Capilano Courier // Volume 48 // Issue 13 by Capilano Courier

VOL UME

BURNING FUEL

NORTH VANCOUVER, JANUARY 5TH, 2015

CAPNAPS

RENT CHEQUE

ISSUE

N O . 13

CAR2GO GO

CAPILANO Courier

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VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

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News

A+C

CaleNdar

Features

OpiNiONs

COlumNs

CabOOse

$wim To $ave

Young Ivories

Nicholas Cage

Angels vs. Insects

Superstores Attack

Caffeinated Snail

Dissapointment Is Inevitable

ON the Cover

Guillem rOvira

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS:

Rachel Ward, Kevin Kapenda, Ramneet Kang, Christine Beyleveldt, Keara Farnan, Steve Tornes, Simon Thistlewood, Joe Louis, James Martin, Jessica Trusz, @CapNaps

is an illustrator and graphic Designer from Barcelona, Spain. Currently, Guille lives in Vancouver and attends Capilano University. He loves the work of Ramon Casas, Toulouse Lautrec and admires Josep Maria Sert.

CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS:

Guillem Rovira, Scarlett Aubrey, Cheryl Swan, Olliemoonsta, Megan Collinson, Crystal Lee, Sydney Parent, Ekaterina Aristova, Kelsey Holden, Samantha Smith.

See more of his stellar work on the world wide web - Grovira.com

THANK YOU

To everyone who's assisted, stayed late, missed us when we stayed late, brought beer, sent love and supportive texts, donated furniture, delivered pizza, and of yours all you who have picked up the Courier. Hi Mom!

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

To advertise in the Courierâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pages, please contact our Advertising Director, Andy Rice, at 778-855-9942 or advertising.capcourier@gmail.com. We are proud to offer discounts to non-profit organizations and North Shore customers. A full media kit with sizes, rates and deadlines is available on our website, CapilanoCourier.com.

The Staff

Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

Therese Guieb News Editor

of this this flame starting, water parting, wind blowing univeristy newspaper

Andy Rice Managing Editor

Alva Tee Arts + Culture Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Faye Alexander Features Editor

Gabriel Scorgie Opinions Editor

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Carlo Javier Lifestyle Editor

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Brandon Kostinuk Web Editor

Letter From The Editor Leah Scheitel, Editor-in-Chief

Tradition this "Tradition is the illusion of permanence." - Woody Allen For the past two Christmases, I haven’t been able to eat, at all. Due to the ongoing construction to repair my mouth after a bike accident in the spring of 2013, I have an annual tradition of getting an oral surgery during the third week of December. It may seem like a bad choice or stupid planning to get an oral surgery during one of the most colourful times of year, usually enhanced with food and booze of all types. It’s deliberate, as it’s the only time of the year when I have the required time off to heal and rest from the surgery. My dentist questions this choice every year, and he thinks I’m silly for opting for a surgical Christmas. I think that he doesn’t understand that people other than dentists can be busy too. So it has been small tradition that I sit there on Christmas Eve dinner, swallowing down another smoothie while my family eats a multi-course fondue feast. After discussing their meal in mouth-watering detail all day long, during the meal they discuss their menu plans for the next day, again, in aching detail. For someone without the ability to chew, it’s madness. It doesn’t help that the surgeries are accompanied by a two-week prescription for antibiotics, which means I’m sober during these long meals too. It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of Christmas. I love my large and loud family and adore spending time with them, but as for Christmas itself, I can do without it. This year, during our annual trek to my Aunt Sally’s house, my mom asked me why I have always been such a stinker. “It’s the traditions,” I replied, “Traditions annoy me like George Lopez annoys you.” This doesn’t apply solely to Christmas. I would need a calendar to figure out the last time I dressed up for Halloween. Easter seems like an unnecessary excuse to eat more chocolate, and Valentines Day has only ever produced a hangover. For me, it’s the traditions and rituals that hinder the celebrations, not enhance them. They’re what make any holiday stupid and stressful. A few years ago, during Christmas, my Grandma stopped everyone mid-carol, to reprimand me for not singing to my full force. I didn’t want to sing anything, especially an ancient carol hailing a baby in a manger. I thought it was my choice, so I sat out, and Gram didn’t like that much. “Why are we even doing this if she’s not going to take it seriously or participate?” she yelled at my mom when she defended me. See, it’s traditions that get people angry, because others don’t value them as much, or may not want to take part. I think there may have been a drink thrown that night during the lecture. Either that, or my cousin Richard spilled one as an excuse to get out of the room. I’m sure at one point, traditions had a purpose and more value. They were to remind people of certain

things, praise other aspects of their lives, or bring people together. I feel that they hinder progression. From a young age, we are taught to “think outside of the box.” Traditions are the exact opposite of that. They don’t encourage spontaneity, creative-thinking or relaxed conversations. The older we get, the more protective we are over certain traditions, most of which are obsolete. This is my argument as to why they make all holidays, most of all Christmas, unenjoyable. I’ve been thinking about this during these holidays – traditions that families have that may not be good. My friend Dianna hosts an annual Boxing Day game of Cranium with her high school friends. It is a decade deep, and due to years of cheating, drunken comments and competitiveness, people are angry when they play. What was intended to be a fun activity has turned into a vengeful one. It’s a tradition that needs to die. I’m sure that every family has a seasonal ritual that angers more than it pleases, and one that should retire. But we don’t let them retire because it’s what we are supposed to do. It’s a habit, and what would the holiday be with out it? In my opinion, it would be better. This year was a mellow New Year’s amongst my friends. More than one of them stayed home or opted for a movie instead of a party. Instead of buying into a tradition that we had to be having the best night of the year, to cap it off properly, or to be at the hottest nightclub, we let it go, and enjoyed the night. I played third wheel to my roommate and her handsome date, and at midnight, we found ourselves on Hastings and Main, where people were lighting fireworks, hugging strangers and sharing bottles of champagne. It was mellow, friendly and lovely. The tradition of the New Year’s resolution is probably the most popular right now. As I’m writing this, there is guaranteed to be a line at my local Steve Nash gym, with people vowing to get the body that they’ve always wanted. And I bet little Carlo Javier is also in the line, wanting a refund for the membership he bought months ago and didn’t use - for more on Carlo’s resolutions, check out page 19. These resolutions are well intended but most likely short-lived. And I think that’s prefect. That’s the way all traditions should be, made upon good intentions but having a life span. When they are no longer useful, you don’t have to participate in them, and can think of new, creative rituals to take their place. And sorry Gram, but I don’t see the purpose in singing Christmas carols. As for my new traditions of a liquid-based diet over the holidays, I may keep it. It’s because of it that I haven’t had to head to a gym to sweat out my over-indulgent holiday feasts.

tweets OF the week

the vOiCe bOx

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Andy Rice

The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything. To inquire, just send a text to 778.855.9942 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue." And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine whatever way you look at it.

Where is the Capilano Courier’s Issue 13, guys?! Are you doing that thing they do with the elevators of high-rise buildings where they skip the 13th floor for superstitious reasons? I’m seriously running out of lining material for my cat’s litter box. Get with it, people!

Are you guys going to NASH this year? Can I come??? Yes and no. Points for knowing what NASH is though! For those of you who don’t, NASH is that annual student journalism convention that we casually namedrop in our paper throughout the year, somehow expecting that everyone else at CapU will know what we’re talking about. I’ve been told that context is a rather important part of good journalism, so I’m pretty sure that’s why we keep going to NASH - to learn about context. And, of course, to let Drunk Leah off her leash.

Oh, the joys of the holidays. As far as I’m concerned, you have a couple options here. You could buy a pumpkin spice latte and embrace this whole basic bitch thing head-on. Or maybe you actually want to return your parents’ regrettable choices in presents and buy something better. If that’s the case than I think the CapU bookstore is open between 8:15 am and 5 pm from Monday to Friday. I doubt they’ll take your stuff back though. CapU really needs your parents’ money. Also, does anyone in Surrey even know what Capilano University is? Maybe you could just tell the folks out there that it’s some kind of online learning portal like Athabasca or DeVry, and that they gave you your dental hygienist’s certificate in under a month for only a couple hundred bucks. Then all your friends will be racing to sign up and you’ll be the coolest thing to hit Whalley since the new City Hall.

Sam Comley @SamComley_ Need to do all my reading and attend every lecture/ seminar this term #newyearnewme God @TheTweetOfGod It perfectly symbolizes the human race that it begins every new year by dropping the ball. Nina Lucia @_Nina_BOMBina Had Taco Bell sober last night #NewYearNewMe Marcy Vanderbei @heyyitsmarcy *squats down to look into refrigerator* fitness #newyearnewme Cersei Lannister @Queen_Cersei My New Year's Resolution is to roll my eyes more, and hide it less. Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama Looking forward to seeing all the new faces at the gym tomorrow. Then never seeing any of them ever again. #NewYearNewMe howtodresswell @HowToDressWell kanye always best when gets me crying Barack Obama @BarackObama Here's to a happy and healthy 2015. CityNews Vancouver @CitytvNews There has been a break-in and fire at Capilano University in North Vancouver this morning. Water damage extensive. Police investigating. Jessica Drown @Jessica Drown #NewYearsResolution Tell the world about JESUS, leave His legacy!

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

Is this Drunk Leah? Drunk Leah should know our production schedule. I’m pretty sure Drunk Leah made our production schedule not even half a year ago. But, just in case, I’ll give you a legitimate answer anyways. We take a break for a month every year. If you thought there was nothing and nobody here during the regular part of the year then you should see CapU during the second half of December. Even the trees seem to take a vacation. And trees make paper, baby. No trees, no paper. See what I did there?

My parents thought it would be a good idea to get me and my brothers matching Capilano University hoodies, water bottles, and sweatpants for Christmas. So now I’m running around Surrey looking like some kind of school-obsessed basic bitch. I’m 35, with muscles. What should I do? Can I sell this stuff to anyone at Capilano?

#HAPPYNEWYEAR

NEWS

THERESE GUIEB NEWS EDITOR

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

High seas, lower costs FUEL SURCHARGE REMOVED FOR 2014 HOLIDAYS Faye Alexander × Features Editor BC Ferries has eliminated a fuel surcharge introduced at the beginning of last year. On Dec. 15, the company announced it would no longer be charging ferry goers the 3.4 per cent fuel surcharge due to the recent fall in oil prices across North America. “BC Ferries always comes under quick scrutiny for any fare increases, even when they are minimal,” says Andrew Barry, a BC Ferries captain for the past four years. “To finally be able to announce that a surcharge has been eliminated is great news for travellers. It may just be 3.4 per cent, but that definitely adds up for regular travellers who use our sea routes.” BC Ferries initially hiked fares by 3.4 per cent for most of their sailing routes last year to cover increasing fuel costs, a cool $12 million in 2013. "Market pricing indicates that the price differential will continue throughout the year," explained president and CEO Mike Corrigan in an interview with CBC. Although BC Ferries had reduced its fuel consumption over the past decade, the surcharge was related directly to the changing oil prices. The cost of fuel in 2004, for example was $50 million, while the same amount of oil in 2013 had risen to an astounding $121 million. "We have waited as long as we can to implement a surcharge," said Corrigan in response to the 3.4 per cent hike when originally implemented last year, "However we must act now as it is clear that fuel prices are unlikely to decline in the foreseeable future." Fuel surcharges were originally introduced in 2008 as a response to skyrocketing fuel prices following financial crisis. The fluctuation of oil prices has been at the forefront of conversation over the past decade, as prices began to reach new all-time highs. Oil prices reflect the value of the marginal barrel and are now shifting with the introduction of controversial pipelines, deemed a more cost efficient mode of transportation as opposed to the former rail or barge shipments. With the development of Alberta's oil sands continuing to expand, oil prices will continue to fluctuate which will affect its market value.

× Cheryl Swan

Now that fuel surcharges have been eliminated, at least for the time being, BC ferry goers can enjoy a slight cut to their cost of travel. However, BC Ferries has been making efforts to cut their own costs in relation to fuel as well. In November 2014, the company laid plans to convert its two largest ferries, the Spirit of Vancouver Island vessels, to liquefied natural gas in hopes of easing fuel costs. In 2013, the company spent over $126 million in marine diesel fuel. By converting to natural gas, it will be saving upwards of $92 million. The conversion is expected to be in full effect by 2018. “The main goal for BC Ferries is to uphold our government’s vision of a coastal ferry system that is affordable, efficient and sustainable,” explains BC Ferry commissioner Gordon Macatee. “We want to protect our quality of service and keep prices affordable for future generations.”

All pricing on BC Ferries is regulated by the BC Ferry Commission, established following the Coastal Ferry Act of 2003. The commissioner’s main responsibility is to regulate and control ferry fares to provide financial sustainability for BC Ferries and keep the cost of travel accountable to BC taxpayers. The commissioner also oversees the fuel management process. With fare affordability the number one concern for ferry goers, the removal of the surcharge will be warmly welcomed, and Corrigan is pleased to reduce costs of travel. “Our goal is always to offer a great experience to our customers, and when prices rise there is always an outpouring of feedback from the public. Hopefully, by acting quickly and removing the surcharge as fuel prices have gone down, ferry goers will get the impression that we are accountable to them and their satisfac-

tion,” says Barry. According to BC Ferries public report for 2013, satisfaction of overall value for money of fares has been stable. Now, with fuel surcharge on hold for the foreseeable future, the cost of ferry travel has gone down by varying amounts dependent on the trip on your means of transportation. For Vancouver residents, a ferry ride to Victoria has decreased by $3.25 each way. The removal of the fuel surcharge is only one way that BC Ferries can keep costs down to customers. “Improvements to capacity utilization of the ferry system and new sources of revenue can be expected to reduce pressures on fares in the future,” says Macatee.

