V 47 i19 lowres

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SETH MEYERS

NORTH VANCOUVER

DRAKE

× MARCH 3RD 2014

NEKNOMINATIONS

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QUEER CHOIR

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CAPILANO Courier 09

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News

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features

opinions

columns

Calendar

CABOOSE

Jailhouse Block

Glass Act

Ponzi Schemes

Drake's #YOLO

Feeding Cuba

Faye Day

Kitchen Bitchin'

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Katherine Gillard News Editor

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS:

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Capilanocourier.com

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Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS:

THE CAPILANO COURIER

@capcourier

04

The Staff

2

@capilanocourier

of this pizza'd out university newspaper... burrrp

Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor

Andy Rice Arts + Culture Editor

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Therese Guieb Features Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Faye Alexander Opinions Editor

Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor

Scott Moraes Managing Editor

Carlo Javier Staff Writer

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Lindsay Howe Marketing + Web Editor

James Martin, Alva Tee, Keara Farnan, Steve Tornes, Gabriel Scorgie, Julia Gabriel, Paisley Conrad, Christine Janke, Reuben Krabbe, Kevin Kapenda, Gregg Swartz, Calvin deGroot, Layla Domino

Cristian Fowlie, Alain Champagne, Danielle Mainman, Tierney Milne, Kristen Wright, Vivian Liu, Jana Vanduin, Chris Dedinsky, Arin Ringwald, Sydney Parent, Josh Seinen, Crystal Lee, Cole Pauls

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

the power of pizza “There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box in your lap.”

Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

- Kevin James It’s nice when plans come to fruition, and turn out even better than expected. It’s like when you buy a scratch and win for your mom’s birthday present and it actually turns out to be a winner, and she gets $50.

The best-laid plans turn into better-laid plans, which is always a welcome surprise. And it’s even better when those plans involve pizza.

On Feb. 27, the Courier hosted its first ever Pizza Social. We took over the CSU Library Lounge with cases of soda pop, Twister and what seemed like an endless supply of pizza. When planning this event, we had no idea how many people to expect, but initially thought only 15 would show up. I had real fears that it would be just the 12 Courier staff, standing around and eating a pizza and a half each. While that would have been a good time, this is what we do nearly every week. This night was intended to reach out and get people interested in the Courier, by bribing them with pizza.

We were in the lounge for about two hours, heads bopping to Beyoncé and talking to people about the Courier: what we do, how to contribute and the job opportunities within. There was a Courier quiz, with winners receiving gift cards. The grand prize was a back rub and hug from our Production Manager, Andy.

Admittedly, I was slightly jealous of the guy who won that. We were in the lounge for two hours and it kind of flew by. It was the first time I got to talk to some of the readers who say that they read these things every week (I promise to try and make them more entertaining for that very reason).

I walked out of the lounge with 15 empty pizza boxes and a sense of contentment. I count our first Pizza Social as a success because we got more people interested in the paper. We reached out to the campus community and they responded by eating our pizza and sticking around to hang out and talk to us.

Why I think I was so content was because of the sense of community achieved at the social. We are really here for the students of Capilano University and to educate the campus community on issues that are relevant to them. While we work hard every week to produce an issue, we often don’t know if people are picking it up and are actually interested in the stories we report on. We want to know what you think, so please, get in touch with us. We take messages via Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, love letters, the Voicebox and carrier pigeon. You can also stop by the Maple Dumpster on Tuesdays at noon. We always love seeing new people around the Maple Dumpster.

The reason for wanting to throw a Pizza Social wasn’t just to eat more pizza. When we did a marketing research survey last semester on the Courier’s readership, the most common response was that people didn’t even know that we existed. They were annoyed that they were funding the Courier through student levies, but didn’t know where to pick it up or when it was published. So we’ve tried to make more noise over the past semester. We designed posters informing people that there is a campus newspaper, upped our Instagram game (follow @capcourier for some good online entertainment), and even sent Carlo “Good Hair” Javier out to hand out copies of current issues to people around campus. He was picked for this chore because he is easily the best dressed out of the bunch.

This got me thinking about my very first editorial for the paper back in September. I wrote about how my tree planting community rallied and donated tens of thousands of trees, which translated into thousands of dollars, for my dental surgery bills. My goal for this year of the Courier was to create synergy, to assemble a staff that worked better together than apart, and to enhance our reputations as an aesthetically-pleasing student publication. And I believe our Pizza Social was an example of this. It was originally Andy, our arts editor’s, idea and through brainstorming ideas and combining 12 different visions for the party, it created something better than I hoped it could be. I think my favourite result was our “Celebrities Eating Pizza” campaign, marketing the event. Featuring photos of celebs and important people eating pizza, such as Jay-Z, Justin Bieber and Obama, we spread the word about the event. We may continue this even though the event has passed, just because of its hilarity.

Through this event, we created a bit of synergy. I would have never been able to pull off a social event on my own and I want to thank all of my staff who helped, bought prizes and unabashedly used their mother's Costco card to get cheaper Doritos. And thanks to everyone who came to the event to socialize and vote in our Special General Meeting. It’s the most touched I have been from a democratic election since Obama won in 2008. But just because we created it once doesn’t mean that we’re done. Knowing my staff and their work ethic, this will only propel them to make more, create more and reach out more.

And that’s the exciting part. That’s the part worth sticking around for. So please, stick around, pick up a paper, pass it around and let us know what you think. We’re dying to know.

tweets from their seats

THE VOICE BOX

with: Scott Moraes

“I found a copy of your paper at Booster Juice at Park and Tilford!!!”

Yeah, we put it there. Not a sunken treasure. :) “Last Tuesday at exactly 2:02 p.m. I tried to buy a Caesar wrap at Tim Horton's — mind you, their Caesar wraps are the best food in all of Capilano — but guess what? I'm two minutes late, so no wrap! Bullshit!”

“It looks like you guys have a lot of fun at your jobs and you'll stay there forever. How do I steal one of your jobs?”

Hey! Ain't nobody stealing nothing from nobody. Also, here's how this works. All of us on staff are hired for the school year.

Meaning that after the last issue is published, the entire staff is dissolved. In other words, we're all out of a job, including the Editor-in-Chief. Then there's an election for the new EIC, and then he/she will hire an entire new staff. So, if you wanna work here, stay tuned and send in an application. Also, make sure you're actually qualified for the job, and don't mention in the interview that you were the weirdo who wanted to steal our jobs.

“I like your content but I hate the couches in your office.

When are you planning on redecorating so I can stomach attending your story meetings?”

We don't have a redecorating budget. If you're willing to donate furniture or pick some shit up at Salvation Army, we'll take new couches. Otherwise, most people seem comfortable with our couches, and we also have chairs and tables to sit on.

Also, you can easily stand for half an hour, no? Really, what I'm trying to say is: stop making excuses and show up. We'll save you a chair with a red fluffy cushion on it so we all know just exactly who you are: the couch snob.

Capilano University @CapilanoU Congrats to #CapilanoU’s women’s volleyball team! Silver at the provincial championships & a wild card at nationals!

Seth Rogen @Sethrogen Not sure why only two senators were at the hearing. Very symbolic of how the Government views Alzheimer's.

Seems to be a low priority.

Kristi Alexandra @kristialexandra I'm really jazzed that not one BUT TWO cat cafés are hitting Vancouver very soon. At least one of them should be called The Scratching Post.

Michael Spencer @MikeSpencer21 In 15 years Blue Ivy Carter and North West are gonna make the shittiest of shitty music Rob Delaney @robdelaney I bet the real "Rapper's Delight" is a cup of chamomile tea to soothe their throats after all that #rappin!

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Leah Mae @MsElleMae Refusing to do anything but watch Ghostbusters, all of them, today. RIP Harold Ramis.

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Sam Grittner @SamGrittner "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"

×

The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.

Kendall Marshall @KButter5 My 14yr old sister posted a selfie w/ the caption "just be loyal." she better be talkin to her damn dog.

THE CAPILANO COURIER

Obviously, you didn't even try to argue. You can always win if you say “C'mon, that's bullshit. Gimme my wrap, now! I'm paying for this shit. I'll never come back here if you refuse to give me my wrap. I'll also tell all my friends to boycott you....”

Okay, maybe it's just easier to skip the tantrum, protect your reputation and just show up a few minutes earlier.

*

Anna Kendrick @AnnaKendrick47 No, flash player, I will not update you now. Not until the day I try to watch Hulu and it won't play. Not a moment sooner!!

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NEWS

KATHERINE GILLARD NEWS EDITOR

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

The Price of school HOW THE FEDERAL BUDGET AFFECTS STUDENTS Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

× Vivian Liu Just in time for the upcoming federal election, Finance Minister Jim Flaherty announced that this year’s federal budget would feature a significant increase in the nation’s annual revenue, as well as a positive outlook on both national deficit and surplus.

The budget revealed the Harper government’s planned emphasis on job training, improvement of infrastructure and stronger support to consumers.

The government aims to help raise apprenticeship levels in order to meet the increasing demand for tradespeople — specifically in Alberta and Saskatchewan. Focusing on skills training is also one of the government’s strategies in terms of lowering the seven per cent unemployment rate. Over $392 million will be dedicated to improvement of Canada’s infrastructure. Apart from that, $237 million will also be reserved for the fixing of bridges in the Greater Montreal area. As for the consumers, a newfound support for technology will be witnessed.

Over the next five years, $305 million will be dedicated to the improvement of high-speed Internet access for rural areas and Northern communities.

One sector of society that remained on the sidelines of the budget was education. Apart from

the focus on bettering job training programs and apprenticeships, there were very few mentions of federal aid to schools and other institutions in the 2014-2015 federal budget.

British Columbia’s own budget revealed a surplus for the province. However, this surplus is at the cost of price increases in sectors such as medicine, car insurance and tuition.

In an official CSU press release, Brittany Barnes, educational issues coordinator said, “The Capilano Students’ Union is disappointed in the government’s lack of support to post-secondary education and students.” Barnes added that, “B.C. continues to be the only province in Canada without a needsbased grant program, continues to force institutions to increase tuition, continues to have the highest interest rate on student loans in the country, and continues to decrease overall funding made available for post-secondary education.”

Student debt in B.C. is estimated to be about $1.1 billion, this number is also expected to rise.

However, the measures that the government did take in helping students could potentially have a more significant effect than projected. One

of which is the expansion of the Canada Student Loans Program.

No longer will the value of vehicles affect a student’s ability to get a loan. The change in vehicle assessment is an issue students across the country, for years, have been advocating.

“If you own a vehicle and you apply for a student loan, that vehicle won’t be counted against your ability to obtain a student loan,” starts Jonathan Champagne, national director of the Canadian Alliance of Students Associations (CASA). “So what this means is almost $8 million more in financial aid is available for students.”

“Vehicles for many students are not a luxury but a necessity. For mature students, they might have families or kids and need a vehicle more, so that’s one thing that our organization called for the federal government to change,” Champagne adds.

Prior to the announcement of the change, about 19,000 students were getting penalized due to their cars that value upwards of $5,000.

CASA is an organization that represents over 300,000 students across the country. The organization is based in Ottawa and stands for undergraduate, graduate and college students alike. “We do advocacy on federal post-secondary education policy,” explains Champagne. “Again, we mainly focus towards the federal government, advocating for change, high-quality, accessible, affordable and innovative education. That’s the basis of what our organization stands upon,” he continues.

CASA is the main voice that represents post-secondary students on issues at the federal level. Their goals are outlined into four main policy principles: accessibility, affordability, innovation and quality.

“One of the big things we want to see from the

federal government is more money put towards student loans and student grants, we just want to make sure that any qualified student obtains some sort of funding to be able to go to school, and that they’re not denied the education just because of lack of funding,” says Champagne.

Champagne adds that about 20 per cent of anyone who applies for student loans reaches the maximum amount that is available.

Another one of CASA’s goals in terms of bettering the affordability of post-secondary education is alleviating the cost of textbooks.

“Our organization has actually been a leader in open-educational resources and we’re calling on the federal government to look at exploring feasibility of the federal government taking leadership in purchasing licenses and opening up textbooks, making them fully available and free of charge,” explains Champagne.

The incremental introduction of open digital textbooks in British Columbia is process that Champagne sees potential in. B.C. is the first province to address the ever-rising textbook prices with such magnitude and CASA is hoping that the federal government addresses this topic nationally.

One issue addressed in the federal budget that translates into helping students is the goal to reduce price gaps between Canada and the United States.

“Right now there’s a regulation in place that on textbooks, there’s a tariff of 15 per cent that is collected and goes towards the publisher,” says Champagne.

“We’re hoping that when the federal government looks at addressing the U.S. price gap difference that that regulation is removed,” he adds.

no i.d? can't vote!

EXPERTS WARN VOTER FRAUD LAW WILL SUPPRESS VOTES Kevin Kapenda

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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× Writer

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× Kristen Wright

In February, the Conservatives tabled an electoral reform bill known as the Fair Elections Act, a bill that they believe will to tackle voter fraud in federal elections. From now on, if a voter is not registered with Elections Canada and wishes to vote on election day, they must bring government-issued picture identification to the polls. The catch? The

I.D. must have an address on it, and that address must be in the riding they wish to vote in. Much like most legislation from the Harper government, there will be no exceptions to those rules, meaning that Canadians and students can no longer vouch for would-be voters at a community polling station.

The government believes that the contents of their Fair Elections Act will cut down on people voting on behalf of others, individuals voting when they are not legally entitled to and voters casting ballots more than once, thus suppressing voter fraud. “Our laws will make our laws tougher and easy to follow,” says government spokesperson Gabrielle Renaud-Mattey. “It will make life harder for election law-breakers, and focus on honest people taking part in our democracy.”

On the other hand, Elizabeth May, leader of the Green Party, told The Tyee, that “voter fraud” is a non-existent issue in Canadian elections and a phrase being used by the Conservatives to mask a voter suppression bill. Marc Mayrand, who currently serves as the chief electoral officer of Canada, an independent executive who oversees Elections Canada, told CTV News that banning vouching at voting stations, whether it’s fair or not, will prevent Canadians from voting. He estimates an end to vouching will deny at least 100,000 Canadians from voting, a figure based on roughly how many people used the technicality in 2011.

Critics of the law, such as May and NDP deputy leader David Christopherson, say that it will

disenfranchise many groups in Canada, such as low-income Canadians and students. Chardaye Bueckert of the Simon Fraser University Student Society argues that the law will not only affect outof-province students, but all students who relocate for post-secondary studies within B.C. “If you don’t have an I.D. with an address in the riding, you will be turned away,” stresses Bueckert.

“Even if you have a B.C. driver’s license, if the address isn’t in the riding where you live and wish to vote in, you will be denied a ballot.” Securing those identification documents aren’t worthwhile for many students because they are expensive and may require passing a driving exam or purchasing a B.C. I.D. card, an extra burden that students don’t need.

