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CAPILANO

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COURIER THE THINGS WE FEAR

When harmless phobias escalate into mental illness FREE MONEY

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BEDROOM DENTISTS

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HEALTHY, WEALTHY & WISE

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KAYNE PEST

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Jailhouse Blues

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The Staff

Scott Moraes Managing Editor

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Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

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of this nutritious and delicious university newspaper

Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor

Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Katherine Gillard News Editor

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Carlo Javier Staff Writer

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper.

Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

Lindsay Howe Marketing/Ads/Web Editor

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

here's to your health " Number one, like yourself. Number two, you have to eat healthy. And number three, you've got to squeeze your buns. That's my formula."

Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

- Richard Simmons

When I was in grade 11, my parents sent me to school in New Zealand for six months. It was a great learning and cultural experience but I came back 50 pounds heavier, and with an intense case of acne, neither of which I had had to deal with before. Instead of just enjoying the Kiwi culture, I decided to eat it. Whoops.

Going into my last year of high school with a massive muffin top and one giant zit for a face wasn't what I wanted to do. I was already on the un-cool list for being a nerd and a suck-up, and I didn't need another flaw that could be mocked by my clever peers. So I did something about it - I rented all the Richard Simmons exercise videos that were at my local library. And boy, did I sweat off the cellulite. While squeezing my buns along to the video in the mornings, my dad would come out of the kitchen, with coffee and a handful of cookies, and scoff at me.

"What's this? You definitely didn't get that from me."

Before walking away, he'd yell up the stairs to my mom, "Shelly, are you sure this kid is mine?"

The mockery from my family kept me going, and I began to like the control I was gaining over my body and appearance. So I started to take it further, by counting calories, skipping meals, and having a harsh and negative mentality towards my weight. By the end of the fall term, I had a full-blown eating disorder. The worst part about it was that I knew exactly what I was doing, and that it was dangerous, but that didn't matter. I liked that I was anorexic.

By the New Year, I had lost so much weight that I needed a cover up for it. I joined a few of my science teachers who were training for a triathlon, and threw myself wholeheartedly into training. This worked as a direct ploy to cover up my feeble eating habits. And these habits continued for over three years. After graduating, I moved to Calgary, found a triathlon coach and team to train with, and proceeded to train an average of 15 hours a week.

The technical term for my condition is Athletic Anorexia. It’s when you eat the minimum possible, but not nearly enough to cover the calories used in strenuous exercise. It was my ideal.

I could eat socially, so friends and family members never really caught on that I had an eating disorder, and I never threw up. If I had a big meal, or indulged in a night of drinking, I would punish myself by running an extra hour and staying at the gym longer. And some of my family

THE VOICE BOX

“Lou Reed died! Fuck man, I thought he had died like in the ‘80s or something. Overdose? Maybe I'm thinking of someone else. I am sad now; the world won't be the same without Lou Lou!” Dude, relax. Take a walk on the wild side. You can still listen to all the good stuff from the Velvet Underground and “Lou Lou's” solo stuff. That shit will never get old. I guess a lot of people overdosed in the ‘80s, but I'm not sure who you're thinking about. My death-by-overdose trivia knowledge is not too good.

If you feel sad, listen to “Sunday Morning”. I've always thought that was an uplifting little song.

“After a surprisingly strong start, Cap's Wi-Fi has started to become shitty again. Or is it just me?”

“I want Christmas now! Why do we only have Christmas once a year? That's stupid!”

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Well, you can spearhead a revisionist history of Christianity and make up that Jesus had a brother who was born in July. Solved.

Even if you're the only one who celebrates it.

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The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything Courier. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.

Wow, you are an angry person. Unfortunately, Capilano is neither a university nor a camp for weirdoes. Maybe a bit of both. It's a university for the bland upper-middle-class business kids, like you, and then it's an expensive useless camp for the debt-laden artsy kids. I think everyone on this campus is annoying. Faculty included. Courier staff included. Myself included.

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What surprisingly strong start? Whenever I try to connect to this shitty Wi-Fi, it goes on and off. It's like 2002 all over again.

Weren't we supposed to have satellite connections by now? I hate these little boxes with little antennas. So temperamental.

“I'm so annoyed at all these artsy kids, they're like a plague.

The acting kids just take over the cafeteria there around the couches and they're always high, and the film kids are always playing pool and foosball and shit talking mainstream movies, and the musical theatre kids are the worst of all. Always dancing and singing, even in the library. Is this a university or a camp for weirdoes?”

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WITH : SCOTT MORAES

did notice. I think my mother caught on when I demanded to go for a two and half hour run on Christmas day, even though it was 20 below, and Calgary was in the midst of a slight blizzard. My close friend and training buddy would try to find ways to get me to take in more calories, like ordering me a full fat mocha, but I was slyer than that. I would go to the bathroom, dump the sugary drink down the toilet, and fill the cup up with water, so it could make it seem like I was chugging the mocha. I was good at hiding it.

Things continued this way, and it was getting more and more dangerous. I became amenorrhic – a condition often found in female athletes and ballerinas. It's where their fat levels are so low that they don't menstruate, because their bodies can't afford to lose the calories. My hair was so fine and thin, it began to fall out in places, but all of these symptoms just made me push my body harder. The Canadian Triathlon Association had been looking at me for the national team, and I was beginning to get on their radar for international races, but I was so starved that I couldn't reach my athletic goals. Disappointed, I would penalize myself by training even harder, just perpetuating the stupid cycle. My own demand for perfection began to crumble me. I began having massive fights with my coach, and my boyfriend would beg me to eat every night. It got to the point where something had to snap. And it was my shoulder blade.

Mid-race, my pedal fell off my bike, causing me to break my scapula. This was at an exhibition race in the beginning of summer, meaning that I would be out for the entire season, and not be eligible for elite races, like Nationals and Jr. Worlds, or competing for a spot on the national team. My body had simply had enough, and I took the injury as a way out of that lifestyle. I bought a truck, got a job at a backcountry lodge, dumped my beau, and left. I took some of my shitty habits with me, but slowly, I started eating more and not pushing my body as hard. And I found others things to enjoy, like reading, knitting, and flirting.

I damaged myself in the name of being skinny, and under the facade of being healthy. I did some real harm to my body, and although nearly a decade has passed, I can still feel some of the effects of my anorexic lifestyle. And it all started with Richard Simmons workout videos.

Health is an abstract term, and there are so many different angles on being healthy that it can get overwhelming and confusing. We at the Courier tried to clear up a few of angles, and have dedicated this entire issue to health - to mental, physical, and social health. Next time I cheers a calorie-laden drink (which will most likely be this evening) it will be to your health, every kind of it.

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NEWS

NEWS EDITOR × KATHERINE GILLARD

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

behind bars THE STATE OF PRISONS IN CANADA Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

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× Megan Collinson

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One of the classic topics in the realm of debate is capital punishment. People often argue whether the jail system provides a more justifiable and efficient solution than death. But it also seems that the state of the jail system itself is lost in the fray.

Prisons are meant to confine criminals, deviants, and other offenders from society. That very purpose also creates a cloud that mystifies prisons to the general public. Not much is known about these barred confinements.

human nature. According to Sapers, the criminal law designates prisons as a last resort option, a choice to be made as sparingly as possible.

“We have to make sure that we’re adhering to those two principles: that we use it as a last resort and we use it only when absolutely necessary – and there’s some open questions whether that’s, in fact, occurring today,” says Sapers. “Prison is, in fact, the alternative to a whole range of other consequences.”

PRISON BREAK

THE CHAOS INSIDE

“Prisons are total institutions,” says Howard Sapers, the correctional investigator for Canada.

“Prisons are designed to totally control your every movement; people who run prisons literally have the power to determine whether or not you see the light of day.”

The atmosphere inside a prison is often overwhelming and chaotic. They are usually crowded and can be violent. “They’re the kind of environment where you are constantly on edge, on guard,” says Sapers.

Not only do prisons physically isolate criminal offenders from society, they also create a barrier from regular social interactions – they create a psychologically altering environment.

“The kind of human interactions that you and I take for granted are very hard to achieve inside a prison. You do not casually touch someone in a prison, you do not display emotion openly, and there is no sexual contact inside a prison,” says Sapers, as he begins to describe the psychological aspect of prisons. “You take men and women who are social beings, who thrive on communal activity, who are engaged on the physical act of touching, of intimacy, and you just take all of that away, that’s what prison is.”

The effects of imprisonment have been a topic of debate for some. Prison systems are contrary to

In his recent report, Sapers deemed prisons to be ill equipped to handle inmates who commit acts of self-harm. He also reported that the amount of self-harm committed while in prison has tripled for female inmates since 2007. “There are incidences of self-harm that have led into death,” says Sapers.

One of the incidents that gained national attention was the suicide of New Brunswick teen Ashley Smith, who, despite being on suicide watch, managed to choke herself to death. “The investigation that we recently released looked at eight women in federal custody, who, over a three year period, had over 800 security incidents and about half of them are incidents of self-harm,” explains Sapers. “It’s a small number of women who chronically selfinjure, and these self-injuries are not insignificant,” he adds.

One of the women in the case study harmed herself by head-banging, she has even intentionally dropped herself, face first to the concrete floor, from a standing position. “She has done this so frequently that she is now permanently disfigured and is also brain-injured,” says Sapers.

“The first response is always a security response, correctional officers armed with shields, batons, with pepper spray, with handcuffs and other forms of restraints,” begins Sapers, “while those inter-

ventions stop the incident of self-harm, they do nothing to prevent the next incident of self-harm.”

Sapers further adds that the women have significant needs, particularly mental-health related needs.

The report from the correctional office deems federal penitentiaries to be ill equipped to be dealing with these incidents. “So we recommended that this handful of women be transferred to forensic hospitals where their health care needs will be dealt with priority,” says Sapers.

Studies suggest that self-harm is a coping strategy used to deal with various kinds of stress. Though both men and women commit self-harm acts in prison, the rising number of women is proving to be alarming. “The rate of self-harm is higher, and the proportion of women who self-harm is higher, so it’s a particular concern for women, but it’s not exclusively a concern around women,” says Sapers.

According to Sapers, motives behind self-harm also differentiate between men and women. Women tend to be less instrumental and more emotionally driven, while men often hurt themselves to achieve something else. Despite being capable of stopping self-harm incidents, the report ultimately says that federal penitentiaries do not have the capacity to prevent further incidents.

PUNISHMENT AND REFORM “We have the British Common Law here,” begins Laurel Whitney, criminology professor at CapU. “The decisions are based on our criminal law, so more serious offenses get serious time and less serious offenses get less time, or sometimes none at all.”

Unlike the United States, Canada doesn’t frequently use juries, and the decisions are based on criminal law. The Federal Parliament of Canada also has the power to change these laws. Whitney

uses sexual offense as an example. “Nowadays, sexual assault is a serious offense, rape is a type of assault, and if you were convicted of sexual assault, you would definitely be serving some time in prison,” says Whitney.

The effectiveness of the prison system is a topic that can be blurry. There is a fine line between punishment and reform. There is often there are ften different opinions from the public when sentencing once an offender is revealed. Families and loved ones who are involved can be expected to feel that the punishment or sentencing can be inappropriate, “If you want to reform people, and rehabilitate them so they can be good members of society and not offenders,” says Whitney, “the research on punishment and jail, said that it’s not effective.”

Prison work, which gives inmates an average pay of three dollars per day, is considered helpful in rehabilitating the prisoners. The government has recently announced that the prisoners are now also responsible for buying items that a prison no longer provides, such as soaps and shampoos.

Federal inmates, who recently abandoned their strike regarding the pay cut, are looking for Federal Commissioner of Corrections, Don Head, to open up a discussion about the cost-cutting measures.

The isolation that imprisonment puts people under removes a critical part of their lifestyle – socialization. And the type of socialization inmates have leads them into a deviant subculture. “In fact, often people’s chance of becoming good citizens are lessened by their time in jail,” says Whitney.

“There are countries in Western Europe who have done research and found that eight years is the maximum amount of time that anybody should be incarcerated, because it’s almost impossible for them to rejoin the community,” says Whitney.

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dental priorities BEDROOM DENTISTS POTENTIALLY SPREADING DISEASE Catrina McCrae × Writer Over the past few months, police have exposed two men in East Vancouver who were illegally practicing dentistry from their homes, and there could potentially be more. According to CBC, David Wu had been operating for more than a decade, seeing over 1,500 patients – all of whom could have been potentially exposed to damaging bacterial infections and diseases. People are putting themselves at risk by choosing to receive dental work from these “bedroom dentists” over the hundreds of legally registered dentists in Vancouver.

Dr. George Ho, a registered dentist in North Vancouver, believes cost may be a factor – but these patients might pay more for these services than they’ve bargained for. “Previous patients of these bedroom dentists should be concerned,” says Ho. “They have likely been exposed to communicable diseases and bacterial infections from insufficient sanitization and sterilization. We’re talking about Hepatitis B and C – these can survive well outside of the body.” Although he understands that the $150 for a check-up, clean, and x-ray every six to 12 months may seem steep, the long term benefits outweigh the initial costs – appropriate dental care is integral to overall health. When the mouth is affected, the body is affected, and

leaving dental problems untreated can have serious consequences. “Infections are quite common,” says Dr. Ho. “An untreated abscess in your lower jaw can become so swollen that it can block your airwaves. Infections midline of the teeth can travel upwards into your sinuses and cause brain infections, and pus from the infection can eat through a jawbone.” Gum inflammation, which commonly occurs from improper personal dental care, has recently been linked to more severe heart complications. Cardiologists have begun regularly sending their heart patients to dentists to have their gums monitored and cleaned.

Patients may also be seeking out these bedroom dentists to have work done by someone who speaks their native language. Harbourside Dental Group’s receptionist Jan has seen this several times.

“Older generations come in and ask if our dentists speak Chinese, and when they realize they don’t, they simply turn around and leave,” she says.

Language barriers are challenging on most days, but when a dentist is performing surgery on a patient’s mouth, being in the loop is really the only solace. Dr. Ho, originally from Hong Kong, speaks from experience. “For people who cannot communicate in English, there is a level of comfort

in being surrounded with people who speak the same language. They understand what’s happening, making them less panicky. It helps make them feel safer,” Ho says.

The emerging illegal dentists are likely immigrants themselves, trained in dentistry in their own countries, coming to Canada in hopes of work.

It is possible that they could then not afford credential transferal, or were unable or unwilling to go through school again to meet Canada’s criteria.

“To practice here, these bedroom dentists would need to write a board exam, providing they were educated in countries with accredited programs – which training from the Philippines or China do not have,” Dr. Ho claims. “The other option for these foreign dentists is to apply, and go through dental school again starting from second year.”

Without providing the essential dental certification and business operation licenses, Dr. Ho warns that “your dentist may be certified, [but] they may not be licensed to practice in this province.” It is possible for a dentist to lose their license in B.C., but still obtain a license in Alberta. To make sure a dentist is legitimate, contact the College of Dental Surgeons and find out if their license is still active in B.C.

× Tierney Milne

Dr. Ho believes that dental care is somewhat manageable and under personal control – as long as there is the will to do so. He considers himself and his team as coaches and crisis managers.

Dr. Ho says that if individuals are “unable to afford” dentist visits, they should reflect on where their priorities lie, and what they’re spending their money on. Commit to health in order to avoid paying those higher fees for surgeries on cavities and the sort. Dentists like Dr. Ho want the best treatment for patients and their teeth, and they are often willing to work out payment plans for students and long-term patients.

campus safety SEXUAL ATTACKS AT UBC RAISE SAFETY CONCERNS Amber Bedard × Writer

Katherine Gillard × News Editor

× Scarlett Aubrey

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use of security phones has declined, with students and others preferring to use cell phones, which has [sic] advantages based on their widespread, easeof-use and coverage area.”