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

what's new with the csu

During the winter break, the Capilano Students’ Union (CSU) continued with their bi-monthly board of directors’ meetings. The main changes and developments that the CSU has reached include election policies, annual events, a website launch, the Aramark food contract on campus and the Canadian Alliance of Students' Association. "Our nomination period opens the first day back to school so Monday, January 5," says Brittany Barnes, president of the CSU. "People can begin picking up their nomination packages if they wish to run in the CSU elections." The board has approved new election policies that will apply to the 2015 elections that will occur before the spring semester reading break, between Feb. 2 and 5. "Once the election is over and we have the results, those people take office June 1. Everyone who's in office right now will be in office until May 31st," explains Barnes, "If there are any vacant positions, like right now our social justice position is vacant, if there is someone who runs for that and is successfully

elected they can start immediately." The annual Rail Jam event hosted by the CSU in partnership with the Outdoor Recreation program will commence on Jan. 22. "The past two years, we have brought in snow, like jumps for snowboarders and skiers for that middle atrium court area in the library building. We had like social activists come out and table and talk about different causes," shares Barnes. The CSU also launched their newly designed website in December. The website was designed by their membership outreach coordinator, John Morrison, and can be accessed at Csu.bc.ca. Capilano University’s contract with its food service provider, Aramark, expired in 2013. According to Barnes, there has been an ongoing conversation on who will take over as the official food provider on campus. The final decision on this matter is entirely up to CapU and is by no means connected to the CSU. However, during the process of choosing the potential food service providers, CapU invites a representative for the CSU to sit on the meet-

ings and give their input on the food services on campus. All of the spring semester CSU board of directors’ meetings have all been scheduled and a full list of dates is available in the online calendar located in the CSU website. Since the CSU left the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS) in 2014, the organization has been scouting for a new non-partisan organization to join. On Nov. 26, Barnes represented the CSU at the Canadian Alliance of Students’ Association (CASA) conference in Ottawa. CASA is a national advocacy group that represents 22 student unions across the country. “We had over 140 meetings with MPs including all of the leaders of the political parties. We had such a wide range of issues, like we talked about student debt and student loan reform and we also talked about mental health issues,” says Barnes. According to Barnes, she was impressed with the conference that CASA hosted and the MPs who attended reassured her that they are

comfortable negotiating with the organization compared to the CFS. “If we were to join it would only cost us $20 000 a year to join but with the CFS we were paying close to $100 000 a year. It was really interesting to make that comparison and CASA is more well-received by the MPs,” she continues, “We are taking that conversation very slow – it’s not something that we're rushing into the membership, it's something we would still need to do a lot of groundwork in terms of how do they operate.” Moreover, CASA allows the board of directors of any student society or student union to vote if they would like to be part of the organization, without having to go through a referendum. However, Barnes believes that the students of CapU, as well as the CSU, should be more educated about CASA before deciding whether or not to join, and the students should also be able to give their opinions on whether or not the CSU should partake in their affiliation with the organization.

news

you don't belong here GENDER BIAS RESULT TO FEWER FEMALE MBA STUDENTS Rachel Ward, HALIFAX (CUP) × Writer Experts say women are at a disadvantage when it comes to studying business. The standard path to upgrade skills — a master of business administration (MBA) — is much more popular for men. Female enrolment is below half at most Canadian universities, according to enrolment numbers from 2013, with women surpassing barely a third of classes at most of the bigger schools. Most MBA programs require several years of work experience in order to apply. Unlike a law or medical degree which offers a professional certification, an MBA does not guarantee career advancement. Universities are challenged to convince women to go back to school, spending upwards of $80,000 for tuition alone. Schools have tried a variety of

women-only programs, including a recent initiative by a Texas-based organization that has partnered with Toronto universities. That program, MBALaunch, offers 10-months to boost applications for $500. The universities agree to waive application fees and offer several $20,000 scholarships. Dara Gallinger, a marketing MBA student at McGill university, said she enrolled because the timing was right. At 31, she has years of experience as an entrepreneur and marketing contract. McGill’s reputation and international focus drew her in, despite its high price tag. She now works full time while in her second year, still finding time to volunteer with the student society. “MBA programs are really just a mirror reflection of what’s going on in the workforce,” said Gallinger. “For whatever reason, more men than women seem to be a little bit more

ambitious and looking to build their careers.” Managers promote men ahead of women, said a recent report by the non-profit think tank Catalyst, despite equal education and experience. Women also, said Catalyst, make more than $8,000 less than men in their first post-graduation job. “It’s a bit of a gamble,” said Jeanne Martinson, owner of the diversity consulting company Martrain. “There’s no guarantee,” she says, that an MBA will “make a difference in your economic future or your promotability.” The result is slow job progression causing women to believe advancement is out of reach. The Women Shaping Business survey by Randstad Canada found close to 30 per cent of women were undecided on whether they’d seek senior management jobs, and almost 50 per cent felt those positions were unattainable. Randstad Canada, for example, found wom-

en fear taking time for family commitments would hold them back professionally and that senior managers have little confidence in female leadership ability. The Harvard Business Review followed its MBA graduates, and found over half of it male, married students expect to put their careers over their wives’. Two thirds also expect the wife to take care of all child care, said the report. In Canada, almost 65 per cent of women with kids under age three are working, more than double from 30 years ago. Harvard also found men are “significantly” more likely to take on senior management roles. At McGill, Gallinger balances working full time with a highly-demanding MBA program. She says she’s all set up to progress in her career, but is aware of the inequalities. “I think MBA programs’ demographics is a reflection of women in management positions in the workforce.”

ing Transit and its over-congested, or whether you’re in your car and stuck in traffic. Congestion won’t be good for the system or the economy, because we will need to move goods around Vancouver.” If the tax increase is approved by voters, Moore states that the improvements will help all types of residents, who are dependent on public transportation. “The tax would generate roughly $250 million a year [for transportation projects].” The revenue generated by the tax hike would ease traffic congestion, and increase bus service region-wide, including on the North Shore, which would see a diverse assortment of transportation upgrades. “The sea bus will increase its service by 50 per cent during peak times, and three B-Line buses will be added to the North Shore,” says Moore, “One would run from Metrotown to Capilano, another from Dundarave to Phibbs [Exchange], and one more from Lynn Valley to downtown.” Some of the other improvements to Metro Vancouver’s transportation infrastructure that may come about if the tax increase is

approved include increased bus service, better bike and pedestrian routes, as well as upgrades to the region’s key roadways. “There will be a 25 per cent increase in the amount of bus service throughout the region. Right now, about 50 percent of the population lives within walking distance of a frequent transit network. With this plan that’ll increase to 70 per cent of residents will be able to walk to a bus that comes every 15 minutes. This will mean that 80 per cent percent of jobs in [Metro Vancouver] will be within a frequent transit network,” explains Moore. “We will also be adding 11 B-Line buses throughout the city and new funds going into improving [Vancouver’s] major road network.” In addition to bus and road upgrades, the transit tax will be used to improve the city’s train infrastructure as well, in Surrey and Vancouver. “There will be an extension of the millennium line down Broadway to Arbutus,” says Moore. “There will be two new light rail transit lines in Surrey, connecting Guilford to Newton, and Surrey City Centre to Langley.” The transit referendum question still has to be approved by the province to hold a referendum, though most experts believe that the vote will go ahead as planned without obstruction from the legislature. If voters approve the tax, the province will once again have to pass a resolution to increase the PST from seven to 7.5 per cent in Metro Vancouver. All Greater Vancouver residents who are registered to vote with Elections BC will receive their ballots by mail on March 16.

transit tax referendum VANCOUVERITES VOTE ON PST INCREASE Kevin Kapenda × Writer During last fall’s municipal elections, almost all of Metro Vancouver’s mayoral candidates presented solutions they felt would improve public transportation in their respective municipalities. To solve area-wide issues, the Lower Mainland’s mayors and select city councillors sit on the Board of Metro Vancouver, which serves as the governing organisation for the Greater Vancouver Regional District. The board is led by Port Coquitlam Mayor, Greg Moore. To fund their proposed transportation projects, the board decided that an increase to the Provincial Sales Tax (PST) in Vancouver, would give them the extra revenue they need to realize their objectives. To get their PST increase, a referendum will be held in Metro Vancouver this spring, to ensure the board has the support of Vancouver residents, before asking the province to approve the tax hike. The referendum will be administered through Elections BC, with ballots being mailed out to voters, who will then mail their responses back to be counted. The voting period will run from mid March to the last week of April. The decision to ask voters to approve a half percent increase to the PST for transit improvements, bringing the tax from seven to

7.5 percent was not the only option weighed by the Board of Metro Vancouver. “A gas tax or vehicle levy would go after one segment, and that’s not necessarily fair,” says Mayor Greg Moore. However, Moore and the majority of his colleagues in the region believe it was the most efficient, fair and affordable way to raise revenue for transportation projects. “We’ve calculated that the tax increase is about $120 a year for a family of four, so if you are a student, it would be substantially less than that. The tax we chose is in our opinion is the fairest tax we could present to voters. A sales tax is something everyone pays into, including visitors from out of town and businesses.” For Moore, the proposed PST increase is a necessary price that needs to be paid to cope with the Lower Mainland’s expanding population. “We have a million people moving into the region by 2040,” he continues, “growth is occurring throughout the region. If this [referendum] fails, and we don’t implement new transit and road improvements, we’ll take an existing system and add 600,000 cars to the road network and it will frankly just come to a halt.” Moore believes that our driving routes and transit infrastructure are both congested, and need to be improved for the sake of our economy and future. “We have a lot of bottlenecks right now in the system, whether you’re tak-

increase is a necessary price that needs to be paid to cope with the Lower Mainland's expanding population."

× Scarlett Aubrey

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

"For Moore, the proposed PST

arts + Culture

ALVA TEE ARTS + CULTURE EDITOR

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

hitting the right notes DISCOVERING CHILDRENS' MUSIC SCHOOL Ramneet Kang × Writer

quicker as their mind is still developing and is very elastic and flexible. Between the ages of two and seven, there is a direct correlation between music and their minds capacity to develop 90 per cent of their language speaking skills. They are better equipped at retaining new musical techniques. It becomes evident how exposure to music offers many benefits to children. Not only does musical experience promote language acquisition, listening skills, memory and motor skills, these different skills are also integrated simultaneously. Essentially, it creates multiple brain neural connections. Therefore, O’Donohue says

that “it comes to no surprise that learning to play music develops discipline that is beneficial to academic achievement.” The Capilano Community Music School has been running its programs for over 30 years, making it one of the longest lasting music schools on the North Shore. Each teacher and instructor brings their own musical experience to the school, creating an environment that is enjoyable and fun. Since music is such an engaging activity, it doesn’t matter how short a child's attention span may be, it will always keep them intrigued.

× Cheryl Swan

“If you can take advantage of their mind at that early age, young children can learn music in a very intuitive manner, something that’s not seen in adults,” says Justin O’Donohue, Capilano Community Music School instructor. O’Donohue graduated from Capilano University with a diploma in Jazz Studies and is currently completing his Bachelor of Music in Jazz Studies with an education major. With a vast amount of experience in playing various instruments such as the trumpet and guitar, he is an ideal teacher for young children at Capilano’s very own community music school. Though students around campus rarely hear of this music program, there are often young children wandering or lingering around the hallways of CapU awaiting their hourly music class, generally consisting of groups of 13 students or less. According to Csee.capilanou.ca, “The Children’s Community Music School at Capilano University offers a variety of music programs for babies, preschoolers and school-aged children.” Each year, over 400 students from the ages of four and older enrol in the programs tailored specifically for them. A look at some of the programs shows that the school offers a wide array of lessons targeted towards achieving multiple learning outcomes. Before transitioning into the three major instrumental programs (CapPiano, Violin and Guitar), there is a Kodály Orff Music program for children starting off at the tender age of six months to six years old. O’Donohue states that the school’s philosophy is centred around mid-20th century Hungarian composer, Zoltán Kodály’s “Kodály Method”. This concept is an approach to children’s music education that pays specific attention to sequences and new skills that directly tie into the child’s current learning capabilities. Rhythm and movement plays a crucial role in this to reinforce such methods, so children are often moving their feet or clapping along during class.

