It is easier for us to digest something accessible and entertaining rather than another harsh and often unfortunate reality in our world. Because life is hard, right? So why should we spend our spare waking moments reading about depressing and unnerving misfortunes happening to our fellow human beings? It’s just simply not as desirable.

Not as fun – not as appealing.

It may seem like I’m talking down to you, but I’m just as guilty as the average person. I could tell you more about Taylor Swift’s relationship history than I could about our province’s geography. That’s actually pretty sad and depressing. Because not only am I not informing myself about the world that I’m lucky enough to occupy, I’m busy filling my mind with endless useless information about pop culture — information that, at the end of the day, doesn’t really enhance my life or anyone else’s.

Some of that information is actually really interesting — did you know that Britney Spears’ “…Baby One More Time” was originally written for TLC? Well, it’s surely an interesting thought that maybe T-Boz, Left Eye and Chilli could have donned those naughty school girl outfits, but it also kind of doesn’t matter at all that I know this useless little tidbit. It doesn’t make me an interesting, informed human being. Maybe knowing something a little

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staff editorial

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

on young love and romantics Katherine Gillard × News Editor

× Cheryl Swan

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I’m bad at dating. I enjoy it, yet it’s not my strong point. I love how awkward first dates can be, and I love witty banter when you first meet someone.

But handling another person’s daily problems and making time regularly in my already busy schedule has always seemed like such a chore. I’ve been on great dates, but most of my attempts at dating or relationships end badly - probably because they were all in high school. I remember a guy taking

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me to the gym as a second date because he wanted to show me what his muscles really looked like.

Maybe it was bad luck, or I may be oblivious to red flags. Either way, dating has never made me want to stick around long, and I was incapable of a long-term, mature relationship.

Recently, however, I have found my cynical self in a very happy and committed relationship. Despite going into university saying that I wouldn’t date until I had a degree, I somehow ended up dating the guy that sat behind me in one of my literature classes. The class was a snore, and him and I hardly talked, but after sending a casual Facebook message about a missed class, I ended up agreeing to hang out. On our first date I realized I was actually really into him, and following it I became that girl who was constantly talking about how super neat the guy she’s seeing is. I became a smitten stereotype.

This one was easier. Making time for him was something I wanted to do, and when I was too pressed for time, he wasn’t irritated. He’d show up late to pick me up and it didn’t even bother me.

In fact, I’ve started being late when I go places.

Previously when a guy would be late I wouldn’t let him live it down, and I’d move on. But with this guy, I just let it go. I’ve never done that. I could feel myself becoming more easy-going and relaxing into a relationship with him.

I met his friends and his family and he’s met mine. I’m still trying to grasp the Internet etiquette of dating. Before him, I would cringe at couples that constantly posted pictures of themselves together being happy. Next thing you know, I’m changing my profile picture to us smiling away on my grandma’s back porch. I’m adding his friends and sisters on Facebook and trying to decide at what point it’s appropriate to follow them on Instagram. Are they even on Twitter? Is it weird that I don’t follow them?

My friends keep commenting on how happy I am, and I’m still in awe of the fact that someone is actually making me happy all the time and I’m not bored of it. I enjoy making time to see him and I look forward to just talking about stupid stuff and watching him dance like an idiot when we go out.

He’s an embarrassingly bad dancer, but somehow I find it charming and find myself doing the same ridiculous dance moves.

I think the trick is finding someone you get along with that doesn’t repulse you or make you crazy. I’ve gone on dates with really great guys that turned out to be really great friends, but the idea of being in a relationship with them made me crazy.

Thus, I generalized all males, and assumed a “boys are dumb” mentality. Turns out, they’re not all bad.

It’s almost surreal that I find myself being truly content with another person. I know that I can be

stubborn and difficult, but he never brings that out in me, and when I do feel myself being difficult I’m somehow able to stop being ridiculous when I’m with him.

I usually picture being in a relationship an emotional drag where I have to consider someone else regularly and make a conscious effort to think of them. Turns out, when you’re actually really happy with someone they cross your mind all the time - like that first crush in elementary school where you’re constantly staring at them or picturing them. Except now it’s little things that trigger it, like seeing food they like or a movie they might want to see. Smiling at juice cartons because he drinks juice. I know it sounds sappy and worthy of an eye roll, but I still enjoy it.

Currently, I am managing to balance work, school, family, friends and this certain special guy.

I never thought I would be able to do such a thing without going insane. It feels weird to think about it, and when I talk about it I sound even stranger but as bizarre as it is for me, I’m happy right now.

Let this be a lesson to the cynics - relationships don’t have to take over your whole life - when it’s right they just fit right in with everything else.

FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

THERESE GUIEB

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

let the bed bugs bite

× Mustaali Raj

THE PARASITES ARE INVADING VANCOUVER + THEY WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor

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ment. Most companies offer to rid your home of bed bugs with effective steam treatments. The bed bugs simply can’t take the searing heat of the chemical-free steam that reaches temperatures of over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit (210°F).

Luckily, the process of burning out the bad boys is the most effective plan of attack since it eliminates both the bugs and their dormant eggs. There is also the option to use harmful chemical sprays, which are now widely banned, or trying to freeze the pests to death. The cutest option available is to send in a bed bug sniffing dog. There are canines that have graduated from a sniffing school in Kansas and have been trained specifically to find the unwanted blood lusting guests with their skilled wet snouts.

Vancouver company, SemiosBIO Technologies, is hoping to overthrow the bedbug epidemic by developing a pheromone-based scent that will naturally repel the insects. SemiosBIO Technologies aims to eventually market a pheromone pellet that could be used in suitcases and hotel rooms to prevent the bed bugs from spreading via travel given that bed bugs are notorious hitch hikers. The scientists are trying to tackle new solutions to the growing problem buzzing through the multitude of metropolises. However, these products are a long way from fruition.

Bed bugs were all but eliminated from North America only 50 years ago, but the problem is back and worse than ever. For now, there is no comfort be offered to the public as the population of blood sucking parasites soars to new heights across Vancouver. No one is safe from having their flesh feasted upon by the vermin decorating bed linens with blood. Keep a keen eye out there; you never know what may be hiding in the cracks..

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west coast abode leaving her with no option but to move. “After my experience with the bedbug scene at the Lotus Hotel, I moved out and to my relief they did not follow me. However, I remained paranoid for over a year afterwards that every flax seed I'd see on the ground was a bedbug.”

Although bed bugs feed on human blood, the BC Ministry of Health and Health Canada do not classify bed bug infestations as a public health concern. The bugs themselves may be unsettling and make your skin crawl at the thought of them but are not so threatening given that they do not transfer diseases. Despite a possible scar and some irritating itching, the eradication of the pests tends to be the most stressful. Most recently, a new McGill University study has provided the first scientific evidence of the insects’ mental health repercussions. It concluded that, bed bug victims are much more likely than others to suffer anxiety, sleeplessness, and possibly depression. Even once you’ve incinerated your plague-ridden mattress, the bed bugs will continue to haunt your every waking moment. Not to mention, you become a total social pariah once words spreads that you’ve been feasted on.

The Vancouver Public Library is no stranger to the influx of bed bugs making their home in several branches across the lower mainland. There have been over forty-one reports of the blood suckers turning up in more than half of the city’s twentytwo branches. The VPL has had to implement new procedures and tougher protocols to ensure that their patrons are only taking out their book, and not a potential colony of parasites. The staff is now trained to keep their eyes peeled for the pests and stuff any book that seems suspect into a plastic bag to be discarded.

Wiping out a fleet of bed bugs is no easy feat and hiring one of the many exterminators in the city averages about $900 for a standard sized apart-

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A collective fear is growing in Vancouver and coincidentally, so is the bed bug population right beyond your front door or possibly behind it. A pervasive buzz of paranoia is gaining its momentum as a global resurgence of six-legged, blood sucking parasites set to take over our private homes, universities, hotels, and any hospitable crevice where a bug may hope to hide. Once thought to only be a downtown eastside problem, calls are now arriving in from Coal Harbour, the West End, and other ‘quainter’ neighborhoods that were once believed to be safe from infestation. There is nowhere to hide for there are simply too many mattresses to man and the humans are terribly outnumbered.

Bed bugs may seem like a scummy nuisance but these insects have the resilience of legends.

One knocked up female, and suddenly a whole high-rise can become infested with these tiny blood hungry pests. “Inbreeding gives bed bugs an advantage in being able to colonize,” said entomologist Coby Schal of North Carolina State University. Just another typical tale: it only takes one home wrecking female to tear apart your humble home. The insects tend to multiply and move through entire buildings at alarming rates due to wild rampant incest. If their engorged blood red abdomens weren’t enough to turn you off, now you know they’re inbred too. In most other species, this would result in a total population collapse but not so for these hardy vermin. It is unusual that bed bugs, like cockroaches, can survive generations of inbreeding. But healthy offspring continue to hatch more thirsty and inbred than ever before.

These little biters can continue to lay eggs even when on the brink of starvation. With just a measly five-minute feeding per week, females lay their

translucent eggs in the nooks and crannies of bed sheets, cushions, and mattresses. Worse news for us, the freshly hatched bed bug is colourless and nearly impossible to see without an intensely keen eye. More alarmingly, a bed bug can live for a year without feeding at all. It’s the kind of creature horror movies live for: a nearly microscopic vampire who crawls over your ripened body in the dead of night thirsting for your plasma. When day breaks ,the insects disappear in the cracks from whence they came to hide behind peeling paint and out of sight beyond the headboards.

