VIEWPOINTS
Friendship During COVID-19 Requires Communication and Consent MANYA BHARADWAJ viewpoints columnist
As Thanksgiving was approaching, Chicago had recorded more than 1 million cases of COVID-19 and over 22,000 deaths. That’s a scary statistic for UChicago students. It was enough to make even my most COVID-in-d i f f er ent roommate put on a mask when a good friend knocks on our door—not because she was worried about herself, but because she couldn’t risk testing positive on Sunday before she got on her flight back home. Out of respect for her, and based on city guidelines, my other roommates and I had been social distancing a little extra to avoid any unnecessary risk. I’ve come to realize that a lot of consent and communication-related issues, which you’d normally associate most with sex and relationships, surprisingly translate into everyday
pandemic discussions with friends and roommates. That can often be a pretty hard thing to figure out. I remember how important COVID-19 guidelines and social distancing rules were back in June, as students were figuring out who to live with off campus. I have many good friends with whom I would have loved to live with, had this been any other time—but because we couldn’t consent to the same social distancing rules, we simply couldn’t live together. When I signed my current lease with three friends, we had our rules written down in a color-coded apartment spreadsheet: a soft maximum of four non-roommates in the apartment at once, no big gatherings, and no interacting mask-less with people who have been to big gatherings. But we probably should’ve considered that, as with any other form of consent, the rules need to be specific and
illustration by jad dahshan
illustration by jad dahshan
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are subject to change. We never outlined a specific definition of a big gathering, whether it means six close friends or 60 strangers. We also never really communicated about what we were comfortable with one another doing. Recently, I camped out on ourcouch waiting to talk to one of my roommates about the fact that she’d snapped at me and our other roommate the previous night because she was upset that we’d visited our neighbors’ apartment. I want to listen to what she wants and follow the rules to which we’d each consented. But I hadn’t been able to do that this time, because I had had no idea that she wasn’t comfortable with us visiting next door. I’ve come to realize how crucial it is that we communicate and assert boundaries and consent with each other before things happen, even if we think it’s something the other person doesn’t want to hear. The argument that she and my other roommate have a lot is related to the idea that consent is always an ongoing matter. Because we decided to regulate our attendance at gatherings on a case-by-case basis (before the most recent stay-at-home order), one roommate is always confused about whether something is allowed, while the other thinks it’s based on whatever decision we made a few weeks earlier. It’s made me realize that communicating what we’re comfortable with is an ongoing process, and it’s important for us to respect those changing boundaries no matter what. Although it seems like sex and dating aren’t as active a scene right now, consent is still important in these other areas. Respecting boundaries is no different when it comes to friendships. One of my best friends lives 15 minutes away
THE CHICAGO MAROON — MARCH 1, 2021