According to O’Donohue, this program incorporates aspects of classical music and jazz while simultaneously serving as a progressive and flexible program that meets the needs of the children and encourages them to experiment with different instruments. “Being exposed to a wide variety of instruments at a young age allows the children to make an easy transition to piano and provides them with the access to play in the CapPiano program,” O’Donohue says. The drums and the xylophone are amongst the most popular of these instruments. “Piano is one of the most versatile instruments in that it encompasses both pitch and harmony,” explains O’Donohue, “It’s a great foundational instrument to start off on because it combines so many aspects of an instrument that makes it easier for children to start on.” While the violin requires a lot more mental and physical involvement to create sound, the piano is fun to play and sounds can be created instantaneously by almost anyone. For O’Donohue, a typical day of class would start off with a fun warm up before the kids become immersed in their experimentation with what’s before them. The last 10 minutes of class are usually used to show the parents what they’ve learned through a fun musical activity. There have been countless studies done to show how getting an early start in learning music has a direct impact on influencing the brain development. Children have an advantage over adults and adolescents due to their innate ability to process and analyze music. This provides them with a unique learning opportunity to excel much

keeping it fresh WHAT'S FRESH WITH FRUITS AND VEGGIES Alva Tee

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

× Arts + Culture Editor

Food is one of the biggest necessities in life, and often one of the most enjoyable ones too. Though most grocery stores have developed a way to make fruits and vegetables taste great to everyone whether they are in season or not, in the end, it’s undeniable that there are just certain things about foods in season that make them that much better. “Winter is citrus season, most citrus trees bloom in March and April and take eight to nine months to fully mature,” says Mike Morris, associate produce team leader at Whole Foods Market in West Vancouver. “This is when all the varieties of oranges and grapefruits are arriving as well as sweet limes and Meyer lemons. “Mandarin oranges are always a popular choice this time of year,” he continues. “We carry three to five varieties of mandarins in the peak of the season. While most oranges are available most months of the year, they are the best during the winter months as they have the most flavour and are the juiciest. “Winter vegetables consist mainly of root vegetables,” he says, “Carrots, beets, onions are big

winter veggies, cabbages and of course the winter favorite, brussels sprouts.” Restaurants value this information as the ingredients in many of their dishes alternate to the fruits and vegetables at their best. From the very beginning, the way produce is chosen plays a part in ensuring the freshness of the item. “Imported produce is generally picked at an earlier stage of ripeness than local [produce], so that it can be ripe and stay fresh for its travel to its final destination,” says Morris. “For some items, the ripeness point will differ from a similar local item only because it had to be picked at a slightly earlier stage so that it could travel and still maintain freshness. [Otherwise,] imported produce should be chosen just like local produce. Also, proper storage and transport methods are put in place to ensure that only the freshest produce arrives at our stores.” As foods make the journey from the warehouse to stores, strong efforts are made to ensure that the fruits and vegetables stay in top-notch condition. “We have quality control experts at our main warehouse checking product as it comes in from the farms,” says Morris, “Our team members are well trained in how to spot quality issues and how to take care of them before the product

goes out to the floor. We are always watching our product both in our cooler and on the shelf for any changes in quality so that only the best is available to our guests.” Products can be denied if they are not up to standards, and “bad looking” products either go into bins for the Salvation Army or straight to compost, depending on how bad it is. The Salvation Army arrives at stores every day and has had to switch to a truck instead since they pick up so much daily. “Our major items from BC include apples, winter squash, carrots and onions,” Morris says, “I make a lot of my own juices so I buy a lot of carrots and apples this time of year since they are at their most flavourful.” At home, he suggests, “keeping items in appropriate temperature and humidity will go a long way to maintain freshness. Some examples would be to keep berries and greens, such as lettuce and kale cold. Items like tomatoes and avocados should be in a room temperature environment.” This winter, there are endless possibilities in which to use the various fruits and veggies in season. If fresh ingredients are chosen wisely, stored properly and used creatively, the tastiest and most flavourful combinations will result.

EXCITING & FRESH WINTER FRUIT & VEG Belgian Endive Brussels Sprouts Buttercup Squash Cactus Pear Cardoon Cherimoya Chestnuts Clementines Collard Greens Date Plums Dates Delicata Squash Grapefruit Kale Kiwifruit Leeks Mandarin Oranges Maradol Papaya Oranges Passion Fruit Pear Persimmons Pomegranate Pomelo

arts + Culture

fishing for christmas

BIOLUMINESCENT JELLIES LIGHT UP VANCOUVER AQUARIUM

Christine Beyleveldt × Writer Forget putting up sprigs of mistletoe or a plastic team of reindeer in the front garden, what could be more festive than glowing sea anemones and luminescent jellies floating peacefully through ocean waters? With winter’s gloom gripping the city, the Vancouver Aquarium has invited the public out of the cold to take part in its annual holiday experience Luminescence: A Celebration of Aquatic Light, an interactive exhibit showcasing the magnificent bioluminescence known to light up the dark seabeds and the hearts of tourists throughout the Christmas season. The holiday season is celebrated at the Vancouver Aquarium by fish and humans alike. “Visitors are greeted by a kaleidoscope of colourful aquaticthemed decorations,” says Meighan Makarchuk, an employee of the Vancouver Aquarium’s Centre for Marine Science, “The festive décor continues through all of our galleries where visitors experience plenty of holiday activities.” Since the 1980s, two resident electric eels are fed twice daily to prepare for one of the coolest

Christmas tricks in marine biology. These scaly creatures twitch and tingle, emitting a short zap of electricity to briefly light up a Christmas tree. Accompanied by the delightful Scuba Claus, usually played by a staff member in a fluffy red coat, hat and scuba mask, swims merrily among the rockfish and sturgeon. However, the main attraction is the collection of luminescence tanks, marked by origami fish swimming overhead. “Deep in the ocean, at around 100 to 1,000 meters [known as] the twilight zone, light from glowing organisms outshines the light coming from the sun,” says Makarchuk. Under the soft blue lights of numerous tanks, anemones, cuttlefish, coral and whimsically beautiful jellyfish are illuminated. “People often perceive the deep ocean as an exclusively dark entity, but it actually teems with glowing creatures that create and use light in fascinating ways,” said John Nightingale, the Vancouver Aquarium CEO and president in a written statement. “During Luminescence, visitors to the Vancouver Aquarium can explore the science behind bioluminescence while reveling in the beauty of this extraordinary phenomenon.” Jelly Swarm is the largest feature of the exhibit, a floor to ceiling fluorescent origami display filling

the Pacific Canadian Pavilion gallery of the Vancouver Aquarium which took over three months to create prior to the holiday season. Tangile Interaction, a Vancouver based interactive lighting design company, created the set. Triangular aluminum panels were designed and cut with water jets, linked together across the gallery’s ceiling, and strung with 94 origami jellyfish inspired by the entrancing Aequorea Victoria jellies often found floating off the coast of British Columbia. The luminous Aequoreas were fashioned by origami artist Joseph Wu from laser cut Tyvek material and installed with a high-power RGB LED lights that fade through a cycle of deep ocean colours. The exhibit is an interactive one, each jellyfish programmed independently to light up when a visitor passes by the interface touch screen provided. When left alone, the jellyfish react to the light emitted by their neighbours in a dazzling natural light show. “[Jellyfish] have special proteins that allow them to light up in complete darkness,” Makarchuk says. Bioluminescence refers to an organism’s ability to chemically convert the protein luciferin found stored in its body into light. When luciferin reacts with oxygen, it glows the way a

glowstick does when the glass tube is shattered and the chemicals inside are mixed together. Marine research indicates that most species of bioluminescent jellyfish build up luciferin in their bodies from their prey. “Jellies seem to light up only when touched, so scientists think they use their glow to startle predators, or as a burglar alarm – attracting larger predators to come and eat what’s trying to eat them,” she says. “Fluorescence is the remittance of light that has been absorbed from external sources. Fluorescence happens when light is absorbed at one wavelength and re-emitted at another wavelength,” says Makarchuk. “Basically, if we shine one colour of light on a sea anemone, and you see a totally different colour of light bounce back.” Under an ultraviolet lamp, species of coral and anemones in the holiday feature’s tanks change from soft pinks and beiges to neon shades of green. Both are a beautiful sight in many of the Luminescence exhibits on display. As it was one of the Vancouver Aquarium’s most successful and popular attractions, Luminescence is sure to be brought back for another year of electrifying entertainment. Visit Vanaqua.org for updates on the wondrous exhibits.

turn off the lights

BEHIND THE SCENES AT CAPILANO SUSPENSION BRIDGE

Keara Farnan × Writer

CAPILANO SUSPENSION BRIDGE creations of lights within the park,” says Bulmer, “An example of this is the glowing orbs above our large pond on the West Side of the park. These ideas can also come from members of the Lights Team themselves – everyone plays a large role in the inspiration.” With over half a million lights in the park, generally, it is considered to be one large, cohesive display. Each year, the logistics of lighting and electricity decide which lights get to stay and which don’t. “If the Lights Team discovers an easier way to light a particular area, for example, where power outlets are limited,” Bulmer says, “they will change it to be more efficient.” As a close-knit team, they work together to distinguish which colours of lights look better together, which types of lights are going to be used and the way that they are put up. “In all

honesty, there is much more focus on ‘adding’ than ‘taking away’ – we try to have more and more lights every year,” she adds. However, not all of the lights make it through every year. “On average, 10 per cent of the LEDs burn out, and our incandescent lights have about a 40 per cent burn-out rate, but that is due also to the fact that those are our oldest ones that we have re-used for many years,” states Bulmer, “In order to reduce waste, we try to reuse as many lights as we can throughout the years. Whenever a string burns out, we replace it with LEDs, so over time, we acquire more and more LED lights.” Bulmer believes that the CSBP has become a holiday tradition for many families on the North Shore. “Being open on Christmas Eve, New Years Eve, and many days in between, we are a spot for

The Capilano Suspension Bridge was built in 1889. Their busiest days see over 5000 guests. The Capilano Suspension Bridge is 450 ft. across and 230 ft. above Capilano River. The tallest tree in the park, Grandpa Capilano, is 200 ft. tall. Trees at CSBP have seen over 6,000 seasons. The homemade fudge is amazing!

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× Olliemoonsta

One of the most gorgeous must-see displays during Christmas time in Vancouver are the Canyon Lights at the Capilano Suspension Bridge Park (CSBP), a popular attraction that has been around for more than 30 years. Though everyone gets to see and enjoy the polished result, not many know what goes into making sure these displays are magical and the copious amounts of effort put into disassembling them. With the season coming to an end, it’s time for these glistening lights to flicker out. The Lights Team at the CSBP is working hard to take down this year’s display of Canyon Lights. The task is quite time consuming and though the planning begins in the summertime, the setting up of Canyon Lights does not begin until Labour Day every September. “Our Lights Team is comprised of five very talented staff members from various departments [including] Food and Beverage, Facilities and Grounds, Park Hosts, etcetera,” says Samantha Bulmer, assistant operations supervisor at the CSBP, “Taking the lights down is a much faster process than putting them back up.” Two to three members of the Lights Team go onto their ladders and lifts to take down each of the strings of light by hand. This process takes approximately one to two months, depending on the size of the team. “The designs and procedures at Capilano are passed down and enhanced every year we are in operation,” Bulmer says, “The designs incorporate only certain colours [such as] blue, white, red, and green as base colours and the designs are meant to flow with the physical layout of the park. For example, if something is very tall, we like to make it look even taller by putting lights vertically – like we do on our Treetops Adventure attraction.” Out of all the different decorations, only a few trees in CSBP and areas that are “traditional” have been decorated the same way for many years. Otherwise, the park is always open to new ideas. “Contractors that work closely with our business for many projects often introduce new

many families and friends to celebrate together outdoors,” she says, “We also continue to add more and more lights every year, so there is always something new and exciting to see.” Bulmer claims that “many people’s pride and joy of the light display is the ‘World’s Tallest Living Christmas Tree,’ largely due to the sheer difficulty of the process. The top cannot be decorated with a long-arm, nor even with a ladder. The tree is so tall [at] 152 feet that a special lift has to be rented when putting the lights up. “Canyon Lights has many unique things about it – we have an enormous quantity of lights, many holiday-themed activities and live musical performances,” says Bulmer, “We are also one of the only, if not the only, [park] with a 450-foot long suspension bridge all decorated in lights.” Many families, friends and tourists can be spotted admiring the beautifully decorated displays within the park and are always keen to see what they entail. She says, “In addition, Canyon Lights is not only a time where guests come to celebrate with family, it is also a time where our seasonal staff, many of them students, joyously reunite to provide this magical holiday experience.”

THE

"I'VE GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT WORD COUNT AINT ONE." -ANDY RICE

CAPLIANO COURIER

WELCOMES YOU BACK!

WE'RE PACKING $TACK$ TO FILL YOUR $LACK$. COME WRITE, GET PAID.

Write For Us. We Love You. Writing impresses Jay-Z, just ask Therese. She’s so impressive we now call her Theroncé.

01 • 20 • 2015

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

12pm / 122 Maple Building

Calendar Mo 05

We 07

First Day of Spring Semester Capilano University All Day $ - your future credentials

Movie Mondays M 05

Your Bed 4 pm ish $ - popcorn, Netflix, dignity

capilanocourier.com

@capilanocourier

M 05

CSU Used Book Sale CSU Library Lounge All Day until Friday $ - patience and restraint

Ice Cream Social M 05

The Fox Cabaret 9 pm $ - a good attitude

M 05

It was a short break, and it went too quickly, but there is no time to cry about it. You have to get to class. You have to learn that equation or if the Oxford comma is really a thing (according to us, it’s not). Be sure to sit next to the best looking people. They say you’re most likely to find your life partner in school or work situations. So choose wisely people. This is your future we’re talking about.

Movie Mondays are back for another year. This is where you get my unsolicited recommendations on what to watch, mostly because Monday is a slow day for events in this city and I have a calendar to fill. So this week, I’m going to go slightly serious and promote Nebraska with Will Forte (whom I adore). It’s in black and white, so watching it will make you feel cultured.

The only thing worse than the insane amount we dole out for tuition twice a year is the cost of textbooks to accompany the classes. Us students be broke. To save a little, try the CSU Used Book Sale for finding some of your required textbooks. It may be frustrating when the girl in front of you gets the only copy of the book you needed, but it’s worth a try before you hit the bookstore.

If the first day of school has given you the blues, cure them at the weekly sock hop. Or if you’re pumped on the return of classes and feel like celebrating, be joyous on the dance floor, shaking it to pop music from the 50s and 60s. Either way you’re feeling, the Ice Cream Social is the best place to celebrate or commiserate.

Canucks vs. Islanders

Their Satanic Majesties Request

Cheap Movie Night

Youth Poetry Slam

Rogers Arena 7 pm $ - seriously, more than I have

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The Astoria 10 pm $4 before 10:30

T 06

Local Movie Theatre 6 pm $ - still expensive

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Peter Kaye Room – VPL 5:30 pm $ - creativity

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From my little knowledge on the progress of the beloved Canucks this year, they are doing okay? But for them, that’s merely better than sucking, like they have done for the past couple of years. So okay is probably just slightly better than fucking awful. Also, this will test how many hockey fans I can piss off in 50 words or less.

Get all psychedelic at the Astoria, for a night featuring 60s music and British pop. Apparently there are some amazing drink specials too, and with $4 cover before 10:30, you can probably get right hammered for less than 20 bucks. If you made a resolution to be more money-wise, this night sounds like bargain.

Movie prices are expensive, but maybe I’m spoiled. My first job was in a small-town, locally run movie theatre, where I got to eat endless popcorn, watch any movie I wanted to, and wear a bow tie. Ever since then, I’ve had a difficult time going to movies. Go on Tuesdays! It’s cheaper, and therefore, better.