The bed bug knows exactly how to find you because they are attracted to the carbon dioxide we exhale while unknowingly dreaming away. The bug administers an anesthetic to ensure you stay in deep sleep, as well as an anticoagulant so your vital life essence will gush freely from your veins.

A bed bug can drink up to three times its body weight in a single meal, turning this light brown bug into a swollen red hued fatty. If you have a serious infestation, you can potentially be bitten up to 500 times on one given evening.

“Oh, they’re definitely spreading, summers are always busiest for us” said Mark Amery, general manager of Vancouver Bed Bug Control. The warmer the weather, the quicker these bed bugs tend to hatch as the summer heat acts as an unsuspecting incubator. Exterminators are working tirelessly, attempting to get the invasion under control. Although the pests had scurried below the radar since arriving in BC in the late ‘90s, by 2006 Vancouver had hit critical mass. Vancouver pest control companies have had to up their game, with many of the experienced technicians never having faced these six-legged blood suckers before.

After arriving in Vancouver from the distant lands of Ottawa, Cheryl Swan moved in to the former Lotus Hotel on Abbott Street. She would soon discover that bed bugs were lurking about her new

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FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

THERESE GUIEB

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

a stronger canada for all

× Katie So

NEW EFFORTS TO MOVE PAST THE LEGACY OF ABORIGINAL RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS

Therese Guieb

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47 issue N o . 02

× Features Editor

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Canada is known for its open arms toward different ethnicities. It is a land where multiculturalism does not hinder its citizens from creating stronger bonds amongst each other. Despite all of this, many of us have forgotten the origin of this country and our ancestors who shaped our nation to what it is today. There is an ominous past within our history that ultimately drew a line in the relationship between the Aboriginal peoples and other Canadians: the Indian Residential School System implemented mainly in the first half of the twentieth century. Although the government has taken action in restoring the relationship between both, it has not been enough to unite our communities and move away from the events that occurred in the past.

On Sept. 22, 50,000 people will be walking for reconciliation in the streets of Vancouver from Queen Elizabeth Plaza to the Southside of False Creek. This event is open to anyone who wants to participate in this healing and learning process. “It’s a shared history that we have and it’s

important that we recognize and honor each of our unique histories,” says Michelle Cho, Community Engagement Lead of Reconciliation Canada, a non-profit organization which is organizing the event. Formed in 2012, “Reconciliation Canada was born from the vision of Chief Dr. Robert Joseph and he is Hereditary Chief of the Gwawaenuk First Nation. He is an Indian Residential School survivor. His vision is to have 50,000 people walk together in the spirit of reconciliation so it’s something that he’s been dreaming about and sort of working on for many years now,” informs Cho.

THE HISTORY In the 1870s, the federal government faced a difficult task to manage the education of Aboriginal children. In order to educate them “effectively”, they sought to develop a system which they believed would make the children adapt to the dominant society. Thus, the Indian Residential School System was developed. These schools were govern-

ment funded and were run by the church. The objective of these schools was to remove and isolate the children from the influence of their tradition, cultures, and families and to teach them the ways of Western civilization. The children were often also forbidden to speak their own language. It was strongly believed that by separating the children from their parents, they would be able to civilize and convert them to Christianity. As a result, the harsh treatment in these schools sometimes reached extremes.

According to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, an estimated 150,000 First Nations, Métis, and Inuit children were forcibly placed in these schools. The people who worked at the schools were highly-educated. Not only did they teach about the way of life of the dominant culture, but also prepared them to be accustomed to the economic system. The schools gave them the opportunity to learn different kinds of musical instruments, play sports, and perform in theatrical shows. However, many of these institutions were

underfunded by the government and were poorly constructed. The environment of the schools was often unbearable. The staff of the institutions assaulted the children if they were caught speaking in their own language and practicing their culture. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission reported that the students of these schools were stripped off their original names and were called

by European names instead; they were also forced to wear European clothing and were fed unfamiliar food. On top of that, some of the children were physically abused and violated when being disciplined by the staff. Their parents had no means of stopping the harsh conditions that their children were going through because they were also ignored by the government and the institutions.

The Indian Residential School System was eventually seen by the federal government as a failure by the 1940s. However, this did not stop them to build more schools throughout the country. It wasn’t until 30 years after that the federal government started shutting down the system or handing

them over to the educational authorities present in the region. Surprisingly, the last residential school that closed dates back to the year 1996.

RECONCILIATION After several years of the Aboriginal community fighting for justice on what occurred in these schools, they were finally heard in the year 2007. A settlement agreement was reached when the First Nations, Inuit organizations, and survivors of the residential schools took the churches and federal government to court. The IRSSA (Indian Residential School Settlement Agreement) is known to be the largest class-action settlement in our country’s history. The agreement included a number of actions for the victims of the school. According to Aboriginal Affairs and Northern Development Canada, the IRSSA includes the CEP (Common Experience Payment) which is to be paid to eligible former students of a recognized Indian Residential School, and an Independent Assessment Process offered to claims of sexual and physical abuse. The objective of the IRSSA is to support the healing of the Aboriginal community through programs and foundations like the Indian Residential Schools Resolution Health Support Program which the government has funded and established.

It wasn’t until June 11, 2008 that the government recognized the need to seek forgiveness of Canadians toward the former students of the Indian Residential Schools. “The treatment of children in Indian Residential Schools is a sad chapter in our history,” said Prime Minister Stephen Harper, during a formal apology he delivered on behalf of the Government of Canada and all Canadians. The Prime Minister added that, “The Government of Canada sincerely apologizes and asks the forgiveness of the Aboriginal peoples of this country for failing them so profoundly." He reminded the nation that the survivors should not have struggled in achieving justice for what happened to them.

This formal apology marked the beginning of a new chapter in Canadian history.

One of the biggest breakthroughs of the es-

tablishment of the IRSSA was the development of the TRC (Truth and Reconciliation Commission). “The TRC is a federally mandated organization and has been sweeping across the country recording the experiences of survivors, honoring that of course, and working toward healing and reconciliation as well,” says Michelle Cho. This commission was built to provide awareness and learn the truth about the residential schools. Cho adds that, “They also go into each community and do hearings where survivors talk about their experiences and then there are also witnesses. I think that the idea is that these experiences are recorded in Canadian history as well so that survivors can have the opportunity to tell their experiences.” The records they collect and the people who speak at these hearings are not only the former students but also their families, authorities of the institutions, and anyone who was affected by the residential schools. The TRC’s task is to collect sufficient information from the people who resided these schools in order to be officially recorded in our history. They organize statement gatherings, community and national events, and commemoration activities. By doing this, they hope to “guide and inspire First Nations, Inuit, and Métis and Canadians in a process of truth and healing leading to reconciliation and renewed relationships based on mutual understanding and respect.”

The hearings that they organize are welcome to anyone interested in learning and partaking in this process. On the other hand, national events are hosted in seven different regions in Canada.

These national events began in 2010. The host cities include: Winnipeg, Inuvik, Halifax, Saskatoon, Montréal, Vancouver, and Edmonton, while the national ceremony closing will take place in Ottawa. The national events were constructed to educate Canadians about the Indian Residential School System. It was also created to honour the former students of the residential schools.

The TRC has truly achieved its goal of inspiring the Aboriginal and Canadian communities to

continue to reconcile in peace.

Locally, Vancouver City Council voted on Feb. 27 and proclaimed that from June 21, 2013 to June 20, 2014 will be the Year of Reconciliation in Vancouver. In the proclamation, Mayor Gregor Robertson stated, “It’s important that all Vancouver residents build our understanding of the histories, contributions, and persistent challenges faced by Aboriginal people in Canada…The Year of Reconciliation in Vancouver will provide an opportunity for people of all cultures to engage in dialogue and work together for a shared future that fully supports the rights and aspirations of Aboriginal people living in and around Vancouver.”

For the past year, Reconciliation Canada has not only worked toward supporting TRC’s national event but also has been preparing the residents of Vancouver for the Week of Reconciliation which will occur on Sept. 16 - 22, 2013 through workshops and projects. According to Cho, “We’ve been doing several dialogue workshops and the very first event that we have had was a dialogue circle from elders from all different cultural communities. Basically, this elder circle was really significant because it sort of jump-started the dialogue circles about what Reconciliation meant to each of their cultures. And you know, they realized how much similarity there was and it’s not something that people realized until they get together and talk to each other.” She adds, “It jump started a whole bunch of Reconciliation dialogue circles within our community so we’ve been doing these dialogue workshops with various communities including the Jewish community, Japanese community, and the Chinese community.”

The organization has also included the participation of elementary school children in the process of reconciliation by creating the ‘Tiles Project’ from the Project of Hearts. “We’ve taken on this project with the goal of getting 50,000 tiles decorated by school aged children in honour of the Indian Residential School children but also in celebration of moving forward and celebrating a new way forward between all Canadians and in spirit of Reconciliation. The goal with these tiles

is that they will be given at the end of the walk to honor all of the walk participants' commitment to reconciliation,” says Cho. Post-secondary institutions like UBC, SFU, and CapU are participating in the Week of Reconciliation. According to Clay Little, First Nations Liaison at CapU, “Capilano University's North Vancouver campus sits on traditional Squamish and Tsleil-watuth lands, and the Sechelt campus is on traditional Sechelt land.” Interestingly enough, one of the Indian Residential School locations was the St. Paul’s IRS in Squamish territory, North Vancouver. Clay states that, “I have personally experienced the inter-generational effects of the residential school system. I will be participating in the Walk for Reconciliation with my family to acknowledge the impact on my ancestors and myself.” He will be sharing his knowledge with the CapU community on this and hopes that the students of CapU will participate in the sharing, healing, and moving forward.

