Child magazine | DBN June 2016

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

let’s party issue

celebrate in style healthy living choose your theme this winter party like a pro remember your manners

www.childmag.co.za

June 2016

free

pregnancy and pills stop your baby’s snoring do we need vitamin B?

+ happy father’s day

be an even greater dad

health

look after your health, guys

education

entertainment

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Lucille Kemp

Art Designers Mark Vincer • studio@childmag.co.za Candice Acheson • studio1@childmag.co.za Julian Mc Namara • studio1@childmag.co.za

Advertising Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations Lisa Waterloo • dbnsales@childmag.co.za

Subscriptions and Circulation Nicolene Baldy • subs@childmag.co.za

Accounts Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: Brooke Fasani

Operations Manager Helen Xavier • helen@childmag.co.za

Let’s party!

Ah, how wonderful to once again bring you our annual Let’s Party issue! As usual it is crammed with colourful inspiration as well as easy, practical solutions for your child’s next birthday celebration. With the cold winter months ahead, we know you’ll love the themes we have chosen, perfect for in- or outdoor parties. Last night, on learning that I had my note still to write, my youngest daughter, a pro party planner in her own right, offered her thoughts. “Mom, it’s all about balance. Children should be allowed to give their input when it comes to the planning, but not too much, ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s the parent who pays the bills and does all the work”. Pearls of wisdom I tell you, at such a tender age. I took the hint and have to admit that my enthusiasm for all things party may overshadow the real reason for celebration; the uniqueness of my child and her needs on her special day. Next year, my New Year’s resolution will most certainly be striving for balance and carefully consulting my daughters on what’s really important, on their red-letter day.

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But our June issue is not only about birthdays and gift-giving.

This month we celebrate dads too. Sadly mine died a few years back. He was kind, strong, loyal to his family and incredibly loving. If I had a wish granted on my birthday, it would be to spend one more day with my dad, to see him smile, and know that I was loved. Surely no other gift comes close?

Happy Father’s day to all the wonderful dads out there.

Lisa Mc Namara Publisher

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June 2016

3

contents 10

be an even better dad

regulars

3 a note from lisa 6 over to you readers respond

8 best for baby – noisy newborns babies do snore, but when should you

features

be concerned about Obstructive Sleep

10 be an even better dad raising a child can be hard work. Mark van Dijk gives powerful tips for dads to help them do a decent job

Apnoea? By Lucille Kemp

9 pregnancy news – tricky to treat Anél Lewis finds out which meds are safe to take when feeling under

12 man up annual health checkups

the weather while pregnant

can help men stay healthy longer.

Tamlyn Vincent explains why

17 a good read books for the whole family to enjoy

14 rethinking experimentation Gary Koen gives us the hard facts on the dangers of marijuana

16 the gift of failure should we give our children the space to make mistakes and learn from the experience?

Samantha Page investigates

23 planning do’s and don’ts

18 resource – let’s party! our annual party guide is here to inspire you to make your child’s birthday party a lasting memory. Compiled by Tamlyn Vincent

24 what’s on in june 26 finishing touch Anél Lewis is already

Anél Lewis shares her experiences

wary of the day her children start asking

on party etiquette and the

questions about the birds and the bees

related conundrums

26 next month in child magazine

health 7 taking vitamin b Marina Zietsman

classified ads

looks at the importance of vitamin B and if it helps to supplement

25 family marketplace

Joburg

Sarah-Jane Photography sarahjanephotography.co.za

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June 2016

Cape Town

Megan Hancock Photography meganhancockphotography.co.za

Pretoria

Durban

Shutterstock shutterstock.com

Megan Hancock Photography meganhancockphotography.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPH: sarahjanephotography.co.za

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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June 2016

5

letters

over to you feminism recreated I really enjoyed reading the article “feminism and motherhood” (May 2016), as it struck a chord with my beliefs, and created some much needed, though goodhearted, debate in my home. I know there are many women that suffer due to abuse and a lot of wrongs should still be righted in workplaces all over the world, but for me feminism comes down to one word: choice – personal choice, to be exact. As a human being one should be allowed to make choices, within reason obviously, regarding one’s own life, without having to be subjectified, compartmentalised or categorised. I know gay couples with children, single moms with children, large families with seven children – and all these people are different, happy, secure, and made these choices, because that is what they wanted and what makes them content. Within these familial confines, lie individuals who are strongly outspoken about women’s rights, who are politically active citizens, who are vegetarian, who knit jerseys for the under privileged, who live for their careers… All strong women, who made a choice and tackle day-to-day problems with their children with all Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine

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June 2016

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

the knowledge and energy and love they can muster. If that is feminism, then long live feminism.

Carol Leon

your voice online in response to “raising children of privilege” This is an awesome feature and with research well done. The majority of parents who are able to provide more than basics for their children, feel that they are doing enough and thus invest more time in earning an income to support their provider role. Parents themselves who have suffered from a lack of active parenting, and who do not possess the nature to improve their parenting, tend to fall into the trap of materialism. It is important that we always check our personal stance on parenting, and understanding of parenting principles, with our peers. It is not a matter of not knowing, but rather a matter of ensuring eyes are on the right ball, or else facing our children going astray or, even worse, suffering from all these preventable challenges.

Meshack Kekana

thanks for the assistance I have been helping my daughter with her science fair project, but we were having a hard time finding good ideas. As we were looking around for some inspiration, we found your page, childmag.co.za/content/kitchenscience. Sarah and I want to say “thank you” as this article has been a huge help.

Sarah loves science so, while looking for some good experiments and activities she could do at home, we stumbled onto homeadvisor.com – they have a section called Science Experiments For All Around Your Home (just type this into your Google search bar). We thought to share this page, as it would be helpful for others looking for at-home science activities and experiments.

Tonya and Sarah subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions.

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The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

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the “popular” one Vitamin B12, also called cobalamin, converts our food into fuel, allowing us to stay energised and function throughout the day. It also aids in the production of DNA and red blood cells, it restores bone marrow and the lining of the respiratory and gastrointestinal tracts, maintains the health of the nervous system and spinal cord and helps to prevent megaloblastic anaemia (a lack of healthy red blood cell production).

signs of deficiency It is believed that there is a lot of undetected vitamin B12 deficiency sufferers out there. Annelize Zeelie, a registered dietician based in Randburg, says, “A vitamin B12 deficiency can lead to tiredness and fatigue due to megaloblastic anaemia.” If not treated, it can cause incontinence, weight loss, shortness of breath, poor circulation, forgetfulness and confusion, psychosis and hallucinations, tremors (unintentional, rhythmic muscle movement) and depression. “In infants a vitamin B12 deficiency can cause a unique neurological problem called infantile tremor syndrome, where the child gets tremors and milestones can be delayed if the condition is prolonged,” says Zeelie.

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taking vitamin b Vitamin B12 has many health benefits, but its main function is to keep the nerve and blood cells healthy. MARINA ZIETSMAN digs deeper to find out more about this life-saving vitamin and if it helps to supplement.

who is at risk?

A vitamin B12 deficiency is more common in older people (age 60-plus), but other potential candidates include those on all levels of vegetarianism (including newborns of vegan/vegetarian moms); those that suffer from pernicious anaemia, an autoimmune condition; when the stomach lining is thinning due to disease; after surgery to the stomach or small intestine; those suffering from digestive conditions such as Crohn’s disease; and, people on certain medication such as certain diabetes drugs and some antacid medication.

how to counter it It’s important to note that no plant can make or store vitamin B12 and it can only be found in animal foods. Zeelie suggests the following to get your daily dose: meat, chicken, fish, eggs, milk, yoghurt and cheese. “Vegans who exclude

all animal products from their diet may require a source of vitamin B12 either from a supplement providing the recommended daily allowance, fortified food, nutritional yeast or a reliable plant source modified to contain a biological, active source of vitamin B12,” says Zeelie. She adds that it’s important for children to get a variety of foods in their diet to help them get the energy and nutrients that they need for normal growth and development. “Aim for three to four food groups in a meal,” suggests Zeelie. For her list of nutritional, vegetarian meals rich in vitamins, including B12, visit childmag.co.za/vegetarian-child

to supplement or not Zeelie says a definite “yes” to supplementation. “It can be in tablet form or an intramuscular injection”. Though she adds that she would not recommend vitamin B12 shots for children unless there

health

is a diagnosed deficiency and other medical obstacles, such as an absorption problem, and a medical practitioner administers it in the correct dose. If you do suspect a deficiency, a fairly simple blood test can determine whether you should look at your diet or supplementation. If your diet is restrictive, speak to a registered dietician for advice, or your healthcare practitioner if you do consume enough vitamin B12 in your diet, but still have a deficiency.

vitamin B12 myths ✻✻ There is no proof that it can aid in the development of children with autism or ADHD. These children are usually picky eaters, and can have a deficiency in several vitamins and nutrients. Supplementation simply improves their nutrient levels. ✻✻ There’s no evidence that vitamin B12 injections aid weight loss. ✻✻ Vitamin B12 is a water soluble vitamin, meaning if you have any excess in your body, the body simply excretes excess amounts in the urine. Thus supplementing over and above a sufficient diet or sufficient levels of vitamin B, will not boost your energy levels.

