Capilano Courier // Volume 48 // Issue 8 // HALLOWEEN

VOL UME

48

MOLLY POPPINS

NORTH VANCOUVER, OCTOBER 27TH 2014

FREAKY PORN

SLOAN

ISSUE

N O . 08

INSIDE ISLAM

CAPILANO Courier

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

capilanocourier.com

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News

A+C

CaleNdar

Features

OpiNiONs

COlumNs

CabOOse

Bats Out of the Cage

Furry Festishes

Halloween Hangover

Psycho So What

Schools Against Halloween

Popping into Poppytalk

Tampering Treats

Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

@capilanocourier

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

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The Staff

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@capilanocourier

Therese Guieb News Editor

of this brain crazy, beer hazy university newspaper

Andy Rice Managing Editor

Alva Tee Arts + Culture Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Faye Alexander Features Editor

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Gabriel Scorgie Opinions Editor

Carlo Javier Lifestyle Editor

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Brandon Kostinuk Web Editor

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS:

Keara Farnan, Nigel Ching, Sarah Bonin, Melissa Verdicchio, Ramneet Kang, Max Ley, Christine Beyleveldt, Scott Barkemeyer, Heather Connor, Rosanna Hemple, Ben Bengtson, Cianda "The Coolest" Bourrel, Tristen Schmidhauser CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS:

Chris Dedinsky, Ekaterina Aristova, Samantha Smith, Kayon Gale, J.R. Pinto, Ksenia Kozhevnikova, Guillem Rovira, Olliemoonsta, James Saville, Marla White, Taylor Lee, Megan Collinson, Amy Mayer

To advertise in the Courier’s pages, please contact our Advertising Director, Andy Rice, at 778-855-9942 or advertising.capcourier@gmail.com. We are proud to offer discounts to non-profit organizations and North Shore customers. A full media kit with sizes, rates and deadlines is available on our website, CapilanoCourier.com.

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

Letter From The Editor Leah Scheitel, Editor-in-Chief

scarier than halloween "We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones."

- Stephen King

It’s the time of year where pumpkin guts are in the garbage, fancy ghosts are stuck in trees and I’m wondering which one of my friends is going to find the fanciest slut costume. I sincerely hope that someone I know tries to go as sexy Ebola, and dons a scarlet red spandex one piece. Sexy yet scary – oh, the things that turn us on.

I’ve never had a penchant for Halloween. I’ve always seen it as just another excuse to get drunk and be reckless, and I hardly think I need another excuse to do what I normally do on any given Saturday night. The last time I dressed up for Halloween was 12 years ago, when I hot glued Smarties on my pants and went as “Smarty Pants” to my grade 10 high school dance. Unbeknownst to my mother, she accidentally glued a bright yellow Smartie right on my hoo-hoo, making it a glaring target for horny 15-year-old boys to grab at for the rest of the night. It gave a whole new meaning to the term “snatch.”

As a child, Halloween was just as traumatizing. After coming home with a pillowcase full of candy, I would be left with only a quarter of it after my mom and dad got their hands on it, for what they called “taxes.” They claimed it was educational and was teaching me the inner workings of a government. I thought it was cruel because they only left me with the crud of the candy – those weird toffee candies that didn’t have any branding on the wrapper, just a beige plastic wrap.

The frenzy that this popular holiday creates every year intrigues me. People revel in conversations about what they are going to dress up as, where they are going to get drunk and who they hope to make out with by the end of the night. Instead of just the one night of Oct. 31, the festivities have spread into a week-long affair, and even longer once the pumpkin carving competitions and Value Village costume finds are accounted for. This is not surprising, as it is the same thing that the Western world has done to Christmas and other holidays. Let’s face it: we are looking for things to distract us from our daily lives, and holidays are the perfect excuse.

Scary thoughts have been on my mind all week, and it’s not because we are curating the Halloween edition of the Courier. It’s because this week has been rather scary, at least according to our news headlines. Between the shooting on Parliament Hill, the slow spread of Ebola and Renee Zellweger’s new face, it’s a surprise we aren’t all haunted by nightmares. The radio broadcast and newspapers were riddled with stories of not one, but two potential terrorists attacks on Canadian soil this week. In total,

two people have regretfully died in these attacks. And while I’m not taking away from the sadness of their deaths or the pain that their families are feeling, what I’m scared of is the hysteria it is creating.

Because of one mentally unstable gunman on Parliament Hill, Harper has a golden pathway to pass legislation on surveillance laws, ultimately giving more power to the Big Brothers in the country.

Patriotism is a strong and dangerous influence. Because we have been slightly damaged, we are willing to “stand united” and not heavily question the motives and moves of our government. To me, that’s scarier than any haunted house or bad Tinder date out there.

If you haven’t noticed, we at the Courier have written a lot of stories about the NSA, privacy laws and the government actions that support them. Our coverage on this subject got so heavy for a time that I actually asked our Opinions Editor, Gabe, to stay away from the subject for at least three issues.

The reason for his infatuation is three fold: it’s relevant, important and fucking scary. Call me stupid, disagree with me and voice your opinion otherwise, but I’m far more terrified of a government with more hidden power to delve into and fuck up my life than I am about a so-called terrorist opening fire in a public place. What’s worse is that we have a greater chance of surviving the terrorist than we do the government. And if Wednesday’s sad incident was the work of a terrorist who was gunning for Stephen Harper, he was really ill-prepared and has terrible aim. Apparently Harper was stuffed into a broom closest during the stand off – the leader of our country cowering in a broom closest.

I’m extremely fortunate to have this space where I get to air my complaints and thoughts on current affairs weekly. I realize that I have a forum to be able to express my opinion, which is not something that everyone has. I’m privileged to have it and share my side of the opinion. However, this should be a discussion, not a lopsided point of view. Everything should be. Let’s talk about it. All of it. What do you think of Dear Renee’s face and how she is handling the public scrutiny? Do you agree with my sentiments on the shootings at Parliament Hill? Are you nervous of Ebola affecting us in any way, especially after it has been found in New York? We live in scary times, ones that don’t need to be enhanced by fake ghouls and ghosts. The world is scary enough. And the only way to make it less scary is by talking about it. Welcome to our Halloween Edition. We want to know your opinions on anything in these pages, no matter how scary it may be.

triCk Or tweets #staysaFeOttawa

the VOiCe bOx

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with

Andy Rice

The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything. To inquire, just send a text to 778.855.9942 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine whatever way you look at it.

To Carlo: Why were you infiltrating the privacy of the girls in the washroom? Creep. (“Bathroom Humour”, Issue 7: page 19.)

After a year and a half the emergency kiosks at Cap are finally back! They’re not covered in plastic anymore!!!

Great. Now you’re even safer from Carlo.

Do the staff have any secret talents?

You mean like boob-twerking or lifting heavy objects with our junk? Sadly no, but Cheryl tells me she can blow bubbles with her spit, but only if she’s had Pepsi or gummy bears. Faye can play the trombone, which is rad, and Leah has an uncanny ability to ignore the overwhelming smell of cat piss in her apartment. Shit, I guess we are talented.

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SportsCenter @SportsCenter Touching moment in Pittsburgh. Crowd sings "O Canada" before Penguins-Flyers game to honor soldier killed in Ottawa.

Piers Morgan @piersmorgan Stand firm, Canada - we're all with you.

CKNW @CKNW .@PMHarper "We will not be intimidated. Canada will never be intimidated." says today's terror attack will "strengthen our resolve."

You guys should talk to the CSU about getting bean bag chairs and a Keurig 2.0, then the staff and writers will be able to enjoy a fresh cup of coffee every time they enter the office. It’s a win-win situation. Maybe with the renovations being done in Maple the CSU will take on some of these suggestions.

Orny Adams @Ornyadams Millions of Americans finally learn Ottawa is Canada's capital after watching terror attack reports on the news.

To be honest, I’m not sure who our landlord is or who we’d even approach on the subject of renovations. Someone please tell me — do we rent space from the CSU or from Cap, or are we just this unincorporated little island unto ourselves? (Leah? Brittany Barnes? Bulcroft? Help!) This is why I ran for a position on the Courier’s board of directors, because nobody ever talks about these things, so I’ll get back to you on Sunday after our first meeting. As for the Keurig machine, I’d be down with that, and bean bag chairs are pretty alright too. But if those are your ideas of renos, I probably wouldn’t hire you to convert my garage into a bedroom a la Danny Tanner in Full House Season One. I can just go to Walmart for coffee and bean bag chairs.

Chris Jones @MySecondEmpire You know who did a good, careful job today? @petermansbridge. The increasingly rare anchor journalist. How it should be done.

Hend @LibyaLiberty Canada showing real leadership for ALL Canadians during this difficult time. #Class

Arash Madani @ArashMadani CBC, by the way, has not gone to break in over two hours.

Peter Mansbridge has barely exhaled. Grand work by our public broadcaster.

Patrick Vaillancourt @pvaillancourt Gist of @pmharper brief speech: #Canada: Still Strong; Forever Free. #cdnpoli #OttawaShooting ##StaySafeOttawa #ParliamentShooting Matt Frehner @mattfrehner "Canada isn’t going anywhere.”

Ottawa Senators @Senators Our thoughts are with everyone involved in what is happening on Parliament Hill and Confederation Square this morning. Stay safe, Ottawa.

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I remember editing that story and I’m almost positive he said he interrogated them as they came out of the washroom, which is a bit less invasive but still kind of forward I guess.

If you read our calendar last week, you’d know that this is the same Carlo who goes to burlesque shows blindfolded with a chaperone to help him carry around all of his inner guilt. I can assure you he wasn’t any real threat to your safety, although he was probably judging your scarf-jacket ensemble pretty hard.

CBC News @CBCNews Justin Trudeau: "We will remember who we are. We are a proud democracy. A welcoming and peaceful nation."

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NEWS

THERESE GUIEB NEWS EDITOR

Watch out!

A CLOSER LOOK AT PEDESTRIAN SAFETY Keara Farnan × Writer On Oct. 23, the Capilano Students’ Union (CSU), RCMP, Community Policing volunteers and ICBC joined forces to educate students about pedestrian safety. The event was hosted at Capilano University from 7 am to 11am by the main bus loop at Purcell Way. Some of the guest presenters included North Vancouver Mayor, Darrell Mussatto, city council members and various volunteers involved in the reinforcement of pedestrian safety within the North Shore.

“Every year in North Vancouver, an average of 65 pedestrians are injured in car crashes,” says Lindsay Olsen, communications and media coordinator for ICBC. An online map on the ICBC website outlines the number of car crashes and pedestrian accidents that have taken place all throughout the Lower Mainland. “Whether

you’re a driver or a pedestrian, do your part to help share our roads safely. If you’re driving, watch out for pedestrians who are harder to see at this time of year. If you’re walking, be a safe pedestrian: look, listen and be seen,” notes Olsen.

“Look, always make eye contact with drivers, and never assume that a driver has seen you.

Listen. Focus your full attention on what’s happening around you. Drivers may not always stop or obey traffic signals. Remove your headphones and never talk, text or use electronic devices in an intersection or while crossing," elaborates Olsen about the three pedestrian safety tips.

"Be extra cautious at intersections. Watch for vehicles turning left or right through the crosswalk. Drivers attention may be focused on oncoming traffic so they may not be looking for or see pedestrians in the crosswalk".

The presentation consisted of helpful tips to ensure visibility in the fall and winter when it

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

is most difficult to see onsite pedestrians crossing the street. "Before stepping off the curb, look left and right for oncoming vehicles. Then look left and right again for vehicles that may be turning onto the roadway from beside or behind you. Make sure that vehicles in all lanes are fully stopped before crossing,” says Olsen. With the information session, ICBC hopes to further educate students on safety precautions in terms of pedestrian safety.

The main goal of ICBC is to help distribute safety reflectors to transit users, ensure visibility and enable pedestrians to be able to walk to and from transit and SkyTrain stations more efficiently. Tip cards are also another beneficial resource provided by ICBC as they remind the public how to be cautious on the road.

By collaborating with the RCMP and ICBC representatives, the CSU is helping promote pedestrian and transit safety all throughout campus. "We have a friendly team and we will be interacting in face-to-face conversation. Students don’t need another lecture added to their day. We want to keep our students safe. CapU is a commuter campus and with the sunset hap-

pening so early in the day it’s important to give students a reminder of some of the safety steps that can be taken to prevent any accidents from happening,” says Zofia Rodriguez, vice president of the CSU. "With the help of the external community, we hope to engage with our students and give them reminders and tips of what to look out for. We handed out reflectors to our students, which can be easily tied onto a backpack or a jacket, that’s super helpful since so many people start to dress in darker colours as the winter begins to set in," explains Rodriguez.

In addition to the pedestrian safety event, ICBC has approached various local organizations such as the Silver Harbour Seniors Centre, John Braithwaite Community Centre (JBCC) and North Shore Neighbourhood House to further promote pedestrian safety to various immigrant and senior groups.

For more information on ICBC’s pedestrian safety campaign visit Icbc.com

MYSTER-E

UNKNOWN CONTENTS OF STREET DRUGS POSES CONCERNS

Nigel Ching × Writer

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

People planning on ‘popping molly’ this Halloween weekend, or any weekend for that matter, need to know that what they are consuming is simply a mystery. There is a misconception that molly contains pure MDMA, making it safer than ecstasy. Both ecstasy and molly’s contents are unknown, making them equally as dangerous.

“This past summer, batches of pills in Toronto were sold as molly, yet they contained trifluoromethylphenylpiperazine and benzocaine,” says Tyler Pirie, research and policy analyst for the Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse (CCSA). Users believed that the pills were molly, while remaining ignorant to the actual contents of the pills.

Molly and ecstasy are essentially street names for specific chemical users are after, MDMA. MDMA (3,4-methylenedioxy-N-methylam-

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× Samantha Smith

phetamine) is a synthetic drug that acts by releasing unnatural amounts of serotonin, a neurotransmitter within the brain that is responsible for regulating heart rate, sleep, mood and appetite.

“Some of the short term effects are, you begin with feelings of happiness and well-being, suddenly, you have an increase in your heart rate, your temperature and your energy level. You may start to cramp up, your muscles will get tense and you may start grinding your teeth,” says Pirie.

In regards to long term effects of molly/ecstasy, James Smith, a recreational drug dealer whose name has been changed to protect his identity, shares his experience with the drug, “Overdoing it on MDMA absolutely will cause long-term side effects. From my personal observation, people aren’t overdosing themselves in the sense that they are putting themselves in mortal danger.

They are putting themselves into week long depressions, short term memory loss, and inability to regulate emotions. They get really exhausted with things, burnt out and jaded.”

It’s important to know the severity of the amount ingested and the frequency of the drug. The variety of unknown contents within the drug can cause unexpected side effects. The effects will vary from person to person because everyone will process the contents of ecstasy differently. Just because someone took a pill and claimed it was safe, does not necessarily mean it is safe for other users. In addition, since the drugs actual contents are still unknown, the side effects stated are generalized.

If a potential user has recent or past issues with depression, anxiety or take antidepressants drugs (SSRIS), it is advised to stay away from molly. The after effects could be amplified, drastically affecting your mood and emotions more severely than someone with stable mental health conditions.

“If you are in a bad frame of mind, you can have your negative thoughts amplified, you just have to know that you are confident doing it before you do it” says Smith, “If you're getting MDMA from a new source for the first time, be really careful, especially if you don't know that person very well, that’s really important. If your dealer doesn’t know how many milligrams are in the pill that they're giving you, that is a red flag right away. What it really comes down to is trust, how much do you trust this person? How

much does this person trust themselves? Does this person give you bad vibes, what kind of person is this, when you're not talking to them?

Are they trying to make money off of you?”

If a user takes more than a potent amount of MDMA, the user’s tolerance will build quickly.

Deaths from molly and ecstasy in the past have been attributed to consuming an additional dose after the initial dose.