Indeed, CapU has not failed in integrating the Aboriginal history and cultures in campus. The second annual ‘Pow Wow’ event occurred on September 12, 2013 hosted by CSU First Nations student representative Dolly Reno. She says that ,“What the Pow Wow has accomplished in general is bringing people together, non-native people and native people and offering the opportunity to share the native culture and the uniqueness of it and the beauty of it. It is giving specifically Capilano University and Capilano Students’ Union an opportunity to connect with the native community.”

While the government continues to struggle to build a better relationship between Aboriginal peoples and other Canadians, let us support the healing and prosperity of the Indian Residential School survivors. As 50,000 people walk for reconciliation on September 22, Michelle Cho states that, “it is important that we all understand and respect each other in order to live in the same place together. We need to recognize that we’re all human and not all different.”

" AFTER SEVERAL YEARS OF THE ABORIGINAL COMMUNITY FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE...

THEY WERE FINALLY HEARD IN 2007 "

ON the Cover Katie So

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Katie So is good at art and other things, like dry humour and bad boyfriends. When not updating her Tumblr, she can be found slugging back PBR with the classic old dudes at the Legion on Main Street. Her dry humour and art make a great combination for comics, which can be found online at Katie-so.com

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cap calendar Monday 16

Tuesday 17

Wednesday 18

Thursday 19

Friday 20

Rock-a-oke

VFW Opening Gala

Yoga with Beluga Whales

Mickey Rourke turns 60

Fanclub 8:30 pm $5

Chinese Cultural Centre whenever you're exclusive, private invite says $30-$1500

Vancouver Aquarium 5:30 pm $31.50

Your VCR. or DVD or BluRay player or etc.

All day $ free

Karaoke at your favourite New Orleans-themed Granville bar. Belt out a few CCR tunes, slam a few Zombies, and try not to throw-up your Lousiana-style gumbo at the same time. Woo! Our EIC will be there, in her best form, of course.

The least fashionable “big” city in North America kicks off yet another fashion week. Designers include Veejay Floresca, Celestial and Papillon.

We might put on some heels for the event — but let’s be honest here, it won’t be long before we’re back to donning LuluLemon yoga pants and Northface jackets.

Just when you thought Vancouver couldn’t get any yuppier, Stanley Park’s Vancouver Aquarium decides to host a night of Hatha yoga whilst relaxing in the company of baby belugas. Try not to offend as you transition on to downwardfacing seal pup.

Old Hollywood actor who famously played Charles Bukowski in Barfly turns 60 today. Now, post-plastic surgery and steroids, he is better and more-recently known for his role in The Wrestler.

Happy Birthday Mickey!

Zombie Dance

Yoko Ono releases new album

All Nations Canoe Gathering

Cheap Movie Night

Lonsdale Avenue 5 pm - 10 pm $ cost of your brains

Most record stores All day $ cost of John Lennon’s soul

False Creek Harbour 9 am – 12 pm $ free

Cineplex/Famous Players/Landmark theatres Whenever your film starts $ half-price

A melange of zombie-themed activities take place across Lonsdale Avenue. There’s music, pizza, fashion, tarot reading, a silent auction and tattooing. Bar your doors if this isn’t your thing.

Every Beatles’ fan most-hated super villain, Yoko Ono, releases her 15th studio album today. The woman responsible for breaking up the fab four continues her legacy with Take Me to the Land of Hell. Thanks a lot, Yoko!

As part of Reconciliation week, several handcarved, cedar dugout canoes travel from Kits point to Science World on False Creek. Canoes are welcomed in a traditional Coast Salish ceremony.

It’s Tuesday, which means that every Hollywood flick is half-price today. Great for your student budget, or if you’re just a cheap date. Be prepared for that full-price popcorn, though. They’ll get you every time.

Lance Armstrong turns 41

The Sapphires

Red Girl Rat Boy

Improv Against Humanity

Everywhere but France All day $ cost of seven gold medals

Cineplex Odeon Park & Tilford 7 pm $11

Vancouver Public Library 7 pm $ free

The Rio Theatre 8 pm $9

The most shamed man in sports turns 41 today.

Made famous by his seven consecutive Tour de France wins, and subsequent revocation after blood doping accusations, Armstrong is also known as Sheryl Crow’s ex-boyfriend.

North Shore International Film series presents the Sapphires, an Australian musical dramedy about four aboriginal Australian women who form a musical troupe called the Sapphires. The group travels to Vietnam in 1964 to perform for the troops during the war.

Award-winning Vancouver writer Cynthia Flood puts out her fourth collection of short fiction, Red Girl Rat Boy. There is a reading with discussion to follow. Hurrah for our hometown literature heroes!

Interactive improv based on the game Cards Against Humanity (or: the adult Apples to Apples). Come ____ to the _____ so you can end up doing _____. Who’s in?

The Secret Sex Lives of Animals

Jimmy Fallon turns 38

The Lumineers

Hapa-palooza Festival

Vancouver Aquarium After hours, 6 pm $18 - $25

Your house All day $ cost of your own cupcake

Deer Lake Park 5 pm $39.50

Vancouver Public Library 7 pm -8:30 pm $ free

Now you can see it somewhere other than the Discovery Channel. Satisfy your inner perv, er, biologist and learn about the secret sex lives of animals in this Vancouver Aquarium after hours special. Food, wine and beer available.

The world’s best Neil Young impersonator gets another year closer to 40 today. Good friend of the Roots and Justin Timberlake will probably be blowing out 38 candles whilst you wish for famous friends. Poor you.

Colorado-based roots revival band foot stomps and banjo picks its way into the hearts of Vancouverites lucky enough to have bought tickets to this sold-out show. Oh well, there’s always more of the same on the Peak FM. 102.7666

Mixed media flicks featuring multi-ethnic subjects and casts. Featuring the Canadian Premiere of Ema Ryan Yamazaki’s documentary on third culture kids, Neither Here Nor There, and the narrative short film Kimchi Fried Dumplings by Jason Karman, featuring Kyle Toy.

Anchorman

It’s All Greek to Me!

Neko Case

Scott Moraes Turns 23

The Rio Theatre 11 pm $6-8

Hellenic Community Centre on Arbutus All day $ free

Orpheum theatre 7 pm $28.50-$35.50

Maple 122 10-5 $ cost of tiramisu

Love or hate Will Ferrell, the ridiculous ‘70s themed comedy about the celebrity of broadcast journalism plays as this week’s Friday Night Cult Classic. $2 discount if you dress in movie-themed costume.

This Greek food festival boasts Greek language lessons, an agora-style marketplace, and other cultural treats. Eat dolmates, fried cheese and lamb souvlaki. Yum!

New Pornagrapher’s singer, solo songstress and honourary Vancouverite Neko Case plays her honourary hometown, showcasing her latest album The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You. Say that twice and once backwards. Dare you.

It's our managing editors, Scott Moraes birthday!

On Top of being a fabulous, comedie writer, he's also a sexy Brazilian. Kind of like Gisele Bundgen. He likes tiramisu, unlike Gisele who probably doesn't like food.

I Love Bill Murray-thon

Farmer’s Market Mayhem End

Islands

Last Day of Summer/First Day of Autumn

The Rio Theatre 4:30 – 9:30 pm $6/$9/$12

Trout Lake, Kerrisdale All day $ cost of eating local

Media Club 8:30 pm $15

North of the Equator All day $ free

An all Bill Murray film festival plays at the Rio. From 4:30 pm to 9:30 pm, the venue will screen Stripes, Groundhog Day and Lost in Translation.

Keep your ticket stubs for free admission to the Bill Murray-thon afterparty at the Biltmore Cabaret.

Saturday morning is every neighbourhood’s favourite farmer’s market day. Trout Lake, Kerrisdale and the West End all boast local greens, food vendors and treats. Stay yuppy!

Members of the Unicorns reform in Quebecbased indie-rock group, Islands. They play the Media Club, touring with their most recent album, Ski Mask. Don a wool hat and denim jacket, and slug back a few PBRs. We will be doing the same thing, but for us, it’s like a bedtime ritual.

Celebrate the Autumn equinox by ordering a pumpkin spice latte, wearing brown and putting your clock back one hour (in advance of actual daylight savings time). Alternately, mourn summer by refusing to step outside as you blast the heat and don a plastic Hawaiian lei. This is sad, you guys.

Breaking Bad

The National

Summer’s Last Food Cart Fest

Draco Malfoy’s Birthday

American Movie Channel 6 pm $ cost of cable

PNE amphitheatre 5 pm $40

215 West 1st 12 pm – 5 pm $2

Your Harry Potter DVDs All day $ cost of muggle tears

Watch an evil Walter White do more evil things like: screw over his brother-in-law, orchestrate murder and launder inexplicit amounts of cash.

Then, hang by the seat of your pants until next Sunday.

