Some observations - technical nature of the film - the repetition as a factor - the other actors as audience - absence of direction - meaning the work is still performance - but for camera it is actually in rehearsal - although still being performed, but the crew/director is not the audience per se. - awareness of technical versus the story telling - how does that technical affect your pleasure of the story - does it?
Comments Tuesday October 16h Kevin Hanchard #1 Audience reactions, whether they were audible of visual helped make the storytelling easier and more fun. Knowing that they were invested helped me to delve deeper into the character without the sense of being “judged”. It was a great experience. #2 The intimacy of not having to “fill the space” with my voice allowed me to focus on the relationship between Marciaʼs character and my own. As a result, I feel that the relationship was deeper and clearer for an audience to see. #3 The simple fact of the matter is, a story becomes easier to tell when you are doing nothing more than living it with one other person. Take away the facade of “performance” and it immediately becomes more intimate human. Amber Goldfarb #1 I felt very connected all throughout. I didnʼt feel that I regurgitated. It felt pretty fresh. #2 Being able to speak lower (almost whisper) allowed me to paly wiht the scene in a different way. I felt like I could count on what my eyes were doing and not depent on my whole body to convey what my character was going through. Especially for the closeup. Basically, I felt that nuances were being conveyed more than I could performing on stage. #3 It felt pretty fresh My scene partner gave me a different read and that affected my performance. Made it feel fresh. Performing for just the camera made me feel more relaxed and more free to take risks. But it wasnʼt as exciting as performing for an audience or camera. Randi Helmers #1 Awareness of some audience members previous viewing of this peice when I first performed it 12-14 years ago elicited some anxiety. The very subjective subject matter drawing from personal past trauma augments the experience of nerves and puts me in a “zone” I need to understand and factor into the performance experience. Discovery came in attempting some direct address, which Iʼd not done before and was informative/ useful. #2 At first I felt comfortable/interested/intrigued by the action of addressing the camera, sort of like confession, but then I lost track of that confessional relationship and got and
felt weird and self-conscious about the epicness and strangeness of my text, the barking, the intermittent songs. I felt a huge loss of confidence, and increase of selfconsciousness. I felt like I lost momentum, and this is a very difficutl piece to do more than once a day. I dread doing it two more times before the day is over. But I am alos interested to see if I can go deeper into it. (I am hungry and exhausted - lack of sleep TMI?) #3 Stakes were much lower. Itʼs hard to do this piece for anything other than a live audience. it will take much more work/script analysis to make work. I have almost no recollection of how the last one went, except I remember where I made mistakes (mistakes I hadnʼt made before; Iʼm tired). I need ot be much more rested and psychically prepared to do this piece in any sustained way. Viv Moore #1 Something different clicked in at the start for me about my character. She was different (more bored, more teen-ageish) than she has been before at the very start and I was exploring that aspect of her throughout. #2 I find “happy” hard to answer - of of the hardest. Happy to be doing it and happy to have done it, but happy at the moments of connected - not connected - hmmmdonʼt know. I never felt embarrassed. However a camera never gives off the same energy exchange as live bodies, so the first master I did was enjoyable - almost a tech run (because itʼs that much more technical). The story for me in the first master, got a little lost now and then. I was in it, then realized there were more times I went into autopilot thinking “did I step out of where Iʼm supposed to step” I wasnʼt so totally in my body, even though it was technically probably fine. When that happens Iʼm more disappointed with myself that it couldnʼt have been “as perfect as Iʼd have liked it to have been.” But fuck - whose perfect, mine or for audience. Anyway...... When the second shot was taken, I was aware that Iʼd screwed the music up and time was a-wastinʼ so 2nd go - music was cued, but I got stuck facing wrong direction. So then for me that was a really fast “shut up Viv - get on with it”. Always marvel at the end , when I”m answering these questions that I actually really donʼt remember every feeling and at which point I connected or didnʼt because it went by in a huge flash. Which led me to believe that Iʼd enjoyed hte whole thing. Except (will she ever stop blabbering” - the tingly emotional connection I got to the 1st one was palpable. The 2nd not so much. #3 So this was very relaxing and comforting as my audience (camera) was ʻfor meʼ no one there, but this camera was my friend, on my own in the space. Usually if on my own in space - either videoing myself or not- itʼs for process/documentation/my research/for me. So this was a familiar, non judgemental procedure which felt very supportive. I found a new little thing for my character too - a secret life - it was all done in secret/fun/sharing it with no one else, this school girlʼs life is full of intrigue and fantasy, that this situation fed into the character. I was able to go inside but yet, share it, with an outsider who was mute. My delight was great when I realized that she could share part of this secret (the part being the dance that sheʼd tried to hide before). So now, she could “come out” in private, yet public. Thank you for allowing me these insights.