“In 2011, Alberta experienced a number of deaths, which were associated with individuals who believed they were taking MDMA but in fact they were taking a chemical called PMMA. It does have similar effects to MDMA but there is a long onset,” says Pirie. The users who thought they were taking MDMA found that the effects were not kicking in so they decided to take another one. Essentially, the toxic levels of PMMA caused their body to shut down.

Combining alcohol and MDMA together is dangerous because both substances will dehydrate body and the “toxicity of the MDMA is sitting in your organs longer,” says Smith.

It’s important that users flush the MDMA and other drugs chemicals out of their systems by drinking water as soon they ingest the drinks.

Determining what the actual content of the drug upfront is nearly impossible. However, a common way to check if the drug contains MDMA is to use reagent tests. This pill testing device will only pick up traces of MDMA, failing to recognize the other contents within the drug. At the end of the day, molly and ecstasy are all street names for a pill which contents are a mystery.

AN ODE TO E Popped a molly I'm sweatin, pushing pages like bettin' feeling thizzed I'm trippin' eyes bulged from workin' been a long day no kiddin' headphones on I'm hearin' hit the bathroom I'm urine'n -Michael Smith Don't do drugs.

news

batshed crazy BAT CONSERVATION WORKSHOP ON CAMPUS Carlo Javier × Lifestyle Editor On Oct. 30, the South Coast Bat Action Team (SCBAT) will bring their mission of bat conservation to Capilano University. With the help of third year Global Stewardship student Kaschelle Thiessen, SCBAT and its project manager Erin Rutherford, they hope to raise awareness, and build several bat houses in CapU, just in time for Halloween.

“At the workshop, we will be making bat houses. We have the supplies that we’re going to be using, such as fibre glass and mesh. We’ll be drilling everything together, spray painting and we’re making bat houses that can accommodate 300 bats,” says Thiessen.

Funded by the Habitat Conservation Trust Foundation, SCBAT has pledged its time and workforce in conserving the bat population in the south coast of BC. The non-profit organization runs research and workshops in order to learn more about bats and their roosts in the southern coast. They work with stakeholders and send data to the government to increase protection for the winged mammal. The SCBAT also organize public events for educational purposes, as well as their “bio-blitz” where a team of biologists go to an area and run ecological surveys to provide data on the local spheres.

There are several subspecies of bats found in the Lower Mainland, one of which that has gotten more attention is the “myotis lucifugus,” also known as the little brown bat. This animal has been identified by the Species at Risk Act (SARA) as an endangered animal, and is one of the breeds expected to take shelter at the bat houses to be built in CapU. “The bats that would most likely utilize bat boxes at CapU would be the little brown bat, yuma myotis, California myotis, or big brown bats,” says Rutherford,

“All of these bats are social, long lived, and will utilize bat houses for essential maternity roosting habitat to provide a safe shelter for females to raise their pups, often returning to the same place they were born to continue raising their young with their female relatives.”

Bat houses can be installed at any time throughout the year. They are best placed near a permanent source of fresh water, in direct sunlight and about four to six metres off the ground. An important factor about bats is their ecological presence. One of their major contributions to the local biosphere, particularly to the southern coasts of BC, is that they keep the mosquito population in check. “Our local bats eat a prodigious amount of insects, sometimes up to their own body weight over one evening, and help to cycle nutrients in the environment and control pest populations,” explains Rutherford. A testament to their incredible appetite has been recorded in 1995, when a single little brown bat was documented to have devoured 600 mosquitoes in the span of an hour.

One of their major contributions to the local biosphere, particularly to the southern coasts of BC, is that they keep the mosquito population in check For Thiessen, her work with SCBAT is directly correlated to her field of study: “In Global Stewardship we have to do service-planning, basically it’s interning with a non-profit. So I’ve been volunteering with [SCBAT] doing things like social media, helping run workshops, making posters for the event, since January.

“I went to Rachel Clearwater from EarthWorks and asked her if we could please do a workshop and when she said yes, I just tried to get it going. EarthWorks has supported me in

× Ekaterina Aristova making the posters,” adds Thiessen.

Part of the bat conservation workshop will also involve the incorporation of CapU’s grounds. Participants will be placing bat houses on campus as they try to start a roost. Biology students will also get the chance to monitor the houses as the bats begin to take shelter in them.

“For other bat houses, we keep them and put them up in places like public parks, provincial parks, golf courses and other areas that need them,” Thiessen says.

Like many other species in the animal kingdom, bats have struggled with habitat loss. Pesticide use has been among the worst offenders in terms of damaging bat habitats across the globe. White-nose syndrome, a fungus that has stretched to North America has also been detrimental to the bat population, even killing off those in hibernation. Though artificial, bat houses can provide safe roosting areas for endangered bats.

For Rutherford, the benefits are not ex-

clusive to bats. Not only will the shelters aid the preservation of the species, they will also in turn, help regulate the insect population: “Having a bat house is a great way to practice integrated pest management and urban wildlife habitat enhancement while having a fun and unique opportunity to view these cryptic animals firsthand.”

“Having a bat house is a great way to practice integrated pest management and urban wildlife habitat enhancement while having a fun and unique opportunity to view these cryptic animals firsthand.”

in the bullpen with bulcroft CAPILANO'S PRESIDENT BLOGS IT OUT Therese Guieb × News Editor

from the students themselves who are looking for a different way of learning. They’re no longer willing to spend tuition dollars in a very passive learning environment. They want more engaged learning and I think the pressure to really provide that kind of education that makes students world ready and job ready has never been stronger. Of course there’s financial challenges. It gets more and more expensive to run a university and less money coming in through tuition and government so we’ve really got to be flexible in order to preserve quality.”

Bulcroft encourages the CapU community to share their thoughts on the institution and any suggestions for blog topics by emailing her at President@capilanou.ca or simply leaving a comment on her blog series on the Yourdailycap.ca website.

“I hope that students will read them [the posts] and feel a connection to the senior leadership here at Capilano, not just me in particular because it isn’t just me in the institution,” she explains, “I would hope that students will know that this is the kind of university that really sincerely cares about its students and it starts with the board and the president and all the way down. I think that’s a powerful message to students that when they go into the world and find themselves in a leadership position and making positions [in which] they can have a similar influence on people.”

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“I think one of the things that a president of a college or a university [must do] — often the request is to have more open communication, more transparency. I do a lot of communications through face-to-face meetings. I do forums and committees and I do a lot of public speaking and I used to do a newsletter but I decided maybe I should try something different and do a blog,” says Kris Bulcroft, president of Capilano University.

Yourdailycap.ca is CapU’s official blog, written by staff and faculty members, containing different stories about the institution. The newest addition to the blog’s writers is CapU’s very own president. Her blog series, View from the President’s Window, was launched in August. “In this office you see, my view is really students.

Students are coming and going and professors and staff and so I just really have a great bird’s eye view on kind of the pulse of the campus here,” explains Bulcroft about the title of her blog. The posts have an indefinite timeline of when they are published because it’s all dependent on Bulcroft’s schedule. At press time, the blog series contained five entries which include: the introduction of the “View from the President’s Window,” “Creative Construction,”

“Thoughts on Leadership,” “Why We Day?” and “Bearing Witness.”

In her second post, “Creative Construction”, she discussed an article from The Economist called “Creative Destruction”, and how it suggests that universities are experiencing a “cost crisis” and that governments should reinvent the education system to alter the situation. Bulcroft then connects the article to CapU, stating that the lack of finance from the provincial government has not affected the quality of education offered at the institution. “We’ve all gone through a system that has served us well and at the same time, learners are changing and the labour market is changing and the cost of education is changing,” notes Bulcroft. Instead of looking at the financial cuts as a hindrance to the ability of the institution to become successful, she believes that by working together, the school will avoid ending up in that situation.

“There’s lots of factors pushing on institutions to change and change faster than they’ve ever had so I believe with these challenges come a wonderful opportunity to really reinvent ourselves in some really interesting ways,” she continues.

Bulcroft’s blog entries vary from personal to business-related issues. In her third post, “Thoughts on Leadership”, she gives advice on what it takes to become a leader and the chal-

lenges that come with it, from her personal experience. “I kind of did that for women because I’m the only woman in BC who’s a university president. There aren’t very many women who are leading the post-secondary institutions so from the perspective of a message to young women that these are the things I’ve learned as a leader,” she says about the concept of the blog entry. “It takes some courage, it takes some fortitude but I definitely engage students to take the leadership challenge.”

According to Bulcroft, her inspiration in coming up with topics for her blog entries is mostly from her interaction with students. “There’s lots of ways in which students inspire me to write various pieces in the blog… Ideas that they have or suggestions or sometimes just questions,” she notes. She shares an example of how she thought of the topic for her blog on leadership, “I got [an email] from a student who said something about you know, he appreciated a lot of the changes he’d seen on campus and wanted to thank me for me and the other leadership on the campus.”

The theme of change comes up a lot in the blog series because she wants the CapU community to eliminate negativity due to the budget cuts.

“I’ve been in this business in higher education for what, 35 years, most of my life, and I’ve never felt so much push for institutions to change as much as I do right now,” says Bulcroft, “The push comes from government, from tax payers,

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arts + Culture

ALVA TEE ARTS + CULTURE EDITOR

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

the courier's guide to scary porn OUR EXPERT WATCHES IT ALL SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO Faye Alexander × Porn Expert There are a lot of spooky choices out there in porn. This Halloween, forget about snuggling up and watching a horror film, get totally terrified with the freakiest sexual experiences available.

FURRIES There are some things people should never do, and having sex with animals is one of them.

Luckily, zoophilia has a demented quirky cousin: plushophelia (the scientific term is ‘furry’) – it’s a veritable animal lover loophole. All you need is a sweet animal costume and a raging hard on. If you’ve ever been sexually aroused at the thought of a mascot, this is probably the porn for you.

Plus, the interspecies combinations are limitless.

Watch a fox give it to a parakeet with gusto, or the family dog pound the cat without any taboo guilt at all! Sure, there is a lot less nudity than in your standard porn flicks, but what it lacks in skin it makes up for in repressed imagination.

Just don’t tell anyone you’re into this – they’re all going to laugh at you, furvert.

SQUIRTING Did you know that all vaginas are just fluid filled time bombs set to go off at any moment? Scary.

With heavy stimulation, women can gush, squirt and spray like a garden hose. This porn niche is recommended to both men and women who have never experienced the joys of the G-Spot.

You’ll either feel weird about it — or you’ll wish you could do it too. Just watch these girls shake and convulse while expelling enough lady-jizz to water a large English garden. Vaginas, they're like untapped water towers! With practice, all women are capable of wrecking sheets and staining mattresses. Check it out and practice with your friends, it’s a great party trick.

ROSEBUDS The more porn you watch, the weirder it has to be to really turn your crank. Boobs and balls

become pretty dull after ninth grade, so the porn industry has to keep churning out new and flashy ways to fuck. Enter rosebudding, the latest anal sex fad that is sweeping the Internet by storm. Not only is it shocking, it’s dangerous! It may sound cute, but rosebud is porno slang for inflicting oneself repeatedly to flip their asshole inside out. These videos centre around rectums collapsing outward in all their red and shiny glory. If this happened to someone in regular life, they would be rushed directly to the hospital. But in porn, you just keep on fisting. It may sound gross, but well — that’s because it is.

SOFTCORE

The softcore variety is probably the creepiest porn on the market. There is something really off-putting about the idea of someone getting off solely to well-lit French kissing, and the subtle nuances of light touching. But if watching women’s nipples getting hard in slow motion to light jazz is appealing to you, who are we to judge? There is nothing more frightening than genuine intimacy, so maybe that’s what’s so repulsive about it. This porn always seems to include extremely smooth men and well maintained pubic hair. Is anyone really watching porn to enjoy people “making love?” Maybe we’re jealous no one is kissing us as softly and making actual eye contact. Who knows, but it’s by far the worst.

POO If you've ever wanted to question the depths of human depravity, look no further than poo porn. Once you're familiar with the dark corners of online porn, you'll easily find thousands of videos of men and women just shitting on each other. It's one of the most shocking viewer experiences for avid porn fans because the idea of poo being arousing goes against all basic human instincts. The most redeeming quality of scat porn is watching the faces of these "actors" trying to force a smile while covered in human feces. In fact, that is some of the best acting in

× J.R. Pinto porn. Yeah, poo is super gross — but if you ever wanted to test your gag reflex, give it a shot for shits and giggles.

DRAGONS Sometimes watching Game of Thrones isn't enough. Watching all those CGI dragons flapping about, breathing fire and reigning terror gets you all hot and bothered and you're not sure why. Have you ever just paused your PVR to look upon the dragons and wound up with a massive, throbbing erection? You're not alone.

There is porn out there that is tailored specifically to that weird, whimsical world. Technology has allowed horny nerds the ability to generate

video game-looking porn of dragon-on-wench action, or man-on-dragon action. Basically, any fantasy characters are now poorly rendered pornstars. Of course, it will never be as good as the real thing, but you'll be waiting a long time before you get to watch an actual dragon rape a wizard. It's just not going to happen — so enjoy yourself while watching this porn but be sure to clear your browser history.

Compared to how truly dark and scary pornography can get and has gotten – these categories are merely baby steps to a truly perverse addiction. Be careful out there on the dark and sexy side of the web. If you can dream it, there is someone jacking off to it. Now that’s spooky!

pulling some strings TAIWANESE FESTIVAL BRINGS ETHNIC CULTURE TO VANCOUVER

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

Sarah Bonin

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× Writer The Museum of Anthropology (MOA) at the University of British Columbia (UBC) will be hosting an interactive and cultural festival presenting an inspiring traditional aspect of the Taiwanese culture – the puppet and marionette theatre. The Ouxi Taiwanese Puppetry Festival will be introducing to the public this mostly unknown, but exquisite form of art from Nov. 4 to Nov. 9.

“As a result of the museum’s interest in Asia, we have been wanting to do something about popular cultures and traditions in Asia,” says Jill Baird, curator of Education and Public Programs at MOA, “We thought it was really interesting because sometimes with new technologies and the pace of the world, ancient tradition like puppetry falls by the wayside.”

This year’s festival will be part of a four-year project called Spotlight Taiwan at the MOA. This initiative, launched by the Ministry of Culture of Taiwan, encourages universities and institutions from around the world to come together and enhance greater knowledge of the Taiwanese culture

through arts, education and research. “Very often when people think of Asia, they may only think of China,” says Baird, “This is part of the government initiative to say that even if they are Chinese, they are Taiwanese. Their culture is very unique and specific. The Spotlight Project is there to focus on what is unique about Taiwan.”

The puppetry tradition is believed to have originated in the early 1300s. This particular form of art was brought to Taiwan and integrated to the performing arts at that time. By the end of the 19th century, it was a form of entertainment most favourited by the population. “The history of Taiwan is an interesting crossroad,” states Baird, “With a very rich and complex history, the arts that are created are just as interesting.”

The Chinese influence, the history of Taiwan and the Buddhist culture are what make puppetry such an interesting piece of the Asian cultural tradition.

“A lot of the puppetry tradition in Taiwan as well as in China comes out of the temple culture. Puppets are still being used during certain ceremonies in Buddhist temples,” says Baird.

The Ouxi Taiwanese Puppetry Festival will present to the public this unique form of art through

diverse performances, school shows and workshops.

From Nov. 4 to Nov. 6, students from elementary and high school will be able to enjoy a 90 minute performance and then make their own puppets afterwards. Later in the week, MOA will be hosting a meet and greet dinner as that is the pure tradition of puppeteers. Over the weekend, public performances of different types will be presented. The festival will wrap up on the afternoon of Nov. 9 with an interesting collaboration from the puppeteers on an improvised play. These activities are meant to be interactive for participants and will be animated by the Taiyuan Puppet Theatre and the Chin Fei Feng Marionette Theatre Troupe.