Ohio-based indie-rock band play the Pacific National Exhibition amphitheatre this evening, touring their latest album Trouble Will Find Me. It’s one good reason to show up to class hungover on Monday.

Say goodbye to Vancouver’s most popular foodie fixture. Trucks like Holy Perogy, Taco Fino and Roaming Dragon, among others, set up camp between Olympic Village and Cambie Street bridge for the final installment of Food Cart Fest this year.

Ok, it’s not actually Draco Malfoy’s birthday, but the actor that plays the evil little wizard-shit turns 25 today. How weird is that, you guys?

Draco Malfoy is an adult (and he has been for 6 or 7 years, depending on where you’re from), you guys.

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arts + Culture

A + C EDITOR ×

ANDY RICE

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

bye bye miss american pie NEW POLICY PUTS FINANCIAL STRAIN ON LOCAL VENUES James Martin × Writer At first, it's hard to understand why somebody would be against a policy that protects their own job market from foreign competition. However, that's exactly what's been happening across the country as countless Canadian musicians have voiced their opposition to recent changes made to the Temporary Foreign Worker Program. Rather than applauding the government for looking out for home-grown performers, many musicians and others in the industry are instead slamming those responsible for not seeing the bigger picture. The new rules make it unfeasible for smaller venues to host bands from America and further abroad, and many in the music community fear that will mean lost revenues and tougher times for the venues they rely on to stay open, among other concerns.

The new Temporary Foreign Worker Program rules state that any Canadian employer looking to hire someone from outside the country must pay a $275 application fee for each foreign worker, followed by an additional $150 for each approved employee's work permit. $425 per person may be a cost some businesses could absorb if they were to hire one or two people for several weeks or months, but the numbers become grossly disproportional as soon as you try applying them to a live music situation. Musical acts are nearly all comprised of multiple musicians, and while on tour a band is usually only able to "work" at each venue for a

single night before moving on to the next city. For example, hiring a four-piece rock band from the States for a single stop on its tour will now put a Canadian venue on the hook for $1700 in fees for a single night of music, and that's before shelling out for promotion, a sound technician, or even paying the band. If the touring band has any support staff travelling with them such as a manager, driver, or merchandise seller, the venue will have to pay the same fee for each one of them as well.

To top it all off, if the band is later denied entry to the country or is otherwise unable to make it to the gig, the entire fee is non-refundable.

Mitch Ray, a Vancouver-based music promoter who has worked with several American bands in the past, says that the changes will definitely deter foreign bands from touring our country. "With the new regulations that have come in to effect, it is essentially impossible for many bands to tour in Canada playing bars and clubs. Some venues will remain exempt... but it will still be a massive deterrent for bands wanting to play Canadian shows.

Unless a band can find exempt venues at every stop on their Canadian tour dates, they likely won't be able to book a successful tour. The lack of options and general uncertainty will potentially be a huge problem."

While some Canadian artists might be glad to hear that there could theoretically be more booking opportunities available for themselves, the new changes worry others like local musician Spencer Hargreaves for several reasons. "I think it will make it much harder for up-and-coming [Ca-

nadian] bands to open for larger out-of-country acts,” he says. “Being an opener band for [American band] He's My Brother, She's My Sister was probably one of our best gigs in the last year or two as far as attendance goes". Hargreaves, who has toured Canada and the USA with his band Redrick Sultan, is also worried that reduced contact between Canadian and American bands will make it tougher for Canadian bands to make connections south of the border, diminishing their chances of being able to break out into the much larger American music market. His more immediate concern, however, is for what will happen now that foreign talent will no longer be drawing their fans to the smaller local stages. "The crazy thing about it is that the live music scene is already so precarious. The venues in Vancouver already seem to have a tough enough time staying open."

The online backlash from the music community has been so intense that the Minister of Employment, Social Development & Multiculturalism Jason Kenney took to Twitter several times to defend the decision. He made the case that the changes are a cost recovery tool that is simply passing fees along to the businesses that are outsourcing labour to foreigners rather than having taxpayers be on the hook.

In the government's defence, they did put at least some thought into the matter by exempting any venues whose primary business is music. While this perfectly logical-sounding loophole makes things easy for theatres, arenas, festivals, and the well-known foreign bands who make decent mon-

ey playing such establishments, it ignores the huge burden still being placed on venues that are also technically bars, pubs, restaurants, coffee shops, and anywhere else where lesser-known bands play.

In these types of venues, the total sum of the musical revenue generated sometimes doesn't even match the $425 fee for a single foreign musician.

Even small venues that are exempt from the fee will be affected by the loss of foreign musicians from their calendar because of the reduced ability of a visiting band to assemble a viable set of tour dates. Still, some small venue operators aren't so concerned. "If we were a bar or a restaurant, it would definitely affect things," says Paul Hutchison, who for the past eight years has booked bands at his Creston, B.C. - based venue, The Snoring Sasquatch, "But personally, I think there's enough Canadian talent to offset that.”

Ultimately, the real losers in this situation are the music fans. Fans who won't be able to see a particular band they like because no venues the right size can afford to bring them back again; Fans whose favourite venue might stop doing live music or even close down because local and national bands just aren't drawing the same crowds as the occasional bigger foreign band

recap : vancouver latin american film fest LATIN AMERICAN FILM IS STRONG + THRIVING Scott Moraes × Managing Editor

for a few films but being fully immersed in it, is to temporarily inhabit a microcosm of a different culture through art, and experience it from an armchair. Such is the power of cinema, and hopefully Vancouver will become more aware and appreciative of it in the years to come.

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rode their bicycles from Mexico to Canada in 1956 and then settled in Toronto. 53 years later, in their late seventies, they drive back down to the starting point and relive that trip, remembering and reconsidering their lives. Brimming with humour and pure pathos, this is a knockout bittersweet documentary which can surely captivate people of all ages.

At the disappointing end there was one lonely film: Avanti Popolo, a mindnumbing avant-garde piece from Brazil. Pretentious, patience-straining, and ultimately pointless, this was hard to sit through. A few funny scenes couldn't save it from sinking (several people actually walked out of this one).

Following the lack of incentive for the arts during the post-war dictatorships and military regimes that plagued most of the continent, Latin America has begun to display a bold cinema determined to blossom with or without government support.

These were films with sharp differences but also dealing, in some way or another, with a shared history of colonialism from which similar themes emerge: domestic abuse, commonplace violence, a perpetual struggle for betterment, memories and legacies of military dictatorships, rape, endemic unemployment.

Well-run and consistently programmed to include movies from 15 countries in Latin America and different genres, VLAFF had all the qualities of a great film festival, and yet, a lot of unsold tickets. Attending a festival such as this, not only

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Film festivals are short-lived portals for the majority of films made anywhere in the world, on the margins of mainstream networks of production and distribution. Many of these films never do get a commercial release at all. For years of extremely hard work, filmmakers often get no more than a few screenings of their films, if they're lucky. That's one reason film aficionados buzz around film festivals, mesmerized by the rare opportunities.

Returning for its 11th year, the annual Vancouver Latin American Film Festival ran from August 30 to September 8 with 35 feature films and 27 shorts on its schedule. This year the festival featured a spotlight on Colombian cinema, and two Colombian films were eventually awarded by the festival's juries: La Playa D.C., directed by Juan Andrés Arango, was awarded Best Film by a firsttime director, and tells the story of three teenage brothers in the Colombian capital Bogotá, each trying to find different ways to evade the urban violence and find a way to support themselves and one another. Very good performances and a vibrant screenplay made this a particularly impressive debut.

Chocó, directed by Jhonny Hendrix Hinestroza, was awarded the Youth Jury Prize. Beautifully scored and photographed in the Chocó region

of Colombia (near the border with Panama), the film is an intimate character study of a Colombian woman who is abused by her husband, and who makes severe personal sacrifices in order to satisfy her daughter's birthday wishes. Slow moving but entirely captivating, the film ends on a surprising violent twist and lingers in memory.

The Cuban movie Chamaco, based on a theatrical play, was made on a shoestring budget of $100 and was shot in only 13 days, according to director Juan Carlos Cremata, a special guest at the festival who had three of his films screened and also served as president of the jury. Chamaco is a piercing urban drama akin to a modern Greek tragedy: it blends a very bizarre love triangle with murder, poverty, homosexual male prostitution, police corruption, and family drama. Cremata, sporting a hat and sunglasses in the dark theatre, mentioned casually that it just had to be done. “The [Cuban Institute of Cinematographic Art and Industry] didn't want to make a film like this,” although Chamaco has now achieved limited distribution in Cuba. “I'm ready to make a film for a dollar or for a million, but I'd rather do it for a million, because with one dollar only it's very hard.” Cremata also joked that for his next film, he would be willing to make an “animation or a porno.”

Another highlight was the endearing documentary Ciclo, which was voted the audience favourite and got a second screening to close the festival. In Ciclo, Toronto-based filmmaker Andrea Martínez Crowther tells the story of her dad and uncle, who

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arts + Culture

A + C EDITOR ×

ANDY RICE

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

Fringe binge THE WORST + THE BEST OF THIS YEAR'S FEST Andy Rice

Faye Alexander

× Arts Editor

× Opinions Editor

From False Creek to East Van, the 2013 Vancouver Fringe Festival lit up performance spaces big and small around the city. The 10-day showcase celebrated its 29th season this year, and while the main festival wrapped up on September 15, many would argue that the best is yet to come. The Public Market Pick of the Fringe, which brings back the best-loved shows as voted by audience members, kicks off on September 18 and runs until September 29 at Performance Works on Granville Island, and the Fei and Milton Wong Experimental Theatre at SFU Woodwards. Tickets are $25 each and are on sale now at VancouverFringe.com.

