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north vancouver

× november 25th 2013

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N o . 12

Garters, Glitter, and G-strings

Flaunting Vancouvers' Sparkling Burlesque Scene Tinsel Town

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fanCy panTs

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Kelly ClarKson

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lighT polluTion

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47 issue N o . 12

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CABOOSE

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Bright Lights

Chocolate Chef

Messy Nessie

MMA For Kids

40 Days

Marble Dreams

Therese Guieb Features Editor

Andy Rice Arts + Culture Editor

The Staff

Scott Moraes Managing Editor

Katherine Gillard News Editor

Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor

Faye Alexander Opinions Editor

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47 issue N o . 12

Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

of this "see you in six weeks, suckers."

the capilano courier

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Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor

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Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Cheryl Swan Art Director

We're Sorry: My editorial in Issue 10 contains a line that has offended some readers. Saying that Rob Ford's shadow was massive, both literally and figuratively, was never intended to be disrespectful, but I can now see how it is. Thank you to the student who brought this to my attention. It was not written with any ill intentions, and I apologize to anyone who it may have offended.

- Leah Scheitel

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Carlo Javier Staff Writer

Lindsay Howe Marketing/Ads/Web Editor

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper.

Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

friendships that sparkle " Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

- Oprah Winfrey

A couple of weeks ago, my new friend and Courier’s copy editor, Kristi and I went to a late night showing of Thelma and Louise. I feel like we’ve been through enough that we are now friends. Plus we text on weekdays, so that must mean something. We ate popcorn, drank beer, got asked out (awkward) and watched the quintessential love story of a female friendship. I feel like it was a bonding experience, and we both walked out of there wanting to rip our t-shirts, invest in a road trip, and be a little more bad ass.

Since then, I have thought a lot about friendships, and what it takes to form a real one. We all have friends, multiples of them. According to my Facebook, I have at least 520 friends. But the thing I’m learning as my 20s dwindle away is the difference between the people I enjoy seeing and the people I need to see. And once that thought came into my head, I wondered what it is that makes those friendships so much different that takes them to that level of intimacy.

In my experience, friendships are as fragile and fickle as any romantic relationship. And they aren’t always sunshine and good times, like the ones I idealized as a teenager (thanks to Britney Spears and Crossroads for that). They can be annoying, disturbing, and detrimental to the lifestyle that you want to live. And just like any other thing or aspect of our lives, taking them from good to great requires effort and thought, which is something that I took for granted. In my early 20s, I thought having a killer party and taking a few good selfies constituted a solid friendship.

What hinders some of my friendships from growing to their potential is my inability to voice my opinion. Don’t get me wrong; I have opinions, as my many opinion articles in the Courier and drunken rants can attest to. But I have a hard time telling my friends my opinions about their lives and choices. Sometimes I think they are making massive mistakes, but in the name of being supportive, I stand by them. My philosophy on it is that they already have a mother – they don’t need another one. They need a friend to listen to their daily struggles, and bring them cookies and soup when they’re hung over. It’s what any of them would do for me. But this philosophy is also what thwarts me from being honest when I need to be. I won’t lie to friends, but I will opt in favour of letting the issue or bone of contention fade into the background. I choose to hide it under layers of stuff that doesn’t matter.

While pondering this topic for my editorial, I explained this to Erica. She and I became friends through an odd social network of tree planters, and have formed this bond by mocking what we do all the time. Over a bottle of wine and grease-splattered nachos, I told her my own

THE VOICE BOX

“This may be a bit silly, but I think it'd be really cool to just have my name printed in a newspaper. But I can't really write. So can you just publish this in the voicebox? My name is Duane Evans. Thanks.”

There you go. Easy as one-two-three. Now, if you trim this and stick it on your wall, that would be sad.

12 Years a Slave is excellent, but don't bring a date. Captain Phillips and Gravity are good, too. I have a feeling Inside Llewyn Davis will be awesome, so I'll recommend that even if it hasn't come out yet. Also, look out for Blue is the Warmest Color, a three-hour-long French lesbian drama. There's also a European Union Film Festival going on at the Cinematheque until Dec. 5. You can watch movies from Latvia and Bulgaria. Those, you can bring a date to.

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“The black rhino went extinct this week :( What's wrong with humanity?”

“I haven't been to the movies in forever. Anything good out there at the moment?”

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The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything Courier. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.

I agree, but that would mean money that the administration could not use to fund their golf tournaments, daily business feasts with wine pairings, and other fun stuff. No, I'm kidding, of course they don't use budget money for that kind of thing.

But anyways, there's nothing I can do to make this happen. If you start a petition, though, come by and we'll all sign it.

It went extinct? Like, the rhino went and extincted itself? I don't know what's up with this. There's a lot wrong with humanity.

Something tells me you have ideas of your own and you don't really need me to share my thoughts. I don't know, if it makes you feel better, I hear you can adopt endangered animals online and they'll send you a certificate and a photo that you can put on your fridge door.

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“It's starting to get really cold out, especially at night, and I think Cap should divert some funds to building some heaters at the bus loops.”

the capilano courier

WITH : SCOTT MORAES

inhibitions that make me question my friendships, and she had an awesome response.

“Bitch, don’t you hide that shit from me. If you think I’m doing something fucked up, tell me. Tell me what you really think, and if I don’t agree, tell me to grow a pair, and to be okay with it.”

I love this for two reasons. First off is that I really enjoy our friendship, and think it has the ingredients to be a great one. What she said was a sign that she wanted the same thing – a mature friendship built on more than just gossip about boys. In a second, right there, in her crude yet articulate way, she revealed what creates stronger friendships. It takes being able to disagree and still get along. To have respect for a friend’s opinion and view even if you think it’s skewed. And most of all, a great friendship allows for you to call shit upon each other – to get in their emotional way, and to be their mother when they need one. And they take some work, but friendships are almost always worth the work. As Louise reminded Thelma as they drove away, “You get what you settle for.” Friendship included.

This is our supposed Holiday Edition, and our lovely and talented art director asked me why there are so few Christmas-themed stories in this babe. And I told her that I’ve always been a bit of a Grinch when it comes to Christmas. But to make this a bit more festive, I want to recall one particular Christmas, when I was 21 and living in Revelstoke. My roommate, Kris, left me a handful of magic mushrooms on the coffee table before he left to spend Christmas in Vernon with his mom, and while watching It’s a Wonderful Life, I ate them all. The rest of Christmas Eve was spent as high as Jim Morrison, lying in snow banks and talking to streetlamps. At one point, I was convinced I had a broken arm, and was walking myself to the hospital, when I called Kris.

“Don’t go, Leah,” he yelled into the phone. “They’ll make you sniff charcoal. It’s horrible.”

“But I broke my arm and ruined Christmas. I ruined it for everyone,” I wailed.

Kris told me to go home, eat Shreddies, and watch all three Die Hards in a row (which is one of my favorite Christmas traditions). He proceeded to call me every 20 minutes for the rest of the night, just to make sure I was okay, and not tripping balls in a dumpster somewhere.

That’s my favourite Christmas story, and one of my favourite friendship stories. He put in the effort, all Christmas Eve, just to make sure I was okay.

Instead of honouring Christmas or the Holiday Season in this editorial, I want to honour friendships. They don’t just sparkle for six weeks, like Christmas lights do. They sparkle all year round. This isn’t the Holiday Edition. This is the Sparkle Edition. Now go hug a friend. It will be worth it.

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NEWS

NEWS EDITOR × KATHERINE GILLARD

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

homeless in north vancouver HOUSING CRISIS LEAVES SOME WITH NOWHERE TO TURN Lindsay Howe × Web + Ads Manager You may not see the North Shore’s homeless population on the streets, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. The lack of affordable housing on the North Shore is leaving some with few options for shelter. With the cold weather approaching, there is significant concern in the community in regards to the well-being of those without somewhere to call home.

The North Shore Outlook Lookout Society provides shelter and services to people who fall into this category. “We are full every day. We operate at over 100 per cent capacity throughout the year,” says David Newberry, community liaison with the North Shore Outlook Society. “During cold [and] wet weather snaps, such as the one we are in now, we activate an emergency weather response plan and provide up to 20 extra mats to encourage people to come inside,” adds Newberry. He also notes that the North Shore Neighbourhood House offers their gymnasium to house the homeless on the North Shore in times of extreme winter weather conditions when the Lookout Society’s resources are exhausted.

The society has been assisting members of the community since 1971. While the society has several shelters in the Lower Mainland and elsewhere, their North Shore location offers both short- and

× Cheryl Swan long-term options for those experiencing hardship.

“We provide 45 beds of short-term shelter to those on the North Shore with no other housing options, as well as 25 units of longer term transitional housing designed to help homeless North Shore residents move towards independent living, and a team of outreach workers who work to bridge people into our services,” explains Newberry.

While Newberry is unsure of whether or not homelessness on the North Shore is increasing or decreasing, he notes that a region-wide homeless count will be taking place in March 2014. These statistics will better allow the public to understand the phenomenon of homelessness on the North Shore, and to get a better idea of whether current programs are helping to eradicate homelessness in the area.

“The whole of the North Shore is experiencing a housing shortage. Any time there is a crunch like that, it is going to disproportionately affect people who are already vulnerable,” says Newberry.

The cost of real estate on the North Shore, combined with the high cost of living in Metro Vancouver, has contributed to this crisis in a major way. “The City of North Vancouver has been very creative in working with developers to create a new affordable housing stock, but certainly more housing is needed,” explains Newberry. “This is going to require much more effort from all three levels of government. In particular, the federal government needs to develop a national housing strategy to take stock of what is needed start creating some solutions,” adds Newberry, noting that Canada is the only developed country in the world that doesn`t have a national housing strategy.

The homelessness epidemic on the North Shore is not going unnoticed by local businesses and individuals in the community. One way the community gets together to raise funds for the cause is by putting on the annual Dundarave Festival of Lights. Community members, including Capilano

University`s School of Communication, purchase a Christmas tree to decorate and display in the festival, resulting in a large forest of Christmas trees lighting up Dundarave beach. “The need is urgent, this is a reality on the North Shore,” says Michael Markwick, organizer of Dundarave Festival of Lights and communications instructor at Capilano University. “We’re seeing more seniors than ever before and more young adults who are forced off the margins of our society,” continues Markwick. In the past four years, the Dundarave Festival of Lights has raised over $105,000 for the Lookout shelter, money desperately needed as the shelter expands its services for the winter weather.

“If we don’t respond, the very worst thing you could imagine happening to a person will happen,” says Markwick.

For more information on the Dundarave Festival of Lights, please visit Dundaravefestival.com.

turning down the lights, turning up the sky MINIMIZING LIGHT POLLUTION DURING THE LONG WINTER NIGHTS Paisley Conrad

the capilano courier

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One of the most obvious differences between urban living and rural living is the night sky. Near urban environments, where streetlights are on as soon as the sun sets, it is nearly impossible to see the stars in the night sky. Obtrusive and artificial lighting becomes more of a problem in the winter months. Raminder Samra, the resident astronomer at the H.R. Macmillan Space Centre, remarks that “typically, the nights in winter are longer, and as a result of that, lights will be on longer.” This over-illumination abuses electrical usage, and “light pollution adversely affects wildlife feeding and mating routines and natural bird migration habits,” states Samra. In addition, a lack of exposure to darkness can affect the body’s natural melatonin levels, adversely changing mood and sleeping patterns.

Starting in February 2013, the municipality of Vancouver has begun to switch out the traditional sodium lights for light-emitting diodes (LEDs).

Though expensive to install, these new LED streetlamps outshine their yellow predecessors in both efficiency and illumination. According to reports by B.C. Hydro, annual energy savings will average out to around 25 per cent per year. As the older lights burn out, they are updated on an as-needed basis, with eventual plans to update all the lights in Vancouver. Port Coquitlam and Richmond have also implemented similar programs.

Overall, the illumination is more uniform. In the opinion of Samra, “These LED lights are somewhat of an improvement. They're great for power usage and environmental reasons, and also decrease your

electrical bills.” Night sky photographers are in luck as well, as LED lights can be filtered out of photos far easier than fluorescent or incandescent lights, giving a more accurate digital portrayal of the night sky. The LED lights can be brightened or dimmed, depending on the time of year, and the amount of traffic in that particular area.

On the flip side, LED lights are less natural, and therefore, harsher on human eyes. “Unnatural light colours, like the whitish blue of the LED streetlights are harder on your eyes than traditional sodium lights. They're quite irritating,” says Samra.

Because LED lights are directional, and don't emit spherical light, they only illuminate what they are aimed at. LED lights are also far brighter than sodium lights, and if the beams are misdirected they can actually increase levels of light pollution. They also reportedly cause glare for pedestrians and drivers.

When it comes down to it, the main cause of light pollution is poorly aimed lights. If a light is directed towards the ground, it's not going to affect visibility above ground. Users are advised to limit their use of lighting in the winter. This can be achieved by setting up motion-sensor lighting, and aiming lights downwards. Sustainable design also cuts down on superfluous lighting by using lights only when necessary. “When it comes down to it, light pollution can be significantly cut down by prevention and awareness. Lights only should be turned on when they absolutely need to be on, and they should be angled downwards. Some Canadian municipalities – Calgary for sure – has outfitted lampshades for the

× Danielle Mainman

streetlamps. We have that here at the Space Centre in our parking lot. It makes a big difference in running the observatory,” Samra advises.

As the holiday season approaches, the best route is to keep the majority of festive lighting under roofs, and minimizing use of light-emitting lawn decorations. For those looking to get a clearer view of what's above us, Samra has a few tips. “The Northern Milky Way is an elusive sight, as it's usually only visible in

the winter. It's far more challenging to see, because the stars are fainter, and it's essentially impossible to see in the city. I advise North Vancouverites to head up Cypress for a better view, or go further inland to the Fraser Valley. Out in Chilliwack, you can see the night sky in its full glory.”

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there's no business like snow business WHEN NATURE IS A FLAKE, HUMAN INVENTION STEPS IN Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor Blame El Niño, a paper thin Ozone layer, or the Grinch himself, but any white Christmas of today is likely to need some help from a synthetic source.

B.C.’s mild winter climate has made fake snow a very real industry in this province – it’s sprayed on our kitchen windows, used in our favourite movies, and groomed into our local ski runs. Unlike the real flakes that fall from the skies, however, the artificial version isn’t a free gift from Mother Nature. Synthetic snow comes with both a process and a price.

SPRAY SNOW Snow of the aerosol variety retails for anywhere from $2 to $6 and is readily available in dollar stores, Wal-Marts, and Canadian Tire locations.

Affordable and generally safe to use, the product is most commonly seen on storefront windows or in households with inhabitants patient enough to remove the stuff come January – for the record, that job usually requires a razor blade for the edges, a scraper for the bulk, and Windex for the final clean-up.

Spray snow is made primarily from a mixture of fatty acids, plastic, and resin, but can also contain quantities of isobutane and sorbitan tristearate as dispensing agents. Although they soon evaporate, “if someone is spraying in an unventilated area, the propellants could cause headache, confusion, and discomfort,” says Debra Kent, clinical supervisor at the B.C. Drug and Poison Information Centre. “The particles themselves are fairly heavy, so it seems unlikely that airborne particles would pose a risk unless someone is spraying it directly at someone. Then, eye irritation could be anticipated, as one would see with any foreign body in the eye.”

“Once it is dried, the material is inert and essentially non-toxic to children or pets,” she adds – even if a young family member or curious puppy decides

to give the window a lick. As always during the wintertime, yellow snow is probably a bigger worry.

FILM FLAKES A completely different type of artificial snow is used in the TV and movie industry, and one of its biggest suppliers is North Vancouver-based special effects firm Thomas FX Group. At the beginning of November, CEO John Quee announced that the company had obtained patents on its flagship snow substitute, Sno-FX, a move that would allow them to expand production to a global scale.

Quee spent over $1 million developing a biodegradable line of starch snow after finding that other products on the market seemed to come up short. "The colour wasn't as white as it should be, the flake size wasn't consistent, there was often debris in the snow and it was not biodegradable," he told the Canadian Press.

Locally made and manufactured, the company’s flakes don’t come cheap. A 2.5 kilogram box costs $73 before shipping and covers 13 square metres, with only an inch of snow. For a movie like The Hobbit which was filmed in New Zealand, it cost thousands to import the product from Canada, and many filmmakers are now celebrating the possibility of Quee’s realistic snow substitute falling a little closer to home.

POWDER ON THE PEAKS While those in the movie industry are more than happy to use Sno-FX to create their ideal winter wonderland, Grouse Mountain’s lead snowmaker Tod Hebron has a few tricks of his own. Over the past 10 years, the popular North Vancouver ski area has invested over $7 million in equipment to allow Hebron and his crew to make man-made snow around the clock.

