Capilano Courier Volume 46 Issue 21

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Are We Terrified of Women in Power?

The Boy Friend

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Elderly Drivers

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Animal Testing

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Cool Factor

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CAPILANO Courier TABLE OF contents

The Staff 4

news

of this cheeky university newspaper JJ Brewis Editor-in-Chief

University of Victoria set free by the Canadian Federation of Students

columns

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The silent stigma in Silver Linings

arts

Giles Roy Managing Editor

Samantha Thompson Copy Editor

Lindsay Howe News Editor

Leah Scheitel Opinions Editor

Natalie Corbo Features Editor

Celina Kurz Arts Editor

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News in the world of venues

features

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Re-writing the rules of dining

calendar

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The hunt for cheap chocolate

Opinions

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Scott Moraes Caboose Editor

Stefan Tosheff Production Manager

Katie So Art Director

Andy Rice Staff Writer

Connor Thorpe Staff Writer

The big bad soda ban

CABOOSE

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Germophilia

the capilano courier

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Ricky Bao Business Manager

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed.

All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

Shannon Elliott Web Editor

Colin Spensley Distribution Manager

Leanne Kriz Ads & Events Manager

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× Letter from the editor ×

YOUNG, WILD AND FREE Vivian Liu

Featured Contributors Katherine Alpen is a musical theatre student at Capilano University whose dream is “to do what I love for a living,” and also sees personal questions as opportunities to question the bigger picture. What makes Katherine unique?

“Everything?” she asks back.

“We’re all pretty different.”

Born and raised in North Vancouver, Katherine says she’s a valley girl “minus the blonde hair” and is very passionate about performing.

“Performing truthfully is the highest high you can reach without drugs. I don’t do drugs, but I’d still stay it’s better, and with less legal consequences,” she says. When she’s not singing or acting, Katherine also writes and loves Downton Abbey, “because I am actually an 80-year-old woman.” She enjoys travelling – she went to Scotland alone for a month when she was 18, and will be heading to the Ukraine in the summer with her Ukranian dancing group. But don’t go looking for Katherine online. “Twitter can suck it,” she says. Fair enough!

Maybe I would be in her shoes if I’d stayed in school, hunkered down and completed four years before making a break for it in the industry of my choosing. But if I had done that, I’d probably be an entirely different person than who I am. I say this because I subscribe to the ideology that a human being in the present is a summation of every single thing they’ve experienced and gone through in their life – a product of a collection of experiences, essentially. We’re all different, and I needed some time away from academia mentally, to decide that I needed to go back for nothing other than my own personal fulfillment.

Expectations can be lethal and they can also be beneficial if provided in healthy doses. When I was getting ready to leave high school, many of my peers had a very specific career path already planned out. I certainly didn’t. And many of the students I meet now just feel obligated to be where they are, suffocated by expectations from their parents or others.

To them I say: take a step back, evaluate and do what you want, when you want. Live your younger years doing what you think you should: if that’s going to school in a field you’re passionate about, go for it. But if you think you should be off backpacking around Europe, or working for a while you figure things out, then that’s where you should be. There is so much time to figure your career out later.

I have friends with science degrees working as baristas and flight attendants because they didn’t want to pursue the career they thought they’d decided on when they were 18. Remember that 18 is very young. I am 29, and I still feel young – I have a lot of my life ahead of me, hopefully.

I could wake up tomorrow and be hit by a truck, but I would at least go down to the pavement with the pride in being genuinely happy with the achievements and relationships I made throughout my life.

You’re young. Whether you are 18 or 40, or whatever, you are young enough to help form your own destiny in conjunction with what the universe offers you as bonus side projects. Take this time to figure out who the hell you are and what you’re actually interested in. Save your paycheques from your job at the Gap to buy yourself a week in Paris, if that’s where you really want to go. The inspiration of your journey may inform the rest of your life. If you’re interested in art but not sure if you want to commit, try a live drawing drop-in class in the evening. Maybe you’ll meet someone who could offer you your next big break.

How many of you work a part-time job where your adult co-workers complain about their jobs? We’ve probably all experienced that in some capacity, and want nothing more than to leave that part of our life behind. The thing about those tired adults is that they all had dreams once – dreams that, for whatever reason, didn’t come to fruition.

So dream big – on your own time, on your own terms. In the meantime, do the shit that you want to do. Go to Coachella with your friends and drink a bunch of whiskey. School will always be waiting. I came back after half a decade away, and I’m more inspired than ever.

an o c o u l i p a rie c special e general meeting + editor-in-chief elections

✌ All students can vote in the general meeting.

People who have contributed a minimum of 3 times can vote for Editor-in-Chief.

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there will be free pizza

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× Editor-in-Chief

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Adam Jennison is a graduate of International Studies at Indiana University who enjoys "obsessively devouring media" as well as live music and museums. A bit of a nomad, Adam has lived in Japan and in various parts of United States. "I'm passionate about travel. The majority of the most memorable and rewarding experiences so far have been while abroad." Adam has an interesting collection of stories, and couldn't pick just one fascinating fact about himself: “I crave Ethiopian food at all times, my childhood cat was shot with a BB gun prior to us owning him, I have perforated both of my eardrums twice because my Eustachian tubes are misaligned, and I have a pronounced dent in my chest.” Presently finishing up an Internship working for U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services and the Department of State's Bureau of East Asian and Pacific Affairs, Adam is presently waiting to hear back about an opportunity to teach English in Japan-his second home. You can check out Adam's collection of favourite girl group songs and Japanese iconography reblogs at Adayum.tumblr.com.

When I left high school, I had no clue what the hell I was going to do with my life. I obviously wasn’t sure what would become of me – where I’d live, who I would be romantically involved with, what places I’d travel to. We can try to envision a future for ourselves, but a lot of what will happen in our lives depends on so many other factors outside of our control. It’s good to plan, sure, but it’s also important to take opportunities that arise randomly and give them a go. Maybe it’s the compromise of these two opposite entities that make life interesting – the influence of outside factors and unknown opportunities help shift and refine our own dreams and visions for our futures.

I interact with a lot of people in the capacity of this job, many of whom are younger than I am. I meet kids – and I call them that affectionately and without being patronizing – of all ages, all on their own academic paths and personal journeys. It’s been rewarding and pleasantly surprising seeing the variety of students at this school, and I highly value the connections and relationships I’ve made in my role with this newspaper. There are so many bright, freethinking individuals out there, and I’ve met only a fraction of them.

Some of these colleagues have expressed to me that they’re not exactly where they’d like to be in life, and not doing what they “should be doing” by this age. Well, I’d like to say that, by age 29, I certainly thought I’d own a mansion, married to a young Marlon Brando look-alike and running my own business. That hasn’t exactly happened, and with the course of events my life has seen, good and bad, I simply am where I am, and I can’t be anything but grateful for every opportunity I’ve had. I’ve recently let go of my preconceived ideas of what my life was supposed to look like, and embraced the great things about my existence: my inspiring job, my wonderful and beautiful friends and my really cool list of experiences.

But that’s not to say these students aren’t justified in their frustrations in themselves. I know all about that, having spent years beating myself up for “wasted years” spent in a shitty relationship, dropping out of school several times and the time I spent working crummy jobs.

I had dinner last fall with a friend visiting from out of town, when I first began my run as Editor-in-Chief at the Courier. She asked me, “Don’t you think you should move on and let someone younger take over?” It was easy for her to ask that – as someone younger than me even, she had the upper hand, having impressively finished journalism school and working for a national publication as a staff writer. But I love this job and I’m grateful for my time here.

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× ON the Cover ×

“To be honest, I think kids have got a lot more going on than adults. They’re got their heads screwed on a lot better … Life’s short. Anything could happen, and it usually does, so there is no point in sitting around thinking about the ifs, ands and buts.”

– Amy Winehouse

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NEWS

News Editor ×

Lindsay Howe × n e w s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

BEAUTY IS PAIN? European Union bans all animal tested cosmetics Victoria Fawkes × Writer “After years of campaigning across Europe, in 2003, the EU did the right thing and agreed to ban the sale of all cosmetics containing ingredients tested on animals by 2013,” says Amanda Nordstrom, a research associate in the Laboratory Investigations Department at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).

She is one of the many animal rights activists celebrating the recent win for animal rights in Europe. After decades of activism, the sale and production of animal-tested cosmetic products is now prohibited in the European Union, effective Mar. 11.

“Everyone knows that animals should never face suffering and death in tests for vanity products, and that’s why those tests have been completely banned in the EU since 2009. But if products are tested on animals outside the EU, they could still be sold here until Monday. The sales ban closes that loophole,” says Nordstrom. “The marketing ban means that companies all over the world who want to sell cosmetics in Europe have to abandon animal testing. As companies have embraced modern testing methods to comply with the EU ban, they have already spared hundreds of thousands of animals from torment, and now, many, many more will be saved,” she adds.

Nordstrom is optimistic that North America may soon copy the European Union’s decision to ban animal-tested cosmetics, and in turn, develop more effective ways to test products

without harming animals. “PETA hopes more countries, including Canada, will follow European Union’s example and ban animal tests or cosmetics tested on animals. The EU ban is enormously important because it started out as an ethical stand, that animals should not die for shampoo, and brought about a whole new era of non-animal science. This ban shows that once an animal test is rejected, scientists can and will come up with a new and better way. An animal in a Canadian or American lab suffers exactly the same as in a European one,” says Nordstrom.

In recent years, the ban on animal-tested cosmetics has extended farther than Europe to include other countries. Nordstrom argues that this ban will force companies to realize that there are other cosmetic testing methods available. “The European Union’s cosmetics testing ban, along with the similar ban in place in Israel and the one being considered in India, forces companies to modernize their archaic testing protocol. As a result, advanced testing methods will become more mainstream, and other types of companies will also begin to exchange cruel tests on animals for humane and accurate non-animal ones. The EU has now set the stage for the rest of the world to follow suit,” she says.

One of the things that PETA is most confident about is the scientific method of growing lab-grown human skin cells to test on in lieu of animals. “The European Union ban means that companies all over the world, including Canadian companies, who want to sell cosmetics in Europe cannot test their products on animals and instead have to use one of the many humane, non-animal

methods available,” says Nordstrom.

“Animal tests are looking at the wrong species: progressive scientists know that and that’s why there is huge interest in and support for better and more accurate non-animal tests,” says Nordstrom.

“We can now use human cells and tissues, computer models and countless cutting edge scientific techniques that weren’t available when cosmetics tests on animals started. In fact, PETA is investing in scientific research to develop those techniques.”

However, Natural Resources Defense Council scientist Jennifer Sass claims that there could be serious consequences to using lab-formulated human tissues. “If you test a chemical on a patch of synthetic skin, but the damage occurs to the immune system or the damage occurs when the chemical enters the blood stream, a skin test couldn’t show that,” Sass told RIA Novosti, a news agency based in Russia. “If you are going to put chemicals into products that people will be exposed to, then we need to test these products on live things. They believe we can live in a world without animal testing, and we believe that is a big risk,” Sass said of the European Union.

Although the European Union has taken a big step by getting rid of animal testing, Nordstrom believes that Canada still has a ways to go in the fight for animal rights. “Canadian law does not require animal testing for cosmetic products. There’s no such thing as an important cosmetics ingredient, and none of them justify inflicting suffering on animals,” says Nordstrom.

While animal testing will continue to be a controversial topic due to concerns of animal abuse, animals will continue to be used as test sub-

CFS MEMBER NO MORE

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After some time of bad blood, the tension between the Canadian Federation of Students-BC (CFS-BC) and the University of Victoria Students’ Society (UVSS) had reached a boiling point. For the first time in its history, CFS-BC enacted its provisions for the expulsion of a member and expelled the UVSS in a vote held on Mar. 11. The expulsion follows the UVSS’ decertification from CFS national, as well as attempts to leave CFS-BC voluntarily.

CFS-BC Chairperson Katie Marocchi explains, “The UVSS’ refusal to meet its basic financial obligations to its fellow members of the Canadian Federation of Students-BC, combined with decertifying from the national organization, left member locals with little alternative but to revoke membership privileges.”

However, CSU Senate member David Clarkson suggests the situation is a little more complicated.

“The UVic Students’ Society is one of the few student associations in B.C. that allows slate politics. It’s basically like our federal and provincial political parties, except it’s students running in slates instead of as independent candidates in elections. What came out of that was a two-party system, where there were the students

who liked the CFS and the students who didn’t like the CFS,” he says. “About three years ago, there was a petition [to leave the CFS] that was started by a student at UVic, [who] was also a director of the students’ society there.”

Delayed by multiple administrative issues surrounding the petition and its validity, the feuding parties took the case to the British Columbia Supreme Court. The judge ordered that a referendum be held – resulting in 70 per cent of UVic students voting to leave the CFS. Clarkson says that the CFS used the differentiation between CFS-BC and CFS national to retain the UVSS as a member.

“The CFS says, ‘Okay, you voted to leave the national part of CFS but you haven’t actually left the B.C. part of CFS,’” he explains. “Whenever these crises for them come up, they seem to have a new set of bylaw changes that are sneaky enough to force student associations to continue as members.”

Clarkson cites the adoption of “congruent membership” – the ability to be a member of the provincial CFS without being a member of the national group and vice versa – as an example of an attempt to retain members.

“They ended up back in court again last August over that. [UVSS’ argument was that] if you’re going to be a member of CFS-BC, you have to be a member of CFS national – and because they

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CSU PROXY EXPERIENCES TROUBLE

No love lost between CFS-BC and UVSS Connor Thorpe

jects until more viable forms of medical and cosmetic testing is available, something Nordstrom believes is an ethical disappointment.

“Animal tests aren’t just bad ethics, they’re bad science. Rabbits and mice are not little furry humans, and tests on animals have let us down time and time again. Thanks to the ban, companies have been investing in modern, humane non-animal testing methods and we have fantastic new tests that save animals’ lives, and protect people better as a result.”

weren’t a member of CFS national, they were no longer eligible,” says Clarkson. “The judge didn’t buy that, so – unfortunately for them – their next option was to start all over again, except this time ,petition to leave the CFS-BC.” The process of collecting signatures was quick, with over 10 per cent of UVic students signing the petition – exceeding the number required by CFS-BC bylaws.

“They were supposed to have a referendum this March, and I think it was fairly obvious that they were going to have similar results to the one they did in 2011, with about three out of four students voting to leave again,” says Clarkson.

Clarkson believes the actions of the CFS-BC in dealing with the UVSS’ request – and the desire of the UVSS to leave the organization – are symptomatic of deeper systemic problems.

“They may not want to have to deal with one of their biggest supposed members leaving right before a provincial election – that’s not necessarily the most effective use of resources and maybe not exactly the kind of face you want to have to wear going into a provincial election where your credibility is now questioned because you’re losing members in such a significant and dramatic way,” he supposes. “It’s now being very widely speculated that this is an organization that’s on its deathbed.”

Connor Thorpe, Staff Writer Following the CFS-BC meeting in which the UVSS was expelled from the organization, there was talk of controversy surrounding the CSU’s vote – which was to be submitted by proxy by the Kwantlen Students’ Association (KSA). A post on Studentunion.ca by Brandon Clim suggests that the CSU’s proxy vote was initially rejected by CFS-BC and that CFS-BC Chairperson Katie Marocchi “questioned the legitimacy of a letter signed by two members of the CSU’s board of directors, confirming that the KSA was to act as the organization’s proxy in its absence.”

Ma ro c c h i s a y s t h a t e x t e n u a t i n g circumstances led to some confusion regarding the CSU’s involvement in the meeting.

“CFS-BC bylaws set out provisions around proxies. The Capilano Students’ Union was able to proxy their vote to the KSA. There were no problems other than people had trouble following the series of events that led to the proxy,” she explains. “[The] CSU registered a delegate to the Special General Meeting prior to the registration deadline, the delegate was in transit to the meeting site on the day of the meeting, [the] delegate then stated he was stuck in traffic.”