“This law will affect so many students, it will even affect me,” states Bueckert. Before the law, students would have been able to vouch for wouldbe voters like roommates of theirs who would have probably been able to vote by showing a passport or CareCard and proof of address. Unfortunately, next year this won’t be possible, as all students in B.C. will have to adapt to the government’s new identification requirements at polling stations.

With voter turnout in federal elections at an all-time low, one must ask why the government is trying to block people from voting, instead of making it easier for displaced residents, like students, to vote. Bueckert believes the government is focusing on eliminating ballots, instead of making it easier for people to vote because they’ve realized

that the people who use the “vouching system” are more often than not, students and low-income voters, people who often relocate from riding to riding in dense cities such as Metro Vancouver, and don’t always possess or have an updated government I.D. with addresses on them. “Voters who tend to have I.D. with current addresses on them tend to be homeowners in mid- to high-income communities, and live in ridings that mostly went Conservative in 2011,” explains Bueckert.

In her eyes, as well as the eyes of Green Party Leader Elizabeth May, this government law hurts every major political party except theirs, threatening the popular vote of the Green Party, Liberals and NDP in cities with large student and lowincome populations, people who regularly change addresses and most importantly, usually don’t vote Conservative.

Bueckert, as well as American lawyer and voter I.D. law expert Witold Walczak, has even compared the bill to U.S. style laws, which have been popularized by local Republican parties across the country and have been known to aid in suppressing the votes of students, minorities and low-income Americans. All this law does is tell people, “Sorry, you can’t vote, you’ve got to go home,” explained Walczak in the National Post.

news

living in the lockup OLD VANCOUVER JAIL TURNS INTO NEW LIVING SPACE Julia Gabriel × Writer A former remand centre is currently undergoing renovations to provide affordable living space in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. Located on the corner of Powell Street and Gore Avenue, the jail was closed in 2002 and has remained vacant since.

Announced in 2011, the plans to create livable space out of the penitentiary will be carried out through a collaborative effort involving B.C. Housing, the government, BladeRunners, the Bloom Group, CPA Development Consultants and Henriquez Partners Architects.

The Bloom Group, a company focused on supporting vulnerable members of the community, says that the upper floors of the jail will be transformed into 96 "permanent, affordable and shelter-rate housing for people working and living downtown.”

The lower floor will remain home to the Vancouver Community Court that remained functioning after the jail’s closure. Upon opening, the new development will be managed by the Bloom Group and non-profits, which will provide support and services to the residents. “The 250 Powell St. project… is a great example of the ways non-market solutions are essential if we’re to solve homelessness,” said Dr. Michael Markwick, a member of Capilano University’s faculty of communications. “It stands in sharp contrast to the Olympic Village, and the promise that those residences would increase the city’s stock of affordable housing.”

“Repurposing this space allows us to create affordable, safe housing in the Downtown Eastside for 96 individuals in the community,” said Casey Clerkson to Global BC, principal of CPA Development Consultants. As many of the residents face problems such as addiction, terminal illness, poverty, homelessness and mental illness, the project will focus on low-income residents and at-risk youth in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. In part

× Tierney Milne with BladeRunners, a trades training employment program, 37 of the units will be dedicated to aboriginal youth. “Ninety-five per cent of the kids we work with are homeless when they first start the program,” said Gary Jobin of BladeRunners. “Our need for affordable, stable housing is unbelievable.

We have six intakes a year, with 12 participants each time. If one of those kids has housing already, it’s a bonus for us.” The remaining units will be available for at-risk women and their children, as well as other vulnerable members of the community.

Construction started in January 2014 and is predicted to be finished by the winter of 2015. Accepted residents will have access to their apartments

by that same spring, marking the project’s completion. In addition to the stable housing, a community garden will be actively used and the jail’s old gymnasium will be converted into a multi-purpose space for residents. The nearly $13 million budget also has plans to provide bicycle storage facilities and a communal lounge.

Interestingly enough, the original jail was built in 1981 by the same company that will now be repurposing it. Henriquez Partners Architects founding partner Richard Henriquez is the father of current company holder, Gregory Henriquez, who is in charge of handling the renovations. "That my father designed the original detention centre further

personalizes this project for me — I’m proud to be breathing new life into his original design."

“By combining affordable housing with support services and job training opportunities, we’re providing quality housing and strengthening the Downtown Eastside economy at the same time,” said Vancouver mayor Gregor Robertson to Global BC. “We have made positive progress towards the goal of ending street homelessness by 2015, and innovative housing developments like this one are helping us meet the critical needs of our most vulnerable citizens.”

Currently, construction is underway, and progress can be tracked on Twitter by following the account @BC_Housing. The account has been using social media to tweet pictures and updates for those interested in the project. Most recently, photographs have been showing large cement pods being removed from the building’s exterior walls to be replaced with windows, and metal bedframes are being removed to make way for interior updating.

This affordable living solution is certainly not the first move towards a more sustainable community, though Dr. Markwick believes there is a more effective way to solve Vancouver’s homelessness. “The better way forward would be to establish partnerships with innovators like Vancity to bring the logic of social innovation to drive solutions that will be more effective than the real estate market by itself has proven to be,” he says.

“This would include, for example, assisting nonprofits with the costs of developing proposals for coop housing…. In situations where a municipality, government, faith community or university donate or lease land to the co-op, we could see housing innovations in the form of co-ops to allow the people who built our community and the people who are the future of our community a sense of permanence and security,” he adds.

gregor robertson under heat RIVAL FILES LAWSUIT AGAINST POSSIBLE CONFLICT OF INTEREST × Writer

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mayor of Vancouver since November 2011 and wants to continue to support new jobs within Vancouver’s economy. Although Chernen argues that Robertson’s behaviour over the past two years has caused controversy between the two parliament members.

Although Robertson wishes to not disclose the amount that HootSuite, a privately-owned company, is paying to rent out the publicly owned office, the city feels as though they have the right to access information on this petition with regards to financial arrangements.

HootSuite has supported Robertson’s success as a mayoral candidate by providing election, campaign and political assistance. According to Chernen, Robertson’s personal relationship with founder Ryan Holmes has influenced his decision to authorize the lease of public property.

If a judge agrees with the allegations then Robertson could be removed from his position.

×

On Feb. 17 The Province reported that a rival mayoral candidate of Gregor Robertson, Glen Chernen, has filed a petition against the mayor of Vancouver.

The petition was filed on Feb. 14 and is investigating the lease agreement between the city of Vancouver and HootSuite Media Inc. By commencing this petition, they are seeking that the B.C. Supreme Court remove Robertson from his mayoral position.

“Lawsuits usually take a few years before [they are] heard. However, as this a petition, it could be heard much sooner. The fastest this petition could be heard is in 60 days, but it could take months.

Since this is a petition it can be heard much faster than a typical lawsuit as most of the evidence is true sworn affidavits,” says Shelley-Mae Mitchell, a lawyer for Borden Lauder Gervais LLP. None of these statements have been proven true or false. Usually the city has 21 days to respond to the petition once it is filed; however it is noted that

company for business within Vancouver, he does not agree with the deal that the company has been assigned nor the preferential treatment they have been given on a lease that should have gone out to public bid. As a member of the Cedar Party, Chernen’s main goal is to lead his party to reclaim democracy, respect and admiration for the city of Vancouver. He believes that in order to repair Vancouver’s civic government, people must work together and unite for what they believe is right.

In a letter on the Cedar Party website,it appears that the city has refused to produce full details disclosing this lease. The city has not decided to reconsider their decision. Chernen has the right to request an inquiry and an adjudicator will be the one to decide whether or not the city should hand over the lease to Chernen.

“The most extreme consequence that Robertson could face if this petition is successful is being disqualified as the mayor,” explains Mitchell.

According to CBC News, Robertson feels disappointed by the bizarre allegations being made towards him. He is and has been the very proud

THE CAPILANO COURIER

Keara Farnan

these deadlines are often extended beyond what is stated on the petition.

Chernen’s claim against Robertson is that he had a conflict of interest and did not disclose it when he participated in a debate and discussion regarding a HootSuite Media lawsuit. “According to the Vancouver Charter Section 145.2, a council member cannot participate in a discussion if they have a direct or indirect interest,” says Mitchell. “[Section] 145.6 of the Vancouver Charter says that it is not a conflict of interest if it benefits all council members and the City of Vancouver…. Determining if it is in fact a conflict of interest is a very difficult task and often involves lawyers on both sides. I deal with these sorts of issues in my area of law frequently,” Mitchell adds.

Chernen alleges he has records of over a hundred e-mails showing that HootSuite provided Robertson with campaign and political assistance throughout his run for mayor in 2012. If these allegations are true then Robertson could face serious legal consequences.

Although Chernen feels that HootSuite is a great

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arts + Culture

ANDY RICE ARTS + CULTURE EDITOR

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

Singing out COR FLAMMAE FINDS A VOICE LOUD AND QUEER Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor

× Danielle Mainman Cor Flammae is the latest addition to Vancouver’s collection of choirs — but there is something that sets this particular vocal ensemble apart. Amidst dozens of other choirs in the city, including the Vancouver Bach Choir, Vancouver Chamber Choir and Chor Leoni, just to name a few — what sets Cor Flammae apart is that the choir will consist of queer singers performing queer content.

This is not only a first for Vancouver, but an exciting first for Canada as well.

Currently, Cor Flammae is seeking donations to help them prepare for their highly-anticipated debut this summer. They are currently looking to raise $10,000 to help cover expenses — sheet music, the rental of venues for rehearsal space and paying classically trained musicians all come with a significant price tag. Donations will be accepted

from now until April 14.

With their inaugural performance at Pride in Art’s 2014 Queer Arts Festival (QAF) fast approaching, auditions will be held on March 15 and 16 for Cor Flammae’s upcoming roster of vocalists. Specifically, the queer classical chorus is seeking classically-trained sopranos, altos, tenors and bass singers. QAF is an annual showcase run by performing artists where culture, arts and history are presented through a queer perspective.

Among the events, QAF includes visual art shows, community art shows, as well as performances and workshops from all sides of the creative scope.

Pride in Art Society has long been Vancouver’s gathering ground for artists identifying as bisexual, gay, intersexed, transgender or questioning in B.C. “It’s really about the public coming away and realizing this is a vibrant community and it has a lot to offer, a lot to say,” explains Jeff Gibson, the society’s president. “We are a community with a unique culture, we have our own take on things.

It’s really about being proud.”

Performing queer content is what truly makes Cor Flammae a unique harmony of voices amongst the flurry of visual art which is predominant throughout the festival. Through exclusively performing music by queer composers and artists the chorus will be able to unlock a hidden queer heritage that is normally overlooked in the often hoity-toity world of classical music. Organizers hope to shed light on queer culture within classical music while highlighting a talented community

that continues to thrive in Vancouver.

Cor Flammae boasts a long lineup of queer composers and artists to draw from, and their repertoire is sure to be jam packed with musical treats.

Chris DeLusio, Richard DeLong, Brian Harman and musical revolutionary Lori Freedman were all queer composers whose sexuality played a role in the music they wrote. The list also includes Marc Blitzen, an outspoken, openly gay and communist composer — among other things — and Benjamin

"I personally feel that there is no artistic difference between 'gay' music versus 'straight' music, but who knows what affects us subliminally?"

- Robert Helps, Queer Composer Britten, whose whole life was plagued by his sexuality being seen as a crime. One could easily contribute much of the haunting and moving material of these composers to be a direct result of facing life as queer in a time when that was, almost across the board, unacceptable. “It is cruel, you know, that music should be so beautiful. It has the beauty of loneliness and of pain, of strength and freedom — the beauty of disappointment and never satisfied love. The cruel beauty of nature and everlasting

beauty of monotony,” Britten once said.

SD Holman, a Vancouver-based artist and the artistic director for QAF, hopes that both the debut of Cor Flammae and the collective works presented during this year’s QAF will be able to transcend beyond the LGBT community. “I hope it’s meaningful and transformative,” says Holman.

“I hope when people see these performances they consider themselves beautiful, and people can go outside of their normal ideas of what it means to be female or male.”

Queer is defined as something strange or off from a conventional viewpoint; something unusually different. However, coming from the mouth of the wrong person, the word can be transformed into something hateful and spoiled. Cor Flammae is about to introduce new audiences to the ability and creativity of the overlooked queer community that helped shape classical music. The chorus can sing out knowing they will be representing composers who passed long before festivals like QAF created a stage to be celebrated on. “In any society or group of people, there is always an ‘us’ and a ‘them,’” says Adrian Fehr, a contributing visual artist at QAF. “It could be gay and straight, it could be men and women, it could be Vancouver against everyone else. The colour may be different, whatever. But we’re really not that different.”

For more information on Cor Flammae or to donate, readers may visit CorFlammae.com

Picture Perfect MOPA FEBRUARY 24 - 25 SCENE 1 TAKE 1 7

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First-year students from Capilano University’s Motion Picture Arts program were hard at work on Feb. 24 and 25 shooting scenes for their “Project 1” assignment. This is the first major supervised project of their degree and includes storyboard development, pre-production, production and post-production.

“The story starts with Jenna and Dave, a young couple walking into a European-style restaurant,” explains Dorain Gauzshtein, the production team’s publicist. “Jenna and the chef of the place have a very close relationship; father-daughter like. Dave later tells the chef about his plan to propose to Jenna and asks him to bring some champagne for the big moment. Chef, with the help of Margie the waitress, plans to do everything he can to make sure that Dave does not propose to Jenna in his restaurant.”

arts + Culture

get out if you can IMMERSIVE REAL-WORLD "ESCAPE ROOM" GAMES COME TO METRO VANCOUVER James Martin Imagine being sealed inside a mad scientist's laboratory, or perhaps an ancient Egyptian tomb, and having to search for clues that might help unlock the door to freedom. It sounds like something reserved for the realm of movies or video games.

However, there is good news for those who wish they could live such an adventure for themselves.

"Escape room" games are exactly what their name implies. The concept has been gaining popularity in Asia, and now two local start-ups based in Richmond are offering Canadians the opportunity to make their escape fantasies a reality.

"To make it simple, we lock our customers in a room for 45 minutes," explains Justin Tang, the owner of E-Exit Vancouver. Tang introduced the game to Canada for the very first time when he set up shop in Richmond just before Halloween in 2013. "The reason why I chose to bring the game to Canada is because I found that there are many young adults or teenagers who stay at home in front of their computer too much. I really want to bring them out to do something so they don't just stare at a screen every day. That's why I have brought the online computer game into real life."

E-Exit offers four different escape rooms to choose from, each with a unique theme and increasing level of difficulty: The Lost Ship, Ancient Egypt, Prison Escape and Laboratory Escape. Each scenario is designed as a cooperative experience for

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Ancient Egypt

Laboratory Room

The Lost Ship

four to six players. "We were trying to create four themes that have a very big difference between each other. There is a big impact when people see our themes and they will remember it. We don't want people to mess up their memories about which theme is which."