The festival also has three upcoming performances remaining in its six-show Pick Plus series which began in August. Selected for a limited engagement, these are the artists and groups that turned heads and thrilled audiences at other fringe festivals across the country. From September 19 to 21, Performance Works will play host to Brief Encounters 20. A fusion of genres and interdisciplinary mashups, the nightly events will pair 5 local artists with 5 visiting artists. Also at Performance works will be Big Shot, a one-man drama about a shooting on a skytrain, acted out from the perspective of each person on board. It will run from September 20 to 22. On September 28 and 29, the wartime drama Jake’s Gift will be featured at the Fei & Milton Wong Theatre. Times and additional details are available on the Fringe website.

Not to be outdone, The Courier sent opinions editor Faye Alexander to the festival (with opinions in tow) to come up with a few picks of her own.

THE EPITOME OF REGRET: The Musical Revue Stage A whore. A hyperbolic lunatic. A nerdy outsider. A cocky French Barista. A sexy grandma. This poorly pieced together musical attempted to turn a cast of three into a slew of characters stretched wildly

beyond their capabilities. The opening number, the strongest by far of the nine original numbers penned for the production, set to illustrate a typical relationship destined for failure. She loves him, he loves himself, she is hoping for marriage, and then he is abruptly stabbed. The play was made entirely watchable by experienced actor/improviser Tony Babcock who boasted tremendous comic timing and charm while the confusing plot continued to spring in whole new directions which never really worked. By the time the end was in sight and the play asked the audience, “Are you happy with what you’ve got?” I had to say to myself “Well, no.”

His masterful command of the English language is a rush of brilliance, every moment captivating as he weaves honesty, charisma, and oftentimes frightening humanity. It is a challenging smorgasbord of simple truths and generous insights into what really separates us on the outside versus those criminals within. Murder is just a word.

Rape is just a word. His experience working with pedophiles, rapists, and murderers is complicated -- “It’s like there’s an elephant in the room and he’s raping a panda with his trunk.” I couldn’t bat my eyes or turn away. Steve Larkin confronts both the disturbing facts of life as well as himself in this outstanding performance.

ZOMG! Revue Stage Zombies! Mayhem! Small children with guns!

ZOMG! is a one-woman play about Brenda, a former soldier with a blood-stained past, who is trying to make amends by volunteering as a Ranger Scout leader. Actress Jodi Nichols makes the task of taking on the zombie apocalypse on a darkened, bare stage (with close to no props) a surprising breeze. Watching Brenda unfold before the audience from a tough militant, suffering a pack of tweenaged girls, to later reveal her true good-hearted nature is a humorous and charismatic journey. Each time the stage would darken, Brenda would later reappear with an update on the “freaks” and casually express her utter exasperation with dealing with the big-eyed impressionable girl scouts she has vowed to keep safe. The zombies are the easy part; as most of us already know, it’s tweenaged girls that are the real threat.

Radio: 30 Waterfront Theatre Chris Earle premiered his dark comedy, Radio :30, at this year’s Vancouver Fringe Fest, spinning the tale of a sharp-tongued voice actor who falls apart at the seams while in the midst of recording a 30-second radio ad. In a sound proof booth, isolated from humanity, we are introduced to Ron (Chris Earle) whose melodic radio voice gives you the false sense of a man who could easily be your best bud. Ron turns the switch and breaks down the ins and outs of the ad game alongside emotional treachery. The production never gets fussy and it is a beautiful example of less being more. Earle demands your attention throughout the entirety of his performance and never falters to keep your eyes glued right to him and each slicing remark he makes. Well-timed and accompanied by a great sense of humour, this was well worth the ticket.

N.O.N.C.E Waterfront Theatre *FAYE’S PICK OF THE FRINGE* N.O.N.C.E. stands for Not On Normal Courtyard Exercise and refers to the type of prisoner slam poet Steve Larkin worked with as poet-inresidence at a British therapeutic prison. Larkin performs 75 minutes of beautifully crafted storytelling, detailing his year spent attempting to help prisoners escape through the power of creativity.

Strapless Performance Works Starring Jackie Blackmore, Iva Kapsikova, Sidika Larbes, Lauren Martin, and Megan Phillips, Strapless is a Vancouver-based sketch comedy show that boasts some of the best female sketch comics the city has to offer. These five women seek to bend their talents to the furthest they can reach. Although not every number in their fleet of sketches is an uproarious win, the flops only make the next

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laugh all the better. This is female-centric comedy, but still has the ability to reach the skeptical males who still have the archaic mindset that girls can’t possibly be as funny as their male counterparts.

Strapless is for those who want to get a little liberated and let it all hang loose. Nothing like chicks to make it all happen organically.

Little Pussy Revue Stage I’m not going to say I didn’t feel a little mislead by the title of this play. I thought I was in for a naughty romp of sexual exploitation and full frontal vaginas, when in fact things were about to get a lot more serious. Playwright John Grady tells his true tale of being picked on, chased down, and beat up from childhood to adulthood. And then suddenly it kicks in as to why he titled the play ‘Little Pussy’ --- I had almost forgot that could be a bad thing when used in venomous tongues.

It’s a quest for manhood growing up without a father figure. At what point do we stand up and say we’re not a pussy anymore? Grady stitches things together with subtle humour and a knack for this relevant and relatable journey.

The Human Body Project Cultch Historic Theatre Tasha Diamant takes the stage and you can’t help but notice the woman is completely naked. Not only is she completely naked for this entirely unscripted 75-minute performance, but she seems downright cool about the whole deal. It makes you question why exactly you’re feeling so out of place and why you can’t stop staring directly at her areolas. She casually talks about her day job, her kids, where she grew up, and you feel like this is someone you wound up stuck next to in a broken down elevator. She challenges her own vulnerability while cleverly challenging yours. The performance is both humbling and inspiring and you simply can’t wait to get your clothes off by the end of it. Nudity forever.

Andy Rice × Arts Editor

THE EAGLES - SEPTEMBER 7, ROGERS ARENA Andy Rice × Arts Editor In this world there are two types of people -- people like the cab driver from The Big Lebowski, blissfully cranking Eagles tunes with the utmost of loyalty; and then there are others like The Dude, twitching and griping at even a mention of one of the most successful bands of all time.

Love them or hate them, the Eagles were sounding better than ever at Rogers Arena on Saturday, September 7. In fact, it was hard to knock anything about the band, their everlasting harmonies, and the endurance the fivesome of retirement-aged rockers exhibited during their three hour performance. The sound guy was noticeably asleep at the wheel, but that was almost forgivable.

Like most of the audience and musicians on stage, it was probably way past his bedtime.

The Eagles themselves were wide awake, and the entire band seemed more comfortable, more playful, and more genuine than they were for their last appearance in Vancouver back in 2010. Deeper album cuts and rarities like “Doolin-Dalton” and

“Those Shoes” filled out the set while obligatory favourites like “Hotel California” and “Take It Easy” kept the crowd enthralled.

Dubbed The History of The Eagles tour, the current jaunt explores their humble beginnings as Linda Ronsdadt’s backing band, their early shows at the Troubadour, and their rise to a level of fame that would ultimately devour them (albeit temporarily) in 1980.

While the band is still lacking the presence of guitarist Don Felder, as they have been since his firing in 2001, they did regain an original member for this tour: Bernie Leadon, who carried the Eagles through the country-rock period that defined their early career, returned as a special guest during the first half of the show. Now missing the mop of curls that defined his own early ca-

reer, he’s clearly become the bald Eagle.

Surprisingly, age wasn’t a noticeable factor for the rest of the band, especially among the four lead vocalists. Don Henley and Joe Walsh sounded remarkably better than ever. Glenn Frey and Timothy B. Schmit held their own as well, though they did work a little harder for some of the high notes and sang some of their hits in lower keys. But when those trademark harmonies kicked in, the Eagles were in full flight like it was 1975 all over again. Even The Dude would have been impressed.

master of the house JAZZ STUDIES COORDINATOR TALKS CONCERT SERIES, PROGRAM CHANGES Jeremy Hanlon × Humour + Fiction Editor

It may not look like a live music venue, but every Wednesday night, a former chapel in North Vancouver’s lower Lonsdale neighbourhood comes alive for one of the jazz community’s worst kept musical secrets. Presentation House Studio is home to a weekly concert series curated by Dr. Jared Burrows, a longtime instructor and new coordinator of Capilano University’s Jazz Studies program. Beloved amongst students and fans of jazz, the series has gained a steady following over the past five years and has become a weekly gathering place for aspiring musicians and seasoned veterans alike.

Each season, Burrows hosts an eclectic range of performers, both native to Vancouver and from around the world. The current season kicked off on Sept. 4 and it set to showcase everything from traditional jazz to post-bop, free improvisation, fusion, and even world music. “We feature a variety of local musicians from the jazz community and from other styles of related music....

