April 2014

Over a Century of Service to CCNY & the Harlem Community

April 2014

Diamond in the Rough

Yeah, Okay Benny

The Southpaw Struggle

Intellectual Discourse

NAC Recognized For Its Beauty

CCNY Mascot Claims Sobriety

Left-Handed Students Fight Back

CCNY's Online Community of Scholars

ccnycampus

ccnycampus

@ccnycampus

ccnycampus.org

Table of Contents 3 NEWS

What Gets You Into School?

Michael Sanchez

4 NEWS

The Emergence of CityLeaks Anika Islam

6 NEws

A Modern Mystery Jomely Tavarez

10 NEWS

The Rise of the Lefties Natalie Shields

12 NEWS

Strength in Simplicity Louis Oprisa

14 SPORTS

The Dissillussioned Mascot Jeff Weisinger

Editorial Team

Editor in Chief Louis Oprisa Managing Editor Rochelle Sterling Opinion & Feature Nikeeyia Howell Sports Jeff Weisinger Lifestyle Natalie Renteria Copy ChiefLucy Lao Copy Editing Esme Cribb,

Business

Business Manager Ashlee Schuppius

Creative Directors

Roberto Guzmán & Liz Fonseca

8 Feature

CCNY's Hidden Health Initiative

Cover Image

Carly Trunkwalker & Christian Hernandez

Roberto Guzmán

Editor’s Note

We've decided to bring back a long practiced tradition here at The Campus by printing an annual satire issue, The Crampus, for the month of April. Remember to take this very seriously.

Multimedia

Web Manager Rachel Mines Social Media Manager Natalie Renteria Video Editor Kham Induangchanthy

Also, as a pubic service announcement: Please do not feed the high school children hanging out in the Quad. We're begging you, for the love of God, please stop.

Summer at City

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April 2014

What Gets You Into School?

Study Sheds Light on Different Ways Students Enter CCNY Illegitimately

By Brendan Lawton│ Photo: Roberto Guzmán

T

he Institute of Student Identification Customs (ISIC) published a report detailing the various methods that matriculated and non-matriculated students enter City College buildings without their proper student IDs. The most heinous tactics tallied up as follows: • Metrocard 33% • Credit card with a picture 32% • Anything rectangular with a CCNY lanyard 20% • Chocolate bar 10%

Jamie Haskell, a CCNY student recounts, “Sometimes I simply raise my hand and gain entry.”

ISIC’s report concluded: “If you find yourself at school without an ID, have no fears! Your hand apparently has the power to get you to class as long as you display the attitude of a confident CCNY student ID bearer.” n

Lastly, and probably the least used, is the simple wave of a bare hand.

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CityLeaks Feature

The City College of New York Edit Profile

Places Shepard Hall Compton & Goethals Hall Townsend Harris Hall Wingate Hall Baskerville Hall North Academic Center Administration Building Marshak Science Building Steinman Hall Spitzer School of Architecture Aaron Davis Hall New Science Buildings The Towers

Groups Arts Architecture Biomedical Engineering English The Towers

Search for a CCNY Leak by number or keywordThe

Crampus

Students Air Out CCNY’s Dirty Laundry

By Nikeeyia Howell │Photo: Roberto Guzmán, Louis Oprisa

T

he CUNY Board of Trustees and local government officials are in a state of alarm after the recent uptick in traffic on CityLeaks, a non-profit organization that anonymously publishes the queries, photos, and observations of students of the City College of New York and beyond.

Students submit their articles to the CityLeaks admin, who then publishes those articles to the Tumblr-style website for the world to see. Articles published on the CityLeaks website range in topic from serious philosophical matters ranging from “Why are finals a thing?” to intense criticisms on the infrastructure of CCNY. When asked what he thought of CityLeaks at a recent press conference, Mayor Bill de Blasio remarked, “The City of New York takes this blatant security threat very seriously. The situation has been isolated but it is only a matter of time before it is adapted by other CUNYs, SUNYs,

and private institutions." When asked what he meant by “blatant security threat,” De Blasio refused to answer anymore questions and stormed out of the room.

It remains unclear why officials are so upset. Was it the photos published of the various gaping holes inside the NAC? The non-photoshopped images of it raining inside Marshak? Maybe the students’ opinions about the library study rooms: “disgusting, never-getcleaned, almost prison-like cell rooms.

Honestly, you couldn't pay me to use a study room at this establishment.”

Perhaps officials are mad because CityLeaks has been an open ear during a time when CUNY administration and the NYC government have not been listening. As students started to feel alone in their struggles, CityLeaks reassured them that they are not the “only [ones] that [miss] Kenroy, the ‘Hot Mama’ guy?!”

