Capilano Courier Volume 46 Issue 19

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Starting a conversation about coal

SHIT HARPER DID

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LIQUOR AT CAP

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A NEW POPE

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CHEAP EATS

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CAPILANO Courier TABLE OF contents news

The Staff 4

of this very metal university newspaper JJ Brewis Editor-in-Chief

Earthworks event talks extinction

columns

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Women with a “Why?”

arts

Giles Roy Managing Editor

Samantha Thompson Copy Editor

Lindsay Howe News Editor

Leah Scheitel Opinions Editor

Natalie Corbo Features Editor

Celina Kurz Arts Editor

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Musicians without borders

features

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From North Van to Hollywood

calendar

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The best way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day

Opinions

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Scott Moraes Caboose Editor

Stefan Tosheff Production Manager

Katie So Art Director

Andy Rice Staff Writer

Connor Thorpe Staff Writer

We found love in a healthy place

CABOOSE

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JJ’s mom has got it going on

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Ricky Bao Business Manager

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed.

All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

Shannon Elliott Web Editor

Colin Spensley Distribution Manager

Leanne Kriz Ads & Events Manager

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× Letter from the editor ×

THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD × ON the Cover ×

Aaron Campbell Holy shit, Aaron is really good at this whole illustration thing. wowowweewow.

Behance.net/ecstatic

Featured Contributors Jeremy Fornier-Hanlon is certainly one of the most eclectic Courier contributors. He hails from North Vancouver, studying voice and guitar at Capilano’s jazz program.

When he’s not dining on crème brûlée and listening to Neutral Milk Hotel, he works part time “selling bad video games to kids with no taste,” and busking. Jeremy’s open to getting what he can out of life — in the most unexpected of places. “Half of my wardrobe was donated to me by [my] dentist's wife, including a 20-yearold pair of scarlet floral Versace skinny jeans.”

Jeremy has never lost a game of Clue, once hung out with director Tommy Wiseau (why!?), and spends time at the North Vancouver Outdoor School as a camp counsellor and trainer. Jeremy also enjoys making his friends play his Pokémon drinking board game and does “some part-time modelling, but that's pretentious.” Jeremy is convinced he has “perfect colour acuity” and also has six names on his birth certificate. “My parents changed my birth name because of the Ninja Turtles.”

Jeremy’s biggest goal is to “Become Gambit.

Or Wolverine. Or both.” He doesn’t have a Twitter or blog but says, “Y’all can find me on Neopets, yo.” He’s at Neopets.com/userlookup. phtml?user=toneandpower.

last week, one of my co-workers casually threw the N-word around in conversation. The first time he said it I cringed and corrected him, the second time I was confused, the third, fourth and fifth time I was just speechless. But if he had commented on an overweight person, would it have gone over just fine?

Many overweight people are the weight they are because of diseases, both genetic and developed. Weight can stay stagnant or increase from anything from ovarian cysts, to heart and liver problems to anxiety and depression — even from not eating enough. These people should not be judged for their weight. But neither should those who aren't able to get out on the treadmill, or even those who don’t really want to.

People believe others should lose weight because they think everyone should look the same. While I do acknowledge that being more slender is healthier, there is also something to be said about not feeding into the cultural “norm” of feeling pressured to slim down just to fit in. Why does it matter to everyone else what other people look like?

A recent article on Jezebel, “Doctors are Shitty to Fat Patients” outlined one writer’s “anti-fat bias” she’s been subjected to. “Lots of larger folks are terrified to visit their doctor with real problems — real problems that may or may not be related to weight — because they don’t want to be automatically told to slim down before an examination is even conducted,” Laura Beck says. “Newsflash, docs, fat people know they’re fat, they’re not confused.”

Given that people are, primarily, self-aware of their weight at any size, what be it for the rest of us to constantly remind people of their physical situation when many of them have not only acknowledged their size, but also the daily problems they have as a result of it?

Parents of school-aged children in Massachusetts received letters from school districts this month informing them they should be stepping in to help children viewed as obese. While the thought may have been well intended, people need to treat issues like body image with a bit more sensitivity.

Surely there’s some justice for overweight people. Despite her lack of caring, Adele made the cover of Vogue — the first full-figure woman to do so. Comedian Joan Rivers was taken under scrutiny by the press and fans for slamming Adele’s weight. The public has shown they’re willing to come to the aid of an Oscar and Grammy winning celebrity — but what about the general plus-sized public? Maybe it’s time they think of the rest of us next time the temptation to reblog a fat joke arises.

× Letter to the editor ×

Re: IT'S A TIGHT FIGHT - Legging fashion trend is a lazy style

Evelyn Cranston

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Leggings are deemed “sexy and inappropriate,” conflating sexy with tasteless. Showing curves doesn’t preclude a “certain degree of self-respect.” It brings up the question of who is determining your self-respect for you. I can leave my house full of self-respect and in leggings.

“Striving for modesty” is the most boring and underwhelming goal for a school I’ve ever heard. How about striving for girls to achieve great things, or to feel fulfilled and accomplished? How about striving for gender equality, or striving for girls to learn how they can challenge what is expected of them?

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Leggings aren't lazy, this article is. The argument that concerns me is that leggings are inappropriate because they’re immodest. The article carries a tone of condescension and shame, by using language like “leaving little to the imagination,” and, “the wrong kind of attention.”

Modesty is almost entirely female-focused. It argues that female bodies are inherently shameful and showing too much, or in the wrong way, is a legitimate point of concern. The article doesn’t attack leggings: it attacks women. If the problem isn’t leggings per se, but that they show curves, the focus has switched to judgment and scrutiny on the body underneath the leggings. Maybe 11-year-olds shouldn’t be wearing leggings, but it’s completely backwards to shame girls into modesty by attacking their choices.

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A scary thing happened in my personal universe this week. I stepped on the scale and saw a higher number than I’d ever seen between my own two feet. “Oh shit,” I thought. “Maybe it’s time to start cooking for myself and not going to Chipotle every day of my waking life.” I’ve been within the same 10-pound mark for most of the last five years, so such a high increase caught me off guard. While I have been particularly lazy with food choices and exercising over the last few months, seeing this flashing visual was a reminder that I need to watch out if I want my pants to zip up in the morning.

Body image issues and weight concerns affect most of us. Too thin, too big — these are self-meditated thoughts that many people have running through their brains every day. I can’t count the times I’ve bought clothing items a size too small, hoping to “one day” fit into them or the number of times I’ve looked at my peers wishing I was as skinny as them. As a whole, I guess I’ve basically bought into the mass desired size (see: small) that we’ve all been spoon-fed as society’s “ideal.”

I grew up in a family where everyone struggled with weight issues.

My sister was ridiculed throughout her adolescence by being the bigger ballerina; my mom gained weight after having two kids, and my dad eventually had heart problems and passed away from weight-related issues. In elementary school, my classmates told me that I must have been adopted because at the time my scrawny and lanky nature made me the visual outcast from the rest of the family. Growing up I was stick thin, but it all caught up to me in adolescence. I’ll never forget the first time someone called me out on it — walking to school, one of the older girls in my high school shouted after me, “Hey, fatty.” So yeah, I guess I’ve always been sensitive about weight — both my own, and the weight of others. I’m not even necessarily an overweight person, but I am on the high end of average. After a break-up five years ago, my brain caught the best of me and I developed a short-lived but temperamental bout with bulimia and body dysmorphic disorder. It was a dark time and I feel for anyone who has resorted to similar situations — circumstances that are often caused from the effects of society’s ideologies both on macro and micro levels.

Last week I got into an Internet flame war regarding a meme pairing Kim Kardashian wearing a black and white dress with a killer whale, bearing the caption “Who wore it better?” I can’t even describe how many faults this situation has. It doesn’t matter who Kim Kardashian is, or what her social status is. The fact that human beings find it necessary in today’s “socially conscious world” to condemn anyone based upon weight for any reason at all is appalling.

Over time, our world has thankfully become more socially considerate in regard to race, gender and sexuality — on various levels of progress. To insult or marginalize someone based on any of these factors is generally not seen as an acceptable thing to do anymore. At my day job

× Editor-in-Chief

the capilano courier

Sam MacDonald, a self-described “s e x y ginger” is a former “meanderer” at Capilano.

Sam graduated from Harbourside Institute of Technology for Audio Engineering and Music Production, and just finished the Writing for Film and Television program at Vancouver Film School. Sam grew up right here in the wilds of North Vancouver.

“I blame everything negative in my life on that,” he says. Sam fills his time producing music and freelance writing, including a comic he’s presently penning about time travel: “I write things people won’t see or hear of for a while.” Sam is passionate about many things in this world, but most of all, “my abs.” Sam wants to use his artistry to change the world: “[My biggest dream is] creating something that will influence someone else to create something that will save the world. Or writing for X-Men.” In the meantime, he’ll be busy with other pursuits. “I watch movie commentaries because I’m stoned a lot.” You can follow Sam on Twitter @SynapticSurplus.

“I love food and hate exercise. I don’t have time to work out … I don’t want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue. I want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Q. I’m not a trendsetter… I’m a singer… My aim in life is never to be skinny.”

- Adele

JJ Brewis

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NEWS

News Editor ×

Lindsay Howe × n e w s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

BAD GOODS Stores may not be doing all they can to keep expired food off shelves Andy Rice × Staff Writer Canada’s grocery industry is scrambling to put a lid on public concerns following a recent health incident involving expired food. Margaret Radomski, 78, claims she fell ill back in February after consuming canned lobster paté purchased from a Walmart in Leduc, Alberta. After initially tasting and later feeling that something wasn’t quite right, she checked the underside of the can and found that it had been sold over a year past its expiry date of July 2011. Declining a $50 compensation from the store, she instead went public to CBC News, who conducted a scathing follow-up investigation that included sending its Go Public B.C. news team to multiple grocery stores in the Lower Mainland.

What they found was concerning to both store executives and consumers. Go Public reported that one third of the 17 stores visited had expired cans stocked on their shelves. Thrifty Foods, PriceSmart Foods and Safeway locations were all found to be displaying a mix of unexpired and expired products, including one store in Coquitlam with a can of shrimp dated “best by [Aug. 7,] 2010.” In response to Go Public’s discoveries, Safeway’s public affairs manager Betty Kellsey told the CBC that the company has initiated a national audit “of the best before dates of all of [its] canned meat and fish inventory...”

While the audit will likely help to rectify the problem moving forward, statements issued by Safeway and by PriceSmart’s owner, the Overwaitea Food Group, claim that each has existing measures in place to ensure items past their prime are not displayed or sold in the first place.

“Our stores conduct rotating weekly date checks,” says Kellsey. “Products that are nearing the best

×× dave mcansh

before dates are pulled from the shelf and discarded.”

Julie Dickson Olmstead, the Communications Director at Overwaitea Food Group, told the Courier that its team members “...look for outdates regularly — through regular store walks which occur daily, and also with more formal audit procedures which are more periodic in nature.” All products pulled from store shelves are done so at the store’s own expense. Some are donated to food banks or reclaimed at discount warehouses, but most are ultimately thrown away.

“The last date of sale for a best before date of tomorrow is end of day today,” says Olmstead. “Tomorrow morning we remove all products with that date from the case and discard it. We are diligent about these practices and ... We work to ensure that this is enforced from both a food safety and a product quality perspective.” She also notes that the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA)

“does not mandate best before dates on anything with more than a 90-day shelf life,” and that “there isn’t mandated consistency in the industry.”

They also suggest that sometimes the manner in which lot numbers and date codes are assigned to products can make it hard to determine at a glance whether they are past or approaching expiry.

Currently, canned goods are stamped voluntarily by manufacturers, according to CFIA specifications.

“With these types of goods, it’s not a food safety issue; rather, the biggest risk with an undamaged product is loss of flavour and texture,” adds Olmstead. On its website, the CIFA offers a similar assurance: “You can buy and eat foods after the ‘best before’ date has passed, however ... the food may lose some of its freshness and flavour, or its texture may have changed. Some of its nutritional value, such as vitamin C content, may also be lost.”

When it comes to health risks, there are important distinctions to be made between the words “best before” and “use by.” The former serves as a guideline for maximum freshness and enjoyment while the latter is a safety advisory, although many people often use both terms synonymously. Dr. Brian O’Connor, North Shore medical health officer with Vancouver Coastal Health says that medically, the risks of eating expired canned foods are low unless the product has been tainted during production, or if it is leaking, rusted, expanded, or otherwise damaged.

Expansion may be a sign of increased pressure due to the presence of Clostridium botulinum, the toxin that causes botulism. While cases involving it and other types of foodborne illnesses are not unheard of, O’Connor says that incidents “would be highly unusual and highly irregular. That would not be the usual outcome, and probably if something were tainted and you ate it, you might get a gastroenteritis or an upset stomach, or some nausea or something like that. But I normally would not expect a very serious or severe outcome.

You’d get ill but you wouldn’t become so seriously ill that it would compromise your existence.”

“The best before date just means that in terms of quality it’s best to be consumed by that date,” he continues. “It doesn’t mean that on that date all of [a]sudden bad things are going to happen.” The CFIA advises customers to “remember that ‘best before’ dates are not indicators of food safety, neither before nor after the date.” The organization also warns, “Never use your nose, eyes or taste buds to judge the safety of food. You cannot tell if a food may cause foodborne illness by its look, smell or taste.”

THE NEXT MASS EXTINCTION Dr. Keith Wade visits Capilano for a talk on global biodiversity Victoria Fawkes

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“To be honest, the predictions for the future are not very optimistic unless we change,” says Dr. Keith Wade, a seasoned ecologist and biogeographer. He believes our planet may be in serious trouble. In the history of the planet, earth has weathered five mass extinctions of plants and animals, all of which occurred before the presence of humans. However, recent studies suggest that a sixth extinction is already upon us, ending the histories of hundreds of species and creating a mass loss of global biodiversity. What’s most troubling about this so-called sixth extinction is the fact that evidence suggests it is different from the others as a result of human interference.

“The difference is that we don’t know what is going to happen, because we won’t know the results until it has actually happened. After an extinction like the last, life on earth went out on a completely different tangent. The best example is the fifth extinction, which was 65 million years ago. One of the results was the decimation and elimination of the dinosaurs. With them gone, the

animals on earth could more or less have taken over. A lot of scientists think that if that comet had not hit the earth, the dinosaurs would still be here,” says Wade, who adds that he has been interested in the studies of evolution and extinction for at least 50 years. Wade will be covering the concept and consequences of extinction and our global future in his talk, “The Sixth Extinction” at the North Shore Credit Union Centre for Performing Arts on Mar. 13, as part of the EarthWorks series.

Unlike the others, the sixth extinction will not be the result of a cataclysmic event or a major geographical modification, as past fossil patterns would suggest. “We know what has happened primarily from the fossil record, meaning the deeper you go, the older the fossil, and we can get an idea of what’s happening. So, if you’re coming up through the layers of fossils and there’s no fossils that the geologists and the paleontologists have found, a great deal of the fossil record tells us the huge numbers of plants and animals that were wiped off the face of the earth, so this isn’t [the] brand new, best information,” says Wade. Rather, the cause of the sixth extinction is the human race.

Overpopulation, aggressive harvesting and pollution are all contributors to the extinction that we are currently facing. “It is what we are doing that is causing the tremendous extinctions that are happening today, as opposed to other extinctions.

Looking at the other extinctions and their causes, it would suggest that we are actually causing the sixth extinction,” he adds.

Wade also notes that while the stability of our planet seems fine now, it could easily change in less than a few decades. “To have a stable planet, we cannot do it alone and we cannot do it with a few food plants and a few pets. If we lose species after species after species, it lessens the stability of the entire system. If we lose up to 50 per cent of current species in the next 30 years, like some scientists think we could, it could be detrimental to many things. Our air quality, our water quality, just a great number of things.” And if people aren’t worried now, Wade indicates that they should be — as mass global extinction and a global loss of biodiversity is already taking place. “It’s not like plants and animals are going extinct equally around the world. They’re going extinct very quickly in the tropics, which is causing very negative affects already.” Wade continues, “The concern about it

today though is the high number of species that are going extinct. If we go back through time, the number of extinctions now is much higher.” He hopes to cover these concepts in his presentation.