Once inside one of the escape rooms, players must use their wits to find a way out before their 45 minutes expires. "Our game is very, very challenging," Tang emphasises. "They'll have to use their intelligence to solve riddles and puzzles in order to go further. The game is about intelligent teamwork. You have to solve everything in order to escape the room, but in some cases there can be multitasking involved. People can split up and do different tasks at the same time.” Not only is good teamwork helpful, it might be essential; Tang hints that some elements may not be physically possible to complete by one person working alone.

If a team gets stuck, they will have two opportunities to ask for hints.

Just a few blocks away, Stanley Ho and his team at Xcape Vancouver have been putting their own spin on the game since January. "Each different theme room will give [the customer] a different mission to accomplish, alongside ultimately escaping the room," he says. The added dimension comes as the result of Xcape's collaboration with a mystery novelist. "We hired him as a consultant for the background stories of our theme rooms.

We break down the story into pieces and have the players piecing the story back together during their play, so not only are the players escaping the room but also experiencing this story while they're trying to escape." In addition to the storyline elements, Xcape also strives to differentiate themselves by offering a kid-friendly scenario, as well as a heist scenario in which the team must collaborate while divided into two separate rooms. "It's the highest difficulty one," Ho states. "So far the success rate is zero per cent."

Before entering any of the rooms at Xcape,

customers must lock their phones in a box at the front desk in order to preserve the integrity of the immersive scenario. Inside, a large digital clock ominously counts down the remaining minutes and seconds once the game has commenced.

Spooky music in the background adds to the tension as time slips by. If players get stumped and need to ask for a hint, they can hold a sign reading "HELP" in front of an unobtrusive surveillance camera. Ho says Xcape plans to keep the experience fresh for repeat customers by rotating in new themes every two to three months.

Although this type of game is an entirely new concept in Canada, both of the escape game businesses in Richmond are gaining popularity at a rapid pace. "The biggest appeal," Tang says, "is it is something that [people] have never experienced before. This is the best way to explain the game: it is just like love. It is very hard to explain with words, you just have to experience it."

simple but stylish JEWELLERY MADE FROM GLASS FOUND IN HASTINGS CREEK Alva Tee

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so it became a bit of a game for my son and I.” What isn’t a game, says Kovanda, is society’s widespread disregard for nature. “Everyone wants immediate satisfaction and a fat wallet,” she explains, adding that even the government doesn’t seem too concerned about what kind of earth they leave for future generations. “There’s no thought to the long-term outcome.” As a parent, her glass cleanup expeditions have become a way to lead by example, get some fresh air, and contribute to a solution.

Being a student teacher at that time as well, the beach glass pendant belonging to one of her students was what prompted her to turn her findings into jewellery. She had never thought of herself as

from different angles and then proceeds to decide what she would like to do with it. “Then I select my wire, grab my tools and off I go.”

Since the process of tumbling does not allow any two pieces to look alike, each piece of jewellery will be different and one of a kind. Though it can be frustrating when she can’t get something to look the way that she wants, Kovanda says that it is still a relaxing hobby. She describes herself as a very patient person, and is not in a rush to get anything finished. “If you do something out of joy and caring, it is always meaningful.”

Kovanda shares a touching anecdote that sums up her own intentions for positive change: “An old man was walking along a beach that was covered in washed up starfish as far as the eye could see.

He just shook his head with sadness to see all those beautiful starfish drying in the sun, and kept walking. He came across a boy, and the boy was picking up one starfish after another and throwing them into the ocean. The old man said to him, ‘You can't possibly save them all. What difference does it make to throw a few back?’ And the boy said, as he was throwing another starfish into the ocean, ‘It made a difference to that one.’”

“The moral is, no deed is too small and it all makes a difference,” Kovanda says, voicing her view of the story. “Even the smallest among us can make a difference.” She hopes that anyone who buys her jewellery will have the time to read the letter posted beside it, asking for people to remember the story behind her creations.

“We don’t need gems or fancy things that are expensive,” she states. “A lot of everyday things can look beautiful, too, if done right.”

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Nearly everyone has something they’ve collected copious amounts of, hoping to one day turn into a craft project. More often than not, those intentions don’t get far past the hoarding stage and the collection sits forgotten or in waiting. This isn’t the case for Dana Kovanda, though. The Lynn Valley resident and former Capilano University student has channeled her creativity and turned her particular findings into something beautiful and sustainable.

Fascinated by beach glass, Kovanda began collecting it with her eight-year-old son up north near Bella Bella a year ago. She originally wanted to make a stained glass window, but when that proved more difficult than she had imagined, she gave it up. Around this time, she had noticed the same type of glass near Hastings Creek, which was a lot closer to home.

Soon, Kovanda began taking her son along to help her clean up the waterway. “The glass was mainly old pop bottles,” she says, “and occasionally we would find a piece that said Coke on it, or 7-Up,

a jewellery maker and admits that she didn’t think beach glass was all that special until she started collecting it. Already an accomplished pysanky artist — the Ukrainian tradition of decorating Easter eggs by hand — Kovanda began researching for ways to make this new inspiration a reality.

“I decided to Google beach glass,” she recalls.

“I discovered that I could tumble rough glass to give it that beach glass look.” Tumbling glass is a man-made process designed to mimic the look waves ingrain naturally over time.

“I got a tumbler,” she continues, “and tried it with the Bella Bella glass and it turned out amazing.” Pleasantly surprised by the results, Kovanda continuously went back to Hastings Creek to collect more glass.

She also went in search for some metal to go with it. “I then bought craft wire and started to practice with it. Eventually, I became brave enough to buy the much more expensive wire and try that,” she says.

Persistence paid off, and she soon had a few products she was happy with. The first time she showcased her jewellery was at a Christmas craft fair. “I’ve always done crafts,” she says. “It’s part of who I am.” Her main focus was to sell her stained glass, but the jewellery was what sold best. That was when Kovanda decided to make more of it and approach a local gallery. The End of the Line General Store in Lynn Valley is now sporting Kovanda’s products and she is sure that it will be very popular with neighbourhood residents and other visitors.

Creating her own jewellery has allowed Kovanda to accessorize herself wonderfully as well. Pieces that are made by glass her son helps her pick out also hold great sentimental value. After the desired piece of tumbled glass is chosen, she looks at it

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Sports shorts

new level of world class CANADIAN MEN'S HOCKEY TEAM AMONG THE BEST Calvin deGroot × Writer During the 2005 NHL lockout, Canada was able to send the best available team to the World Junior Hockey Tournament — a rare occasion as many of the nation’s top players are usually already playing in the NHL and unavailable to play in the tournament. That 2005 team went undefeated to win gold, outscoring opponents 32-5. They were arguably the best Canadian junior team ever.

The 2014 men’s Olympic team featured six of

the best players from that team including captain Sidney Crosby, Shea Weber, Jeff Carter, Ryan Getzlaf, Corey Perry and Patrice Bergeron, as well as four of the last 12 number-one overall picks, 11 Stanley Cup winners, and four of the top six scorers in the NHL. What sets the Olympic Hockey Tournament apart from the Stanley Cup, World Juniors, World Cup, or World Championships is that it is the only time where the best of the best from each nation face each other; it is the true measure of who really is the greatest hockey nation on earth. In 2014, Cana-

da absolutely dominated the tournament. They did not score a lot of goals, but they didn’t need to; it was defensive perfection, a clinic, total domination — they allowed just three goals throughout the six-game tournament while every other team let in three goals or more in one game alone.

Unlike 2010, there was no drama. No firstround losses and no dramatic overtime wins. Although the Finland game went to overtime, there was never any doubt that Canada would come out on top. Thankfully the Canadian women took it upon themselves to win their gold medal in dra-

matic fashion with a game that will go down in history as an instant classic. For the men, Canada could just sit back, relax and stay on top of the hockey world for four more years and beyond. Canadians can take some comfort in knowing that almost all of the players on this team will still be in their prime in 2018; the only thing preventing Canada from a three-peat is whether the NHL allows the players to play or not.

Regardless of what was said, the damage is done, and once again, sports are dealing with a fan problem. In these situations, all an athlete can do is play on. There’s no room for confrontation because whatever happens, it’s going to be a lose-lose situation.

When the shove came, everyone seems to forget that, at one point, three adults surrounded Smart.

One of them was pointing a finger at the young man’s face, the other one was yelling, and as for Orr, he had a smug smirk on his face. Part of Orr’s issued apology was his announcement that he will no longer be attending Texas Tech games for the remainder of the season. Smart was suspended for three games.

An intense and competitive sporting environ-

ment is akin to the atmosphere of ancient Rome’s Colosseum. There are participants and there are spectators. The spectators are free to cheer and jeer as much as they want while the participants are left to play the game.

Currently, there are no rules in place that make fans — at any sport — accountable for their behaviour, but this isn’t an issue that requires rules.

This is an issue that requires simple ethics and common sense.

Smarten up THE PROBLEM WITH FANS Carlo Javier × Staff Writer Sometimes in confrontations, neither side wins.

Both get the short end of the stick, and when it’s between a fan and an athlete, more times than not, the athlete gets the even shorter end. Fans are near impervious to consequences — they can say whatever they want. While athletes, no matter how infuriating fans can be, no matter how frustrated they get, responding is seen as almost a crime.

As is the case with the now infamous college basketball encounter between Oklahoma State’s star sophomore Marcus Smart and Texas Tech superfan Jeff Orr.

Near the end of a close game, Smart crashed onto some fans at the baseline after an attempted chase down block. What happened next sent shockwaves to the sporting world.

Smart inexplicably shoved a fan and was immediately pulled away by his teammates. The initial thought among viewers was that the 19-year-old sophomore simply lost his cool in a heated game.

However, further reviews of video footage show that Orr was talking directly to Smart, and may have said something that crossed a line. Smart later claimed that Orr used a racial slur. Orr, on the other hand, denied the allegations. Although he did issue an apology and stated that he did call Smart “a piece of crap.”

Favourite cartoon character: Spongebob.

on point

Celebrity crush: Channing Tatum.

Kendra Stoner Bump, set, spike. Kendra Stoner is the ladies volleyball setter. She is in her first year of the communications program. As a part of the ladies volleyball team, we are glad she's the stone that's setting our spikes. She dreams of being a semi-professinal beach volleyballer.

Justin Bieber or One Direction: This must be a rhetorical question because neither are an option.

What’s creepier, Tinder or Snapchat?

Tinder.

What’s your spirit animal?

I have one of those?

Your go-to karaoke song: “These Eyes.”

Second favourite sport: Soccer. I was a soccer goalie almost as long as I’ve played volleyball. Volleyball was just more ideal being an indoor sport and me hating the cold.

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Favourite Disney character: Ariel.

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#CAPCOURIER @CAPILANOCOURIER

Wanna have a good time? Combine Twister, pizza, chips, and some cool people, and that is one very good time. Thursday night was proof of this with these beauts and copies of the Courier at the first ever Courier Pizza Social. If you like pizza and journalism, we should be your best friends. @cherilleswan @theeereeese @fawnaflorafaye @arnsgenes

#PIZZA #PARTY #TIMEOFYOURLIFE #PIZZAFART @CAPCOURIER

FEATURES

THERESE GUIEB FEATURES EDITOR

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get rich or die trying A CLOSER LOOK AT HOW PYRAMID SCHEMES WORK Carlo Javier × Writer

" The basic idea is, if something sounds too good to be true, then it's probably too good to be true."

When looking at a pyramid, anyone can deduce that its base — the part where the structure is most dense — is the root of its stability.

Keeping the heaviest parts closer to the ground not only results in stability, but it also allows a natural “from the ground up” construction.

A pyramid scheme uses the same properties as the Egyptian pyramid; however, its weight distribution begins at the apex.

They’re common, simple and attractive, and despite being illegal, there are ways that scams such as “the pyramid scheme” manages to snake its way to people.

WHAT IS A PYRAMID SCHEME?

MULTILEVEL MARKETING × Alain Champagne

— where the recruit must purchase an unreasonable quantity of products, and when purchases are required upon entry.”

Simply put, the primary difference between a pyramid scheme and MLM is with the product, or rather, the lack thereof. There is also a difference when it comes to profit. Participants in an MLM scheme can make money from both compensation via enrolling new recruits and selling products, while pyramid schemes can only offer profit through enrolling new recruits — considering that there is no real product sold.

“They’re legal but they operate on a similar principle. Their intent is said to be different, but how different? They’ve been going for a long time, the people at the bottom keep changing, the people at the top stay there and they keep benefitting,” says Johnson.

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*Name changed upon request

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One new and popular company that’s also been taking heat as a possible scam is the peer-to-peer payment system, Bitcoin.

The digital currency that operates through cryptography has been under fire for its popularity with illegal business use, with the biggest reported activity being involved with Silk Road.

“Some people would look at Bitcoin,” Johnson begins. “Insiders are involved, they mined Bitcoin on their computers, it’s virtually impossible to get new coin, so what happens if that the coins keep splitting?

You can look at it as a pyramid or a multi-level situation: the people that were first there are benefitting as these things keep splitting and splitting.”

Some critics have described Bitcoin as either

a pyramid scheme or a variation of the Ponzi scheme. Due to its design, the issuing of Bitcoins naturally slows down each time they’re produced.

This means that the creators, the early users and the insiders will inevitably make more money than later adopters. Satoshi Nakamoto, the pseudonym of the Bitcoin developer(s) said that the absolute number of Bitcoins that can be mined is capped at 21 million, and currently, there are about 12 million Bitcoins in circulation. As the number of participants in the network increases, the process of mining a Bitcoin dramatically becomes more complex. Eventually the cap will be reached and no more Bitcoins will be produced.

“Whether they’re sustainable remains to be seen, some people think they’re wonderful and they’re going to continue, some people think it’s a scam and it’s going to collapse,” Johnson remarks.

Ultimately, the intentions of scams are all the same: to scam.

Pyramid schemes are proven to be unsustainable and to be an inherently bad investment. Multilevel marketing, though legal, is commonly used to disguise pyramids. As for Bitcoins, though it follows the principles of the pyramid, the true intent of its creators remains to be seen. Despite the differences among them, one purpose stays constant — the offer to turn investment into profit.

“The basic idea is, if something sounds too good to be true, then it’s probably too good to be true,” says Martin. “If somebody says they’ve got a deal for you, and it’s got no risks, stay away.”

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Despite its widespread status as an illegal business model, there are ways that allow pyramid schemes to remain prominent in the financial world. One of which is multi-level marketing (MLM).

Unlike pyramids, MLMs are legally allowed to operate primarily due to sale of actual tangible products. Some pyramid schemes have tried to mask their true nature by presenting their model as a multi-level sales procedure.

“One of the things about pyramid schemes is that they’re illegal,” begins Mike Johnson, a high school English teacher who has dabbled in the investing business. “They’re very closely associated with MLM, which is legal.”