Skimming through the articles and comments on CityLeaks, one can’t

#25

" The brownie avalanche served in the cafeteria isn't made with chocolate.."

#48

" Did anyone hear a loud boom at CCNY a few days ago? That was me bombing my finals."

#1489

" My secret to success is to troll on CityLeaks every day and still do my homework. CityLeaks is my fuel."

#2896

" CURRENTLY WAITING FOR THE BIG CHECK FROM FINANCIAL AID, ANYONE POOR WITH ME?"

Block People

UnFriend

help but notice and appreciate the camaraderie and community that radiates off the page and into the soul. One author, in particular, wrote, "I gave up clubbing for lent.

Wish me luck!" Within minutes, an encouraging stranger commented: “See you at the Club!”

In addition to being a support center, CityLeaks has also become a space for students to suggest new initiatives for the college. One anonymous author proposed, "It should be a requirement for professors to notify students at least 3 hours prior to a class cancellation via email or at least on Blackboard.

Signs on doors or announcements on a chalkboard are complete f***ery.

No one should have to waste time commuting for a canceled class."

Despite all the good that CityLeaks offers, CCNY admin announced that starting in early May, the CityLeaks website would be blocked on the entire network: on campus computers, as well as the WiFi network. Imagine that – a post on CityLeaks forcing

Stalk

Places to Sleep

maintenance to plug the holes in the NAC, or bringing more attention to the multitude of artistically rendered phalluses that appear all around campus.

What good does blocking a site do, when we can still see these things ourselves? It seems that the administration thinks that everything going on at CCNY exists in a vacuum, that students and faculty don't talk about the things they see on social media, text messages, or, for the “old school,” phone calls.

Kudos to the CityLeaks admin for making visible all of the issues that we all think about. If we had a big enough budget and your address, we'd send you a Crampy (our official award).

Which reminds us, no one knows who this admin is. A student? A faculty member? Our beaver mascot?

Perhaps it's better that nobody knows.

But for the record, our vote is for Edward Snowden. n

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#2913

" Just curious. Is it still stalking if a girl lets you know where she will be and at what time?"

Join The Crampus, Where We Deliver News

#3644

" I overheard two people today talking about buying a dime bag... why would you spend money to buy a bag of dimes? Lol some people talk about the strangest stuff at this school"

#3669

" Today I Found a plantain in the Marshak gym and as a good Dominican I took it home and cooked it so whoever left it, thanks, it tasted very good."

Need Someone to Write Your Essay?

News

The Crampus

A MODERN Noble, Pious Citizen Puzzled at Lack of Dating Prospects

By Jomely Tavarez │ Photo: Roberto Guzmán

F

amily informants have confirmed that as local college student Daniel Brown lounges in his eggshell-shaped computer chair at his parents’ home in the same sweatpants he woke up in, the most commonly repeated phrase they hear him say into his phone’s voice-text feature is, “I don’t see any reason why these fucking bitches don’t like me.” throughout an ordinary day.

After countless singular attempts of trying to connect with someone, he has been known to audibly remark his lack of comprehension at why any broads weren’t digging his swag or collection of valor fabric. Brown claims to have tried everything from showing women his appreciation by enunciating mating calls resembling

6

human words that sort of sound like "Dat ass tho," and "Let me tap that" to even going as far as suggesting the two get a Little Caesar’s pizza for dinner together.

He insists that although he goes on many dates, it is he who always makes the decision to end the flame.

“Oh, nah, I’ve never been broken up with,” as he confidently begins bouncing his knees up and down, avoids eye contact, and touches his face vaguely as though he is holding back a yawn.

Brown continues, "The hardest part isn't the constant rejection, but the fact that these tricks go for the biggest fags who 'care about their feelings' and 'respect them.' I’m starting to think that females are the ones with the problem. I blame the media for the way they portray women as all empowered and shit.

For fuck’s sake, I’m a ten on the

April 2014

MYSTERY Hot or Not? app, and I got 6,000 followers on Instagram. Yeah, most of my posts are gym selfies. So what?

The girls here at CCNY are mad ratchet anyway. They love that shit," concluding his sentence while looking at a nearby student walking to the cafeteria even though her back was turned towards him.

Fortunately for Brown, the Psychology Department at The City College of New York have made a major breakthrough in the Nice Guys Finish Last phenomenon. They followed around 5,000 students in mingling environments and found that generally, guys who gave unsolicited self-identifications of themselves as “nice guys” to strangers tended to have the least amount of sex and reported higher instances of unreturned text messages.

