Mary’s Mission: Our Father

our father

I have a great dad whom I affectionately call “Daddy.” I am immensely grateful that God chose him to be the first man I would love. My dad is the one who showed me how a man should treat a woman; he is a man of his word, a man with a strong work ethic, a man who speaks in truth and love. My dad was the one constant man in my life all 44 years as I waited anxiously for my future husband. He has loved me unconditionally since day one, he has taught me right from wrong, and most importantly, he instilled in me a strong love for God and my Catholic faith. He was the silent leader of our family. Although he is small in stature, I never doubted that he could and would defend me and protect me. I know, even now at 83 years of age, he would still do anything he could to protect me, if needed. He is simply “that kind of guy.” I am a lucky girl. With that said, after 51 years of life and 20 years of counseling, I know so many others who are not as fortunate; perhaps you are one of them. If so, I write this for you. Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation .Ps. 68:5 In my practice, I have worked with many people whose father is one or a combination of the following: deceased, emotionally absent, abusive, addicted, narcissistic, and/or abandoned the family. They struggle mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually as a result. The lack of a father in a person’s life can be detrimental and yet, so many people want to diminish the importance of having a loving father in your life. I do not believe a mother is more important just because she gave birth, rather, I believe God gave us both because of their equal importance. With that said, why then does God allow children to have unworthy fathers? Why does God allow an abusive, hateful, drug addicted man to be a father? Why would God allow a child to lose an amazing father to cancer or other forms of death? I am sorry to say I do not have the answer because only God knows for sure. Despite this truth, I will attempt to answer anyway. First, I think we can all agree that being a faithful Christian is hard! Walking with our Lord is not an easy walk, but one I would take with no other. He does not promise our time on earth will be rainbows and sunshine. He does not promise we will not suffer. He does not promise to give us all amazing earthly fathers. However, He does promise to love us like no earthly father. Second, because of the fall, sin is forever present until the Son’s second coming. As a result, humans will hurt, grieve, and suffer. For some, the hurt, grief and suffering will feel unbearable. For others, it will feel relatively easy. God does not choose to hurt some more than others, rather He allows it to happen while simultaneously waiting for us to turn to Him in our pain. Brothers and sisters, He is waiting for you. Thirdly, there is hope! No matter what kind of dad you have or do not have, God is giving you hope. Hope in the possibility of having a wonderful life despite it all. Hope in the possibility of your children having the father you never had or being the father you did not have. Hope and faith are essential parts in our walk with God. If you feel weak in either of these areas, I suggest one or more of the following: focus on what you do have, focus on the good man (men) God has brought into your life, thank Him while in your pain and suffering (sounds odd, but so worthwhile), make healthy connections with your priestly father, spend time in adoration with Jesus talking about your mutual heavenly Father, and lastly, pray and then pray again. He hears you, He is with you, and He will never abandon you. He is not dead, emotionally absent, abusive, addicted nor will He ever abandon you. God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good.

mary's mission

MARY ARCEMENT ALEXANDER is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in Shreveport, LA. She is also the Victim Assistance Coordinator for the Diocese of Shreveport.