In regards to safety when walking on campus, Doig says it’s important to stay alert, plan your route, and walk assertively. Let someone know your plans and expected return time; don’t stop to provide strangers with directions or information; avoid wearing any electronic device that could prevent you from hearing any signs of danger; and carry a cellphone. For those driving off-campus, make sure to have to have car keys out before reaching your car so that you don’t have to linger, and lock car doors after getting inside.

Doig's advice is relevant to students on any campus – trust your instincts and call security or 911 if you feel unsafe.

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fit to all parking lots, roadway, pathway, and exterior building lighting was completed in 2013. In addition to a significant reduction in energy consumption, this upgrade has resulted in improved quality and level of light, better visibility and lower maintenance. These lights are controlled by sensors to ensure the lights are on when needed, and safety on campus is increased,” says Doig.

Capilano is also equipped with security phones that were updated in the past year; however, the phones aren’t performing to the standard that the campus and community requires. “Having phones that work intermittently is not acceptable. To ensure there is no false sense of safety from this unreliable technology, the facilities department has bagged the units while we complete our investigation into a replacement technology,” Doig adds. “We are in the process of investigating options effective and reliable, while, at the same time, cost-effective….It is interesting to note that other universities, including UBC, are finding that the

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Six sexual attacks have occurred on UBC’s Vancouver campus in the past few weeks, causing alarm for students and faculty. The RCMP believe the attacks were all committed by the same male suspect, described as a Caucasian in his late 20s or early 30s, of slim build, and somewhere around six feet tall. “I know that the news from yesterday will have increased a sense of anxiety in our wider community. I want to reassure all of our community that we will do all in our power to increase a sense of security on the campus," responded UBC President Stephen Toope, at a news conference the day after the sixth attack.

UBC has warned women not to walk alone, and to avoid walking at night. “I am not certain of how they are handling the situation, other than notices about not walking alone at night…. I am not aware of any other things that they are doing to make the campus safer,” comments Katie Dick, a dietetics student from UBC. “I guess I feel like this is such a temporary and inadequate solution.

Sometimes there is not another choice but to walk alone on campus due to the distances that must be walked and people’s busy schedules. As a female it is frustrating to feel like you need to be extra cautious and even fearful of going places alone.”

UBC’s large campus makes it hard to avoid walking – the distance between some buildings can be around a 15-minute walk – and for students living on campus, walking alone is more unavoidable. Dick adds that she doesn’t know any numbers other than 911 to call in the case of an emergency.

At Capilano University, there are signs posted

with the phone number for security on them – with Concord Security available to help in any situation. “Security personnel are available to escort any member of the university community to their vehicle, the bus stop, or any campus building.

Advance notice is appreciated, but not required.

Campus security may be reached by dialing 1763 from any campus phone or 604-984-1763 from your cell phone. We encourage people to program the security number into their mobile phone,” says Susan Doig, facilities director at Capilano.

“A security awareness orientation is provided to every class at the beginning of each term. Faculty, particularly those teaching evening classes, are encouraged to endorse and actively encourage the buddy system,” says Doig. The buddy system is stressed to encourage students to have one or more person to walk with at night to ensure security.

On Oct. 23, over 200 people had a Take Back the Night march at UBC to drown out rape culture. Some of these students were marching because they felt that UBC telling women not to go out at night simply wasn’t enough. The rape chants happening at Sauder earlier this semester have also been raised as an issue of rape culture at UBC. “The chants are awful and make me angry, but I don’t think that it is fair to assume that they are connected with these attacks. I do think that it is troubling that in our society that that type of chant is used and even encouraged as a rite of passage in a Frosh event. Women in our culture are so often objectified and made to feel inferior. We were created to be respected, protected, and honoured – not objectified and used. This is so much more than just attacks at UBC. It is a deeper issue of our culture and belief system,” says Dick.

Capilano has taken steps towards being a safer campus this past year, with security being available every hour of every day of the year. “A major retro-

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getting fit under your wool sweaters A SHORT GUIDE TO STAYING ACTIVE IN VANCOUVER'S WINTER Paisley Conrad × Writer As the sky turns to grey, the air grows chillier, and the layers of clothing pile on, students are finding it more and more difficult to find the motivation to stay active. How can one run a sprint wearing gum boots, or lift weights clad in a Christmas sweater?

It’s no shocker that the benefits of staying physically active are overwhelmingly positive. It not only improves your overall health, but it increases brain productivity, strengthens muscles and bones, and boosts self-esteem. In addition, those who make physical activity a priority are statistically shown to be happier and more productive. Athletics and Recreations director Milton Williams states that “exercising regularly increases your energy level, and decreases your stress level. We highly recommend students exercise or be more active during the term to reduce their stress levels associated with midterms, exams and work.” Creative writing student Jasmine Ruff stays active solely because, she says, “it impacts my mental health. I think the two are more connected than people think.”

Though running on a treadmill and weight training get the job done, those methods of staying fit are unappealing to some. Recent studies show that someone’s personality traits are directly linked to the exercise they enjoy the most. For example, an intense science student isn’t likely to bench press 200 pounds and a dedicated jazz student isn’t likely to join a volleyball team. Performing

arts student Alyssa Stobbart reports that she “used to hate making time to work out and do exercise, but I started finding exercises and activities that were fun for me, like Zumba and Pop Pilates.”

At the Capilano Sportsplex, a plethora of unconventional activities are sponsored. Tai Chi is offered for those who are looking for solitude and inner peace, whereas salsa dancing and Zumba are available for those looking for something a little more heated. Ultimate Frisbee is high energy and social, ideal for anyone looking to make friends and have a good time.

For those wishing to live out their childhood dreams of being the Karate Kid, karate lessons are offered at a beginner’s level. Not to forget the traditionalists, who are nostalgic for the high school physical education days, drop-in hockey, volleyball, basketball, and soccer are all open to newcomers. In classic Vancouver fashion, the Yoga Club is the most popular time slot, filling up most of its sessions.

The Sportsplex itself is equipped with dumbbells, Olympic free weights, strength equipment, rowing ergometers, and stair climbers. Anyone can use the saunas to simmer down and reward themselves for their hard work. Milton reminds students “that Capilano University is the only post-secondary institution in B.C. that does not charge you an activity fee when you register at the university...so for you to be physically active at the university is very low-cost. So, if you want to feel happier, come on down to the Sportsplex, meet some new people, get involved and exercise!”

× Vivian Liu

Some students, however, can’t find the time to make it down to the Sportsplex. That doesn’t mean that their options are any more limited. YouTube plays host to thousands of free workout tutorials, most of them under 10 minutes in length. Typing the word “workout” with any form of adjective will give you a ton of hits. You are basically guaranteed to find at least one video or online instructor that you enjoy. Yoga isn’t limited to a studio, either. To do two rotations of Sun Salutations it takes around five minutes (depending on how long you can hold Downward Facing Dog).

Capilano student Megan Delowsky makes time with her mini-circuit, which she has designed for herself. Managing to discipline herself into keeping to her strict schedule has been a struggle, but her hard work is apparent in her sunny personality.

On the opposite side of the country, Dalhousie student Levi Kingfisher finds biking to be one of his vices in life. “Riding my bike is the highlight of my day on days that have no highlights. I often find myself unlocking my bike in the morning

with a sneer on my face because I know the seat, the handlebars, and the wind will all be cold, on top of the soreness in my legs that is on the verge of normal. But after I make the first few steps I begin to see the world differently, and I always arrive breathless and smiling.”

Vancouver itself has a cycling network, with dozens of bike shops and routes throughout every neighbourhood in the city. In addition, the Capilano area is host to a multitude of trails and forests to explore, for those with a more adventuring spirit.

If you’re really crunched for time, and can’t possibly squeeze any sort of activity into your schedule, just make the walk from Birch to Dogwood and back a few times. You’ll get all the cardio you need. In the words of Stobbart: “If you truly want to be healthy, stop hating exercise. Learn to do something you love. In the long run, you won’t regret it. Stay active. That is the key to health.”

development arrested POPULATION GROWTH IN VANCOUVER CREATES HOUSING DEMAND Steve Tornes

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The coming times will be difficult, with Vision Vancouver predicting that the Lower Mainland will receive one million new residents within three decades. In the district of North Vancouver, there will be an increase in population by 20,000 people, according to the official community plan. This drastic change will require heavy urban planning in preparation, with focuses on housing, public space, and public transportation.

The most important aspect will be developing housing for the new residents, especially in a metropolitan area known for a lack of affordable housing. High density towers are an effective way to create new residences, but often are at the expense of neighbourhood character. There are also concerns of backyard privacy and a lack of available parking spaces. Furthermore, there are elements of communities that reject change. In an era of instant communication, it has become much easier for anti-development campaigns to coordinate.

In September 2012, Bosa Development submitted a preliminary plan to redevelop the Lynn Valley Centre. Following a large public outcry – due to the inclusion of a 22-storey tower – the plans were shelved and public consultation meetings extended. Currently, the city council of the district of North Vancouver has approved a new plan by Bosa Developments, which included two 12-storey towers, instead of the said 22-storey tower.

This is becoming a familiar theme throughout

the Lower Mainland, as municipalities try to develop and community groups organize in response.

For instance, the City of Vancouver is doing four major developments: Grandview-Woodlands, Marpole, Downtown Eastside, and the West End. Of those four, Grandview-Woodlands and Marpole sparked considerable controversy, with those two plans deferred for further consultations.

According to North Vancouver Mayor Darrell Mussatto, 9,000 people moved into the city during the 1960s, as compared to the 6000 people that moved in during the 2000s. The reason why citizens are more concerned these days is because the towers are more visible and they can feel the change more. The towers are necessary because there is a limited amount of land, especially compared to the 1960s.

There is another puzzle piece, though. With large population increases, and the wear and tear of time, there is a growing need to provide or upgrade infrastructure services, such as roads, utilities, and parks. In order to fund the proper infrastructure, the Development Cost Charges (DCCs) were created. The DCCs are a flat rate charged to developers per dwelling. According to the district of North Vancouver, “it is estimated that approximately one-third of future growth-based capital project costs will be recovered through DDCs contributed by developers.”

Mayor Mussatto says that “[m]unicipalities have to grow about 1 to 1.5 per cent a year. Growth is critical to our economic structure.” If there was no more growth, he says “that means that your savings

would never accumulate …. One of the benefits of growth is that we have more people paying taxes, so we have a tax-roll growth. We have a bit more money at the end of the year, [we are going to] put that back into the community, things like an outdoor ice rink.”

Mayor Mussatto has talked about creating tourism on the North Shore by constructing a waterfront Ferris wheel or an outdoor ice rink. “I think the public realm is the most important space of a city. They are public so everybody can enjoy them …. We want to make sure people have amenities to enjoy here in North Vancouver so they don’t need to go elsewhere to enjoy them …. We want to make sure it’s free, so people can enjoy the benefits of growth.”

The development of public space will further spurn growth. “[A Ferris wheel would bring] tourism to our city … that benefits our community by local shops doing well, and then they pay taxes so [the city does] well.” It should be noted that the City of North Vancouver is one of the few municipalities that has no public debt and runs on a surplus.

Another major issue, intertwined with housing and public space, is the promotion of public transportation. As cities become denser, more residences and commercial businesses start to develop close together. Much like how if Mayor Mussatto builds an outdoor ice rink in Lower Lonsdale, people on the North Shore will no longer have to travel to Robson Square in order to skate.

As more and more people become residents of

× Ksenia Kozhevnikova the Lower Mainland, it becomes imperative to develop efficient public transportation. If every new resident invests in cars, the traffic of the region will be further congested.

In the end, this is a balancing act. All three levels of government need to take into account the competing interests of new residents and established communities. The only thing for certain is that we must all prepare for the future.

TACOS everyday! @

café for contemporary art

47 issue N o . 09

about the culture of our time. We host frequent gallery exhibits and events and with nice high ceilings we’re a great place to study. We serve 49th Parallel Coffee and super yummy tacos.

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café for contemporary art, located at 140 East Esplanade in North Vancouver, is curious

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love cafca.

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saving at the symphony ALL ACCESS PASS MAKES VSO AFFORDABLE FOR STUDENTS Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor That thing people say about classical music being good for the brain – it’s all a myth. But the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra’s $15 All Access Pass for full-time students and people aged 30 and under is as real as it gets.

For the past seven years, the VSO has been offering discounts to students in an attempt to make the arts more accessible. Just last year, it expanded its former Access program to include a wider age bracket – a move that clearly paid off. “Having made that change, we literally doubled the amount of ticket sales,” says Alan Gove, the VSO’s vice president of marketing and sales.

“Implementing it in the first place was not really difficult to decide to do,” he continues, “and really our purpose in doing that was really the same reason as why we expanded it to [people] aged 30 years and younger. The simple reality of all performing arts organizations, whether they’re orchestras or ballets or theatre companies, is that the weakest demographic is literally in that 18 to 30-year-old range. That’s just a fact across North America and that’s why there are so many arts organizations that actually now have programs similar to our All Access Pass.”

The same demographic was once subject to a theory that claimed classical music would make

them smarter. “The so-called ‘Mozart effect’ is based on a widely misinterpreted study by Rauscher and his colleagues in 1993,” explains Dr. Rajiv Jhangiani, a psychology professor at Capilano University. “This study found that college students... who listened to a Mozart sonata for 10 minutes performed significantly better on a spatial reasoning task involving paper folding and cutting than students who listened to a relaxation tape or to silence. The effect lasted for about 10 minutes and did not affect the level of intelligence of the students.” After much research, the cause was actually revealed to be increased rates of short term arousal.

If that’s the case, then the VSO has been a source of short-term arousal for a very long time.

Celebrating 95 years this season, that longevity is definitely something that’s weighing on the minds of its board, staff, and musicians. “What we need to do as an arts organization – and again it’s no different for us than anyone else in the arts – is we need to be planting the seeds for future ticket buyers and future audiences,” says Gove, “and we need to be doing that right now. The simple, best way to approach doing something like that is basing it on price.”

Full price tickets for most VSO performances currently range from $25 in the Orpheum Theatre’s D section to $68 in its A section, reaching upwards of $88 for a seat in the Dress Circle. At

$15, the TD All Access Pass is clearly a bargain, especially considering a few of its features. “You can actually purchase two tickets for every eligible concert, not just one,” explains Gove, “so for only $30 – $15 each – you can actually take somebody with you who isn’t less than 30 years old.”

“There’s actually a few things that distinguish the VSO’s All Access Pass from any other student or age-based discount program that I’ve seen,” he continues. “Whereas most programs are day-ofshow [purchase], or maybe three or four days, or a week before the concert or the performance, we give people a full two weeks. The other thing is, for a $15 ticket you actually get the best seats in the house, so we’re giving you A section seats. There’s really no point in my mind in having a program like this and then giving people the seats way at the back at the top on the side. They’re not going to have the kind of experience that they should be having and that’s going to weigh in on their decision whether they come back or not.”

Response has been fantastic so far, adds Gove.

“We have very clearly brought on board all sorts of new people to hear the VSO who otherwise we had never seen on our database in any way, shape, or form,” he elaborates. “You know, they’ve kind of always wanted to and maybe they’re in university and just otherwise couldn’t possibly come because of the resources that you need to be able to come at full price. We understand that people, typically

throughout their 20s, are building their careers over that decade and we don’t expect that they would drop so much money on us just because we’re so great. I mean, we are great,” he laughs, “but the reality is we don’t have that expectation, which is why we’ve opened up this program.”