“All of them have an idea that if you are one of the founders, creators or insiders, you’re going to benefit because what happens is that the network just keeps growing, you’re getting a little piece of everybody underneath you,” Johnson says. The people at the top look very attractive to the people at the next level, so they jump in, from one level to another and finally it’s unsustainable — people are going to lose money.”

One of the biggest MLM-styled companies in the world is Amway. The American company that primarily distributes homecare and beauty products generated nearly $12 billion in revenue in 2012.

“You have things like Amway, or Shaklee or NuSkin, things which are MLM schemes — they’re allowed, but there are things that are clearly classified as pyramids,” says Johnson.

There is a fine line when identifying the difference between a pyramid scheme and an MLM-styled company. Section 55 of the Competition Act was altered by Industry Canada to spotlight the three main variables that make MLM into a pyramid.

According to the act, a multi-level procedure is a pyramid if “there is compensation paid for recruiting a new salesperson, there is inventory loading

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Illegal in numerous countries including China, the United States and Canada, pyramid schemes are notorious for the profit they can make some people, particularly the early participants and the enormous losses they will cost most.

Under the Competition Act, controlling, or even just having an affiliation with such a scheme makes a person subject to serious charges. The pyramid consists of an apex, and an expanding body and base.

It’s an unsustainable business model. It doesn’t involve any product or service, just a credible enough fallacy that people could fall for. The scam starts with one person: the “apex” of the pyramid.

This person is also sometimes called the pharaoh.

The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre described pyramid schemes as “frauds that are based on recruiting an ever-increasing number of investors.”

Essentially, pyramid schemes create a pool of investors, who, at one point pay buy-in money to the ones that came before them. Due to its product-less nature, no new money is created in this business.

Instead, only the early investors can make profit from the ones who join later. On a much grander scale, if everyone in the entire world was to sign up for a pyramid scheme, those at the bottom of the pyramid would end up running out of recruits, effectively making the system unsustainable.

One variation of the pyramid scheme that can secure profit for those who sign up early is called the “airplane game.”

In this model, the hierarchical structure receives titles at corresponding levels: the captain, the copilot, the crew and the passengers.

“So the first person gets two people, whoever he gets pays him… let’s say $1500,” begins Frank Martin*, a pyramid scheme victim turned investor.

“In turn, the two people have to get two people as well and it grows exponentially.”

One of the ways pyramid schemes gain traction is through word of mouth. Those who sign up inevitably have to continue the process. Consider that the only way to make profit, or to some, get out of a deficit, is to continue and further elongate the recruiting chain.

“You get your friends in something like a

Tupperware party, and you explain to them how simple it is. All you have to do is pay me $1500 to get in, all you have to do is find two other people, and as soon as we get to third level — then you get the payout,” explains Martin. “All you have to do is talk to people,” he adds.

Another disguise that a pyramid can hide itself behind is known as a Ponzi scheme. Named after Charles Ponzi, who utilized the scam in the early 1920s, a Ponzi scheme involves paying the investors with capital from new investors. There are some differences between a pyramid and a Ponzi, however. For one, the creator of a Ponzi directly interacts with new investors, while interaction within a pyramid happens between recruiters. Ponzi schemes gained considerable media attention in 2008 in the midst of the stock market crash. Then NASDAQ Chairman Bernard Madoff shocked the finance world after his revelation that his business was a complex Ponzi scheme.

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FEATURES

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the demise of an institution An update of how the budget cuts affect Capilano University and its students

Lindsay Howe × Web Editor + Ads Manager × Cristian Fowlie

Therese Guieb × Features Editor

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Capilano University is officially broke. Due to a $50 million cut to the financial backing of postsecondary institutions announced in the 2012 Provincial Budget, the university is forecasting a decrease in the amount of money it will receive from government grants. An approximate $500,000 of funding will be cut from CapU in 2014 and 2015, and another $400,000 in 2015 and 2016.

In 2008, Capilano College was granted university status; however, it never received an increase in funding from the provincial government. According to the B.C. Ministry of Education, the government policy states that there can only be a limit of a two per cent increase annually in mandatory and tuition fees for post-secondary institutions. Collecting more funds for post-secondary institutions through increase in tuition fees is only possible for international students and continuing education. It is not only the institution that is being affected with the cuts but the students as well. Student debts and housing are issues that have been silenced in the talks about the effects of the budget cuts. Currently, Capilano University has the honour of being British Columbia’s lowestfunded university, an honour that likely won’t be subsiding anytime soon.

BUDGET TALKS Budget proposals for the 2014-2015 fiscal year is slowly making its way into the hands of the university’s Board of Governors (BOG). Under the University Act, the BOG is required to submit a balanced budget. Currently, the initial budget for the 2014-2015 fiscal year projects a shortfall of $2.5 to $3 million. A number of proposals will be reviewed and tweaked by the board until a final

budget is proposed and passed by a majority vote, likely to happen in April or May. CapU possesses a $12 million reserve fund that has been accumulated through years of careful accounting, resulting in surpluses. In British Columbia, post-secondary institutions are not allowed to access or spend the reserve money without the consent of the Ministry of Advanced Education and the Ministry of Finance. CapU, along with other institutions, has previously submitted requests to access these funds, which have yet to be approved.

In such an uncertain economic climate, the university is strapped for cash and working hard to find new ways of increasing revenues. According to the 2013-2014 fiscal budget, 72 per cent of the university’s resources were spent on employee salaries and benefits. While there are a handful of employees earning over the $100,000 per year mark, salary increases are relatively modest and dependent on which union an employee belongs to.

For example, salary increases for faculty at CapU under their union’s negotiations will be an annual increase of one per cent each year for the next four years. Those working in CapU administration under a different union, however, have not seen an increase since 2009.

To minimize the impact that balancing the budget could have on students, CapU President Kris Bulcroft explains that the university is experimenting with a new way of finding cost savings. “This year we’re doing something quite different. We’ve actually asked everybody on campus to look at doing a five per cent reduction. We’ve asked people to give us their ideas about, if we had to make reductions, what it would look like in their areas.

So there’s things coming in from every single fac-

ulty, facilities, Cindy’s area [finance] and IT,” says Bulcroft.

Bulcroft, along with the Senate Budget Advisory Committee (SBAC), deans and executives will then review the proposed cost savings measures to ensure their attainability. “We want to make sure that people aren’t coming up with solutions that are really going to impact students in a negative way,” says Bulcroft.

While there are no definite decisions thus far in terms of what types of services or classes may need to be cut to balance the budget, Bulcroft insists there are other alternatives available. “What people need to understand is that with a budget, not only are you thinking of ways of saving money but you’re also thinking of ways to try to add revenues.” Bulcroft anticipates seeing budget proposals that aim to increase revenues through various outlets including continuing education and enrolling more international students.

Although some CapU students are concerned about the financial stability and direction of the institution, Bulcroft dismisses any concerns regarding the future of CapU. “I think students need to realize we’ve been here for almost 50 years, I’m pretty sure Cap will be here for another 50 years… all universities are changing, that’s just the nature of quality.” Bulcroft emphasizes the importance and guarantee of the “teach-out policy” at CapU. This policy ensures that in the event students are enrolled in a program that is scheduled to be cut, it is mandatory that the university continue to offer courses to ensure students have the opportunity to graduate.

Brita Harrison Brooke, manager of Stakeholder Relations at CapU is quick to point out that your education will remain valuable no matter what fu-

ture changes happen at your place of graduation.

“Throughout North America there are universities that used to have programs that have been suspended for a variety of reasons: low enrollment, market demand, duplication at other post-secondary institutions, changes in industry practice….

Program suspensions in no way affect the value of a person’s credentials, or take away from the fact that a person has that knowledge.”

“Cap isn’t going anywhere except up,” Bulcroft adds.

AFFECTED BY CHANGE Studio Arts instructor George Rammell is one of the hardest hit employees from cuts made to balance the 2013-2014 budget. A faculty member since 1990, with the intention of working at the university for another four years, Rammell is now forced to make alternate plans. “Ever since the surprise attack on our programs last April, I’ve been fighting this through daily protests, political strategy and art that satirizes the situation,” says Rammell. “Students are extremely frustrated at the lack of fairness, the complete lack of responsibility and the constant spin coming from administration.”

While Rammell’s program will cease to exist after April, he is not leaving without concern about the upcoming budget and the overall future of the institution. “The administration is blocking wellplanned viable solutions to the cuts, and they’re declining financial offers from benefactors to save programs. They obviously have an agenda that does not include the programs they’ve severed.”

As the university begins their battle to balance the books, Rammell questions their ability to do so. “This administration is unskilled at lobbying

ON the Cover

the needs of individuals. “There are also personal pressures on students in terms of housing insecurity…. If you spend more than 30 per cent of your income on housing, you’re insecure in your housing,” explains Dr. Markwick. Housing insecurity within the student body is a hidden issue that has not been discussed as a collective. “I’m only seeing this now for the first time in my career, we have students who are not just insecure in their housing but, in fact, homeless,” Dr. Markwick continues.

“It’s very important for people to work as scholars and to carve out time they need for their university work without having to start the anxiety of 'how am I going to sleep tonight?'”

Though homelessness is only seen outside of

Cristian Fowlie Cristian Fowlie is a second-year student in the IDEA program. You can see his work at CristianFowlie.tumblr.com or follow him on Instagram @crrristian

"The very first student that came up said 'I'm sleeping in my van this semester' and another comes up and writes on a piece of cardboard that she's been living at a homeless shelter." the school grounds, there are, in fact, many cases that have come up recently at CapU. “I started teaching here in Capilano in 2011, in my course [Qualitative Research], students decided that they were going to create a listening space in the library square area to let people write on a piece of cardboard their own experiences of homelessness or housing insecurity,” Dr. Markwick con-

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" Students can no longer borrow enough money from the government to pursue their educational goals."

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With the combination of financial issues concerning tuition fees, one of the biggest problems that post-secondary students face is housing. There are only three schools that offer on-campus residence in the province: University of British Columbia (UBC), Simon Fraser University (SFU) and British Columbia Institute of Technology (BCIT). CapU boasts an estimated 7,500 students enrolled in the institution. Renting a place close to the school weighs in many issues, not only with distance but most importantly with the cost as well.

In an article by CTV News, it was declared that Vancouver is ranked as having the “world’s secondleast affordable housing.” “Students are having a hard time dealing with the cost of housing in the Metro Vancouver area with very low income.

As a result, they go in debt,” says Dr. Michael Markwick, a communications professor at CapU. Though there are ways in which students can get help within the school through financial advice and housing options, it is still not enough to fulfill

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The chances of being able to acquire a well-paying job after graduation are more competitive than ever before. People find themselves acquiring the highest level of education in order to stay on top of the workforce. However, in order to receive a certain level of education, one must possess a huge amount of money. As this is not the situation for everyone, the government provides financial assistance through student loans to help pay for postsecondary fees. “B.C. has the highest student debt in Canada,” wrote Eby in his blog. “It is higher than debt [for graduates] from private colleges and universities in the U.S.” Students can no longer borrow enough money from the government to pursue their educational goals.

As the institution attempts to find its way out of the chronic underfunding, there are other ways in which CapU is still able to provide financial help

to its students. Along with student loans, other tools are made available to any current and incoming students. “In 2012-2013 Capilano University students received close to $1.4 million in financial support in the form of scholarships, bursaries and awards,” says Lindsay Tiemer, Financial Aid and Awards supervisor at CapU. In a presentation created by the Senate Budget Advisory Committee (SBAC), it read that only one percent of the allocated budget goes to the Financial Aid and Awards program. “Donors are involved in program-specific awards, the foundation [CapU] has been working with the donors to redirect gift agreements,” explains Tiemer. She notes that the recent budget cuts haven't had an impact on the university-funded scholarships, bursaries and awards.

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government for educational funding and the president is equally inept at promoting the Cap brand that she claims to support. The Board and Senate need to acknowledge the gravity of this situation and listen to the faculty who built Cap since its inception,” says Rammell.

CapU is also known for having one of the most well-renowned animation and arts programs in the province. David Eby, MLA for Vancouver-Point Grey, wrote on his blog (Davideby.net) that the computer design program at CapU has an assured 85 per cent employment rate upon graduation.

Without sufficient government funding, which will indefinitely be given to the school, the decisions on the cuts will go through. “Cap’s struggles…forced onto the back of its students attempting to graduate is a worrying sign of what might be taking place already and in the future,” stated Eby in his blog.

tinues. “The very first student that came up said ‘I’m sleeping in my van all semester’ and another comes up and writes on a piece of cardboard that she’s been living at a homeless shelter.”

Residence on campus would help students reduce financial costs and would keep them from the burden of finding a place close to the campus. In an article by the Georgia Straight, it is stated that it is cheaper to live at on-campus residence than living outside of campus, where students are required to pay up to $900 a month for rent alone. There are many pressures that the university is facing at the moment and housing is one of the factors that have been continuously overlooked due to the budget cuts.

“The government is boasting money that will be going to the new campus of Emily Carr, it's boasting the funding that it's giving to Camosun College for their vocational training programs, while we are faced with the challenge,” notes Dr. Markwick. “We identify a five per cent cut in the budget of the university overall. The university has been starved by the provincial government by the funding. We need to truly embrace our students and to take care of our students and their needs.

And that includes the capital funding that will be required to build student housing here.”

Although CapU is facing a huge deficit as of today, other needs of the students outside of campus must be taken into account not only by the institution itself, but by the government. “Post-secondary students [are] supposed to be our future,” argues Dr. Markwick. “If we are to be a university community committed to embracing the student, it seems to me we’ve got to start thinking innovatively about making the government a partner with us and answering this need. Our ability to respond is constrained because of the ways the government has not given us the funding we need to be the university we could be.”

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opinions

FAYE ALEXANDER OPINIONS EDITOR

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

worst behaviour DRAKE LACES CONTROVERSY WITH SUCCESS Kevin Kapenda × Writer

× Sydney Parent In five short years, Canadian rapper Drake has had three certified platinum albums, contributed to over 60 charted singles and has won a Grammy since leaving independent music for Lil’ Wayne’s label in 2009. The Toronto-raised MC has cited rapper-producer Kanye West and his mentor Lil’ Wayne as his biggest influences, individuals he still admires but has somewhat equalled professionally since his debut. The singer-rapper’s vocal skills and style may be different than those of his idols, but if there’s one thing Drake, Wayne and West have in common, it’s a habit of stirring up controversy and starting feuds; or as Drake likes to call it, a knack for being on his worst behaviour.

Mo’ money or success has regularly delivered mo’ problems for Drake since he broke out of the Toronto music scene and onto the world stage. His first controversy blew up fireworks in 2010, after he leaked a remix to fellow Toronto rapper Page’s 2009 song “I’m Still Fly” on YouTube, a song that Drake had originally featured on and had no rights to. This action led to heated and violent confrontations between Drake, Page and their associates in Toronto and Miami. Later on that year, he claimed that the remix was a mindless freestyle over Page’s beat, which was not released for any commercial purposes and that Page should “thank [him] now” for bringing him fame. Despite the Page incident, Drake wasn’t over using people’s vocals or artistic property without their consent. In 2011, his single “Marvin’s Room” included a telephone conservation with an ex-girlfriend, in which the rapper, who has been up all night partying, asks the woman to come take care of him after yolo-ing at a night club. After its release, fellow singer Ericka Lee came forward as the woman in the song. She later sued Drake for using her vocals without compensation and asked him to be credited as a writer, forcing the rapper to settle with her out of court.

