V 47 i10 lores

vol ume

47

north vancouver

× November 12th 2013

issue

CAPILANO

N o . 10

COURIER

WIN, LOSE, OR DRAW B.C.’S GAMING INDUSTRY SHUFFLES TO APPEAL TO A YOUNGER CROWD WORK LESS PLAY MORE?

×

CONDOLEEZZA RICE

×

ROSEA LAKE VS. BELGIUM

×

MARY POPPS IN

vol ume

47 issue N o . 10

@capcourier

Capilanocourier.com

CO

NT

EN

TS

CAPILANO Courier

@capilanocourier

04

07

11

14

15

19

22

News

A+C

features

calendar

Columns

Opinions

CABOOSE

Flooding Futures

Fred Penner

Fat For All

Gay Writes

Castle Of Bones

Mental Health

Childhood Heroes

Therese Guieb Features Editor

Andy Rice Arts + Culture Editor

The Staff

Scott Moraes Managing Editor

Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor

Katherine Gillard News Editor

Faye Alexander Opinions Editor

the capilano courier

Ă—

volume

47 issue N o . 10

Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

of this red poppy-wearing university newspaper

2

Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Carlo Javier Staff Writer

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper.

Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

Lindsay Howe Marketing/Ads/Web Editor

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

pipeline and crack pipes " A 'no' uttered from the deeper conviction is better than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."

Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

- Mahatma Gandhi

Well, this week has been an interesting one. Sitting in the Courier office on Tuesday afternoon, members of the staff and I sat around voicing opinions on Rob Ford and the Canadian senate debacle. Both news stories were coming to climax right then. It was journalistic porn. I doubt there will be a day filled with that much excitement for Canadian news outlets for the rest of the year.

Naturally, Facebook and Twitter blew up with scorn for the Toronto Mayor, who admitted to smoking crack cocaine that day. He didn’t do himself any favours by saying that he probably did it amidst just one of his “drunken stupors.” And, as Jon Stewart joked, Ford likely has the biggest balls in Canada. To finally admit to smoking crack while in office after months of denying it, and still staying in office – I don’t know if that’s delusional or honourable. It’s just confusing.

What was most interesting about this to me was how Rob Ford became the name of the day.

It is a scandal, and granted, the goings on of an obese leader of Canada’s largest city is more interesting than the daily news. But the hype unfairly overshadowed the important stories – the ones that are going to matter in the long run.

That same morning, Alberta’s premier Allison Redford met with Christy Clark in Vancouver.

The two premiers have been butting heads about the stipulations over the Enbridge pipeline, with B.C. making five demands that Alberta must meet before the project is given the political green light. And because of Rob Ford and crack, not many people knew or cared that they came to an agreement, and will be working together to make the controversial pipeline a real thing.

This is like my asshole ex-boyfriend who got his best friend to distract me with shots of tequila while he finger fucked a random girl in the bathroom of a dingy bar. At least the tequila was good to me. Okay – maybe that’s a gross analogy, but the timing of this is off. It’s like one political puppet, one who is so unhealthy, is distracting the masses with a story while other politicians get away with something that will affect this province for generations. It doesn’t seem like a fair game. Rob Ford’s fame as Toronto’s finest mayor has always had a short life span. The pipeline, however, will just fuck things up for everyone for years to come.

THE VOICE BOX

“When are you guys going to start auctioning off dates with Katherine and Carlo? I'm sure we could raise enough money to restart the studio art program and buy Lambo hybrids for the Courier staff and contributors with the proceeds.”

What do we care about restarting the studio art program? Plus, I'm not a pimp and Katherine and Carlo are not available.

They're both committed in lasting, loving relationships. The ships have sailed, you're stranded, sucker. But I hear Anna L. Beedes is still single.

“Imma let you finish, but how the fuck did you manage to spell Kanye wrong last week?”

Umbrella baskets really just invite you to donate your umbrella to some thief. You get a hundred identical umbrellas rammed into a little basket, and then assholes make “honest” mistakes and take the “wrong” umbrella. Keep your umbrella with you at all times. You can use it as a walking cane, as a weapon, or as a prop for an impromptu Singing in the Rain live-action parody.

And if you don't have the money to buy an umbrella, just take a black one from a basket and carve your name into it. Not that I've ever done it.

“There is a really handsome garbage truck driver who picks up by your office. Can you get his number for me? I hear garbage men make BANK!”

× 47 issue N o . 10

I don't know if I'm comfortable approaching a hot garbage man to get his number for some girl I don't even know. That's creepy.

What if he misinterprets it and thinks I'm hitting on him? I don't want to deal with that and then have to tell you your g-man is as straight as a U-turn. Sorry. Make some garbage and go wait for him.

volume

*

The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything Courier. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.

First of all, that wasn't me. Second, sometimes we do that on purpose just to see if anyone notices. We always spell Bieber wrong, like Beiber or Bewber or Boober. We don't like celebrities. They're full of themselves, and cancel shows on honest people. Fuck Kayne West and his doll wife.

“Cap seriously needs umbrella baskets.”

the capilano courier

WITH : SCOTT MORAES

I don’t mean to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this isn’t the first case of media porn taking over. In March of 2013, while the U.S. Congress was up in arms about gay marriage laws (rightfully so), President Obama also signed the Agricultural Appropriations Bill. This bill has a provision that protects Monsanto – the loser company behind genetically modified seeds and manipulating our foods – from being liable for any of the health risks caused by their science experiments. They tamper with food, we eat it, and then we can’t sue them when we grow a small baby's arm out of our left temples (enjoy the visual). And this bill was signed with considerably little media coverage because of the distractions of whether two dudes or two females can get legally married.

There’s a long list of political bullshit to support my theory. In 1998, President Clinton’s affair with 23-yearold intern Monica Lewinsky was the perfect distraction from Operation Desert Fox, a military mission in Iraq.

The four-day bombing spree had an estimated death total of nearly 2,000 Iraqis. Yet, because the President had an affair and may have gotten a blowjob under the desk of the Oval Office, it didn’t receive the attention it deserved.

In fact, beyond my zealous examples, this distraction method is so common in politics that it’s referred to as “wagging the dog.” There are endless theories, books, and movies on it – one in particular featuring Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman. To the people in power, it may just seem like a strategy. But I can’t help thinking that it's slightly twisted and wrong that the news sources we depend on to inform us about such goings on are too busy covering the same story about a trivial affair or drug use. The important stuff and news doesn’t matter. That isn’t a comfortable thought or feeling.

What I want to tell political leaders is the same piece of advice a good friend gave me in 2009: “It doesn’t matter what you do with your life, just so long as you do it with conviction,” he said in between sips of beer.

I understand that I don’t know what it's like to get be the recipient of public scrutiny, and I’m sure politics is a hard field to be in. But if Redford and Clark want to talk about the pipeline over tea and crumpets, do it with everyone listening. If you are going to affect this province for years to come, at least do it with a little more conviction, and without hiding under the massive (literally and figuratively) shadow of Rob Ford and his crack pipe.

3

NEWS

NEWS EDITOR × KATHERINE GILLARD

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

raising the barriers NORTH VANCOUVER PREPARES FOR RISING SEA LEVELS Adam Pow × Writer

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

× Megan Collinson

4

North Vancouver may be in for flooding in the near future, potentially affecting everything from transportation to waterfront development, a predicted by a recent panel discussion. The City of North Vancouver brought together a group of experts on Thursday, Oct. 26 to discuss the effect that global warming will have on the city. Although the city has already approved an ongoing approach to reducing greenhouse gas emissions through a strategy introduced back in 2005, the threat of climate change still exists.

With the real and oncoming threat of rising sea levels and drastic changes in weather patterns across the globe, the City of North Vancouver has begun making plans to combat them.

“They are already building this into their planning and are working with other Burrard Inlet municipalities to develop pilot projects,” says Deborah Harford, executive director of the SFU Adaption to Climate Change Team and one of the experts on Thursday’s panel.

Due to the effects that detrimental human activities have had on the atmosphere, regional temperatures are predicted to rise by 1.7 degrees Celsius by the year 2050, with sea levels rising by as much as half a metre.

“We are committed to at least one metre by

2100 and two metres by 2200 as far as we know.

There may be feedback loops and tipping points that we are not yet aware of,” says Harford.

With the half meter rise in sea levels comes the threat of flooding in coastal and creek areas. waterfront will take the worst of the effects and any areas surrounding ocean fed creeks and rivers are also at risk of flooding.

North Vancouver is especially vulnerable due to its heavy reliance on the SeaBus and bridges that span the Burrard Inlet, all of which could be disrupted by a change in water levels.

Undersized storm drains, buildings below the flood levels and many of North Vancouver’s industrial ports would all be at risk.

North Vancouver would “reinforce coastal structures” and “implement the Provincial guidelines of 1.2 metres” says Harford, for any sort of retaining walls built near waterfront.

Areas surrounding creeks and rivers are also at risk for flooding, due to both the sea levels and the potential for unpredictable weather.

“Because it’s fairly limited in exposure, the other priority is planning for increased creek runoff and flooding streets due to heavy rainfall,” continues Harford.

The seasons will also be more extreme, with hot-

ter, drier springs, and summers with significantly less precipitation and torrential downpours in fall, having a negative effect on North Vancouver’s water supplies, and in turn Vancouver’s, due to North Vancouver supplying it with about one-third of its drinking water. People can expect more power outages and disruptions to transportation, which will be a strain on Vancouver’s already rapidly aging population.

“Forest fire, extreme rainfall, sea level rise and increased severity of storms flooding coastal areas,” are all potential threats adds Harford.

North Vancouver is not the only place that will be affected as Metro Vancouver has a lot of waterfront, and it borders the Fraser River on the south. Burnaby is surrounded on both sides by the Fraser River, which also runs straight through Coquitlam, carrying on through Maple Ridge and on towards Mission and the centre of B.C. With the rise of sea levels comes the increase of water running through the Fraser, which could potentially put many areas of Greater Vancouver at risk for severe flooding.

North Vancouver’s Emergency Response techniques will also have to be reevaluated, with its only connections to downtown and Burnaby being bridges in vulnerable positions.

The panel not only discussed local ideas, but also looked elsewhere in both Canada and around the world to see what other countries have strategized to resist climate change. Towns in Copenhagen turn roads into rivers and parks into lakes to combat seasonal torrential downpours, and it’s these sort of innovative, out-of-the-box ideas that the city is looking into applying. Countries can learn from each other at how best to adapt to our ever-changing world.

It may be too late to change the impending effects of global warming, but the City of North Vancouver is taking the necessary steps and looking towards the future to make sure it is adequately prepared for the coming storm.

news

out with the new in with the old BC NEEDS TO RETURN TO OLD-GROWTH FOREST PRACTICES Paisley Conrad × Writer

While more than half of B.C.'s forests have had minimal human disturbance, the regions that have been used by the forestry industry in logging operations are suffering. Logging is carried out in a way which is supposed to minimize potential environmental damage and meets sustainability standards. As a direct result of clear-cutting and poor future planning, less than half of those forests are over 140 years old. British Columbia's forests are diverse within themselves, being both coniferous and deciduous and having rainforest environments as well as dry pine forests. B.C. is also home to more than 40 different species of trees native to the province. However, with all logging practices come consequences. As old-growth forests are cleared away, new-growth forests rise in their place, causing problems for provincial biodiversity.

Old-growth forests typically have more debris, fallen trees, and snags. The growth of ferns, bushes, and mosses are plentiful, the canopies are multilayered, and the trees are older and larger. This environment provides nests, dens, and food for many animals, mammals, and amphibians alike.

New-growth forests, though planted in a calculated and sustainable way, are somewhat lacking in comparison. They typically only have one canopy layer, and lack greatly in biodiversity. Some species can only survive in an old-growth environment.

Vancouver Island reportedly has less than a quarter

of its old-growth forests left, and that number is rapidly dropping.

Kirsten McIlveen, geography professor at Capilano University, has been involved with the forestry industry since her university days as a tree planter. After several years of planting, she made the decision to study community forestry, and has noticed the link between the industry and livelihood of those living in the interior of British Columbia. “In the interior, forestry is so vital to communities. In most cases, 200 to 300 people living in a small town are employed by the local mill, and more still are indirectly connected to the industry.”

In addition, 40 per cent of regional economies in B.C. are forestry based and lumber mills are a huge source of employment in the interior. It's undeniable, the importance of the industry provincially. B.C. provides over 50 per cent of the entire country’s softwood output. Due to the decline of the housing industry in the United States starting in 2006, American demand for Canadian lumber has gone down significantly. B.C. has had to look for other buyers to keep the forestry industry commercially afloat, and has recently taken up a relationship with China. Overall, lumber sales represent three per cent of B.C.'s overall provincial gross domestic product. However, major lumber companies Canfor and West Fraser Timber are shutting down mills in the interior of B.C. at the end of 2014, due to the decline of sales.

Sustainability isn't an unfamiliar word to the Ministry of Forestry, who are careful that “timber

is not harvested in an effort to meet the demand of any particular customer. It’s harvested at levels that professional foresters have identified as sustainable over the long term, and it’s harvested when market conditions can provide a sufficient return to forestry companies that own the cutting rights,” says Ministry of Forestry representative Brennan Clarke. British Columbia is internationally recognized for its environmental management systems, and it's co-operative approach to land use planning. Twenty years ago the term “sustainable development” came into use, as well as a comprehensive enforcement policy set on ensuring safe environmental practices in regards to forestry.

The Forest and Range Practices Act includes sections on reforestation, soil quality conservation, biodiversity preservation, and habitat protection.

Summit Reforestation, one of the most efficient tree planting companies in the province, plants an average of 24 million trees in a typical season.

Unfortunately, this document is becoming out of date, as the global environment is changing, and the forestry industry itself is experiencing so many curveballs.

“On the coast, forests tend to regenerate a lot faster, and for the most part, you can't tell the difference between a second or third-growth forest and an old-growth forest. In the interior, it's a lot different. The forests grow a lot slower, and it takes hundreds of years for them to get back to their original state. Forests are a renewable resource, after all.” McIlveen encourages the idea of

keeping logging local, which is popping up all over British Columbia. “In a lot of smaller communities, we're seeing them take a larger stance in the logging industry, and more of the operations are being run locally, as opposed to by large international corporations. It's these local groups that are going to take care of the forests. In a lot of cases, the loggers themselves care deeply for the forests and want to keep them in good shape.”

× Ksenia Kozhevnikova

judgements taken back IDEA STUDENT BATTLES BELGIAN POLITICAL PARTY Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

× Courtesy of Lake

volume

47 issue N o . 10

“I’m a young thing from Canada, an artist, and they’re a giant political party that is kind of racist,” explains Lake.

To strengthen the original message of “Judgements”, Lake and My Choice Not Yours approached the streets of Brussels with a plan that included anyone and everyone.

“We came up with this crazy plan to print out my work, life-sized and put ‘My Choice Not Yours’ on top of it, and walk around the downtown streets of Brussels,” says Lake.

×

“Our ideals, what we’re trying to do are pretty much the same thing – freedom of expression, specifically for women, freedom from judgement of what you’re wearing,” says Lake.

Aziz came across Lake’s situation via an article by the New Statesman. Soon Lake received an email from Aziz, offering a lawyer to take Lake’s case to court, and an immediate flight to Belgium.

“It was a little overwhelming because I had a lot of work to do, and I freaked out a little bit,” says Lake.

Despite a language barrier, Lake – who speaks French – was able to join the courtroom sessions of her case against Vlaams Belang.

The lawyer representing the opposition even tried to use Lake’s status as a student against her.

“The lawyer of the opposition, he tried to use a tactic to delay the court, but the judge saw right through it,” says Lake. “Their tactic was to not talk to us at all, that was a tactic to try and proceed when I wasn’t there, because if I wasn’t present, the case has less fluidity,” she adds.

In the end, the case against Vlaams Belang went incredibly quick and Lake won. “Normally court cases take months and months and they drag on.

From declaring our case to verdict, it was about three weeks, tops,” says Lake.