“I’m planning to get into a lot of the background on the nature of extinction, and it’s going to look at the evidence that supports the idea of the sixth extinction. I’m also going to look at the patterns of extinctions,” says Wade. He also notes that attendees can hope to learn about past extinctions and the patterns of extinction that are going on today, as well as the predictions for extinction farther along the line.

Although Wade hopes that the damages of the sixth extinction are not overly negative, he admits that his views on the subject can be pessimistic.

“If we are causing a mass extinction, we will not know what earth will be like coming out the other end. And that’s one of the most interesting and one of the most frustrating things about extinctions, that we could not predict the events leading up to extinction then, and we cannot [predict] them today, either.”

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moving on up

NEWS BRIEF Lindsay Howe, News Editor

Capilano receives NWCCU accreditation Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer Extending the steps taken by Capilano to achieve designation as a university, the school has been awarded accreditation by the Northwest Commission of Colleges and Universities (NWCCU).

“Being fully accredited by the NWCCU is a significant advantage to Capilano University, its students, faculty and staff,” said Capilano University president and vice-chancellor Kris Bulcroft in a media release. “It demonstrates that we are a university that knows what our students learn, and through the clear learning outcomes, we foster the development of transferable, real-world skills.

These include critical thinking, problem solving, communication, collaboration and community service.”

While the lengthy accreditation process allowed Capilano to address shortcomings and adjust policies and procedures, a primary benefit of NWCCU accreditation comes in the form of the pedigree that designation brings to the school.

“My understanding is that things have traditionally been different in Canada than in the United States, where the way quality assurances are provided to post-secondary institutions has varied a bit,” says Senate student representative and CSU board member David Clarkson. He likens the pursuit of accreditation to any other form of designation that provides a sense of legitimacy to consumers. “You might buy a car [that] has received some sort of designation from some sort of third party, and they receive those designations because they’ve met certain criteria. As a consumer, you can look at that … it’s a quality assurance mechanism.”

The accreditation of Canadian universities by United States accreditation bodies is still relatively

uncommon, with Capilano being only the second public post-secondary institution to receive such a designation. “[In B.C.], accreditation has been sort of de facto, and that is: Are you or are you not given public funds to run your institution?” explains Clarkson.

“There are 25 public post-secondary institutions in B.C., then a really significant number of private institutions. If a university or a college or an institute of B.C. receives public funding, it then becomes subject to the applicable legislation. For instance, Capilano University is governed by the B.C. University Act, which itself could arguably be considered a form of accreditation because it conforms to those standards, and it’s directly supervised by the Ministry of Advanced Education.”

Clarkson explains that the Ministry of Advanced Education itself will also see benefits from Capilano’s accreditation. “It’s actually a pretty big deal for them. Imagine if you’re a government ministry and you’re financing $2 billion worth of post-secondary every year, you want to be able to turn around to the taxpayer and say, ‘Well, look at the good value you’re getting for it.’”

Though most public B.C. post-secondary institutions adhere to the “de facto” standards of accreditation in the province, there are more positives to NWCCU accreditation than the improved university operation and greater sense of legitimacy. Clarkson believes that falling under the umbrella of NWCCU accredited schools allows for more flexibility and mobility in students’ study paths.

“The one big problem that students in B.C., and kind of everywhere, face is the transferability and recognition of [their] credentials. If you’re a nurse and you’re trained in B.C., you may have some difficulty having that credential recognized if you move across the border … the point is, there’s not

a one-to-one recognition at that point,” he says.

“Same thing in B.C. — if you do two years at Cap and you want to transfer to school out in Ottawa or Montreal, because those institutions are working in different provinces under slightly different rules, they might look at your transcript and say, ‘Well, your first year biology isn’t quite the same, so we’re not going to give you credit for that, you have to re-do first year biology.’”

While B.C. has a transfer system for postsecondary institutions within the province, one does not exist nationally — offering no guarantees on inter-province or international credit transferability.

“It basically increases the mobility for students — and if you think about it, that’s kind of a big deal, because in the last 10 years it’s changed in the case where you picked a school and you went there for four years, then got your degree. Now it’s sort of the case that you go to a school, you go there for a couple years, transfer to another school to finish your degree and maybe you go to another place to do some graduate studies,” Clarkson says.

“It’s not so much of a one-stop shop anymore. The ability for students to have mobility in their studies is incredibly important and will continue to be in the future.”

However, there is a financial burden associated with the NWCCU accreditation. Not including the expenses related to achieving the NWCCU’s standards for accreditation, Capilano has paid a $2500 application fee and will annually pay a percentage of its total expenses as membership dues to the NWCCU. This number will fluctuate each year based on Capilano’s spending.

WHAT’S NEW WITH THE CSU? Lindsay Howe, News Editor

CAP u BECOMES A LITTLE LESS DRY But you still can’t get drunk after class Natalie Corbo × Features Editor

5 Days for the Homeless The 5 Days for the Homeless campaign begins on Mar. 10. While the CSU initially expected to cover the cost of security for campers outside the Birch building, the University has agreed to pay the entire $1000 security cost for the event.

Comedy Tour Sean Stewart, the Students with Disabilities’ Liaison, is hosting an event called Stand Up for Mental Health. It is a comedy tour featuring people with mental illnesses. Stewart requested $275 for pizza and pop, as well as $346 for the comedians. His request was approved, and the event will take place on Mar. 28 from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. in the CSU Library Lounge.

Health and Dental For those enrolled in the Student Health and Dental Plan, increases in cost will be small for 2013-2014. The health plan will go up from $103.41 to $103.72 per student, and the dental plan will increase from $121.94 to $122.31.

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CSU Policies David Clarkson, a Senate representative, requested that all meeting and quorum requirements for March/April be suspended due to some committees having trouble meeting quorum. The argument was that committee liaisons are still adequately planning events and projects, and their success shouldn’t be judged on meeting or quorum requirements. This motion was amended to have the meeting requirements remain in place, but the quorum requirements will be eliminated for the specified time period. The amended motion passed.

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bands, a couple electronic musicians to kind of close out the night ... there’s one artist from Capilano who goes by the name of Cool Angles and he’s in the AEM program. He just released his first record this month so he’s going to be performing with a band for the first time. He normally plays on his own, so that’s kind of exciting,” he adds. The AEM students are also excited to have well-known Vancouver DJ Freebound, whose previous music festival credits include Bass Coast and Shambala, headlining.

“We really respect Cap and we’re going to take great responsibility with this new policy change,” says Caron.

“A lot of schools either have on-campus pubs, or they have pub nights where they do what we’re doing, having kind of a temporary liquor license and bartenders for hire and Cap has just never [previously] had anything like that … I think a lot of students are kind of wanting that in their college experience, they want to be able to go and hang out at school and have a few responsible beverages,” Caron adds.

Any groups wishing to take advantage of this new policy must contact Vanderyagt, who will review all applications for SOLs. Both Robinson and Caron credit Capilano administration for being supportive in pushing the policy though. “It hasn’t been an uphill battle really. There’s bureaucracy and nothing happens as quickly as you’d like, but it is happening,” says Robinson.

The last meeting of the Capilano Students’ Union (CSU) Board of Directors was held on Mar. 7.

Highlights of the meeting are as follows:

the capilano courier

Capilano University student groups are now able to hold licensed events on campus, thanks to students in the Arts and Entertainment Management program. The first of these events will be Lounge Live: Equinox, a night of music put on

by AEM students.

“When we did the last Lounge Live we started working on it and we didn’t even realize the school’s policies, so we went ahead and started making plans to have a licensed event,” explains Alex Caron, AEM student. “We realized that we couldn’t do that, so we made several appointments with high up people in the school and kind of pleaded our case and tried to get policies changed.”

According to Julie Vanderyagt, Special Events and Ceremonies Manager and “gatekeeper of the alcohol policy,” the school had been getting a large volume of requests for events with alcohol recently, and realized they needed to develop some finalized policy around it.

“We found that by and large administration here at Cap was rather receptive and encouraging that it was time for this sort of thing to at least be considered,” adds AEM program coordinator Greg Robinson. After about four months of paperwork, meetings, and getting the policy approved by the university’s Senate, the AEM students discovered that Lounge Live: Equinox, scheduled for Mar. 21, would be able to include alcohol service.

“For the last 20 plus years we’ve been a dry campus and so there’s obviously been hesitations around changing it, but there’s also been a great deal of support from Dr. Bulcroft and the

executive to have a controlled alcohol policy … if you’re going to university, you’re an adult, and therefore we should be able to treat you like an adult,” says Vanderyagt.

Opinions about the need for a campus pub have popped up frequently in the Courier over the years, and while the possibility for that is still far off, the new policy allows any group on campus to apply for a Special Occasion License (SOL) from the liquor board. Students must have a staff guarantor to sign on, and follow other school policies which have been updated to reflect the new liquor regulations. As the official policy states, “University events for which a SOL is requested must be sponsored by a university academic or administrative unit, or an employee group recognized by the university, or the Capilano University Student Union.”

“Our alcohol policy is not designed so that students can throw parties on campus,” says Vanderyagt. “It’s designed so that it has to be attached to something, so AEM’s is part of their curriculum, it’s part of the work that they do, so it’s sponsored by the department, and it has faculty and staff support.”

“There are limits in terms of how [licensed events] can be promoted. The organizers are not allowed to advertise it as an alcohol-related event, so we can’t call it, for example, ‘Pub Night,’” adds Robinson.

The first licensed event will be held in the CSU Maple lounge, and will be organized like a one-night music festival. “Everyone else other than the headliner is student talent, so they either currently go to Cap or someone went to Cap at one point,” says Caron. “Performers are going to be solo performers, singer songwriter duos, a couple

Capilano University was recently granted accreditation by the Northwest Commission on Colleges and Universities (NWCCU). The NWCCU will be holding an upcoming annual meeting in Seattle, Washington. The University is sending some employees to attend the meeting on the University’s behalf, partly to work on language changes on policy and procedure before the next round of accreditation begins.

Capilano University president Kris Bulcroft reports that the search for the next Vice-Principal Academic Provost is well under way. Bulcroft has a list of promising candidates that the University is going to begin to consider. Although there has been no shortlist or meeting list yet compiled, Bulcroft plans on moving the selection process along to ensure the candidates are able to come visit the campus while class is still in full swing, and there are still students on campus.

Alison McNeil, the chair of the public administration program at Capilano University, was a guest speaker at the most recent Senate meeting to propose offering a new credential in her program.

The credential would be called a Local Government Leadership Certificate that would be awarded upon the completion of six specified courses.

The classes would be weekend classes, and McNeil suggests that the majority of students would be middle-aged people who already work in local government administration, who want a credential that would allow them to move up in their municipality.

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Columns

Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d i t o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

STYLE REVISITED

Katie Blecker × Columnist

Old concepts, new perspectives As we eagerly await the arrival of spring, top fashion houses around the world have been busy projecting trends in advance of the fall/winter seasons. I've followed the presentations for Fall/ Winter 2013 like I do each season, with an eye for which designers are referencing styles of yesteryear, and how they are interpreting them to suit their modern customer base. At this time of year, the public is abuzz with discussions of designer fashions displayed in the awards season.

The Oscars saw Jessica Chastain in a sleek art deco gown, and Amy Adams’ dress was reminiscent of frothy 1950s prom-wear — just two of many visible nods to vintage style which are everywhere in modern day fashion, both on celebrities and the catwalk.

The fashion industry as a whole relies on the ability to look into the past and take inspiration to reinterpret it for current and future collections.

Fashion houses that have been around for many years will often revisit their own collections from way back when, updating and adjusting them for the modern day consumer. Jacquie Saldat, a local stylist says, “It’s like looking back on a past relationship. Now that you’ve taken space, you can see clearly what you did right and what you should never repeat.” Designers go to great lengths to research historical garment styles and constructions in order to gain new perspective on their work, collecting these relics for close inspection and study purposes.

Among the many different styles and themes present for F/W 2013 are a handful of strong, history-infused collections. These range from subtle influences, to references invoking full-on iconic styles, with designers making their way back through distinct looks of our past decades.

FABULOUS FORTIES Carolina Herrera showed a gorgeous collection at New York Fashion Week. This was one of the more obvious nods to vintage style, as the full range emitted a youthful elegance with a touch of femme fatale. There was a nice assortment of muted tones and tweeds as well as vibrant jewel tones.

The silhouettes highlighted strong shoulders and nipped waistlines, as per the classic 1940s shape.

A number of looks were paired with high-waisted slacks (flattering on any body type!) and the fabrics all had a dreamy draped quality.

FEMININE FIFTIES Looks inspired by the mid-century seem to make their way onto today’s catwalk pretty regularly, and this coming fall is no exception. At Prada, we saw a different concept from the usual poufy-skirted dresses. Instead, the collection was more sleek and refined. A large portion of it consisted of two-piece suits, very popular in the ‘50s. Skirt silhouettes varied from full circle to pencil, as per the traditional shapes of the era. The clothes and styling had a very Grace Kelly vibe about them; clean, simple and tasteful.

SASSY SIXTIES Offering such a huge assortment of different styles to reference, it’s no wonder 1960s influence is always a favorite with designers. At Temperley London, Hitchcock’s muse Tippi Hedren was the main source of inspiration. Silhouettes were clean, crisp and classy in that distinct early-‘60s way.

On the flipside was Anna Sui's boisterous collection of vibrant colours and wild prints, obviously inspired by the mid-to-late 1960s rock

‘n’ roll era. Her outfits were monochromatic (including the tights!) but so very bold, with an emphasis on mixing graphic prints.

ELATED EIGHTIES In addition to inspiration from decades long ago, there was a strong presence of the not-so-distant past on the fall runway, with “silhouettes, blazers, draping, one and two-piece suits and metallics,” in the limelight, says Saldat. This was very apparent at Tom Ford, where colour, pattern and texture came together for an impressive, visually impactful collection. Loud geometric prints came in graphic black and white as well as an assortment of highly saturated colours. Animal prints, florals, lace, fringe and leather were all present, and worked together surprisingly well.

A NEW RENAISSANCE Another unique throwback goes beyond even this century, with a heavy influence from church and Renaissance art. “We saw images of cathedral ceilings mirrored in patterns at Clover Canyon, angel wings at Rodarte and the Holy Crux everywhere from D&G to Alberta Ferretti,” says Saldat. “The colour palette across the board was that of the Catholic Church as well: gold, purple and red.”

Colour, texture and print were the main focus here.

INTERPRETATIONS Runways have certainly helped lead the pack with their nods to historical clothing. “If you ever hear a designer say they never look back, only forward, they’re lying,” Saldat says. But the best thing about vintage-inspired trends in mainstream fashion is that you can often find the original — the type of

CHEAPSKATE

item that inspired these collections — at a local vintage shop. In addition to paying only a fraction of the price, another bonus is that it will be one of a kind.

If your wardrobe leans to the more modern side of things, you can easily incorporate vintage pieces to follow certain trends without looking too dated.

It’s a matter of how all the pieces of an outfit come together as a unified whole. Avoid items that appear too “costumey,” such as poodle skirts and cherry prints, if you’re going for a more modern, on-trend appearance. In this case, I recommend choosing separates that lend certain elements to what is currently in style, such as a bold ‘60s print, dark and moody colour palettes for the Renaissance vibe, or for a ‘40s look, a well-fitting pair of high-waisted pants with a wider leg.

Including well-made vintage separates in your wardrobe is a surefire way to add variety to your look. With the right pieces, you can create an array of classic vintage-inspired outfits that will last you well into the future; through seasons, trends and beyond.

Katie Blecker is a devotee to vintage style, with a particular interest in collecting items from the 1930s, ‘40s and ‘50s. She also enjoys sewing, Old Hollywood, dance and cheesy puns. Follow her on Tumblr at Threadandcloth.tumblr.com.

×× katie so

Marco Ferreira × Columnist

the capilano courier

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46 issue N o . 19

Dine without dollar bills, y’all

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I’m willing to bet money that you bought a slice of pizza today. If not pizza, french fries, a burger, muffin, bagel, or even a salad for those of you who eat that sort of thing. Eating out is pretty much compulsory amongst Generation Y (ages 18 to 34). But for students who are focused on expanding their minds, it seems strange to dine out when it often comes with the risk of neglectful health.