For those who do decide to drop a few dollars on the VSO, there may be some added benefits after all. “There is some evidence that music can alter moods, and depending on the type of music, can increase relaxation or alertness,” says Dr. Laura MacKay, another CapU psychology professor. “Further, some studies have shown exposure to classical music can reduce stress and negative emotional states, so many students may find that beneficial. Classical music can be both relaxing and energizing, depending on the particular piece, so there is likely lots of variation in the benefits students derive from it.”

Perhaps the department’s chair, Dr. Leonard George, sums it up best. “We're musical animals,” he says. “All of the evidence points to the fact that, in general, a life with music is healthier than a life without music, at every age.”

And for those under the age of 30, music from the VSO is now more affordable than ever.

For more information on the VSO and it’s All Access Pass, interested readers may visit Vancouversymphony.ca/concerts.

tea time VANCOUVER IS A COFFEE CITY - OR SO YOU'VE BEAN TOLD Ben Bengston

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Here in Vancouver, tea may not be quite as famous as its younger cousin, coffee, but it’s still everywhere. This time of year, people are gleefully drinking seasonal pumpkin teas and likewise buying supplies to brew, store, and consume the drink in a variety of ways. In recent years, tea has taken on the same artisanal quality that has commonly been associated with craft beer or fine wine. There are courses designed to study its complexity and groups that gather to learn and discuss its health secrets. Chain shops that offer superior quality teas have popped up all over town, and just recently the inaugural Vancouver Tea Festival took place on Nov. 2 in Olympic Village.

Although the history of tea is subject to sketchy debate and, for some countries, nationalist pride, it is widely agreed that tea was first discovered in China almost 5,000 years ago. It has since conquered the entire globe, becoming the most popular beverage in the world – and arguably one of the healthiest, too.

Tea first officially arrived in England during the 17th century and soon became a drink of royalty, associated with the upper echelons of society. This dainty, hoity-toity association still accompanies tea to this day and has undoubtedly hurt the beverage’s reputation in the collective mind-share of modern society. However, the dull, bourgeois image associated with tea has begun to change in Vancouver over recent years and is likely to change even further.

Luxurious, finely designed chain tea shops, such

as DavidsTea and Teavana, have sprouted up all over the city. This new movement has reinvented the merchandising, retailing, and selling aspect of tea and, more importantly, the experience around consuming it. But while these chains deal in the glitz and glamour of consumerism, other organizations are looking at the craft of tea on an even more serious level.

Del Tamborini is the co-founder and executive director of Vancouver Tea Festival. He’s also a trained tea sommelier and an instructor for a recently-introduced tea sommelier accreditation program at Vancouver Community College. The part-time course at VCC’s downtown campus aims to create “a knowledgeable tea professional with a specialty in tea service.” For anyone requiring evidence that tea culture is alive and booming in Vancouver, this is as good as it gets. Tamborini explains that “tea is often seen as coffee’s poorer cousin,” and this attitude needs to change.

Tea’s health properties, which help brand it as a potentially beneficial drink for everyday life, are helping to promote this shift in attitude. “Tea can be important when it comes to its effects on cardiovascular health promotion, diabetes, anti-cancer, anti-aging, and a whole host of other things, too,” Tamborini stresses. These effects are certainly in alignment with Vancouver’s reputation as a healthconscious city, one further complemented by its residents’ adoration and innovation with West Coast cuisine, and, of course, the production and consumption of coffee. “There are gastronomic reasons for promoting the consumption of tea,” he adds. “Vancouver is a foodie town.”

Foodies strive to not only taste and drink deli-

× Tina Furesz

cious things, but to educate themselves in terms of gastronomic knowledge. Bradley Grill, public relations director for DavidsTea, explains that when David and Herschel Segal started the company in 2008, their philosophy was centered on “great tea, friendly stores, and above-and-beyond customer service.” Back then, they had one store located in Toronto. Today, the company has expanded to include over 100 stores across Canada and the United States.

“DavidsTea is about exceptional customer service, with over 150 types of tea, including exclusive blends and limited edition seasonal collections,” says Grill. The company’s merchandising techniques have proved effective, collectively helping to put tea culture into focus in Vancouver and beyond. While this suggests that perhaps the extension of tea culture has reached its apex, Tamborini doesn’t agree.

“The problem,” he notes, “is that, to a degree, chains like DavidsTea and Teavana can’t grow much more in the city.” He goes on to explain that the problem these companies will face is one regarding real estate: since their brands are so focused on retailing in shopping malls, they’ll even-

tually run out of space. The good news, Tamborini says, is that this will further facilitate the rise of small- and medium-sized chains, as well as regional growth. “There is room for the one-off tea house in Vancouver,” he adds. “I don’t think tea will ever get quite as big as coffee in Vancouver – but there’s room for economic growth and sophistication. Tea is very similar to wine, property-wise – much more so than coffee.”

For those interested in Vancouver’s continually growing tea culture, the Vancouver Tea Festival will be back next year. There’s also the Vancouver Tea Society which caters to the city’s tea lovers looking to extend their knowledge. Beyond that, there are many fine tea houses across the city, waiting for curious Vancouverites to look them up, pop-in, relax, and heal both their body and mind.

For more information on the Vancouver Tea Society, interested readers may visit Meetup.com/www-cloudwalkerteas-com. The date for next year’s installment of the Vancouver Tea Festival will be announced soon at Vancouverteafestival.ca.

A+C

taking it to the streets DANCERS DUKE IT OUT AT LAST ONE STANDS Romila Barryman × Writer After much complaining about the street dance scene in Vancouver, Abe Chen and Dennis “Lockin” Kuan decided to do something to strengthen the local freestyle community. “A friend of mine showed me a video of a street dance battle and I had never seen anything like it,” says Kuan. “I tried calling studios in Vancouver, I tried looking for events – I looked everywhere and there was nothing, which is really weird because the culture here for it in North America is huge.” Four years later, Last One Stands runs as one of the biggest international dance competitions in North America. “We're really proud. Really proud,” Boris Kramstov, head of media and public relations, admits excitedly. “It’s internationally recognized.

People are flying in from Taiwan, Korea, the U.S., and all over.”

On top of its ethnic diversity, the competition features dance battles in all forms of street dance including hip-hop, popping, locking, as well as breaking. “Having different vibrant cultures is super important and Vancouver prides itself in having different cultures,” Kramstov explains.

“Having this event is something we need if we want to walk the talk.” With a turnout of over 500 participants in 2012, organizers are looking to house even more battles this year. A move from the Scotiabank Dance Centre to the Chan Centre for the Performing Arts will expand the event’s audience as well, allowing for over 700 spectators.

With guest dancers invited on an international scale, the highlight of the event is still in the battles

themselves. “It’s amazing,” says Kramstov. “You see a dancer from Canada and someone from Japan take the stage. They've never met each other but they've researched videos on YouTube and everything they’re doing is strategy.” The moves that encompass the battle itself are thought up on the spot. “It's something special,” remarks Kuan. “It's a true exchange of what you feel at that intense moment. There are lots of movies on street dancing and it seems really choreographed, but this is raw. It is so raw.”

Kramstov, who entered as a participant before contributing as an organizer, notes that although the competition has been a remarkable addition to the street dance culture in Vancouver, the real battle has been encouraging attendees outside the dancing community to engage with the competition. “People who don't consider themselves dancers are who we’re considering this year,” he stresses.

“Just come, just watch, just see. You see dance in snippets of music videos and TV. That’s not to say that it’s all bad but the fact is it’s diluted into a 30 second format.”

Part of what scares beginners or those interested in learning the culture, says Kuan, are the misconceptions surrounding what is expected of the audience or new dancers. “One of the highlights of our event is that we have an intermission,” he begins. “We have a cypher. A circle is created and everyone takes turns dancing but it’s not about who’s better, it’s about who's enjoying themselves the most and who gets lost in the moment the most. That’s what this is about first and foremost.

It’s a social thing – it was back then and still it is now.”

× Stefan Tosheff

Despite taking place annually for the past few years, many Vancouverites have yet to realize that Last One Stands even exists. “One of the things that really hurts me is when I see comments on our videos of people going ‘Wait, this is in Vancouver?’” Kuan reveals. “We don’t want people to miss out. This opportunity is there and the word of mouth is so important. Something of this scale is happening in your hometown, you know.”

With a huge part of their audience and participant base consisting of young adults, the desire to expose students to the world-class talent showcased at Last One Stands has been an immense goal for organizers. This sparked the idea to provide 250 tickets for students in and around the Vancouver area. But with expenses the highest they’ve ever been for what’s promising to be their biggest year to date, the giveaway started out as an impossible project. “It was crazy,” Kramstov comments, “but the network we have is incredible.” Organizers calculated that a total of $3,000 was needed to break even this year, promptly launching a Kickstarter

campaign detailing their initiatives to help student dancers experience the competition. The online campaign successfully raised a total of $3,185 and ended on Oct. 19 after running for only a month.

“The support was unbelievable,” says Kramstov, adding that 200 tickets alone will be going to students attending the University of British Columbia. The other 50 tickets will go to high school students engaged in various dance teams, such as Praise team based in Surrey, Fresh Groove based out of Vancouver Island, and Studio 604 based in Burnaby. “It's a gift, man,” Kuan smiles. “We thought up this campaign out of the blue and just thought it would be nice to be able to maybe do.

The support was worldwide.”

Last One Stands will take place Nov. 9 at UBC’s Chan Centre for the Performing Arts. For more information on tickets and show details, interested readers may visit the official Last One Stands page on Facebook.

so it goes HOLLERADO TELLS STORY OF FORGIVENESS + FAMILY Katherine Gillard × News Editor

there this winter for eight scheduled dates, including stops in Paris, Hamburg, Cologne, Amsterdam, Berlin, and Frankfurt. “Like always, one of the best parts of our job is seeing places you’ve never seen before and in circumstances that. even if you were just travelling as a tourist, wouldn’t be the same,” says Boyd.

A little closer to home, Hollerado is gearing up to play Vancouver on their current “So It Goes” North American tour. “We love Vancouver,” he adds. “We’ve played there a handful of times and actually right now we have an ongoing positive experience with Vancouver because we’re touring with a great band from there called The Zolas.”

Joined by We Are The City, the bands will perform a sold out show at the Commodore Ballroom on Nov. 14.

× 47 issue N o . 09

To watch the music video and mini documentary for So It Goes, interested readers may visit Hollerado’s website, Hollerado.com/video.

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Versteeg’s grandfather was placed in solitary confinement at the Oranjehotel prison for two years, and at the end of the war he was released.

The German officer, by that time, was on trial for his own life. Karel Versteeg showed up at the trial, told his story, and testified on his former enemy’s behalf. It was a bold move that allowed the man to walk free.

The entire band went to Holland to shoot the video for “So It Goes”, an experience Boyd claims was enriching on many levels. “It was great,” he begins. “I mean, every morning we’d drink the best coffee ever and then we’d learn a hell of a lot about the Dutch resistance and about Menno’s grandfather’s role – which was a very central one in the Dutch resistance. We learned a lot about the history of that part of Europe, which was extremely interesting because I haven’t been in school since I dropped out in my first year of university so to have a bit of history lesson like that felt like a unique experience that we hadn’t had, at least for me, for a while.” To top it off, the members of Hollerado met the grandson of the German officer.

Although they didn’t get a chance to play any shows in Europe, the band will be heading back

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Ottawa rock group Hollerado is a band that is passionate about every aspect of its media. The band’s website is self-designed, using art drawn by lead singer Menno Versteeg, and the band’s latest album White Paint features individually handpainted covers. Even the image beneath the paint was subject to much thought and consideration.

“It’s actually a design based upon a stained glass design that’s in a handful of churches around Toronto that was actually made by Menno’s grandfather,” says drummer Jake Boyd. “He was a character that inspired a handful of the songs… so we decided to cover that in White Paint and we thought what better way to do that than to have a party where we get basically everybody we know to drink beers and hand-paint each copy of the CD and vinyl.”

Together, the four band members and their crew of beer-swigging brush buddies painted 2,000 vinyl covers and 10,000 CD covers. “We had the idea of making it a one-night party but it basically ended up being a weekend-long thing,”

laughs Boyd. “The closest of our good close friends stayed for the whole weekend and just kind of slave laboured, drank beers, and had the best time ever.”

The tune on White Paint most strongly influenced by Versteeg’s grandfather is a song called “So it Goes”. A video released by the band -- part documentary, part music video – poignantly explains the story behind it. In 1940, the Nazis invaded Holland, bombed Rotterdam until there was nothing left, and took over its businesses, banks, and schools. Versteeg’s Dutch grandfather Karel joined the resistance, forging documents that said he was a veterinarian, so that he could move around the city to help the resistance. Eventually, he was caught by the German forces and was supposed to be executed immediately. Instead, he was handed over to a German officer who decided to talk to him soldier-to-soldier. Versteeg details in the video that his grandfather said, “If you were in the same situation that I'm in, if your country has just been occupied by another country, if your city was Rotterdam and it was on fire, if it had just been leveled to the ground, what would you do?” and the German officer responded, “I would do the exact same thing as you're doing. I would fight back.”

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Columns

COLUMNS EDITOR

× LEAH SCHEITEL

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

humans THE CORPORATE TAKE OVER OF WATER Christine Janke × Columnist

There is a scarcity of fresh water on Earth and we are using it faster than it can be replenished naturally. Globally, 768 million people do not have access to safe, clean drinking water, and contaminated water systems are polluted largely from corporate industry. According to UNICEF, nearly 2,000 children die every day due to diseases directly linked to unsafe drinking water. The UN has deemed water a public good, but the human right to water is far from being met, and privatization of this basic good is rampant. Each day, 30 billion gallons of fresh water are pumped from the ground. That is between two and seven barrels of water for each barrel of oil produced. Many places, such as Yemen, that rely solely on their fossil water, have emptied their renewable aquifers and are now emptying their non-renewable fossil water reserves for who knows how long. These deep water reserves, containing an uncertain amount of fossil water, have existed for thousands or millions of years and, theoretically, once they are emptied, they are empty forever.

Private water operators are buying up water rights in countries where water is not considered a

Christine Janke is the kind of soul that cares for all of the ones around her. Her education in Human Rights from Malmo University in Sweden has allowed her to look at the world in a different light.

Her Humans column will delve into human rights, and how Canada compares to the world. public good. These privately owned and controlled enterprises, such as Suez, Veolia, RWE/Thames, or Nestlé, to name a few, are taking a public good and turning it into a private good, taking it away from people who rely on it for life but have no way of paying. Today's water crisis is a problem of inadequate access. Due to privatization and price increases associated with for-profit companies, this essential good is brought out of the reach of lowincome households. Private water companies do not exist for the people; they are businesses that exist for profit. If people can more easily afford a bottle of sugary soda than a bottle of clean water, something is definitely amiss in the beverage industry. Shouldn’t water be for human survival, and not be owned and sold for private gain?

Chairman and former CEO of Nestlé, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe believes that all water should be privatized, much like Monsanto’s GMOs. In a video interview, he states that water is not a human right, but a commodity to be sold like foodstuffs.