According to Marocchi, the issue was quickly resolved. “Shortly after, an email was received that included an attachment. The attachment was a letter, on CSU letterhead, containing a motion that was conducted by a phone around of directors, with the letter signed by two directors,” adds Marocchi. “There was just some confusion around the series of events that led to the proxy, but [it] was accepted by plenary unanimously.”

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THE MONEY versus PRESTIGE advantages of choosing the trade or academic route Jaline Pankratz × Writer The process of deciding which post-secondary schooling is right for which student is often experienced before and during the time a student is in a college or university program. “Most individuals will change their jobs between different types of work several times in their life. Changing careers is the norm now. The old, ‘What do I want to be when I grow up’ isn’t the question anymore,” says Karen McCredie, Registrar of Enrollment Services at Capilano University.

“Not only are students mobile among institutions, but they also switch programs (both at their original and in their new institutions). A minority (38 per cent) of students who began and completed a credential within five years attained their credential in the same program area as where they initially began,” states the Student Transfer, Success, and Mobility, in B.C. Post-Secondary Institutions report done recently by the British Columbia Council on Admissions and Transfers.

Some of the reasons for transferring are described by the BCCAT 2013 report, Survey of Movers, which states 52 per cent of the total number of students who choose to transfer schools do so because of the availability of programs or courses, while 39 per cent choose a new institution because of convenient location. Twenty-three per cent transfer for smaller class sizes and only four per cent transfer because of the availability of a scholarship, bursary, or award.

Capilano students are among those who change their minds and transfer out, but this does not mean Capilano is steadily losing students.

“Students are transferring into Capilano at an equal rate of students transferring out,” says McCredie, and the numbers are fairly low for the number of students who do end up transferring: 25 per cent on average for all universities, according to the Student Transfer, Success, and Mobility, in BC Post-Secondary Institutions report.

The two main schools that Capilano students transfer to are SFU and BCIT. According to Kelly Friday, manager of media relations at BCIT, 70 per cent of the students at BCIT have some previous post-secondary schooling from another university, and about 25 per cent of the students at BCIT already have a Bachelor’s degree.

BCIT, although known for its trades programs, also offers other options such as business, which includes marketing, financial management and journalism; and engineering, which includes civil and mechanical fields. “BCIT also offers everything from apprenticeships, to certificates, to diplomas, undergraduate degrees, graduate degrees and bachelor degrees,” says Friday.

The difference between each of these types of graduation recognition is the number of credits required. In regards to jobs, the type of “certification” only matters on the need of the field the student is looking to get into. In the trades, the talent needs to reflect the demands that are in the industry.

For the most part, industries are demanding trade workers, according to the 2010 B.C. Labour Market Outlook. The report states, “For B.C. as a whole, demand for workers is expected to outgrow the labour force by 61,500 workers over the outlook period, from 2010 to 2020.”

For BCIT students this is good news, as, “90

per cent have work prior to graduation or will receive work within six months of graduating,” Friday states.

If a student chooses trades early on, BCIT offers bridging programs, which means students can begin their post-secondary schooling in grade 11 or 12. Some high schools have BCIT instructors and the BCIT curriculum is weaved into the high school curriculum, so when students go to BCIT, they’ve already received their first year in the trades program, so they can enter straight into their second year.

If wages are a key factor in deciding which route to take, both the trades and the academic path’s earnings depend upon the specific career a student has chosen. The wages for trades professions, according to Human Resources and Skills Development Canada, can be anywhere between $14.70 per hour to $36.35 per hour. For students graduating from an academic program, the starting wages also fluctuate from career to career.

Regardless of which path a student chooses to take, the key to deciding which route is right for the student is in the research, and from making the personal decision about what is the best fit.

“Seek out information from people you respect, talk to academic advisors about your goals and your passions and they can give you guidance,” says McCredie. “But in the end, it’s really a personal decision about how you want to spend your time learning, and where you see yourself going in the near future.”

news shorts Motley Crew of Candidates Come to Capilano Christina Lamanes, Writer On Mar. 19, candidates from North VancouverLonsdale, North Vancouver-Seymour, and West Vancouver-Capilano came out to defend their platforms. The all-candidates forum (held at the Sportsplex) was a joint effort by the Capilano Faculty Association and the Capilano Students’ Union. There was a spirit of togetherness at the meeting. All the candidates spoke of a need for communities to work together in order to affect change. The panel was composed of David Jones of the B.C. Conservatives, Jane Thornthwaite of the B.C. Liberals, Craig Keating of the B.C. NDP, Ryan Conroy of the B.C. Green Party, and Capilano’s very own Michael Markwick, who is running as an independent candidate. The candidates were allowed a short introduction and then fielded questions from Capilano students. Issues such as homelessness, education, B.C. film, and the Kinder Morgan Pipeline were all brought up in the question period, which ignited some sparks between the candidates and the audience alike.

OOH I LIKE THAT Research shows Facebook “likes” reveal a lot about you Katherine Gillard × Writer

conform to what is acceptable for our group.”

The research method has been used for many years, but with social media it is easier than ever to gather data, which raises concerns of privacy.

Jennifer Golbeck, a University of Maryland computer scientist told CTV recently, “You may not want people to know your sexual orientation or may not want people to know about your drug use,” she said. “Even if you think you’re keeping your information private, we can learn a lot about you.”

Whether or not you want Facebook to know personal information is up to you. With this kind of data, advertisements won’t be looking at you as a demographic, but instead as a person with individual interests. One of the study’s researchers, David Stillwell, commented on the benefits to CTV: “For myself, I’d prefer if I went to a website and instead of seeing a hundred adverts which have nothing to do with me, you know, websites trying to sell me mascara and things that I’m never going to buy. Instead, if that website could show me things I’m actually interested in.”

With researchers being able to view “likes” on Facebook, more advertisements can be directed at an individual’s exact interests. Although this does ruin a certain degree of privacy, unless a user makes their Facebook settings private they are putting themselves in a position to be evaluated by researchers. The benefit of advertisements to personal interest is indeed a bonus, but it ultimately it comes at the sacrifice of privacy.

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If you’re the type of person who “likes” a lot of things on Facebook, a new study may be of concern to your privacy. The National Academy of Science in the United States found that what people “like” on Facebook can reveal personal information about themselves such as their gender, race, sexuality, IQ, if their parents are divorced, as well as other facts.

Facebook’s “like” button was introduced in 2009 and according to the website, there are about 2.7 billion new “likes” every day. This is a way for marketers to expand their advertisements and a large pool of data for the companies to use, especially with people who don’t have privacy settings. This gives the companies a better idea of who is buying their product, so that they can direct their ads towards that specific clientele.

“They want to know who their potential buyers are and target their messages to the appropriate audiences,” says Graham Cook, a psychology professor at Capilano University. “That’s why, 50 years ago, Procter and Gamble would advertise detergent on ‘soap operas’ aimed at women working in the home, while luxury goods companies would advertise in magazines like the New Yorker, that provided erudite content attractive to people with higher education.”

Cook says that these tests can go even further than just advertisers targeting consumers. “The

main difference is that today, the Internet has allowed for targeting that is far more granular,” he says. “Even without Facebook, in the last U.S. presidential election the Democratic party’s campaigners took publicly available information (property taxes paid, house values, etc.) and mixed it with databases they purchased (like who subscribes to what magazine) and crossreferenced them to give amazingly detailed rundowns of potential voters. The privacy issues around Facebook are certainly alarming, and the concentration of this information in the hands of Facebook, Google, Amazon and so on is a major concern.”

How accurate the results are varies: researchers could detect whether someone was black or white 95 per cent of the time, but could only predict drug users 65 per cent of the time, with sexuality and predicting whether someone was a Democrat or a Republican between 85 and 88 per cent of the time. What people “liked” helped predict these things, such as men who watched Glee were more likely to be gay and people who liked Jennifer Lopez were likely to have more friends than someone who liked Metallica. Cook says that these predictions aren’t surprising and not fundamentally new: “Finding connections between your consumption habits and your gender, religion, economic class, political leanings, and so on is the basis of modern marketing and has a decades-long history. It works because, as much as we’d like to think that we’re all completely unique individuals, social pressures encourage us to

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Columns

Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d i t o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

GRAHAMMAR

Graham Robertson × Columnist

Literally Figurative Often the meaning of a word changes not through any deliberate effort, but due to a critical mass of fuck-ups. Some might think that the vanguard of linguistic evolution is a group of dour, smart people artfully shaping participles. Nope, sorry.

Changes in meaning have more to do with your cousin from Hamilton who always mixes up “infer” and “imply.” Mistakes drive our speech.

But for crazy people like me, watching the language evolve sends me into fits of neurotic paralysis. As the meaning of a word twists into something different, I can’t decide whether to stick with the old or new definition.

Take, for instance, the word “moot,” which most take to mean “irrelevant or purely academic.”

A “moot point,” to most speakers in North America, is one not worth discussing. But around 50 years ago it used to mean – and still does to some British people – more along the lines of “up for debate or unsettled.” Check in most dictionaries and you’ll find both definitions, with either the old definition labelled obsolete or, in some dictionaries, the current one condescendingly described as, “Chiefly North American.”

There is some speculation about how this shift exactly came about, but the likely story was that people started using the word incorrectly due to some minor misunderstanding. Those who didn’t

quite understand what “moot” meant forced the change, as eventually their numbers grew to a critical mass, at which point the English language just shrugged and went along with it.

“Moot” has gone through a complete process of change, settling on a new definition, which is fairly common. “Peruse” used to mean “go over carefully,” and “quiz” has drastically changed definitions several times, from an “eccentric, odd-looking person,” to the concept of mocking someone, to the short-form paper exams we’ve all grown accustomed to. But knowing the history of these changes causes my eye to twitch every time I use any of these words. A scared, reactionary part of me wants to take comfort in solid definitions, so the knowledge that what I’m trying to say isn’t exactly concrete can set me off balance. The ghost of definitions past rears up when I start to use “moot.” I get a little confused, paralyzed with historical awareness. Half the time my brain needs to reboot mid-word and I just end up mooing at someone.

Even worse are the words that are currently undergoing change, especially the dreaded “literally.” For those of you who don’t speak English – well first off, I’m impressed you have managed to understand this column – the official definition of literally is “in truth.” When I say I literally jumped

out of bed, by the traditional definition I actually leapt out of it. But nowadays, often people use the word “literally” to mean, well, “figuratively.” As in, “When I found out I got the job, I literally shit my pants with excitement.” Now I’m hoping that people who say things like this didn’t actually shit their pants, more for my sake than theirs. It’s fairly obvious that people who use the “figurative literally” sense have some hyperbole in mind. They’re trying to emphasize how incredibly excited they were by saying getting the job was just like shitting their pants. Which is alright, I guess.

The point is however, that “literally” is going to go the way of “moot.” The new definition, “figurative literally” is gaining purchase: it’s even going to be included in the Oxford English Dictionary, the gold standard of English.

Moreover, it’s rapidly obliterating the “actual literally” sense of the word. So many people in our neck of the woods have taken up the new definition that whenever someone uses the word, it’s a coin flip what they mean. I literally – actually literally – have trouble knowing what people are trying to say when they use the word. We’re in the midst of one definition battering another into submission, but until it happens we’re caught between the two. I for one break into cold sweats thinking about which side to take. Even trying to use these

Saturday Night Love

the capilano courier

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“No one looks stupid when they’re having fun.”

– Amy Poehler I love telling people I have a shrink. It makes it sound like I have money. They don’t have to know that I don’t actually pay for it.

During our last session, I started to feel sorry for my poor counsellor. I yapped his ear off about the latest guy to hit my block – Charlie. I spent over an hour talking about every little detail of our affair, and how terrified I was of losing my confidence over yet another guy. I got so wound up about the idea of Charlie not being in my life before I was even sure that I wanted him there in the first place. After an hour, I was bored of hearing myself talk about it, sick of being this worried about a guy who I just met, and tired of taking things so personally. I looked at my shrink, whose ears were bleeding a little, and said, “I shot a moose once. That’s pretty cool.”

“That is cool,” he said, with the first glimpse of optimism of the session, “You’ve done cool things.

Remember why you are cool without Charlie. That

RALLY THE TROOPS I really do feel for my friends when I get involved in a romance. Some have been there to pick me up time and time again, and have seen me get into this lust-crazed state too often. I called my three best friends and my mom and explained to them that I’m going to need help in the next week.

“You know my style,” I said to them. “This will probably all blow over in a week. Until then, I just need you to know that I’m working on my boy issues, and let’s do fun stuff.” This was magic. In turn, they listened to my woes, got me out of the house, and kept me laughing. And, as proved by Amy Poehler, everyone is cool when they laugh.

Graham Robertson is a graduate student at SFU who writes about issues in language and literary culture.

You can follow him on Twitter @onehandhighfive, but it’s pretty obvious he has no idea what he’s doing.

Leah Scheitel × Columnist

Shrink Wrapping the Cool Factor factor will be there with or without him.”

I’m one to dive into relationships, heart first.

I meet a guy who intrigues me, and if he shows interest in return, I get this knot of romantic fury my stomach, and become obsessed with the situation. This is why my dating life changes with such rapidity – there is usually a new “perfect man” every two weeks. It’s exhausting for my heart and annoying for my friends. But I didn’t want to do that with Charlie. I’m pretty sure that he had an interest in me because I have good friendships, can hold a conversation, and am happiest when I ride a bike – not because I fixate on a crush, write about my dating life, and literally worry myself sick about him.

I’m determined not to let my crush on Charlie make me feel stupid. Thus, I’m working on keeping my cool factor up while I wrestle the ball of romantic fury in my stomach. Here’s the summary:

in-between-meaning words causes my capacity for speech to become overloaded by my own obsessive awareness. I worry that the “figurative literally” isn’t well enough established to be a safe bet. At the same time, it is widespread enough that if I want to use the actual “literally” sense to describe something, people will think I’m not being serious.

My attempts to emphasize a point are undercut by the very word I’m using.

So in trying to use it, I again stutter and my brain reboots – leaving whomever I’m talking to uncomfortably standing there as I look over their shoulder with a furrowed brow, definitions and neuroses battling it out in a sea of non-productivity. The silence lengthens as my interlocutor sighs and edges away. Sadly, there are no easy answers to my sort-of fake problems. Yes, it’s interesting to step back and watch our speech evolve, despite the inconveniences it presents. But what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?

AVOID HIS PAST Facebook is a curse and an enabler. While editing in the Courier office, Facebook taunted me with an adorable photo of Charlie, posted by his exgirlfriend. It was too easy – I spent the next 20 minutes digging myself into her life – her beautiful, beautiful life. She’s gorgeous and I couldn’t help thinking that if she wasn’t good enough for him, how could I ever be? It’s like she is Kristen Wiig, and I’m Rachel Dratch, and although Dratch is one of my all-time favorite SNL cast members, no one would pick to bone her over Kristen Wiig. That’s the thing that makes Dratch so cool – she knows and accepts this. Also, Dratch’s Debbie Downer character caused one of the biggest laughing fits in SNL history. I’d rather make people laugh until they have to wipe their face dry with pancakes (like Horatio Sanz had to), as that automatically boosts the cool factor.

I closed my computer in a fury, and told my co-worker Andy about my mistake.

“Uh oh,” he replied, “There is no way that ever ends well. You want a drink now, don’t you?”

Remember that – digging into a crush’s past never ends well, and leads to bottles of wine and crying to a friend over Skype. Whoops.

KEEP YOUR HANDS BUSY The ball in my stomach gets enflamed when I text a crush and then incessantly check my phone for an instant reply. Cell phones have taken this feeling of rejection to a whole new level, as you can see if the person has read the message, and then go

crazy asking yourself why they aren’t responding. If it’s really bad, you’ll send back-up texts just in case they didn’t receive the first, and then you’ve texted them five times to their zero responses.

The best way out of this is to keep your hands busy and not to let the obsession grow by glaring at the phone. I sent one clever and cute text to Charlie, and then I made three batches of cookies.

My hands were covered in so much raw dough that I couldn’t even touch my phone if I wanted to. It ensured that I remained cool by not fixating on the text.

This method is also good because if they don’t respond, then you have a shit ton of cookies to eat the pain away with.