The Canadian food service industry racked up $65 billion in sales in 2012, according to Statistics Canada. Vancouver especially is well known for its restaurants, with tasty places to eat and drink on nearly every block. I love food and eating, even self-identifying as a “foodie” which is terrible and I’m sorry. I eat out often — it’s actually probably my biggest expense. When it comes to feeding myself I’m guilty of living a lifestyle above my income bracket, and I’m not alone. A study by Deloitte found that people aged 18 to 34 in London, England are eating out all the time, around 30 times a month. They’re spending more than other age groups too, at the equivalent of $23 Canadian, per meal. I bet you’d find similar statistics in Vancouver; it’s a fast-paced society and young people are adapting, but not necessarily for the better.

That’s a lot of money to be throwing around

when you don't have any in the first place. If I stopped eating out and did things like prep meals, and brown bag a lunch, I’d save considerable amounts of money — and I'd probably have abs like I’ve always wanted. My life would be perfect.

Cooking at home is the only real alternative and the most ethical way of feeding yourself. Popular cooking culture encourages us to prepare elaborate dishes well beyond the financial constraints of a low-income person. Stocking your pantry in versatile staples like spinach, black beans, yogurt, nuts and berries is more financially and nutritionally rewarding. These are healthy foods, easy to prepare and hard to fuck up. It doesn't take away from eating good, in fact when I'm cooking for myself with these ingredients I'm able to enjoy the fresh flavours even more, knowing they aren’t loaded with salt and realizing that I’ve spent a mere fraction compared to a restaurant.

Many of us are used to eating complicated dishes made with multiple components and flavour profiles. When you want to make something like butter chicken, it can be a real pain the ass. You have to do a hundred things and wash the pan like five times. And you need a blender! You also need a bunch of specific spices if you want to make Indian

dishes. By the time you buy everything and finish cooking dinner, it might have been cheaper and faster to just get take-out. The solution is to choose when to eat out and when to cook.

When I recommend cooking for yourself, I don’t mean cooking as a hobby or interest, but cooking as a means to feed yourself. That’s not to say that simple economical cooking can’t be fun or delicious, it just doesn’t need to mimic what you see on the Food Network or have the same outcome as eating out. Cooking at home should be quick, simple and healthy, as well as cheap.

This is ideal, and I like eating like this but it doesn’t always work out. It’s easy to fall into old habits when life throws you for a loop. I probably won’t stop eating out completely, but I will work on packing a lunch and cooking myself breakfast and dinner.

A restaurant’s goal is to sell you something delicious. In popular opinion that’s going to mean it’s high in fat and sodium, which is horrible for your body. Seriously, one of the worst things for you to eat is bacon, and bacon is everyone’s favourite.

Restaurants know people like bacon, so they serve it. It doesn’t mean we need to give in.

Research published in the Canadian Journal of

Public Health this year found that fast food and sit down restaurant chains are serving food with sodium contents exceeding the daily allowance of what’s healthy. Everything from poutine and burritos to bagels and salads was found to have too much salt. The research concluded, “Because of the prevalence of eating out, as well as the high rates of hypertension and cardiovascular disease, addressing the exceedingly high sodium levels in restaurant foods is essential in order to decrease the burden of chronic disease.”

Gross. Fuck a restaurant industry that wants you to die from salted food — that’s not a cool way to die. Cook for yourself, save money and be really healthy. Die doing an extreme sport or lots of fun drugs or when you’re old as hell. Make it your choice, not some slimy salt peddling restaurateur.

Marco is a long-time contributor to the Capilano Courier, previously as both the Humour Editor and Opinions Editor. In this column he will be going over ways in which to save money, challenge societal norms and live more simply, with the goal of improving our quality of life. Marco recently came back to live frugally in Vancouver after a year in Australia.

13-03-09 7:54 PM

GRAHAMMAR

Graham Robertson × Columnist

Vowel Movements When attempting to create social change, it’s a fairly common tactic to revisit certain words or their usage to advance a certain political cause.

It’s worth thinking about what the effect is when language takes a stand on politics. There are numerous success stories, but I want to examine a somewhat controversial one which didn’t quite break through into widespread use: “womyn.”

As a white dude, I can recognize that often the best way I can contribute to discussions about the position of oppressed and disenfranchised groups is to patiently listen. So when thinking about “womyn” versus “woman” I don't have any solutions, but it’s an interesting example of trying to affect social issues through language. Even amongst modern day feminists, many (especially in academia) seem to see it as a bit passé.

The term “womyn” arose in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, when feminist thinkers began to argue that sexism was buried in some seemingly innocuous words. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “womyn” first appeared in print as part of a 1975 music festival in Michigan. But even as thinkers such as Dale Spender continued to examine the relationship between language and patriarchy in the ‘80s, the term fell out of favour. The initial reasoning for spelling “womyn” with the “y”

was that “women” seems like a dependent term: nothing more than a prefix to “man.” Interestingly, the Old English gender nouns were actually “wifman” for females and “were-man” for males, with the suffix “-man” simply meaning human. Eventually “wif-” evolved into “wife” and “were-” is only seen today in words like “werewolf.” But while originally “man” was gender-neutral, we shouldn't be slaves to etymology: English has evolved much since then and to our modern ears “women” does sound dependent on the masculine sense of “man.”

We should be aware of today’s usage of it primarily.

The problem of sexist gender terms as presented in the ‘70s still persists, but the proposed solution of “womyn” has faltered. Yet while “womyn” is not as widely used even in feminist circles, it does pop up occasionally. I’m curious about current attitudes and worries, so I turned to two females who have been known to deploy the term and asked them about their relationship with it.

Amanda, who uses “womyn” occasionally, had this to say: “I use it really when I’m trying to emphasize a more gender neutral form, including trans* folks, and with talking to other radical people.” By “radical” she means those committed to a certain social/political mindset — in this context, feminism. To Amanda, “womyn” is a useful insider

world: broadcasting membership in a subculture while subverting prescriptive gender roles.

By contrast, Celeste, who holds a degree in Woman and Gender Studies, uses it very rarely, and only when discussing or highlighting the work of the feminist movement in the ’70s. She claims, “For me, ‘womyn’ doesn't do any work: I don’t see what it changes.” She brought up the term “trans*” as one she’s happily adopted because that one seems to have a clearer goal than “womyn.”

In using “trans*” she sees herself as accomplishing something, which “womyn” doesn't satisfy.

Another thing both Amanda and Celeste brought up is that trying to use “womyn” everyday isn't productive, mostly because it simply isn’t worth the hassle. I challenge you to start using it casually on Facebook — you’ll witness innocuous discussions derailed by some asshole appearing out of nowhere to argue about the term. That hassle, however, points to a deeper worry about language influencing politics: whether such debates are actually changing anything of significance. Perhaps such changes to language are nothing more than a surface solution, which needs to be paired with other strategies. I'm inclined to think that they run deeper and the words we use have great affect on how we go about our lives. On the other hand,

AN APPLE A DAY

× Columnist

Different types of food also provide different benefits, and you can use food in very specific ways. Your body is pretty smart, and understanding what your body’s signals mean is

Christine Bissonnette is Maritime-bred actress, writer and health enthusiast. As a P90X graduate and author of wellness blog The-positivity-project.com, she is constantly looking for new ways to test herself, and challenges you to do the same.

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Use Food as a Tool

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Food should be viewed with balance and care, not the shame many associate it with. Food is energy, and you need it. Try to become conscious of which foods you want versus which ones you need. Food should infuse you with energy and zest, not send you to the couch for an afternoon nap. I recently came across the idea of keeping a food log. This log isn’t about recording calories, but about recording experiences. If you have a sudden craving for a cinnamon bun, don't be afraid to indulge — but after you’ve snacked, record in detail how eating it made you feel. This visceral reminder can serve as a stronger deterrent than willpower. Record how you feel even after eating foods that are good for you. Remembering the boost in energy after you drink your homemade fruit smoothie could have just as positive an effect. Becoming an expert, when it comes to your body, will also provide you with a sense of empowerment.

×

A year ago I discovered that I was actually intolerant to many of the foods that I was eating, such as wheat, corn and soy. Cutting these foods out of my diet has resulted in an astonishing boost in my energy levels and overall wellbeing.

While you’re possibly already aware of the foods

Keep a Food Experience Log

a crucial part of healthy living. For example, if you have a craving for salt, it means your body needs magnesium. If you have a craving for sugar, it means that your body needs calcium. Part of your own experimentation will be related to understanding what your unique cravings mean.

The 20 to 30 minutes after your workout, when your body is most receptive to the absorption of nutrients, also have certain dietary requirements.

“Four to one is your ideal ratio for post-workout recovery,” says Stephanie Burlton, a certified strength and conditioning specialist and NCAA Division 1 dual sport athlete. Burlton is referring to the ratio of four carbohydrates (apples or bananas are good) to one protein (like a tablespoon of almond butter). These carbohydrates are important because they help your body to produce glycogen (which is how we store the sugars found in carbs). Glycogen is your fuel, and replenishing these nutrients should be your priority. Burlton explains that when a person “does a workout and then downs a protein shake with 40 grams of protein, they’re starting to rebuild their muscles — but if you don’t absorb that glycogen you’re going to crash.”

Of course, when you first start out you’ll want to observe what others are doing and copy them.

This is a great way to learn — however, eventually it’s important that you make your diet specific to you and your preferences, activity level and body.

Work to experience a sense of ownership over your health. After all, no one knows you better than you, and you should experience a little bit of pride in that fact.

the capilano courier

Get an Allergy Test

that you’re allergic to, it is probable that some foods you’re merely sensitive to are a regular part of your diet. Reactions to a food sensitivity can vary within fatigue, low energy, poor sleep, weight gain, bloating, diarrhea, and possible skin rashes and eczema. There are many naturopathic clinics in the Vancouver area which offer allergy testing, and while they are expensive, the benefit you could receive from this knowledge could be substantial.

If you’re afraid your test will reveal that you’re actually sensitive to your favourite food, remember the risk of having to give up Cap’n Crunch may mean you can operate at a better capacity.

Graham Robertson is a graduate student at SFU who writes about issues in language and literary culture.

You can follow him on Twitter @onehandhighfive, but it’s pretty obvious he has no idea what he’s doing.

Christine Bissonnette

Be Your Own Science Experiment I’ve scoured the blogs, consumed the literature and listened to countless podcasts — but it’s been a futile search for the way to approach healthy living. I’ve fixated on calories and taken foods out of my diet based on the advice of one expert, only to have that advice refuted by another.

Experimentation with protein bars, shakes and supplements has proven frustrating and futile.

There just seems to be something really gooey and insubstantial about the wellness industry.

It’s annoyingly difficult to differentiate between what is valuable advice and what is either a marketing ploy or an unproven fad. Bur recently I heard something that gave me an Oprah-like epiphany. Craig Ballantyne, a certified turbulence trainer, in an interview with Abel James on the “Fat-Burning Man” podcast, recommended to “treat your body like a science experiment.”

Everyone’s different bodies work in different ways, so the reality is that certain methods work for other people, but it won’t necessarily be the same for you.

Treating your body like a science experiment means listening to what your body is telling you.

While paying attention to the number of calories you’re consuming in relation to the number you’re burning is an important practice, the kinds of food you’re eating also matter. I’m not just talking about obvious “good” food like vegetables and fruit as opposed to “bad” food like pizza and chips. There are also other factors at play, and a number of methods to experiment with that will lead to an overall healthier life.

it doesn't seem much of a stretch to imagine a world where all of us start using “womyn” tomorrow, yet patriarchy and gender role prescription are still entrenched.

I suspect that certain terms such as “trans*” have gained acceptance because, in addition to the laudable social and personal benefits, the term fulfils a linguistic niche. Another example is the steady increase in acceptance of the singular use of “they,” which is doing a job that either “he” or “she” is slacking off at. If we want our language to guide politics or social change, perhaps the answer is to address how we’re using our language and fill in the cracks. But, like I said, I ultimately lack answers about the place of “womyn” in our lexicon.

It’s a fuzzy issue, trying to balance politics, pragmatism and everyday hassles. But whatever the choice, it’s worth thinking about the baggage that comes along with a vowel.

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Columns

Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d i t o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

× staff editorial ×

SCHOOL'S OUT!

LET THE EDUCATION BEGIN

Scott Moraes × Humour and Fiction Editor

the capilano courier

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46 issue N o . 19

“It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom.”

- Albert Einstein

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At the end of the last school year, I had a 4.0 GPA. That makes me an ‘A’ Student, a feat sure to make anyone proud. Instead, I was deeply embarrassed about it, perhaps even angry. Simply because getting an ‘A’ average at school actually meant that I had learned a lot less than I could have. I had conformed myself to fulfilling my academic duties, in detriment to the questions I really wanted to pursue. I got my 4.0 GPA simply by reading teachers — challenging some, behaving and conforming to others. I had no choice: following the rules was a legal requirement.

I never wanted to go to college. Sure, in a way my career choices awarded me that option. But it turned out that when I wanted to immigrate to Canada at age 18, going to college was the only way. So I did it. I enrolled in the film program at Capilano, hoping I would at least learn some of the technical stuff needed to get my ideas from the paper to the screen. You know, the stuff you can’t learn from books.

Capilano’s money-grabbing fraud of a program, run by inept and overblown “industry veterans,” embittered me beyond repair. I had dumped 14 grand on a program that filled its curriculum with games and false truths. They gave lectures on how to be respectful, punctual and some shit or other about an anger mountain. I was never into climbing anger mountains until they threw that shit at me as “academia.” We had to write essays on our plans for the near future; we went out on the grassy field and role-played professionals on a real film set; we were told to write screenplays with maddening mathematical precision. My classmates were jotting down notes the whole time.

I was appalled.

I fell in love with the country and with a girl, and to be allowed to stay, I had to spend another two years at university — this time taking random arts and sciences courses. Maybe I was way too young when I watched Dead Poet’s Society, but early on, the passiveness required for classroom instruction completely evaded me. Strangely though, my solidified views of university culture don’t feel all that subjective.

Objectively speaking, I see a lot of issues people tend to agree with, regardless of whether they enjoy their student lives or not. From the selection of textbooks to the focus of the course, instructors shackle students to their own priorities and their own narrow vision. The fear of not passing the course ultimately becomes the main driving force behind the studies — not the quest for knowledge, but the fear of the questions your instructor is likely to ask you. In the end, really, you are studying for the teacher, for the exam, for the course — not for yourself.

Once, for example, I had to write a paragraph on a history final to answer this: “Evaluate the rule of Jawaharlal Nehru in India.” I was shocked, and there was only one thing I could respond with: “I don’t think, dear teacher, that anyone in this course (including myself ) has the authority to

answer such a question, especially in the limited scope of a paragraph, based solely on two pages of textbook generalizations.” I didn’t expect to do too well, but I got an A for the course. Did the teacher award me for my boldness? Should he have punished me for not daring to make assumptions?

This type of question is a huge problem with university culture, and I see it all the time on exams: it gives you the illusion that you do have the authority to answer such broad and complex questions, or else why would it be demanded of you?

It indirectly tells you that if you get an A, you can consider yourself a Jawaharlal Nehru specialist.

Little by little, with successful memorization of textbooks and lectures, you edify a great sense of intellectual authority, until you get a degree, which attests to the pinnacle of your greatness! I’ve seen through the years a horde of classmates who felt very convinced that taking a course on a certain subject immediately made them experts — after twelve weeks. After one very general textbook, one essay, and a few random scholarly articles, they were ready to spew out absolute truths like they’d reached them through decades of collecting hard evidence. I saw them and sighed in pity: I saw no room for greater learning — they had filled the vessel, with so little.

This false sense of authority gives you and prospective employers the illusion that you actually know your shit. For me, getting a degree is a testament of endurance, and nothing else — sticking around for four years, paying your dues and marginally passing your exams is something anyone can accomplish. After three years in the University world, I am not surprised at all with the utter cluelessness that pervades the Jobs world. It’s a world obsessed with credentials, led by people who can’t see beyond numbers and words on a resume, mostly blind to potential, talent, personality. The oh-so-important education and experience.