The study also found that males who preferred listening to speaking and treating the opposite sex like an equal rather than as an object had a higher rate of success when it came to getting a date. These results have left psychologist befuddled, as the more sexually active group had expressed remorse for past mistakes in screening interviews, and although many spoke of a desire to be “a better person than I’ve been,” they actually performed well above of reasonable expectations and wound up being

boyfriends generally seen as l oving, caring, and faithful. A downside is that boyfriends tended to be the reason for deterioration in the friendship of two females competing for his affection.

At press time, Brown has decided to call it a night after spending his last three hours in the NAC computer lab browsing memes on Reddit.

Topics he was perusing included Call of Duty and LOLFeminists. It appears currently that he has every intention of picking up his conversations with Internet strangers as soon as he gets home, but probably after he eats the mediocre food his mother made for him.

“ I'm starting to think that females are the ones with the problem.”

– Daniel Brown

Self-reported "nice guys" have also been found to be twice as likely to regularly hang out with a pack of other self-reported "nice guys" as well, in most cases living completely devoid of female contact. n

7

Activism

The Crampus

Getting Fit With

8

April 2014

hout Knowing It CCNY Secretly Embarks on a Mission to Keep Students Healthy

By Carly Trunkwalter & Christian Hernandez │ Photo: Roberto Guzmán

R

emember all of those times you missed the shuttle from 145th & St. Nicholas and had to power walk all the way to campus, only to find that the escalators in the NAC rotunda were, once again, out of service?

The forced detour from mechanical stairs to manual stairs is just one part of the CCNY Healthy Living Initiative, a new campaign making an effort to help students lose weight during the winter months and keep it off year-round.

CCNY has paired up with Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign, an initiative aimed at getting students more active in their day-to-day lives.

Situated atop the hill between St. Nicholas and Broadway, getting to City College in the winter seems like a journey. In order to successfully get to campus, City students have trained tirelessly in mountain climbing. Thanks to Mayor de Blasio’s insistence that schools remain open during the most treacherous days of this winter, City College students were able to put their skills to the test, trekking over snow patches and ice mounds just to make it to class.

According to the head of public safety, the campus security and facilities teams made the decision that “plowing streets and sidewalks prematurely counteracts the efforts of the Healthy Living Initiative.” If students do not face such difficulty while on campus, their commute becomes way too easy.

After climbing up hills and trudging through slushy street corners, students find broken escalators – the beginning of the NAC obstacle course focusing on speed, endurance, and agility.

This brilliant design forces students to weave through standing students walking up the escalators because any alternate route involves extended waiting times for elevators, or climbing the adjacent stairs hidden behind excessively heavy doors.

The cITy tech center’s design also adheres to the Healthy Living Initiative.

Students needing to use the services of the cITy Tech center forcibly engage in high-intensity interval training (HIIT).

To begin, students run for the first available and working computer. Once they get through an average of three login portals, students sprint to the release station to print their papers.

Even if they run fast enough, most students end up waiting behind another student who absolutely needed to print a 200 pg textbook. Standing for nearly a half-hour allows the students some much-needed downtime before resuming the agility course.

For students who choose not to run between the computers and printer release stations, their entire time in the tech center serves as rest time.

While students have two options of entry to the tech center, there’s only one way out – through the main entrance of the Cohen Library. Those who visit the cITy tech center only to use the printers find the extra task of walking up two flights of stairs to exit the library rather strenuous and unnecessary.

Calorie consumption control has highest priority in the Healthy Living Initiative’s diet plan. The NAC has one coffee bar, which creates a line of students that wraps around the rotunda. Students constantly have to

make the healthier decision to drop out of the line and make it to class on time. Those who choose to stand spend at least fifteen minutes on their feet, slowing circulation and risking “sleeping” extremities.

Perhaps the most important part of the Healthy Living Initiative is the covertly regulated eating plan. CCNY and Metropolitan Food Services planted unappetizing and downright inedible foods in the cafeteria, and inflated the price of commonly known snacks in the vending machines. The new $6.00 minimum for credit and debit card purchases in the cafeteria makes it nearly impossible to grab a snack and get to class.

When a vending machine sells a candy bar for $1.70 and the cafeteria sells prepared foods like “bread cream” for $2.75, struggling students find it unjustifiable to purchase certain foods on campus. Some leave campus to find a meal or snack, engaging in even more manual labor; others decide to save their money by skipping the snack altogether. The CCNY administration continues to prove their commitment to preserving the physical and financial health of all current and future students – no matter what it does to their bottom line.