I’m still a bundle of nerves when it comes to guys, especially Charlie. But reminding myself why I’m cool, and doing the activities that I enjoy and made me who I am are creating a cushion, and helping me stay sane. Charlie asked me out because he likes something in me, so it will definitely be a turnoff if I start acting like an obsessive, love-crazed fool after only three dates. Foster the attractive qualities by having fun. As a last shoutout to Dratch, she is attractive because she is having so much fun with her characters, and doesn’t give a second thought as to what the hot cameraman might think of her.

And she has a shrink as well.

Leah Scheitel lives her own life like a sketch comedy. In this column, she will explore the stories and anecdotes of her love life and their correlations to her favourite late night comedy show. Her selfdeprecating wit and candid nature make her our very own Rachel Dratch. And we’re pretty okay with that.

13-03-22 8:33 PM

FILM CLUB

Brandden Dancer × Columnist

The silver screen versus mental health Films that portray mental health issues are often called out or criticized for their inaccuracies and exploitation. Perhaps it has something to do with how serious or not mental illnesses are viewed in our society as a whole.

There is still strong debate regarding the diagnosis and treatment of mental health. Recently, due to several mass shootings in the United States, the subject seems to have reached a breaking point. People are beginning to speak out concerning the issues that face mental health and seek to search out and face the root of the problem, as opposed to avoiding it like society has done in the past. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, one in four adults suffers from a diagnosable mental disorder. They range from varying degrees of mild to serious disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive compulsive disorder, to name a few. Many live every day not knowing that they themselves or a loved one is suffering from something that may be treatable. Many who are aware that they have a mental health disorder are at a loss of where to find help. Since it is so concurrent in our society, mental health has played a very common theme or plot point in many films. Some are characterized with sensitivity and respect, while others take it too far and exploit as a way to get the audience to sympathize with the characters or situations.

In the 1996 Ben Stiller-directed film The Cable Guy, Jim Carrey’s character Chip Douglas initially comes across as generous and cordial, albeit obnoxious. He soon entrenches himself too deeply into the life of his newfound friend, Matthew Broderick’s Steven Kovacs. After Steven severs ties with Chip, we see Chip sabotage Steven’s work and personal life. On release, the film gained mixed reactions from critics. Carrey, looking to branch out, took on a much darker role than the ass-talking,

mask-wearing comedic ones he was known for at the time. Instead of the usual fare, audiences were given a dark satire about a disturbed man who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders describes one of the symptoms of BPD as having “an intense fear of abandonment ... often acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy as they cling to others, are very needy, feel helpless, and become overly involved and immediately attached.” Once aware of the sickness, which the film simply used as a plot device, you view it in a different light.

The cerebral imbalance, combined with parental neglect, caused Carrey’s character’s entire persona to be molded by the television shows and movies he was left to turn to for familial reassurance.

There seems to be a lack of education surrounding mental health. Most of the public’s perceptions of mental illnesses are largely due to the films in which they are portrayed – some successfully and fairly accurate, and others much the opposite.

1988’s Rain Man first introduced many people to autism. In As Good As It Gets and The Aviator, we see characters who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), from milder cases to more serious ones. Julien Donkey-Boy shows us a disturbingly true-to-life portrayal of a teenage boy with schizophrenia. We see his family and how their lives of those around him are affected.

In the recent film Silver Linings Playbook, Bradley Cooper’s character Pat suffers from bipolar disorder. It is something he has suffered with for most of his life, “white knuckling it” he says, but had it set off by a traumatic episode. The film brings up the debate of the usefulness of medication, with Pat forgoing his meds for a positive outlook on life and seeing the “silver lining” to every situation. This has sparked concern from some medical professionals who view it as being detrimental

to the treatment of those who suffer from these illnesses. Musician Tom Krell of How To Dress Well spoke out against the movie on Twitter calling it, “A complete mockery of the real gravity of mental illness.” He expressed that, “The ‘response’ to this piece of shit makes me want to weep or scream: for everyone in real mental pain ... who won't simply be ‘fixed’ when they find the right girl or whatever the fuck that movie suggests.” Passion Pit’s Michael Angelakos had similar sentiments, though he says, “It has to exist in some capacity for discussion ... Let's allow Hollywood to dramatize so there can be backlash/discussion. See, insurance companies barely recognize mental illness as health.”

A film’s essential purpose is to dramatize reality.

If the film strives to be true to life, it has to keep its integrity. In order for that to come into play, proper research has to be done and sensitivity needs to be taken into consideration, for any subject.

The reason mental health is so misunderstood is because it is not a visible sickness and can be hard

to define. You can see and treat a broken arm, and portray that in a film without much problem – but the mind is much more complex. There is a difference between feeling sad every now and again, and suffering from depression. This is a dialogue that has to keep going until we can learn more. Society has certainly come a long way in terms of grasping mental health. As we move forward into a more enlightened and progressive future, we must look at how serious we as a society view and portray these issues, and how we must change the stigma surrounding them.

Brandden Dancer is a freelance videographer, director, and editor in addition to being a film connoisseur. He co-hosts an Internet movie review show called Dangerhouse Reviews which features movies, friends, comedians, and fellow Courier writers, viewable at Youtube.com/dangerhousereviews. He is father to a cat named Wyatt, who is a weirdo.

×× Ksenia Kozhevnikova

CHEAPSKATE

Marco Ferreira × Columnist

The Thrifty Traveller personally enjoy yourself. It’s also nice to build up some equipment and basic travel knowledge before you embark on a big journey to somewhere exotic.

Even though there are many places I can’t wait to see, my next vacation will probably still be within Canada, if not B.C. The notion of visiting far away places is such an integral part of travelling, so the only solution for the environment, and the economy is also the solution to saving money: travel locally. The problem with the earth, and planets in general is they can barely sustain life because they are too hot, or too cold or too gaseous or whatever. It’s ironic that trying to fly away from the weather that’s pissing us off is helping create the more extreme weather conditions we’re trying to leave in the first place.

46 issue N o . 21

Marco is a long-time contributor to the Capilano Courier, previously as both the Humour Editor and Opinions Editor. In this column he will be going over ways in which to save money, challenge societal norms and live more simply, with the goal of improving our quality of life. His sense of humour has a tendency to wear out his opinion, but don’t let that dissuade you from following any of his life advice.

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There are many day hikes and overnight camping spots to check out that are pretty secluded. Hiking is as cheap as a pair of boots and a jacket but the cost of camping gear can be pretty steep. There are places that sell used outdoor adventure equipment, and you can also try borrowing gear from friends if that’s an option for you. If you aren’t an experienced woods-person I’d recommend you start by hiking groomed trails and see how you like it before spending money on the camping thing.

If backpacking around Europe or Australia interests you, consider starting with cities in Canada.

Backpack for a summer in Montreal or Vancouver Island. Stay in hostels, or to save even more money use Couchsurfing.org. In my experience as a backpacker you spend a ton of time walking around cities, so aside from your actual physical backpack you should also have some kind of quality walking shoes. It’s a good idea to try backpacking in some Canadian or even American cities before you go overseas, because it’s not nearly as big an investment if you end up hating that type of experience.

Backpackers are notoriously big drinking socialites who love to brag about all the places they’ve been to other backpackers who have no choice but to share an 8-bedroom dorm with them, so that’s lots to hate right there.

The advantage of travelling close to home is that you can essentially try before you buy. Just because the idea of something is romanticized it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s something you’ll

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very little of your money will help to stimulate the community where you actually live.

Global travelling is also pretty shitty for the environment. A study on airplane emissions conducted by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge found that “globally, about 8,000 deaths a year result from pollution from planes at cruising altitude – about 35,000 feet (10,668 metres) – whereas about 2,000 deaths result from pollution emitted during take-offs and landings.”

That’s 10,000 people dead with cardiovascular diseases like lung cancer every year, because we use airplanes too much. According to the European Union, “Someone flying from London to New York and back generates roughly the same level of emissions as the average person in the EU does by heating their home for a whole year.”

Ideally travelling is a cultural exchange, where you share experiences and costumes across borders.

But if you haven’t explored your own city, province or country, what culture do you have to share?

There are a billion things to see and do in British Columbia, and you don’t have to look very far.

There are many isolated coastal communities that could use our tourism, and most of these places are beautiful.

It’s important to take advantage of what your home has to offer. British Columbia has nice woods and big mountains, and in the summer months a mild climate, making outdoor excursions like camping and hiking viable and cheap options.

the capilano courier

Most students I know try to save money to go travelling. Everyone loves travelling, or at least the idea of it. My girlfriend and I spent some time backpacking and living in Australia over the last year. It wasn’t a terrible experience but it wasn’t the greatest either – it was a lot like the mediocrity of the life back home we were escaping. Sure, Australia is a pretty expensive place and probably wasn’t the best choice for two broke young people. But we gave it a shot, hemorrhaging most of our savings within the first few months. We ended up working jobs we hated and came home six months early.

Thanks to the experience, I learned a lot about myself and about travelling as a whole, but I still couldn’t recommend the trip for anyone else in our position. Frequent breaks away from the grind of work and school are essential to keeping a healthy mental state. Obviously a grand tour of the world is an exciting prospect, but unrealistic for someone with no means. What you should consider is taking frequent vacations in your own city, province or country. At least until you get the hang of travelling in the first place.

Shopping and living locally both have a proven positive economic impact, and are also good for the environment. A Civic Economics study found that when people buy goods from local suppliers, it generates “dramatically greater local economic activity,” versus supporting chain businesses.

Spending all your locally earned money in a foreign economy is equally as unsustainable, since

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Columns

Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d i t o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

Growing Pains

Robert Catherall × Columnist

What’s in a Pop-up Shop?

The experience of shopping has always been a tough one for me. From an adolescence that saw me leaving the mall via security escort rather than giddily parading about with my hands full of the latest fashions, a trip to the store was little more than an excuse to escape the tedium of suburbia.

Of course there were a few independent businesses around that charmed me with their “like it or leave it” appeal, but in the ’90s, these shops should have been put on the endangered species list.

To the relief of myself and many others, independent business has been revitalized as online stores have once again spiked in popularity.

The appeal of online shopping is not only in its cheap pricing, but also the non-intrusive nature that sidesteps that awkward client-retailer interaction, predictable upselling, and gratuitous flattery. Plus, you can shop to a personalized soundtrack. Naked.

The freedoms of online shopping are great but dawdling along, page by page, with little in the way of personal consultation can leave you feeling dehumanized. That is, unless you’re willing to send an email and wait for an overnight response.

And it’s not just paltry consumers such as myself who are realizing the value of this personal interaction in the small business realm.

The needs of the growing nouveau-riche are being met earlier and easier while increasing compe-

tition is forcing entrepreneurs to go further down the niche market rabbit hole, leaving them with the challenge to not just simply offer a product or service, but also build relationships and consumer trust. Achieving this can be an entertaining, selfgratifying, or a personable experience. As basic as it sounds, the facelessness of corporatism has left a bitter hole in consumers' pockets and cunning local business owners have taken notice.

Refurbished spaces throughout the city are being revitalized by a handful of young entrepreneurs with daring and thoughtful retail spaces, from the simplicity of the French sisters’ The Pie Shoppe in Strathcona to Gastown’s design-savvy general store, Old Faithful, commerce is merging with ideas. A microcosm for this ingenuity lies in the heart of the Downtown Eastside and has given credence to claims about the rise of the creative class. The Chinatown Experiment is a devoted pop-up shop (a temporary retail experience) that has surfaced at Columbia and East Hastings – a fairly undesirable location by most retail consulting standards. It is a space that provides artists, craftspeople and entrepreneurs the opportunity to test out their ideas without signing a lease or engaging in a partnership where personalities could potentially clash.

Ultimately however, the “experiment” is a way to bring interactivity back into the retail experience. “It’s not just about displaying your goods,

it’s more about interacting with your customers,” says Devon McKenzie, owner of The Chinatown Experiment. Customers are looking for more than just a monetary transaction and something generic to walk out the door with afterwards, so personality is a big part of consumer appeal – in Vancouver at least. It’s a crucial element that new entrepreneurs like McKenzie would like to see employed: “I’d like to see the return of the community hardware store or food stand, somewhere where you go and people know your name and the interactions are genuine, and not geared towards maximizing sales and upselling.”

Fast becoming outlets for expression as they challenge the traditional roles of client and shopkeeper, McKenzie agrees that businesses have now become multi-purpose spaces that act not only as a means of income, but as an outlet for ideas and culture. For him, The Chinatown Experiment and neighbour The Shop Vancouver are among the growing number of Vancouver storefronts that moonlight as multi-purpose spaces, facilitating the growth of art, culture and education. In the six months since its opening, The Chinatown Experiment has hosted 10 pop-up shops, five food and art-related events, and is an ongoing host of Trade School Vancouver, a community-driven and barter-based skill exchange.

McKenzie accepts that trying something new often has a few uptight parties crying out for con-

sistency, but says the local community has welcomed him. “The neighbourhood is responding well. Real residents – not the ones who bus in to protest, have given us positive feedback. It’s located on a block that was previously boarded up and basically overrun by drug dealers on the street.”

Being multi-faceted and dynamic is allowing consumers to expect more from local businesses that don’t adhere to corporate mandate. And entrepreneurs are finding some creative ways to fill those expectations. Visiting an interactive space that offers teachings or inspiration, in addition to whatever purchase you’re looking to make, be it a necessity or fleeting impulse, is a positive step for any consumer. So next time you need something as simple as a coffee, or complex as a motorcycle, delve into unknown territory and you just might discover something different.

Having seen some of the world’s greatest (and worst) cities, Robert believes Vancouver can become the former. However, it will not happen without some growing pains. Through his writing he intends to show that development can have a positive social effect, but only if we are willing.

× staff editorial ×

ONE BIG THING AT A TIME Giles Roy,

the capilano courier

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× Managing Editor

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I dated my first girlfriend for nearly four years.

We started in high school and remained together for what could be considered a developmentally significant period – the period in which you realize high school is not indicative of the real world, and that there’s still time to shape your life.

During that time she became increasingly motivated. She had always been smart, but she became more driven, more aware of the workings of the world, and more determined to overcome them.

So with an increased level of sociopolitical consciousness, naturally, came feminism.

This actually impacted our relationship, if even in a minor way – her aggressively feminist attitude would detract from her enjoyment of so many common things that I would make fun of her for it. Meanwhile, she scolded me for prioritizing a sense of humour over just about everything else. Eventually, our relationship ended due to unrelated outgrowing-each other-type reasons, and I’m disappointed to report that full years would pass until the lessons she had taught me would sink in.

It’s not that I was a “misogynist” – it’s just that I didn’t see any need to consider myself a feminist.

Outright feminism was unnecessary, I thought. It seemed obvious to me that nowadays, most women were treated just fine by most men. That whole struggle seemed to be as good as over. Now, the opposite seems obvious.

The term “rape culture” has gained traction recently, and it refers to a very real mess in a shocking, sloganeering sort of way. But this language does a great job of highlighting the biggest problem in this fight – the incredibly harmful, aggressively ignorant attitude of the modern male. In fact, in the past few months alone I’ve witnessed enough troubling incidents firsthand that I’ve nearly lost faith in him entirely.

At a bar near closing time, a woman is dancing with her boyfriend when a group of guys join in and suggestively dance behind her. When she stops to confront them, they laugh at her – then they pick a fight with the boyfriend. “Keep your woman in line,” they tell him.

A girl waits for a bus alone when a couple of guys she doesn’t know march by. “Sweetheart!” one of them slurs as he passes. “You should try smiling!”

On a crowded bus leaving the North Shore on a Friday night, a veritable pack of them target an unaccompanied girl and graphically, loudly tell her the things they’d like to do to her. She stays silent.

In fact, despite the fact that the entire bus can hear it, nobody says anything. Some of them see nothing wrong with the situation, and the rest of them feel threatened.

It could be argued that all of these cases are simply examples of the modern drunk male, but the sad reality is that this is just the average Joe with his filter off. He’s horny, he’s bloodthirsty, and he’s owed an audience by whomever he pleases.

This awful sense of entitlement is a cancer.