Poetry slams are gaining more speed as a cool and fun thing to do, so the library is trying to help anyone who wants to become good at it. This features a workshop with an established spoken word artist, followed by a slam. Anyone is welcome. Apparently it’s a good way to express your feelings, you know, when emoticons just won’t quite capture what you want to say.

Trivia Night

Nicolas Cage's Birthday

Science World

Exercise

The Five Point Pub 8 pm ish $ - knowledge, baby

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Everywhere All day $ - one of his straight to DVD movies

W 07

Science World 10 am $25

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Capilano University Sportsplex All Day $ - nearly free

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Let it be known, Jewish Lucy and I are regulars at the Five Point, especially on Wednesday nights for trivia. Once, I strategically sat next to the curator of the event, hoping to charm all the answers out of him. To my dismay, the guy was a stonewall, and didn’t even give me a fucking hint. So this time, I’m going to up my mascara use and provide tequila shots to enhance my ability to loosen his tongue. I’m going to win this by cheating – it’s more honourable that way.

If we are going to celebrate any cult celebrity turning 50, it’s going to be Nicolas Cage. That man singlehandedly brought us the worst acting and movies in the last two decades. So much so that his ability to still get work while being this bad should be marvelled. Motivation to the underskilled everywhere.

As a child, Science World was always a must-see on my annual spring break visits to Vancouver. And I haven’t been back since I was 13. It looks cool, and seems like it would be highly educational. And if you go midweek, it will be less busy than when the kids are running all around it on the weekends.

It’s too early in the year to give up on those resolutions. And I’m guessing the majority of you have “get into shape” on your list somewhere. The university’s sportsplex, however underfunded, is still free for students, therefore nullifying some of your valid excuses for not exercising. So get at it. Jillian Michaels would want you too.

CSU Open House

Cooking:The Art of Making Beats

Canada's Top Ten 2014

UBC Writing Centre Book Sale

CSU Library Lounge 5:30 pm $ - time and interest

Th 08

Fortune Sound Club 8 pm / 11 pm PARTY $5

Th 08

The Cinematheque Various Times $11

Th 08

UBC – 2021 West Mall 10 am to 4 pm $.50 + bus fare

Th 08

The CSU is hosting an open house to showcase some of the clubs on campus, and the services and collectives provided on campus. There will be info on how to get involved, and representatives from some of the clubs and the CSU to tell you everything you could want to know. I’m not sure what time it really starts, but the posting said alcohol would be served at 5:30, so to me, that’s what time it really starts.

Do you have one of those friends who really wants to be a DJ, but can’t keep a beat for the life of him? Or one that insists you listens to his latest mix, but you’d rather listen to your mother’s lecture on the use of condoms? Then sign them up for this. Three prominent Vancouver DJs are hosting a workshop on how to make beats. And bonus points for being cheap. If interested, make sure to RSVP to guest@fortunesoundclub.com.

Canada’s Top Ten is an annual celebration of the year’s best films, made right here in good old Canada. The films are named at the Toronto Film Festival. I’m guessing because there are ten films and the event runs for ten days that it means they play a different one on every night. It’s the power of deduction, really. If you’re a film buff, this could be the best ten days of winter.

The UBC writing centre is selling off some of their library over two days, and basically giving away books. All titles cost a mere 50 cents. The last time I spent only 50 cents on anything is when I hit 7-11 at midnight, but that only got me a few five cent candies. This will be a healthier way to spend that money. Plus you can use the time to check out the eye candy on another campus. Worth it.

The Shining

East Van Soul Club

The Odd Couple

Brian Regan

Rio Theatre 9 pm $10

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Biltmore Cabaret 9 pm $8

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BlueShore Theatre 8 pm $20 +

F 09

Chan Centre for Performing Arts 8 pm $42.50

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The Rio is cool. It features cheap beer and classic movies – the ones that you never thought you’d get to see on the big screen. If you got nothing better to do, why not check out Jack Nicholson at his finest, playing an overworked writer in an odd house. I only watched it once, and it scared me then. Maybe it’s time for round two, enhanced by popcorn and shitty beer.

Ever since watching Bruno Mars shake it in the “Uptown Funk” video, I’m hella determined to find me a soul man that has the same moves. Watching that little Filipino made my heart all tender and one of my ovaries puke. And I think the perfect place to find my Mr. Moves will be at the Biltmore for Soul Club. My whole life as been leading to this night — how sad.

The Arts Club is taking this comedic classic on tour, and is conveniently bringing it right to campus. If you want to take a break from life, escape from the routine and watch two opposing characters awkwardly interact. The only thing that could make it better is if Jack Lemmon starred in it. That man was a GILF.

I just went to this guys site, and there is a photo of him looking like the collar of his shirt is choking him, but he’s enjoying it. And the description of his comedy is “big enough for everyone, sharp enough for you.” His PR team know what they’re doing – smart to compliment whoever may be reading that blurb. Anyways, he’s known from Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, Jerry Seinfeld’s brainchild of a show. Cool, right?

Ryan Hamilton

Zola Jesus

Dinner Party

BIkes and Beers: Seawall Edition

The Comedy Mix 8 pm - 10:30 pm $15 - $20

S 10

Venue 7 pm $15

S 10

Your House 8 pm $ - wine, time and a dime

S 10

Stanley Park Seawall Sunset $ - cheap beers

S 10

If you like stand up comedians, making jokes about anything from sidewalks to one-night stands, this could prove to be a good Saturday night. Ryan Hamilton is gracing the stage at the Comedy Mix, playing six shows in three days. Although I have never heard of this guy, apparently he is funny enough to win the MVP award at the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal. That must mean something, right?

I dunno how a girl from Phoenix, Arizona came to choose “Zola Jesus” as a stage name, but it happened. According to Wikipedia, she used to be known as Nicole Rose Hummel, but maybe that’s just too boring for the electro-rock music she’s pumping out. Anyways, she’s playing an early show at Venue, if that’s your kind of thing.

Last year was dubbed “The Year of the Dinner Party”, and although 2014 has come to an end, it doesn’t mean that dinner party has to. It is the best way to have a cheap night in and actually catch up with friends. Also, most people leave their left over booze and food at your house. For the small chore of cleaning up, you gain a lot. Themed dinner parties are also grand. Theme suggestion: A night dedicated to Gilbert Godfrey. Winning.

It’s got to be said that this edition of the Calendar is the hardest one yet. Maybe it’s because everyone hibernates after the holidays, or maybe Vancouver really is a “no fun city” – whatever the reason, I scrounged for events to fill this calendar. So here is my favourite event – bikes and beers. Grab a sixpack and pedal into the sunset with some of your best pals. It’s the perfect start to whatever your Saturday night has in store.

The Sunday Service

Feu/Feuer

Chain & The Gang

Season 4 of GIRLS

Roedde House Museum (1415 Barclay) Su 3 pm 11 $15

Electric Owl 9 pm $12

Upon New Year’s, I resolved* to get more educated and intellectually cultured. This is primarily because I spent most of the holidays watching terrible dating shows – in one evening, I watched an entire season of Bridalplasty. This sounds like the perfect thing for me to do. Violinist Nancy DiNovo and pianist Stephen Smith will be gingerly playing sonatas by Faure and Brahms. Feel free to join me.

A few stats on Chain & the Gang: they are from Washington, D.C., they play in a genre called “crime rock”, they have 5805 likes on Facebook, and one of those likes is my friend Lorne. They are also playing a show at the Electric Owl, touring in honour of their new album Minimum Rock N Roll. There, you’re smarter for reading this now.

The Fox Cabaret 7:30 pm $10

Su 11

For months, I have promised my friend Holly that we would go to Sunday Service. And for months, I have neglected to fulfill my promise, making me a shitty friend. And it makes sense that we would go because we are comedy nerds, and love improv comedy. The Sunday Service has received national acclaim, and a speckle of awards. Definitely worth checking out – and don’t put it off for months.

*This resolution was never made.

Su 11

Home Box Office Channel 8 pm $ - HBO

Su 11

It’s the return of the show that most 20-something girls watch to feel remotely successful in their present situations. Seriously, for what the girls on this show have, it’s remarkable how little they accomplish. Maybe that’s my privileged view, but c’mon. It’s a more realistic and therefore depressing version of Sex in the City. I know this, but I’m going to watch it anyways.

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@capilanocourier

FEATURES

FAYE ALEXANDER FEATURES EDITOR

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

UNSCRAMBLING THE BEST AND WORST OF CENS

As long as there have been centralized governments, there has been censorship. The Roman Empire in 433 BCE saw censorship as an honourable task and it was largely seen as part of their duty. In their mind, it was the government’s responsibility to shape their people into good, moral citizens. Over the course of history, censorship has been used by many different groups. Governments, news outlets and movie companies all use censorship to promote points of view, silence dissent and protect people and information.

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

GOVERNMENT CENSORSHIP

One of the biggest criticisms of censorship is that it’s often used by totalitarian governments as a method of controlling its people. Today, the word censorship makes people think of North Korea and Russia, countries where the media is controlled by the state. Having state controlled media is problematic because no government is going to run a story that makes them look bad or is against their interests. In Russia for example, a law was passed in 2007 that required that at least 50 per cent of news stories about Russia must be positive. In other places, the government doesn’t hold complete control over the media, but the media censors itself out of fear of retribution. Threats of terrorist attacks were the deciding factor for Sony to pull The Interview from theatres. “When The Interview was initially pulled, the main concern really became the precedent it was setting,” explains Mary Kay Thurston, journalist and professor at BCIT’s Broadcast Journalism Program. “For a major power like Sony to concede to threats of violence and allow intimidation to lead to censorship was a shock in a country that prides itself on their right to freedom of speech.” When Sony originally decided to cancel both the theatrical and digital release of The Interview, President Obama publicly stated that he didn’t support the decision. “We cannot have a society where some dictator someplace can start imposing censorship here in the United States. That's not who we are. That's not what America is about," said Obama at his year-end press conference. Sony eventually decided to release The Interview online for people to view, but in other countries, the threat of violence is a reality too real to ignore. In December, Turkish police arrested 23 journalists, producers and writers during a raid on a newspaper and TV station because of their alleged ties with Fethullah Gulen, a man who opposes Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Journalists in countries like Turkey and Israel are often afraid to be critical of the government because they can be gag-ordered or arrested. "I

don't remember a time when we were free in this country to write on anything,” Turkish columnist Ismet Berkan said in an interview with Financial Times. In 2011, reporters Ahmet Sik and Nedim Sener were arrested under terrorist charges because they had wrote books criticizing the government in power. Even in Canada, a place where the freedom of the press is stated in the constitution, has had its fair share of problems involving the government interfering with media. It was only two years ago when people learned that Prime Minister Stephen Harper and the Conservative party were making sure scientists didn’t speak out against global warming and the environment. It was revealed in the 2013 report Muzzling Civil Servants: A Threat to Democracy done by Information Commissioner of Canada, Suzanne Legault, that scientists were either instructed to not speak to journalists or to give preapproved and rehearsed responses. The restrictions got even tighter when the topic was on climate change or the controversial Alberta tar sands. By limiting the media’s ability to uncover information on these topics, it makes it harder for news outlets to properly inform the public. “When you think about it, it’s really in the government’s best interest to exercise some control over the information that is made public,” explains Thurston, “In the case of the government suppressing public science, it allows them power to control how the population perceives the issue. If you are only presenting 30 per cent of the information, people can only understand 30 per cent of the problem. People watching and reading the news can’t form a fully developed opinion because the information made public is hand picked.” This can be used to protect government interests, as not many people will have a problem with the tar sands if information was controlled meaning citizens would not fully understand the consequences. More recently, Harper has been attempting to pass a bill that would make all news reports the property of political parties. CTV News reporter, Don Martin, wrote that, “Every MP and indeed every commentator or even show host must now be aware their views could end up featured in a political attack ad. Context won’t matter. Words will be twisted into any narrative the campaign backroom boys aim to achieve. What’s worse, no matter how egregious the misuse of a network’s own footage, they cannot reject the unethical misuse of their own material.” If this is the case, every person working as a reporter or journalist will be aware that what they say or write could be potentially turned into an attack ad by a political party without their permission. This could make journalists less willing to criticize their own party out of fear that they’ll end up in an ad for the opposition, creating a more partisan and censored news.

NEED FOR CENSORSHIP The censorship of the media isn’t always a negative. Legendary news reporter Walter Cronkite said that he supports the censorship of media during times of war. At the Newsworld Conference Cronkite said, "I'm for censorship. I believe we have to be very careful about reporting information that will be of comfort to the enemy." Cronkite also added that every story about the troops during the Second World War had to pass through censorship first. During both the First and the Second World War, news agencies frequently omitted details regarding casualties or location. In 1941, there was an air raid in Newark that killed 36 people and injured 67. The following week the Newark Advertiser ran an article on the raid titled ‘Raid on Buildings in N. Midlands Town,’ the article did not mention the death or injury count, nor did it provide details on the damage caused. Instead, it focused on the hard work and resilience of the rescue workers. “When the Mayor of the town visited some of the injured in the hospital he found them 'quite cheerful' and when he asked one young woman how she felt she replied 'champion.'” The reason stories were censored was to keep morale high at home. Prime Minister Winston Churchill knew that many families were separated during the war and the people back home were volunteering in factories, working long hours in support of the troops. The government was afraid that if the public knew the details of the war or read reports that suggested the enemy was winning, then they would become cynical of the war and it could spell defeat. Censorship isn’t just necessary during times of war either. Both the Canadian and American governments have placed rules and regulations regarding what can be aired during times when it is likely children may be watching. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) and the courts have ruled that indecent material may not be aired between 6 am and 10 pm. They also decided that obscene material isn’t protected under the first amendment and may not be shown at any time. ”The media does have a responsibility to the public to ensure you are presenting quality content, and the government holds the media accountable for that by implementing rules and regulations to maintain control. Shocking content does bring in a certain type of audience, but It can also be divisive if not done with taste and respect for the people reading and watching,” says Thurston. News outlets sometimes will be in possession of photos or videos that they will choose not to air. In April 2014 an airplane carrying 295 passengers crashed on the Russian-Ukraine bor-

GABRIEL SCORGIE

GUILLEM ROVIRA

WORDS

ARTWORK

der killing all passengers on board. When the story first broke, the New York Times ran an article accompanied with a photo of a woman’s dead body lying among the wreckage. The New York Times quickly changed the image to solely the wreck of the airplane instead. “It comes to the question of what readers actually need to know and see about unfolding tragedies. The bomb, exploding? The corpse, mutilated? The people falling from the towers? There is a fine line, always, between journalism and sensationalism.” wrote the Atlantic contributor Megan Garber.