“We’ve got fan gun technology and we’ve got air

× Jana Vanduin water technology,” he begins. “We’ve got 24 fan guns and we’ve got 14 of the air-water guns.... There’s six tower guns that we’ve dedicated to the high traffic areas and then the rest of them are mobile.”

Be it real or man-made, the ingredients for snow are a simple mixture of water and air. “Basically, [gun-made snow] comes out a different shaped crystal than your typical snowflake would,” explains Hebron. This is due to the gun’s nozzle that breaks water into small particles, freezes them into individual nuclei, and then sprays them with water droplets which quickly turn into ice crystals. “The wet, heavy snow we get in North Vancouver, that’s the kind of stuff we try to make to make a good snow base because it just gloms together."

In order for the snowmaking process to begin, however, the air must be at a certain temperature.

“It’s got to be minus two or colder really to be effective and if you’re not going to get that, then you’re kind of stuck,” says Hebron. “Unfortunately, you can have the best snowmaking system in the world but if it warms up and rains, it doesn’t matter.”

“I think the Olympic year is a very good indicator of that,” he continues, recalling problems that plagued neighboring ski area, Cypress Mountain, during the 2010 games. “Cypress has a snowmaking system as well, state of the art, and it was all planned and they had venues. They pumped snow like crazy and it all basically disappeared because it warmed up and it rained.”

Not all seasons are that frantic, though. Fast forward three years and things are pretty chill over at Grouse Mountain, at least for the time being.

Conditions reached the magic number on Nov. 15 and out came the snow machines. “At the beginning of the season of course, we’ll be making snow as much as we possibly can just to help us get open,” says Hebron, adding that skiing will likely be possible in early December, pending any unforeseen heat waves. “We’re all at the mercy of mother nature, aren’t we?”

And so it would seem -- that is, unless the folks at Thomas FX have another invention in the works.

something's fishy NATIONAL FISH FARMS ARE BREAKING THE LAW Katherine Gillard × News Editor

× Megan Collinson

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they are now pressuring the federal government to adopt this position. Close containment can eliminate problems of waste, escape, disease transfer and sea lice,” says McIlveen. “Generally, because of the associated high costs of this, the fish farming industry is opposed to this.”

The North American Agreement on Environmental Co-operation was signed by the governments of Canada, Mexico and the U.S. in 1993 and claims to still be dedicated to the overall green-ing of North America's economy, promoting a low-carbon economy, addressing climate change, and protecting the continent's environment, as well as the health of citizens.

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ocean shore in bays and inlets - can be associated with various diseases, like the possibility of disease transfer and genetic pollution, especially when the salmon in netpens escape and mix with wild stocks,” says Kirsten McIlveen, geography teacher at Capilano.

She adds, “Other issues are the contamination of the aquatic environment beneath the netpens.

One of the biggest issues is the sea lice breeding in the many netpens – this apparently happened at the north end of Vancouver Island, Broughton Archipelago, where sea lice had spread to wild pink salmon.”

The solution to this issue isn’t as simple as it seems, because it comes with the cost of moving the fish farms on the coast, and the government is concerned that proceeding with the B.C. Salmon Farms submission could result in the duplication or interference with domestic legal actions.

“A number of environmental groups have proposed a solution to the problem of fish farming – close containment or farming on land – and

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Last month, Environment Canada wrote the commission claiming that a continuation of the complaint would interfere with two legal cases that are currently underway. Again, the commission has written back asking for a factual record on the issue by Dec. 17. They hope that this record will help them define what the problems are and address them before making any new fishing laws.

"The NAFTA agreement ... has some teeth, some validity between the governments, and it's important for us because what we're doing is we want to raise the awareness about what we see the impact at an international level, and that's what the NAFTA agreement provides us," said Chief Bob Chamberlin of the Kwikwasu'tinuxw Haxwa'mis First Nation in Alert Bay, B.C. in an interview with the Canadian Press.

B.C. has its own fish farming problems, with penned salmon putting wild salmon at risk because of what they're fed, and the waste and antibiotics that can stream into the waters. “The raising of salmon in netpens - that is nets anchored to the

the capilano courier

According to a recent letter to the Commission for Environmental Co-operation written by fishfarming opponents from both B.C. and the U.S. in 2012, the Canadian federal government hasn’t been enforcing the Fisheries Act. These opponents include First Nations, environmentalists, and commercial fishermen who claim that Ottawa has been exposing wild salmon to sea lice, disease, toxic chemicals and concentrated waste.

Complaints towards the federal government address two sections of the Fisheries Act that are not being met. Section 35 prohibits any work that results in harmful disruption to fish habitats without valid authorization. This complaint involves more than 100 fisheries on B.C.’s coast.

The second section that is under scrutiny is section 36, which prohibits the deposit of poisonous substances in water frequented by fish unless authorized by regulation. The complaint here is in regards to the use of emamectin benzoate, which is used in large amounts to treat sea lice in fish pens. A lot of it floats to the bottom or out into the open waters.

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arts + Culture

A + C EDITOR ×

ANDY RICE

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

illuminating the holidays LIGHTING INSTALLATIONS BRIGHTEN UP VANCOUVER Kristi Alexandra

the capilano courier

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When winter time rolls around, there are a number of things that can be expected to return year after year - peppermint mochas in red corrugated cardboard cups, 24-hour Christmas radio stations, and spirited light displays cropping up all around town.

Set aside the fact that energy bills may double – or even triple – over the month of December, and you can see that the real joy in the holidays is the added frosting to each home and business you pass. Fiber-optic icicles hang from eaves, Christmas trees glimmer behind fake snow-frosted window panes, and holly-wrapped wreaths light up with red and green bulbs on residential entrance ways. Some might even attempt tricks that evoke the image of a hapless Chevy Chase hanging off of his home in an attempt to beat out his neighbours in an unspoken holiday light competition.

Cate Jones, resident of the Burrard View community and previous organizer of the neighbourhood’s annual Christmas light competition, found a way to encourage friendly rivalry between neighbours after a double homicide struck fear into the residents of the area. The Burrard View annual Christmas light competition is now in its 15th year, with six blocks in the surrounding area participating in what’s likely the most awe-inspiring residential Christmas display in Vancouver.

“About 80 per cent of the houses [participate] so it’s pretty phenomenal when you come onto to the street ‘cause all of the sudden you just see a mass of lights,” Jones says of the neighbourhood. “It’s not that there’s some houses that have tons of decorations and they’re very spectacular – we definitely have those, where some people choose to just put up a string or two of lights – but the cumulative effect is just incredible.”

Aside from the six-block radius’ glowing display of holiday cheer is another reason to come out and stroll the stretch between north McGill and Wall Street, all the way down to New Brighton Park. The Burrard View residents’ association collects the money raised from ballots cast to donate to the St. James Hospice and its adjacent day care. At $2 per vote, and with ballot-stuffing encouraged, the ending number can sometimes end up being a large one.

But not everyone who comes through the neighbourhood to enjoy the light show actually ends up voting or donating which, at times, can be a major irritant to local residents. Jones encourages people who come out from different neighbourhoods to see the displays to get out of their car, walk around the blocks, and actively participate.

“The best part of it is just walking the street. This is the thing we just really want to encourage because walking the street is the community-building aspect of it,” Jones gushes. “People do some really creative things that you don’t see if you just drive by, and the one downside is that those people who choose to drive who are physically able to walk create massive traffic jams, which is inconvenient for residents. But it also means that they’re not voting, so we’re not raising the money from them. They’re

× Arin Ringwald

not getting the full impact and the full benefit of the light competition which is that sense of community [that] we’re trying to achieve.”

Those that aren’t independently decorating with a specific goal in mind – such as winning a Christmas light display competition – who still want to add a little glitz to their neighbourhood can contract holiday lighting companies. For a fee, people can get their homes glammed-up, and now without the National Lampoon-style danger that comes from hanging Christmas lights with just a ladder and a staple gun.

Daniel Cowan, who runs the Vancouver franchise of Festilight, a holiday light installation service, provides lighting design, installation, and take-down of hundreds of residential homes as well as businesses during the Christmas season.

“The holiday season can be a pretty stressful time… people run out of time to be able to do a light display so people should know that there is a service like ours that exists,” says Cowan.

The business allows customers to purchase the lights that they want from the company, and then have them installed by the light designers. When they are ready to take their decorations down for the season, Festilight packs them up, labels them,

and stores them until the next year. The professional lighting company imports specific lights that are designed for B.C.’s wetter climate, and warrants their product for at least two seasons.

Recently, Festilight has designed and installed displays for the Burnaby Village Museum, the ShangriLa Hotel, Fairmont Hotels and Resorts, as well as businesses in the downtown core on Alberni Street.

Cowan says, however, that the larger part of his clientele are still residential homeowners who either don’t have the time to decorate themselves, or don’t want to put themselves at unnecessary risk of harm.

“More and more people are realizing that they don’t want to go up a ladder in the wintertime,” Cowan says. “We can do it faster and we can do it, in all cases, a lot safer than they can do it, as well as doing a higher quality job.”

But that higher quality job comes at the cost of a pretty penny.

“Generally, there’s a minimum of $300. An average home might be around $1,000, but honestly we’ve done homes this year that have been up $10,000 so far. It can vary tremendously,” reveals Cowan.

One might say that paying thousands for an envy-inspiring light display is a little crazy, but it’s arguable that spending days and months personally

hand-crafting yuletide décor is just as wacky – as in the case of a certain Burrard View resident who once built an entire gingerbread house façade.

“People do some really creative things that you don’t see if you just drive by,” Jones reiterates. “The most creative ones were done by somebody who has since moved … he was a set decorator, so he actually built a gingerbread house façade. There’s definitely lots of lights – you know the purchased lights – but there are also the people who do the homemade decorations. Someone across the street from me has made wooden reindeer and they’re very simple but they’re fantastic.”

The best time to catch a glimpse of the Burrard View neighbourhood Christmas light competition is between the second week of December and just past New Years, according to Jones, and on Dec. 15 and Dec. 22, when a Tim Horton’s concession stand pop-up will take place in front of one of the homes, encouraging foot-traffic.

SIDEBAR

A+C THE BEST PLACES TO GET A PEEK OF DAZZLING LIGHT DISPLAYS

BURNABY VILLAGE MUSEUM

Talkin' about tinsel SILVER STRANDS STICK ON EVERYTHING INCLUDING TRADITIONS Andy Rice × Arts+ Culture Editor

Take a heritage-inspired stroll through the Burnaby Village Museum located near Deer Creek Park, among live-theatre shows, carollers, artisans and more are ecosculptures and sound-reactive light shows. “I can tell you that Burnaby Village Museum will be a pretty spectacular display this year... we got some new product: some lights that are reactive to sound, so you can sing and the lights will respond it in one of the gazebos there, and we’ve got some unique lighted ornaments we’ve hung up,” says Cowan. Admission to the Burnaby Village Museum is free from 12 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. between Nov. 23 and Dec. 14, and 12 p.m. to 9 p.m. from Dec. 15 to Jan. 3, 2014.

TRINITY STREET IN VANCOUVER In the style of the Burrard View neighbourhood, residents of Vancouver’s Trinity Street also host their own light competition in the name of yuletide cheer and a little neighbourly rivalry, called the Trinity Street Christmas Light Festival. The community hosts an official “Winter Walk” around the neighbourhood – featuring blow-up Santas, glitzed-up sleighs with flying reindeers, and lit-up candy canes – including an open concession featuring pizza, hot chocolate and other festive treats. Dates for the Winter Walk haven’t yet been announced, but will soon be posted on the Trinity Street Christmas Light Festival Facebook page.

CAROL SHIPS ON WATERWAYS × Jim Hunt Carol Ships are boats decorated with Christmas lights that parade Vancouver’s waterways throughout the holiday season. On peak evenings, this holiday tradition has grown to more than 50 decorated boats, with in excess of 100,000 lights. Free to watch from Dundarave Park, Coal Harbour, and False Creek from Dec. 1 to Dec. 6.

CANYON LIGHTS AT CAPILANO SUSPENSION BRIDGE PARK

FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS VS BRIGHT NIGHTS

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beautifully on a tree and they were very glass-like and very beautiful. Today the film is light and it’s harder to manipulate. It’s harder to put on a tree, people can complain about having to take it off the tree, that sort of thing. That never happened with the lead icicles.”

Anyone who has decorated with the tinsel of recent years will know its wispy and evasive demeanor all too well. And while this lightweight plastic construction does come without risk of lead poisoning, it certainly hasn’t made it any easier to apply. “Tinsel installation is either a perfectionist’s dream task or their worst nightmare,” says Gibbs, suggesting a favourite technique she calls “the drink and throw.”

Regardless of one’s methods of application or disposal, tinsel is known for being notoriously messy both on and off the tree. The internal problems it can create for cats and vacuum cleaners haven’t helped its reputation either. Still, Kinderman sees many benefits to keeping it around, including its low cost. “It’s an easy, cheap way to decorate for the holidays,” she says, “so when the economy is suffering a little bit, people tend to go to the less expensive decorations.”

“Life today is so different and harder than it used to be,” she continues. “People sort of long for that easier time, so this is a decoration that sort of takes them back to an earlier time. There are many decorations, old decorations, that are not made anymore. So because this is one of the few that still remains available, people sort of gravitate to it.”

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During the month of December, VanDusen Gardens and Stanley Park rival for the prettiest light display around town – VanDusen Gardens will be decorated with hundreds of thousands of lights for the Festival of Lights while Stanley Park boasts its glittery train ride at its annual Bright Nights Festival. Enjoy the twinkling lights and light show, take a stroll down Candy Cane Lane, and hitch a ride aboard the White Winter Express. VanDusen Botanical Garden’s Festival of Lights runs daily from Dec. 11 between 4:30 p.m. and 9 p.m. at a cost of $14.25 per adult. Bright Nights in Stanley Park runs from Dec. 5 to Jan. 5. Hours are 3 p.m. to 10 p.m. Sunday to Thursday, and 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. on Friday and Saturday. Starting Dec. 20, the attraction will be open from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Entrance through the park gates is by donation with proceeds going to B.C. Professional Fire Fighters' Burn Fund.

Train rides are an additional $11 per adult.

Not everyone is as open-minded though.

Martha Stewart, undoubtedly a major force behind the extreme makeover Christmas received in the early 1990s, is often blamed for the downturn in some of the more kitschy elements of the holidays. Suddenly, real cedar and eucalyptus were in, and with specific instructions from Stewart to harvest the boughs from a snow-kissed mountaintop and spritz them hourly to preserve their maximum freshness. In an era when everyone was summoning their inner domestic diva, it became largely forbidden to decorate using plastic and foil from the Christmas aisle of one’s local dollar store.

Kinderman, however, is hesitant to point the finger at one single cause. “I would attribute it just to different trends in the industry over the years,” she says. “I think the industry has tried very hard to create different looks for Christmas and there was a lot of different lighting that was available to people and there were a lot of outdoor decorations and indoor type window decorations that kind of took precedence maybe over this type of thing.”

As design trends changed through the various decades, so did tinsel itself. The product was first made from silver, then from lead, and most recently from a metallized plastic film known as polyvinyl chloride.

The switch from metal to plastic was a significant adjustment for both manufacturers and consumers, but was mandatory due to health concerns.

“People have gotten used to the lighter weight, although when it first changed over, people were very unhappy,” recalls Kinderman. “They missed those beautiful icicles because they did hang very

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Capilano Suspension Bridge Park's popular holiday event, Canyon Lights, has a tall order this year - laying claim to the home of the world's tallest living Christmas tree. Standing 152 feet tall, this Douglas-fir will be adorned in thousands of sparkling lights. The bridge will also be lit up, providing a stunning view of the surrounding rainforest glittering with hundreds of thousands of lights. Canyon Lights will be running from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. nightly from Nov. 30 to Jan. 4, at a cost of $31.95 per adult or $25.95 for students with valid ID.

When most people hear the word “Tinseltown”, Hollywood immediately comes to mind. However, there’s an area of South Philadelphia that might actually deserve the title a little more – after all, it is home to Brite Star Manufacturing, the last remaining tinsel factory on American soil.

Incorporated in 1932, they’ve been making the stuff since the 1950s. And although the overall demand for those staticky little strands of mirrored plastic has waned in recent decades, Brite Star’s CEO Judy Kinderman assures that sales – at least in South Philadelphia – aren’t too bad at all. “It’s still widely selling,” she says. “I will say that it actually dipped off for a while as people were buying other things, but it’s back and just more popular than it’s even been in the last few years.”