It was put there by Hollywood, by porn, by watching shitty adults treat each other like shit. It’s

so insanely deep-rooted into so many of our minds that it’s actually hard to identify it. And if it’s hard to identify, it’s especially hard to overcome.

I’m in severe danger of overgeneralizing, and I realize that the type of guy that harasses a woman on the bus isn't the same type of guy that reads a staff editorial in a university newspaper, but there’s a veritable “thing you can do about it” that the rest of us can start with.

It’s so simple, so obvious that it’s genuinely shameful that we’re not there yet, together. To even relay this sentiment is probably condescending, but there’s nothing to be lost by repeating it.

The big step forward is this: just be a feminist.

Think it out loud. Tell people when they ask. Tell people when they don’t ask. Classify yourself as such, because there is no excuse not to. It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is, your gender, your political tendencies. Whoever you are, believe it or not, you’re capable of defending women’s rights. Be a feminist because if you’re not, you're an asshole.

That’s the simplest way I can put it, as an incidentally penis-wielding, occasionally productive member of society to my peers. Just try it out. You don’t even have to spend hours reading the hundreds of online essays on the topic!

Just start by identifying as a feminist, and subsequently act as though you suspect a feminist might.

It’s not an instant fix, but you’ll suddenly have this heightened awareness of the world’s awful tendencies, and you’ll probably be that much more likely to speak up about them. At the absolute very least, you’ll stop demeaning the women around you. See for yourself.

The years I wasted not having this mindset were irresponsible, and there’s not really a counter argument for that. Feminism is an ongoing and complex process, and I’m still not even entirely sure if I’m “doing it right,” but I sure as hell won’t give up on it. I owe it to my loved ones, who share new horror stories with me every week. I owe it to the women I’ll never meet, some of whom experience these problems in unimaginably violent ways. I owe it to every woman, and guess the fuck what! You do, too.

×× lydia fu

13-03-22 8:33 PM

arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

RIVER OF DANCE GETS EXPRESSIVE Not to be confused with Riverdance Celina Kurz × Arts Editor “There aren’t that many dancers in Vancouver so why are we not all dancing with each other?”

Cydney Patton, along with her friend Rupert Common, make up River of Dance, which is hosting a monthly freestyle dance jam at The Nines. What began as a quickly organized New Year’s party has turned into a monthly event that will hopefully continue for some time. The night hopes to cater to a diverse and eclectic audience, with the focus being on hip-hop and its surrounding genres.

River of Dance began as an outlet for Patton, Common, and their friend Zoe Giles (who later parted with the group to focus on other creative outlets) to experiment with Patton’s choreography, until they realized a mutual desire to share what they were learning in a more social environment – thus, River of Dance Presents Freestyle Dance Jam was born.

“The thing about the freestyle jam is that it’s freestyle rap and dance … A lot of time you go to your rap show and people are just rapping and no one’s really dancing, [or] you go to a dance show and everyone’s dancing and nothing else is happening,” explains Common. “The main idea is to take it into an area where people aren’t linked in totally to hip-hop would come so we would get more of an eclectic group. You take it out of the corners in the studios and you take it from the open mic and we create an event where it’s all kind of happening.”

Patton adds that it brings these sub-groups together who might not necessarily connect otherwise: “I’m primarily a dancer ... I feel that

there’s a really big separation between freestyle rap culture in Vancouver and dance culture.”

Common and Patton come from fairly different backgrounds when it comes to dance and hip-hop: Patton, a student in the SFU visual arts program, has been dancing and choreographing a variety of genres since her youth, and has a particular passion for the genre of waacking, a form of dance that arose out of the disco scene in the ‘70s and has come to be associated with hip-hop.

While disco and hip-hop seem like a far stretch, the waacking style and music work well within the genre: “Bringing the music together, it works ... It comes from the same seeds of music that makes you move,” explains Patton. Common, on the other hand, is more into breakdancing, and is also a participant within the Vancouver slam poetry and battle rapping community.

While Vancouver does have a strong hip-hop community, within both freestyle rapping and dance, in Common and Patton’s experience the emphasis tends to be placed on battling, which can be somewhat intimidating and seem aggressive to newcomers. “If you’re not a trained dancer [it can be really intimidating] – and even I, when I go to battles, feel intimidated ‘cause with these people, that’s their life,” explains Patton. “I really want to create a place where dancers can just dance, even if it’s not what you always do.”

Common agrees, adding that there’s nothing inherently wrong about battling, but it’s not a format that’s for everyone: “You’re going up against a guy and everyone’s really skilled [but] they’re calling each other out for a lack of skill or [saying], ‘Your technique is wack’ ... It’s sort of playful [but] I’ve been in a few battles and I perform worse than I do by myself.”

With the freestyle jam, they hope to create a space where people who want to get better can be

inspired, but emphasizing that it’s not about being better than anyone else: “[We want to make] something that’s a little bit less for the sake of winning and more for the sake of sharing dance, and battling because it’s fun and because it’s a conversation through movement,” says Patton.

Both Common and Patton are quick to point out that they, and the jam, are very new to Vancouver’s hip-hop scene, but they hope that what they are offering is accepted for what it is.

Common says, “I’m not pretending that I know everything, but I do know that this vibe that’s kind of happening amongst the people that I’ve been relating with have been really good and it would be fun to see that happen more … [We’re] hoping that we can bring our vibe to [the scene] and add to what’s already here.”

The night starts with “a freestyle rap cipher for new emcees – and it’s female friendly too, we’re collaborating with other women who like to freestyle – so we’re going to have this beginner freestyle workshop,” says Common. As the night

goes on, it will transition into more dancing and, “when it’s kind of packed at its peak, Cydney and I will come out and bring out our routine.” They will also feature other dancers “that are really interesting to us and that we’re stoked on,” says Patton.

At the last jam, they featured a b-girl, a b-boy, a waacker, and a popper. “It was like a battle but it wasn’t judged and it wasn’t super competitive,” she explains.

But, Common emphasizes, “You’re not coming here just to watch a bunch of stuff, you’re going to be dancing.” Whether you want to participate by free-styling, throwing down in the middle of a cipher, or learning some new moves from someone you’ve never met, River of Dance are the hosts who have what you need.

The next jam is on Mar. 29 starting at 7:30 p.m. at The Nines (99 W. Pender St.). Cover is $5 with no one turned away at the door.

×× katie so

LEAPing onto the Theatre Scene

Young writers show what they can bring to the stage Julian Legere × Writer

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The LEAP public readings take place at 7 p.m. on Mar. 31 (level one), Apr. 4 (level two), and Apr. 14 (level three), at the Arts Club Revue Stage on Granville Island. Admission is free to the public.

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part of this year’s IGNITE! Festival at the Cultch in May. She is excited to pursue other similar competitive opportunities, as well as touring her plays on the Fringe Festival Circuit. “LEAP is how I came to the decision that I wanted to pursue theatre,” she says. As for Gumuchian: “Now I know my dream is to become a writer and entertainer. Next year I'll be heading down to Southern California to major in screenwriting.” She credits the Arts Club’s program for giving her that drive: “LEAP solidified my dreams as a writer.”

The highlight of the LEAP experience is the opportunity for the student playwrights to have their work read in front of an audience by professional actors on the Arts Club’s Revue Stage.

“The whole experience of watching my play was exhilarating,” Gumuchian says. “It was also a rare gift to hear the audience's immediate feedback.”

McGillivray agrees: “It’s exhilarating to hear an audience respond favourably to your writing. It’s informative, too. You can hear what’s working and what’s not, based on the audience’s reactions. I’m nervous and also really excited.”

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Both Gumuchian and McGillivray also credit MacDonald for his great leadership: “Shawn really laid down a strong foundation for us to expand on. I wouldn't be the writer I was today if it was not for his lessons,” says Gumuchian. Similarly, McGillivray calls him “a fantastic mentor,” adding that, “he’s someone that I really look up to in terms of having a theatrical career because he doesn’t limit himself as an artist. He has helped solidify a lot of my ideas about why art is important, and encouraged me to continue writing about what I’m passionate about, which is to combine self-help and self-expression, to fearlessly confront darkness onstage.”

McGillivray explains how her different artistic disciplines have integrated: “All my education at Capilano and my education in LEAP support one another. It all comes back to storytelling: what is the story you want to tell and how can you best tell that story. The more I study with Shawn, the more I understand the structure of storytelling, why people tell stories, and what I have to say as an artist.”

McGillivray and Gumuchian both admit that the knowledge and exposure they earned participating in LEAP have helped set them on paths to careers in the arts. McGillivray won first place in last year’s IGNITE! Youth Theatre Festival Playwriting Contest with the play she wrote last year in level two, meaning her play is being staged at

the capilano courier

Want to get a sneak peak at what up-andcoming playwrights are coming up with? The LEAP (Learning Early About Playwriting) young writers public reading series is coming up, with the first reading on Mar. 31, and it’s the perfect place to see what young talent the city has to offer. LEAP consists of three levels: level one students create short plays, level two students create one-act plays, and level three consists of one student who works to create a full-length play. All three classes have been working for about six months with awardwinning playwright, actor, and director Shawn MacDonald learning about theatrical writing and developing their plays for the readings.

In an interview on the Arts Club website, mentor MacDonald says of the program: “For me, the best way for a young playwright to learn about playwriting is to write plays, hear them read aloud, and learn from others what resonates and what is unclear.”

The LEAP readings are an exciting event not only for the playwrights themselves, but also fortheatre aficionados who have the chance to hear some of the work of the next generation of theatrical artists. This year’s stellar acting company for the readings includes Gaelen Beatty, most recently

seen in the Arts Club’s production of Xanadu; Briana Buckmaster, known for her role in the film REPO: The Genetic Opera; award-winning Vancouver actor and director Dean Paul Gibson, who frequently works with the Arts Club and Bard on the Beach; actor, writer, and co-artistic director of the Truth Be Told Theatre Company Jeff Gladstone; Luisa Jojic, another Bard on the Beach regular, most recently seen in Sisters at Gateway Theatre; and finally Vancouver actor, composer and teacher, Joan Maclean. With that stellar cast, this year’s readings are sure to be filled with exciting and dramatic stories, told by some of the best in the business.

Claire Jane McGillivray, currently working on a diploma in the Acting for Stage and Screen Program at Capilano University, says that her exposure to playwriting at LEAP made her “fall in love with it.” Another former LEAP student, Sonia Gumuchian, says, “The two hour classes were definitely my highlight of every week.”

McGillivray agrees: “Being around like-minded artists who were struggling with the same things, who were passionate about the same things, was really inspiring.”

Because the program is so intense, it provides a great space for ideas to take root and grow: “Looking back, it dawned on me how much useful information I had been taught in such a short period of time,” Gumuchian says.

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arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

QUITE THE CAT'S MEOW Latest Exit 22 play will be just ducky Katherine Alpen × Writer Capilano University is about to explode with joie de vivre. The Boy Friend, a musical by Sandy Wilson, is set to hit the NSCU stage this March. Set in the swingin’ ‘20s in the French Riviera, The Boy Friend surrounds the lives of British debutantes studying at Madame Dubonet’s Finishing School under the watchful eye of Madame Dubonet herself, but there’s more to this show than just tales of young infatuation and madcap Charleston dance moves.

“The conceit of the play is that it’s a play within a play, within a play,” explains director Gillian Barber. “So here you have a group of British actors touring Canada, from Britain, that are putting on The Boy Friend, so the cast has this double thing going on. Sandy Wilson wrote this prologue to the piece where this actor comes out and says, ‘Hi, I’m an actor from the show. We’re English and we're touring this production.'”

This kind of script and narrative structure has had its challenges for the cast. “Reality is great, but

the super reality and the technique of this comedy is funny. When you’re working in a vacuum with no audience and you’re doing all this dramatic gasping … it’s hard. With all the training we give here, which is about how to access all the inner stuff, it’s not that [internal] at all. It’s incredibly exterior, it’s incredibly technical, and it’s incredibly silly.”

So what can an audience member expect from this type of comedy? “You’ll see a lot of breaking the fourth wall and the comedy is quite farcical in nature I would say, because there are reactions the whole cast does and it’s all very timed and very technical. So what we did with the show is, we built it first on the premise of reality and then we took that and we pushed it up into this kind of over exaggerated kind of acting.”

Exit 22 Productions, the theatre company at Capilano, puts on four large, student-cast productions every year: three plays and one musical.

How they select the musical is largely based on the third-year musical theatre students graduating the coming April. “All the directors get together and we take a look at prominently, who’s coming up in

third year, what the cohort’s needs are in terms of exploration of types of shows that would be really good for them pedagogically.”

The plot, though frothy in nature, is full of twists and turns. Polly, a young lady of fortune, arrives at the Villa Caprice and tells everyone that her imaginary boyfriend is riding on his motorbike from Paris for the annual Carnival Ball. Madame Dubonet and Polly’s widowed father discover they were once lovers, and attempt to kindle their old infatuation. Hilarity, confusion, dancing and romance ensue in flapper form and with wildly choreographed gasps to boot. Do they end up together? Do the girls find their perfect boyfriends?

Will Hortense, the French maid, carry a feather duster? Who knows!

Stylistically, an era specific musical holds challenges in its historical specificity, but also in the smallest details of behaviour. These details are often overlooked by audience members, but in rehearsal, they are heavily focused on. “You’re not allowed to touch,” says choreographer Shelley Stewart Hunt. “When you’re sitting next to a boy, you’re not allowed to touch his knee. Of course the

kids still have all the same feelings and longings and developing awareness and all of that, nothing is new in the history of that type of awareness, but at the time, for the time period, there were very strict social obligations that had to be upheld when you were interacting with members of the opposite sex.”

The show is all-ages, and is right up the alley of any … entertainment-loving theatre-goers. “It’s a farce,” Hunt explains. “It’s my favourite kind of musical because it has short scenes and lots of singing and dancing … This is a very fast-paced show.

Gillian is a director that likes to have things start and drive quickly and with no pauses, and it’s got a nice quick pace.”

The Boy Friend runs Mar. 28 to 30, Apr. 3 to 6 at 8 p.m., and Mar. 31 & Apr. 6 at 2 p.m. at the NSCU Centre at Capilano University.

INDOOR ARTS SPACES City regulates non-traditional arts spaces Connor Thorpe

the capilano courier

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× Staff Writer

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Vancouver arts events will no longer be limited to bars and approved traditional venues, following an expansion of the city’s indoor arts events program – which will allow for warehouses and retail spaces to be used temporarily to host two events exhibiting the work of artists and performers, per month. Following the backlash from Vancouver’s arts communities over the closures of several high-profile arts venues in the city, as well as a perceived lack of initiative taken by the city to preserve Vancouver’s active arts spaces ,city council approved the program, which is the only one of its kind in Canada, unanimously.

“There are two very different policies that have been approved. One is to allow artist studios in industrial areas [that] previously did not permit this type of use. This opens up huge areas of the city for artist studios in industrial areas, which means the supply of space for this purpose is significantly increased,” says Rob Gloor, Executive Director of the Alliance for Arts and Culture.

“The second, more recent program allows for live performance events in spaces that are otherwise not zoned for assembly. This is important for those occasional live performances that take place in spaces such as retail buildings, warehouses, or galleries. The pilot program makes it easier to get approval for such temporary uses without incurring enormous renovation costs, and without having to deal with multiple regulatory bodies.”

Rich Newirth, Director of Cultural Services for the City of Vancouver, says that the move was one the city had been considering for some time.

“Basically, if you look at what the bylaws of the city say, unless a space was built for occupancy loads – which have certain weight requirements and exiting requirements – theoretically, events in all of these alternative spaces were not permit-

ted under existing bylaws,” he says, explaining that alternative spaces had to undergo a rigorous process to acquire an expensive permit to hold events. “In reality, we wanted to encourage the ability to have events in non-traditional venues, not just in theatres and other places that traditionally allow congregation. This is something we’ve been looking at for the past few years about how to enable having events in spaces that were not necessarily built to occupancy standards.”