Apart from My Choice Not Yours, Lake also had the media on her side. Vlaams Belang is traditionally a xenophobic political party that didn’t have much support from the public. The media generated a clear cut good and bad right off the bat.

the capilano courier

Over the course of a year, Capilano University student Rosea Lake has seen her art go viral, get covered by international news, and even stolen by a far-right political party.

Lake’s photo “Judgements”, depicts a woman’s legs and a skirt, along with labels such as “cheeky”, or “provocative”, written at varying spots, created an artistic critique of society’s view on women.

The photo immediately went viral, hitting over 100,000 reblogs within 24 hours of uploading, on the popular social networking site Tumblr.

But Tumblr users weren’t the only ones who saw the art. Belgian far-right political party Vlaams Belang stole and inappropriately translated the image into a display for their xenophobic, antiimmigrant platform – principles that are complete opposites of Lake’s.

“They didn’t use the image itself, what they did is replicated it almost exactly, with a few minor changes,” says Lake. “They took the idea of putting the graduated judgements on someone’s leg, but instead of it being a commentary on society, it was trying to inspire hatred and Islamophobia,” she adds.

The plagiarised image featured Anke Van Dermeersch, former Miss Belgium and current leader of the Vlaams Belang group, in the Belgian senate. The image still portrayed a woman’s legs and a skirt, but only this time, some of the labels were

changed. “At the very, very bottom, it said ‘Sharia conformist’ and then it went to ‘Moderate Muslim’ and there was a big gap and it said ‘stoning,’” explains Lake.

The Vlaams Belang doctored image was titled “Freedom or Islam?”

“It’s ridiculous to say that all two billion of this group of people think like this, it’s akin to saying that the Westboro Baptist Church is all Christians,” says Lake.

In her battle against Vlaams Belang’s unauthorized use of her art, Lake was aided by Belgian citizens who opposed the stance that the extreme far-right party had.

“There were a bunch of people from Belgium who were sending me Facebook messages saying, ‘this political party stole your work, do something about it because they suck,’” says Lake.

Lake’s biggest ally was Rachida Aziz and her non-profit organization My Choice Not Yours.

The organization is connected to Aziz’s brand, Azira, a fashion label that designs modern clothes for women. Azira also specializes in designing clothes for Muslim women who need to cover their heads. “[Azira is about] having clothes that are comfortable, fashionable, and convertible so you can choose how much skin you want to show, so giving power back to women on how they want to show their bodies,” says Lake.

My Choice Not Yours is a project that is still in its formative stage, but its goals and mission statement is very similar to Lake’s.

5

news

Maximum sodium changes HEALTH CANADA AND HYPERTENSION CANADA DISAGREE ON NATIONAL INTAKE Kristi Alexandra × Copy Editor dium intake per day is 2,300 milligrams according to Health Canada, which would be grossly over consuming by Hypertension Canada’s standards.

The reality is that it would be incredibly difficult to just meet or fall under the daily recommendation of 1,500 milligrams of sodium per day, and, according to Dr. Barr, not entirely healthy.

“Sodium is an essential nutrient rather than only being a problem nutrient,” Dr. Barr explains.

“We need sodium in our diets. They [Health Canada] set 1,500 as an amount that would meet your needs, and they set 2,300 as an amount that people should stay below.”

For example, a six-inch turkey breast sub from Subway, which cleverly boasts under six grams of fat, actually contains 790 milligrams of sodium – more than half of the daily recommended intake according to Hypertension Canada. And, according to Barr, more than 90 per cent of males in Canada have sodium intakes over the maximum recommended by Health Canada . About twothirds of adult Canadian women are also consuming more than the maximum.

“Health Canada makes recommendations and Heart and Stroke makes recommendations and Osteoporosis Canada makes recommendations, and there’s all these other agencies that make recommendations, but they’re not policy for Canada,”

Dr. Barr outlines. “If you’re looking at a generally healthy Canadian and looking at broad recommendations for the public, you or most reputable nutritionists would use Health Canada’s recommendations.”

However, Dr. Andrew Pipe, chief of the division of prevention and rehabilitation at the University of Ottawa Heart Institute, said that the recommendations should be considered alongside recommendations from the World Health Organization as well.

But, according to an article by CTV News, blood pressure experts have said there isn’t sufficient evidence that suggests that reducing sodium intake to a minimum makes a significant difference – at least for those who don’t have serious illnesses or poor diets.

"For most average individuals, it's impossible to get too little salt," Dr. Pipe said. UBC’s Dr. Barr would seem to agree. “If you had a piece of bread, and had a couple slices of it, you’d be somewhere in the ballpark of 300 milligrams. And after you have a couple glasses of milk, and even if you’re not eating what people perceive as very salty foods — the point is that it’s extremely difficult for somebody to eat 1,500 milligrams [of sodium] unless they’re on a very strange diet that probably wouldn’t be a completely healthy diet,” she says.

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

Unlike Subway’s weight-loss poster boy Jared Fogle, Hypertension Canada might dissuade those opting for a healthier lifestyle from eating $5 footlongs three times per day. At least, that’s what the organization’s recent recommendation for maximum sodium intake would suggest. Health Canada and the U.S. Institute of Medicine, however, might disagree.

Dr. Susan Barr, food nutrition and health professor at UBC, says that in a confusion and state of disagreement, Hypertension Canada has adopted Health Canada’s minimum sodium intake of 1,500 milligrams recommendation as its maximum – a number which is smaller than practical, and causing concern among nutritionists and scientists all over North America.

“The Institute of Medicine in the United States developed nutrient intake recommendations that applied to Canada and the U.S., and both Canadian and U.S. scientists were involved in that process, then Health Canada sets the nutrient recommendations for Canadians and Health Canada adopted the Institute of Medicine’s recommendation,” says Dr. Barr. “The recommendation had been for young adults [that] a so-called adequate intake was 1,500 milligrams, and that meant 1,500 milligrams was enough to meet your needs.”

Meanwhile, the maximum recommendation of so-

6

× Scarlett Aubrey

While it is agreed that most Canadians' daily sodium intake comes from prepared foods, Dr. Pipe said Canadians should still work on reducing their salt intake by declining to add salt at meals. "Take the salt shaker off their table and forget about it,” he said. “They'll get used to different levels of salt taste very rapidly.”

And, as a nutritionist, Dr. Barr suggests that a healthy overall diet – not just limiting sodium – is crucial to normal blood pressure. “There’s a couple of key messages,” she says. “One is that for an overall heart-healthy diet, you need to do a lot more than just limit sodium. Eating more fruits and vegetables, more low fat dairy products, whole grains and higher fibre foods, having fish… all of those things can contribute to a heart-healthy diet and in reducing blood pressure, and getting enough physical activity is also extremely important and having a healthy body weight.”

As for Health Canada and Hypertension Canada’s sodium intake recommendations, the new recommendation will take effect in January 2014.

arts + Culture

A + C EDITOR ×

ANDY RICE

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

breaking bread with fred COLLEGE CIRCUIT HAS REVITALIZED "SANDWICHES" SINGER'S CAREER Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor

× Cheryl Swan

approach it from a different angle.”

“We all ultimately need respect,” he continues. “The closing tune that I did on every Fred Penner’s Place episode is probably the best example of my approach to humanity: ‘Take good care of each other, that’s what friends like to do. Let your brother and sister help you learn that it’s true. We all need to feel wanted for the people who we are, so take good care of each other.’ That really is the bottom line for me -- we’re all in this together and we need to be respectful of each other.”

And although Fred Penner’s Place has been off the air for 16 years, it’s abundantly clear that Penner hasn’t actually lost his place after all. “I’m so blessed to have this range of possibility at this point,” he says. “It’s really very wide open. And I’m still writing lots of songs, I’m still highly creative and that’s the key -- stay healthy and creative in that order. I’m on a roll, and it’s got a good hold of me and I’m feeling good about all sides of my life right now. I am very up and very vibrant and very excited about all the things that are coming my way.”

For more information on Penner’s show at the Biltmore on Nov. 15, visit Geekenders.ca. Tickets are $12 in advance or $15 at the door, and doors will open at 6 p.m. for a 6:30 p.m. show. A full list of Penner’s B.C. tour dates can be found on his website, Fredpenner.com.

volume

47 issue N o . 10

completing the temporary metamorphosis back to their childhood. “It’ll be an interesting night,” he adds. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

Be it a pajama party or an early childhood education symposium, Penner’s foremost goal remains to develop a strong connection with a crowd.

“Whether I’m performing for an adult audience or a younger audience, my approach doesn’t alter,” he explains. “I tell stories, I lead into songs, I attempt to communicate my thoughts and feelings as best I can. The only variable is there are some tunes that I have that I wouldn’t normally do with a family audience – you know, some country tunes that I’ve written and songs that are a little more introspective perhaps... but I play with the audience whoever the audience is.”

“It’s certainly an old school approach,” he adds, “but it’s been very, very positive to say the least.

Vancouver has always been one of my most popular places to be, I think because of Vancouver Children’s Festival that I played at for a dozen years in the early ‘80s.”

To this day, Penner continues to win over new youngsters during his various theatre tours, one of which he’s currently on. A host of family concerts are scheduled around B.C. over the course of November, including an appearance on Nov. 17 at the Evergreen Cultural Centre in Coquitlam, and on Nov. 22 at the Kay Meek Theatre in West Vancouver.

Parents, who can often be a tough and discerning demographic for children’s entertainers, have been largely won over as well. Perhaps it’s Penner’s desire to keep his repertoire child-friendly but never childish or condescending that has gained him a respect that spans generations. “That’s a very, very conscious decision to do that,” he says. “When I was doing Fred Penner’s Place we had a number of writers who worked on the show and I had no control over what they were going to write until we came to the rehearsal process. Often some of them would write things that I considered to be really childish and I just wouldn’t do them. I’d say no, we have to find a way around that, we have to

×

with this and I thought oh this is going to be fun -I’m going to play this one. So he gave me the beer and everybody’s watching, is 'Fred Penner going to drink a beer?' And I brought the beer slowly to my lips and I let the foam sort of touch my moustache and I said ‘oh, that’s enough, that’s enough,’ and I put it down.”

“It was certainly a joke and a bit of a game but I understood where it came from,” he continues.

“That’s the funny part of the whole thing as a somewhat moralistic part of the child’s world -Fred Penner doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t do anything negative. It’s all about positivity. That’s the kind of person I am.

Kids will come up to me, too, and say, ‘Penner!

Swear for me.’ There’s something about someone who they grew up with to see them as an adult, and I’m not quite sure what the meaning of that is.”

While a few of Penner’s fans can’t help their curiosity over the adult side of their childhood idol, many are simply content to re-live a piece of their childhood in the presence of the man who served as its soundtrack. “When those reactions happen, when I see an interaction that is gleeful for a young adult to get into that zone, it’s pretty amazing,” he says. “I think it’s taking the young person certainly back to another time of their life, and a little bit of a reawakening of the value of communication from performer to audience. It becomes a really positive dialogue that we establish, and so they’re thrilled to connect. And when I do autographs after, the lineup is substantial and they’re still buying some of the old CDs and some new stuff. And the pictures – sometimes people approach me with tears in their eyes. This whole thing is just a little surreal in many ways.”

On Nov. 15, Penner will appear in a Vancouver bar once again, this time for a pajama party at the Biltmore Cabaret, presented by Geekenders.

“I have no idea what that’s going to be,” he admits with a chuckle. “Not a clue. We’ll see what it is, but I have to tell you, I will not be in my pajamas.” Many of his fans might be though, further

the capilano courier

When Fred Penner’s Place faded from the airwaves in 1997 after a 13-year run on CBC Television, the friendly-eyed children’s entertainer wasn’t sure what would happen next. “I thought, oh well, I guess that’s it,” he recalls via telephone from his home in Winnipeg. “There were a few festivals, a few concerts, but it did feel like it was slowing down... and I thought okay, that’s cool, that’s totally fine, let me see where it’s going to go from here.”

Where it went surprised Penner beyond his wildest expectations. His former audience members many of them well into their adulthood by then began to reach out. “I started receiving emails from that generation who grew up with Fred Penner’s Place saying ‘I’m in university now, I’m going into education because of you, I’d love to see you again sometime,’ and so I emailed back and said I’d be happy to come to the university.”

Initially, the idea came as a bit of a shock to his management company, Paquin Entertainment, but it eventually caught on. Bookings began to trickle in and Penner was soon performing in campus pubs and student union buildings across the country. “I’ve been doing it for half a dozen years now from coast to coast,” he says. “It’s been incredible.”

Penner continues to play a handful of university shows every year. “The rest of the time I’m doing live concerts, family concerts, early childhood conferences, or festivals,” he adds. “I think I did more than a dozen festivals this summer... There is a full spectrum of possibility for me now.”

UBC’s Pit Pub has hosted the bearded troubadour twice in the past decade. “That was probably about five or six years ago the first time I did that,” remembers Penner. “That was an iconic moment.

That was one of the first ones that I did and it was absolutely ridiculous. There were 400 kids. It was jammed -- sold out.”

He was even offered a beer on stage that night.

“This kid came up with a beer for me and I felt a hush sort of come over the crowd as he passed me this beer,” he laughs. “If I do go out for a beer, you know, one, two is my max, but he approached me

7

A+C

practically perfect MARY POPPINS FLIES INTO ARTS CLUB Carlo Javier × Staff Writer Open wide for a spoonful of sugar, because Mary Poppins is in town for a two-month stay. Since Nov. 7, the umbrella-wielding, perfect-in-everyway nanny has been flying by the stage lights of the Stanley Theatre, home of the Arts Club Theatre Company.

Originally based on a series of children’s books

by P.L. Travers, a 1964 movie starring Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke made Mary Poppins an instant classic. In 2004, the Sherman brothers created a Broadway musical adaptation with a script

by Julian Fellowes, which has largely served as the model for the Arts Club’s version.

Classics such as “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”, “Chim Chim Cher-ee”, and “A Man Has Dreams”, will be joined by some new tunes that aim to resonate throughout the city during the holidays.

CapU musical theatre graduate Anna Kuman is one of many talented cast members who will take the stage during the show’s lengthy run. Kuman plays Katie Nanna, the first nanny that the Banks children go through. “They have a reputation for going through a lot of nannies, because they’re very misbehaved children,” she explains, “and at the top of the show, you see me play the first nanny that they go through, and she’s had it, she’s totally fed up with them and she leaves.”

While a few things will appear differently in the stage show than they do on the silver screen, Kuman promises that the essence and charm of the film will remain intact. “It’s one of those great, old movies that’s being brought to stage, so some of the things are a little bit different, but a lot of the songs that everybody loves are in the show, and I think the audience [is] going to be amazed by all the magic that happens.”

Mary Poppins is certainly known for her magical abilities. As evidenced in the movie, she is able to mystically restore a messy bedroom, as well as fly with the aid of her trademark umbrella. The magic and intricacies that surround the show call for a careful and comprehensive production, which in turn means hours of hard work and preparation.

“We’ve been working really hard,” says Kuman.

“We rehearse six days a week – eight hours a day.

There is a lot going in the show – there’s magic, there’s flying, there are all these big dance numbers.”

The two-month long production will certainly challenge the endurance of the cast, and Kuman cites health as one of the deciding factors that will help performers sustain their energy.

“We have to be careful, to stay healthy,” she says.

“Everybody’s very health conscious and we try to eat healthy and get as much rest as possible. You really have to know your body in order to do a long run of shows like that – you have to know what physically you can take, what your voice can take, and also to be aware that you have to do eight shows a week.”

Kuman’s training in CapU’s musical theatre program, from which she graduated in 2008, has admittedly helped her prepare for the show’s lengthy run. “We have such a great faculty of teachers for the musical theatre program at CapU, and they are all working professionals as well as teachers,” she says. “They really prepare you for what’s going to happen once you get out into the real world, and auditioning for different companies.”

She also credits her teachers in the musical theatre program as one of the direct connections she had prior to getting her role as Katie Nanna. “They also do a really great job of bringing in working professionals, people who you’re going to be auditioning for, and bringing them in for workshops.”

