MargaretM

Welcome to My Life

Margaret M

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the people, grin, happy, and i'm not quite sure why they do it. why it is that they aren't overburdened, with the weight, of all of pressure, of all of the things that they do, of all of the things that I can't deal with for fear of slowing down and getting trapped, and tired, so very tired, even though I already am and nothing will change that. the weight of feeling, emotion, presses down on me, so very old and so very new at the same time. after all, emotion, feeling, is meant to be felt by humans, is meant to be a human thing, is meant to make us accelerate and yet go slower at the same time. i don't see, why it is, that they can all go so fast, grinning, happy, except for when they fall down, and skin their knees.

And then it is that they cry, so very sad, so very unable to deal with it because, they don't know how to handle pain, but of course, in five or so minutes,

they get back up again, and grin, happy,

http://bit.ly/oEYhcE so very happy in life and so very content with their lot. crying, it is, and odd thing to me.

I don't see, why it is, that they sob so loudly, when in reality, if you really were hurting, wouldn't you just sob quietly, because you couldn't stop, and not for attention like they do? if you really were hurt, if you really felt pain, in its true form, you wouldn't even cry anymore.

instead, simply, you'd get back up again, even though all over you hurt, you'd be so, so very tired, so very angry, so very frustrated at life, and then move on, keep going, even though all the while you feel as though you are dying and nothing will ever change.

 they meet for the first time, on a cold rainy day, each seeking refuge from the pouring rain. they're not who they seem, really, both aren't all that happy. one rides in a car, the other walks, from a house not too far from here. the other's been travelling, all over the world, but really, she's not too happy anymore. one of them grins, happy, laughing at life in general, at everything, and she smiles for her, as she skips around the shop. the older, of the two, gets a coffee, mostly espresso, and not much cream. the younger, instead, skips the coffee at all, but can't help but wonder, how it tastes, if it's really as bitter, as she's heard.

"Miss? Miss?" the little girl asks, "Is coffee any good?"

"Of course it's good!" says the woman, scandalized. later, as the woman sips, at the scalding hot liquid,

she can't help but wish, that she were that girl again. once, she'd been that girl, and really she misses that life. http://bit.ly/ooH6aB

 i'm not quite sure,

i refuse to see,

anymore,

why it is,

why it is that the sun rises,

that my peers are so cheerful,

why people

and i can't help but think,

die,

that you haven't seen life,

why things

not like i have,

happen,

not when it seems as though it could and should end at any moment.

why I change.

why it is that life is so difficult, so exhilarating, so hard to deal with yet somehow, everyone goes through it, but not many people really understand what it is when I say that life is difficult.

i wish, yes, i wish, for life to not be so hard sometimes.

but what would life be, if not hard, if not difficult, if easy and simple to go through, painless and little, nice and tame?

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