Capilano Courier Volume 46 Issue 20

vol ume

46

north vancouver

× March 18 2013

issue

N o . 20

TRADING IT IN

does bartering have a place in 2013?

B.B. King

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Get fit for free

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Arguing for Argo

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a blog for cap

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CAPILANO Courier TABLE OF contents news

The Staff 4

of this punk as fuck university newspaper JJ Brewis Editor-in-Chief

We voted to pay more: Referenda results in

columns

6

Luke goes “home again” – with mixed results

arts

Giles Roy Managing Editor

Samantha Thompson Copy Editor

Lindsay Howe News Editor

Leah Scheitel Opinions Editor

Natalie Corbo Features Editor

Celina Kurz Arts Editor

10

Burlesque and spoken word together at last!

features

14

We've always got time for tacos

calendar

19

Dynamic duo: Meg Ryan does Tom Hanks

Opinions

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Scott Moraes Caboose Editor

Stefan Tosheff Production Manager

Katie So Art Director

Andy Rice Staff Writer

Connor Thorpe Staff Writer

My boyfriend is hotter than me

CABOOSE

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Choo Choo Choose your favourite villain

the capilano courier

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Ricky Bao Business Manager

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The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed.

All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

Shannon Elliott Web Editor

Colin Spensley Distribution Manager

Leanne Kriz Ads & Events Manager

× Letter from the editor ×

CAUSE AND EFFECT × ON the Cover ×

Mustaali Raj Mustaali is an explorer. Throughout his travels, he meets people of all sorts, collects his experiences, and reinterprets them back through his visual designs and illustrations. He is an engineer turned designer—an innovative problem-solver.

Mustaali.tumblr.com

Featured Contributors Lauren Gargiulo is a Creative Writing student at Capilano University.

Lauren’s writing, outside of the Courier and academic pursuits sees her as a jack of all trades, also dabbling in poetry “about nothing,” songwriting and working on her first novel. Lauren jokes about her present unemployment. “Finding a job is apparently as hard as finding the holy grail,” she says. In the meantime, Lauren can be found talking in the third person, avoiding balloons (as she suffers from globophobia – the fear of balloons), and, as you may have guessed – mostly just writing.

Lauren says her main passions in life are found in her guitar and her notebook. Presently looking to start a punk band, Lauren encourages you to contact her if interested. Lauren’s nickname, “Lovin” came about when the drummer for the band Fighting For Ithaca messed up her name.

One time, Lauren was bit by a duck. For those looking for “rants about life and dumb selfies,” follow Lauren on Twitter @Lovingoesmeow.

× Editor-in-Chief

I barely knew Michael at all. But his death has affected me beyond how I’d have expected it to, given the very brief involvement we had with each other. I not only feel for those he’s left behind, but I question if I could have done more in my encounters with him that could have offered a tiny fraction of hope in his life. This is a very common reaction, I’ve discovered in the reading I’ve done up on suicide: the surviving members of a suicide victim will always wonder, “What else could I have done?”

It just goes to show that no matter how large or small the role someone plays in your life, that role is important. In our lives we will lose many people, and each of those relationships has a value that is both unique and intrinsically important.

I’d never experienced someone I personally know dying from suicide.

In my early teens, my best friend at the time attempted suicide several times. Thankfully she never succeeded and is still alive today, but even processing the idea of someone who wanted to not exist anymore was a challenge to fully understand. I’ve struggled with depression for much of my life, but I’ve always found beacons of hope in my life that have kept me going. It’s a true shame that Michael and so many others didn’t catch those beacons in time.

In Canada, suicide is the ninth most common leading cause of death, higher than kidney disease. It’s an issue commonly associated with young people, and with good reason. Twenty-five cases in 2009 were from 10 to 14 year olds alone, with another 700-plus cases in the 30-below age group. (The most recent information Stats Canada has on death rates is from 2009, but shows a significant increase year by year). However, it’s not just young people taking their own lives – there are a surprising amount of 90-plus year olds who have done so as well.

When I was growing up, I had a very Christian aunt who told me that no matter what happened in my life, all would be forgiven except for suicide. “If you take your own life,” she’d say, “You can never be saved.”

This bothered me a lot growing up, but absolutely disgusts me today.

It’s an extreme version of the stigma and judgment of mental illness that plagues our society. People should band together in life, and when people are down we should offer support on any possible level. We certainly should not condemn them when they take their own lives.

The Canadian Mental Health Association says, “Experts in the field suggest that a suicidal person is feeling so much pain that they can see no other option. They feel that they are a burden to others, and in desperation see death as a way to escape their overwhelming pain and anguish. The suicidal state of mind has been described as constricted, filled with a sense of self-hatred, rejection, and hopelessness.” Many of us are filled with despair, and many of us will conquer those dark times.

Let’s look out for each other and connect to one another. Let us get through this, together.

I’m one of those people who goes to Starbucks pretty much every day.

Not because I’m a loyalist (even though I do think their aesthetic is nice and I like their Earl Grey better than anyone else’s), but because I’ve come to love my daily visits with the familiar baristas who not only recognize me, but have become a friendly beacon in my day as a break between the bustle of a shift at work. We know each other by name, we’re Facebook friends, we share stories about our respective trips to Disneyland, and we’ve even talked about going there together. In some ways they see me as their honourary barista – one of the girls has gone so far as to come around the bar and give me hugs when I come in sometimes. It’s more than I could ask for of a billion dollar corporation.

But when I went in to “my” Starbucks last Thursday, I discovered that none of the regular staff members were working. “This is weird,” I thought. “Where are my friends?” I was having a particularly irritating shift and was looking forward to some friendly and familiar faces in my day. But the completely unfamiliar staff working that day – who misspelled my very easy to spell name on my drink cup – unintentionally made me feel even more isolated. I realized then just how important this daily ritual was to me, despite it just feeling like an addictive routine that I’d sort of taken for granted, until then. It made me realize that although I’ve never spent time with any of “my Starbucks friends” outside of the walls of that coffee shop, they still have an emotional value to me.

Friday morning when I opened Facebook, one of the baristas had updated her status to: “We lost a shift, some comic relief, and most importantly, a friend. I'm going to miss your stories, your hard work, and the way you never failed to make me laugh, even on my worst of days.” I had no clue what had actually happened, and assumed, between the status and the alien staff the day prior, maybe someone had been let go by the store. Sadly, it was unfortunately much worse.

Michael*, a guy who had come to know me by drink (“Get the chai ready,” he’d say when I walked in the door), had committed suicide a few days prior. The reason for the entire staff’s absence was that their manager gave them all a few days off to decompress from the situation.

The thing about Michael’s death is that, like most suicides, it came as a surprise to everyone – both co-workers who knew him well, and to myself who knew him quite casually. He always came off as a pleasant and happy person, always joking and a little bit casually flirtatious with me. Nobody looks at a person and thinks “I think that person is capable of committing suicide,” which is exactly what makes it so much of a shock. It’s sad when anyone passes away, and I’ve lost enough family members in my lifetime that I’m unfortunately comfortable with the idea that people we love will disappear from our lives – at any given moment, for any number of reasons, expected or not.

But suicide is a different type of emotional trip for those who are left behind, leaving them with a million unanswered questions and emotional responses.

THE VOICE BOX

*Name has been changed for privacy reasons.

Featuring: giles Roy

The Voicebox gives you the chance to have your opinion heard, no matter how irrelevant or uninformed. Just send a text message to (778) 235-7835 to anonymously “voice” your “thoughts” on any “subject.” Then, as long as it’s not too offensive, we’ll publish it! It’s a win-win-win, unless you’re a loser.

“I don't understand our bloody U-Pass and student fee system.

If all of your fees aren't paid, you're denied the U-Pass that you already paid for, which means you might need to pay up to $170 a month for a bus pass to go to school, and then you also get charged $50 a month for not paying your fees on time. Guess what, Cap? That doesn't make it any easier to pay my student fees.”

Hey, take it easy. Budweiser is my literal favourite beer, and I happen to know that every other Canadian person feels the exact same way.

Round these parts (Canada), we've got a saying: “All hail Budweiser, king of beverages. I pledge allegiance to Budweiser, in life and death. If you don't like Budweiser, you can take off.”

“Yolo is Carpe Diem for idiots.

-Joyfootage” What in the heck does Carpe Diem mean? You can't just make up a phrase, Dad.

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I’m pretty sure I’ve answered this exact question in this space before, but it's because of Samantha Thompson. It's always because of Samantha Thompson. And you might want to steer clear of this week’s shotgun reviews.

“As a German student I have to say: Good job guys you make my day , every day :) BTW as a German again BUDWEISER IS NOT BEER !!!”

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“Why is there so much harry potter bullshit in the paper”

I forwarded this text to JJ immediately after getting it and his response was “Aw!!” Thanks for reading, sincerely.

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This is, indeed, some bullshit! Especially the U-Pass part. It's times like this that I'm glad to be a millionaire scientist who rides a horse to school.

“In the 4 and a half years attending this school i have never picked up a copy of the cap courier let alone read an article from it. Today i saw a copy lying in one of my classrooms and decided to flip through it, jj brewis wrote an article about human flaws that really hit home for me and i want to say that i deeply regret being so ignorant during my time here at school. Just wanted to express my appreciation for everyone that puts this paper together on a regular basis and keep it up!”

the capilano courier

Dave Kenny is a graduate of English at SFU and Education at UBC. Presently working as a high school English teacher, Dave moonlights as a writer and artist. “My work as part of the Main Street Trail poetry mural series was a lot of work and I’m quite happy with how it turned out,” he says. Dave helped start a local writing group, the Wolf Mountain Writing Collective – a group that hosts events, releases anthologies and is active in the Vancouver arts community. But Dave has his eyes on the international circuit – “I want to circumnavigate the globe, land on Mars, and write a Pulitzer Prize-winning, only slightly fictionalized, novel about the whole experience.” Dave is passionate about “Disliking the Dave Matthews Band, winning at Our Town Trivia on Thursday nights and finding flasks that don't leak – know where I can get one?” Dave encourages you to check out Wolf Mountain online to view updates on writing, shows and “other cool stuff.”

Facebook.com/WeAreWolfMountain

JJ Brewis

3

NEWS

News Editor ×

Lindsay Howe × n e w s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

A refreshing take on social media Capilano celebrates the launch of a new interactive blog Andy Rice × Staff Writer Capilano University’s marketing and communications department has been bubbling with excitement lately over its brand new blog. The launch of Your Daily Cap on Mar. 9 marked a major step for the university in social media outreach, providing a central location to compile, create and connect content from all over the campus and beyond. After spending over a year researching and developing the perfect formula, director of marketing and communications David Demuynck and his team are excited to finally be at the bottling stage.

With a cobalt-coloured bottle cap as its logo and the motto “always on, always refreshing,” the site may take a playful approach to its name and design, but its content is serious business.

“We were starting to see lots of social media communities starting to be created,” says Demuynck. “And all of these communication silos being built with limited audiences. The sweet spot in the middle is ... a platform where all of these stories and storytellers could meet, and that’s how this thing got off the ground.”

Universities, says Demuynck, are moving away from an informational push toward more of a pull model in order to draw in prospective students and engage their current ones. “This really is designed to support that process, and initially we thought about actually building this concept into the existing website but the research really pushed us away from that. This is different in that it provides information, utility, entertainment, inspiration,

insight, connection, so ... we were really looking at something that was a companion site to the website for that purpose.”

“There’s a bunch of stories that are never being told,” he continues. “The hidden stories, the ones that just slip through the cracks.” It’s senior editor Shannon Colin’s job to make sure those stories find an audience. To do so, she has enlisted faculty, current students, alumni, community members and marketing staff to write posts and find content, a process which began well in advance of launch day. Nearly 100 individual posts have already been published, a number that is steadily growing by the day. “I think a lot of the stories are going to come organically from students,” she says. “I have student writers from the communications studies program and graduates of the magazine publishing program pitching stories to me too.” Students from other departments have also expressed interest in becoming involved by writing posts on a volunteer basis, or through class assignments.

In addition to its written content, the blog will also serve as a multi-author showcase for other disciplines. “IDEA students, for example, need to get their work seen,” says Demuynck. “We could ... put it into this, and then the audience for their work grows.” Film students will also be able to use the blog as a means for spreading the word about upcoming casting calls and film screenings. “As this thing starts to grow, we’ll pull in more voices and more perspectives, so that it’s a truly dynamic community,” he adds. The site will also become a timely source for news and current events, allowing contributors to post information up to the minute, and have the chance to expand on it later with follow-up posts.

“When we’re writing the stories we definitely keep the current student and the prospective student in mind, first and foremost, but we see many different audiences here,” explains Colin, listing employers, high school counsellors, families of prospective students, potential donors, alumni, and the media as just a few. That’s a challenge Jane MacCarthy, Capilano University’s public affairs manager, says she believes the team has succeeded in rising to, even in the blog’s infant stages.

“If you took a really broad cross-section of our audiences and said here’s the site, I think they’d be hard-pressed to find something that doesn’t interest them. It’s a multi-author but it’s also a multiaudience blog whereas most blogs are really niche, so I think the good thing is that there’s enough on there and there’s enough breadth that people are going to find something.”

Running internally on a Wordpress platform, the cost to build and maintain Yourdailycap.ca “is basically nothing,” says Demuynck. “In a sense, there’s almost no budget for it. It’s just staff time.

This is, in effect, shifting everything we do for this department, in terms of building the university’s reputation, enhancing it, how we approach recruitment. There’s no new human resources being created or assigned to this. This is us recalibrating [our existing job descriptions] to this new reality and literally pulling everybody in, from our graphic designers, to our photographers, to our videographers to our writers. Everybody here has a role to play.”

The development team chose a dynamic grid layout, similar to that of Pinterest, to allow viewers not only to find what they came for, but also to stumble across something new at the same

time. “I think of it kind of as walking across a checkerboard, where a prospective student might come but actually bump up against a Capilano graduate,” Demuynck says. “Where alumni stories are typically told on alumni sites for alumni, the prospective student never has the opportunity to encounter those. Here, as you move across that checkerboard, you might come with a specific intention but we could introduce you to something completely new that you didn’t know existed.”

Entries are also categorized and tagged according to subject matter. Sections like hot topics, applied smarts, portfolio, change-makers, and sustainability allow for quick access to certain types of stories within the mosaic model.

Alternative versions of the site, designed for handheld devices and tablets, make it accessible on the go as well, something that is likely to appeal to student visitors. Aside from content and accessibility, conversation is another main focus of the blog. Each post features a comment box and many even end with a question, says Colin. “We really want to interact with our audience and get some discussion happening here.”

“It is very much about putting all these voices together on a central stage, says Demuynck. “It will be through relevance that people discover this blog and really connect to it in a meaningful way ... and based on their feedback then the thing will morph into something even more different than we had imagined.”

To explore Capilano’s www.Yourdailycap.ca

new

blog,

visit

OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO Capilano’s Study Abroad program expands to new faculties Victoria Fawkes

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“I have always been interested and curious about what it’s like in a developing country and if I could last. I did and it wasn’t that bad. Well, I had to pay to pee in a hole,” says Tina Sangha, a Capilano University student in her third year of study. She had the opportunity to tour Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh, and the Mekong Delta for 10 days with 13 other students over reading break. “This was my first time in Asia, so being able to travel to Vietnam totally expanded my knowledge about Vietnam’s history, culture and its people,” says Sangha. “I also earned three upper-level business credits. I am in my third year of Communications, so this trip was the perfect way to reward myself and get credits at the same time.”

On her trip to Vietnam, Sangha got to cycle through fields of rice paddies, eat pho at historic restaurants, bargain at the night markets, and visit Ho Chi Minh’s Mausoleum. “Every day we did something new and different, whether it was finding a place to eat or just to drink some cheap beers.

We had enough free time to do what we wanted to do, and I really enjoyed trying the food!” says Sangha. “I ate so much fresh fruit, like jackfruit, milk fruit, mangos and lychees. I also ate snails, duck, and even drank snake wine!” she adds.

While Sangha enjoyed the sights and sounds of Vietnam, she also admits there were more

challenging parts to the trip. “I put myself out there and was open to everything. I absolutely butchered their language though,” she says. But she also notes that the culturally shocking parts of her study abroad trip were often hard to take in.