June 2016

7

best for baby

noisy

newborns LUCILLE KEMP learns that if you have a snoring baby, know when to take matters further by being aware of the markers of Obstructive Sleep Apnoea.

when to worry Paediatricians will tell you that babies generally tend to be noisy breathers because their airways are narrow and filled with lots of bubbly secretions. The air passing through these, cause many different vibratory sounds in the soft tissues of the airway, resulting in snoring.

Most of the time, these sounds subside as your baby’s airways grow and he learns to swallow excess saliva.

However, Rosman says if your baby’s snoring is also accompanied by gasping and, according to the National Sleep Foundation in the USA, the snoring is loud, they are probably battling to take in air because the throat is narrowed or blocked, keeping sufficient air from getting into the windpipe and lungs. This amounts to the sleep disorder Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (OSA).

“Various studies around the world have shown that about 1% to 4% of babies suffer from sleep apnoea and medically that’s quite common,” says Rosman. If gone untreated it may worsen, diminishing your child’s quality of life and, at worst, can be life-threatening.

find the cause and treat Joburg-based ENT Dr Maurice Hockman says that problematic snoring needs an accurate, anatomical and medical assessment, which is why Rosman recommends you steer away from home testing and rather seek an in-hospital diagnosis by booking an appointment with an ENT. If a sleep disorder is suspected, a sleep specialist who has special training in sleep medicine, will perform a polysomnogram, which can help to determine if your child has sleep apnoea or another problem. This test records your child’s sleeping patterns to determine a diagnosis, including their brain waves, body movements, heartbeat, breathing patterns, arousals and noises.

While obesity, allergies, acid reflux and structural abnormalities in the head and neck, such as a deviated nasal septum, can contribute to sleep apnoea, Rosman says that the number one cause for sleep apnoea in babies is enlarged tonsils and often adenoids too, which block the flow of air through the throat and impair a child’s ability to breathe.

A treatment for sleep apnoea that has shown to have a very high success rate in children, says Rosman, is tonsillectomy, the surgical procedure of removing tonsils as well as a procedure called adenotonsillectomy, which is when both the tonsils and adenoids are removed. Children can have had their adenoids removed at around 11 to 12 months of age. Generally ENTs will only remove tonsils in children from three years of age, however tonsillectomy has been performed on children, who need to be treated for OSA, at one year of age. But it’s still best to speak directly with your ENT and find out what their recommendations are.

In a small percentage of cases the symptoms of a baby’s sleep apnoea are treated using CPAP, or Continuous Positive Airway Pressure, which treats by using mild air pressure to keep the airways open. It is often used on premature babies, so it is safe for infants.

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June 2016

the far-reaching effect of sleep-disordered breathing There are findings that support the idea that the sleep-disordered breathing of Obstructive Sleep Apnoea is actually aiding behavioural problems in children. The National Sleep Foundation (USA) explains the mechanics of this, “Interruptions in breathing during sleep can cause the brain to ‘wake up’ to some extent, even if the sleeping person is not aware of it. These repeated interruptions disturb the sleep patterns that are essential to a good night’s sleep and are thought to be the reason why daytime behaviour might be affected by poor breathing during the night.”

Not every child that snores suffers from sleep apnoea, but every child that has sleep apnoea will snore.

Think of your mood after a night or several nights of restless sleep – you’ll battle to wake up in the morning, you might suffer from headaches and will be sleep deprived, which will affect your ability to focus. You most likely will be irritable and agitated causing you to become short-tempered and aggressive or feel overwhelmed. It is quite similar for a baby, who needs to sleep 16 to 20 hours in a day in order to thrive. Older children in a structured environment where they are required to concentrate to learn new things will also struggle when sleep deprived.

Research has revealed the profound role tonsils play in a child’s functioning. A rigorous, highly respected study was published in Pediatrics in 2006 where it was found that children who have surgery to remove their tonsils are very likely to behave and sleep better, one year later. Data was collected from testing sleep and breathing at night, and attention and behaviour during the day. About half of the children in the study who were found to have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) before tonsil surgery no longer met criteria for this diagnosis one year later. Other cognitive and behavioural issues also improved.

The body of evidence on this issue suggests that a significant number of children with inattention, hyperactivity or sleepiness during the day and sleep-breathing problems at night, may benefit from a tonsillectomy.

home remedies for first relief Saline nasal spray If your baby’s nose seems stuffy, squirt a few salt-water drops into their nose at least once a day. Most pharmacies sell it.

Nasal aspirator This will suck out excess secretions gently.

Warm mist vaporiser To humidify the air in your baby’s bedroom. You can also stand in a warm bathroom with your baby, as the humidified air loosens excess secretions in the airway. Do this just before bedtime.

Allergy-proof Remove allergens from your baby’s bedroom such as items that collect dust and animal fur.

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PHOTOGRAPH: Annelise Singh

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ot every child that snores suffers from sleep apnoea, but every child that has sleep apnoea will snore. For Dr Kevin Rosman, a neurologist with 20 years’ experience in sleep medicine and director of the Morningside Sleep Centre in Joburg, sleep apnoea is an important health issue. Because if your baby does suffer from it, they’ll snore because their airways are restricted and can’t be cleared with a simple nasal saline.

pregnancy news

tricky to treat Popping a pill for pain is not always an option during pregnancy. ANÉL LEWIS finds out what is safe to take when

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

you’re expecting.

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ost of us think nothing of taking an aspirin at the onset of a headache, or sipping a hot toddy to keep the sniffles at bay.

But when you’re pregnant, you have to bear in mind that any medication you take may put your baby at risk of developing birth defects.

the golden rule When it comes to medication and pregnancy, Dr Susan Shelton, a Cape Town-based general practitioner, says pregnant women should always check with their doctors before taking anything. The safety of all medication during

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pregnancy depends on several factors, including the stage of the pregnancy. “Always check with your doctor first,” she advises. The internet has no shortage of online advice about what medications and ingredients could be safe to take, but doctors and chemists agree that the golden rule is always to consult a medical expert. You must know the possible risks so that you can decide whether they outweigh the benefits of taking the medication. Also note that medications that are not safe to take during pregnancy are generally not suitable for breastfeeding women either, as they could pass through breast milk to the baby.

chronic conditions However, not taking medication if you have a chronic condition can, in some instances, be as dangerous as taking the wrong medication during pregnancy. According to the American Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, pregnant women should not stop taking any medication without first talking to their doctor. The same goes for women who plan to fall pregnant. The sudden cessation of antidepressants, for example, could put the mother at risk.

However, some antidepressant medications could have risks for the foetus and newborn, and expectant women should always consult their doctors or consider alternative treatments to manage their condition during pregnancy. This would also apply to women with asthma, hypertension and auto immunodeficiency diseases. While research indicates that acetaminophens for pain relief do not seem to increase the risks of major birth defects in the first trimester, there’s not enough evidence about the use of painkillers or opioids during pregnancy. Some studies indicate a higher risk of birth defects, such as spina bifida, with the use of these drugs.

fight the flu The United States Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) stance is that prescription and over-the-counter medicines containing nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), opioids and acetaminophen carry potential risks and should be used with caution. Acetaminophen is a common ingredient in fever-alleviating medication, including treatment for colds, flu and allergies. However, the FDA says there is a risk of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children whose mothers used this medicine when pregnant.

Medicines containing nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) or opioids, such as codeine, come with a risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. Research has indicated that opioids could cause birth defects of the brain, spine or spinal cord. Over-the-counter remedies should not be used for protracted periods and preferably only in consultation with a healthcare professional. Avoid decongestants that contain pseudoephedrine and phenylephrine, as these could affect blood flow to the placenta. Most medicines come with the following warning in the package insert: “If you are pregnant or breastfeeding your baby please consult your doctor or pharmacist.” Never take more than the recommended dose and consider other treatment options, especially during the first trimester when the baby is particularly vulnerable.