On his tracks, Drake has a fear no one approach to his work, not being afraid to call out, or even insult, other artists in his lyrics. During his feud with Page, Drake released many songs, such as “9am in Dallas” and “You Know, You Know”, in which he subliminally calls out Page for beefing with him because his remix to his song became more popular than the original and Drake had become more

famous than him. So when long-time Chicago rapper Common scolded Drake’s success and style in his song “Sweet”, most hip hop fans knew that Drake would reply musically, and reply he did.

In the song “Stay Schemin’” by Rick Ross, Drake uses his verse to insult the veteran rapper, calling him woman-like for gossiping about him and denouncing his success, as well as fake for saying he would have Drake shot or attacked, only to avoid him in public. “It bothers me when the Gods, get to acting like the broads,” rapped Drake. “Don’t be ducking like you never wanted nothing. Back when if a brother reached it was for the weapon, nowadays brothers reach just to sell they record.”

After that verse, tension cooled between the two rappers; mainly because Drake went on to have a chart-topping year in 2012, while Common’s album, The Dreamer and the Believer, flopped that year after its December 2011 release.

Since 2012, Drake has been quick to voice his critical acclaim, making sure everybody knows that he started from the bottom and is now here.

Because he feels he is more “successful” than any of his fellow ‘80s-born rappers, the Underground King of alternative hip hop has recently shown to be not so welcoming to criticism. In September 2013, L.A. based artist Kendrick Lamar made headlines for claiming that he is currently the best rapper in new-age hip hop and that Drake was in a league below his, in a song titled “Control”. Drake took offence to the lyric, arguing that Lamar’s verse was too much for a rapper who had just left the bottom — or the independent music scene — in

2012. However, after the incident, many rappers came to Lamar’s defence, accusing Drake of being too sensitive, arguing that hip hop needs rivalries from time to time. Drake responded to Kendrick’s supporters rather harshly, by saying that he would never work with Lamar again, perhaps implying that the best rapper in new school hip hop needs no new friends.

In February 2014, Drake was set to be on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, and be the issue’s feature story, until the untimely passing of Academy Award winning actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman grabbed entertainment headlines around the world, forcing the pop culture magazine to boot the star from the cover and jump on the media bandwagon. Drake made it clear that he respected Hoffman as an actor and was stunned by his sudden passing, but insisted that he was fed up with the press and was done giving interviews to magazines, forever. After the incident, many people took to Twitter, as he did to berate Rolling Stone, calling Drake Mr. Wrong for being insensitive and selfish.

Though the Toronto rapper may have some growing up to do, his commercial and critical success as a brand, matched with his unparalleled style and artistry, is why he manages to stay on top of new age hip hop, even in the face of controversy and public feuds. Though no artist lasts forever, Drake's accomplishments in hip hop, have already made him unforgettable.

Gender benders FACEBOOK INTRODUCES 58 GENDER OPTIONS James Martin

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× Jana Vanduin Facebook has always been about identity, from choosing the perfect profile picture to carefully curating the public list of bands you "like". Everything about Facebook's interface is designed to help piece together a digital mosaic of how you see yourself and how you want the world to perceive you. From employment and education history to political and religious beliefs, no opportunity to share a little more detail is left off the table. With that in mind, it's really no surprise that the social media titan recently implemented changes that allow users to increase the resolution of their pixelated self-portraits by providing several new choices for gender, one of the most fundamental aspects of one's identity.

With a total of 58 gender options such as transsexual male, genderqueer, and androgyne now available, Facebook hasn't merely offered their users extra customizability, they have also taken an inclusive step forward by improving upon the lack of choices often faced by those who feel they don't fit within either of the traditional gender definitions of female or male.

The classic gender binary model is familiar to all and works well for most: people are born as either a male man or female woman and they will go through life with their gender being a given, such an absolute and immutable component of their identity that they may never give it a second thought. The problem with this model is that its absolute nature leaves no room for those who don't strictly identify as either option. Fifty-eight genders may seem like an unbelievably large number to those who are only familiar with the two most common ones, but the list comes as the result of Facebook's consultation with "a group of leading LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) organizations" in order to cover as many bases as possible with their new gender identity options. The sheer quantity of possibilities comes largely due to the fact that many of the choices partially or even completely overlap.

The majority of new options provided fall under the umbrella term trans* (the asterisk is included to denote the most inclusive and non-specific interpretation of the word possible), which covers a whole spectrum of ways in which a person can identify as a gender that doesn't totally match their birth sex. There are no hard rules regarding who qualifies as which definition, that's up to each individual to

decide for themselves. A woman born into a male body, for example, may identify as a woman, transwoman, trans* female, or any other variant of trans/ trans*/transgender female/woman. Some individuals who identify as one of these options may have undergone medical procedures (such as hormone therapy or surgery) to close the gap between their physical sex and their gender, while others haven't.

For women who do make a physical transition from male to female sex, some might choose to identify as a transsexual woman/female or MTF (male to female) instead.

There are also plenty of additional options under the trans* umbrella for people who don't feel that they are entirely male or female. Somebody born female may elect to use the term trans-masculine if they identify as male to some extent but don't feel they are a man either. Any of the trans/trans*/ transgender/transsexual prefixes can also stand alone or be affixed to the neutral suffix "person" (such as "transgender person"), providing a number of options for those who feel their gender is either somewhere in between male and female, or outside of those definitions entirely. For some, the trans/ trans*/transgender/transsexual label they choose to use may have less to do with a transition between genders and more with a transcendence beyond traditional genders.

Agender, bigender, gender fluid, gender questioning, non-binary, pangender, two-spirit and more — Facebook’s new list covers more gender options than can be done justice in a single article.

There are even various ways to identify as "cis", a

word antonymous to trans* denoting that one's gender has always matched their birth sex. It's clear that a lot of effort was put into making their new list inclusive, covering numerous variations of gender identity, gender expression and sex. Users are able to set their desired personal pronouns to the neutral terms "they/them/theirs" if desired (as opposed to she/her/hers or he/him/his), and privacy settings allow for control over who can see this very personal and sometimes sensitive piece of information.

However, there's no way that Facebook's new list is perfect. Although 58 may seem like an incredible number of options when compared to the traditional two, it's still a finite one. There are certainly going to be those who are upset by the fact that their preferred gender choice isn't available. If this list is supposed to be about including as many people as possible, it begs the question why Facebook didn't do away with the list entirely and provide their users with a blank text box to fill out instead. They already do the same thing for the languages, religious views, and political views fields that sit right below one's gender on their profile page.

At the end of the day, Facebook's new gender options, as imperfect as they might be, should be welcomed as a healthy alternative to the old model that did not make any concessions for those with a gender-variant identity. At the moment, these increased choices are only available to those who use Facebook in U.S. English, but I would be surprised if we don't see similar options expanded to other languages and other platforms beyond Facebook in the near future.

opinions

one way window THE NSA'S WAR ON JOURNALISM Gregg Swartz × Writer By now, most people know of the National Security Agency (NSA). They are the sector of the American government responsible for surveillance and gathering intelligence. In the last couple of years, they’ve been caught with their pants down numerous times. Most famously known because of whistleblower Edward Snowden, who revealed that the NSA is spying on its own people via the Internet and phone surveillance. The NSA has also been caught doing unusual things like monitoring people’s porn habits, to more reprehensible actions such as taking the phone data they’ve collected and using it to launch drone strikes which have killed civilians. Now the NSA has turned their gaze onto the ones reporting their activities and members of the free press are beginning to feel restraints being placed around their wrists.

NSA surveillance is a topic that has divided the public and caused great debate. Some believe that it’s a justifiable means of national security, while others view it as a severe invasion of privacy. However, few truly understand the scope of their surveillance and how damaging it can be on people’s lives. On Feb. 18, AT&T released their 2013 data requests, the data requests revealed how often the U.S. government and other agencies have asked for information relating to customers. In only one year, AT&T revealed that they received 302,000 data requests from United States authorities — these requests include 248,000 subpoenas, 37,000 court orders and over 16,000 search warrants. The requests weren’t only court related. AT&T was also asked 38,000 times to release real-time and historical locations of their customers. The combined number of times they were asked by foreign agencies: 22.

The average person may not care about the NSA spying on them. “I’m not doing anything wrong, therefore I have nothing to worry about,”

× Arin Ringwald is an argument thrown around by many. To be fair, they’re correct for the most part. The NSA isn’t going to knock down John Doe’s door, detain him and seize his computer. Who the NSA will be and are currently going after, though, are the ones who are trying to hold them accountable for their actions. Reporters like Glen Greenwald and Julian Assange have already begun to feel pressure from the government. When was the last time a journalist’s work been considered “award-winning journalism” while simultaneously labeling him as a terrorist?

Greenwald, an ex-journalist for the Guardian,

has started a website called the Intercept. With help from other editors, Laura Poitras and Jeremy Scahill, the Intercept is a non-profit, online news agency currently devoted to holding the NSA accountable and informing the public of their actions. This website has been up for less than a month and has already got Greenwald’s partner, David Miranda, detained and questioned at airport security in Heathrow under the Terrorism Act due to his affiliation with Greenwald and Snowden. Miranda was detained for nine hours and had all his electronics confiscated.

The official report says that Miranda was de-

tained because of the files he had on his laptop which contained 58,000 highly classified U.K. intelligence documents leaked by Snowden. The Guardian reports that, “In documents released during the court proceedings, it was made clear that the NSA and MI5 had decided days in advance to have Miranda detained. They were aware that he had those files, either by an informant or intercepts, and were desperate to find out how much Snowden leaked.”

The Terrorism Act is intended to detain, question and search those they believe are affiliated with a terrorist organization. They knew Miranda wasn’t a terrorist. They knew he was working for his partner and fellow journalist Greenwald and he had no intention of using those files to endanger anyone’s lives. The use of the Terrorism Act, in this case, is a severe abuse of power in an attempt to hurt a journalist's efforts to report facts the government may not like.

The NSA needs to be willing to give in order to get. Demanding transparency from the public while remaining behind a one-way window and employing smoke and mirror politics such as spying on visitors of WikiLeaks and pressuring other countries to prosecute journalists who report on government surveillance in ways that would be unconstitutional if done in the United States is not going to win many people over. People should be angry when the government wants to monitor them behind their backs and then declare those who look for answers as “enemies of the state.”

When Snowden first leaked NSA’s activities it became immediately apparent that the government had no intention of reprimanding the agency for their activities. Members of the press took it upon themselves to do what the government wouldn’t and started to report on their actions. The fact that these journalists have been persecuted rather than praised by their country is appalling and is also a damning indictment of the direction that politicians are taking the United States in.

bad times to good deeds NEKNOMINATIONS NOT AS STUPID AS THEY SEEM

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Some of the more popular ones include a girl from Ireland who opened a book to a random page and the page number she landed on was how many people she had to convince to give her a hug and the man who bought a bouquet of flowers for a stranger who happened to be an adorable elderly woman.

James Lucking, 19, and Will Wright, 26, students from the School of Communication Arts in Brixton, took the idea of drinking a pint of beer and turned it into donating a pint of blood. Known as Donate and Nominate, it has become a popular spin-off of NekNomination gathering nearly 3,000 followers on Facebook with many of the people donating four or five times. James, Will and Brent all fall into the category of people who saw the potential these nominations have.

More people and newspapers are beginning to see that NekNominations, like anything else, can be used recklessly, but also has been and continues to be used positively. If people want to use their nomination to do something positive then good on them. It’s also fine if they’d rather drink a beer and nominate a couple friends. However, if they want to drink a pint of vodka or jump off a cliff onto a trampoline or something else equally ridiculous and stupid, then they should either step away from the camera or see if Johnny Knoxville needs new members for Jackass.

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NekNominations. Drink your beer(s) and nominate your friends. That was the intention of the game. “Icing” wouldn’t have lasted very long if after the first person drank their Smirnoff Ice, the next person felt they had to drink two in order to out-do them. Don’t try to prove you’re a badass by showing off how much you can, or most likely can’t, drink.

Contrary to the belief of many people, not everything you do in this world has to prove you are the manliest of men.

The majority of the NekNominations are harmless and mildly entertaining, like shotgunning a beer and getting spun on a merry-go-round. A few support Darwin's theory of evolution, like people downing mickeys of vodka, and others restore faith in humanity — like the group of people who went to an animal shelter, filmed some of the puppies and then donated cat and dog food. Fortunately, the more publicity NekNominations get, the more videos like the latter begin popping up.

Standing for Random Acts of Kindness, RakNominations began with Brent Lindeque, a South African man who drove in his car around town raising awareness for South Africans and donating food. That video went viral, drawing nearly 750,000 viewers and since then RakNominations has become the biggest alternative to NekNominations with over 24,000 followers on Facebook.

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much different than “icing” a friend and making them drink a Smirnoff Ice. However, since its arrival Gabriel Scorgie on Facebook, people have stupidly turned it into a × Writer game focused on one-upping the previous nominator and as a result has produced a few fatalities.

Unfortunately, those people’s coffins have provided a nice soapbox to stand on for people who haven’t yet realized that this game has the potential to be a powerful tool for those who wish to make a positive change in the world.

On Feb. 15, Ross Samson, ex-rugby player for the London Irish and Barbarians, and cause of NekNomination going online, stepped up during an interview with the Mirror and said that the amount of alcohol people are drinking has gone too far and that this was not the intention of the game.

When a rugby player is saying people are drinking × Chris Dedinsky too much, it’s probably time to dial the game back a bit. Both Samson and his friend, Tom McArthur, It’s the drinking game that has taken over the Inter- stressed that the original form of the game is meant net. Neck and Nominate, also known as NekNomi- to be harmless fun between friends. That’s what it nation, is the perfect recipe for a viral fad. Two parts needs to become again.

Stupid people are always going to do stupid alcohol and one part peer pressure, people around the world are uploading videos of themselves down- things. If someone thought that drinking two pints ing booze and nominating their friends. It started of gin (the equivalent of 30 shots) in two minutes as a game played between a few friends for laughs for a video sounded like a good idea, then they and had been going on for over a year before it was would’ve found a different excuse to do somethrust into the spotlight. Originally, the game wasn’t thing equally stupid. There’s nothing wrong with

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columns

LEAH SCHEITEL COLUMNS EDITOR

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

functional adult WHEN YOUR WALLET FALLS BY THE WAYSIDE Paisley Conrad × Columnist

Far from her small town roots, Paisley Conrad is trying to find her way in Vancouver. Her life is now a juggling act of school, work and improv comedy, and she manages to pull it off while appearing like an adult. In her column, she will explore the tribulations of a young student trying to figure it out outside of the parents’ house.