Jazz related [and] jazz influenced kinds of music, and occasionally we’re able to have people from out of town,” says Burrows. “We’ve had people from Australia, various parts of the United States, and from across Canada. We’ve had a lot of Cap students involved in the past and in performances there as well.”

One particularly exciting addition to the series this year is a live recording initiative that will immortalize each of the concerts. “We are beginning probably what’s going to be a two year project of trying to film as much of the series as we can,” says Burrows. “There are already quite a few YouTube videos from Presentation House, and Lawrence Wu, one of our instructors here at Cap, will be helping us with the video and audio recording part.” He and his team will be using a five camera setup to get right in on the action. “There’s already a YouTube video of Leo Bae’s trio up on the

× Taylor Lee

Cap Jazz YouTube site which people can look at.

We have done lots of recordings before, but this is new in the sense that we’re going to try and do it most weeks.”

Another change to this year’s programming is the introduction of a designated night featuring student ensembles. “The first Wednesday of each month will be Cap Jazz Night,” says Burrows.

“Jessica Toplak, one of our students, is booking that part of the series for us. We hope that it becomes a central place for Cap students to come out and play.”

Settling into his new role as Jazz Studies program coordinator, Burrows says he intends to make a few changes there as well. “An exciting thing that is coming up is that we are redesigning the Jazz degree and we’re in the process of doing that now, and so we hope to launch that sometime in the next year or two. There are discussions with the ministry of education and at various levels of the university governance to work all of that out.

That’s something that Grace [McNab, the previ-

ous coordinator] started, so I’m going to try and bring that project to fruition.”

Students who are currently enrolled in the jazz program or are hoping to enter it in the near future may be wondering how this could affect their progression in their studies. Burrows assures that students will likely have the choice to continue on their current paths or adopt the new program coming through. “In all likelihood, it looks like [the current students of the Jazz program] will graduate under the degree profile they came in with or be able to choose the new profile if that’s what they want,” he says. “I think the new program will be easier for students to navigate on their own, so they’ll need me less to help them know which courses to take and when they’re going to graduate. They’ll be able to monitor their own progress through the degree much more effectively.’’

And if jazz students can navigate their way through the program in its current state, then finding their way to Presentation House should seem pretty easy in comparison. “It’s their back

art shorts reviews

Andy Rice

Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor burning up between the legs of all the longing girls standing against their seats. Those sinister vocals leave you both wanton and satisfied, and you may have been fooled into thinking you just made love.

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47 issue N o . 02

ambiance as sneaky onlookers pulled on their collective marijuana cigarettes. The Weeknd showcased both material from his upcoming release as well as fan favourites that date back to his debut mixtape House of Balloons with inspired and long awaited performances of the sultry, Siouxsie and the Banshees-sampling "House of Balloons/ Glass Table Girls" and comedown classic "Loft Music". Tesfaye and the three-piece band slide through the set with seamless sexiness that oozes through the crowd like lubricant. Just when you’re wondering if it is wrong to feel this good, ethnic lesbians go from softcore to fully nude on the screens above the stage for title track “Kissland”.

The show ends with an eruption as The Weeknd takes on “Wicked Games”. You can feel the fervor

the capilano courier

× Arts Editor

THE WEEKND - SEPTEMBER 7, THE ORPHEUM

You’ve somehow managed to get a Buxom Betty back to your place. The lights are dim and she is lying there in your bed; you’re on the cusp of some legit sexual shit taking place. You both can feel it, and now it all lies in your choice of playlist. You pull out your Macbook Pro (bonus points: girls go crazy on that lit up Apple symbol) and hit play on your The Weeknd discography.

It’s basically guaranteed that the vixen spread out on your sheets will be impressed and ready to go by midway through track one. Clothes come off and you may even fool her into thinking you just made love. This is The Weeknd.

The Weeknd brought his Kiss Land heat to Vancouver’s Orpheum theatre, the first big opener in his fall tour. The elegant venue took on a smoky

yard,” says Burrows. “We’re right there close to 3rd and Lonsdale. It’s the heart of the North Vancouver community here, and it’s just a relaxed place for people to come. There’s no alcohol served, so people of any age can attend. And hey, it’s free tea and cookies. Who doesn’t like free things? That’s good for students.”

“It’s just important, especially for music students, to have a community of people that they can hang out with and share ideas,” he continues.

“That’s how interesting things happen in the arts, especially in music; when people get together and start hanging out in a place, and talking about what’s going on, hearing and seeing what’s going on. New ideas come up, and new collaborations can form.”

Jazz at Presentation House runs every Wednesday evening during the academic schedule, starting at 8 pm. Admission is $10, and includes free tea and cookies. Presentation House Studio is located at 333 Chesterfield Avenue.

Faye Alexander ×

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OPINIONS

OPINIONS EDITOR ×

FAYE ALEXANDER

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

blurred lines

THE 2O13 VMA'S GO VIRAL THANKS TO CYRUS TWERK FEST Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor At this year’s MTV Music Video Awards, Miley Cyrus took the stage, clambering out from a robotic teddy bear, her tongue lolling wildly from her matte red pout. The one time Disney starlet strutted, half out of breath, while desperately seeking something to motorboat during her performance of “We Can’t Stop”. By the time Cyrus shimmied off her teddy bear onesie in lieu of skin-coloured latex skivvies, Robin Thicke took the stage, and jaws dropped on a national scale. The foam finger had made its first appearance, and things were about to get whole new level type frisky.

Cyrus's behavior on stage during the “We Can’t Stop” / “Blurred Lines” / “Give it 2 U” medley bested Beyonce’s superbowl performance on tweets per minute. Although Cyrus’s best attempt at twerking set social media ablaze, isn’t this exactly what we have come to expect from MTV’s yearly award show? The program has a reputation of showcasing at least one viral performance that tends to set the generational divide. Think Madonna’s iconic “Like a Virgin” or Britney’s “Oops … I Did It Again”, performances that were defiant and certainly scandalous in context. We’ve basically given a 20-year-old girl the power to touch some nerves, cause some parental discomfort, and inspire reactions both good and piss poor from media and blue-collar types alike.

× Cheryl Swan “I don’t pay attention to the negative because I’ve seen this play out so many times.” Cyrus asked, “How many times have we seen this play out in pop music?” And she isn’t wrong. This is such a classic uproar it’s almost dull in nature. Despite the negative flack Cyrus has received for performing in a way considered to be unbecoming to the former Hannah Montana star, the songstress was doing what any other girl her age would be doing in a darkened club. There are likely thousands of girls in Vancouver alone, parading up Granville on any given Saturday night, about to embark on twerk fests all their own. No one seems too concerned about those girls in their ultimate miniskirts and sky high stilettos. The public seems to only ac-

knowledge what MTV puts in front of them.

It is a shame that Cyrus's foam finger bangathon would overshadow the rest of the medley. The truth is 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar were outstanding and delivered the strongest performances of the whole spiel, but everyone was too busy staring at Cyrus to notice. The world was so busy tweeting out their enthusiastic reactions to nude underwear and Cyrus’s strangled backside that it was as if the end of the number never took place. While all eyes were rolling around Cyrus’s antics on stage, no one seemed the least bit bothered by the content of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” lyrical content either. If you think a scantily clad starlet, grabbing her crotch and grinding up on a dance partner is

raunchy, trashy, and offensive but you don’t think her dance partner is raunchy, trashy, or offensive as he sings a song about “blurred” lines of consent and propagating rape culture, then you may want to reevaluate your acceptance of double standards and your belief in stereotypes about how men vs. women “should” and are “allowed” to behave.

Cyrus’s on-stage flirtation with the twerk sensation may have even cost her a coveted Vogue cover shoot. She was due to grace the upcoming December issue of the renowned publication but has ruffled the feathers of editor-in-chief, Anna Wintour. The polarizing performance may not have worked out in Cyrus’s best interest as far as Vogue is concerned, but was perfectly timed as she sets to release her next single, “Wrecking Ball”. The media craze has made Miley Cyrus a hot ticket, and X-Factor has already signed Cyrus for a live show slot for their fast approaching third season.

Controversy only breeds excitement, and it's all part of MTV’s genius. There are no mistakes up on that stage, it is carefully designed specifically to create rollercoaster reactions. They want to have people buzzing, they want to start a conversation.

Miley Cyrus took the role of sexual scapegoat on full stop and doesn’t seem too worried about the entire ordeal. She was just another 20-year-old girl acting like a 20-year-old-girl and taking the onslaught of slut shaming like a seasoned champ.

“What’s amazing is I think now, we’re three days later and people are still talking about it. They’re over thinking it,” she says. “You’re thinking about it more than I thought about it when I did it. Like, I didn’t even think about it ’cause that’s just me.”

chemically unstable

A CLOSER LOOK AT SYRIA'S PLIGHT Carlo Javier

the capilano courier

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× Staff Writer

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Imagine living in a country in the midst of chemical warfare, where airborne agents are released stealthily in order to eliminate as many people as possible, with blistering speed and efficiency.

Imagine coming home from school, with no knowledge that a sarin gas-packed rocket has landed just a block away from home. The nerve agent takes effect in mere seconds, exposure to high dosages kill, and exposure to low dosages eventually kill.

They’re called Weapons of Mass Destruction for a reason, chemical weapons fall under this umbrella term. These tools for massacre can be vapourized or liquid-based. Either way, they lead to mass murder.