Kinderman suggests that nostalgia has kept the product alive through the ages, even as design trends have changed. “This is an example of the traditional Christmas tree decorating that was done so many years ago and people are sort of hungry for that type of thing at this time – more so now than years ago.”

Vancouver-based interior decorator Kathleen Gibbs, while admittedly not an avid consumer of icicle tinsel, certainly isn’t opposed to its use.

“It just depends on what sort of look I'm trying to achieve,” she says. “To be honest, my holidaydecorating clients haven't really let me know one way or the other what their personal views on tinsel are – they just sort of let me do my own thing.

Sometimes I add some to their Christmas trees and sometimes I don't.”

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Cap-ture of the week

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Post a photo of something rad you’ve seen or done on campus, and make sure you tag us in it! (@CapilanoCourier on Twitter, @CapCourier on Instagram, or a #hashtag of either.) We’ll publish our favourite one every week!

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That's why this week we're featuring this nice little snapshot of our News Editor Katherine (@kaatgee) and our Art Director Cheryl (@cherilleswan) being cute goofs at the office. You'll also notice our Caboose Editor Jeremy photographing his muscular arms in the background. That's our Jer!

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& HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

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Come write something for us. For yourself. For the people. ter 122. Tuesday January 14th @ Noon.

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seasonal sounds UPCOMING CONCERTS WILL FEATURE CAPILANO UNIVERSITY ENSEMBLES Jeremy Hanlon × Strong Hands As the holiday season starts showing its many faces around the city, it’s not uncommon to see flyers and posters for a variety of festive concerts.

All genres and levels of experience can be found, from professional symphony orchestras to legions of kindergarteners beating on xylophones while dressed up as garden vegetables. But this year, instead of shelling out a bunch of cash to watch your niece perform an out-of-tune rendition of “Greensleeves” on her recorder, why not support some of Capilano University’s finest student musicians as they present something new?

Over the next few days and weeks, several of CapU’s premier musical ensembles will be performing concerts for the public. Among these groups are Stephen Woodyard’s Wind Ensemble and Lars Kaario’s longstanding choirs, the community-integrated Festival Chorus and awardwinning Capilano University Singers.

“We’re doing Cap Goes Celtic,” says Kaario.

“Obviously there’s a lot of great Celtic music out there, and there is some wonderful Celtic choral music, so we’re delving into that. We are doing some original works locally by [our harpist] Amy Stephen’s mother. [Stephen] plays harp, accordion, and penny whistle. She’s one of Canada’s

great Celtic artists. She’s also arranged one of the pieces, ‘Lake Isle of Innisfree’, which her mother wrote the tune for.”

Also on the program will be several compositions by Michael McGlynn. “His choir, ANÚNA, sang with Riverdance, the famous Irish touring group, and he’s their conductor and a very fine composer. We’re doing a number of his pieces, including ‘A Celtic Mass’. A lot of it is old text that he’s set tunes to with a really medieval, Celtic flavour to it. It’s a nice mixture of music. I think the audience will really enjoy it. I know that the singers are having a lot of fun with it.”

One of the things that makes this concert particularly relevant to Vancouverites is the strong emphasis that Karrio has placed on local and Canadian music.

“We’re doing ‘Jimmy’s Song’, which I commissioned a number of years ago by Vancouver composer Chris Hoffman and it’s a really fun Celticflavoured piece. We’re doing ‘Royal Hudson’, which is written by a Vancouver songwriter and arranged

by Larry Nichol, who is from Vancouver, although that’s not really Celtic so much. It’s more Canadiana, but a lot of Canada’s history is Celtic based, certainly on the East Coast, which brings us to one of Canada’s greatest songwriters, Stan Rogers, who, incidentally, 30 years ago, passed away in a tragic airplane accident.... We’re doing four pieces of his, arranged for choir, which is just fantastic.”

It’s certainly an ambitious program containing a broad range of music, but Kaario is more than up to the challenge. A veteran of Vancouver’s choral music scene, he’s been at the helm of both the Festival Chorus and Capilano University Singers for over two decades.

“I first formed both of these choirs 24 years ago,” he remarks.

Woodyard, maestro of the university’s Wind Ensemble, is no stranger to CapU either. “I’ve been conducting the Wind Ensemble since 2004,” he says, adding that the main difference between it and a concert band is the number of horn players in each section. “The ideal instrumentation is more like nine clarinets, five flutes, a trumpet section of four or five, a trombone section... so the emphasis is on more of a symphonic sound; a warm, very warm sound that evokes real emotion.”

The group is currently hard at work preparing for a concert at the beginning of December. “The theme this year is festive occasions,” says Woodyard, “so I’m choosing music that’s got a festive flavour to it. Not just Christmas music, but we’re doing some music that might be regarded as seasonal music.”

One of the main works on the program will be “Winter Suite” by Gustav Holst. “The first movement is based on a medieval hymn tune, ‘On This Day Earth Shall Ring’, and the second movement is based on a hymn tune from the 19th century, ‘In

the Bleak Midwinter’,” he says. “The final movement, ‘Old Brighton Carol’ is a carol again. It’s from the 19th century.”

Woodyard explains that great care is taken in putting a program together that will captivate and engage an audience, regardless of their familiarity with the classical genre. And, for many who enjoyed a brief stint in concert band during their high school years, the group likely won’t be that different from what they’re used to.

“Many of the students here [at CapU], I would think, will have played music in high school – either that or had friends involved in a music program in the high schools where they come from.

So they would be hearing a very similar group to what they would have heard [there], but at a much higher level,” he says. “The concert is not a long concert, in that it would be just a really nice break for young people to come and listen.”

Cap Goes Celtic! will take place at 8 p.m. on Nov. 30, and 3 p.m. on Dec. 1 at the BlueShore Financial Centre. Admission is $25 for adults, $20 for seniors, and $10 for students and children under 12.

Festive Occasion will take place at 8 p.m. on Dec. 3 at the BlueShore Financial Centre. Admission is $15 for adults, $10 for students and seniors, and $5 for children 12 and under.

the handmade revolution MAKE IT! VANCOUVER TAKES ON ITS BIGGEST VENUE Romila Barryman × Writer

× Crystal Lee

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Make It! Vancouver runs from Nov. 28 to Dec. 1 at the PNE Forum, 2901 East Hastings St. For a list of hours and vendors, visit Makeitproductions.com.

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scious effort to remove the stigma that handmade products all look like one thing. He and Jenna hope that Make it! will change the way people look at what they can support to locally. “Everything is manufactured overseas so this makes a great opportunity for people to contribute,” Herbut emphasizes, “Make it! is great for that experience. It shows you how many people in Vancouver want to support their handmade community.”

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taking his art from the street into the exhibitory feel of Make it! is just the challenge he’s looking for. “I’m really excited to work on more traditional sign painting pieces and prints of my artwork,” he says. “[With] the sign painting, I’m trying to push towards more decorative and ornate pieces where each one will be truly one of a kind – that means I will be spending a bit more time on detail with each piece.” SueMe has made appearances at Make it! for the past few years, dating back to the event’s humble beginnings at the Roundhouse Community Centre in Yaletown. “It’s really rewarding and helps you refine your skills,” he says. “This year is particularly exciting considering it’s in a new bigger space. A change in environment is always a good thing.”

Herbut says that having such a wide variety among vendors is an intentional move, and a con-

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A “buy local” mentality has begun to permeate Vancouver’s unique culture, challenging the more corporate Christmas of yesteryear and offering a wider range of gift options. And with the holiday season ramping up and the malls blaring huge neon discount signs, one event seats itself comfortably amidst the madness to bring a handmade touch to all those under-the-tree goods.

“There's so much more meaning when you pick up a handmade product,” says Chandler Herbut, owner and designer of Ole Originals tshirt company. “It looks like you're making a lot more effort.” Banding with sister Jenna Herbut, they founded Make It!, the largest handcraft fair in Western Canada.

The two have come a long way from their smallscale start back in 2008, to housing over 250 vendors this year in their biggest venue yet – the PNE Forum. “We're really excited. It's right in the middle when you consider all the surrounding areas,” Herbut beams. “Everybody knows where it is.” The impressive jump over the past five years is something Herbut attributes to teamwork. “Jenna and I are lucky we have a complimentary skill set.

She deals with a lot of the vendors and has a lot of ideas,” he explains. “I do more of the computer stuff and logistics and the floor plan, but then we get to work together on a lot of stuff, too.”

Dealing with such a massive venue is admittedly a mixture of excitement and unforgettable experience for the two. “It kind of feels like we're doing our first show again,”Herbut laughs. “Everything is new, we have tons of new exhibitors.” With everything from swimwear by Daub & Design, to baby art at Pickle

Punch, Make it! is not just for lovers of the handmade craft community. “You know, Make It! is more of a festival than anything,” Herbut stresses. “There's so much going on, it's much more than just shopping – we have food carts, we have a beer garden.

Even if you're not into buying local, we have just about anything that has to do with fine art. We have up-beat music. I don't care who you are, if you come to Make it! I know you're going to have a great time.”

With a $7 ticket price, the event is both inexpensive and unique in that attendees can access Make it! throughout the festival’s three-day run.

“We do the re-admission because if you paid for a ticket the first time around and came all the way to attend Make it! we want to thank you,” says Herbut. “Jen and I like to create good value. If you paid once, why would we want to penalize you for coming back?”

Since the very beginning, the brother and sister duo have made it their goal for Make it! to cater to everyone. This year they will also be pairing the event with over 20 local food carts, including JapaDog and Tacofino. “It's perfect. You can go down there and grab lunch, fill up, and then shop for a few hours,” he says.

In addition to showcasing some of the more standard handcrafts like jewelry and clothing, the event will also feature items far less common to the average craft fair. First-time exhibitor Hannah Browne, founder of Brooch Boyfriends, is no exception. Her customized brooches are designed to show off loved ones in the form of tiny felt faces, including details like piercings and bangs. “Who wouldn't want to show off that love, in the form of a little felt face?” she says. “I'm also quite excited because this will be the largest craft show I've been in.”

For another vendor, graffiti artist Scott SueMe,

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big smoke records LOCAL BARISTA CREATES RECORD LABEL Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

× Big Smoke Records

Even if the process does involve a little trial and error, Sharp believes that Big Smoke will be a success and that his detailed-oriented nature will keep his dream from going up in smoke. It’s an outlook that fuels his work with Penitent Ben and the Petty Crimes as well.

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hat Adam Sharp likes most about roasting beans at Matchstick Coffee Roasters is that it enables him to put in his headphones and tune out with his music. Music is what the 26-year-old barista enjoys most, and that’s why he’s starting a risky project: a new record label named Big Smoke.

“I’ve never smoked in my life,” Sharp jokes, “but the first time I heard it, it was used as a nickname for London, England, which is where I am effectively from. And then I realized that it’s a pretty generic nickname for cities.”

With a little more research, he found that Vancouver was also called the Big Smoke, but it’s more just a name in honour of cities and the creativity in them. “I always love city living,” he explains.

Since settling into Vancouver about a halfdecade ago, Sharp has been involved in multiple different bands and musical projects, and is using his most recent endeavour as a jumping-off point for Big Smoke. Penitent Ben and the Petty Crimes, the band in which Sharp plays guitar, spent the summer recording a new EP. Not only will it be the first official album for the group, but for the label as well. A release party on Dec. 6 at the Media Club will serve to celebrate both milestones.

“It’s my buddy Ben’s band,” he says. “It’s very tongue-in-cheek, which is cool. There are five of us. We recorded our record… a couple of months

ago. It’s a debut record. Ben and I played in a band before, and we wanted to release a record together.”

One of the singles of off the EP, “Indiana”, shows the band’s folk sound, and has a homegrown tone and feel to it. The band has already released a video to accompany the single, which is promoted on Big Smoke’s Facebook page.

As for the direction Sharp wants to take the label in, he says it’s undefined at the moment, but is influenced by his own musical tastes. “I really love a bunch of East Coast indie rock and post-rock stuff. Not many people in Vancouver like that kind of stuff,” he says. “I get dissed for my music taste a lot. Not because it’s unknown. Not because it’s too cool for school. It’s kind of the opposite. It’s very uncool taste in music. You know those bands that everyone heard of when we were growing up? Not me, because I was in England.... the Warped Tour Scene and all those bands that are 2003 punkrock, emo, alt-rock, everyone else in America and Canada grew out of them but I never did, because I discovered them so much later anyway. I’d really like to be a vehicle for pushing that in Vancouver.”

Sharp isn’t sure if he can find that sound on the West Coast, but has hope in a young band called Heard in the Mountains. They will be on the same bill as Penitent Ben at the Media Club.

“I’m wondering if I’m going to have to sign bands

on the other side of the country, though, to find the sound,” he laments. “Am I going to have to sign bands from Toronto or New York just to make it happen? That sounds like a lot of paper work.”

Sharp says that the business side of the industry is something that he’s had interest in for a while, and it has been a labour of pure love for the past couple of years.

“I did an internship – it was supposed to be a three-month internship at Mint Records, downtown, which is one of Vancouver’s more prestigious record labels. And I stayed there for a year and a half doing this unpaid internship. It was cool. They were great to me, and they took care of me, and there were a couple of paid gigs here and there.”

It was during his time at Mint that Sharp fell in love with the music business and all its gritty details.

“I just realized I really enjoy the business side of the music industry and I wanted to start this record label a long time ago but I was also waiting for the right time,” he says, “and I guess that’s now. I was concerned that there were things that I didn’t know still and I realized the best way to learn them would be to do it, just to figure it out.”

Even if the process does involve a little trial and error, Sharp believes that Big Smoke will be a success and that his detailed-oriented nature will keep his dream from going up in smoke. It’s an outlook

that fuels his work with Penitent Ben and the Petty Crimes as well.

“There’s not a lot of people that have the time or the interest of organizing the bank end of being in the band, and that’s what I really like,” he says.

“I’m in this band… and we’ve got four songs, as we are in the super early stages, but we also have a website, all the art work done for the record, videos in mind, all the background stuff.”

Penitent Ben and the Petty Crimes play Dec. 6 at the Media Cub with guests Her Nobel Sons, Zen Mystery Fogg, and Heard in the Mountains. For more info, check out their Facebook page, Facebook.com/ PenitentBen.

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local treasures VANCOUVER CHOCOLATIERS REVEAL THE SECRET BEHIND PROCESSING CHOCOLATES

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Choco Yu

Katherine Gillard × News Editor

NO EASY TASK

STAYING ORGANIC

The chocolate itself is brought in bulk from Europe and many fruits and other fillers are seasonal or do not grow in British Columbia. For these more specialized products, Hook says Chocolate Arts try to order as close to home as possible in bulk, and then utilize it throughout the year – such as lemons or pistachios from California; ingredients that are seasonal but can be bought from a local vendor, then stored for year-round use.

Haas also sticks as close to home as possible, using B.C. wines, vanilla beans from Tahiti, maple syrup from Quebec, Okanagan fruits, and Fraser Valley nuts and berries. They, too, try to source products directly from the farmer whenever possible.

Vancouver chocolatiers are dedicated to ensuring the most pure taste that is as organic as possible.

“By the same token, I can buy purees from France that are pumpkin or I could buy canned pumpkin and it’d just be a hell of a lot easier to buy a can of something but that’s where we will just buy the product from the person that grows it. It would be a hell of a lot easier to do it another way, but it just doesn’t sit well with us,” explains Hook.

“Christmas is huge for us, it’s almost nervous breakdown levels of how busy it can get and we still have to come through and fill your customer requests. Our business will basically quadruple in that month to our regular busy times anyways,” explains Haas. “And then there’s Easter, which is

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GETTING BUSY

a one-week madness in the store, and Valentine’s Day, which is one-day madness. So, Christmas is four weeks, Easter is one week, and Valentine’s is one day. They all need lead-up times because we already get busy a month or two months ahead for them.”

Percival relates to this hectic schedule for those making treats for the Christmas season. “It’s crazy.

I think it’s actually my favourite time to work. I’ve worked one Christmas at the [bakery I work at] and everybody comes in and it’s a huge long day and Christmas Eve is ridiculous – it’s like this one big push to get everything out. I think it’s kind of fun, you’re just running on steam at the end of it. But as long as you stay organized, it works out pretty well. It’s fun to see what people order since we do different Yule logs and stuff like that, so you get in the Christmas spirit through that.”

Haas’ shop is always busy, not only with customers but also with his staff, who are sectioned off in the back working on the crystallization, preparation, wrapping, and creating of chocolates, pastries, and other treats available in the store.

“We’re all a little bit afraid, but we are all always up for the challenge because it’s like a race, you know?

You better make it to the finish line,” adds Haas.

This season is certainly the season of chocolates and both Thomas Haas and Chocolate Arts are prepared for the rush that is to come. Making chocolate is more than just sticking some bulk chocolate in a mold – it comes down to quality of ingredients, patience, and coming up with new ideas.

