Capilano Courier Volume 46 Issue 14

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EYE ON EAGLES

× January 28 2013

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CHEAP DECOR

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LADIES OF LOLS

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CAPILANO Courier TABLE OF contents news

The Staff 4

of this devilish university newspaper JJ Brewis Editor-in-Chief

I talk to dead people

columns

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So you call yourself a photographer

arts

Giles Roy Managing Editor

Samantha Thompson Copy Editor

Lindsay Howe News Editor

Leah Scheitel Opinions Editor

Natalie Corbo Features Editor

Celina Kurz Arts Editor

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Cap student tumbles into fame

features

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Sticking it to the man

calendar

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This week is the free week

Opinions

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Scott Moraes Caboose Editor

Stefan Tosheff Production Manager

Katie So Art Director

Andy Rice Staff Writer

Connor Thorpe Staff Writer

Knock-Knock

CABOOSE

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Calvin and Hobbes is still cool

the capilano courier

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Ricky Bao Business Manager

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed.

All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

Shannon Elliott Web Editor

Colin Spensley Distribution Manager

Leanne Kriz Ads & Events Manager

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× LETTER FROM THE EDITOR ×

BROKEN NEWS × ON the Cover ×

MILES CHIC Miles Chic is a designer & celebrity-chef based in Vancouver, BC. He is tempermental, bad at math, a terrible swimmer and extremely socially-anxious.

Featured Contributors

Lydia Fu is self-proclaimed addict of coffee and YouTube tutorials, who works as a freelance illustrator and animator.

With passions for the arts, food, health, music and science, Lydia’s educational background in both chemistry and animation led her to some personal and in-depth projects. “My grad film for Emily Carr was kind of a bitch since it was really based on something deeply personal and emotionally heavy,” she says. A published writer in Nature scientific journal, Lydia also loves the theme of identity in art.

“I did a self-portrait photo series inspired by Cindy Sherman and based on my mom's old photographs.” Lydia is a lover of international cuisine like Taiwanese and Korean, and finds her biggest joys in the “big cities, old buildings, artist studios, warm countries and 24-hour restaurants” around the world. What’s the funniest thing she can tell us about herself? “Usually this happens when someone asks me to spell my last name.”

Follow Lydia online at Pzilla.tumblr.com.

Scanning available print and online news media outlets, it seems there are just as many stories available about Lindsay Lohan falling out of limousines as there are genuine reflective looks on politics, progress and the state of our worldly affairs. Don’t get me wrong – nobody is rooting for Lohan’s success in her struggle more than I am (and I’m honest in my rooting for the underdog, laughing in the face of all who call troubled addicts “hot messes”), but it can’t be overlooked that the availability of these types of vapid news pieces are prevalent today. The news we consume and the ways it is delivered to us changes almost daily.

It used to be that one only had to avoid the high-gloss tabloid magazines while paying for that box of cereal, but today the inundation of flashy, tasteless “news” is everywhere.

No, it’s not just the National Enquirer or US Weekly reporting on things in a tasteless fashion. Publications of every size and stature have goofed up more than they should. In many cases, it’s not even the type of information or story, but the language and the angle it’s being approached that’s more unsavory. Rosie DiManno, a columnist for the Toronto Star wrote a recent piece about an Ontario anesthesiologist brought to court on charges of sexually assaulting 20 different women in his time in the operating room with them. It’s a fascinating story, one that dictates coverage, for sure. But opening with DiManno’s choice of “She lost a womb but gained a penis,” and going on to say, “The former was being removed surgically – full hysterectomy – while the latter was forcibly shoved into her slack mouth,” is a whole other ballpark of poor taste altogether. Sensitive topics require sensitive coverage, and should be delivered to the readers in a way that is both accessible and respectful to those reading the story and those involved in its narrative.

A story like DiManno’s was approached in the least tasteful of ways, but at least the topic was worth covering. Sometimes, the types of stories available to us just don’t seem to make sense at all. Last fall, a National Post story reported on a P.E.I inmate who was busted with possession of drugs up his ass, which were only discovered after he drunkenly impersonated a cartoon aardvark, nude and bent over in a jail cell. In similar chaotic storytelling, the Huffington Post broke a story about a man who was arrested for breaking a glass dish across his boyfriend’s face after the boyfriend allegedly refused to stop playing an Alanis Morissette song.

These are only two examples that stick out to me, off the top of my head. Though the content of both stories may be completely different, the thread that runs between the two of them is that both cases are examples of news items that exploit their subjects, similar to DiManno’s coverage of the anesthesiologist.

But why are these stories even news at all? Sure, they’re entertaining, and it could even be said that they shed a bit of light on a particular type of human nature. But despite these individual’s behaviour, did the rest of us really need to know about them? I may not feel more cultured in reading about a drunken buffoon with a tube of narcotics up his rear, but the story is certainly funny. Does that give enough of an incentive for our news sources to be dishing out personal stories that really couldn’t impact the reader less if they tried?

THE VOICE BOX

It’s also possible that stories like these are aimed to get a viewer on a site and continue their cultural insight further with more “meaningful” news pieces. They see the story on their friend’s Facebook, read it for a laugh, and continue to read other stories that actually inform them about the bigger picture.

The important facet to focus on is the human desire to consume information, the unquenched thirst to know more about our world, and share this information with each other both in print, online and through casual conversation. Years ago I worked as a sales rep at a Canadian bookstore chain. One conversation I had with my boss still stands out to me today: “It doesn’t matter what people are reading, so long as they are doing it,” she told me. I don’t know if I necessarily agreed, but the sentiment was nice.

Sometimes a wacky news story becomes a cultural event, such as the now infamous Ikea Monkey, who went from cell-phone photo to international viral superstar and Internet meme literally in the course of a day. The way our news is delivered today is completely different from the routes information reached our ancestors. Just last month, when the new Port Mann Bridge started raining dangerous “ice bombs” onto the traffic, it was the damaged vehicle’s owners who submitted photographic and video footage to major outlets like the Province – and rather than sending their own photographers to the scene, these publications simply printed the submissions they had received.

In a way, situations such as this one are fascinating. Whoever gets to the story first –reporter, civilian, or otherwise, gets to cover it. Each week, our contributing writers come to us with ideas for their own story pitches that they’d like to write about for the publication. When going through said story ideas, the main question we ask these writers is “What will your angle be?” Stories like Idle No More have been covered to exhaustion by news outlets across the world. For us to not say anything at all on such a topic would be tasteless. But it’s important that if we are going to say anything at all, it has to be coming from a solid foundation, and a viewpoint that is both beneficial and interesting to our readers.

The world of news always has been and will continue to be a shape shifter. As news consumers, we have shown time and time again that collectively, we want a variety of things. In accordance with living a balanced life, we desire the same from our news: from serious and informative to fluffy and funny, and everything in between. Last year’s top Canadian Google searches included a dog’s breakfast of choices, from “Gangnam Style” and Hurricane Sandy, to the Olympics and Diablo 3.

So yes, we care about who Kristen Stewart is boning and with whom Barack Obama is partying. But we also look to our news sources as an invaluable resource for what state our world is in, updated as fast as a millisecond. The thirst for information will always be among us. We here at the Capilano Courier are proud to bring you what we feel is a cross-section of news, both informative and entertaining, week in and week out.

FEATURING: GILES ROY

The Voicebox gives you the chance to have your opinion heard, no matter how irrelevant or uninformed. Just send a text message to (778) 235-7835 to anonymously “voice” your “thoughts” on any “subject.” Then, as long as it’s not too offensive, we’ll publish it! It’s a win-win-win, unless you’re a loser.

“Knock knock.”

See, I drunkenly replied to this with “come in” and now I’m regretting it. If you’re reading this, please resend your joke! I’m ready for it now!

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“Hey text 778-888-2555 if you're looking to start your own business. I am looking for business partners for my healthy coffee biz.”

Hey also, if anyone is selling the video game Prince of Persia for the PlayStation 2, holler at (778) 235-7835.

“Do you have two phones one just for this shit or is this your personal phone too? If it is how many times have you been drunk-dialled by Courier readers? I think that's a good one.”

Yes, readers! You heard right. The number published above is indeed for my personal phone. So feel free to hate on me via text message but bear in mind that I will subsequently have access to your number. In response to your question, I’ve never been drunk dialled. I have, however, drunk-replied to Voicebox texts on many occasions. So if you’re trying to make a new friend, fuck it, I’m your guy.

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“The vending machine in Birch just ate my money, who do I complain to?”

I don't know? Not me? Those vending machines have a phone number on the side for when that happens, and as I understand it, vending machine companies are very eager to make it up to disgruntled customers.

You could be swimming in free Snickers right now, but instead you texted the Voicebox.

“Dude, if I saw Giles Roy at the Tim Hortons I would totally buy him a donut of his choice but I have never seen a member of the Courier staff around campus. Why is that?”

Goofy answer: It’s because actually going to Cap is a fool’s errand. Us Courierites would rather live off of student money without actually paying for classes and whatnot. Real answer: It’s probably because our office is on the opposite end of the campus. Also Tim Hortons is bad.

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× Editor-in-Chief

the capilano courier

Peter Warkentin is a current Motion Picture Arts student here at Capilano. “I'm really interested in how people find connection and meaning in the world today; the stories people tell, the mediums they tell them in, and the methods in which they share them.” In his free time, it’s no surprise that Peter consumes as much media as he can, from movies and TV to podcasts, artwork and visual art. Peter moved to Vancouver at age 11 from southern California. “Having lived about half my life in the U.S. and about half in Canada, I feel like more of a citizen of the Internet than a citizen of any particular country.”

Peter spends his time constantly focusing on his internal monologue and “doing weird voices and accents when I'm alone.” This is, of course, when he’s not watching bad movies. “Face/Off will always have a special place in my heart.” His short and long-term goals include starting his own podcast, and television show, respectively.

Follow Peter on Twitter at @ironicist.

By JJ Brewis

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NEWS

NEWS EDITOR ×

LINDSAY HOWE × N E W S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

DECISION TIME CSU HOLDS BOARD OF DIRECTORS ELECTIONS Connor Thorpe × Writer The Capilano Students’ Union has released the names of the candidates who will be running to fill the vacant positions on the CSU Board of Directors. Voting in the election will run from Feb. 4 to 8. Newcomer Jon Kinsley will challenge incumbent Queer Students’ Liaison Brooklyn Kemp, while current International Students’ Liaison Hyerin Choi will run unopposed.

The campaign period for candidates began Jan. 21, allowing 10 days to garner support before the All Candidates’ Forum on Jan. 31, and the subsequent polling period.

QUEER STUDENTS’ LIAISON Brooklyn Kemp is aiming for her second term as the Queer Students’ Liaison, running on a platform of “build[ing] up the foundation of the collective.”

“Prior to my election last year, there actually wasn’t anyone in this position for about two years, so there wasn’t any collective,” Kemp says. “And because of that there’s no real foundation and structure to the organization.”

Kemp’s involvement in the CSU isn’t limited to the Board of Directors. She currently serves as chairperson of the General Operations Committee – a position which has allowed her the opportunity to participate in the project “Welcome to the Board,” which provides training and orientation to new Board of Directors members. Additionally, Kemp is a signing officer, responsible for signing

cheques and ensuring they are only issued once directors have completed their duties, and she has been involved with the management committee, which is responsible for staff relations. Kemp cites her deep understanding of the inner workings of the CSU – as well as a push for greater interactivity and teamwork amongst Board members – as reasons for her re-election.

“Because I have been in this position for the past year, I have a really good understanding of the way the CSU works, as well as what needs to happen for the collective in order for it to be sustainable for the future,” Kemp explains. “We’re looking at dividing up all the work between all the members so it’s more member-oriented rather than leadermember oriented … it’s all of us working together as a team.”

Kemp’s competition comes in the form of Jon Kinsley, in his first foray into student politics. If elected, Kinsley will strive to “provide the space and opportunity for members of the collective to take on leadership roles and initiatives they are interested in and passionate about,” while bringing his “positive energy, great leadership skills and quirky sense of humour.”

Despite the fact that Kinsley is a first-time candidate, he has been involved in his friends’ campaigns and has voted in every election during his two years at Capilano University. Kinsley also brings experience in event planning from his work with Romero House (Traditional Housing and Settlement Work for Refugees), as well as experience in awareness campaigns for Canada World Youth and Katimavik.

“I want to give back and serve a community that has given me so much,” Kinsley says. “I feel if I had the chance I would be a productive leader and

facilitate the changes the collective wants to see.”

Kinsley cites his sociable personality, natural ability as a facilitator and community connections as reasons for his election.

“I want to work with all the amazing people who are part of the queer collective, and to build on what we already created,” Kinsley says.

BROOKLYN KEMP

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS’ LIAISON Hyerin Choi is running unopposed for her second consecutive term as the CSU’s International Students’ Liason. If elected, Choi plans to continue her work with the leadership and mentorship programs at the Capilano Centre for International Experince.

Choi plans on organizing more events this semester, including the continuation of the multicultural nights of last semester in addition to the implementation of workshops to further a deeper understanding of multiculturalism.

“I feel like multiculturalism here is kind of superficial, and I want to challenge the norm,” Choi says. “It’s so hard, nobody wants to get involved.”

Choi vows to make multicultural events at Capilano accessible to everyone by increasing the interactivity – and subsequently, the involvement – associated with them.

For more information regarding the CSU elections please visit Csu.bc.ca/elections.

JON KINSLEY

×× VICTORIA FURUYA

HYERIN CHOI not available for photo before press time.

Market value STUDENTS PUT THEORY INTO PRACTICE FOR PUBLIC RELATIONS PROJECT Andy Rice

the capilano courier

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Thirty students in Maryse Cardin’s Communications 495 class are about to experience trial by fire. The course, entitled Project Group in Media Campaigns, features a fun and interactive final project that has already started to create a bit of a buzz in both the class and the community at-large.

From February until April, students will be conducting real-life public relations work on a pro bono basis for a client of their choosing.

Community groups, non-profit societies, entrepreneurs, artists and musicians are all fair game, offering a virtually endless combination of PR requirements and marketing possibilities.

“We’re hoping to get the word out to people who might be needing this type of work,” says Cardin. “We’re really focusing on public relations; on media relations, on social media relations, on special event planning, on training, on speech writing. It’s to give [students] an opportunity to get some experience, build up their portfolio and see what they like. We want them to get a chance to get that experience before they graduate.”

The other purpose, says Cardin, is to try to give back to the community. “One of the things that

we’ve talked about with students is, let’s do it for people who need our help. To have someone come over and take this [type of work] off your plate and say, ‘I’ll do the communications for you’ is a wonderful, wonderful contribution because almost everybody needs PR. It can make a big difference. It can be very powerful and that’s what the students are realizing and getting excited about, is that they can make a difference within a few months.”

From the promotion of a local rock band to the organization of clothing donations in the Downtown Eastside, Cardin says the ideas have begun trickling in and several students have already chosen their clients.

Melissa Nemeth, a third year Communications student, has picked the BC Wheelchair Sports Association for her project. “My boyfriend is recovering from a spinal cord injury and he does wheelchair racing,” she says. “He actually gave me the suggestion and I thought it was something really unique and different.”

Nemeth says she has already made contact with the group and hopes to schedule a meeting before the end of January. One of the ideas she plans to pitch is a campaign to bring awareness to the wheelchair divisions of local races such as the Vancouver Sun Run. “I think it would be a good idea

to try and get that more well-known, and to get people to come out and support their soon-to-be Paralympic athletes. That’s what people are doing these races for – to qualify and to get these times and to go to Rio in 2016.”

“I’m really hoping to invoke some change, so that’s the thing I’m most looking forward to,” she adds. “That and there’s no final. That’s a huge selling point.”

While there might not be an end-of-semester exam for the course, Cardin’s class will certainly be put to the test at many intervals along the way; in finding and meeting with clients, forming and implementing a plan tailored to their individual needs, and compiling reports. All work will be supervised by Cardin herself, who ran her own public relations firm in Vancouver before moving into teaching several years ago.