Living in a country blitzed by these weapons is nothing short of hell, as exposure can only lead to two possible scenarios: immediate death, or temporary survival with prolonged pain and side effects.

On Aug. 21, the Syrian Civil War escalated to the zenith of its violence, the “Red Line” that United States President Barack Obama declared was crossed, as chemical warfare bombardment took place. The yet-to-be confirmed death toll lists somewhere between 355 to 1729 civilians, plus more than 3600 injured. Once confirmed, this attack will be the deadliest of its kind since 1988.

The Ghouta region of the Rif Dimashq Governorate of Syria acts as the physical manifestation

of the country’s current dichotomy. Its farms split the civil war stricken Syrian city, from the arid Syrian Desert. The city, entrenched in an armed struggle between the public and incumbent President Bashar al-Assad’s government; and the desert, the almost uninhabitable terrain that has become arguably the most peaceful region of Syria.

Ghouta lies in between the two starkly contrasting lands, their environments switched, and their roles reversed. Ghouta is also the site of the condemned chemical attacks on the Syrian public, suspected by international governments to be led

by Assad himself.

Regrettably, chemical warfare has been an everpresent issue in the past hundred years. The present generation is fortunate enough to be nearly free of becoming victims to these crimes on humanity. Even this time, a military intervention seems to have been averted with the surprising diplomatic proposed cooperation that will bring Syria to surrender its chemical weapons to international control, a cooperation between the US and Russia – Syria’s biggest ally.

When focusing on the use of chemical weapons alone, one question cannot help but manifest itself: what would it be like living in a country during chemical warfare? It would mark either death or struggle for survival. The only inevitability that can be assumed with clarity is that nothing will be the same.

A British weapons inspection team was reported to have found evidence that sarin gas was used in the attack. The New York Times corroborated by

reporting that the toxic gas “with fifty times more nerve agent than previously estimated,” was loaded onto rockets in order to strike neighbourhoods.

Centres for Disease Control and Prevention describe sarin as the most toxic among chemical weapons; it can access the human body through the eyes, mouth, nose, ears and even clothes. Low dosage exposure to sarin possesses long-term effects such as damaging brain function and the immune system. The effects of a chemical weapon such as sarin give every reason to believe that living in a country in the midst of chemical warfare would be near impossible.

The escalation of the Syrian Civil War from an armed insurgency to chemical warfare drew rapid responses from international forces. Last year, President Obama declared the use of chemical weapons to be the red line that neither side of Syrian Civil War should defy. Now that that boundary is broken, countries are stepping in. US Secretary of State John Kerry was adamant that an intervention was absolutely necessary, but it was also Kerry’s gaffe that may have played the biggest role in the pursuit for a more diplomatic approach. Kerry, who seemed to have unknowingly revealed that if Syria surrenders complete control of their chemical weapon surplus, a military intervention would be prevented. Furthermore, despite Kerry’s obvious skepticism, Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov released a statement agreeing with Kerry.

What could this mean for the future? It’s possible that the world’s major players, in terms of chemical weapon inventory, have come to terms

for reasons of peace.

Or it could simply be another supporting argument for the world’s most dangerous paradox.

Despite being considered among the last resorts in armed conflict, use of chemical weapons never guarantees a resolved conflict. It’s a profound irony that the biggest tools that keep the States from resorting to total chemical warfare are the chemical weapons themselves. The doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction – an understanding of reciprocal annihilation – the more weapons of mass destruction a country has in its arsenal, the less likely it is for war to breakout.

The most devastating weapons are built in order to prevent the use of other extremely destructive weapons that opposing sides own. Essentially, the deadliest tools in humanity’s arsenal are also its safeguards.

An United Nations estimate reveals an estimated toll of over 100,000 casualties. The situation in Syria changes by the hour, and the course of action of international powers is nearly as unpredictable, but stripping Assad of chemical weapons isn’t a bad start.

who buys the underpants

STUDIES QUESTION MALE HYGIENE HABITS Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

× Miles Chic My visa bill has a charge for $759 from Bed Bath and Beyond festering on it. When I splurged there in August, I bought everything from 400-count white linen sheets, to a duck feather duvet, and a bed skirt (yes, I bought one of those). It was slightly embarrassing returning to Canada with a car full of sheets and a collection of Disney dolls that my friend had bought, but so worth it. I now refer to my bed as “Cloud Jr.” and derive a sick sense of pleasure from drowning them in bleach and laundry detergent weekly.

When casually mentioning this while on a date, the guy looked at me and said “Every week. That’s crazy. Mine have smelled the same since May.” It’s not news that guys have different hygiene habits than girls do. This is an age-old stereotype that is ingrained in us from an early age. What is news in this is that according to a CBC news article, single men change their sheets a mere four times a year. This is based on a study done by a mattress company in the U.K., Ergoflex. According to the study, “Among single men aged 18 to 25, 55 per cent changed their sheets every 3.1 months. Of that grubby group, 49 per cent figured that was an acceptable frequency, and another 19 per cent didn't care.”

The study also mentioned that of those 55 per cent, 17 per cent said that it did thwart some potential lovers.

Another alarming UK study suggests that men

only buy their underwear for seven years of their lives. They rely on Christmas presents and girlfriends for their gonch, preferring to wear their Rudolph and Elf undies into the summer months than to purchase their own. According to the British department store, Debenhams, single men only buy their undies if they are looking to attract someone into their beds.

In an interview with NYdailynews.com, Rob Faucherand said, “You can tell when a man is looking for a partner by the number of new underpants they buy. If [a man] buys more than 31 pairs every year, he's either still trying desperately to impress

the woman in his life - or else she's not The One.” So while I’m dropping my next pay cheque on the Cloud Jr., my date is spending $20 on a new pair of underwear to attract me to his unkempt bed. These studies just cement those stereotypes of boys being messier and less hygienic than their female counterparts. They are also mass generalizations. But this created more curiosity, and I asked a recent romantic fling, Chris Elliot*, about his undie-buying habits. His response: “Grandmas and Mom – they stock me up with so many pairs, I’m good for the majority of the year.”

“I think I bought three pairs in the last year…

maybe,” he continues, “And I buy them because they hug my nuts nicely. Looking good in them just comes naturally.”

His response may not be modest, but it’s honest, and supports the study findings. He’s a workingclass, single-ish, 27-year-old dude, and his mom still buys his underwear. That may be the norm for this class of men.

This study isn’t life changing, but is an interesting look into male behaviour. They will wait for Christmas to stock up on underwear, buying the token pair to impress women or “hug nuts better,” at which point, whatever girl they impressed will probably take over the underwear shopping for him.

As for the sheets, that raises more concern, as dirty sheets may lead to health issues, and be an invitation for other mites and bacteria. As this study is a broad generalization, this habit won’t be a mainstay for all males. But it is something that you may want to ask and be curious about. A lesson to the ladies, maybe drop into casual conversation about how often you change your sheets to see the response. It may determine who gets to host the majority of the sleepovers.

And I will be hanging out in the Cloud Jr. after spending my next pay cheque at Victoria’s Secret, just for the pure joy of clean sheets and nice undies.

* name has been changed

CREEPER

44% Do it your way.

WHAT WAS YOUR LAST REASON TO BUY UNDERPANTS? Mike Okada "Necessity."

Daniel Henderson "Well, my mom bought them for me."

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1.866.949.OPEN | truopen.ca

Travis Franklin "So I wouldn't have to do my laundry as much."

47 issue N o . 02

Amanda Chudori "I didn't have any left. Suddenly they're just lost."

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Arya Mystery "I guess when one starts to break down it’s time to buy a new one. I mean, you wash it every week, it's not like it's gross."

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Study when and where you want for the amount of time that fi ts into your busy schedule. Access over 590 courses and 52 programs offered online and by distance.

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17

CHANGE-OF-COVERAGE DEADLINE: SEPT. 17

Connect With Your CSU Health & Dental Plan Your Benefits for 2013/2014 More than $10,000 in Health-Care Coverage prescription drugs, vaccinations, psychologist, physiotherapist, chiropractor, ambulance, and more...

Travel Coverage up to $5,000,000 & 120 Days per Trip trip cancellation and interruption in the event of a medical emergency

Over $200 in Vision Coverage eye exam, eyeglasses, and contact lenses

Up to $750 in Dental Coverage cleanings, checkups, fillings, root canals, gum treatments, extractions, and more...

Networks Enhance Your Benefits and Save You Money Get even more coverage by visiting members of the Dental, Vision, Chiropractic, Physiotherapy, and Massage Therapy Networks.

Find a health practitioner at www.ihaveaplan.ca.

Covered by Another Plan?

Weigh the Costs and Benefits Being enrolled as a dependant in a parent or spouse’s employee benefit plan usually requires your family member to pay additional costs to have you covered. The CSU Plan may provide better value. You can also combine it with your other plan to maximize your overall coverage— up to 100%—and eliminate out-of-pocket costs.

The Plan is a critical service of the CSU designed to fill the gaps in provincial health care.

Most students who are members of the Capilano Students’ Union and who are registered in at least 9 credits in the Fall Term are automatically covered by the CSU Health & Dental Plan. Part-time students who are CSU members are not automatically enrolled in the Plan, but they can enrol themselves during the Change-of Coverage Period. The cost of the Plan is part of your student fees.