In fact, it was at a mock audition during her final year where Kuman met Mary Poppins director Bill Millerd and choreographer Valerie Easton.

"I loved going there,” she continues. “It was a great experience, and I still have quite close friendships with some of my teachers and some of the students that I went to school with.”

And speaking of love, Kuman sees the show as a wonderful opportunity for fans of the Disney classic to share their love for the original with their children. “It’s going to be really spectacular, it’s a great show for families to come and share the magic with their kids,” she says. “It’s going to be a really magical experience for anybody who comes to see it.”

× Vivian Liu

The Arts Club Theatre Company’s production of Mary Poppins will run until Jan. 5 at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage, 2750 Granville St. Tickets start at $29 and show times are available at Artsclub.com.

20 years of improv in an instant INSTANT THEATRE CELEBRATES MILESTONE Paisley Conrad

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

× Writer

8

Though it's been 20 years since Alistair Cook and a group of his high school friends founded what was to become the leading alternative comedy theatre company in Vancouver, the time has gone by in an instant. Founded directly out of high school teams that competed in the nationwide tournament, the Canadian Improv Games (CIG), Instant Theatre has made some spontaneous moves in the last two decades.

A former student of improv visionary Keith Johnstone, who developed the popular form of improv known as Theatresports, Cook's avant-garde improvisation style stands out amongst a sea of punch lines and puns. His vision as an improviser is to create a piece of art and theatre, while still maintaining hilarity and honesty in the play itself.

Warren Bates, a CIG veteran and key member of the core Instant Theatre ensemble, describes Vancouver’s improv scene as a close knit community where everyone seems to know one another.

“I met Alistair through the Canadian Improv Games,” he says. “I've played with the company for about three years now, and it's solidified my habits as an improviser. Being with Instant has given me the opportunity to travel across the country and go to festivals that I probably wouldn't have gone to otherwise.”

Improv is classically performed in short three to five minute sets, known as short-form games and similar to those found in Theatresports. Instant Theatre plays those time-honoured games, but also goes above and beyond them with another style

of improv known as long-form. Long-form, as its name suggests, has a much longer set than typical improv, with scenes ranging from 10 minutes to as long as an hour, typically sitting at around 25 minutes. “I enjoy the space and being left to my own devices,” says Bates. “It's more relaxing and gives you a lot more room to explore characters.”

Instant Theatre has made its home at the Havana Restaurant on Commercial Drive, which has a small box theatre in the back. Every Sunday features company shows, alternating between Cagematch, which headlines ensembles, put together by the company members and students in Instant Theatre's improv conservatory, performing longform in the style of their choice.

Earlier this fall, Instant Theatre put on the Vancouver International Improv Festival, which brought out improvisers from all over North America to perform at the Waterfront Theatre on Granville Island and conduct public workshops and master classes. Instant also sponsors the Next Act Festival, which encourages young adult improvisers from across Canada to pursue long-form improv, and stay involved in the improv scene after their high school days through participation in the Canadian Improv Games.

Cook's latest brainchild is an improv theatre season – a series of shows with a specific genre or style, with a short run. Each night of performance, though following the same conventions throughout the entire run, is completely original as the actors are making up all of the facts on the spot. There will be five shows in all, each with a three-day run, four of them being straight improv shows. Opening the season back in October was

The Drive-In Double Feature, which parodied teenage slasher films and classic super sleuth shows to a hilarious and bizarre end each night.

From Nov. 14 to 16, Instant will be taking the ultimate improv risk: writing their jokes down.

Cornelius Fontaine's Secret Family, directed by Peter Carlone, is a sketch comedy show featuring monologues, scenes, and videos all written by the company members, including Bates. “We all got together, threw out a bunch of pitches and about one in 10 ideas made the cut,” he says. “Then we divided them all up and went away to write them.

When you're writing something on your own, you might think that something is completely hilarious, but there are so many assumptions in your own head. It's so good to bounce ideas off of everyone else. Now we're in rehearsal mode, and everything's becoming a lot more solid and tight.”

Carlone was more than willing to lend a hand with Instant Theatre's departure from their traditional bag of tricks. “It's mostly the core cast of the company running the show,” he explains. “This is their baby, they're improvisers doing what they do.

I'm just along to wrangle the talent, and make sure they stay on task with the writing.” Carlone is a touring sketch comedy veteran, having performed internationally for the past six years in the duo Peter 'N Chris. Most recently, he was honoured with a Canadian Comedy Award for Best Sketch Troupe. Carlone is also the artistic director of the reboot of the Vancouver Sketch Comedy Festival, which will take place in January 2014.

Bates, who, in addition to his improvisation experience also often writes sketches on his own, acknowledges an important connection between

× Crystal Lee the two. “A lot of sketch is tested and written through improv,” he says. “It's a useful tool to develop sketch and theatre. Some improv scenes are so good that why not bring them back? It's also nice to sit down and write something complete that makes sense.”

Cornelius Fontaine's Secret Family promises to be no less hilarious and spontaneous than a typical Instant Theatre show, and marks the start of the company’s foray into sketch comedy. Carlone notes that “since [the cast members are] all fantastic improvisers, they really excel at developing funky characters. The majority of the sketches are based on their ability to find these hilarious characters, and commit to them wholeheartedly.”

For more information on Instant Theatre, interested readers may visit Instanttheatre.com. Cornelius Fontaine’s Secret Family will run from Nov. 14 to 16, with doors opening at 7:30 p.m. and the show beginning at 8 p.m. Tickets are available for $15 at the Havana Restaurant, 1212 Commercial Drive..

A+C

keep the creativity flowing CAPILANO GRAD STREAMS TO THE TOP James Martin × Writer Lena Dabrusin hasn't been idle since graduating from Capilano University's musical theatre program in 2011. Her latest project has been seen by a wider audience than many of her past works, in no small part because she shifted her medium from the physical stage to YouTube. Her music video about "something that we're not really supposed to share" has been shared plenty of times in the past month since she posted it, helped along by some attention from Jezebel.com and The Huffington Post.

The topic of her latest work: her period.

Well, not hers specifically. But it is a music video she produced featuring a song she wrote about "that time of the month," as well as all the experiences (and euphemisms) that go along with it. With the help of a talented cast of people she met during her time at CapU, “Lena D”, as she prefers to be called, created a catchy and upbeat song about being on one’s period, and it has now become something of a viral video with 70,000 hits in its first two weeks alone. "I can't even fathom how many people that is sitting down and watching my face," she admits.

The well-produced piece, set in a characteristically typical high school, follows Dabrusin's character as she sings and dances her way through the day in stage musical fashion while grappling with the difficulties of trying to keep her menstrual situation under wraps. In watching the video, it's clear that Dabrusin has a strong sense of what it takes to create a memorable and shareable music video.

What isn't obvious is the fact that the song wasn't

initially conceived with such a grand production in mind.

"I came up with the song idea in the shower in December of 2011,” Dabrusin explains, "and I fleshed out the idea with my friend Stewart Yu, who's an amazing musician. He helped me write the music, and so did Cameron Dunster who was also in my class. With their help, I fleshed out the song to be not just a catchy chorus. Then we actually went in and recorded a rough version of it with the help of a friend who has a recording studio, so that was fantastic."

That may have been the end of the song's story, had it not been for the feedback that Dabrusin received when she shared it with some other friends.

"I just started showing it to people and they really loved it as much as I enjoyed singing it, and I realized that there wasn't really any song written that's very similar to it. So I decided to go with it."

Dabrusin developed a plan to re-record the song and take it to a larger audience. "I considered maybe trying to sell it because it's very commercialsounding, but I wanted to make the music video my own. I knew I had an incredible network that I could tap into, performers and musicians and creative people who would be supportive of me making a music video, and that we could really make it our own."

However, doing so was no small feat. "There was so much preparation leading up to it,” she says. “I have a book that's just pages and pages of to-do lists and people to contact. I made up all the shoot schedules and the shoot list. I storyboarded it... and we planned two shoot dates." With so much that needed to be done in order to realize the

× Period song video project's full potential, Dabrusin didn't hold back from asking for help from the people who she met during her studies in the musical theatre program.

One of the many connections who she reached out to was CapU instructor Sylvia Zaradic. "She directed the music video... and she is such a natural at directing. She guided me throughout my years at Cap, so it was really awesome to have someone that I trusted directing me. It felt very easy on the shooting days. I had pretty much done all the planning, but on the shoot dates I was really able to be just the talent, and I had full trust in my team that I had assembled, and that was really great. I couldn't have done that without Sylvia, and also Cameron who assisted her in the direction of it."

Additionally, several other current and former CapU students were involved in the production as actors, singers, make-up artists, and behind-thescenes crew.

Now that all the hard work has finally come to fruition, Dabrusin wants the message of her song

to take the spotlight. "I was hoping that people would be intrigued and would want to watch and share this video with others in their life. I realized it's not only just women who need to hear this song, it's everybody, because it's something that's totally natural. When you first get your period it's a very strange occurrence, you don't necessarily want to talk about what's happening, and I think by having the conversations about it, it really makes a time when you feel like you're alone maybe not so lonely because you're maybe more comfortable sharing what you're experiencing. [The song] gives people an anthem to hold on to and maybe help them be less ashamed when they're on their period."

To check out the music video, visit itsmyperiod.ca.

crawling with culture ARTISTS OPEN THEIR STUDIOS FOR CULTURE CRAWL Megan Forsyth × Writer

× Tierney sMilne

volume

47 issue N o . 10

Eastside Culture Crawl will run from Nov. 15 to 17 at a variety of East Vancouver locations. Due to high demand from eager crawlers, a special preview event will take place in selected studios on Nov. 14 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Check out Eastsideculturecrawl. com for maps and additional information, or pick up a brochure from any of the festival’s participating venues.

×

tinues to foster positive change in the local arts scene, Rausenberg notes that there are considerable complications arising for artists attempting to make a living in Vancouver.

“I’m a bit disturbed about the cost of studio space,” she says. “Ensuring that artists can actually stay here and continue to do their work here is a big concern. As we all know, Vancouver is an extremely expensive city to live in, and so more and more we are losing some of the spaces that were affordable for those artists. That deeply concerns us at the Crawl.”

Although the average person cannot do much to help reduce the costs of studio spaces, they can still support local artists by coming out to the Culture Crawl and purchasing a piece of their work, whether it be big or small. Even those who are not well-versed in art or usually feel intimidated in galleries will find the festival to be most welcoming.

“Art is ultimately about finding something that you love that moves you and will hold you for many, many years,” Rausenberg says. “A lot of people that I know who have bought my work or other artists’ work come back year after year and say, ‘Thank you so much — that piece still holds me, it still resonates with me, it still is meaningful for me, and I keep looking at it and I keep getting something new from it all of the time.’ So buy what you like. Have you what you have on your walls or on your table or what you eat off of be something that you appreciate and something that is meaningful to you. You don’t have to have that whole knowledge and history of the arts.”

the capilano courier

Art is everywhere. It’s in our homes, in our schools and offices, on the sides of the buildings we walk past, in the advertisements in the magazines we read, and at the bus stops we wait at each morning.

We are exposed to so much art on a daily basis — but how often do we truly notice it? And in how many instances do we actually take the time to consider who produced it and how much thought and effort was put into its creation?

The Eastside Culture Crawl gives Vancouverites an opportunity to do just that. Introduced in 1996 as a free visual arts festival featuring 50 artists displaying their work in three buildings, the event has seen consistent and positive growth over the past 17 years. This year’s weekend-long Eastside Culture Crawl features more than 400 artists displaying their work in 83 different buildings, all within the set boundaries of Main Street and Victoria Drive and north of First Avenue. Many of the participating artists – painters, jewelers, sculptors, textile artists, furniture makers, potters, photographers, printmakers, and glassblowers – open up their private studios for the annual event and invite the public in to get a glimpse of the spaces they create their work in.

“It’s one thing to see the final product when it’s all framed and prim and looks as it does on the gallery wall,” says Vancouver-based illustrator and participating artist Mark Illing, “but then seeing

the same paint splatters on the back of the wall gives you a bit of context there.”

A 23-year-old graduate of Emily Carr’s Illustration program, Illing specializes in black and white drawings done primarily in ink. He participated in the Crawl for the first time last year and will once again have his unique and intricate pieces on display at Octopus Studios on Powell Street.

“The Crawl has a lot of benefits [for artists],” he explains. “One, of course, is that you get a lot of exposure — and two, is that you also get to make some money. You don’t have to pay a gallery for their commission rate or any of that. Then there is just the being introduced to the community [aspect]. Aside from growing a fan base, you can get involved with other people who are there doing similar things and who are maybe a little more veteraned at it.”

Last year, Eastside Culture Crawl hosted more than 15,000 aptly named “crawlers”. The festival’s newly appointed executive director, Esther Rausenberg, anticipates just as many people or more to attend this year.

“I think that we’re really building a community here and people are looking at the visual arts, crafts, and design in a different way,” the bornand-raised East End photographer says. “I think that we have contributed to people gaining understanding and knowledge about the visual arts in general, so I’m actually quite excited about the changes in terms of the general public and how they view the visual arts and their interest in it.”

While the Eastside Culture Crawl has and con-

9

arts Shorts

ART SHORTS EDITOR ×

protest the hero "THE VOLITION" William Louison × Writer, the Sheaf - U of Saskatchewan SASKATOON (CUP) - After a mediocre release in 2011 with Scurrilous, Canadian heavy rock band Protest the Hero is back in fine form with Volition, a record that is sure to please both long-time fans and new listeners. The album soars with heavy guitar licks that will both entertain and blow you away. Singer Rody Walker’s vocals are some of the best he’s ever given. The most impressive feat that Walker pulls off is, no matter how intense he seems to be getting, his pronunciations are technically perfect and never leave the listener wondering what the lyrics are. If he is trying to outshine his previous performances, Walker is definitely succeeding. Volition wastes no time getting started, as opening track “Clarity” explodes with a catchy guitar and drum intro. It doesn’t take long for Walker’s powerful, cutting vocals to jump in and, when they do, it’s guaranteed that the album is going to be great. “Clarity” sets up what’s to come and Protest the Hero does not disappoint.

“Drumhead Trail” is fast-paced, but thanks to the bands technical perfection nothing is lost in the fray. The next track, “Tilting Against Windows,” is a little more classic Protest the Hero and is less progressive, but sets up a nice introduction for “Without Prejudice” — an album standout that

represents everything Protest the Hero stands for: creating good music without concerning themselves about being held back or pigeon-holed by one genre. Protest the Hero is more than just a metal band and the unique, avant-garde quality of Volition is a testament to their ability to be a progressively evolving band that can appeal to a wide audience while still whetting the appetites of any metal lover. “Plato’s Tripartite” is perhaps the best the album has to offer, as the band is aided by Canadian folk singer Jadea Kelly — who appears four times on Volition. The last minute or so of “Plato’s Tripartite” is definitely one of the most unique duet moments ever heard on an album like this. After another standout, “A Life Embossed,” things are taken down just a notch to allow the listener a chance to breathe. While not mild by any means, “Mist” is the most radio friendly song on the album. Don’t take that as a negative; it’s just another side to a multi-faceted band that is far too underappreciated for its efforts. The album finishes off with three offerings of head-banging awesomeness, with “Animal Bones” giving Walker yet another chance to show off his amazing voice.

The only flaw of Volition is that, even at nearly an hour, it seems far too short and will leave fans wanting more. It’s not crazy to suggest that Volition is Protest the Hero’s best work to date.

KRISTI ALEXANDRA

COPY@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

jordan klassen "REPENTANCE" Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor From the opening arpeggios to the final chords of Jordan Klassen’s debut full-length album Repentance, is an eclectic blend of instruments and textures serves as a lively carpet for the Vancouverite’s rangy voice to tread. The use of such an unusual colour palate gives the record a certain lush quality while also marking a clear exploration into new territory for the singer-songwriter.