The course is exciting students in several regards. Not only is its subject matter engaging them through hands-on activity, but it’s also the first time the class has been offered. In fact, the Bachelor of Communications Studies degree is so new that 300 and 400-level classes are a first altogether. “These will be our first students who are reaching the 400 level this year,” says Cardin. “Our first graduates are going to be this spring. We’re very excited.”

Currently, instructional hours for the course are being spent doing an intense review of much of the knowledge students will be using in the coming weeks. “After that it’s a lot of group work, collaboration, brainstorming,” she explains. “The class is very interactive, coming up with ideas, discussing how they could approach people and who in the community needs help.”

According to both Cardin and Nemeth, excitement amongst the students has been really high.

“I wasn’t sure if they’d want to go out and get their own clients too, but so many of them have just jumped on it and run with it,” says Cardin, adding that several students do remain on the lookout for potential clients.

“We can offer a whole range of what falls under PR,” she says. “It can be anything. It can be a product launch, it can be a fundraiser for an organization, it could be putting together a social media campaign from scratch, it could be writing, it could be all kinds of stuff like that. Students will get experience and also have a chance to give back to the community. It’s a win-win.”

Individuals and organizations who feel they might be a good fit for this project and the public relations services being offered are encouraged to contact Cardin at mcardin@capilanou.ca.

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CONNECTING THE LIVING WITH THE DEAD CAPILANO PSYCHOLOGY PROFESSOR TALKS MEDIUMS Lauren Gargiulo × Writer “I have always been curious of strange things,” says Dr. Leonard George. George teaches abnormal psychology at Capilano University, and he also has had encounters with the dead. “The prospect of people claiming to be able to contact the dead struck me as both strange and intriguing. And of course such people are referred to as mediums, they mediate between the living and the dead. I thought the best way for me to find out if this was true or not, was for me to become a medium myself.”

George, along with some of his colleagues, are presenting a series of talks that are happening now called “Capilano Universe.” The series takes place once a month at local libraries on the North Shore. The first talk, which happened on Jan. 15, consisted of George discussing his trip to Lily Dale, New York.

“I was a psychologist for burn victims at St. Paul’s Hospital downtown before I decided to teach. I’ve been teaching at Capilano for nine years now, I saw it become a university, which was exciting.” George and the rest of the speakers for Capilano Universe are sharing their experience for free. The talks

are also free to attend, and the speakers are speaking because of their love for knowledge. “I think that’s pretty amazing,” George laughs. “We live in a beautiful place naturally, physically, and knowledge-wise.”

In the summer of 2012, George traveled to upstate New York to a town called Lily Dale.

What is so interesting about Lily Dale is that it is a gated town; and the only people who live in Lily Dale are Spiritualists. “You’re welcome to visit Lily Dale for the day, or to spend a few nights there, they do have hotels, but the only people who live there belong to the Spiritualist religion, – they are spiritualists,” says George. Another interesting fact about Lily Dale is that most people who live there are not just spiritualists, they’re mediums. “You’ll walk through the town, and every second house there’s a hanging shingle, and it says the name of the person who lives there, and then ‘medium.’”

While often confused with psychics, mediums are used as a sort of a bridge to contact the dead for the living, with use of meditation, and if you’re a spiritualist, prayer. Psychics have been known to predict things, such as the future, which is something that mediums do not, and cannot do. “There are also psychic mediums, just to confuse you even further,” George jokes. It is uncertain whether or not this is true, since the only way to truly know what a medium is is to become one yourself.

“I wanted to know if the experiences I was having was what is considered mediumship,” says George. “Dr. Judith Rochester assured me, that what I was experiencing was mediumship.”

Dr. Judith Rochester is a well known spiritualist and medium. Although having stayed away from TV and the public life, other mediums have come to study under her. “I was very fortunate to have her agree that I could come study under her while I was at Lily Dale,” George says. “If you want to use more scientific language then you can call it a participant observer study, since I did what they (the spiritualists) did. I could have done it on my own, but then how would I know if what I was experiencing was what Judith Rochester experiences?

It was really valuable for me to be trained by her, and for her to validate my experiences,” George continues, “I achieved my goals I think in learning, the kinds of things mediums experience when they report their contact with the other side. Of course, I wanted to know if I could get convinced. If I could obtain proof, and confidence if this is really contact with the other side.”

“I did not achieve that confidence,” admits George. “I had amazing experiences, but I could not end up concluding that behind these experiences, is what spiritualists say there is, but I can’t give proof that it isn’t there, either.”

×× DAVE MCANSH

Going Green CAPILANO UNIVERSITY STRIVES FOR SUSTAINABILITY FROM THE GROUND UP Andy Rice × Staff Writer

lecture series called EarthWorks, which focuses on environmental issues. Events and presentations take place frequently and are open to students, faculty and the entire community, completely free of charge. ”There are so many people who care about sustainability and are working to share their time and their effort and their passion for it,” says Doig. “Our focus is really determining where that passion is within the institution, and how we can make it stick.”

For more information on Capilano University’s sustainability initiatives, visit Capilanou.ca/sustainability.

NEWS BRIEF Lindsay Howe, News Editor

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On Jan. 24, the Board of Directors for the Capilano Students’ Unions released a memorandum stating that the Electoral committee and the Board had passed a motion that would prohibit certain activity by the Canadian Federation of Students on Capilano’s campus, temporarily. This prohibition is to prevent the CFS or any of their subsidies from partaking in activities such as booking space on campus or distributing advertisements or posters around campus, as they could potentially affect the CSU’s election results. Brandon Hofmarks, Chairperson for the Board of Directors, elaborates on this decision by explaining, “The CSU Board of Directors [passed the motion] because we are constantly striving to create a completely unbiased election process.” This prohibition will be lifted upon the conclusion of the February CSU election.

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duction initiatives over the last five years. “That’s money that can be put toward other things.”

Although a commitment to sustainability and a reduction in consumption undoubtedly requires full support from top-level university officials, Doig says that ultimately, it is the students and classroom staff that have the potential to create the biggest waves of change. It’s a feeling echoed by those at Simon Fraser University’s sustainability office as well. “I would say that student advocacy and staff support for that advocacy has really been the basis of most of our work at SFU in the past, and it’s kind of continued on in that fashion throughout the years,” says Candace LeRoy, the Sustainability Coordinator at SFU. ”Sustainability was really on the outside until very, very recently, even at SFU. It had to be, by nature, a grassroots initiative and focus on the outskirts of most of the major planning processes.

What’s really given us a leg up at SFU recently to overcome that challenge is the development of the sustainability office, and a sustainability plan, and the creation of a senior sustainability council.”

LeRoy says that by having those mechanisms integrated into the vision, planning, budget and toplevel goals of the university, a larger sustainability initiative has been able to develop at SFU. Back at Capilano University, grassroots organizations have been popping up as well and are attracting the attention of an executive committee eager to listen and work toward many of the same sustainability goals. Staff and faculty are even looking at ways to embed sustainability into the curriculum.

Organizations like the Campus Sustainability Network, the CSU Environmental Issues Committee and the Campus Sustainable Food Group have formed in recent years through student and faculty support and involvement. More informally-structured initiatives have also been developed as class projects and extra-curricular activities, such as the creation of a natural spaces map and a campus-wide campaign called Turn It Off, designed to conserve energy by shutting off computer monitors when not in use. The Campus Sustainability network also organizes a film and

the capilano courier

Kermit the Frog said it best: it’s not easy being green. Yet, more and more people and organizations are not only recognizing the importance of becoming more environmentally sustainable, but are also keen to take action. Universities in particular have really begun to embrace a model of greater sustainability by reducing consumption, saving energy, promoting better recycling, cutting down on unnecessary waste and most importantly, setting a visible example for students and staff within their facilities. A recent report by UI Green Metric has ranked 215 of the world’s top-performing universities with regards to sustainability initiatives. While the University of Connecticut (USA), University of Nottingham (England), and University College Cork (Ireland) topped the list, Canada held its own with six post-secondary institutions represented, including B.C.’s own Simon Fraser University which ranked 77th overall. Although Capilano University did not make that 2012 list, or apply for consideration at all, facilities manager Susan Doig says that much is being done on campus to both create and promote a sustainable environment. “We have so many things that we are working on. There is a huge movement of change within Capilano University and it’s manifesting itself in sustainability.”

The recent completion of the Nat and Flora Bosa Centre for Film and Animation, which led to a LEED [Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design] Gold standard has put a recognizable face to the university’s sustainability initiatives. Many other changes are also in the works elsewhere on campus, including a series of lighting and mechanical upgrades. ”Right now we’re just wrapping up a parking lot and outdoor lighting project,” says Doig. “When we finish, hopefully by the end of March, all three of our campuses will have 100 per cent LED exterior lighting. That would make us the first in Western Canada.”

The LED fixtures will be longer-lasting and more energy efficient, requiring far less in the way of maintenance and bulb costs. Doig says that between the replacement of exterior wall packs, pathway lighting and parking lot fixtures, she expects the university to save nearly $25,000 annually. As a top-three finalist in last year’s BC Hydro Power Smart Excellence Awards, this newest upgrade certainly can’t hurt Capilano University’s chances during the next nomination cycle in a year’s time.

Furthermore, the purchase of a bulb recycling machine several years ago has allowed glass, metal and gases from thousands of fluorescent light bulbs annually to be safely separated right on campus with minimal waste, and maximum recycling potential. ”Here on this campus we’re doing a lot more than just energy conservation,” says Doig, adding that in the coming months the university also has plans to install electric vehicle charging stations at two locations near the Birch Building, and to plant a community garden adjacent to the Bosa Centre. New ideas for sustainable projects are constantly being floated by students and staff and waste audits are conducted twice yearly to find ways to improve disposal and recycling procedures.

Between 100 and 150 students participate in the audits, sorting and examining a day’s worth of garbage. The process is telling, and one that Doig says she’s very proud of. “Last year we won the B.C. Recycling Association Educator of the Year award for that work on the waste audit, and we’ll be working with them again this year during our next one on Feb. 5.”

In addition to striving for efficiency in waste management, Capilano University is also trying to do the same for energy consumption. “2007 is our baseline year and so we’ve set pretty aggressive targets and we’re almost there in terms of energy reduction,” says Doig. “Our Squamish campus is probably our best performer and they’re close to 50-odd per cent reduction since 2007; way ahead of the provincial government-mandated reduction [which is a 33 per cent reduction by 2020.]”

According to Doig, the university has seen a cost avoidance of over $500,000 through its energy re-

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Columns

COLUMNS EDITOR ×

JJ BREWIS × E D I T O R @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

CHEAPSKATE

Marco Ferreira × Columnist

STREET DECOR

×× REBECCA JOY

Living with your parents sucks – partially because independence becomes increasingly necessary throughout your teens and 20s, but also because it's nice to have some private time when you want to smoke pot out of a bong. A survey commissioned by real estate website Trulia found that only five per cent of unmarried Americans are into dating people living with their parents. If you have really cool parents you're totally comfortable with, who “get” you and give you space, then you should stay living at home and save money. Otherwise, defy your parents' judgment and move the fuck out.

Gaining autonomy from your parents poses some unique challenges, such as finding a place to live, furnishing and maintaining it, as well as feeding and clothing yourself. For a first-timer this can be daunting. This is also a time in many people’s lives when they will be living off student loans or entry-level jobs, so saving money and time are essential.

First, you're going to need a place to live. When it comes to the location of your residence, finding a place close to campus or work is important, but it's equally important to save money. Some good cheap and livable locales are East Vancouver, Burnaby or North Vancouver, but consider anywhere with affordable rent that isn't too far out of the way, so long as an accessible bus route is no more than a couple blocks away from your new home.

When apartment hunting, give serious consideration to dark, windowless basements or jail-cell bachelor pads – what they lack in sunlight and view they make up for in price. You’re a student, focus on class instead of your dream house – chances are you’ll be moving in a year or two anyway. If there isn’t a washing machine you can use, make sure there’s a laundromat no further than four blocks away, otherwise get ready to wash your clothes in the shower. Location, amenities and price are everything; things like the size of a place, whether there’s a balcony, or if the ceilings are high enough aren’t as important.

You’re also going to want to furnish your place and your first inclination will be to go to Ikea or something. I got a nice desk from Ikea but it was also pretty expensive. I would advise you to not invest in nice furniture; it will get in the way if you want to up and move. So, before you run out and blow your student loan on furniture, check online at Freecycle and the free section of Craigslist. If you have access to a vehicle or can bribe someone who does, then for the price of gas and a strained back you can completely outfit your place for free.

Don't worry about getting everything all at once.

If something isn't available immediately just keep

checking back. Think of the money you’ll save as payment for your inconvenience. Eating dinner at the kitchen counter a few times is worth the $50 you save on not buying a table.

If you don't have access to a vehicle, there are other ways of getting set up for cheap. My friend and self-declared “rad dude” Charles O'Neil first introduced me to “alley looting” a year ago. After getting out of a long-term relationship, Charles explains he “had a lot of free time which I spent drinking and wandering around, the alley loot was just a bonus.”

Charles had inadvertently stumbled upon a world of free stuff people were dumping in the alley behind their houses. Eventually he got more organized, and started bringing a backpack with him. Charles recommends that you “troll the residential areas as that’s where the goods are at.”

Charles was successful in finding planters for all his houseplants, good bookshelves, dishes and other useful household items. He also recommends rolling found tires down hills but that’s a whole other ball game I wouldn’t really get into.

Most suburban neighbourhood alleys are good places to search for housewares. Around the dumpsters of apartment buildings and dormitories there will be free stuff when people move out at the end of the month or semester. If you’re searching for something that's liable to be heavy stay close to home because lugging a desk across postal codes sucks.

When you aren't being picky, re-appropriating things for different uses can make the job of furnishing your place a lot easier. The plastic milk crate is a good example of versatility in

AN APPLE A DAY

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THE BODILY INSTRUMENT With running, you don't have to learn how to manipulate an external object, only yourself – your body and your mind. Swimming is similar, but even with this you’re working with an outside substance. With running, it’s just you and your

pair of running shoes. Perhaps it’s this natural ease that causes running to be discounted as a skill that you must learn prior to engagement. When learning a musical instrument you have to take the time to understand how to manoeuvre your fingers around the various strings or holes. With sports that require a “tool,” like a hockey stick or tennis racquet, you must take the time to make this object an extension of your own form. The apparent simplicity of running encourages participants to, explains Norris, “Go from zero to sprint in no time.”

The good news, says Isaacs, is that “anyone can be taught how to run properly, and as a result you won't have the same stress on your knees, on your lower back, or on hips.” Getting in touch with a coach will not only help you to improve your sprint speed, endurance, and race times (as it did for Isaacs) but it will also increase your lifespan as a runner, especially if you have plans to pursue long distance running competitively, and will therefore be hitting the pavement several times a week.

Running is a high impact form of cardiovascular activity, but Norris says, “You can mitigate that impact by stretching [and] warming up,” and easing into the run post-take-off. One of the biggest mistakes that runners make, according to Isaacs, is related to stride length. While running, “You want your body to be as tall as possible,” and to do this you want to “bring your hips forward

Marco is a long-time contributor to the Capilano Courier, previously as both the Humour Editor and Opinions Editor. In this column he will be going over ways in which to save money, challenge societal norms and live more simply, with the goal of improving our quality of life. His sense of humour has a tendency to wear out his opinion, but don't let that dissuade you from following any of his life advice. Marco is currently living frugally in Sydney, Australia.

Christine Bissonnette

RESPECT FOR RUNNING Running, despite its multiple health benefits, has received a bad reputation because of the high percentage of participants who are injured every year while engaging in the sport. Each year, approximately two out of three runners will sustain an injury. This is unfortunate because, although running is not for everyone, the sport brings with it a sense of belonging and inner strength that you don't find in many other forms of exercise.