Do you remember that children's book series, Mr. Men and Little Miss? The strange little people who were named based on a certain characteristic and taught an important moral lesson? I've always felt a certain kinship to Little Miss Scatterbrain. Not only does she wear trendy purple shoes, but she also has the spottiest memory.

I’ve never been one to be particularly careful with my things. I buy my socks primarily in bulk because I so often lose the mates. I’ve given up on matching my earrings, and sport two different earrings instead. Most of my friends have accepted these strange traits as adorable quirks; however, my carelessness isn’t always charming or endearing.

In my second week of living in Vancouver, after a long and stressful day of job-hunting (to little avail), I was waiting at a bus stop to go home with my bus pass and wallet at the ready. However, after two of my buses came zooming past me without so much as a pause, I realized that I was at the wrong stop. I got up and walked to the correct stop where the bus finally stopped for me. I went to reach for my wallet and discovered that it was no longer there. I ran down the street in a blur, my eyes on the ground, looking for my thin leather wallet.

My search was entirely fruitless and I ended up

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walking home with my head hung low.

The next day, a perfect stranger returned my wallet. He got a hold of me and we met up at a Starbucks. He handed me my wallet (cleaned out of all the cash that I had), and walked away without a word. A few hours later, I checked my phone and was surprised to see a text message from him, telling me that I was far prettier in real life than I was on my driver’s license, and asking if we could meet up again at the same Starbucks. I told him that I had to ask my mother as it was a school night. Needless to say, we never spoke again.

Nine months later, on a rainy Sunday evening, I decided, spontaneously, to do a bit of shopping. In the last store I stopped at, I threw my wallet into the flimsy paper shopping bag carelessly. I assume it was the endorphins that were pulsing through

my brain from the shopping that contributed to this momentary lapse in judgment, as what sort of idiot would put anything of importance in a paper bag during a rain storm?

About 20 minutes after leaving the store, I came to the realization that I was once again missing my wallet. I spent the next two hours in the pouring rain, armed only with a broken umbrella and my tears, searching wildly and desperately for my (wallet.)

I managed to convince my roommate to come and get me downtown (and pay for my bus fare home), and she patted my soaking hair on the bus as I wailed and moaned on the long ride home.

The next day, I received another call, this time from my bank, letting me know that my wallet had been found. Once again, it had been cleaned out of cash, and my bus pass and concert tickets

were taken, but hey, at least this time I didn’t get hit on.

To avoid the worst-case scenario, don’t carry anything more than you need. I am the kind of idiot who always has her social insurance number on her, as well as her CareCard, driver’s license and a smattering of credit cards. I’m basically the poster child for an identity theft candidate. Ideally, you want to be carrying one piece of photo I.D. (B.C. Services Card or a driver’s license), one credit or debit card, and as little cash as possible. Things like your SIN card, passport and birth certificate should remain tucked safely away at home.

The most immediate risk at hand is the unauthorized use of your credit card, so call your bank immediately to cancel your cards and let them know your situation. Call the police on their non-emergency line. They will be filing a detailed report regarding your missing items, so make sure that you’re at the ready with a list of all of the cards and identification that you’ve lost. After you contact the police, connect with Equifax or Trans Union, Canada's two credit bureaus. This will let you know if there has been any fraudulent activity in your credit history, as well as putting a flag on your SIN. This will make it difficult for anyone to open an account under your name, as additional security measures will be set out.

After the critical measures have been taken, you’ll have to start picking up the pieces. As much as it sucks, head down to your neighbourhood ICBC licensing office to replace your photo identification, or Service Canada Centre for passports, SIN cards and birth certificates. Double-check the application requirements before you go, and bring as much personal information as you have to.

Take the entire experience as a blessing in disguise. Think about it like this: you have a second chance to take an attractive I.D. picture, and who doesn’t want a second chance?

the art of a ski bum ME VS. REDDIT

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Reuben Krabbe

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× Columnist

Reuben Krabbe moved to Whistler to shoot, ski, and drink wine. His work can be seen gracing the pages of Skier, Powder, Bike, among others.When Reuben isn’t shooting photos, he likes to watch America’s Next Top Model, and embark on healthy debates about philosophy and religion. Sometimes he does this all at the same time. His work can be seen at ReubenKrabbe.com Two weeks ago, my photograph was on the front page of the Internet. It was viewed by 600,000 pairs of eyes. Just one year earlier, that very image nearly was a bitch to create. Shivering in my boots, at minus 25 degrees at 3 a.m. in the Yukon's remote Tombstone Territorial Park, I thought I had missed the photograph.

Leslie Anthony, editor of Skier magazine, took a gamble on my simple but audacious goal to photograph someone skiing underneath the Aurora Borealis. Tobin Seagel, the skier in the photo, jumped on the idea of the image and we pulled

together a trip to the edge of sanity in pursuit of our own white whale. In the middle of February, we traveled to one of Canada's least known and most beautiful landscapes to try our odds.

I equate capturing the photo to winning a lottery. When I say this, friends and fellow photographers try to play down this claim, telling me that it's my skill and vision. However, I say this more as a celebration of the chance and a tip of the hat to the people and chances that made it happen.

It took snowpack, cloud, sun, temperature, snow quality, auroral activity, lunar cycles, geographic location, Tobin skiing in the dark of night, flash synchronization and a ton of great Yukon locals whose knowledge and generosity greased the wheels of our ambition. The challenge was getting every ingredient vitally necessary for a single moment of convergence.

At 2:30 a.m., after four hours of struggling to create the image, but producing nothing good, we agreed to try only one more shot — if we were unsuccessful, we would admit defeat. The shutter clicked and the back of my camera showed a dark uninspiring image that looked like light pollution.

Morose, we skied back to camp, and we didn’t see the sky for the rest of the trip.

Once warm at home, the image loaded onto my computer screen and I saw the simple oversight of my sleep-deprived mind. The camera's auto white balance had changed the colour of the aurora.

(White balance is the way a camera determines what will be white in a photo. For example, it can

be changed to compensate for warm yellow interior lights, so everything doesn't look too orange.)

One click of the computer mouse to correct the colour, and the image sprang to life.

It was published as the centrepiece of a feature story for Skier in September 2013, and in February of this year, the image rose to the top of the front page of Reddit.com. Reddit is a series of online threads dedicated to almost any topic, content and comments are arranged according to users’ up and down votes. Up-voted content rises to be seen by more and more people, and each post is accompanied by notoriously sensationalized commentary.

"Nice adventure. The photograph looks awful though."

"Totally worth it."

"Shoulda just used Photoshop."

"I'd love to see the RAW shot."

"Amazing."

"I appreciate how hard it is to get the photo, but it looks very fake. It's not a great photo. Sorry. I know I'm not allowed to have my own opinion on Reddit, so go ahead..."

I'm struck by the juxtaposition between the huge personal investment of time and effort to create, compared to the anonymous human's ability to garborate, critique and put down the image.

Tobin, myself, several others and some companies banded together to create, to do, to make something. Then, in the photograph's triumphant dispersal, the casual keyboard bloodshed tears it apart in moments. It may be the most dramatic display

of the Internet's unfortunate dividends I'll ever experience.

The Reddit-aurora experience has been a strange Rubik’s Cube of emotion, pride, happiness, anger, and hilarity, all intertwined. I'm proud to see the course of this idea over time, from being inspired by a Grant Gunderson ski photograph many years ago, to the opportunity to chase this white whale for Skier mag, to experiencing the beauty of the aurora and the majesty of the Tombstone Mountains to sharing it with more humans than I'll ever meet or know.

I shouldn't dwell on the anger some troll's comments inspire, but they tend to get under your skin when they kick and ridicule something so close to you. From the intimate natural moment, and great friendship in surreal places, the harsh anonymous stabs at the image and at me can feel like a barb in my side. I'm incredibly happy to have received personal notes from skiers and photographers alike, who have taken time to share how the photo amazed them or captured their imagination.

For me, that is the most gratifying of the whole Reddit-aurora experience. It's cool knowing that thousands of eyes stopped for just a moment to look at a single image; however, the personalized, direct, human moments and comments stand out among almost any honour as a photographer.

Then, there's the hilarity. "If this is not Photoshopped, I will suck each and every dude’s dick in my city."-NugSmuggler420. Wherever NugSmuggler420 is, there's a balance waiting to be paid.

Columns

humans FOOD RATIONING IN CUBA IN DANGER

Christine Janke × Columnist

Christine Janke is the kind of soul that cares for all of the ones around her. Her education in Human Rights from Malmo University in Sweden has allowed her to look at the world in a different light.

Her Humans column will delve into human rights, in Canada and abroad.

Since 1963, the people of Cuba have benefited from their government’s food rationing program.

Fidel Castro introduced the “Libreta” when U.S. sanctions against Cuba caused the price of goods to increase, leaving many Cubans unsure about how they could manage their next meal. Today, with Fidel’s brother Raul in power, the government is pushing to remove the food rationing system entirely, which would leave many Cubans in utter poverty.

There is a saying in Cuba that a person cannot live on rations alone, but they can also not live without them. In fact, the rations account for roughly 30 per cent of the amount of food needed to survive. Each citizen receives, per month, five pounds of rice, six pounds of beans, four pounds of sugar, a package of coffee, one pound of cooking oil, one pound of pasta, one kilo of powdered milk, one pound of chicken, five eggs (recently halved from 10), phosphorus supplements and one small bun per day. Every three months, each citizen also receives one kilo of salt. If any goods

are needed outside of these staples, which they inevitably are, people are left to scrounge up their meagre salaries (if they do, in fact, work) to top up their nutritional deficits.

The average salary in Cuba is 454 pesos, or US$19, per month. If Cubans want to buy extra items such as fruits or veggies, soap or clothing, which are not included in the “Libreta,” it will cost them a great deal, for to buy items outside of subsidized rations, they will need to acquire convertible pesos (CUC). One CUC is the equivalent of 25 regular pesos. The CUC is on par with the U.S. dollar and was introduced mainly for tourists and international trade. Hygienic items and produce are much more expensive than in Canada, and are available in CUC, making them unreachable and causing many Cubans to remain preoccupied with having enough to survive.

Interestingly enough, obesity currently affects roughly 43 per cent of the Cuban population, according to a 2012 report by the World Health Organization. This fact only highlights the point that people can be overweight and malnourished at the same time. It seems that the empty nutrition offered by white bread and starches, as well processed foods available for those who can afford them outside the ration system, are the culprits.

Currently, the Cuban government is attempting to counter the problem of anemia sweeping the nation, which is especially affecting young children.

Through my research, I found sources stating that beef and fish were made available to Cubans, but on a recent holiday, my conversations with the locals themselves told a different story. Many people I met said they have never tasted beef. I found this unbelievable since I saw quite a few cows on the sides of highways and on restaurant menus. Apparently beef, along with fish, is setaside for the tourists. The punishment for being involved in the slaughter and black-market sale of beef is 10 years of imprisonment. And while chicken is on the menu for Cubans, they only ever receive the chicken legs. The breasts go, again, to the tourists via the restaurants affordable only to westerners and the many resorts they stay in.

I was most shocked to learn that Cuba has a ban on fishing. This fact makes for some of the most amazing and well-preserved tropical reefs for tourists to explore, but quite sickening considering that Cubans are hungry and surrounded by a food source they cannot touch. Fly fishing tourists are able to purchase fishing licenses and catch to their hearts content on the vast archipelago surrounding the main island of Cuba, an area the government claimed as Cuban Marine National Park. Cubans are left to catch catfish illegally but rely mainly on pork when they can get it.

Cuba’s food rationing system is slowly on its way out, leaving the worrisome question of how Cubans will eat with only insanely expensive food on

× Jana Vanduin the menu and everything under strict government control. The “Libreta” has saved Cubans from starvation, especially during the 1990s with the collapse of the Soviet Union and a sharp decline of the national economy. But with food prices only increasing, and President Raul Castro looking to focus on the nation’s large debt and cutting social spending, the future seems quite shaky.

Most Cubans today only know life supported by the ration system and seem to doubt that it will ever go away. I believe Cubans will be in for a devastating shock as their government makes new economic moves and turns away from the political ideals fought for by national heroes José Martí and Ernesto Che Guevara.

the modern groupie MUSICIANS ARE MY INHERENT VICE

Layla Domino × Columnist

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and mouthed all the words along with the band. I’d hoped to catch Baxter’s eye, but he went on thrumming that bass without a glance in my direction.

After their set, I rushed up to the stage to congratulate them all on a job well done. Drenched in sweat, they politely said, “Thanks,” and made their way to a table where three girls and two pitchers of beer were waiting for them. I didn’t want to look like a poor sport, so I bought myself a pint, found a table close to the band’s and sat down with a couple friends. They would approach me soon enough, I thought.

Deliberately laughing and chatting with two of my friends, I desperately tried to come across as if nothing in the evening was amiss – and the only thing it came off across as was desperate. I realized that the guys weren’t going to come over to my table, and if I bit and walked over to theirs, I would be humiliating myself even more. I decided to collect my friends and my pride and leave the show. I waved goodbye to the band in one last attempt to get them to say something, anything, to me, but one of them just courteously raised one side of his mouth to half-smile and Baxter avoided eye contact.

Outside of the bar, back out onto the sketchy East Hastings Street, my friends and I made our way back to a SkyTrain and I made a mental note – one more reason not to date musicians. But I could hardly help myself.

×

Reeling after my heart-wrenching break up with Black Wizard frontman, Adam, a series of unfortunate events followed me into the next year. I wasn’t just leaving behind a five-year relationship; it was a group of friends in the music scene, our party-centric home and my stake for a ride in the band van. What was worse, it took Adam all of six months to move out of our home, onto another relationship and into his new girlfriend’s apartment.

Determined not to sit around eating ice cream and watching reruns of The Real Housewives of Vancouver, I signed up for both a Plenty of Fish and an OK Cupid account and made my tagline “Love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.” Anyone who got the Led Zeppelin reference was worthy of a date.

After wasting a few bucks on bad dates with com-

he wanted to take me for dinner “sometime in the next week.” Having had only Internet-based dates in the six months that I was single, I was thrilled to be asked on a “real” date – and ecstatic that it would be with a musician.

Baxter walked me to the SkyTrain and then went his own way, texting me only minutes later to wish me a safe trip home and that we would talk soon. I felt elated and confident, and maybe a little high and drunk, too.

When a week had passed with no phone call from Baxter, I resolved that I would show up to their album release show at Funky Winkerbean’s, looking five shades of smoking hot and he would once again pose the offer. The band had, after all, promised me a spot on their guest list – they knew I was coming.

Arriving at Funky’s at 9:30 p.m., by no means “late” for a punk show, I proudly exclaimed as I had done so many times before “I’m on the band’s guest list!” to the door guy. When I gave him my name, he abruptly and unapologetically said, “Oh right. They had you on the guest list but just replaced you with one of the guys’ girlfriends. It’s $10.”