There are magical moments throughout, like the chorus of deep, almost tribal “humms” that arrives seemingly out of nowhere right before the second verse of “The Horses Are Stuck”. This track is the total highlight on the record in every way. “Go To Me”, with its catchy melodies and rhythmic phrasing, is a sturdy single showing the more assertive side of Klassen’s voice. Several tracks later, a vocal

break near the end of “Balcony” sheds light on a supporting cast of backup singers with unique voices in their own right. The album’s arrangements, penned by Klassen and producer Jonathan Anderson, offer something special as well. Though the pair’s frequent use of glockenspiel (seemingly a staple of anything even remotely resembling an indie record these days) might be sinful in anyone else’s hands, they make it work alongside a bevy of other far more quirky instruments. This is symphonic folk-pop at its best. Repentance is currently streaming on SoundCloud and Bandcamp as Klassen avidly tours North America with his band. East Coast pop-rockers Paper Lions will join him at the Media Club on Nov. 16 for a hometown show.

earl sweatshirt VOGUE, OCT. 31 Glen Jackson × Writer On Halloween, Earl Sweatshirt of L.A.’s infamous rap group Odd Future Wolf Gang came to the Vogue Theatre for a sold out show. The concert began an hour and a half after doors opened with a DJ set by Syd tha Kyd. After the DJ set, 19-yearold Earl came to the stage with a wig and a jacket on, claiming that for Halloween he was dressed as “a grown-ass man.” He also asked who was planning on attending the Kanye West concert which was supposed to be the same night but got cancelled. “Get the fuck out because we don’t want you,” he said, when a few audience members cheered. Earl Sweatshirt played a solid set with verses from most of his new and old hits.

Despite being one of the more calm members of the L.A. rap group, he still brought the aggressive Odd Future crowd with him, giving security a run for their money. Though the crowd was out of his control, he still managed to keep his composure and work with it. About half way through the performance, there was a costume contest where Sweatshirt looked into the audience and picked out the costumes he liked. When the people that he had chosen got on the stage he had the crowd judge by cheering and when a winner was decided the teen rapper simply said that she had “won Halloween” and told them to get off the stage.

There was something humorous and charming about the young rapper who was obviously thrust into substantial success. Though technically speaking, the show was nothing special, seeing Earl Sweatshirt live is absolutely worth the experience.

the strumbellas

flannel & Gnarly beards

47 issue N o . 10

BILTMORE, NOV. 5 Faye Alexander

the capilano courier

×

volume

× Opinions Editor

10

× Jeremy Unicorn

The night smelled of flannel and gnarly beards as The Strumbellas made their way to the Biltmore stage. Is it “indie country” or “folk-pop grass”? Or does the label really matter? The Toronto based altcountry act, made up of six members, took their collective places cramped up on the small scale stage all sporting bare feet. The Strumbellas are reminiscent of an old time long since past, when the jug was experiencing its instrumental heyday. You simply want to order yourself a pint of whatever is cheapest and join in the sparse crowd who made small strives to do-si-do along. Pulling influences from Father John Misty and Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, The Strumbellas combine snappy riffs and oddball lyrics. Following their Juno nominated debut album, their latest release We Still Move on Dance Floors offers up positive folk-pop ditties fittingly good to bounce about to. Girls were shyly mouthing along to “I’ll

Light the Fire”, “Warm is My Heart”, and crowd favourite “I’m Not the Sheriff”. Lead singer Simon Ward kicked up the energy for a cover of Modest Mouse’s “Float on”, climbing atop the monitors and hanging over the crowd, his beard the gnarliest of them all. No male Vancouver hipster in the room could compare. The Strumbellas are a toetapping, dance-your-pants-off kind of party, but the Biltmore still seemed so bare when compared to the quality of the instrumentals and showmanship by both front man Ward and keyboardist David Ritter. For their closing number, the band welcomed as many awkwardly dancing girls as could fill the stage and the dance party finally took place.

Even if it took the whole set to get there.

FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

THERESE GUIEB

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

staying fat positive ACCEPTING YOUR WEIGHT AND IMAGE CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE

Kate Black

× Cheryl Swan

× Writer, the Gateway - University of Alberta

BEING OKAY WITH BEING FAT

47 issue N o . 10

Kristin Rodier, a PhD candidate at the U of A, argues that fat acceptance isn’t a health issue, but rather a social one. She says that many health statistics present in studies are funded by a multibillion dollar diet industry, but also notes the common discourse of stigmatizing people under the guise of being “concerned for their health.”

“There’s always two things going on: I can protest and say the facts are wrong about fat being unhealthy, or I can say that even if it is unhealthy, the stigma isn’t deserved,” she says.

Rodier adds that common arguments surrounding obesity’s strain on the healthcare system are unfounded. While the Canadian Obesity Network estimates the “total cost of obesity” on the Canadian healthcare system to ring in around $6 billion annually, it’s nearly impossible to directly correlate obesity with health issues.

“People think fat positive means that you want

everyone to be fat. All I want is for people to have the body that is the result of their environment and their choices, and to not be stigmatized on the basis of that. Whether they are fat because of their choices, their genes or a ‘disorder,’ they deserve full social respect,” she says.

Statistics aside, Rodier and Carson agree that fat doesn’t define a person.

“As a fat woman who’s totally fine with being fat and … loving life, I have no problem with someone else who’s trying to lose weight, and that’s their decision just like they should have no problem with me doing what I want with my body,” Carson says.

“It took me years to come to terms with the word ‘fat,’” she says, explaining she saw it as derogatory at first. “But now … it’s not an insult. It’s not a compliment. It’s just a fact. I think someone saying, ‘I’m a fat person’ is really inspiring.”

Getting everyone on board with this idea hasn’t been easy for Carson, and Body Happy YEG is still a small group, boasting 15 members on its Facebook group. She muses that our society makes it hard to accept your body the way it is, and it will take time for more people to jump on the fat positive movement. In the meantime, she encourages her peers to take on a different kind of naked epiphany, stripping away the layers they’ve been dressed in by society.

“In order to be in a body positive community, you have to accept your body first. You have to take off everything that we’re socially conditioned to think and supposed to be,” she says.

“I just want to see what we can do to make people feel like humans beings.”

volume

HEALTH AT EVERY SIZE With roots in the 1960s, Health At Every Size (HAES) is a lifestyle movement focused on promoting health behaviours and size acceptance rather than weight loss. The movement is associated with improvements to blood pressure, health behaviours and positive psychosocial outcomes and is a response to study results showing that many people regain the weight they lost after being put on traditional diet-and-exercise routines.

Mary Forhan, an Assistant Professor in Occupa-

tional Therapy and obesity researcher at the U of A, supports the approach, but notes that as with any practice, HAES needs to be considered on an individual basis.

“I think it is possible to be overweight and be obese and still be healthy, but I don’t think that everyone who is overweight or has obesity can be healthy,” she says.

But Forhan has yet to come across a patient that suffers from a disease that derives solely from obesity. It may increase one’s risk for conditions such as arthritis or diabetes, but genetics and environmental factors can play a significant role as well.

As an occupational therapist, Forhan’s job isn’t to help people lose weight, but rather to help them navigate their own environment better. But she adds that focusing on the scale when trying to live a healthy lifestyle may be detrimental.

“Numbers on the scale aren’t always an accurate feedback in terms of how healthy you are,” she says. “You’re going to get disappointed and frustrated and stop whatever [you’re] doing that actually could be improving your cardiac health or mental health that you can’t tell.”

“So by simply stepping on a scale [and making an assessment] based on the number that comes back to you is setting yourself up for failure,” she concludes.

×

BIG, FAT PROBLEMS Most of us are familiar with statistics about the dangers of obesity. The Canadian Obesity Network

reports that one in four adult Canadians and one in 10 children are clinically obese, meaning they have a Body Mass Index of 30 or higher. A joint report from the Public Health Agency of Canada and the Canadian Institute for Health Information also warns of the links between obesity and the incidence of type 2 diabetes, asthma, gallbladder disease, osteoarthritis, chronic back pain, several types of cancers and major types of cardiovascular disease.

With these stats in mind, the fat positive movement naturally doesn’t come without its criticisms.

“I cringe at knowing more and more people are accepting being fat, and doing it proudly,” Carson Liu, a Los Angeles bariatric surgeon, was quoted on Monstersandcritics.org in light of the fat positivity movement.

Arya Sharma, professor and chair of Obesity Research and Management at the U of A, wrote in a 2011 blog post that “obesity deniers” often use similar strategies and arguments used by smokers to discredit suggestions of an “obesity epidemic”, citing strategies like using personal anecdotes and discrediting published studies.

But Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles reported that in a three-year study of coronary artery disease where they observed 14,739 patients — some who had coronary artery disease and some who didn’t — fewer patients measured as obese and overweight died from cardiac death than “normal” weight patients. Similarly, a study led

by U of A epidemiologist Antigone Oreopoulos found that in patients with chronic heart failure, overweight and obese patients had “lower all-cause and cardiovascular mortality rates.”

So can fat people be as healthy — or healthier — than thin people?

the capilano courier

EDMONTON (CUP) — Quetzala Carson is fat.

She has been her entire life. As a child, her mother would point out other fat women on the street and suggest that Carson lose weight. She grew up longboarding, riding bikes, and playing in bands, and says her size never had a huge impact on her. But the little things cut her in a way comments from family members couldn’t, as she remembers how she would wear bell-bottoms because they were the only pants that came in her size.

“It sounds so stupid to be like, ‘I had to wear T-shirts because I couldn’t wear v-necks and it’s so heartbreaking,’” the third-year University of Alberta Native Studies student says. “But it really does affect your life, the fact that you can’t fit in with anyone else.”

She was naked, sitting alone on a hotel room carpet, depressed and filled with hatred when she quietly came to an epiphany about her selfview. Her dad had recently passed away and she was preparing to perform at We Day, a leadership conference for teens. Looking at herself in the mirror, she realized it was time to make a change — and it had nothing to do with the numbers on the scale.

“Who am I to stand in front of these kids and tell them to change the world? Who am I to do all this stuff if I’m just hating on myself?” she asked herself.

“That was the moment where I decided that I need to love myself and believe in myself so I can go on to be a good person,” she says. Carson struggled to find a community that shared this point of view; Googling “Edmonton body positive” came up with nothing. Out of this, she created Body Happy YEG, an Edmonton-based think tank group focused on creating a body-positive and fat-positive environment.

Conversations on fat positivity, a social movement looking to abolish anti-fat biases in social spheres, are rapidly popping up in classrooms and chatrooms alike. While it’s something the western world has yet to fully embrace, it proves we may not know as much about fat people as we’d like to think.

11

FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

THERESE GUIEB

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

HIGH ROLLERS & EYE ROLLERS

× Jana Vanduin

A CLOSER LOOK AT B.C.'S GAMBLING INDUSTRY

Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor

British Columbia is no Las Vegas by any stretch of the imagination, but the province certainly holds its own when it comes to commercial gaming.

From scratch tickets to slot machines, gambling is a multi-billion dollar industry that carries both significant rewards and consequences for many each year. Some love it while others simply say “no dice,” but a gaming experience is in the cards for nearly everyone during their lifetime.

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

THE APPEAL

12

Be it Keno or Craps, winning can offer a big thrill.

The excitement of a casino is equally undeniable with all the bright colours, flashing lights, and sounds that stimulate the senses. For Luis Melgar, 23, a casual gambler and Capilano University music student, those are the things that bring him in the door and keep him coming back. “It’s kind of a combination of everything, to be honest,” he says. “The first time I went to a casino I was 18. I went in Alberta for my birthday and I just thought it was the funnest thing ever.”

These days, Melgar visits a casino in the Lower Mainland “maybe once a month,” usually bringing a friend along. “First of all, it’s nice to get out,” he says. “It’s something to go do that’s not a bar or something else in that general direction. It’s just kind of the idea of the risk-reward thing, the fact that you could win some money, which is always kind of nice. And then if you go out, you know, you spend a couple hours or win 50 bucks, cool, it’s like you had an afternoon, you didn’t have to spend anything.”

Despite his own enjoyment, Melgar says he doesn’t often see a lot of young people on the ca-

sino floor. “Occasionally if you go to the tables you might find some people my age, maybe occasionally at the slot machines, but very rarely do I find anyone there my age to be perfectly honest, unless I bring them myself.”

Technology could be partly to blame, along with a rise in online gambling that has lured younger people away from land-based casinos in recent years. “Younger people are much more skewed towards sports betting, poker, and casinos,” explains Jon Kelly, CEO of the Responsible Gambling Council (RGC). “But definitely you see young people overrepresented in the area of sports betting and particularly online betting where people may well be more used to electronic gambling and comfortable with the medium more than a lot of older people are.”

“I find it’s different for everyone,” Melgar continues. “Usually the first impression of a casino usually sets the bar if people will like or dislike the casino from that point on. I find if most people go the first time and lose, they very rarely go back unless they’re dragged by someone, whereas if you go the first time and you win, then you remember that feeling. It’s that kind of inherent ‘oh, what if I win again’ kind of thing, which can also be problematic.”

THE RISKS According to the RCG, youth aged 18 to 24 run the highest risk of developing a gambling problem.

“We’ve done a lot of study of problem gambling and particularly problem gambling among young people and, you know, it seems to me there are sev-

eral factors,” says Kelly. “One is that young people are more likely to be risk-takers across the board that’s gambling, that’s alcohol, that’s more risky driving, speeding, sex, so it seems to me part of it goes with the experimentation and just being more likely to be risk-takers.”

People in the 18 to 24 age range are also at a time in their life when they’re moving away from parental controls, he explains. “They’re going to school or they’re going out to work or they’re graduating or those kinds of things, so there’s less parental oversight and control and therefore some people are more likely to go overboard than when they were in a more controlled environment. And they’re moving out of their family houses at a time when they’re also reaching the age when they can legally gamble so those two things can play a factor.”

“In some ways, too, younger people have less sense of the consequences and they have less consequences,” Kelly adds. “Like if you’re 60 years old and you run into problems with gambling, well, you know, you’ve got not much runway left to get the money back and to recover from the problem. But if you’re a young person you don’t think of consequences as much as older people do and therefore, it seems to me, the idea of being more cautious is not as developed in your mind.”

Repercussions for problem gamblers can be as varied as the individuals themselves. While debt is certainly the most common, several more severe examples include crime, poverty, depression, or even suicide.

Between 2003 and 2010, the B.C. Coroners Service reported 34 suicide deaths where gambling was identified as a potential risk factor. Seven of

those were female and 27 were male. Ten suicide incidents took place in 2010 alone.

Not only are teens more likely to develop a gambling problem than adults, but they are also more likely to commit suicide as a result. Furthermore, gambling addicts are twice as likely to commit suicide than other types of addicts. The Canada Safety Council estimates that at least 200 problem gamblers take their own lives every year in Canada.

THE RESOURCES Despite the financial and psychological challenges involved, recovery from gambling addiction is not impossible. “There are a lot of success stories about people who had gambling problems and either get counseling and can turn themselves around and, in some cases, turn themselves around without counseling,” says Kelly. “In the same way that anybody can... with alcohol problems or smoking or in any type of addictive behaviour, there are people who simply kind of stop and say, ‘Look, this is crazy, I shouldn’t be doing this,’ and they do stop.”

“There are also safeguards on the gaming side that are built into casinos and other forms of gambling for example, self-exclusion programs,” he continues. “So if you feel you have a gambling problem, you go to a casino, you want to ban yourself, then you can ban yourself and the casino will also withdraw you from all of the marketing and will try to help you stay out. Now, this is not foolproof but this is one piece that is helpful.”

The process works similarly online as well.

“What they do is they pull your account so you can’t get in,” explains Kelly. “In order to bet at PokerStars [online casino gaming website] or any of

those other ones, you have to set up an account so if your account is closed down, it pretty well means that you won’t be able to get in unless you set up a whole new account and go to some extraordinary measure to get around them. But online, of course, and in the land-based casinos as well, it is always possible to go somewhere else. I mean, if you really want to get around a ban, the chances are you’re going to find a way to do it.”