“We went to the War Remnants Museum and it was really hard for me to digest everything that I saw and read. Walking down the street, you’d see someone, often a child who had been affected from Agent Orange with missing limbs or big heads,” she says.

“The cost covered tuition fees, airfare, hotel, some meals, all activities and obviously the experience of a lifetime! Thinking about it now, had I gone to Vietnam by myself or with my friends, I guarantee you I would have not done most of the things that we did on this trip,” says Sangha.

London, China, Vietnam, and Belize are just a few of the places that are available for study tours this year. Yvonne Leung, an International Partnership Officer at the Centre for International Experience at Capilano University, notes that there are a wide variety of study tours for students to experience, but some may be less financially accessible than others. “We offer field schools, which are short term, led by Cap faculty, and are essentially like a Cap course led overseas. With those programs, you can’t use a student loan. But some of our reading break field schools happen within a term, so if students take a field school trip and they also take several other courses during that term, then in combination, if they are eligible for

student loans … As long as you’re paying tuition to Capilano and you’re enrolled in 12 credits worth of courses, you can use a student loan,” says Leung.

“In my history of having students apply for it, as long as they’re paying tuition to Cap, all students who have applied for it have received student loans for their exchange,” she adds.

Leung also notes that scholarships of $1,000 can be awarded to students who want to go on a study abroad trip. “The $1000 scholarship is an external scholarship, so it’s nothing that we have control over. It’s actually a provincial scholarship, under the Ike Barber scholarship [program]. Last year, we were able to award 15 students $1,000 scholarships, and every year, the allotment to us changes.”

This year Capilano received $20,000, meaning they were able to award 20 scholarships at a value of $1000, specifically to students choosing the study abroad program.

While student loans and scholarships can help, the prices of the field schools can still be high.

Sangha’s 10-day trip to Vietnam came in at $3,300, while this year’s trip to London was $3,500. “I don’t think that both of them are costly. We don’t make profit off of any of our field schools. The reason why there are separate prices for the trips is because the cost covers flights, accommodations – it covers all the things we have worked into the itinerary, it covers some meals. We don’t do it so we can make a profit,” says Leung.

As an International Partnership Officer, Leung

is excited to see the study tour programs expanding into more of Capilano’s degree programs. “Usually, the requirement for students who go on a fullterm exchange need to be in their third year, but now that Cap has a degree with communications, motion picture, liberal studies – we’ve tried to now expand slowly into those programs so students can be able to go on an exchange. This year, we’ve just sent our first communication degree student, and our first motion picture degree student on an exchange program, so we’re slowly trying to build it onto new programs,” she says.

The location of each study trip is decided by a proposal system from Capilano University’s faculty, and most of the trips are based on the current issues that students could learn about by travelling there. For example, Leung says that this year’s London trip was chosen because of their recently hosted Summer Olympics, which would allow for a comparison with Vancouver’s 2010 Winter Olympics. No matter the location, Leung likes to think that a student’s perspective and worldview can change just by experiencing a study tour.

“Before one of my students went on an exchange, he mentioned that he’d heard other students say that it was a life-changing experience and he thought to himself, ‘How is that possible, you’re only going away for four or five months, how can your life really change in that short of a time?’ And he came back and said that he understood that and completely went through that, and to me, that’s an extremely rewarding thing.”

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! CSU referendum questions pass, students will see three fee increases Andy Rice × Staff Writer The votes are in after a recent referendum held by the Capilano Students’ Union, and all three items on the ballot have received majority approval. During polling, which took place from Mar. 1 to 7, students voted to increase student society fees and CSU building levy fees. They also approved the continuation of the U-Pass BC program, which will include several incremental fee increases over the next two years.

The U-Pass issue passed with the highest number of votes. According to preliminary results, 1258 students voted for continuation, while 52 voted against. The building levy increase received significant approval with 839 for and 423 against.

The increase to student society fees was the most contentious issue and passed by the smallest margin with 667 votes for and 585 against.

While the U-Pass BC program and related fees are beyond the CSU’s financial control, the increases to the student society fees and the building levy were both calculated and recommended by the board. “Down the road it means the CSU can offer more services that benefit students on campus,” says Saam Nasirpour, CSU Financial Affairs coordinator and Building Committee chairperson, of the decision.

As he explains, “The CSU does have some retained earnings in the bank right now, however it’s not sustainable to finance new services, events and advocacy by draining retained earnings. Every organization needs a certain amount of money in the bank for a rainy day.” While the CSU ran a surplus last year, in the past it has “had a few deficit years as well,” says Nasirpour. “The current basic student society fee is $4.72 per credit, less [Canadian Federation of Students] fees which are approximately $0.70 per credit,” he explains.

Starting with the upcoming summer semester, this will be replaced by a new fee of up to $40 per student, plus $2.50 per credit to a maximum of 10 credits.

With the recent completion of the CSU Library Lounge and the continued operation of the CSU Maple Lounge, the CSU now has two spaces to maintain as opposed to one. This, says Nasirpour, is the main reason behind the increase in building levy fees. “We need to offset the cost of maintenance and that's why the fee needed to be adjusted.” Up until last year, the CSU operated rent-free on campus. “Capilano, UBC, and other schools all had free space at one time or another,” he explains. However, the combination of institutional funding cuts and increased demand for real estate means, “almost all universities now charge their student societies for space.”

The CSU began paying for space on campus in 2012, entering into a 30-year prepaid lease.

“To my understanding, the reason that the CSU agreed to those terms was because the university needed money to complete the Bosa Building,” says Nasirpour. Included in the lease contract was a clause requiring the CSU to cover its own maintenance costs, something it was also not obligated to do in the past. “Prior to the new space, the CSU was not paying any maintenance fees for the existing Maple lounge – and now we are paying maintenance for both lounges,” says Nasirpour. As a result, the current building levy fee will see a 25 per cent hike, increasing from the current $1 per credit to $1.25 per credit, to a maximum of $12.50 per student, per semester. It will be adjusted for inflation each year.

U-Pass fees, which are determined by TransLink and apply to all participating schools, are currently $120 per semester, or $30 per month. They will continue at this rate until May 2013, when they will see a $5 increase. From May 2014 to Apr. 2015, they will increase once again to $36.75 per month, and starting in May 2015, they will reach $38 per month. “We have no control over the price,” says Nasirpour. If students had voted against, Capilano University students would no longer have been eligible for the U-Pass BC program, effective Apr. 1, 2013.

NEWS BRIEFS

The preliminary vote counts from the referendum questions are as follows:

Building Fee Total Votes Received: 1,279 Rejected Ballots: 17 Total Valid Votes Received: 1,262 Number of Votes Required to Pass: 632 (50 per cent plus one) YES: 839 NO: 423

Student Society Fee Total Votes Received: 1,270 Rejected Ballots: 18 Total Valid Votes Received: 1,252 Number of Votes Required to Pass: 627 (50 per cent plus one) YES: 667 NO: 585

U-Pass Total Votes Received: 1,320 Rejected Ballots: 10 Total Valid Votes Received: 1,310 Number of Votes Required to Pass: 656 (50 per cent plus one) YES: 1258 NO: 52

Lindsay Howe, News Editor The last Board of Governors meeting for Capilano University occurred on Mar. 12. Highlights of the meeting are as follows.

Student Interest Business

All students can vote in the general meeting.

People who have contributed a minimum of 3 times can vote for Editor-in-Chief.

there will be free pizza 11:30 AM Wednesday, April 3 Capilano Courier office (Maple 122)

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Tuition increases for domestic students have been announced and are set to take effect for the September 2013 semester. Tuition will increase by two per cent (the maximum under provincial policy) and means domestic students will now be paying $115.67 per credit. Also, in situations where surcharges apply for classes (due to a small class size, field trips, extra materials etc.), those surcharges will also be increased by two per cent.

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More Money, Problems

general meeting + editor-in-chief elections

the capilano courier

The meeting included discussion about how successful this year’s 5 Days for the Homeless Campaign has been. Student board member Brandon Hofmarks spoke about how transparent homelessness is on the North Shore, as many homeless people take the SeaBus downtown to panhandle during the day, and back to sleep in the woods in the North Shore at night, where they are not visible to the public. This year’s campaign has been featured in major media outlets including the Province newspaper and on Global News. Hofmarks reports that the extensive media coverage has brought in many donations to the North Shore Homeless Shelter from people not previously aware homelessness was an issue on the North Shore.

o n a c ou l i p a rie c special e

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John Yap, B.C.’s Advanced Education Minister, recently resigned. West Vancouver MLA Ralph Sultan will be taking over his position and the University is currently working with Sultan to balance their budget.

Currently, the University has no authority to submit an unbalanced budget, and would have to apply to be able to run a deficit so long as there is a long-term financial plan in place. The University is still waiting for guidance from the government.

Capilano University’s President Kris Bulcroft and three students attended an Ashoka Changemaker conference in San Francisco, alongside 22 other campuses. The idea of the conference was to generate conversation about creating new learning spaces, and mastering how to make change in the world. Bulcroft reported that she came back inspired and with many ideas.

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General University Business

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Columns

Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d i t o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

FILM CLUB

Brandden Dancer × Columnist

A New Hope found in the life of pi How does a film, whose protagonist is on a search for God, fare in a society where God is dead?

I was recommended Yann Martel’s 2001 book Life of Pi by my high school English teacher. I read it, but it didn’t make much of an impression on me. At the time, I was distracted by other things, such as discovering new music and going to shows – reading felt like a chore. I was in a bubble as a teenager where the idea of clinging onto a single hope or the inner human struggle to seek out one’s place in the universe hadn’t really sunk in yet. It was not until I got older that my looming future and the fleeting nature of life came creeping. This is something that we all go through as we age, when reality sinks in and the luster of childhood falls away. It’s a part of growing up. Today everything seems to be both wonderful and falling apart, and we need something to keep our spirits up, to carry us towards that next place where everything will be okay.

When Pi was released, as successful as it was and while film rights were optioned, it was touted as being un-filmable. This may have been due to the fact that in the latter part of the story, everything the reader has imagined and led to believe gets flipped on its head. Director Ang Lee, in an article for The Atlantic wrote, “Usually a movie flows in a certain pattern, a certain track ... You’ve been taken care of because the images are very demanding and your focus is demanded. More so than reading books – a book is words and symbols, you do indirect imaginations.”

Despite the awards and celebrated visual effects, the tale within Pi seems to fall short with

many people. It is the story of a spiritually curious boy from India who subscribes to three religions: Hinduism, Christianity and Islam. The boy loses everything and gets pushed to the very brink of his life, fighting to survive while lost at sea for 227 days with a Bengal tiger as his companion.

Through this survival, he questions his strengths and his faith. No matter what you have faith in – be it yourself, your God, the universe around you – we look to our faith to guide us and to try to make sense of our shortfalls. Not many of us have experienced what it is like to be brought down to our most primal of states, but we have all wrestled with some sort of inner turmoil that makes us question why we hold on to our beliefs and their purpose in our lives.

Recently, I watched a CNN segment, which posed the question, “In 50 years will Earthlings still believe in God?” It’s a big question, but one that doesn’t seem irrelevant in today’s culture. With the likes of Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins bringing atheism out of the woodwork, there has been a rise in the number of people who have doubts about the existence of God and the validity of religion.

Peter Joseph, founder of the Zeitgeist Movement released a documentary trilogy, which aims to challenge people to question what we’ve been brought up to believe culturally, of either religion or the media. In the news, headlines read of scientific discoveries, such as the “God particle” Higgs boson, or planets just outside our solar system that can or may support life. How can one not question the basis of a faith, especially one

that doesn’t support the evidence that is laid out before them? That seems to be religion’s Achilles’ heel: logic. Beliefs are wonderful and can be as fantastical as we like, but what happens when that belief is challenged by the need to survive? Pi’s life before the shipwreck was peaceful and safe, busied with day-to-day activities coupled with his internal, spiritual quest. He then gets thrown into a scenario in which he must rely on his instincts and at times resort to violence in order to persevere. The lifeboat in which he is stranded upon is his faith. How can faith hold up to the harsh realities of life?

The film has stuck with me since I first saw it.

Not only the sheer beauty of the visual effects, but the story of the perseverance of the human spirit. Perhaps I am more receptive now that I am older and have (a bit) more understanding of our condition. Sometimes people need a story to connect with, no matter how implausible it may

seem, where anything is possible – even if it is a way of sugarcoating the harsh realities of life.

While the ending leaves the viewer to choose which version they prefer, people can view the message several ways. People can choose to view it as a psychological journey, or as a celebration of the test of faith. For me, it is the message of hope. Even though we are animals and we need to do what we have to in order to survive, it is our own version of an underlying thing that guides us –whatever it may be.

Brandden Dancer is a freelance videographer, director, and editor in addition to being a film connoisseur. He co-hosts an Internet movie review show called Dangerhouse Reviews which features movies, friends, comedians, and fellow Courier writers, viewable at Youtube.com/dangerhousereviews. He is father to a cat named Wyatt, who is a weirdo.

×× Shirley Wu

AN APPLE A DAY

Christine Bissonnette × Columnist

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46 issue N o . 20

Reprogramming your Habits

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We heavily rely on our ability to create habitual behaviours. Many of the actions we perform daily are actually habits, not decisions. Habits are created by our brain in an effort to conserve energy.

This way our mental power is used only when it’s really needed. One of our most noticeable habits is related to our relationship with food. I recently reconnected with a university classmate, Nick Martell, who lost 72 pounds in eight months, and is keeping it off. Another colleague of mine, Ren Kennedy, has lost 25 pounds in the last six months and is making steady progress towards losing another 25 to reach her goal weight. In order to lose the weight, both individuals dedicated a significant amount of energy into creating new habits relating to their diet.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word “habit” as “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.” It’s something that you do almost without thinking.

When it comes to food, we create habits around what, why, when and how much we eat. Most people eat the same foods around the same time every day. If you were to really step back and look at your diet, you would probably be surprised at how little variety you give yourself. We each have our own favourite meals, comfort foods and preferred snacks – and we tend to stick pretty close to these preferences. In fact, some people place

huge importance on what they do and do not eat.

Think about those who refer to themselves as vegans, vegetarians, paleo or raw foodists. Consuming something outside of their diet isn’t even a question, because by breaking the rules of their diet they’d also be disrupting a significant portion of their identity. With these rules, they don’t have to rely on the questionable strength of their willpower because their rules help define who they are. In order to lose weight, Kennedy cut any foods that contained wheat or white sugar, including pastries and pasta, from her diet. “I have just trained my body that ‘we don’t eat those things,’ and I really don’t miss them,” she says.

Adopting a new habit can sometimes feel daunting, especially since the process demands so much energy in the beginning. On day three of avoiding a specific trigger food, you might become overwhelmed at how huge staying away from this desired taste feels. Words like “never” spring your brain out of a present state, and might make you feel immediately exhausted by the apparent effort this change is going to require. No wonder so few dietary commitments stick – but there is hope.

Both Kennedy and Martell shared that after a certain period of time, their cravings disappeared. “I think the real difficulties were in the first four to six weeks,” says Martell. “During that time I found myself drinking a lot of water.”

In order to change a habit, you must first understand and appreciate the payoff of the change, and why the effort is worth it to you. Martell made the decision to lose weight because he wanted to begin playing sports again: “Whenever I wanted to give up or just have an off day I would think of the finish line. I could almost see myself playing rugby or basketball for hours and not [losing my breath] during the first five minutes.” The next step is identifying the triggers for the habits that you want to change. If you are a habitual snacker, when walking through the kitchen train yourself to pour a glass of water instead of browsing through the pantry. This is one of the tactics that Martell used to great effect.

There are also ways to enjoy your favourite foods without going overboard. Both Martell and Kennedy said that they resisted bringing those trigger foods into their living space, but would occasionally treat themselves outside of their home. Instead of buying a bag of Oreos from the grocery store, Martell allowed himself three store-bought cookies a month. Similarly, Kennedy shared that when she craved a “decadent cake” she would order one and enjoy it at the shop... but if she couldn’t finish it she would throw the rest out. “It’s wasteful but it’s not ‘waist-ful,’” she jokes.