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For most chocolatiers, buying local is a priority but it depends on the season. Greg Hook, owner of Chocolate Arts, says they work very hard to keep their products organic, local, and free of additives.

“For 20 years we’ve just been committed to using as much local produce and products as possible. So wherever we can, we will try to use organic for that. Our commitment there is we buy local blueberries, we buy local pumpkins, pears, peaches, nectarines, cherries, and then we will process those in the way that we can use those throughout the year for chocolates,” explains Hook. “For example, for a lot of them, what that means is that we will dehydrate the fruit and then we have the dehydrated fruit and then when we go to make it into the chocolate, we will utilize that fruit in various different ways in various different methods.”

However, not all products can be found locally.

× Ekaterina Aristova

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Not all chocolates are built the same, and often times it’s the small details that count.

“We work with three companies, one from France which is called Valrhona, one from Switzerland which is called Felchin, and Cocoa Barry from France. We believe those are the three world’s best chocolate companies to provide us with the raw chocolate we use to create our recipes,” explains Haas. “Within those two companies we have about 16 different varieties from all different cocoa percentages to flavour profiles to views of different approaches. Like, you need a more fluid chocolate if you’re going to dip chocolates or you need a thicker

chocolate if you’re making a ganache so the cocoa butter is also variable in those chocolates.”

Chocolatiers order bulk chocolate from European sellers then use the chocolate in different proportions to create their various products. Haas sells many different products, changing seasonally.

Chocolate Arts in downtown Vancouver orders 18 varieties of chocolate to create over 100 products, each hand made and packaged.

Even for trained pastry chefs, chocolate is hard to perfect. “I’d say they’re similar, candy work and chocolate work, but they are a bit different.

I mean, caramels, for me are a bit easier, you just have to make sure not to overcook the caramel but other than that it’s just sugar, water, cream and butter, so it’s pretty simple and as long as you have a thermometer or are good at judging the colour it’s pretty easy,” Percival notes. “But chocolate you can do it by just eyeing the temperature but it’s pretty tough. That’s something you learn at school in training, that’s something you learn at home or necessarily be able to tell.”

Haas trains and teaches his staff the fundamentals behind chocolate. His family has had four generations working in the chocolate industry, and his three-year pastry apprenticeship, as well as numerous chocolate awards, has made him a famous chocolatier.

“At the end of the day, it’s reinventing yourself over and over and over again because the training never stops. Every year, we come with something new, every season we come up with something new and reinvent ourselves,” says Haas.

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Christmas is just around the corner, and for many stores this means working during the busiest time of the year. Vancouver chocolatiers have been preparing for the past month to provide customers with the best quality chocolates and treats for the winter season. The process isn’t a simple one – chocolatiers have to order in special products and spend time ensuring that each individual chocolate is up to their standards.

Creating chocolates is a long process that takes time and patience. For Thomas Haas, chocolatier and owner of his own chocolate and patisserie shop, it takes four days per batch of chocolate.

Day one begins when they make the interior, which is called a ganache. This can be made out of different dark chocolates, cream, butter, spices, herbs, liquor – whatever goes in the inside of that particular chocolate. Next, the ganaches are placed in the shop’s crystallization room which gives the cocoa butter time to set perfectly. This makes the texture ready so that they are able to cut in presized pieces and the shapes they want. Day two involves cutting, they are then dipped into dark or milk chocolate and are decorated individually. On the third day, the chocolate is placed back into the crystallization room to have the outer coating crystalized perfectly so that they can be hand-packaged.

Alessandra Percival, a pastry chef who graduated from the Pacific Institute of Culinary Arts doesn’t work with chocolates on a regular basis, but still finds them finicky after working with them in school.

“I did chocolate work at school, and I do a bit at home and it can be a bit temperamental because you have to make sure the chocolate is at the right temperature. So it’s something that can be really easy if everything goes right but if you get the temperature wrong you have to start from scratch,” says Percival.

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Glitz, glam, thank you ma'am

× Scarlett Aubrey

Vancouver is brimming with the best of burlesque Faye Alexander

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× Opinions Editor

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Burlesque is a combination of desire, sophistication, mystery, and glamour. Vancouver has emerged as one of the most renowned hotbeds for the culture of burlesque and has been refining its top-notch reputation since the end of World War II. Tassels, pasties, sequins, and corsets have been moving and shaking from the seedy underground clubs of Chinatown to the men’s high-class social houses of the West End. The performance community continues to thrive, and is only gaining momentum since the art of burlesque has risen up to the mainstream. The taboo of the tease is back and better than ever.

“Vancouver is one of the burlesque capitals of the world, for whatever reason. It’s kind of a den of glitter,” says April O’Peel, Vancouver’s selfproclaimed “burlesque strip-sation”. With seven years of experience in Vancouver’s bustling burlesque community, and now one of Vancouver International Burlesque Festival’s (VIBFA) prevalent members, O’Peel has gained a unique perspective on why Vancouver’s den of glitter has attracted so much notoriety. “My theory is there are a lot of creative people that come here to study art or different performing disciplines, and there are a lot of different avenues in burlesque to use those skills. It appeals to different people for different reasons.”

Derived from the Italian word burlesco, burlesque is defined as an absurd or comically exaggerated imitation of something, or a parody. It is not defined by a certain body size, shape, or fitness level, but instead embraces all types of performers

who have been drawn to burlesque for one reason or another. Currently, given the resurgence of burlesque, there are now a multitude of sub-genres which appeals to an equally diverse audience.

Combining art, beauty, post-modernism, and the power play possession of the voyeuristic gaze.

A FLIRTATIOUS HISTORY In the late 19th century, the “striptease” made its debut in both America and in Europe. London’s own popular Victorian burlesque shows of the 1830s transformed well-known culture like opera and Shakespeare and lampooned them mercilessly, incorporating original scores with re-furbished lyrics for comic effect. It infused an element of cheek, a dash of sass, and pushed the borderlines of gender roles. “The first burlesque plays were satires of loftier material. So Ben-Hur would become ‘BendHer’. And even when it became more of a dirty vaudeville show, the comedians were always right there with the strippers. It’s sort of heritage,” says O’Peel. At the time of its introduction to audiences world-wide, performers rebelled against the frills and baroque-like conservative fashion. Tights were worn which was a risqué choice for the era, and the female leg came out to play.

Despite causing prudish outrage, the outcry from conservatives to put an end to the growing popularity of burlesque only fuelled the demand for more shows and more performances. London’s well-known troupe, the British Blondes, lead by

trail blazer Lydia Thompson arrived in New York in 1868. Their breakout performance “Ixion” showcased an all-female cast of under-dressed and attractive women mimicking patriarchal roles, a ground breaking concept at the time. Within their first year performing, the show grossed more than $370,000. Suddenly, burlesque was gaining not only popularity but a notable spot economically.

Vancouver itself has held a long and vibrant past with burlesque following the Second World War. The art form once was one of the most popular and profitable parts of the city’s own economy.

The female-dominated work was becoming increasingly lucrative, and offered female performers a degree of independence, control, and sexual empowerment. Headlining female performers such as Chesty Morgan, Big Fanny Annie, and Choo Choo Williams established Vancouver as being “home of the hottest nightclubs north of San Francisco.” Although, some might argue that removing one’s clothes for profit could be defined as degrading or deviant, burlesque has always challenged the inequality between genders at the time, as well as assumptions of heteronormativity.

Dr. Becki Ross, associate professor of sociology and chair of women’s and gender studies at the University of British Columbia has spent the last 15 years of her career developing an in-depth history of the exotic dancing industry in Vancouver from 1945 to 1980. She has since published her findings in Burlesque West: Showgirls, Sex, and Sin in Postwar Vancouver, with a barrage of profiles of perform-

ers, club owners, choreographers, and musicians.

The Humanities Research Council of Canada felt Dr. Ross’s study was so worthwhile, they doled out $50,000 to fund her research, demonstrating that there is value in Canada’s colourful historic relationship with the art of burlesque.

However, prohibition and crack downs on clubs that showcased burlesque performances resulted in a decline of the tassel twirling in the 1940s.

Although touring striptease shows continued to make their way through both Europe and North America, the introduction of topless go-go dancers in the swinging ‘60s and full-blown strippers of the ‘70s meant that the art of burlesque was all but disappearing. The glitz and glam of burlesque began to die, making way for more lewd displays of sexualized dancing. The glamorous costumes were replaced with g-strings and full frontal nudity. The tease lost its place somewhere along the way.

REVIVAL OF THE TEASE The 1990s birthed the “neo-burlesque” movement, which pioneered the revival of the art form while simultaneously updating the traditions of burlesque. The rejuvenated neo-burlesque scene exploded not only in Vancouver, but throughout North America with both women and men of all shapes, sizes, ages, sexualities, and races infusing an array of new styles and sensations to centre stage. With boundless diversity within modern day burlesque, performers and audiences can ex-

plore inventive sub-genres, including “boylesque” –burlesque performed by men – and “gorelesque” which takes classic burlesque to a whole new plane of horror show extremes.

“If you’ve never seen a burlesque show, it will be a novel experience for you,” says Shannon Waters, also known by her stage name Sweet Sashay. “It doesn’t matter what style you go and see, what group you go and see – it will be a different experience.” Waters has been performing with her troupe “The VanDolls” for the past three years since completing the “Becoming Burlesque” program through Vancouver’s own Screaming Chicken Theatrical Society.

The VanDolls have received acclaim for their Videogame Burlesque show, which sold-out over two weeks in advance. The show contained sexedup performances based on classic videogame storylines such as Legend of Zelda, Fallout, and even Tetris – proving that even pastimes, often reserved for boys in their mothers’ basements, can be transformed through tease and sensual creativity. The show was such a success that they brought it back again for “Videogame Burlesque 2.0”.

“The VanDolls have a very neo-burlesque style.

It’s very cheeky and often references pop-culture.

Sometimes it’s a little brash or vulgar to kind of shock people and get a reaction,” explains Waters.

Indeed, some of the most powerful performances are the ones which have a cause behind them. No longer restricted by the traditional expectations, or style, the community offers a diverse range of performances for any burlesque enthusiast. “I really like burlesque because I like the aesthetic in a lot of it. A lot of the classic stuff is just really beautiful and feminine in its way. But I also like the variety, burlesque is great for comedy which also makes burlesque an ideal medium for process in certain degrees, or poking fun at things.”

However, burlesque isn’t the type of performance you can experience through watching a movie or a quick YouTube search. It is something you need to see to believe, with most of the performers creating their own costumes, personas, and painted-up pretty faces – burlesque is truly a DIY labour of love.

Vancouver hosts a variety of events throughout the year, including regular staples like the Biltmore’s Kitty Nights every Sunday, as well as Screaming Chicken’s Taboo Review. Local troupes like the VanDolls and Sweet Soul produce their own variety shows throughout the year and can be caught anywhere from the Waterfront Theatre on Granville Island, the Red Room, Guilt & Co, to the Vogue. The semi-underground burlesque community continues to flourish and Vancouverites now have full-access to burlesque and boylesque troupes, as well as courses, festivals, and fashion.

Misty Greer, a local fashion designer and costumier, has been heavily influenced by burlesque culture, boasting a fetish for sequins and all things glitz. After earning her B.A. in fashion design and technology through Kwantlen Polytechnic University, Greer gained huge attention when none other than Lady Gaga herself wore one of Greer’s couture headpieces during a performance of “Speechless” during her 2009 Monster Ball Tour. Greer has quickly become the go-to couture designer and costumier for many of Vancouver’s most wellknown burlesque stars. Her burlesque-infused style concocted of equal parts sexy and rebellious has not only made Greer a fashion name to know about town, but has earned her international attention in the burlesque community.

Annually, Vancouver hosts VIBFA, which proudly showcases some of the best talent from local performers. Organized entirely by performers and volunteers, the festival has helped to platform the city’s glowing burlesque culture. Made up of workshops and performances, the festival allows attendants to interact, experience, and explore this unique style of performance art. VIBFA highlights both the new blood and the traditionalists of the art-form and has showcased first-class veterans like the ‘70s sensation Judith Stein and Tiffany Carter, as well as neo-burlesquers like Indigo Blue, headmistress at the Academy of Burlesque in Seattle.

Burlesque performers get a unique opportunity to create fun ground-breaking burlesque events with unequaled sassiness inspiring new audiences to enjoy themselves and their sexuality. It is a safe space to rekindle a sense of playfulness and confidence.

“Especially for women, the burlesque community is very heavily female and the audience for shows is very heavily females. All aspects of performance and production tend to be female. It can be a very empowering and safe space for women,” says Waters.

BECOMING BURLESQUE Burlesque boasts a distinct look consisting of carefully applied makeup, sex-appeal, and retro glamour. “A burlesque persona is a superhero version of yourself,” explains O’Peel, “and my favourite thing to do is laugh, so I inspire that in other people.

You can convey a lot with a little bit of humour.”

Many of the greatest burlesque starlets are not the most beautiful or the best dancers. Instead, there is just something intrinsically special they discover in themselves that they can share with their audience, a little sparkle they possess that sets them apart.

Burlesque icon, Dita Von Teese, was once known simply as Heather Sweet, a regular blonde from the Midwest who got her start in a strip club. In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Von Teese said that, “Old Hollywood beauty, for me, it seemed easier to attain that kind of beauty because I could paint it and wash it away when I’m done.

When I look at the cover of Sports Illustrated, I appreciate it and admire that kind of beauty. But actually, I’d rather be me, because I have an affection for anyone that has arrived to a different kind of substance with hard work and dedication.”

“If you know it’s what you want to do and you want to get to the performance stage quite quickly, it’s kind of a crash course and it will give you a performance opportunity at the end. It is a little more of an investment in terms of time and money,” explains Waters when advising how inexperienced starlets can make their way to the stage – the most tried, tested, and true being the “Becoming Burlesque” program at the Screaming Chicken Theatrical Society. The program offers skill-building workshops, rehearsal space, private coaching, and helps budding future starlets refine their burlesque personas.

“We did everything,” says Waters, who completed the program three years ago. “They help you

prepare a solo routine and you get one on one time each week with the instructors. During the group classes, because most of it is done as a group, you work on choreography for a group number and they teach you the basics of burlesque movement using classic props like boas and gloves. We did a whole class on pasties and pasties twirling. They do hair and makeup, tips and tricks for costuming and for making your props. It’s really a crash course in all things burlesque.”

There is also the Vancouver Burlesque Centre which offers a variety of ongoing and drop-in classes taught by local burlesque performers. There, one can easily dip their toe in the art of burlesque and discover which aspects of burlesque appeal the most.

With classes focusing on different sub-genres, styles, and movements, the Vancouver Burlesque Centre is a perfect space for burlesque lovers and performers alike to experience new material and skills without the pressure of a live performance or audience. The easy drop-in schedule and open atmosphere does not require a time commitment or a whole lot of money, but class-goers are sure to leave feeling more confident and sexy.

Over this year’s holiday season, burlesque performances will be decking the halls with tassels and glitz. Vancouverites don’t need to look far to find some inspirational burlesque performances right outside their doors, with plenty of variety available – there is a burlesque show to please just about everyone with an affinity for the coy or tart.

The city boasts one of the best burlesque cultures world-wide, and that’s something Vancouver can truly brag about. Burlesque is a beautiful performance art that is part of Vancouver’s historic tapestry, and has continued to blossom into an international haven of glamour and budding burlesque starlets. With an allure that’s lasted for so many decades, burlesque doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. An artistic new generation has reimagined and reinvented it while staying true to many of the art form’s original elements.

" However, burlesque isn’t the type of performance you can experience through watching a movie or a quick YouTube search. It is something you need to see to believe "

ON the Cover

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47 issue N o . 12

Scarlett Aubrey is enrolled in the IDEA program here at CapU. Her artwork for our burlesque feature fits to a "t". We certainly are stoked to have her aboard.

Thank you Scarlett, have yourself a great holiday! Don't forget the eggnog.

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Scarlett Aubrey

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arts Shorts

ART SHORTS EDITOR ×

KRISTI ALEXANDRA

the treasures

COPY@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

× Faye Alexander

× Omar Samadi

"BRING THE NIGHT HOME" Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor On their newest album, Bring The Night Home, Toronto roots-rockers The Treasures put the pedal to the metal – pedal steel, that is – right from the get go. They may be Canadians by birth, but with influences ranging from Gram Parsons to the Allman Brothers, their sound is clearly distilled from a long history of Americana. Vocally, the record is full of tight-knit harmonies evocative of The Band and Crosby, Stills and Nash, with the unique timbre of an individual voice poking out here and there. It’s a great blend that serves the songs exceptionally well while also proving that any one of these guys can really sing. The overall instrumentation and songwriting on the 14-track disc is by no means complicated, but the album’s production

gives it a lush, modern quality and an energetic live feel. A variety of tempos and textures ensures that the record keeps from sounding as though it’s stuck on repeat after the first three songs. Such a problem seems to plague many groups on today’s red-hot country-folk bandwagon, but The Treasures avoid it well. Thoughtful, poetic, and unpretentious lyrics covering a broad range of subject matter are another element that sets the band and their album apart. In the end, however, it’s the impeccable harmonies soaring throughout that make Bring the Night Home an absolute home run.