In a statement from the Health & Wellness Center, school officials said that “it starts with the Freshman 15, and then the Sophomore 20, and so on.

We need to do what we can to combat the decline in physical activity often associated with a teenager’s first years of undergraduate education.”

The intensity of the initiative promotes fitness and a healthier lifestyle. n

9

Feature

The Crampus

Lefty Uprising Tired of Discrimination, Students Protest for Furniture Choice

By Natalie Shields │ Photo: Roberto Guzmán

W

ith hands raised in the air and fists clenched in solidarity, left-handed students packed the Rotunda last Wednesday in protest against the discrimination felt in classrooms at CCNY. “We pay as much tuition as righthanded students,” said Mark Eaton, club president of the Left-Handed Students Association (LSA). “Why should our class environment be an obstacle to our education?”

The mass was not only made up of left-handed protesters, some right-handed supporters could also be spotted in the crowd. At noon, members of LSA spoke to students and passersby alike, rapidly garnering attention with loud messages, intermingled with group conversations.

LSA’s top frustration with the school is the majority desks available in classrooms that are specifically designed for righthanded students. While they demanded that more desks be placed in classrooms to accommodate students that don’t write with their right hand, the group stated that older wooden desks that have both sides open would be a better, hand-neutral alternative.

“I’m taking a stand so that CCNY learns the impact of furniture choice on a quality learning experience,” said Alexis Stacks, student protester.

Stacks joined LSA last fall and said they have made her aware of the need to fight left-handed discrimination in a world dominated by those who write with their opposite hand.

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Spiral notebooks and many everyday school items are designed for ease of right-hand use. ATMS are designed with the right hand in mind, as are keyboards with the number pad, binders, and even the common ballpoint pen.

“I tried writing with my right hand,” said Stephen Samuels, left-handed student. “It just didn’t feel right.”

Samuels attempted writing with his opposite hand to counteract the discomfort he experienced when trying to use a right-handed desk. While more comfortable resting his right arm, he

April 2014 found his handwriting suffered and his slower writing pace made it difficult to keep up with his class. He even tried to take notes on his laptop but was forced to stop after half of his professors enforced a no-laptop policy in their classes.

Unfortunately, as he began his junior year and started taking smaller classes that did not have the wider universal desks found in lecture halls, Samuels began experiencing shooting pains in his side and back. With the constant pain, he finds himself in a constant state of misery. "I have a right to learn as any other right-handed student would be able to." Samuels adds, "Accommodations need to be made."

Local area physician Dr. Herbert Schteinman says that left-handers using right-handed desks in a

“Poor habits down the line can turn into deformities,” said Schteinman, “and that’s just the physical impact.”

For an environment that is meant to uphold equality among its student body, the current available desk options disenfranchise students.

“Walking into many classrooms within the NAC building alone, one out of 35 desks, one may be a universal desk or a left-handers desk but that’s rare or usually in the back of the class,” said Professor Abraham Cabra of the Psychology department.

Cabra understands the strife of his students. Observing his various classes over the years, he says that he can always spot the student who writes with their left hand:

and critical thinking skills.”

According to national studies, one in every ten Americans writes with their left hand. Eaton and other member of the LSA are no strangers to this statistic.

“We know we’re in the minority,” said Eaton, “but that’s how change is brought about.”

During Wednesday's peaceful protest, LSA members read the names of notable left-handers to make clear that that they were not as insignificant as society has lead them to believe.

On the list were H.G. Wells, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Winston Churchill, Matt Groening and President Obama, to name a few.

Members of LSA vow to keep protesting until there are at least 5 lefty-friendly desks in every classroom on campus.

They remain optimistic. n

your OPTIONS

classroom environment has the same effect of improper seating and posture in a professional office environment.

“They’re usually fidgety and restless,” said Cabra. “In the classroom that has the potential to disrupt a student’s concentration, active listening ability,

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Lifestyle

The Crampus

NAC Wins Miss USA Building Pageant 2014

By Louis Oprisa Photo: Roberto Guzmán CCNY’s North Academic Center was named America’s most beautiful building by the national Bureau of Building Affairs (BOBA), beating out such landmarks as the Empire State Building, the new World Trade Center, and Chicago’s Sears Tower, among many others, in a competition which featured all buildings to strut down a walkway while appearing confident in six inch heels and a bedsheet of clothing.

“Today is a proud day not only for our institution, but for the architectural marvel that is our North Academic Center. See the way that it does not bend in the presence light-hearted sunshine on a spring afternoon? It is illustrious. It is indestructible. It is CCNY,” said President Lisa Coico in an official statement to the press.