MEDIA CENSORING MEDIA The government isn’t always the agency censoring material from the public. It’s not uncommon for the media to not run stories to shelter the public or protect people in danger. In 2011 many major US media outlets, including the New York Times, knew that an American man arrested for shooting and killing two Pakistanis was not a diplomat like it was originally claimed, but was a CIA agent. The New York Times said after the fact that they withheld the information “at the request of the Obama administration, which argued that disclosure of his specific job would put his life at risk.” The media withholding information is not an uncommon practice. Often it is to protect lives or secret operations, but sometimes the reason is much simpler: money.

SORSHIP

"Censorship schemes exist for every type of entertainment there is. Video games, music, and TV all have their own rating systems in place to protect young and impressionable people from vulgar content."

CENSORSHIP A Pew research study on why and how often the media self-censors found that 26 per cent of journalists say that they’ve avoided a story because it would either damage their news organization, parent company, or advertisers. 41 per cent say that they’ve either avoided stories they thought were newsworthy or softened their stance on the story to benefit their news organisation. In 2014, Gawker reported that Vice required all their reporters to get approval before they write about any brands. Charles Davis, a former associate editor at Vice tweeted a series of emails that explained Vice’s policy regarding brands. “Hey, Johnathan asked me to remind you that any “brand” mention – basically any mention of a large entity that we may be making some kind of business deal with – should get run up the flagpole to [Hosi].” The ‘brand mention’ in the email was referring to an article freelance writer Michael Tracey wrote on the topic of the NFL and its controversial decision to suspend Ray Rice for two games. Davis later mentioned that every time he ever had to run a piece ‘up the flagpole,’ it got killed. The reason people at Vice were angered by the article is because they have a sports division that has to deal with the NFL to get game footage.

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Film and TV companies also frequently censor their products. The Canadian Home Video Rating System (CHVRS) and the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) were invented with the sole purpose of censoring people from content that’s too violent or obscene depending on their age. The same censorship schemes exist for every type of entertainment there is. Video games, music, and TV all have their own rating systems in place to protect young and impressionable people from vulgar content. In the realm of video games, the United States banned The Guy Game due to its pornographic nature. Both Sony and Microsoft have said that they wouldn’t allow any games that receive an ‘Adult’ rating by the Entertainment Systems Software Board (ESRB) to be played on their consoles. On TV, out of George Carlin’s ‘Seven words you can’t say on TV,’ five of them will still get censored every time. The reason for TV censorship can be boiled down to a psychological experiment done by Albert Bandura in 1961. The summary of the experiment is this: 36 boys and 36 girls were divided into three groups. In the experiment, a child would enter a room filled with toys and half the time there would be an adult in the corner hitting a bobo doll. The other half their adult was either playing with other toys or not in the room. Then the child would enter another room where they were told they couldn’t play with any of the toys, this stage was meant to make them a bit angry. Finally, they would enter the third room where there’d be toys they could play with – including a bobo doll and a mallet. The study showed that the kids who were exposed to an adult hitting the bobo doll in the first room were much more likely to be aggressive in the final room. Even though the FCC and censorship was around before this experiment, it reinforced the idea that kids are impressionable and the content they’re able to view needs to be restricted. There will always be information that governments want to keep secret. In the torture report released by the United States government in November, over 9,000 documents were censored for various reasons, some of it because lives and special operations would be at risk if they were released and others because they don’t want to look bad or spark a controversy. Names are frequently censored or changed from news stories to protect identities of people coming forward. Censorship can be reasonable and it isn’t always in the form of Special Forces knocking down a door in Russia. It can be as subtle as a TV show saying dang instead of damn or a movie editing out a graphic scene. There is censorship at every level, from the government not releasing documents, the media holding onto specific information or not releasing images or video footage until a later date. There’s always censorship in some shape or form, even if it doesn't always make headlines.

FEATURES

FAYE ALEXANDER FEATURES EDITOR

FAYE ALEXANDER

ANDREW PALMQUIST

WORDS

ARTWORK

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

The year 2015 has finally arrived and in true New Year’s fashion, the Courier would like to reflect on the angels and insects of the past 12 months. Our newsfeeds were not left wanting for Canadian controversy this past year with the Ottawa shooting making international headlines, CBC’s Jian Ghomeshi scandal blowing up on all media outlets, among other notable news stories from across the country. Here in BC, the teacher’s strike rocked our relationship with Premier Christy Clark and Burnaby Mountain became a protest paradise. However, on top of the news stories that defined our year, it was also the year Tinder became a widespread sensation accommodating mass local hookups, and Taylor Swift reintroduced herself as a pop star. In this special inaugural edition of Angels and Insects, we’re revealing who truly made this year both a triumph and who brought on the most groans and eye rolls.

THE COURIER'S YEAR END REVIEW:

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

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ANGELS VS INSECTS EDITION

ANGEL // MAYOR GREGOR ROBERTSON

INSECT // PREMIER CHRISTY CLARK

Why we love him: Just look at him

Why we deplore her: Energy first, Families last

Vancouver is known as one of the most beautiful cities in the world, and it’s no surprise – just take a look at the cost of housing! However, the only beauty that could compare to that of our central metropolis is that of our own mayor, Gregor Robertson. In December, Robertson was sworn in for his third term in office after a handsome six years presiding over Vancouver, but have voters simply been swayed by his good looks and coiffed hair? Robertson’s devotion to developing affordable housing in a city weighed down by some of the highest costs of living in the country have bolstered his popularity since coming into office in 2008. Robertson has also made ending homelessness in the city a major part of his platform for years now, and although it’s a daunting task (and maybe unrealistic), it’s rewarding every time he flashes his smile and makes a statement about it. Initially, Robertson intended to end homelessness by 2015 – but we can’t hold that against him, he has another 12 months to get the task complete. Robertson wants to make Vancouver one of the greenest cities in the world, and under his mayoral stint Vancouver continues to be ranked one of the most livable cities in the world. Robertson is a mayor who is attractive both physically and emotionally to young and old Vancouverites. He has looks on his side, but without that dashing face and his well-tailored suits, would anyone care about our mayor? Probably not.

Christy Clark took BC by surprise when she was re-elected in the last provincial election. Yet, it’s no shock that Clark has continued to be a divisive powerhouse overseeing the many exciting developments in BC in 2014. Well, exciting to some. Despite her re-election, Clark’s approval rating has remained unchanged, which ranks her as one of the least popular provincial leaders nationwide, championed only by Manitoba’s Greg Selinger, who must be a real downer. With her sights set mainly on developing a resource-based economy and ignoring what are deemed the biggest issues to BC residents: affordability, environment and sustainability. Clark really morphed into full insect midway through the year when teachers across the province went on strike. Clark publically slammed the BCTF on her Twitter account for being greedy, right after dropping her own son off at his private school which was unaffected by the strike. Left in the cold were the promising minds of tomorrow and parents left with a crisis on their hands as school doors remained closed well into September. With the underfunding of public education, it’s clear that families don’t come first to Clark.

FEATURES HONOURABLE MENTIONS This year was peppered and salted with fabulous news that had our heads turning and were the launching points for many of our articles. The Polar Vortex of January 2014 kicked the year off with sub-zero temperatures covering 92 per cent of the Great Lakes in ice (INSECT), Canadian hockey’s reputation was again solidified in a gold medal win at the Sochi 2014 winter games (ANGEL), Ebola finally had its comeback and scared the masses coast to coast (INSECT), and Tim Horton’s was taken over by American super-chain Burger Kind (INSECT). It’s been an impressive year through and through.

INSECT // JIAN GHOMESHI

Why we love it: Casual sex simplified

Why he disgusts us: Sexual Assault Crimes

It would be hard to get through any Capilano Courier issues from the fall semester onwards without a few mentions of the match happy app, Tinder. Dating has entered a new metamorphosis that is streamlined, fast-paced and takes all the small talk and awkward approaches out of the equation. Everyone was talking about it in 2014 and by spring, everyone was using it. Swiping left to easily reject strangers and swiping right for potential romance revolutionized the love game. Now, with just a few carefully selected photos from your Facebook profile and a witty tagline made up entirely of emojis, true connections were right at our fingertips. In 2014, young singles don’t have time to painstakingly create detailed profiles for online dating sites like OkCupid and Plenty of Fish, because that involves thoughtful selfreflection. Tinder has gone to show what all of its users (and non-users) are really looking for: sex. If you ever feel down in the dumps and wonder if anyone out there does want to dry hump you, simply download the app and get ready to rake in the matches. You don’t even have to talk to anyone or meet in person – simply use it as a self-esteem boost when dating feels hopeless. Suddenly you’ll realize there are plenty of people out there who totally would, it just so happens they all use poor grammar and aren’t in your league. @Midnight said it best with #2014in5words: "Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, MOM!"

What is there to say about Ghomeshi that hasn’t already been said? The CBC radio host was quick to announce that the slew of sexual assault allegations were false prior to them surfacing in October, and assured his fans this was all just a big misunderstanding. Trying to sweep his behavior in the bedroom under the rug and classifying it as just a little light BDSM, Ghomeshi wrote a compelling and convincing argument justifying his actions published on his Facebook page, littered with victim shaming and a lot of self-pity. Ghomeshi may not have read 50 Shades of Grey, but had he read the popular literotica classic, he would have encountered mention of the importance of a safe word and why people use them. Not only was Ghomeshi trying to talk his way around hitting women in the face without asking by calling it a sex act, he was sullying the reputation of the BDSM community who are tirelessly trying to normalize their culture. There is nothing wrong with a little rough play in the bedroom as long as everyone is on the same page. Simply put, you have to ask before you spit in someone’s face or hit them in the neck – that’s manners. Regardless, he was removed as host of CBC’s Q as victims continued to come forward. The story sparked a nationwide dialogue about consent and violence against women – and that’s the most positive impact his rape allegations have brought our country. #CreepyJian

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ANGEL // TINDER

opinions

GABRIEL SCORGIE OPINIONS EDITOR

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

attack of the superstores BOX STORES ARE RUINING CANADA'S CULTURE Steve Tornes × Writer

× Kelsey Holden

The 20th century was Canada's century, at least according to Canada's former Prime Minister, Sir Wilfred Laurier. However, it’s now the 21st century and Canadian businesses are being wiped out by American corporations. The 21st century doesn't belong to us, nor does it belong to the Americans. Instead, it belongs to the transnational corporate forces of globalization. Canadian retailers are slowly being displaced by American retailers. "The number of Canadian retailers in the mall has fallen by 10 percentage points," wrote Sunny Freeman in the Huffington Post, while the "number of U.S. retailers has risen by nearly the same amount." Does this mean that American culture is being branch planted in Canada and that we are slowly losing our identity? Partly. America is not some monolithic culture. There are a multitude of competing economic cultures in America. Not every business model is able build stores in multiple countries, nor are there many business models which can withstand adversities such as a recession. What we are left with are multinational corporations. These corporations are different because they drown out all other competing voices and they create the environ-

ment by which they thrive. Corporations like Walmart and Best Buy come and build supercentres and stand-alone box stores which serve only one purpose: consumerism. Some retailers, whether Canadian or American, create communities such as Lonsdale Quay or Granville Island. Those amazing stores showcase specialty and locally made products. Their profits are also invested back into the community. The stores are created by locals who are trying to fill a niche need in the community. This means that the stores are often unique and solve an identified local problem. Finally, the stores often aesthetically fit the local scenery better, which creates a more livable and vibrant

neighborhood. It creates a community that people want to belong to and make better. McDonalds on the other hand looks almost identical in every location, making it look unnatural and offsetting. These supercentres also damage the local shops around it. According to McGill University professor Minha Hwang, when a supercentre such as Walmart enters a community, its competitors see less foot traffic. This means that people are seeing a smaller variety of local stores and personalities. Supercentres such as the Costco in Burnaby are a one stop shopping centre. There is no need to go to any local stores after going there. "The more successfully a city mingles everyday diversity of uses and users in its everyday streets," wrote Jane Jacobs in The Death and Life of Great American Cities, "the more successfully, casually (and economically) its people thereby enliven and support well-located parks that can thus give back grace and delight to their neighborhoods instead of vacuity." This means that when people walk, shop, rest on the park bench, people watch from a cafe, and perform other activities, they are getting engaged in their community. They get to know each other and become invested in the community that brought them together.

When a person travels to a supercentre, there is nothing else in the area, and no reason to go anywhere else. The person drives there in their car, they buy what they need and then they drive away. A key point being that it’s far away from their residence. There is no diversity of uses with a supercentre, and their home is wholly separate from where they shop. Whether the supercentre is Canadian or American is irrelevant. The independent America voice is consumed just as readily as the Canadian voice, and any Canadian company that grows to such high extremes would naturally lose its Canadian features. In the Canadian Petri dish, we are left with conglomerates like Loblaws and Canadian Tire. A retailer becomes problematic, not because of their country of origin, but by actions which corrode the community. When one is asked whether we should be concerned that American retailers are replacing Canadian retailers, we should respond with another question. Have we become so preoccupied with differences of nationality that we are overlooking the fact that all the companies coming to Canada act the same? We should be more concerned about the effect that transnational corporations are having on Canada and on the 21st century.