Brabeck-Letmathe has an agenda that revolves around corporate control and financial gain, and seems to be completely out of touch with basic

human needs by having zero regard for the victims of Nestlé’s enterprise. To accumulate $35 billion of profit annually from bottled water, Nestlé goes into struggling rural areas, takes out fresh mineral water, bottles, and transports it away from the source and onto the market. Doing so destroys the local watershed and depletes the local people and ecosystem of their life source. Having been denied rights to pump water directly from the Great Lakes, Nestlé instead bottled water from wells dug around the perimeter of the lakes. Since doing so, the water level of the Great Lakes has dropped a significant two feet. In another situation, Nestlé’s over-pumping in the Serra da Mantiqueira region of Brazil caused the high-mineral source there to become depleted, which has led to long-term damage. In 2001, Nestlé was also accused of buying cocoa from the Ivory Coast and Ghana that was produced by child slaves. As a corporation, they are not facing a very good track record, and this is just one of the many companies buying up water rights across the globe.

Why should we care about corporations and bottled water here in Canada? We are not forced to buy it. We can simply turn on a tap. We have an abundance of clean water. We have green lawns mid-summer when they should be dried-up and we shower in water clean enough to drink at the convenient turn of a tap. We even shit in water.

Water is everywhere. But it is the abundance of it that is the very reason why, as Canadians, we

should care. Brazil, Russia, Canada and the U.S. hold the greatest amount of renewable freshwater resources on the planet. With more and more countries around the world facing water shortages, Canada will likely play an increasingly great role as supplier. But the Canadian government is opposed to the human right to water because our country does not want to carry the responsibility of providing water to the rest of the world. This makes the issue of water and water privatization of serious importance for Canadians. We need to protect our environment, our watersheds, and our water supply from corporate takeover and pollution. How we manage and what we choose to do with our vast fresh water resources will most likely have global consequences. It is time to start looking into how our local water is being used and talking about these issues now so that Canada might make the right choices and protect this resource from exploitation. Private water operators understand that water really is the most precious resource there is.

If you control the water, you control life. Let’s not allow big business to control our lives. Let’s push water as a human right, under public control for public use and enjoyment, not for private distribution and gain. Water should not have a price tag, and no human being should go thirsty for the monetary benefit of another.

gastronome's dilemma A CULINARY EDUCATION Scott Moraes × Columnist

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47 issue N o . 09

"If we really want to change the food system in this world, really want to make lasting change, the greatest thing we can do is educate and empower the next generation. I really believe that public education is our last truly democratic institution.”

– Alice Waters

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When people tell me they can't cook, it's either because they have no time or because they just don't know how, or both. It's sad, I think to myself, that so many should go unfulfilled of such basic knowledge. I disagree with the stuff we hear on TV, because cooking is definitely not easy. Just like learning a language or learning the piano is not easy, cooking involves a variety of techniques and encompasses a massive scope of knowledge. But do you remember how surprisingly easy it was to learn to speak, read, and write as a child? Looking back at my intensely bookish education, I wish there were more opportunities to learn out in a garden or field – be it at school or at my grandpa's farm, where I scattered some seeds and planted some stuff, but really not enough and not very often.

That way, understanding food – how to grow it, cook it, and eat it – would have been so much easier than deciding, in my late teens, to simply teach myself from a vastly blank canvas.

Even without having any insight into past generations, I can still tell education policy has changed in the past few decades. If minutely detailed teachings of chemical compounds, precalculus, and Medieval literature are found to be

Scott Moraes once picked out what kind of food we ate at an office lunch and it took over three hours to arrive. He loves and tends to his food with passion normally reserved for loved ones and cute things. In this column, he explains why he cares about his food, and why you should too. essential knowledge for youngsters these days – so essential as to be mandatory (as well as a variety of indulgent electives) – then logic would command the teaching of the origins of food. Educational policy is hardly seen as a political topic by many people, and that helps to explain how changes are made so stealthily.

Most cultures place an extremely high value on culinary education – whether or not they have institutionalized education. In America, culinary school enrollments have grown, but those schools focus on the technical aspects of cooking, not the cultural. Cultural food education has basically disappeared from elementary school programs. And that is very political.

Children are targeted by marketing agencies because they are very impressionable consumers.

If all they're exposed to is crap, they will grow to be loyal – perhaps even unwillingly – consumers trapped in a damaging lifestyle. This means great bucks for food conglomerates, for marketers, and for pharmaceutical corporations. Gambling children's health for profit has got to be one of the most outrageously immoral practices to which we tacitly consent.

Some initiatives by influential people have helped turn the tide a bit, or at least raise awareness, but official education policy has remained unchanged. Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution was very enlightening about the state of ignorance and its multiple ramifications. For a mainstream TV show by a celebrity chef, it admirably connected

× Danielle Mainman the dots between the politics, the psychology of children, and the indifference and ineptitude of parents. Oliver correctly points out that nutritionally inappropriate food in school lunches and lack of education kind of sets the stage for a disastrous lifestyle, breeding obesity, heart disease, and diabetes. In fact, a lot of America's diet-related diseases are ultimately rooted in ignorance, lack of choice, and surrender of the right to cook.

Also worthy of mention is the Edible Schoolyard project. Created by Alice Waters, chef and activist of Chez Panisse fame in California, the project “involves students in all aspects of farming the garden and preparing, serving, and eating food as a means of awakening their senses and encouraging awareness and appreciation of the transformative values of nourishment, community, and stewardship of the land.” It has served as a blueprint for similar projects throughout the world, and in a way, it's both revolutionary and retrograde. A big part of the current food activism agenda is focused on going back to when we actually did things right, but also enhancing it with new knowledge, technologies, and perspectives.

For those who grew up without that particular education, conjuring up the courage and determination to learn how to cook is challenging. A lot of people are caught up in the convenience trap,

and having to spend half an hour or more on a meal sounds like an absurd chore. While mastering the art of cooking involves years of practice and gathering knowledge, anyone can grasp its basics through some trial and error. Skill comes with practice, and the sense of independence is well worth the effort. Don't aim for being a fancy chef, just aim at cooking good, simple food.

Giving up the will to cook and the right to understand food at its core is relinquishing a huge part of our individual freedom, especially as the state of food ignorance breeds dependence and boosts the power of food conglomerates to the detriment of clean food growers. Buying and cooking clean, fresh food is indeed one of our age's most political acts.

Jamie Oliver did his children a great disservice by naming them Buddy Bear, Poppy Honey, Petal Blossom, and Daisy Boo (I swear to God), but it's safe to assume he has also given them a special gift most children these days don’t get: a thorough understanding and respect for food. Our generation has had to pay a high price for the gaps in our culinary education, but if we redesign our basic school programs, hopefully our children's will be much more nourishing.

Columns

crazy happy healthy THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION

Kendra Perry

× Jackson Butchart

× Columnist

Kendra Perry skis, hikes, and rock climbs a lot. When not venturing the mountains around Nelson she is writing on her blog, Crazyhappyhealthy.com, where she turns her education into articles for others, and will be the inspiration for this column.

47 issue N o . 09

negative thoughts, like: “I'm beautiful. I am alone but that's okay. I'll meet someone when the time is right. I may not know where my life is going but I'm figuring it out. I do have many people in my life who care for me.” Have a morning mantra like: “Today is a great day. I am strong, awesome, and ready.” Make a conscious effort to rewrite negative thought patterns every single time you hear yourself having them.

If you are serious about being healthy and happy, then you need to take a deep look at yourself.

Are you holding grudges? Is there someone you need to forgive? Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you have trouble expressing your emotions? Do you have toxic people in your life? Any of these things can wreck your health and cause you unnecessary suffering. Remember: life is short, so take action to deal with these things today.

Changing habits can be challenging but you have the power. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is the key to change. And while negative pathways you’ve created don't necessarily disappear, they will slowly become less and less entrenched, and eventually your positive pathways will become your go-to state of mind.

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There may be a connection between personality and cancer, as some researchers believe in a cancertype personality. It appears that the cancer process is more prevalent in individuals who do not easily form close relationships with others and internalize most of their feelings, likely unaware they are doing this. Tough, feisty people with high selfesteem, who readily express their own feelings, do much better with cancer, recovering more rapidly.

There is a wealth of research showing that if you focus on negative things, then you form negative neural pathways in your brain. The more repetition of negative thoughts you have, the more deeply these pathways become entrenched, and the easier it is for negativity to become your go-to response to any situation. Remember that everyone has negative thoughts but they do not always cause disease. What causes disease are negative thoughts which are dominant and repetitive. The good news is that we can rewire our brains and allow new positive pathways to form.

Rewiring the brain towards positivity and happiness takes a conscious effort. You need to pay attention to your internal dialogue. Listen carefully. Be an observer. Maybe your internal dialogue sounds something like this: “I'm ugly. I'm alone.

I'll probably never find someone. I don't know where I'm going in life. Nobody loves me.”

You need to put a positive spin on these sorts of

×

onto anger will manifest itself in the liver, while kidneys are the site of deep-seated fear.

In states of calm, the processes in our body are controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system, focusing energy on digestion and lymph. During times of stress, the adrenals secrete adrenaline, shifting energy away from this system to the sympathetic nervous system and directing energy into the skeletal muscles. This is what allows us to fight or flee from danger. If we are in constant stress, then not only are we suppressing our digestive and lymphatic functions, we are burning out our adrenal glands. Unfortunately, many of us are in constant states of stress due to relationship problems, school demands, or even just being stuck in daily traffic. This low grade state of chronic stress is a situation our bodies were not made to handle and has huge implications to our health.

In 2009, the University of Kansas performed a worldwide survey, using 150,000 people in 140 different countries. Participants were asked about the common emotions they experienced, the states of their physical health, and about whether their basic needs – food, shelter, and safety – were being met. Positive moods were unmistakably linked to better health. Strikingly, the connection between positive thoughts and physical health was more powerful than the connection between physical health and basic human needs.

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We all know the feeling: as you are about to give a presentation to a room full of people, your hands are clammy and your mouth is dry. Adrenaline is pumping through your temples and you feel like you are going to be sick. This very familiar experience demonstrates the powerful connection between the thoughts in your head, and the resulting physiological effects in the body. The intimate connection between your emotions and your physical body can have a profound effect on your health and the development of disease. In fact, internal negativity can override all the other good things you do, like healthy diet and exercise.

When many people decide to get healthy, they generally decide to change diet and exercise habits.

Few people consider making changes to their emotional health. Most people are unaware of their own negativity or have no idea how to change it.

The truth is, no matter how well you eat or how much you exercise, if you are miserable, negative, and unhappy, then you will not be healthy.

The connection between emotional state and health is not a new thing. Ayurvedic medicine, the ancient healing style of India, considers the emotional body to exist simultaneously within the physical body, linked together through energy centres called chakras. Similarly, traditional Chinese medicine believes emotions correlate to specific organs and their state of being. For example, holding

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Columns

bands that make her dance THE TRIBULATIONS OF A TRAVELLING BAND

× Katie So

Daniel Harf × Columnist

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47 issue N o . 09

Daniel Harf loves music so much that his shoelaces have music notes on them. Being an East Van native, he knows the ins-and-outs of the music scene in Vancouver and B.C. all too well, and with this column, will give us a glimpse into it.

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Deer Tick put it plainly during their Oct. 21 show at the Rickshaw Theatre in Vancouver: "We don't have a place to stay tonight, so if anyone’s down to party all night, count us in." If you consider that a touring band’s road schedule will last months at a time, the state of its health can be dismal. Shit, the need for a place to crash is likely cover for a band’s professional requirements to fulfill their stereotypical sex, drugs, and rock and roll quota for the night. Down days are lost income and regardless of members’ sleep, the bus must roll on to catch tomorrow’s date.

Then there's diet. The show’s over, the gear is packed, and the after party is just getting going at 3 a.m. Regardless of having a hotel or not, there is need for some decompression. Naturally, there’s the after party, with drinks, and smoking the last of the cigarettes. The sun is just teasing the horizon when you stumble from the basement studio you’re calling home for the night. The only place to get food at this hour is 7-11, of course. Some notso-fresh taquitos doused in complimentary chili sauce, garnished with banana peppers, and you’re good to crash for a few hours.

But the show must go on. What’s the best cure for a hangover? Studies from around the world

prove that it’s nothing. But guess what helps you feel a hell of a lot better – another drink. Okay, now you're good to go and the band will play another show. The songs are so ingrained at this point, you fancy yourself some type of music machine. But underneath it all, there's an element we have yet to mention – mental health.

With this lifestyle, over the course of six weeks, band members will inevitably start to burn out. At this point, everyone’s down to an average of three hours of sleep and insomnia starts to kick in. At first, it feels amazing. Nothing can stop you. All the last juices of adrenaline stored in your body for fight or flight are oozing out, candid in conversation. You are sharp, confident, and nimble, if not a little, at times, jumpy. Filters are just thin pieces of coloured plastic designed to reflect the mood you want to create.

There’s a catch, though. Life begins to mimic the action hit Crank, where lead man Jason Statham can’t let his adrenaline stop pumping or the Chinese poison will enter his heart, killing him instantly. You stop, and you’re done. All of the sudden the quick wit and endless enthusiasm for keeping it going is replaced with spiteful retort and unpredictable flashes of empty stoner glare. Drink

because you’ve got to, smile when they look, and don’t you dare talk back to a fan, or it will haunt the band forever. Speaking of your band, you had better learn to like their quirks, because, like in any relationship, what once was cute and mysterious can quickly become aggravating and trite.

Oh boo hoo, cry me a river, right? You are a touring musician, getting paid to play music and living out the American teen fantasy. Adoring fans, free drinks, women, and all that glamour. This isn’t always the case. Depending on the success of your band and the booking agent, rooms can feel more like coffins. There are perks and I hope you never have to hear a musician bitch and moan about their “hard life” on the road. It’s a lifestyle choice.

It’s not for everyone, but musicians who do it get a chance to spend extended periods of time traveling around the world doing what they love, and should feel grateful.

If there is any mystery, however, as to why bands take years off before they head back on the road or even worse – split up entirely – consider this: the bigger a band gets, the longer the tour gets. And the longer the tour, the better chance a supreme burn out will melt down the whole operation.

Certain bands have learned from their predeces-

sors and are now known to hire yoga instructors, naturopaths, and cooks who specialize in vegan organic fusion cuisine. Realistically, who, aside from the cream of the crop, can afford that?

Until a band can afford their double decker mobile home, they better learn to tough it out, and hopefully take the occasional night off. When they’re finally off the road, don’t be surprised if artists want to lock themselves inside the confines of their home and perform some supremely domestic activities like gardening, cooking, Tai Chi, cleaning house, or silently sitting in a rocking chair like a crazy old bat waiting for the mail man to be chased away by their herd of feral cats.

Physical health is well documented and can be quantified on a sheet of paper, in a pie chart, or some type of lateral graph. What cannot be calculated easily is a personal sense of satisfaction. So, if you do find yourself on the road in the aforementioned scenario, consider the wise words of local rock legend, Trooper: “We’re here for a good time, not a long time, so have a good time, the sun don’t shine every day.”

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ART SHORTS EDITOR ×

KRISTI ALEXANDRA

COPY@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

arcade fire

CHVRCHES

"REFLEKTOR"

"THE BONES OF WHAT YOU BELIEVE"

Paisley Conrad × Writer It's been three years since the band’s last release – and most people are asking themselves the classic question: “Who the fuck is Arcade Fire?”

Following an intense and off-the-wall guerilla marketing campaign featuring graffiti on high-profile public buildings in major cities internationally, and a series of cryptic messages strewn out over the Internet, Arcade Fire’s fourth studio album, Reflektor, manages to reclaim their place as the gods of indie rock in one swift move.