The Taiyuan Puppet Theatre was created eleven years ago with the mission to perpetuate the Taiwanese puppet theatre tradition through the performance of modern plays. “Asian puppet theatre holds deep meaning in Taiwanese culture,” said Robin Ruizendaal, managing and artistic director of the Taiyuan Puppet Theatre, in an interview with Vancouver Presents. “The vivid colours and sounds shared with the delicate gestures and thrilling fight scenes of hand puppetry are interwoven in the consciousness of the Taiwanese people that the genre is

often regarded as a symbol of the island’s indigenous culture. The Taiyuan Puppet Theatre draws on the deep-rooted traditions of this art form, while creating new and innovative works – one of which we’re delighted to showcase to Vancouver audiences.”

The Chin Fei Feng Marionette Theatre Troupe will also be performing at the festivities. Formed by third generation puppeteer Hsue Ying-Yuan and his wife, this troupe is one of the last remaining theatre companies to perform string-puppet shows in Taiwan. The presence of these important Taiwanese puppetry groups guarantees that the traditionalism of the event will be well preserved.

The upbringing of such an historical and unknown part of the Taiwanese culture to Vancouver is expected to receive a welcoming response from its residents. “It’s an opportunity to learn something about a culture that a lot of people don’t know that much about. The performing arts and the visual arts are a way for us to bridge across differences,” says Baird, “To learn something about someone else.

This is just a lovely way to learn something about the performing arts tradition of Taiwan.”

For more information about the festival activities, please visit Moa.ubc.ca/experience/programs.php

arts + Culture

the bigger the better MORE THAN JUST YOUR DOORSTEP JACK-O-LANTERN Melissa Verdicchio

“The people who enjoy this hobby are a terrific bunch of people who really enjoy gardening. We share a common interest and a real desire to see everyone succeed,”

× Writer

- Paul Ferguson

× Andrea Dixon

The festive season of autumn is finally here.

It’s a time to stuff ourselves with turkey, enjoy the stunning warm hues of fall leaves, bundle ourselves in scarves for the cool weather and relish in everything to do with pumpkins.

Not just regular sized pumpkins though – giant pumpkins. There are people all across the Lower Mainland cultivating their pumpkins to the largest size possible in order to beat one another in a weigh-off competition. Giant vegetable competitions are becoming a huge hit on the East Coast and have become increasingly popular in BC as well.

Initial preparation for these competitions begins in April or May, though most of the organizational work takes place in late August through September. “We set a date, secure a venue and form an organizing committee in the spring,” explains Paul Ferguson, president of the Annapolis Valley Giant Vegetable Growers, “We have been very fortunate to have the same location for the last six years which happens to be a working greenhouse and farm market.”

The Annapolis Valley Giant Vegetable Growers competition runs for two days, allowing the organization enough time to weigh and measure all that they need to. Larger tasks such as advertising, organizing children’s activities and a barbeque, setting up the facility, training judges and getting all the necessary equipment for the event are included in the list of things to do. “Keep in mind, all the people who help organize also show at the event so they are very busy getting their own entries ready as well,” says Ferguson.

The fascinating diversity in vegetable weighoffs recently presented the Annapolis Valley Giant Vegetable Growers a chance to be featured on television. “We were chosen by the Food

Glenn Dixon poses with his giant set of pumpkins.

Network to be included in an upcoming special called Giant Foods,” says Ferguson. This documentary has been filmed all across the United States but the Nova Scotia competition is the only location to be filmed in Canada.

The preparation required to make these competitions possible calls for an enormous amount of dedication and effort from both the competitors and staff. “The seeds are germinated at the end of April and seedling plant is planted in the first weekend of May,” says Glenn Dixon, second place winner of Aldor Acres Giant Pumpkin Weigh-Off in Langley, “Early July is when the pumpkins actually start growing. Each plant is given a 25 by 25 inch compost-rich growing area so it does take some space. It takes only July, August and September once the pumpkins are pollinated and growing, to achieve a giant pumpkin.”

Dixon’s initial interest in growing giant pumpkins did not sprout from himself. “During a conversation with a friend, I remember

him saying ‘You know we can get giant pumpkin seeds and have a competition?'” he says, “That took us on the journey to 2014 and we grew a 1126 pound and 1124 pound pumpkin right here in our backyard in North Vancouver.

“When the eventual 1126 pound pumpkin from this year was at day 30, it was already estimating at 300 pounds and growing about 20 pounds per day,” he continues, “In peak growth periods, these giant pumpkins will increase by five to six inches in circumference, [it’s] quite amazing to watch.”

Ferguson says that a man named Howard Dill is recognized as one of the founders of growing giant pumpkins. The Dill family owns a pumpkin farm and actively involves themselves in these competitions. “For most pumpkins at the weigh off, they are bought by the Dills,” he says, “The Dills harvest the seeds and sell the hollowed out pumpkin to a business to be used as a boat at the Windsor Pumpkin Regatta.” The

creepy crawly cravings WHAT IS SLITHERING INTO YOUR MOUTH? Ramneet Kang × Writer

Have you ever sucked on a scorpion? Not a member of the motorcycle club, but a real insect.Yum yum.

that the suckers do, in fact, sell.

“They are simply exoskeletons since the insides of the insects are completely dried,” says Gale, explaining the process of making these sweet tasting creepy crawlies, “These exoskeletons are then dipped in hot sugar and placed within the lollipop.” He claims that they are completely safe for consumption and barely taste different than a normal lollipop as the flavor is easily masked.

While they’re not the most popular choice among customers, they still make quite a bit of revenue for the shop. Gale believes that people try these lollipops because weird things tend to spark some sort of curiosity. “Sometimes we

get customers under the influence who want to try them, but most of the time I feel that what draws people in is simply the curiosity factor,” he says, “They want to try something new and feel like they were able to take a risk even if it is just in terms of bug candy.”

Insect suckers aside, chocolate covered bugs are now becoming a widespread popular treat as well. Capilano University Global Stewardship student, Nikki Nummela, has tried chocolate covered grasshoppers while once on a trip to Thailand. She found the texture to be the most noticeable. “The chocolate masked most of the taste but you could definitely taste the staleness

of the grasshopper,” she says, “It tasted like a sunflower seed, really.” Nummela believes that people should be more willing and open to trying different foods, even if they don’t seem to fit into our society’s norm.

Despite the fact that the appearance of bugs aren’t very aesthetically pleasing, the common perception that bugs would taste gross is inaccurate and the potential for them to taste good is just as likely. The nutritional benefits of chocolate covered bugs and insect candy aren’t what one expects, as they are completely safe to consume and are actually an incredibly high source of protein.

Michelle Shepherd, dietitian from West Coast Nutrition, says that 80 per cent of protein makes up for our body’s vital building blocks. “Most people don’t know that insects contain more mineral iron than beef and other meats” she says, “They are also high in energy rich fats including fibre as well as various micronutrients.” Those with iron deficiencies could greatly benefit from the consumption of insects, but that it is unlikely that people in Greater Vancouver would even consider them as a dietary option.

Ultimately, there are many areas in the world where insects are considered a delicacy and people are willing to pay top-dollar for them. This quirky twist on combining the love for candy and insects is a recent wonder that is here to stay.

Finding these creepy crawlies locally will soon become easier and easier, and the experience is for everyone to share. So get some friends together, head to your local candy store and give them one hell of a surprise this Halloween.

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

× Kayon Gale

With Halloween coming up shortly, challenging yourself to be daring seems like exactly the thing to do — and testing out some crunchy new treats seems the perfect way to do so.

Chocolate covered bugs and insects might just be the next big thing. While the idea may not be as well known here in Vancouver, countless people around the world enjoy munching on tasty insects on a daily basis. This would entail a wide range of selections ranging from ants, mealworms, crickets, grasshoppers, scorpions and more. While these are usually served with various different salts and spices, insects have become quite versatile in different forms of food they can take on.

With different companies manufacturing items such as insect suckers and chocolate covered bugs more often, this new phenomena is increasingly growing. It is particularly targeting western industrialized societies like our own because of our avid love for candy and sweets.

Incorporating chocolate or candy and insects together likely makes one think of it as disgusting, but the business is going surprisingly well.

The Candy Aisle, a candy shop in downtown Vancouver, carries various kinds of insect lollipops. Kayon Gale, the store’s manager, states

Regatta is a water race held yearly, where participants use only a giant hollowed pumpkin as their “boat” along a course of 800 metres.

Having a passion for gardening and farming is a must in this particular hobby. “Most of the club members really enjoy gardening whether they are retired farmers, backyard gardeners or active farmers,” states Ferguson, “If you love gardening, this gives you a way to take it to the next level and do what some might call extreme gardening.”

Not only can competitors compete within their own region, but they can also compete on a national and international scale with a worldwide organization known as the Great Pumpkin Commonwealth. “The people who enjoy this hobby are a terrific bunch of people who really enjoy gardening. We share a common interest and a real desire to see everyone succeed,” he says.

Many friendships and connections come from these events through everyone’s common love for gardening and growing these substantial vegetables. With the rise in interest, more giant pumpkin competitions are bound to be headed this way. Ferguson says, “The bottom line is anyone who really likes to spend many hours gardening in the great outdoors then this is the hobby for you!”

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art shorts

ANDY RICE ART SHORTS EDITOR

MANAGER.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

Dale earnhardt jr. jr.

BILTMORE CABARET, OCT. 18 Carlo Javier × Lifestyle Editor Not many musical acts can say they have as fun of a name as Detroit-based indie pop outfit Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. (DEJJ). As evidenced by their show at the Biltmore, they’re not only joyous in name, but they also put on a show that’s irresistible to dance to. Anchored by the duo of Daniel Zott and Joshua Epstein, DEJJ has remained one of the more creative and eclectic bands in the indie pop scene, at least the underground scene. Despite their spirited and smile-inducing sounds, the attendance at the Biltmore showed that the band has yet to truly break ground in these parts. Yet, DEJJ still made sure that the not-nearly-sold-out crowd at the Biltmore danced through their entire set list, which featured songs from both of their albums, It’s a Corporate World and The Speed of Things, as well as their recently released mix tape, Produce × Faye Alexander

Joe Lovano + Dave douglas KAY MEEK CENTRE, OCT. 19 Max Ley × Writer

Sloan COMMODORE BALLROOM, OCT. 18 Andy Rice

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

× Managing Editor

8

Vol. 1. Complemented by a strikingly colourful and animated backdrop, DEJJ took advantage of the venue’s intimate setting. Songs like “Run” and “Dancefloor” turned the cabaret into a mini dance party, while more down-tempo tracks such as “James Dean” and “I Think It’s Gonna Rain Today” had the crowd swaying along to the band’s pristine melodies. The show, however, didn’t go without a hitch. One of the opening acts, Miniature Tigers, was unable to perform due to one too many felonies among its members, which prevented the band from entering Canada. The audience did take solace in Madi Diaz’ fantastic and raw opening set, in which she only had her guitar and a drummer. DEJJ closed their show with a ‘rockier’ rendition of their song, “Nothing But Our Love,” bringing the audience to a frenzy as Zott made his way to the centre of the crowd mid-performance.

It was a fitting end to the intimate dance party they put on.

Decked out with our finest leather and lenses, Features Editor Faye and I hit the Commodore hard last Saturday night. Ice cold beers in hand, we killed a few pre-show moments discussing the profound effect MUCH’s Big Shiny Tunes 3 compilation had on our youth, and whether or not Sloan might play “Money City Maniacs” before the night was through. Our fingers were crossed. Soon, the lights dimmed and the band took to the stage over something that sounded a bit like dogs barking to the abstract musical lovechild of John Cage and Joni Mitchell. It was “Forty-Eight Portraits”, drummer Andrew Scott’s 17-minute epic from their brand new album, Commonwealth— an odd choice for an opener, if not for this being the CD release tour.

After a quick hello, lead guitarist Patrick Pentland launched into the record’s first single, “Keep Swinging (Downtown)”, complete with a catchy riff that channeled some serious BTO. It was around then when I noticed an extra man on stage, dressed in a blue robe-kimono-cape-looking thing and absolutely slaying high falsetto harmonies with alarming accuracy. It was Gregory Macdonald, Sloan’s touring keyboardist/vocalist since 2006. He segued into “You’ve Got a Lot on Your Mind” with a cheery piano intro like the tolling of happy little bells, as rhythm guitarist Jay Ferguson stepped up to the

mic. From there on, the band played a mix of old classics like “I Hate My Generation”, “Rest of My Life”, “C’mon, C’mon (We’re Gonna Get It Started), “Who Taught You To Live Like That?”, “Ready For You” and “The Other Man”, alongside newer gems like “Cleopatra”, and “We’ve Come This Far”.

Commonwealth is rather interesting in that it’s essentially a collection of four EPs featuring a different singer and songwriter on every side. This segregates the band to a certain degree on the record, and the same approach was tangible throughout their live show as well. I couldn’t help but wonder if these guys still even like each other after doing this almost nonstop since 1991. From their minimal banter and apathetic interactions between songs it was certainly hard to tell. Sloan’s harmonies, however, were more inspired and energetic than ever. Pentland belted out the high notes on “Unkind” with ease, and the band’s rich vocal blend on “Three Sisters” was ethereal. Even if they were sticking to their respective corners of the stage, Canada’s own punked up version of the Beatles had the crowd begging for more by the end of the night. And after a thank-you and a final goodnight from bassist Chris Murphy, Pentland finally launched into that unmistakable riff from track 10 of Big Shiny Tunes 3 (and more recently a Future Shop commercial). We were getting “Money City Maniacs” after all. Faye was so excited she dropped her beer.

Follow the Art Shorts team on Twitter @CAPCOURIERLIVE

The evening of Oct. 19 saw the meeting of two modern jazz giants co-leading a spectacular quintet. The Kay Meek Centre played host to Joe Lovano and Dave Douglas’ group, Sound Prints, an ensemble inspired by the work of saxophone great, Wayne Shorter. Lovano and Douglas walked onstage calm, collected and completely in control. Along with pianist Lawrence Fields, Linda Oh on bass and drumming legend Joey Baron, the saxophonist and trumpet player lead their quintet through an engaging and dramatic 90 minutes of masterful jazz. They started with a light improvisation, leading right into a tune of Lovano’s entitled, “Sound Prints.” The band and the crowd were getting warmed up as Lovano began to stretch his massive chops on the sax, moving from his piece to Douglas’ first tune, a lively mixture of up tempo swing, with a latin feel within the middle bridge. The entire group was just on fire with Douglas, Lovano, and Fields taking most of the solos. One of the true treats

from this quintet was the strength of the rhythm section. Oh, an absolute monster on the standup bass, was the perfect anchor for this group, while the eternally grinning and joyful Joey Baron danced around the kit. After the opening songs from the bandleaders, the audience was treated to two tunes by the inspiration of the concert, Wayne Shorter, which were written specifically for this group. The reverence that all the members of the group obviously felt for the Shorter tunes was obvious, and made the sharing of these tunes all the more special. The night continued with another tune of Lovano’s, leading into the final song of the night, Douglas’ “Power Ranger”.

The tune was based around the main hook from the Power Rangers’ theme-song, “Go-Go Power Rangers”, with every single player finding different ways to quote the theme throughout their solos, including Baron’s drum solo. The concert was dynamic, exciting and enthralling. The combination of Douglas and Lovano as exceptional bandleaders, armed with a perfect band behind them, created an unforgettable night.

Neil Young STORYTONE Andy Rice × Managing Editor In the past four years, Neil Young has released several albums in a variety of different genres, ranging from experimental garage rock (Le Noise) to Americana (Psychedelic Pill) to folk (A Letter Home). Next month, he’ll be throwing the world yet another musical curveball with Storytone, an album of new songs accompanied by an orchestra and a big band. If you thought Rod Stewart or Glenn Frey lending their pipes to the Great American Songbook was a questionable choice, then this album will strike you as even more odd.