Rebecca Singh #1 I knew most audience members so that felt comfortable but also since they were industry people who donʼt regard me as an actor (or have seen me act) I felt selfconscious. This may have pushed me to commit more to the work but I feel it made my physicality more unsettled. #2 Because I wasnʼt sure how we were going to do pickups I got technical and started to think about the shot when I stumbled ona line, I was thinking technically throughout and had some ideas about framing and what to do with what camera but then realized I didnʼt know what the B camera was doing exactly and since there was no “direction” (I mean creative input) I was just “parking” ideas as they came up. #3 I got lost in the piece from being excited. Instead of starting again, I just ploughed ahead. Had it been a real person watching the performance. Maria Johnson #1 It felt odd to not have my original costume. I didnʼt realize how much my performance was connected to it. #2 With teh camera crew, I jumped out of the scene more quickly; making jokes betwen takes. I felt like had to stay in performance mode - itʼs been so long since performing this that I was really focussed. There was no “phone-in” moment. #3 Did not feel regurgitated this time. Very organic. The combination of doing this the third time and being left completely alone and made me feel really relaxed and unencumbered. I enjoyed sharing this experience with my scene partner. It was a nice reunion. Jean Yoon #1 Christine, I felt Paul and I turned in a solid connected performance - and there was no need to “change”. Weʼve performed it so many times that whatever variations occur, they are all out within the known range...with this piece its all about the internal monologue, the stream of thoughts that are unspoken and as I am in control of that........ #2 When filming, i was aware that a) first take I had too much tearing - was aware, toned it down in take 2 b) aware too part way thorugh that I had put my hand to my heart - too close to the lav mike, worried for asec that weʼd have to do a redo or would in a regular setting. #3 This was phoned in for sure. The scene started before I was ready and I never caught up. Itʼs like if you miss the wave and you have to pretend youʼre surfing. Yucky. Because the setup was so speedy, I found we started before i was fully prepared started on the wrong foot and faked it throughout. Paul Lee #1 The only possible external influence actually came from watching Dmitryʼs excellent performance and knowing that we had to follow it - perhaps to “measure-up” to his fantastic monologue.
Dmitry Chepovetsky #2 I tend to try and use my crew as an audience always, as much as I can on set, so that I may get somewhat of a live Audience/theatrical feel. That is essentially the audience whose living rooms I enter every time Iʼm on Tv or film.