Opening with a play-back of the first track “Funeral”, Reflektor features David Bowie's very recognizable vocals and introduces a new sound for the band. Produced by innovator James Murphy, fresh out of his LCD Soundsystem fame, the album boasts more upbeat rhythms, using synthesized drum beats and congas. Delicate piano lines hold their own against the prevalent lead guitar, which has a grittier quality than their previous releases. The overall production feels almost muffled, as if you're listening through a wall. While the introductions to several songs are on the clunky side – “You Already Known”, “Flashbulb Eyes” – the songs eventually smooth themselves out

and hit a confident stride. Songs such as “Porno” and “Normal Person” play with off-kilter drum beats and catchy rhythm guitar, as frontman Win Butler lisps out his laments. This record feels like a sequel to their sophomore album Neon Bible, touching on similar feelings of disconnect from society and loneliness. In direct contrast with the optimism and nostalgia inspired by their Grammy-award winning record The Suburbs, Reflektor is more cynical, and suspicious in nature. Butler calls out despondent lyrics like: “It makes me feel like something's wrong with me,” in “Porno”, and: “We've all got things to hide,” in the title track.

Questioning the nature of existence itself, tracks like “Afterlife” and “Reflektor” reflect on the notion of a heaven and a hell, rejecting the concept of seeing what happens next.Despite the heavy nature of the concept surrounding the album, overall, it is a masterpiece. Stand out tracks include “Joan of Arc” for its upbeat, pop-esque tempo, and “It's Never Over (Oh Orpheus)” for Regine Chassagne's ethereal and unsettling call-and-response.

In the words of Win Butler, Arcade Fire intended on crafting a record “that Regine could dance to.”

We'll see how well they succeeded on their next world tour.

Glen Jackson × Writer Formed in 2011, the Glasgow based synth-pop band CHVRCHES has wasted no time in creating a Billboard-topping album. The Scottish-born band is made up of Lauren Mayberry (lead vocals, synth, and samplers), Lain Cook (synth, vocals, guitar, and bass), and Martin Doherty (synth, samplers, and vocals). The Bones of What You Believe is the perfect embodiment of the expanding independent electronic music scene. On March 25, CHVRCHES released an EP with songs off of their new album. This release got them enough attention to support acts such as Two Door Cinema Club, Passion Pit, Depeche Mode and Frightened Rabbit – not to mention playing Sasquatch! and Reading Festival. Since The Bones Of What You Believe was released on Sept. 20, it has gone to number one on Billboard’s top independent al-

bums, number three on Billboard’s top alternative albums, and number five on Billboard’s top rock albums list. The album is driven by powerful synth leads and catchy hooks, as well as edgy lyrics which seem unexpected coming from Mayberry, the adorable lead vocalist. Much of the edgy themes that are weaved throughout the album are inspired by horror movies. An example of this is in the lyrics: “Hide, hide, I have burned your bridges. Now I’ll be a gun and it’s you I’ll come for.” Though the album’s punchy bass and catchy synth leads are poppy in nature, the lovely vocals and emotional themes keep it from being a cookie cutter top 40 album. CHVRCHES is often compared to indie rock bands, but with guitars and drums mostly replaced with samplers and synthesizers. It’s clear that, for CHVRCHES, this is just the beginning of a brilliant career.

the concert dropout KAYNE WEST DID NOT HAPPEN Carlo Javier × Writer Yeezus doesn’t walk. For the second time in two weeks, Kanye West pulled a last-minute cancellation of his concert in Vancouver. Shows for Anaheim, Denver, and Minneapolis were also postponed. West cancelled his Oct. 20 show in Vancouver due to a stolen equipment truck, I mean, cough, his rental of a stadium in San Francisco in order to propose to baby mama Kim Kardashian. ‘Ye rented an entire stadium, a full orchestra, and put a 15-carat diamond ring on Kardashian’s hand – while thousands of Vancouverites were left concertless, supposedly until Halloween. This time, the excuse involved the crash of an equipment truck, which was carrying a custom-

made video truss and a 60-foot LED screen. West’s crew says that the damages were severe enough that putting on the show became impossible. Also don’t be surprised if reports later say that West flew to Paris, or to Dublin, or to London, to buy a handmade wedding dress for Kardashian. Point is: the excuse for the second cancellation of West’s stop in Vancouver is downright terrible.

Kanye West, self-proclaimed creative genius, could not think far ahead enough to have doubles of the equipment for his elaborate show; Kanye West, self-proclaimed “biggest rock star in the world” could not come through in his highly anticipated tour; Kanye West, self-proclaimed god essentially went on an ambitious, yet poorly planned tour.

The worst part? Once the show gets rescheduled, I’m still going to go.

two door cinema club Glen Jackson × Writer

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Two Door Cinema Club was welcomed by thousands of adoring fans to the Orpheum Theatre along with St. Lucia and Peace. The show started with Peace playing three songs worth of squealing feedback while the sound crew struggled to get the microphones under control. As soon as the feedback subsided and instruments were balanced the band proceeded to play a solid but safe performance. Following Peace was St. Lucia, a rather new band out of Brooklyn. The set was extremely tight but seemed to contradict the atmosphere created in the classy Orpheum Theatre.

Being on the balcony of the theatre there came an extremely awkward moment in the set when Jean-Philip Grobler of St. Lucia demanded that everyone jump to the beat. Apart from some diehard fans of the newly formed band there was a lot of half-hearted hopping followed by a shoulder check and returning to the classic head bob. Even

still, the few die-hard fans were enough to get the balcony moving up and down which seemed hard on the 86-year-old theatre.

The mood changed drastically as Two Door Cinema Club came to the stage with smoke and lights.

The set was everything that could be expected from a popular indie band and more. They played all of their hits with a certain swagger that seemed overly mature and professional for a band comprised of 25 years olds. There were times within the set when lead singer Alex Trimble, in the middle of talking to the audience or taking a sip of wine, would start an intricate song out of thin air in perfect time with the rest of the band. The deafening roar of the crowd for an encore was an obvious indication that the band was extremely well received.

Every band is in a constant struggle with being as good live as they are recorded and it is safe to say any fan of Two Door Cinema Club’s recorded works would love seeing them live.

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ORPHEUM THEATRE OCT. 25

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cap calendar Monday 04

Tuesday 05

Wednesday 06

Thursday 07

Friday 08

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Diwali Workshop

Ladies Night

Jody Glenham

Monday Movie Night

South Vancouver Neighbourhood House 12 pm to 3 pm $ - free

All Milestones Restaurants All day $40

The Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $5

Storm Crow Tavern 9 pm $ - free

Diwali fest celebrations still burn bright. This Monday, venture into some traditional practices by taking Diwali-themed workshops in rangoli design, diya lamp painting, Bollywood dancing, and mehndi hand painting.

Every Monday is ladies night at Milestones. Order four appetizers and four bellinis for just $40.

Grab three girlfriends – or boyfriends – and enjoy a meal a little cheaper than most you would find at this faux-fine dining haunt. Yeah, girls.

Vancouver singer/songwriter Jody Glenham hosts her own 7"-album release party, with special guests Cataldo, in this installment of “the Biltmore Record Club”. Cheap drinks, other Vancouver-renowned musicians as barkeep (Capitol 6, anyone?), and you won’t hear a single bass drop.

They promised.

A regular Mecca for Trekkies, Star Wars geeks, and Steampunk enthusiasts alike, Storm Crow Tavern hosts a free movie every Monday evening. And, if the flick doesn’t spark your interest, you can retreat into a game of Settlers of Catan. You might have to buy a drink. Might I suggest the “Eye of Sauron”?

Cheap Night at the VAG

Strumbellas, Rolla Olak, John Sponarsk

Open Mic

The Campaign

Vancouver Art Gallery 5 pm to 9 pm $ - by donation

The Biltmore Cabaret 9 pm $10

Displace Hashery 8:30 pm $ - free

Cinemax 8:15 pm $11

It’s the one evening per week that you won’t have to shell out $20 for a gander at the art gallery. After 5 pm, you can stroll through the exhibition halls for as little as $2. Well, that’s what my suggested donations would be. If you give any less than that, you are one cheap bastard. Or, you know, a broke joke.

Take a break from studying this Tuesday and sample some talent at the Biltmore Cabaret. Strumbellas, Rolla Olak and John Sponarski – singer/ guitarist from local folksters Portage and Main – head this country-magical weekday evening.

Every Tuesday at Displace Hashery (3293 West 4th) the best open mic in the west side of the city.

Enjoy the performances of amazing musicians, or go play and network with the music community.

You’ve got to sign up before 8:30 pm to reserve your turn in the spotlight, though.

Will Ferrell and Zach Galifinakias star in this hilarious parody of American politics. Among slogans that include popular buzzwords like “Jesus”, “America”, and “freedom”, and a penchant for high-class prostitutes. Which is fitting, considering American politics has recently been a parody of itself.

Emmylou Harris

Minus World Improv

Taco.... Wednesday

Paul Anthony's Talent Time

The Orpheum 7:30pm $35 - 75

The Rio Theatre 8 pm $ - 6 in advance & $9 at the door

La Taqueria All Day $ - too many tacos

The Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $8

If, like myself, you were a fool to miss Loretta Lynn on her recent stop in Vancouver, then you simply can’t miss classic country great Emmylou Harris when she graces the Orpheum Theatre with Rodney Crowell, Richard Thompson, and her unparalleled country twang.

Is it just me, or is Vancouver slowly becoming a gamer/fantasy nerd paradise? The Rio Theatre hosts a live video game comedy experience.

Whether you got your gaming start with the Master Sword or with Master Chef (thanks Ramsey), this is the epic debut of minus world improv this Wednesday. Epic.

Ok, La Taqueria, Taco Wednesday just doesn’t have the same ring to it as Taco Tuesday (marketing tactics, people!), but who are we to disagree with a bargain? Every Wednesday, when you buy four tacos, you get two for free. Every Wednesday.

Not Tuesday. Got it?

Okay, try to keep up here: Talent Time is a live monthly comedy, variety, chat show, and cable access television program, which also has a regular segment on the show called “Craigslist Corner” featuring nutty people found on the internet.

Mary Poppins

The Wizard of Oz

Anne Rice

Unsigned Indie Music Series

Arts Club Theatre 8 pm $29

Queen Elizabeth Theatre 7:30 pm $50.65

Kay Meek Centre 7:30 pm $35

The Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $5

The musical made famous by the Disney corporation hits Vancouver this Thursday. Bring your Mary Poppins knowledge – grand or little – to sing along with “A Spoonful of Sugar”. It’s sure to be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I much preferred the Simpson’s version of this tale, but this live play might yet prove me wrong.

The first ever colour movie comes to life as Broadway Across Canada presents the Wizard of Oz, the classic tale of a young girl, Dorothy, who winds up in Oz after a windstorm in her hometown of Kansas. Watch out for winged monkeys, evil witches (unless, of course, you ascribe to the teachings of Wicked), and lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

The American horror-fiction author tours in support of upcoming book The Wolves of Midwinter, the latest entry in her Wolf Gift Chronicles. Let’s be honest: this is a lot of money to see Anne Rice.

I mean, she’s no George R.R. Martin. But then again, I’m obsessed.

Every month, the Biltmore hosts an evening of music with currently unsigned bands. This time, they present Fine Times, Facts, Van Damsel and special guest DJ Jonny Grayston of East Van Soul Club! Hey, your band might even be next.

Tedeschi Trucks Band

Thelma and Louise

Circle Craft Christmas Market

The Cocktail Hour

Vogue Theatre 8 pm $79

The Rio Theatre 11pm $6/$8

Vancouver Convention Centre 10 am to 9 pm $6/$10

The Orpheum Theatre 8 PM $21/$88

Eleven-piece blues-rock ensemble featuring singer-guitarist Susan Tedeschi and slide-guitar specialist Derek Trucks of the Allman Brothers Band, with guests the Walkervilles. If there’s one place to get your blues this autumn, this is it - except, of course, at CapU.

Gone are the days of the female buddy film, but this one goes down in history. Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon play besties — a broken housewife and a waitress – who embark on a two-day vacation that goes awry. Kind of like the twoperson, female fronted version of the Hangover.

The 40th annual holiday craft fair features over 300 artisans, artists, and crafters who specialize in pottery, wood, glass, metal, fibre, fashion, and jewellery. Participating vendors include 4 Paws Bakery, Amity Design, Botanical Art, Calgary Fudge Factory, Deconstruct Jewellery, Earth to Body, and more.

Steven Reineke conducts the VSO and vocalists Nikki Renee Daniels and Ryan Silverman in a performance of works by Henry Mancini, Irving Berlin, Burt Bacharach, and Amy Winehouse, in the style of music of the Mad Men era.

Glory Days

Main Street Vinyl Record Fair 8

Belle Game and Bear Mountain

Winter's Farmer's Market

The Biltmore Cabaret 10:30 pm $10

The Cambrian Hall 11 am to 4 pm $3

The Vogue Theatre 9 pm $13

Nat Bailey Stadium 10 am to 2 pm $ - free

A weekly dance party featuring resident deejays: MY!GAY!HUSBAND! Sincerely Hana, Rico Uno, and Genie. Hipster paparazzi Lindsay’s Diet will be there taking snaps of the most attractive attendees in a fashionable mix of American Apparel and thrift store finds.

Day one of the Main Street Vinyl Record Fair features ex-Black Wizard guitarist Johnny de Courcy, and Knights of the Turntable. For $3, you can’t really go wrong on this all-ages culture event. You can buy, sell, and trade new and used vinyl. Better than dumpster diving weekend!

Vancouver’s musical sweethearts, the Belle Game and Bear Mountain, play an evening at the Vogue Theatre this Saturday. A mix of orchestral, pastoral dark-pop and indie-dance. What else can I say about these guys? They’re also just a handful of nicest people in this relatively mean city.

Find delicious locally made food and enjoy knowing where your food comes from and who cultivates it. Also featuring local food trucks like Vij’s Railway Express and some of the best cabbage rolls your taste buds will ever meet. Or you could go to McDonald’s… but you probably shouldn’t, fatty.

Toro Y Moi

Bread and Salt

Grandma's Boy

Kitty Nights Burlesque

The Vogue Theatre 9:30 pm $20

Ukrainian Hall 3 pm $25/$15

Comedy Channel 7 pm $ - cost of cable

The Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $7

Chazwick Bradley Bundick (yeah, that’s his real name) is Toro Y Moi, a chillwave, indie-pop singer/songwriter from South Carolina. I’m having a hard time believing that this guy’s name sounds like “chez-wick, bun-dick”. I suppose I would change my name to “The Bull and Me” as well.

As part of the Downtown Eastside Heart of the City Festival, Vancouver Moving Theatre and the Association of United Ukrainian Canadians present a multidisciplinary production that tells the story of the Ukrainian experience in Vancouver East.

Happy Madison – aka Adam Sandler and all his friends – present a video game geek-stoner comedy about a game tester who loses his home and moves in with his grandma. Grab your bong, settle in front of the TV and you’ll be one-lining it all week long.

Terminal city’s favourite form of stripping comes back this Sunday with the Biltmore’s Kitty Nights. Featuring Dita Von Teese wannabes and curvy, surgery-free babes, there’s no reason to miss out on sipping a couple cosmos and sizing up some boobies.

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47 issue N o . 09

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FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

THERESE GUIEB

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

DO YOU EVEN LIFT? THE CULTURE OF HEALTH AND FITNESS

× Sydney Parent

Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

There is a new growing subculture in our society.

As Vancouver becomes increasingly associated with yoga and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, the culture within health and fitness itself is becoming more and more apparent and undeniable.

THE INTERNET MUSCLE

EAT . SLEEP . LIFT . REPEAT

PAIN AND GAIN

BIG MONEY

47 issue N o . 09

There are many new training programs that are getting marketed as the “newest, revolutionary way to get and stay fit.” P90x is a well-known commercial home exercise that prominently features intense workouts that require repetition and endurance. CrossFit is a program that combines aerobics, gymnastics, and weightlifting which allows for a synthesis of increased strength, flexibility, and endurance.