If The Treasures’ vocal prowess is as impressive live as it is on record then their show at the Biltmore on Nov. 26 with Twin Forks isn’t one to be missed.

And a quick look through the band’s YouTube channel shows that, by all accounts, they’d be well worth the trip.

Aidan knight +

Justin Rutledge

RIO THEATRE, NOV. 15 Megan Forsyth Thanks in part to its distinctive smell of buttery popcorn and cheap beer, the Rio Theatre has always had a certain charm to it. Victoria’s Aidan Knight must certainly be a fan, given that the experimental folk artist returned for a second show at the Rio, following a year of relentless touring to promote his critically-acclaimed sophomore album, Small Reveal. Sharing the bill with Knight that evening was Toronto songwriter Justin Rutledge, who got things started with a solo acoustic set of his sombre alt-country songs. The half-sized audience was unusually polite and silent, so much so that Rutledge commented on how rare and rewarding it was to have people actually listening.

Rutledge’s gloomy songs bummed the crowd out a little bit, but it wasn’t anything that an intermission to stock up on popcorn and beer couldn’t fix.

Shortly thereafter, the scrawny, red-bearded Knight took to the stage with his “Friendly Friends” – a four-piece band of talented multiinstrumentalists. He opened up with the dreamy, slow-building “You Will See the Good in Everyone” from his latest release. Standing front and centre on guitar and vocals, Knight’s bandmates positioned themselves dutifully on either side of him. Colin Nealis started out violin, but quickly switched to bass guitar after the intro, while key-

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boardist Olivier Clements and synth player Julia Wakal both skillfully doubled as trumpeters.

Despite his relatively quiet nature, Knight has always been a captivating performer. The entire theatre sat silently in awe, admiring the soundscapes and moving crescendos that they so delicately created. Not exclusively sticking to songs from Small Reveal, Knight also occasionally threw in a song from his debut album Versicolour, as well as a few rarities. About halfway through the set, the rest of the band stepped offstage to leave him to play one solo song, but not before he told a lengthy story about the not-so-luxurious, illness-prone life of touring cross-Canada. This included a nauseating – but somehow still endearing – anecdote about friend and tourmate Dan Mangan once throwing up into a cup holder in the backseat of their van.

After a sombre and gut-wrenching solo performance of the poetic “Margaret Downe”, the band reappeared and ran through a few more songs before finishing with the crowd-pleaser “Knitting Something Nice For You”. It was still early and the crowd called out for more, so Aidan Knight and his Friendly Friends graced the stage one last time. Opting to close out the show with arguably his most well-known song, “Jasper”, Knight asked the crowd to join him in singing its chorus, and not surprisingly, they happily obliged. If this performance was only intended as a “small reveal”, who knows what other sorts of tricks Aidan Knight might have up his sleeve in the future.

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× Megan Forsyth

Lupe Fiasco VOGUE, NOV. 21 Carlo Javier × Staff Writer Lupe Fiasco is a man of many words. The everoutspoken Chicago rapper took the stage at Vogue Theatre Thursday night as part of the preview tour for his upcoming album, Tetsuo & Youth. And despite some utterly rude and misbehaved Vancouverites, Fiasco and his openers put on a night of hip-hop beauty. Six years since his last show in Vancouver, Fiasco brought along local rappers Ghost and Terrell Safadi, as well as DJ BandCamp and Stalley. The night started off quiet, prompting Ghost to comment on the “six people in attendance.” But, as the music came along, so did the crowd – and the obscenities. Ghost, Safadi, and DJ BandCamp all dealt with drunken hecklers who were simply out for trouble, each performer was cheered on as they blatantly called out their respective hecklers. With DJ BandCamp receiving the biggest ovation as he played Kendrick Lamar’s “Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe” in response to a man who kept yelling “Fuck You!” At about 10:30 pm, Fiasco took stage. Fiasco opened his set with a series of songs from his last release, Food & Liquor 2: The Great American Rap Album. He started with “ITAL (Roses)”, “Put Em Up”, and the jarringly critical song on religion and soldiers, “Lamborghini Angels”. All three were accompanied with their

respective symbolic music videos. When Skylar Grey’s cold, haunting voice hit the speakers for the opening hook of “Words I Never Said”, the raucous crowd only grew wilder – only to be cut off.

Fiasco abruptly stopped two of his most controversial songs, the double-edged critique on American politics, firing shots at both Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, as well as Obama in “Words I Never Said”, and the psychological tackling of misogyny in hip hop culture in “Bitch Bad”, finally keeping to his words that Tetsuo & Youth will be free of his banters. Instead, Fiasco played the lesser-known jazz gem “Always Shine” and his new Ed Sheeranassisted single “Old School Love”. Despite that, Fiasco had to tell a heckler who continuously demanded certain songs to be played to “shut the fuck up, enjoy the music, and there’s lots to come.” As the crowd roared in approval, Fiasco turned back the clock to play the hits that once made known as the new “Vanguard of Rap”. He exhibited his lyrical dexterity in his career launching verse in Kanye West’s “Touch the Sky,” and showed his mastery in storytelling with “Hip-Hop Saved My Life”. Finally, he dedicated his last song, the Grammy-winning “Daydreamin” to a fan who gave him a portrait of himself. Ultimately, the concert reminded fans of what made them drawn to one of hip-hop’s finest lyricists, a seemingly adept move to preview his upcoming album.

hunters ELECTRIC OWL, NOV.19 Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor Hunters have been gaining a lot of buzz since the release of their self-titled debut crashed into view in early October. The New York/Pennsylvania natives deliver grunge-driven punk mania, with melodic fast-paced tracks, mercilessly beaten drums, and one hell of a charismatic front woman. Hunters were slated to open for local punk band B-Lines, and U.S. headliners Audacity and NO BUNNY – and in classic Vancouver fashion, Electric Owl was practically vacant when Hunters stormed the stage. Maybe a dozen or so shyly stood about skirting the dance floor, stepping well back from the action. In spite of the sparsely filled venue, lead singer Isabel Almeida gave an outright raucous performance, wailing into the microphone and spinning madly about the stage tangled up in cords, her bleached blonde locks wildly whipping across her face. Her stage presence was

magnetic, the way she threw herself down upon the monitors and growled painful yelps through "It's True", one of the best performances of the night – Almeida laid it all out on stage, leaving nothing to the imagination. Hunters offered up head-banging melt-your-face-off punk music, the kind you thought had died out, tracks like "Seizure" and "Nosebleed" are enough to get your heart rate up. Hunters embody the sound that ignites mosh pits and stage dives, so it was strange to see absolutely no one moving, no one shoving, and no punk enthusiast windmilling their arms about. A shame. Considering the calibre of their performance and the quality of their material, it’s a shock Hunters were the opening act and so many concert goers missed the opportunity to see them.

Their two music videos on YouTube do them no justice – this is a band you have to see live. If you are a lover of punk music, or wild front women, do not miss your next opportunity to see this band perform. Simply put, they are dope as hell.

Columns

COLUMNS EDITOR

× LEAH SCHEITEL

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

exotic intoxication ENOUGH WITH THE BAGPIPES Mirey Faema × Columnist

Mirey Faema likes to drink and travel, or travel while drinking. Her taste for booze and awkward situations have created the worst hangovers and some amazing stories. Visit her writings at Whereismymuse.com, and follow her on Twitter @Mirey_Wimm.

Making the decision to tackle a degree is not an easy one, especially when you are young and eager to explore the world. In an attempt to live the best of both worlds, I decided to study online and travel around Europe. It felt like the perfect solution, until I found myself in Edinburgh, a city that claims to have the highest concentration of restaurants and pubs per capita in the U.K. Initially, I thought I was in serious trouble, but then I discovered the city was also home to three major universities so I assumed embracing student life and avoiding the pubs wouldn't be that difficult.

I was wrong. With £2 pints of beer and £4 doubles, I had essentially landed in the procrastinating student’s version of Temptation Island. And not only are the drinks cheap and the pubs plentiful,

the locals are also extremely friendly and sociable, which makes ditching the books and heading to the bar even more desirable.

The novelty of drinking all-day, everyday in Edinburgh quickly started to lose its appeal. Even though locals are fantastic, I began to notice that the more integrated I became within my group of new friends, the smaller my radius of movement within the city also became.

Days spent exploring every nook and cranny quickly morphed into days spent within a three-pub radius of my bed, and the occasional drunk hike up Arthur’s Seat – the iconic hill in the outskirts of the city. Additionally, the sound of bagpipes went from being a beautiful cultural reminder of the fact that I was traveling, to the heinous, screeching siren that would penetrate my skull, amplifying every hangover. One morning, I was actually woken up after a night of hard partying by the sound of hundreds of bagpipe players marching past my hostel. There was a parade that day, and it was one I wanted to put an immediate end to.

The beauty of moving past my love affair with the Edinburgh pub scene was that, instead of becoming one of the local staples you see sitting in front of the taps, I was able to go back to exploring Scotland and experiencing everything this beautiful country has to offer.

As I headed further north, I discovered that everything in Scotland from the mountains to the sea

has a folk tale to explain its existence. If fairies and witches didn’t create it, then it was most certainly a dead giant’s body. I heard so many stories that I couldn't keep up. I remember plunging my face into a freezing cold stream as my friends held my legs in an attempt to gain eternal beauty. I also spent half a day climbing a snow-covered mountain in inappropriate footwear just so that I could touch a huge rock that they convinced me was a giant’s dick.

And of course, like all people who love a good unsolved mystery, I checked out Loch Ness. I remember being so excited to see this bed of water, mostly because I was convinced I would be one of the few to see Nessie. Instead, all I saw was a giant lake and a bunch of mist.

Don't get me wrong, it's a very pretty lake, but I seriously wanted to see a monster. So I stared at it with hope for way longer than a person should.

If I could have rented a houseboat and become a permanent resident on the lake, I probably would have in an attempt to solve the mystery.

Instead the only halfway unusual thing that happened at Loch Ness was the fact that I accidentally kicked my boyfriend in the balls lakeside while play-fighting and pretending to wrestle Nessie. It was a very real moment in our trip.

As my semester and my time in Scotland neared an end, I did what all good university students do and I crammed for my final exams. I hoped that this final cram would mean that the lure of the bar and

× Haley Smith my desire to touch a giant’s dick wouldn't interfere with the fact that I was trying to obtain a degree.

Thanks to a clear miracle, I ended up passing the semester and learned a valuable lesson about traveling and studying at the same time – like most great ideas I’ve had, it was way better in theory than it was ever going to be in reality.

from the arm chair MY INTENSE DISLIKE FOR VANCOUVER CANUCKS FANS

Mike Schwieder × Columnist

Mike Schwieder once compared his infant cousin to the size of a football and mocked throwing it across the kitchen to his brother. His grandmother was not impressed. He has volunteered at three different Olympic games, and coaches football for the UofC Dinos. He knows sports better than Don Cherry knows women, and that’s saying something. × Ksenia Kozhevnikova

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hockey cities, so much so that the Canucks have to leave the playoffs early so their fans will disappear. Or that the city needs more time to rebuild between riots. You are unjustly entitled and act as if you are the best team in Canada.

The sad fact is that you aren’t even the best Canadian team in the west. Edmonton has a better history, the Flames have at least one cup and know how to have a fun time while supporting their team and the Jets will support their team for 20 years while they didn’t even have one. You can’t even support the one that you have while they have a good team. I am excited for the near future for when the Sedin twins ruin your team with their salary, and we get to judge the true fans, the ones that stick around when you miss the playoffs for seven years in a row. I’m betting that those people, who are obviously few and far between, aren’t such dickheads.

Go Flames!

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had a street party for the whole two and a half months of the playoffs. “Shirts off for Kippursoff!” was a common chant, and girls were flashing the crowds, not looting downtown stores.

The problem is that Canucks fans don’t just leave their crappy attitude with the Canucks. It affects the entire demeanor of the city. During the 2010 Olympics, there was a feeling of tension at any hockey game. While I was at a hockey game, like most Olympic events, there were fans from nations that weren’t involved. As I was walking the concourse I ended up walking behind a Russian lady sporting her home team’s jersey. I walked behind her, coincidentally, for a while and watched as numerous Canucks fans, easy to spot because of their jerseys (which is another problem: support Team Canada at the Olympics, not Vancouver or “Loooooouuuuu”, you douche mongers!), aggressively heckled this woman as she walked. I apologized a few times loudly, on behalf of my country.

It’s awkward to apologize on behalf of Canada for the actions of Canucks fans. Not only can they not enjoy their own hockey team, but they have to ruin hockey for the rest of us while doing it, and embarrass a country at the same time.

Canucks fans, you have become a joke to other

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get. Their super stars are two brothers that refused to play on different teams because they’ve always been so good together. It’s a nice sentiment, but it’s also like loving Eli Manning because he refused to play for San Diego when he was drafted, or liking Eric Lindros for his refusal to play for the Quebec Nordiques.

In Roberto Luongo, the Canucks have a goalie who would rather give up an enormous amount of money than stay in a city that is populated with so many fair weather fans. Luongo asked to be traded because a lot of the fans blame him for their failure to win the Stanley Cup finals in 2011. The problem is they can’t agree if it was he who lost the Stanley Cup finals for them, or their lack of a defense, or a lack of scoring. And, instead of trading him, the team decided to trade Cory Schnieder, an arguably more talented goalie – and kept Luongo.

The final fact is that they can’t resist burning their city when they lose in the Stanley Cup finals. Both times that the Canucks have made it to the final game, in 1994 and 2011, chaotic riots ensued, reiterating the fact that Canucks fans are poor losers.

To contrast that, in 2004, the Flames went to the Stanley cup and also lost in game seven. We

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I go to Calgary Flames games. I am a season ticket holder, I am not a full-ticket holder, as 40+ games a year is a little much for me. At that point, I would have to schedule my life around two different sports and not have time for anything else.

I love sports, and rivalries, and betting with others. Calgary have always had a great rivalry with Edmonton in all sports: hockey, football – shit – it even feels great when we beat them in lacrosse. I will make bets and when we completely melt down in the third period of a hockey game and lose 4-2, I am accepting of the trash talk that we get.

There is another rivalry that I enjoy, but not because of the fun awesomeness that comes with sports rivalries. It’s because I enjoy – and I mean really enjoy – watching their fans lose. And that rivalry is with the Vancouver Canucks.

The fans of the Canucks are the worst fans in the league. They lose without class, they win without class, they come out of the woodwork and change good people, people that cheer loudly for the Flames at most games I go to, into fans that heckle children and would push old women down stairs if they had their chance.

They support a team that is whiney and cheap and will embarrass the game at any chance they

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Columns

Deadbeat Grad WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, HEAD TO MEXICO Carly Vandergriendt × Columnist

School and ketchup are two of Carly Vandergriendt’s true loves. After taking a small break, she is continuing her education in a UBC Master’s program, while living and “working” in Montreal. Being a full-time student, she knows the intricacies of student life and the woes that accompany it. Check out some of her work at Carlyrosalie.com × Tierney Milne

My boyfriend and I were sitting beside each other on the couch in our living room, glued to our laptops, chatting intermittently between social media browsing, email checking, and in my case, schoolwork. My fingers darted frantically across the keypad, the sporadic rattle of my typing like familiar music as I begrudgingly typed up my comments for yet another reading. That was when he popped the question.

"Why don't we just go somewhere?"

My fingers stopped typing, frozen in their tracks. Silence descended on us as I contemplated his question. I turned to examine his expression, narrowing my eyes. This was not something to joke about.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Like where?"

"South East Asia?"

"Isn't that a cliché?" I asked, quickly proposing South America instead. "Chile. Or Argentina. Or maybe Brazil."

When I started picturing ancient ruins, colourful colonial architecture, and lush rainforests, I knew that we were meandering in dangerous territory. But how could I deny the fact that my read-

ings would be so much more enjoyable if I was doing them on a beach somewhere? Simon pulled up Google Maps on his laptop and our lovely oyster appeared before us.

"Zoom in! Zoom in!" I cried with excitement, my gaze fixed on South America in the bottom left hand corner, eyeing it like forbidden fruit.