The running community in Vancouver is both large and visible. I relish in the opportunity to lock eyes with a fellow runner mid-stride, and to share in a moment of determination, resiliency, and inner peace while jogging around the seawall.

Best of all, for beginning runners (like myself ), races are less of a competition against others, and more of a competition against your body and your mind. After sitting down with Danny Isaacs, triathlete and employee at The Running Room, and ex-marathon runner Michael Norris, I've learned that the cause of many of these injuries can be narrowed down to improper form.

usefulness as it can be used to prop up the TV, as a footstool or, most infamously to store records.

Some things are good at being other things, so get creative.

According to the Conference Board of Canada, the foremost independent, not-for-profit applied research organization in Canada, Canadians love throwing shit in the garbage. A study by the Conference Board showed that in 2009, Canada produced 777 kilograms of garbage per citizen. Out of the 17 developed countries studied the average was only 578 kilograms. Recycling and reusing goods, aside from saving you money, is actually a pretty good thing to do for the sustainability of the planet.

Remember not to bring home every scrap of shit you find, and make a plan of what you need and stick to it. When it comes to being young, somewhat transient and a renter as well as a student, re-use, keep it minimal, and drop your pretensions.

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slightly and run with really small steps.”

A CHANGE IN STRIDE Essentially, you want your body weight to fall directly over your landing foot with each stride, because this way your muscles take the strain instead of your joints. If you’ve been running incorrectly for a long time, making these adjustments may seem awkward at first. Short-term you might also feel like you're getting worse instead of better, tempting you to return to old patterns. Resist this impulse, and take the time to learn by jogging at a slower pace than you’re used to. Eventually this new method will relax into your body, and you will see results.

The runner’s manipulation over the mind is what I find most fascinating about the sport.

Isaacs was very candid in speaking about those moments during a long-distance run, where all you can think about is the discomfort and the pain.

You may even become discouraged at how far you have left to go. The distance challenges everyone.

“The psychological aspect of any kind of endurance sport is pivotal if you want to do well ... there are ways to overcome the boredom and the pain,” says Isaacs. You are not alone, but should you decide to begin running competitively, what will distinguish you from the pack is your ability to quiet the noise (that little voice that whispers

“you can't do this”) inside your head and focus only on the next step.

There are many ways to do this. Both Isaacs and Norris expressed that they preferred to run without any distractions, especially on race day. They both liked being fully aware of their inner state with every mile. I think this method is probably unique to competitive athletes. As a beginner I enjoy listening to podcasts during my runs, but other alternatives include listening to music, meditating, chatting with a running partner, or downloading fun running applications like Zombies, Run! (an app that motivates your speed with colourful post-apocalyptic narration).

Running appears effortless when executed by professionals, but internally they are likely experiencing the same battles as you. The difference is that they've learned how to manipulate their body and their mind in a way that allows them to avoid real injury and ignore exhaustion, so that they can cross the finish line again and again.

Christine Bissonnette is Maritime-bred actress, writer and health enthusiast. As a P90X graduate and author of wellness blog The-positivity-project.com, she is constantly looking for new ways to test herself, and challenges you to do the same.

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THE APERTURE OF BEING

Melissa Dex Guzman

OF RATS AND PHOTOGRAPHY I create photographs. I decide the framing, the colour, the very moment in time to capture.

However, I am no wizard. Between me and the final stage of creating that photograph, there is a device. “Wow! That's a really nice camera!” This is what clients are inclined to tell me when I deliver their final photos to them. I used to get offended; my snarky instinct would remember the Internet memes that bite back with, “What a lovely oven you must have to make me this nice meal.” After professionally shooting for five years, I get it now.

Clients just like the photos and that's all I could ever ask for – bringing happiness through art.

I wonder about how we arrived to complimenting the technology rather than the photos themselves. Digital SLR cameras have become substantially more accessible to the consumer by coming down in price every year. An entry-level DSLR camera was sold in 2006 for about $1400. Today, Boxing Week continues at the big box electronic stores with entry-level DSLRs (which are far more powerful than the models released seven years ago) for $500 or less. It seems everyone has access to a fancy camera they can take photos with; therefore, everyone is seemingly on the same playing field when it comes to technology. Most people have access to a stovetop and ingredients, but does that necessarily mean they can cook?

The Pixar flick Ratatouille, featuring a cute fuzzy chef rat, boasted a simple yet profound motto – Anyone Can Cook! The film wrapped up clarifying what that motto meant exactly: “Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.” Coming from a bloodline of technical analytical types sometimes made me feel ashamed of my creative endeavors. Often I questioned if I could keep taking photos and if it was in the cards to do big things with it. I'm a rat in the world of photography.

The first person who showed me how to use a camera was my mum. Giving me a point-

and-shoot film camera when I was nine years old, the only instruction she gave me at the time was, “You put your finger on this button, wait for us to smile, and then hold still and press the button.”

It was simple at the time, but the sentiment was there: surely you can push the button and take a photo, but you are looking through a lens, waiting to capture a moment in time. When you see that specific moment, you click the shutter.

From a young age, I was shown how to document life in photos. My mum is not a professional photographer, but used a camera to capture personal memories: family and friends, the places our family has been. At a very basic level, this is what photography is – a medium that captures our lives as human beings.

Today, the Internet is too hard on folks who want to photograph their lunches and new shoes on Instagram. We live in an age where everything is documented. Everything. But it brings people joy to express the details of their daily lives to their friends. Sometimes they may call themselves a “photographer,” but isn’t this title supposed to be held in the “prestige” of professionals? Like many words in the English language that have been lost to slang of contemporary times, the definition of “photographer” is accessible, casual and acceptable. Often the folks who use the contemporary definition of “photographer” are people who engage with utmost purity for the art itself. Rather than seek out to profit with money, their sole intention is to remember a personal moment in life.

Anyone can become a photographer: a lover of life and personal picture taker – it's whether or not there is an evolution towards professional mannerisms that becomes the stark difference. In order to pick out professional photographers from the hobbyists – let the portfolio and previous works speak for themselves, first and foremost. It may come as a surprise that the same camera can end in very contrasted results, good and bad. If you

× Columnist

plan on hiring a professional photographer, speak to them about their shooting style, and what you can expect from them. A professional should be able to conduct their answers in a concise and confident manner. Many couples try to cut their wedding costs by having a family relative with his or her new Best Buy Canon Rebel take their once-in-a-lifetime photos. It takes a lot of effort to master the actual art of photography (if it can be mastered at all). By paying next to nothing for photos, this couple should also expect next to nothing in return. On the flipside, if a person charges nothing for their photos, their talent is measured accordingly.

Being focused on the gear that you think will earn you a title of “photographer” won’t get you there. You will learn more by taking photos and using your current camera rather than reading up on the latest camera with the one million megagigapentapixels. I personally did not allow

Leah Scheitel × Columnist

LAUNDROMAT THERAPY

46 issue N o . 14

Leah Scheitel lives her own life like a sketch comedy. In this column, she will explore the stories and anecdotes of her love life and their correlations to her favourite late night comedy show. Her self-deprecating wit and candid nature make her our very own Kristen Wiig. And we’re pretty okay with that.

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“I know – it’s pathetic.” I said, “but what’s the tissue about your issues?”

It was his turn to divulge about his miserable love life and I listened to how he didn’t know how to be alone. Here’s a guy that had been in perpetual relationships since he was 16, now faced with his worst fear: he was alone for the first time.

But, in true Chris Kattan fashion, he was starting to meditate and was trying to find some sort of spiritual solace for being alone. It was laundry therapy – cleaning clothes and talking about love.

Our laundromat session made me feel lighter, like someone cared about my hang-ups enough to ask and listen. And, it has to be said that my dating life has drastically strengthened since then.

Maybe if we all listened to why each other’s hearts hurt more often, they would heal quicker. That’s a nice thought.

I started doing my laundry more often, just to look for Chris Kattan. I want to know who he’s banging, and if his heart is okay with it.

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people, and become obvious in the jokes and snide comments they make. But in your 20's, even with your closest friends, it’s kind of a sensitive topic, one that they don’t ask, and you try to bury in an attempt to pretend that it doesn’t matter.

Yet it always does. And it always will. Especially when someone asks about it.

I stammered across his question.

“Um, are we that good of friends?” I joked, “I don’t know. I just smoke darts and break hearts.”

(It should be noted that I don’t actually smoke.)

“That’s a cop out,” he replied, “What’s your hang up?”

I didn’t want to answer his question. It was too bold, and I have never had someone blatantly look me in the eye, and ask me what my boy issues are.

Then, I looked down at the folding table strewn with red lacy undies and purple bras, and realized everything was already, quite literally, on the table.

I rambled on about my multitude of disappointing relationships and how it has charred my heart. It seemed like the problem always returned back to my first boyfriend. He proposed when I was 19. I said no, bought a truck, and left. Because he was my first, I thought all boyfriends were as attentive, sweet, handsome, and well endowed in the penis region as he was. I was so wrong.

“So no guy has ever compared to him?’ my Zenlike Kattan said after I had finished, “It sounds like a Sinead O’Connor song.”

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les, and his stepfather was a Buddhist monk and therapist. Kattan practiced his Buddhist faith daily, and was intellectually and spiritually enlightened, which is not something normally mixed with the cocaine and caffeine-fuelled world of sketch comedy and SNL. It was the Zen-like quality that was reminiscent in this guy at the laundromat. He had just finished his undergrad in philosophy, and seemed to be more intelligent than most guys his age, as he always wanted to talk about modern feminism and current political disasters. He liked good coffee, smoked cigars, drank nice beer, and was sexy in the same way Chris Kattan is – he is, but you just don’t know why.

What was meant to be my monthly dull chore of folding underwear and wondering how fabric softener really works turned into a symposium, where we just divulged why we both suck at relationships and love.

“I’d consider us sort-of friends now,” he said across the folding table my delicates were on, “and that means I get to ask, why are you so fucked up with love?”

By the time you reach your mid-20's, it’s taken for granted that everyone has some kind of hangup on someone or something that was done to them. A bad break-up, a love that cheated on them, or a number of rejections higher than Chris Farley’s cholesterol, are scars that stay with

Melissa Dex Guzman by day is a systems administrator, and moonlights as a rock and roll wedding photographer. It's like the Bruce Wayne turning into Batman complex, but less dangerous (and probably not as cool). Her published credits include SPIN, CBC Radio 3, and TEDx. Melissa also served as the Director of Photography for Ricepaper Magazine.

You can harass her on Twitter via @m3lissa.

×× MELISSA DEX GUZMAN

Saturday Night Love I let my dirty laundry pile fester and grow to such an extent that it takes over the entirety of my bedroom floor. My “laundry once a month affair” exists for two equally valid reasons: first, I’m a broke student, and secondly, I hate laundry.

Doing it, folding it, talking about it. It stems from my days of growing up in a hotel, and watching my mother drown in laundry everyday, that now as a grown adult I refuse to do it more than necessary.

While I was embarking on my monthly laundry mission, I ran into a guy that I had romantic ting-a-lings for. I had met him while at a coffee shop, when i spilled creamer all over the counter, and he nicely supplied me with all the napkins he could find to clean it up with. I saw him a few more times at the coffee shop, and always had pleasant conversations about philosophy, religion and sketch comedy (which I always started). It even went so far that he asked for my number so we could “grab a chill beer sometime, and talk about female liberalism.” I waited for his call for three weeks.

There was an ease and quality about this guy that reminded me of Chris Kattan from Saturday Night Live. He could joke around, and laugh at my bad jokes – but there was always a more sensitive side to him, like he was putting on a show and I wasn’t interacting with the real him.

Little known fact about real Chris Kattan –- he was raised on Zen retreat outside of Los Ange-

myself to use the title of photographer until I received my first paycheque from a photoshoot.

Just as I no longer worry when a client tells me that I have a nice camera, I no longer get worried when people want to call themselves photographers. It’s truly a wonderful thing that we have the technology to be able to photograph our lives, in a quick and efficient way. I believe that for the most part, Anyone Can Cook, and Anyone Can Take A Photo. The most important part is to live life and have fun with it.

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Columns

COLUMNS EDITOR ×

JJ BREWIS × E D I T O R @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

Growing Pains

Robert Catherall × Columnist

CULTURE'S LAST STAND We Vancouverites like to think of ourselves as a cultured lot, what with our practical “ready-forany-shit-storm-the-Pacific-can-throw-my-way” outerwear, our dilapidated Victorian homes, and those eccentric youth on Commercial Drive who while away the afternoons in red-eyed theological discussions. The reality is that four local theatre groups have closed since 2011, the Rio, one of the city's last independent theatres, were forced to halt operations last spring while they fought for the right to serve beer during a movie, and a handful of other independently cultivated venues such as 360 Glen, W2 Media Arts Café, and The Waldorf are shutting down at a dizzying pace. In light of these events, it's difficult to see our city as anything other than culturally indifferent, and possibly even destructive.

Art galleries, cultural centres and music venues are necessary to propagate ideas. Discussions stem from conjecture and new approaches born from resolutions. As a city we should strive to move forward, utilizing cultural venues to not just showcase beauty but also to facilitate conversations that inspire progress. These discussions don't necessarily require direct verbal communication, taking place in a variety of formats and venues.

Perhaps it's just an example of our Prime Minister's baffling statement that “ordinary Canadians” aren't concerned with the arts. Harper made it clear that Canadians are just a bunch of “ordinary people” with ordinary concerns and are certainly not interested in any of the highfalutin notions one might derive, or even enjoy, from an artistic experience. This was a precedent-setting policy that justified the B.C. Liberals' slash to the provincial arts budget in 2010, as their “non-es-

sential” role left B.C.'s arts with a measly $2.25 million annual budget, an 88 per cent reduction.

It didn't resonate in Quebec, however, where municipalities increased spending on culture by 17.6 per cent from 2008 to 2010. This contrast is probably why there are so many Vancouver ex-pats living in Montreal.

Another reason could be the cost of living.

Montreal-via-Vancouver rocker Mac DeMarco doesn’t seem personally affected by the shift between provinces, though acknowledges it exists.

"I've heard the funding over here is a little better maybe, but in my case I've never received a cent of government funding. One thing though, is that Quebec's sort of poor, making living costs really low compared to other parts of Canada. So for kids like me, instead of working a crappy job, you can just write songs all day."

Meanwhile in Vancouver, 2013 has seen a ban on all-ages shows at liquor primary venues, the closing of The Waldorf, and the (seemingly imminent) end of W2 Media Arts Café.

With these and so many other closures, where are artists and their audiences supposed to go?

Perhaps we’re all doomed to frequent one of the many cookie-cutter Donnelly Group establishments, which all, in their own “unique” way, look as if they've been designed by the most ignorant of pigeon-holing pencil-necks. Doubtful, and while authentic bars and venues still exist in Vancouver, it seems like more are drawing their curtain every month.

The most concerning of all the closures is the beloved Waldorf, whose eclectic approach brought musicians, artists, food trucks, skate ramps and even a hair salon under one roof. This closure

could be the final blow for a city whose arts and music community collectively cried out, "We really shouldn't have to fight this hard to keep culture alive in Vancouver!"

Statements from Douglas Coupland, Grimes, and even Skrillex emphasized The Waldorf's closure as the coup de grace for Vancouver arts. It was a venue that unassumingly bridged the gap between The Cobalt and The Commodore for up-and-coming musicians. As the Vancouver-born Grimes explained in an interview with the Globe and Mail, "If this venue doesn't exist, a lot of midlevel bands can't tour in this city anymore."

DeMarco seems more optimistic about the city. "Nah, Vancouver had a bunch of great stuff going before The Waldorf,” he says. “It sucks it's getting shut down, but there's a great scene there and it'll keep going. There'll be other venues." He reminded that, "bigger bands were still always coming through before The Waldorf opened, and after Richards closed."