Since its release, P90x has sold more than three million copies, with estimated sales of around $500 million.

Gym memberships are adding extra amenities depending on the length of contract. There are clubs that include pools and saunas, and many gyms offer extensive group workouts that allow participants to interact with each other. Zumba, a dance fitness workout that’s received strong celebrity endorsement has become a mainstay at many gyms. Hot yoga is another fitness activity that’s experienced increased popularity.

Needless to say, the market for health and fitness is expanding, to the point that an entirely new industry is starting to become real. “Nutrition, fitness, trainers, gyms – I think they’re going to start making a lot more money in the future, because the awareness is going up big time,” says Safari.

“It’s not just become part of physical consciousness but also part of trendiness, socialization, it’s become more than just working out.”

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One of the ways people can assist themselves in getting the right type and amount of nutrition they need is through supplementation. There are many supplements in the market that provide their own specific benefits. Regardless of the brand, the most popular ones are protein powders, creatine, pre-workouts and fat-burners.

Protein is widely seen as the most important nutrient in terms of building muscle. Simply put, the result of working out is the breaking down of muscle fibers. Protein, in turn, leads the muscles into recovery mode – rebuilding bigger and stronger compounds.

Creatine, on the other hand, is an organic acid naturally produced in the body. Creatine can also be taken externally to get an extra boost of energy.

This allows weight lifters to finish the seventh or eighth repetition that they would normally struggle with. “The downside is the downfall in size and strength because the muscle is keen to holding water while on Creatine,” says Latkowski.

The benefits of supplementation can be very evident; protein powder speeds up the muscle’s recovery, which allows for more training. However, there is some debate about the natural ingredients of some supplements.

“They are natural. Supplements, in my opinion, are unnecessary,” begins Sumit Purba, weight lifter.

“Supplements like pre-workout drinks are highly unnecessary and are more of a psychological boost rather than a physical boost. I get the sensation when I walk right into the gym because I know I am going to cause some serious damage to my muscle tissues and make some gains.”

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“Fitness itself, I actually compare to religion,” says Safari. “I think fitness is very similar to religion, in a sense that there are so many different opinions, articles, and beliefs about it.” It’s evident that having the desire and the motivation is imperative in maintaining a strict training regimen.

Mental strength is needed to remain consistent with a routine. For some people, even the act of “going to the gym” is a challenge, much less a four to five day per week training program. “Going through the movements for every exercise and each repetition is pretty strenuous physically, but working to the point where every muscle is filled with lactic acid is where 100 per cent of the mental strength is required,” says Daniel Latkowski, personal trainer. Just as important as maintaining a strict training regimen, is keeping a close watch on the foods you eat.

Whether it’s to build muscle, to improve strength, or to lose weight, ultimately, the goal

comes down to results. Results are hardly achieved unless nutrition and training go hand in hand.

“Nutrition is an extremely important aspect to [remain] consistent with this lifestyle,” Latkowski continues. “You should be spending roughly an hour in the gym every session, so what you do in the other 23 hours of the day is what really counts.”

Depending on the individual, nutrition can sometimes be significant enough that it is the first point addressed when entering a training phase.

For example, it may take only a single meal to consume 500 calories, but it would take about an hour to work that off.

“I think there’s two sides of it, you can 100 per cent get your required meat from your dietary intake – if you know how to eat properly,” says Safari.

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It might be hard to believe, but for an activity that’s predominantly physical, its newfound popularity can actually be attributed to the effects of social networking.

For Sarah Safari, a personal trainer at Innovative Fitness and former student of CapU, health and fitness are experiencing a growth never seen before, and the social element might be the biggest factor – even more significant than the physical aspect.

“I think one of the biggest things right now is social networking. I think that a lot of times, with people who come out to train or work out, they do it just so that they could fit in with the social atmosphere of health and fitness,” says Safari.

Indeed, social networking is playing a significant role in the rising popularity of health and fitness, especially in bodybuilding. The Facebook page of the late Aziz Shavershian, popularly known as “Zyzz”, amassed more than 300,000 fans and is credited for spearheading a bodybuilding subculture in Australia known as “Aesthetics”. Zyzz, an alleged heavy steroid abuser, died after suffering a heart attack while in a sauna. He was 22.

Befitpics, an Instagram account that posts motivational quotes and images to inspire people to train harder has nearly 300,000 followers. Aside from the displays, the account allows users to submit their own pictures to show the progress of their own training.

People are now able – and encouraged – to share their progress online. One of the more prominent social media characters in the fitness and health world is Mike Chang, with his “Six Pack Shortcuts”. The YouTube fitness channel ranks as the most popular channel in its field, with over two million subscribers and over 200 million views.

Nowadays, going to the gym goes beyond the physical benefits – it’s a growing trend that people are hopping on.

“I actually have tons of clients who want to work on progressions… but the last thing they want is to get a fixed schedule and a fixed program, because all they want is to get a crazy workout and [to] talk about it with their friends,” says Safari.

Despite being normally regarded as an activity that yields physical results, there are many other aspects and benefits of going to the gym that directly affect mental, social, and psychological elements of life.

“I think people mostly do it for confidence, they do it to look good, for an image, for an expectation to look a certain way – for both males and females,” says Safari.

Socially, gyms often offer a community-like environment for their regulars. For example, a Steve Nash Fitness World branch in Coquitlam is intentionally built to be a smaller club to give its regulars a “small-town atmosphere.”

“I think there are people who come to the gym just to try and find people to interact with. Whether it’s [a] friendship or relationship, there’s a lot of coming to the gym just to socialize,” says Safari.

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FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

THERESE GUIEB

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

FEARS, PHOBIAS, AND TERRORS - OH MY LOOKING INTO THE LOGIC BEHIND PHOBIAS AND HOW TO OVERCOME THEM

× Miles Chic

Therese Guibe × Features Editor

Romila Barryman

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When Kelley Sinkewich went to one of her first parties as a young adult, she bolted for the doors as soon as she saw what was on the dining room table. The walls began to close in and her breathing became difficult. It was the shock of seeing the bright shades of wiggling Jell-O shots that triggered, what she called, a “full-blown panic attack.”

“The first thing people ask me is if I'm joking,” Sinkewich explains, “then they ask me if I've ever had childhood trauma around it and I tell them ‘No.’” That night, in the midst of friends, Sinkewich tried to explain that the fear was real but it wasn’t until she broke down into tears that people began to take her seriously. “They treat me exactly the same now,” she laughs, “now that they understand it.” Dr. Leonard George, professor of abnormal psychology at Capilano University, says that the key is understanding the extent of the phobia at hand. “The misconception is that all phobias are mental illnesses or anxiety disorders,” Dr. George emphasizes, “but the person is only in need of therapy when the phobia hinders their ability to get what they want out of life.”

Regardless of how bizarre the case may seem, societal acceptance may be the fine line between isolating an individual and helping them integrate back into society. “One of the best things to practice is the ability to be empathetic,” reminds Dr. George. “Everybody has a phobia to a certain extent.” The numbers may be a lot higher than anticipated, with new reports from Statistics Canada stating that two out of 1,000 people suffer from the social phobia, Agoraphobia. “Agoraphobia is not the fear of being in public so much as it is the fear of not being able to get out of situations,” Dr. George details. Although the phobia massively hinders the agoraphobic person’s ability to socially interact, the extremities of the phobia are not always at a critical extent. “There was a case of a woman who was found dead in her tub,” says Dr. George. “Her world had just shrunk down until it shrunk as small as the confines of her washroom.

But I don’t want anyone to get any ideas, this is not always the result of phobias.”

I GOT CHILLS, THEY’RE MULTIPLYING

For Alex Segal, the commute via transit can be exceptionally daunting. “Sometimes, I have to get off the Skytrain just to take a second to breathe,” she expresses. The specificity of her phobia, however, has helped her greatly in finding calmness. “When you’re afraid of something, you try as hard as you can to force yourself to cope with it,” she explains.

“It’s just that sometimes, not everyone can.” The Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) describes two different categories for phobias: social and specific. Social phobias are generally more broad in their terror and have the individual avoiding situations that require public interaction, whereas specific phobias, true to its name, is more narrow in its ability to describe. “Unfortunately the awareness around phobias is low. It is impor-

The vast array of phobias that the general public experiences range from the commonly heard to the plain wow-ing. Arachnophobia, the fear of spiders, and acrophobia, a fear of heights, stand as two of the most common fears known in society, but the complexity in understanding fears can be met when dealing with the more rare ones. Tetraphobia for example, is the immense fear of the number four, causing occasions like birthdays to be a difficult experience. “Parthenophobia, which partly derives its name from Athena, the Greek goddess, is the fear of virgins,” Dr. George discloses, “to which one may ask, ‘Well, how would you know?’”

EVERYBODY’S GOT ONE

tant to avoid judgment,” Dr. George emphasizes.

“The fact is we all have fears.”

The CMHA also reports that one out of every 10 Canadians suffers from some sort of anxiety disorder. However, the common phobia may not always translate into an anxiety disorder. “I, myself, have an unfortunate fear of porcelain dolls,” Dr. George details. “I am fortunate in that society has been built in a way that allows me not to run into them too often. However, if there was, for example, a law that porcelain dolls were required to be carried by every person in society, I may have the inability to interact in public and therefore avoid people in general, which would then be considered a mental illness.” For Sinkewich, the fear of Jell-O may not be one she faces on a daily basis, but it has redefined her ability to be more aware of whom she may surround herself with. “All my friends know now,” she laughs, “but when I meet new people, I always make sure I have someone who knows me really well because it’s always nice to be supported.” The support, Sinkewich details, is in the scrutiny of her phobia from new people.

“There are people who have a fear of balconies,” Dr. George says. “It sounds bizarre, but when we consider cases where balconies have collapsed, we realize it is not irrational as much as it may be extreme.” However, unlike Cibophobia, the fear of food, and Myxophobia, the fear of slime, Sinkewich’s phobia has not officially been named in the medical field. “It's an actual thing,” Sinkewich details. “To me, I know the fear is real and I don't need someone to tell me it's real.”

PHOBIAPHOBIA Individuals with more intense phobias may also suffer occasionally from what is known as a panic attack. Flashing vision, heavy breathing and sometimes even nausea may be experienced during this

moment of apprehension that can last up to 10 minutes before subsiding. Samantha Smith*, a surgical nurse from Vancouver General Hospital (VGH) has witnessed many panic attacks among her patients. “A patient of mine started breathing heavily and was really fidgety. She looked like was trying to look for something and then when I asked her what was going on she replied, ‘I don’t know, I’m just really nervous right now.’ She was super jittery and trying to catch her breath….Her heart rate and blood pressure shot up all of a sudden,” says Smith. Panic attacks or anxiety attacks usually occur out of nowhere and without warning. However, it is often triggered by fear in certain situations.

When dealing with panic attacks, it is important to be sure of what to do. “Talk to them and ask them calmly, ‘What’s bothering you? Why are you feeling anxious?’ and give them space. Also, while you’re talking to them, open up the curtain so they don’t feel like the room is closing in on them. Get them to do some deep breathing and ask them, ‘What can I do to help calm you down?’

Give them any anti-anxiety meds – that’s the most important thing to know, is if they do have any anxiety meds. This will most likely help them calm down,” advises Smith. When reaching out to the individual, understanding them is the key to successfully aid them out of the situation.

PHOBIA TREATMENTS Overcoming phobias can be very challenging for most people. It can take a long time for an individual to conquer their fears but for some it’s as easy as facing it. “Sometimes people tell me to get over it or that it’s just a silly fear,” Sinkewich reveals, “so I ask them what they're most scared of and tell them to get over it, too.”

Many believe that by facing their fears, they are rid of that phobia. However, it still lingers and may suddenly be triggered again by another situation involving that phobia, especially when it is affecting the individual’s life. According to CMHA, when phobias start to continuously bombard a person’s life, the phobia is then classified as an anxiety disorder. At this point, seeking help from a psychiatrist or a psychologist is advised.

Psychotherapy and behaviour therapy are treatments used by professionals to overcome phobias, while prescribed medications are given to patients suffering from anxiety disorders. “Loxapin, haloperidol, benzodiazepine, and Ativan are the most commonly used psychotic drugs,” Smith continues. “These drugs are often overused.” These medications can also cause side effects and can be addictive if they’re taken without correct prescription. “If you put pharmacy into the human body, it creates stress. When you introduce a toxin in your body, a number of things happen immediately: increase in heart rate, rising blood pressure, increasing skin temperature, and increase in respiration. By applying a toxin into the body, you’re emulating the very same things you’re trying to avoid,” says Rob Hadley, a therapist from Vancouver Hypnotherapy Clinic. When an individual is triggered by their phobia “adrenaline overrides their system” and possibly the medication they have taken.

Conquering phobias that aren’t too severe can possibly be done without professional help but should be guided by someone who understands the individual’s fear and situation well. Helpguide. org, a non-profit website for mental health issues stated that self-help treatments for phobias include the following: facing your fears one step at a time, learning relaxation tips, and challenging negative thoughts. Gradually and repeatedly facing your fears by climbing up a “fear ladder”, which contains a list of scenarios that make you vulnerable, would aid in analyzing what triggers your fears.

Relaxation tips include deep breathing exercises, which can then be used as a tool in a situation when conquering phobia, while challenging negative thoughts will help you realize that the phobia cannot physically harm.

Since anti-depressant drugs are prescribed with warning due to side effects, many seek a natural alternative in curing their phobias. One of the most well-known processes is hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy is a process in which an individual is brought into a relaxed state and an altered state of consciousness. “Hypnosis is good for changing people’s behavior and people’s belief,” says Hadley.

In our society, we see hypnosis as a process used by magicians for the purpose of entertaining people.

Hypnosis dates back hundreds of years. Initially used to control an individual’s actions during a state of trance, it wasn’t until the 1840s that it was introduced in the medicinal field to help cure the mentally ill. “Not only is it scientifically proven, it has had an estimated 87 per cent success rate in the case of phobias,” says Hadley.

Hypnotherapy is typically used on people with addiction problems and anxiety disorders. “We focus on the key things, being processes that are measurable and tangible. We are not interested in something like working with confidence issues because we can’t measure that. Anxiety disorders are easily, fairly measured because you can track heart rate, blood pressure, skin temperature – you can check a lot of things to see if someone’s responding to a stimulus, such as a response to seeing a snake,” reports Hadley. Hypnosis is a method learned for a period of time where one can attain techniques and knowledge from an experienced hypnotist. “I would like to think of hypnotists as more like technicians than magicians. They’re doing something which is clear and measurable,” notes Hadley. The process of hypnotherapy in the case of phobias depends on the experiences of the individual with that fear. When one undergoes hypnotherapy, the therapist must gather as much information as possible from the client in order for them to address the main problem. “First session would be gathering background information, getting key points, and hone in on ones that trigger it [the phobia].

And then deliver the therapy through hypnosis, influencing some of those key points. The first session, it’s just trust building and information gathering,” notes Hadley. During the actual hypnosis, which happens in the second and third session of the therapy, is when benefits begin to occur.

ON the Cover

* Name has been changed

volume

47 issue N o . 09

Miles Chic is a graduate of the IDEA program. He is primarily a designer and enjoys illustrating on the side. And with a side of band action he is the drummer in the band Yes Bear. Oui Oui, tres bein!