As we scanned the map, the questions kept coming: How long would we be gone for? How would we get there? Do we have enough money?

How would I manage my schoolwork on the road?

What about our cat, Roucki? Our answers were composed of a healthy mix of both realistic and wishful thinking.

It didn't take long for us to hatch our escape plan. We would buy a cheap camper van, something we had been contemplating anyway. Winter was coming; there was no question that it was the time to buy. Then we would drive it out of Ontario, through Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, and finally, Texas. But we wouldn't stop there. We would keep going south, as far south as you can go and still be in North America, with Mexico as our final destination.

Now, a little over a week later, we have a 1978 GMC Vandura – complete with a seating area, ta-

ble, fridge, gas elements, and bed – parked inconspicuously on the street outside of our apartment.

Simon has been investigating work exchange options and WWOOF-ing, since we're on a tight budget and I can't afford to be moving from one place to the next, every other day, if I want to have time to do my work. We've decided to stay in Mexico for three months, after which we will drive north, through California and Oregon to Prince George, British Columbia for some seasonal work to replenish our bank accounts.

We're well aware that there is something crazy about the whole scheme, as though we concocted it by egging each other on, with each of us upping the ante. Once the idea of an adventure had been introduced, neither of us would be the one to ruin the fun. But the more we talk about it and work it through, the easier it is to convince ourselves that it's not that crazy. After all, I chose to enroll in a distance education master's program because it would allow me to live or travel anywhere I choose. And Simon has been left in post-graduation limbo this year, working manual labour jobs here and there, and occasionally doing research for a professor. Essentially, he's waiting to start his master's degree next September. It's the right time for a trip.

But I wonder if what our parents might deem as an impulsive – perhaps even reckless – move, considering our respectively bleak financial situations, is really just a trait inherent to our generation. A study by the Boston Consulting Group suggests that Millenials like us are born travelers, at ease trotting the globe. It's true that we've been brought up in an increasingly globalized world, where diversity is now the norm. The study also provided evidence to indicate that most Millenials view travel as an important life experience – so much so that we're willing to push back normal life stages, such as buying a house or having kids.

For me, travel has always been a window to a deeper understanding of the world. I've almost become hooked on the rush that I get when I set off into the unknown. No two trips are ever the same, and this one already promises its own certain charm, considering the added element of traveling in our own miniature mobile home. That, and I really like being able to tell people that we're taking off to Mexico.

dirty pop BEHIND THEIR HAZEL EYES

JJ Brewis

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What did you get up to last weekend? Well, I hung out with Kelly Clarkson. Not bragging, but it was actually pretty fucking cool. My weekend usually just includes reorganizing my books, online shopping, and procrastinating. But after my weekend, I showed up to work armed with an interesting story and a picture to prove it. My coworkers were shocked, confused, or oddly impressed.

My friends camped out overnight at Metrotown to score tickets to Clarkson’s Nov. 8 show. The concert was part of some bizarre promotional launch for a Microsoft store. My friends were amongst the first 100 people to show up, nabbing meet-andgreet passes in addition to the concert tickets. My friend Kyle gave me his extra ticket to the show and his sister decided I’d “appreciate it more” than her to meet Clarkson, so she gave me her meet and greet wristband. I hadn’t even done any of the hard work (who the fuck wants to sleep overnight at that shithole mall?), which felt like a cop out.

Despite looking like shit from a long day at work and having no time or knowledge to prepare for such a chance meeting with one of the greatest sing-

JJ Brewis is a lover and analyst of all things popculture. In this column, he has examined the inner workings of pop-culture and its cause and effects on the rest of us, who just live and love as celebrities at heart. JJ’s bucket list of celebrities he’d most like to see in person includes mostly dead people — Amy Winehouse, James Dean, Walt Disney. He has them tattooed on him, and that’s probably close enough.

ers in the world (according to Justin Timberlake, not just me!), this was not an opportunity I was going to turn down. I mean, Kelly Clarkson was the first American Idol, and she’s gone on to huge success, thanks to her intense singing talent and girlnext-door reputation. It’s rare to meet a celebrity but these encounters always make for great stories.

I’ve had a handful of celebrity encounters in my life. My friends and I were eating dinner on Main Street when we saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt walk by over and over filming a scene. We just sat there, frustrated at not being able to talk to him. My sister and I ran into Nelly Furtado at a vitamin store and asked her for directions. Once, I saw Jake Gyllenhaal outside the public library downtown and proceeded to spill a latte all over myself. This summer, I saw Jack “Kenneth from 30 Rock” McBrayer on a rollercoaster at Disneyland and quickly asked myself if this could somehow lead into becoming his husband.

A meet and greet is entirely different from bumping into someone in the street. It’s a chaotically organized event, in which you are given firm

rules and expectations in terms of behaviour. Six years ago, a bleeding heart essay scored my sister and I a chance to chill backstage with Gwen Stefani. It ended in gushing, crying, and reaffirming me as a fan. This experience with Kelly Clarkson was a lot more rushed, but in just 30 seconds, she proved why I give a shit about her in the first place.

Despite a strict “no hugs” policy, Kelly was the one to extend her arms in a big embrace. And then she pulled a card that is like my Kryptonite: she complimented my fashion sense. “Dang y’all, are you ever stylish! Look at you!” she said, before turning to her photographer and saying, “This must be my lucky day. They’re sending me handsome men to meet.” Perhaps she says that to every other man she meets, but I don’t give a shit – Kelly Clarkson called me stylish and handsome. That was all I needed to go home and listen to “Breakaway” on repeat. She already had me as a fan, but in that tiny amount of time, she secured me as a fan for life.

Meeting celebrities in the flesh affects us. We get excited or act stupid at seeing another person buying their morning coffee, but it’s somehow more exciting because that person was in a movie or sings a song that we’ve all heard. It’s weird in that it places a hierarchy of social structures. It basically shows that we, the “non-celebrities” are willing to buy into this notion that we should care about these people’s lives. Celebrities already make much more money than us and have far more glamorous lifestyles, and we encourage that behaviour by obsessing over them. Miley Cyrus sold $1000 concert packages to her upcoming tour. The price was that high just

× Sydney Parent because they included meet and greet passes. Not all of us care, but many of us do. I’d argue that there isn’t a person who wouldn’t be excited to run into Morgan Freeman in a coffee shop.

My photo with Kelly got me more likes on Instagram than I’ve ever had, and that feels good. In fact, the whole experience of meeting her feels good.

I’ll never forget my short time with Kelly Clarkson, yet moments with ordinary people like friends and colleagues are easily forgotten. Despite the fact that I am “buying in” to this notion of celebrityobsessed culture, maybe it’s okay to do so. It’s not hurting anyone and it makes me happy. As long as we balance our celebrity interest with real life, it seems harmless. Celebrities give us conversation topics for first dates, some mindless fodder to think about, and token exciting moments where we can say, “This one time, I was working at a gift shop and Bjork came in and gave me a dirty look for standing beside her daughter.” It’s moments like this that make life a little more interesting. There’s really a little Hollywood in all of us after all.

OPINIONS

OPINIONS EDITOR ×

FAYE ALEXANDER

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

boycott lululemon!

LULULEMON FOUNDER SAYS HIS CLOTHES AREN'T CHEAP, WOMEN ARE JUST FAT

× Jessica Ngo

Kristi Alexandra × Copy Editor

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Wilson’s response? Well, Chinese women simply don’t want to work less than 16 hours per day, and “third world children should be allowed to work in factories because it provides them with muchneeded wages.”

Take this response into consideration with his statement that some women are simply too fat for his product, and we can see that Wilson is a character that doesn’t take criticism very well. Perhaps his massive fortune has facilitated his losing touch with his consumer base. He did, after all, recently orchestrate a massive birthday bash for his wife in his Kitsilano manse, including personally flying in the Red Hot Chili Peppers to perform at the party.

The Chinese women working in his factories, however, can hardly afford to buy a pair of the pants they’re making, let alone ever contract Anthony Keidis or Flea for a private soiree.

Conscientious women shouldn’t boycott Lululemon because Chip Wilson thinks they’re too fat to wear his clothes, they should boycott Lululemon because of its shameful disregard for human rights, and Wilson’s blatant refusal to acknowledge his folly in it all.

Then again, if you’re a Lululemon size 12 (that’s a real-world size eight) or under, their skin-tight luon pants make that ass look uh-mazing.

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weight ones! Part of the problem is that women have a specific size in mind and insist on wearing it. They insist on a four even though a six or eight would fit better! Ladies, listen up! Just because a fabric will stretch up two sizes does not mean it should!!!! If you stretch that lycra to the max it will look BAD and wear out fast!!! Now, having said that, Lululemon could design a line for plus size women. If the sizing is appropriate and the cut accommodates your size then it will look fine! I am plus size and I have a couple of Lululemon pants that fit great and look fine. I take more umbrage at the fact that Lululemon does not want to create a plus size line because that is not what they are about. They want to have their brand on fit, slim women. That is where the shame is!”

In fact, the shame lies not only in the fact that Wilson refuses to create a line of clothing that exceeds a size 12, but that the company’s original merits have almost completely disappeared with not many people taking note.

In 2005, the ever-growing brand began outsourcing its labour to Asia, even having child employees – and yet claimed that it was still an ethical and locally-sourced company. With cheaper overseas labour, of course, came complaints from the few consumers who were aware of the change.

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“The thing is women will wear seat belts that do not work, or they will wear a purse that does not work,” Wilson said in an interview with American TV program, Street Smart. “Quite frankly, some women’s bodies actually do not work for it.”

The interviewer then asked if the pants would be more see-through with some women’s bodies than others. “Even our small size will fit an extralarge. It is really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there over a period of time, and how much they use them,” he replied.

While Wilson may be right in some respects – not all styles of clothing work well with all body types – his blame-shifting sparked a public outcry, forcing the wealthy businessman to take to YouTube to apologize for his comments. His apology, however, was aimed at his employees who had to face the inevitable shitstorm following his politically incorrect statement rather than the women he had insulted.

Carley Struve, a sewing instructor, founder of SewGood – a sewing and fabric company – and plus-size woman, took to her company Facebook page to say, “I'm just going to come right out and say it. Chip Wilson is right…Lululemon is not appropriate for all body types! Tight spandex is not a good look for MANY women, not just the over-

the capilano courier

It’s no secret that Vancouver is known for its scenery – and no, not Stanley Park’s lush greenery, the reflection of the sparkling geodesic dome on False Creek at Science World, or even the wilderness surrounding Capilano. It’s the scenery that includes a hotter-than-average population of people – where Vancouverites frequent certain coffee joints more for their host of attractive male baristas than their boast-worthy blends, and throngs of women in tight Lululemon pants filing in and out of hot yoga classes with their deceptively pert buttocks, often starring as tourist attractions in their own right.

And, for the most part, derriere desirers had Lululemon Athletica founder Chip Wilson to thank for that.

The incredibly trendy yoga brand started in 1998 as a small store in Kitsilano, branded as an ethical company whose preference for local, sustainable labour and high-quality materials had its consumers feeling justified with spending over $200 on a sweater and a pair of luon capris.

Wilson, now the 10th wealthiest person in Canada, alongside his wife Shannon Wilson, was recently heard saying that his pants “aren’t for every type of woman” in response to a complaint about the increasingly degrading quality of the product – in that the fabric tears and pills very easily.

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changing christmas traditions PREPARE TO LET GO OF YOUR LONG-TIME CULTURAL TRADITIONS Rana Sowdaey × Writer Each year in the Netherlands on Dec. 5, a bearded man slightly different from the North American Santa Claus gives gifts to children in a lavish parade. Sinterklaas, the original saint of children, doesn't have elves or a sleigh, but rather a helper named Zwarte Piet (Dutch for “Black Peter”) who is played in their Dec. 5 parade by a performer donning controversial “black face” makeup. For some reason, however, the Dutch are having a hard time admitting that the long-celebrated tradition is racist. So what exactly will it take to adapt outdated holiday traditions?

The U.N. Human Rights Council (UNHRC) who sent an inquiry to the Dutch government, dropped the investigation since it's been agreed that characteristics of Black Peter, which suggest racist stereotypes, are going to be changed over the next few years. Black face paint remains as a part the garb, despite being possibly the most offensive attribute, for now but the golden hoop earrings and curly dark hair will be tossed out of this year’s parade. Traditionally, Black Peter gets his black colour from innocently accompanying Sinterklaas down the chimney. This begs the question, “Why are his clothes so spotless?”

Considering most civilized first-worlders consider themselves to be empathetic in regards to human rights, equality, social progress – it’s a surprise a celebration that showcases a classic racist

faux-pas can continue on in a progressive country such as the Netherlands. As long as the character exists, no matter how he is represented, the origins of his story will still hold nostalgic sentimentality for those who have grown up with his folklore.

Quincy Gario, who began the movement to put an end to Zwarte Piet in Amsterdam during 2011, was mortified when his mother came home from work in shock after a co-worker called her the office's own Black Peter, a jest on the colour of her skin.

The degree to which it's harmful might be relative, but it's certainly not progressive.

It's difficult to just throw a tradition out the window, but its significance is bound to change as generational interests change through time. The interests and values of new generations are steered by progress. In reality, these old traditions no longer match up to our modern day societal values. Outdated holiday traditions have lost their relevance and it's clear that new ones are more than welcome.

Take the late 18th century Spanish bullfight: a once integral story to society and culture in Spain is now dispensable. When death was very relevant in people’s lives, just over a hundred years ago, the bullfight was a display of triumph over death. When families were unsure if they would produce enough food through the drought to survive the next winter, the killing of the bull brought with it a sense of empowerment to the people of the country. The

relevance and meaning of the tradition has degraded over time. Today in Spain, bull-fighting still holds value in a historical sense and thus continues to attract tourists and locals alike. Despite the blatant animal cruelty and outcries from animal rights activists, the importance of the tradition to Spanish culture has overridden a push towards change.

Christmas is largely a marking point in modern day life, much like New Years Eve and birthdays.

Most people who celebrate Christmas have their own traditions which have been cultivated through family history, such as hanging sentimental Christmas decorations year after year, or simply enjoying a box of After Eight chocolates. We find comfort in these traditions, we like it the way it's always been.

The way we choose to celebrate says a lot about our identity, our family, and our society. Changing traditions, let alone a Christmas tradition is like throwing your old soggy teddy bear from 30 years ago in the garbage. Using this example: it is hard to throw away something that holds value to our personal history, something which embodies an attachment – but at some point, it's just a teddy bear, and you can get a new one.

Our Christmas traditions in North America are largely taken from various stories and have been intermingling together over time to create the traditions we hold today. It's arguably revamped by today’s expectations, regrettably more tied to

× Vivian Liu

consumer and media culture, yet the holidays still offer a lighthearted element. Prince Albert, Clemente Clarke Moore, and Washington Irving are just a few of the individuals who popularized what we know of Christmas today – the Christmas tree, reindeer, and the gift giving celebrations, and Santa Clause. They come from stories of other traditions at various places worldwide and span throughout history. In comparison, they are traditions that lack exclusivity. They embody relatable values - family values. We say, “’tis the season for giving,” it's inclusive and simple. Obviously, we don't want to throw away our holiday traditions just because they are old, but when it's so clearly inappropriate the U.N. has to write you a letter, well, it’s time to toss it away and get a new one.

Get 'em young YOUTH MMA LEAGUES AREN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL Paisley Conrad

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Pacifists across North America are in an outrage, and their righteous, non-violent anger is being directed towards a brand-spanking new sport: children’s MMA fighting. Mixed Martial Arts is a competitive contact sport that traditionally takes place in fighting rings. It combines elements of wrestling and boxing, and challenges competitors to demonstrate both discipline and skill in a safe environment. This sport is gaining intense amounts of popularity in North America, particularly with young boys. Comparing their matches to cockfights, children as young as five who are now participating in MMA are being dubbed blood-thirsty and violent, when they should be praised for their hard work.

On June 5, Canada formally decriminalized MMA, which was previously banned nationally.

Bill S-209 gives provincial governments the power to determine the legality of the sport. In British Columbia, MMA is legal, but strictly regulated by the Mixed Martial Arts Association of B.C. Each MMA match must have a minimum of one doctor ringside throughout its duration, and at least two EMT's on-site during the event. The provincial classification system allows martial artists to start at a level of competition that is appropriate to them, and to elevate levels only when their abilities warrant doing so. Dirty tactics aren't permitted, and

any hair-pulling, eye-gouging, crotch-kicking and smack-talking are considered fouls, which leads to disqualification. These rules and regulations ensure a safe environment for all competitors.