Exactly where that will be remains to be seen, but a lot of fingers are pointed two blocks west toward The Astoria, while others are looking at The Biltmore and Fortune Sound Club for reliable live music.

Meanwhile, a number of less publicized venues such as Zoo Zhop, Ironroad, and China Cloud are beginning to catch the eye of promoters around town, but have yet to flourish on a mainstream scale. Nevertheless, The Waldorf will live on in spirit and you can expect a crowd to turn up at The Biltmore on the third Friday of every month to attend the venerable Ice Cream Social.

Vancouver's cafés, arts and culture venues, however high-brow or sub-cultural they may be, are

necessary for creating and maintaining social ties.

They are musicians' community halls and artists' Elks Lodges. A music venue or art gallery is a meeting place where non-traditional ideas and social connections can flourish comfortably. Sadly, the loss of all-ages shows, The Waldorf, and W2 Media Arts Café in the span of a month is more than growing pains. It's complete paralysis.

Having seen some of the world’s greatest (and worst) cities, Robert believes Vancouver can become the former. However, it will not happen without some growing pains. Through his writing he intends to show that development can have a positive social effect, but understands this isn't always the case.

×× LYDIA FU

× STAFF EDITORIAL ×

THAT JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE Giles Roy

the capilano courier

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× Managing Editor

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When I was in first grade, my family moved from one North Vancouver neighbourhood to another, and I spent a brief tenure as the new kid at Cleveland Elementary. It was awful and I hated it and I wasn't cool. Other kids liked sports. I liked video games. Other kids liked occasionally interacting with girls, I liked avoiding them entirely. Other kids liked Power Rangers, and I had no idea what the fuck that was.

But, for whatever reason, the cool kids kept me around. I don't know why, because I don't understand first graders. It wasn't like I was their friend.

I was more their scapegoat. The butt of their jokes, last picked for kickball. Unless he happens to be awesome at everything, the new kid is just the new kid until proven otherwise.

I can’t recall too much from this time, but I vividly remember one thing.

One recess, these same guys took my hat and were playing keepaway. Keepaway is a sport that I was unfamiliar with, in which many

seven–year –olds take the prized possession of another seven-year-old and taunt him as he tries to get it back. I was genuinely pretty upset and had presumably decided not to take that shit anymore.

So, tears in my eyes, I decided to relay an expression that I had apparently misheard at some point: “You guys,” I stammered, “are really getting on my nerds!”

Like, I was crying and shit! But it brought what we now refer to as "lols," and that was good enough to both earn me back my hat and validate me in front of my peers. Like I said, I don’t understand first graders.

And that was it for me. From then on, completely by accident, I was the funny kid. I don't remember explicitly "cracking wise" at any point, but I do remember consistently making people laugh throughout my childhood and gradually becoming okay with it. I'm not one to place too much weight on whatever happens to you in grade school, but I'm retrospectively aware that during those years, one shitty joke led to another, and to another, until Giles as we now know him was shaped.

A typical social interaction for me now consists of staying quiet until the time's right to interject

with whatever dumb joke I've been sitting on while I was supposed to be listening. But another disturbing and far more common scenario for me is where I'll be engaged in a rapid-fire (read: normal speed) conversation, and I'll fire off something that "sounds" like a joke without considering whether or not it actually makes sense. Sometimes it will make sense! People will chuckle or smirk or whatever. Sometimes it won't, and I'll be exposed.

I hate that. I'm afraid, every day, that people aren't going to take me seriously. But I'm more afraid that I have nothing to say.

So in some ways, humour has slowly ruined me.

But it's also saved me. The general attitude that most things are worth laughing at got me through that general "nobody loves me" high school depression, and more recently, through that general "what am I doing with my life" grown assed man depression. In the interim, it's helped me handily deal with everything from death to what was once referred to as "heartbreak." By that token, I wholeheartedly endorse the same attitude. Not as a tool, but as a sort of policy. Making dumb jokes is a fine strategy for getting through life because (and here's where I editorialize) life is kind of dumb.

It's a filter for me. Or a Linus blanket. I don’t

know what it is. Humour just allows me to laugh at and accept, in varying capacities, the innumerable aspects of life that are complete shit.

It livens up the dull stuff and enhances the good stuff. If everything is worth laughing at, I can be happy. And, believe it or not, I am happy.

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arts

ARTS EDITOR ×

CELINA KURZ × A R T S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

What Your Skirt Says About You CAPILANO STUDENT’S PROVOCATIVE ART PIECE SPARKS MEDIA BUZZ Peter Warkentin × Writer “Whore.” “Slut.” “Asking for it.” These are but a few of the words inscribed on the length of a woman’s leg in Judgements, an art piece created by Capilano student Rosea Lake. These labels correspond with the skirt length one might associate with that word, revealing the alarming prejudices that still exist in our society.

“I wanted people to assess their own judgements of other people,” says Lake. “I wanted people to look introspectively and really take a look at their assumptions, and take a look at how they’re seeing the world, and see if that’s right.” Lake says the idea for the piece came from the realization that even she had been judging women on the way they dressed. “I had an idea for it, and I already had some of the morals in place, but really they came into focus when I was working on it.”

She posted the photo on her Tumblr page on Jan. 5. By the afternoon of Jan. 7, it had around 5,000 notes (likes and shares combined). Then it exploded: by midnight, the piece had 100,000 notes. “It was really overwhelming at first. People were messaging me fan mail and stuff. I freaked out; I couldn’t even deal with it. I called up my friend and we went out for food, and I asked him to just distract me as much as you can, with anything.”

When she checked the post again the next day, it had over 200,000 notes. People had begun sharing the image to social networking sites like Facebook, Reddit, and 9Gag, which garnered

the piece even more attention. Then the press got involved: the piece has been featured by over a dozen news sources, including The Province, The Huffington Post, and The Globe and Mail. Lake has been interviewed on television twice, and the story has been translated into French, Italian, Turkish and Croatian.

“I’m really, really happy that this message is getting out. I think it hit at the right time, I think it hit at a time when our culture is sort of reexamining a lot of its views, and this is sort of the next movement in feminism. In sort of going back and going ‘Hey! These assumptions are not okay!’”

But the press has not been entirely good.

Negative, sexist criticisms of the piece have popped up in the comments sections on both social media sites and news outlets alike. “I think a lot of the negative comments are centred around the fact that people don’t understand what it’s about.

They get it out of context. The name isn’t there, and my blurb about what it is just isn’t attached ...

I think they just become uncomfortable with the fact that I’m provoking some sort of thing in them where they look internally and they try to defend themselves because they feel attacked.”

It’s also getting criticism for the exact opposite reasons. Some comments are, in fact, from people who believe that the piece is supposed to be taken literally, as a guide to how long women should wear their skirts. Lake says, “I’ve seen comments like, ‘This must have been made by a man!’ They don’t understand.”

With Judgements, Lake never intended to attack anyone’s beliefs with a fixed message. Rather, her goal was to spark introspection among viewers,

and let each person arrive at their own conclusions.

Lake believes that sometimes aggressive activism can go too far. “When someone in a certain group acts in a negative way that’s associated with them, that just brings down the entire group’s motives.”

But Lake doesn’t think extremism is always the wrong approach, either. “Being a militant feminist, burning bras and stuff, I think there’s a place for that. I think there’s a place for a revolution, and there’s a place for anger, because there’s a lot of stuff that’s just totally not okay. I mean, look at India … Militant feminism: totally appropriate there, because it requires that level of action.” Looking to our Western society, she says, “I know a lot of people my age that have the opinion that we have achieved all the feminist goals we need to, and that women are on par with men at this point. In some ways that’s really far off.” She elaborates, “Every time I leave the house in something that could be possibly construed as provocative … I always think about the implications, like ‘Will I be travelling on foot?’; ‘Am I going to be verbally or sexually abused?’ That’s a factor for me when I dress. I wish I didn’t have to fear rape every time I put on a skirt. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I think our society still has leaps and bounds to go before we’re good.”

Despite some mixed reactions, Lake embraces the on-going dialogue. “I’m actually happy that there’s negative commentary, because that means it’s doing something. It’s creating a conversation.”

Although she doesn’t have any concrete plans for a follow-up, Lake says that the theme of social preconceptions is something that she’s interested

in exploring in her future work. But, she adds, “I hope at some point, this will be out-dated. This won’t be a problem anymore.”

Rosea Lake is a current student in the IDEA Program at Capilano University. Visit her on Tumblr at Roseaposey.tumblr.com and on Twitter @roseaposey.

×× JUDGEMENTS BY ROSEA LAKE

ROLL CREDITS HISTORIC RIDGE THEATRE TO BE TURNED INTO CONDOS Caitlin Manz × Writer

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developmental projects. Most recently, the historic Waldorf hotel, another creative establishment around since the 1950’s, was sold to a housing developer, and last year saw the end of the Vancouver Playhouse Theatre Company, the site of many film and musical festivals in the city.

“I really think that the City favours big businesses and favours developments, because there’s a lot of money in condo development, they can make a killing, and the City knows that,” Steve says, in response to all the recent closures. “I understand that they want [Vancouver] to be prosperous, but by the same token, if people are bored, people will just want to leave.”

The loss of the Ridge reminds us of the importance of preserving and creating spaces that connect us to our community – spaces that allow us to actually meet people, and not just sit silently next to an anonymous stranger. Alan Franey, the director of the Vancouver Film Festival, who also managed the Ridge in the 1980’s, said to the Globe and Mail a few months before its closure, “In this fragmented world where we often don't know who lives three doors down from us, we can't afford to lose all these opportunities for building community.” In a city where the unusual never lasts long, it teaches a lesson to hold onto unique spaces that still offer chances to reach out.

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ular options in one place. “A lot of people and distributors like the comfort of multiplex theatres,” Ferguson explains.

Schein is also sorrowful, yet overall not surprised at the Ridge’s fate, due to its small screening abilities. “People aren’t attending single-screen theatres like they used to, with all of these multiplex theatres.” Ferguson adds to this, saying, “I think there is a mentality that people like to just go to big flashy multiplexes, especially the younger generations.”

The Ridge has been in Vancouver since the ‘50s, and adds character to the Kitsilano area, with a bowling alley next door that’s also been there since the ‘50s. The theatre stands out amongst its modern competitors, as it has an old-school feel that brings audience members together with its more personal one-screen showings. Steve describes the feeling of history within the Ridge, saying, “It’s kind of like when you go back to high school and there’s a smell and a feeling about the place, this place – it almost feels like it enraptures an atmosphere of history.” The theatre was also the site of the first Vancouver film festival, and continued to bring culture into the city over the years: “For 25 years it has hosted French, Jewish and animation film festivals,” states Schein.

The Ridge Theatre is just one of the many theatres and venues that have been closed and replaced with housing and mixed-use

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The Ridge Theatre, located at Arbutus St. and 16th Ave. in Vancouver, will roll its last film on Feb. 3. “It’s very unfortunate,” states Leonard Schein, the current operator of the Ridge Theatre and the president of Festival Cinemas, an operation owning the Ridge, Park, and Fifth Avenue theatres. “It has been a wonderful neighbourhood venue for over 60 years now, and has shown a lot of wonderful movies. People have enjoyed it over the years. It’s a shame.”

The property owner of the Ridge sold the complex containing the theatre, as well as the bowling alley, to the Cressey Development Group, who received their development permit this October to demolish the theatre and bowling alley for mixeduse development, including retail stores and four stories of condos. “Cressey has never been particularly interested in having a development like this, they have always been wanting to do condos,” says Steve Ferguson, the current manager at the Ridge.

The surrounding community, however, is not happy to see the theatre go, and fought for the Ridge to remain standing. “The immediate community, when they heard that things were going to be closed down, reacted very negatively,” says Ferguson. “They didn’t want to see this five-storey

condo complex, with balconies overlooking all their yards, over something that’s been here for decades and decades.”

Unfortunately, their efforts to fight for the Ridge came to naught. “They went to City Hall and they protested; there was a petition that both us and the bowling alley had that collected thousands and thousands of signatures; and we even had information on who to contact at City Hall if you have an opinion about it ... Everyone felt there was no consultation with the community, and they reacted very negatively.”

The Ridge first saw its end in 2010 when its lease was not going to be further renewed due to the building’s high cost and shrinking revenue. “We’ve seen it coming for some time,” says Ferguson. “The beginning of the end was really quite a few years ago, when DVD came out, because before that point this was a [repertory] theatre, which meant that they just played older movies and such, ones that you couldn’t see often or in a good quality.”

Festival Cinemas took over the Ridge in 2005 and made it into a first-run theatre again, playing more mainstream films. Yet as Ferguson explains, “Even still with video-on-demand and Netflix and such, there has been a definite decrease in business.” Large, multiplex theatres also make business difficult for small-screen theatres such as the Ridge, as they offer audiences many pop-

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arts

ARTS EDITOR ×

CELINA KURZ × A R T S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

A RT S H O RTS REVIEWS

NIKI & THE DOVE Jan. 23 at the Electric Owl

By JJ Brewis, Editor-in-Chief

✭✭✭ NIKI & THE DOVE BRING THE 80'S VIBE ✭✭✭

×× TOM NUGENT

Sweden has been a direct go-to for electronic-indie acts for decades now. From Ace of Base to Sally Shapiro, the Swedes just know how to do well-crafted electro-tinged pop music. Niki and the Dove made a big splash on many critics’ year-end list for 2012, but in-person the duo of singer/songwriter Malin Dahlström and keyboardist/synth guy Gustaf Karlöf seemed to be floundering a bit on stage. Dahlström is a captivating vocalist, who perhaps relies a bit too heavily on her own influences: throughout the performance, it felt as if Kate Bush, Lykke Li and/or Cyndi Lauper were all guest-starring on various songs. To be inspired by someone is one thing, but to emulate their vocals is too far into the derivative territory. The show certainly wasn’t without its thrills – the duo make a captivating on-stage team, creating a visual and sonic set that never slows down, loses its energy, or bright colourful oomph. But all in all, it ended up feeling like a glorified DJ set; after the first 20 minutes, much of the music blended into one big energetic mess. Which is either great or terrible, depending how you look at it.

RIDE THE CYCLONE

the capilano courier

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At the Granville Island Stage

By Samantha Thompson, Copy Editor

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DEVIN TOWNSEND ROCKS THE VOGUE IN AN ACCUSATORY MANNER ×× MELISSA DEX GUZMAN

GOJIRA & DEVIN TOWNSEND PROJECT Jan. 19 at the Vogue Theatre

By Giles Roy, Heavy Metal Warrior Had Chicago’s The Atlas Moth made it across the Canadian border last Saturday night, Gojira’s sold-out Vogue Theatre show might have felt more balanced. Or more traditionally metal. Less weird, anyway. Because since that band was denied access to the Great White North (how does this still happen?), the Devin Townsend Project was stuck with the opening slot, which was just... completely fucked.

Whereas the former may have eased everyone

into the mood with gloomy atmospheric sludge, DTP offered up something else entirely. Namely, what its frontman apparently refers to as “dazzle.”

The band makes what a metal-head might consider to be pop, which means it doesn’t really sound like anything else at all. It’s clear, though, that Devin Townsend isn’t exactly aiming for the charts: “I believe that there’s an intrinsic value in heavy metal that is often overlooked in the mainstream,” he beamed before his last song, which featured lurching major chords, vaguely operatic singing, and the lyrics (projected on a screen behind him) “NEVER FEAR LOVE” repeated over and over again. Whoa, okay, buddy! Settle down with that stuff! No, I’m kidding, you’re alright.

Gojira, then, were a complete juxtaposition.

Sure, they were energetic and gracious, but the

menacing French quartet’s overall message is decidedly misanthropic by comparison, in the “We’re killing the planet and deserve to wiped off of it” sort of way. Throughout their set, the fans were happy to address that, by doing everything short of murdering each other.

In the presence of the band’s majestic stage design, seeing people practically beating the shit out of each other was kind of spectacular.