Also, I cannot fully express my distaste for our practice of promoting letter grades to adjective status: This one is a ‘C’ Student, this one is an ‘A’ Student. All of us, the future of the nation, branded and ranked like cows. A system so cold, so impersonal, and so filled with pointless judgement. What do these letters even mean?

While attempting to quantify intelligence and achievement, the GPA system merely indicates a student’s ability to conform to the system and completely obscures whatever knowledge a student may have acquired independently. The lowest grade I ever got was a C+, in an American history course. It was probably the most I ever learned outside of the classroom, which leads me to believe that, at least in my case, GPA scores and actual learning are inversely proportional.

After three years at university, I still feel immensely and gladly ignorant. Why? Because there’s so much more to learn, and having the freedom of pursuit is a thrilling prospect for me. Is an education driven by fear, angst, and anger likely to be the most successful possible way of learning? Sure it seems to work for some, but generally, I don’t think so. I can’t claim to have figured out a better system that would work on a scale large enough to supplant our current universities, but I do feel that universities are rarely challenged in debates of reform. It’s like we’ve resigned ourselves to this being the only possible way.

Universities used to be breeding grounds for debate and cultural, social and political change, and yet they feel increasingly like debtors’ prisons where individualism triumphs over collectivism.

We don’t often associate the term “unsustainable” with universities, but in the U.S. alone, student debt nears $1 trillion, and there’s growing talks among economists that therein might lie the next big financial bubble.

So maybe we need to start thinking of alternatives. We need a change in our attitude towards education, a cultural shift in the connotation we give to “knowledge” and “ignorance.” Maybe there will be some level of return to an apprenticeship system? To a workshop system, perhaps? Who knows. All I know is that as this bubble grows increasingly closer to bursting, I’d very much rather watch from the outside.

×× Stefan Tosheff

13-03-09 7:54 PM

arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

DRAG RACE Cobalt hosts second annual drag competition Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer For the second year in a row, the best of Vancouver’s revitalized drag scene will be on display at the Cobalt for the annual Mr or Miss Cobalt drag competition.

“My husband and I are both drag queens and we run a bunch of events at the Cobalt, we have for about three years now. We used to run a weekly drag show there called Apocalypstick, we ran it for about two years,” says Peach Cobblah, Vancouver drag queen and organizer of Mr or Miss Cobalt.

“Through that, we had a lot of first-time drag queens who would come perform on our show because we had a very lovely and caring and appreciative audience and it became a great venue for them to try something new.”

Recognizing the absence of competitive, intense drag shows, as well as the quality and enthusiasm of newcomers to the Vancouver drag scene, inspired Cobblah to further the availability of drag events — and to provide a true competition, rather than a weekly showcase. “Based on how many new and amazing drag queens were popping up on our stage, we thought, well, what if we actually put together a competition that would offer the opportunity for all of these people to perform in a slightly more rigorous setting than just your average drag show, because there are actual amazing prizes to be won,” Cobblah explains. “So we ran the first Mr or Miss Cobalt competition last year, and crowned our first Miss Cobalt, whose name is Lady Jem — who has gone on to be one of the most popular queens in

town the past year, which is lovely.”

This year’s installment of the Mr or Miss Cobalt drag competition begins on Mar. 16 and will run in segments over a period of three weeks. Each week, contestants will be cut from the competition, culminating in a finale on Mar. 31 — in which roughly five finalists will compete. “In the first week, [the competitors] are just coming out and they’re doing one number that really introduces the judges to who they are, what kind of performer they are, what kind of musical aesthetic they bring to the stage. We have a panel of judges who include the Queen of East Van, Isolde N. Barron, who is sort of the mother hen of drag at the Cobalt – then Lady Jem, the previous winner, and then every week we’ll also have a guest judge,” Cobblah says. “They’ll be evaluating these performances and giving constructive feedback on what [the competitors] can improve on for next time. There’s also a mini-challenge that happens on stage that [we] will run — there is the opportunity to win a prize right then and there.”

The prizes claimed by mini-challenge winners remain secret until the shows, but the grand prize has been revealed to be three bookings at events like Queer Bash, Apocalypstick, Hustler and Shindig, the title of Mr or Miss Cobalt, and $500 cash.

Cobblah recognizes that the positive, enthusiastic audience that frequents Vancouver drag shows and event organizers like Cobblah and Mr or Miss Cobalt co-host Junita Werk have formed a supportive, accepting and accessible drag community that has found the Cobalt as its central hub. Since its inception last year, the Mr or Miss Cobalt competition has skyrocketed in popular-

ity — largely due to the increased interactivity that a competition format offers, as opposed to a traditional drag show. The drag scene in Vancouver has expanded even further due to the array of events that are being offered. “It really brings out a crowd. It certainly helps that the audience acts as a fourth judge — there are ballots when you come in — so it’s certainly worth it if the competitors bring their family and friends to support them. But it really took off,” notes Cobblah, emphasizing the welcoming and accessible atmosphere that surrounds the competition — and in turn, the drag scene in general. The popularity of the Mr or Miss Cobalt competition, as well as the emergence of the Cobalt as a consistently available and supportive venue, has solidified this.

Most scenes find a home to act as a base of operations. Like the Smilin’ Buddha with Vancouver punks, the Cobalt, as the “de facto Eastside gay bar,” has fostered and supported the drag community and spurred its growth in popularity over the past few years. “The Cobalt has really become a drag hotspot in the city, through a lot of the events we run, but I really think the Mr and Miss Cobalt Pageant last year really secured that spot for us,” Cobblah says.

So far, 11 competitors will be taking part in this year’s Mr and Miss Cobalt competition. Cobblah will be accepting contestants leading up to the first show. Those who want to try something new will have the Cobalt as an outlet to do so.

×× Shannon elliott

SWEARING AT THE PRIME MINISTER comedic political website debuts live show Celina Kurz × Arts Editor

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46 issue N o . 19

talking, it can just become really boring. We’re hoping to show people that it’s really not,” explains Lee. “It’s really going to affect everyone, it’s going to affect the whole country.”

Lee explains that the intent behind the project “is really about getting people engaged in their own way and supporting them, and giving them a space to come to and collaborate with other people.” By starting well before the next federal election, they hope to have enough time to build into a powerful communal force. Lee explains, “We want to get launched really early so there’s time to build a community and engage people, and change and grow into something more with the people as they engage with us.” The website, which is currently going through a redesign, will hopefully be a point of reference where people can stay connected.

“We don’t think people are necessarily apathetic,” concludes Lee. “They’re overwhelmed.

We want to let them know they have the power to counteract, for example, a government that spends hundreds of thousands of dollars a day in terms of advertising for itself, and for its government, and for its policy. [This] can seem really overwhelming to overcome, but in reality we all have the power to come together and just do it — it just takes conversation and connection.”

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in Parliament that read “Stop Harper,” is a big part of that evolution. “She’s probably essential with that new branch of what Shit Harper Did has become,” says Lee. “She’s actually really great at creating a kind of on-the-ground action, politically.”

The Shit Harper Did live show will consist of an opening half hosted by Graham Clark and featuring The Sunday Service, which will be “not overtly political.” The second half is a presentation by DePape and Sean Devlin, one of the Shit Harper Did founders, which will speak more to ways that people can get involved with politics “on the ground.” By using the comedic element, Lee hopes to demonstrate to the audience that to get a grasp on what’s going on in politics “you don’t have to attend a three hour lecture that … makes you feel alienated or whatever. You get to come and watch a fun comedy show and learn a little bit more about what it means to be more engaged with politics.”

As much as politics in Canada might seem boring, Lee points out that it’s important to remember how much power the politicians actually have — and being aware of how that affects us as individuals. “The Canadian political machine … it’s presented as being super boring. Any time Stephen Harper, I mean a lot of politicians, start

the capilano courier

If you were alive and voting and had the Internet during the last federal elections, you may remember ShitHarperDid.com, a project started by some local Vancouver artists that ended up gaining a lot of media attention. Now, similarly to The Ring, the creators of the website are creeping out of your computer and onto a stage near you: Shit Harper Did is about to launch a six-school tour of the Lower Mainland. The tour will be hosted

by Graham Clarke, winner of Best Podcast at the 2012 Canadian Comedy awards, and will feature award-winning improv locals The Sunday Service, as well as Brigette DePape, “That Girl Who Held Up the Stop Harper Sign.”

The first stop on the tour is at Capilano University on Mar. 11, but the tour runs until Mar. 27, with shows at Kwantlen, UBC, SFU, Douglas and Emily Carr.

Kevin Lee, who was involved with the creation of the website when it first began, and who is a member of The Sunday Service, explains that by evolving into more than just a website, they hope to engage their audience in Canadian politics in a

more active way. “Obviously a website is great and it contains a lot of information that’s engaging, but the hope is to actually get people more engaged with politics.”

Before he started brainstorming with his friends to create the website, Lee describes himself as “someone who was interested in politics not that much.” However, like many Canadians, “I had opinions! I just felt intimidated by trying to move through and negotiate the media 'cause there’s always spin everywhere.” By actively engaging and creating a political website, “I was able to kind of overcome that and start to engage with actual critical ideas and build opinions with the information … [It] was really kind of eye-opening, it kind of sucked me in and I was engaged — whether I liked it or not.”

With the website, and with this new performance branch of the project, they hope to not only spread information about ideas that they believe are critical to Canadians, but also inspire and empower people to make change themselves and engage with politics. “Our hope is to … have that blend with actual on the ground engaging, people getting off their computer and actually going and talking to people, and actually getting involved.”

The collaboration with Brigette DePape, who made headlines in 2011 by holding up a stop sign

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arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

TROUBLE IN CASCADIA Canadian bands avoid border bureaucracy Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer It’s not easy to make it in Vancouver as a musician. Without considering the draconian liquor licensing laws and hostile venue regulations that are so often bemoaned within the city’s arts communities, Vancouver-area bands looking to tour find themselves at a distinct disadvantage based on a more tangible and insurmountable mitigating factor: geography.

Vancouver’s nearest large neighbour within the country, Calgary, lies almost 11 hours and hundreds of dollars in gas away by car — while closer cities like Victoria have lean offerings for independent touring bands. As a result, many Vancouver bands are forced to set their sights south, which in itself presents another problem: how to get through the border.

Vancouver music scenes in past years have often had a strong focus on touring, especially down the West Coast — notably; the Vancouver punk scene of the late 1970s and early 1980s had a strong connection to the scenes in California.

However, in a post-9/11 world, travelling through the United States border has become progressively more complex, with the implementation of passports and increased security measures being a necessity for travel from Canada and other countries, thus increasing the number of hoops internationally touring bands are forced to jump through in order to enter the States.

While pursuing international touring is an easy choice for those willing to devote the time, effort and resources necessary in navigating the miles of red tape surrounding work visas and permits for Canadian bands, it’s often not feasible for lesserknown groups. In an article for Exclaim!, author Allison Outhit outlines the myriad of visas that

touring Canadian bands could require outside the traditional P2 Exchange Artist Visa: “Depending on the kind and number of shows booked, you might also be a P1-B Specific Event, a P3 Culturally Unique Artist, or for visits of less than 90 days, a B-1 Visitor for Business Visa,” Outhit writes, noting that each individual band member needs to hold a visa. “In each case, rafts of paperwork must be completed and filed. Included are the application forms, as well as evidence of your qualifications such as letters from your label, publisher, booking agent and/or clubs where you are playing, copies of your passport, and fees starting at around $100 (U.S.) per person.”

David*, a member of several active and inactive Vancouver-area bands, has toured to the United States several times and says that from the perspective of small and often financially burdened bands, the explanation for how Canadian bands navigate the sea of paperwork required to legally perform in the United States is simple: they don’t.

“It sounds strange to say, but it comes down to a certain degree of values and a certain way you want to attack your career,” David explains. While he admits that those who have committed their time, effort and resources entirely to a career in performing often do eventually pursue the legal route, David notes that waiting for visas and wading through bureaucratic red tape is an unpopular choice for younger bands. “In my circle that I run with, the majority of people do not [enter the States legally]. It’s all on the sneak.”

David explains that despite the financial benefits offered by touring illegally, there are obvious drawbacks and risks: “The other times [I’ve toured] were with another group I’m in currently. Our bandleader had tried to cross over with gear before and wound up getting red-flagged and turned away. So now, when we’ve gone over with him, we generally don’t bring gear. We have to arrange

everything [before crossing the border] and then at the border we all have to have a story,” he says of recent journeys.

Daphne*, a musician from Vancouver, says the trend of illegally touring Canadian bands is largely due to the amount of documentation border guards require from venues that are to be played on tour — it is expected that guarantees of location and amount of compensation will be provided.

“You need to have a lot of documentation from the venues, so it rules out illegal house shows or basement shows or gallery shows because you need to prove how much you’re going to get paid and where the show will be,” she says. “You can’t fill out your visa location [and say] ‘We’re going to play in Dave’s basement, we might get a hundred bucks we hope, depends on the turnout.”

Daphne explains that the prevalence of technology is a major reason why bands get turned back at the border. “Your passport has your name on it, and if your name is Internet-associated with your band, it’s really challenging … the border guards have access to the Internet,” she says. “Be sure,

Internet-wise, there’s no association between your passport name and shows you’re going to play.”

The reality for small, independent bands from Vancouver and other isolated Canadian cities and towns is that the resources and time often aren’t available to tour in the United States legally. Until the day, if it ever comes, when international touring becomes more accessible, bands will be avoiding the paperwork and navigating their way through the border instead — on the sneak. * Names and band names have been changed to protect the identities of interviewees.

×× Stefan Tosheff

An "X-Siting" new night of jazz Young musicians offer something different on Saturday nights James Wilfred Martin

the capilano courier

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“My goal is to create an atmosphere that isn’t elite and isn’t just for professionals,” says Jessica Toplak.

A third-year Jazz Studies student at Capilano, Toplak is making space for a new generation of musicians to find some footing. Beginning in January, Toplak began curating a weekly night for mainly jazz students to perform at X-Site bistro, formerly El Barrio, with the intention for students to “get experience and exposure, and get really comfortable with playing in front of people.”

Toplak started hosting live music last summer with a series of student jazz concerts at her house, which she shared with fellow music students. After moving out to a smaller apartment and finding a new job at X-Site, she realized she had an opportunity to grow her concert series into something bigger, more public and more accessible to the community at-large. “When I started working at [X-Site], I kind of thought, ‘Oh hey, this would be a really good opportunity for students to start transitioning into the scene.’”

The X-Site Grill & Bistro isn’t new to hosting live music — in fact, it’s one of the few places in town where you can regularly find some of -Vancouver’s finest jazz musicians playing almost every night of the week, with every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday showcasing a huge variety of talented musicians — both local and touring — hosted by NoSchmo productions. Particularly notable is their Wednesday artist-in-residency program, in which a featured musician of the month performs with a different band each week. Artists have included cellist and bandleader Peggy Lee, drummer Skye Brooks of Inhabitants and Fond of Tigers fame, and saxophonist Chad Makela, to name a few. Nights like these that have turned the restaurant into a staple on the jazz scene. “We have a mix of customers,” explains Toplak. “[There are] people who come there for the food during the day — because we are initially a restaurant, not a listening room — but then we also have this huge history of jazz customers because there’s been jazz there for about four years now.”

Toplak is quick to point out that the music featured on her night at X-Site is selected on its artistic merits, and just because the performers tend to be “young” or “students” doesn’t at all mean that

this is some sort of amateur hour. Many of these Saturday night performers can often be found sharing the stage with more seasoned musicians all around town, including the other regular jazz nights at X-Site. “[The musicians] are all young players and they’re really good players, and I feel like we don’t have a big enough canvas in Vancouver to allow for all of this talent to be shown, which is something I’m really passionate about,” she says.