Check out his work at Mileschic.com

Though clinical treatment is often sought to be the answer to all medical disorders like phobias, an individual’s lifestyle choices can also benefit in effectively conquering phobias. The most influential factor in triggering phobias is stress. Increases in stress levels affect the mind, body, and behavior in many ways. According to Helpguide.org, continuous stress can be dangerous because the body is always running on emergency mode or stress response, which, instead of making your life easier, starts causing damage to your health. A healthy lifestyle can reduce stress and therefore lower the chances of negative moods and unproductivity.

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Miles Chic

EATING YOUR FEARS AWAY

Join a support group, eat a healthy diet, avoid alcohol and illegal drug intake, exercise, stress management, and getting a good night’s sleep are some of CMHA’s suggested steps in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Support groups are essential to sharing experiences with others and obtaining strategies to cope with disorders. “Emotional relief ” is often associated with alcohol intake, which can result in increased vulnerability to mental illnesses. Exercising generates endorphin release in the body. Endorphins interact with receptors in the brain that support in diminishing pain. Managing stress and learning how to avoid it can change a person’s perspective, while getting an efficient eight hours of sleep heavily affects an individual’s performance the next day.

“If a person has poor diet habits and they have poor sleep, and they never exercise, and they have a fear of birds, what’s often happening is their general ability to manage anxiety is very poorly supported because they’re tired and they get no sufficient nutrition and they have no physical exercise.

Those are all activities which support anxiety,” says Hadley. “The more we exercise, the more we have strong relationships, the more we eat proper foods, the better we are with dealing with life, generally.”

A healthy lifestyle is a fundamental tool one should adopt in averting even the most extreme mental disorders. Fears are present within everyone, even if we’re not aware of it. These fears are qualities that are derived from beliefs and experiences. Though these may hold us back from doing things that we can do, embracing the fact that we have fears is normal and it creates unique qualities in each of us. Being afraid should not be the reason that risks aren’t taken, for new experiences will never occur without sometimes taking a leap of faith.

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“We’ll put them on the couch and put them into ‘deep state’. We don’t want them to go into super deep state. We get them into a state in which they are receptive to suggestion. There’s a number of ways of doing that,” Hadley continues, “we use sound files, we use physical forms of hypnosis, we use a pendulum that’s a very old fashioned way and, for some, it works quite well. Your overall experience will be very calm.”

Some skeptics believe hypnosis is a tool to manipulate others. “If they [the client] go directly against your belief system, it is much more difficult… An example might be if I give you a confidence lift, you’ll feel good for the rest of the day,” says Hadley. “But if I ask you for your credit card and your pin number, there’s a very good chance that you’ll feel threatened and straight away you’ll come out of hypnosis.” Due to the fact that when an individual is under hypnosis, their senses are still receptive, it’s almost impossible for them to be manipulated easily.

Many of us undergo doses of hypnosis in some of our activities, namely yoga. “There’s a ‘Savasana’ period at the end of a yoga session that is very relaxing and your mind goes into a very open and receptive state. During which you’re extremely likely to take on beliefs or behaviours that are suggested to you,” reports Hadley. It is beneficial for an individual to have down time in order to stay connected and point out instances which trigger your fears.

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OPINIONS

OPINIONS EDITOR ×

FAYE ALEXANDER

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

the mincome ERADICATING NATIONAL POVERTY THROUGH A MINIMUM INCOME Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor “The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it.

The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics.” – Thomas Sowell.

In October, Conservative Senator Hugh Segal gave a speech in front of an audience of business owners on ways to eliminate poverty in Canada. Segal proposes a minimum income for all Canadians, a $20,000 a year guarantee. Those who are wavering below the poverty line, currently one in 10 Canadian citizens, can get their collective bank accounts topped up by their government. The current welfare system in place is a series of obstacles, rules, and bureaucracy. Eradicating poverty nationally has been a fantasy, but with the concept of the “mincome” now on the table, Canada has an opportunity to make this a reality.

The current system, Canada’s employment insurance program, is a nightmare. Thousands slip through the cracks due to extensive eligibility rules. Despite the cost of living rising by 20 per cent over the past decade, the maximum weekly payment paid out by EI has only seen an increase of $10. Part-time and seasonal workers fall short of the minimum number of hours required to be eligible to receive assistance. The program has

been tightening up on eligibility criteria, benefit levels, and benefit durations since rebranding from “unemployment insurance” to “employment insurance” in 1996. With all the added hoops and leaps, making it difficult for many to receive EI, it’s unsurprising that the program’s surplus peaked in 2009 at $57 billion, money which is required of all workers and employers to pay into, although never guaranteeing workers' eligibility to receive it.

Unlike welfare, which only some Canadians qualify to collect, the guaranteed minimum income would be available to all citizens. A widely unknown fact is that Canada has experimented with the concept in the past. For four years in the ‘70s, the federal and provincial governments introduced the Mincome to the small, rural town of Dauphin, Manitoba. The government wanted to find out whether people would still work given the guarantee of money flowing in, and surprisingly, they did. The one demographic they did see the Mincome affect were mothers with newborns, who now had more financial freedom to stay home with their child(ren). Dauphin saw less hospital visits, fewer mental health visits, and less domestic violence. It was the only time when Canada offered an open-door social assistance program, but it came to a halt in 1978 when an economic recession hit.

Allowing Canadians to have cash to count on with no conditions is a bold move. The theory has been tried out in more places than just little

Dauphin, Manitoba, too. Programs parallel to the Mincome proposal are being used in at least 45 countries, helping an estimated 110 million families world-wide. Studies by Joseph Hanlon, co-author of the recent book Just Give Money to the Poor, show that strict conditions on eligibility aren’t necessary. The money granted to those in need were largely used towards food, their children, and improving incomes independently. One region of Namibia, which offers an unconditional income grant, saw malnutrition in children drop from 42 per cent to 10 per cent, school dropouts dropped to nearly zero. School attendance increased significantly in Malawi among young girls and women who no longer had the pressure of supporting their families. A similar experiment was conducted in London and was considered such a success that the city of London is now providing financial support to expand it.

Employment insurance requires those who are suffering through poverty to continually prove that they are deserving of assistance. Canada’s current welfare program is dehumanizing when you consider those who must negotiate through plexiglass and paperwork for resources to feed their families or pay their rent. EI is not offered if a recipient is not actively seeking employment, either. This instantly puts anyone considering returning to school to better their job prospects at risk of having no financial backing through the welfare sys-

× Crystal Lee tem. It is removing opportunities for those hoping for a better future.

The Mincome proposal has the potential to better Canada as a whole, while removing the shame and stigma affiliated with poverty. Removing the conditions currently set forth by the EI program will allow citizens to make their own financial choices, allowing them the freedoms to pursue educations, making for long lasting and empowering careers down the line. The Mincome would remove pressure on those who are faced with living below the poverty line. No more hoops, no more obstacles; a simpler system with much greater benefits to an already outstanding country.

smokers not sinners

SEEKING COMMON GROUND Rana Sowdaey

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Kurt Vonnegut once said, "I am notoriously hooked on cigarettes. A fire at one end and a fool at the other." The benefits of not smoking easily outweigh the benefits of smoking. After a night fuelled by cigarettes, 10 minutes on the treadmill will make your lungs feel like they’re about to burst, while ordinarily, 30 minutes is no problem.

This also goes after a heavy night of drinking alcohol, or after a day of multiple cups of coffee.

You might also feel just as lousy after getting too much sun or after over eating. Let’s talk about it.

There are a lot of things done for pleasure that are healthy. There are also pleasures to indulge in like desserts, a fancy pumpkin latte, beer or wine, a cigar, or a cigarette. All of these indulgences can lead to problems. Until then, they're called “life's simple pleasures.” It's true that what sets cigarettes apart – what makes them especially problematic – is the smoke. The twisting smoke that invades the personal space of healthy non-smokers. But this notion of the “right to healthy air” carries with it some misconceived information.

After a famous Japanese study conducted over a decade ago called “Acute Effects of Passive Smoking on the Coronary Circulation in Healthy Young Adults”, essential facts were misrepresented by anti-smoking campaigns. In reality, the study found that during 30 minutes of exposing nonsmokers to smoke, the ability of their coronary arteries to respond to certain stressful conditions

were slowed. But this effect is not a permanent condition and actually occurs after other normal activities like eating a high-fat meal.

Can I smoke in my vehicle? Can I smoke in my home? Can I smoke when no one is around?

These questions stack awkwardly on top of each other on the B.C. Ministry of Health FAQ website. Banning cigarettes near children’s parks and in apartment buildings is legitimate, but there’s little proof that second hand smoke outdoors is actually more harmful than car pollution. It’s also banned 7.5 meters near a bus stop in North Vancouver, and there’s no smoking on trails or parks. Smoking within a doorway is banned and you can’t smoke on the beach. An entire group of people are being distinguished and favoured against, because of their own lifestyle choice – it’s discrimination. It’s not only a perfectly legal activity, but people do it all over the world.

There are sometimes careless smokers, as in any type of group, but they don’t represent the whole. To smokers, remember to keep your eye out for those sensitive to you. Be conscientious – if there’s a smoker’s area, go smoke there instead. It’s surprising how many smokers don’t do this, but it’s not everyone. Smokers aren't malicious people – they're not smoking to anger anyone. To nonsmokers, realize that no one is out to get you by smoking. Smokers are just ordinary people. Try conversing with them. Greater understanding is

× Cheryl Swan one key to happiness, if only a healthy dialogue could be born between these groups. Smokers, consider asking Vancouver friends, “Do you mind if I smoke?” before lighting up. And non-smokers, if they forget, it takes five seconds to converse about it: “Hey, would you mind smoking outside the bus stop, away from the patio, down-wind?”

For those who are clueless, there are a few reasons why people would choose to indulge in a cigarette, in particular, knowingly harming their bodies. For starters, smoking causes you to routinely take breaks throughout the day. This relieves stress and promotes alone time, which can be centering.

Smoking also gives you a reason to go outside, admiring beauty in nature while taking an afternoon walk/smoke. Thirdly, one of the best reasons for smoking is that it gives you an excuse to talk to people. Not just small talk – important, deep, ex-

citing, intelligent, and meaningful conversations are had over a few cigarettes. When you take a moment out of your life to isolate yourself with another person over a cigarette, you really get to know them.

It’s not to say that one couldn't achieve any of these things without cigarettes. There are numerous activities to bond over, but from different social situations arise different kinds of opportunities. Just like our other differences, we are searching for different opportunities. The dangers of smoking are clear, but before judging, take the time to understand where smokers come from. In other words, don't judge others just because they sin differently than you.

opinions

$port$ BANKING ON POTENTIAL Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

× Guillem Rovira

47 issue N o . 09

incredibly successful now, but he has also admitted that, at the time, the hype got to him.

In his book Shooting Stars, James confessed to using marijuana to help deal with the constant media watch on his life. "We had become big-headed jerks, me in particular, and we are to blame for that, but so are adults who treated us that way and then sat back and smugly watched the selfdestruction," he said. Immense media coverage can have a negative impact on a career. Just like many of the greats before him, Wiggins will be under a microscope. At every game, at every press conference, all eyes will be on him.

Make no mistakes about the talent of the young athletes who are constantly under media scrutiny.

The potential is there, and to a certain extent, the hype is inevitable. But that potential will be difficult to reach if the media is watching every move, if big companies are willing to wait before they commence the race to get a signature on a contract. It shouldn’t be forgotten that these young athletes are kids as well.

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see," University of Kansas Jayhawks coach Bill Self told Sporting News.

After graduating from high school, Wiggins was designated as Mr. Basketball U.S.A. 2013, he was named the Naismith Prep Player of the Year, as well as the Gatorade National Player of the Year — becoming the first Canadian to do so. Needless to say, Wiggins is talented. But at the same time, he’s a teenager, a freshman in university, and enticing him with a contract may provide a big distraction.

Young athletes, particularly in North America, are prone to becoming victims of media hype long before they reach the professional level – so much so that sometimes the excitement that surrounds them is almost entirely manufactured by the media. Today’s most well-known and most marketable athletes in their respective sports include LeBron James, Sidney Crosby, and Lionel Messi. All are familiar with hype at such an early age.

James is the best example of an athlete who had to deal with massive media attention. As a 17-yearold junior, James made national headlines after Sports Illustrated placed him on their cover, dubbing him “the best high school basketball player in America right now.” Furthermore, some of his high school games were nationally televised on ESPN2, and Time Warner Cable even made games available for viewing on pay-per-view. Granted, James is

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fessional sports is bound to involve large sums of money, but the premature promise of investment only ads to the pressure that young athletes face. Eric Freeman of Yahoo Sports’ “Ball Don’t Lie” sees the potential early investment as a sound business move for Adidas, but he also admits his skepticism on investing simply on potential alone.

“It's entirely possible that Wiggins could struggle at times against high-level competition at Kansas, or that his skills could prove themselves to be more nascent than previously anticipated,” he wrote.

“The excitement surrounding Wiggins is related largely to seeing exactly how good he is (and can be), not some known quality of his game.”

It should be noted that college athletes are forbidden from accepting money from any company while under NCAA rules.

Whether Adidas does end up offering Wiggins a contract is unimportant. An endorsement deal for an athlete with his talent is inevitable. However, talk about a contract itself before Wiggins has even had the chance to play for his school is striking.

Even Wiggins’ own coach understands the gravity of the hoopla surrounding him. "With all the hype, anything less than 20 [points] and 10 [rebounds] would not match the hype. From a basketball purist standpoint, or an NBA scouting standpoint, I think everybody will like what they

the capilano courier

Not since Sidney Crosby took to the ice has Canada seen an athletic prospect like Andrew Wiggins.

Wiggins is set to play his freshman season for the University of Kansas’ Jayhawks, and before he even plays a single game, talks of his future are already heating up.

There is a growing hype machine that energizes amateur-level sports. Recruitment of athletes is reaching to younger and younger athletes, and expectations are growing exponentially – to the point that once they reach the professional level, the expectations have become unreasonable.

A rumour has been circulating around the Internet that Adidas is ready to offer the Canadian basketball phenomenon an endorsement deal that could reach $180 million once Wiggins gets drafted – which is more than a year away. Not surprisingly, Twitter and many other sports blogs were set ablaze. People wondered whether Adidas was serious, there was instant criticism of the money involved, and the hype surrounding Wiggins only grew as a result. Andrew Wiggins is, without a doubt, a talented young athlete. But he has yet to play a single game at the collegiate level. He may one day become a marketable enough athlete to warrant $180 million, but right now it only puts pressure on his shoulders.

The economics and hype that surround pro-

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opinions

miscarriage murders EL SALVADOR PROSECUTING WOULD-BE MOTHERS Yaniv Silberman × Writer

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There is no larger infringement of modern human rights than one that derives from the mindset and values of our primitive roots: murder. Its moral standpoints can vary throughout nations, time periods, and cultures to a slender extent. Its definition is universal. Glenda Cruz, a 19-year-old from El Salvador, was charged with the murder of her 38- to 42-week-old fetus on Nov. 3, 2012. She miscarried what would’ve been her second child – at the time she didn’t know she was pregnant.

“She is yet another innocent victim of our unjust and discriminatory legal system which jails poor, young women who suffer obstetric complications for murder on the most flimsy evidence,” says lawyer Dennis Munoz Estanley, when interviewed about her client’s 10-year sentence. According to BBC reporter Nina Lakhani, Cruz is one of many women who have suffered the same consequence in the hands of the natural tragedy that is miscarriage. With respect to their countries’ vigorous anti-abortion laws and cultural beliefs, a heavy sentence for miscarriage is, and will always be, injustice.