But Gojira are a seasoned five albums deep now, and are good enough at what they do that such behaviour is warranted, if not essential to the experience. So both acts handily accomplished what they meant to, and it’s doubtful that anybody left disappointed. Utterly confused maybe, but not disappointed.

It's a play with an unusual premise: six teenagers from a Catholic high school choir ride the Cyclone, a popular rollercoaster, and get flung to their deaths when the ride breaks down at the peak of the loop-de-loop. The Arts Club's presentation of Ride the Cyclone, a popular Canadian play written by Jacob Richmond, proves once again that the theatre company has great strength when it comes to comedic musicals with short runtimes (Cyclone runs 90 minutes, with no intermission). The six dead teens are given a chance to come back to life by the hilariously ominous Karnack, who narrates the story from a carnival fortune-telling booth.

The problem is, only one of the six can be brought back to life, which sends them into a musicallycharged competition to prove that they're the one who deserves the top prize. Each musical number is very unique, and you'll find yourself choosing the character you most want to win. Each actor has a powerful voice, which compliments the bright, carnival-esque set. Amidst the laughter there is a sense of sadness, because every once in a while you're reminded that these 17-year-olds are in fact, dead. But with heartwarming numbers like “Sugar Cloud” and gut-busting funny declarations like “Space Age Bachelor Man”, you'll find yourself in constant fits of laughter – both from the humour and out of complete surprise of what's being presented to you on stage.

Ride the Cyclone runs until Feb. 16. For tickets, visit Artsclub.com.

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Eagles in the out field BALD EAGLES CONGREGATE IN HUGE NUMBERS AT BRACKENDALE Victoria Fawkes × Writer

While most species of birds head south for the winter, the same can’t be said for the toughest and most admired bird in the animal kingdom.

While Canada’s temperamental geese and robins fly off in search of warmer temperatures, America’s bald eagles simply vacation in Brackendale for a change of scenery. Every year, Brackendale, known as the “winter home of the bald eagle,” holds its annual Winter Eagle Festival and Count. This January’s festival marks the 27th anniversary for the Eagle Festival, and organizer Thor Froslev of the Brackendale Art Gallery still remembers the excitement he felt during the first eagle count.

“I read in the newspaper 27 years ago that people from BC Wildlife had been sent up here to do an eagle count. When they met up in the parking lot in the early morning and it was raining, a real West Coast day. After reading about that in the newspaper, I called them laughing said, ‘Don’t you guys know enough to get out of the rain?’ recalls Froslev. He then invited BC Wildlife to use the Brackendale Art Gallery as eagle count headquarters, and from there, the Winter Eagle Festival and Count was born. “The first year we did the eagle count, we got the Squamish Environmental Society together and we met in the morning to do the count. We weren’t experienced in anything like that, but we figured out the area was 40 kilometres wide, and we divided that into 22 areas, with two counters for each area,” says Froslev. Armed with basic training and supplies, the group set off with their maps and counted a total of 537 eagles in its first year.

Though it’s not the highest count ever recorded (the highest was a record 3769 in 1994), in its 27th year, the eagle count was a decent 804.

Drawn by the abundant salmon that spawn in the Squamish Valley each winter, the bald eagles that are counted migrate from the United States in search of food. For the last six years, the count has been under 1,000, a figure Froslev blames on the West Coast’s salmon farms. “They are all up along our otherwise beautiful and pristine wild West Coast (especially the Broughton Archipelago) and what they are doing is polluting the ocean bottom, spreading disease and toxins and, worst of all, spreading sea lice to smolts which must now travel through a snow of larval sea lice to get out to the ocean. A few sea lice on adult fish is not a problem, but just two or three can kill a smolt.”

He adds, “This particularly affects our Chum which only stay in the rivers six months, compared to Coho which stay one and a half years.

This means that the Chum smolts are much more vulnerable and therefore our Chum runs, on which our Eagles depend, have been affected,” says Froslev. While climate and weather change are unavoidable, Froslev says that more could be done in terms of salmon farming to help support the eagle population. “Eagles are our barometers.

If something went wrong with the eagles, we’d know what was happening for us down the line.”

Despite the lower than average count this year, those involved in the festival were still happy to take part. While the bald eagles stick around until mid-February, the festival provides locals and visitors with guest speakers, an eagle art show at the Brackendale Art Gallery, live music by local bands, and guided eagle tours throughout the month of January. The festival also runs an eagle aid station, which is a facility set up to help injured birds.

The birds brought to the station are made as comfortable as possible, and are then transferred to a rehabilitation facility for further care.

While the art show and guided tours have been around for decades, growing interest in the festival has drawn in tourists and photographers from all over British Columbia. “The main thing that has changed is that the cameras have gotten bigger,” says Froslev. “We have an eagle watch program every weekend, and they have three big scopes that people can watch the eagles with.” He adds, “The most beautiful thing about this eagle situation is that if you’re coming from Vancouver, you drive an hour up to Brackendale, and all you have to do is walk over the dyke to see the eagles.” The bird watchers and photographers that have previously attended the festival note that it’s not unusual to

see over two dozen eagles in a single tree during the winter festival.

After 27 years, Brackendale’s counters can still appreciate the strength and beauty of the bald eagles that visit them every winter. But the best part, notes Froslev, is the way the eagle festival brings the community together. “The most beautiful thing about this festival is how it brings all the neighbours together in a group. This year, with the rafters in particular, they all got here at 8 a.m. and it took them four hours to do the paddle. When they first got here, they had a smile on their faces – but now they’re grinning from ear to ear.”

××KAREN PICKETTS

A book you can't put down PROJECT OFFERS INFORMATION STRAIGHT FROM THE SOURCE Rhys Edwards × The Ubyssey (University of British Columbia)

people I’ve ever met. Rather than perpetually aspiring to be someone else, she enjoys the life that she has made for herself. “I couldn’t imagine letting my body hold me back,” she mentions in passing.

The fact that I could learn so much through a basic interaction with another human being left me feeling both elated and despondent. I appreciate the knowledge I gained, but I was also left with the impression that my understanding of the world I live in is woefully narrow. How many other stories are circulating beneath Vancouver’s glass veneer? The Human Library, at least, provides a way for us to find some of them.

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The Human Library is happening again from Feb. 1-3 at the Vancouver Public Library. See PuShfestival.ca/shows/human-librar y for more details.

× 46 issue N o . 14

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“I’ve broken one girl’s ribs and another girl’s tailbone through hitting them,” she cheerfully informed me.

For Suzy, roller derby is not merely a pleasurable pastime; it affirms the total confidence she has in her self-image. The way in which she has embraced her body, she said, has inspired other women to confront the prejudice against non-heteronormative images of the female body.

“This is who I am,” Suzy stated. “I’m going to use every inch of my body to convey this message: That I am big, and I love it.”

As our conversation continued, I found my (admittedly limited) understanding of roller derby and the human body changing rapidly. I learned, for instance, that it’s entirely possible to be in excellent physical condition — Suzy also skis, gardens and goes mountain climbing — and still be overweight due to factors entirely beyond personal control.

I eventually worked up the courage to ask her how she fares on the romantic side of things.

Without hesitation, she tells me that she has a boyfriend, and that she has been approached by men on numerous occasions. “I’ve said ‘no’ a hell of a lot more times than I’ve said ‘yes.’”

By the time our conversation ended, I realized something else: not only is Suzy totally okay with who she is, she’s also one of the most confident

the capilano courier

VANCOUVER (CUP) — In many ways, human beings are like books. Some of us can ramble on and on without saying anything, while others can explain complex ideas in a few sentences.

Some of us cover ourselves in lavish designs and patterns; others are more austere. We often speak of our life story, and say that we can read each other like a book. And of course, as we grow older, we begin to wrinkle and decay.

So it’s not beyond the stretch of the imagination to conceive of a human as a living book — the walking incarnation of text. These are the thoughts I had in mind last Saturday when I went to the Human Library, a performance project currently being hosted by the PuSh International Performing Arts Festival in Vancouver. In keeping with the festival’s boundary-pushing mandate, the Human Library is an interactive experience that compels participants to challenge their preconceptions about a variety of stereotyped people by asking them to simply talk to each other.

Visitors to the Human Library, located on the third floor of the Vancouver Public Library’s downtown branch, will find a desk covered in an

array of different “books” they can check out, such as “Asperger’s Syndrome,” “Refugee” and “Born Again Christian.” Shortly after, a librarian will take you to meet your book-person, and, for the next 20 minutes, candid conversation ensues.

As I walked to meet my person — a tome titled “Livin’ Large” with no additional context – I had misgivings. What if we didn’t get along? What if I offended them? And what if the conversation was awkward? Fear, I hoped, would be requisite to some kind of learning.

The subject of “Livin’ Large” is a young woman who calls herself Suzy Shameless. I had anticipated that she would be overweight; what I had not anticipated, however, was that she would be an enthusiastic roller derby girl. For the past six years, Suzy has played with the Terminal City Rollergirls in competitions across North America, even as far away as Alaska. She hopes one day to compete in Dubai, just to see how the locals respond to her: a 220-pound woman wearing fishnet stockings, hot pants and a tank top.

Suzy once modelled for the cover of Sad Magazine, where she was described — in the nicest possible sense — as “an overtly sexual, hyper-aggressive bully.” She frequently rolls into the ring with a message scrawled across her bare belly, which she slaps to intimidate the opposing team.

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FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

NATALIE CORBO

× S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

LIKE BIRDS OF A FEATHER WE STICK 'N' POKE TOGETHER → A GUIDE TO THE ART OF HOME TATTOOING ← Celina Kurz

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× Arts Editor

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“The first tattoo I ever got from someone was in a barn in Newfoundland, my sister gave me an envelope. It’s definitely the crappiest stick ‘n’ poke I have, which is pretty awesome.” While the envelope tattoo lacks the detail and visual depth of some of the stick ‘n’ pokes Nicole Caron has gotten or given herself since then, she has no regrets. “I guess I love all stick ‘n’ pokes, even the ones that are really crappy.”

A few years later, she gave her first tattoo: “We were really bored and I think maybe my friend gave me one first, it was a broken heart – it was a joke – and then I gave her an 18-hour circle pattern with cross hatching in it, which was going way out there. I guess after that it was like, I can do anything now, now that I’ve done that 18hour one.” She now estimates that she’s tattooed anywhere between 50 and 100 people, as well as given herself multiple tattoos.

Stick ‘n’ pokes, or DIY tattoos, can range anywhere from someone stabbing the word “chaos” into their arm and pouring India ink into it, all the way to images which incorporate shading and colour. Different factors, such as the type and thickness of needle used, the depth that the needle penetrates the skin, as well as the experience and skill of the person giving the tattoo and the style desired, all have an effect on what the finished art will look like.

Before being introduced to the idea of doing it herself, Caron had several tattoos done in-store, but as she explains, “All the tattoo experiences I’ve had in a shop have been really crappy, and I’ve heard the same thing [from other people], like sexist dudes treating you like you don’t know anything, and even ignoring you when you ask for something. ...The best experience I had was the teacups, that was done by a lady at Funhouse. But it’s funny, because I feel like I could do that tattoo as a stick ‘n’ poke very easily.”

The main difference between getting a tattoo done in-store and doing one yourself at home is the equipment used. While it’s possible to buy a tattoo gun, and some people choose to make that investment, sewing and injection needles offer a cheaper alternative. “A lot of homemade tattoo guns can look really crappy - I’ve also seen ones that look really great – but in people’s perception that’s one extreme to another,” explains Caron.

“I think that as soon as people know that there’s a middle [ground], and even a not-very-far-off [option] from an in-store one, then obviously a whole new world is opened for them, financially.”

Caron elaborates, pointing out the financial exclusivity of in-store tattoos: “Having to pay – usually it’s like $100 an hour – I think that tattooing doesn’t need to be something that’s controlled in that same way, and that doing it DIY is a really

important thing.” If you’re giving yourself a tattoo, all you are paying for is the basic equipment and time spent. And while Caron does try to get paid when she gives tattoos, she charges a fraction of what stores would charge, and also accepts trades in kind. “I also have some friends [and we] tattoo each other.”

Caron is also a musician, currently playing with local bands Loose Tights, Derek Wheeler, and Twenty Three, among others, and she draws comparisons between her experience there with the DIY nature of stick ‘n’ poke: “[It’s interesting to think about] how this plays into different aspects of the different arts that I do, like especially with music and the DIY culture there – it’s like anyone can play, anyone can play music. People are attracted to different things and it doesn’t have to be a professional polished thing that you’re attracted to.”

HOW TO DIY Caron explains that there’s no one way to do a stick ‘n’ poke; in fact, that’s kind of the point. “You can use many different materials to do them. A lot of people like to use actual tattooing needles that would go into a gun, some people use sewing needles, and I like to use injection needles, which I think is really awesome because I know 100 per cent that those are clean and you can get them from lots of different places for free.”

If you are using a sewing needle, sanitation can best be achieved via heat, for example, burning it over a lighter.

It really depends on what kind of style you’re looking for, and what you want your finished product to look like. “I started with sewing needles and I switched over to injection needles, and it made a huge difference in the detail you could get ‘cause the needle’s so much finer and it also holds ink.”

In order to avoid infection, it’s important to ensure that all the materials you use are as sanitized as possible, even the vessel that you are keeping the ink in. “Use something that is 100 per cent sterilized. Don’t reuse things, so if you’re going to use water from a yogurt container that’s been cleaned, don’t reuse that for someone else’s tattoo, because when you clean your needle out in that water, that then has traces of blood that can’t really be sanitized.” And, says Caron, “Whenever you give a tattoo, always use gloves, please!”

From that point, it’s important to make sure the skin that you are working with is clean and sanitized as well; wiping down with rubbing alcohol works well. “One time I did a UFO tattoo, and I guess the person had told me that they had cleaned their arm … but they actually hadn’t, and they didn’t shower for a while afterward and it got really infected,” warns Caron. “It healed fine, but it took a really long time to heal.”

It can be a good idea to map out the image or

×× KATIE SO

words that you want using pen beforehand. “You can get special transfer paper, [but] I usually just draw with pen and just keep erasing it.”

The next step is to start actually poking: “I go over it once, and erase it so all the pen ink would be gone and you’d be able to see a faint image,” says Caron. From that point, you just need to fill in the lines or spaces to create the image you want.

The most commonly used ink is India or Sumi ink, although you can also use professional tattoo ink, which comes in a variety of colours.

Your first piece probably won’t be a masterpiece, but like anything, the more you do it, the more comfortable you become and the more things you can do. “Like I said, the one I got first, you can see each individual dot and it was done by a really thick tattoo needle so it’s not detailed at all, but that’s where it started for me. And [after that] just realizing that I had the potential to do a lot of detail, and progressing in that sense too, like starting with not very much and moving, getting the hang of it.”

While not everyone can become a professional tattoo artist, everyone has the ability and potential to become a DIY tattoo artist. “What’s cool for me is that I’ve shown many people how to do it. So once you get a stick ‘n’ poke and someone explains it to you, for sure you could do it to someone else, or you could do it to yourself,” says Caron.

“I think that’s really important, the idea that it doesn’t have to be something that’s so closed off.” ×× NICOLE CARON

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FEATURES

FEATURES EDITOR ×

NATALIE CORBO

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F UNNY CI T Y

C O ME DY F IL L S VA N C O U VE R

E N T E R TA INME N T NI C HE

Leah Scheitel × Opinions Editor

STAND-UP VERSUS SKETCH VERSUS...

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“I’ll be honest, when we did the first one, I had no idea what we were doing. We have a big white board, I have a jersey, and I have a microphone, and we make fun of people. We had the idea of getting people to fill out their bios, so it would keep the show moving, and then the first one was a success. It was nerve-wracking. Each week, we’d have 10 people play, and then 15 and then 20, then it got to this point at 25 shows, where it was packed. It used to be our friends in the audience, now it’s anybody.”