How you eat these trigger foods makes a big difference as well. Putting your snack or dessert on

a plate and enjoying it as if it were a real meal will help you to foster awareness. After you’re done, if you feel an impulse to return to the kitchen, try creating the habit of brushing your teeth. This usually works for me.

Observing your behaviour and recognizing your habits is a key part of any attempt at change, because unless you make a conscious decision to change a habit, we are programmed to resort back to its automatic comfort again and again. You are what you do, and losing weight is about changing what you do in order to adopt a healthier identity.

Both Kennedy and Martell are proof that this shift in identity can take less time than you’d think, and that change is always a possibility.

Christine Bissonnette is Maritime-bred actress, writer and health enthusiast. As a P90X graduate and author of wellness blog The-positivity-project.com, she is constantly looking for new ways to test herself, and challenges you to do the same

THE APERTURE OF BEING

Melissa Dex Guzman × Columnist

Never Having To Phone It In All my life I’ve subscribed to the notion that, “the best camera is the one that’s on you.” The reason why you’re able to take a photo is because of the camera you’ve brought with you – it’s a loyal companion, ready and available at any given moment. Even though I own an arsenal of camera equipment, it mostly stays home. The camera that I always have with me is the one in my phone, which is “god tier” in my life for more reasons than just its camera function.

About a decade ago, consumer photography was limited to the point-and-shoot film camera.

Trips were made to the grocery store for one-hour photos you’d show to your friends the next time you saw them – whenever that would be. These were the days of friends fighting over who got the Polaroid for their fridge. Very quickly things changed – rather than waiting for the next time to see friends, we’d find a way to scan our film photos and email them copies. We used to dream of everyone being able to have their own copy, and now it’s very much the norm. We’ve been able to speed up the process too: now we take digital photos and they’re put into a digital world where all of our friends are.

The last five years have made mobile phone photography into its own genre, one that is now cutting into the point-and-shoot market. Many friends who have come to me for consumer camera advice are now choosing their phones because it meets their needs and their budget.

The best part about my mobile phone is the fact that it’s moldable to my needs. There are three main app types that I rank as “must haves” to personalize my phone camera for daily use: One, editing tools; two, toy camera modes, and three, sharing platforms.

My favourite editing tools for my phone (I use an iPhone but other phones have similar

applications available) are Photoforge2, Frametastic, and Kit Kam. Photoforge2 and Kit Kam both offer brightness, colour levels and other basic controls that an unedited photo could use. Digital photos are often flat and need to be tinkered with before they possess character.

A huge popularity factor regarding camera phones is that they are chameleon toy cameras.

I love the Hipstamatic, VSCO Cam, and LINE Camera apps. Hipstamatic started it all as an over-exaggerated emulator of film, bringing back a 1x1 crop familiar to those who have seen medium format photos. VSCO Cam took a more serious approach, aiming to emulate film in a dreamy and less enriched style. On the flip side, LINE Camera brings us back to the arcade days of Asian sticker machines and lets you create your own tacky and colourful creations.

Lastly, there’s still a demand for an online substitute of a photo album, and a plethora of services are out there. For my own personal needs, I’ve used Flickr, Tumblr, Facebook and Instagram. Choose the channel where your friends are, or where you want to build an audience. I don’t subscribe to the notion of cross-posting as I maintain a different vibe for each platform. I post personal party photos to Facebook, artwork to Flickr, and the “daily photo dump” on Instagram and Tumblr. I hope that others will take this lead as our friends and followers may not necessarily share all our same interests. Hopefully having to choose just one will soon be history.

But aside from being the primary camera that is always in my pocket, I’m guilty as charged: my phone can be my photography savior even when I’m not using it to take photos. When I once broke a lens, as well as the autofocus on my DSLR, I was able to fix it myself by scouring online forums on my phone’s browser. I once didn’t have enough

light to take a picture but it was no problem – I just pumped up the brightness on my phone for a light source.

In Spider-Man, Uncle Ben once told Peter Parker (who is also a photographer) that “with great power comes great responsibility,” and whether or not it was alluding to Peter’s spider skills, it can be applied to our camera phone technology.

Remember to enjoy the concerts you’re seeing in person without having to take photos of the whole show. Look at something with your own eyes and listen. Maybe the person behind you wants to see the act and not your glowing screen. Be careful of what you post online – sexting is unfortunately normal in today’s youth. Remember our dreams of everyone having a copy of our photos? This is very much a reality in a benefiting way, but also can have consequences.

Regardless of the learning curve we all have to face in regards to phone photo etiquette, our phones are paving the way for faster and more instant gratification for up-to-date news.

“Pics or it didn’t h a p p e n” ?

D o n’t worry, you’ve got that Adam Levine celebrity sighting to post on Facebook. Citizens are leading the way and journalists are the ones having to catch up.

Being able to have a camera version of a Swiss army knife used to be a dream, but we’ve come a long way to make it a reality. Let’s have some fun.

Melissa Dex Guzman by day is a systems administrator, and moonlights as a rock and roll wedding photographer. It’s like the Bruce Wayne turning into Batman complex, but less dangerous (and probably not as cool). Her published credits include SPIN, CBC Radio 3, and TEDx. Melissa also served as the Director of Photography for Ricepaper Magazine.

You can harass her on Twitter via @m3lissa.

×× Melissa Dex Guzman

CHEAPSKATE

Marco Ferreira × Columnist

Lose fat rolls, not bankrolls

Marco is a long-time contributor to the Capilano Courier, previously as both the Opinions Editor and as Humour Editor. In this column he will be going over ways in which to save money, challenge societal norms and live more simply, with the goal of improving quality of life.

46 issue N o . 20

their memberships with big corporate gyms found they were continually charged after, so make sure you don’t give them your billing information. The big corporate gyms field lots of complaints for over-billing, hidden fees and elusive cancellation practices. CBC estimated that the fitness industry takes in half a billion dollars in unauthorized charges annually. This is definitely terrible, so stay away –community centres or smaller fitness centres are where it’s at.

Personal trainers are also a great resource I’ve never been able to afford. Instead I’ve utilized the Internet as a great resource for fitness instruction, books at the library and friends with more experience than myself. Staying fit can be an intimidating prospect, but it’s really nothing like the physical education class most people hated in high school. Start small and focus on how your body feels, and avoid comparing yourself to others.

Everyone deserves to have a positive relationship with his or her body, and it’s within your reach – regardless of how much money you can throw at it.

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Unfortunately it does rain in Vancouver quite often, but if you do want to brave the weather, obviously you can jog and ride your bike for free. You can also do body weight exercises like plank, pushups, sit-ups and squats in the park or at home, which can be effective in building muscle. Body weight exercises can be hard for beginners though, so going to the gym where you have lighter weights enables you to work you way up to lifting your own mass. Many of us also have small, stuffy apartments, or spaces not motivating or conducive to exercise. Therefore, while it’s possible for many people to get fit at home, for many of us it’s more convenient to go to the gym.

Students living in Vancouver should look into applying for a Leisure Access Card. Eligibility is based on your combined family income, and you can see if you qualify online. The Leisure Access Card is a community centre golden ticket, getting you free entry to the pool and ice-rinks as well as half-off passes to the weight room and all the classes offered, like Yoga, Pilates, Zumba and Karate. Unfortunately this deal isn’t available to international students or those who are living on the UBC endowment lands.

Another option for the increasingly cheap person is to sign-up for every free trial offered by the private gyms in Vancouver. Just know the staff will start pressuring you like crazy to sign up once you’ve completed your free class. Ninety per cent of people surveyed by the CBC who cancelled

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supplements, protein energy bars, and so on. We are continually pressured into buying our way to a healthy body, furthering the misconception that physical fitness is a big investment.

The study “Toward a Healthy Future: Second Report on the Health of Canadians and Strategies for Population Health: Investing in the Health of Canadians” shows that there is correlation between low income and health. “Only 47 per cent of Canadians in the lowest income bracket rate their health as very good or excellent, compared with 73 per cent of Canadians in the highest income group,” it says. In an effort to alleviate the tax strain caused by inactivity on the health care system, there are initiatives to get lower income people exercising.

In some parts of the world, outdoor gyms are common. These gyms are fully functioning with impressive stationary equipment, and would be totally helpful if you wanted to sculpt your body and improve your cardiovascular health. In Canada, the company GreenGym has some outdoor equipment installed in parks around the Lower Mainland, but they are all outside Vancouver, with one in Port Coquitlam, one in New Westminster and one in Langley. Aside from these locations there’s some really basic workout equipment at a few Vancouver and Burnaby parks, with pull-up bars and the like. Getting fit outside is a great way to save money while enjoying fresh air away from the muscle heads at the gym.

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Let’s play doctor and you can try to guess what’s wrong with me. The last couple days I’ve felt sort of lethargic, dizzy and a bit agitated. My mood has been up and down and I find it’s easy to slip into bouts of mild depression. Maybe it’s a brain tumor, or maybe I’m just not getting enough exercise.

Living a good, fulfilling life on the cheap is meaningless if I ignore my physical health. Regular exercise is hugely important for our brains and bodies, duh! It’s well documented that regular exercise combats diseases, and is good for your mental health. According to the American College of Sports Medicine, “Physically active women have a 20 per cent to 40 per cent reduction in relative risk for breast cancer compared with their inactive counterparts.” In addition, being physically active can reduce the rates of colon cancer for both sexes by 30 to 40 per cent. Also worth noting is that cardiovascular disease, the number one killer in America, can be reduced by 50 per cent by doing even just one hour of exercise per week.

So why do so many of us consistently put it off?

At least partly to blame is our lack of free time due to busy school and work schedules, as well as the perceived associated cost of fitness. According to the CBC, the fitness industry in Canada is worth $2 billion annually, so people are clearly spending money trying to get fit. There’s gym equipment, special sweat-reducing workout clothes, fitness centre memberships (and Platinum Memberships and Elite Platinum-Gold Memberships), vitamin

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Columns

Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d i t o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

ADVENTURES IN HOLLYWEIRD

Luke Atlas × Columnist

Oh, How We Laughed I stood in the doorway staring at walls plastered floor to ceiling with band posters, magazine cutouts and photos overlooking the faded denim bedspread, salmon-colored dresser covered in band pins and sunglasses, and a closet filled with flashy neon clothes collecting dust. I had stumbled into a life-sized recreation of my bedroom from a natural history museum, in the futuristic 2113 – except this was my actual bedroom, or at least it used to be. This little subterranean box that I spent more than 10 years of my life in almost every night, perfectly preserved from the day I left, now looked eerily quaint. Upstairs a fire crackled as my parents prepared dinner. I was home in Seattle for the holidays, my first time back since relocating to Los Angeles, and the home that was once so mundanely familiar was reflecting back at me with a slightly different tint.

I sat on my bed and remembered just a few months ago how badly I ached to get out of this place, to finally move out of my parents’ house, to live on my own. Why now did it now feel so good to be back? It oozed warmth and coziness, like it never had before, or perhaps like I had never quite appreciated. Having someone upstairs creating tantalizing cooking smells certainly helped.

I laid back and studied the intricate floral patterns on the thrift store-born handkerchiefs that hung across my ceiling lights, the ones I used to stare at every morning. They reminded me of the sleepless night before moving day, and whispering, “Goodbye room,” under my breath. “We had some good times.” Everything I’d done in that room over the years began flipping before my eyes like one of those red, plastic View-Master

toys – late nights on the phone, slumped in the corner trying to get reception on my gold Nokia brick; hiding love letters in a Led Zeppelin box set box under my bed; sitting on the floor with a Casio keyboard and tiny microphone writing silly songs that would eventually take me away from this room for months at a time to hotel rooms across the country with my band. Now, I was like a tourist in one of those hotels: just passing through for a few days. It started to sink in – this would never be my place again, and soon there might even be a different family squabbling over who gets to claim the cozy, dark room in the basement. I finally understood what they meant when they said you can go home, but once you leave you can never really “go home” again.

After days spent catching up with friends over happy hour pints, eating luxurious home-cooked meals, wearing my heavy pea coat for the first time in months, and marveling at how quick the drive across town was, I began to feel like I had never left – like the only thing that had changed were the billboards on the street corners. I had to remind myself that this was all just a vacation – merely a surreal, pleasant diversion from my new life.

The morning I awoke again in a sparsely decorated room in Hollywood, I buried my head in the pillow, unable to force myself out of bed. Call it a homecoming hangover. I looked at my mostly bare, boringly beige walls that I’d been neglecting to decorate. I put so much effort into getting to this new place, but now it felt lifeless compared to the memories of my old home, a long shot from my grand, sports-cars-and-mansions vision of the future. I realized my mind was already so far

ahead of this little temporary bedroom, with lofty dreams of mansions in The Hills and sports cars, that I had forgotten to live in the moment. I got up and retrieved a framed photo I had relegated to my closet, a frozen moment of me and my former bandmates – before they were bandmates, just friends – backs turned away from the camera, all following my arm extending toward something in the distance. I put it on my shelf. Little by little I’m making this my home.

I realized my mind was everywhere but here.

I had forgotten to pay attention to what was happening now – and to let myself enjoy it, even if it wasn’t perfect; even if the old hardwood floors make my socks turn black or the bathroom door sticks; even if I have less friends here and everything is more expensive; even if it’s not like the waxed-and-buffed version of the past that I recall in my head or my fantastical projection of myself at age 30, it’s still pretty amazing. I can take a morning jog in shorts and a t-shirt in January; I’m meeting inspiring, creative people; I’m young and my own boss; and I have a roof over my head in the epicentre of film and music. I can’t forget that.

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46 issue N o . 20

All Apologies

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Luke Atlas is the former singer and songwriter for Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head (later renamed Brite Futures). He currently resides in Los Angeles, California, where he is an aspiring Svengali for the pop stars of tomorrow. He enjoys hunting for vinyl records and trinkets at local flea markets.

×× dave mcansh

GARDEN CITY OF GOOD AND EVIL

As you’ve heard by now, even if your only connection to the news is tearing up newspapers for your hamster cage, the B.C. Liberals are embroiled in a scandal that could lose them the election before it has even started.

The NDP revealed a Liberal memo titled “Multicultural Strategic Outreach Plan,” outlining a plan to “re-engage ethnic voters and media.” Earning particular anger is a section in the memo titled “Quick Wins” urging Liberals to “build goodwill and political capital with target communities,” by offering official apologies for “historical wrongs.”

Raj Chouhan, the NDP’s multiculturalism critic, wrote a letter to supporters attacking the “quick win” strategy. Chouhan wrote: “This shows that the Liberals view historical wrongs … simply as opportunities to gain favour immediately before an election, rather than as grievances that need to be addressed in a sincere and respectful way.”

Chouhan’s slam of the Liberals expresses the NDP’s opinion (and attempt to politically leverage the scandal), while Premier Christy Clark “apologized for the ideas” and “the language” in the memo. That covers everything in the memo except the paper and ink. So is it all worthless?

This memo is basically a secret plan to win the Liberals “ethnic” votes by misusing public resources. Using taxpayer money and resources to fund partisan re-election plans is a terrible abuse

My roommate and I have an inside joke that gets tossed around every once in awhile in the afterglow of a pleasant moment. “Oh, how we laughed,” we say wistfully as if the phrase is echoing from the mouths of our future selves, fondly recalling the carefree days of our youth. For me it’s become a bittersweet reminder that when we’re old and wrinkly, calling who-knows-where home, we’re going to long for these days when we were young and poor, living in places for months or a year-or-few at a time; the days when we had less on our minds; the nights when we lived in the moment in all its weird and painful glory, and just laughed. So, while it may be true I can never “go home” again, I can do my best to make it feel like this is home right now. The walls of my bedroom are already starting to fill up.

of the public trust, and governments have fallen for less corruption. Personally, the memo’s issue of addressing “historical wrongs” raises more questions than hackles.

The revelation of this attempted manipulation of official apologies puts a spotlight on the place of even “sincere and respectful” apologies for past wrongs to racial or ethnic groups. The question then becomes: what do those apologies really accomplish?