It has a similar cheese-factor yet no songs that bear any classic status at all. Storytone is closer to what Joni Mitchell did on her 2002 double album, <i>Travelogue<i>, although even those tracks were at least a symphonic reimagining of her hits, not of new material altogether. While the orchestra is certainly a pleasant texture on Storytone, something about it just doesn’t suit Young at all. Perhaps it’s that piano and acoustic guitar have provided such

good framework for his voice throughout his career that layers of contrapuntal strings and horns are simply too far of a stretch in the opposite direction. Fans are in luck though, because Storytone contains acoustic doubles of each of the tracks, and it’s the saving grace for the entire record. Hearing the songs in this light proves just how good of a writer Young remains to this day. The vocals are stellar as well. Even at 68, Young can still hit the notes — or almost hit them, as has always been his way — with the same pitchy sense of yearning he’s had since the 60s. For this album, he recorded them live alongside each of the large ensembles, which makes the usual toolbox of studio correction tricks completely unusable with all the instrumental bleed-through. The result is a natural record — noticeably flawed and undeniably human, but all the more endearing for it. The official release date for Storytone is Nov. 4 on Reprise Records. It is currently streaming on Exclaim.ca.

@capilanocourier

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UBC Robson Square 6:30 pm $ - free

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Bruce McCulloch M 27

York Theatre 8 pm $ - 42 and up

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Movie Mondays My bed Whenever $ - procrastination

Bad Ideas Cabaret M 27

Railway Club 9 pm to 11:50 pm $12

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This is a free event at which smart people will present possible ways for Vancouver to completely eliminate fossil fuel use. Speakers include Ben West and Rob Baxter, and they both sound like intelligent people with something to say. Imagine that, a city run on anything but fossil fuels. That would be clean and healthy and nice.

Bruce McCulloch is a Kids in the Hall alum, which automatically makes him cooler in my eyes. As a lover of quirky sketch comedy, this guy is somewhat of a babe to me, even though he’s in his mid-40s, slightly overweight and dresses like a fashion-impaired father. Don’t judge – those guys need groupies too.

Another instalment of Movie Mondays, making Mondays easily my favourite day of the week. This week, I suggest a double-header of classic Cameron Crowe flicks: Say Anything and Singles. Both set in Seattle in the late 80s and early 90s, these movies are gems and will make you believe in love again, enough to melt your cold, frostbitten heart.

The Bad Ideas Cabaret is on the fourth Monday of every month and features different musical guests.

This month, there is a guy who can play the ukulele, which I’m not sure is even a proper instrument. It’s like calling bowling a sport. Anyways, if you like ukuleles you should go to this.

80's Night: Halloween Edition

Board, Skis, and Snowshoes

Canucks vs. Hurricanes

Pumpkin Carving Contest

Biltmore Cabaret 9 pm $ - dranks

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Capilano Library 6:30 pm to 9 pm $ - a slice of time

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Rogers Arena 7 pm $ - your first born child

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Funky Winker Beans 8 pm –ish $ - dranks

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I love the 80s. In my grade 12 yearbook, I was voted most likely to start an 80s tribute band, and they are probably right. This event is combining three massively cool things: Halloween, the 80s, and the Biltmore, which is always a good time. I have a feeling this night will be pretty epic.

This is a cool event happening on campus, which doesn’t happen too often. Local snowboard pro Leanne Pelosi, along with other local mountain experts, are holding a discussion about climate change and how it is affecting Vancouver’s mountains. The environment is fragile, y’all. Educate yourselves on it.

Every time I put a Canucks game in the calendar, it will likely be followed by a rant of how freaking expensive the ticket prices are. Seriously, do they want you to go into debt to wave a blue coloured flag and drink shitty beer? But apparently a lot of people will give away anything, including their first born child, to go see these fools. Well, everyone has to make their own mistakes.

It’s that time of year where people massacre pumpkins to make them look scary. When I was toothless and sporting a gnarly mouth last October, my brother carved a pumpkin that looked exactly like me. But he can’t do that this year so maybe I’ll get one of the people at this thing to do one up for me.

If you’re good with a scalpel or want to be a surgeon, this would be a good place to practice.

Boy and Bear

Horse Feathers

Gary Numan

Arts and Craft Social

Commodore Ballroom 9:30 pm $22.50

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Biltmore Cabaret 9 pm $18

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Rickshaw Theatre 8 pm $32

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Hot Art Wet City Gallery 7:15 pm – 10 pm $ - by donation

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These guys are an indie band from Australia, so they probably say things like “Mate” and “Lass” a lot. Where do people’s accents go when they sing? Has anyone figured out the science behind that yet? The video to their song “Southern Sun” features them on a snowy mountain. They look awkward and cold.

I’m terrified of horses. They way the gallop makes me so nervous. When I was a child, my mom tried to make an equestrian out of me. It failed after a horse kicked me straight in the gut. Also, this is an odd band name, as horses don’t even have feathers, do they? I dunno – now I’m scared and confused.

Gary Numan was a one hit wonder from the 80s.

He’s the guy that sang “Here in my Car”. I wonder what happened in his car to inspire that song. And I also wonder when he made it big with his one hit if he imagined he would still be singing it at the Rickshaw Theatre three decades later just to make his mortgage payments.

Stich, bitch and meet new people. Hot Art Wet City hosts its monthly social, bringing together Martha Stewarts from every craft. If you have a hard on for knitters, this is probably the place to meet a bunch of hot ones. Or if you’re promising yourself to knit scarves for Christmas presents this year, get started. And remember I like scarves and my favourite colour is blue.

CSU AGM

The Black Keys

The Strumbellas

Dundas Nightmare Haunted House

11:30 am CSU Library Lounge $ - democracy

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Pacific Coliseum 7 pm $35 and up

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The Imperial 8 pm $14

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4260 Dundas 6 pm $ - donation

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Do you have a penchant for politics, an invested interest in the university, and a boner for democracy? Then be sure to be in the CSU Library Lounge at 11:30 to take part in the CSU’s annual general meeting. I hear they will be serving free pizza and we all know how the Courier staff feels about free pizza.

Remember when the Black Keys were the coolest? Then “Lonely Boy” played on heavy repeat on all radio stations, and got so much air time that it actually depleted the Black Keys’ cool factor.

And now, they’re coming to Vancouver, and if you want to go, you can. Just so long as you replicate the dance from the “Lonely Boy” music video when they play it.

Last year, these guys played at the Biltmore, and two Courier staff, Faye and Jeremy went to cover it. Apparently these guys are really nice. Just good ol’ fashioned, well-mannered Canadian boys – the kind of ones my mom wants me to find. They’re back, and according to Faye, totally worth checking out.

Haunted houses are cool. It must take so much work for people to decorate their house and make it all scary and such. I went on a date to one once, and it’s still in my top five coolest dates ever. So be cool, swipe right, and take them on a stroll through a haunted house.

David Linx

Halloween Festivities

Bacardi Boohaha

Trick Or Eat

BlueShore Centre for Performing Arts 8 pm $30

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Everywhere that’s cool All day and night $ - creativity & sugar intake

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Commodore Ballroom 8 pm $25

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Library 195 5 pm – 8 pm $ - free

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There seems to be more and more events on campus, which is kind of cool. It would be ever cooler if there was a bar on campus, and there was a place you could go to get properly juiced before these events, but if there was, I would never be able to get the Courier staff out of there. Anyway, David Linx in playing at the Birch Theatre. Just sneak your own booze in.

Halloween is easily the coolest holiday. You get to stuff your face full of candy and dress up as something other than yourself. Or, if you’re kind of a grouch like me, you can skip the costume and just enjoy the one day a year where it is socially acceptable to shove chocolate in your face in public.

Points for Halloween.

While I am a fan of the dirty house party on Halloween, some like it fancier. Our Arts Editor, Alva, will be at the Commodore dressed as a cupcake.

Rumour has it that she is still looking for someone to be her baker. If you got a chef ’s hat, slap it on and meet this cute girl there.

Foodworks Capilano is hosting a Trick or Eat in which they are collecting non-perishable food items to give away to the Harvest Project. Instead of eating all the candy, why not give some away. Plus, it’s run by Capilano students, and we should all support each other, right?

Halloween Hangover

Monster Truck

My Ex-Boyfriend's Birthday

Prank Call Saturday

Biltmore Cabaret 7:30 pm $3 / $8

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Commodore Ballroom 9:30 pm $25

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All over All day $ - LIES

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My phone All freaking night $ - long distance phone bill

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Let’s get real here for a second: if you’re not hungover the day after Halloween, you’re living life wrong. So wrong. You should be waking up next to a dude in a pink bunny costume, desperately trying to remember his name. And then you should be going to the Biltmore for an early show, featuring Electric Oak and guests. The best hangover cure out there.

Our lovely Features Editor, Faye, saw these guys last year, and said that the show was absolutely terrible. She thought that she was going to an actual monster truck show, which she was very excited for, when her friend took her to see this heavy metal band. Talk about disappointment. But go check these guys out, just don’t invite Faye.

My ex-boyfriend is turning 39 today. The reason I’m writing about a guy I dated over five years ago is because it’s not his actual birthday. His mom was ultra religious and wanted him to be born on All Saints Day, not just boring old Nov. 2. So she fudged his birthday to Nov. 1. Explains a lot, like why our entire relationship was a giant lie and ended terribly, with me not being allowed to visit Smithers for five years.

This is my favourite Saturday night activity. One night, I prank called so many ex-Tinder dates from my friend’s phone that she had to change her voicemail to saying that she was from Hot Pie Pizza so it couldn’t be traced back to her or me.

She’s 30, and had to change her voicemail because her 28 year-old friend needed revenge. This could be why I’m still on Tinder….

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

St. Lucia

Daylight Savings

Koerner Quartet

Hard Rock Casino 8 pm $57.50

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If you like the song “Fishing in the Dark”, the only song these crooners are known for, then don’t YouTube it. Seriously. You will see a bunch of ill-dressed country stars singing about fishing in the dark. When you see it live up, it makes the song seem a little creepy. Okay, a lot creepy. But if that’s your jam, make sure to check it out?

Commodore Ballroom 7 pm $20

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Wikipedia tells me that this guy has a solid list of inspirational people that he wanted to sing like.

Boyz II Men, Michael Jackson and Phil Collins are rock stars he looked up to. Sting was also on the list, but I left him out because I think Sting is worse than Bono, and that the Police can wither away on a deserted island for the rest of eternity.

But St. Lucia’s been doing music for awhile, so he’s pretty good at it now. Check it.

All over the world Midnight $ - the added benefit of time

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Screw Christmas, my birthday and the season opener of SNL, this is the absolute best day of the year. At midnight, we get to set our clocks back one entire hour which makes it feel like we gained an awesome hour of sleep. It’s seriously the coolest day of the year.

Koerner Recital Hall 2 pm $18

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This is the second concert of the season for these guys, the ensemble-in-residence at the Vancouver Academy of Music. Dubbed Nothing but the Classics, three guys and a girl will be harmonizing on violins, violas and cellos and apparently they are quite good at it. Get cultured – it attracts Tinder dates.

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FEATURES

FAYE ALEXANDER FEATURES EDITOR

In just four decades, a fictitious crop of undead, THE APPEAL scabby-fleshed former humans have multiplied and mutated to become the unlikely face of a multi-million dollar industry. Zombies are on the rise in more ways than one, and they’re feasting not only on our brains but our wallets as well.

“The whole craze of zombies, it’s just kind of swept the world by storm and is such a phenomenon,” says Jordan Ninkovich, a Vancouver-based film and event producer, “The zombie thing itself is so appealing because you can do so many different things with it. The whole lore of zombies all started off with mind control back in the day and it really evolved, so I really respect the way it got introduced for the first time decades ago to where it is now.”

Zombies date back to Haitian folklore in the early 1800s with stories of corpses coming back to life through acts of witchcraft and voodoo.

Novelist William Seabrook explored the concept in his 1929 book, The Magic Island, followed by the release of Victor Halperin’s film White Zombie three years later. Voodoo-afflicted creatures would go on to make sporadic appearances in books and movies throughout the next few decades until finally a new type of zombie emerged with a taste for flesh. Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel, I Am Legend, offered an alternate backstory involving disease, culminating in a disastrous worldwide apocalypse scenario, but only in 1985 with the release of Dan O’Bannon’s Return of the Living Dead did zombies actually become brain-hungry. These days, it seems even they too have sold their proverbial souls to Hollywood, becoming a genre of horror unto themselves and inspiring an ever-evolving benchmark for guts and gore in the process.

“I think the appeal now, more than ever, is the way they’ve twisted it. I think people find it so intriguing that it’s borderline realistic,” says Ninkovich, “It’s borderline that it could actually happen, like with worldly events that are happening right now with outbreaks and different diseases and viruses and all that sort of stuff and the fact that there were plagues and crazy things back in the day… And you look at biblical things, you look at what’s happening in the world with all sorts of different genetic mutations and different scientific things — I think the way that they’re portraying [zombies] and the way that they’re doing a lot of the shows and movies, people are being really tied into the idea, in a weird way, that that this could actually happen.”

“We are all going to die and this is an exciting fantasy of what can happen afterwards,” says Buzz Comartin, co-owner of Krakit Escape Game in Burnaby, where a zombie apocalypse-themed room remains the favourite among customers.

“I know it’s just an exciting thing knowing that something dead is chasing you, and just the ugliness. That’s probably it. The ugliness and the scariness of the zombies.”

And perhaps the ugliness of the human spirit as well. If mortals were to actually find themselves fending off a global zombie apocalypse, a great deal of cooperation would be required. And let’s face it, not everyone likes to share their toys and play nice. For Robert Straker, co-designer of the Vancouver-made zombie apocalypse adventure board game, Escape from Sunset Island, the greatest appeal of zombies stems from the fact that they’re somewhat of a character foil for humankind. "Zombies are the dark backing, like

Andy Rice

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× Managing Editor

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× Chris Dedinsky

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

any mirror needs, for us to see ourselves better,” he says, “What makes the zombie shows and movies so compelling is how the living react and cope when confronted with fear of death and the undead. The best and worst traits of humanity such as heroism, cowardice, greed, leadership, altruism and so on are dusted off, magnified and brought to the fore.”

Furthermore, zombies allow humans to use fantasy as a means of escape, without actual consequences. “People often seek out and pursue tangible fears in order to address fears that are otherwise incomprehensible,” continues Straker, “We do not feel fear because we believe in the threat of zombies; we imagine zombies to explain and confront the fear we feel…. Zombies, Nazis, aliens and most recently robots, all serve as punching bags for our psyches without guilt.

Their existence is reproachable and inexcusable so they can have their heads shot off without argument. They offer a sort of free release in that way.”

THE CHARACTER

Zombies can come in all shapes and sizes. Brains, of course, are a common interest among them, but their individual personalities and characteristics can differ greatly. Across the board though, they’re notorious for being tenacious and exceptionally hard to kill.

“I got introduced to the genre as I was exploring horror in general for a film that I was creating,” says Andrew Thompson, artistic director of the Virtual Stage, a local theatre company pushing boundaries with the use of interactive technology and, on occasion, zombies. “I watched 28 Days Later and I was really struck by how

awesome zombies are, what a terrific monster these characters are and how you can’t really kill them… You of course can shoot them in the head and they stop walking, but the fact that they’re these villains that are already dead, it was quite intriguing to me.

“Zombiedom is more a state of mind (or lack thereof ) than outward appearance,” says Straker. “A freshly minted zombie has been known to fool the unwary. Luckily, however, there are some classic tells, such as the fogged eyes, limp limbs and an unusual interest in your grey matter. Though these attributes can be toyed with, for example, there are a few recent movies wherein the zombies are juicedup speed demons, which is out of character classically speaking, but the essence remains: beyond-dead or reanimated former people who feel the need to feed on the living.”

In Thompson’s current show, On Death's

Door: Plague of the Zombie Syndrome, a small cast of zombies sizes up the audience over the course of a two-hour ‘pick-your-own-adventure’ plot line.

The play abandons the typical theatre setting in favour of nine different indoor and outdoor sites.

“For practical matters, the zombies in my show generally don’t run,” says Thompson. “But I think it’s scary enough to have a variety of types of scenarios where there are these slow, shuffling corpses looking to eat you that I can create for our show that I don’t need to have them run. If I had them running at the audience, like charging them, it could be really dangerous. So we’ve not had the running type of zombies for those reasons, but I do love them as a zombie type.