Rather consider non-medicinal treatments such as toddy with only hot water, ginger and lemon, or saline drops for a blocked nose.

June 2016

9

parenting

be an even

better

dad

It’s one thing to father a child; it’s a lot harder to do a decent job of raising them. Here are five

simple but powerful tips to help you on your way.

By MARK VAN DIJK

1

show up

A recent Institute of Race Relations report found that only 36% of young South African children live with both of their biological parents. Most young children (43%) aged up to four years old live with only their biological mother, while 2% live only with their biological dad. So what does this mean for you? Regardless of your marital situation, being a good dad means being around. “A big problem in South African families is children feeling that their dad is just absent,” says Anthony Hawthorn, a social worker at the Family and Marriage Society of South Africa (Famsa) in the Western Cape.

For Hawthorn, the key lies in consistency. “Isn’t that the irony? We think that being a good father is making the grand entrance,” he says. “There is far greater power in consistency than in the grand entrance. Your child wants to know that you’re consistent, and that if you say you’re going to do something, that you do it. It speaks to the dynamic that all of us have: we function best in an environment that is predictable and stable. That’s where a lot of dads get it wrong. They do a great job... for a day.”

If you want to be a good father, Hawthorn says, you should start by being a good partner to their mother. One way to do this is to share the child-rearing responsibilities with her, and to realise that, in the modern economy where many homes have dual incomes, the roles of mothers and fathers have started to converge.

Despite what your own dad may have told you, modern parenting is no longer divided into What Mom Does and What Dad Does. It’s about What Parents Do. “There is no law written in the heavens that says ‘Mom changes nappies’ or ‘Dad cleans the drain’,” says Hawthorn. “The moment we start to shift that, we’ll create another, different generation where suddenly dad is changing nappies because mom has to clear the drain… or, Dad’s doing the cooking so that Mom can get some work done.”

There is a change needed here from both parents, Hawthorn explains: “Often men will find themselves placed in a role that they wouldn’t necessarily take on if it wasn’t expected of them. That might mean being a nurturer. So when your child is crying, it’s about not waiting for your partner to say, ‘I’ll go tend to the child.’ It means getting up and going to comfort your child, so that they see that masculine figures can be gentle and nurturing.”

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… but remember to be dad

There are, of course, some jobs that Mom simply cannot do as well as you.

Like, for example, play-fighting. New research has found that a bit of playful rough-and-tumble can play a vital role in a child’s development. Anthony T. DeBenedet, co-author of The Art of Roughhousing (Quirk Books), argues that this kind of physical play helps children develop cognitively, socially and emotionally.

And his argument, while counter-intuitive, does make a lot of sense: when your child is counter-attacking the Tickle Monster, they’ll learn to read cues like body language and facial expressions.

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PHOTOGRAPH: sarahjanephotography.co.za | ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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share the workload

“Sadly,” writes DeBenedet, “among many of today’s families, roughhousing barely limps along on life support. What was once a motto of ‘Safety First’ has evolved into a fretful new motto of ‘Safety Only’. Many parents are more frightened by skinned knees and bruised feelings than life’s real dangers: stifled creativity and listless apathy.” Play, he says, and especially active physical play like roughhousing, “makes kids smart, emotionally intelligent, lovable and likable, ethical, physically fit, and joyful.”

Research from Australia’s University of Newcastle supports the theory. There, researchers found that children get a sense of achievement when they “defeat” a more powerful adult during a play-fight – and this builds their self-confidence and concentration.

But don’t go easy on your child: the same Aussie researchers said that fathers who resist their children can also teach them that, in life, you don’t always win.

4

read!

“The sentiment used to be: ‘Make it quality time’,” says Hawthorn. “But a lot of the thinking among educators and psychologists has shifted to now say: ‘It’s not just about quality; it’s also about quantity. Each of us has to etch out a living, so it’s unrealistic to think I can spend every waking moment of my life with my child. But do I spend an hour watching a TV programme at night, or do I spend 20 minutes in my child’s bed, reading a book with them? Those 20 minutes every day give your child a safe place to return to. And what is any child looking to their Dad for? Security.

Safety. Predictability.”

That quantity/quality time can really be as simple as 20 minutes spent reading bedtime stories. According to a new study from Harvard University, children actually benefit more from their father reading to them. After a year spent researching the impact that parents reading had on their children, Dr Elisabeth Duursma found that girls especially benefited more when read to by a man. “The impact is huge,” she says, “particularly if dads start reading to children under the age of two. Reading is seen as a female activity and children seem to be more tuned in when their dad reads to them. It’s special.”

5

be the dad you wanted

As a father, you’ll naturally reflect on what your own father did well (or not)… and that’s a healthy point to come to, says Hawthorn.

“For many men there’s a sense of, ‘I don’t know how to do this, because my dad was never there for me’,” he explains. “That’s often the junction of healing: when the child realises that Dad is only living out what he was taught, and that they need to work together to create something different. So, it becomes a reciprocal process. The child says: ‘I’m going to teach you how to be a dad’, and the father says: ‘I’m going to learn from you, what you need from me’.”

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June 2016

11

health

man up Annual checkups can help you stay healthier for longer. TAMLYN VINCENT looks at when men should schedule a visit to the doctor, and what

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screenings to have.

en are known for not asking for help. How many men do you know who ask for directions? Or who read instructions before assembling a piece of furniture? Figuring things out on their own is, for the most part, what men do. But when it comes to health checks, asking for help is essential. Missing an early diagnosis isn’t the same as taking a wrong turn – you may not have the chance to turn back when it comes to cancer or cardiovascular disease.

A lot of older men, especially those over 50 years old, still need to be encouraged by their partners to visit the doctor, and usually only when there is a problem, says Cape Town GP Dr Jane Benjamin. Younger men are becoming more aware of their health, she says, and are booking routine checks and health screenings. But the Cancer Association of South Africa (Cansa) is encouraging every man to look after his health, to pay attention to changes in his body and to go for regular checkups. Early detection can save you time and money (by avoiding longer, and more expensive treatment) and it can save your life, making the annual checkup a must, especially as you get older. Benjamin says screenings will depend on a man’s age and risk factors, plus “the frequency of screening depends on your individual and family history”. Risk factors, such as a family history of stroke, diabetes, heart disease or cancer, as well as lifestyle, such as increased alcohol intake or not getting enough exercise, may mean checkups need to happen more regularly. Screenings will also focus on two main areas: cardiovascular disease and cancer.

A lot of men still need to be encouraged by their partners to visit the doctor, and usually only when there is a problem.

Cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of preventable death says Benjamin, who adds, “80% of stroke and heart disease can be prevented with simple lifestyle measures.” Knowing if you’re at risk is also essential, so you can look out for any problems before they become a real problem. Screenings for cardiovascular conditions will include checks for high blood pressure, cholesterol and blood glucose (diabetes), generally done every year once men reach the age of 40 years old. Annual checkups also give your doctor the chance to discuss your lifestyle factors, says Benjamin, and look at how you can reduce your risk.

High blood pressure or hypertension can be dangerous to your heart and other organs. Checking it regularly is essential and you can do this at your annual checkup or at pharmacies or clinics that offer this service. It’s a good idea to check your body-mass index (BMI) at the same time, which indicates whether or not you are overweight. A normal weight to height ratio for men would usually register as a BMI between 18,5 and 25, while

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PHOTOGRAPH AND ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

matters of the heart

a BMI higher than 30 could indicate obesity. Being overweight can jeopardise your heart health, and lead to complications like type 2 diabetes. If your doctor is worried that you’re overweight, that your blood pressure is too high, or if you have other risk factors (like a family history, high cholesterol or you smoke), you may need to have your blood glucose tested, regardless of your age. If you’re over 40 years old, you should have your blood glucose checked every year, says Benjamin. The fasting blood glucose test is commonly used, but others include a random blood sugar test, an oral glucose tolerance test or a haemoglobin A1C test, which estimates your average blood sugar levels.

High cholesterol is yet another risk factor for cardiovascular disease, adds Benjamin.

From 40 years old, men should have their cholesterol checked on a yearly basis. But more regular checks may be needed if you have risk factors such as diabetes, kidney problems or are at risk of heart disease. Blood tests will check your cholesterol levels and your blood triglycerides.

cancer scare If you’re on the road to a long, healthy life, catching cancer early is vital. Screening for cancer aims to detect cancer before symptoms appear, and could include blood tests, urine tests and medical imaging.