It's a site to c PREMIER CLARK GREEN LIGHTS CONTROVERSIAL DAM Kevin Kapenda

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

When Premier Christie Clark was told by groups that she would have to choose between the Site C Dam and area Liquefied Natural Gas (LNG) projects, people waited patiently to see what she would do. After announcing that she would indeed go forward with both projects, aboriginal groups, environmentalists and landowners of farms in the area immediately prepared to sue the government after they warned Clark for weeks to not put both Peace River LNG and the Site C Dam in the energy plan. Apparently the thought of being challenged in court by these groups is something Clark doesn’t seem to mind at all. The decision to build both energy projects was the right one; concerns brought forward by the dam’s opponents do not outweigh the benefits this project will provide to millions of British Columbians. According to BC Hydro, the dam will produce enough energy to power roughly 450, 000 homes. The construction of the Site C Dam is being hailed by the government as a historic megaproject. The cost of the proposed dam will be in the billions, and was chosen over building a number of smaller dams across the province. But perhaps the biggest storyline in the government’s latest decision is how they’ve vowed to take on anyone who disagrees with their position on energy. While Clark’s governing style has been labelled as fiercely partisan by the NDP and their allies, her unwavering commitment to advancing her small-government libertarian agenda is just what this province requires in a period where BC is still growing and our economic future is somewhat uncertain. The Site C Dam has many advantages to it. For one, it’ll be needed to power the homes of new Canadians and our young people, who will

× Ekaterina Aristova

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× Writer

"The Site C Dam has many advantages to it. For one, it’ll be needed to power the homes of new Canadians and our young people, who will one day have their own children. The government claims that BC will add a million new people to our population in the next 20 years."

one day have their own children. The government claims that BC will add a million new people to our population in the next 20 years, increasing our energy demand by almost half of what it is today. At the time of the announcement, Clark told media that the dam will be essential to our economy and standard of living for many years. “Affordable, reliable, clean electricity is the backbone of British Columbia’s economy,” said Clark in the Vancouver Sun. “Site C will support our quality of life for decades to come and will enable continued investment and a growing economy. If construction goes ahead as planned, the $9 billion dam will be the most expensive project in BC’s history. While the price tag may seem hefty, the other option, which would have been to power homes with private energy projects, would have been just too pricey to the average tax and hydro rate payer. “Over the first

50 years of Site C’s project life, ratepayers will save an average of $650 to $900 million each year. This amounts to average annual savings of approximately 6 to 8 per cent for the typical household, compared to alternative Independent Power Projects,” explained BC Hydro in a December press release. After winning the 2013 election, Clark doesn’t seem to care what people think she should or should not do. Whether it’s her inviting position on pipelines, her stern negotiating technique with labour organisations or her devotion to mines and LNG projects, she’s hasn’t been afraid to rub certain people the wrong way. In the Peace River Region where various LNG projects and the Dam are to be built, that district elected two Liberal MLAs in last year’s election who were sent to Victoria to lobby for less energy projects, not more. In government, the interests of the few must

never outweigh those of the majority. Due to immigration and millennial families, BC’s population is growing at an annual rate that is only second to Ontario’s. The province will need energy to power the homes and communities of future generations. Site C also makes sense because it is another big project that will solve our energy dilemma, rather than putting all our chips into LNG projects. If the dam is indeed held up in court, it would be unfortunate to see a clean and affordable, province building project like this one stopped because a few groups said so. While the Site C announcement is only the beginning of a process that will begin in 2015 and end in 2024, the construction of this mega dam will one day be remembered as another win for Clark and her Conservative energy policies.

OPINIONS

Colbert nation A TIP OF THE HAT AND A WAG OF THE FINGER TO LATE NIGHT Faye Alexander × Features Editor Stephen Colbert has been reigning supreme as the Comedy Central king since the first episode of The Colbert Report aired in October 2005. After his major success during his satirical debut on Jon Stewart's The Daily Show, fans of politically based comedy rejoiced as Colbert began to root up the ground beneath him, and nestle his way into a niche completely unique to Colbert himself. And now, Colbert is on a new adventure a world away from the liberties of Comedy Central. He has been bestowed the honour of the coveted Late Night spot, replacing veteran David Letterman. Taking over on The Late Show is a pivotal point in Colbert's career, and has become a cause for pause for both his fans and his foes. Under the eyes of a major US network, many wondered how Colbert's particular flavour of comedy would fare to a larger audience. Known mostly for his conservative and personality driven commentary, Colbert has been described as "well intentioned, poorly informed, high status idiot," - yet Colbert, right up until

his final farewell on Comedy Central was playing a fictional version of himself. Late Night with Colbert will introduce the actual man behind that daring straight face and horrible right wing malarkey he spouts so effortlessly. Late Night will not be hosted by the Colbert his fans have come to adore, which is a strong move for Colbert's career. The larger audience that CBS will draw to the 11:30 pm time slot could have easily become divided if Colbert had chosen to move forward with his fictional anchorman version of himself. Eulogies to mourn the Colbert made famous on Comedy Central have been pouring in since April when the show announced it would end its run in December. In October, with only 30 episodes to go, Colbert appeased his fans by insinuating his grand departure from The Colbert Report would be ripe with "massive foreshadowing," and he did not disappoint. Bidding adieu with a star studded farewell accompanied by special guest, the Grim Reaper, Colbert departed accompanied by Santa Claus, Abraham Lincoln and Alex Trebec to be forever immortalized as one of America's mythical heroes. Fans now need to lay to rest their ideas of who Colbert is, and embrace the true mas-

termind behind his success: Stephen Colbert. The fictional Colbert has been retired, possibly to be seen again, which only leaves Comedy Central with a dauntingly large pair of shoes to fill. The true Colbert, a seasoned improv performer, is now ready for a mainstream debut to showcase the hardworking and brilliant talent he is. His sensationalized version of himself on The Colbert Report is a far cry from the modest family man he is. Many may not be familiar with Colbert’s earlier work in cult classics Strangers with Candy and White Hot American Summer – truly underrated gems of yesteryear – but his humble beginnings in comedy acting were what propelled his career towards his current success. Over his time at Comedy Central, Colbert began to build an impressive resume and garnered grand acclaim, notably, Colbert was the featured entertainer at the 2006 White House Correspondents dinner, and penned the book I’m America, and So Can you. Yet, true artists are ones who evolve – Colbert has created an eternal character, one that will be remembered in all his smarm for years to come. Simply put, Colbert is set to show us who he truly is on a much larger platform and reveal his next

stage as an entertainer, which only leaves the question: who will the Late Night Colbert be? For fans of The Colbert Report, it may feel as though we are losing one of our dear friends, that blowhard character you hang out with on weeknights for political sensationalism, but we just have to make way for a new one. There is footage out there of Colbert out of character that offer a glimpse of the man behind the legend – a well-spoken and intelligent man, and although that may not make for the same kind of content that bolstered Comedy Central’s ratings, Colbert will reinvent himself and still deliver excellent comedy. The truth is, Colbert has freed himself from the constraints of only being one version of himself, now on Late Night he will be free to showcase all the other facets of his talent. Intelligence combined with humour is always a recipe for success, Colbert has gone to show that he knows how to work his audience and build a following. Let’s bid farewell to the Colbert we knew, and get ready to enjoy the Colbert we’re about to meet.

Cheque Please THE ASTORIA'S AMATEUR STRIPPER NIGHT Simon Thistlewood × Writer

curring out there,” she says. Abby Normal is truly a culture generator and a space creator. In Vancouver, Rent Cheque is an opportunity to escape the relentless and debilitating work, sleep and consume cycle, and who knows; maybe you’ll even end up on the pole.

Sugar Tickleshock Fantasia Glitterthong Cinnamin Heaven Montana Musty Thighs Scheiconda Diamond Starr Glitter

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× Sydney Parent

Everyone at some point thinks about being naked in front of an audience. Now, thanks to Rent Cheque founder and self-described “local hot mess,” Abby Normal, people can experience what it’s like. Rent Cheque is East Vancouver’s amateur strip night, a celebration of sex positivism. The last Wednesday of every month at the Astoria anyone can compete for a chance to win over $800 in prizes with $500 being given as the first prize. With contemporary society so prudish that recent Burnaby mayoral candidate Sylvia Gung promised to ban kissing and holding hands in public, it raises the question: is Rent Cheque just another border line misogynistic strip club where men can look at naked women all night? The answer is a resounding no. In regards to gender equality at Rent Cheque, Abby Normal says that, “My understanding is that feminism is the belief that all people are equal regardless of gender. Rent Cheque invites anyone who wants a stage to come up and show us their stuff. Genitals, background, body type, politics, none of it matters to us as long as you are not an offensive asshole. We don't have a big agenda about it, we just want to empower or encourage people to enjoy themselves and each other in a safe space.” Normal explains why the Astoria Pub, a stone’s throw from Main and Hastings in heartland of Vancouver’s scenic Downtown Eastside industrial district, became Rent Cheques chosen Venue. “Maybe because I have a very long history of getting topless there,” says Normal, “the Astoria more or less just handed us a party night on the platter. They were actually the ones who had provided the name Rent Cheque. It was a night that used to be run back in 2007 at the Lotus or something by the Quast Bros, and when Lex and I explained what we wanted to do for a party night, they suggested we ask the Quast Bros if we could borrow their name and framework. We did and it all kind of fell into place.” Normal says that the strip routines can be very elaborate

with costumes, props and choreography. Men and women of any identification are welcome to perform, and though the audience is predominantly male, she says it’s often the women who cheer the loudest. Rent Cheque is more than a night of ruthless debauchery and flesh filled eye candy. “It's really nice that we can give part of our proceeds to charity and it's even radder that we can hand out a bunch of free pizza to party goers, put on porn and rad music and give away $800 plus in prizes but really the essence of what we are trying to accomplish is just to bring people together and have them stoked on themselves, the people around them, and the city - and also meet other people while in that open minded head space.” Out of all the dance performances and midnight memories, Normal was able to pick one as her latest favorite. “Recently, we had a disabled performer take home top prize for a really moving performance to Foreigners ‘I Wanna Know What Love Is.’ He had approached me on fetlife wondering if he could perform and stated that the reason he wanted to was to draw awareness to the fact that disabled people are sexual as well, which is something that often gets ignored.” Her inclusiveness is laudable. As for Abby Normal herself, her diverse past had influenced and inspired her liberated, bohemian views. “I've been a cam girl, sold my panties, dabbled in the sugar daddy thing, and then I work a day job where they wouldn't suspect any of that kind of thing.” she says. Her diverse interests and strengths in the sex positive realm help her operate Rent Cheque and make it what it is. Normal runs her own porn production company called Porn Sec Productions, and recently screened her first smut film “Nineteen Eighty Whore” at gay activist Dan Savage’s HumpFest in Seattle. She also runs a ladies-only sex party. Everyone should beat back the darkness and rain of Vancouver to go see what an amateur strip show is like. “We can also get caught up in ourselves and antisocial and unsure of things, which can lend to this feeling of being disconnected from the awesome things that are oc-

Gabe's Favourite Names for Dancers

columns

LEAH SCHEITEL COLUMNS EDITOR

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

a tale of two cities STUMBLING ALONG THE ROAD × Crystal Lee

Joe Louis × Columnist

Joe Louis has gotten around. Born in Toronto, bred in Seattle, and living in the city, he has weaved through many cities and experiences. Because of this, he is a fan of long walks and hip-hop music, and has a slight penchant for challenging authority. His column will explore how life can transfer into the classroom, and with any luck, how the classroom can relate back to daily life. For all of us Generation Y’s, or whatever we’re calling ourselves, this is a story of stumbling through the world of university and life. Let me first introduce you to my sister, who has been a positive force in my life. After I was kicked out of my private Catholic high school in Seattle, she invited me to join her and travel through Ecuador and Colombia. This undoubtedly changed my life. Travelling is a wonderful thing because it challenges everyone to become active and engaged with people around the world. My sister had thrown herself wholeheartedly into the language and culture of the South American countries and I had the choice of keeping my high school stance of indifference, or taking the plunge with her into the foreign. My sister was on a journey, confronting her life and education in a very real way. She had just graduated from university, now becoming a student of the languages and cultures of South America. I respected that she had chosen this adventure as her

tool for learning about the world; it called for the need to learn with immediacy. It was about engaging the world in an open, collaborative, creative way – something that I haven’t been able to find in many of my university lectures. There are many wonderful professors, some who have really been able to engage the students in their courses, as well as the material. However, the system may be to their disadvantage. As a student at SFU, I have been searching for ways to connect my lectures to the world as I live it everyday. In Seattle I remember an education system that never really worked for me; disengaged professors, hiding behind rigid rules, unable to really connect with students. It was mostly not their fault. For me, a long lecture is not the best method of teaching. Upon moving to Vancouver and starting my Communications undergrad, I struggled with my identity and learning style. I was hardened to the education system by pushing against it for so long, I didn’t know how to approach school in any other

way. I earned decent grades in middle and high school but was unable to connect my learning in the classroom to my interests and was not engaged in a dialogue through the lectures, only seemingly talked at. I had a talent of connecting with people, but I couldn’t work with people in the classroom, only competing against them for a better grade. With a deadening environment in the classroom, I found other things to pour my energy into. I found a passion in collaborating with friends to create art in the streets and alleyways of Seattle, exploring rooftops and the nooks and crannies of the city. These places that seemingly only the few of us got to enjoy, viewpoints and alleys that became our hidden gems. Although the art we did was illegal, we felt it beautified the city. I was participating in my vision of what a beautiful city could look like and had the power to create it every night in the forgotten crevices of Seattle. I was engaging with the built world around me, participating in creating the future of my city. Before I started doing

street art, walking through the seemingly immovable structures around me felt like a prison where I was powerless. Now I could enjoy the crisp air, silence and freedom to influence my world. It was no longer a constraining environment, it was one that allowed me to explore and create. I reached a breaking point last year, choosing to leave the city lifestyle to live the life of a tree-planter in British Colombia’s northern wilderness. I was terrified of this choice as three months living in a tent seemed daunting. It was considerably less scary than imagined, and I soared in that environment. It reminds me of Goethe’s famous quote: “until one commits, there is hesitancy, a reluctance… that moment one definitely commits ones self, then Providence moves to…” The moral is, go for it! And I did. Tree planting and travelling are similar in that it forced me to become comfortable with my surroundings, no matter how unknown. When I returned to the city, I wanted to use the experience to engage with my courses in a different way, and screw them if it didn’t fit their grading rubric! Over next two semesters, I took the access to nature and connectivity from tree planting into the university. Approaching my education not as a commodity, but rather as something that contributes to a sense of purpose and commitment within my community remains the challenge. In the first semester, I rapped about political entrapment in class, used a film course to help produce a friends’ music and visual work, made documentaries about how I was part of a disengaged generation and found a brilliant course that challenges students to learn outside the classroom. Doing these things helped me to see that I was not alone in my lack of engagement. In fact, I’m part of an entire generation that seems to be questioning our role. Within this column, I will illustrate some of my stories in and outside of the classrooms and how they have aided my overall perspective of learning. Education should enhance engagement, even if it means we have to colour outside of the lines little.