Although the series has started with a focus on her peers in Capilano’s jazz studies program, Toplak’s aim is to provide a public stage for any and all talented young musicians. “I didn’t want to say student night, and I don’t want to say jazz night,” she explains. “I want it to be really open for people to bring in anything ... It’s kind of like a variety night with young musicians, I didn’t want to label it. Next month, I’ll be booking [a] hip-hop/R&B guy, and I’m thinking of booking a Celtic band.”

Being both a music promoter and a regular employee at X-Site has given Toplak some insight into the balance that needs to exist between openness to different styles of music and the business’ ability to draw in customers and take care of their bottom line, a reality that requires serious consideration by any space offering live performance.

“It’s a really huge skill working with the restaurant side of something and then the entertainment side of things, and that’s something I’ve been really learning about lately,” she says, pointing out that, “There’s always that fear of, ‘Oh, what if customers don’t like it?’ We don’t want to be chasing people out the door ... But I want to be open to creativity.” And so far, whatever balance she’s found seems to be working out: “People [who] don’t usually listen to jazz or don’t usually listen to instrumental music [have] been taking it really well, and so far every night’s been really busy.”

Toplak hopes that the success of this originally homemade music series will get other young musicians thinking about how they too can make their own opportunities to showcase their art to an audience, and help grow their own little piece of the Vancouver music scene. “I really hope people, if they come to my night or if they just hear about it, I hope they get really inspired and do something themselves and start somewhere.”

To find out more about what’s happening at X-Site, visit their website at X-sitegrillbistro.com or check out Noschmo.com.

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True north strong on screen SELECTIONS FROM CANADA’S TOP TEN Canada is a nation intent on finding its cultural identity, showcased no better than in the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF)’s selections of the best Canadian films from over the past year.

According to its website, Canada’s Top Ten “celebrates and promotes contemporary Canadian cinema and is intended to raise public awareness of Canadian achievements in film.” Rightfully so — we’ve really something to be proud of in a list that explores themes as diverse as gender identity (Laurence Anyways), familial interrogation (Stories We Tell) and financial irresponsibility (Cosmopolis).

Traditional Canadian topics like hockey (Goon) are explored, paired against heavy bouts of terror and survival (Rebelle). The Canadian film landscape has come a long way since Meatballs — covering all sorts of ground, making an impact in a fearless treatment of the world through the eyes of some inspiring creative pioneers.

The list also included The End of Time (Peter Mettler), Midnight’s Children (Deepa Mehta), My Awkward Sexual Adventure (Sean Garrity), Still (Michael McGowan) and The World Before Her (Nisha Pahuja).

GOON

STORIES WE TELL

Laurence Anyways

JJ Brewis, Editor-in-Chief

Peter Warkentin, Writer

Katie So, Art Director

Sarah Polley admits she spent over five years toiling over this deeply personal family biopic, and it shows. Even aside from the fact that this is her first documentary, it is in many ways the antithesis of her previous directorial work on every level imaginable. In both Away From Her and Take This Waltz, Polley challenged the notions of romantic relationships, often taking a stance that questioned the foundations of coupledom as a rite of passage at any age. What does remain from Polley’s previous work, both behind and in front of the camera, is her sharp vision and ability to create a sense of atmosphere—in this case created by pairing candid one-on-one family interviews with vintage Super 8 home video footage of her family. In Stories, Polley takes the viewer through her own family’s history — the good, the bad and the unbelievable. It’s near impossible to talk about this film without revealing spoilers, and doing so would be a disservice to the film — as well as to Polley, a willing participant in creatively exploring her own secrets. The realizations that she and her family go through in this cinematic journey are moments most of us wouldn’t want to experience privately, never mind share with the general population. But Stories We Tell is more than the stories it explores — this film is its own tale altogether — a deeply heartfelt, unquestionably gripping one at that.

Rebelle is a sad movie — a really, really sad movie.

Director Kim Nguyen’s critically acclaimed drama (French for War Witch) explores the harrowing tale of Komona, a 12-year-old girl in sub-Saharan Africa who is kidnapped and forced to become a child soldier. It makes American poverty films like Winter’s Bone seem like tales of good fortune. And remember, this is coming from an apathetic, semidesensitized middle-class white male. But however depressing Rebelle may be, it’s an incredibly well crafted film. It shows the audience that just because it focuses on a subject that can be painful to observe, it is still a worthy film to experience.

Painful subject matter is delivered through sharp writing, cinematography and acting all deserving of praise, each of which were rightfully awarded prizes at the 2013 Canadian Screen Awards. It’s hard enough to make a feature film in North America, and I can only imagine how difficult it was to organize the production of Rebelle, which was shot entirely in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Above all, Rebelle seems true, and it’s this truth that draws you in, makes you believe and causes an emotional transference that is incredibly intimate. I highly recommend this film, especially to those interested in Canadian cinema.

We've come to expect strong, stylish confidence from Canadian wunderkind Xavier Dolan. With the debut of his third feature film, Laurence Anyways, there is no exception. Set in the 1990s, Laurence Anyways follows a male to female transsexual through her 10-year, tumultuous relationship with the love of her life, a heterosexual woman. Despite the premise of the film, her transition comes secondary to the complex relationship, wonderfully portrayed by Melvil Poupard and Suzette Clement. It is a typical love story with unconventional characters that bends the definition of sexuality and strips it down to raw lust.

Dolan’s intimate analysis of the romantic relationship takes more risks than his previous works, however at 168 minutes, we could have done without one or two of the gratuitous dance party scenes. In true Dolan style, Laurence Anyways has no lack of slow motion, glamour shots set against meticulously art directed, urban settings with, of course, a throbbing electro-pop soundtrack.

At times, these unjustified and overly stylized moments come across as tedious and indulgent, but Xavier Dolan’s strong visual style and intimate exploration of his characters is a refreshing take on modern romantic dramas. Maybe sometimes we should just indulge.

COSMOPOLIS

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I feel for you, Rob Pattinson, I really do. You seem like a nice dude, you clean up okay when you put on a suit and cut your hair, and you’re funny when you give interviews about how much you hate Twilight. I’m sorry that you’ve never been able to land yourself a role of any substance, but this doesn’t give you a free pass for starring in a movie like Cosmopolis.

Basically, it’s a long day in the life of Pattinson as a soulless Wall Street financial prodigy. He hops into his hilariously cheap-looking stretch limo and barely leaves it for the course of the movie, instead riding around engaging in pretentious conversations about the nature of capitalism with a range of various characters that do nothing to advance the plot. He gets a haircut from his dad’s old barber, eats a painfully dull lunch with his horrible wife and has weird sex with whichever characters entering the limo happen to be female.

There’s also something about an assassination subplot, but I mentally checked out after the first two hours and couldn’t tell you what that was about. I really expected there to be some kind of substance from director Cronenberg, the “master of body horror,” but the whole thing was also interminably boring.

To say that this movie is bad is like saying that Nick Nolte is “a little gross” or that The Hobbit was “kinda long.” Cosmopolisis the single most brutally awful movie I’ve sat through in a long time.

I hated it. Zero stars.

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Based on the true story of Carolina Thunderbirds’ Doug Smith, Goon recounts the tale of a bar bouncer who becomes an unlikely hockey enforcer for a struggling Halifax hockey team, despite not knowing how to skate. Sean William Scott seems a total natural as the kind-hearted bouncer who finds out his ability to take a punch and, more importantly, deliver an atrocious blow — making him the perfect fit for hockey.

Doug is the unsung hero of the sport, the man whose sole purpose is to protect the star players and sacrifice his body in the name of goals and glory. Goon could have come off as formulaic and predictable, but even as Doug is busting jaws and shattering teeth, you can’t help but love the guy.

There is always a spot in your heart for the dimwit who, every time he’s off the ice, seems like a puppy dog disillusioned by his own reality.

Goon never hesitates to be honest, it never waters hockey down, and it does its best to reveal what happens beyond the penalty box. The facial hair in this movie alone should be worth noting — it’s terrible. It doesn’t forget what truly makes hockey special either, which is having a stunning French-Canadian hockey player on the team snorting coke off a scantily clad woman with an unforgivably French name like Xavier LaFlamme.

Surprisingly though, this movie isn’t just about hockey. It is about friendship, loyalty and teamwork. The movie achieves that by affectionately balancing blood-splattering violence and “feelgoodery.” Even strangers to the sport of hockey can get on board with Doug, and that’s what makes it classic.

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Shannon Elliott, Web Editor

the capilano courier

Faye L Alexander, Writer

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a few more

LES REVOLUTION DE ‘80s

Autre ne veut feels a lot of things Shannon Elliott, Web Editor I knew little about Autre Ne Veut before this show; only that the first single off his new album, Anxiety, is quite catchy, and that the frontman, Arthur Ashin, is friends with loveable homie Tom Krell of How To Dress Well. Being a giant admirer

of How to Dress Well’s ethereal brand of lo-fi ‘80s and ‘90s RnB revival, I already knew that I was going to enjoy my night, and so did everyone else at the show, judging from the chill and well-behaved crowd at the Electric Owl. Ashin proved to be all about throwbacks as well: his heartbroken, enthusiastic wailing was reminiscent of Prince or Whitney in their prime, but kept grounded with some modern electronic flourishes. The music was all about feelings — mostly feelings of despair, isolation, and, as the album would suggest, anxiety. With his hunched shoulder, jerky motions and screwed-up face, Ashin at times looked like he was about to throw a fit on stage, and his vocals wandered frequently into the range of “over-singing.” Don’t get me wrong — I

love a sensitive man, but watching Ashin scream “WORLD WAR” thirty times while writhing around stage like a sock in a tornado felt overwrought, especially seeing as it was only the third song into the set. The remainder of the show was similarly pitched, and I left feeling that, despite some moments of corniness, Autre Ne Veut will probably go far — if he puts that kind of passion into everything he does.

genre mash between the frames of Fatale

the capilano courier

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Sam MacDonald, Writer and Layabout

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Fatale is the best comic Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips have ever produced together. As a writer, Brubaker’s fetish for neo-noir is never more enjoyable than when he teams up with artist Sean Phillips. First working on the noir/superhero series Sleeper, the two created the critically lauded über-noir Criminal, and the pulp-hero adventure, Incognito. As with many of their collaborations, Fatale is an ongoing exploration of the noir genre mixed with even more esoteric sub-genres – this time it’s Lovecraftian-horror. Such a genre mashup seems fitting since it’s easier for cosmic horrors to lurk in the shadows when everything looks like Double Indemnity.

What makes Fatale so good is that its horror elements actually help it to transcend neo-noir, even Brubaker’s already stellar brand of it, into something greater. Despite how well-written they are, Brubaker’s stories do little to elevate certain tropes of the genre, always content to just work with them. This only becomes an actual problem with female characters. Typical Brubaker female characters tend to be the “innocent” trophy, or the manipulative femme fatale, for the male hero to either lose or kill himself over (respectively).

The premise that fuels Fatale is the depiction of the femme fatale archetype as an eternal being powered by mystic monsters. The Femme in question is Jo, a woman literally cursed to live forever and lure men into self-destructive obsessions: It’s the classic noir story of a fella doing all he can to help a dame, but with more cults and devil-worshipping ganglords.

As a far-reaching story, taking place in multiple decades with changing protagonists, Fatale is clearly focused on the character of Jo, the quintessential femme fatale. She is different from the archetype because she is an actual person. She is genuinely affected by the horrors of having to live for over a century with literally every man who lays eyes on her, falling madly in love. Brubaker and Phillips have created a classic character in Jo and Fatale is the best way to tell her twisted epic of crime and cosmic demons.

×× peter pawlowski

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FEATURES

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NATALIE CORBO

× s p e c i a l f e at u r e s . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

FROM DEEP COVE TO HOLLYWOOD North Vancouver duo test DIY approach in Tinseltown

JJ Brewis × Editor-in-Chief

CALIFORNIA, HERE WE COME

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The group achieved an impressive sleeper hit with Bellflower. In the fall of 2010, a friend convinced Glodell to spend his last $100 submitting the film to Sundance Festival. “Our chances seemed slim to

“If you work extremely hard and are honest with what you are trying to create, you will not only produce something that others can connect to, but you will also attract the right people to work with and help you,” Keevil says.

The group subscribes to a do-it-yourself mantra that they have to thank for where they are today.

“I can’t be sure it’s a good business model if you ever want to make any money, but I think it is crucial for people to strive to do things they really care about, to challenge the status quo,” explains Dawson.

And, as Keevil explains, anyone can achieve similar results. “We are living in an amazing time where the tools and the resources are readily available to everyone. We have access to an abundance of information; nearly everyone has a camera, and can go out and shoot something.

This is putting the power of visual storytelling into everyone’s hands.”

Keevil attributes the unconventional nature of Coatwolf ’s production to the emotional commitment within the group. “We don’t function in a compartmentalized fashion like most studios would. We are used to being invested in the film as a whole and working on the film as a whole.”

Dawson agrees. “Creatively it has been an advantage for us. Luckily we can work from instinct, and not have to be as concerned with mass appeal. I’m a big believer in following your passion and doing what you love. That’s the biggest thing we have with Coatwolf: a labour of love.”

To view Coatwolf ’s campaign and preview their upcoming film, visit Indiegogo.com/sandiegotwins.

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After a series of smaller projects, Coatwolf decided it was time to tackle a feature-length film. “We had gotten off track,” Dawson says. “We had never

SURPRISE TWISTS

“We are trying to do it all over again on our terms, which means a DIY approach, outside of the studio system,” Dawson says. This summer, Coatwolf will begin filming their follow-up to Bellflower— a “throwback to the heyday ‘80s side-scrolling video games and action films,” according to its website.

Early production stills exhibit Chuck Hank and the San Diego Twins banking on Bellflower’s visual precision, taking Coatwolf into possible iconic territory with a cast modelled as a stylized gang of hoodlums, complete with chains, mohawks and flare guns.

For Chuck Hank, Coatwolf used Indiegogo, an international crowdsourcing site that helps artists to raise up-front financial backing before beginning a project.

“Crowdfunding is a relatively new phenomenon, and I think it is the direction the industry should be heading, especially on an indie level,” Keevil says. “It is basically just pre-selling

ROLL CREDITS

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AT GREAT LENGTHS

TAKE TWO

a film with other options if you want to become more involved.” In mere days, Chuck Hank reached its $60,000 start-up goal, an amount that is still growing.

Coatwolf ’s example of crowdfunding gives fans tangible incentives, from Chuck Hank-themed denim jackets to set visits, in return for covering up-front production costs, providing a mutually beneficial exchange. “Giving this money directly to the artist allows for creative freedom and cuts out the limiting aspects of profit-driven art,” Keevil says. “It creates a responsibility to your fans and contributors to produce something great, because if they don’t like it, you won’t have funding for your next film.”

the capilano courier

Dawson moved to L.A. in 2000, enrolling in the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. He completed half the program, but moved back to Vancouver after being diagnosed with a rare liver disease, resulting in a transplant in 2003. But Dawson would later return to L.A. to complete the program, with hopes of furthering his acting career.

After a few years trying to break into film with little luck, Dawson met director Evan Glodell.

The two would quickly merge an artistic partnership, beginning at an Internet start-up, moving on to gather collaborators and creating what is now known as Coatwolf Productions.

“We all started as a group of friends who had come together through a love of making movies, and luckily that’s the way it remains,” Dawson says. In 2007, the group founded the cult-hit Internet series Boss of the Glory, and Dawson convinced Keevil to head down to L.A. to join the Coatwolf ranks. Six years later, he’s remained on board.

“Everyone in Coatwolf has worked on a multitude of different projects together, and the history we all share does make it feel like a family, or at least a gang,” Keevil says. “I have always been involved in every aspect of a project: writing, directing, acting, scoring, editing, sound design.”

none. But then we got the call that we had been accepted,” Dawson says. “I don't think anyone believed it at all. We just kept trying to figure out who was playing this elaborate, terrible joke on us.” Suddenly, the film that was nearly abandoned debuted on one of the biggest stages possible.

“Before Bellflower got accepted into the festival, everyone seriously just thought we were crazy people,” Keevil says. “It was a validation of sorts that helped us realize we hadn’t wasted years of our lives on this project for no reason.”