Testicular cancer more commonly affects younger men, particularly between the ages of 15 and 39, although it can affect anyone. By doing regular examinations, men get to know their bodies and can recognise any changes, says Professor Michael Herbst, a health specialist at Cansa. Cansa recommends that younger men do regular testicular selfexaminations, feeling for any lumps (which can be as small as a grain of rice and often feel firm, like hard rubber), changes in size, or other irregularities. Boys and men can ask their doctor to show them how to do these checks. Aside from general health, dental and eye checks, boys only need to start checking for testicular cancer once they’re about 15 years old. But as men get older, their risk increases, and from 40 onwards, getting that annual checkup is an all-important step in the right direction.

“Prostate cancer is one of the leading cancers in South Africa, with one in 27 men having a lifetime risk of diagnosis” reports Cansa. Men over 50 years old should have a routine Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) at least once every two years, says Herbst. For those with a higher risk, annual screening should start between the ages of 40 and 45.

The test results will indicate how frequently future tests should be taken. The Digital Rectal Exam, where the doctor examines the prostate through the rectum, should form part of the medical exam for men with a raised PSA reading. Risks for prostate cancer include a family history of the disease, drinking alcohol, not getting enough exercise, and having a poor diet with a high fat and red meat intake.

From the age of 50, Benjamin suggests that men should have screening colonoscopies for colon cancer every 10 years. Having a family history, or other risk factors, would mean earlier and more frequent screenings.

following a healthy lifestyle is an important part of disease prevention Get enough exercise

Avoid processed foods

Lose weight, or maintain a healthy weight

Don’t smoke or use tobacco products

Follow a nutritious diet and drink plenty of clean water

Limit your alcohol intake

Cut down on red meat consumption

Go for regular screenings and do self-examinations

If you have signs, symptoms or a personal or family history of any condition, see your GP.

magazine durban

June 2016

13

parenting

14

June 2016

Is experimenting with drugs, particularly marijuana, just a harmless rite of passage for teenagers? GARY KOEN gives us some hard truths to ponder about drug use, and challenges us to take a firm stand against experimentation. to have, what kind of activities they enjoy, and what skills they are going to need as adults. In simple terms, the point of experimentation is to learn how to solve problems, not create problems.

It’s dangerous for adults, particularly professionals, to misrepresent destructive behaviour as being merely teenage experimentation. Describing behaviour, which is clearly destructive as experimental is irresponsible because in the eyes of the teenager it normalises the experience. Few teenagers recognise that the point of experimentation is to find out more about themselves and to learn from the experience, not to get stuck in

the experimenting. For example, those who may have got violently drunk and escaped with nothing more than a severe headache and bruised pride may be able to learn from the experience and be a bit more circumspect in the future, but not if they believe that the point of being a teenager is to carry on experimenting, paying no attention to the consequences of their behaviour.

the grass is not greener Of particular concern when it comes to experimentation is marijuana. While sex and alcohol are two of the most common things teenagers tend to experiment

with, primarily because sex is natural and alcohol is legal and easily accessible, marijuana follows closely behind.

When teenagers are caught smoking grass, the stock answer often given when asked why they did it is that they were experimenting. Somehow this is generally considered a legitimate reason.

No one is going to convince me that it is normal for teenagers to start smoking grass. I believe the problem begins with the notion of experimentation, so my question is: where do you draw the line?

Is it really okay to try everything once? Is there anyone out there who would like to try a little bit of a car accident? Or who is keen for a little bit of jail time?

A popular comeback is that one doesn’t need to experiment with things that are obviously life-threatening or harmful, but this is where things get hazy.

The implication is that marijuana is quite harmless – less dangerous than alcohol, better for you than cigarettes. But just because you can grow dope in your backyard doesn’t change the fact that it is

magazine durban

Illustration: shutterstock.com

w

hen people casually say, “It’s just teenagers experimenting”, it can sound quite harmless and innocent – even quite fun. “Ag shame, it’s just a couple of teenagers experimenting with some crack cocaine” or “Ah, the sweetness of youth, they were just experimenting with a bit of unprotected sex; they didn’t know they were going to have a baby or catch a lingering disease or be charged with statutory rape.”

Experimenting with something known to be dangerous or potentially harmful is not an experiment. It is high-risk behaviour. It’s imperative that we do not excuse what is clearly self-destructive behaviour as being part of “normal teenage experimentation”.

What is viewed as so-called normal teenage experimentation refers to an inner striving to learn more about themselves and the world in order to discover who they really are. Teenagers should find out what they like, who they like, what kind of relationships and friendships they want

rethinking experimentation

a drug. Further fuelling the debate are the many adult dope smokers out there who fiercely defend their habit, contesting that their precious weed is nothing but a mere victim of a wider conspiracy designed to protect the alcohol industry, along with the thousands of jobs at stake needed to police, prosecute and rehabilitate its users, suppliers and growers. But while these protests may well have led to the drug’s legalisation in certain US states, this doesn’t mean it is safe or harmless for teenagers to try.

Simply put, marijuana is a drug and is as dangerous as alcohol because it has a similar limiting effect on one’s emotional development. Ultimately, it is more psychologically debilitating than alcohol.

Not only is it much harder to recognise as a problem and more problematic to give up, but it is also a considerable health hazard. Depending on the potency, one joint is estimated to be the equivalent of about five cigarettes and contains most of the cancer-causing agents found in ordinary tobacco.

magazine durban

calculating risk So, what constitutes a successful experiment? If teenagers experiment with grass and happen to like it, does this constitute a successful experiment? This is the inherent risk with all drugs. After all, they are designed to work – they are supposed to make people feel good, hence their enduring, lethal allure. Furthermore, if it’s okay to experiment with grass, what stops them from trying other drugs on offer – cocaine, MDMA, tic or even heroin?

could try to convince themselves that dope is non-addictive. Unfortunately, this too is a fallacy and a very destructive one, because every dope smoker I have ever spoken to says that when they first started experimenting with grass, none of them would have believed that a year later they would be smoking every single day.

To make matters worse, because of all the myths about the “natural” effects of marijuana, users seldom seek help because they feel too embarrassed

The point of experimentation is to learn how to solve problems, not create problems.

Teenagers who experiment with marijuana and discover that they like the feeling it gives them might just have experimented themselves into a dilemma.

They’ve just found out that they enjoy getting high. Now what are they going to do? One option, I suppose, is that they

to be hooked on something that is supposedly harmless.

The truth is that it isn’t harmless at all. It erodes their motivation, diminishes their short-term memory, affects their coordination, perception and overall functioning, and generally leaves them

with a feeling of always being somewhat depressed. There are many teenagers whose “experiments” have left them rooted mindlessly on their couches, falling further and further behind their peers as their lives pass them aimlessly by.

In some frightening instances, marijuana can precipitate a psychotic episode, where a simple experiment can turn into a lifelong nightmare.

So, despite what many people say, marijuana is a mind-altering substance that interferes with one’s reality. It is a drug, and when it comes to drugs and teenagers, there is no such thing as normal experimentation. This is the unambiguous message that professionals, teachers and parents need to be giving our youth.

Experimentation is about learning to take risks that will assist in their growth and development, about challenging themselves and learning to differentiate between a valid set of likes and dislikes. It is certainly not about acquiring destructive habits that are likely to cause untold grief in years to come.

June 2016

15

education

From the moment your child is born, you feel compelled to guide and protect him from getting hurt or experiencing failure or

the

gift of

failure

discomfort. But perhaps giving him the freedom to make mistakes will better help him succeed. SAMANTHA PAGE investigates.

y

our Grade 4 child, who hates science, has been set a science project, which is due in three weeks.

Do you?

A: Set up a timeline for him or her, ensuring the assignment gets done in time. Buy all the required materials, create a workspace and add some biscuits and a glass of milk to make the experience more bearable.

B: Let your child figure out what needs to be done and let him or her give you a list of what materials he or she needs to complete the task (sans treats), checking regularly to make sure he or she is on track.

C: Pray that it all comes together in the end.

If, out of love or a desire to bolster your child’s selfesteem, you picked A, teacher and author of The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey thinks you’re making a big mistake.

Lahey recently told Quartz (qz.com) that not long ago she realised that something was wrong with her parenting and something was amiss with the middle-school students she was teaching. “They wilted in the face of challenge; they didn’t love learning like they used to; parents took bad grades personally and it seemed everyone was unhappy,” Lahey confesses.