the shape of things to come THE URBAN CAR OF THE FUTURE James Martin

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

× Columnist

As a long time Courier contributor, we like to think that we know James Martin. He is talented with instruments, and likes any coffee that is right in front of him. His primary hobby is building spaceships for little green men, and dreaming of the world they would live in. It’s because of this hobby that he is able to write about the future of technology, which is what his column is dedicated to. Of all the fantastic technologies promised in the near future, it’s possible that new advances in personal transportation hold the most potential for affecting our daily routines in urban environments. I’m not talking about anything as exotic as flying cars, but rather the synergistic marriage of two technologies that are already showing promising results: self-driving vehicles like the Google Car, and smartphone-enabled one-way car rentals such as Car2Go. Driverless cars still have some very important hurdles to overcome before they will be seen regularly on the streets, but California, Florida, Michigan, Nevada, and Washington DC have already legalized the testing of such vehicles on public roads. These autonomous vehicles use a combination of radar and lasers to “see” the world around them, with powerful software analyzing the data in real-time to distinguish important features such as traffic lights and pedestrians. In addition, Google’s self-driving

car also incorporates pre-rendered, high-precision digital maps of the areas it operates in, and is already able to safely navigate crowded urban roads so long as the route involves neither construction zones nor especially heavy rain or snow. Given time, it’s hard to imagine that developers won’t find a way to make their self-driving cars perform even better in these situations than their human counterparts. Although fully functioning self-driving cars will be an incredible technological feat, they alone won’t do much to change our day-to-day commuting patterns. The most obvious difference will be the ability of owners who can’t otherwise drive because of a medical condition or alcohol impairment to be able to safely travel from A to B in the comfort of their own vehicle. Also, the rate of traffic accidents (and related injuries and deaths) will plummet as human error is phased out as a risk factor. However, these driverless cars still retain one of the biggest issues of the conventional car: the need for parking spaces when not in use. Throughout many of the world’s urban centres, large plots of valuable real estate and entire lanes of streets are devoted to harbouring parked cars. In 2012, the International Parking Institute revealed that most cars spend over 90 per cent of their lifetime parked. The exact amount of space devoted to parking spaces can vary greatly from city to city around the world, but a quick Google search for “parking” in real estate-starved downtown Vancouver makes the city map look like it has chicken pox. Imagine how much more useful stuff we could fit into the city (affordable rental housing, anybody?),

if we didn’t need all this parking space. What if the car we drive to work could then become somebody else’s car for a while after we were done with it? This is where the one-way-rental component of the urban car of the future comes into play. Car2Go’s micro-rental model is already working in urban centres around the world, including Vancouver. Members can use their phone to activate any of the hundreds of vehicles scattered throughout the city, pay by the minute for use, and don’t have to worry about returning the vehicle to the same place they acquired it. Due to commuter patterns and some extra legwork by staff, the ubiquitous white Smart cars remain relatively evenly distributed. The extremely limited reservation system ensures that any parked car is usually available to unlock, but the obvious trade-off is not being able to guarantee a car will be available for a future trip. A similar system using self-driving cars would be able to bridge this gap by having the cars deliver themselves to the users on demand. A fleet of self-driving rent-by-theminute cars would function much like contemporary taxis, but at a fraction of the cost to customers. Self-driving rental cars would also drastically reduce the need for parking space for two different reasons. Firstly, a sufficiently sized fleet of cars and user base would mean that these cars will spend more time on the road driving and less time taking up space in parking lots than privately owned vehicles. Secondly, these cars will be able make far more efficient use of parking spaces by parking far closer together than human-driven cars allow. A driverless car doesn’t have to open the door after

parking because the passenger will have already been dropped off, so these vehicles will be able to store themselves mere centimetres apart from each other. Further improving this parking efficiency, driverless cars will also be able to box themselves into a parking lot like a perfect game of Tetris so that only those nearest the exits can actually leave at any given moment. This would be a problem for privately owned vehicles, but for a fleet of identical rental units it makes no difference to the customer whether the car picking them up had been parked at the front of a lot for the past five minutes or trapped at the back of a lot for the past five hours. These driverless taxis easily have the potential to be both cheap enough and convenient enough to have a major impact on private vehicle ownership. Walking, biking, public transit, private cars and traditional taxis will all still have their roles to play, but assuming that the remaining technological issues are overcome, your daily travel routine could look very different by the end of the next two decades.

columns

urban matrimony THE WILDER SNAIL

Jessica Trusz × Columnist

Think for a moment about the word community. What does it mean to you: a sense of belonging, not feeling alone in a large area, exchanging stories with neighbors? Your take on community has probably changed a few times in your life depending on circumstances, timing and places. In Vancouver, that has been the case for me. Amidst all the hustle and bustle I have found some lovely areas that have felt like home, and so have a lot of my friends. I love hearing stories about spots people connect with for various reasons. Over the three years I have lived in Vancouver, I bounced around different areas, meeting all kinds of interesting people. Recently, I have felt one the strongest community pulls. I was going through some pretty life changing events and felt pretty lost. I unexpectedly found myself back in Vancouver – a city I had tried so hard to get out of. Yet, upon returning to the city, I found a community in an area of Vancouver I had never experienced before, and I fell in love. I found myself a single room occupancy, or SRO, on East Hast-

Guest staff editorial

× Megan Collinson

Growing up in Fruitvale BC, Jessica Trusz is familiar with local communities and their importance. Over the three years that she has lived in Vancouver, she has probably walked more than anyone you know. Because of this, she has an intimate knowledge of the different neighbourhoods and the communities within. Join her on a walk – it’s guaranteed to be educational.

ings. The building, The Shamrock, had diamond in the rough charm. The landlord was awesome, I had some real characters as neighbours and a great view of the port from my fire escape. Walking out of the front doors each day I was greeted with the harsh reality of living on Hastings. There are many mentally and physically disabled people on the street dealing with extreme poverty. But it was in this area in which I received the most hellos, waves and nods. In the month that I stayed I was constantly blown away over how genuine and kind everyone was to each other, myself included. People would make eye contact with me as I walked down the street, and would ask how I was doing. And let me tell you receiving genuine smiles from strangers made all of my days better. Just people trying to get by day to day and make the best of it – a community. My landlord had told me about a little gem of a coffee shop on the corner of Keefer and Hawks called the Wilder Snail. "Great coffee and great people with an awesome community feel,” he insisted. You will find the Wilder Snail situated across from a huge beautiful park, where Jimi Hendrix is said to have practiced guitar, in a quiet residential area where the streets are lined with tall, leafy trees and the houses are painted with vibrant, cheerful colours. The Wilder Snail contains both an organic food market and a coffee and baked goods shop. The moment I walked in to the bright, open space I was greeted with huge smiles and hellos. It reminded me of being home in the Kootenays – very homey and welcoming. I began to spend every morning at the Snail. By the third visit, both my name and my coffee order were memorized. It was exactly the kind of friendly atmosphere that I had been looking for. When I sat down with one of the employees, Milisa Grady, to talk with her about the community and the atmosphere the Wilder Snail created in

the neighborhood it made me appreciate it that much more. To Milisa, as a single mother, community meant that she could trust her neighbors to help her take care of her children. It meant she could let her daughter out of her eyesight to play at the park. And it meant she felt safe on the streets and could strike up a conversation with anyone because people were welcoming and cheerful. Milisa moved from Cortes Island to Vancouver eight years ago, and like me she was known for not spending too long in a certain area. Within the week of moving to Vancouver, she had found an apartment in Strathcona and has been a resident ever since. Now, she is one of the organizers of the Strathcona Harvest Festival, which just had its fourth event in September. Milisa made the event happen because it was important to her to get the community together. "People get so

wrapped up in their lives, and don’t come together unless there is something fun and close by going on that can appeal to all ages," she said, "After the first Harvest festival parents had more friends with kids in the area, and all of the neighborhood dwellers made special kinds of bonds." The meeting point for many of the Strathcona residents is at the Wilder Snail. Every morning I have been in the shop I have watched all kinds of amazing human interactions take place: people walking, biking, laughing, studying, reading, parting ways, drinking great coffee together. The atmosphere makes it comfortable that hours can go by without realizing it. Strathcona is a special place and I truly hope that you, dear reader, will take a wander one day and make a trip to the Wilder Snail. Hopefully I will see you there.

Andy Rice × Managing Editor

HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR NEXT CONFERENCE EXPERIENCE

THINGS TO AVOID Right from day one, you’re going to want to look for obvious things that simply aren’t worth another second of your time. Topping that list are guys named Todd. Just trust me on this one. George Carlin offered that piece of advice in a stand-up routine I saw on TV years ago, and it’s served as a fine compass for much of my social life. People

walking around with Bluetooth headsets are also likely to be a hindrance to your faith in humanity. Fittingly enough, most of them are named Todd. Be sure to avoid chatterboxes, gasbags, motormouths and ramblers too. Many are former residents of the small-towns splattered across Canada and are genuinely stoked to see more than ten other people in one place at a time. As harmless as they are, they’re still more annoying than a second set of balls. Be wary of close talkers as well, a special breed who will typically approach in elevators or other confined spaces like restaurant bathrooms, breathing contently against your facial features for hours at a time.

PREVENTATIVE MEASURES Conferences are never a good occasion for promiscuity of the culinary variety – especially near the beginning of the week. And of course, buying Indian food from anywhere other than a reputable and thoroughly inspected restaurant of the aforementioned ethnicity is never recommended. Eating it at the hotel buffet will kill you dead. On a slightly related note: bring extra toilet paper. Regardless of whether you’re staying at the Four Seasons or a decommissioned Holiday Inn now known as the Pinkerton Estates, you should always be travelling with a spare book of shit tickets. The same goes for coffee. Bring extra. Even if you don’t arrive on check-in day with a caffeine habit, you’ll be on an IV drip of dark roast by the

end of conference week. Mark my words. As for hangovers, you’re never going to win there, so my advice to you is to avoid alcohol altogether. Just kidding. We both know that’s not going to happen, so I’d recommend drinking lots of water and some kind of sports drink of your choosing throughout the day. That should help to replenish a few of those precious electrolytes before they even leave your body. My personal hydration regimen involves coffee in the morning, water during meetings or seminars, and whatever the hell I want once the sun goes down. There are exceptions, of course. Obviously, any alcoholic beverage you can jam into a flask is fair game during the daylight hours – even before noon – and for people with more severe drinking problems, there are a couple solutions as well. Women may want to consider one of those wine bras featured on The Mindy Project, but as of yet, there’s no viable equivalent for men, so the Hunter S. Thompson method remains unchallenged. No matter what day it is during conference week, your boss is probably golfing anyways, so go ahead and rock that bottle of whiskey in plain sight. I’ll never tell.

AWARDS NIGHT Prepare yourself. Without fail, there will be some kind of presentation on the final day of the conference, complete with all the fanfare and egomania one could expect from the mind of Donald Trump. Just about every time, the biggest honour

or largest quantity of awards will go to somebody you’ve spent your entire week wanting to disembowel with the ballpoint pen you found alongside those dental dams in your welcome package. Yes, it’s probably going to be that guy from opening night who fawned over the keynote speaker for 12 minutes before finally asking his question, and proceeded to take the very last meatball at the buffet not even an hour later. You disliked him then and you dislike him now. And wouldn’t you know it, his name is Todd. Breathe. Just breathe. Take out that emergency flask, use your extra roll of toilet paper as a makeshift stress ball, and celebrate the end of your week-long conference experience. You made it. And so did your friends at the Courier. But screw Todd. Todd sucks. Confrence Confidence To Pack: Your cutest outfits, your smartphone, Twitter, deodorant, business cards, sense of humour, carrots. To Leave: Towels (enjoy the hotel's), Netflix, Tinder, diet restrictions, your standards, your stuffed penguin. *This is only based on Nash76. May not apply to Nash 77. Or any other conference.

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

By the time you’re likely to read this, nine of the Courier’s 11 staff members will be in Ottawa for NASH – a week-long conference for student journalists. There, we’ll take over a convention centre, meet up with staff from a dozen or so other campus newspapers from across the country, attend seminars, listen to keynote speakers, eat buffet for every meal, and put to good use all the dental dams and free condoms that come in our welcome swag bags. Sound awesome? That’s because it is. But not every conference can be as cool or as well organized as NASH. Sometimes, spending a week in a hotel with that infamous cocktail of coworkers and complete strangers doesn’t turn out to be a great experience at all. Life isn’t always fair, and alas, your career development efforts may periodically be hampered by ruthless hangovers, city-wide bacon shortages, and mysterious, curly hairs stuck to virtually every pillow in your suite. For those and other atrocities, I present to you this helpful guide to surviving your next conference, convention, or team-building expedition.