Though Dawson calls the festival experience a “Cinderella story,” the emotional aftermath that followed was unexpected. “I personally found it very overwhelming. I always thought success would validate all the years we struggled, and give me confidence. [Instead], the expectations and the sudden exposure sort of forced me back into my shell.”

Going into the festival with no contacts or allies, the event ended up bringing the group closer together, creating even more unexpected opportunity. Coatwolf would eventually sell Bellflower to Oscilloscope, a distribution company started by late Beastie Boys member Adam “MCA” Yauch.

“Adam was integral in getting our film picked up and distributed, and we had the good fortune of meeting him several times and working with him before his death in 2011,” Dawson says. Bellflower would go on to worldwide theatrical release and critical acclaim, in such publications as the New York Times and Rolling Stone.

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Taking matters into your own hands can go a long way. North Vancouver natives Tyler Dawson and Jon Keevil dreamed of making a feature length film since they were eight-year-olds wielding camcorders. Despite a lack of Hollywood connections and funding, the duo would go on to achieve their goal — and now they’re aiming for a follow-up. An inspiring friendship and partnership that has now flourished into a successful company, Dawson and Keevil first partnered in elementary school as experimental filmmakers, moved on to become drama students who founded their high school film program, and eventually made names for themselves in Hollywood — but not without a series of roadblocks they managed to conquer.

been able to really get any interest from anyone wanting to help us, so we sort of said ‘screw it’ and started shooting.”

Luckily, Glodell had been working on a script for a while: Bellflower. Keevil, Dawson and Glodell moved into an office building they worked at, with plans to save funds for the feature. They simultaneously created a home base for production. “It was in an old military compound an hour outside of L.A., isolated in the middle of nowhere,” Dawson says. “We were often too broke to eat or pay for gas. Thus we developed our style away from Hollywood and any of its influences.”

Like their new headquarters, Bellflower was based in a Los Angeles suburb, with sun-bleached, deserted cinematography framing the feature. The film reads like a cinematized version of what Dawson and Keevil describe as a brotherhood within the Coatwolf gang: Glodell and Dawson star as a pair of rebellious young friends, soul-searching amidst a clouded mess of weapons, women and vehicles. The apocalyptic-themed action film has both a heart and a backbone, bridging the gap between indie fare and blockbuster.

The three-month long shoot that Dawson describes as “gruelling” was maintained on a shoestring budget. “I honestly thought the movie might never get finished,” Dawson says. Nearly three years after the initial shooting, Bellflower still wasn’t complete. “We had no money,” Dawson continues. “We blew two engines in the [film’s main automobile] while shooting, and it would sometimes take up to a year to save up enough money to get it fixed and go around getting the last shots we needed.”

With the film wrapped, Coatwolf now had a product on their hands, but not much to do with it. “We held screenings in L.A., looking to gain interest,” Dawson says. “Most people told us we should abandon the project as it would surely ruin our careers.”

With the things in L.A. winding down, Dawson headed back to Vancouver where he took up bartending and began studying graphic design, with Keevil in Calgary, editing Bellflower long-distance with Glodell in L.A. “After shooting, we had sort of hit rock bottom — financially and emotionally,” Dawson says.

× production stills courtesy of coatwolf productions

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FEATURES

Features Editor ×

NATALIE CORBO

× s p e c i a l f e at u r e s . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

×× aaron campbell

BURNING COAL Why can’t the economy and the environment just get along?

Leah Scheitel

the capilano courier

×

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× Opinions Editor

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“We’ve had huge public discussion about whether the Northern Gateway Pipeline is a good idea or not,” says environmental activist Kevin Washbrook. “There has been no discussion about the coal proposals, and they’re are all being decided behind closed doors, by a few staff at the port.”

B.C.’s coal industry has a large impact on the local economy. Vancouver has become a hub for coal exports, providing economic opportunities and financial returns for B.C.’s growth. And those jobs are important to the local economy.

“Vancouver is a trading port. In B.C., there [are] about 26,000 jobs from the coal industry right through the whole system,” explains Jim Belsheim, President of Neptune Terminals, a coal exporter based in North Vancouver. Belsheim has been at his position at Neptune for seven years, and believes that exporting coal isn’t only important for the local economy, but is also needed to literally support the world.

“Steelmaking coal — it’s an important

product for the world, it builds the infrastructure for the world. If you’re building a new highway, or if you’re building a rapid transit system, if you’re building a bicycle, if you’re building a wind turbine, if you’re building a toaster that’s going to last for 15 years — steel is an important part of that.”

B.C. Liberal MLA for North VancouverLonsdale, Naomi Yamamoto, says that coal, and more specifically Neptune Terminals, is also locally important to North Vancouver. “Neptune is a great company,” she says. “They really get involved in the community.” Neptune is looking to increase their capacity in the next two years, nearly doubling their exports to 18.5 million metric tonnes per year. Yamamoto points to the fact that North Vancouver, as a whole, will benefit from this.

“When they increase their capacity, their [tax] revenue that goes to the city of North Vancouver, is going to triple. It means that a lot of amenities, or whatever the city wants to do — if it wants to keep our taxes lower, or build something.”

But while coal exports have a large impact on our economy and municipalities, they have a

similarly large effect on our global environment.

Washbrook is a member of Stop Coal, a grassroots organization of people who are actively against coal. He is also a director at Voters Taking Action on Climate Change. He believes that the benefits of coal do not outweigh its problems. “Coal is historically and currently the single largest contributor to climate change,” he says. “We are going to put the planet past the point of no return in terms of overheating. Obviously, when coal is burned it produces other things like smog and mercury into the atmosphere — we’re bringing it over here even though it’s burned in China.

And coal is also a drag when it is transported and exported because coal trains release coal dust, coal trains release diesel exhaust, coal handling at ports release coal dust. So there are local impacts, and there are, of course, huge global impacts.”

Weighing the Pros and Cons One of the frequently cited benefits of exporting coal out of Vancouver is the amount of job opportunities it creates not only locally

but also around the province. While the industry does employ thousands of people, it’s not an overwhelming amount when compared to other industries in B.C. “Mining as a whole employs less than one per cent of the B.C. labour force, and coal mining is even less that that. So strictly speaking, it’s not a lot of jobs,” states Washbrook.

“They’re high-paying jobs but there is not a lot of them. Our argument is, why should everyone else who works in forestry or fisheries or banking, or Starbucks or whatever — why should they be held hostage for a few high paying jobs that we know are killing the planet? It’s not that huge of an impact in terms of jobs.”

Neptune Terminals currently employs around 300 people, and is looking to add 200 more.

While it may be small in comparison to other industries, if those jobs were no more, it could be dead weight to our economy. Ken Moak, an economics professor at Capilano University, believes that our economy would suffer greatly if we stop exporting coal. “Basically, we would fall off the chart, there is no question there. Because coal is one of the second major exports, and you have to

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remember in B.C. and in Canada, we are a resource-based economy. And so in that respect, without exporting our resources, then our economy will not be likely to have the same level as we have today.”

“It’s estimated that over 4,000 jobs in B.C. are directly related to coal mining,” says Yamamoto. “If you look at all the other related jobs — transportation and people who work at the ports and things like that, it’s estimated to be over 10,000, about 10,500 jobs [in total].”

These are just jobs within B.C., not considering Alberta, the U.S., or the jobs in Asia for the people making the steel, which altogether would translate into tens of thousands of jobs.

Another by-product of coal exports are the royalties that the provincial government receives, which is roughly $300 million a year. However, Washbrook argues that this compensation is simply not worth it.

“Compare that to the health and education budgets, which are on the order of $50 to $70 billion each — we’re talking almost $30 billion for health and education, and coal mining brings in $300 million,” says Washbrook, “It’s not going to change reality in B.C. if we don’t get royalties from coal mining, but the money we are going to have to spend on climate change over the next 20 to 50 years, if we don’t do something, is going to be huge.”

Moak agrees that the royalties aren’t as substantial as other forms of government revenue, but says that there are other underlying benefits.

“You create employment opportunities for other people. You have less transfer payments to individuals. You have a greater tax-base. You have more people paying income tax. So in that respect, you’d probably be even better off.”

Moak says by creating jobs in the mining industry, not only does the government get revenues from coal exports, but from more income taxes, and less people needing social assistance. This generates a strong economy overall.

Striving for a Greener Economy

"You have to remember in BC and in Canada, we are a resource-based economy ... without exporting our resources, then our economy will not be likely to have the same level as we have today"

Shipping Foreign Coal

Meeting in the Middle Because coal exporting is a big business in Vancouver, it is likely not going to stop anytime soon. As Belsheim says, “We’re going to be part of Canada for a long time.” But finding a way for the economy and environment to co-operate is key, or else we may not have much of a future left — leaving an increasingly damaged world for upcoming generations.

“There is the climate impact, which will destroy the young people’s future more than mine. It’s going to be tough, so you guys got to do something about it,” says Washbrook, “It does come down to issues of consumption and how we are going to live in the world. We have some big choices ahead of us, and we all need to face up to those.”

But from an outsider analysis view, such as the one Ken Moak has, there can be harmony. He believes the key is switching our focus.

“Unfortunately our mind-set is, ‘Never mind the long-term, I want the short-term [gains],” he says. “It’s this emphasis on short-term returns that is really hurting us.”

Unfortunately for the environment, the golden rule of business is to generate profit, regardless of the cost. For the environment and the economy to really get along, shareholders need to demand less of the company, which could enable the coal companies to demand less of the environment.

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There are two types of coal exported out of Vancouver, thermal and steelmaking. Most of the coal shipped out from Vancouver ports is steelmaking coal, and goes primarily to China, Japan and Korea, who are all major steel producers. Thermal coal is used to generate electricity.

Washbrook points out that most of the thermal coal shipped out of Vancouver actually comes from our southern neighbours — the United States. “The fastest growing segments of our exports is this American coal,” he says. Shipping coal from Wyoming out of Vancouver adds to the already heavy carbon footprint, because it takes more energy to ship it up here, before we ship it out.

“It’s because there is such an effectively organized opposition to the coal ports in the western U.S.,” Washbrook explains. “The U.S. has been passing laws in different states and different regions, stating that you can’t produce energy from dirty fuel so there is a declining market for coal use domestically in the States. There is huge hole of resources just sitting there, and these coal

coal. They have a tremendous amount of coal and gas and oil deposits. One of the problems with the opposition to this and the opposition to that, [is that] you have those vested interest groups trying to come in and say that you shouldn’t do this and you shouldn’t do that, but again, you come back to the economic well-being — and that of course is taped to your social well-being. You have to take a look at that angle.”

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companies want to export to Asia.”

According to Yamamoto, the mining in B.C. brings in huge tax revenues to the government.

“The contribution of the mining, of the revenues — this is in 2011 — was $805 million in taxes paid to government.”

These revenues and royalties would be slashed if we stopped exporting to China, or if China stopped producing coal.

There are plans to build a new coal export in Surrey, which would use the Fraser River as its main access route.

Taking action against shipping American coal is one of the main focuses of Stop Coal. “Our objectives are to first end the export of American coal out of B.C. right away. We don’t see any benefit of that to the province,” says Washbrook.

According to Canadian Business, if the Fraser Surrey Docks operate at full capacity, shipping Wyoming coal, it puts Vancouver in the position to be the number one coal exporter in North America.

“If that and other planned expansions go ahead, Vancouver, which has visions of becoming the world’s greenest city, could instead increase its capacity to export the black stuff by almost half, becoming North America’s largest coal port,” wrote Jim Sutherland in a Canadian Business article.

An article in the Vancouver Sun reported that the US-produced thermal coal is more damaging to the environment. “Neptune Terminals in North Vancouver ships Canadian steelmaking coal, which is thought to be cleaner and safer to transport.”

Yet, according to Washbrook, all types of coal are equally damaging to the environment. “The B.C. and Alberta coal is mostly metal urchin coal – it’s used to make steel. It’s used in the steelmaking process. And the American coal is thermal coal, and is burned in power plants. Now the coal industry, and even the coal ports will try and suggest that some of them are different. That metal urchin coal is good or better – it’s not. The both produce the same amount of global warming pollution.”

Along with the coal dust that can hurt the air quality, residents have reasons to be concerned about increasing the coal exports out of the Lower Mainland.

Washbrook believes that local municipalities need to be more accountable to the public about building new ports and exporting coal in general.

“Surprisingly, even though the public here has expressed a lot of concern about this, and the mainstream media has picked it up, local municipalities, North Vancouver especially, and Surrey, where the ports are, are totally quiet on this,” he exclaims. “I just think that is unacceptable — that these local governments aren’t looking out for their citizens.”

Moak is surprised by American coal being shipped out of Canadian ports, but says that, from an economic standpoint, it makes sense. “That’s an interesting twist. Again, Americans have a lot of

the capilano courier

“There is this myth that environmental and economic growth are, to some people, conflicting goals. It doesn’t have to be,” says Moak, “Because in fact, it should be a complementary goal.”

“It’s easy to say that we are going to maintain our environment for our future generations, but in the meantime you have to eat. That’s the problem.

Tomorrow’s health is not going to feed me today,” he explains. “We can enjoy ourselves and we want to save it for them, but in the meantime, how are we going to maintain the status quo. We have to leave something for our kids, but that doesn’t mean that we have to starve to death today to save it for our kids later, because then, you won’t have any kids.”

In order to maintain a healthy environment and economy, Moak states that generating cleaner exports will help maintain the environment and produce jobs along the way. “You take coal for example. Now, on the one hand, coal is dirty.

That’s why there are a lot of people opposing it: Great gas effect, polluting the environment and everything else. But washing the coal to make sure it’s clean, that’s an industry by itself.” Moak points to the fact the environmental protection requires regulation and manufacturing, and jobs could be created that way.

“Take the pipeline, for example. The pipeline is probably one of the safest ecological ways to transport oil,” he explains. “What you need to do is to make sure that the pipelines are well constructed, are well monitored. And that creates a demand by itself.” In terms of coal, by having

full-time jobs monitoring the standards of coal exports, emissions and dust that pollutes the air — this creates a small industry within a larger one.

This philosophy is something that Blesheim and Neptune Terminals are trying to maintain.

“We’re part of North Vancouver. We want to be a good neighbour. What matters to the community matters to us,” he says.

Over the past five years. Neptune Terminals have taken steps to minimize their effect on the environment, such as on-site weather stations, current and sophisticated technology, and modern machiner y.

“We’ve converted our on-site locomotives that we use for pulling trains to what we call an e n v i r o - l o c o m o t i v e ,” explains Blesheim. “It’s an ultra-low emission locomotive. It’s ultra quiet, and so it consumes low volumes of fuel. The locomotives are very much like the Prius hybrid car.

They have an engine section and a battery section. Some of the time they run on battery power, some of the time they run on the engine. The engine is in components, so you can only run just part of the engine.”

Neptune Terminals now employs three enviro-locomotives, and with a price tag of over $2 million, it is not a cheap option.

Yamamoto says that the exporting of coal to make steel is important to the environment, as it enables us to be more sustainable.

“Coal that is used for the steelmaking process, it builds things like wind turbines, and resources for alternative energy. You couldn’t do that without coal,” she explains, “Cycling — you couldn’t build a bike without coal, or take public transit, or buy a hybrid car. It’s all about balance when we look at the economic value of something and then ensuring that we also have the highest standards of environmental protection.”

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sat march 16

Summer Course Registration Are you one of those people who never gives themselves a break and takes classes all year long? Or are you like me and have realized it’s more economical to pay for one class, that comes with a U-Pass, than to pay for four months’ worth of bus passes? That’s what I thought. Registration starts today!

All day, online. Cost of tuition :(

Emotional Intelligence Workshop I recently watched a movie about a bunch of zombies (ew, right?) and they couldn’t really express emotion even though they wanted to, because, well, they were zombies. Don’t be a zombie! Find out more about your emotional intelligence and how it can predict how successful you’ll be.

11:30 a.m., BR166. Free.

The Presets This band is quite the adorable music-making duo. They’re from Australia, which is obviously cool, and they make sweet-sounding electronic music. They’re so good, they’ve even mixed music for other amazing musicians like Kings of Leon and Lenny Kravitz.

7 p.m., Venue. $47.