She continued to be confounded by the root of the problem until she realised that, as parents, we seem to be more worried about raising happy children than competent, autonomous ones.

In a study conducted by psychologist Wendy Grolnick, the scientist puts pairs of mothers and children in a room and videotapes them as they play. Grolnick then labels the mothers as either “controlling” or “autonomysupportive,” the latter indicating moms that let children figure things out on their own. Grolnick invites the pairs back and children are put in the room by themselves and asked to perform a task. The children who had controlling moms gave up when they were faced with a task they could not master, while those with autonomysupportive moms did not and instead adopted a problemsolving attitude.

Lahey concludes that children raised by controlling parents could not contemplate tasks on their own, but those raised by autonomy-supportive parents stuck with the task even when they became frustrated. These children, who can persevere despite the tasks becoming more difficult, become less dependent on guidance in order to focus, study and organise, and more equipped to run their own life, as they get older.

While it’s natural for parents to worry about failure, there are times when it can be productive for children, and present an opportunity to change, says the late child behavioural therapist James Lehman. In his work, Lehman often noted that the Chinese symbol for “crisis” is a combination of the symbols for danger and opportunity: your child has the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson when he experiences the discomfort of his choices. “This could be what happens when you cut corners, when you

don’t do your best at something or experience the reality of not being productive,” said Lehman.

“Too much control breeds either resentment or passive compliance,” says KwaZulu-Natal counselling psychologist Dr Rob Pluke. “If we want our children to take ownership of their studies, then we have to concede that they have the right to fail. It’s really their choice. You don’t want your child to think he’s doing his studies for you – that he’s doing you a favour.”

By her own admission, Gauteng mom Caroline* and her daughter Jessica* went through some rough waters last year when Jessica was in Grade 4. Caroline seemed to be putting in more time and effort and was running herself ragged trying to keep track of Jessica’s homework, assignments, hockey gear, reply slips and keeping books neat and tidy so her daughter’s teachers would see an organised learner instead of a scattered, disorganised one.

“I took my daughter’s bad grades and negative feedback from teacher’s personally because I felt I had failed despite all my efforts. I realised it was time to make some drastic changes to rescue our relationship. Instead of helping to do the work, I felt my input had to be about assisting Jessica to cultivate a different approach to her work,” explains Caroline, a view supported by Pluke who cites the work of world-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, who pioneered work on mindset.

Dweck believes learners have either a fixed mindset, which is based on a belief that talent and intelligence will bring success, or a growth mindset, which believes basic abilities can be developed through hard work and dedication, and brains and talent are just the starting point. “Moms and dads are better at ‘you can do it’ than ‘this is how you do it’,” says Pluke. “It’s hard learning complex maths from someone you love. This is when the learning environment becomes a forum for tears and frustration.”

But what if your child is more prone to fail because of learning deficits, poor executive function and low selfesteem? Couldn’t failure bring more negativity into that child’s life? “It most definitely does,” says Cape Townbased clinical psychologist Fairuz Gaibie. “I have sat with children who have erroneously come to the heart-breaking conclusion that they are just stupid. Here it is important to build on the child’s competencies and provide them with consistent and unconditional love and support.

Extramural activities in which they can experience a sense of mastery is vital in these children, as well as praising the child’s character and attributes, such as their kindness, generosity and thoughtfulness. Parents should also make an effort to place more emphasis on a person’s character instead of what is traditionally seen as ‘achievement’.

This sends an important message to these children that who they are is more important than any accolade they could acquire.” *Names have been changed

how to talk to your child about failure Whether you and your child are dealing with feelings of discomfort or feelings of failure, there are three simple questions parents can ask their child, says James Lehman.

1

what part did you play in this?

That’s what you want your child to learn

because that’s the only behaviour or action he can change. Therein lies the lesson.

2

what are you going to do differently next time?

This is an important question because it will help him see other, healthier ways of responding to his problem.

3

what did you learn from this?

Put the responsibility back on your child. It

is better for him to see that his schoolwork is essentially his work; this realisation or idea can be applied to almost every other area of his life too.

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June 2016

magazine durban

ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

As parents, we seem to be more worried about raising happy children than competent, autonomous ones.

a good read

books

for preteens and teens Archie Greene and the Magician’s secret

By D.D Everest

for toddlers Daisy Saves the Day

By Shirley Hughes

for preschoolers I am Alex

By Elena Agnello and Adrie le Roux

(Published by Faber and Faber, R206) Even though it’s his birthday, Archie Greene is not expecting the mysterious package that turns up at his front door. Nor the “special instructions” that comes with it. He’s about to uncover an extraordinary family secret, along with enchanted bookshelves...

parenting book Your Babycare Bible Contributing editor: Dr A.J.R Waterston

(Published by Walker Books, R166) Young Daisy Dobbs wants to attend school, but there is just not enough money. So she starts work as a scullery maid in a grand house. She works as hard as she can to try and please her stern employers. But her greatest moment comes when disaster strikes, and only Daisy can save the day. And maybe return to school...

(Published by Bumble Books, R135) This uniquely South African book tells the story of Alex having a birthday party and all her friends are coming to celebrate. And what a diverse lot they are? This is a great book to enlighten children up to eight years old about the wonders of diversity. Bumble Books, an imprint of Print Matters recently won Best Children’s Publisher 2016: Africa Region at the Bologna Children’s Book Fair.

(Published by Hamlyn, R283) This is a comprehensive and up-to-the-minute guide to caring for babies. The book contains everything you need to know about parenting a baby from newborn to the age of three. The book also contains recipes, parenting tips and medical facts.

for us There should have been Five

By MJ Honikman

for early-graders Taylor’s Birthday Surprise

By Jean Archary

(Published by Tafelberg, R130) There were 354 000 South Africans of all races, including women, who volunteered to serve in South Africa’s defence force and nursing services in the fight against Hitler, the Nazis and the Italian Fascists in World War Two. This book tells of one of these men, Job Maseko, whose heroic deed was almost forgotten for 50 years: he managed to destroy a German vessel with a home-made bomb while imprisoned in Tobruk.

for us Switched at Birth

By Jessica Pitchford

(Published by Staging Post, R150) This is the first book in the series Mrs Spiggles and her Money Tales. Mrs Spiggles is a flying piggy bank, and through this series the author wants to share some important money messages. In this book Mom invites Mrs Spiggles to Taylor’s seventh birthday party. Here Taylor learns from Mrs Spiggles about the importance of budgeting. This book will help parents explain financial concepts and communicate important money information to children in a fun and entertaining way. To find buy the book, visit Facebook: Mrs Spiggles and her Money Tales or megabooks.co.za

for early-graders Notebook Doodles: Flowers

By Jess Volinski (Published by Random House Struik, R128) This book has 30 fun notebook doodle flower designs that are just waiting to be filled with colour. There are also 20 inspiring colour palettes to help you get started. Use watercolours, coloured pencils, markers, crayons, gel pens – your choice – they will all look great on this high-quality, extra-thick paper. magazine durban

(Published by Jonathan Ball Publishers, R149) In 1990, two South African mothers were faced with an impossible choice. Should they surrender the child they had lovingly raised in order to get back the baby they had given birth to? The two moms were unable to give up their two year old sons when the facts were revealed, and decided to try to make their strange relationship work. But some decisions can never be unmade.

for dads Ka-boom!

By Gareth Crocker (Published by Red Crocker, R201) This is a story for men and boys about never coming of age and for the women who want to know why. Gareth’s story is almost everyone’s story. It’s about the small moments and the big events that make up life. About the few victories and the many defeats, the adventures and the calamities. The missteps and the madness.