Rock-Paper-Corduroy, as it is now known, is a tournament-style rock, paper, scissors match, where patrons pay $5 to enter and play against each other. The winner usually takes home $50, but for their 100th show on April 1, the winner of the round-robin game will win $500 and major bragging rights.

“I have 25 film and TV credits to my name, of which I am really proud of, and when I was a kid, I wanted to be on TV. But more people recognize me from being the ref,” says Patey. “It’s super weird, but doing this weekly show helped build this audience from nothing, which internally helps the other shows I do.”

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what flavour it is, as long as it has that end result of laughter then it’s probably pretty good.”

Scott Patey is a comic that has experienced the ebbs and flows of the comedy scene in Vancouver.

A native of Lloydminster in Alberta, Patey came to Vancouver with the intention of breaking into the film and television craze, but instead discovered that he was funny.

“Stand-up was kind of dared by my first agent.

She saw me do comedic performances and was like, ‘Have you ever done stand up?’” says Patey.

“So I went and watched a [live] show ... and I saw a couple of guys bomb, and I was sitting on the edge of my seat, with my teething chattering, saying ‘I could do better than they did. I won’t get booed. I could do this.’ So then I started writing, and then grabbed my balls and took them up on stage with me, and did my first show at Yuk Yuk’s. It was such a rush, and I had a ton of friends come out and support which is always helpful. And it was great.”

Now Patey is a full-time working comic, which is the culmination of years of work and his own ideas. His success is a testament to the way that a small city like Vancouver can allow people with talent to build big reputations. Currently, he hosts a weekly Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament at Corduroy in Kitsilano, a show designed by him and his friends.

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Comedy in Vancouver is a near-nightly occurrence. There is a mix of stand-up comedy, the traditional one person and a microphone; improv troupes, which are teams that work together to make up comedy on the spot; and sketch, which is usually a show comprised of shorter comedic sketches, loosely improvised and based on funny situations. There are also comedic theatre productions around the city. With these shows happening at venues all over the city, comedy in Vancouver accessible and affordable for the public. With so much comedy being showcased nightly in Vancouver, and the Vancouver Comedy Fest running Febuary 7 – 17, it seems like the scene is bursting with new shows and emerging talent. While this is true, the real kicker is that the

comedy scene has been a fairly long-standing institution here.

“Every five or six years, people sort of re-visit the conversation of the re-birth of the alternative comedy scene – so it’s not a new conversation,” explains Alistair Cook, the artistic director at the Instant Theatre Company, and a veteran comic.

“It’s not that it’s not a really valid conversation because there is a lot of committed performers emerging, but I think that everything comes in waves, and it has always been coming in waves.”

The comedic roots in the city stretch back about 30 years, to the early ‘80s, when comedy was booming in general. There was the birth of Saturday Night Live, and The Second City (SCTV), and people started to pay attention to comedians.

“Even with Vancouver Theatre Sports, 36 years ago, that was a period of time where comedy was booming. Back in the ‘80s, people were starting to get on TV, and the stand-up craze started. VTS started in that period and it would have been looked at as alternative comedy, and now it’s a multi-million dollar organization,” Cook explains.

As for the diverse mix of comedy types and styles in Vancouver, Cook believes that none is necessarily superior to the others.

“I think anything that’s really funny is great to watch. The issue is that it doesn’t really matter

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Mel Brooks once said, “Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.” Although he probably wasn’t being so literal, this really is the case with comedy in Vancouver. Comedy shows and performances are scattered at venues across the city, varying in skill, price and style. They’re not hard too hard to find – you just have to know where to look.

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“I think anything that’s really funny is great to watch. The issue is that it doesn’t really matter what flavour it is, as long as it has that end result of laughter then it’s probably pretty good.”

S C E NE VE R S U S S C E NE

The arts scene in Vancouver has suffered some major blows, most recently with the closing of the Waldorf Hotel, and the byzantine liquor bylaws imposed on restaurants and theatres. This lack of venues is one of the main differences between the comedy scenes in Vancouver and Toronto, which is the Canadian hub of sketch and improv comedy, and the site of New York Times-dubbed “comedy empire,” Second City Toronto.

“For a direct comparison between Toronto and Vancouver, Vancouver is a smaller community.

Vancouver has a few less venues, [and] most of the venues are illegal,” explains Cook. “Up until two years ago, two and a half years ago, you weren’t allowed to have more than two people on stage in Vancouver. Restaurant provincial laws ban live music and more than two people on stage.

All of the restaurant shows at Sunday Service [an improv troupe who performs a weekly Vancouver show], which was a theatre started six years ago, those were all totally illegal. But it’s one of those soft laws that doesn’t get enforced. In Toronto a comedy bar opened, [with] a 70-seat theatre next to a restaurant, and it was allowed.”

“The liquor laws, with the issue with the Rio happening with it being a 19 plus venue, that is not something that happens in Toronto. The liquor laws are more lax,” continues Cook.

Comedy and the arts scenes in general are often overlooked for the contributions they make to the city and the neighbourhood they’re in. As Patey says, it’s not because people don’t support it, but comedy is not seen as a viable career path, and people who do it are more just pursing a talent

and hobby than an actual job.

“You put a theatre in a neighbourhood, and you have a successful show there, all of a sudden everything around that neighbourhood is boosted. The restaurants that people go to before the shows, the coffee shops, all these things – it’s helping the city,” Patey says. “The Waldorf just got shut down, and that sucks because … it seems that anything artsy in Vancouver can immediately get crushed which is sad, and it’s shitty.”

Patey wants to strengthen Vancouver’s reputation as a comedic city. His ideal is for people to come to the city to see comedy – like they do in other major cities. “I want to do it tomorrow, and it will happen tomorrow, just not literally 24 hours from now. Some tomorrow,” Patey elaborates, “I’d like to think five or 10 years down the road, if I keep at this and if other talented people keep at this and we work together, that we will be put on the map. People will know who we are and people who come to town will want to come and see us, just like in Toronto or New York, and want to see a play or want to see stand-up and improv performance – that they will come here and want to do the exact thing for us.”

Vancouver’s reputation is growing stronger, as local comics took home some big Canadian Comedy Awards in 2012. The Sunday Service, who perform every Sunday at Kozmik Zoo, won for best improv group. Stop Podcasting Yourself, hosted by local comedians Graham Clark and Dave Shumka and featuring a weekly comedic guest, took home the award for best podcast.

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“Sometimes people who are the class clowns tend to hone their craft just like the guitar guy in high school, who maybe plays to woo the ladies at the campfire, ends up crafting their skills into something a little, more grand. And that’s where you have the alternative music and comedy scene emerging,” says Cook. The skills required to be successful as a comic often start in high school, and can be harvested at a young age. One of the benefits of being in a city that has independent comedy is that it is relatively easy for beginners and young talent to get involved. Both Patey and Cook teach improv classes at different venues around the city, and help breed new comics.

“The Instant Shop, where we teach improv classes, is probably one of the biggest incubators for emerging comedians to meet each other, learn improvisation, and then work with each other in various fields and get connections, and do shows at Havana,” explains Cook.

Cook understands that Vancouver comics and writers don’t have the same opportunities for professional work as comics in Toronto and New York, with shows like the Colbert Report, The Daily Show and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon all being produced there. “If your trajectory is to one day be one of the five people out of the 20,000 improvisers or stand-ups to get on those shows, then yeah, you should go there. With the likelihood of that trajectory, you should be enjoying a scene like Vancouver versus getting super famous and maybe getting to kiss Jimmy Fallon someday.”

As for young comics with the aspirations of

turning it into a career, Patey says that there is no recipe for success.

“What’s tough is that there is no proper way to do this. And that is what’s interesting and a big misconception and why it scares parents to death – because you can’t go to university and pay all this money for books and tuition and take these classes, and be guaranteed a job … Most actors and comedians and writers that come out here end up working in coffee shops and restaurants to pay their rent, and then they do all their work independently for free until they get it out there and it gets some exposure.”

As someone who has experienced building his career from the ground up, Patey is of the philosophy of “there is no way through it but to do it.”

“My advice to people is that there is not one way to do it. You kind of just have to do it. If you’re going to write – write. If you’re going to put on a show, put on a show. Find the means. And in the meantime, you’re going to learn from it.”

While Patey’s comedic roots are in Vancouver, he believes that Vancouver may not breed the same calibre of comics coming out of the Toronto, L.A. and Chicago scenes because there isn’t the right behind-the-scenes people in this city to help boost the comics up.

“All I can say is that at Vancouver Theatre Sports [there are] some of the most talented people I have ever met and seen in my life,” Patey continues.

“What sucks almost, is that people don’t give a shit. I think they care in the sense that they will pay the ticket and sit, but the people that would

take this crop of talent and turn it into something, [like] turn it into Saturday Night Live, one of the longest running and best comedic shows on TV, or turn it into like a movie production or TV series.

There aren’t those people in Vancouver that can make that stuff happen.”

For future comics looking to hone and perfect the craft, Cook cautions that there is a difference between just doing it, and actually making an impact. “The biggest thing is that to be funny is one thing – to be a great craftsperson within comedy is a wholly different thing,” he explains, “And I think that there is a lot of excellent talent in Vancouver, but more time needs to be spent on crafting excellence versus just performing. Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers book – the 10,000 hours thing, I think there is a lot of believers that just doing it for 10,000 hours will make you great, but if you’re not putting any information in any actual tools, any actual skills, you’re kind of wasting all of our time.”

While the other comedic scenes may be more lucrative for the professional comedians, comedy in Vancouver is a party full of talented people. “My current agent told me, ‘do you chase the party?’ meaning, do you move to Toronto and try and find it there, or do you make the party happen,” explains Patey. “And I like to think that I and other comics are making some kind of party happen here.”

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cap calendar

Improving your Concentration workshop I feel like this is one of those things that would be really useful. For example, I have a very short attention span and actually rejoice when a play doesn’t have an intermission and is only 90 minutes long. Yet for some reason two of my classes this semester are four hours long. That was dumb.

10:30 a.m., LB119. Free.

MON JAN 28

Hey guess what! This issue is our comedy issue! And just for that I’m putting Improv Monday in the calendar. I’m sure it will be ha-ha-ha-larious. I hear improv is one of the best kinds of comedy, so it’s worth the try.

8 p.m., Rowan’s Roof Restaurant and Lounge. Free.

TUES JAN 29

Improv Monday

Looking for something to do today?

Submit your upcoming events to the calendar and we’ll write about them for free!

That’s right, we’re here for you. E-mail copy@capilanocourier.com with the emoticon of your choice.

All day, at your computer. Free.

Changemaker Open Dialogue Forum: Ashoka U This forum is a follow-up to an event that happened last semester, and this time members of the Capilano community are invited to share their ideas about the future of CapU. Cool!

11:30 a.m., LB321. Free.

WED JAN 30

Submit your events to the calendar!

Part of the PuSh festival, this screening spotlights Robakowski, who is a pioneer of independent Polish film. It will present several of his works, and will be a great night for those of you who love family.

7 p.m., The Cinematheque. Free.

Connor’s Birthday It’s staff writer Connor’s birthday! The first time I met Connor I thought he spelled his name with a “K”, because that’s how he spells it on Facebook. And everyone knows your Facebook name is your real name. But he actually spells it with a “C”, which is also for Cookies, which he likes. And pie. Get him cookies and pie.

All day, Connor’s house. Cost of cookies and pie.

THUR JAN 31

Jozef Robakowski: My Own Cinema

UBC Idle No More Demonstration Idle No More is kind of a big deal. We wrote about it in the Opinions section this week! The students over at UBC are having a march and a day of music, dancing, guest speakers and alliance building “between the grassroots Idle No More and the wider UBC community.” Fun! 10 a.m., starting at the Museum of Anthropology. Free.

FRI FEB 1

Father John Misty and The Walkmen Father John Misty is one of those bands that I’m like, “Now, I know I’ve heard of them before, but where?” I still can’t remember, but I do remember thinking their music was pretty sweet.

8 p.m., Commodore. $35.

La Guitarra Latina Stephen Boswell will be playing the guitar in this performance, as part of the Cap Classics concert series. I really hope it’s what it sounds like, as in, Latin guitar. That stuff is the kind of music that really keeps you awake!

11:45 a.m., NSCU Centre. Free.

True Crush, Prank War, Parasol, Ragana In honour of Connor’s birthday, True Crush is doing a show with some other sweet bands!

Arts Editor Celina Kurz is in this band, and once told me that part of the name came from that cool movie I haven’t seen, Blue Crush.

There was a second part too but I can’t remember it, so in my head it’s a combo of the movie and Phil Collins’ “True Colours”. But actually they’re “redefining skate punk.”

7 p.m., The Mansion (Victoria at Adanac). $5-$10.

CSU All-Candidates Forum This is a must-do! All-candidates forums are really fun because you can ask really hard questions and watch the candidates squirm.

It’s also important because you don’t want to accidentally vote for the person who steals a bunch of money from the CSU. 11:30 a.m., CSU Library Lounge. Free.

SAT FEB 2

Seth Meyers If you asked our Opinions Editor Leah about Seth Meyers, she would tell you a long list of reasons why he’s funny and awesome. If you asked me about him, I would tell you that he does the Weekend Update on SNL which is my favourite part, and also Google just told me that he’s the head writer on SNL! 8 p.m., River Rock Casino. $60 - $70.

‘Nucks vs. Avalanche Watching Party Now, don’t think that just because the lockout is over that we’re going to start posting every Canucks game in the calendar! That would be excessive. But this one is special because you can go eat Mexican food at La Casita and drink some bottomless pop. Or, you can watch it in your house with free nachos. Your choice!

7 p.m., anywhere. Cheaper than going to the game!

Game On Club Event Hang out with strangers, play games, make friends, listen to tunes. This sounds great because sometimes making friends is really hard, and this sounds like a good way to do it.

4 p.m., CSU Library Lounge. Free.

CSU Clothing Swap Clothing swaps are the best! They are so much fun! You get clothes basically for free!

Bring in some clothes you’ve never worn, walk out with a whole new wardrobe and a fresh new you! Good job EarthWorks club, this is a solid idea.

11:30 a.m., CSU Maple Lounge. Cost of exchanging clothes (free!)

Cap Cinephiles: Forbidden Planet Forbidden Planet will be screening at Cap! For those of you who have never seen it, it’s a great movie that tells the story of some freak monkeys that escape from their cages and punch of bunch of humans in the face, including Draco Malfoy, before breaking out and taking over the world. I’ve actually never seen it either, lol.

5 p.m., Bosa Centre theatre. Free.

Opening of Kéxwusm-áyakn Student Centre The Kéxwusm-áyakn Student Centre is having it’s official opening ceremony! It’s supposed to be a pretty beautiful space. Part of the opening will be in the CSU Library Lounge, so head there if you want to check it out. It says the event goes until 11 p.m., but I’m not sure how accurate that is.

12 p.m., Kéxwusm-áyakn Student Centre. Free.

Downtown and Olympic Waterfront Walking Tour The Tour Guys are giving funny, witty tours of downtown Vancouver! They have lots of Fun Facts, and the walking tour is pretty easy walking, apparently. They combine history with “pure entertainment”, which sounds like a fantastic combo. Also, it’s free! Which is hard to believe, but it’s true and therefore awesome.

11 a.m., downtown. Free!

Groundhog Day! This is by far my favourite holiday.

Groundhogs are really cute, and it just adds to their cute factor that they also like predicting the weather! Celebrate by watching Groundhog Day (duh!) and also the sequel if there is one.

All day, everywhere. Free.

King Lear This new take on the classic Shakespeare tragedy will certainly be unique! Taiwan’s Contemporary Legend Theatre blends East and West theatrical forms - the play will be performed in Mandarin with English subtitles.

8 p.m., Centre in Vancouver for the Performing Arts. $34-$59.

B.C. Winter Diving Championships Sounds cold! I was going to do diving once, but then I did synchronized swimming instead and it is probably the worst decision I’ve ever made.