Resources also exist to help prevent problem gambling altogether. “We’re fairly fortunate in Canada there are a lot of measures,” says Kelly, noting small variations from province to province.

In British Columbia, the B.C. Lottery Corporation (BCLC) offers GameSense, an educational program that promotes responsible play. Sarah Morris of BCLC media relations explains that “GameSense provides information to help players understand games, the odds, and the potential risks. It also speaks frankly to players about the myths and risks associated with gambling and makes sure players have access to effective programs and treatment options, should they need help.”

A version of the program called GameSense for Parents “aims to create awareness of youth gambling and give parents tools and support to start a conversation with kids about the risks of gambling.” In addition, BCLC works with the province’s Gaming Policy and Enforcement Branch to ensure that minors under the age of 19 do not have access to gambling products or facilities.

Advertising restrictions have also been put in place in every province, says Kelly. “There are certain things. You cannot target young people, you can’t imply that gambling is a way to make money, there are many things you can’t do when you advertise gambling. If you’re a casino, you cannot advertise winning. If you look at casino advertising, you’ll see things like excitement and fun and enjoyment, but they’re not allowed to talk about ‘come to this casino and you’ll win a lot of money,’ so there are quite a number of safeguards that most people would not see but they are built into the casino or the gambling venues and into gambling advertising.”

THE BALANCE Ultimately, finding a balance of fun and responsibility is crucial to a gambler’s long-term safety

and enjoyment. The “know your limit, play within it” slogan used in BCLC’s commercials perhaps says it best. Everyone’s limit both psychological and financial is a bit different, however, and finding it can sometimes make for some tough lessons along the way.

“I’ve had my own gambling problems over the years, for sure, just kind of learning that right balance,” admits Melgar. “Sometimes you think you can win it all back and you just can’t. I always say if I’m putting money towards something, this money I have to consider already gone that I’m spending it, not that I’m gambling it, because as soon as you’re gambling it you’re trying to hope that you get that money back and then you lose more than you’re willing to lose.”

Kelly notes several important differences between engaging in gambling in a way that’s reasonably safe and one that’s not. “It comes down to a number of things,” he says. “One is the reason you do it – what is the motivation for gambling?

If you look at it as just a sort of mental holiday or recreation or just a way to spend some time with friends et cetera, that’s likely to be reasonably healthy. If you start looking at it as a way to make money – that is, like almost an alternative to a job – or if you get into the mindset that looks at gambling as an investment, that’s an attitude that will set you up for trouble because... you will start thinking about gambling and you will lose, and then you think well, I have to win back the money.”

“In gambling terms there’s a term called chasing losses, which is, from my perspective, at the heart of almost every gambling problem,” he continues.

“It’s tough to have a gambling problem if you don’t chase your losses, meaning when you lose you spend more money trying to win back the money you lost, and then you lose that, and then you borrow money to win back the bigger amount, and you can see the cycle building. You think of it as an investment in the future sooner or later if I just keep at this, my ship will come in and I’ll be a winner....The reality is, the longer you play, the more you’re likely to lose, not the more you’re likely to win.”

Chasing wins can be a slippery slope as well, says Melgar, recalling a particular instance in his past. “A friend of mine asked me to go one weekend to the River Rock so we went out there and I went with $40 bucks and I think that day I walked

ON the Cover

volume

47 issue N o . 10

Jana Vanduin's first name is pronounced "Yana". She's very much into painting and fine art and doing everything by hand. She's also very into cats and great food. If you see her around town, give her a kitten and say hi.

When it comes to gambling, the B.C. government is one of the highest rollers of all. Commercial gaming brought in approximately $2.7 billion last year, with around $1.11 billion remaining after expenses and payouts. Provincial gaming revenue is distributed in a myriad of directions -- everywhere from non-profit community organizations to economic development projects to responsible gambling initiatives.

“Eighty-seven cents of every dollar gambled goes back to B.C.,” says Morris. “Forty-one cents for provincial and community programs, 24 cents for prizes for winners, 22 cents for commissions and fees to 4,000 gambling retailers and service providers.” The industry is also a source of jobs.

“There are the 37,000 people employed in the gambling industry, either directly by BCLC or indirectly, across the province,” she adds.

A total of $134.9 million in gaming grants were divided between eligible community organizations last year. Approximately 5,100 recipients benefitted from the funding, including several on the North Shore. Charitable organizations earned an additional $36 million through sanctioned gaming activities of their own, such as raffles and bingo tournaments. Parent Advisory Councils and District Parent Advisory Councils are also eligible to receive grants each year on a per-student basis.

There are major benefits for cities who host gambling establishments as well. Under provincial legislation, local governments receive a 10 per cent annual cut from every casino and community gaming centre within their jurisdiction.

In 2011/12, $83.1 million was distributed across Greater Vancouver and beyond. For the city of Richmond, home to the River Rock Casino and Resort, that meant a near $15.6 million payout last year.

Although online gambling has advanced significantly in recent years, it seems as though there will always be a place for the physical casino and the printed lottery ticket. Still, groups like the BCLC recognize that the industry is ever-changing.

“We need to evolve as the world and our players evolve,” says Morris.

With self-serve checkouts becoming more favorable among consumers, BCLC has adapted to allow Lotto Express purchases to be made via pinpad at select grocery stores around the province. The optimization of PlayNow.com for tablets and smartphones is another new development.

The regulated online gambling site was initially launched in British Columbia in 2004 for computers only.

On the casino front, things are constantly evolving as well. In False Creek, plans are in the works for the Edgewater Casino to move inland to a lot adjacent to B.C. Place. Pending approval from Vancouver city council, the $535 million project could change the face of the downtown core significantly within the next few years.

The Boulevard Casino in Coquitlam is undergoing major changes of its own, completely rebranding to become a Hard Rock Casino Resort on Dec. 20. Stagnant in recent years on account of highway construction, an aging clientele, and poor economy, the multi-million dollar renovation will attempt to entice a younger demographic.

Be it the BCLC or the Boulevard Casino, it’s clear that big things are on the table for B.C.’s gaming industry as its major players take a gamble on new trends. “The marketplace is changing rapidly, especially in the entertainment category,” says Morris. “We need to create new business capabilities and new ways to engage consumers in order to remain relevant to existing players and to appeal to new customers.”

×

Jana Vanduin

THE RETURNS

THE FUTURE

the capilano courier

×

out with $850 and then I went again the following week and walked out with another $500, so over the week, I won basically $1300 bucks. And that’s a lot of money for someone who has no money, right? So ever since then it’s like ‘oh, I should go try and recreate that thing,’ but that will never happen again. It’s hard… because casinos play into kind of an inherent want and need to try and win money in a very foolish way.”

13

cap calendar

with kristi

@capcourier

Capilanocourier.com

@capilanocourier

Monday 11

Remeberance Day

Wear A Poppy

Kiss A Veteran

Take Your Hat Off

Tuesday 12

David Sedaris

Discussion on Sexuality

VIMFF 2013 Fall Seriers: Reel Rock 8

Communion

Chan Centre for Performing Arts 7:30 pm $60

Library Room 143 11:30 am $ - free

The Rio Theatre 7:30 pm $15

Pacific Theatre 8 pm $20+

The man who brought you Dress Up Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, NPR humourist and author presents an evening of wit, social satire, and conversation in celebration of recent book Let's Explore Diabetes With Owls. Arguably the most socially lauded out-of-town author to hit Vancouver since Chuck Pahlaniuk. And he’s a total dreamboat too.

Capilano Queer Collective hosts an open discussion for everyone to attend. Kat Savard leads the Sexuality 101 discourse on sexuality spectrum, including how people identify and what labels like cisgender, pansexual, demisexual, asexual and others. Free coffee and pop.

As part of the Vancouver International Mountain Film Festival, Reel Rock is back again! Four brand new films to quench your thirst for climbing, including The Sensei, Spice Girl, High Tension: Ueli Steck and the Clash on Everest, and The Stone Masters.

Ruby Slippers Theatre's production of Daniel MacIvor's play about a recovering alcoholic who has a life-changing secret she needs to share with her estranged and zealously religious daughter.

This is no production of the Nutcracker, you guys.

This is some heavy stuff.

Lindi Ortega

Mac Miller

The God That Comes

United Way Book Sale

The Biltmore Cabaret 9 pm $15

Commodore Ballroom 9:30 pm $40

The Cultch 8 pm $29

Birch Building, Cafeteria 8 am to 7 pm $ - free

If you don’t know who Lindi Ortega is, then you obviously haven’t been reading the Courier. This sweet Canadian country starlet picked up and moved to Tennessee, where her Dolly Partonesque vocals fit in better than they did in Toronto.

To learn more, read Arts Editor Andy Rice’s review of her new album, Tin Star.

American hip-hop artist tours in support of latest release Watching Movies With the Sound Off, with guest Choo Jackson. The 21-year-old rapper also identifies as EZ Mac, Larry Fisherman, Larry Lovestein & The Velvet Revival, and Delusional Thomas. Rapper’s love pseudonyms, y’all.

Have a drink, hear a story, and get lost in the music. Hawksley Workman stars in this performance that fuses the chaotic revelry of a rock concert with the captivating intimacy of theatre. Please note that The God That Comes is for ages 19 and up.

Sorry young’uns.

The United Way Book Sale is back by popular demand! Come and find your literary treasures at this year’s book sale located in the Birch building.

Buy some Christmas gifts for your rather bookish friends and family – including fiction, nonfiction, children’s books, and cook books. There might even be some ancient artifacts like DVDs and CDs.

Eastside Culture Crawl

Fumbling Towards Ecstacy

Hollerado

Suit Up

Various Studios 6 pm to 9 pm $ - free

Queen Elizabeth Theatre 8 pm $40+

The Commodore Ballroom 9:30pm $22+

CSU Lounge (Maple Building) 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm $10

The 17th Annual Eastside Culture Crawl - Vancouver's three day visual arts, design, and crafts festival. This event involves more than 15,000 people visiting artists in their studios in the area bounded by Main Street and Victoria Drive north of First Avenue in Vancouver.

Ballet BC presents Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, featuring the music of Canadian singer-songwriter Sarah McLachlan. The ballet traces the deeply spiritual odyssey of a woman’s life from first romantic encounter to mature love, as is the fare for the Lilith Fair initiator. Don’t even think about shaving your armpits for this one.

Here’s another Courier special. Our News Editor, Katherine Gillard, had a very poignant interview with this Ontario band, who wrote an especially touching album, including themes of war. Well, for Pete’s sake, just read the article – and go to this show.

Capilano School of Business is hosting Suit-UP, a cocktail style mixer with complimentary food and beverages included. Also, get a free headshot to polish up your online professional profile! Shine your shoes, dress to impress.

Drop Dead Fred

Vancouver Short Film Festival

Robson Square Ice Rink Opens

Pride and Prejudice

The Rio Theatre 11 pm $6 in costume, $8 without

Vancity Theatre 6 pm to 11 pm $11 per ticket, $40 per festival pass

Robson Square 11 am to 9 pm $ - free

Blue Shore Financial Centre 8 pm $10

Friday Late Night Movies at the Rio Theatre presents Drop Dead Fred, starring a happy, anarchic and mischievous imaginary friend of a young girl named Elizabeth. He causes chaos around the home and neighborhood, but nobody can see Fred except Elizabeth. Supporting cast includes Carrie Fisher, Ron Eldard, Tim Matheson, and Bridget Fonda.

The fourth annual Vancouver Short Film Festival (VSFF) announces its program featuring an exciting lineup of 21 short films and four web series episodes showcasing established and emerging local B.C. filmmaking talent.

Robson Square ice rink serves as a seasonal heartbeat to the city, literally being in the middle of the hustle and bustle of downtown shopping. Skating is free with your own skates. Skate rentals are $4, helmets $2, and ice cleats are $2. Also features a concession stand with snacks and warm drinks.

The 200th anniversary of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice with a new adaptation by Victoria's Janet Munsil comes to Capilano University. A staple for all romantics - see the wonderful adventures of the Bennet family, and the wild ride of Elizabeth and Darcy's courtship. Ah, love and literature!

13th Nikkei Place Craft & Bake Fair

Bang Danjos

Artisan Fair

Cults, Sacco, Mood Ring

Nikkei National Museum & Cultural Centre 11 am to 4 pm $ - free

Vancouver Playhouse 7:30 pm $20

River Market at New Westminster Quay 12 pm to 5 pm $ - free

The Rio Theatre 9:30 pm $20

Celebrate Christmas with a Japanese flair! From gorgeous traditional textiles to fun and funky contemporary items as well as home baking and other delicious snacks, the always popular Craft Fair has something to suit every taste.

Three unique cultural manifestations of the banjo take the stage with a tap dancer at the Vancouver Playhouse Theatre. Presenting a stimulating mash up of culture and styles, contrasting quirky local musicians to China's classically trained performers and Japan's finest new talent.

Artisans and vendors in all contemporary media including knitters, jewelers, paper-artists, photographers, and sculptors buy and sell their wares. If you would like to sell your handmade crafts and artwork, you can email artisans@rivermarket.ca with a link to you website. Or just come by with some cash in pocket.

NYC indie-pop two-piece band that formed in 2010 come to the Rio Theatre this Saturday night.

After being named “best new music” by the hipster barometer of all that is God, Pitchfork, the twosome blasted quickly into music fame. They’re pretty good. You should check them out.

Thomas Dolby's Invisible Lighthouse

Astronaut Chris Hadfield Book Tour

The Simpsons

Men With Beards

The Rio Theatre 8 pm $25

Science World 6:30 pm $85

Fox 9 pm $ - cost of cable

Vancity Theatre 4 pm and 8 pm $11

Thomas Dolby risked a clandestine dawn raid on a mysterious ex-military island in a rigid inflatable boat, and captured the eerie atmosphere of the island using a remote controlled drone and a selection of high-tech spy cameras. Dolby performs a live narration and musical score in front of a projected film image, accompanied by Foley artist Blake Leyh.

Recent Commander of the International Space Station, Colonel Chris Hadfield – who captivated the world with stunning photos and commentary from space, his use of social media, and his ability to explain life on the ISS to the masses using videos and songs — comes through Vancouver to Science World.

The Simpsons is STILL making new episodes. If you’re a non-Simpsons snob, like me, you’ll still wait patiently every Sunday for new episodes.

And then you’ll watch the Simpsons Movie all over again, perhaps while playing the Simpson’s Tapped Out game on your iPhone.

There are men, and then there are men with beards. This documentary explores what it means for a guy to stop shaving and show your true face to the world. The results can be hairy – as evidenced by the number of males now walking around campus with Flanders-esque upper-lip fuzz.

Wednesday 13

Thursday 14

Friday 15

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

Saturday 16

14

Sunday 10

Columns

COLUMNS EDITOR

× LEAH SCHEITEL

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

exotic intoxication DON'T GET ARRESTED AT MCDONALD'S

× Katie So

Mirey Faema × Columnist

Mirey Faema likes to drink and travel, or travel while drinking. Her taste for booze and awkward situations have created the worst hangovers and some amazing stories. Visit her writings at Whereismymuse.com, and follow her on Twitter @Mirey_Wimm.

47 issue N o . 10

of the bones, the church is now a tourist destination.

Personally, I found the church super cool and not creepy at all, but that is probably because it was too surreal for me to accept that I was standing in a church of human bones. I could hear a lot of people talking about how creepy they found the church, so I am sure if you are susceptible to fear shivers and nightmares, this church will certainly give you both.

Although there is so much to see and do in the Czech Republic and I can't praise the country enough, I did find that there were some serious language barriers when it came to explaining that I was vegetarian at any restaurant that was not located in the main tourist hub. By “language barrier” I mean that the word “vegetarian”, or the phrase “no meat” was incomprehensible to most Czech people. But the culture and experience makes a trip to the Czech Republic worth eating a few questionable meals.

volume

the rain as I waited for the next bus to take us back downtown so we could try again. The second time I caught the bus, I ended up getting off at the correct stop but couldn't see where my hostel was, so my night was spent stumbling around in a swamplike housing development and taking photos of the really large rabbits until the sun came up and I could see my location.