I took my question to Dr. James Lawson, a political science professor at the University of Victoria. Lawson points out that a lot of the outrage about the B.C. Liberals’ proposed apologies has more to with the medium than the message.

“This is really about … deeply personal and familial wounds that this country imposed on communities simply deepens natural reactions to any alienating techniques and impersonal manipulation,” he says.

The rest of the memo is honestly not that shocking for anyone who has encountered just a bit of the “impersonal manipulation” inherent in politics. The document is even cogent and thoughtful at times, regarding government interaction with our increasingly diverse population. For instance, the memo’s authors recognize the unfortunate fact that the “government has treated ethnic and multicultural media as lower-priority than traditional media.”

Lawson doubts if sincerity can ever be divined when politicians are involved: “I don’t think that there is any straightforward answer to the question about sincerity and calculation. Parties don’t have emotional empathy, only people do.”

He adds an important caveat to any outrage we are feeling about the memo, saying, “If you are not thinking with some calculation, you aren’t doing politics.”

Identity politics are combustible material for politicians; if handled improperly you become a human bomb. In their memo, Liberal strategists proffered a warning about their strategy: “If not done correctly, we will appear opportunist.” This advice at least was right on target. We know our politicians are full of it, but we expect them to pretend like they aren’t self aware in being so.

Lawson did highlight one specific positive feature he perceived in the Liberals’ manipulative political targeting of ethnic groups: “That they identified this as a problem is surely a good thing: previous generations had politicians who were proud of excluding other ethnic groups!”

While the basic recognition that Canada’s white supremacist past is horrifying is indeed a good step, the question of apologies for that past is more complex. Former B.C. NDP premier Ujjal Dosanjh has brewed up his own measure of controversy in an interview with the Vancouver Sun. Dosanjh had pointed words against a process he formerly championed, when he said,

Max Olesen × Columnist

“This kind of apologizing doesn’t allow people into the mainstream. It has the opposite effect, because it strengthens the urge for identity politics.

Identity politics at the end of the day isn't the kind of politics that brings cohesion to any society. It is the worst form of pandering by politicians.”

Dosanjh has an important argument that must be considered, but I think that official apologies, whether they are for the internment of Japanese-Canadians or the national shame of residential schools, don’t have much to do with any “good” that the apologies will do for those who suffered. They are valuable for reminding the Canadians who didn’t suffer, that horrible, shameful shit went down in our history and it needs to be reckoned with for the sake of our collective soul. The B.C. Liberals’ memo is an unfortunate insight into the venality of some politicians and their advisers. It should not, however, extinguish all genuine efforts to reconcile all Canadians to each other.

Max Olesen, a recent graduate of the University of Victoria, is a freelance writer and political enthusiast. He will use his column to help illuminate the workings, failings, and eccentricities of our provincial government and its fearless leaders from the front lines of the City of Gardens. Follow Max on Twitter at @WritingOlesen

arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

Breaking free Local pop-punk band making name for themselves Lauren Gargiulo × Writer “We should name our fans the Tree Huggers,” laughs Gabby Geneva, one of the two lead singers for Tri-City-based “harmonized poppunk” band, GreenTree. Inspired by a long list of bands, ranging from artists like Alexz Johnson and Tegan and Sarah to Green Day. These influences are clearly heard in GreenTree’s songs – from the melodic, upbeat sing-along “Change” to “Masquerade Murder”, which can only be described as Sweeney Todd meeting My Chemical Romance in a back alley.

GreenTree currently consists of Gabriela Geneva and Glenn Hall on lead vocals, Cezar White on lead guitar, Jonathan Roy on rhythm guitar and backing vocals, Andrew Fleury on bass, and their newest member, Brant Wladichuk, on drums. Up until Wladichuk joined GreenTree, Hall was doing both drums and lead vocals, and the switch to focus on vocals allowed Geneva and Hall to interact more as co-front people. “Johnny told us that we wanted to step out of the spotlight

a bit and do back-up vocals, which actually works really well now that Glenn is up front with me,” Geneva says.

With an extremely loyal and always growing fan base, most of the members of GreenTree are in currently in university.

Fleury and Roy first started playing together originally around 2006, but it wasn’t until 2010 that the group started making a name for themselves and re-creating their sound, recruiting the help of vocalists Hall and Geneva and lead guitarist White.

When Hall and Geneva met, they were taking a vocal class together. “I was singing ‘Breaking Free’ from High School Musical and Gabby knew the harmony, so she joined in,” Hall says. After meeting each other, and realizing they went to the same high school, he asked Geneva if she would mind singing with his band for a rehearsal. “I went to the rehearsal and after they were like – they being GreenTree – do you want to join? And I was like, ‘Um, I need to ask my mom.’ But then I said yes,” Geneva laughs.

Formed by Roy and Fleury and named after the Port Coquitlam suburb where they grew up,

GreenTree songs are a harmonized blend of catchy, current, and at times complex, with lyrics that they try to keep relatable to a wide group of people. “If there are other people whose lives we have seen greatly affected in some way … or a lesson we have learned through them, that’s something we like to put in our music,” explains Hall.

The group has been steadily playing shows, mostly in all-ages venues such as Tom Lee Music Hall – where the group has a show opening for Vancouver-based punk rock band Fighting For

Ithaca coming up on Mar. 29, their second since the line-up change. Other bands joining them for that show include Vancouver bands This Side of Town and Halfway to Hollywood.

The group has an EP out on iTunes called Back When They Were Good, and are currently building a vocal booth in Hall’s basement in order to do further recording.

Tickets to the Mar. 29 show are available from GreenTree’s website at Greentreeband.com.

×× brant wladichuck

TEXTILE HEALING, BABY Textile arts offer unique and diverse method of expression Kevin Kapenda × Writer

Christmas Craft fair, to the monthly BLIM market at Heritage Hall, Vancouver has many craft fairs.”

BLIM, an independent craft facility located in the Chinatown area of Vancouver, allows artists to go in and create art, and then sell it in its store. They also host a craft fair at Heritage Hall once a month, offering a space for artists to gather throughout the year, and not just near Christmas.

While activities such as weaving and knitting might seem old-fashioned, some artists look to the future: Capilano’s program also has a computer loom. Using the machine, students can turn drawings or illustrations into patterned fabric. “A computer loom can use Photoshop to put patterns onto fabrics,” says Scheuing. This kind of application can be a stepping-stone to designing clothing. “Students can use drawing skills, learn textiles and then go into fashion,” says Trinkwon. “I have students that work in fabric stores, or some who design and make fabrics as well.”

Trinkwon mentions that many of her students do in fact end up teaching or instructing textile arts in some way. “A lot of students will end up teaching the craft in schools and community centres,” states Trinkwon.

Interestingly, rehabilitation centres and hospitals also regularly employ textile arts instructors. Sahulka is also considering working in the healthcare industry to supplement her income: “I come from a healthcare background, so I could see myself doing rehab support work,” she says.

“Craft counsellors and support staff help patients by giving them something rather easy to do that involves basic hand-eye coordination.”

From weaving to felting, to embroidery to a combination of any techniques an artist wishes, textile arts offer a medium that will hopefully continue to evolve in our city. the capilano courier

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From creating usable art objects to teaching valuable hand-eye coordination techniques, the textile arts are an interesting and sometimes ignored method of artistic expression. Weaving, fabric design, felting, knitting – anything that involves the manipulation of textiles falls under its banner. Capilano University is home to a thriving textile arts program.

Textile arts allow artists to create functional artwork or things that can be used by other people, such as blankets and fabrics. Textile artists often repurpose common materials in order to do their craft: “Wool, plastic bags, cotton and old rags can be used,” says textile arts instructor Ruth Scheuing.

Textile artists take those materials and use weaving to create artwork. “The interlacing of threads and fibres is how artists weave,” explains Scheuing. Quilts or sheets are something that can be sold as art as a result of weaving materials.

While at its most basic level this can seem simple, more advanced textile artists experiment to a point where their creations look almost like they can’t be made with fabric. Vancouver-based textile artist Kristen Chursinoff for example, weaves textiles by “cutting out pieces of fabrics, collag[ing] them and then stitch[ing] it all together with a basic sewing machine,” to create her art. By having such a wide variety of materials to use, the artist can create unique and stunning visual textures.

Textile arts student Sara Sahulka has used her textile skills to make clothing. “I made the vest I’m wearing with textiles, and I am also working on a dress,” says Sahulka. Sahulka enjoys textile arts because she loves to make things. “I have a large taste for beautiful, functional pieces.”

However, she admits that it’s a somewhat atypical passion, even within the realm of arts. “[It’s] funny because you can’t look at textiles

and say, ‘I will do [that] as a career.’” Sahulka’s goal is to one day sell art independently in Vancouver. “I want to be in the marketplace. The independent art scene is thriving in Vancouver,” she states. Whether it is renting galleries to sell art, or selling art at festivals or trade fairs, there are many windows for selling art: “I would love to participate in the Vancouver Eastside Culture Crawl and showcase my stuff there,” she says. Vancouver is also home to a multitude of seasonal craft fairs: “Circle Craft is also a great marketplace for an artist to showcase their work,” she says. Artwork she enjoys making and intends to sell in the near future includes functional kitchenware: “I have my own line of pot holders, tea cozies and table linens,” she says. “I just really want to be a maker.”

“There are lots of fairs and opportunities for textile artists in Vancouver,” agrees Mary Lou Trinkwon, another textile arts professor at Capilano. “From more formal trade shows like One of a Kind, to the Circle Craft Co-op

9 ×× lydia fu

arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

SPEAKING BURLESQUE Tongue N’ Cheek brings two worlds together for unique event Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer “Globally we’ve been compared with our burlesque scene, kind of the way Seattle was to grunge. We’re kind of a mecca for a really wide range of very talented people who do not just do the regular, old school, traditional stuff, they do a lot of really interesting and innovative things,” says Tristan Risk, a performer with Sweet Soul Burlesque – Western Canada’s longest running professional neo-burlesque troupe. “We’re really lucky because we don’t just have a lot of people who are doing burlesque in the city, we have a lot of people who are doing it and are very talented –- and there’s also a lot of support in the community.”

Vancouver’s strong burlesque scene will be on display when Sweet Soul teams up with a selection of spoken word performers for Tongue N’ Cheek, an event that fuses the two disparate mediums.

“It’s a collaboration between spoken word artists – some from Vancouver, some from out of town – and local burlesque performers such as myself.

We get together with a live band and do a series of performances on stage with the spoken word, mixed in with the burlesque. Some of it is just straight burlesque, some of it is just straight spoken word, some of it is a combination of the two,” Risk says of the event.

The burlesque segments of Tongue N’ Cheek are provided by Sweet Soul – which is comprised of performers Risk, Crystal Precious, Lola Frost and Cherry on Top. Tongue N’ Cheek’s spoken word

elements come in the form of Portland’s Mighty Mike McGee, “East Van heartthrob” C.R. Avery, Duncan Shields and Oakland’s Jamie Wolf. Risk explains that the crossover appeal of Tongue N’ Cheek mirrors the philosophy of what is referred to as “neo-burlesque.”

“What we do is we take a lot of the traditional burlesque – which is traditional striptease, where we don’t show everything, we just kind of leave it to the imagination – and we combine it with more contemporary themes, like hip-hop (a.k.a. ‘strip-hop’) or modern dance influences or horror influences, and we produce it into a stage show we do on a regular basis.”

Risk explains that the two disparate elements of the Tongue N’ Cheek show are brought together in the Dirty Haiku segment of the evening. “Remember how haikus were boring as hell in high school? They take them in an entirely different dimension when they’re doing really, really sick and perverted wordplay with them,” she says. “All our cunning linguists get together on stage and throw down right there, right now. I’ve never been disappointed with the results of that; it’s usually something for bedtime reading.”

Sweet Soul’s show has contributed to the already strong offering of burlesque events in Vancouver.

Every Thursday night at the Keefer in Chinatown, Sweet Soul “invites the audience into the strange little world [they’ve] created” – adding to the two other nights of the week during which burlesque is guaranteed to be offered in the city. Risk cites Sundays at the Biltmore and Tuesdays at Guilt and

Company as Vancouver’s other burlesque hotspots, though she notes that one-off events occur with relative frequency as well.

Since Sweet Soul’s birth, the Vancouver burlesque scene has grown significantly.

“Sweet Soul Burlesque and the Screaming Chicken Theatrical Company formed around the same time [as the] neo-burlesque movement that was coming out of New York, the riot-grrrl thing, the roller derby girls and so on and so forth,” Risk says. “[After] putting on shows, talking to girls, getting involved, meeting people, finding performers, the scene exploded. Now there are at least six troupes that I can think of in the city, tons of independent performers. We’ve got the world’s only fully dedicated burlesque dance studio, which is the Vancouver Burlesque Centre.”

Though Vancouver’s burlesque scene has long remained popular while being relegated to the underground circles of the city, its accessibility and popularity is seeing a definite increase. Risk says that when it comes to the quality and content of performances, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“It’s turning into more of a mainstream thing, which is really good because a lot of us who still want to be underground and have our street cred aren’t really in danger of losing that,” she says. “In fact, we’re getting more people to support what we do and we’re being able to share with other people, which is really, really cool for us.”

Tongue N’ Cheek takes place at the Rio Theatre on Mar. 22 at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $16 in advance and $20 at the door. The event is 19+. If you’re interested in other events happening in the Vancouver burlesque scene, check out Vancouverburlesque.com.

×× Stefan Tosheff

MENTAL HEALTH, OUTSIDE OF THE BOX Forum theatre seeks human-centred solutions Celina Kurz

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If you had a chance to yell, “Stop!” at a critical moment in your life and change things, would you? Theatre for Living, previously Headlines Theatre, offers just that opportunity, in the form of forum theatre. In maladjusted, the actors perform the play once, building to a “crisis point,” and then start over again, inviting the audience to intervene and bring their solutions, hopefully preventing the crisis, by replacing the character they identify with the most.

While past productions by Headlines have dealt with topics such as homelessness and gender dynamics, maladjusted zooms in on the mental health system and its issues, focusing especially on issues surrounding increasing amounts of mechanization. “It seems like they’re constantly trying to meld the patient into the system instead of melding the system into the patient. It’s categorized, you’re supposed to fit into these boxes but humans don’t fit into four categories,” explains Colin Ross. Ross is a past and current self-described “consumer” in the mental health industry, and plays Jack Richards, a character that is currently living on the street and dealing with mental health issues.

Ross’s character begins the play fairly stable, but living on the street. In an effort to get him off the street, his caseworker Abby places him in a recovery house, which doesn’t suit his needs, but

is the only place with a bed available. This is a situation that is all too real for many people, as 30 per cent of people who are in recovery house are incorrectly placed there due to a lack of suitable housing.

For Sam Bob, who plays a recovery house leader named Frank in the play, the need for proactive action in how mental health is viewed in our society is immediately evident: “I missed the first day of rehearsal for this play due to a young person back home [who] took her own life,” he explains.

“How do we break that cycle, how do we give these young people a voice and just tell them that they belong?” He cites a need for practical, pragmatic solutions – and fast.

Within the context of forum theatre, the audience is asked to provide suggestions and create discussions around actual policy change that can make things better. “The notion we’re going from is that we’re trying to focus on human-centred care as opposed to [being] on the outside looking in,” explains Bob, who is also a residential school survivor and has gone through recovery for PTSD and struggled with addiction.

Bob is not a stranger to Headlines theatre – he first worked with them with the play Out of the Silence in 1992, which focused around residential school survivors. In his experience, it was an effective way of working through the issue in practical terms. “[It] put up a dialogue for people to talk about practical solutions for something that wasn’t really talked about,” he explains.

“As opposed to thinking in terms of crisis, [the

project presented the issue by] thinking in terms of solution.”

It was interesting to see how the audience reacted to the play, which itself is almost brutally realistic – the script and characters are built over the course of a month using experiences mined out of a week-long workshop with 23 members of the mental health community (both caregivers and patients). It took some time for people to start intervening and bringing solutions when it was performed the second time – there was heavy tension in the room, and it seemed almost like while people wanted to yell stop, they weren’t exactly sure what they could do differently. The director, David Diamond, instructed everyone beforehand that they weren’t allowed to use “magic” – for example, if there wasn’t enough money for social housing to be built, an audience member couldn’t come in and miraculously have enough money.