Mortified, I pulled out a $10 bill and swallowed saliva and pride. Inside, the band was getting ready for their set and I confidently marched up into the front row, looking as if I were unfazed by the door debacle. Through poppy-punk love songs like “You’ll Never Break My Heart” and “Summertime Girls”, I bobbed my head enthusiastically

THE CAPILANO COURIER

Layla Domino is a veteran groupie with a love of all things music and all things men. After spending her early 20s backstage waiting for her lovers to serenade crowds and in the front seat of tour buses, she has gathered some raucous stories, which she will now share with you. And naturally, her favourite movie is a tie between Magic Mike and Almost Famous.

plete strangers who were good-on-paper, I closed up my online dating profiles and stuck to flirting with musicians at shows and while I interviewed them for articles - totally professional.

One such band was Vancouver’s answer to poppunk, Inherent Vices. They were about to release a cassette in lieu of a record, and I snagged an interview with the three-piece. The interview took place in the band’s jam space in the Downtown Eastside in a locked room that smelled strongly of cigarettes and marijuana, with dozens of cans of Old Milwaukee strewn all over the floor. The band pitched in to buy me a couple bomber-sized beers before we went into their rehearsal space, and the frontman of the band, notorious among women in Vancouver for his lascivious nature, kept telling me I was “really beautiful tonight.” I couldn’t say the situation hurt my self-esteem.

Along with a female photographer, we drank beer, passed around a joint and talked music and the band’s new record, Sacred Sigils. Jokes were thrown around, and in between, a few compliments towards me and the photographer. Being flattered and adored by musicians made the process of getting over my ex-singer/guitarist boyfriend a little easier.

After three hours, the guys in the band and I went our separate ways. Plumes of smoke floated out into the street as we emerged from their hole-in-the-wall jam space. We were each hugging goodbye, and in the end, it was the shy, heavy-set bassist, Baxter, who collected my number. He meekly proclaimed that

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art shorts

KRISTI ALEXANDRA ART SHORTS EDITOR

COPY@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

late night with seth meyers FEB.24 ON NBC

Leah Scheitel × Seth Meyers Lover A small disclaimer: I am a huge Seth Meyers fan.

I hardly ever missed a Weekend Update segment during his time as anchor and head writer on SNL and when he came to town last year to do standup, I spent a shameful amount of money on a single ticket. Excitement had been building for months about Meyers taking over Late Night for Jimmy Fallon, and it has to be said, that excitement was all for naught. The first episode was nearly painful to watch, as Meyers fumbled with way through it, crutching on Amy Poehler’s giggles to carry the show. His opening monologue was a set of one-liners with nothing to string them together or connect them. It was basically Weekend Update without the pictures to illustrate the hilarity of the joke (I had no idea how important those photos are until now). Another reason for the hype was

that Fred Armisen, another SNL alum, would be leading the 8G Band and Poehler was his first guest. But because of this, it was like being invited to party with a bunch of old frat buddies and walking into a plethora of inside-jokes, none of which make sense. And even though his second guest was Vice President Joe Biden, which is an impressive interview for any late night host, Meyers couldn’t find his footing and relied too heavily on Poehler.

It’s not the Seth and Amy show. He may just be off to a rocky start or missing the comforts of SNL, where he was a staple for 13 years, but either way, Meyers needs to up his game, and quick, or he will lose out to Jimmy Kimmel and Jon Stewart. And I’m desperately hoping that Colin Jost will be a good replacement for Meyers at the Update desk.

Maybe he can fill this void in my heart, because I don’t think Late Night with Seth Meyers will.

kalle mattson

SOMEDAY, THE MOON WILL BE GOLD

Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor

schoolboy q

OXYMORON Carlo Javier

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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× Staff Writer

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After Kendrick Lamar’s meteoric rise from credible street rapper into arguably rap’s biggest star, labelmate ScHoolboy Q publicly announced that he’s out to top his buddy’s accomplishments. Topping Lamar’s instant classic Good Kid, M.A.A.D City is ambitious, but with Oxymoron, his first major release, Q managed to come close to it. Born Quincy Matthew Hanley, Q is known for his signature bucket hat and as Top Dawg Entertainment’s (TDE) hard-hitting, gangsta rapper. In Oxymoron, he proves just that, and then some. Perhaps as a nod to Lamar’s use of skits that illustrated his relationship with his parents, Q opened his own album with the voice of his daughter — who also happens to be on the cover of his album, wearing his trademark bucket hat. The lead single “Collard Greens” offers a sufficient look at Q’s intricate wordplay, as he raps and amalgamates richness and soul food. In the second single, “Man of the Year”, Q hits the hip-hop jackpot with an undeniably contagious beat that is sure to be a

mainstay on radio playlists and clubs. It may seem unfair, but Oxymoron will inevitably and forever be judged on how well it stacks up against Good Kid, M.A.A.D City. Although this is just the second major release by TDE, the expectations are taking no prisoners. With introspection and emphasis in storytelling becoming more and more valued in modern hip-hop, it may seem that time is running out for the steely rappers, but Q manages to deliver. He flashes back to his childhood in “Hoover Street”, an immersive six-minute story about the drug and gang-induced environment he grew up in. In “Prescription/Oxymoron”, undoubtedly the centerpiece of the album, Q delves into his own drug-dealing days, his own battles with addiction and fatherhood. Q announced the album release with the aid of his daughter, and his lyrics are at their best when he’s rapping about her. Oxymoron may not be the classic that people want, but it is an album that vividly emanates the complexities of the streets and fatherhood, of the good and the bad of hip-hop, and it certainly places Q as one of hip-hop’s current Top Dawgs.

Press the play button on Kalle Mattson’s Someday, the Moon Will Be Gold and you’ll get something that sounds as though the bed tracks of a dubstep album are being unravelled into a hamster wheel. “Not this for 45 minutes,” you’re thinking.

“Please not this.” But then, just as you’re reaching for the music listener’s equivalent of an ejection seat, out of nowhere soon emerges a four-to-thefloor drum pattern that’s never felt more like home. You’ve been fooled, folks – this is a folk rock album through and through. Zing. It also happens to be a pretty good one, save for a few unnecessary touches. Over-invasive production, or perhaps over-experimentation has, in some spots, pushed Mattson’s natural-born folk sound into territory it’s not ready or even needing to visit. For a concept album this might be more understandable, but given the texture and simplicity of the majority of the songs on this record, bits of fuzznoise in between tracks just don’t add up. Further anomalies include the punky “Hurt People Hurt People”, and a synth-heavy number called “The

Moon Is Gold”, which spews references to alt rock, albeit with a more minimalist groove. Drawing on personal subject matter including the death of his mother, Mattson explores a wide variety of thoughts and emotions. Easy to listen to but also full of energy and unpredictability, the record is like a walk through the pouring rain -- one moment it’s only sprinkling and the next it’s coming down in buckets. “Love Song to the City” is an emotional ode to Mattson’s hometown of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario. It’s followed by the catchy “Pick Me Up,” another standout of the record which certainly fulfills its namesake after the melancholic number that precedes it. “Amelie”, one of the album’s later tunes, is simply beautiful in every way. It’s only when those little flashes of electronic noise appear between songs that you’re suddenly reminded of that kid in school who tried just a little too hard to fit in with what was cool. If only little Timmy acted more like himself, everyone would like him so much more. Cut the effects, Mr. Producer. Mattson can still break plenty of hearts without them.

Kalle Mattson visits Vancouver on March 7 for a show at Cafe Deux Soleils.

Predator/prey

CONCEPT ALBUM Jeremy Hanlon × Caboose Editor

Predator/Prey is a double-length concept album composed of two previous albums, appropriately named Predator and Prey, respectively. They follow the theme of following life from the perspectives of multiple animals, starting with predatory animals such as mussels and wolves, and following with seven tracks from the point of view of prey, including mice and elk. The album is interesting in that each song has its own distinct style which plays into the overarching theme it explores. While it is predominantly an indie-folk piece, reminiscent of Blind Pilot and The Decemberists, certain songs veer quite far from that aesthetic. Notable examples include “Knot of Snakes” off of the Predator segment, which has an underground hip-hop feel

mixed with reggae, featuring funky guitar riffs, tight vocal harmonies and marimba, and “Shoal of Fish” from Prey, with atmospheric background effects and a muted guitar with zips and a tasteful amount of feedback, which then closes with the far-off sound of a wolf howling to lead into the next song. It's an ambient experience well worth a full-length sit down. The influences for the tracks run deep, and some pieces are haunting in their execution. While some of the solo vocal sometimes leaves something to be desired, and some of the songs could have spent a bit more time in post-production, this is overall a very cool album.

And the best part is that it's absolutely free for download from their website, which happens to feature a corresponding Predator/Prey game! The future is weird.

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Kristi

Beardyman Fortune Sound Club 9:30 pm $20

@capilanocourier Punk Pandemonium

M 03

The Rio Theatre 7 pm $8 per show

@capcourier

Speed Dating M 03

Catch 122 6 pm $27.49

CapilanoCourier.com Shred For The Cure

M 03

Mount Seymour 5 pm to 10 pm $ - free

M 03

If you’re like me, the words “beardy” and “man”, when used in conjunction with each other, really get you hot and bothered. Unfortunately, when I looked up this English beat-boxer and musician, there was no accompanying beardy picture with his Wikipedia page—just a five-o-clock shadow.

Sigh.

Who knew Vancouver, with all of its moderatelypriced sushi and over-priced vintage, was full of punks? Well, the Rio is doing a double-header of punk-inspired documentaries – first up is the ever contentious Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer and then The Punk Singer based on Bikini Kill and Le Tigre frontwoman, Kathleen Hanna.

Ever been on a date so bad that you just couldn’t get out of there fast enough, but the whole “have a friend call you with a fake emergency” thing would have been all-too-obvious? Ditch those bad dates with ease after just a few minutes with no guilt in this speed dating fundraiser for Scopitone Films.

Ladies ride free this Monday night (and every Monday night until March 31) at Mount Seymour. Shred for the Cure supports the BC Cancer Foundation and works like this: ladies can ride at Mount Seymour on Monday Nights anytime from 5pm until 10pm with a donation to the BC Cancer Foundation.

Dr. Dog

Coastal First Nations Dance Fest

Hot Improv Tuesday

My Son The Waiter

Venue 8 pm $22

T 04

Museum of Anthropology (UBC) 1 pm to 4 pm $25

T 04

Café Deux Soliels 8 pm $7

T 04

Norman Rothstein Theatre 8 pm $20

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These good old Philadelphia boys have been selfproducing and putting out records since 2006.

Usually a music festival staple, the indie-rock sextet plays Venue — a place most often reserved for club-goers who love being served vodka sodas from a guy with a faux hawk — alongside Saint Rich.

Kicking off the four-day Coastal First Nations Dance Festival, performances showcase the diverse and rich cultural traditions practiced by artists from coastal B.C., the Yukon, and Alaska. MOA will also offer free admission to those of First Nations ancestry. Friday and Saturday include special feature dance performances.

Comedy Troupe the Fictionals present an evening of improv comedy based on audience suggestions.

Much like their slam poetry nights, the more audience participation, the better. Consume soy and gluten-free beer along with the rest of the youth who most certainly cannot afford to be eating on the Drive.

Brad Zimmerman's comedic one-man show tells the story of one Jewish man's struggle to make it as an actor in New York City. I have a sneaking suspicion that there might be some Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David or Woody Allen references in there somewhere, and if there isn’t - well that would be a grievous mistake.

Porno Death Cult

Jesus Christ Superstar

Hillary F***ing Clinton

Authors Among Us

Firehall Arts Centre 8 pm $20

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Highlands United Church 8 pm $22

W 05

Queen Elizabeth Theatre 5:30 pm $115+

W 05

Surrey Public Library 7 pm $ - free

W 05

With a title like this, how could you not want to see this tantalizing piece of theatre? Tara Cheyenne Friedenberg presents her new solo work which traverses darkly comic terrain while exploring faith, faithlessness, life, and death. Kind of like that Sarah McLachlan song “Building a Mystery”.

All of my musical theatre friends are absolutely crazy for this rock opera with lyrics by Tim Rice and music by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I don’t really get it, but I hope it’s a little, uh, lighter than Marilyn Manson’s album Anti-Christ Superstar, which I’m quite sure is a Satanic parody of this play. Right?

As a youth, Hillary Clinton wrote to NASA asking how she could become an astronaut. NASA so nicely responded by basically telling her not to worry because women couldn’t become astronauts anyways. Do you know what she did? She became the fucking secretary of the fucking state.

Interact with local authors as they speak about how love and loss fuel creativity—a sentiment delivered to us through any piece of art we’ve ever consumed. Notable highlights include Bukowski’s Love is a Dog From Hell, Sofia Coppola’s Lost In Translation and any Mariah Carey album ever.

The Best Of Now

The Tempest Replica

Richie Ramone

Tea For Two

The Cultch 8 pm $18

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Woodwards Building 8 pm $29

Th 06

The Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $20

Th 06

VanDusen Gardens 11 am to 7 pm $35

Th 06

In true form, the Cultch presents a performance that’s famously hard to describe and so convoluted that only Justin Bobby would get it. Here goes: a performance of works commissioned from Vancouver artist Wen Wei Wang, Sarah Slipper, and European dance makers.

Improv comedy at its finest—almost, you could say, in the fashion of original Shakespeare plays at the Globe Theatre. Crystal Pite and Kidd Pivot stage a game of revenge, forgiveness, reality, and imagination, based on motifs from Shakespeare s The Tempest.

Well, the Ramones never cared about history because that’s not where they wanted to be, but lo and behold, there they are, in history. Former drummer for the Ramones performs tunes from his debut solo album. Hopefully he’ll encore with some “I Wanna Be Sedated” or “Rock ‘n Roll Highschool”.

Truffles Café at VanDusen Botanical Garden is now serving a “proper” English afternoon tea complete with three-tier tray of goodies, ceramic tea pots and cups, organic and private label teas.

For just $35, you can pretend you’re a member of the 1800s high society.

Faye's Birthday

Dreary and Izzy

Air Supply

Matuto

Maple Dumpster All Day $ - cost of glam gel nails

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Gateway Theatre 8 pm $30

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River Rock Show Theatre 8 pm $55

F 07

St. James Hall 8 pm $20

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It’s our Opinions Editor’s birthday! Also a former child model, talented writer and artist, and dabbler in the art of the guitar, Faye Alexander is an inspiration to all women who aim to be well-rounded. Not to mention, she’s a smoking babe and her Beyonce-inspired nails are totally worship-worthy.

When the Monoghan sisters lose their parents in a car accident, Deirdre is poised to enter university.

Now she must care for her beloved older sister Isabelle, who’s adopted, First Nations and affected by fetal alcohol syndrome. Deirdre struggles to manage until twin rays of hope appear in the form of a gorgeous vacuum cleaner salesman and a family friend.