June 2016

17

resource

birthday party basics It’s party time! Plan your child’s big day using one of our inspiring themes.

accessories Celebrate Party and Events Store – Durban North – 082 770 3348 – nicky@celebratepartystore.co.za – celebratepartystore.co.za Mauve Invites & Stationery – Durban – info@mauve.co.za – mauve.co.za Money Box Party Packs – Nationwide – 083 659 4055 – hardstone@tiscali.co.za Partylicious – Kloof – 031 764 0058, 083 645 5426 – info@partyliciouskzn.co.za

equipment KZN Inflatables – 031 903 5159 – gail@ kzninflatables.co.za – kzninflatables.co.za Larger than Life – 073 259 7700 – ent4u@ telkomsa.net – largerthanlifekzn.com

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team spirit

June 2016

african safari

Mohan’s Jukebox – Durban and surrounds – 031 207 3266 – info@jukeco. com – jukeco.com

Musical Rascals – Drumming Adventures – 081 587 2599 – bhavna@musicalrascals. co.za – musicalrascals.co.za

catering

indoor & outdoor venues

Huberto’s – New Germany – 031 705 4470 – admin@hubertos.co.za – hubertos.co.za

Apache River Spur – 031 564 3368 – apacheriver@spursteakranch.co.za CityHill Parties – Hillcrest – 086 112 2331 – parties@cityhill.co.za – Facebook: City Hill parties Go Wild at the Wave House – Gateway, Umhlanga – 031 584 9400 – go-wild.co.za Lucky Bean – Hillcrest / Assagay – 082 216 3892 – info@luckybean.co – luckybean.co

entertainers Fun Science Secret Lab – travel to your venue – 031 765 3941, 076 201 6958 – secretlabinafrica@gmail.com – Facebook: Fun Science Secret Lab (Pty) Ltd Cherry The Magical Clown – 031 201 2515 – adi@cherryco.co.za Clowns R Us – 082 491 2583 – clowns@post.com

Download your party-planning checklist from childmag.co.za/downloads

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p 21

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indoor venues Col’Cacchio Pizzeria – Gateway - 031 584 6822 – colcacchio.co.za Jump4Joy Trampoline Park – Waterfall – 031 766 0104 – j4j.co.za La Crepe – Umhlanga – 031 536 2036 – Facebook: La Crepe Spur Steak Ranches – spur.co.za

party planners Parties with Pizazz – 081 235 1668, mel.peace04@gmail.com – partieswithpizzazzdbn.co.za Party Princess – Durban to Toti and Ballito – 083 944 3477 – info@ partyprincess.co.za – Facebook: Party Princess ZA

For more inspiration visit pinterest.com/childmagazine

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS / ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

in the garden

magazine durban

June 2016

19

resource

in the garden strawberry-and-vanilla frozen-yoghurt cake From Real Meal Revolution: Raising Superheroes makes 10 portions ingredients for the strawberry frozen yogburt ✻✻ 600g strawberries, washed and quartered ✻✻ ½ cup honey ✻✻ 2 teaspoons lemon juice ✻✻ 3 cups Greek yoghurt ✻✻ a pinch of salt ingredients for the vanilla frozen yoghurt ✻✻ 1L Greek yoghurt ✻✻ ½ cup honey ✻✻ 1 teaspoon vanilla extract ✻✻ 2 teaspoons lemon juice ✻✻ a pinch of salt to make the strawberry frozen yoghurt Drizzle the strawberries with the honey and allow to stand for an hour.

Blend all the ingredients together until smooth and pass through a sieve to remove any seeds and bits. Freeze in an ice-cream churner. Spoon into a freezer container and freeze overnight or until needed.

to make the vanilla frozen yoghurt In a bowl, mix together all the ingredients until they’re combined. Freeze in an ice-cream churner. Spoon into a freezer container and freeze overnight or until needed. to assemble the cake When the frozen yoghurt is properly set in the freezer, you’re ready to make the cake.

Line the sides of a 20cm springform cake tin with a sheet of plastic acetate. Secure the acetate with some sticky tape, ensuring that it’s on the inside of the cake tin. Place it all on the plate you wish to make the cake on, then pop it into the freezer to chill for a few hours.

When you’re ready to make the cake, remove the frozen yoghurt from the freezer and allow it to soften slightly. Spoon it into the prepared cake tin, starting with the strawberry and finishing with the vanilla.

Pop the cake back into the freezer overnight. The longer you freeze it for, the longer it will take to melt when it comes out.

When you’re ready to serve, remove the cake tin and peel away the acetate.

Top with berries or dark-chocolate shavings, or simply make it beautiful and girly with rose petals.

face up!

Face painting is a fun way to dress up, because there is no costume required. But take note of these questions to ask the face painter before booking. What kind of paint do you use? Paint must be water-based and lead free. Also ask the painter how many children they can paint in an hour and if they have experience working with small children.

pretty as a petal entertainer

Winsome View Animal

The Incredible Dog Show 084 500 0415 – lloyd@ dogzcool.com – dogzcool.com

– Summerveld – 076 870

venues

ladybug invitations Use this easy-to-follow example of a template to create your own bright cardboard invites for a garden party.

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June 2016

Burnedale Café – Old Main Rd, Umhlali – 032 947 0133 – burnedalecafe1@gmail.com – burnedale.co.za Lucky Linton Animal Farm and Gold Mine – Ballito – 083 255 1277, 083 287 8383 – luckylinton.com

Farm and Country Bistro 0356,

0597

–

info@winsomeview.co.za

083

231

–

winsomeview.co.za

equipment Milamoo Soft Play Hire – Durban North and surrounds – 071 909 1241 – milamoo. info@gmail.com – Facebook: Milamoo Soft Play Hire – Durban North

magazine durban

team spirit doughnut game Tie a long string across the room or in the garden, attach individual doughnuts with string to this. Partygoers must eat the dougnuts without using their hands or dropping it on the floor.

boerie rolls Create a festive sports atmosphere and braai boerewors outside for boerie rolls with a variety of your favourite relishes.

go wimbledon... with these decadent strawberry and cream cake pops. For party treats, cut the top off tennis balls and stuff with colourful gumballs.

parmesan chicken strips From Real Meal Revolution: Raising Superheroes makes 8 portions

hula hoops

These chicken strips are a little more grown-up than the others in the book, so are great to do as a family snack. You could also use the coating on a flattened chicken breast to make a delicious schnitzel. ingredients ✻✻ 120g parmesan, finely grated ✻✻ 120g ground almonds ✻✻ salt and pepper ✻✻ 4 chicken breasts, cut into strips ✻✻ 2 eggs, beaten ✻✻ 2 tablespoons coconut oil for frying ✻✻ 2 tablespoons butter for frying ✻✻ homemade mayo, lemon wedges and chopped chives to serve

method Mix the parmesan and almonds in a bowl and season with a little salt and pepper.

Dip the chicken strips into the egg then coat with the parmesan mix.

Heat the coconut oil and butter in a pan and fry the chicken strips until golden brown on both sides.

Serve in little cups with homemade mayo to dip, lemon wedges and chopped chives.

soccer fever Ask your baker to create sporty cupcakes. A cupcake can represent any sports ball, from tennis to cricket and even rugby.

magazine durban

Stumped by what to give as a party favour?

Hula hoops keep children fit and toned in a fun way and they are inexpensive.

hanging balls decor Cut different coloured circles from cardboard, glue them to string and hang them from the roof or from trees if the party is outside.

entertainers Chimp and Zee – uShaka Marine World – 031 332 1167, 078 787 8954 – info@ chimpandzee.co.za – chimpandzee.co.za Hillcrest Paintball – Botha’s Hill – 074 172 1309 – hillcrestpaintball.co.za Mr Funtubbles – Gateway, Umhlanga – 031 584 6645 – party@mrfuntubbles.co.za – mrfuntubbles.co.za

Sugar Rush – Ballito – 087 351 2954 – parties@sugarrush.co.za – sugarrush.co.za S.W.A.T Lasertag – Durban North – 076 444 5570 – roan@swatlasertag. co.za – swatlasertag.co.za The Tin Shed – Kloof – 073 107 2865 – di@thetinshedkloof.co.za – thetinshedkloof.co.za

June 2016

21

resource

party recipe books

african safari snakes on a branch ingredients ✻✻ different coloured fondant ✻✻ water ✻✻ 10 Flake chocolates ✻✻ non-toxic marker pens Shape the snake from your chosen colour of fondant. Using a contrasting colour fondant, make dots of different shapes and sizes and stick them to the snake’s body.

Shape a forked tongue from red fondant and attach it to the snake’s head. If necessary, use a little water to get it to stick.

Add the eyes and nostrils with the non-toxic marker pen.

Carefully wrap the snake’s body around the Flake.

Set aside until the fondant hardens.

Please come to

Jack’s

safari party

More Easy Party Treats for Children

By Janette Mocke (Published by Struik Lifestyle, R210) Children love themed parties; and if you’re a mom who wants to give your child a party to remember, but without the hassle and stress of baking cakes and cookies, this is the book for you. Filled with simple, no-bake treats that are made from readily available sweets and biscuits, this book presents 15 party themes that can be adapted to suit your child’s age.