“I like the very toxic zombies as well, like the highly virulent ones,” he continues. “I’m quite intrigued by those. “In The Walking Dead there’s a droplet of blood that hits a guy in the eye and he turns into a zombie, and so I think it’s a fantastic metaphor for transmittable diseases and making sure to wash your hands and all those kinds of things that we need to do in order to be healthy people.”

With the current Ebola epidemic in East Africa dominating the world’s newscasts, a fear of viruses is more prevalent than ever before. And while the outbreak cannot and will not result in zombies joining the human population, a hoax story has been circulating the internet for weeks, telling of victims previously assumed dead suddenly waking up in their body bags. Alas, it seems humans can’t seem to resist letting their imaginations run wild with the idea of zombies.

THE EXPERIENCE

Zombie culture has become so well-developed that there are countless outlets for expression available in North America today. A common thread among many of these activities and events is that they are completely immersive, allowing everyday people to assume the role of a zombie

In his three-part On Death's Door series, Thompson has embraced this idea of cell phone zombiedom whole-heartedly. In fact, he’s integrated it thoroughly into the production. “We do the opposite of asking people to turn off their phones,” he says. The secret location of each performance is emailed to ticket-holders the night before the show, and audience members are even sent clues and crucial information during the show itself. “We say make sure your phones are on and well-charged and in some cases make sure the ringer is on, and we prep the audience with certain apps that they should have for this particular show.”

More unorthodox still is the idea of zombies themselves operating cell phones, but that’s exactly what happened at one of Ninkovich’s recent events, the Ultimate Zombie Walk and Concert.

On Oct. 25, nearly 6,000 aspiring zombies crowded into the Abbotsford Centre for a concert featuring Jersey Shore alum DJ Pauly D and several local performers. The added gore-factor made for optimal trending power on social media, and a $15,000 grand prize for the best makeup meant that everyone showed up looking the part. Guinness World Records was on hand to certify the

gathering and another event is already in the works for BC Place Stadium next fall.

The Ultimate Zombie Walk and Concert also served as a film shoot for a horde scene in an upcoming motion picture called Neutron Zombies. “As the producer of that I said you know what, how awesome would that be if we held an event for all the zombie fans in the world and have it on an epic scale,” says Ninkovich, "Let’s have a fun event, let’s get charities involved, let’s get Guinness involved, we’ll get the movie involved, let’s have so many different elements and kind of give back to the zombie community and have something that’s never been done before.

“It’s really kind of neat to see people get transformed,” he adds, “When you’re in an environment — let’s say I’m in a bad mood today, I go out, I go into a restaurant, I go into a comedy bar, and all of the sudden that will lift my mood because of my surroundings. So imagine our whole thing is to capture 5,000 or 6,000 people dressed up as zombies and zombie fans to see how they’re going to react with all of the other zombies around them.

“The ideal zombie is completely engulfing yourself in the character, so of course the specialized makeup that you put on yourself is obviously visually stimulating, but I think going even further into the lore of it all, from how you walk, how you react, how you interact,” he continues, “With the whole craze of The Walking Dead and everything that’s going on, it [gives] people an opportunity to dress up, have a good time and just forget about anyone judging them.”

ON the Cover

Chris dediNsky Chris Dedinsky likes Lucky Lager, rock 'n' roll and monsters. There were no articles about Lucky Lager or rock 'n' roll in this issue, so he drew some monsters. He hopes you enjoy.

THE FUTURE

Considering how far zombies have evolved over time, it’s hard to predict what kinds of story lines they might embody years from now.

But regardless of their grotesque appearance or borderline-believable origins, most humans would agree that the main attraction stems from the predicament zombies cause, not actually the monsters themselves. “It’s maybe not what is the perfect zombie but what is the perfect scenario in which to experience a zombie,” says Thompson. “I think part of it has to do with your proximity and the threat level in terms of how close you are to them, are you trapped, do you have an escape route, do you have a weapon on you? Those kinds of things define the perfect zombie experience.”

“The popularity cycle of zombies seems an interesting thing,” adds Straker, contrasting it with that of vampires. “Vampires tempt us toward the more civilized, upper class brand of life while zombies take us the other way, into degradation, the mindless masses who threaten civilization. The recent vampire movie Only Lovers Left Alive made an interesting statement when the vampires actually refer to all normal people as “zombies.”

And so it would seem, that as long as our eyes remain glued to our cell phones and viruses keep spreading faster than we can safely contain them, Zombies aren’t likely to relinquish their place in pop culture any time soon.

"Zombies are the dark backing, like any mirror needs, for us to see ourselves better.”

ON DEATH’S DOOR: PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIE SYNDROME This current production by the Virtual Stage takes place at a secret location in downtown Vancouver. Multiple shows run nightly until Nov. 2, with reduced Halloween prices on Oct. 29, 30, 31 and Nov. 1. The cast features Jacob Woike and Stuart Barkley, two CapU alumni. For tickets and information, visit Thevirtualstage.org/tickets.

ULTIMATE ZOMBIE WALK AND CONCERT The Abbotsford Centre played host to nearly 6,000 zombies on Oct. 25. The event is projected to rise again in 2015, this time at BC Place Stadium with a projected attendance of 50,000 and multiple celebrity headliners including Iggy Azalea and Will.i.am. Dates are TBA. Visit Ultimatezombiewalk.com for more information.

KRAKIT Located at 4035 North Road, Burnaby, BC Room themes include a zombie apocalypse, asylum, butcher and wicked witch. For the month of October, live actors will be joining the rooms for added scare-factor. The price to play is $22 per person, reduced to $18 between Monday and Wednesday.

For hours and information, visit Krakit.ca.

ESCAPE FROM SUNSET ISLAND The Straker brothers’ tabletop zombie apocalypse simulator is available in Vancouver at Drexoll, Strategies, One Stop Shop Cards and Games, Games on the Drive, and Kaboodles Toy Stores. The retail price is $40. To read more about the rules and characters or to purchase a copy, visit Escapefromsunsetisland.com.

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or a victim and lose themselves in that character.

“In our zombie room, the idea is you are being chased by zombies,” says Comartin. “You enter the room and other people have been in this room before trying to escape that have died… Previously it was like a lab, and the doctor ended up being infected, and then realizing he was infected, he hid clues within the room… So the first room you go into, you see a zombie hanging from the ceiling and riddles, scratches and marks within the room that need to be solved. There’s many levels of puzzles. There’s visual puzzles, riddle puzzles, hidden clues, so you just need to come in and solve what was left in the room.”

Interactive escape games like those offered at Krakit can be found throughout Greater Vancouver, alongside several seasonal haunted houses and zombie-themed paintball courses. Dozens of apps and games exist in the digital world as well, including everything from a zombified version of Minesweeper to Pop Cap’s inimitable bestseller, Plants Vs. Zombies.

Straker’s tabletop board game, Escape from Sunset Island, was created back in October 2012 as a collaboration with his brother Daniel. The project was successfully crowd-funded through

Kickstarter last November and plays off of the modernized viral theme attached to many of today’s zombie movies. “After the zombie apocalypse has swept through civilization, Sunset Island remains one of the last uninfected human settlements, until now... A mistake made while working on a cure in Zi-Tech Labs causes an irreversible outbreak of the zombie pathogen,” he explains. “One player starts as the zombie while the remaining players — up to six unique human characters — must find a way to escape via either the marina [a boat] or the airport [a plane] — and not empty handed. Players must search out and carry food, water and gas to share if they are to survive. And of course, there are your classic weapons — a shotgun, rifle and chainsaw, kits to cure bite wounds and a jeep.”

What sets the game apart, says Straker, is the dynamic that comes into play as humans vie for limited survival supplies under the pressure of unrelenting zombies. “The term ‘co-petative’ is used to describe the game’s fusion of co-operative and competitive play,” he says. “This is part of what makes it a simulator. True to life, you are not obliged to team up nor go alone and you will likely do both. Rather than just killing zombies or surviving alone, every play-through of Escape from Sunset Island is engaging, horrific, and open ended. Humans may even attack other humans, or sacrifice themselves to help another and even do both in the same round. This is where the notion of 'winning' becomes a matter of perspective and interpretation as well.

“There is something about zombies that captures our imaginations,” he concludes. “There is an overarching anxiety that comes with the urban experiment. Living in such densely populated places is somewhat new to humanity and adds a constant anonymity and vulnerability.

The proliferation of distractions like smartphone technology pushes this further, leaving swaths of humanity bumping into obstacles and generally acting in a zombie like state.”

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FEATURES Let’s face it, as teenagers, most of us liked to

stay in on Halloween to watch horror movies.

For some, it was an excuse to snuggle up close to that special someone when the psychopathic killer appeared on screen all drenched in blood, and clench each other’s hands until the veins bulged. But contrary to the film industry’s popular depictions of psychopaths, these characters aren’t always the deranged battle-axe wielding type with inordinately creepy smiles. They look like us. They act, walk and talk just like regular folk — for the most part.

Halloween is one of those times where the creepy, the undead and the psychopathic are brought out of the dark. “It’s hard to discern a psychopath,” explains Kareena Palaschuk, a psychiatric nurse at the Centennial Centre for Mental Health and Brain Injury, “Each have their own unique story and show different

FAYE ALEXANDER FEATURES EDITOR

breakthrough came when he was asked by the University of California to analyze a series of brain scans for signs of psychopathic elements, and shockingly found the most evidence in a sample of his own brain.

When Fallon searched through his family history, he found his name to be connected with many serial murderers over the years, including the infamous axe-murderess Lizzie Borden. Fallon, however, believes that his positive childhood environment was responsible for the offset of these negative genes, accounting for his lack of violent behaviour and other psychopathic personality traits. “People all throughout my life said I could be some kind of gang leader because of certain behavior,” Fallon said in an interview with The Atlantic, “They'd wonder how I turned out so well—a family guy, successful, professional, never been to jail and all that.”

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

Christine Beyleveldt × Writer by remorse or guilt, or any natural responses to upsetting situations, and often has difficulty detecting these emotions in others. Empathy is an interesting characteristic of most known psychopaths, a team of Dutch neuroscientists determined that it is plausible for the psychopathic to feel empathy at times, almost as if they can switch the ability to do so on and off by them-

for the same reasons people fall in love, take drugs or eat chocolate, except the wave of hormones envelops the brain on a much larger scale. Psychopaths’ pleasure stimulants are far more sensitive than what is considered ordinary, explaining why they find delight in many more aspects of life that others. “A lot of people forget that stress is a major trigger for any mental illness,” explains Palashuk.

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combinations of symptoms.” Unsurprisingly, violence is the most noticeable psychopathic element, and is typical of known psychopaths such as Ted Bundy and Charles Manson. “I have dealt with violent patients, you have to remain calm. Having a large presence of staff who are calm makes all the difference, even when it comes to the last resort of using gentle force, and swiftness is always the best technique,” says Palaschuk. “[Psychopathy] may well, as with other personality disorders, represent the extreme ends of normal personality dimensions,” says Dr. Hammond Tarry, a psychology professor at Capilano University, “Some key characteristics include glib and superficial charm, grandiose sense of self-worth, shallow emotions, lack of empathy and remorse, parasitic lifestyle, impulsiveness, versatile criminality, patterns of short-term relationships.” Other noticeable signs of a psychopathic mind are a narrowed attention span, inability to plan into the future and a lack of fear in encounters or situations that would have most humans blanching or shrivelling in their own skin.

It is unknown whether or not psychopathy develops genetically in utero or as a result of one’s upbringing, taking into consideration environmental influences. The Minnesota Twin Study currently has the most groundbreaking insights; studies conducted by Thomas Bouchard, a psychology professor at the University of Minnnesota and director of the Minnesota Center for Twin and Adoption Research, have determined that for the most part, psychopathy is hereditary. Further studies conducted at the University of Wisconsin revealed psychopathy to be a result of fewer brain connections between the amygdala (nuclei responsible for emotions, reactions, and decisions) and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex.

According to neuroscientist James Fallon, the making of a psychopathic mind stems from three primary factors, “We look at these [factors] theoretically, on the basis of genetics, brain damage, and the interaction with environment.”

The pattern Fallon found in his research was damage to the orbitofrontal cortex, an area of the brain responsible for cognitive processing, and an overdose of serotonin levels in utero. Serotonin is the hormone that brings about calm and sleepiness in a person, but if the brain encounters extremely high levels of it in infancy, they become insensitive to its effects later on in life. “How you end up with a psychopath depends on when the damage occurs,” explained Fallon during a TED Talk in 2009. Fallon’s

× Ksenia Kozhevnikova Common egotistical traits amongst humans that are hugely overemphasized is one of the clearest signs of faulty connections in the brain that cause psychopathic behaviour, however, it is not necessarily a direct indication of violence.

“Some people who have psychopathic tendencies do not come to the attention of the criminal justice system, and instead find paths in life where their personality traits can be adaptive,” says Dr. Tarry.

WHO IS AFRAID OF THE DARK? When the axe killer slides open the closet door to meet the screams of terrified teenagers, the one in the midst who puts on the bravest face may not be doing it solely to impress. Psychopathy generally is complimented by a lack of fear of most rational things. The brain is not affected

selves. “There are two systems for empathy: a double dissociation between emotional and cognitive empathy in inferior frontal gyros versus ventromedial prefrontal lesions,” said Daniella Perry, in an article for Neuroscientific Oxford Journals. Perhaps this offers an explanation for why most Internet trolls display psychopathic traits; they get a sensation of pleasure from upsetting others, and particularly enjoy playing the torturous roles in violent Internet games. Does it sound familiar? It’s sadism, a desire to hurt or anger others.

Ted Bundy famously said: “I just liked to kill, I wanted to kill." The instinct to be violent is quite normal in psychopaths. Research shows that the desire to commit serious and violent crime is due to an imbalance of dopamine hormones, the ones responsible for activating the brain’s sense of pleasure. Dopamine is released

Interestingly, psychopaths are known to have poorer senses of smell and more discernible speech patterns than the average Joe, leading to the theory that quick and easy smell tests or close attention paid to linguistics can pick the psychopaths from the crowd. In terms of speech, the psychopathic generally focus on communicating their needs and wants, caring little for the use of emotion in their voices.

These personalities however, can also be more charming, but to the extent that they are superficial, leading back to the idea of an empathetic on and off switch. Drawling, narcissism, and overuse of charisma – or entirely the opposite – monotonous language and little peaked interest is often a clear indication. However, the more noticeable signs in a psychopath’s speech patterns include frequent referrals made in the past tense, because the psychopathic are more disconnected from the present, particularly in the instance of recent criminal activity. The lack of a full sense of smell on the other hand is derived from the lower levels of activity in the orbitofrontal cortex described by Fallon.

If one was looking to spot a psychopath on campus, try the business students first, and that’s not because they make up the majority of campus. In fact, in 2010 Oxford researcher Kevin Dutton conducted a study to reveal which professions were most likely to attract psychopaths. The results heavily indicated business-related professions, therefore confirming an earlier study by psychologist Paul Babiak, which showed an alarming one in 25 employed in business professions, specifically as CEOs, were entirely psychopathic, and even more had an extremely high likelihood due to fearless and manipulative mannerisms. The two fit together like puzzle pieces, the psychopathic often show manipulative and selfish traits. They are attractive on the surface and use their superficial charm to win over others, even if they focus most of their efforts on their own wants and needs. Also, maybe keep an eye on the selfimportant person who contributes nothing to group projects — the same Oxford researcher proved that the psychopathic, while charismatic individuals, are actually terrible leaders.

"I Just liked to kill, I wanted to kill."

-Ted Bundy

cap-ture s o f th e w its a pizza eek party!!

week. We gave away pizza, handed out Herschel bags, and played the ultra popular "Pin the Teeth on Leah."

It was easily the most fun event on campus that night! Also featured was an amazing presentation, an ultra fun playlist and the legendary Courier staff.