Change-of-Coverage Dates Fall Term students have until tomorrow, Sept. 17, 2013 to change their coverage (opt out or enrol their spouse/dependants) by following the on-screen instructions at www.ihaveaplan.ca.

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Why a Health & Dental Plan?

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Have a smart phone with a QR code reader?

Scan the box to the left to be directed to your Plan’s website.

ihaveaplan.ca The Member Services Centre is there to assist you from 9 am to 5 pm on weekdays : Toll-free: 1 866 416-8701

the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

mental problems Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor I went to my doctor's office and asked for the drugs.

"Please," I ask all innocent-like, "give me something for my anxiety... I'm not handling it well."

In all honesty, that was true. I get those kinds of panics that leap up and down in my throat like a feisty hare trying to escape straight out my mouth.

I have to clench my teeth in hopes of keeping the bastard down. Some days, simple things leave me short for breath and I have to walk away from my job to suck sweetly on a cigarette. I have to wait for my heart rate to slow to a normal pace; hoping the smoke might cool that leaping mammal’s jets.

The habit is getting increasingly expensive as the anxiety gains its momentum. I can’t even afford to smoke the nice cigarettes anymore, the ones in a gold box with that charming kilted woman standing akimbo. Now all I can afford are bargain brands that leave my throat raw and angry. I can feel the anxiety like a freight train sometimes, speeding right through my black chest.

"I won't give you medication," my doctor says.

"I think you would benefit from a program." A huge invisible question mark drifts above my head, accompanied by a large and obnoxious exclamation point. A program my anxiety is like a temperature rushing from cold to steaming hot, enough to make my cheeks go technicolour. Who does this DOCTOR think she is? It took a lot of guts to go in there and straight up ask for anxiety medication. Overcoming the shameful act of even admitting I NEED some sort of stimulant to turn the volume down. The confession to both myself and my doctor that the issue has gotten bad enough that I'm unable to cope on my own has caused me a lot of teeth grinding. 'Give me the bloody Ativan' I think to myself, as she scribbles

down her referral to the wMental Health Services Centre.

My doctor tells me that anxiety is a symptom, not the problem, and I should explore my options before relinquishing myself to prescription medications. I don’t want to undergo a therapy program. I don't need a fucking therapist. I want a ruddy god damn pill that will make the anxiety go away. I want the quick fix, the numb feeling, something to kill the hare that is scratching up my insides, you know? I can't possibly be expected to LIVE with a wild mammal using my intestines as a trampoline! What if that hare raging inside gets out for sobbing out loud? Does that doctor really want to be accountable? I will her to rip up the referral and hand me a large orange bottle of small white pills to place under my tongue, but it doesn’t work. It never does.

I begin therapy with Jason. I sit across from him in that grey cubicle of an office, staring straight through the venetian blinds, overlooking a parking lot. It's an ugly parking lot. There is nothing out there for me to really look at aside from the back of other buildings, with patients peeking out of their windows, staring blankly into the pavement.

I am facing his computer and the screensaver is awfully distracting. It's nothing special, just ads for MENTAL HEALTH things. I can't believe I am sitting here staring at photos of smiling teens overcoming their bipolar diagnosis and fading in and out of the monitor.

Is this what is going to happen to me? Will I be cured of all the pain I'm silently suffering with and then photographed as a poster child for recovery?

I hope so. I imagine myself in a brightly coloured crew neck, beaming ear to ear, possibly on a swing at some park, birds taking wing in the background.

In the photo I am bright-eyed, carefree and there are no living four-legged things scratching up and down my ribcage. I imagine the words "IF SHE CAN DO IT, YOU CAN" below my mega-watt

smile in Comic Sans font. Maybe a dead rabbit somewhere hidden in the shot, just for me.

I realize that this therapy service is for the kind of young people who haven’t gotten their shit together enough to pay for actual therapy. Not trying to take anything away from Jason, I actually like therapy Jason. It’s just that if I had my life together, I could probably be getting therapy in a room with a view instead of this sulky grey box of an office with the parking lot staring grimly back at me from down below. I would probably

be lying down on a comfortable sofa, instead of this rigid blue upholstered office chair. The stiff chair keeps me talking though, no time to slouch or get comfortable around my problems. I feel like if I don’t start spitting the feeling out fast enough, I may be trapped in this stiff, slightly off kilter chair forever. It surprises me how quickly things start to pour through my teeth and out my mouth like emotional music.

The anxiety is a symptom. I wish she’d given me the pills.

× Jessica Viaje

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the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

SHOTGUN REVIEWS : MOVIES SO BAD THEYRE GOOD

SPICE WORLD

FACE OFF

THE ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES

EVIL DEAD 2

Faye Alexander // Opinions Editor

Leah Scheitel // Editor-in-Chief

Scott Moraes // Managing Editor

Kristi Alexandra // Copy Editor

Tweens may be flipping out about the recent release of ONE DIRECTION’s 3D epic THIS IS US, but there was a time when pop was pure.

The ‘90s were a time that didn’t require fancyschmancy 3D goggles for every Disney sensation that rolled across the radio; only the cream of the crop of pop could have hoped for a feature film.

There was no 1997 sensation more deserving than the SPICE GIRLS, who prove that you don’t need a plot, a writer, or special effects to pull off brilliant cinema. You’ve got Elton John swaggering about a hallway in the first five minutes; what else do you need? This film has everything from aliens, a montage, flashbacks, the use of the word “wonderbra”, and endless taglines like “GIRL POWER!” The Spice Girls showcase their acting chops, proving that they are more than just tremendous vocalists by portraying their own mothers, spies, their former selves, and their present day selves! This has Freudian and philosophical undertones left, right and center. If you didn’t pick up on those things, I think you better check yourself and slip this DVD in for a well-deserved replay.

Okay, okay – I’ve never actually seen this movie.

There have been roughly 47 attempts for me to watch it, but I never would quite make it. I’d double-fist cheese puffs and popcorn to near vomit-inducing levels, and then would fall asleep.

Regardless of that, this movie is great to fall asleep to. It’s a sure-fire thing. Not only is Nicolas Cage horrid, John Travolta is there, trying to re-vitalize his career (but everyone knows that he withered right after Pulp Fiction). The reason this movie is a great sleeper-hit is because there are some marvelous lines to draft dreams upon. The good guy, who has the face of bad guy, shudders as the real bad guy (Nic Cage, obviously) says, “Well, I’ve gotta go. I’ve got a government job to abuse, and a lonely wife to fuck” – and this creates dreams of Nic Cage doing Travolta from behind while looking in the mirror and elbow deep in a bucket of KFC. And the line, “If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants” inspires visions of Nic Cage in MC Hammer Pants, dancing vigorously. This movie is great, if nothing else, just to fall asleep to. Highly recommended. Like do it now.

After five minutes of watching this veggie-musicalhorror flick, you know it's genius: A plastic prop tomato, animated by what's arguably the worst voice effects in the history of B-filmmaking, makes its way out of a sink to the horror of a suburban mom who is about to die (death by tomato? What the fuck?!). The theme song goes “They'll beat you, bash you, squish you, mash you, chew you up for lunch” while crediting a special appearance by the Royal Shakespearean Tomatoes, and lying, if it weren't already ridiculous enough, that it's based on the novel Tomatoes of Wrath (Steinbeck rolls in his grave). It's just too hilarious and outrageous to be a creative accident – also, it's kind of a musical. I used to hate tomatoes when I was younger. Maybe it's because I watched this movie on TV when I was five or something, before I had any sense of humour or a solid understanding of tomato psychopathology (now the theme of my PhD dissertation).

Okay, so I know Sharknado or any of the several Friday the 13th movies would be a more obvious choice for a So Bad It’s Good horror flick, but at the end of those “films”, there are just two hours of your life you’ll never get back. Evil Dead 2, or as I like to call it, “The Evil Dead they should’ve made the first time around”, is one of those movies you’ll want to play over and over again because you’re just not finished laughing. wB-movie actor Bruce Campbell and director Sam Raimi — who, I’m sorry, hasn’t made a better film since the Evil Dead trilogy — are a dumbfoundingly disastrous duo, which really makes this flick so over-the-top ridiculously bad-good. Campbell’s über-cheesy sexuality as playboy/demon-hunter Ash sets a comedic tone for the movie, where copious amounts of multi-coloured blood, horrifying cellar witches chanting “I’ll swallow your soul!” and schizophrenic freak-outs are merely a bonus. Other bonus trivia: if you listen hard enough, when Ash looks at the cabin and it seems to beckon “Join us,” it actually kind of sounds like “I’m a house.”

W/ LEAH KINDERGARTEN IT’S ZEE GARDEN OF CHILDREN JIMMY KIMMEL DUPES THE WORLD AND NOW I WANT TO TWERK FOR HIM

SCIENTOLOGY SHOWED TOM CRUISE THE WAY FINDING THE PERFECT MAN I DID. HE’S A DOLL – LITERALLY JERRY SPRINGER ADMIT IT, YOU’D SMASH THAT

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RESEARCHING RELATIONSHIPS ON PORN SITES HOW DID THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?

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MAX IN BELLINGHAM S’UP. CALL ME CHEWING ON YOUR HAIR WHEN YOU’RE BORED HANSON’S BEEN DOING IT SINCE ‘98 CAPU’S IT DEPARTMENT THE NICEST PEOPLE ON CAMPUS HOT CHARTS ONLY FUNNY WHEN DRUNK