Saturday 7 May 3pm @ P irate Rd, Cape Town. R.S.V.P by 24 A pril: 079 987 6543

go green with e-invites If you are really stressed for time, and creatively challenged, go green and send paperless invites.

E-invites are cost effective, convenient and give you the freedom to create what you want. Some sites such as e-invites.co.za charge a fee, but this includes an RSVP manager and email distribution. Most sites need you to sign-up or register.

Real Meal Revolution: Raising Superheroes

By Tim Noakes, Jonno Proudfoot and Bridget Surtees (Published by Real Meal Revolution, R330) Following the record-breaking success of The Real Meal Revolution, Tim Noakes and the Real Meal Team have now set out to rethink the way we feed our children. The result, Raising Superheroes, is not a Banting cookbook and it doesn’t suggest no-carb eating for children. It also has a section dedicated to party food with recipes featured in Child magazine as well as “Frozen Banana Chocolate Rockets”, “Lemon-and-Vanilla Cheesecake”, “Princess Ritz”, “Mini Cheese-andTomato Pizzas”, party drinks and more.

old games with a twist Children are comforted by traditional games.

Add a new twist to “Pin the tail on the donkey” by replacing the donkey with a cheetah.

Or find plenty of origami instructions for children online.

explore and create accessories

The Party Shop – 073 523 6792 – thepartyshop1@gmail. com – thepartyshop.co.za

entertainer Reptile Party Time – Durban – 074 885 7651 – Reptilepartytime@yahoo.com – reptilepartytime.co.za

party planner The cutest party on the block – Durban and surrounds – 076 502 6763 – hello@thecutestpartyontheblock.co.za – thecutestpartyontheblock.blogspot.co.za

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June 2016

indoor and outdoor venues Flag Animal Farm – Ballito – 032 947 2018 – fosgreen@ mweb.co.za – flaganimalfarm.co.za Gwahumbe Junior Spa – Eston, Mid Illovo – 031 781 1082 – info@gwahumbe.co.za – gwahumbe.co.za John Dory’s Westville – 031 266 0184 or westville@ johndorys.com Phezulu Safari Park – Botha’s Hill – phezulusafaripark.co.za Rain Farm Game and Lodge – Ballito – 032 815 1050 – functions@rainfarm.co.za – rainfarm.co.za uShaka Marine World – Durban – 031 328 8010 – bookings@ushakamarineworld.co.za – ushakamarineworld.co.za Willow Creek Farm – Assagay – 031 768 1029 – Facebook: Willow Creek Animal Farm

The Democratic Republic of Braai

By Jan Braai (Published by NB Publishers, R320) It is your democratic right to gather with friends and family around braai fires throughout the country, and even more so on a birthday celebration. This is the promise of Jan Braai’s The Democratic Republic of Braai. It brings you the greatest braai recipes that Jan knows – it’s your right to braai the best. Find exceptional braai recipes for steak, chicken, lamb and more – there’s no need to eat badly braaied food ever again.

magazine durban

planning do’s and don’ts

i

quickly learnt the importance of putting “end” times on party invites when I found myself dragging diehard guests from an inflatable pool at 11pm on the night of my daughter’s first birthday party. In hindsight, we probably should not have opted for a spit braai that started at 10am to celebrate the birthday of a toddler who would doze off twice before we had even cut the cake.

But those were back in our eager days when we were party rookies. Now that we have organised almost 10 bashes for the children, since then, and attended countless others (have you ever noticed how they seem to happen in batches so you end up rushing like a headless chicken from the petting zoo to the superhero picnic with a blubbering Batman covered in straw?), we’re more prepared for the party gauntlet.

Party planning is not for the faint-hearted. ANÉL LEWIS shares some insight from her experiences.

ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

invited guests There are some fundamental do’s and don’ts when it comes to party etiquette. Unless you can invite the whole class, don’t place brightly coloured invites in easily visible pigeonholes or lockers where the hapless children, who haven’t been included, can see them. The same children who can’t seem to find their own shoelaces will spot a party invite a mile off. While an emailed invitation is perhaps not the most personal option, it will spare the feelings of those children who have not been invited.

magazine durban

let’s party

on tap Given that the parents of younger children have to also be included in the party plans, decisions need to be made about whether alcohol will be on tap.

For the bleary-eyed parents attending what may be their third party that day, a glass of wine seems almost mandatory.

Perhaps keep alcohol for celebrations that start later in the day, and make sure the booze table is set up far away from the children’s area.

give thanks

numbers game Always RSVP to a party invite; especially if the theme involves a paid activity. Parties these days can cost as much as the down payment on a small speedboat, so be considerate and let the host know if you are coming.

Also bear in mind that the host may have capacity for a fixed number of guests. So ask before you rock up with your child, her three siblings and the great granny who is visiting from Poland. Also, younger children probably still need you to be at the party, so refrain from throwing your son out of the car quicker than anyone can scream “Piñata!” so that you can get a few hours of alone time at the mall.

Teach your children to hand over gifts graciously when attending parties, and to also say thank you for their gifts.

I recall being very rude about being given an ironing board as a present when I was about seven years old. My mother locked away all the other gifts until I had apologised and said thank you appropriately.

It’s good form to also send a written thank you afterwards.

Although, as most parents know, the gifts tend to get opened in a frenzied scrum that would put the Springboks to shame, and the chances of actually matching the cards to the toys are zero to none. If you can’t pair the gift to the guest, maybe just send out a general email with a few photographs from the party as a sign of appreciation. But if the bash ended with the adults in the inflatable pool again, maybe the best thank you would be to avoid all photographic evidence.

June 2016

23

what’s on in june

calendar

Compiled by Tamlyn Vincent

Feel the Beauty of Colours

North College 3 Durban Night Market

This art exhibition features colourful woodcut

is an afternoon and evening where parents can sit

prints by three masterful printmakers: Fanuel

back and relax while children play and are entertained

David Moiane, Everaldo Matonse and the late

in a safe environment. There are more than 50 stalls

Isaac Sithole. It runs at ArtSpace from 28 May–

selling food, clothing, jewellery and more. Gates

16 June. Entrance is free to the gallery, which

open at 4pm at Durban North College in Prospect

is open from 10am Monday–Saturday. Visit artspace-durban.com

For a family night out, head to this night market. This

Hall Rd. Entry is R5. Contact 031 564 1347 or admin@durbannorthcollege.co.za

The show consists of 23 show pods, 19 photo

4

opportunities, six games and more. It is fun,

challenging your friends and having a fun adventure

Ripley’s Believe It or Not

The Impi Challenge is about challenging yourself, through an obstacle trail run. The 1km Mini is for 6–10

entertaining and interactive. Running at Galleria

year olds; families and over 10s can join the 5km Dash.

Mall until 26 June, the show opens at 9am daily,

Saturday and 5pm on Sunday. Call 031 904 2233 for more details.

Have some family fun and stay the day at the festival area.

3

Spar Women’s 10km Challenge

The challenge takes place from 8am–3pm at Virginia Trails, Eston. The Mini 1km is R100 and the Dash 5km is R300. For

4 Musik und Laternenfest Enjoy a fun-filled family afternoon with great music and plenty of lanterns. There’s something for every taste in the stellar line-up and food, drinks and lantern s are on sale. Take picnic chairs and blankets. It runs from 2:30pm–7pm at the Deutsche Schule Durba n in Cowies Hill. Entrance costs R80, children under 13 years old are free. For more info: 031 267 1307 or dsdurban.co.za

more info, visit impichallenge.co.za

Burn the Floor: Fire in the Ballroom The show that revolutionised the image of dance returns to South Africa. This new edition promises to blow the roof off the theatre with its daring and theatrical rock angle, including music from Santana, Janis Joplin, Christina Aguilera and Led Zeppelin. It runs at the iZulu Theatre in Sibaya Casino until 19 June, with shows at 8pm Wednesday–Sunday and 3pm Saturday and Sunday.

Tickets cost R285, and are available at

Breakfast with Beauty

9

at the Growthpoint Kings Park outer fields,

The Robinhood Foundation brings you a morning of hilarity for charity, which includes comic entertainment

by Ben Voss as Beauty Ramaphelephele, a live performance by Amy White, a two-course breakfast, a beauty expo by Dischem and more. Take a bag of non-perishable foods for a chance to win a

allowing both the 10km and 5km competitors to

lucky draw prize. The breakfast is from 8am–11am at

run along the beachfront. For more details, visit

Talloula, 61 Old Main Rd, Botha’s Hill and costs R330.

sparwomensrace.co.za

For more info: robinhoodfund@telkomsa.net

Dubbed the country’s most beautiful race, the Durban SPAR Women’s 10km Challenge, offers an exciting sporting event for women and girls from 9 years up. This year the race takes place

Art demonstration in oils Enjoy a morning of creative inspiration with Colleen

Hamer

demonstrating

the

art

of

oil painting, presented by North Coast Artists.