An article for the Georgia Straight quoted several of those in attendance at the meeting during which the program was approved. “I do support the pilot program and I do think that it’s a wonderful thing that the Vancouver community needs to take on,” local musician Colin Cowan told council, speaking for China Cloud Studios. “I do think that eight a month is a much more reasonable thing to add onto this.”

Safe Amplification Site Society director Ryan McCormick explained to council that in order for the program to take off, it must become more accessible and available.

“We’re asking you to broaden the eligibility of the requirements of this permit, so that more underground venues can apply for it, become licensed, and become safer not only for their audiences, but for themselves, and to avoid being shut down,” he said in the meeting, as quoted in the Straight.

Despite the tentative consensus amongst the Vancouver arts community that the program is a step in the right direction, the two-event per space per month limit has been the subject of debate. In the council meeting, during which the policy change was voted upon, several local artists and musicians spoke to council members, urging them to increase the amount of monthly shows allotted to each venue and to expand the accessibility of the program for those who wish to take part. While the two-event limit is consistent with the B.C. liquor licensing law that allots two

special occasion licenses per month for spaces that are not ordinarily licensed, Newirth says that the number may not remain static.

“We’ll report back to council within a year or two and depending upon how it works and the feedback we get, it could very well increase, particularly for the smaller-sized groups and particularly for dry events,” he explains, noting that there is a possibility of certifying spaces once they have demonstrated they can safely hold events. “This is just a pilot. We’re going to see how it works – what works really well and what doesn’t work so well and adjust it accordingly.”

Gloor cautions that the program doesn’t

fill the needs of those who wish to establish a permanent venue in a non-traditional space. “The pilot program is a huge step for venues which have only occasional and temporary needs for live performance events, but are otherwise not zoned for assembly. For them, two events per month is more than enough,” he says. “For those venues which would like to become permanent live performance spaces, this program is not related to their goals.

Their need to facilitate permanent re-zoning for regular and ongoing live performance spaces is quite a separate topic, and there are continued efforts underway to address those more intensive issues.”

×× tiereney

Milne

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LIVE REVIEWS MOVES UNLIKE JAGGER

THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM

Gordon Lightfoot takes fans Born Ruffians follow stinker with promise down memory lane

Slam Dunk Welcome to Miami

album reviews

Kate Nash

Colin Spensley, Distribution Manager Like any good house party, Slam Dunk builds you up first before utterly breaking you down. Slam Dunk takes the listener on a wondrously destructive, yet tremendously fun, trek through the back woods of Victoria, British Columbia. Skirting a fine line between the familiar sounds of soulful rock and jangly party punk, Welcome To Miami is the perfect backing track to a beer-fueled living room slam dance party. And often this is where you will see Slam Dunk, scratching up the hardwood flooring with their enormous soda shop pop meets garage rock brand of punk rock. Loud guitars, fast rhythms, and joyous, smart vocal delivery often lead to foolhardy mosh pits. With no clear relation to the 1998 Will Smith pop classic, Welcome To Miami will take you past the glitzy clubs and show rooms of the south, down a dusty back road and deep into the swamp. It’s dirty, it’s hot, your friends have left you alone drinking moonshine from a mason jar and the locals are starting to gyrate, foaming at the mouth, howling at the moon. It’s probably in your best interest to join them. Don’t be alarmed – this is just how they do things down here.

Girl Talk JJ Brewis, Editor-in-Chief

Let’s be honest: at age 74, Gordon Lightfoot is not the sandal-sporting, curly-haired charmer he used to be. His voice is fading and his mullet is just wacky. But, Bob Dylan once said that when he listened to a Gordon Lightfoot song, he wished it would never end. And true enough, most of Lightfoot’s work has that unique perennial quality; his records are treasures to be kept for many decades to come. The problem is, who will keep them? Years from now, I fear the public understanding of folk will relate to Mumford and Sons and like-minded contemporary “folk” artists.

I’ve sung enough odes to Lightfoot’s genius. I have to say that despite the fact that everyone else in that Coquitlam casino was at least twice my age, and that I got sat in the wheelchair viewing area (awkwardly, with perfectly functioning legs which I may have inconsiderately stretched at different points in the show), I found it easy to accept: this is great music, why should I be embarrassed?

Some of the songs he wrote are so great they can’t be messed up by old age, pulmonary insufficiency, or just lack of stamina. “Song for a Winter’s Night”, “Early Morning Rain”, “Sundown”, “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” – Sure, they sounded better 40 years ago, but they’re still great today.

Gordy’s not Mick Jagger with his chicken dances and all-over-the-stage presence. He’s just a humble dude playing humble chords on a beautiful 12-string guitar, barely moving the rest of his body. He’s what great Canadian music should be viewed as, in contrast with British or American music: it’s constrained, not in your face, it’s as straightforward as good music can be. It’s about the music and not at all about the fame.

It achieves so effortlessly what many people with much ambition try so hard to achieve and fail.

I won’t say this was a life-changing experience.

But even the great ones must one day retire. For Lightfoot, that day may be very near, and seeing him live is one thing I can proudly check off my list. But damn, I should’ve yelled for “Walls”.

After the slight mis-step of their sophomore record, Say It, Toronto’s Born Ruffians have a bit of work to do this time around. With a new album due out next month, the challenge is to recapture the unbridled energy and freewheeling nature that made their debut, Red, Yellow & Blue, so instantly infectious. If that record was the sound of a group of friends having the party of their lives, Say It was that same group of kids throwing an equally fun party the following week, except with everyone secretly reminiscing about how awesome that first one was.

And so this current tour has Born Ruffians playing a bulk of the new songs that will give their fans an idea of whether this band can still bring their signature call-and-response indie quirk-pop at a high level, or whether they caught lightning in a bottle right out of the gate and are now slowly running out of ideas to keep themselves fresh and unique.

The Ruffians are not fools, and they especially know anything from Red, Yellow & Blue is the leap pad from where everything should start. Fittingly, their set opener at Fortune Sound Club was a two-stick dynamite combo of “Badonkadonkey” and “Vonnegut” that lit and blew up the whole damn crowd.

New tracks such as “Needle” and “With Her Shadow” were played and both possess the band’s trademark touchstones – endearingly yelpy vocals, plucky and jangly guitars, heart-tugging lyrics and a seemingly effortless way with melody – that have always made it easy to align them with peers like Vampire Weekend and Wolf Parade. Things seem to be heading in the right direction for the forthcoming record, Birthmarks.

It’s hard not to love this band when people all around you are screaming and shouting song lyrics and jumping around with such unabashed exuberance. It’s definitely a party, and really, who cares how good last week’s was when people are having this much fun?

Parenthetical Girls Privilege Adam Jennison, Writer

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Dragging the dramatic orchestration of Phil Spector’s “Wall of Sound” from the heyday of sombre, love-torn girl groups into the contemporary age of sad indie boys shuffling their feet, Parenthetical Girls have crafted a basis for their new record, Privilege. An abridged collection of recent previously released tracks, Privilege functions best as a series of stories centered on lead singer Zac Pennington’s slightly twisted fantasies, which play off of his keen ability to envision himself in different roles: male, female, young, old, submissive, dominant, and so on. His voice slithers at its most sinister and coos at its most fragile, nicely threaded around the varying styles the band employs, from nearly twee to electro-tinged. While this variation keeps things interesting, it also has a tendency to distract, leaving us wishing for something a bit more cohesive. Ultimately, Pennington has focused the album’s attention on his storyline with the instrumentation as a supplement. While his voice and wit carry Privilege, it does come at the rest of the band’s expense.

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Brian Pascual, Writer

the capilano courier

Two songs into Kate Nash’s third album, Girl Talk, I had to double check that I hadn’t accidentally downloaded a Le Tigre b-sides compilation. Sure enough, this is Nash – the same Lily Allen lite who emerged half a decade ago with a debut filled with piano-laced heartbreak ballads. But on her newest outing, the old Nash – with all of her cutesy references to love letters and sparrows – is washed away, replaced by a punk rock riot girl persona, shoving the history of feminism down the throat of the listener. You’ve got to admire her spirit and passion to release the album on her own terms: after her label asked for a “catchier” and “less punk” album, Nash split with the label and recorded Girl Talk with the help of crowdsourcing funds. But despite the fire built inside of her, the music suffers at the hand of her activism. While it’s actually really admirable and cool (and presently kind of trendy) to incorporate feminism into a pop record, Nash trades in what made her great in the first place – brilliant songwriting and spotless singing unmatched by many in her field. On “All Talk”, Nash shouts “I’m a feminist, and if that offends you, then fuck you” – and I can’t help but think her mantra would be better backed, and more widely heard, by actual instrumentation and not just jarring shouting. A little compromise goes a long way, Kate – and as much as I’m with you in your battle, there is a lot to be said about a catchy pop hook.

Scott Moraes, Fiction and Humour Editor

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FEATURES

Features Editor ×

NATALIE CORBO

× s p e c i a lf e at u r e s . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

The Real Restaurants of Vancouver Creative concepts set the table for culinary adventures ×× Stefan Tosheff

Andy Rice × Staff Writer Some eat to live, while others live to eat – and with nearly 4,500 restaurants in the Metro Vancouver area alone, possibilities abound for either philosophy. But while a culinary adventure often begins with one’s taste buds in mind, it doesn’t have to end there. So much more exists for those who are willing to take some chances, escape their comfort zone, and tell the mainstream, quite frankly, to go fork itself.

As important as food is to the success of a restaurant, a winning concept can be equally as powerful. Vancouver has several prime examples, each of them having carved a special niche by doing things their own way. Call them quirky, call them weird, call them over the top, but one thing’s for sure – they have tourists and locals lining up outside their doors, competing for reservations, and coming back time and time again. Here are a few of the Courier‘s unique restaurant picks.

the capilano courier

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THE ELBOW ROOM

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Celebrating its third decade this year, the Elbow Room has become a beloved Vancouver institution. Since 1983, co-owners Brian Searle and Patrick Savoie have been dishing out not only breakfast and lunch, but sizable portions of abuse as well. It’s all part of a schtick Savoie developed soon after the place opened. “I think in the beginning we were just like any other café, but over a period of time, especially with my own personality, I created what we are today,” he says. “Basically, we’re a place where people can come and enjoy their breakfast and at the same time be treated like shit.”

Two signs greet customers at the door to make sure they know all the rules, one of which is to bring a positive attitude. “If you have a sense of humour you’ll fit in,” says Savoie. “If you don’t have a sense of humour you’ll probably think we’re assholes.” Most customers know what to expect though, and in fact, it’s exactly why they come in the first place. At the Elbow Room, it’s customary for staff to tease and verbally insult the guests, complain flamboyantly about their orders and demands, and tell them to “get their own coffee if they want it.” Many patrons even play along, quipping right back with some abuse of their own.

“People can come here and become part of the show,” says Savoie. “They feel that they’re having a bit of fun as they’re having their breakfast or lunch.”

The restaurant also collects donations for charity in a very unique way. “If you don’t finish your food and there’s nothing wrong with the food, we collect [a donation] for the Loving Spoonful,” he says. “What they do is provide meals to people who are HIV positive and can no longer look after a nutritional meal.” To date, the restaurant has donated nearly $70,000 to the cause. Not bad for a bunch of meanies.

RAW CANVAS In recent years, a Food Network series called World’s Weirdest Restaurants has brought attention to many unique eateries around the globe, including Yaletown’s Raw Canvas. Part restaurant and part art studio, the concept was initially inspired by a trip founder Steve Merkley took to Japan several years ago. Guests are seated in the upper lounge where they are served tapas, charcuterie, cheeses, and beverages. And then, when the mood strikes them, they are invited to put on a smock, grab some brushes, and head down to the painting pit to find creative inspiration.

While manager Miriam Naumann describes the restaurant as an open-concept space, she assures that the mess in the studio is separated from the dining room. Canvases come in several shapes and sizes and are added to the bill right along with the food. “We also have a resident artist every night who is assisting our guests with the painting,” she says. With both the food and the art supplies, Raw Canvas strives to source products locally wherever possible. Meats and cheeses come from Granville Island, as does the assortment of Kroma acrylic paints, and canvases are also manufactured in the Lower Mainland.

For many customers, Raw Canvas is a place not only to feed the hunger for food, but the hunger to create as well. “When you come here it’s a completely different environment,” says Naumann. “It’s an escape from [people’s] busy lives.

They probably haven’t painted since they were a kid in kindergarten or in school, so people just discover a different self.”

DARK TABLE Dark Table in Kitsilano offers patrons a meal in total darkness, served by a wait staff that is blind or visually impaired. It’s a concept that takes some adjusting for both the eyes and the senses, but ultimately offers more than the average meal on the town. The third of its kind in Canada, the restaurant was modelled after owner Moe Alameddine’s popular O’Noir locations in Montreal and Toronto.

Sensory overload is the term that comes to mind for Chelsea Maddick, a recent diner at Dark Table.

“When you’re in there, you not only realize that sight is something we seem to take for granted, but everything else heightens – hearing, touch, and taste especially,” she says. Servers greet the diners in a lit entranceway where they are asked to turn off their electronic devices, preview a menu, and list any dietary concerns before entering the restaurant. To put patrons’ heightened senses to work, two of the courses are kept a surprise. There is no light to eat them by; only a dim glow in the washrooms, at the bar, and from the obligatory exit signs. Servers address each patron by name, leading them to their seats and elsewhere if nature calls.

“There is, unfortunately about 75 to 80 per cent unemployment within the [blind and visually impaired] community so this kind of opportunity is good for them,” says general manager Sami Mousattat. “For a person with such disability it’s a great source of socializing and making money at the same time. [Serving is] something they really enjoy doing that they never thought of being able to do.”

“The person who originally started the concept is blind so he kind of wanted other people to experience being blind for a couple hours,” he adds.

That, says Maddick, is harder than it sounds. “You literally can’t see your own hand in front of your face, much less sitting someone a foot away.” In fear of dropping or misplacing cutlery, or spilling food or drinks, some diners “just gave in to using just their fingers. Throughout, everyone comments on what they think they’re eating, dissecting every component on the plate. It adds a new, fun element of conversation that’s unique unto itself. We especially had a good laugh about trying to butter bread. It’s harder than you think when you can’t see. And messier.”

EXP RESTAURANT AND BAR One of Vancouver’s newest and most uniquely themed restaurants is EXP, a place co-founder and creative director Brian Vidovic describes as “a community hub for gamers and geeks.” As one of the first establishments in the world to focus almost exclusively on gaming culture, “everything at EXP plays into the concept of video games. The music is all original, remixed, or inspired by pieces from games, the menu for both food and drinks are themed appropriately, and everyone who works at EXP is required to be into video games before the hiring process even begins.”

Patrons can enjoy a menu creation named after their favourite game or character in a social

gaming environment complete with thematic decor. Games are even permitted in the front of the restaurant and live play is broadcasted on large screens throughout. EXP is currently petitioning the B.C. Liquor Control Board to allow games in the back bar as well. “We have many different theme nights, live eSports, trivia and more, so people can expect something different every time,” says Vidovic. “Our screens are always rotating playlists from trailers and cutscenes, to speedruns and longplays, to completely random Internet culture and weirdness. Our goal is to make EXP that community hub for events, meet-ups, business meetings, and competitions for the gamer in everyone.”

EATING CHALLENGES For those who like to exercise their competitive spirit by consuming excessively large portions at record speeds, several eating challenges exist in the Vancouver area. The Two Parrots on Granville Street offers a gigantic burger containing two pounds of beef, two whole tomatoes, half a head of lettuce, one pound of mushrooms and eight slices of cheddar cheese. Loaded onto a sourdough bun with house mayo it weighs a whopping six pounds once assembled. “People have exactly one hour to clean the plate,” says operations manager Rebecca DeVos. If not, the burger costs $27.00 plus tax and their photo is forever immortalized on the wall of shame. “Make a mess, you clean it up, if you get what we mean.”