Anti-abortion laws vary around the world, but five countries host an absolute ban of it: Chile, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, and El Salvador. This law holds no exceptions. Miscar-

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riages happen when the embryo doesn’t develop properly, which can happen through chromosomal abnormalities. This occurs with one in every five women at the age of 30, and almost half of women at the age of 42 and usually within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Estanley fought for almost 30 women who have been convicted as a result of this traumatizing experience. Only one of them intentionally forced the event. The other 28 suffered from natural complexities, yet were imprisoned for murder. Maria Teresa Rivera was one of those wrongly convicted women, who is now serving the first of her 40 years in Ilopango jail. Rivera was unaware of her pregnancy. One day she started suffering from agonizing pain and before she could understand what was happening, she was convicted of murder. Her eight-year-old son is now living in extreme poverty with his grandmother.

The Supreme Court’s heavy anti-abortion laws were heavily criticized earlier this year when a young lady was refused an abortion, even though her life was at heavy risk and her fetus’ survival was extremely implausible. The court debated her case over months as she became sicker and her situation became worse. She gave birth at 27 weeks and her child passed away within hours. El Salvador’s expert in Amnesty International, Esther Major, labels the country’s abortion laws as “cruel and discriminatory.” She explains that women are jailed “for being unwilling, or simply tragically unable, to carry

the pregnancy to term.” This inequitable judicial system holds responsibility for the unambiguous effect on women who suffer from miscarriages, and more importantly from the oblique ripple effect on women in general across their country who are afraid of their own health system. It leads to increased suicide rates among teenage girls, many of whom are pregnant. "I would be terrified to go to a public hospital as there is no benefit of doubt given to young women. We are presumed guilty and jailed," says Bessy Ramirez from San Salvador.

This health system also leads to a large increase in women seeking help during complications in their pregnancy, fearing the worst. These women now suffer from an increase in danger in the cases of sexual assault and, in some cases, physical harm in general. Not to mention the effect on their friends, families, and particularly their children. The abortion laws, in their very nature, are incomparable to the trial systems that decide these victim’s fates; trials which are often held without the presence of the accused – such as the case with Xiomara Cruz.

Their results are decided prior to the trial, showing a parallelism to the medieval ages.

Cristina Quintanilla, an 18-year-old woman from San Miguel was seven months pregnant with what would’ve been her second child. "I will never understand why they did this to me, I lost four years of my life and still don't know why I lost my baby.” Excited and expecting, Quintanilla and her

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husband were buying clothes and preparing for the arrival. One night, Quintanilla started feeling immense pain. “I thought I was dying,” she said. She passed out, woke up in the hospital handcuffed to her bed and was told that she lost her child. With no explanation over how she had lost her child, she was sentenced to 30 years for aggravated murder.

Wrongfully violating the right of these women, criminalizing them, and incarcerating them are unjust acts by their very nature. By definition, imprisonments such as these are services of injustice and savagery.

“It makes seeking hospital treatment for complications during pregnancy, including a miscarriage, a dangerous lottery,” Major explains. “It cannot be in the interests of society to criminalize women and girls in this way."

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47 issue N o . 09

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For yourself.

For the people.

The Capilano Courier.

Maple Buliding 122.

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WE ARE HERE

21

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CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

happy, unhappy Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor

The doctor pushed his gloved hands inside the mess of vibrant reds, greys, and muted pinks. His fingers reaching out into the split. A once-warm waterbed now unmade, coming undone on white and green sheets. Her mother pushed, the sweat beading down her face, exhausting pounding heaves. From within, she wriggled her way free out into the operation room, the surgeon pulling her outside to greet the world for the first time.

They named her Cadence.

Her mother and father would later recall how they remembered her debut. Her squished red features looking worriedly about the room. Her eyes slowly opening and closing, and a look that seemed like disapproval etched across her newborn face. Infants tend to look that way, her parents reassured themselves. Newborns simply don’t have the muscles developed to smile; but something about the look on her face on her first birthday still sticks in their minds like a photograph. She looked as though she had gotten off at the wrong stop. She looked like she didn’t like what she saw - she would have preferred to stay inside.

The worry never left her, and Cadence’s smile consequently never arrived either. When Cadence experienced moments of joy, her mouth would

twist into a smile that still read like a frown. Her features, although beautiful, all came in downturned. Sad dark eyes and pointed pouty lips that parted, the corners forever slipping down towards her hips. Her ribbons of long dark hair that played across her face, a place to retreat behind like stage curtains. Unlike other girls who took interest in developing budding social skills and delving into their young, potent imaginations, Cadence learned how to retreat within herself, finding some unknowable place within.

Her mother wondered whether she had done something different during her pregnancy that would explain the funny way Cadence was. Could the stress of those nine months have affected her daughter to the point that happiness had somehow become out of reach? She watched her growing up day by day, with only that twisted little frown to decipher. This little girl so strikingly different from normal girls her age. Her mother took note of Cadence’s stony black eyes, no hint of a smile behind those windows. She was so quiet and impenetrable. The guilt feeling started to trickle in.

She had to move during that pregnancy. Maybe it was moving. “Don’t they say that’s one of the most stressful things?” her mother thought to herself.

Now she had a daughter who would never smile.

Her fault. Her fault, and all those produce boxes spilling over with junk.

Teachers and parents would commonly take a moment to ask Cadence whether she was okay.

Approaching her, seated alone, in playgrounds or at birthday parties. “Is everything alright, sweetie?” they would ask, with just a cold look in reply, or perhaps a quiet “I’m fine.” But as time passed, people grew accustomed to the morose expression that was painted across her face. It was just how she looked. Her introverted and quiet nature was easily misread as timid sweetness. Despite her inability to smile, Cadence suddenly became aware of a pleasant disguise. The wariness she wore was up for interpretation, it was a shell people were excitedly awaiting her to break out of. Although, she knew it was just who she was. Some read her sullen face as sadness, others read it only as a lack of confidence perhaps. She was content in her discontentment, slowly creating another identity for all those trying to fix her from outside.

Something about an unsmiling girl, one who never smiles at all in particular, is a problem people quickly try to solve. Jokes and music never worked on Cadence like they did on other normal girls,

never gifting anyone their desired reaction. Her mother and father trying to crack her open, waiting for the breakthrough. Placing her in programs, classes, encouraging hobbies, and elaborate pastimes. Snowboards, violins, videogames, paintball, whatever she would ask for was quickly delivered in hopes it was the ingredient that had been missing. The desperation for her smile became so lucrative. To see joy in her face would be the greatest reward. Cadence never giving the inch, just that same mysterious frown.

Cadence knew she was a storm cloud, the kind that rolls in bringing rain and snuffing out the sunshine. But in spite of appearances, when many equate happiness with smiles, she was unknowably happy in her discontent. There was nothing missing from her quiet solitary life, it was how she came into the world. Critical and quiet, seeing things in darkness, not the light. Why would she want to know the world in any other way? It’s the only way she’d ever seen it. Happiness, some intangible abstract concept, could be something she only knows in the place she retreats to within.

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volume

47 issue N o . 09

× Cheryl Swan

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× Faye Alexander

staff editorial the paradox of medicine THIS'LL SAVE YOU....FOR NOW Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

× Cheryl Swan

I don’t think there has ever been a medicine that is completely free of side effects, maybe it’s just the way science works. But it’s incredibly ironic that the drug that allows maintaining a lifestyle, free of any significant medical implications, is also the drug that infrequently increases my risks of developing cancer.

Having CD alone increases my risk of developing colorectal cancer, and the use of Imuran increases risk of lymphatic cancer. Every 10 years, the risk rises. I don’t know by how much, but significant enough that I have an endoscopy already set up come 2019. There is no cure for CD right now, there are no cures for any of the IBD variations, and there are no cures for any type of cancer. Hell, there is no cure for the common cold.

The last condition that was actually cured in our lifetime was polio, and that was way back in 1955.

What’s baffling is that, despite exponentially developing technology, we still can’t seem to figure out the complexities of the most natural, most organic subject we have: ourselves.

volume

47 issue N o . 09

some point before diagnosis, I contracted a persistent stomach virus that just wouldn’t go away.

Eventually, when my immune system did beat the virus, it failed to recognize that the virus was gone. As it turns out, my very own white blood cells continued to attack my intestinal tract, thus developing CD. In a sense, there was a time in my life that I possessed the same mutant powers that Wolverine has: regenerative healing factor. The only difference is that mine backfired.

The suppression of my superpowers marked the biggest change in my life thus far. Though I’ve more than managed my CD, to the point that I never made any drastic changes in my lifestyle, there are still points to worry about.

As I wrote, medicine deserves the praise for my near pain-free life despite CD. But juxtaposed with the healing aspect of medicine, are the always present side effects.

Aside from daily medications, there is another practice that has become a regular fixture in my life - blood tests. I go to a lab regularly, following a schedule so complicated that I sometimes miss the month that I’m due for a test. These tests allow doctors to check the components of my blood, it allows them to see whether I’m low on hemoglobin or I’m lacking in iron. Most importantly, it allows them to monitor my risk of cancer.

×

an incredible appetite, and the excuse to eat whatever I wanted. But Prednisone is a corticosteroid, and only supposed to be used temporarily – due to adverse side effects. Several other pills that came my way didn’t result in such fond memories. One led to a very serious scare of a cardiac condition.

Imagine having an irregularly rapid pumping heart – and then imagine having that when you’re 17.

My parents even tried the route of alternative medicine, specifically naturopathic medicine. For a couple of weeks I was taking pills composed of herbs I never knew existed. This experience didn’t turn me into an advocate of naturopathy. I was certain that the natural medicines weren’t working whatsoever, and even if they were bound to work given some time, I didn’t have the patience for it.

Currently, I’m on an immunosuppressive drug known as Imuran. Its function is to slow down my immune system. Weird, huh? My medicine intentionally weakens the very safeguard of my organs.

But that is the nature of my condition.

There are several ways an individual could contract CD. Genetics is a common reason – siblings of a patient are 30 times more likely to contract the disease. Environmental factors have also been cited as another cause. I like to consider the way I got it as the “cool way”.

I once had a very strong immune system; an irregularly strong one. A doctor theorized that, at

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Pain is a concept entirely specific to an individual.

We can’t really imagine the pain someone is in.

A 10-point rating scale won’t be much help since pain is relative to the person. But we can all understand how excruciating a 10 must be, and how insignificant a one is.

Twice a year, my gastroenterologist asks me to rate my pain on the same 10-point scale. Pain induced by Crohn’s Disease (CD).

CD is a form of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) that affects the gastrointestinal tract. Basically, the stomach is at constant burn. This winter marks the fourth anniversary of my diagnosis. CD is not an exclusive club, as more than a million people around the world suffer from it, but it does seem a little overlooked compared to the other big stars in the realm of medical conditions.

It can be a struggle for some patients. Some people deal with such chronically immense pain that they’re prescribed medical marijuana. I’ve been fortunate enough to be relatively pain-free.

I can’t even remember if I’ve had any flare-ups at all in the past two years, considering CD induced flare-ups can lead straight to a hospital.

Much of the praise for my rather dormant condition is reserved for medicine. Upon diagnosis, my body initially struggled to bond with the optimal medicine. I loved Prednisone, to the point that I was probably semi-addicted to it – it gave me

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the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

SHOTGUN REVIEWS : HEALTH ISSUES

VITAMIN C

P90X

ATIVAN

MY FRIEND RICHARD

Rana Sowdaey // Writer

Carlo Javier // Staff Writer

Faye Alexander // Opinions Editor

Paisley Conrad // Writer

Everyone knows and likes to take Vitamin C. In Flintstones tab, jelly form, or other. It's always delicious. You're sick? You have the common cold, flu, or bladder infection? Vitamin C not only boosts your immune system, but she's the most popular vitamin, still playing on repeat at seventh grade graduations. She's pretty much a friend forever. Drake, Li’l Wayne and Kanye are all remixing with her in the last half-decade, too. Off stage, her name is L-ascorbic acid. On the personal side, she'll promote healthy bones and strong blood cells. As we go on, we remember she's reliable and supports long-term friendships. As our lives change, from whatever, Vitamin C's values should always be present in our lives. If you haven't gotten enough of her recently, it's probably time for a dose on YouTube.

Dear Tony Horton, First of all, I would like to admit that your commercial home-exercise regimen, p90x, kind of works. But only because of the “Rage Theory”.

What is the “Rage Theory”? Well, they say the best way to maximize your energy while working out is to channel all your anger and frustrations as motivation. However, some of us are happy people who don’t always carry pent up rage in our chests.

For some of us, releasing that anger and frustration at the gym is just impossible – since you don’t have the anger and frustration to begin with. But you certainly provide the impetus for any sort of negativity. I understand it’s your job as a trainer to motivate people, but it’s also part of health and fitness that people have peace of mind. But the worst part, the absolute worst part about you, Mr. Horton, is you made $500 million off of this shit.

I hadn't slept in three weeks, my diet consisted solely of supersized fountain pops from McDonalds, and my skin had turned a sickly shade of grey.

Things weren't good. On a rainy day in December, I ran from Stanley Park to Lonsdale in a wool pea coat and polyester slacks in a state of pure hysterics, mascara streaming down my face. I was having a mental breakdown. A genius of a doctor took one look at my grey sunken face and bloodshot eyes and handed me a prescription for Ativan. After popping that first pill, within 10 minutes, I was totally fine. That pill is the ultimate “fuck-it-all.”

I wasn't worried about anything anymore, I had the best dreamless sleep I'd had in months. I got fired and I didn't even blink with the help of that little white pill. I didn't care about fucking anything anymore. So if you're tired of feeling human feelings or worrying about real life problems, ask your doctor for the 'script. Tell them I sent you.

Actually, I don't care.

I was six years old, young, and naive of the true nature of the universe. I was visiting my grandmother’s house, which was a real treat, mostly because she had Froot Loops and my mother insisted on keeping me healthy with the organic, sugar-free cereal bought in the health food store. My grandma knew about my sweet tooth, and, like any smart adult, used this weakness against me. With a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye, she informed me that this time I’d have to earn my bowl of sugary goodness. I wasn’t suspicious, after all, she was my granny – I could trust her. She took me to the family room, turned on the television, and what I saw next was something I desperately wished that I could unsee. Richard Simmons, in all of his fitness glory. The short shorts, the bedazzled muscle tank, the afro – it was too much! I hadn’t even realized that men had upper legs until that moment. It was too much for my six-year-old eyes to bear. I shut my eyes to Richard Simmon’s booty shorts, and have since shut my mouth to any Froot Loops that have been offered to me. It isn’t worth it.

SWAN SONG × Michael Bull W/ JEREMY HANLON HOMOSEXUAL RUSSIAN NEO-NAZIS WAIT, WHAT? PAVAROTTI TURNS OUT IT’S NOT A PASTA

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volume

47 issue N o . 09

ARNOLD PLAYS COMPOSERS “I’LL BE BACH”

24

PICASSO HE SHOULD KEEP HIS HANDS SOMEWHERE DECENT × Cheryl Swan POKEMON PUNS I’M NOT GONNA RAICHU A LOVE SONG YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY BUT THE SANDALS AND SOCKS NEED TO GO MAD AIR KEYTAR SOLOS I NEED HELP BILL GATES AND FENCES, TOO STAR TREK YODA’S MY FAVOURITE CENSORSHIP [COMMENT REMOVED FOR MODERATION]

I had a dream that I could sing And it was the greatest dream I had ever known.

The notes flew out of me like the trumpets of God. There was no fame in my dream.

There was no glory.

There was only music, pouring in and out of my porous skin, curling and bending and breathing through every part of my body, from the cracks of my nails to the wrinkles on my face.

I had a dream I could sing And then I woke up, and I was crushed, because I can’t.

Not in this life.

But only for a moment was I silenced.

Because I said,’ fuck it’ And started singing anyway.