If you happen to have an Air Supply record in your vinyl collection, it’s almost certainly a mistake or embarrassing admission that you’ll eventually have to own. This Australian soft-rock duo from the '70s might bust out their hits "All Out of Love" and "Every Woman in the World".

If you haven’t had a vacation in a while and are missing those Gipsy Kinds cover bands you checked out while trekking around South East Asia, check out Matuto, a bluegrass and Brazilianstyle folk group from New York City.

Vancouver Ukulele Festival

Skate Ramp Showdown

Wes Barker

Delhi 2 Dublin

St. James Hall 8 pm $18

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SBC Restaurant 6:30 pm $5

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Vogue Theatre 7 pm $20

S 08

Commodore Ballroom 8 pm $27.50

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An evening at SBC Restaurant is hosting six bands and a skate ramp for skateboarding. Local bands Anchoress, Selfist, Obscene Being, 88 Mile Trip, Trade Your Children and Balance. $5 will buy your ramp fee and cover to see these bands. No booze or drugs allowed — keep it clean, people!

Langley stunt magician presents a high-energy show filled with magic tricks, stunts, comedy, and audience participation. Kind of like Criss Angel:Mindfreak, except without all the douche tattoos and greasy jet-black hair. It’s all an illusion.

Canadian world-fusion group plays the Commodore Ballroom, playing off the band’s diverse roots from Ireland to India. It’s a sonically-charged Eat, Pray, Love for music goers in the city. To whet your musical palette, may we suggest some samosas or Irish stew? Not butter chicken, though.

That’s not a real thing.

Flea Market Antique Show

The Talk Showcase

Get Breakfast In Bed... Delivered

Newbie Day At Blackcomb

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Once reserved for tourists on Mexican beaches, the ukulele is making its arrival in Vancouver at the 2014 Vancouver Ukulele Festival. The evening features performances by Danielle At the Sandwich, the Quiet American, Ruby & Smith, Ralph Shaw, and Guido Heistek.

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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Vancouver Flea Market 11 am to 6 pm $2

Su 09

Browse through 365 tables of new, used, and odd items for sale. There’s a focus on antiques this week, but there’s no guarantee that the cast of Antiques Roadshow will be there to appraise your great-great-great grandmother’s urn that you recovered from a pirate ship wreck.

Yuk Yuk’s 6:30 pm $10

Su 09

Local comedian Chris James brings his internationally renowned live talk show to his hometown of Vancouver at Yuk Yuk's. The newest edition will feature interviews with some of the best comedians, musicians, and all around most interesting people in the city.

Your House 8 am to 2 pm $6.95 to $11

Su 09

If you live in downtown Vancouver or Kitsilano, you’re lucky to be close by to the Breakfast Courier, a new service that delivers — by bike courier, how cool — hot breakfast to your lazy ass. Get anything from veggie bagel melts, chicken biscuits and sausage gravy, buttermilk pancakes to French toast. Order online at Breakfastcourier.com.

Whistler Blackcomb All Day $25

Su 09

Never had the money to ski or snowboard up at tourist and upper-crust villages like Whistler Blackcomb? Just for this weekend, you can get a lesson and a day pass for only $25, and ride (and fall) all day long. For true beginners only, though, and only the first 200 to sign up get this smokin’ deal.

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Staff Editorial kitchen nightmares SECRETS FROM THE INSIDE Scott Moraes × Managing Editor Most days, I wake up at 5 a.m. to a loud offensive ringtone that anticipates “shit's about to happen.”

Like I need the reminder. Often without breakfast, I bus or cab to work and pour myself a toxic cup of metallic-tasting coffee, half of which I will drink cold through the next five hours while “shredding” (kitchen speak for “working your ass off like there's a pot of gold when you clock out” — there isn't).

I get home 10 hours later and pass out for half an hour on a cold floor somewhere.

This is a story of a two-headed beast: both terrifying and charming. A rare beast, perhaps, and often misunderstood — which is why it's usually kept out of customers' sight.

A kitchen brigade is quite often a rowdy circus of absolutely ridiculous misfits: socially unfit college dropouts, heavy smokers, borderline junkies, poker addicts.... If they can get away with anything, they'll try. This includes disregarding FoodSafe or WorkSafe practices, like climbing on carts instead of ladders and “washing” their salmonellaridden hands in dirty, cold four-hour-old sanitizer water. They're usually quite young, because entrylevel jobs are plentiful in the industry and turnover is high due to what I call “low survival rate.” Not that people die on the job (maybe they die inside), but surviving the heavy load without quitting in despair or being fired for incompetence is the exception rather than the rule. The job at the entry level is “naturally” discriminatory, since being a tall, slim male with the right balance of brains and brawl is likely to be the set of “traits” you need to survive. The survivors are quite the group.

Overworked, unhealthy workhorses though they

may be, having lived the trials of kitchen life for long enough will turn you either into a lifeless but functioning robot or a stronger, more intelligent, sharp-tongued devil. Sometimes both, at intervals.

Often, I feel like the tall brooding Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, feigning mental illness to fit in. Being the black sheep, the mentally-stable, non-smoking, drug-free odd one out with a newspaper side job has proven to be challenging at times, but it's also given me blissful leverage over co-workers and bosses. I've become a more mature (I recently stopped being I.D.'d in liquor stores), more resilient, more confident individual. I've learned much more than to appreciate the sharpness and proper pronunciation of a Wüsthof (the queen of knives). I've climbed near the top of the ladder without compromising my cynicism and by flat-out refusing the KoolAid. I've “Wüsthofed” my speech skills to match my written skills and earned enough respect to be able to drop lines like, “You're really fucking ungrateful,” to my boss's face and still be thanked for the honesty. I enjoy my unique freedom to work with minimal supervision despite massive responsibilities of making almost a hundred sauces a week. And most of all, I love the multiple daily opportunities to subtly call out the big shots on their bullshit.

Passion for food is probably at the very bottom of the priority list when it comes to high volume restaurants. So much that some products come with legal disclaimers of poor quality (this is comic gold for me), and hey, we don't care as long as they're dirt cheap (like $18 for a 50 pound box of cabbage) and we can turn them into a 600 per cent mark up product.

You would be surprised to see so many pubescent fresh-out-of-high-school kids being given full

× Cheryl Swan

control of commercial kitchens. Lacking any apparent interest for food itself, or any instinctual knowledge of how to cook, these kids are easily moulded, brainwashed, enticed by the prospect of a head chef salary without bothering with a college degree. You can climb to the top so fast that it's a small cost indeed to drink the Kool-Aid like there's no tomorrow — often, really, being fed the Kool-Aid through a figurative IV line. So, just a friendly warning: next time you do go out, with your peanut allergy and all, you could be served dry, overcooked pork that's been dropped on a pile of peanut crumbs on the floor, picked up, blown upon, and placed on your plate by some clueless 18 year old with a big hollow title.

If I'm blowing this whistle, it's not out of spite, but out of respect for those who actually strive to do it right. Escaping the ruthless logic of capitalist competition really does require some active effort for restaurants. But there are some out there

who manage to survive the financial bottom line while still giving food the place on the altar that it deserves. This may sound snobbish, but if you're willing to invest some time into differentiating restaurants driven by the profit motive and those driven by passion, you can literally taste the difference on the plate. Think about it and pay the extra dollars, I beg you — it's worth it for your sake and the sake of the industry.

If you sense the negative, tired undertone of my unabashed rant, it's because I'm starved for change. Looking back, hopefully soon, I'm sure I'll be thankful for the experience. But I'm a food lover first and a corporate go-getter last. By turning their priority lists upside down, restaurants commit a few too many sins for me to overlook. And every time I stare the beast in the eyes, intimately, we both know the truth: in the end, only one of us can live. And bitch, it's gonna be me.

The unseen tattoo Alva Tee

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× Writer

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Every single thing that we go through in life offers us a new experience to go through and a lesson to learn, I know this for a fact. There is so much more to everything in this world, yet the majority only takes what we see on the surface to heart. Like when we think of the word “tattoo”, other words like ink, alcohol, motorcycles, grit and trouble automatically get associated. From there, the list just goes on and on. Everyone judges so quickly based only off of what they see, when the truth is, there is depth behind almost everything. I am not just a surface, no. That’s not me.

When the word “tattoo” is written, spoken, or read, I think of scars. I think of lessons, experience, hope and love. Why? Because I am all of that. I change forms and I can affect someone’s life in many different ways. When a conundrum presents itself and is resolved, I am the result. I am that mark forever left on a human. I do not have a set life span, I grow as much as I need to and I am only born when I am ready to be born. There are others like me, but our journey is never-ending.

I can’t tell you all of the crazy things I have been through, mostly because I don’t remember. But I can tell you that a part of me dies when the human dies, and then I am rebirthed with no recollection of my previous life. The time I spend with each

new human is all that counts and the vicarious journeys we go through together are beyond thrilling. I can end up completely different than how I started my existence. I never know what’s going to happen because life takes such unexpected turns at the strangest times, I have no choice but to alter myself accordingly. And out of all the situations I have endured, one resonates strongly with me.

There is a boy within whose soul I once began my premature life. Lonely, lost and insecure, he had been teased his whole life and had yet to find true happiness in anything. He only knew of distractions. I had been warned many times of these kinds of cases, they were easiest to thrive on but hardest to live for. This boy, he yearned to find a happiness that would not leave. I had no control over his decisions and actions. Destined to stay as he fed me bits and parts of the empty black hole he called his life, it helped me grow. I was almost ready to be born as a dark cut, but something significant happened that prevented my birth.

He met a girl. The moment she entered his life, I could feel myself fading. Something had changed inside the boy; he was suddenly feeling emotions that robbed me of my abilities to grow as that dark cut. I was still there, but I could not leave. Meeting this girl was an absolute frenzy for me. She put him

through hell, making him feel the most painful sorrows in the depths of his despair. But that only meant she had the ability to bring him into a state of bliss beyond compare, elevated with overpowering warmth. The situation was hectic. There were times I stayed the same, but there were also times where I grew, shrank, and fluctuated all around.

As he became more attached to her, I felt myself shifting away from him. A force so powerful, it lifted me from him onto this girl’s soul. It was love.

Now, I am growing with her. He left me on her. Sharing and opening himself up, the experiences I once was fed also transferred. I continue to develop through ups and downs, and I will always be a part of him, but I continue to grow with her.

I was the Tattoo that scarred the boy in his darkest days and I am now the Tattoo reflecting him within her. This unique love gave me life in the greatest form and I was no longer a dark cut.

This love they share is what bonds me between them; because I am the Tattoo imprinted on their souls and I will continue to mature as long as their love is alive. They will never see me, and neither will anyone else. A memory, an experience, and a lesson; I am a Tattoo.

× Crystal Lee

caboose

JEREMY HANLON CABOOSE EDITOR

CABOOSE@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

SHOTGUN REVIEWS: WORST PETS!

RACCOONS

MONKEYS

SNAKEHEADS

BABIES

Gabriel Scorgie // Writer

Julia Gabriel // Writer

James Martin // Writer

Leah Scheitel // Editor-in-Chief

A raccoon seems like the perfect pet. They’re cute, smart and, most importantly, they’re not a cat. The one part that everyone seems to overlook is that they’re the spawn of Satan. Don’t let them confuse you, raccoons are cute only because they’re smart.

They know you’ll forgive them for ripping up the curtains, knocking over the TV and eating the shiatsu, so long as they give a couple sad whimpers and a big wide-eyed look of regret once they get caught. They aren’t meant to be domesticated; any animal whose natural fur color and pattern makes them look like a bank robber or Batman villain shouldn’t be greeted with open arms. They run around in large packs in the middle of the night, attacking stray animals and looting garbage cans — those are the actions of a psychopath. However, since they have big, cute eyes and can climb trees, all has clearly been forgiven.

Have you ever tried to give a monkey a bath? Because I have, and let me tell you, that little capuchin sure packs a mean punch. And he bites, did I tell you that? Just add water and this little primate of mine becomes a monster, just like those gremlins that I saw on that TV movie last week. Only a gremlin doesn’t wear diapers that are constantly being removed by opposable thumbs. I never realized just how much havoc can be caused from having an extra finger on each hand. I turn away for one second and the diaper is off the chimp and on the ground. But even worse — the shit is in his hands, aimed to fling at my face. You don’t know fear until you’ve witnessed an angry poo-bearing monkey look you right in the eye. I don’t even know why I got a monkey in the first place; I’ve always been more of a cat person. I guess I thought it would be nice to have a pet that did more than just lick his privates and crap in a box of sand.

Right now, scooping out a litter box sounds more than perfect.

You like badass aquatic pets and want something more hardcore than your buddy's betta. You think you've hit the jackpot when you find a snakehead.

This is one mean looking fish, with an equally mean attitude. It seems cool now, but you simply haven't learned yet that this fish is too much for you to handle. You believe you're safe so long as it's confined to its aquarium. Your snakehead was inclined to agree, so it got out. Surprise! Turns out the snakehead can breathe air and has a habit of just up-and-leaving its pond when it gets bored and finds somewhere new to hang out. Now you have an angry, mobile, air-breathing carnivorous fish somewhere in your house. Maybe it's waiting to bite your fingers in the murky dishwater of your kitchen sink. Or perhaps it's lurking just out of sight in your toilet. Have fun thinking about that one.

Remember those really annoying toys from the ‘90s — the one where an electronic baby would shit itself, and you'd be responsible for cleaning it up, along with entertaining it, feeding it and being with it? And if you neglected it to get back to something more important — say, your LIFE — the thing would die, and you'd be ridden with guilt until the game reset and you'd have a new pet? Bring that into reality, where something shits itself and you’re responsible for it. And yes, I am talking about those blubbing, inarticulate, smelly little babies. And you can't neglect these ones, because if you do, there is no reset button. Ignore this one, and you're facing jail time, buddy. Straight up, this is why babies are the worst pets ever. So inexpensive to make, yet it takes 18 years to pay it off. A bottle of wine and a shitty compliment caused it, and now you are cleaning up its poop for the next three years and dealing with its emotional wanderings for the rest of your life. Worst deal ever. This should be the next ad for Alesse’s birth control campaign. It, unlike those stupid toys, would be a success.

W/ FAYE "DAY" ALEXANDER DROWNING HIPPIE HE WAS TOO FAR OUT, MAN! VEGAN ZOMBIES GRAINS! GRAAAINNNNS!

× Alain Champagne

DEADBEATS JUST MY TYPE

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NO ENCORE MORE TIME FOR YOUR CATS LUKA MAGNOTTA KILLER QUEEN TINDERELLA A MODERN FAIRYTALE MEN’S RIGHTS ACTIVISTS IT’S A REAL THING

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47 ISSUE N O . 19

AMERICAN IDOL TURNS 13 OFFICIALLY TEENAGED, CUE THE MORRISSEY YAH BRA THE CHILLEST SUPPORT SYSTEM

19 × Cole Pauls

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