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opinions

GABRIEL SCORGIE OPINIONS EDITOR

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

to hell with it SCHOOLS BATTLE HALLOWEEN Scott Barkemeyer × Writer Schools have changed. In years past, it wasn’t uncommon for ghosts and ghouls to wander the halls of schools, with students from kindergarten to grade 12 celebrating one of the most adored holidays of the year. This has changed and for one reason or another, some schools are now banning Halloween. There are examples of the bans not only in private schools, where it is more easily understood, but also across entire public school districts. In a system where schools say they encourage free thought and expression, they’re stifling it at one of the most creative times of the year.

Ten years ago, Halloween was a celebration.

It was an excuse to dress up in a costume and wander from house to house. In school, it was costume parades and scary movie day. Costumes were looked on with pride and envy, with awards earned for countless hours of hard work and imagination used. Sure, some were in it for the payoff, what could be a year’s supply of candy was at stake after all, but others were there just to have fun. Fast forward a decade and schools have been systematically banning that same holiday.

Part of the problem is a health issue. Ram-

× Marla White pant obesity and rising food allergies are making the health of students a growing priority.

However, that hasn’t been the reason behind some of the recent bans. Many schools have cited that costumes are either not safe or that they may scare younger children. These people clearly haven’t met most kids. No matter how much someone attempts to scare a kid with the use of latex and makeup, kids always seem more excited by an undead ghoul wandering the halls than frightened. Kindergarteners come up and poke the fake open wounds and giggle in delight and this was happening even before kids started watching R-rated TV shows and movies. So what’s the point in banning gruesome costumes when kids will still see ex-

ploding heads, death and monsters when they turn on the TV after they get home from a school where they didn’t celebrate Halloween?

Halloween, or all Hallows Eve, predates many other celebrations and festivals. The origins of Halloween can be traced back to pagan and Celtic harvest festivals from Europe. These festivals were meant to celebrate the harvest and the end of the summer season.

Incidentally, it was also believed that it was the best time to see spirits and fairies. In other cultures, it was a time when the souls of the dead could revisit their homes. In mainstream Canadian culture, the origins of Halloween are lost on most people. This means that for most children, the entire context of Halloween as a

holiday is to dress up and get candy - and there is nothing wrong with that.

It appears that it is not just the kids that are upset by these new rules. Many parents have spoken out about the bans, stating that it has gone too far. Sure, removing imitation weapons and possible violent content is one thing and could be seen as beneficial, and removing artificial candies and foods kids are allergic too is another item that could benefit children. However, removing the holiday or large parts of the holiday such as costumes is going too far. Halloween costumes should be scary at some level. They’re not supposed to be about how much cleavage one can show off. Save that for a regular Friday night. Halloween costumes should harness creativity and hold some of the traditions of the holiday, which is ghosts, zombies and demons.

Cosplay should be kept in context to the holiday.

It’s a celebration of spirits, harvests and the dead.

That being said, Undead Link or Bowser makes for great Halloween costumes.

It’s not gruesome and gory costumes that should be banned. Ban the “sexy” nurse and firefighter; these are the costumes that are harming the youth of today. If schools want to continue banning parts of holidays, they should look at St. Valentine’s Day, as it celebrates a baby going around and shooting people with arrows. Or maybe Christmas, which celebrates a home invasion where a mysterious person leaves gifts behind. Seriously, for the most part all of the major western holidays have some weird aspects, people need to deal with that fact and let kids be kids.

everyday ghosts Monster Pop Culture

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Halloween may not be considered a major holiday to some, but North American kids who celebrate it would beg to differ. On top of gratuitous amounts of candy, pumpkin carving and Halloween themed television marathons, Halloween is unique because it allows people the opportunity to escape and become another character through the power of a costume. Whether with face paint or a cape, Halloween inspires people to use their imaginations. And who’s to say that exploring our fantasies should be reserved to one day a year? It is no wonder that Halloween culture has seeped in to our everyday lives.

It’s not as though vampires, zombies and ghosts have ever historically been reserved to solely Halloween – in fact, the Halloween we know today is very young in comparison to the fictitious characters that get a boost in popularity every October.

The ghouls and monsters of fiction have always captured the attention of creative contributors and have been the inspiration behind countless books, films and television series for nearly as long as people have been writing them. That includes the Holy Bible, guys – that book was all about the evil.

The success of programs that stem from the horror genre is no new sensation; Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a major success in the early 2000s while today, True Blood and American Horror Story continue to draw massive audiences. What would pop culture be without the undead and the unexplainable? Forget Halloween culture, this is a celebration of the entire horror genre.

There’s psychological reasons behind why people are drawn to the supernatural, it enchants our thoughts and invites us to explore a world outside

of our own. It’s a healthy way to indulge in the dark side – lord knows what happens when you repress it (see: murder).

In a world so bogged down with the serious, it’s refreshing to have a holiday embrace the inner child in all of us – and that’s not specific to the spooky aspects of Halloween. Halloween isn’t all about goblins and evil – it’s also about having fun, dressing up and expressing ourselves. So as much as bats and witches are a part of Halloween culture, so is our fascination with becoming someone else. Also, remember in Mean Girls when they explain that Halloween is the one day a year where a girl can dress like a total slut and no one can say anything about it? Check out Granville Street on any given Saturday. It’s like Halloween all year, and no one seems to mind that.

Halloween Culture × Heather Connor Writer Halloween culture has spread from a spectacular one-night tradition into a year round boring and overdone trend. Growing up, the only time I saw Halloween on TV was when the specials came around once a year. Movies like The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and Halloween Town were part of what made the holiday so special, now I can’t seem to escape the many vampire and werewolf series that exist. There’s even an entire genre devoted to these supernatural dramas on Netflix and some of the top rated shows are among them.

But how many times can we watch a human fall in love with a monster before it gets boring? The viewers aren’t interested in the plot – they’re only interested in watching tons of attractive males rip their shirts off.

× Taylor Lee

This constant portrayal of violence and the supernatural also effects children. When my sister was little she was crushed to find out that the puppet Lamb Chop wasn’t real. Since she had spent years watching him on TV it was easy to assume that Lamb Chop was just like one us.

Now children are exposed to all sorts of fictional species, and since the quality of effects has only improved, it would be hard not to believe that these things are actually out there. Separating reality is hard enough for kids already - we don’t need to be adding what used to be considered Halloween creatures to everyday TV channels.

And surely I can’t be the only one who is tired of seeing people use costumes as accessories. Cat

ears are only appropriate to wear if someone’s dressed up in a cat costume; there not just something people wear on their head as a fashion statement. Costumes are meant to be worn once a year for one night, now we live in a frenzy of unicorn onesies and monster hoodies.

Halloween has been commercialized. It’s all about the money and no longer about the true spirit behind it. This year round mania is humanizing the undead, and depicting them as romantic or admirable characters, which is far from what they were originally about. It’s no longer a special and scary tradition but instead an overused profitable sub culture.

opinions

beliefs guide behaviour IT'S OK TO QUESTION EXTREME RELIGIONS Gabriel Scorgie × Opinions Editor

× Cheryl Swan

ing homosexuality, 61 per cent of Muslims said that “Homosexuality is a way of life that should be discouraged by society,” placing them in last place with only 27 per cent believing that it’s acceptable. Under Sharia law, the punishment for homosexuality is death.

Sharia law can be pointed at as the root of many problems within Islam. The Council on Foreign Relations (CFR) said, “In Sharia, there are categories of offenses: those that are prescribed a specific punishment in the Koran, known as hadd punishments, those that fall under a judge's discretion, and those resolved through a tit-for-tat measure (i.e., blood money paid to the family of a murder victim).” Hadd punishments include stoning, amputation, exile and execution. Though hadd punishments aren’t used by the majority of Muslims, when ISIS releases a video of a journalists getting decapitated, look no further than Sharia law to find their justification. Pew also found that 52 per cent of Sharia supporters say that Sharia law should dictate “severe punishments in criminal cases, such as cutting off the hands of thieves” and 38 per cent believe those who leave Islam should be executed.

Many of these beliefs aren’t unique to Islam.

Catholicism was renowned for its suppression of anyone who questioned the bible — just ask Galileo how much fun it was to go up against the Catholic Church in the 17th century. However, scientists and philosophers such as Isaac Newton, Immanuel Kant and John Locke eventually forced Christianity to go head to head with science. That period in time, known as the Age of Enlightenment, was the driving force behind the separation of church and state, which is a large reason why the western world isn’t still trapped by theocracy. The problem with Islam is that in many countries where it’s the official religion, religious law is the law. “In Muslim countries

where Islam is the official religion, Sharia is declared to be a source, or the source, of the law.

Examples include Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Bahrain, Yemen, and the United Arab Emirates, where the governments derive their legitimacy from Islam. In Pakistan, Iran, and Iraq, among others, it is also forbidden to enact legislation that is antithetical to Islam,” reported the CFR. The United Nations’ Arab Human Development Reports state that that less than two per cent of Arab people have access to the Internet. This is a group of people that make up five per cent of the world’s population yet produce merely one per cent of the world’s books, most of which are religious. This helps explain why so many Muslims believe the Koran to be the word of God. Replace education with indoctrination and it’s no wonder that more British Muslims join ISIS than the British armed forces. Fortunately, a small group of Muslims are courageously trying to turn Islam into a religion of peace.

Maajid Nawaz was a former member of an Islamic extremist group in Britain, but now he is the founder of a think tank called Quilliam, which focuses on “counter-extremism.”

In 2013, Nawaz explained on Real Time with Bill Maher, why there needs to be more Muslim figures that represent democracy and peace: “I used to go on media tours and ask people to think of Islamic extremists and their faces, their symbols. Bin Landen, Hussein, people have those memorized. Then I ask them to think of the democratic ones and they can’t think of one. They’re conspicuous because of their absence.” Nawaz said he believes that there are so few people because speaking out against Islam can be fatal. “The short reason to why more people aren’t doing it is that, Malala, the Indian girl who challenged the Taliban for an education, got shot in the head. It’s a dangerous business… Just this week I was put

on the al-Shabaab hit list.” Nawaz said that despite the risks, “More people need to do this.

If more people do this, they can’t kill all of us.”

The challenge for people in the Western World is that it’s become very unpopular for anyone to question religion. Nobody wants to risk being labelled a bigot so instead they become religious moderates, blaming everything except religion for people’s actions. There are messages of tolerance in the Koran — for instance, “There is no compulsion in religion” (2:256), but these messages are too often disregarded. Currently, Islam is not a religion hijacked by a few noisy extremists — it’s a religion where the majority of its subscribers are in favour of intolerance, because the common interpretations of the Koran endorse it.

There are Muslims around the world that are moderate, that dismiss passages in the Koran that endorse the killing of apostates, and the mistreatment of women and homosexuals. People such as Nawaz and Malala, who won a Nobel Prize for her efforts in fighting for girls to have an education, are trying very hard to turn Islam into a peaceful religion and one that can co-exist with other religious and secular beliefs. People like them need to have every tool required to spread their message at their disposal and the rest of the world needs to start criticizing Islam for its beliefs. The worst thing the Western World can do is continue to be religious moderates. They need to be willing to come out and say that it’s not acceptable that within the most liberal group of Muslims, only 27 per cent approve of homosexuality or that 76 per cent of all Muslims think a wife must be obedient to her husband. It’s the 21st century and Islam needs to be held to a higher standard.

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

“Which will come first, flying cars and vacations to Mars, or a simple acknowledgment that beliefs guide behavior…?” asked Sam Harris, author of The End of Faith, a book about how to be spiritual in a secular society. As evidenced by articles on his website, Harris’ views regarding Islam are certainly extreme and, according to Ben Affleck, also “gross” and “racist.” However, what he asks is valid nonetheless. Islam, in its current form, is a religion that promotes more intolerance and violence than any other belief system. Of course, not all 1.2 billion Muslims are violent people who support martyrdom and suicide bombings. In fact, the vast majority of Muslims don’t. And yet, when the Pew Research Center conducted a study in 2013 of Muslim beliefs worldwide, they found that 87 per cent of Muslims outside of North America believe that homosexuality is morally wrong, 76.2 per cent say that “a wife must obey her husband,” and 53 per cent believe that Sharia law, the moral code and religious law of Islam, should be the official law in their country. As Harris said later in the blog post, “If people are not radical for those beliefs, then the problem is not with them.

The problem is where they get their beliefs from, and in this case, it’s from Islam.”And he’s right.

In 2007, Pew looked at how Muslim Americans compared with other religious groups in the country. What they found was that Muslim Americans are not much different than any other religious group. They all shared certain traits, without being identical. Where Muslim Americans differed from other groups, however, was that 72 per cent of Muslims said that their religion was very important to them – a whopping 23 per cent higher than Catholics – and 50 per cent believe the Koran to be the literal word of God. The Koran explicitly condemns homosexuality, so it’s hardly a surprise that when Muslims were asked about their views regard-

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columns canadiana WE LOVE BEER Rosanna Hempel × Columnist

Rosanna Hempel has worked and lived in nearly every province from coast to coast. Thanks to this, she has an intimate knowledge of Canada. Her column will explore how Canada measures up to other countries on different topics. It’s basically a report card for the entire country.

As a German-Canadian, I’ve always underestimated Canadian beer and beer drinking in Canada.

However, every year when NHL season kicks off, I’m reminded why Canadians do in fact have a reputation for being hockey-crazed beer drinkers.

A few years ago I was set to go tree planting in Northern BC, fresh off an exchange in France. I flew directly to Vancouver after spending eight months in one of the world’s wine capitals. This was in 2011 when the Canucks were advancing quite well in the season. In arriving at my hostel straight from the airport, I couldn’t have been greeted by a more “Canadian” culture shock: a

the mediator PERSONAL FICTIONS Ben Bengtson × Columnist

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

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Karl Ove Knausgaard was a renowned author in his native Norway before everything changed and he became a worldwide literary superstar. Like magic, he appeared to wake up one day and decry his boredom for all things fiction. “It was a crisis," he wrote, "Just the thought of a fabricated character in a fabricated plot made me nauseous." So he set out to do something different. While his interest in fiction waned, he found a new muse in the form of his personal journals, diary entries, and essays. The subject of his new work, therefore, would be himself. In 2009 Knausgaard published the first volume of Min Kamp, which translates to “My Struggle”, and subsequently caused controversy in Europe due to its similarities to Hitler’s memoir (ahem) of the same name. My Struggle is made up of six volumes published in Norway in 2009, 2010, and 2011 respectively, and totalling almost 4,000 pages. Only now is the collection of books being translated into English. This year the English literary community was treated to a similar eruption of excitement when My Struggle: Book Three was translated and published.

A writer using himself as subject matter isn’t a new thing. Surely all fiction is really non-fiction, in the sense that all stories have to come from someone’s own unique, subjective perspective? All stories, whether “true” or “fictionalized”, are imagined stories. What makes Knausgaard’s attempt at creative non-fiction so intriguing is the overt manner in

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

In any case, I’m definitely still convinced that Canadians love their beer. But do we really love it more than any other country? Canada’s per capita consumption of beer doesn’t even come close to the world’s top three. The average Canadian consumed approximately 67 litres of beer in 2012, whereas the average Czech consumed almost 149 litres – that’s more than double, folks! Austria and Germany came in second and third, respectively, at 108 and 106 litres per capita. These statistics include everyone above the age of 15, which may affect the overall results since the legal drinking ages do differ in these countries. In any case, Canada ranked × Olliemoonsta 25th in the world in terms of beer consumption per capita. I hate to say it, but this is a rather low jam-packed beer-drinking foyer screening of a live ranking considering our reputation as beer drinkhockey game. ers. On the other hand, our livers are more than As if that didn’t convince me, last year around likely thanking us at this point, and I haven’t even this time I was serving at a pizzeria in downtown mentioned our booming microbrewery scene.