Most colossal of all, however, is the Uncle Grant’s Eating Challenge at Lucy’s Eastside Diner on Main Street. Owner Erv Salvador put it on the menu shortly after the restaurant opened in an attempt to stump a particularly gluttonous friend of his. “We definitely did with this one,” he says. The challenge consists of six burger patties, 12 pieces of cheese, and 12 pieces of bacon, topped with a portion of pulled pork and served between two grilled cheese sandwiches. Just in case any trace of hunger remains, it’s accompanied by a bowl of Lucy’s signature macaroni and cheese, and a portion of poutine. “And to finish it off it comes with a 26 ounce milkshake of your choosing.” Salvador says that while at least one person a week attempts to conquer the monstrosity, under a dozen have ever finished it successfully within the 20-minute time limit.

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R E I R U O C O N A L I P CA YEAR END BASH with our friends

Featuring 90’s themed art

ators r t s u l l i r Courie l a e r m fro and 90’s hits until 1 am!

@ TH E N IN ES (99 W ES T PE N DE R) $5 / 8 PM / A LL A G ES

the capilano courier

S AT U R DAY M A R C H 30

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46 issue N o . 21

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FEATURES

Features Editor ×

NATALIE CORBO

× s p e c i a lf e at u r e s . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

MY PERSUASION CAN BUILD A NATION With looming election, B.C. still lacks gender equality in politics Samantha Thompson

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46 issue N o . 21

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In 1991, Linda Reid, newly-elected Richmond East MLA, had to fight for more women’s washrooms in the legislature. As preposterous as that sounds today, B.C. is still far from achieving gender equality in its political system.

When it comes to provincial politics, Canada is in an unprecedented scenario. As it stands right now, six women are premiers of a Canadian province or territory. Each of them is the first female premier of their respective province/territory, and all, save for two, have now successfully won a general election and have been elected by the citizens they are meant to lead. The remaining two, Christy Clark in B.C. and Kathleen Wynne in Ontario, have not yet had the opportunity to run in a general election. Wynne’s date will not be until Oct. 1, 2015, but Clark’s is fast approaching: the general election for B.C. will be held on May 14, 2013.

“That’s a wonderful, wonderful breakthrough,” says Dr. Tim Schouls, a political studies professor at Capilano University, of the six female leaders.

However, he acknowledges that it is still premature to know the impact that this situation will have on the Canadian political climate as a whole.

“I think it’s awfully early to know, it’s unprecedented … in fact, most of the time when we’ve had female premiers or prime ministers, they’ve come in as a result of having been elected by their party and assuming office, but not being successful in the first provincial or federal election that they’ve faced.”

In B.C., there are diverse problems facing women interested in becoming politicians: including the amount of time spent away from families, as a result of long treks to Victoria or Ottawa; the adversarial nature of the political debate system;

and even just the nomination process to stand for election in the party – which becomes an allconsuming preoccupation, says Schouls.

“You put all of that together, and it’s not surprising that women are present in political life at rates of 25 to 30 per cent. It seems to be that we have to recalibrate the whole system in some way that invites women into the dialogue about how we structure the relationships within politics and the institutions associated with them, before we’re going to see significant shift or change.”

With a lack of women in the legislature comes an under representation of women’s issues in policy as well. According to an article in the Vancouver Sun by Cathy Huth, Carolyn Jack, et al., the United Nations states that at least one-third of representatives need to be women in a government body in order to produce public policy intune with concerns that are key to women.

In a province where there is not even a ministry for women’s issues, it is uncertain where B.C.’s priorities lie in terms of gender equality. Its history suggests that British Columbians are not the biggest fan of female leaders – after all, they have had five opportunities to do so and are yet to elect a female premier in a general election.

When it comes down to it, maybe they’re not ready to place a woman in a position of power.

MISS INDEPENDENT When Christy Clark was elected leader of the B.C. Liberal party, and consequently the premier of B.C., the reaction was similar to when the Americans first elected President Barack Obama.

“Look at us,” people would say, “We are so forward thinking because we have an African-American president! Racism no longer exists!”

With Clark, many British Columbians were

overjoyed with how progressive they were, electing a female premier for only the second time in the province’s history. The general agreement was, this was evidence that gender equality had been achieved.

Schouls acknowledges that Clark being elected leader of the B.C. Liberals has had some positive impact on the political climate in B.C. “I think that from the perspective of optics ... and from the perspective of indicating to girls and young women that women can assume the leadership of parties, and ... provinces, this is a wonderful moment in our own political history.”

When discussing gender equality in politics, it is very easy to write it off as making a big deal about something that no longer exists. Perhaps it is simply a coincidence that female party leaders have never won in a B.C. election, but it is still a situation that warrants discussion.

“If we consider ‘equality’ to being half of the legislature as women, then we definitely haven’t [achieved it],” says Ashley Fehr, political organizer and member of the NDP. Currently, only 31 per cent of MLAs are women.

“For the time being, because we live in a patriarchal culture, I do think that men monopolize power in our society, there’s no question in my mind. Women have, through their own persistence over the course of centuries, begun to break that monopoly down,” says Schouls. “[The] thing that concerns me is the structural barriers that exist, that women have to overcome to be successful in political life,” he syays. “The game ... of politics is set up according to the rules that men have generated, that they have traditionally felt more comfortable in.”

B.C.’s history towards female party leaders is short but telling. There have been 10 women as party leaders since 1903. The Social Credit party

had Rita Johnston (1991-92) and Grace McCarthy (1993-94). The B.C. NDP, and its predecessor, the Cooperative Commonwealth Federation, had Joy MacPhail (2001-03), Carole James (2003-11) and Dawn Black (Jan. to Apr. 2011). The B.C. Liberals had Shirley McLoughlin (1981-1988) and now Christy Clark (2011-).

It is worth noting that the B.C. Green party, although never forming government, had both Adriane Carr (1983-85 and 2000-06) and Jane Sterk (2007-).

There were also other women who ran in leadership races, but lost – often by a significant margin.

In 1993, for example, Linda Reid was a candidate for NDP leadership, but lost with 166 votes to elected Glen Clark’s 4141.

“When I worked on the federal leadership campaign for a female candidate, I was told by many longtime members of the NDP that Canada isn’t ready for a female leader,” says Fehr. “If NDP members think that Canada isn’t ready, then I can certainly guarantee that voters in B.C. have felt the same way.”

There have been five B.C. elections in which female leaders were candidates. In 2001, the B.C. NDP had a female leader for the first time in history, Carole James, and they lost the election for the first time in 10 years. It would be ignorant to suppose that gender was the only factor at play; it is well recognized that the NDP had been on the decline leading up to that general election.

However, when Rita Johnston ran for the Socreds in 1991, her party lost to the NDP for the first time in 16 years.

“It’s just bad luck,” Schouls says of the losses.

“But having said that, if I could speculate, it might be that parties are more inclined to elect female leaders when there’s this sort of downward drag in the party’s fortunes, than when there seems to be

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YOU OUGHTA KNOW

Although election history can provide insight when it comes to gender and politics, it alone is not enough to demonstrate the inequality that exists in B.C.’s Legislature – and the opinions presented by some B.C. voters. It is nicely complemented by websites like Madam Premier, a blog dedicated to exposing the sexist discourse and comments directed at Canada’s female premiers. The blog is run

by Diamond Isinger, a communications and online strategy consultant who has worked on B.C. Liberal and Vision Vancouver campaigns.

What becomes evident through the posts, is that the comments female premiers are receiving are much more explicit, violent, and personal than those made to male premiers. Included amongst them are comments like, “Christy hasn’t got me convinsed [sic]!!! Other than her big tits, she just hasn’t got it going for her !!!! [sic],” and “Send her on a date with me I’ll fuck her up real good.”

“Women are so often viewed as objects, that even women in positions of power are torn down based on their appearance or the sexist notion that women don’t belong in politics for many reasons, including hormones,” says Fehr. “You’ll never hear someone say, ‘Men have so much testosterone, what if Stephen Harper is just filled with rage one day and declares war on Obama?!’ That sounds ridiculous, yet it’s one of the most common criticisms for women in positions of leadership.”

While Clark is far from the only politician at the receiving end of sexist comments, other concerns have been raised about how she reacts to them. In January, Clark was interviewed by “Drex,” a DJ on Courtenay’s JetFM. He asked her if she enjoyed being a MILF (Mommy I’d Like to Fuck). Despite initially being “taken aback” by the question, Alex Tsakumis, creator of political blog Rebel With a Clause, reported that the DJ had received a phone call from Clark, thanking him for his apologetic letter and wishing him luck in his new job. Clark was criticized for responding to the question at all, with suggestions that she should’ve refused to answer (in her response, she said she’d prefer to be called a MILF than a cougar).

“Her retort was in keeping with the questions, which was almost as though to say, ‘if you’re going to play this silly game, I’m going to play it too,’” says Schouls.

The fight for gender equality in politics can become difficult when the victims themselves are laughing off the comments, and thereby seemingly validating them. Granted, Clark is not the first female politician to face discrimination on the basis of her gender.

“Female candidates are told to make sure they have their hair kept up and preferably pulled back if it’s long,” says Fehr. “They’re told to avoid bright colours and avoid certain types of jewellery – essentially they’re told to avoid looking ‘too feminine’ or ‘too much like a woman,’ if they want to

One of the biggest problems currently facing female politicians, says Fehr, is that, “We are viewing gender equality as a ‘women’s issue.’”

At some levels of government, cross-party women’s caucuses have been established for elected representatives to gather and discuss issues particularly pertaining to women.

“It’s like the fact that they share that fundamental attribute, namely being women first, is what motivates them to do the work that they do,” says Schouls. “The fact that they are divided politically, by virtue of their party allegiance, is very much secondary to their initiative. It suggests that women don’t have to be of a particular political ideology in order to be validated as women in political office.”

There are other projects similarly working to increase the amount of women in the province’s politics. A project out of B.C., the Women’s Campaign School, worked to get more women involved in the political process. With its participants, instructors go over what it takes to be elected, and issues that are specific to women. Thornthwaite, a graduate of the school (along with politicians like Joyce Murray, Jane Sterk and Ellen Woodsworth), points out that there are many factors that come into play when a woman is deciding whether or not to run for office.

“The difference I noted was that men do not have a problem being confident that they can win.

Women do,” she says. “They question whether they even have the time to serve in elected office.”

One of the first things she asked MLA Linda Reid, a director of the Campaign School, was about running for office while still having time for her children and family. Reid was lucky in that her husband and mother were able to support her, but unfortunately not all potential candidates have this support network. The nomination period, when potential candidates have to collect signatures of support to show enough people would vote for them if they ran for office, is “a very good test as to whether you can handle the time and commitment required,” says Thornthwaite.

In addition to the Women’s Campaign School, there are also organizations that are advocating for greater representation of women in politics. Equal Voice BC, for example, calls on political parties to put forward more women as candidates.

SO TAKE ME AS I AM “We think we have equality,” says Fehr. “We have a few strong female voices in provincial politics so we think we have an equal representation, but when we actually take a moment to consider who is doing the talking, it’s the same few women.” She points out that unless voters are realizing this and making it an issue, it won’t become part of political discourse.

“Because our politicians aren’t talking about the social infrastructure needed for these issues, women are staying out of politics,” she adds. “Until we talk about these issues [that matter to women] and create a society where we value these issues, the political arena will be unwelcoming to women.”

With the provincial election coming up quickly, B.C. voters have the chance to create change in the political sphere. They can demand respect for all candidates, regardless of gender, and they can vote for someone based off of their qualifications, not because they are a man or a woman. In the end, it is everyone’s job to fight for gender equality.

“The point we ultimately want to arrive at,” says Schouls, “[Is] that the fact that one is male or female is utterly and completely irrelevant – that what one is concerned about, is that the credentials of the candidate are strong and solid, and that he or she will be an excellent MLA.” “But I think we’ve got a long ways to go on this one, still.”

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THANKS FOR MAKING ME A FIGHTER Going into the 2013 provincial election, the B.C. Liberals and B.C. NDP are each running approximately 25 to 30 female candidates, so far. The Green party is running around 10, the Conservatives, one, and there are two independent female candidates as well. However, having female candidates in the election race can only go so far.

ince’s politics is not going to come easily – but it won’t come at all unless we acknowledge that there is in fact a problem.

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TAKE THIS PINK RIBBON OFF MY EYES

We live in a province where, sadly, gender equality is not always a priority. B.C. is a province without a Minister for Women’s Affairs. Yes, the NDP has a critic for women’s issues (Sue Hammell), but there is no one assigned to a portfolio where actual money is being spent to explore and advance issues that are unique to women.

“In one respect, we might say, yes it’s important that you have someone responsible for looking at all issues through a woman’s perspective,” says Schouls. “But on the other hand we might say, that if you have someone specifically designated for that, it suggests that women’s issues are separate from every other issue that has been identified as worthy of cabinet attention.” He suggests that the way to go may be to have each minister equally sensitized to different gender perspectives for their portfolio.

There have been many suggestions regarding potential methods to get more women involved in politics, although the effectiveness of each is heavily debated. Schouls suggests one approach, which is guaranteeing representation for women, through a system restructuring to proportional representation, establishing party quotas for nominating women, or trying the Nunavut proposal of having one female and one male representing each riding.

“I think that there is general acceptance that women can do what is required, and certainly have the education and business experience that men do,” says Thornthwaite. “I don’t believe in quotas because women need to get elected on their own terms – not just because they are women. However, there is still a gender inequality regarding how women are judged once they are elected.”

The solution for gender inequality in the prov-

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be taken seriously – and if they want to win.”

“Like the rest of life, women are judged on their looks, their hair, their wardrobe and how they act,” says Jane Thornthwaite, B.C. Liberal MLA for North Vancouver-Seymour. “I am sure you have heard that if a man is assertive he is a good leader, but a woman may be deemed aggressive with the same behaviour. We have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go.”

Thornthwaite notes that she has seen an increase in personal attacks since Clark was elected, including sexist comments on social media and from the mainstream media. “Rarely do people make comment on men’s clothes – or if they are overweight or not – but they certainly do make comments on what the Premier wears, and how she looks,” says Thornthwaite. “Also, all politicians make announcements and have photographers reporting, recording and photographing what they do. However, the Premier is accused of doing ‘photo-ops’ when she is simply doing what all other politicians do during their jobs. Perhaps being ‘photogenic’ is a disadvantage if you are a woman.”

the capilano courier

an upward climb that would put them in a position of power. Whether that is self-conscious and transparent and an actual motivation of the party membership … I can’t think that it would be. But it’s conceivable.”

“On the other hand, in politics the time between elections … is still relatively short. And presumably you would want as a party the best person in the position of leader to begin to re-establish your credibility so as to make you a viable alternative government in waiting, as quickly as possible.”

Christy Clark is now up for a similar battle as Carole James was more than a decade ago: the B.C. Liberals have been struggling recently, particularly in light of their “ethnic vote” scandal, where the NDP leaked a memo detailing the Liberals’ plans to make a series of apologies for historical wrongs to assist in some “easy wins.” Clark is also up against a particularly strong candidate in her riding, David Eby. Eby was previously executive director for the B.C. Civil Liberties Association, and lost to Clark in the by-election by less than 100 votes.

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Movie Monday On this week’s list is Bridget Jones’s Diary and Love Actually. They both feature Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, a.k.a. my two all-time favourite British actors! They also both have the advantage of being British rom-coms, my other favourite!

All day, your house. Free.

Ducktails This band is cool because their name refers to the rear of a duck, and also subtly references the classic Ducktales franchise.

8 p.m., Electric Owl. $13.

Sin Peaks - “The Stalking Dead” A live weekly soap opera that sounds absolutely terrifying but also awesome? If you like zombies and stuff like that (I don’t) you will probably like this because the poster has a person eating a brain on it (ew).

7 p.m., The Cellar. $15 includes dinner.

Citizens!

This British indie electro-pop outfit (what a mouthful!) is on tour to celebrate their debut album which is pretty exciting! Almost as exciting as having an exclamation in your name!

8 p.m., Media Club. $13.

Katie So’s BDAY It’s Art Director Katie So’s BIRTHDAY! She likes comics, satan, cats, McDonald’s, and jokes. If you find a way to combine all of those things together it is very possible you will be her hero.

All day, everywhere. Cost of being a creative genius.