Built throughout the 1970s and completed in 1984, the North Academic Center houses thousands of classrooms, two cafeterias, a library, multiple technology centers, administrative offices, and one clean bathroom.

The deceased architect, John Carl Wernecke, also headed the construction of projects such as the Hawaii State Capitol Building, John F. Kennedy’s Eternal Flame Memorial at Arlington National Cemetary, and the master plan for Lafayette Square in Washington DC. However, his spirit made sure to schedule an inter-medium appointment with San Francisco

12

April 2014

press outlets, where he grilled the media and critics of his work.

“I’ve been having to hear it from the other spirits out here in netherworld as we float around the universe. They constantly say, “Hey John, why don’t you build another jail for our particles to randomly float around in?” My existential plight has known no ends and frankly, with this affirmation, you all can suck it. I built a great prison- I mean school. I built a great school,” he expressed through crackled radiotransmission like noises or whatever it is that human mediums actually hear today in 2014.

BOBA’s announcement cited a “no-

nonsense approach that was quite evident” given the consistent presence of gray concrete bricks, as well as the school’s charming introspective honesty that at times seemed to say “Yeah, there’s debris falling from the ceiling and I need a scaffolding in my rotunda, and maybe the escalator doesn’t work, but you love me, and you know it.”

Yovaly Lampur, a 25-year old English major agrees, adding, “I do love it. I like buildings that get sassy, they help me forget about the massive amount of easy homework I keep putting off.”

Another student, 21-year-old sociology major Edgar LaVelle opined, “The strides that Werner made cannot be

disputed, but I for one won’t be happy until we actually start resembling actual modern day prisons today. Considering the slow but inevitable march towards my existence basically being working to pay off debt, I might as well get used to it now.”

Local mice and cockroaches were mum on the news, only saying “Yeah man that’s great, but listen, you didn’t see us here, okay?”

BOBA’s next order of affairs will be a meeting to determine what exactly they do other than name a building for being really pretty. n

13

Sports

The Crampus

DISILLUS Extremely Interesting Character of Intrigue Continues to Polarize

By Jeff Weisinger │ Photo: Esther Posy

A

lthough the CCNY Indoor Track team won its fourth straight CUNYAC title a few weeks ago, City College mascot Benny the Beaver continues stagnating into a mild downward spiral of obesity and alcoholism.

Benny, a huge basketball and baseball fan at CCNY, has been reported to be burying his disappointment at various bars and restaurants around the City College campus, mainly the McDonald's on West 138th and Broadway and Village Fried Chicken on West 146th and Amsterdam Ave. When asked about Benny’s current state, school representatives stated that Benny has “been very depressed as of late, thus leading to the weight gain and lack of appearances around the City College campus and CCNY games. We’re in the process of trying to get him back on his feet, as we know how eager he once was when

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our athletic program was actually competitive in New York City.”

Although both soccer teams and the fencing squad had solid seasons while the indoor track team won their fourth straight CUNYAC title, Benny still experiences agonizing longing for men’s and women’s basketball teams and CCNY baseball to be competitively relevant again.

This year, the men’s basketball team and the women’s basketball team combined for a 17-36 combined record, both losing in the CUNYAC quarterfinals as the men’s team lost at Staten Island while the women’s team lost at Baruch.

Benny has reportedly gained about 40 pounds since 2011, and has also (according to reports) been kicked out of a few bars, arrested for DUI, and has even reportedly considered entering

SIONED a 12-step program for his current alcohol addiction.

There have been no reports or any sort of intervention set up to help Benny, but rumors around the CCNY community are swirling about the very real possibility of a CUNY-led intervention, one in which he would enter understaffed institutions titled variously but generally as Rehabilitation Centers, and learn to control his impulses by being in an environment that mandates the control of his daily impulses like sleeping, eating, and defecating.

While shopping for logs of wood last week, various paparazzi questioned him furiously, curious about his health.

He pretended he didn’t speak English.

Benny then relented and mentioned that it was relieving to see Thierry Diessongo win the 2014 CUNYAC Men’s Indoor Track and Field Performer of the Year, that he’s very hopeful for baseball’s 2-2 start and how happy he was that at least when everything else seems to collapse around him, (mainly the depression of CCNY’s basketball programs as of late) he has at least one program he can rely on year in and year out.

At press time, Benny is said to be in the Wingate Fitness Center locker room struggling with a lock that he forgot the combination to. n

“ We're in the process of trying to get him back on his feet…”

– School Representative

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2014

Shepard Hall Through the Years Photo: Javier Vasquez