Comments Wednesday October 17th. Karin Randoja #2# When I couldnʼt see either camera menʼs face, I could focus a million times better. When I had to look just above camera and manʼs head I was very distracted and almost out of body at times. #3# Incredible freedom to stop being so aware of otherʼs eyes and play in the room. Like playing in front of the mirror. Allegra Fulton #1# Taking in the room and the context of the piece, I was aware of entering deeply into the story a the refuge (?) from nerves and self-consciousness - was aware of not worrying ʻtheyʼ wouldnʼt understand piece #2 # For the camera so quickly becoming ʻawareʼ of going “to it” rather than letting them ʻinʼ - so ʻoutʼ of the storytelling and some focus taken for ʻadjustment to mediumʼ the storytelling changed immediately . I was way more self-conscious and doubting and ʻoutsideʼ the experience. #3 # Why tell this story? Was all I could think? Yet the camera should be the ʻwitnessʼ - it did not seem ʻenoughʼ - or I experienced an emptyness - not having the story ʻreceivedʼ by anyone - hmmm.....very interesting. #4 # Fascinating how the ʻearsʼ of the audience and heart ad mind of someone receivng the story, kinetically even, completely validates and alters the need to speak and be ʻheard and therefore enhances the joy and energy of my telling it. Tanja Jacobs #1# I was ambushed by the difficulty. I discovered I wasnʼt convincing as a man in this setting. I was very aware of house lights being on. #2# In this particular setting, I was aware of wanting to please someone else, a bit like the feeling one has as a ʻguestʼ where one wants to make a good impression. #3# I was amused by myself in the situation (I mean with the camera - not the story) and felt pleasure in the potential for mischief. #4# I felt very anxious about the solo audience member thoughout - it never got better. Also, I was out of breath to begin with from the stairs directly to stage and
speaking. A little surprised at how much I want to please others and how FREE I felt when I didnʼt have to. Thanks for today. So interesting. Martin Julien #1# I performed this monologue a lot as a very young man, but not at all in the last 30 years. It made me feel vulnerable. Having an audience primarily made of other excellent actors was a little terrifying. #2# The converging of film and classical text felt like a brand new ʻthingʼ - a conflation of two different worlds /skills #3 # No comment #4# I wonder about the quality, or state, of self-reflexiveness (rather than selfconsciousness) that seems almost always at play. Diane Flacks #1# Interesting to be among peers and those I admire greatly. An extra exhilaration, sense of purpose and nerves. #2# Felt two things: when the other actors were watching the shoot - aware of (them) and that it wasnʼt a pure performer - film experience - half of me was performing for them and half adjusting to the camera. Afraid it was, in the end neither her nor there. once they left, for me pick-up, I was able to make new discoveries. #3# The ending was different. I realized in that moment I no longer believe the same way as I did when I wrote this. #4 # Found this very interesting! My piece changed dramatically and I discovered new things! Most comfortable either in front of an audience or just 1 person and that shocked me. Brings to mind the question: what is true? How much does context put us in or out of a story? When a tree falls in the forest...... Tony Nappo #4# Interesting that I cared less rather than more for the audience of one. And it affected what I did. I did not try to manufacture anything to keep it honest but was the shittiest run of the day. Stephanie Belding #2# I find it much easier to sit in certain moments on camera compared to live in front of an audience but I”m also aware of when I am out of the moment and looking down from outside from a technical standpoint - a bit disengaged and more technically focussed. #4 # I found this last pass, the solo audience, the most anxiety inducing in that he was in a room meant to be full. Had he been in 1 chair in an empty room , it wouldʼve felt way less imposing. Most nerve wracking in that I could see and feel him fidgeting. Eric Woolfe #1# First time Iʼve performed the piece raised, provided initial concerns about sight lines which soon proved to be unfounded. #2 # The camera is a much more relaxing audience to perform for.
#3 # Oddly, performing for no one is much more distracting than performing for a room full of people #4# The more performance done today, the more I became distracted by knowing I would be recording moment of the performance on this questionaire. Sochi Fried #1# I didn始t feel that I necessarily made any discoveries about the story or the piece. I messed up towards the beginning and I lost track of where I was, found it, but was remembering movements instead of living them. #2# I trusted that the camera was going to pickup on what I was saying more than I trusted the live audience to do so. In some ways, I felt safer, but that could also be because this was the second time doing it. #3 # I was very aware of the limits of the physical space which changed the journey of the story. I didn始t dance full out at the beginning which took away from the last section where I repeat everything in miniature. Of all the times so far, I felt the most in the dark about whether the story was coming across or not.
My thoughts - self-reflexive versus self-conscious performing for other performers out of context mediums. How much does context put us in or out of a story? (DF#4)