While everyone intervened with different solutions for different problems, many centred around the themes of open communication and compassion.

One of the most interesting and practical aspects of the forum theatre process is that a community scribe is present at each performance and writes down all of the suggestions the audience brings. At the end of the run, the notes will be finalized into a document, which will be sent to B.C. Mental Health, and while they won’t necessarily be used, it’s promised that they will be read and respected. Diamond repeatedly tried to push the audience towards suggestions that could be translated directly into policy, so as to make the

document as useful as possible – something that posed some difficulties for the audience.

And as Sam Bob explains about the process from his experience, “Sometimes you learn more about what you can’t do, or what’s impossible...as opposed to adopting a solution.” All of the solutions brought by the audience, after being played out, were discussed by the cast and either deemed impossible or possible, from trying to allow Ross’s character to take medication into the recovery house to having another character, a 17-year-old diagnosed with bipolar, refuse her prescription and stand up to her mother. While it’s hard to say whether or not any new policy will be adopted, at the very least the audience left with a more nuanced take on the mental health industry.

In an overloaded and underfunded system, increased mechanization as opposed to direct human care consistently results in vulnerable people “slipping through the cracks.” Ross credits a strong family support system to his current stable state, but brings up a friend without that support who committed suicide after looking for help and being brushed off by doctors. “A lot of changes need to be made, we’ve got a good system but it’s still very fractured and I’d like to use my experience and my voice to hopefully bring to light that these are people who need help, I’m a person who needs help – everyone deserves it.” maladjusted is running until Mar. 24 at the Firehall Arts Centre.

live REVIEWS FAMILY OBLIGATIONS

the thrill remains

How Has My Love Affected You? brings truth to the stage

b.b. king rocks on his own clock JJ Brewis, Editor-in-Chief

Samantha Thompson, Copy Editor

album reviews

JUSTIN BIEBER

Iceage You’re Nothing Colin Spensley, Distribution Manager Blistering noise and walls of cascading distortion has defined Danish punks Iceage since the band’s 2011 debut, New Brigade. Instantly gaining a large fan base with their alienating style of hardcore punk, their sophomore release You’re Nothing has been anxiously awaited by fans and critics alike. Not only has Iceage satisfied their audience, they’ve pushed through the restraints of a generally static genre and continued to create new and exciting music. It’s a whirlwind of anger, frustration, fear and obscurity. You’re Nothing is not a massive departure from their debut, instead building off of something that has worked for the band in the past: angular punk music with throaty shouting that sounds familiar yet foreign, like the first time you ever heard Fugazi or Black Flag.

Iceage manages however to defy comparison to most bands, borrowing from so many punk back catalogues that they’ve created their own sound all to themselves. Songs rebound ferociously between straight ahead moshpit-ready bangers, to interludes of static noise, to disorienting stop-and-go hardcore thrash. Ernest and bleak lyrical content, a well thought-out hardcore aesthetic and self-destructive stage presence has put Iceage at the very top of the punk game.

BELIEVE ACOUSTIC Shannon Elliott, Web Editor

Shlohmo Laid Out Adam Jennison, Writer

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As a fan of dance and electronic music, there’s something oddly vindicating in a track such as Shlohmo’s “Later”, off of the new Laid Out EP, which is so emotionally wrought without relying on a central vocal performance. The distorted and strained sample acts as an instrument in its own right, twisting around the jittery synths lying underneath, propelling the track forward. The song waxes and wanes, but remains emotionally impactful. With Laid Out, Shlohmo shows his mastery of emotive electronic music. He brings along fellow musician How to Dress Well, who works in a similar vein, to provide his best falsetto on another stand-out track and EP opener, “Don’t Say No”. As an introduction, the collaborative track sets a carefully bleak tone for the remainder of the record, one of failed relationships and the period of recovery that quickly follows. As you move through what Shlohmo has crafted, there seems to be a coming to terms with what has been lost, given the restorative qualities of the later tracks.

That being said, the power of Laid Out rests in those key, earlier songs, which are most climactic and most vulnerable.

“My secretary’s back there, and she says I talk too much,” B.B. King jokes. “But that’s the way I keep my groove.” Not exaggerating in the slightest, this mantra from the King of Blues would serve as the theme throughout his sold-out performance at the River Rock Casino.

The evening would serve as a mental bucket list checkmark for everyone in house. The crowd was stunned, clearly in awe merely being in the presence of the living legend – a man who has been rocking for crowds since the late 1940s. It didn’t matter that he only performed about half a dozen songs in the hour and a half he’d spend on stage.

Hell, he could have sat and just conversed the entire time – that’s a lot of what he did do – and the crowd still would’ve gone nuts.

In concert, King is every bit the iconic legend you’d expect, somehow retaining a charismatic youth element, surprising given he’s now 87 years old. But everything else about King is pleasantly polarizing as well – he plays the blues, but grins from the time he enters the stage until he leaves it. He plays music established as a form of reprieve in the impoverished states, yet his stage is filled with pressed tuxedos and polished glistening brass.

He’s also humourously self-aware, applauding a dancing band member, joking, “I can hardly walk!” And yes, despite the fact that he’s assisted to a chair at the beginning of his set, King spends his entire performance sharp as a tack, busting jokes in between guitar solos that are still phenomenal to witness. He calls himself a “little rusty,” and that may be his only off-base remark.

At the 90-minute mark, one of King’s stagehands approaches him, paper in hand, to let him know it’s time for the show to finish. “I think my time is up,” King tells his crowd. This is the first and only time King’s crowd will boo for the evening. He smiles wider than he’s done all evening, and laughs, “I was hoping you’d do that,” before proceeding to give another 10 more minutes of “The Saints Go Marching In”. It would be at least another half hour before King would leave the stage – and moments after the music stops, the crowd rushes the stage, giving King a standing ovation and fanfare that would last almost as long as his set. But the performance was only act one: B.B. King signed every last vinyl album in the house, tossed necklaces to his adoring fans, and smiled until the house lights came on.

the capilano courier

Dark times to come for everyone’s favourite singing and dancing man-child – amidst allegations of smoking weed, keeping kids up past their bedtimes, and generally being a very naughty boy, the Biebs found time to drop a confusing acoustic remix album of his hit record Believe. The album seems superfluous because diehard Beliebers (myself included) already know that Justin can really sing – after all, that’s how he killed the game on YouTube all of five short years ago.

While unnecessary, Believe Acoustic is still an enjoyable listen. It’s nice to see a child pop sensation avoid the doom of Aaron Carter – Justin’s voice has matured gracefully but he’s still managed to hold on to that tween pop-idol innocence. And what a little crooner! The edgier songs like “Take You” and “Beauty and a Beat” almost sound better in this more emotional, stripped-down format, while bangers like “As Long as You Love Me” showcase some impressive vocal range. And that’s the thing: even the most extreme un-Belieber would have to agree that Justin’s voice sounds great on this album. Are his lyrics still painfully corny? Of course they are. But music like Justin’s needs to be taken at face value: catchy, well-produced fluff in adorable packaging, to be played at girls’ slumber parties and gay bars all around the world (see what I did there). I can’t help but feel like time is running out for Canada’s number one export; it won’t be long before his inevitable descent into coke, steroid abuse, and embarrassing attempts at a rap career. Let’s all enjoy shameless, innocent money-grabs like Believe Acoustic while we can.

FOUR OUT OF FIVE SNAPBACKS

Although the theatre community has embraced Alzheimer’s disease as a subject over the past several years, producing plays that extensively explore the subject,none have yet done so with the raw honesty that is found in the Arts Club’s latest production, How Has My Love Affected You? The piece explores playwright Marcus Youssef ’s trying relationship with his mother, through both the sharing of his own experience, and the extensive journals she kept throughout her life.It is the story of a strong, independent woman, but also of how negative familial relationships can consume your whole life.

We’ve all heard the story of a relative being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and the devastating impact it has on that family– but Youssef asks an important question: what happens when there was no relationship there before the disease struck? The production of this piece is simple, with a two-person cast: the playwright plays himself, accompanied by his son, Zak, who provides beautiful musical accompaniment on keyboard and the occasional humourous interlude. The music was composed

by Veda Hille, with the exception of the last song performed which was written by Zak himself.

Marcus playing himself adds to the performance, contributing to the rawness and purity of the story he is telling. The set design is exquisite, featuring the bare-boned structure of piled cardboardboxes, which serve as makeshift screens displaying old photos, and shots of aging journal pages. The overall effect is quite stunning, and emphasizes the overall atmosphere of the production: this is a real person’s story, and he has decided to share it with you. No theatrics are needed to illicit emotional effect – the words do that all on their own.

Youssef has demonstrated his ability to craft words in such a way that let you become a part of his family drama, but maintains a level of comedy throughout that prevents the mood from becoming too somber. Not only is his story incredibly realistic, but it also demonstrates that there is a still a place for this type of theatre in today’s ever-evolving society – stories that are raw, true, and human.

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Zak with photo of Roleene Youssef (left) and

Marcus Youssef (right). Photo by Simon Hayter

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TACO PANDEMONIUM Where did Mexican food come from, anyway?

Natalie Corbo

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“The meat comes in boxes that have bags inside, and those bags you boil to heat up the meat. That’s how you make tacos,” said a Taco Bell employee, quoted by Planet Taco author and history professor Jeffrey Pilcher. The way tacos came to exist within the imagination of North Americans, and people all over the world, is a complicated tale.

Perhaps like most kids in Canada, I grew up thinking that tacos were just the more difficult-to-eat cousins of burritos. You’d fry up a couple pounds of ground beef, dust it in that orangey-brown taco seasoning substance, and then stuff it in a tortilla with some cheese and tomato.

There was an art to folding the tortilla to minimize the orange beef ooze that ended up on the plate (and your hands) – why would you put all that into a crunchy shell that is basically designed so that stuff falls out of three different sides?

It would take years of experimentation with Mexican food before I would rediscover the taco.

The revelation began with the tortilla. Little, round corn tortillas, which have been a Mexican dietary staple since pre-Columbian times. Those crunchy taco shells have a history too though, as a North American dietary staple since the 1950s.

Although it’s safe to assume that families across America had a similar Old El Paso experience, it’s undeniable that until recently, even Bellingham had better Mexican food than Vancouver. The spread of Mexican food is not just the story of Mexican immigrants – in fact, as Pilcher says, there hasn’t been the connection between the people and the food that most people might assume. “When you look at Chinese and Italian food, it was largely spread by Chinese and Italian migrants, whereas Mexican food is arguably spread more by people who aren’t Mexican, whether it be Old El Paso, or by sort of restauranteurs who came to like Mexican food … it’s been sort of taken out of the ethnic community through things like the taco shell,” he tells me over the phone from Minneapolis.

Canada, somehow, apparently lacked both Mexicans and taco devotees for a fairly long time.

Although Taco Time has been a food court staple in Canada since about the ‘80s, the flood was still decades away. As Pilcher tells it, the stories of industrial Mexican fast food, and that of the more homemade style are very different.

“You’ve got the immigrants themselves, and then these companies that are selling Mexican

food although they have no connection to the immigrant community. So for that reason, it becomes somewhat complicated to sort of figure out who is pushing the image and that’s why you get these two different versions of Mexican food,” Pilcher explains.

Although the domain of Mexican food encompasses a whole lot more than tacos, they are the most well recognized as such. Really, says Pilcher, “the fact that tacos have really come to define Mexican food outside of Mexico is something of a conundrum.” He explains that, although certainly very popular, tacos are a street food that tends to be considered a bit lower class. As he points out though, tacos have always been a part of a fusion cuisine, with regional economies and ingredients influencing the final product.

Tacos have certainly been valorized in Vancouver recently, with Tacofino being voted Best Food Truck by Georgia Straight readers this year. Ryan Spong, co-owner of Tacofino, attributes their success to the accessible use of high-brow ingredients, as well as the fact that, “the tortilla has a lot less weight to it, so you have the whatever is going on inside playing a lot more [of a role] than you do with big bready sandwiches, but you can have sort of similar ingredients.”

Similarly, the concept of fine, fresh ingredients on a classic soft corn taco shell dominated the Straight’s Best Taco category. So what does Vancouver have to offer taco lovers in 2013?

Tacos, Dude The proliferation of Chronic Tacos outlets that have popped up all over Vancouver is a seemingly bizarre phenomenon. With their surfer-stoner decor, skateboard-stoner staff and early 2000s radio punk music, they seem an unlikely taco mecca. It’s easy to envision a West Coast remake of Harold and Kumar, wherein they “hang loose” a bunch, and then drive to Chronic for some Fatty Tacos. (They are actually called that, I did not make it up).

It also kind of makes sense, though. Chronic Tacos started in Newport Beach, California. It was Californian surfers and counter-culture types who brought tacos across the globe, as Pilcher says.

It’s an Americanized style of Mexican food, sure, but California has been privy to great tacos for far longer than any of us in Vancouver have been.

Despite the fact that getting made-to-order tacos feels a little like the Mexican food version of Harvey’s or Subway, I can still advocate for

Chronic Tacos’ baja-style beer-battered fish taco.

It doesn’t have quite the same subtle flavours and artful assembly of a Tacofino or La Taqueria taco, but it sure makes up for the weird surfboard hanging inexplicably from the ceiling.

Everyone Loves a Food Truck Tacos have their roots as a street food, and Tacofino brings their unique take on the taco to the streets of Vancouver as well. From their original location in Tofino, they expanded to Vancouver a couple summers ago. I catch co-owner Ryan Spong as he is parking one of the taco trucks in Victoria, where they will be expanding next. “A lot of people associate Tacofino with their trip to Tofino. The menu there and in Vancouver is sort of inspired by surf trips around the world, so it’s stuff that you’d find in Baja California, Mexico, and there’s some Asian inspired stuff from trips there,” he explains.

They subscribe to the ethic of seasonality and freshness: “Our idea is fast slow food, this concept of made fresh but quickly … we hand cut our own salsa, we use organic where possible, but really focusing on the freshness of the ingredients, the freshness of the fish, and ... seasonal specials, like seasonal squash tacos and fish wherever it’s being fished, we’ll do spot prawn tacos … and just focus really on making sure that things are fresh and local as things go through the seasons,” says Spong.

Spong also gives some insight as to why tacos continue to be popular as more than just fast food.

“You have a lot of traditionally high-end food concepts that can just be thrown into a taco. So we do a tuna tataki salad, deconstructed and then put back on a taco and that’s called our tataco. So you see all kinds of different things being thrown together that are traditionally more highbrow ingredients, that are pretty accessible for lunch.

You can do these things and it doesn’t have to be white glove service, so I think it’s a nice venue for some of these ingredients.”

They are one of the favoured taco places in Vancouver, along with La Taqueria, which is also committed to using local ingredients and creating carefully thought out tacos. According to their statement, La Taqueria was born “through the idea of creating a pinche taco stand, which resembles the taste and feel of street tacos around Mexico.”

Veggie Snack City We may not have a vegan mini-mall like Portland does, but Vancouver is finally at a point where

everyone at least seems to know what the definition of “vegan” is. Some of you may even have met a vegan before!

Fortunately for vegans and vegetarians, tacos are pretty inclusive, and this might be another area where Vancouver shows its influence. Strictly veg places like Bandidas and Budgies both serve traditional-looking tacos, but instead of using more typical pork or beef ingredients, they fill their tacos with rice, beans, guacamole, sweet potatoes and cabbage. Pilcher refers frequently to the highly regional nature of tacos, and Mexican food more generally, and is quick to point out that it really is a fusion cuisine. “I think of Tex-Mex or Cal-Mex foods as just being other regional Mexican cuisine, and the fact that they’re on the other side of the border, they’re in the United States rather than Mexico, really doesn’t matter.”

Fast Food Freaks It seems that every cuisine gets a quick ‘n dirty chain restaurant, but “fast food” is not necessarily synonymous with “bad food.” Really, Mexicanstyle fast food penetrated a lot of markets where tacos might not otherwise have existed. However, I will preface this discussion by admitting that I hate the squeeze-cheese that coats almost everything at Taco Bell, which mostly precludes me from being a fan of the revered Crunch Wrap Supreme.