Suitable for children 13 years

11

and older. The demo takes place from 9am–12pm, at 2 Newport Ave in Virginia.

R40 includes refreshments.

Call 083 657 1901

24

computicket.com

June 2016

Bobbertlicious She’s wild, she’s whacky, she`s wonderful. The delectable Lisa Bobbert unleashes her zany zoo

DPHS PhotoNote

8

13

U13 National Rugby Festival

The festival hosts schools who share a

of loopy alter egos in her show. It runs at 2pm

passion and ethos for sport, sportsmanship

with repeats at 6:30pm at the Rhumbelow

and rugby. Schools from Cape Town,

Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. It costs

East London, Joburg, Pietermaritzburg

R140 and you can book through

and Durban participate. It takes place

Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or

at 99 Gordon Rd, Morningside. Entry is

computicket.com

free and you can check the website for

12

fixtures: dphs.co.za magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com | RUGBY BALL PHOTOGRAPH: dean bertoncelj/ SHUTTERSTOCK.com

and closing times are 7pm Monday–

Impi Challenge Obstacle Trail Run KZN

Access an extended calendar online at

childmag.co.za or submit an event for July before 27 May to durban@ childmag.co.za

Seal Seal

has

sold

Dress up as more

than

30

your dream job

million

Do you want to be a fairy, fire fighter, policeman or princess?

albums worldwide and released a total of nine studio albums in his career so

Today you can live your dream at J4J. Children 3 years and

far. Catch him live tonight at 8pm at the

older can go dressed as what they want to be when they grow

ICC Durban. The show

up. Parents can let their imagination loose and go dressed

costs R345–R1 035 and you can book tickets through Computicket: 0861

915

8000

or computicket.com

18

14

The Queen’s Birthday Lunch

25

28 Addams

as what they really want to be. Jump4Joy Trampoline Park in Waterfall is open from 9am–8pm. Under 10s pay R40 per hour, and those 10 and older R80 per hour. Call 031 766 0104 or go to j4j.co.za

Family

The well-known Addams family are faced with a shock when Wednesday Addams falls in love with a

Take a group of friends and join The British Cultural & Heritage Association to celebrate the very special 90th Birthday of Her Majesty the Queen. Lunch is at 12:30pm at the Salle Venue, The Blue Waters Hotel. Members pay R215, non-members pay R220. Call the BCHA Office on 031 202 6174

normal boy. The prospective in-laws are invited to

30

Winnie the Pooh This colourful and faithful adaptation of AA Milne`s

classic children`s book comes to the

an Addams family dinner with hilarious results. Not

stage. The production shows at 2:30pm

suitable for children under 4 years old. The show

Tuesday–Sunday and 7pm on Friday,

runs at the Playhouse Drama Theatre at 7:30pm

until 17 July at the Elizabeth Sneddon

until 2 July, with shows at 2pm on 2 July and 3pm on 3 July. Tickets are R40–R80 at computicket.com

Theatre. Tickets cost R120–R180. Book through computicket.com

holiday programmes

markets Shongweni Farmer’s and Craft Market Pack up the family and dog, take a sturdy basket and arrive early at Lot 457, MR551, Shongweni. The market takes place

Cooking Kids Mini Chef course A fun

Gwahumbe Junior Rangers’ holiday camp From

cooking competition and lesson where children 6–13

28–30 June children can learn about animals by watching

years old learn to cook a starter, a main course and a

them in their natural environment. They’ll see how nature

dessert over three lessons. There will be competitions,

can provide them with everything they need to survive in the

judges and prizes to win. It runs from 28–30 June,

bush. This 3-day 2-night holiday camp is for children 8–13

from 9am–10:30am at Meryl’s School of Cooking,

years old, and costs R1 500. For more info: gwahumbe.co.za

1 Wingfield Rd in Kloof. Pay R495 for all three lessons.

Sugar Bay holiday camp – Angry Birds Week

Call 031 764 6577

A week-long adventure camp where children meet new

Cooking Teens holiday course This three-session

friends and experience over 100 free-choice activities,

of seasonal veggies, quality meats and artisan

cooking course, aimed at teens and their capabilities, runs

while supervised by well-trained Sugar Bay counsellors.

food and drink at this fresh produce market every

from 28–30 June. Times are 1pm–3pm and it costs R690

The camp is for children 7–17 years old and starts at

Sunday from 8am–1pm at 15 Station Dr, Berea.

for all three sessions. It takes place at Meryl’s School of

3pm on 26 June at Zinkwazi Beach. It costs R5 799 for

Find them on Facebook: The Morning Trade

Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd in Kloof. Contact Meryl on

a new camper, which includes accommodation, food and

031 764 6577

activities. For more info, visit sugarbay.co.za

from 6am–10:30am every Saturday. Go to shongwenimarket.co.za for more details.

The Morning Trade Get your weekly dose

family marketplace

magazine durban

June 2016

25

wise beyond t their years ANÉL LEWIS dreads the day her children start asking questions about the birds and the bees. Her five year old is already going through a miniexistential crisis…

Erin, Anél and Conor

he question came out of the blue one morning. “Mom, why did you choose to have Conor?”

I looked at Erin, now five years old (going on 15), and thought she was probably bemoaning the fact that she had to share the TV room with a boy sibling interested in only watching movies with cars or trains.

“Would you have preferred a sister instead of a brother?” I asked.

Without missing a beat, she replied: “No Mom, I didn’t need either. I was quite happy on my own.”

Poor Conor didn’t seem too upset by his sister’s disdain for his existence. He was more concerned about how he had managed to eat while he was in my stomach for nine months. I just love how uncomplicated the universe is for him.

Erin, on the other hand, seems to be pondering the mysteries of life at the moment. Another humdinger that came at me while I was driving to school, innocently singing along to UB40’s “I got you, babe”, was “Mom, when you go to heaven, will you be up there as a grown-up, or will you go back to being a baby again?”

Wowzer, that was a tough issue to grapple with before my second cup of coffee. When I asked her which she would prefer, she was quiet for a few seconds before replying, “ I want you to stay as an adult so that you can still be my mom when I get there.”

While Erin appears to be having some sort of a mini-existential crisis, Conor’s more focused on the practicalities of things. While looking at one of our wedding photos, he said to me, “So,

Mom, did you marry Dad?” I assured him that yes, that is exactly what I was doing in that white get-up on a beach in May. After dealing with Erin’s questions, I expected Conor to then probe further about the meaning of marriage, life and the universe.

But thankfully, he only wanted to find out about the decor. “So, you had flowers, hey?”

“Um, yes, my boy,” I replied nervously.

“Looks like a nice day then, Mom.” And that was that.

But I wasn’t off the hook just yet. It only took a few seconds for Erin to ask, “Mom, will you get married to Dad again? I really don’t want another brother.”

Despite Erin’s apparent fear of another sibling being added into the mix – which is about as likely as a certain politician paying back all the money – she is fiercely protective of her younger brother, and vice versa.

Conor gets his pronouns confused, so he’s very concerned if his “brother” is sent to time-out.

The two still share a bedroom, even though Conor has a perfectly good bed just across the hall.

And when Erin gets too deep, and starts mulling over the big life questions, it’s Conor who helps her put things back into perspective.

“You’re my brother, hey Erin? I love you.”

And suddenly, the universe makes perfect sense again.

Anél Lewis is becoming as adept as a politician at dodging questions from out of left field while stuck in rush-hour traffic. She’s just wondering what’s going to happen when the inevitable “birds and the bees” queries start coming.

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

finishing touch

next month in july is our “bumper holiday” issue on street 17 june

we look at...

playing nice for moms and dads date night inspiration for mom and dad and the niggles that make parents fight health issues and children ✻✻ when they suffer from somatic symptoms ✻✻ post-traumatic stress disorder ✻✻ gluten-, sugar- and dairy-free recipes also: successful parenting in a world of screens

plus

our education focus: the importance of learning a second language

To advertise call: (031) 209 2200 or email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za Booking deadline: 1 June | Material deadline: 2 June 26

June 2016

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

planning your next family getaway: from travelling when pregnant to affordable family adventures in asia