Explore Capilano Capilano is having a general info night where you (a.k.a. your parents) can ask all your burning questions. I went to one of these once and felt inadequate because it’s mostly the eager beavers who show up.

6:30 p.m., LB322. Free!

Barney Bentall Something you should know about Bentall: he is part of one of the oldest families in Vancouver! This musical night is going to be a treat, but I recommend only going if you like Bob Marley as well, because his Blood on the Tracks album is going to be performed in its entirety.

8 p.m., Electric Owl. $25.

Heritage Talks: Vancouver’s Main Post Office The future of our post office is in jeopardy! It is a very old building, and unless the community says “No, man! We love this building!” it might be knocked down or turned into a zoo or something.

7 p.m., #100-938 Howe St. Free.

Coast Salish Drumming Workshop Learn how to drum! Whenever I see people drumming I always wish I could hold a beat like that. But I can’t. Luckily that only makes me a little bit sad.

7 p.m., Goldcorp Centre for the Arts. Free.

Stand Up for Mental Health This is one of the CSU’s best annual events - it combines stand-up comedy with raising awareness about mental health issues. There is also usually a lot of free food. If I tried really hard I could tell you where to eat free on campus everyday.

11:30 a.m., CSU Library Lounge. Free.

Discover Dance Now is your chance to discover flamenco dance! Ha, ha. That rhymes.

12 p.m., Scotiabank Dance Centre. $10.

Christopher Owens (formerly of Girls) This American songwriter/singer/musician/ everything used to be in the awesome indie rock band Girls, but now he’s struck out on his own. He makes good music, and has even better hair.

8 p.m., Biltmore. $17.

Campus closed for Easter It’s time for a long weekend! Who cares about holidays, all that matters is that there is no school today! (Unless, like me, you fandangle your schedule every semester specifically to not have class on Friday.)

All day, everywhere. Cost of excitement!

Place Beyond the Pines comes out Hey girl, I’ve worked really hard to be super emotional and understanding in this new film in which I play a troubled dad with a crying knife tattoo on my face, I know you will love it.

Frequent intervals, theatres everywhere. Cost of Gosling t-shirt.

The Boy Friend Ooh, a 1920s humourous romantic musical!

My kind of thing! For all the deets on this piece that made Julie Andrews an “overnight sensation,” check out the article in this week’s Arts section.

Until Apr. 6, NSCU Centre. $15.

Seasons Festival 2013 (starring Calvin Harris) They’re going to “usher in spring with the world’s very best DJs!” Among those ranks are Calvin Harris, who is a pretty big deal right now. By big deal, I mean he’s friends with Rihanna and Florence Welsh. Omg, right!

7 p.m., Coliseum. $60.

The Specials This ska band is legen...wait for it...dary! Also they were bffs with Amy Winehouse and herald from Coventry, England. <3 8 p.m., the Vogue. $35.

The Courier’s Big Stupid Party The most pro-party people on campus are having a bash and you’re invited. Even better, it’s ‘90s themed. The ‘90s are my favourite decade! Dunkaroos, pogs, walkmans, Fresh Prince, fruit roll-ups, CatDog, Rugrats, Saved by the Bell...BEANIE BABIES! Feeling nostalgic? Allllrighty then.

8 p.m., The Nines (99 Pender). $5.

ONE Today is the last day to see ONE, a thrilling tale about an impassioned librarian on the hunt for her true love George, an astronomer who has been lost at sea. Literally lost I think, as in he has died? Because she has to travel to the land of the dead and that’s the only conclusion I can come to.

8 p.m., Shadbolt Centre. Ticket prices vary.

Esben and the Witch at Media Club There sure is a lot of U.K. talent hitting up Vancouver this week! This trio of gothic rock musicians is from Brighton, England, and are touring with their latest album, Wash the Sins Not Only the Face. They might have a point.

8 p.m., the Media Club. $13.

Early Application Deadline for Fall If you want to come to a school in the middle of a forest, on top of a mini mountain, with a Tim Hortons and a bear in its coat of arms, now is your chance! Welcome to the land of Narnia (yes, it’s that too - you’ve seen the Tumnus-esque lamp posts, right?)

All day, online. Cost of application (a rather pointless fee, but get used to those).

JJ’s Mom’s B-Day Happy birthday to Editor-in-Chief JJ’s mom!! To celebrate with Dar, grab her some art supplies, popcorn, and a deluxe edition of Harry Potter, and a great time will be had by all! Also get her pie, not cake, cause cake isn’t as good and also she likes pie better anyway.

Like most awesome people!

All day, everywhere. Cost of popcorn and pie.

Rihanna and A$AP Rocky I’m sure Rihanna will be wearing red lipstick, talking that talk, doing her thing, getting lost in paradise, shining bright like a diamond.

And then she’ll say farewell. See what I did there?

7:30 p.m., Rogers Arena. $66-$166 (wow).

fri march 29

thurs march 28

Almost Famous: Zerbin/Ali Milner/Acres of Lions I almost got in big shit for playing an Acres of Lions song on the radio back in my high school days. When it started playing, it sounded like the song contained “curses,” but luckily I just misheard and didn’t get in trouble... or worse, expelled.

8 p.m., Joe’s Apartment. $15.

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Astonishing Story of the Prophet The Prophet has been portrayed in a negative way in popular culture, and this is “a unique opportunity” to learn about the life of the Prophet Mohammed. It has the potential to change your perspective.

6:30 p.m., Vancouver Playhouse. Free.

sun march 31

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Semi-Annual General Meeting Tomorrow Now, this is very important so I’m putting it the day before it actually happens so you remember to go! The CSU is having a semiannual general meeting, where you can tell them how to spend their money and how to govern themselves. If that doesn’t sound riveting, there will also be free food.

11:30 a.m., CSU Library Lounge. Free.

Phoenix (with Mac DeMarco) I was “trying” really hard to avoid referencing Harry Potter “bullshit” in this week’s calendar, but when a band’s name is Phoenix it is impossible. Fawkes is one of my favourite non-human characters in the HP world. He is magical and basically the most badass bird you will ever read about.

7:30 p.m., Queen Elizabeth Theatre. $45-$70.

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Doldrums for TROPICAL LOVE CONNECTION Montreal-based band Doldrums is going to be hanging out at Tropical Love Connection!

Which is a rave! With tropical drink specials!

My favourite kind of “tropical drink” is the pina colada.

10 p.m., The Biltmore. Cost of tropical delights.

Calendar@ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

mon april 1

wed march 27

tues march 26

mon march 25

cap calendar

It’s Easter!

Do you like Easter? I do. I have an Easter Egg Hunt in my living room every year, and my mom hides us eggs! I’m not sure if we will this year though because we recently got a very smart, “hunt-savvy” dog who seriously enjoys chocolate.

All day, your house/a field. Cost of chocolate/ vet bill.

Renfrew Ravine Clean-up I recently had to walk through this ravine late at night, which was quite scary. Not because the ravine was scary, but because TV has worked hard to teach me that ravines are where murders happen. Terrifying!

10 a.m., Renfrew Ravine Park. Free.

Cheap Easter candy Like Feb. 15, today is the day all the festive candy gets marked down painfully cheap. My faves from Easter are Cadbury’s mini eggs, Lindt chocolate eggs, carrots and bunnies, the pastel-coloured bunny jujubes, and Reese’s chocolate eggs. In fact, the only gross kind of Easter candy are those marshmallow eggs, those nasty “rock” eggs, Cadbury Creme Eggs, and Hershey’s Eggies. Stay away.

Stores everywhere, while supplies last. Very cheap.

Easter Movie Monday Woah, we get two movie madness days this calendar! Today you should watch: Chocolat, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and either Blood and Chocolate or Better than Chocolate.

This selection will go egg-celently with your discounted Easter chocolate!

All day, your house. Cost of chocolate (see previous).

13-03-22 8:33 PM

OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

A LETTER TO UNIVERSITY PRESIDENTS

The system is failing us Mercedes Mueller × The Fulcrum (University of Ottawa) OTTAWA (CUP) — Dear university presidents, You are failing us. No, I’m not talking about the hundreds of failing grades we rightfully earned last semester. I’m talking about how the million undergraduate students enrolled in Canadian universities right now are being ill prepared for the working world in a poorly organized education system.

It’s no secret that recent grads are having a hard time finding jobs. With youth unemployment at 13.5 per cent, even the brightest students are stuck waiting tables after graduation. And perhaps we’ve been naive. We busted ass for four years to earn that B.A., but we shouldn’t have really expected to enter the workforce and make a livable wage.

Wait – what?

It seems like the university system in Canada is overly preoccupied with the input-output function of institutions. On the input side, students enroll, tuition is paid, funding for research comes in and professors and other support staff fill the buildings. Then a bunch of stuff happens, and we magically have graduation rates, research findings and rankings to report.

But what about your students? Where do our academic experiences, satisfaction with the university we’ve likely devoted four years of our lives to, and the extent to which we’ve truly mastered

our field fit into this black-box approach to education? What’s going on inside that box is where the majority of our problems occur.

Universities pride themselves on teaching students critical thinking and reasoning skills. Yet upon entering the workforce, many grads have little to offer employers in terms of “skills.” Skills, primarily associated with the hands-on learning done at colleges, are a severely lacking component of university curricula. When one considers that the majority of B.A. graduates would like to enter the workforce without having to obtain further degrees, learning a skill or two in undergrad isn’t asking a lot.

We also lack the information we need to make decisions about our education – be it as 16-yearolds in high school trying to decide if university is for us, or as 25-year-olds deciding whether to pursue a PhD. While it may be difficult to publish national data on enrollment, graduation rates and employment of recent graduates, you have this information about your schools, and that’s the information we care about.

Because you have this information, it should be used to design better policies that help students in the long run. Why do you admit thousands of students to education programs when there’s an excess of teachers in most provinces? Why are doctoral students in some disciplines accepted in high numbers when there’s a shortage of tenuretrack positions available? While higher enrollment

means more money for the university, you aren’t doing students any favours by awarding us degrees in fields already flooded with workers.

Admittedly, you’re not all bad. Some of you have recognized these problems and designed policies to address them. Certainly, these issues aren’t entirely your fault. The provincial governments and an absent federal presence in education policy are also partially to blame, as are administrative staff, professors, and students themselves. But you’re supposed to be the leaders in this failing group project. You can set policy that promotes better learning outcomes for your students.

I know you aren’t exactly rolling in the dough right now, and you’ve seen your financial support from the government dwindle in the last decade.

What’s more, poor employment prospects for youth have driven up enrollment rates, as students pursue second, and sometimes third, degrees. But the key to making our education more worthwhile doesn’t depend on financial solutions to the problems.

What if you all worked within your provinces to create a more differentiated system of universities, specializing in the areas at which your institutions excel? If schools were differentiated by research-versus-teaching intensity, undergraduateversus-graduate focus, or what special programs the schools offer, such as co-op or technical training, students could choose the school that best suits their career ambitions.

On the topic of technical training, creating academic-versus-applied streams in certain disciplines would be an effective way to ensure those students who wish to pursue a career in academia are gaining the knowledge they need, while students who hope to enter the labour market upon graduation can learn the skills their employers are looking for.

Partnerships between local colleges and employers could help facilitate these programs.

If nothing else, supply prospective students with all the information they need to make their education decisions – and let that information guide university policy. Graduates will be best able to service the needs of the labour market if we can be confident we are earning degrees in high-demand fields, and program selection and admissions should reflect those realities.

At the end of the day, I know you care about us.

These problems keep you up as late as our crappy closing shifts at the bar keep us up. I met Allan Rock, president of the University of Ottawa, last year, and by the end of our brief chat, he made it clear to me that he cares just as much as I do about the future of university education. You all do – how could you not? We’re your students, employees-to-be, and the future of this country.

So please, don’t let another couple hundred thousand of us walk across the stage on graduation day without doing something to make our degrees worth more than the paper they are printed on.

Canadian Fashion Crisis

Do we have a fashion identity to protect?

Lauren Gargiulo × Writer

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British retailer Topshop and Topman are leading the way, Victoria’s Secret acquired their Canadianequivalent La Senza, and Target stores are literally taking over Zellers. And it seems like Canadians are not only fine with this, but excited about it.

Culturally, it seems like we have always looked up to the U.S. like an older sibling. We watch their movies, praise their pop stars, and care more about their politics and elections than our own. By welcoming their retail stores with open arms, we are taking another step down this road. We may be endangering our fashion identity and an aspect of our culture in doing so, yet there wasn’t much to protect in the first place. If it’s yoga pants and flannel socks that we are worried about, we should be excited about other options.

American and European stores will give us more options and ideas about how to dress, and maybe even expand our style to a point where we find a fashion identity. As Winter says about American stores creeping in: “Will this mean an end to the yoga pant?”

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“After months of anticipation, dazzling campaign ads and plenty of Canadian buzz, Target is set to open its first Canadian stores,” stated the Huffington Post. Target’s expansion in Canada has caused a stir and excitement: Canadians won’t have to cross the border to find a deal. It seems that whenever a renowned American chain store comes to Canada, such as Victoria’s Secret or Chipotle, the majority of Canadians are thrilled.

But at what cost? Target bought out Zellers, which was owned by The Bay – meaning it was a Canadian company. Does the fact that American stores are coming to Canada mean that Canada is losing its fashion identity?

Brands that will be offered at Target include ones that have never been available in Canada before, such as Sonia Kashuk's makeup line. Interestingly, Canada’s own clothing brand, Roots, will have a line exclusively offered at Target. As the Huffington Post wrote, “The famed lifestyle brand – which marks its 40th anniversary this year – was among the slate of partners and limited collections announced by Target ahead of its Canadian launch.”

Many would say Canada’s fashion identity is flannel and denim. Fashion-wise, Canada isn’t one of the major fashion forward countries. Just last year Travel.ca.msn.com made a list of “Top 10 Worst Dressed Cities in The World.” Ottawa was number eight on the list because, “as a city populated by suit-and-tie civil servants, there is

zero audacity to be different and nary a fashion effort is made. Everyone looks like they're frozen in the 1980s.”

Vancouver was ranked number three on the list.

The primary reason why is the yoga pant. “We blame you, Vancouver, birthplace of a certain, insanely popular yoga gear brand which will go unnamed, for spawning a street trend dreaded by all women with wobbly bits and fat deposits in the wrong places,” wrote Travel.ca. Yoga pants have become a staple in the city, and while it’s common to see people shopping, dining, and working in yoga pants, style snobs have been cringing at the sight of them for years.

“It’s horrible. Why would you spend so much money on yoga pants and shapeless Ugg boots when a pair of leggings, a cute flowing top and a pair of flats would cost you less than the shoes alone?” says Cindy Winter, an employee of the Canadian clothing brand, Plum. “I like being comfy too, but everyone ends up looking the same: sloppy, and boring. Find your own identity!” Winter says that the most common items she sees women buy at Plum are jeans and plain, long or short-sleeved tops. “There really isn’t a Canadian fashion identity other than warm and comfy,” Winter says. “You can totally do warm and comfy and still look cute, but I don’t know, maybe people are afraid.”

Ottawa and Vancouver getting pinpointed as poorly dressed may be partly because there isn’t much of a true Canadian fashion identity.

Canadian stores that used to be strong, such as The Bay and Sears, are declining in popularity as we eagerly wait for more foreign chains to come to us.

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OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

PUT A LID ON IT, BLOOMBERG

Portion control for sugary beverages is no business of New York’s mayor Andy Rice × Staff Writer New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg has taken a hard stance on soft drink sizes, but residents haven’t been too keen to drink it in. Earlier this month, Bloomberg motioned to have the city’s health board ban the sale of all sweetened beverages over 16 ounces sold in bottles or in fountains at restaurants, delis, theatres, stadiums and food carts. It was hardly sweet success, however, as a Supreme Court judge quickly ruled that neither Bloomberg nor the health board had the authority to do so.