It is a well-known fact that North America has the highest obesity rate in the world. In a day and age where eyes are glued to computer and television screens, dedication to a sport in youth is an increasing anomaly. Strict practice of a sport at a young age develops fitness habits that are likely to continue on later in life – improving both physical and mental health.

Participation in the sport also allows children to develop passion and drive. Blake Gourley, a long-time student of MMA remarks that “starting the sport at an early age really enhances the child’s ability to persevere. If the kid participates in daily practices and puts in a real effort, then MMA teaches the child to be committed to something that gives them control. It establishes a real sense of self-reliance and confidence in one’s own ability.” In addition, MMA helps to foster respect, as children have to listen to their coaches and referees, as well as treat their rivals with consideration. The community encourages all competitors to walk away from fights with their dignity intact, whether they win or lose.

If children are given a controlled environment to

release any stress, or frustration, they are less likely to be violent in their everyday lives. If a young boy is given an opportunity to fight in a ring with an audience cheering him on, he likely isn't going to take that to the schoolyard. MMA doesn't just take place inside the fighting ring, however. Participants undergo rigorous training to develop skills and ensure safe competition. The MMA community develops a support system, including parents, trainers and fellow trainees. A heavy amount of reliance is placed on coaches and sparring partners, allowing children the opportunity to have strong mentors guiding them. These mentors, who exemplify discipline and respect, are ideal examples for young boys and girls.

Not only that, but traditional North American sports have the tendency to be surprisingly more violent than MMA. Sports such as rugby and soccer cause a high volume of concussions, broken limbs and torn ligaments. Team sports are typically faster-paced and chaotic, whereas MMA is thought-out and straight-forward. Gourley makes the point that, “Be it MMA, football, baseball, or hockey, as long as the person is choosing to participate, I think their life can only improve. The sport can be difficult, and sometimes overwhelming, but then again, what sport isn't?”

MMA is creating the leaders of the future: hard-

× Cheryl Swan working, dedicated individuals with an insatiable desire for success and improvement. If a child has the self-control at age eight to step into a ring, adhere to a strict set of regulations, and fight a fair fight, they are well on their way to a successful adulthood. In the words of Gourley, “Sure, there are some sacrifices that have to be made: training almost every day, going in when you're sore, and choosing training over other activities, but in the end, stepping into the ring and coming out victorious is better than almost any feeling I can describe.”

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suspend the senate, forever SECOND THINKING THE SECOND THOUGHT Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

× Jocelyn Wong

costs. Senators work for three days a week and, at 29 weeks a year, the average salary of a senator sits at $132,300 earned annually – although that number varies depending on the position. Financial statements of the Senate of Canada also reveal that maintaining the Senate annually costs $106,264,111 in taxpayers’ dollars – and this does not include the pension plan. A senator’s eligible expenses can also go up to as high as $300,000. Each.

All these amenities are provided as long as a senator is employed. Senators remain in position until they reach 75 years of age, when considering the salary, amount of work and eventual pension – being a senator could be the best job in Canada.

It is important to understand how the Senate actually operates. With recommendation of the Prime Minister, the Governor General appoints 105 senators. The senators are divided proportionally in respect to the population of the region they’re to represent, this dispersion of seats provides one of the main purposes of the Senate – give equal representation to the lesser populous areas of the country. But this purpose is no longer apparent.

Senators are not democratically elected by Canadians, and in terms of representing provinces,

they do not need to be from a certain province in order to qualify for appointment there. Also, the Senate was designed to have nearly the same powers as the House of Commons – it is there to review proposed legislations after all. Because of the Senate’s nature as an unelected institution, that power is rarely ever used in full. It is under the Constitution that senators are appointed by the Governor General, that same reason renders the Senate much weaker than the House.

It is by nature of the Canadian government that appointed bodies such as the Senate take a backseat for an elected institution like the House. This limits senators to only give minor recommendations when reviewing proposals, instead of having a more impactful role.

However, reforming the Senate by strengthening its legitimacy is also an unwise route to take.

Triple-E Senate is a proposed variation of the Senate reform. It stands for “equal, elected and effective.” This change would have senators be elected by the people as opposed to being appointed by the Governor General, giving it more democratic legitimacy and more power. This option may seem to provide a remedy to the problem of an undemo-

cratic Senate, but it will also pose further and potentially more significant issues.

As evidenced by the recent United States government shutdown, two powerful institutions in a bicameral legislature can be a major obstacle, particularly when a legislation marred with disagreement is proposed. This could be even more prominent in Canada where citizens vote for the party instead of the individual, opposing parties with significant amounts of power can potentially cause government-derailing conflicts, sabotaging the very principle of Canada’s Responsible Government ideals.

Since the Senate is empowered by the Constitution, the only way for it to be abolished is to have an agreement from at least seven provinces, and with at least 50 per cent of the population. And it’s not only the people of Canada who have called for the abolishment, Industry Minister James Moore told CTV News that the federal government “wants to move forward on either reforming the Senate, or outright abolishment,” and be gone it should.

the capilano courier

× Jana Vanduin

Before Rob Ford’s adventures with crack cocaine hit the headlines, Canada’s largest recent political scandal surrounded several senators using money they were not entitled to for housing and several other expenses. The controversy borne from the ineligible spending of senators Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin, and Patrick Brazeu, not only put a halt to their careers – it also brought attention to the Canadian Senate.

Designed to provide a “sober second thought” and review every legislative proposal from the House of Commons, the Senate has become a target of much scrutiny among Canadians.

The Senate, as it stands, is no longer in a position for any reformation, and it has come to the point that the best way to fix it is through abolishment.

The expenses scandal resulted in the suspensions of Duffy, Wallin and Brazeau. Yet 73 per cent of responding Canadians told Angus Reid Global that the scandal is not yet over. Fifty per cent of those surveyed said that the red chamber should be abolished altogether.

One of the main reasons as to why the Senate has been increasingly more maligned is due to

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cap calendar @capcourier

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Gingerbear Lane Hyatt Regency Vancouver All Day $ - free

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Canyon Lights

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It's the sweet smell of the holidays in the lobby of the Hyatt Hotel. Vote for your favourite gingerbread house creation with proceeds to Make-AWish BC & Yukon. The one rule of this competition: everything must be edible.

Capilano Suspension Bridge Park 4 pm to 9 pm $25 with student ID

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Capilano Suspension Bridge Park's popular holiday event, Canyon Lights, has a tall order this year - laying claim to the home of the world's tallest living Christmas tree. Standing 152 feet tall, this Douglas-fir will be adorned in thousands of sparkling lights.

The Cultch 2 pm $17+

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Festival of Lights

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Vancouver Aquarium’s “Luminescence” will examine how aquatic animals create light through bioluminescence and fluorescence. Includes Jelly Swarm, an interactive LED installation, and an electric eel powered tree – be amazed by the transfer of electricity from this incredible animal to the lights on the tree.

VanDusen Botanical Garden 4:30 pm to 9 pm $14.25

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Skate Robson Square Ice Rink

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Café Deux Soliels 7 pm $6 to $10

Dundarave Beach Noon to Dusk $ - free

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Fabulous, festive and absolutely free, the Dundarave Festival is your passport to Christmas as you may never have seen it before - the season of light, love and joy that leaves no one out in the cold.

Bring everyone you love and connect with the wild heart of Christmas at the Dundarave Festival.

Grouse Mountain 8:30 am to 10 am $43

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Firehall Arts Centre 8 pm $30

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Check out the last poetry slam of the year, featuring only those aged 14 to 22. Come support as young’uns try their hand at literary comedy and a chance to win best slammer of the evening. If poetry isn’t your thing, they’ve still got a wicked roster of vegetarian and vegan foods.

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The Commodore Ballroom 9:30 pm $39.50+

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Man, David Usher was such a dreamboat when I was just 11 years old – but really only as the frontman for Moist. My favourite album was Mercedes Five and Dime, which I bought with my Columbia House mail-in subscription that my parents eventually had to pay off. Whoops.

Christmas Day

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Your House All Day $ - cost of consumerism

If you’re like me, you’ll wait until the last possible minute to get anything done – especially when it comes to Christmas shopping. Luckily for us procrastinators, malls like Metrotown Centre in Burnaby stay open late to accommodate us, and the rest of the population, with a fistful of dollars.

Hotel Vancouver 9 pm $65+

Seattle folk-pop band touring in support of upcoming release Let's Be Still. The band hails from famed Seattle record label, Sub-Pop, known for signing Nirvana, Fleet Foxes and more. Hey, when you think about it, Seattle has spawned a lot of amazing musical acts in the past 20-plus years.

You go Glen Coco! I mean, Seattle.

Moist

New Year's Day

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Since the closure of the Waldorf left a gaping hole in Vancouver events, Hotel Vancouver picks it up with a multi-room New Year's party, with Colleen Rennison of No Sinner, the Ballantynes, Kurt Dahle's All Star House Band, the Sunday Service, Egyptian Lover, and more. Man, that’s a lot of bands.

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Pull on those elastic waist-band pants and get prepared to gorge yourself on turkey, chocolate, and those weird side dishes that your grandmother makes. Rip open your stuffed stockings, full of granny-panties your mom bought you from Costco. Oh, and try not to feel too bad about the environmentally devastating effects of capitalism.

It’s not your fault.

New Year's Eve at the Hotel Vancouver

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Hotel Bethlehem offers a fresh and hilarious take on this traditional tale, one that features shepherds contemplating sheep lotteries, Three Kings evading taxation, virgins, ridiculous Roman soldiers and a blind census-taker. Oh yeah, and a couple of births.

Ever just have money to burn? Well, let Grouse Mountain burn it for you. For just $43, plus a 15 per cent added gratuity, have a special meal at the Peak of Vancouver - featuring a delicious hot and cold buffet, a Christmas sing-a-long, face painting, and reindeer antler-making. With these prices, a sighting of one of the Real Housewives of Vancouver might be in the cards.

Metrotown Mall Until 11 pm $ - cost of last minute stress

Commodore Ballroom 7 pm $30

Hotel Bethlehem

Last Minute Shopping Freak Out

Robson Square ice rink serves as a seasonal heartbeat to the city, literally being in the middle of the hustle and bustle of downtown shopping. Skating is free with your own skates. Skate rentals are $4, helmets $2, and ice cleats are $2. Also features a concession stand with snacks and warm drinks.

Youth Slams

Musical directors Leslie Dala and Marisa Gaetanne lead the Vancouver Bach Choir in a program of timeless Christmas carols and newer seasonal works, accompanied by a brass quintet and the Orpheum’s legendary Wurlitzer organ.

Breakfast With Santa

During December VanDusen Gardens and Stanley Park rival for the prettiest light display around town – VanDusen Garden is decorated with hundreds of thousands of lights for the Festival of Lights. Enjoy the twinkling lights and light show, take a stroll down Candy Cane Lane, and try not to yearn for Stanley Park.

Robson Square 11 am to 9 pm $ - free

DECEMBER

The Head and the Heart

01

Orpheum Theatre 2 pm $50+

Dundarave Festival of Lights

Blowing the roof off the brand new York Theatre, An East Van Panto is the upside down version of the classic holiday pantomime-complete with bad guys, good guys, hissing and cheering-will be a sweet and whacked-out treat for the whole family.

Aquatic Luminescence

NOVEMBER

Christmas With The Bach Choir

An East Van Panto

Vancouver Aquarium 10 am to 5 pm $25

WE'RE OUT OF HERE FOR A BIT. WILL YOU MISS US? PROBABLY NOT. BUT WE WON'T MISS YOU EITHER. IN THE OFF CHANCE YOUR LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO DO, HERE YOU GO. SEE YOU IN A FEW. - CAPILANO COURIER

JANUARY

Your Bed All Day $ - cost of your liver

01

Also known as the least productive day of the year, New Year’s Day is set aside for most college students to work through their worst hangovers yet.

You might want to go ahead and set up that puke bowl ahead of time – you’re going to need it, along with a fresh pack of Gatorade.

Illuminations At Heritage Christmas Burnaby Village Museum 12 pm to 4 pm $ - free

CSU Christmas Party

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Stroll through the streets of the Village to enjoy the traditional sights and sounds of Christmases past—wreaths, cedar swags and seasonal displays.

Unique and shimmering lights display throughout the Village including the opportunity for you to create your own magical holiday show with sound-reactive lights.

Deck the Hall Ball Seattle’s Key Arena 3 pm $47+

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The Biltmore Cabaret 8pm $12

Come by the CSU’s library lounge and celebrate an early Christmas before the holiday break. The party includes food, gingerbread house making and watching the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

This might just be the second best use of your student funds. After the Courier, of course.

It's Snowing on Salt Spring

03

One thing that our neighbour south of the border indefinitely has on us is its all-ages accessibility to music. This year’s Deck the Hall Ball features performances by Vampire Weekend, Arctic Monkeys, Phoenix, the Head and the Heart, Alt-J, Lorde, Foals, and Tame Impala – and everyone is invited.

Mrs. Claus Kitchen Presentation House Theatre 8 pm $23 to $28

CSU Library Lounge 11:30 am to 4:30 pm $ - free

Lightning Dust + Louise Burns

Granville Island Stage 8 pm $29+

CSU Annual General Meeting

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Some of the most interesting women in the Vancouver music scene put on a show at the Biltmore Cabaret. Amber Webb from local hard rockers Black Mountain fronts ethereal electro-rock group Lightning Dust and Louise Burns, formerly of Lillix fame, plays from her solo discography.

Happy Sinterklaas

04

The Netherlands (and New Westminster) All Day $ - cost of racism and black face paint

A home grown Christmas tale that tells the story of when the stockings aren’t hung by the chimney with care and disenchanted Bill Bannister hopes that St. Nick won’t be there. Will it take a reindeer-guided trip to the North Pole for Bill to rediscover the spirit of Christmas?

Mrs. Claus’ Kitchen is a fresh holiday musical for the whole family. Feeling underappreciated at the North Pole, Mrs. Claus discovers a magical recipe for drawing families together. Set on the cusp of the 1960s, when modern Christmas really came of age, the show takes the audience on a tuneful ride filled with charm, laughter and a fresh look at the hustle, bustle and real worth of a family holiday.

SFU Woodward 7:30 pm $15 to $25

05

In Holland, the legend goes that Sinterklaas will fill your wooden clog (leave it at your window sill) with gold coins and one chocolate letter of your first initial, with help of his Zwarte Piets (Black Peter). All over the Netherlands and in many places in Canada, Dec. 5 marks a day where white people wear “black face” in the name of giving. Weird.

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An Eastside adaptation of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol featuring musicians Jim Byrnes, Margo Kane, Steve Maddock, and Tom Pickett.

This is not a time to get your Scrooge on, go enjoy some of the best kept secrets Vancouver has to offer – a cheap price to see some performers who’ve played with the likes of Muddy Waters and B.B. King.

Anchorman 2

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20

A Theatre Near You All Day $11ish

Improvisers weave a magical Christmas story like you've never seen before – each and every night the tale will take a different turn as the audience helps to save Christmas. Will the evil villain ruin this magical holiday season for the townsfolk?

Will the Christmas Queen awaken the spirit of Christmas in all of us? You decide.

San Diego's top-rated newsman, Ron Burgundy, played by Will Ferrell, returns to the news desk along with his co-anchor and wife, Veronica, weather man Brick Tamland and more – all of whom won't make it easy to stay classy while taking the nation's first 24-hour news channel by storm.

Contact Festival

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In case you didn’t acquire enough crap on Christmas, today is the day you can rush up to your local mall and find everything you wanted to buy for half-price since the stores are now attempting to clear the shelves for springtime sales. A great time to buy that New Year’s Eve dress you’ve been wanting.

02

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BC Place 5 pm to midnight $99

Western Canada’s largest music festival, Contact, returns to Vancouver in December – this time, over two days. Ten of the most celebrated and illustrious artists in the current electronic music industry to perform over December 26 and 27, providing you the most expensive house-music induced headache you’ll ever know.

Canadian country-rock band ("Try", "Heart Like Mine") performs on its In Our Nature Tour, with guests the Devin Cuddy Band. Stumble out of your bedroom, get over that alcohol poisoning and try to re-start your year with a little country.

Ukrainian Orthodox Church 5 pm to 8 pm $8 to $15

06

Penitent Ben & The Petty Crimes release their self-titled debut EP put out by new label, Big Smoke, the records' six songs take the listener on a 28-minute journey of folk-tinged rock and indie pop. The EP will also be made available in full on a pay-what-you-want basis via the bands bandCamp page.

03

07

Enjoy a Christmas themed pre-show and preboarding experience including the Ultimate Flying Ride - FlyOver Canada. Share in the magic of Christmas at the free outdoor Christmas Plaza featuring live entertainment, Santa's Artic Art Workshop display with live ice carving shows and waffles, drinks and candied nuts by Leonidas Belgian Chocolates and Swiss Style Nuts.