Montreal close to the Bell Centre. Before and after Nowadays, non-domestic corporations mainly each game, fans donning the signature Canadiens control Canada’s beer production, including the jersey would swarm the restaurant, ordering pint Labatt, Molson and Sleeman breweries. Moosehafter pint of Belle Gueule, a local Montreal beer. ead Brewery in New Brunswick is the largest According to Statistics Canada, the most popular Canadian-owned brew house in the country, actype of alcohol in Canada is – you guessed it – counting for less than six per cent of the domesbeer. Last year, it accounted for 43 per cent of tic market share. Since the 1980s, however, there the market share, ahead of wine at 32 per cent. has been an impressively explosive revival of craft Although it is still our favourite alcoholic drink, brewing across Canada. Vancouver’s own HorseCanadians have been opting for more wine over shoe Bay Brewery opened in 1982 as one of this beer in the past decade. In 2003, it made up country’s first microbreweries. around 50 per cent of the market share, whereas As of 2009, Canada is home to over 200 liwine made up 24 per cent. censed breweries, with the majority of them based

which his artistic intentions are presented. It really doesn’t matter if My Struggle is a fiction, memoir, essay or diary entry – the fiction/non-fiction dichotomy doesn’t matter anymore. The shackles of traditional fictional narrative have been broken.

This kind of fictional non-fiction (yes, that’s right) isn’t just being produced in Norway. Writers in North America are also experimenting with this new narrative form, and are being well received by a literary community starved for new types of content. My Struggle has sort-of become the benchmark of this kind of literature, probably because the vast scope of the work attempts to catalogue anything and everything about the writer (remember: My Struggle is 4,000 pages). American writers Tao Lin and Ben Lerner, and Canadian Sheila Heti, however, have presented novels – if you can call them that – that are equally as self-obsessed as Knausgaard’s.

The question then becomes, why has such a fictional style taken such a hold of the literary establishment?

What about it speaks to these times?

For one, in an era of blogging, instant Internet satisfaction, and a socialized media that captures our most intimate moments in utterly Proustian fashion, it seems only natural that the art of the novel transform itself into a prose that depicts the personal, the intimate, and the narcissistic – and of course chronicles the daft and beautiful wanderings of these authors as high-art and “modern.” These writers often use the so-called protagonists of their novels as mere stand-ins for themselves, and this egocentric worldview – spurred on by our own egocentric online universe – is what fuels this prose.

When the line between fictional character and authorial voice is blurred, something in a text opens up to us that was not there. Reading literature is about attempting to find empathy in the voices and lives of others, so when the protagonist of a novel becomes the writer herself, the intimacy in which we get to experience this is closer than ever. In Tao Lin’s exceptional 2013 novel Taipei, the character Paul (a standin for Tao Lin) roams Brooklyn in a fashion that is typical of the 21st century: he balances his time going to parties, talking online friends via Gmail chat, pursues relationships in the typically vague manner that all millennials do, and even spends a lot of time buying cut-fruit at Whole Foods. The Paul character is also a writer whom experiments with drugs and gives readings just like the author himself.

out of Ontario, BC, and Quebec, and the rest speckled across the prairie and Atlantic provinces.

With even more opening every year, craft beers now account for six per cent of the domestic market, a figure that is expected to rise dramatically in the coming years. In BC, craft beer sales have increased by a substantial 38 per cent in the past year. According to Beer Advocate – a website dedicated to rating beers, among others – almost a quarter of Canada’s top 100 favourite domestic beers are brewed in BC, with Driftwood, Central City, and Phillips leading the pack. Vancouver and Victoria are now thriving brewing centres, also home to a number of beer festivals including the Great Canadian Beer Festival and Vancouver Craft Beer Week.

Although it appears Canadians overall have shifted away from beer towards wine in the past decade (and we should also give our wineries some credit), we are taking a much greater interest in craft beers over commercial ones, an interest that is coinciding with the local food movement. All in all, our country’s unique multicultural heritage and history is such that as a whole, we boast an ensemble of many different flavours and styles varying from Belgian to British to German across Canada. We may not be out-drinking any of those central European countries, but there is no denying that the Canadian brewery industry continues to play a big part in what we consider as our “Canadian” identity, something that may only be getting bigger and better.

× Guillem Rovira

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

Ben Bengtson is interested in all things media, but mostly how corporations are a part of our modern media way of life. Through his column, The Mediator, Ben will explore what aspects of media are thriving while others are decaying to change. His favourite movie is Dazed and Confused, and we think that's pretty cool.

LEAH SCHEITEL COLUMNS EDITOR

Sheila Heti’s remarkable How Should A Person Be? dramatizes the lives of herself and her friends over the course of year, and the novel makes no attempt to show the speaker in the work as anyone but Heti herself. This genre defying work explores themes such as art and celebrity, Jewish identity, and contemporary love and friendship. These themes may appear rather universal, but they rendered in such personal, biographical prose, that the novel comes off as more of a memoir or intellectual thesis than typical fiction.

These divergences from formal narrative approaches and character constructions have been received enthusiastically by a literary establishment aching for something new. Fictional characters and invented storylines don’t seem to have relevance in contemporary literatures upper echelons. “Litera-

ture is just a fancy word for writing,” wrote Philip Gourevitch in a New Yorker article about why nonfiction deserves a Nobel Prize. In an age constantly bombarded with technology, smart devices, and the inevitable confusion and emotional drain that comes with this, we are seeking authenticity. Creative memoirs and overdramatized non-fictional accounts are exactly the kind of inspired journal from real life that those whom lust to read are seeking. It’s true that the works of Knausgaard, Lin and Heti are chock-full of narcissistic yearnings and cult-of-self obsessions, but isn’t that exactly what we’re all like as well? Writers writing about themselves may end spotlighting the mundane and the conceited, but as long as it’s well written, honest, and full of imagination, I suspect readers will keep reading.

columns

Staff editorial SPOOOOKY STORIES Cheryl Swan × Art Director What you'll need before you read on: firewood, gasoline, a lighter, your coziest blankie, Fireball, a good friend's shoulder and a bedpan. Gather ‘round the campfire, kids, I'm about to throwback on horror stories here. I have yet to encounter the apparition of a spirit, ghost, demon or what have you, but I have heard many convincing tales in my time — stories from honest people who hadn't "believed" before. I myself can’t say that I do or do not believe in lingering souls — I've experienced eerie weirdness in places once or twice and I do have a dark imagination in the rightest of moments. I once lived on the cusp of Vancouver's industrial area in an old, decrepit building where strange noises would lurk, suspicious lighting would come and go and technology would go on and off at its own will. To make matters eerier, the narrow and barren hallway leading to my door had a Charles Manson poster over the peephole with his pupil cut out perfectly to allow peeping. Adding to the creepy matters of this haunted suite was the gross existence of several cockroaches crawling around in the clock of my microwave. I would look over at the illuminated red numbers and suddenly one of those buggers would be covering up a digit.

Damn clockroaches.

Your campfire should be good and crackling by now — time for a shot of Fireball.

I grew up in a tiny town called Rockland, Ontario. This is where I was once a Girl Guide. We had camping trips, learnt how to sew shit, tie more than one kind of knot and it’s where I tried my first coffee. That aside, we once had an overnight field trip to one of Rockland's best known haunted houses on Tucker Road called The Tucker House.

Imagine a dozen 10-year-old girls on a school bus pulling into the chillingly long dirt driveway with the knowledge of this heritage home's past, look-

× Cheryl Swan ing like the home on 1995's Casper. I remember the feeling of winter coming sooner than expected that evening. Upon entering that house I was filled with nerves, curiosity and imagination. The story of this house remains one I will never forget: so it went that a husband and wife who lived and died within built this Georgian Mansion in 1870.

We were told that his wife became sick and no longer mobile and remained bedridden upstairs.

He would take care of her, climbing the steep and narrow staircase daily to bring her food. It was at the bottom of this staircase he’d eventually lay dying due to a fall from the top with a tray of dishes in hand. Sadly, they both had to endure a slow, drawn out death without being able to tend to one another. To think she lay there starving, not knowing what happened to him or if he’d ever be back. To add to the horridness, they had a son who had just married and was coming back for a visit. Upon arriving, he discovered his parents and decided to hang himself in the basement due to disbelief, grief and sadness.

finding the goods THE CRAFTY GEMS AT POPPYTALK

Cianda Bourrel × Columnist

This one goes out to all those crafty people out there, the printmakers, the pottery lovers and everyone else: if you haven’t already checked out Poppytalk, your visit is way past due.

The couple behind the 10-year-old blog, Jan Halvarson and Earl Einarson, recently evolved the online shop into a physical store, located at 109 E Broadway. Poppytalk is all about genuinely unique design, vintage pieces, and hand crafted goods, all of which you can find in the small quarters of their retail space.

Beginning in Vancouver in 2005, Halvarson and Einarson created the Poppytalk blog with the tagline “The Beautiful, The Decayed and the Handmade.” Since then, the blog gained much recognition from fellow crafters, as well as many large companies that were interested

× James Saville in collaboration. Companies such as IKEA, Design Sponge, Etsy, Diesel, and Target have approached the two creatives to write and collaborate for their various blogs and shops. Features in InStyle and Canadian Living magazines helped to bring the blog much acknowledgement, and not to mention the fact that it was ranked seventh on London’s The Times “50 of the World’s Best Design Blogs” list. This DIY home décor concept has been on the rise for a while now (thanks, Pinterest), but these guys

room to ourselves. On our way out to lunch, the cleaning ladies were entering to make our beds and whatnot. We later returned and while everything seemed untouched in Lisa and I’s room – her parents had a different story. As they walked in they said it felt ice cold and that they saw a perfectly made bed with an ass-shaped divot at the edge of the sheet, a divot that rose back to normal once they opened the door.

Think about it. Imagine seeing that. Not okay.

It’s an unanswered invasion that I would’ve only expected to see in an episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

This Halloween, I plan to add another good ghost story — a couple of friends and I will be taking the ol’ Ouija to Trout Lake. Maybe we’ll discover a pet cemetery. With this said, please don’t come looking to lurk about and hide behind trees, unless you have a bottle of Fireball and a ghost story of your own.

stand apart with their ability to grow past the blog and into a boutique.

The Poppytalk brick and mortar feels like a welcoming home. Maybe it’s all the beautiful home décor that lines the shelves, but the small space radiates a comfortable vibe. In the eyes of the creators, Mount Pleasant is the perfect location for the shop. “[It’s] such a vibrant, alive part of the city! We like how the area has progressed and built up over the last few years, but hasn’t lost its sense of neighbourhood or its original feel that it had. It feels authentic, and we value that,” says Halvarson. After years of solidifying the presence of the blog, it seemed to be the right time to open the shop. “Everything that we’ve done has been a natural, organic evolution, and we felt that it was a natural extension of where we are now. We’re also proud of being in Canada – and specifically in Vancouver – and we wanted to let people know that we’re based right here in your backyard,” Einarson mentions. Well put, as the physical shop does bring a whole new connection to their customer base (other than your mom’s dial-up connection). To add to this community concept, Poppytalk holds various craft workshops every so often, the details of which can be found on their blog. These can range from paper flower making, calligraphy and great info on retail readiness and how to approach selling your goods as an artist. Selling the goods and inspiring others to create seems to be a key concept at Poppytalk, whether you’re under the roof of their shop, or the roof of your own home scrolling endlessly through pages.

The store as a whole is a feast on the eyes, but that

goes for every product in there. From local pottery to greeting cards from Brooklyn, NYC, Poppytalk has got it all. When choosing products to fill the shelves the couple explains: “We look at what attracts our eye of course first, which isn’t something we can really explain other than it has to be beautifully made, on trend of course and reasonably priced.” There is some pretty solid reasoning behind these decisions, and the outcome is great. There seems to be a large selection of pottery in store, which are a few favourites of Halvarson and Einarson’s, “We love ceramics and carry two local artist’s work. Heather Dahl of Dahlhaus has a fun speckled clay collection that is dip-dyed that we love, and equally beautiful, the Gladstone Collection from Cathy Terepocki is also a fave.” But ceramics are not all that Poppytalk has in stock: there are vintage typewriters, soy candles, Shibori dyed tote bags, and screen-printed posters. Einarson and Halvarson are a couple making a difference in Vancouver through supporting the handmade community, something we can all appreciate. “Our blog has always worked hard at finding and exposing great artists and makers that work with our feel, so I guess bringing some of these artists to market is a natural evolution for us,” comments Einarson. So if you’ve got the goods, you’re good in Poppytalks’ books.

To wrap it all up (maybe in the tie-dye print wrapping paper they sell) Poppytalk has got a very good thing going. It’s a combination of the bright and fun retail space, cool products, an exceptional online presence, community involvement and an awesome couple behind it all. If you’re into crafty goods and supporting genuine artists, Poppytalk is the place for you.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

Born and raised in small town, Grand Forks, BC, Cianda spent most of her youth surrounded by the great outdoors. She moved to Vancouver at the age of 18 to adventure and experience the city. She now resides in Chinatown, where the fruit is cheap and the alleys smell like piss.

I remember all the ornate frames that creepily adorned the creaky staircase and living room walls; black and white photographs of once upon a time; the staircase still intact and so thin and dark I felt claustrophobic. Every object within the home seemed ancient and antique, void of colour and treasure-like. That night we spent the hours spread out across the living room floor concealed in sleeping bags, staying hushed and awaiting any unwanted but slightly wanted noises. We were 12 wild imaginations under one haunted roof and I can’t remember much other than the Tucker House history and the story of its owner’s deaths. I recently looked up what became of this house and found out that it is now an ecological retreat for Christian camps. Yeah — bedpan break.

Okay, if that campfire story wasn’t enough to leave you jittering in your blank, how about the time I was visiting Old Montreal with my friend Lisa and her parents. Wait, it gets better. We stayed in a hotel where Lisa and I got to have a

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CAp you

CARLO JAVIER LIFESTYLE EDITOR

CARLO.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

trick or eat RAISING AWARENESS FOR HUNGER IN CANADA Alva Tee × Arts + Culture Editor

“Halloween is one of the only nights of the year that people in Canada expect to have knocks on their doors and engage in a conversation with youth,” says Sarah Archibald, program manager at Meal Exchange, a charity set to create a sustainable food system. Tradition has kids knocking on houses all throughout the neighborhood, asking for candy and other little surprises. All in good and spooky spirit, the exchanges between those giving and those receiving are bound to be friendly and festive.

For those in Meal Exchange, this is a perfect time to raise awareness about hunger in Canada, raise money online and go door to door for nonperishable food items. “Trick or Eat provides youth across the country an opportunity to address short-term food needs in their community by collecting food, but also raise awareness and create connections to the community,” says Archibald.

This includes both a local food agency and the houses they visit. “This community connection and youth engagement opportunity is so unique and core to Meal Exchange’s work.”

Though student organizers are welcome to get involved, Capilano University’s own Jaimie Harris is bringing the event to campus. Upon attending the National Food Summit hosted by Meal Exchange, Harris says she knew right away she wanted to bring Trick or Eat to CapU. “I hope to gather student leaders here from CapU and make a difference with the rising hunger issue on the North Shore,” she says, “We want to collect non-perishables and monetary donations… Halloween puts people in a good mood and that mood is contagious.”

With over 80 campaigns happening in Canada and the United States this year, each one will be different. “The event is about each community coming together and finding the solutions that will work

× Amy Mayer for them,” says Archibald, “It’s an opportunity for collaboration and fun!”

Trick or Eat is made for everyone. “Fundraising is a really important aspect of Trick or Eat,” Archibald says, “We know that food alone cannot end hunger in Canada. Raising funds supports local food agencies and that national movement to create long term solutions to end hunger in Canada.” She says that social media is strong this year, and she encourages everyone to be a part of it by using the hashtag #trickoreat.

“I think my favourite thing about Trick or Eat is the combination of the spirit of Halloween and helping others in need,” says Harris, “It’s not usually a mix of the two but I think that’s what helps the event stand out.”

The fundraising goal for CapU is to raise $200, and for every dollar raised, one meal will be provided through one of the local food agencies Trick or Eat supports. Harris is thankful for all that are interested in participating and the enthusiasm that they have brought. “By raising awareness of the hunger issues within the north shore and on a Canada wide scale, we can create a solution and make solid steps towards our goal,” she says.