Preferring to call it “portion control” rather than an outright ban, Bloomberg explained his position at a press conference and vowed to take action in alternate ways. “The board of health’s limit on the serving size of sugary drinks does not limit anyone’s consumption,” he said. “It just requires them to think about whether they really want more than 16 ounces.” Considering that the standard soda size originated at six ounces before steadily increasing to 12, 16, and now even 20 ounces, he makes a valid point. But does the city of New York have any business telling the American public what

quantity of something they can or cannot put in their bodies? Certainly not.

“All we're doing in New York is reminding you that it's not in your interest to have too many empty calories,” he said in another interview, seemingly forgetting the clear and obvious difference between a ban and a reminder. Cigarettes, for example, remain available and the graphic photos of throat-less smokers that adorn their cartons serve as a reminder of their serious health risks.

In accordance with this principle, oversized soft drinks should stay on the market as well, their cups decorated with photos of morbidly obese teenagers wallowing shirtless in city fountains.

“If you want to have 32 ounces, just buy two 16-ounce cups,” continued Bloomberg in the same interview. And that’s exactly what people will do.

It’s an obvious loophole that paves the way for two-for deals that are likely to encourage people to buy a larger cumulative quantity of pop than they even wanted to in the first place. From an advertising standpoint, it’s a lot easier to market two of the same thing as opposed to combinations of multiple sizes. Customers who once chose the 20-ounce size may now be tempted to double up on 16-ounce cups, if they are given the right deal.

The ban also fails to limit refills, which are offered free of charge by many of the establishments in question.

Another shortcoming of Bloomberg’s plan is that the limit would not affect grocery or convenience stores, despite the fact that at-home and onthe-go consumption are huge contributing factors to the health risks he is worried about. Yes, even the 7-11 Big Gulp – the poster child for super-sized extravagance – is exempt. Having a ban that does not encompass all types of retail dispensaries is not only ineffective, but is also unfair to smaller businesses like hot dog stands or pizzerias.

Furthermore, the size restrictions would only be applied to beverages with more than 25 calories for every eight ounces. Not included are drinks containing 100 per cent juice, sweetened alcoholic beverages, or those containing over 50 per cent milk. Scientific evidence proves that often juice can be higher in sugar and calories than soda.

And while juice is certainly more natural, both can contribute to obesity, diabetes and other medical concerns.

Unfortunately, those problems run far too deep to be handled at the city level. Bloomberg’s intentions are good and his health-conscious stance

should be commended, but the soft drink industry is really no place for New York’s mayor. Residents certainly don’t think it is, and neither does a Supreme Court judge. Above all else, the ban would encroach on personal freedom, even if that is the freedom to contract diabetes through one’s own poor culinary decisions. And in America, at least, that’s really not okay.

Currently Bloomberg’s plan is in limbo and the city has been prohibited from enforcing the ban, although it has since appealed the ruling.

Regardless of the final result moving forward, he has raised significant awareness about the health risks of overconsumption – which is a powerful thing. The media backlash from the mere suggestion of beverage-related portion control has made people stop, think, react, and maybe even realize how overkill a 50-ounce Double Gulp really is. But while sugary drinks may be a significant contributing factor to obesity, they aren’t the sole cause. America, like many other countries of the world, needs greater incentives for fitness, better nutritional education, and more encouragement for a healthy lifestyle – not a ban on things its citizens are always going to want, crave and consume.

That’s a solution everyone can drink to.

The Old Guy Behind the Wheel

Seniors should question their driving abilities James Martin

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Picture this: a grey-haired octogenarian driving his ancient and rusted station wagon, struggling to squint over the top of the steering wheel as he unwittingly drifts between lanes at 35km per hour, and tries to recall whether or not that stop sign he just missed had been there before. The popular archetype of an elderly driver is certainly not a flattering image, and at first it may seem as though nobody should be able to get away with lending any serious weight to such a degrading stereotype in this age of political correctness. However, unlike other demographics who also commonly find themselves victims of the “bad at driving” label, the reality is that advanced age really does take a demonstrable toll on a person’s ability to safely operate a motor vehicle. The conversation regarding a senior’s ability to drive is a touchy one, because it often calls into question a person’s ability to live independently and the state of their mental health, but it’s one that absolutely has to be happen in a frank and open manner. The public safety of everyone on and near the road should not be ignored just because dealing with the issue is uncomfortable.

Local police in Sudbury, Ontario recently introduced a new anonymous tip line to report drivers who may be too old to be on the road, particularly those who may be developing dementia. The idea is that a concerned family member who can’t bring themselves to talk to their older relative about it can use this tool to summon a casually clothed police officer to come to the senior’s home and have them question the driver about their abilities.

However, the program has been widely criticized

for being invasive, ageist, and potentially open to abuse.

Talking to an elderly relative or friend about their ability behind the wheel is not easy. Nobody likes being told that they are a bad driver, but for seniors it means something much more profound.

An elderly person faced with the prospect of hanging up their keys is also facing a major loss of independence. Additionally, for many seniors this conversation would force them to confront the uncomfortable topic of their declining mental ability or even dementia – possibly for the very first time.

It’s easy to understand why many family members (and perhaps even some medical professionals) would be hesitant to suggest that it may be time to stop driving to someone who isn’t yet obviously unfit, if their abilities are only just starting to fade.

There is no easy answer when it comes to figuring out when it may be time to talk to an older

driver about ending their driving life. The effects of aging develop at different rates for different people; some lucky folks are still as sharp as a tack well into their 90s, while others can suffer the early onset of dementia in their 60s. In B.C., drivers over the age of 80 are required to take a medical examination every two years to determine if they are still fit to keep their license. However, this biennial testing still leaves plenty of room for some drivers to be able to continue driving when they probably shouldn’t be. A little bit of absent-mindedness or short-term memory trouble may not necessarily warrant the revoking of a license, but it is very possible for someone to become very unfit to drive due to an age-related condition long before their 80th birthday.

As we age, the cumulative effects of getting old eventually make driving an unwise activity to undertake. Vision loss, hearing loss, slowed reflexes,

and (perhaps most importantly) diminished cognitive function can all create an increasing toll on a driver’s ability as the years roll by. Most people lucky enough to see their 100th birthday, for example, are probably no longer able to safely drive by the time they reach that age. The real issue concerns drivers who aren’t as far along in the aging process, and who either can’t recognize or won’t admit that their skills are starting to slip.

It certainly doesn’t seem fair to single out only elderly drivers as a potential hazard on the road, but as a matter of public safety there has to be a recognition that the risk does increase after middle age. Perhaps the right balance lies in a broader approach that would ensure that everyone on the road is truly fit to be there. There are plenty of bad drivers of every age out there, so why not implement regular medical exams and ability assessments for anyone who wants to maintain their license? Not only would this approach not be discriminatory towards people who happen to be older, but it’s also a much more effective system if the real aim is to remove unsafe drivers from the streets.

The reality is that implementing such extensive screening would likely be impractical, but it’s still worth considering how you would feel about the prospect of having to re-test for your license on a regular basis. After all, you may very well find yourself having to do it anyway, sometime down the road.

××Shannon Elliott

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× caboose.capcourier@gmail.com

GERMOPHILE Christina Lamanes × Writer

“Germ.” Like germs, he told me.

“You mean like bacteria?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “like bacteria. It’s Dutch.”

He bumped into me by accident in the lobby of the all-inclusive my parents had dragged me to. He picked up my book on Cactaceae that he had knocked over in the process and introduced himself. “So, what brings you to Mexico?” he asked, his blonde hair damp and sticking up at odd angles.

“Um, I’m on vacation with my parents.”

“With your parents? That sucks.”

“It’s alright, I’ve been planning some experiments to conduct on the indigenous vegetation.”

I lift up my book by way of explanation. “Cool,” he said hesitantly, “well, I’m here for spring break with some of the guys from my frat, we’ll be partying all week if you need to escape from your parents.” I nodded and pushed the bridge of my glasses up. “I’ll see you around,” he started walking away, “ – and hey, don’t forget to wear sunscreen.” I looked down at my pale arms clutching my book. “Oh my word.”

I filled the following days by creeping around and hiding in the various cacti trying to catch a glimpse of Germ. Three days into the trip my parents forced me to sit on the beach in order to get some healthy sun. I found a fairly isolated area, sat down, and resumed my research on Echinocereus engelmannii. I was slathering on another layer of SPF 60 when I saw him: Germ. He was walking this way, I couldn’t contain my grin and started

waving frantically. “Hey,” he said. I was reduced to a fit of awkward giggles, which ended with a fit of hiccups. He smiled, “How’s the reading going?”

“Oh, uh, good! I’m almost ready to test my hypothesis.”

“What kind of other experiments do you do?”

“Oh all kinds! My dad works at a morgue so sometimes when I get good grades he brings me home body parts to work on.”

“What! He just takes them? Is that even allowed?”

“It’s just a finger or toe once in a while. Well one time he brought me a spleen that had been removed from a drug addict and I chopped it up into tiny pieces and looked at it under a microscope.

I was going to compare the lymphoid follicles to those in a cow spleen but mom said it wasn’t a good idea because of the recent outbreak of Mad Cow…” His nose crinkled at the image but his eyes were shining with amusement.

“Sorry” I blushed. “Is that really weird?” He chuckled to himself and threw a pebble into the ocean. “Yeah, but cool too, in a freaky kind of way.” He smiled at me; his teeth were so perfect and white. Did he just compliment me? On my science? “Have you ever been kissed?” he asked abruptly.

“Oh, um. Uh…” No. But that would be an interesting experiment if I could gather all the right variables. I adjusted the chinstrap on my Tilley hat and cleared my throat before attempting to fumble through another answer but he was quicker.

“It’s ok. I hadn’t kissed anyone at your age either. I thought about it all the time though, I had a crush on this girl…” Suddenly something collided with my ear, hard. I heard a WHAP, and realized it was a bright yellow Frisbee.

SPRINGBREAKERS ★★★★ JAMESFRANCO

VANESSAHUDGENS

SELENAGOMEZ

– MARK ADAMS, SUNDAY MIRROR

– THE GUARDIAN

I closed my eyes: this is it, I would return home an experienced woman. One small step would close the remaining gap, my right leg reached forward and touched the – wait – the ground!

Where was the ground?! The loss of balance caused my eyes to fly open and my vision was obstructed by a giant nose. There was no stopping my momentum, and that nose stabbed my right eyeball as my own nose came into contact with very straight and very hard teeth. He stumbled backwards but didn’t have time to catch me, and I landed face first. Eventually I looked up at his stunned face, I had a mouthful of sand, my one eye was puffy and red, and there was a trickle of blood coming from my nose. I faintly registered hearing him ask if I was alright but his voice sounded far away. My head started throbbing and I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes and my face dropped unceremoniously back into the sand.

It appeared as though I may have made a miscalculation during my experiment.

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ASHLEYBENSON RACHELKORINE

A FILM BY HARMONYKORINE

“THE COOLEST FILM OF THE YEAR”

“Shit! Are you okay?” He was concerned but clearly trying to suppress a smirk. I nodded, in shock, my ear stinging and my face turning a violent shade of red, holding back tears. I couldn’t imagine what kind of damage had been done to my Eustachian tube. Before I could even comment on his peculiar confession, he was halfway down the beach throwing the Frisbee with his friends.

Two nights after the Frisbee incident, Germ’s words were still bouncing around my brain. The possibility of this new experiment was all I thought about – I even considered abandoning my original procedure. I was walking back up the stairs to the resort courtyard when I heard someone behind me and turned around. “Hey,” he said slowly.

“Hi,” I said meekly, hoping he couldn’t see my blush. “How’re the experiments going?” he slurred slightly. How could I not have noticed he had a speech impediment?

“Uh, good.” I coughed, nervous. They weren’t really going well, I still had so much data to collect, so much research to do but I knew he wasn’t enquiring about my kissing study.

“I leave tomorrow.” My throat tightened and I felt sick.

“Oh.” I looked down, he was on the step below but still a few inches taller than me. How can you leave so soon? I still have so much to examine, I’m not prepared enough to go through with this procedure. As if he read my mind he leaned forward ever so slightly and cast a fleeting glance at my lips.

I leaned forward as well. He leaned closer still and my heart was pumping so fast I thought it might leap right out of my chest.

I’m going to kiss Germ, in the name of science!

The air whistled through my braces as I inhaled a huge breath, just in case I needed a back up air supply, who knows how long we’d be kissing for.

“ENORMOUSLY ENTERTAINING” – CALUM MARSH, SLANT

With an average student return of $1000, at least taxes are painless.*

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Bad girls do it well

8AM classe$ are painful.

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Shotgun reviews : SEXY POLITICIANS

GEORGE “WOODY GUMMERS” WASHINGTON Leah Scheitel

JACK LAYTON Jeremy Fornier-Hanlon

JULIA BONK Katherine Alpen

NATHAN CULLEN Julian Legere

When I was in the ninth grade, some kids were conducting a survey on politicians, asking who youth would rather vote for. My answer was and forever shall be, “Jack Layton, because his moustache is the best and he’s a gorgeous sex-bomb.”

The fact that he could make my heart flutter at the mere mention of his perfectly defined upper lip and noble soup strainer immediately made him a more qualified leader than that creepy gremlin we’re currently keeping in his place. Not to mention he actually cared about the environment and, I don't know, babies and shit. If he was offered on a ballot, I would still vote for Jack Layton, because I know he would still do a lot more good for the country dead than our ‘stacheless Big Brother does alive. I'm pretty sure the only good thing about a zombie apocalypse would be the fact that I might get bitten by Jack Layton.

I bet no one in Vancouver has ever heard of Julia Bonk, but she seems pretty fucking cool. Despite being super hot and German, she was elected at age 18 to the German parliament, making her the youngest person ever to be a member of parliament. Talk about chops. Not to mention the fact that at age 14, she became a member of the Dresden city council, and in only two years, was elected speaker. I’m guessing her only fault is her last name, but that wasn’t a choice, so I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against her. When she was first elected, her picture was printed in 87 different papers internationally – and to think I was going to write about how much everyone loves Gregor Robertson and how sexy playing the tuba is. Sorry Gregor; Bonk for the win. I just had to say that.

During last year’s NDP leadership race, I was proud to get behind B.C.’s own Nathan Cullen, mostly because behind him offered the best view of his perfectly formed ass. He may not be the typical picture of what one would call “sexy,” but the shine of his bald head was like the light of an angel beckoning to me every time I saw him at a press conference, or at a debate, or in my dreams.

I mean, it’s just so hard not to get lost in those deep blue eyes. And don’t even get me started on his voice. I never would have guessed it, but it turns out there are few words that turn me on as much as “democratic reform” and “social welfare” – when they’re coming out from behind his perfect, stunning teeth. That must be his special charm, though, because when I whispered those particular sweet nothings to my last partner, I was out on my ass before you could say “point of order.” Nathan, you can have my “vote” anytime you want, for just as long as you can handle.

w/ JJ BREWIS

When thinking of politicians who are sexy, the first thing you have to decide is what is sexy to you. If it’s power, than obviously someone like Castro or Kim Jung Il would be ideal, as they both have power complexes. But a power complex is like the guy who drives the big truck, meaning they probably have small wieners. If it’s casual conversation, pick George W. Bush.

But the guy was so intelligently challenged that he probably thought a clitoris was a secret room in the White House, which only Clinton could get into. For me, it’s all about what he can do in the bedroom, and so it was a no-brainer: George Washington. Not only was he babely for his time, but he also had false teeth made of wood – woody gummers. With no teeth to get in the way, he must have given the best head. Just imagine it – pure gums and tongue. If we were to actually do it, I would scream out “WOODY GUMMERS” while climaxing, and it would be mind-blowing.

bad boyfriend katieso.tumblr.com

ADULT ACNE Sequels always suck HAND SANITIZER The wimpiest placebo

THROWING FRENCH WORDS AROUND Quelle dommage

CHAMBRAY BUTTON-DOWNS Alcatraz Couture hits Main Street McDONALD’S PIZZA Somehow outlasted by Filet-o-Fish

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LIKING THINGS IRONICALLY Well, la-dee-da

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TONY BENNETT Just the coolest

HARLEM SHAKE Seize this moment, Booster Juice SAYING “CHEERS” Stop doing that GETTING BLOCKED ON INSTAGRAM Fucking hilarious

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