10:30 a.m., Vancouver Aquatic Centre. Free unless you’re a diver.

PuSh Festival Today is the last day! I can’t believe it’s over already! You should go check out the Arts Club’s performance of Ride the Cyclone which is put on as part of the festival and is really, really well done. It’s one of those plays I was talking about earlier where it’s really short with no intermission. Bonus!

Various times, venues and costs.

Sea/Life, Photographs by David Ellingsen Today is the last day to catch this exhibit that explores the troubled relationship between humans and the oceans. I really love marine life, and I don’t like it when they are hurt from humans being stupid. I feel like this exhibit and I would get along really well.

10 a.m., Beaty Biodiversity Museum. $10.

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Stayed on Freedom! A Musical!

It’s February now (surprise!) which means it’s Black History Month! What better way to kick it off than with a musical? This is a “musical celebration of Black History Month” and it sounds amazing.

8 p.m., St. Andrew’s Wesley-United Church. $25/$20.

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Bagel Chase Totally thought this was about chasing bagels, but it’s actually a sweet group marathon thing, where all the participants run the 5km course as many times as they can in seven days. The end goal is for the group to have collectively run the distance of going around the world, and to raise $25,000 for CISV, a non-profit that brings kids from all around the world together for summer camps.

Feb. 2 to Feb. 8, Siegel’s Bagels. $25 team entry fee.

Gritty City: Vancouver in the ‘60s This is the first in a series of film nights that show Vancouver in the mid-20th century. It’s cool because this is when Vancouver had a lot of neon lights everywhere, with mid-century architecture, giving the city its “grittiness.”

7:30 p.m., Hollywood Theatre. By donation.

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WinterPRIDE Take a journey up to Whistler and have a Pride-full going to all the different events!

There is a Mr. Gay Canada Fashion Show, a pool party, a women’s party called Purrlesque, and my personal favourite, the Snowball Dance Till Dawn. It starts today and goes until Feb. 10, so you’ve got lots of time!

Various times, Whistler. Prices range.

The Strange Undoing of Prudencia Hart “Pull up a chair and wet your whistle for an evening of anarchic theatre and live music at East Vancouver’s own WISE Hall.” This sounds like one of those really unique theatre experiences you’ll want to tell your friends about later. Do it!

8 p.m., WISE Hall. From $17.

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OPINIONS

OPINIONS EDITOR ×

LEAH SCHEITEL

× OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

Seriously funny SMART JOKES

DUMB JOKES Thomas Finn Hearn × Writer Inappropriate humour can be fun to a point.

Russell Peters’ embracing the strange differences between each race, Dave Chapel's use of the ‘N’ word, Patten Oswald's cynical humour about making suicide fun are all fun to a point. But when is it one joke too far? When does it stray from its humourous roots and become offensive to people struggling with real problems in their lives?

The loud and sometimes abrasive comedian, Tracy Morgan, had a set in 2011 that turned into a homophobic rant. His set included the line: “If my son came home to tell me he was gay he better talk to me like a man not [mimicking the stereo typical gay voice] if he did I would pull a knife out of my pocket and stab the little n***** to death.” This “joke” of course caused a lot of disgust amongst the homosexual community forcing Morgan to apologize. Homophobia wasn't the only part of that rant that was upsetting. Morgan also belittled those affected by bullying, when he said, “Bullied kids should just bust some ass and beat those other little fuckers that bully them, not whine about it.” No part of this rant went over well and Tracy Morgan has lost a lot of respect from much of his fan base.

In another incident, five years prior to Tracy Morgan’s outburst, Michael Richards (better known as Kramer from Seinfeld) heckled a black audience member during a stand up routine in L.A. When the audience member playfully “fought” back, Richards went for the old shock value form of humour in which the comedian says something so outrageous and offensive for a laugh. Unfortunately he used the lynching of African Americans. “Fifty years ago, we would

have you upside down with a fork up your ass!

N*****.” Many comedians insult audience members to get a laugh and some can even, on rare occasion, get away with being racist. After defending himself from the offended man’s insults Michael Richards appeared to be upset himself, whether he regretted what he said or simply was unhappy with the audience’s reaction, Kramer left the building alongside many of the disgusted audience members.

Big name comedians and celebrities are not the only people who find themselves in trouble over inappropriate jokes. Last year on TGWTG. com, a site that primarily consists of critics who make comedic video reviews, a film and video game critic, Noah Antwiler (“Spoony” as he calls himself ), made a tweet to fellow critic Hope Chapman (“Jesuataku”) in reference to her relationship troubles with her boyfriend. The tweet said: “Y’know, if things don't work out with you and @Nash076, I'd be happy to chain you to a pipe in my basement and love you. My way.”

Jesuotaku did not respond to this comment and Spoony was removed from the site a few months later. While many of his videos contain similar humour, it is all directed toward fictional characters.

Obviously Antwiler went over the line in including someone he hardly knew or worked with in a rape joke.

Rape is incredibly common in current comedy, not only in stand-up but also in our everyday lives.

It isn’t unusual to hear our friends joke around about being a victim or claiming to have committed rape for a number of small nudges and unrelated actions. Well here's something to think about: rape is very real and very much exists – it is the worst one person could do to another person.

What is more fucked up: joking about rape or the fact that we can joke about it at all?

Katherine Gillard × Writer To censor a comedian is akin to censoring honesty and humour. Without offensive lines, most comedy wouldn’t have the same shockfactor or hysteria. Comedians write their work to be truthful and express their personal stories, or exaggerate parts of society to make a point. To tell a comedian to not use certain situations in order to not offend someone is almost impossible, because everything can offend someone in some way.

The main purpose of comedy in general is to shock you into a good laugh. John Cleese commented about test screenings done for Monty Python and said that the scenes that offended people the most were the same scenes that viewers said to be their favourites. He brings this down to a certain comedic science, being that when dealing with taboo subjects, people feel uncomfortable, and have anxiety, and tend to seize up. But he said, in his Live Alimony tour in 2011, “However, most people just have a little anxiety, so what happens if you make them laugh is that you get an even bigger laugh than you do normally.”

Many stand-up comedians use this formula.

Consider Louis C.K. saying, “I’m not condoning rape, obviously you should never rape anyone.

Unless you have a reason, like you want to fuck someone and they won’t let you.” When he says this we can tell that he’s joking, and that the point is that only a crazy person would think that. Yet, there’s major backlash when subjects, especially sexual ones, are raised. The right to make a joke, about something that he has clearly thought through and prepared, with a certain purpose is lost if censorship were to take over and not let comedians have creative rights to their work.

The late George Carlin is another example of offending an audience and still having a clear purpose, despite making us cringe. As he speaks of American conservatives: “They’re all about the unborn, but once you’re born, you’re on your own.” Giving the crowd the finger he continues his act for a bit and then says, “Conservatives don’t care about you until you’re military age ...

Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.”

Conservative pro-lifers might be offended, but everyone else might be taking a minute to think over just where their vote might be going in the future. That’s what offensive comedy can really make you do – think and act in a way that makes the ridiculous seem ten times more ridiculous.

Comedians have a right to talk about whatever they feel like. Take Tig Notaro, who after going through heartbreak, the death of her mother, and being diagnosed with breast cancer, got on stage and made a brutally honest comedy routine about it. Louis C.K. put it perfectly in a letter posted on his website, where he says what comedy should be: “A way to visit your worst fears and laugh at them.

Tig took us to a scary place and made us laugh there. Not by distracting us from the terror but by looking right at it and just turning to us and saying “Wow. Right?” She proved that everything is funny. And has to be.”

Everything certainly can be funny, and also has to be thought of critically. It’s easy to say something is offensive, or crude, or too much information, but when you really think about what comedians are saying, it’s not to be rude. It’s to make you think about society’s flaws.

Cutting Is Not Cool

BIEBER FANS TAKE ONLINE ENCOURAGEMENT TOO FAR Lauren Gargiulo

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When Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber first broke up, she received thousands of death threats from her boyfriend’s fans, an excellent demonstration that Justin Bieber fans’ admiration of him delves into scary depths. And these depths were tested when pictures emerged of the pop star smoking weed, and an online prank started that took advantage of Bieber fans and their admiration of him.

A Twitter hashtag and trend recently circulated, prompting Justin Bieber fans to cut themselves to show their disapproval of Bieber smoking weed. The disturbing hashtag #Cut4Bieber was the idea thought up by members of the website 4Chan.org, targeted to make fun of Bieber fans.

Posted on an anonymous forum that has now been taken down, a nameless user commented, “Let’s start a cut yourself for Bieber campaign. Tweet a bunch of pics of people cutting themselves and claim we did it because Bieber was smoking weed.”

4Chan.org is infamously known as the “slums of the Internet” where anything can be found – from funny memes, to porn, to less than funny things.

Before #Cut4Bieber, 4Chan.org has "given Bieber cancer", (which started the less popular, but still popular #Bald4Bieber trend, in which a bunch of 12–year–olds shaved their heads for their idol), and have been responsible for at least three fake deaths regarding the Canadian pop singer.

Every death getting some “hilarious” results, which can only be called a mass Twitter freak-out, by hysterical 12–year–olds, much to 4Chan.org users’ enjoyment.

“I don’t understand people! She cut the fuck out of her arm. Why would you do that?” says YouTube blogger and musician Apollo Graves in his video, “Cut For Bieber”. While the pictures 4Chan.org sent out to start the trend weren’t people cutting for Bieber, hundreds of pictures of young girls and their bloody arms and razors have surfaced.

Other people are treating it like a joke. Pictures of arms splattered with ketchup, paper cuts, small cuts from pencil sharpeners on their fingers, and even cut pieces of paper have popped up all over the Internet, for #Cut4Bieber. Memes about the sick “joke” have been posted on the singer’s Facebook page. Miley Cyrus commented on how

horrible it is. “#cut4bieber? Cutting is NOT something to joke about. There are people who are actually suffering from self-harm, this is so disrespectful,” the singer retweeted from @OfficialCANCER, a Twitter account for the charity Fight Against Cancer.

Throughout it all Justin Bieber himself hasn’t said anything directly against the hashtag. After the pictures emerged, he took to Twitter with a series of emotional and abstract tweets.

“Everyday growing and learning. Trying to be better. U get knocked down, u get up,” read one tweet, while others insinuated that he knew what his fans were doing, and was disappointed in himself for letting them down.

“I see all of u. I hear all of u. I never want to let any of you down. I love u,” read another.

Self-harm, depression, and other serious mental disorders aren’t taken seriously enough by society and are often written off. One in 12 teenagers self harm: six per cent of boys, and 10 per cent of girls.

While a common belief is that troubled youth will just “grow out of it,” that isn’t the case. If someone self harms, generally they are not “looking for attention” but have a problem or emotional issues

that are not being dealt with, and to them, there is no other way to cope. Most people who harm themselves (the most common methods being cutting and burning), are ashamed of it, they don’t tell anyone, and often, do not get treatment before it has turned into a serious problem, such as an addiction, or even a suicide attempt.

Online gimmicks and pranks will not help society accept the seriousness of cutting. The majority of people who cut or harm themselves in other ways have serious problems, whether they be mental or emotional. Encouraging fans to do something as serious as cutting themselves over something as trivial as smoking a joint is unbalanced and unethical. And the idea of people taking these photos so seriously is terrifying.

Cutting isn’t funny, nor should it be treated like a joke. The fact that anyone would think that young girls cutting are funny needs to be held responsible for their actions. While the majority of Justin Bieber fans did not fall victim to the prank, and many on Twitter opposed the trend, some didn’t and it caused them unnecessary harm over something trivial. In the end, it’s clear that pranks such as this cause more harm than anything else.

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JOIN THE GOOD FIGHT

IDLE NO MORE NEEDS THE SUPPORT OF CANADIANS IF THEY’RE TO BE SUCCESSFUL Samantha Thompson × Copy Editor

×× TIARÉ JUNG

Strangely, over the past year Canada has been home to a couple of loud, prominent social movements. The first that comes to mind is naturally Occupy, which has now faded from the Canadian radar. To take its place is the newly prominent Idle No More, a campaign that began in November of last year and has continued to grow since then.

There are few Canadians who will not have at least heard of the campaign (22 per cent, according to a recent National Post poll), but as Idle No More has quickly gained prominence in the Canadian landscape, it has become clear that they’re fighting the good fight, and they need the rest of Canada to join in.

The Idle No More campaign began when it became apparent that Bill C-45, the second omnibus bill the Conservative government used to

implement their 2012 budget, would be making several changes to environmental protection legislation, and be giving the Minister of Indian Affairs the right to hand over land previously reserved for Indigenous people, potentially jeopardizing their sovereignty. As a result of Bill C-45’s impact on the environment, Idle No More has outlined its goals as revolving around “Indigenous Ways of Knowing rooted in Indigenous Sovereignty to protect water, air, land and all creation for future generations.”

The campaign is about Indigenous sovereignty, but it is also about protecting the environment from being exploited for the sake of monetary profit.

Idle No More is unique in other ways too – it is a movement largely influenced and carried by women and youth.

“Idle No More is a movement led by young people and women, and they have had it with discrimination and poverty – it's fine for the [Assembly of First Nations] to gain concessions for more talks at higher levels, but that won't satisfy this movement,” said Art Manuel, chairperson of the Indigenous Network on Economies and Trade, to the Tyee. He noted that he appreciates Idle No More and its goals. “Clean across the country, the kind of changes Idle No More wants aren't going to be negotiated through talk at a table.

Idle No More is finding its feet, it's learning and growing, it's broadly-based and it is learning how to put pressure on the Canadian system to move.”

Idle No More has been growing as a movement, and the amount of clout they hold has been increasing as well. Influential Canadian figureheads have begun speaking in favour of Idle No More, and criticizing the government for their lack of action. Former prime minister Paul Martin said in an interview with CBC that “Canadians would be 100 per cent behind [Idle No More]” if they had more awareness about the issues. Martin’s words ring true: this really is the last step if Idle No More wants to be successful as a movement –

they absolutely must get the support of Canadians behind them.

In a poll conducted by Forum Research for the National Post, 49 per cent of Canadians said they did not support Idle No More, 39 per cent said they did support it, and 12 per cent said they didn’t know. “They do have some level of sympathy among the Canadian population, but not for the things they are actually doing, such as the blockades,” Lorne Bozinoff, president of Forum, told the Post. “And if they do more of those things, it could erode the support for their goals.”

While using protest methods like blockades and hunger strikes generally don’t garner a lot of support from more conservative Canadians, unfortunately it is these forms of protest that draw attention to a movement in the first place. It is only once Canadians are paying attention, and talking about it, that politicians will realize it is a campaign worth talking about – because enough Canadians know about it that it has now become a voting issue, something that could affect whether or not a politician is re-elected in the next election.

Idle No More has garnered some criticism because there are several First Nations groups who are staying out of the movement, or are campaigning for different things than the original Idle No More outlined as their goals. CBC reported that a northern Manitoba First Nation, is choosing to remain in the background of the movement, to avoid hurting their relationship with the federal government – the band is in a partnership with Manitoba hydro, which is a provincial Crown corporation. Chief Jerry Primrose, of the Nisichawayasihk Cree Nation in Nelson House, Manitoba, told CBC that he still supported the ideals of Idle No More, but said, “From our perspective, it's better to be in a good diplomatic position.”

Idle No More does not need all First Nations groups in Canada to be unified in the campaign’s aims in order to be successful – to expect that so

many people would all be able to agree on one thing is unrealistic. However, it is important that Idle No More have our general support, telling Harper that the conversation Idle No More has started is a conversation worth having. Every single Canadian does not need to be out on the front lines, blockading trains or protesting at the border, but they need to express their support for the campaign so that those abysmal poll numbers swing to a strong majority supporting Idle No More.

It’s only then that the movement will be successful, because the support of Canadians in the polls (which politicians watch with excruciating detail) will turn it into a voting issue.