On Oct. 31, students are able to participate and contribute from 5:00pm to 8:00pm in LB 195.

For more information, visit Trickoreat.ca.

partyin' partyin' yeah!

HOW TO HOST AN EVENT AT CAPILANO UNIVERSITY Carlo Javier

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

× Lifestyle Editor

18

Whether it’s in the Capilano Students’ Union (CSU) lounge, at the Library Building boardroom, or at the Birch cafeteria, hosting an event at Capilano University is no easy task. Organizers have to acquire certain permits, understand regulations and work with the nuances that come with the specific nature and needs of their respective occasions. Yet, beyond the preparations and content planning, the most challenging aspect of event hosting in CapU is getting students to come out and participate.

The CSU library lounge is undoubtedly the most popular venue on campus, and no, don’t confuse it with the old CSU lounge in the Maple building - yes, there’s an old lounge, and yes there’s a Maple building. This year, the lounge has been home to the international student mixer, the annual meet and greet with the business associations, and a variety of CSU-led gatherings.

“You can actually just go down to the services desk and request to host an event, you fill out a form that will probably take you two minutes, and then you’ll get contacted if the room is available,” explains CSU’s Vice President of

Student Life, Zofia Rodriguez, “It’s a little bit different if you’re hosting an event with alcohol.

There’s a different form and actually those procedures are just being reformulated.”

The CSU lounge is noted as the most sensible spot for an event. For one, its often well kept and generally looks better than any other places on campus. Secondly, everyone on campus knows where it is, and lastly, the majority of the pizza delivery men, whether it’s Panago, Little Caesar’s or Westview Pizza, know where the CSU Lounge is – that’s very important.

However, some of the more successful events that occurred this semester were not necessarily confined to one spot. The CapU Street Party took place all over the school grounds and the CSU Summer Spree also utilized multiple locations. Part of their appeal could be due to the presence and participation of external businesses. During the first week of school, students were treated with a variety of food trucks and had the chance to interact with company representatives from Car2Go, Coca-Cola and several others.

Permits and regulations for bringing in food trucks are not simple. “The first thing they would have to do is talk to Aramark, because they have exclusivity rights. If they get the go

ahead from Aramark, then they can start going into that process,” Rodriguez explains.

Likewise, posters and other promotional material for events also need to be approved. The CSU can stamp up to 25 posters that can be placed around campus, except on designated bulletin boards such as the CapU Clubs board.

One of the more recent functions held in CapU was the Human Resources Reception. Led by the Capilano Human Resources Management Association (HRMA) the HR Reception brought various professionals from the field of human resources to speak to students about their respective works.

“Overall the panel that we invited, and the information that they provided was very useful, so whoever attended the event actually benefited a lot,” says Samantha Lee, president of HRMA. However, despite the significant output from the panellists, the HR Reception still struggled with the same difficulty that every other event at CapU ultimately faces – turnout.

“We probably could’ve started promotion a little earlier. It’s just we didn’t want to give out information that wasn’t confirmed yet, so that pushed our advertisement a little later,” says Lee, “I think right now the whole issue is that there is a big disconnect with the school and the CSU,

so for us to plan the event at this time, I felt like I was stuck in the middle, getting different information from different people and it was just really confusing.”

Ultimately, students will go to an event with an incentive. At the September Meet and Greet, the Capilano Undergraduate Business Enterprise of Students (CUBES) drew a relatively considerable crowd after they acquired Gillette razors to give away. The international student mixer also demonstrated that a musical performance could draw a crowd. “It definitely increases turnout,” Rodriguez says about incentives, “It’s another selling point, it’s another benefit, if you can really hit home to what people care about and what people want – it never hurts to have food.” If give-aways or entertainment are out of reach, then it’s all up to pizza and, of course, the content – because that’s what every student really goes to events for. “I personally thought that it’s important to have something that attracts students. My team thinks that if students are interested in the topic then they will go anyways,” says Lee. As a final reminder for any potential party hosts: make sure to set up respectfully and clean up the mess afterwards. As Drake once said, “Own it. It’s Yours.”

caboose

CARLO JAVIER LIFESTYLE EDITOR

CABOOSE@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

A LOOK AT CANDY TAMPERING AND THE CRAZIES BEHIND IT Andy Rice × Managing Editor

which act as antioxidants, prevent tumours and boost up the immune system so the little darlings don’t get sick.”

“God dammit, now I’ll have to go back to using tennis balls,” Wallace groaned. “Getting them sick was the whole point.”

“Language!” snapped our host, “But good for you for trying new things.”

Jenkins’ own ideas, much like her views on profanity, were far more conservative. “You see, I’m quite worried about the health of the children in my neighbourhood,” she began, “All they want on Halloween are salty foods with saturated fats and high-fructose corn syrup, so I’ve developed a few tricks I can use on their treats.”

Every year during the week after Halloween, Jenkins works her way through every garbage can in the West Vancouver school district, “harvesting” used snack food wrappers in which to package her healthy variations. She, like Wallace, is essentially producing a tampered product that would have most kids spewing violently after their second bite, although her intentions are certainly better.

“Kids love those salty Lays potato chips,” she said, “so I like to whip up a batch of my famous oven-roasted kale chips instead, sprinkle them with nutritional yeast and vacuum seal them into a reclaimed Lays bag. They’ll never know the difference until they’ve already begun eating them. And really, a chip is a chip.”

“Even a paint chip?” asked Wallace hopefully.

“Too bad they discontinued the lead-based shit back in the 70s, eh.”

“Language!” scolded Jenkins, before explain-

ing how she also makes her own fruit snacks.

“It’s dead easy,” she said. “All you do is grind up a cup of raisins, a few apple skins, and the seeds of half a dozen tomatoes. Crack two eggs in there to bind it all together roll them out on a cookie sheet to dry. Then you can cut them into fruit-like shapes and vacuum-pack them into old Swedish Berries baggies.”

For children exhibiting signs of anything even remotely close to facial hair, Jenkins likes to offer a wrapped condom alongside one of her festive hippie treats. “I give out these biodegradable buckwheat condoms my nephew imports from Oregon,” she said, removing one from its foil pouch and holding it up like a limp noodle. “It seems the youths of today are very interested in premarital fornication, so I just want them to be responsible about it.”

“Fuck yeah, population control,” said Wallace.

“Less kids eating my candy.”

“Yes, that’s probably a good thing in your case,” said Jenkins, letting the profanity slide that time.

“So Norma, do you happen to have any ideas for something I could do to spruce up a box of chocolate covered almonds?” asked Wallace. “Adults like to eat those too, so I’m really hoping to go for a one-two punch here.”

“Well, have you looked at fruits or vegetables?” she replied. “How about blueberries, or perhaps something a little more tart for an added shock.”

“Fuck yeah, lady, that’s a great idea! I’ll use garlic cloves,” said Wallace.

“Language!” snapped Jenkins. “But good for you for trying new things.”

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

It all started out as a simple news profile on Halloween candy — society’s expectation of free snacks, peoples’ preferred brands of choice, and the usual exchange of tricks for treats. I quizzed a few friends and co-workers to help me find some interview sources and then made an initial round of phone calls, trying to find a good balance of the types of people who might make for an interesting story. I was elated when I found a health nut who goes to great lengths to save a few calories, and even more so once I’d tracked down a tampering troublemaker who, not surprisingly, requested to remain partially anonymous. I even found that grouchy neighbour archetype from the movies — the one who turns their lights out and locks their doors to avoid the October onslaught altogether. But instead of interviewing people separately, I decided to gather them all in the same room to compare their unique approaches. It was intended to be a symposium of sweets — a meeting of the minds devoted completely to Halloween candy. Soon though, my cast of misfits had wriggled free of the News section and ended up here in the good ‘ol Caboose.

These people were so crazy they just might have been a figment of my imagination. Or, they could actually be your neighbours. So watch out!

“First of all you’re going to need a box of chalk, a bag of onions, a sleeve of tennis balls, a few rolls of dimes, a tube of industrial epoxy, a bottle of vinegar and a kilo of salt,” said “Big Daddy” Wallace, spinning his ankle monitor like a wind-up clock. A convicted felon and self-described “hobby confectionist”, he looked grossly out of place sitting in the armchair of Norma Jenkins’ West Vancouver living room. “I mean, obviously, you don’t want to be killing any trick-or-treaters,” he corrected, “Just give ‘em a good belly ache so they don’t come near your house again. I may be a convicted felon, but I’m not a fucking idiot.”

“Language!” Jenkins exclaimed. “I ought to wash your mouth out with soap!”

“Is it going to be with that organic goats milk soap you have in your bathroom?” he snapped, “Because that shit smells like the god-damned Cleveland zoo.”

Great. My interview subjects were getting along about as well as oil and water and I hadn’t even got down to my actual questions yet. The grouchy neighbour, as you can probably imagine, didn’t want to leave his house unsupervised or have a convicted felon anywhere near it, so I was making do with two out of three on this particular afternoon. Jenkins, a retired dietician and part-time yoga instructor, clearly wasn’t too thrilled on having Dime-bag “Daddy” in her home either.

“Tell me about your recipes,” I said to Wallace.

“Surely you don’t mix all of those things together at the same time.”

“No way,” he said. “It all depends on what you want to make.”

Name any candy under the sun and this creep has a special “alternative” recipe with the sole purpose of making you and your loved ones terrified to eat store-bought sweets ever again. In the months leading up to October he spends hours in his workshop, handcrafting a few dozen of each variety and implanting them into perfectly good packages of Halloween treats.

Take Smarties for instance: “Grab a dime, dip it in multiple thin layers of milk chocolate, carve it into shape and spray paint it whatever colour you want. In a box with the rest of them, you’ll hardly notice the difference.”

Or Rockets: “Find a piece of blackboard chalk and cut it into discs. Replace every second candy in the stack with one of these puppies. Watch your fingers on the mitre saw though, and wear your safety glasses!”

Or Pixy Stix: “Cut one end just below the crimp, dump out the powder and refill with salt. Use a daub of glue and a pair of needle-nosed pliers to squish the end shut again.”

Or Jawbreakers: “Drill a hole in one side, bore out the centre, and pour in some industrialstrength expoxy. Maybe now they’ll actually break some fucking jaws.”

Or Candy Corn: “Just spray it with peanut oil.

Most kids hate candy corn anyways, but it’s good to be prepared for those who can’t eat nuts. In fact, I spray everything with peanut oil just to be safe.

Even the door knobs.”

Or poor, defenseless Sour Patch Kids: “Wash them in a strainer under warm water. Pat them dry, mist with vinegar and then toss in salt. Miss Vicky, eat your heart out!”

Wallace listed about a dozen more examples before finally fixating on candy apples. He has two recipes for those, and much to my surprise, neither of them contain razor blades. “I used to use tennis balls,” he said. “The more chewed up they were the better, because the caramel really stuck to them.”

Recently, however, he’s gone organic and switched to onions.

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” said Jenkins, perking up at the mention of vegetables. “Onions are very rich in vitamins, and in sulphur, which is great for the liver. They also contain flavonoids,

× Megan Collinson

19

shotgun reviews

PAVEMENT

PUNCTURED

PAPER CUT

SLICED

I used to long board, and I thought I was pretty decent at it. So incredibly decent, in fact, that I didn’t need to learn the most vital part of any fast moving object - braking. I mean, how important could that be, right? Well, it was pretty fucking important. There’s this cool steep side path down by the horse stables, and I just had to try it. I’m not stupid though, so I got a friend to test it for me.

He rode on for two seconds and stops. I just kept going. And then, things got fast. At this point, I realized three things: one, the road was now gravel and potholes; two, the sides of the road were lined with sharp rocks; three, I really should have learned how to brake. I ran over a pothole, and launched.

I skipped not once, but three times before hitting the ground hard, and then I skidded around 10-15 feet of sweet, sweet concrete. A couple of hours later, bleeding over a sink in McDonalds, I decided that I was done with long boarding. It was either that, or I learn how to brake, which wasn’t going to happen, zero to 100 forever.

The most stomach turning injury I have encountered in my short life was quite thankfully not one I received myself. To put a bit of a spin on things, once upon a time I transformed my best friend’s shoulder into a throbbing, swollen mound of green and purple flesh roughly the size of a ripe plum. Quite simply, it resembled a certain dinosaur I used to sing along with at the age of three. Now you might be thinking that I hit her with a bat or lead pipe. No, during a feisty game of capture the flag, she joined a dog pile squad and squished all of the air from my lungs, leaving me no choice. I got my Twilight on and sank my teeth into her rather like Edward Cullen. Her skin may not have sparkled, but I’ll tell you sparks sure did fly. Within an hour or so, the ring of angry red puncture wounds left by my fangs may have faded, but the baseball mound on her shoulder didn’t smooth over or return to it’s natural peachy shade for several weeks. With some injuries you just have to grin an’ bear em!

Or at least wear long sleeves.

One time at family dinner, my sister’s boyfriend started going on and on about how painful it was to tear his ACL in some bogus sports accident. He was wearing a cable-knit sweater, a straight up Cosby looking motherfucker. It was exhausting listening to his incessant whiney tripe about his whole ACL plight, so I had to cut him off – “Shut the hell up, John,” I spat “Have you ever even experienced a paper cut? That is the worst injury.” He assured me I was wrong. What an ignorant dick. So when I went to grab a few fresh slices of paper to win my argument, he shrunk in his chair. The coward wasn’t willing to settle the argument like a man in a thrilling paper cut edition of ro-sham-bo. His fear spoke louder than words. I stand firmly behind my belief that the paper cut is by far the most gruesome injury imaginable. Firstly, they can happen at any time with one fluid movement of the hand. Just picture slicing a papercut in the webbing between your fingers – really think about that paper splitting that thin skin open. Did you just cringe? Yeah, that’s because it’s the worst.

How many people can say that they’ve watched themselves have surgery? If you haven’t done it before, I highly recommend it. A few years ago I ripped a tendon in my hand and had to have surgery on it. Since it was such a minor operation, the surgeon didn’t see a reason to put me to sleep for it. This left me with two options. Either stare at a wall for the next hour and a half, or look to my left and see myself get cut open and worked on. To me, it seemed almost rude to sit in uncomfortable silence during the procedure and it would’ve been even stranger to not acknowledge that he was slicing me open, so I did the only thing that seemed reasonable at the time — I watched like a medical student on Adderall and asked as many questions as I could. At first the surgeon was a bit confused by my fascination, but he quickly adapted and started explaining what he was doing and even held up part of the tendon he was going to stitch back together for me to see. At the end of the day, I got my hand fixed and the surgeon likely thought he’d operated on a psychopath.

Christine Beyleveldt // Writer

Tristen Schmidhauser // Writer

Faye Alexander // Features Editor

Gabriel Scorgie // Opinions Editor

DRAW YOUR OWN JACK-O-LANTERN. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

draw a FaCe ON JaCk. sNap a phOtO OF yOur CreatiON. iNstagram, tweet, FaCetime, tiNder Or Carrier pigeON it tO us. aNd maybe wiN a prize. sOuNds easy, NO?

the hOt Chart BY

CREEPY CARLO +

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FAYE

CREMATION // DEATH BY LACTOSE INTOLERANCE ELABORATE WRITERS // SENTENCED TO DEATH

TERMINAL GRAVE DIGGER // MALIGNANT TOMBER GRIM REEPER’S HAIR SALON // A BRUSH WITH DEATH DECAPITATION // NO NEED TO GIVE HEAD THE DYE LOT // HAIR TO DIE FOR GETTING IMPALED // DO YOU GET THE POINT?

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 08

BLOOD AND CRYPTS // MORBID GANGS

DEAD ILLUSTRATORS // CAUSE OF DEATH STILL SKETCHY

20

TUPAC’S BACK // I’M DEAD SURE

GHOSTS IN ELEVATORS // LIFT YOUR SPIRITS MURDER // GRAVE CONSEQUENCES

MORTICIANS // MAKING YOU DEAD GORGEOUS CALL FOR MY MUMMY // OF CORPSE I WILL