While Prague is super cool and you could spend weeks exploring the city, you need to make sure you schedule in a day trip to Kutna Hora. This is another gem of the Czech Republic as it is home to the Chapel of All Saints also known as the Bone Church. Legend has it that the church contains the bones of approximately 40,000 people. The reason so many people have been buried here is thanks to Jindrich, the abbot of Sedlec Monastery. He brought back soil from the holy land, Palestine, and sprinkled it around the cemetery surrounding the church.

Due to this, people felt that the cemetery had a direct connection to the holy land and insisted on being buried there. Now, the grounds surrounding the church are not very large, so a monk piled the bones into the church and thanks to some talented artists who have made some interesting pieces out

×

In the historical World Heritage-listed old town stands a tower with a large astronomical clock and in 2010, when I was there, waiting under this clock around 8 p.m. ensured that you got collected for the nightly pub crawl that cost around 20 Euros. Twenty Euros bought you a night of pure debauchery, I remember slamming shots, playing beer pong, slamming more shots, then I have a flash of being on a bus, I may have danced and then, before I knew it, my newly acquired friends and I were in a serious food fight with some other random tourists at a McDonald’s.

Apparently food fights at McDonald’s are not okay in Prague, and, as a result, we were almost arrested thanks to the vigilant staff at McDonald’s locking down the restaurant and calling the police.

When you narrowly miss being arrested in a foreign country, consider yourself lucky. The problem with Prague is that the Metro doesn't open until 4:45 a.m., so you are forced to catch night busses, which are really confusing because they take a completely different route to your house and everything looks different at night.

I tried to catch the night bus twice while in Prague, the first time I ended up in the outskirts of the city, at the end of the bus line, shivering in

the capilano courier

The Czech Republic was my first flirtation with Eastern Europe, and it didn't take long for that flirtation to develop into a deep love, as this side of the continent is truly beautiful.

My friend and I first rolled into the capital city, Prague, at around 5 a.m. after a sleepless night on a bus from Paris – a city we had both come to hate.

Although we were still half asleep and felt nearly dead, thanks to the uncomfortable bus seats, our eyes quickly grew wide as we started taking in the city’s beauty on the way to our hostel, which was a 20-minute transit from the city centre.

I was really excited to get out of the city because I believed that I could actually spend some quality time relaxing and catching up on life tasks, but, as always, the lure of a good night out always got in the way of my sensible plans.

After a day of movie watching at the hostel, my friend and I decided to head into the city centre and we were pleasantly surprised by what we found. The architecture is beautiful and weird.

Wonderful sculptures are staggered throughout the entire city – you can shop until your heart stops in one of the city’s many giant malls but more importantly, we discovered that you can enjoy the awesome nightlife seven days a week.

15

Columns

deadbeat grad FIVE SIGNS THAT YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR A UNIVERSITY PARTY

Carly Vandergriendt × Columnist

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

School and ketchup are two of Carly Vandergriendt’s true loves. After taking a small break, she is continuing her education in a UBC Master’s program, while living and “working” in Montreal. Being a full-time student, she knows the intricacies of student life and the woes that accompany it. Check out some of her work at Carlyrosalie.com

16

This past Halloween, I had the pleasure of being reminded that I am old. Not old, as in eligible for a senior's discount, but old, as my early 20s have slipped away. There are certain things that I can no longer get away with, such as drinking vodka straight from the bottle, eating “drunk” food to my heart's content, or wearing a long shirt as a really short dress. And, after Halloween, I was forced to add another mid-20 no-no to my list: university parties.

I'm not talking about house parties. I'm talking about those massive vodka brand-sponsored student parties held in gigantic clubs. They are parties that unfalteringly feature shitty DJs playing ear-wrenching remixes of Top 40 hits and flashing lights that easily constitute an epileptic's worst nightmare. The dance floors at these kinds of events are throbbing entities of sweaty bodies, packed tighter than a well-endowed man in a Speedo. Everyone is beyond the threshold of drunk, because you have to be in order to function in that kind of environment. Mere strangers rub up on each other like there is no tomorrow, occasionally locking tongues with fervour according to the modern hook-up ritual.

On Halloween night, at the behest of a friend, I found myself at one such party. It was terrible.

Not only was I all-too-aware that I did not belong among the troupes of ‘90s-born babies bliss-

× Alex Chaney

fully grinding their hearts out, I also realized that against all odds, I had matured. Should you find yourself in a similar situation, ask yourself if you identify with the following statements:

You Just Want To Wear Comfy Clothes

One of the sad truths of club etiquette is that it is frowned upon to wear anything remotely comfortable. One can only go out to a club dressed as uncomfortably as possible, in a tight dress that will ride up your ass and heels that you suspect will permanently damage the bones in your feet. Young people can easily tolerate these kinds of challenges.

They sometimes don't even wear jackets out to clubs in winter, that is how completely impervious they are to all forms of discomfort. In your late 20s, you’re more likely to view these actions as unthinkable. If you spend the entire night wishing you put on your favourite sweat pants, you might want to consider that you're too old to be going out.

You Don't Want to Stand in Line Standing in line is never worth it, but less so when you're old. Young people may easily trick themselves into justifying waiting in line to get into a club, even when they have gone to the trouble of buying tickets ahead of time in order to avoid a line up. They desperately want to get in because

they don't want to miss out on all the presumed "fun" that is going on in the club: the shots, the dirty dancing, the potential for hooking up. But when you're old, having already put in time in lines, you realize that there is nothing inside the doors of the club to make it worth the time you spend shivering outside the door. If you would rather go across the street for a greasy shwarma and promptly head home than stand in line to get into a party in a club, you should probably do just that.

flashing lights in clubs are capable of causing brain damage. Forget about alcohol consumption or extreme dehydration – it's the flashing lights that really pose a threat. Now, in my old age, I am even more convinced of this, although I have no proof, save for a strong urge to close my eyes in the presence of light shows. When you start to worry that blinking lights might be seriously affecting your health, don't risk it. You can still go out and drink, just stick to dimly lit pubs.

You Feel Sad for Humanity When You Watch People Grind

You Worry About Leaving Your Cat Home Alone for Too Long

For those in their mid- to late-20s, there is nothing more depressing than reliving one's past mistakes. Watching the younger crowd grind up on each other at a club is like being forced to listen to an annoying friend who never shuts up about your failed sexual endeavours. "Like, remember the time you met that hottie at the club and then went home with him and found out he was your second cousin? And then he didn't even call you again!" If seeing today's youth getting busy on the d-floor gives you the urge to either cry or pull couples apart like an overprotective parent at a school dance, you probably don't belong there.

It's almost universally understood that you can leave a cat alone for days and it may not even notice that you are gone. But like me, you believe that your cat is different. Mr. Fluffies obviously lives for your attention, just like you live for his.

He'll worry about you if you don't come home until the wee hours of the morning. And who will give him his bedtime dose of anti-depressants? If you can't leave your cat at home for more than a few hours at a time, it's time to face the music: you are too old to go to club parties for university students.

The Flashing Lights Hurt Your Eyes I have always had the sneaking suspicion that

Columns

from the arm chair CONDOLEEZZA RICE AND THE NCAA Mike Schwieder × Columnist

College football is a lot of fun. Usually once somebody becomes a fan of a certain team, they are a fan for life. The only thing that sucks about it is how they choose a winner.

Currently, there are 120 teams in division 1-A football in the U.S.A. The top 25 are ranked by coaches and athletic directors. Another poll uses sports writers across the country to rank the top 25 teams. This was all fine until they disagreed with who should be crowned number one.

Enter the Bowl Championship Series, or BCS, a computer formula that takes into account polls plus strength of schedule and how badly you beat teams. This system worked until there were numerous teams that finished undefeated.

Everyone watches with anticipation for the playoffs. Except, like only the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) could, they messed it up. There will be a four team playoff. Those four teams will not be the top four ranked, but instead will be debated upon by a selection committee, much like NCAA basketball does with their 66team playoff. This would be great if those that chose knew football, not just on the surface, but made it their living. And not their living, as in they wrote for one team, or for one conference.

But instead they gained recognition in their field for not choosing a team or a conference or had an outright bias coming into the selection process.

Mike Schwieder once compared his infant cousin to the size of a football and mocked throwing it across the kitchen to his brother. His grandmother was not impressed. He has volunteered at three different Olympic games, and coaches football for the UofC Dinos. He knows sports better than Don Cherry knows women, and that’s saying something.

Instead, a former secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice, was named to the selection committee. This caused a little bit of a stir in some circles of football. Former Auburn and East Carolina coach Pat Dye stated that, “to understand football, you have to play with your hand in the dirt.” I understand where he is coming from. Yes, football is male dominated, I am part of the boys club, however, I believe that you understand it better when you’ve played the game.

This is true in all sports. Wayne Gretzky can‘t explain why he knew where people were going to be on the ice when he passed the pucks except that in his mind it was the only logical place that they would be. When you watch football on TV and you read articles and you go to games, it makes you a great armchair quarterback. You may even use this knowledge to fake your way into coaching.

What the selection committee needs is somebody who will either be able to put time into watching numerous college football teams for the entire season – and I mean every game to see how they faced off against big teams and/or be a hands-down better athlete. They must be able to watch multiple games, understand enough about rules of football so that they know immediately where their weaknesses are, and how they would match up against other teams and the coaches of those teams.

Condoleezza Rice doesn’t fall into this lat-

× Arin Ringwald

ter category as that skill is obtained and earned.

She has spent her career in politics, not on the football field. The 10,000 hour mantra, coined

by Malcolm Gladwell, states that it takes at least 10,000 hours of dedicated work to be a master at anything. I believe it takes longer, and being surrounded by those who know what they are doing and able to pass along their skill. I have been playing and coaching at a level above high school for over a decade, and I am nowhere close to having the skill demanded of somebody in that position.

That leaves me to wonder if she has the love of the game, and the time to watch the top 10 to 15 teams play each week. I believe that she is bright enough to form an opinion on who she believes should be in the playoff, however, I was hoping the selection committee would choose people that had more qualifications than just being a smart, really big fan.

While the problem with the selection committee now has a face, it doesn’t mean that she is the problem. This is not about sexism and football, or about how those old men will never let a woman choose a champion. The main problem with Rice, in my books, is that her opinion is that of a fan and those opinions should stay out of the discussion as it only muddies the waters. The fact that she is a woman has nothing to do with it.

By putting one smart and respected female on a committee doesn’t make football any less of a boy’s league. This is a multifaceted problem, and the NCAA is trying to fix one of their many broken pipes with a roll of masking tape.

dirty pop ON GUNS AND SEXTING: AN EPIDEMIC OF OVER-SHARING

JJ Brewis × Columnist

× Shannon Elliot

volume

47 issue N o . 10

stand or social media commodity. She keeps her private life private, and maintains her tweets and Instagram posts to relevant content that reflects her life as a musician. It’s classy and respectful, and it is a testament that you don’t need to flaunt minute details of your life to have a fan base.

But there is a very specific risk factor involved for the everyday person posting something dodgy versus a celebrity doing the same thing. Let’s be honest, you or I have a lot more to lose than Jessica Simpson does. If she wants to project to her followers about the intensity of her orgasm, she doesn’t really have to consider if that will affect paying her rent or pissing off her spouse, as it’s the “norm” in her industry to say that sort of thing.

But the rest of us have this whole “digital footprint” to worry about. If we talk about our leaking boobs or drunken episodes on public turf, that’s going to bite us in the ass sooner or later — by a potential mate or an employer checking what we’ve been up to. The term “TMI” was created for a reason, people. Let’s watch our own backs.

×

took to Twitter with his own unnecessary synopsis of the incident, posting “At #lax Some s–tbag shot up the place.”

While it could be argued that just as many people follow stars like James Franco online opposed to those who read traditional news outlets, it’s also a little ridiculous Franco felt the need to post anything at all. A tweet like his is hardly constructive or informative, more likely to induce panic and fear than help solve the crime, and it’s unlikely he even knew the whole story of what was going on.

It’s safe to say he just wanted to use the shooting as a lateral platform he’d use for a film opening or trip to Target – he wanted people to know he was there. And people care, because they’ve become accustomed to. But having James Franco doesn’t make the shooting any more news worthy. Well, at least it shouldn’t.

Self-meditated attention seeking is rampant in Hollywood. I believe that’s where the custom of “civilian celebrity seeking” originates. Everyone wants attention, and we’ve proven that we’re willing to share pretty much anything online.

Country music star Keith Urban recently revealed on Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show that he and Nicole Kidman engage in what Urban called “Nice sex texting.” Aside from not even using proper ter-

minology, Urban is committing a few social fallacies here: unnecessarily embarrassing his wife, making an audience uncomfortable, and stating the fucking obvious. I’d like to know what adult with a cell phone and a love interest hasn’t sent the occasional sext (which is what it’s called these days, Keith).

Speaking of “outing” other people in your own personal posting content, this leads into the whole other ballpark of third party sharing — when the person posting is doing so on behalf of another individual. In the celebrity realm, that applies no better than in parents posting their children’s every step online.

Even though personal posts can tend to range from irritating to barf-inducing, at least when it’s one’s own information being shared it’s a personal choice that only makes you look like the idiot . But how does former Spice Girl Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown know that her daughter Madison would have wanted the entire world to know that she entered the world after her mom was induced on eye-raising terms? “I've tried everything, I've tried the hot food, the running, the sex, the violence, I've tried it all,” Brown said about ways to induce herself before labour. “It just seems to be stuck and hibernating in there getting bigger and bigger.”

The most notable celebrity to dodge the over sharing bullet — as both an entertainer and a mother — is Adele. Aside from being one of the most successful and beloved artists of the century, the Grammy winning pop star has managed to stay out of the press — and keep her infant son as a personal milestone rather than a celebrity news-

the capilano courier

There’s a certain something to be said about being able to keep things private. It’s no question that social media allows us to share anything we want with anyone who wants to listen, ranging from the benign to the self-exploitive. We all want to become a celebrity, it seems, and we will use any opportunity to post our often-desperate personal opinions, ideals, and commentary about what’s around us to our social media outlets.

We as the general public follow the impressionable lead from celebrities whether we like to admit it or not. But, realistically, the online personas we’ve adopted are the closest most of us will ever get to achieving a real “audience”. Social media is an opportunity to not only stay in contact, but to build a following. But how we go about it is often going a little too far, both in the celebrity realm and in the everyday Joe market. Sometimes we need to just learn to shut the fuck up.

The shooting at Los Angeles’ LAX airport on Nov.1 sparked much of a well-deserved pandemonium, and given that the airport is located in the heart of Hollywood, it provided a chance for celebrities on-ground to provide first-hand accounts of the action.

Actor James Franco was on an idle plane, waiting to depart, when the shooting occurred and

JJ Brewis is a lover and analyst of all things pop culture. In this column, he examines the inner workings of pop culture and its cause and effect on the rest of us who just live and love as celebrities at heart. Because that’s what JJ is all about. One time Gwen Stefani told JJ he was cute and he started crying.

17

Cap-ture of the week

#CAPCOURIER

@CAPILANOCOURIER

Looking for somewhere to post that photo you snapped of two squirrels boning in the Library courtyard? Want to show off your sick Movember ‘stache to someone other than your mom? Does your cafeteria meal from Aramark look extra delicious today? We’re here for you!

#WE'REONSOCIALMEDIA

Send us a photo of something rad you’ve seen or done on campus, and we’ll publish our favourites! @CapilanoCourier on Twitter or @CapCourier on Instagram.

Here’s a shot of us eating pizza to get things started, sent in by our Courier art director @cherilleswan.

#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@CAPCOURIER

FOLLOW US!

Hi Cheryl!

You're Cher-reaally neat!

Wish you were here!

HEY YOU!

47 issue N o . 10

Write something.

the capilano courier

×

volume

WE ARE HERE

18

Come write something for us. For yourself. For the people.

The Capilano Courier. Maple Buliding BUILDING 122. Tuesdays at noon.