Vagina Monologues Every year this event happens, and every year some people get mad about it, but the second they are handed a chocolate vagina on a stick they shut right up. It’s a really powerful performance, and it’s kind of cool that Cap has decided to make it a tradition.

7 p.m., NSCU Centre. By donation.

Calendar@ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m World Figure Skating Championships Here is a fun fact: the World Figure Skating Championships are happening in Canada!

Figure skating is pretty fun to watch, mostly because it looks a lot like dancing but more graceful and more impressive because they have blades stuck to their feet. Plus you know these guys are going to be really good, because they are trying to qualify for the 2014 Winter Olympics.

Until Mar. 17, on your TV. Free.

5 Days for the Homeless One of the CSU’s biggest annual campaigns is happening right now! I expect the five “homeless” people are outside the cafeteria as you read this, looking for food. Maybe buy them a doughnut? Even though I’m mad at Tim Hortons because they don’t use apostrophes in their name and spell doughnut the American way. Way to be Canadian, jerks.

All around campus. Cost of doughnut to support campaign.

Capilano Universe: Can creativity be learned?

If it can be, then I need to get on that gravy train! It’d be really sweet to draw and paint and sculpt and stuff. Carol Aitken, chair of the School of Art and Design at Cap will be sharing her thoughts, and doing some handson exercises with you which makes sense because of the whole creativity thing.

7 p.m., Capilano public library. Free.

Black Grace As part of the Vancouver International Dance Festival, Black Grace will be performing. A dance troupe from New Zealand, their performance will be filled with “energy, spirit and passion.”

8 p.m., Vancouver Playhouse. $50-$65.

How Has My Love Affected You? This production by the Arts Club sounds pretty intense, especially because a son decides to go through his mother’s journals.

It strives to answer the question, “What do we owe to each other, and what do we owe to ourselves?” Look for our review in next week’s issue!

Until Mar. 23, the Revue Stage. Prices vary.

Healthy Chef Competition Fruit and vegetables are getting a PR boost to prove to the world that they can be so much more than smoothies and salad. This competition will feature some of the province’s best chefs, working to show you just that.

6:30 p.m., Hyatt Regency Vancouver. $90.

Broken Sex Doll I feel like the premise of this play is kind of hard to explain, but basically it’s the future and there are robots everywhere and someone’s fembot breaks — and hilarity ensues!

At least, I hope it’s a comedy.

8 p.m., the Virtual Stage. $16-$42.

Treat Yoself Day People think weekends are the only time you can really relax and have fun, but today is the official Treat Yoself Day so make sure you participate! Buy some chocolate, sit at home, watch TV, read for fun, pet your dog, sleep.

It’s gonna be great.

All day, at your house. Cost of chocolate.

Efterklang/Nightlands Okay so I just watched the music video for Efterlang’s “Prey & Predator” and it is the most terrifying thing ever. But their music (and the music of Nightlands) is all pretty relaxing if you close your eyes.

8 p.m., Biltmore. $15.

Billy Talent/Sum 41 I used to have a friend who really loved Billy Talent. And Sum 41 was a band I had actually heard of, back when my CD collection was very limited: Britney Spears, Nickelback, Spice Girls and Blink-182. Cool childhood, right?

7 p.m. Some local arena. Too much money.

Imagine Dragons I LOVE dragons. There is this ride at Disney World where you get to hang out with a purple dragon named Figment and it was basically my favourite part in Epcot. Anyway, Imagine Dragons is American indie rock, which is my second favourite genre after British indie rock.

7 p.m., Commodore. $27.

North Shore Business Tradeshow I really like tradeshows. Mind you, my favourite ones are those where you get a ton of free swag. I’m not sure if you would get a bunch at this business tradeshow, but it’ll be really fun for you if you like business! Actually, I just read the sponsors and I take that back. I can almost guarantee there will be swag.

12 p.m., Pinnacle Hotel. It is probably free for visitors.

Ricky’s Birthday It’s our Business Manager Ricky Bao’s birthday! Guys, Ricky is the best. He’s really nice and funny and if you want to celebrate his birthday with him you should take him out for a nice dinner.

All day, everywhere. Cost of Dinner.

41st and Home They’re off to Canadian Music Week with Facts, and they’re doing a show in Vancouver so their fans can send them off in style. Skye Wallace will be there too! It’s going to be a magical night.

7 p.m., St. James Hall. $10/$12.

Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth The boxer that needs no introduction, although I mostly know him from his fantastic performances in classics like The Hangover and The Hangover 2. He’s coming to Vancouver to perform his one-man play about... his life.

8 p.m., River Rock Casino. $100-$115.

Gordon Lightfoot I really hope you’ve heard of Lightfoot — he’s one of the most famous Canadians! More famous than JBiebs. More famous than Harper.

More famous than Celine Dion. He basically created the genre of folk-pop, and if you were like, “OMG THANK YOU!” I bet he’d reply with a modest “You’re welcome.”

8 p.m., Red Robinson Show Theatre. $80-$95.

Denis Cote films The Cinematheque is hosting several screenings of the films of one of Canada’s most internationally-celebrated filmmakers, Denis Cote. See one, see them all — but his films will show you ways to interact with the medium that you never thought possible before.

Coca-Cola Polar Bear I really love polar bears; there’s going to be an Arctic exhibit sponsored by Coke, right by the Granville SkyTrain to show everyone how screwed polar bears are thanks to global warming. If you make a pledge to be greener, the temperature inside this ice box thing will then decrease, keeping the polar bear sculpture in its ideal habitat. I’d hate to see what would happen if nobody stopped by.

All day, Georgia and Granville-ish. Cost of being a better person.

2 Pianos 4 Hands The Arts Club is presenting one of Canada’s most successful plays, about childhood piano lessons and the wonders of being “extraordinarily good failed musicians.” This comedy sounds like something we all can relate to!

Until Apr. 14, the Stanley. Prices vary.

Terry Haines: Coyote X Coyote X “is a four-wall video projection installation that evokes issues of land ownership and cultural survival through the presence of Coyote, who acts as metaphor and messenger.” The exhibit will be very powerful, especially as a symbol of the precarious ways we exist on “occupied traditional territories.

Until Mar. 24, VIVO Media Arts Centre.

Potentially free.

sun march 17

the capilano courier

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fri march 15

thur march 14

wed march 13

tues march 12

mon march 11

cap calendar

Willy Wonka!

Have a wholesome Sunday! Sure, we were all terrified of the oompa-loompas at the age of six, but this is the original version so at least it’s only the oompa loompas who are scary and not ol’ Wonks as well.

1 p.m., Cinematheque. $10.

Ruminations of Order Four emerging artists have explored how we access technology in this century. They’ve used a plethora of media, resulting in a diverse exhibit.

Until Apr. 13, Cityscape Community Art Space.

Admission varies.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day I love this holiday, almost as much as I hate Harry Potter. I, Samantha Thompson, hate Harry Potter.

All day, sadly, everywhere. Cost varies depending on activity.

Storm the Riding Training What is this, you ask? I have no idea! It’s happening in the CSU Maple lounge, and I’m secretly hoping they’ve borrowed some horses from the local stable and are going to ride them around. Fingers crossed!

12 p.m., CSU Maple lounge. Free?

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OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

But You Don't Look Sick

Living with a chronic, invisible illness Christine Sullivan × Writer

“If you’re not disabled now, then one day you might be. When that happens you’ll want to go to the pub or get on public transport. You’ll want to be seen as a person, not as a disability. Purely out of selfishness you should be fighting for disabled rights. If you don’t, you are prejudiced against your future self. And your future self hates you and thinks you’re a dick.”

- Richard Herring A situation on a public bus made me frustrated to the point that I defaced it. I was sitting in the seats at the front, scrolling through Twitter when I heard a disgruntled voice, seemingly aimed at me.

I looked up, and there stood a seething mother, talking through her teeth about people not moving for kids. Tension filled the bus; an octogenarian beside me was visibly uncomfortable. The woman in front of us, with a six-year-old child, glared at me and snarled, “You know, when someone gets on with a child, it’s fucking polite to give up your seat.”

What she, and most people, didn’t know is that I have multiple sclerosis, and it makes situations like this difficult to explain.

I look fine on the outside, especially when seated. I have no cane, no wheelchair and no giant pin that says, “I’m not drunk! I have multiple sclerosis!” I can’t expect people to be mind readers, or to think about exactly why I am not giving up my disability seat for her or her seemingly healthy child. What I can expect, however, is a polite “Excuse me, would it be a problem if my son sat down? He doesn’t stand well on a bus.” At which point I would take the opportunity to say, “Unfortunately I have MS. It

gives me vertigo and balance problems, and I can’t stand on the bus without falling flat on my face. I hope you understand.” But because most people don’t, I whipped out a jiffy marker and beside the wheelchair sign I wrote, “Be kind — one in three people have a disease that you can’t see.”

That is what it is like to live with an invisible illness. It’s a constant explanation to describe what it’s like, and why you can’t do things.

Oftentimes, people are even less understanding.

There was one incident when, after shuffling through a grocery store for two hours, a man walking behind me joked that I “walk slower than my 90-yearold mother.” With my spastic leg, in absolute desperation, I started crying — standing in the middle of the grocery store, leaning into my shopping cart, and sobbing. I was sad because someone else who had no idea why I was limping and struggling made me feel bad for it. To me, it was the first time that someone had pointed out the obvious — that I was starting to look sick, that I was not looking “normal” anymore, and that this was my new normal. It was the first time that I really realized what the rest of my life would be like, which is hard to adjust to.

It’s a toss up — do I want to be invisible, or do I want people to know what it is that is making me look like a drunk? MS makes me so fatigued that I sometimes fall asleep during dinner, head down, fork in hand, and it’s exhausting to continually explain to people that it’s because of a complicated, incurable disease.

Sometimes I just want to be treated like I’m still normal. Sometimes I get so frustrated and angry that I have to explain over and over again why I cancel plans at the last minute, why I need to plan out my days a week in advance or why we need to take the bus three blocks and not just walk because “It’s not that far.” But to someone plagued with a chronic illness, walking three blocks can be the

catalyst that decides if you walk again or not for the next three days. And while my appearance and ability may look unchanged to my friends, they don’t see that I don’t feel like myself anymore, and am slowly losing control over my body.

MS has caused me to be the target for intrusive, insensitive, invasive questions almost daily. Yet, I am not alone. One in three people have an illness with no apparent symptoms or signs. It seems that there is this stigma that surrounds diseases, especially one like MS, like it’s a death sentence. On the contrary, MS doesn’t kill you, but just inhibits and impairs the body. But I don’t want people’s sympathy or pity because of my

illness. I’d rather have their compassion and understanding. More compassion will ease these situations to not make them so difficult and awkward for everyone involved.

Not everyone has visible disabilities. Those who have invisible illnesses don’t walk around with a nametag and a description of what’s wrong.

It’s just something to keep in mind if you find yourself seething that a “normal” person is sitting in the designated sitting area of the bus, or using a handicap parking space.

×× Charlotte Ogborne

The Pope Diaries

Benny retires, leaving room for someone cooler Jeremy Fornier-Hanlon × Writer

All in all, it may have been a good thing that he resigned from the papacy, but that leaves the question as to whether the newly appointed pontiff will mark a new age of prosperity and moral transparency for the Catholic faith, or whether the steady decline of trust will continue its descent and erode the good faith of its followers.

× volume

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strongly against, is hugely against six million Jews having been deliberately gassed in gas chambers as a deliberate policy of Adolf Hitler.”) He didn’t really win any points by telling the masses that basically the only things that Islam contributed to the theological debate were “things evil and inhuman,” either. He even went so far as to say that Aboriginal South Americans had been silently longing for the Christian faith that colonizers were bringing, and then added that the proclamation of Jesus and His Gospel did not alienate their culture, nor did it impose a foreign culture. All of these events were heavily criticized at the times they happened, and Pope Benedict did issue public apologies for each of them, but one can’t help but feel like he may have been waxing insincere. He’s like the old fashioned and unintentionally racist uncle that makes people a little uncomfortable at family parties, but can’t not be invited to the barbecue.

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When one has been selected to be the leader of any group, be it daycare, bike co-op, or octopus demon cult, that person can be expected to uphold a certain standard of social grace and public sensibility. They may be expected to perhaps display a strong work ethic and show considerable moral fibre. When this leader is in charge of the largest religious denomination in the world, then there might be some serious questions one might ask when the Pope, who is supposed to have been chosen by God to lead the faithful, decides to quit.

Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger (his real, creepy name) is the first pope to resign from the papacy in almost 600 years, and the first to resign willingly in over 700. Because of this, his retirement came as a complete shock to the rest of the world. While given the proper background information one can understand the reasoning behind Ratzinger’s abdication (he’s old, frail and didn’t aspire to be pope in the first place), there’s also this feeling that he could have maybe stuck to his godly guns and toughed it out. If nothing else, he looks really endearing in those robes and that big hat, and apart from some odd and horribly

insensitive comments, he’s been relatively benign in the realm of messing shit up. Except maybe that time (read: multiple times) that he tried to cover up the sexual abuse of children by priests by moving the priests to new communities, with new children.

Although criticism always lurks in the shadow of anyone heavily involved in religious activities, many people would agree that Pope John Paul II was pretty rad. He supported scientific advancements, attempted to foster a new age of religious tolerance, and personally apologized for over 100 horrid things the Catholic Church has been involved in. The prior pope spoke 12 languages, nine of which he was fluent in, and he was so buff he remained in the papacy after being shot on two separate occasions.

This is being used as a reference point to the current (but not really anymore) pope, Benedict XVI. Now while he was in no way a really bad pope (meaning he didn’t promote the mass killing of millions of people), it’s kind of hard not to feel like he didn’t quite match up to Johnny.

Benedict lifted the excommunication of a bishop widely accepted as being a historical revisionist, who denied that the Holocaust was a real thing.

(Bishop Richard Williamson said on Swedish television, “I believe that the historical evidence is

17 ×× Ksenia Kozhevnikova

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OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

ABUSIVE LOVE

WHY WOMEN NEED TO LEAVE VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS Lindsay Howe × News Editor Bruised, beaten and betrayed: Three words to describe the 2009 photo made public of superstar Rihanna after she was allegedly abused by her then-boyfriend, recording artist Chris Brown. The story, which caused a media frenzy, led to Brown pleading guilty for assault. Brown was sentenced to enrol in anger management classes, required to complete a designated amount of community service, and was given a restraining order. Well, it looks like that restraining order has reached its expiration date. Since the incident, Rihanna and Brown have reconciled and reentered into a romantic relationship. With Perezhilton.com reporting that a wedding is planned for this summer, it begs the question of why women return to partners who have previously abused them. Women need to realize that abuse is detrimental to their long-term health. There are so many options available for those in this situation, and the fact is, abuse is inexcusable under any circumstances.

Dr. Janet Waters, a psychology professor at Capilano University, believes that while all situations are unique, some women who choose to go back to their abusers could be affected by a phenomenon discovered through psychological research.

“Learned helplessness has been discovered not just

with humans, but also with animals. When you are subjected to inescapable, repeated, unpredictable abuse … and then you’re given an opportunity to escape, you don’t.” Waters continues, “You just stay there and put up with it, with this strong past experience that every time you tried to get away you couldn’t. And now you can’t.” She notes that while it may appear to people on the outside that the victim is capable of leaving the situation, it does not appear that way to them, and in some circumstances, for good reason. “Honestly, in many cases they are quite right about that. The most dangerous time for a woman to escape from abuse is when they decide they are going to leave. Sometimes they do get seriously hurt, or even killed.”

In 2010, Statistics Canada reported that 102,500 Canadians were victims of intimate partner violence. Considering the fact that not all cases of violence are reported, this is a large number of people who are being affected by abuse.

Although every case is different, and generalizations cannot be made, Familyresource.com reports that women who stay in abusive relationships tend to share some similarities that make it difficult for them to realize they can get out, including denial and fear. The former refers to a woman simply not believing that she is a victim of abuse, and has explanations for why every incident of abuse occurred. The latter refers to a woman either being concerned for her wellbeing if she leaves the

relationship, or the abuser’s wellbeing, as threatening suicide occurs frequently in relationships where the abuse is predominantly emotional. It’s important to realize that although the most beneficial choice to make in the long-term is to leave an abusive relationship and never be tolerant of any form of abuse, somebody making the decision to leave is a complex issue that deals with many other factors including financial, religious, concerns of where to go, and, if children are involved, the concern of who will obtain custody.