Carol Ships Celebration

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Panorama Park 8 pm to 9 pm $ - free

14

Ever feel like giving yourself some really strong motivation to NOT go to the gym? American standup comedian and ‘roid-monkey known for his prop-based performances and frequent appearances on the ever-popular “Roast of ” shows might scare you straight into avoiding supplements and free weights forever.

Carol Ships are boats decorated with Christmas lights that parade Vancouver waterways throughout the holiday season. On peak evenings, this holiday tradition has grown to more than 50 decorated boats, with in excess of 100,000 lights.

Eastside Flea

Off The Eaten Track

The Wise Hall 10 am to 4 pm $ - by donation

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Benton Brother Fine Cheese 4 to 6 pm $45

The Eastside Flea is a fresh new monthly flea market in East Vancouver featuring a diverse array of vendors from handmade goods, vintage clothing and antiques, art, craftsmen items, garage sale and more. Find those unique, heart-felt Christmas gifts here.

Queen Elizabeth Theatre 7:30 pm $35+

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Join Off The Eaten Track for a delicious two-hour tour of festive Cambie Village where you will be treated to over six tasting samples and given the opportunity to shop for some unique and tasty gifts. Stroll through Cambie Village – full of funky boutique shops and amazing locally owned restaurants.

Daniel Wesley

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The Commodore Ballroom 9:30 pm $25+

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Tchaikovsky's classic ballet, with choreography

by Edmund Stripe and music by the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra, plays at the Queen Elizabeth. In case you’ve been living under a rock every Christmas, the Nutcracker tells the tale of Clarice, a young girl who receives a Nutcracker that comes to life during a fevered dream.

Daniel Wesley hails from the close town of White Rock, playing the Commodore Ballroom, and cites his influences as Mason Jennings, Bob Marley, The Beatles and Pearl Jam – not hard to hear with his easy-free style of reggae-rock. Most noted for his hit “Ooh Ohh” in 2007, Wesley has since released three more albums.

Winter Market

Sunday Blues Revue

Nat Bailey Stadium 10 am to 2 pm $ - free

04

Kick off your first Saturday of the year with fresh produce and ethical, local meals. The winter farmer’s market still goes strong at Nat Bailey stadium, featuring local food artisans, fresh beets, free range eggs and several food trucks to satisfy immediate cravings. Yum.

The Columbia (New Westminster) 5 pm $ - no cover

05

Venture out the suburbs and enjoy the New Orleans style venue, newly-renovated, for some blues by some of the finest musicians in this vintage show lounge every Sunday night for Sunday Blues Revue.

It beats making Bayou-inspired BBQ ribs for one while playing video games in your underwear.

×

Every first Friday of the month, the Ukrainian Orthodox Church hosts an affordable dinner that has hipsters and babushkas lining up around the block. $8 will get you a mini-dinner, including four pyrophy, one cabbage roll, Ukrainian sausage and a coffee while $15 will buy a super-supper.

Only $3.50 for a bowl of borscht.

Canada Place 10 am to 9 pm $19.95

the capilano courier

Orpheum Theatre 6:30 pm $55+

Christmas at Flyover Canada

The Nutcracker

Ukrainian Dinner

Blue Rodeo

The Media Club 8pm $11

Red Robinson Show Theatre 8 pm $54+

Vancouver TheatreSports League, Improv Centre 7:30 pm $26.50

The mall All Day $ - half price everything

Come see what your hard-spent student fees go towards every year as the Capilano Students Union hosts its AGM. There will probably be a ton of student-government jargon, so read up on those Roberts Rules of Order lest you accidentally raise your hand to vote on something you’re not meant to vote on. How embarrassing.

Carrot Top

Christmas Queen: An Improv Fairytale

Boxing Day

28

Penitent Ben + the Petty Crimes

Bah! Humbug!

11

CSU Library Lounge 11:30 am $ - your student fees

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47 issue N o . 12

21

the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

Marble dreams Scott Morares × Managing Editor

“Last night, I dreamt I got into my car and drove it head-on into a wall. Then I would get out of the car, get into another car, and crash that one into the wall. Again and again. I don't understand what this means.”

I could never remember my dreams. For a whole year, though, I fabricated them by the dozens and fed them to a candy-ass therapist. Sitting cross-legged with his silly bobble head, empowered by a doctorate degree luxuriously framed on a textured wall, he read me – my character – like a book. It entertained me to always know that he was wrong.

I had no reason to waste his time, none other than a lingering boredom, which urged me to find ways to waste my own time. At last, having run out of lies, I confessed my wicked game, tipped a few hundred extra dollars, and walked out of his laboratory. Later that night, I met my friend Rob at his favourite hotel bar. We'd met a few years earlier at a marketing firm and managed to get fired on the same account, only to be rewarded later on for our boldness by another employer.

“You look like a sack of shit,” he said.

“Not unlike anyone else. Not unlike you.”

We always met in these marble counter bars, at some hotel or other, so we could watch the pathetic reflection of our unjustly affluent life and drink ourselves half to death as an apology to the world. A man sang at the piano that night. Not bad at all – he sounded like an early Tom Waits.

After minutes of random catching up, he struck his favourite topic. “You need another woman.

You know it's been way too long.” He nodded me towards one. Executive suit, harmless cocktail, working on her phone.

“Way out of my league,” I said.

“What league are you in?”

“No league at all.”

“Yes, the rich, charming, fearless league. Women love that. Your league encompasses all leagues.”

He had his opinions on everything, although I doubt they were based on personal experience.

“She's perfect for you. You like your cream to taste of vanilla. Plain, simple, classic, but delicious.

That's fine. Personally, I like a more exotic hint – mango, passion fruit, pineapple.” Increasingly, it appeared, he had a fetish for fruit innuendo.

I wanted to challenge him on his last accomplishment – boning a moustached Viking of a woman. What would she have been? Not a mango or a passion fruit. A turnip or a rutabaga, maybe.

“You see, Robbie boy, I'm thinking of moving out of town. Somewhere quieter, by a fucking blue lake.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I hate this fucking city. This traffic, this brainwashing job, this suit, these conversations.”

“Of course you do. Who wouldn't? That's why you need the lady.”

Later that night, hardly making any sense, he whispered to me, “Why would anyone want to put a fuzzy peach in their mouth if they can have

× Katie So

a smooth juicy nectarine? Sure, it's the same fruit, but the mouth-feel makes all the difference, no?”

Having always preferred nectarines, the argument did strike me as logical. I scanned around but the lady was gone. Everyone was gone.

Terribly intoxicated, I walked through the blurred city lights terrified of the future. The dark

blankness of it. It took me a while to find my car, and soon afterwards I crashed it into a wall. I closed my eyes and had a dream – of mangos and nectarines by an icy turquoise lake. And I wondered, tentatively, whether or not that would also be a premonition. I decided that it was, and this time around, I needed no second opinion.

as i stood there Michael Bull × Writer

the capilano courier

×

volume

47 issue N o . 12

I saw a man scream at a woman on the street today.

22

His eyes were wide and worn and bright.

Throwing a set of keys on the ground, his other hand balled into a fist.

She bent down to pick them up.

I watched as two women came their way, laughing and grinning and enjoying the beauty of a soft, spring morning.

I watched their eyes grow wide, and heard as their voices went quiet.

As he screamed, she knelt there, on the sidewalk Like a dog.

The two women walked by, single file, their voices lowered and their eyes focused on the ground.

Maintain speed.

They, like me, did nothing.

× Cheryl Swan

staff editorial underachievers, come forth Scott Moraes × Managing Editor

× Cheryl Swan

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

47 issue N o . 12

feel that most of the talent around us is simmering quietly under the surface. Muffled by embarrassment, fear of failure, rejection to compromise.

Our society is culturally built so that some have a much better chance of succeeding than others. It's marked by petty competition, superficial values, hollow credentials, and messed up priorities.

We'll always feel envy (perhaps jealousy, or anger) at the overachievers. Seeing mediocrity be rewarded is really infuriating. But embarrassment is no reason to hide: it's a wonderful opportunity for self-ridicule. It's an interesting topic in itself because it is rarely talked about. In fact, it's probably more interesting than all of the triumphs in my life I have chosen not to talk about here. Those things, samples of pure happiness, could make people gag in disgust at my apparently tutti-frutti life.

I'm hoping that kicking this chronic feeling of failure in the balls will make it go away. And if doesn't – oh, well, I'll still have that to write a book about.

volume

I've put into being a musician and a writer. If I said it, I know it. I'd be cast into one stereotype or another. Probably the pretentious artist wannabe who thinks he's better than anyone else. Not at all the reaction I want to inspire.

Having chosen different forms to tell stories – literature, film, music – I have found it hard to really pursue a path without changing directions along the way. Juggling multiple careers is something I have named my Renaissance Man Dilemma (RMD, could be a real thing) – one that I invest most of my time trying to solve. On the bright side, I guess having such a dilemma, one that may not even be solvable, is what has kept me working and growing. I could not envision an alternative to the path I've taken. As much as I resent all the reasons – conscious or otherwise – that prevent me from fulfilling all of my ambitions, I find nothing to regret in my past or present decisions. I find no urge to ever stop trying, even if that implies a lot more failure.

Everywhere, I see the consequences of taking the roads less traveled by. I see immigrants working at Tim Horton’s who might have credentials that are not recognized here, I see bitter baristas who might be brilliant singers by night. Somehow, I

×

Perhaps this project itself is overly ambitious, a shot-in-the-dark way to analyze my own shortcomings, and hopefully overcome them. If it accomplishes that, while failing to be a good read in itself, maybe I will still deem it a success in the end.

Investing years of your life craft, and talent into any project and then not receiving the recognition you feel you deserve can be pretty damaging. Hurt pride stings like a bitch, and it lingers through years. Why would anyone really ever want to take that risk? Really, anyone who takes a gamble and sets out to make it as any type of artist is condemning themselves to an undetermined period of underachievement. Regardless of talent, charisma, business acumen, or whatever else you need to “make it.”

I have two fairly decent jobs for a college dropout. But I am not a chef, nor am I really a journalist. Though these professions intersect slightly with some of my actual passions, I find it damaging to subject cooking to the laws of business and to subject writing to the bland regulations and insipid language of journalism.

When people ask me what I do for living, I'd like to say I am a storyteller. But I have very little to back that up with, for the six or so years of work

the capilano courier

Calling yourself an underachiever reeks of self-pity.

I'm aware of it and that's the main reason I refrain from defining myself with the term. In fact, I think everyone should feel that they have achieved less than what they're capable of: it drives a healthy desire to grow and develop. But when the feeling becomes a chronic ailment, troubling most of your waking life, there is cause for concern.

Since my early teens, I've been victim to ambitions of Napoleonic proportions – greedy, insatiable, fed by excessive pride. Setting unrealistic goals and expectations will almost always lead to feelings of underachievement – I've been aware of that for years, but still, logic can't alleviate the raw ambition. Wanting so much and accomplishing so little does nothing but perpetuate an unhealthy feeling of embarrassment. Until you learn how to take that feeling and turn it into something else.

The feeling consumed me so much that I found it an appropriate concept for my first novel-in-theworks which, as vaguely as I can put it, is built upon the lifetime of a man who, despite his literary talents and continuous efforts, never manages to get published, and how he chooses to react and adapt to that intransigent failure, while at the same time achieving things not originally planned for.

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the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

JEREMY HANLON

CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

SHOTGUN REVIEWS : THE FAMILY TRADITION EDITION

A PERSIAN CHRISTMAS

MY BROTHER INDIGO

CELINE DION CHRISTMAS

TEN NIGHTS AT CHURCH

Rana Sowdaey // Writer

Paisley Conrad // Writer

Faye Alexander // Opinions Editor

Carlo Javier // Staff Writer

Growing up in Oakville, I never felt so divided between my two cultures as I did at Christmas. While all the moms in town were dressing their staircases with garland and strategically placing festive teddies on miniature frosted benches in their front halls, my mom was struggling with the instructions on the thin, plastic wrapped, decorated box with oddly numbered cut out squares.

I remember explaining mistletoe to my father at the age of seven. His eyebrows pushed together like chunky black caterpillars as I explained to him that it should hang at the archway to our living room. Early on, we didn't have a Christmas tree so I hung my festive bagel among other odd ornaments dipped in lacquer in odd places, like the door knob to the toilet. It was my little brother, though, who managed to get my parents to bring a Christmas tree in. I never second guessed my love for Iranian cuisine, but one year he announced that he would not be eating on the 25th of December unless there was a stuffed turkey with gravy. Worried for his sanity, my mom consulted her co-workers, who all advised her accordingly on how to cook the enormous thing in the oven.

I don't think there's any one thing that culturally defines a house more than the food they eat. So, by my brother’s standards, we were officially ready for Christmas. By the time we were in high school, my mom was making her own wreath with her left hand and her own cranberry sauce with her right.

The Christmas teddies were never quite suited to our house, but my mom did manage to find little Santa hats to dress our three statues of bearded Persian knights.

My family literally always has a movie playing. I basically have Shrek 2 memorized word for word because of how many times it's been playing during a family dinner or cleaning day. Though most of this movie watching is relatively passive, occasionally my family likes to get the full monty from whatever film is playing from our television screen.

I guess you could call us method watchers. Not only do we dress up as our favourite characters, but we often forgo our own personalities for those that are onscreen. A favourite of my younger siblings is Barbie in Swan Lake, a resetting of the classic ballet, with more idiotic bad guys, prettier dresses, and a talking unicorn. My lovely sisters always take the roles of the princess and the swan, and I dress up as the grumpy troll, armed with my permanent teenage scowl. My Lego-loving, adventure-seeking, affection-hating little brother, always claims the roll of the sparkly, sassy unicorn Lila, outfitted in a glittery purple unicorn onesie, complete with an iridescent horn. He gallops around the house, flipping his mane at anyone who dares question his alter ego. He's a talking unicorn, and he doesn't want none of your shit.

Being from Quebec was never part of my family's identity – that was until we moved to Vancouver. Hailing from Montreal wasn't just true; it had to be slipped in to every conversation. I suddenly knew more about poutine and the Parti Quebecois than I ever had as a resident. My family was so grief stricken due to departing from our Montreal abode; we just didn't like the look on people's faces when they would say they were from Vancouver smiling, only to proceed to tell us it was "the most beautiful city in the world" – According to whom? Isn't that subjective? Have you been to Quebec? It's awesome. Starbucks are called “Cafe Starbucks”. Plus, there is always snow on Christmas. So we began a new tradition over the past nine years: our French Canadian Christmas Eve. My mom makes tortiere with cloves; we drink French champagne, and listen exclusively to Celine Dion all night. Sometimes we listen to Lara Fabian. Never Arcade Fire, though. We listen to her French stuff too, just to alienate anyone who drops by and thinks they can roll like the Quebecois do. You can't. We sit by the fire and write letters to the language police and gripe on all the English businesses we're affronted with on the daily living here and I turn on “My Heart Will Go On”.

Christmas traditions vary from culture to culture.

Some people even chose to not celebrate it at all, abhorring or just simply being apathetic towards the religiously-biased celebration. It is a religiously driven event. And that is what makes it both exciting and weird in the Philippines. My favourite tradition to not take part in is the ritual of attending midnight mass for 10 straight nights, up until Christmas Eve. Make no mistake, this is a glorious and very, very cultural gathering of Catholics in an extraordinarily and ornately designed church.

The belief is that if you manage to attend all 10 – because it is definitely a challenge – you will have wish granted (by God?) come Christmas morning.

As if the lies of Santa Claus is not enough! I really can’t believe that parents would lie to their children, and tell them to attend 10 straight midnight masses just to get one wish, especially from a small archipelagic country like the Philippines, where wishes can have a wide range, from simple prayers for consistent Internet connection, to an approved passport to Canada, or improbable wishes like growing taller to maybe make it in the NBA.

the capilano courier

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volume

47 issue N o . 12

W/ THE STAFF

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FIVE FEMALE ROOMMATES IT'S CALLED A BROTHEL PALINDROMES GOD AS A DOG? RUDOLPH'S REDNOSE PUBERTY HIT HIM HARD INCESTUOUS DINOSAURS OEDIPUSAURUS REX

winter haikus Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor

Twinkle lights sparkle front porches dressed in white gold New Years they disrobe

Soft white blanket fell draped on pines and slender spruce mountains come alive

IT'S BEEN A ROUGH WEEK TIME FOR A BLENDED DRINK BLIND DATES WORSE THAN TINDER ADULT DIAPERS MY GRANDMA REALLY DEPENDS ON THEM

Frost bitten windows icy filigrees appear winter glitters on