Taco Bell has actually been a staple of Mexicanstyle fast food since the 1950s, and is ultimately responsible for popularizing the hard-shell taco.

Apart from allowing for a quicker prep time, I see little to love about this invention, and their tacos seem like a meatier version of the gross “nachos” with “cheese” sauce peddled by Cineplex theatres everywhere.

Still, as Pilcher stated in a previous interview with Smithsonian magazine, “The taco shell is crucial for taking Mexican food outside of Mexican communities.” Without Taco Bell’s success at popularizing these inconvenient scooping devices, we may have never seen the advent of Taco Time in the Northwest. For the most part, the microwaved “tacos” at Taco Time are the equivalent of Fresh Slice pizza, but they sure make a mean tater tot. Excuse me, Mexifry.

Although it’s still far from overtaking sushi as the food Vancouver is most well-known for, the taco really shows its versatility and adaptability. It’s a pretty simple idea, and as the diverse taquerias and Mexican restaurants of the city show, you can make a lot happen with some creativity.

R E I R U O C O N CAPILA YEAR END BASH with our friends

Featuring 90’s themed art

rs o t a r t s u l l ourier i C l a e r from and 90’s hits until 1 am!

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bartering finds new curency in educational model Andy Rice

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46 issue N o . 20

× Staff Writer

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After being unceremoniously replaced several centuries ago by modern currency, bartering is back – and better than ever. The oldest form of trade has been given a new lease on life thanks to an international cooperative of barter-for-knowledge learning centres called Trade School. And while cash may still be king in the registrar’s office of most educational institutions, these pop-up schools have traded in that notion entirely, choosing instead to operate solely on the principles of exchange. A local outpost of Trade School called Trade School Vancouver opened back in January, amidst a flurry of excitement.

The history of bartering goes back thousands of years and began initially with farmers, says Nigel Amon, an economics professor at Capilano University. “It was typically people ... who produced a bit too much of something. They have a few too many eggs, they don’t want them all, and they swap them for somebody else’s produce.” The system thrived in cases of overproduction but proved nearly impossible in cases of

underproduction. That’s where money first came in. “The first coinage was probably in some of the Greek city states,” says Amon. “Trade became really important because they couldn’t produce enough of their own food so they relied on producing wine and olive oil and then selling it to get the grain that they needed.”

Although money appeared briefly during this time, it “[didn’t] start emerging really importantly until about 1,000 years ago,” Amon explains. By that time, farmers and tradespeople were finding it harder and harder to make an even and desirable exchange, and currency became increasingly more effective. “The big problem with barter is first of all, you’ve got to find somebody who wants what you have and has what you want,” he says. That isn’t always easy. “The technical term for that is high transactions cost; a lot of time looking and not a lot of time working the trading, then you have to decide what the good is worth ... and that’s a process of haggling. It works with eggs and stuff like that, but it doesn’t work with big things of different values because you can’t divide those things up.”

Trade School has found a way to solve both of those problems and make bartering work success-

fully within an educational model. By connecting the want component with the have, most of the searching and guesswork has been eliminated.

“Teachers send in proposals for classes and along with that they request a list of barter items that they would like in return from students,” explains Trade School Vancouver co-organizer Alexxa Abi-Jaoudé. Students interested in one of those classes will then sign-up to bring a particular item from the list, “and then on the night of the class all the students will exchange their items with the teacher.”

The idea began in New York back in late 2009 and quickly set a trend for other cities around the world. Trade School Toronto was established in the fall of 2012 and became the first in Canada, followed by Trade School Vancouver just a few months later. Since its official launch on Jan. 19, the project has been overwhelmed with over 70 instructional proposals. Abi-Jaoudé and seven other local organizers, all of whom began and continue as volunteers, have been kept busy trying to find venues and work out logistics for the two to three classes offered per week. “We’ve actually just suspended submissions for a little while, just while we try to schedule all the ones we’ve already got,” she

says, adding that classroom space is donated by a host of organizations and businesses around the city. “The whole organization is run on volunteer hours and so there are lots of hours scheduling classes, working with venues, trying to get new venues, and just that whole back and forth with teachers making sure that we can schedule them at a time that works for them.”

A MATTER OF COURSE To date, Trade School Vancouver has offered classes in marketing, investing, knitting, yoga, sign language, hip-hop dance, life drawing and career planning – to name just a few subjects. Though the majority of instructors are not teachers by career, each is knowledgeable in their field and, most importantly, willing to pass on what they know, says Abi-Jaoudé. “We’re really coming from a place where we think that everybody has something to share and something to teach, so we’re not screening very hard. We think that if you think that you can teach something and you want to share it then we’ll give you a try. As long as there’s nothing offensive or dangerous being proposed, then we will consider it.” For obvious reasons, students will

likely have to look elsewhere for that Fireworks 101 class on their bucket list.

Internet Startups 101, however, has been offered twice. Ian MacKinnon, a local software designer and friend of one of the co-organizers, served as the course instructor for both incarnations. “I have a certificate in university teaching which has gone unused for several years, so it just seemed like a good opportunity for me to exercise some instructional muscles that I hadn’t used since grad school,” he says. “I had a discussion with the organizers about, given my skill set, what I could give a two hour lecture on, such that people would walk away with some valuable insights. [The lesson] was structured as basically what someone who just kind of had an idea for an app or a website or something but really didn’t know much about the startup world would want to know and what they might not necessarily be able to pick up that easily just from Googling around.”

MacKinnon says that for more specific subjects like his, Trade School Vancouver serves as an ideal teaching and learning outlet. “I think it filled a void for things that are too big to just kind of write a blog post about but are really kind of too small for you to necessarily take a course on. If you just need an Internet startup primer ... it can be done in two hours. It really doesn’t need a full-blown course at the university level where you’re spending three hours a week for 12 weeks plus an exam to get the information across.”

A CLASS OF ITS OWN With a roving campus that pops up at a wide array of venues around the city, the learning environment at Trade School Vancouver varies greatly from class to class. Students like Valerie Fraser, who attended a food and nutrition course on launch day, say they see that as a welcomed change from the confines of university learning.

“I thought the atmosphere was actually amazing and there was a lot of participation,” she recalls.

“I went to university and I feel like you know, nobody really wanted to participate because it sort of singled them out but ... there was a lot of group discussion in the nutrition course ... I feel like it’s a lot of like-minded people getting together in one place ... and I met a bunch of new friends.”

“Students have really connected and have given us some great feedback along those lines,” says Abi-Jaoudé, adding that many have also expressed the desire to sign on as volunteers or even step into an instructional role. “We’re really trying to

encourage, once students come and participate, that they can start thinking about what they might be able to share or what they could teach.” Fraser, who has a diploma in brewing, says she has already been approached by organizers and plans to teach a class in the future. “I have a bit of a heavy workload right now so that’s why I haven’t signed up yet but ... once that’s over with I’m definitely going to because I think that everybody would want to learn about Beer 101; about how to make beer, the different styles that are available and how to pair it with food.”

MAKING THE TRADE Under Trade School Vancouver’s operational model, “the only cost to students is the barter item that they agree to bring when they sign up for the class,” explains Abi-Jaoudé. “You can sign up on our website and when you register there’s the list there so you choose which one. We’re really encouraging teachers to add some barter items that are really accessible ... so that we ensure that anybody who is interested can attend. Lots of people actually ask for homemade goods or those kinds of things which is often more accessible than going out and buying something.” Past instructors have requested everything from coffee cards to haircuts to Photoshop tutorials, and even some more outlandish things as well. “We’ve had one teacher actually ask for childcare, which I thought was interesting, and we’ve had a teacher ask for welding instruction and actually get it.”

MacKinnon says he kept his own requests pretty basic. “I had a lot of difficulty figuring out what they could bring because as an instructor you have no idea who is coming to this ... like I don’t know who these people are, I don’t know what they’re capable of doing, and truth be told, the organizers were the ones who put down coffee and Twizzlers and baked goods for me because I was kind of dragging my feet. The whole thing of it is that it’s not meant to be an exchange of money, which I can totally get behind, but it was kind of hard to come up with things that weren’t just a loose proxy for money. In hindsight what I should asked for was people to look at websites I’ve been working at and get user feedback on apps I’ve been making and that sort of thing. If I ever needed someone to play around and beta test something for me it would work really well there.”

For Fraser, being given the ability to pay for courses using the barter system was a major part of the attraction. “It was great to have such an

informative class for something so simple to bring,” she says, adding that stationary and binders were her items of choice. “I think it’s a great idea because then I’m more willing to sign up for things because it’s accessible; I don’t have to take my credit card or figure out all this payment. It’s easy to pick up a barter item and it might be more accessible to different lifestyles ... especially for people who couldn’t necessarily afford to go to this sort of thing in the first place. It’s a really innovative idea and allows people in all situations to have access to education.”

The model has its perks in the area of taxes as well, says Amon. “The big benefit to bartering now is there’s no money income changing hands so there’s no taxation. You’re not buying the service either so you aren’t paying HST or its equivalent. It’s essentially an under-the-table transaction. You could do it like tradespeople do coming to your house where you offer them cash. This is an alternative. A pretty classic example in the modern economy is various families that try and barter for daycare or babysitting. You do it for me now, and in three weeks I’ll do it for you. Or, someone hasn’t got a job but they’ve got the skills to do something and provide some work for somebody in exchange for something else.”

Trade and barter websites like Swapsity.ca and U-exchange.com have also popped up in recent years, serving as somewhat of a moneyless version of Cragislist or Kijiji. Burnaby-based Trade Exchange Canada was founded in 2002 and is geared more toward corporate clients.

The company “helps its clients offset millions of dollars of cash expenses each year by introducing them to businesses that will accept trade in lieu

of cash for their goods and services,” according to its website. Similar to the original circumstances of bartering, its operational model allows clients to “fill their excess capacity, move excess and distressed inventory,” and find exposure to new longterm clients.

“I guess another form of trade, and you probably find it at Cap, is two friends who are taking two classes the same and one decides to specialize in one and take notes and the other decides to take notes in the other,” Amon chuckles. “But then you rely on your friend to be at least as good as you are taking notes, and hopefully better.” And while this little trick of the trade may have gotten countless students through many an 8:30 a.m. Monday lecture, Trade School is an idea people are starting to take note of for both its convenience and its cost.

“Vancouver’s a really expensive place to live and taking classes and getting instruction is often outside of our budgets, so this is a way of making it more accessible. It really doesn’t matter what your socioeconomic background is,” says Abi-Jaoudé. “ We’r e trying to really break down the barriers both ways of who is seen as worthy of teaching and who has the knowledge can access classes. We’ve had a great response.”

"Vancouver's a really expensive place to live and taking classes and getting instruction isoften outside of our budgets, so this is a way of making it more accessible. It really doesn't matter what your socio-economic background is."

For more information on Trade School Vancouver, visit Tradeschoolvan.com.

the capilano courier

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46 issue N o . 20

15 ×× Mustaali raj

Battle of the Buildings It’s time for the annual Battle of the Buildings SHOWDOWN! Buildings around campus race each other to the finish line by saving energy! This is real nail-biting stuff!

Unfortunately, our building stands a good chance of losing because our office is basically an icebox.

Until Mar. 22. Cost of sweater.

Vancouver Fashion Week starts today The hottest event of the season is here! Featuring 60 designers from 12 countries and 25 cities, this is going to be the best one yet!

Let’s go be fashionistas!

Until Mar. 24, Chinese Cultural Centre. Prices vary.

Bear Mountain This group approaches music with “powerful release and vulnerable honesty,” and presents a unique take on electro/dance. I also really like the idea of a bear mountain; it sounds really friendly and filled with fresh air. And can I just say, their website design is absolutely stunning. Go check it out!

8 p.m., The Biltmore. $10.

Lounge Live Equinox Well everyone, welcome to one of Capilano’s first licensed events! This is how we’re going to become a real university! Have some drinks, listen to some sweet student talent, and revel in the fact that your school is joining the big leagues.

6 p.m., CSU Maple Lounge. $5 suggested donation.

Veronica Falls I know I say this every time, but OMG, English indie pop! My favourite! Big surprise, their music sounds really great and the music video I watched is really cool.

It’s the kind of music you’d listen to driving down the road in your red convertible in the summer, in a really sweet light-hearted teenage romantic movie.

8 p.m., The Media Club. $15.

Mika Fun fact, Mika’s Life in Cartoon Motion was one of the first-ever albums I purchased from the popular CD retailer HMV. It was also one of the first times I was eagerly waiting for the release of his second album. Now he has three albums, and is coming to Vancouver to strut his stuff. If you don’t religiously follow him like I do, you will know him as the creator of the very popular “Grace Kelly”.

7 p.m., Venue. $40.

Hayden He’s one of those able-to-do-everything kind of musicians, creating music that classifies in everything from country to grunge. His seventh album, Us Alone, was released in early February and features beautiful numbers like “Rainy Saturday”. Like the name suggests, it’s perfect for basically every Saturday in Vancouver. I like him quite a lot.

7 p.m., The Rio. $30.

Unknown Mortal Orchestra

An American and New Zealand rock band, the group is best-known for their Internet music sensation, “Ffunny Ffrends”. The video includes a giant disco ball, which instantly catapults it into what I call “cool status.”

8 p.m., The Media Club. $13.

Experience a bunch of very talented vocalists singing pieces from the Motown songbook.

Inspired by the film, Standing in the Shadows of Motown, the event “never fails to make a soul connection!”

7 p.m., Commodore Ballroom. $41.

Motown Meltdown

Stanley Park Easter Train

thur march 21

wed march 20

Iceage No, it’s not the movie, silly billy! It’s a band that belongs to the genre known as punk, and they’re pretty sweet! To hear from someone who actually knows something about this, check out our album review in the Arts Shorts section!

8 p.m., The Biltmore. $13.

fri march 22

Costuming for Stage and Screen Have you ever wanted to know a lot about costuming? I have, but I am basically inept at using a needle and thread so I never bothered looking into it. Don’t make my mistake!

Learn while you can!

7 p.m., Bosa Centre. Free, but RSVP required.

Born Ruffians Here is yet another indie rock band from Ontario, but these guys are special because they are upbeat and bouncy! They’ve toured with the likes of Franz Ferdinand, Hot Chip and Tokyo Police Club.

9 p.m., Fortune Sound Club. $15.

Calendar@ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m Movie Mondays The tradition continues! This week’s movie list for you is: Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail and Joe Versus the Volcano, a.k.a. movies that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have beautifully starred in together. I love that duo!

Can you imagine When Harry Met Sally with Hanks? I know! Me neither!

All day, your house. Free!

Happy Half-Birthday!

If you were born on Sept. 18, today is your half-birthday! Congratulations! I’ve always wanted one of those.

All day, with you! Free?

Speaking of Dance: Carte Blanche This illustrated public lecture will help deepen your understanding of upcoming DanceHouse performances, as well as what dancing means and the role it plays in arts and culture.

7 p.m., Goldcorp Centre for the Arts. Free!

Enter Social Media Workshop The Marketing Association of Capilano Students is hosting a workshop to teach any social media newbies how to enter the “terrifying” world of Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn – and most importantly, how to use them properly. Their Facebook event says I shouldn’t even have a profile pic of my dog!

OOPS SORRY! 5:30 p.m., CSU Maple lounge. Free.

Queer Collective Open House Time to check out the Queer Collective’s resource centre! I’ve never been there but I hear it’s supposed to be really awesome and today there will be games, food and laughter!

Until 4 p.m., LB141. Free!

Labyrinth Walk One time I went in a lantern labyrinth because I wanted to feel like I was in Tangled, and it totally worked! It was exactly like in the movie with all the lanterns except people kept talking and knocking them down and it took a really long time so I got a little bored. This one doesn’t have lanterns though.

4 p.m., next to Renfrew Ravine. By donation.

Cinephiles: Baraka Unfortunately it looks like the Cinephiles are back to screening movies I haven’t seen, but fortunately it’ll also force me to expand my horizons and watch movies that aren’t rom-coms/animated. This week’s is Baraka, a documentary with the tagline “A world without words.” Quite frankly, it sounds amazing.

5 p.m., Bosa Centre. Free!