Abusive relationships, be it physically or emotionally, are unacceptable. Both are equally damaging to your overall health and can put you in potentially dangerous situations down the road if you don’t get out. While the beginning of relationships tend to be that of a “honeymoon phase,” seemingly small actions may lead to further abuse as the relationship progresses. “Often it starts slowly, and often it is occasional in the beginning so that the person thinks, well he did it once but he’s not going to do it again. It may start with verbal abuse, ‘Oh, he lost his temper.’” Waters adds, “Verbal abuse, losing their temper, maybe a hit/a slap, and then it escalates.”

Waters emphasizes the importance of having a strong support system when trying to leave an abusive relationship. “One thing that’s really crucial is community support. Many women don’t have options. They don’t see or don’t know about [them] … if they knew there was a safe house

for them to go to, [and] people that would protect them, they’re more likely to take advantage of that.”

As for Rihanna and Chris Brown, only time will tell. But one thing is certain. Being an international sensation puts more responsibility on you than just releasing new singles. Rihanna has millions of fans worldwide, many of them young women, who consider her a role model and are watching her allow a man who abused her to be back in her life. Her actions are sending the wrong message to the many girls that idolize her that women are weak, abuse is acceptable in a relationship, and that if Brown changed, maybe their abusive boyfriends will too. These are three messages that should never be communicated to women in vulnerable positions. Well done.

Rihanna, take a bow.

×× vivian liu

"I WALKED INTO A TRAP"

Harper’s ex-adviser makes controversial comments about child porn Samantha Thompson

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“I certainly have no sympathy for child molesters, but I do have some grave doubts about putting people in jail because of their taste in pictures,” said Thomas Flanagan, speaking about child pornography at a public lecture in Lethbridge, Alberta. Flanagan, who is credited with Harper’s rise to power as his primary adviser, and who worked with the Wildrose party in Alberta last year, began the Feb. 27 lecture discussing potential changes to the Indian Act. However, Idle No More supporters changed the topic when they asked him about something he said several years ago about child pornography. His defense created a loud booing and uproar from the crowd, and shortly after the lecture concluded, the cell phone video that had been recording his response was uploaded to YouTube. There was public outcry as the story made international headlines, and Flanagan was under fire — from his employers, from the Conservative party and from Canadians.

“I was in professor mode,” said Flanagan in an explanation of his comments in the National Post.

“In 45 years of university teaching, I have tried to deal with every question my students have asked, so I forged ahead here, unaware that this was a trap, not a bona fide question — a dumb mistake for someone of my age and experience.”

Although his explanation reads as genuine, it’s a very reactionary statement that is reflective of

Canada’s political landscape. Too often public figures will say something, and then apologize for it the next day when they realize that it’s negatively impacting their reputation. They have a range of diverse excuses — Flanagan seems to imply that because he’s a professor, he can make outrageous declarations in the name of forcing people to think.

Flanagan cannot justify his case with his profession. If he truly wanted to open up the debate on consequences for child pornography, he could’ve done so in an appropriate setting. He’s an intelligent man; he would not forget that he was speaking to a room full of people who hated the Conservatives, and in Flanagan’s own words, “For … two hours they loudly denounced me and my opinions.” He knew where he was, and he knew to whom he was speaking. This knowledge should have guided his approach to any topic, if he wanted to be an effective teacher.

This isn’t the first time Flanagan has been brought into the spotlight for tasteless comments.

In 2010 he said, “I think [Julian] Assange should be assassinated, actually,” on CBC’s political commentary program, Power and Politics. He went on to say that Obama “should put out a contract and maybe use a drone or something.”

When the show’s host, Evan Solomon, suggested that Flanagan’s statement was “pretty harsh,” Flanagan responded with, “I’m feeling very manly today, Evan.”

Flanagan, like many public figures, has made mistakes while in the spotlight. However, the uploaded video of the lecture shows some interesting

perspective regarding the environment Flanagan was in when he made his comments about child pornography. There are people who will show up to any political event with their own agenda; with the intent to shout and ask “hard questions” that will make the politician squirm. There’s no problem with this — Canadians have a right to communicate with their politicians, and people will choose to engage in politics in a variety of ways. The problem arises when these questions are searching for a specific answer; an inflammatory quote that will be over-shared and become the thing Canadians instantly associate with that person. When Flanagan was asked about child pornography at his Lethbridge lecture, this was the intention of the audience member.

This attitude towards politicians is a big problem in the world of Canadian politics. People are too quick to jump to conclusions, and are too eager to get “dirt” on a politician that they can use against them to their own advantage. Within a day of the video’s posting, the Conservatives had tweeted their disgust with Flanagan’s comments, he had been fired from the CBC, and the Wildrose party in Alberta had emphasized that he would not be working with their party in the future.

No one wanted to be associated with this man, although he’s a political mastermind, because he had exhibited a disgusting opinion about child porn.

These sorts of reactions are what make it difficult to have productive discussion on our country’s most difficult topics.

Child pornography is wrong, and so is anyone who contributes to a market where the rights of

children are violated. How we deal with child pornography, the consequences we impose on voyeurs and producers of it, is the subject up for debate — that debate, Flanagan claims, is what he wanted to explain.

The issue isn’t so much about what he said; it’s easy to agree that his comments were harmful and insensitive. The real problem is that Flanagan seems to say whatever he wants, and then when there is a negative response to it, releases an apology saying that he only said what he said because he has been a professor for almost half a century, or because he always adds humour to his serious arguments (which was his claim when justifying what he said about Assange).

It is impossible to have intelligent discourse about important issues when we are either dealing with people actively looking for dirt on public figures, or public figures who are making thoughtless comments and then apologizing when they realize they screwed up. This game of ping-pong is negatively impacting the effectiveness of the Canadian political system.

Flanagan can make whatever excuses he wants.

However, it is necessary to recognize that he also contributed to the negative attitude that exists when attempts to have intelligent discussion about controversial issues in politics are made. Maybe the consequences he’s receiving are harsh, but in the end he has no one to blame but himself.

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the caboose

caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes

× caboose.capcourier@gmail.com

Dear Son, JJ Brewis × Editor-in-Chief Your fondness for deceased luminaries is beginning to be of concern to me. Today when I dropped off your mail on your bed (you should really pay your medical bills), I noticed a surplus of photos of departed famous people. Your walls read like a cemetery of Hollywood’s most notorious ill-fated hosers. Is that something you want so close to you while you sleep, their eyes creeping upon your living blood from another dimension, attempting to suck out your soul for repurposing and returning to Earth?

Are these the people after whom you model yourself? Does having James Dean’s 23-year-old corpse-nearing face posted on your wall draw inspiration for you? Think of your boisterous admiration for him next time you wonder why I won’t lend you my car. The mere idea of you zipping around in my Toyota Corolla, in a red coat and a cigarette dangling out the side of your mouth makes my skin crawl. This is New Westminster, not Los Angeles — what would people think?

This bottle of wine sitting on the counter that grows perilously empty at rapid speed only seems more ominous when I hear Miss Winehouse blaring from under the crack of your bedroom door.

She went alone in the night, laughing her ass off at her own shoddy YouTube performances. I read that in the news, so it must be true. I speak to you with only the utmost worry — as you tumble furiously into your own celebrity, I fear the same vices these people’s parents were absent-minded

about must now be things they have such a jaded bitterness toward. It is simply unhealthy to be this fascinated with tragedy. If you need something for your walls, there are some items in the free bin at work —they look high quality, like an Ikea print and the like. Maybe you should come take a look and we can spruce up the energy of your room.

I love fine art as much as the next woman, but the last time I saw you, I noticed yet another spot of inked flesh peeking from beneath the cuff of your shirt’s sleeve. I do have a few tattoos of my own, but yours are arriving at a startling rate that I can't help but wonder — how can all of these sinister images possibly have a deep personal connection to you? I see men on the street with images of knives and teardrops on their cheeks and wonder, “Will this be my son, too?” God only knows where these people are having these images affixed — in automobile garages under the hand of anyone who “wants to try it out,” surely. I know a lovely lesbian artist on Commercial Drive who specializes in images of peonies and ivy. I can give you her number if you are able to think of any images that would suit you. Surely florals are something we can all agree on — they are supposed to invoke happiness, after all.

Your sense of fashion is certainly finding more and more curious ways of deviating from the norm. I notice a GQ subscription arrive at the door each month — but you look a far cry from the pressed suits and casual athletic wear that fill the pages. I certainly see a massive shift between these pressed young men and what’s in your wardrobe — curious spikes, chains and ropes that garnish your outfits. Clothing is meant to be easy and

comfortable. You’re not Liberace, you’re a civilian, and you should honestly think of what will blend in and be breathable.

I do regret that your Grandmother seems to have taken a disinterest in your existence and I do hope you know that her behaviour doesn’t represent all of us. In regards to your inquiry, yes, she is aware that you are indeed still alive. Absence is a strange thing, and perhaps we can blame it on the fact that anyone at her age has tunnel vision, and she’s mainly tunnelling in on the wine she so quickly devours (another reason I worry for you in doing the same thing!) I’d be lying if I said she treated me any different — she seems to have an affinity for only the bastardized underdogs, rather than those of us capable of keeping jobs for more than a week or being able to wipe our asses on a daily basis. It’s like the old adage says — the more you put out, the less you receive. If you end up downtrodden without a job, unable to care for yourself or pay your own iPhone bill, she will be there for you in an instant.

You’re almost thirty. As much as I love you, it’s probably best if you considered finding an apartment of your own. Perhaps it would help you in that infinite quest for, as I hear them say in one of my TV shows, (I think it was Supernatural?) “get-

ting laid.” You might want to do away with your collection of Disney princess dolls to help in the cause. My co-worker has a seven-year-old daughter who would be happy to take them off your hands.

Just let me know if you’re ready for that, and I’ll do the work for you. You won’t even have to be there to see them depart. You’ll simply arrive home and realize there is now a blank canvas on which to hang photos of your dear mother.

For Christmas, I plan to purchase you a membership to the gym. It would do you a lot of good to get out of the house. Maybe you’ll meet a potential mate there. Plus, it would be good for you to get a workout for parts of your body that are not just your hand.

Sincerely, Your Mother

W/ JJ Brewis TOY STORY 4 Toy Sorry SENSITIVE PEOPLE So touchy ADELE We’d so get along MARC SALTZMAN Gear guy

CHERRY BLOSSOMS Cocktease DOUBLE-JOINTED Like hanging with two Snoop Doggs

Zellers well, that sucked

“Cap is always so cold! Heaters are never on! WTF!” I can’t relate to this. You see, I spend most of my time in the Courier office, where Katie “Dhalsim” So seems determined to kill her co-workers in a thermostat-fueled firestorm. You’re cold, you say? I have felt death’s true chill.

“Nooo, why did they have to change the lids for the medium coffees at Tim Hortons? I liked the flip-flapping lids they use to have...”

Wait, what are you talking about? They found a way to make their lids even worse? Whose idea was that? And why the fuck can’t I win at Roll Up The Rim? And why doesn’t the Tim Hortons in the cafeteria have those boring plain doughnuts I like? Is this a cosmic joke? Why, god? Why?

“I just want to say that in case North Korea blows us all up, I love you voicebox. You provide me with laughs every monday, and I always look forward to it. :)” Thanks, psycho. But also, I wouldn’t sweat the North Korea thing.

Kim Jong Jr. won’t be blowing anyone up any time soon. Maybe himself.

“Everybody please go see The Vagina Monologues on Tuesday.

Support vaginas” That’s right! Tuesday at 7 p.m. at the NSCU centre, admission by donation. Yes sir, real-live vagina action!

“If we don't keep the U-Pass, I will officially lose my faith in humanity/this university.”

I’m impressed that you still have faith in either of those things.

46 issue N o . 19

SPEAKING IN THIRD PERSON Because we hated the first two

The Voicebox gives you the chance to have your opinion heard, no matter how irrelevant or uninformed. Just send a text message to (778) 235-7835 to anonymously “voice” your “thoughts” on any “subject.” Then, as long as it’s not too offensive, we’ll publish it! It’s a win-win-win, unless you’re a loser.

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MACARONS Prissy little cookies

Featuring: giles Roy

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LINKIN THEME PARK Imagine the rollercoaster

THE VOICE BOX

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WEARING HOCKEY JERSEYS ANYWHERE Nope

×× susan li

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the caboose

caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes

× caboose.capcourier@gmail.com

Shotgun reviews

ROOFLESS Leah Scheitel

OFF THE CUFF PORNO PARODIES Jeremy Fornier-Hanlon

THE BAR EXAM Carlo Javier

There's probably a dead mouse in my kitchen.

A few weeks ago, we saw a mouse, so we put out poison because we didn’t want mice eating our food or just hanging out in it, pooping or whatever. A few days ago, our kitchen started smelling like nasty cheese. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Every morning I come down into the kitchen and I hope it's gone but it’s not. We think that a mouse crawled into the back of our fridge and died there. The other day, my roommates and I opened the back of the fridge where the fan is and we were so positive a bunch of mice carcasses would tumble out but... nothing! The kitchen still smells bad. I asked my dad about it today and he said that it probably crawled into the wall and we won’t be able to find it and the smell will last until the mouse dries out and mummifies. If you have any tips or tricks for finding dead mice, please text 778-7095204. Thank you. It’s been over a week.

I woke up on Saturday morning to find a part of my ceiling on my floor. Drywall dust, rotting wood, and worn out plastic littered my dining room and kitchen, and since it was raining outside, there was a solid stream of water splattering onto my counter. So gross. My older brother Luke was visiting me, and was passed out on my couch. “What the fuck?” I yelled, “Luke, what the hell happened to my roof?” “Ugh, what?” he said, waking up with a hangover, “Oh, that. I got tired of walking on bits of drywall that were peeling off, so I scraped it with a fork while I made soup.” This all happened at 4 a.m., after my brother had been drinking for 12 straight hours. Who the fuck decides to do home improvements drunk at four in the goddamn morning, especially when it isn’t even their own house? So my brother left me with a gaping hole in my apartment, which will probably result in half of my place having to be ripped apart. And the entire time he was scraping my roof of with a fork, he was thinking “Oh man, she’s so going to thank me for this!”

Seeing Fred Flintstone getting it on can only get you so far. In order to really make it in the world of adult entertainment, it turns out that excellent wordsmithing and juvenile humour are the ultimate qualities required to sell films.

People might be slightly intrigued by Harrison Ford Bangs Buxom Harem, but it won’t get you anywhere near the allure of Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon. You want to market your Stanley Kubrick adaptation? Look no further than A Cockwork Orange. I can list them all off: Womb Raider, Lawrence of a Labia, Good Will Humping, Pulp Friction. No greatly revered piece of cinematic art escapes my lewd and leering scrutiny. The strangest revelation to me was finding out, after a quick Bing search (who uses Google anyway?), that the majority of these are legitimate titles. I even found some real nuggets in Sperms of Endearment and Star Trek: The Next Penetration. Disturbingly, this is one of the few reasons I ever had friends in high school.

Nineteen is an age surrounded by buzz and hype.

Everyone is excited for someone who’s about to enter the world of bars, pubs and clubs. The inquisitive side of me put this to the test. The night started off slow, and I lost $20 that could’ve been three or four days’ worth of lunch. But with each passing shot of Rocky Mountain Bear Fucker, the night got brighter, and pockets got lighter.

For every shattered glass, arguments involving pool cues and out-of-tune renditions of Adele, there was a horny man buying a woman a drink.

Despite the mindless drinking and regrettable bathroom conversations, I did manage to remember most of my first bar experience the following morning. However, I failed to avoid the one thing I didn’t want to do: dance. Alcohol itself is more than my fragile innocent mind can handle. I may be 19, but I looked like a child out there. Come to think of it, I probably still do look like a child, regardless.

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