OPINIONS

OPINIONS EDITOR ×

FAYE ALEXANDER

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

the forty hour debate EXAMINING THE PROS AND CONS OF THE PROPOSED REDUCED WORK WEEK

× Jocelyn Wong

In 1930, famed economist John Maynard Keynes predicted that within his lifetime, the future economy would be powered with a quarter of the effort. In a hundred years, he wrote, humanity would actually be confronted with the problem of too much leisure time, and what to do with it. It may seem like a far-fetched fantasy, but economists continue to propose a reduced work week.

THE PROS Kristi Alexandra × Copy Editor

World. A stimulated economy is run by people who are out consuming rather than locked in an office from nine to five. Simply put: businesses would thrive.

Improved health, leisure, and economy all outweigh perhaps the stigma of laziness around a reduced work week. And, in fact, it’s arguable that the stigma would even stick around.

THE CONS James Martin × Writer

× volume

47 issue N o . 10

Reducing the work week to only 30 hours would be an exceptionally terrible idea. If the number of hours in the work week are slashed by 25 per cent, the same decrease would be reflected in workers' pay cheques. Certainly "money isn't everything" and "money can't buy happiness" but the funny thing about money is that if you don't have enough of it, these old adages ring rather hollow. If you're worrying about how you're going to make rent this month or whether or not you can afford your prescription medication, everything suddenly becomes all about the money. There are likely some people with well-paying jobs (such as, say, economists in the U.K.) who could afford to get by on 25 per cent less if they had to, but this evokes another proverb: “A full stomach likes to preach about fasting.” For those who aren't making much more than minimum wage, such a cut would be devastating. Underemployment isn't much different than unemployment if you can't pay the bills.

So what's to keep a low-income earner from finding a second job on the side? It would cer-

tainly be possible, but not only would it entirely defeat the supposed purpose of the 30-hour work week, it would actually make things more difficult for low-wage earners. If you're lucky enough to even find a second job that happens to fit around the schedule of your first one, you're now forced to spend more of your valuable time and money on transportation to/from/between your multiple places of work. You'd be worse off than when you were putting in the same number of hours at a single employer.

How about if companies had to keep paying workers the same amount for the reduced number of hours? The problem is that would be equivalent to making every employer give all employees a 33.33 per cent raise: most couldn't afford it.

Companies would have to lay off staff in order to stay profitable. There would be a flood of freshly unemployed people, all competing for a potentially smaller pool of jobs.

No matter how you dress it up, there's nothing short of a magic money tree that would change the fact that the average income per capita would drop with a reduced work week. That would mean fewer dollars being spent in local stores, and as a result fewer companies who can afford to keep operating. When several of these companies are forced to fire staff or go out of business, the average income drops further as more people lose their livelihoods, and the vicious cycle repeats anew. There's no safe way out of this one, folks.

the capilano courier

When Conrad Schmidt initiated the Work Less Party of British Columbia in 2003, along with membership of the group came Schmidt’s book Workers of the World Relax: The Simple Economics of Less Industrial Work. This book outlined the main ideologies of the Work Less Party, like the proposal of a 30-hour work week versus the current 40-hour one, reduced consumerism, and more free time.

Much like the 19th century fight for the eighthour work day, the 30-hour work week seeks to improve our work-life balance. Since eight hours of work per day allows, in equal measure, an extra eight hours of leisure and then eight hours of sleep – making up the 24 hours in a day – 30 hours per week would also allow a more balanced life, with extra time for leisure, hobbies, and home life.

On Oct. 24, another similar initiative took place. The day was named “Take Back Your Time Day”, and it meant to propose the same ideas – a reduced work week, with a sentiment sought to “challenge the epidemic of overwork, over-scheduling and time famine that now threatens our

health, our families and relationships, our communities and our environment.”

These two campaigns seem to reflect a common goal shared by many North Americans: to live more and work less. And, in order to live more, we need to be healthier, happier, and fill our time with activities and recreation that meets those ends.

Most beneficially, a reduced work week would decrease exhaustion. With one extra day off per week, workers can catch up on the sleep they need in order to return to work refreshed. It allows more personal time, for things like practicing your hobbies or going to the gym – releasing healthy chemicals into your body like endorphins and preventing mental health issues like depression. With reduced exhaustion comes the promotion of overall better health, contributing to healthier choices – like cooking a meal full of protein and vegetables rather than sluggishly dialing up for delivery after a particularly grueling work week.

Economically, a reduced work week is beneficial to both workers and businesses. Unemployment rates would be down since businesses could afford to hire more staff to cover a variety of shifts, given that wages would stay the same. And, in that case, the less you have to work, the less you might have to spend in the case of parents who pay for daycare just to have someone take care of their kids while they’re at work.

On the other hand, with reduced work, there would be a lot more time for consuming. More people would have the time to go out to eat at restaurants, or enjoy frozen yogurt by the beach, or take their family to, say, the aquarium or Science

19

opinions

senate showdown MIKE DUFFY, HARPER, AND THE PM'S OFFICE HAVE IT OUT Ben Bengston × Writer While Senator Mike Duffy should be forced to pay back the alleged $90,000 in public finances he “stole” from the electorate, the full weight of our blame should fall upon the Prime Minister’s Office. The reasons for this are self-explanatory: everyone knows the senate, for the most part, is a sham – and has been for a long time. This is not to let the senate off easy, but instead we must recognize that this is a comprimised institution that needs remodeling.

The senate expenses scandal, as its now been dubbed, has reached its zenith in recent weeks.

But to get a full understanding of this mess, one must look back over a year ago when auditor general Michael Ferguson first noticed some discrepancies in government spending. It was June 13, 2012 when Ferguson released a study of senate expense claims and discovered that the administration didn’t have the correct documents to support some claims concerning living expenses, travels, and other publicly funded expenditures.

The primary players in this spicy Canadian scandal are Conservative Senator Mike Duffy, former Harper Chief of Staff Nigel Wright, and Prime Minister Stephen Harper. The conflict has now hit remarkable headway and, at this point in time, it appears that most Canadians side with Duffy over Harper, if only by a small margin.

While Senators Pamela Wallin and Patrick Brazeau were also implicated in the senate audit more than a year ago, the root of the problem, at least from a media perspective, has centered on Duffy. His tenuous agreement with Wright and

the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) is the source of this controversy, coupled with the Prime Minister’s apparent obsession with optics in the political and public spheres.

The senate operates like an inefficient, archaic institution. The reason why Duffy got “busted” was because there is an insane parliamentary rule that senators must reside in the municipality of which they were appointed. For Duffy, this would’ve meant using Prince Edward Island as his primary residence. Senators who are not representing anyone except the Crown itself, shouldn’t be forced to make their primary residence anywhere other than Ottawa. Duffy took public money that paid for him to live and work near Ottawa, violating the rules of a senator and of course, charging the electorate for his stay. This is immoral and unreasonable behaviour, but it is not unexpected, and that’s why our fault shouldn’t lie with Duffy and the senators, but with our Prime Minister.

The senate functions as the upper house of parliament in Canada, and the members and officers of the Senate outrank the lower reaching members of the House of Commons (lower house). While this is true in essence, bills are almost always ratified that come through the senate. Instead, the senate functions as a set of checks and balances to regulate government procedure. This is how British parliamentary government works as well.

Things get screwed up when the senate, which is supposed to maintain that the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister’s Office, and the House of Commons are following due course, gets compromised

by the political manipulation of the majority party.

Instead of allowing Duffy and his co-conspirators to be apprehended by the monolith of Canadian media, RCMP and auditor general, Harper and his gang worked diligently to make sure their self-appointed senators didn’t see the harsher light of day. Rather, they opted for a loose cover-up.

Think how bad it would’ve looked for the Conservatives if their senators had got caught up in that mess? Well, look at how it turned out for them.

All that Canadians can hope is that lessons will be learned. In 2009 the U.K. Parliament was rocked by a series of similar scandals regarding expense claims made by members of both the House of Commons and the House of Lords over several years. But from this, lessons were learned: the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority was created, which is an authority that manages members’ expenses at an arm’s length from the House.

Politics is all about optics. It’s not so much about what the reality is, but how the ruling party wants the public to perceive reality, and this entire scandal has proven the extent of Conservative political engineering. These senators use public money to break an irrelevant rule regarding the senate, and Wright, Harper’s former Chief of Staff before he was forced to step down, pays Duffy’s expenses back so that the story doesn’t come up and make the Conservatives look bad. When the story breaks out, despite best efforts, Harper then turns on his senators and tries to force them to resign, while also claiming ignorance. Yet no one is buying it.

× Mustaali Raj

While what Duffy did was wrong, he is simply a small problem in a much bigger political machination that would see the Conservatives “purity” maintained over what actually occurred behind closed doors. There, too, can be a silver lining with Canada’s own political scandal, but it sadly may not be the case because of the Conservative threshold over power. But one can hope.

before you remember

POPPIES BEFORE CHRISTMAS BLITZ Faye Alexander

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

× Opinions Editor

20

Before Halloween even had a chance to come and go, large retailers were already rolling out the Christmas displays. An array of garlands, twinkle lights, and reindeer are starting to make their debut for the upcoming holiday season – festive tunes will soon be played exclusively throughout malls and shops alike. One holiday passes and we’re on to the next thing. Canadians go from turkey, to pumpkins, to Santa, all within a span of three weeks.

Remembrance Day, one of our more meaningful holidays, may not drum up the same type of consumerism as commercialized holidays, but it’s a great disservice to be decking your halls with boughs of holly before you’ve even taken a moment to remember our veterans on Nov. 11.

Retailers are erecting Christmas trees and other decorations feeding into the Yuletide hype and capitalizing on those over-eager early holiday shoppers. However, the splashes of green, gold, and red tend to overshadow the importance of Remembrance Day and all the fallen soldiers and veterans for whom it’s held. Every year, it seems, holiday displays and products are put out earlier than the year before. Retailers are simply trying to get ahead of the competition without considering that the Christmas blitz is distracting from a time when Canadians should be noticing the bright red

poppies on the collars of coats and wreaths lining the streets.

“My grandparents were war veterans and I’m sure they wouldn’t be impressed with the situation the way it is now,” says Sheri Creelman. “I’m sure the parents, children, and spouses of the Canadians fighting overseas now would rather see the decorations wait.”

Remembrance Day isn’t quite a holiday, really, not like Christmas or Easter; it’s a special kind of day to be respected nationally. It’s unique being that it was not founded in religion or politics, and the only thing you are urged to buy is a poppy by donation. You’ll never find a ‘Happy Remembrance Day’ card in stores. If you are unable to attend a formal Remembrance Day ceremony at 11 a.m., you can stop whatever you are doing, you can stand quietly just where you are, you can pay your personal respects in your own way through a moment of silence. We place so much importance on the holidays that require heavy spending and hold expectations of family time, feasting, and excess.

Money has overridden the need to remember and respect. Remembrance Day slips into the background. It’s just not as flashy. It doesn’t promise presents.

“I believe that the retailers aren’t thinking of the Christmas season as a celebration anymore. It’s

money season!” says Karen Mansfield. “My husband and I are both children of veterans and find it, well, sad that it has come to this. The dollar is worth more than their sacrifice.”

Retailer marketing plans should consider social responsibility issues, and this includes the outcry from consumers across the country who consider the Christmas decorations garish and distasteful when they're put up prior to Nov. 11. But it’s not the retailers that are entirely to blame. Nothing could get in the way of having Christmas decorations on the shelves; it’s the individuals who are decorating their homes that are stirring up the most flack. “Sure, have Christmas merchandise on the shelves but wait to decorate. Lest we forget.

Have some respect,” explains Creelman. Nov. 11 is a somber holiday, and colourful lights and candy canes come off as entirely insensitive.

There are plenty of ways to pay your respects on Remembrance Day, and there should be a greater effort on the part of Canadians to demonstrate the importance of the holiday. VeteransAffairsCanada. com posted a wonderful list on their website: “50 Ways to Remember”. Each item in the list begins with an imperative verb, words like “invite”, “plan”, “listen”, and “wear”. For a short period of time in the run up into Remembrance Day, Canadians should focus on how to commemorate and

× Cheryl Swan

do so with respect.

Christmas joy should not have the ability to outshine Remembrance Day. The true ideals behind Christmas, like family, friends, and togetherness, can co-exist with Remembrance Day. Nov. 11 is a day for real life heroes and the small opportunity for new generations to show gratitude for the freedoms they were given, including being able to celebrate lavish holidays like Christmas. Just hold off on the decorating until Nov. 12. You can’t fight the power of the largest commercial holiday, but you can show your respect by holding off on plugging in the twinkle lights.

opinions

mental health cop-out GREGOR ROBERSTON CREATES TASK-FORCE TO COVER HOMELESS PLAN FAILURE Katherine Gillard × News Editor

× Kelsey Holden

47 issue N o . 10

illnesses that people living in marginal housing suffer from – some can be treated with antibiotics quickly and effectively, and some require lifetime treatment such as for HIV,” Dr. Honer elaborates.

Drug use can heavily affect a patient’s response to treatment as well as their willingness to receive treatment. Most of the people targeted in this plan are in situations that will make the transition to good-mental health a long term arrangement.

“Many of the people we work with have grown up in very disadvantaged circumstances, lived in foster care, and suffered trauma – both physical and psychological. Often they have been out of the workforce for many years. Treatment of mental illness, addiction, and physical illness will be the first step to improving health, but a period of rehabilitation that may require months afterward is likely to be needed to allow people to fully realize their capabilities,” Dr. Honer says.

Robertson’s plan to erase homelessness by 2015 is far-fetched, if not totally impossible and his plan to solve mental health is simply a political tactic to cover up his failure to solve one problem and therefore creating a new one to mask the issue.

Solving mental health in Vancouver is a much more complicated task than creating a task-force, and will take years to solve.

volume

of being first responders to the needs of people suffering from severe forms of mental illness such as psychosis – an impaired connection with reality,” he adds.

Robertson’s task force is supposedly going to decrease mental illness and provide support. But with his plan to erase homelessness visibly flailing, how does he plan on targeting such a large issue?

“Action needs to be coordinated with attention to mental illness, addiction, and physical illness simultaneously. We need to review the points of contact of this group of people with our system of care – these may include the VPD, the emergency room, Insite, their methadone doctor, or other health care provider. The stage and severity of illness, and the appropriate level of care needed needs a comprehensive assessment, and then referral to the proper in- or outpatient integrated care team, that can provide the full cycle of care for these complex conditions. We need to follow up with regular assessments of each and every one, to know if interventions are making a difference, or if different approaches are needed,” Dr. Honer adds.

This process can take anywhere from days to months. On a per-patient basis, this issue could take years to solve and certainly not by 2015.

“Some mental illness can be treated effectively with a short-term intervention, other forms of mental illness require life-long care. This is no different from infectious disease or various physical

×

according to the recent hotel study by Dr. William G. Honer, which focused on tenants living in single room occupancy hotels in the DTES, which included anyone willing to participate, mentally ill or not. Remarkably, participants in the study had a five-fold higher death rate over a two-year period, compared with a Statistics Canada estimate of death rate for a representative group of Canadians of similar age and sex. The at home study, with Dr. Somers from SFU as lead, included only people with mental illness, and who were homeless or marginally housed. This study looks at an intervention – providing housing and health care to those with mental illness and homelessness, and the outcomes are unknown so far.

“I think all three studies, when looked at together, indicate that mental illness is quite frequent, and disabling in people living in Vancouver, either homeless or marginally housed. Previous highquality research in the DTES from the Centre for Excellence in HIV-AIDS was primarily focused on injection drug users and infectious disease.

The new studies emphasize the role of concurrent mental illness, addiction, and physical illness,” Dr. Honer comments.