Egg decorating When I was in Austria I was really jealous of all the shit they could paint onto a single egg, somehow without it breaking into a million pieces and them falling down to the ground sobbing as their life’s worth disintegrated before them. Anyway, now you can learn to do it yourself! Ukrainian egg decorating, followed by my favourite, tea!

11 a.m., Thunderbird Community Centre. $3.

Sonic Boom Festival When I was 11, we learned how to play Hedwig’s Theme in band. The clarinet does not have a very prominent role in the composition, but I was extremely excited anyway. What I’m trying to say is, appreciate your composers! Especially the ones from B.C., like the people who will be celebrated at this annual festival!

Until Mar. 24, various locations and ticket prices.

Beatles Burlesque YUP, this is a thing that is happening! It is going to rule! Do not miss it! Live music and burlesque inspired by the Beatles. What a beautiful idea. The description says things like, “Lucy's Diamonds have never sparkled quite like this before!”

7:30 p.m., Electric Owl. $15/$18.

Okay, so I wasn’t going to go to this because I am starting to think that maybe I am getting a little too old for an Easter Egg Hunt and really, really fun train rides, but then I saw this picture of a rabbit and chicken in their train conductor suits, just hanging out, and now I am definitely going. Fun for all ages, right?

All day until Easter, Stanley Park. $8.75 to ride train and decorate an egg, $3.50 for an “adult.”

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sun march 24

the capilano courier

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46 issue N o . 20

Clamour and Toll Bohemian jazz and prairie portraits come together in a screening of two films, which have been described as “difficult to watch” – which is a good thing, because that also means it’s going to challenge you to think!

7:30 p.m., The Cinematheque. $11/$9.

sat march 23

tues march 19

mon march 18

cap calendar

Sunday Blues Revue Blues and a vintage venue come together for an event you’ll never forget! Experience blues in the true New Orleans way, and forget that outside it’s rainy and you’re still in the Lower Mainland.

5 p.m., The Columbia. Free.

Afternoon Tea When people meet me for the first time I tell them that I enjoy Disney, Harry Potter, and the British. They’re what I call my three “fun facts.” Lucky for me, afternoon tea is a trend that is becoming very cool, meaning that I can indulge in by Brit-love on a weekly basis!

Pinkies up, duckies!

1:30 p.m., West Point Grey Community Centre. $10.

Create a West Coast Garden Nature is pretty cool. Invite pretty butterflies and cute little butterflies to visit your home garden! They won’t come just because you ask them to though – you have to entice them with special treats! Learn what those are in this unique workshop.

1:30 p.m., Stanley Park Nature House. Potentially free.

Sleepy Sunday If you’ve done the events in the calendar this week, you’re probably exhausted by now!

Give yourself the day off! Sleep in! Read a book! Play with your dog! I am actually suggesting the most preposterous activities right now that you would never, ever do because you are a hardcore university student, but seriously. Give yourself some you time, all right?

All day, your bed. Free!

OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

Operation Protect All Religion

But of course Jesus takes the wheel Carlo Javier × Writer Temples, synagogues, churches and mosques: these are the traditional sanctuaries that religions of the world reside in. But sometimes, holy places can only do so much to protect their respective beliefs.

Enter Canada, out to provide religion with its own version of the Avengers – the Office of Religious Freedom.

And who will be the ambassador? Dr. Andrew Bennett, a Christian, of course.

The selection of Bennett has been subject to considerable negativity, the fact that the Office itself is a Conservative government-led program is just fuel to the fire. There are fears that despite the word that the Office will protect all religions, it might just be another Christian-centric program, not unlike the first religious freedom operation created by the U.S. in the 1990s.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper appointed Bennett, citing that he “is a man of principle and deep convictions and he will encourage the protection of religious minorities around the world so all can practice their faith without fear of violence and repression.”

But a conservative Christian who’s assigned by a Conservative government smells of favouritism and looks unabashedly biased. Furthermore,

Bennett’s qualifications have also questioned for being rather unimpressive.

In speaking with CBC News, University of Waterloo’s David Seljak voiced his negative opinions on Bennett’s hiring. “That’s why it’s disappointing to have a person of this type named to this type of politically sensitive office, where you’re going to need someone with some courage and some weight, quite frankly, some gravitas,” he said, “so that when he does call the government to task and does alert the minister that he is going to make some unpopular pronouncements on religious freedoms, that he’s going to stick to his guns.”

Bennett does have a PhD from the University of Edinburgh – it just so happens that it’s for (interestingly enough) politics, not religion.

But regardless of whom the leader is, the ambassador of the Office of Religious Freedom will be under the microscope, as they must operate with as much fair attention paid among all religions as possible.

Christianity is the world’s largest practiced religion, and reportedly, there are persecuted Christians in 130 countries. One of the more notorious situations is the Pakistani law that ratifies blasphemies against the Qur’an to be served with imprisonment and or punishment. In an article by the National Post, it was said in a report by the World Watch List that over 100 mil-

lion Christians have been restricted of their basic human rights simply because of their beliefs. It was also stated that currently, Christianity is the most persecuted religion in the world. These are exactly the reasons why such an Office of Religious Freedom is created to begin with.

But the recent hardships to Christianity shouldn’t overshadow the travesties faced by other religions.

In 2012 alone, in the Rakhine state of Myanmar, over 100,000 people have been displaced, left without a country due to the conflict between Muslims and Buddhists. The Buddhist majority have been aggressive in their attacks to the Muslim minority.

Muslim persecution is prevalent in India, where the population is more than 80 per cent Hindu.

The 2002 Gujarat riots resulted in the deaths of “more than 1,200 persons, the majority of whom were Muslims.” The withstanding effect of this tragedy still rings prominently today, where the Indian Express reports that the progress attempted and made since then has been slow.

Furthermore, the Indian Express reported that the Muslim minority of India have been subject to both economic and social discrimination.

Operators of the Students’ Islamic Movement of India were prosecuted, and some Muslims were said to have been victims of fake evidence planted by the police.

Religions throughout the world can be filled with immorality, and although Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha and the other central figures in religions preached kindness, it doesn’t always resonate, even to the most devout.

Even the Atheists have their reason for a call for freedom – the freedom to not believe at all.

Atheists and any Secular Humanist organization in Canada were not even invited to the formal press conference of Dr. Bennett’s assigning. Maybe the freedom to believe means you actually have to believe in something. Bennett did assure everyone in his press conference that, “All people of faith and, again, those who choose not to have faith, need to be protected, their rights need to be respected. That’s what this office is about.”

Protecting and promoting religious beliefs and freedom is very much a Canadian trait, as we value ourselves to be as welcoming and open to other cultures as possible. But to have a Christian ambassador at the head of an organization that is intended to support the freedom of belief makes it seem like the primary goal is to protect Christianity. There is one easy way to avoid this – have a committee of ambassadors from a variety of religions, including Atheism. This would ensure that every belief or non-belief has a voice and channel directly to the government.

INTERFACIAL BEAUTY

Treat others’ relationship choices with basic manners Katherine Gillard × Writer

Attractive qualities lie within everyone. While someone’s double chin may be a turn-off for one person, another will find it endearing and adorable. In this way, everyone is good-looking and deserves a level of basic respect. What make us interesting and different individually are our choices and personal tastes. If we lose that, and just date people who society deems worthy for us based on the shape of our face, we risk becoming bland and boring. Next time you see an interfacial couple, admire their differences, and keep your opinions to yourself.

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46 issue N o . 20

fact is, judging based on looks is an instinct but it’s ridiculous to think people are mismatched because of physical appearance, when nothing is known about their personalities.

It’s understandable that a person would want to date someone they have certain things in common with, and that may very well mean education or occupation, or a strange hobby, like basket-making. Physical appearance doesn’t have to play into every relationship, and just because society as a whole doesn’t understand it doesn’t make it wrong, mismatched, or uncomfortable to watch.

Anyone commenting on interfacial relationships seems to be stuck in a high school mentality, wondering why the football player is dating the math nerd.

It’s because the math nerd is cool and no one can tell except the football player who looks beyond the calculus classes.

Society is obsessed with celebrities and their relationships, zooming in on every little detail and claiming who is hot and who isn’t. If we allow terms like “interfacial dating” to be used, it makes scrutinizing that much easier to do. Society has come a long way in being comfortable with interracial marriage, LGTBQ rights, and marrying for love, not for religious beliefs. Judging relationships on looks is a step back in that progression. Living in a world without judgment based on looks would be easier and more welcoming.

the capilano courier

“Interfacial Dating:” a current term to describe couples that are mismatched in looks and physical appearance. The belittling phrase has risen out of our fault-obsessed society, and acts as a new way to judge and degrade the personal choices of others. It took decades for society to move forward in accepting people of different races, sexualities, religions and beliefs, but when it comes to physical appearance, people are becoming more judgmental and heartless.

The term was coined after a recent episode of HBO’s Girls, in which the main character Hannah met a handsome 40-year-old doctor. The plump and bland-looking protagonist ended up spending an entire weekend with the dashing Joshua, in his super fancy house living out a relationship in a brief three days. After the episode aired, the Internet was bombarded with people slamming the episode speaking about how Hannah was much less attractive than the doctor and that it would never happen in real life. Slate‘s columnist Daniel Engber wrote about the Girls episode: “The whole thing left me baffled and uncomfortable. Why are these people having sex, when they are so clearly mismatched?”

For bystanders to comment on a relationship that doesn’t affect them is commonplace in society, but it brings into question why we feel like we have the right to judge another’s relationship based off of appearance. Even when two people date in real life and one is perceived to be better looking than the other, people judge them. Society isn’t

comfortable with the idea that beautiful people can be attracted to less-beautiful people, but why is it like this?

Coining a term to describe mismatched couples just makes it easier for us judge others. Elizabeth McClintock, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Notre Dame agrees with the theory that couples should be equally paired on looks.

In a recent interview with the Globe and Mail, she stated that people only want to date someone that is as attractive, successful and educated as them.

“Poor Hannah would be attractive enough for a fling,” said McClintock, “but the handsome doctor would probably marry a beautiful and successful woman when he does settle down. Most men want to marry eventually, and spouses generally match on beauty, and on occupational status, income and education.”

Lena Dunham, the creator, director, writer and star of the show Girls has faced other comments on her physical appearance, including a comment from Howard Stern on his radio show. Dunham laughed off his rude comments on an episode of David Letterman saying, “He did say something that I thought was so funny that I want to get on my gravestone, where he said, ‘Congrats to her, it’s so hard for little fat chicks to get anything going these days.’ And it put me in the best mood! I just wanted to be like, my gravestone says, ‘She was a little fat chick, but she got it going.’”

Dunham might take rude comments in stride, but it doesn’t take away from basic manners: don’t comment on appearances. No relationship scenario should be commented on – people have a right to privacy and a good relationship is based off of a lot more than looks, and anyone judging these relationships is shallow and ignorant. The

17 ×× Tierney milne

OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

Feeling 18 Again

Revolutionary Cream Advertises Making it Tighter than Ever Lauren Gargiulo × Writer There are countless ways to improve your sex life, and if you’re an older woman who has had children, a tighter vagina may be one of those ways – something that a natural product called 18 Again is claiming to be able to do. According to their website, 18 Again “addresses intimate feminine concerns of women. It helps in the rejuvenation of the vagina by tightening it in a natural way.” As revolutionary as the product may be, it stirs up unnecessary insecurities about vaginas and aging.

In North America, women spend more than $10,000 a year on surgery, tightening and “fixing” their vaginas. According to Womensnews.org, the most popular surgery a woman gets is a labiaplasty, which “changes the size or shape of the labia, typically making them smaller or correcting an asymmetry between them.”

Women.webmd.com reports that labiaplasty can be performed alone, or with a vaginoplasty, which is a procedure that “aims to ‘tighten up’ a vagina that’s become slack or loose from vaginal childbirth or aging.” The main reason to get these procedures, according to Womensnews.org, is because of a desire to impress men.

In some cases, surgery to either fix or improve one’s vagina might be necessary – although overused in North American culture. Once a procedure used by sex workers, strippers and pornography actors, the commercialization of the “designer vagina” has become so common that the expectation is for every woman to have a perfectly shaped, and perfectly tight vagina. However, some women opt for vaginal surgery because of physical discomfort, as an overly large labia can

be a cause for irritation. Yet others feel pressured into the surgery as a result of societal or relationship influences.

In an interview with Womensenews.org, Crystal, (who requested her last name be withheld) said, “I looked in like, those magazines, [Playboy and other pornography magazines) and saw that inner labia shouldn’t stick out like mine did. So I had a labiaplasty and now I love the way I look; nice and neat and new. My vagina looks perfect.”

Crystal isn’t alone with her insecurities about how her vagina looks. Another insecurity that women face however, is how their vagina feels.

“18 Again has changed my life remarkably.

My husband is in love with me again the way he was eight years back. 18 Again has made me feel young again,” said Preeti Mishra of Singapore, one of many happy women who have tried the new and highly marketed product, and loved it.

18 Again is an Indian innovation that promises to naturally tighten your vagina, make it healthier by improving blood flow to the vagina, allowing it to produce more lubricant. It even promotes increasing sensitivity in the vagina, thus making it easier to achieve more frequent orgasms. At $180 for one package, or $525 for three, 18 Again is significantly cheaper than vaginal reconstructive surgery, as well as natural.

Like all beauty trends, there are many who simply don’t get it. Making a vagina look perfect or be as physically tight as it can be is simply unrealistic and unnatural. In some countries like India, however, culturally the obsession with tightening the vagina to “feel like a virgin,” can be prominent.

The age of 18 in India is when it becomes legal to get married. In some cultures and religions, being a virgin before and up to your wedding

night is important. So important, that pre-marital can sometimes lead to family shaming, marital violence, abuse, and in extreme cases, death.

“In Hindu culture, chastity is an extremely important concept,” states an article on Authorpalace.com, called “The Attitude Towards Virginity in Other Cultures.” Hinduism is one of the primary religions in India, and chastity is so important in the Hindu culture, that if a woman’s husband dies, she will not be allowed to marry again because she will no longer be a virgin.

Similar to Hindu culture; Islamic cultures also state that a woman must be virgins before she is married. Culturally, women often do not have control over their bodies, or a choice in deciding to be a virgin or not.

But what if you aren’t a virgin and your future husband thinks you are? If faking virginity could possibly save your life then it makes sense to do so. In North America however, this is not the case.

The only reason women are obsessed with these “designer vaginas,” that are picture perfect and tight, is because that is what pornography sells.

18 Again may serve a purpose in cultures that highly value virginity, but in North America, it just makes women feel self-conscious and worry about another part of their body. Designer vaginas, like most things designer, are only needed if you have a desire to show it off.

×× shannon Elliott

Based on a True Story

Hollywood films are not History Lessons Julian Legere

the capilano courier

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46 issue N o . 20

× Writer

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This year’s Best Picture Oscar winner, Argo, tells the incredible true story of how CIA agent Tony Mendez successfully used a fake movie production to extract six American diplomats from Iran after the American Embassy was stormed during the Iranian Revolution. But according to some, the story depicted in the film is not as true as the filmmakers would like us to believe. Former Canadian Ambassador to Iran, Ken Taylor (portrayed in the film by Victor Garber), among others, has been criticizing the accuracy of the film since its premiere at the 2012 Toronto International Film Festival.

“The Hollywood screenwriter has no idea what he’s talking about,” Taylor said, critiquing the film for making it look like Mendez and the CIA orchestrated the rescue while Canada was “standing around watching events take place.” In reality, says Taylor, the rescue was “90 per cent Canada, 10 per cent the CIA.” Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, who was in office when the events of the movie took place, has voiced similar concerns: “I saw the movie Argo recently and I was taken aback by its distortion of what happened because

almost everything that was heroic, or courageous or innovative was done by Canada and not the United States. 90 per cent of the contributions to the ideas and the consummation of the plan was Canadian,” but the film “gives almost full credit to the American CIA.” Amidst all the recent controversy, people have to realize that films “based on a true story” are still works of art and are not obligated to be absolutely faithful to every historical fact.