CAp you

CARLO JAVIER LIFESTYLE EDITOR

CARLO.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

THE DO'S AND DONT'S OF NAPS AT CAPILANO by @CapNaps During the holidays, we reached out to the increasingly popular, clandestine Instagram account @CapNaps to talk all about the university community’s napping habits. As it turns out @CapNaps was kind enough to share some Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to everyone’s favourite in-school past time, napping. @CapNaps the hero that Capilano University deserves, and definitely the one it needs right now. - Capilano Courier

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

× Samantha Smith

Few pleasures in life are free. Chocolate is expensive and I haven't figured out how to get free Netflix yet, so I have to make the best out of the free and finer things in life. Napping is one of those free pleasures and it’s glorious. If naps were an animal, they would be a grizzly bear that rode a Harley and drank White Russians. Since I apparently have a fondness for napping and also spend some of my precious study time posting images of fellow napping students on Instagram, the Courier reached out to me to share some tips. Helping others is the Canadian thing to do, so since I want all of you to have a wicked awesome 2015 and spring semester, here are my DO’s and DONT’s of napping at Capilano University. If you want to have an enjoyable napping experience, follow these (flexible) rules and you will be golden.

DO: Find somewhere on campus that DO: Respect those around you when is quiet and will allow you to stretch out. The sofa pit in the library is a popular spot and I have heard rumours that the BOSA building is a goldmine as well.

DO: Pop your headphones on and lis-

ten to something relaxing if the surroundings are noisy. Earl Sweatshirt’s latest album, Doris, is a favourite album of mine to fall asleep to.

DO: If you have the tendency to nap

and then miss your class, set an alarm on your phone. Set it to vibrate and put it in your front pocket - you don’t want to disturb those around you with a loud alarm.

DO : Drink coffee before napping, as you will wake up more refreshed and alert. Also, if you have a long nap, you will wake up feeling groggy no matter what. Deal with it.

napping; ask before you borrow their shoulder to lean on. It’s creepy otherwise.

DON’T: Snore. Even though it’s a DON’T: Think that daytime naps along physiological process that you can’t stop, it just doesn’t work with napping in public. If you don’t know if you snore while you nap, have a nap at home and record yourself with your phone or computer. Listen to that file and if you hear snoring, seek the help of a specialist or consult with your physician. There is help out there. You’re not alone.

DON’T: Take your shoes off. Napping

with shoes on for some is uncomfortable. It’s also uncomfortable to have to see and smell your dirty ass socks while we’re trying to eat or study. Even if your feet smell like lavender, just keep the shoes on - it prevents shoe theft.

DON’T: Let mom and dad see you DO : Use you backpack as a headrest. napping on campus. They want to It will deter people from stealing it and your rotting fruit from last semester that’s still in that compartment you rarely use.

tell them you study so hard that you need to nap - for some people, that’s true. We salute you.

know that you’re working hard, not just sleeping through your education. If people accuse you of being lazy, just

with coffee will make up for your lack of regular sleep - it doesn’t work. Trust me.

DON’T : Ever feel ashamed or embarrassed by your nap habits. Be proud and own it. If you get flak from others, just remember that you’re better than them. Best of luck to all of you in this oncoming semester and enjoy those naps. Don’t forget to follow and submit images to @CapNaps on Instagram where you can candidly honour your fellow nappers and get more tips on how to maximize your napping efficiency. - @CapNaps

caboose

CARLO JAVIER LIFESTYLE EDITOR

CABOOSE@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

AIM HIGH BUT DISAPPOINTMENT IS INEVITABLE by Carlo Javier When I was a child, my grandpa taught me to jump as high as I could when the clock marked the arrival of the New Year. The belief was that this annual “leap” would amplify my growth, both in maturity and in height. Spoiler: it was all bullshit. Resolutions are most often just that, seemingly attainable goals that rarely do get accomplished, if ever. Resolutions are also not exclusive to New Years. I set up the same goals before every semester: get fit, get a sufficient amount of sleep every night, improve my grades, get a girl to talk to me – but time and again, I fail. On second thought, I do succeed in getting an ample amount of sleep – in the day, during and in-between classes. Holla @capnaps! This year, my New Years resolution was to come up with realistic and practical resolutions, goals that I might even subconsciously achieve.

$30 > 30 POUNDS

LEARN TO DRIVE LEARN TO SKATE

Last year, I got into a little bit of fire after I wrote a satirical humour article regarding the students of Capilano University. Some people were not happy. I even sort of received one of the best/worst things you could ever get when working in media: hate mail. Many of my friends consoled me by saying that readers may have simply neglected to read the entire article, thus missing the disclaimer that it was satirical, or by mentioning the old adage, “any press is good press.” Though they were probably right, it did suck to get hated and shamed, especially on Facebook. The worst part about it? Every complaint, criticism, and jab directed at me didn’t even mention me by name. They all said “this writer.” For future prospects, I plan on writing material for the humour section that is, sadly, going to be completely irrelevant of the students. Also, contrary to popular belief, I did not cry after a handful of comments against what I wrote came to my attention, I didn’t. I swear. I have many other goals I want to accomplish for 2015. I’d like to learn to play an instrument – any instrument, even the triangle. I’d like to stop eating at the CapU cafeteria, and I’d like to grow a little taller. As pessimistic as it may sound, goals and dreams can sometimes remain just goals and dreams, and the process towards them, no matter the result could just be as gratifying. In the almighty words of modern day philosopher Nicki Minaj, “Starships were meant to fly, hands up and touch the sky.”

THE COURIER'S NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS LEAH SCHEITEL // BOSS - Go out with less drug dealers - Be a contestant on Dating in the Dark - Read big books in public,like the ones that make you look really impressive FAYE ALEXANDER // FEATURES EDITOR - Take the plunge at the polar bear swim - Don’t get pregnant - Make cream, dolla dolla billz ya’ll THERESE GUIEB // NEWS EDITOR - Watch Leah’s weekly inspirational videos - Go out with more black guys - Get my N CHERYL SWAN // ARTS DIRECTOR - Get my N too - Move to East Van - Fuck, save money ANDREW PALMQUIST // PRODUCTION MANAGER - Upgrade to the “Great Morning” - Do the dishes after I use them - Vitamins. More of them. GABE SCORGIE // OPINIONS EDITOR - Learn piano - Read and write more - Go out with more drug dealers ALVA TEE // ARTS + CULTURE EDITOR - Put myself first - Stick to my schedule - Buy a car, graduate, move the fuck out BRANDON KOSTINUK // WEB EDITOR - Understand menstruation - Wear a name tag in the office - Legally change name to “Daryl” ANDY RICE // MANAGING EDITOR - Get Therese Fleetwood Mac tickets for their April show - Don’t eat in front of Therese - Always go over word count

T H E C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

I’ve been meaning to get my driver’s license. I figure that I can’t really take girls to the movies and expect them to bus or walk there. I also figure that I can’t take girls out if both parties don’t communicate with each other, or if one of the parties doesn’t swipe right. That bumps the driver’s license down my list of priorities, which probably increases the chances of it getting accomplished, actually. Trending upwards in my list of things to learn is to skate, just a notch above how to make my hair look like I’m the sixth member of One Direction, and below memorizing Liam Neeson’s Taken speech. I once went on a date – what?! – and told the girl to hold my hand because I didn’t know how to skate. I really wanted it to be like that scene in Elf or my second favourite John Cusack flick, Serendipity. Now, my complete incompetence on the ice has become incredibly embarrassing. Skating is almost a rite of passage

STOP MAKING FUN OF THE SCHOOL AND ITS STUDENTS

× Cheryl Swan

I have a long-standing gym membership. I’ve been part of the Steve Nash Fitness Club community at Coquitlam for the most part of the past five years. Recently, however, I’ve been AWOL. I have monthly fees of about $30 wasting away from what could’ve been more cash for Friday breakfasts with our talented production manager Andrew, and for Friday night pizza runs with Andrew and the Managing Editor by day, scotch-aficionado by night, Andy. Andrew and Andy, two different people, don’t get it twisted. It has finally come to me, that my long overdue return into a dedicated fitness routine is marred with disillusion, inefficient financial choices, and futility. In classic 2014 fashion, “I can’t even.” So for 2015, I aim to finally cancel my gym membership and shed that monthly $30 before I shed college weight. I once saw a gym advertisement that said, “Stop being fat and ugly, just be ugly.” Well, least to say, the sign didn’t work.

for Canadians, a ritual accomplished around the age of four. I’m 20 now. There aren’t many things more embarrassing than holding onto the rails at a public skating rink while wearing your best fitting blazer and freshest looking pair of chinos.

shotgun reviews #2014

VICTOR-ASS SECRET BAD DATES Therese Guieb // Theroncé

Faye Alexander // Features Editor

ALEXIS SHAPIRO

BEYONCE WON '14

Every year, a variety of tits and ass...I mean half naked models walk down an extravagant runway wearing nothing but overpriced lingerie. This fashion show is the most anticipated event every year but I can never understand why. I mean seriously, first of all what the hell is the secret of Victoria anyway? Secondly, like come on, the artists that perform on stage with the models are shitty and they turn out to be idiots too. I’m sure the models will agree with me on this, and looking directly at you Ariana Grande. Thirdly, why the fuck do they wear wings?! Do they really think they can make the models less naked by shoving a 40 lbs. artificial wing behind their back? You’re just making these twigs turn into hunchbacks. Finally, no matter what these bitches do they will always be luckier than any of us. Cara Delevigne and her world’s greatest eyebrows, as well as big mouth Tyra Banks are just some of the past Victoria secret models and all they did was walk down a runway with their boobs pushed all the way up to their chins. Even if I wear lingerie from this company, I’ll always look like a fat drunk guy who was left by his asshole buddies on the street wearing nothing but a cheap ass bikini.

Hanna-Barbera’s The Jetsons gave me the impression that by the 2000s, I would be getting to school in flying cars and being served breakfast directly from the inside of my fembot butler. Instead, the best the future could offer was bedazzled iPhone cases and mobile dating apps. Everyone is doing it: swiping left, swiping right, filling in questionaires on OKCupid and writing up compelling profiles on AdultFriendFinder. Modern dating is a game of tapping apps and fingering screens. Off I went to meet perfect strangers in hopes of starting up a serious textual relationship and hoping the carefully selected profile photos I had posted weren’t too misleading. But it’s a losing game. One potential suitor arrived to take me on our date in a Benz and was a producer on a popular television show shot in Vancouver (hint: it’s Border Security), and I thought I had won the jackpot. He turned out to be a lecherous perv who followed up our date with a slew of texts about his quivering dick and when I didn’t reply sent me a photo of him holding a rifle. Another potential love connection brought a pool cue to my house for no actual reason and then told me he had fallen in love after a mere six hours together. 2014 was the year of the douchebags.

I am not exactly sure why so many women and a few men are so worried about their appearance when they need to be accepting of who they are. If you think you have a serious issue then you need to do some soul searching while listening to “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction, that will hopefully get you in a better mood. Alexis Shapiro, a twelveyear-old, of Cibolo, Texas may have bigger weight concerns than you do, as she was diagnosed with a rare hunger disorder after having surgery to remove a tumour. Since then, she has gone from 47 lbs. to over 200 lbs. putting unwanted amounts of weight on her 4 foot 7 frame. You must be pretty thankful that you’re not in the same situation as Shapiro – poor little soul. Shapiro didn’t give up when doctors told her she had a rare hunger condition and Type 2 Diabetes, instead she received some help from doctors and has since shed 37 pounds from weight-loss surgery last March. If you’re looking to get into shape don’t give up, keep fighting for what you believe in and stay strong just like Shapiro!

In more ways than one, it can be said that Beyoncé won 2014. Her self-titled album, which was released in late 2013, still had an overarching reach for much of the past year. Her 15-minute performance at the MTV Video Music Awards cemented her status as pop music’s premier superstar and as a model for feminism. The show also gave the world a glimpse at the majestic Blue Ivy, who just might be the current pinnacle of the human race. However, Beyoncé’s most “winning” moment of 2014 is not best defined by what she did, but instead, of what she didn’t do. During the elevator fiasco where her sister Solange kind of beat the crap out of Jay Z, Beyoncé seemingly maintained calm and cool headedness. All the while her sister and her husband were pretty much brawling. Beyoncé literally just stood there. It was like there was a protective aura around her that repelled negativity and animosity. It was awesome. Let’s not forget 2014 marked the year that Prince William and Kate Middleton finally met the Queen, the President herself. Oh and Jay Z, the first-husband. How come no one ever calls him the King?

NEW FAYE & IMPROVED CARLO

Carlo Javier // Lifestyle Editor

NEW YEAR, NEW ME // CHANCES ARE SLIM

BREAK-IN AT THE CAPU LIBRARY // THE BOOK THIEF

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS // IN ONE YEAR AND OUT THE OTHER

RESOLUTION // SIT UP… STRAIGHT

2015 // THE NEW 2014

CHERYL’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTION // 1024 X 1280

TIMES SQUARE // THE BEST PLACE TO WATCH BALLS DROP

SNOWFLAKES // PRETTY CHILL

DIGNITY // HOW I GOT INTO PRESERVES

BANG FOR YOUR BUCK // BALLOONS

HAVING A DATE // ACTUAL SOCIAL SECURITY

NEW YEAR’S EVE // NEVER LIKE THE MOVIE

BREAK-IN AT CAPU // BREAKING NEWS

NEW SEMESTER // SAME OLD COURIER

SARAH WALKER

THE CAPILANO COURIER.

VOLUME 48 I SSUE N O . 13

the hOt Chart

Keara Farnan // Writer