The most important thing that must be realized is that Bill C-45 taking away land from the Indigenous peoples of Canada is just one more thing that the Harper government has done that is not reflective of the Canada so many of us want to be a part of. Unfortunately, the list has become so long that there is very little that the Conservatives can do that will surprise us now, but that doesn’t mean Canadians can become complacent as their once-great nation is run into the ground. The geniuses behind Idle No More decided they would do something – that they would remind Harper that he is not able to do whatever he wants without backlash. This fight to protect the land is one that belongs to every Canadian.

Idle No More is the reminder we all need that we can speak up when something isn’t right and create positive change. But most importantly, Idle No More reminds us that we have a land worth saving.

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Funny Girls

FEMALE COMEDIANS FINALLY GETTING SOME RESPECT Charlie Black

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“Men find funny women threatening. They ask me, 'Are you going to be funny in bed?’” said Joan Rivers, about being one of few female comics of her generation. For years, funny women had to fight the stereotype of the sexy women, ones that don’t joke about farting, sex, or enjoying spinsterhood, among a plethora of un-lady-like things. This male ideology of sexy and perfect women is what has stifled female comics in the past, but over the last 10 years, there has been a noticeable shift in the success of funny ladies.

This is apparent in the acceptance of female comics in the mainstream. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the 2012 Golden Globes This month, to much critical acclaim and support. Kristen Wiig’s 2011 creation, Bridesmaids, was a box-office hit, bringing in over $100 million.

Melissa McCarthy was nominated for an Oscar for her role in Bridesmaids, as Megan, a confident, large and boisterous woman. This role features a scene where she poops in a sink, while wearing a beautiful dress – and if her Oscar nod means anything for female comics, it means people are finally okay with their bowel movements being funny.

That’s a good thing, because their poops, among their other jokes are funny, and these women set a stunning example of confidence for the younger generations of girls that looks up to them.

Female comedians are not a new concept, but the concept has been revolutionized over the past 10 years. Comedy has long been a man's world, with the Phyllis Dillers and Carol Burnetts of the world considered rare commodities. Women simply were not expected to be funny or to tell jokes.

Phyllis Diller broke major ground for women in comedy in the 1960s, performing stand-up and creating her material as opposed to performing funny routines written for her by predominantly male writers.

Diller paved the way for Burnett, Gilda Radner and Catherine O’Hara among many others, though still, “comediennes” were a limited brand. For a woman to succeed, jokes had to revolve around her femininity or be outrageous enough to hold their own against male counterparts. Men continued to dominate, with lesser male comedians gaining more prominence over actually capable women. But now, with the likes of Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Sarah Silverman, Ellen DeGeneres, among many others, a new generation of lady comic is around – and it needs to stay.

With the acceptance of female comics comes the acceptance of a new kind of woman, one more realistic and in line with what females should strive to be, instead of a plastic and fake version men would like them to be. All of these female comics are bringing different and more realistic images of women to television and film. Amy Poehler has a series of online videos called “Ask Amy” on YouTube’s Smart Girls Channel, where she answers questions from young fans. Each episode focuses on a different aspect of being a girl, such as friendships, make-up, acceptance issues and anxiety. “Girls have to fight against a lot of the same stuff we did growing up – peer pressure, exploitation, etc. But what worries me the most is this trend that caring about something isn’t cool.

That it’s better to comment on something than to commit to it. That it’s so much cooler to be unmotivated and indifferent,” said Poehler about her web series, “Our culture can get so snarky and ironic sometimes, and we kind of wanted Smart Girls to celebrate the opposite of that.”

Lena Dunham has taken things a step further with her HBO hit show Girls. Winner of Best Television Series at the Golden Globes this year, Dunham is strengthening her foothold by showcasing more realistic female characters and situations.

Dunham also has taken great joy in challenging the norm, namely through a unique usage of female nudity on cable television. One episode of Girls features Dunham naked, sitting cross-legged and eating a whole birthday cake by herself. While nudity has become commonplace these days, Dunham sparked lots of conversation by appearing nude and outwardly battling against the unrealistic images of female body image.

Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Lena Dunham and Kristen Wiig, along with their peers, have opened the floodgates and started some very encouraging trends in comedy and in film and television.

Though Rivers' observations on men finding funny women intimidating may ring true for some, the times are indeed changing, and these ladies are making it laugh while it does. Female comics are finally sharing something that they’ve known all along – women can be funny and sexy at the same time. As Maya Rudolph, of SNL and Bridesmaids said: “I think there's nothing sexier than a funny lady. There's so much wit and confidence in that.”

×× TIERNEY MILNE

13-01-25 10:52 PM

the caboose THE WOODS Samantha Thompson × Copy Editor

“No sign of him,” the radio tells me – something I already know. The radio’s not very clear – the signal must be horrible in here, with all the trees around. Despite this, the fact that the other guys had not yet seen him was not altogether reassuring.

A twig snaps loudly behind me. I whirl around, hand instinctively moving to my gun. A boy stands before me – clothes ripped in several places, and he couldn’t have been much more than eighteen.

His long greasy hair hung in front of a piercing blue eye, and in his dirty hands he held a silver pistol, pointed directly at my forehead. He matches the description perfectly – he’s the murderer we’ve been looking for. The stench of stale liquor violently stings my nostrils.

I square my shoulders with his, and reach for my radio.

“Touch it and I’ll shoot.” His voice, deep, and confident, threatens me.

I freeze. Apparently, he’s trying to be serious.

Okay: time to work the magic.

“Hello, sir. My name’s Chris. I want to help you out here. What’s your name?” Every word I say is deliberate, and everything has a double meaning.

By referring to him as sir, I show I have respect for him. By offering my name, I let him know I’m not trying to mess with him. I offer help, but do not force it upon him. And I only ask for one thing in return: his name.

The boy stares at me, unsure whether or not he should answer my question.

“It’s John.” He’s lying. I know that his name is Jacob Gerber. This guy is not creative. However, in order for this to work, I need to play along.

“Hello, John. Let's just talk for a minute, alright? Why do you feel so angry?”

He doesn’t pause this time around – he's had an answer for a long time, I can tell.

SCOTT MORAES

× CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

“Because of people like you!” He shouts this angrily, and moves the aim of his gun a little lower, so that the barrel is now in conjunction with my heart. What did I ever do to this guy?

“What do you mean?” I ask, subtly taking half a step to the left, so that the gun is no longer lined up with my heart.

“People like you! The rich! You show up in one of the poorest parts of town, in your fancy black car that lay parked in your five-bedroom house’s drive this morning. You check the time on your gold-plated Rolex, while drinking a Venti Starbucks extra-hot-no-foam latte on your way to work. You people make me sick. You have so much, yet you still don’t have enough.”

“Look at what you have, and then look at what we have. I see the way you look at me – as if I’m inferior, and stupid. I’ll tell you what, Chris. It’s because of people like you that I couldn’t get anywhere or do anything with my life”.

“It’s because you’ve always pushed me out of your way, so you could get just one rung higher on the social ladder. You know what, Chris? I have never, ever, done drugs. I’m not addicted to anything. So why, then, am I still living in The Woods, without food or shelter? I was born homeless, without a prospective future, and I will die that way too – because anything else is impossible.”

This last sentence is said with no hate or remorse, just a fact. Jacob is shaking. I am in shock.

Never has anyone spoken to me with such venom – or with such truth. For that’s what it is, I realize.

One-hundred-per cent truth. I do – did – see them like that – worthless, and stupid. I am at least some part at fault for the fact that he has to live like that.

Never have I tried to help him, and others who are in a similar situation. No, I just step over them as they get in my way on the way to work.

An overwhelming sense of need empowers me

to step forward, reaching to him. I want to help him, to change the way things are.

The echo of the shot reverberates amongst the trees. We both stare down at my chest, where a deep red stain is beginning to seep outwards. I look into Jacob’s eyes, and see the shock within them.

Slowly, I fall to the ground, in a crumpled heap.

Jacob is at my side, but he doesn’t know what to do. I can feel his confusion, as though he has become a part of me. My cheeks feel wet, but I realize I am not the one crying. They are not my tears, but Jacob’s.

“Shh…It’s okay,” I try to soothe him – he’s only a kid, after all. How could I have been so blind?

I feel my strength leaving me, and my heartbeat begins to slow.

A bird sings its first chorus, and a soft breeze cools my face. The sour sound of sirens breaks the sweet songs of morning. The sun creeps along the mossy floor, its warmth heating my fingers.

I feel the blood slowly ebbing out of the wound.

I hear Jacob’s footsteps leave my side, slowly, hesitantly. As the sirens wail in the distance, coming closer, the footsteps speed up, until Jacob is running, faster, and faster. I close my eyes, inhaling for the last time, and realize: I don’t want him to be caught.

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The sharp trill of the telephone breaks the dark silence. The eerie glow of my digital clock reads 4:33…a.m. Groggily, I fling my arm around until my hand finds the receiver.

“Hello?” I yawn, my thoughts barely processing what, exactly, is going on.

“Constable.” There is a sharp voice speaking on the other end of the line. Merciless, unforgiving.

It must be my boss. “We need some back-up – the situation is getting out of hand. We need your expertise in here, pronto.”

The line goes dead, the dial tone ringing in my ear. No apology, no further explanation to help me connect the dots. You get used to it after a while.

You have to, or else you'd go insane.

My wife has begun to stir beside me. She looks at me questioningly, and a nod from me confirms it: I am going back to work. She rolls her eyes and turns over to return to sleep. She has always felt they boss me around too much, but that isn’t true.

Jody understands most things, but she can’t understand my job. I don’t exactly see her complaining about the money I’m bringing in.

The guys at work tell me that I have a special talent, the ability to take the “heat” out of a difficult situation. I have a knack with the whole patience thing – it’s helped me a lot through life.

The automatic locks on my Porsche click open loudly, echoing down the empty drive. I speed down the road –- getting to The Woods where the convict was undoubtedly hiding is all that matters now. There are only a few ravines in Vancouver – and this particular one happens to be surrounded by a heavily treed forest: The Woods, as it is affectionately known by the local youth. All the teenagers for miles around come to this one area; using it as a place to do every type of drug they can get their filthy hands on.

As I step out of my car, I notice the forest is curiously empty this morning. I grin, widely – the teens are evidently more intelligent than I give them credit for.

I curse loudly as I slip on the wet leaves that litter the steep path down to the water. Moving deeper and deeper into the forest, I see a few teenagers lying here and there, mostly passed out under large, towering oaks. Nearly all have saliva drooling out of the corners of their mouths, making a slobbery puddle under their chins. Disgusting.

I turn on my radio, relieved as the familiar crackle of static re-connects me with my world. I know the force is on the outskirts of The Woods, ready to catch the convict if he decides to bolt.

Apparently there is no officer around who can accompany me on this mission – a likely story.

The rookies are all cowards, pure and simple. I sigh – I really hate going out on calls alone. It isn’t so much that it is more dangerous – that thought excites me. No, I’m pretty sure it is something more along the lines of not having anyone to report to the awaiting crew what, precisely, had happened. When a rookie is with me, he goes back to the police force, telling them about how brilliant I was, how quickly I was able to calm the criminal down. If I go back and say those things, suddenly I have an ego. And no one wants to be accused of that. I will admit, to me alone, that I did join the Force for the glory – but hey, I’m good at what I do, so who’s complaining?

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

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the caboose

CABOOSE EDITOR ×

SCOTT MORAES

× CABOOSE.CAPCOURIER@GMAIL.COM

SHOTGUN REVIEWS : COMICS

GARFIELD Thomas Finn Hearn

PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Charlie Black

ARCHIE Lauren Gargiulo

CALVIN AND HOBBES Peter Warkentin

Oh Garfield, we all know who you are, you lasagna loving son of a bitch. You used to be a cool cat back in 1978 when you first started hating Mondays and abusing Jon Arbuckle and Odie. We all liked the good old-fashioned holiday special on TV on Christmas and Halloween but then you just had to keep going and going and going. Now I don't even know what to think of you anymore. You made two horrible live-action movies, continue to make tired comic strips that nobody even knows still exist because of how bland they are, and yet you never wipe that shit-eating grin off your face. Yes, I know you're richer then I'll ever be, Garfield, but as you are now, the only amusement I find from your comics is by going to the website Garfield Minus Garfield which removes every character except Jon turning the series into a depressing tale about a mentally ill man talking to his invisible pets... Hey, at least you taught me how to read! Thanks for that.

Seriously, what other commercial comic strip out there has the gumption to use Osama bin Laden as a character, lampoon Family Circus and threaten its own cartoonist with grievous bodily harm for writing overly-elaborate and lame puns?

None. Only Pearls Before Swine has those balls.

Stephan Pastis' vicious and off-kilter lampooning of 21st century life deftly handles life through the scope of a plethora of anthropomorphic animal characters, and dares to laugh in the face of anything, especially the world of newspaper comic strips. Do you like psychopathic guard ducks? Fluffy cuddly kittens who may or may not be hiding WMDs for Saddam Hussein? Do you like ripping on other newspaper comics?

Pearls Before Swine has everything, from a misanthropic rat who smokes and writes bad novels, to guest appearances by characters from Zits and Baby Blues. It's every other comic rolled into one offensive package, wrapped up with awful puns and biting-the-hand humour.

Archie comics, for lack of a better word, are the bomb. Who doesn’t love Archie? And Betty, Veronica, Reggie, Jughead, and Hot Dog too!

Archie is classic. So classic, that MAC is creating makeup based on both Betty and Veronica, there’s a band called “The Veronicas,” and who doesn’t love “Sugar Sugar”? Jughead was one of my first crushes, and I’d still totally date him.

The age-old question, “Betty or Veronica?” has stumped Archie for years, and has caused many a heated debate. But let’s get real. Really, Archie?

Veronica stands you up, ditches you for Reggie, complains that you never have enough money for her, and always tries to hurt Betty – who is also her best friend. Why would you pick Veronica? She can’t cook, she hates to do anything for anyone else, and she’s spoiled and arrogant.

Betty on the other hand, is sporty, sweet, caring, awesome, and doesn’t care if you’re broke. Like you are. Just sweep Betty off her feet before Adam does! Veronica can deal with it. She’ll be going out with Reggie the next day. I should stop now.

To someone who’s never read this seminal comic strip, the premise sounds pretty insane (especially for something that’s marketed towards children).

It’s about a disillusioned, possibly schizophrenic young boy whose imaginary friend is a tiger with the mind of a middle-aged Lothario. In between existential crises, Calvin uses his colourful imagination to escape from the hellish monotony of his suburban life. Secondary characters include a controlling mother, deceitful father, sadistic babysitter, and abusive love interest. If it sounds like I’m being negative, let me make my opinion clear: IT’S AMAZING. It’s like Kant, Nietzsche, and Freud all rolled up into a doughy, six-yearold package. If there’s one document responsible for slowly chipping away at all my preconceived beliefs, it’s Calvin and Hobbes. It’s a wonder my seriously Christian parents even let me read this as a kid. Seriously, if you haven’t experienced Calvin and Hobbes, do yourself a favour. Get ready for lots of laughs (and a dose of nihilism)

W/ LEAH SCHEITEL BUFFETS MORE LIKE BUF-FATS SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOUR I’M REALLY BAD AT IT, GUYS

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×× NATALIE CORBO

FAKE HIPSTER GLASSES THE PERFECT HANGOVER CURE DRUNK TEXTS LOVE ‘EM: (778) 235-7835 SMART FRIENDS GIVE YOU BRAGGING RIGHTS FINISHING A CROSSWORD PUZZLE MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A BOSS. EVERY TIME FRIENDSHIPS IF YOU’RE STUCK ON A BOAT, AT LEAST YOU GOT FRIENDS AIRPORT LINEUPS PROOF SUPPORTING ATHEISM INSTAGRAM PUNS FOR PEOPLE NAMED GRAHAM ×× CELINA KURZ

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