Argo is not a documentary. Because of that, Ben Affleck and Chris Terrio, as the director and screenwriter, are allowed a certain degree of artistic license. When it comes to turning real life events into movies, the line between reality and fiction often becomes blurred, as artists work to create the best films they can. In fact, the two other biggest movie releases – both of which were also nominated for several Oscars, including Best Picture – Zero Dark Thirty and Lincoln, have also fallen under fire for their accuracy. In Lincoln, for example, three Connecticut Congressmen vote against abolishing slavery, which irked current Member of Congress Joe Courtney because he believes the film is “going to be a teaching tool” for history teachers.

In reality, every Connecticut representative voted in favour of abolition. However, Lincoln biographer Ronald White defends the film: “Is every

word true? No. But the dramatic core is true. The delicate balance between history and dramatic art comes off quite well.” With Argo having attained box office success, critical acclaim, and various awards including Affleck’s Golden Globe, Terrio’s Oscar, and the Best Picture win, there is no doubt that it has excelled in terms of dramatic art. Even Taylor admits that “the movie is fun, it’s thrilling, it’s pertinent, it’s timely.”

Since the filmmakers have so spectacularly succeeded in making their film, why should anyone be surprised or disdainful about the liberties they took? That’s the way it’s done when true stories are dramatized, and they’ve done it so well. Obviously, there can be a point where dramatization becomes disrespectful to real people and events, but Argo’s inaccuracies are safely behind that line.

The critique that Argo failed to properly emphasize the Canadian role in the events depicted speaks to the issue of focus. There is another film which tells that story, of how the Canadian government, and especially Ken Taylor, were the key factors in the successful extraction of the American diplomats (Escape from Iran: The Canadian Caper, a 1971 movie starring Gordon Pinsent).

Argo is not that story. It is the story of the “Hollywood Option,” the fake movie that allowed the diplomats to get safely out of Iran. The nature

of Argo (being a narrative film, as opposed to a documentary) means that the filmmakers have the right to pick and choose which elements of the story they want to focus on, and Affleck and Terrio chose to focus on Tony Mendez and the fake movie. Just look at the title. “Argo” was the title of the fake film that was used to create the whole charade, and that's what the filmmakers chose to name their film.

Of course it is important for the world to know that Ken Taylor and the Canadian government were the central reason the American diplomats survived, and there is a need to honour the real people and events being depicted, but Affleck and Terrio and everyone involved with Argo are storytellers, not history teachers. Any story can be looked at from a variety of angles, many of which can be equally legitimate.

What happens if in a few years someone makes a film about one of the diplomats who escaped from the American Embassy and were subsequently rescued? That, too, would likely focus more on America than Canada because the character whose story is being told is American. The same is true for Argo: it is Tony Mendez’s story, and the first priority of any artist is to honour the story they are telling. There is a reason they say it is only based on a true story.

the caboose

caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes

× caboose.capcourier@gmail.com

Excerpts from "MATT RAMNEY: PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD" Dave Kenny × Writer

×× susan li

W/ Katie “the foodie” so SOFT SERVE ICE CREAM A dish best served soft KOSHER SALT The official seasoning of Passover WINE TASTINGS Let’s not kid ourselves here PUGS Cinnamon buns with legs BEER GUTS Indication of a good life PINEAPPLES Taste nothing like pine, or apples CILANTRO The devil’s garnish

46 issue N o . 20

SUBWAY Jared stopped eating there, maybe you should too

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WHO’S UP FOR A $5 BJ? Booster Juice, guys. Get your head out of your butt

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INSTANT NOODLES More like five-minute noodles, jerks

the capilano courier

– Who’s that Matt Ramney all the chicks are talking about?

– Matt Ramney?

– Yeah, Matt Ramney, I’m asking you. Matt Ramney, police-car-cruising, criminal-catching, barrier-bustin’ Ramney: the baddest cop on the force.

– Matt Ramney’s baaad.

– Matt Ramney digs.

– Matt Ramney digs graves, brother. Believe that!

A shrill ring broke through the swirling, smoked-out air. Incense, tobacco, and the scent of something hot and human whorled about as a big right hand swung out from under the covers to slap the alarm clock down. Shaking off the luxurious sateen he had slept under, the man rose with determination; taking little notice of the smooth señorita that still lay curled up in his sheets. The babe turned and blinked her big sleepy eyes, a little mascara still visible around the lids.

“Ramney, baby, why don’t you come back to bed with me?” In the faint morning light the man stretched out and stood tall; a shaft of sunlight lit his chest and lost itself in the tangle of hair that sat like a high quality fur coat atop the steel muscles of his broad chest. He glanced down at the girl, taking in her hot Latin curves, before roughly tugging on a pair of faded jeans and turning to the door.

Buckling on his holster, Ramney turned to the girl one last time. “Baby,” he said, his voice Kentucky bourbon dripped over ice, “Crime never goes to bed and neither does Matt Ramney. Count yourself lucky you had me for the night.” The babe was unused to such treatment from the chicos and could only look on in astonishment as the door shut and the eight-cylinder engine of Ramney’s Monte Carlo howled to life as he pounded out the driveway and into the waking city.

–– The ‘73 Carlo rode to a smooth stop just centimetres from the curb. The street outside was hot, damn hot, and the impossibly handsome man in the vehicle paused a second to check his mirrors.

In the reflective surfaces of his shades, he could see himself watching himself in the rear-view. The door slammed and Ramney’s boot met the pavement with an assured thud. He was heavy and the fools on the block knew it.

A young boy lounged on the pavement; back to the cornerstones, his shining black eyes almost too bright for the broke-down surroundings they watched. “Hey sweet R, how’s it hangin’ on the cop-side of the tracks?” Ramney met the boy’s outstretched hand with the traditional street greeting: four slaps and a pound.

“Two up, two down, mess with Ramney and he’ll put you in the ground.”

“Baaaaad,” the boy whispered under his breath, clearly in awe of the streetwise Adonis that stood before him. Ramney ran a big hand through his flowing auburn locks and looked out into the street. Hustlin’, that’s what went on here.

Hustlin’ and law breakin’. But then again, as his partner used to say, “If you ain’t hustlin’, you dead.” Ramney kissed two fingers and held them up to the sky. “R.I.P. Hoop.”

For a long while Ramney just chilled, smoking gold filter-tipped cigarette after gold filter-tipped cigarette and taking no notice of the boy at his side. His reverie broken only when, somewhere down the street, a car backfire sounded like a shotgun blast. Nervous, the boy tugged at the hem of Ramney’s tan leather jacket. The man brushed the boy aside as though he were some hot mama’s bead curtain, tipped his shades ever so slightly down his nose, and took a step toward the street.

A few more backfires; someone screamed, and a car ripped around the corner and came barrelling toward the place where the man and his boy stood.

“Something’s going down,” Ramney exhaled the words through a thick cloud of tobacco smoke as he reached for the shining cannon on his hip.

The car was growing big in the twin mirrors that hovered halfway down Ramney’s face. He took a step forward and pointed the silver peacemaker into the street as though it were the Finger of God and, like the Almighty himself, Ramney was ready to rain light and fire on the dark heart of the city.

The explosion of the bullet from his gun was massive. Time stopped. The car jerked violently to the right, missing the stone-cold idol of power and virility by inches, and smashed into a power pole on the other side of the street. Livewires whizzed and cracked like great fiery whips burning up the air as though it were the Fourth of July. The dazed occupants of the vehicle stumbled from the wreckage, their faces masked with confusion and fear at the unknown force that had put them down.

Small fires burned here and there and the people of the neighbourhood ran to put them out before they spread further and engulfed their modest, working-class homes.

A satisfied grin spread slowly across the detective’s face. Collateral damage? Ha, more like collateral justice, eased into place with a little trickle-down charm. Strangely, among the smoke and shards of metal, the adoring citizens of the pueblo were looking a little shell-shocked. Some of them had even stopped to help the dazed criminals from the wreck.

Didn’t they know Bad Guys dressed like that: preachers, poor families, grandparents, just so they could slide under the Good Guys’ radar? It didn’t make sense, but then again real justice was sometimes too much for the man on the street to understand. Ramney wasn’t fazed. He chopped out a short burst of knowing laughter and let his face return to its perfect mask of benevolent disinterest. In a flash the big gun slid back into its waiting sheath. These people knew who was really on their side, and if they didn’t, they’d just have to figure it out the hard way.

His job done, Ramney flicked his still smoking cigarette into the street and walked over to the waiting Monte Carlo. As he popped the latch, almost as an afterthought, he turned back to the waiting boy, and said, “When you grow up into a slick jungle cat like me you’ll learn you can’t chase down every rat that thinks they’re a tiger. Sometimes you just gotta let ‘em run off a cliff by them own damn selves. Dig that, Short Stuff.”

The boy barely had time to let out a worshipful “diiig” before the car pulled into the street and slammed into gear. In a burnt rubber haze he was gone: Matt Ramney on the job; stalking his prey through the city streets, the baddest mother’s son there ever was.

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the caboose

caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes

× caboose.capcourier@gmail.com

the capilano courier

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volume

46 issue N o . 20

Shotgun reviews : villians

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GASTON Shannon Elliott

KRANG Giles Roy

HOT RICH EVIL BABES Celina Kurz

JAFAR JJ Brewis

Gaston is probably one of the most corny Disney villains. He’s flamboyant, vain, and breaks into song at a moment’s notice. And can we talk about that ponytail? But the reason he works is that he’s basically every modern woman’s worst nightmare: an overbearing misogynist who uses his power to harass everyone into getting his way, all the time. Every time I hit the club I see a million Gaston-wannabes (Gastonnabes?!): buying shots of Jäger at the bar, flexing their deformed biceps and grunting along to the latest LMFAO single. I could totally see Gaston chilling with them in a douchey Tapout shirt, chest hair spilling out the deep-v neck like a gross waterfall.

I mean, it’s nice to see a villain who isn’t “pure evil” (Maleficent, Hades) or “obviously gay” (Jafar), because Gaston seems like a real guy!

A real guy who wouldn’t hesitate to rape your sleeping bod at a frat party then brag to all his buddies about it. Ew. I’m not surprised that Belle turned to bestiality.

Have you watched a kids’ TV show recently? Because things have gotten grim. Sometime during the past decade, concerned parents decided that Saturday Morning cartoons were too disturbing, so they forced creative training wheels onto the medium. In the ‘90s, cartoonists got away with way crazier stuff. Exhibit A is Krang from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who is an angry brain that lives in a muscular robot’s stomach. I know that doesn’t sound sexy, but trust me. When his Speedo-clad robot shell flexed on those turtles? Or when Krang’s icy screech pierced the night? Well, I just about lost my mind. I’m fairly certain my first-ever erection was had in the presence of Krang. He’s the literal perfect being – muscles like what, dumps like a truck, baby move your butt. It sucks because today’s kids won’t get to have these experiences. I was subjected to this stuff throughout my childhood and I turned out fine.

One of the classic “villain” types in movies and novels (and maybe video games as well, I don’t play those though) is the “handsome rich asshole.” For example, in Clueless there’s that dude who is supposed to like Tai but then sexually assaults Cher (played by Lupo from Law & Order); in Wayne’s World we have the guy who is the main villain and tries to both profit off of Wayne and Garth while stealing Wayne’s cool girlfriend; in 10 Things I Hate About You there’s that guy who looks like a handsome wolf who is the biggest douchebag; in Aladdin we have the classic Jafar (who is also a wizard). Malfoy from Harry Potter is also kind of a babe. So basically the lesson we can learn here is to double-check that the hot rich babe you are dating isn’t actually evil because there’s a good chance he might be, because life is a lot like the movies.

Absolutely nothing is scary about Jafar, which makes him the perfect bad guy: Unsuspecting, aloof, and gayer than a batch of cupcakes baked

by Ricky Martin. Jafar, with his un-cool bro cornrows tucked under that bedazzled turban, constantly in conversation with an invisible pet parrot on his shoulder, likes to jest that he’d be ecstatic to marry the princess. The only reason he wants to marry her is so he can wear her dashing collection of gold jewellery, and host raves in the palace, headlined by Flo Rida and Pitbull. No, Jafar’s not one of those cool alternative gays like me, he’s the type of gay douche who ends up at Caprice on Fridays, sports a beard manicured like a miniature hedge maze, and carries around a tricked-out Ed Hardy snake staff in public.

At the end of Aladdin, everyone thinks Jafar is banished to a lamp. Wrong! After the credits, a hidden scene shows Jafar zipping himself into a lion costume, complete with over stylized guyliner, ready to return to theatres only a year later.

Yes, folks: that sly, maniacal lion Scar from The Lion King you have all grown to hate? Secretly Jafar. The gayest, douchiest lion of all. Roar, y’all.

SID Katie So

DR. DOOM Stefan Tosheff

GEORGE W. BUSH Scott Moraes

MY DEAREST TOM Samantha Thompson

As a kid, I genuinely believed that my toys had feelings. I have a distinct memory of apologizing to a stuffed lion because I didn’t like him as much as my other toys. I told him, it wasn’t him, it was me and we just didn’t really work together.

So when Toy Story came out, all of my theories were proven true. Not only did toys have feelings – they were also alive. The antagonist to Toy Story‘s Woody and Buzz was their skateboarding, skull-shirt wearing, next-door neighbour, Sid. He strapped rockets to GI Joes, made freak spider robots with baby heads with gouged out eyes, and practiced ritual torture on rag dolls.

Under psychoanalysis, he may have shown early behavioural indications of a serial killer, but maybe he was just a misunderstood creative type.

Now I’m older, and I don’t apologize to my toys anymore. I wear skull shirts and I skateboard and the My Little Pony on my desk has a mohawk and corpse paint. I’m probably a psycho, but maybe, like Sid, I’m just misunderstood.

I could talk for a long time about how great Doctor Doom is. I could talk about how he is not only a master of science but also of sorcery.

I could point out that conquering the entire universe is not satisfactory if he requires the help of a weapon of infinite strength (the Infinity Gauntlet) that he didn’t make. But none of these things compare to the fact that he demands to go by the title of Doctor. He rules an entire country! He doesn’t call himself King Doom, or Lord Doom. Nope. Just Doctor. What’s wrong with this guy? This man has the strangest sense of self-worth. He never takes off his mask, blames his disfiguration completely on one person, and completely refuses to acknowledge he has any sort of problem. The man walks around his palace planning on taking over the entire world while wearing a green cap. This man needs a therapist like it’s nobody’s business. Unless he gets a therapist, then it’s his business, I guess.

Most villains are slightly charming, with a twisted but likable sense of humour. They are usually smart in an evil way. Why can’t we have a dumb villain for a change? Just plain dumb and evil. George W. Bush would be the perfect villain for a comedy western. I always saw him that way.

If he’d been a typecast dumb villain actor, I’d love him. He would ride into town atop a limping pony, and both he and the pony would be wearing Mexican sombreros. He would say, “Show me the oil or we’ll come in here looking for nuclear weapons and take your oil anyway.” In the end there would be a duel, and Bush would pull out his gun with his left hand and would go, “Shit, what did I do that for? I’m right-handed, damn it!” Then the sheriff (Steve Martin?) would shoot him down and say “That’s right, Bushie, the west ain’t no place for no dumbasses.” I may have secretly written that movie. Next week: My Oscar acceptance speech.

This is a little bit embarrassing, especially for someone who cried for two hours when the last Harry Potter movie ended, but I had a… romantic dream about old man Voldy. And it got me thinking, he’s actually the best guy in the whole HP universe. When compared to whiny, grumpy Potts, the choice is clear! Harry always seemed to be freaking out, complaining about a migraine, wearing the same clothes in all the movies but pretending he wasn’t, and never bothering to brush his hair! He’s simply not attractive. Next to Harry, Voldemort shines like a bright beacon of beautiful villainy. He has long arms that will hold you tight (like that time he gave Malfoy a hug! True dad!), his nose won’t get in the way when you’re making out (he doesn’t have one, duh!), and he is really comfortable in his own skin (even though it’s really pale and ugly, he pushes through). Plus when we compare Stone Voldemort to Hallows Voldemort, there’s a huge difference – in both facial features and the presence of a body. It just goes to show, there’s always room for improvement – look at Neville!

10 horcruxes out of 8.