“We are also seeing increased use of emergency services at St. Paul’s and other hospitals over the past one to two years. The system of care is being stressed to the point that the Vancouver Police Department is often placed in the difficult position

the capilano courier

Mayor Gregor Robertson has set himself a very large goal – to have the street of Vancouver homeless-free by 2015. Being less than two years away, many Vancouverites must wonder how he intends to do this. In a statement released by the city in March 2013, the homeless population has gone up from 670 in 2002 to almost 1,600 by 2008 and has stayed steady at 1,600 since then. Since Robertson was elected, he has opened a number of shelters, taking the population of 765 in shelters to 1,327. This still leaves them without a real home, and leaves many without warm beds at night. Although his plans are altruistic, Robertson has not set out realistic goals and has instead focused on fixing huge issues in a short time, which only sets him and the public up for disappointment.

In the past few weeks Robertson has again shown his passion for unrealistic goals – to have the streets of Vancouver mental health free using a “mental health task force”. In an interview with the Vancouver Sun Councillor George Affleck, from the NDP said he thinks the move is purely political. “We’ve known about these problems for 20 years,” he said, referring to the NDP government’s 1998 Provincial Health Plan. “This is not really about mental health care. It is about politics and Vision Vancouver not being able to reach their goal of zero street homelessness by 2015. They need another election issue.”

The plan to end mental health is a tough one,

21

the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

where the lone part 3 Steve Tornes × Writer

VII I awoke, rested and starving. I walked over to the desk and noticed an opened book. The words read, “To remove the tongue, you will need: straps, forceps, and scissors. Anaesthesia is unnecessary.”

I stepped back, revolted, with a horrible taste of blood in my mouth. The room began to violently warp. The edge of the billiard table became covered in dried blood and a dark mist crawled along the walls. The candlestick light made the mist shimmer, so that one could almost see shades dancing behind a veiled curtain. On the couch, where I so recently slept, there lay a pair of rusted scissors.

“Snip.”

I screamed as my brother whispered. In sudden horror, I jumped down the hole. Falling, I felt something give me a suffocating embrace. It was the corpse again, grabbing me, holding me, refusing to let go. I tumbled and crashed.

disks stared into my eyes.

I stepped back and he took a step forward. I stepped back again and he walked towards me. I hoped we would find the door of the Manor Lord.

I knew, somehow, that I would recognize the area and the entrance would be close.

We walked together, always a few steps apart.

The boy pointed at directions and I lead him through doorways. I assumed that he couldn’t see, but somehow had a constant focus on his father.

X After roughly an hour, we were close. I could feel it, and the boy, he got louder and louder.

“FATHER. FATHER. FATHER.” And then, I heard my brother scream.

“I did it, I did it, I did it. I brought the windigo.

You probably thought I couldn’t, but I did.”

Crash.

Crack.

My leg, my foot, something was broken. I crawled out of the fireplace, but the corpse had vanished again. I dragged my misshapen left foot. I tried to jam the joints back into place, but there was nothing I could do about the cracks in my bones.

I looked up now and saw my brother walk to a stack of books and with a finger, touch them. The books burst into flames. I grabbed a metal poker and leaned on it as I dragged myself away.

The room lit up almost instantaneously. Something about the words themselves must have made the books extra flammable. The smoke stung and the heat was oppressive.

I reached the door with the hellfire burning behind me, pushing down on my back. I moved as fast as I could, but the fire did not seem like it could leave the room. I looked back once, seeing my brother standing in the flames, and had the thought that perhaps we were in hell.

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

IX

22

After a time, I found myself still lost, but not alone. I was in a room, with a pale boy staring at a blank wall. He looked material, but stood so mesmerically still, that he was obviously a spirit.

I shouted, from a safe distance.

“Hello. I mean no harm. Can you point me to an exit out of this manor? I must leave.”

The boy did not move. I walked closer to him and from the side I could see his mouth move. I couldn’t hear what he said, so I edged closer. The boy was saying something, but I still couldn’t hear.

I was an arm’s length away from him. He didn’t even register my presence. He remained fixated on something on the blank wall or beyond it. I silently and slowly crept close to him.

I put my ear right next to his mouth and I heard him whispering.

“Father. Father. Father. Father. Father. Father.

Father. Father. Father. Father.”

I paused and stepped away. He is one of the ghosts, lost, searching for the Manor Lord. Now next to him, I saw that he was eternally disfigured, with a slashed throat and a face drained of blood.

I looked at him, and softly said, “Can you lead me to him? We can find him together.” His head turned mechanically towards me. His obsidian

The beast came through. I hobbled away as quickly as I could. The child ignored them and followed me. The Windigo, with a great big thrash, smashed its hand into the boy, expecting to take his head in one swoop.

“No. No. Kill her.”

With my brother screaming at it, the Windigo, tired of its irritant, swiped at my brother.

“You can’t kill me twice. She’s getting away. Get her.”

He chased after me, and I was running with my leg pulsating pain. Without realizing it, I was at a dead end, except for the Manor Lord’s door.

There it was, ahead of me, but I didn’t want to go in there.

I looked around but there was no fixture to hide behind. The walls were bare and the beast close behind. There were no other options. I ran forward, swung the door inward, away from the Lord’s room, and hid behind the heavy wooden door.

The Windigo came rushing down the hall. Enraged and maddened, it ran into the open room.

I quickly closed the door on it and moved away.

Then I heard the most terrifying cry of my life. It was a bloodcurdling shriek caused by the cracking of bones and tearing of living flesh. The howls of pain lasted longer than a body should have lived.

Blood began to ooze from beneath the door and it pooled at my feet. I noticed small bits of torn meat, kept together by broken sinews, and now mixed with my own bile. I knew it was the Windigo that died, killed by something far more horrifying.

XI The child, smiling, walked past me, opened the door and walked in. He had a skip in his step.

“FATHER. FATHER. FATHER.” Another scream cried out from behind the door.

It was the howling of a demon that could see its own soul. I ran. I could hear the door behind me open. I didn’t look back. But I ran for the entrance.

I knew where I was. It was close.

With some fiery entity slowly etching behind me, I found the hallway leading to the great oak doors of the entrance. I saw my brother there, looking tired, faded, and missing a face. I shud-

× Sydney Parent

dered at this uncanny valley.

“Sister. You think you can survive. No. Impossible. Not Possible.” His body started to shake uncontrollably. “Okay, maybe I did leave you.

But you didn’t try hard enough to make me stay.

I wanted you to try. The loneliness changed me, made me seek a new life, but loneliness changed me again. You should have tried harder.”

“I tried. When she died, I tried to console you, but your heart didn’t open. You hit me away.”

“Stop. I hated you ever since that day. I hated myself. No. Stop. My sin-stained soul. Can’t forget.

Die.” “I forgave you, you know that.”

“No, get away, I don’t want you here anymore. I don’t want the memory. Get away. Get out of my head. NOOOO. Stop talking.”

I watched my brother silently as he screamed.

“No, stop talking. I’m sorry. I have to get away.

No, stay away from me. I have to leave. Up North.

Dead trees and silenced voices.”

“No, brother, it was your loneliness which changed me. Watching you suffer, knowing that there was nothing I could do for one I love. That, brother, is loneliness.”

SMASH. The Manor Lord was behind me. My brother looked at him. His rambling turned into shrieks of pain as his very spirit was destroyed in chaotic energy.

I turned my head and caught a glimpse of the apocalyptic entity exposed from the manor. It was a calamity of deformity, a being made of dark ember, a fiery shade cauterized with extinguished souls. It was more. It was the aberration of an unknown element, a dreamlike, indifferent power.

It was pain, sadness, loneliness, and every other emotion which is far too human.

I only saw it for a moment, but in that moment, I did despair. What madness is this, that standing by the exit, I lose hope. I walked out, changed.

Driving off in the car, through a cold, uncaring landscape, I felt something inside me which made me fear. A voice which cannot be silenced, a heart which can never stop feeling, and a body forever tired.

In my car, I looked back. Nothing had changed, not even me.

staff editorial on peaking early MODELLING, COMMERCIALS, SUCCESS - AND REALITY Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor

× Cheryl Swan

"Don't Confuse Fame With Success. Madonna is one, Helen Keller Is The Other."

-

Emma Bombeck

47 issue N o . 10

animator, a sex therapist, a music journalist, and married by now. Each passing birthday I wonder what there is to celebrate. I haven’t accomplished the type of success that I created as a pre-teen.

I may not be an animator but I still draw and paint for my own enjoyment. I may not be a music journalist for Rolling Stone, but every time I go to review a show I am, in fact, living my teenage dream. Every time I get my paycheque from the Courier, I can’t believe I’m being paid to write and do something I love. I may not be a sex therapist, but I am definitely the girl friends turn to when they need to discuss something truly depraved. I may not be married, but… yeah, at least I can bag a babe.

My success is in the journey and that I continue to pursue my passions in whatever little avenues.

Success has been letting go of the idea of what “success” truly means. I’ve been able to find myself while chasing a strange childhood ideal of what “success” really is. Redefining my “peak”, that’s better than any magazine cover.

volume

do that ever since.

The thought of my childhood success plays ironically against my pursuit in finding my place as an adult 16 years after my modeling career collapsed. Luckily, I was so young at the time I didn’t have a chance to turn my tailspin of a modeling career into an excuse for cocaine binges and regrettable affairs (think: Lindsay Lohan) – I simply got on discovering the things that fulfilled and defined the authentic “me”. I didn’t choose those Shirley Temple curls, or any of those cute kid features that don’t necessarily translate into the same brand of adult beauty. I chose to draw, write, act, play piano, guitar, and trombone. I just wanted to choose something that would invite the same praise I relished in as a good-looking baby. I’m forever chasing that peak.

My definition of success has transformed over the years. A word that seemed so simple initially; one easily defined has become increasingly blurry.

I once harbored the idea that success was a lucrative career and notoriety. It was money and power, two things I rarely have or exercise. It was an idea I glued together as a child based on Disney movies and the books I read. I thought I would be an

×

eyes rode about on a Megablocks train, giggling mindlessly about the track. The money was rolling in and my parents saw the bankability. It was all headshots, agencies, and schmoozing from then on. I spent the next 10 years in the fashion business, which provided me weekly excuses to miss school and countless trips downtown to the studio.

You may have even seen me. Toys R Us catalogues?

Zellers? Greenwards? Wal-Mart? That was all me – posing and smiling in an assortment of bathing suits, Halloween costumes, and back-to-school classics. I walked some runways and made some serious money. Not a lot of people can say that they were a working catalogue model. Reflecting back, I wonder if I had reached my success peak too early.

The work stopped coming in for me when I was around 11. That’s about the time my breasts were budding, my skin got bad, and my unibrow was becoming alarmingly noticeable. I take consolation in the fact Madonna has likely felt the same way at some point in her evolution. Puberty stripped away my career as a child model, so I had to face regular life – without photo shoots and endless racks of Zellers swag. Without my job, I had to reinvent myself and I’ve been trying to figure out how to

the capilano courier

I was a good-looking baby. The kind you’re likely to see on Gerber ads or in Pampers commercials. It was by no fault of my own – I just had the strange genetic concoction that makes for an attractive baby. Within my first year of existence, I would be shooting my first publication cover. A model had been born.

My infant cherub face graced the cover of Woodward’s Baby Week in 1986. I was completely unaware of it at the time, being that I was a baby, but it was kind of a big deal. The cover wound up in a campaign for a pro-life group, and soon my face was being waved about outside abortion clinics, with “why would you murder me?” in sharpie markers decorating the signs. I had become the baby face of “pro-life” before I could even form an opinion on the matter. My mother kicked up a fuss when she realized my image was being used in such a fashion. We made the paper, and we still have the clippings from the Vancouver Sun; me in my Mom’s arms, her with a stern look on her face, my Woodward’s cover on picket signs in the back.

I’ve tried to be controversial ever since.

I booked a national Megablocks commercial the next year, and my adorable curls and bright brown

23

the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

SHOTGUN REVIEWS : CHILDRENS ENTERTAINERS

MR. BLOBBY

MR. DRESSUP

SHARON, LOIS, AND BRAM

MR. ROGERS

Kelly Mackay // Writer

Faye Alexander // Opinions Editor

Leah Scheitel // Editor-in-Chief

James Martin // Writer

There’s nothing more terrifying than a pink bowling pin-shaped character, covered in yellow spots, glaring at you through the television through googly eyes. A British “children’s” character who was supposed to be seen as adorably hilarious, instead made my childhood a constant fear. Through an electronic voice, his only words said were literally “blobby,” and he waddled around the stage serving no purpose other than being hideously terrifying. If you haven’t heard of his existence, then give him a Google or a YouTube. I know Halloween has just passed, but here’s some tragic inspiration for next years costume. Pink and yellow should never go together unless you’re eating angel cake, and this thing just really needs to be shot.

I loved Mr. Dressup because he was so artsy-fartsy.

He wasn’t all about dressing up, which his moniker would have you believe - crafts were his schtick.

He would pull out the glue, yarn, and construction paper and within magic television moments, he’d present a piece of fine art. I followed along, white paste coating my hands, dull scissors snipping wildly away. I was an artist, too. He had me so convinced I started telling people about my artsy-fartsiness, boasting even. Although I got too old for his program, I continued papier maché (French for paper mash). But Mr. Dressup is a total dick. He kept hammering on and on about how “special” I was, and how “amazing” my artistic endeavors were through the TV screen with that sincere look in his eye. I wasn’t old enough to realize he wasn’t actually offering a genuine critique.

He was complimenting every silly kid with artistic aspirations blindly! He had me believing I was going to get an arts degree. He had me thinking “artist” was my destined “career”. He never had an episode on how to deal with being rejected by the IDEA program. He never had an episode where he explained you probably would never make it.

Glue and yarn doesn’t translate into a job as an “artist”, it just translates into my sad adult life.

Thanks a lot.

Anyone remember that good ol’ Canadian trio, Sharon, Lois, and Brahm, that sang songs to kids – the “Skinnamarinkie Dinky Dink” song? It was all about love in the morning, and love in the afternoon, and all around the moon? Set aside that those lyrics were written with children in mind, and listen to them again. They are fucking creepy lyrics. Now, add back in the fact they those lyrics were written with children in mind – it makes them even creepier. A giant elephant singing about loving children at all times of the day sparked pedophilia rumours. An extensive Google search tells me that this was nothing more than a rumour, one my brother told me at the age of seven, and that I vengefully believed until I researched this shotgun.

But that doesn’t make those lyrics any less weird.

Can’t we just sing the Hokey-Pokey? Because that’s what it’s really all about.

He... speaks... so... slowly. You'd think the kids would all get bored and lose interest, but there's something oddly hypnotic about the way this man talks to the camera. His warm voice just draws you in, making you feel safe and trusting. You lose yourself in it, not even noticing when you've spent an entire eight hours watching old episodes of The 'Hood on YouTube for a review piece that can't exceed 200 words. That's a long time to spend on not a lot of words. His spell-like abilities also make it difficult catch on to all the other little details that make his show incredibly awesome. You know that theme song (now the Target jingle) that he sings at the beginning of every episode? Did you ever stop to think about the fact that he's actually singing that tune with a live band and a wicked piano player – I might add before transitioning right into the first scene and completing it all seamlessly in a single continuous shot. That's the kind of stuff that gets you music video famous on the Internet these days, and he was doing it every episode. You should want to be his neighbour.

OVER THE LINE × Christina Kruger-Woodrow W/ JEREMY HANLON THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT THERE'S A REASON HE'S SMILING AMANDA LEPORE THE PINK MENACE

PHILOSOPHY DEGREE OR, "LET'S CALL WHINERS GENIUSES" BINGO NIGHT WITH EDNA WHEN THE DENTURES ARE OUT, THE GAME IS ON H.P. LOVESHAFT'S NEW BREAKOUT HIT THE COCK OF CTHULHU

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 10

NED STARK WAS GREAT BEFORE HE LOST HIS HEAD TOO SOON?

24

IF YOU LIKED IT THEN YOU SHOULDA PUT A RING ON IT SATURN'S TAKEN DISTRICT 9 THE MOST CAPTIVATING DOCUMENTARY EVER I’M NOT A MAN NOT YET A WOMAN DROPPING ACID AVOID THE BATTERY VARIETY