Child Magazine | Joburg October 2010

J O H A N N E S B U R G ’ S bes t gu i d e f or p aren t s

hold your

tongue

adoptive parents on questions asked by unthinking others

art & soul

park

and ride

creative therapies for your child

creating great play spaces in our neighbourhoods

www.childmag.co.za

October 2010

free

health

the 3D issue

difference, diagnosis & diversity education

entertainment

My dad is a huge dog-lover, and he definitely passed this love on to me.

My first dog was a labrador, Tessa. Then there was Karen the rottweiler and, when she died, we got an African Tails special, Tsepang. Some years later, when I moved into my first garden flat, I adopted a staffie, Chloe, and then another, Thug. Which is why, recently, it didn’t take too much begging from my youngest to seek out the new addition to our household – Buddy the Beagle.

The animal behaviourists who run our local puppy classes are not impressed. They recommend labradors and golden retrievers as good family dogs. But we wanted a beagle!

They are great with children and can run their little legs off, making them perfect companions for long walks in the forest. Much to my husband’s dismay, they also tuck quite nicely into king-size beds, lying perfectly still until enticed out with a chunk of biltong.

In the six weeks that we have had Buddy, I have seen our family change. My husband smiles and takes walks with me more and my youngest has a friend to chase through the house as she tries to recover her last pair of unchewed socks. But perhaps Buddy’s greatest conquest has been my eldest. After not such a good day at school, she might have headed to her room, closed the door and turned up the music. Now she comes through the door and beams. Buddy sees her and can barely walk straight for all his tail wagging. He can, in an instant, transform a sometimes angst-ridden teenager into my little girl, who could easily be five or six again, for the carefree joy and love I see on her face.

It seems another generation of dog-lovers has been won!

PS Please join us (yes, Buddy too) in supporting The Sunflower Fund’s Bandana Day on 12 October – it’s a great cause.

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Elaine Eksteen • elaine@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Chareen Boake • joburg@childmag.co.za

monthly circulation Cape Town’s Child magazineTM 45 228 Joburg’s Child magazineTM 45 418 Durban’s Child magazineTM 40 028

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Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • lucille@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art Senior Designer Samantha Summerfield • sam@childmag.co.za Designers Mariette Barkhuizen • mariette@childmag.co.za Nikki-leigh Piper • nikki@childmag.co.za

Advertising Director Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

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Joburg’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

Office address: Unit 5, First Floor, Bentley Office Park, cnr. Rivonia and Wessel Rd, Rivonia. Tel: 011 807 6449, fax: 011 234 4971, email: joburg@childmag.co.za.

Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Joburg’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles are accurate and balanced but cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage that may arise from reading them.

October 2010

contents october 2010

upfront 3

a note from lisa

6

ver to you o readers respond

16

12 reader’s blog

a heart-warming story from a dad whose son has autism. By Andy Schwab

features

regulars 8

wins

18 when your child is different

s teps for coping with the challenges of raising a child with a learning difference. By Glynis Horning

10 u pfront with paul let children excel at the things they love, says Paul Kerton

22 p ark ‘n play Heather Brookes finds out how to create safe public outdoor play spaces

16 dealing with difference

Marina Zietsman investigates the developmental disorder, dyspraxia

25 easy italian

s imple recipes from Gennaro Contaldo’s new cookbook

42 r esource: art & soul creative therapies that help little ones going through tough times.

By Lucille Kemp

28 raising a one & only

Donna Cobban looks at the possible

pitfalls involved in raising one child

46 a good read

new books for the whole family

32 fighting fit

artial arts for children – Simone Gray m takes parents through the paces

32

50 what’s on in october 66 l ast laugh Sam Wilson vows to spend less time blogging, tweeting, SMSing...

classified ads 60 family marketplace 63 it’s party time

36 g ame on fun games that are also educational – no shopping required. By Julia Lamberti

38

38 w hat not to ask Donna Cobban speaks to parents who have adopted cross-racially

health 13 breathe easy

Lucille Kemp on asthma in children 14 a ngel’s kiss Chareen Boake looks into the nature of birthmarks

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

thinkstockphotos.com

October 2010

thinkstockphotos.com

thinkstockphotos.com

magazine joburg

magazine joburg

October 2010

letters

over to you restore the dignity in teaching

teaching at home I have been home schooling my children for seven years. I read your resource “education matters” in the August edition of Child Magazine and I have some concerns regarding the section on home schooling.

Yes, a home-schooling curriculum can be very expensive,

but

in

my

experience, many parents who start out home schooling pack this curriculum away as they become more confident and

find

inexpensive

resources for educational materials on the Internet, in the library and at book sales. There is actually an oversupply of free educational

I am writing regarding the industrial action by civil servants, specifically teachers. As an ex-teacher, I agree that the government should seriously consider a more equitable salary for those in the teaching profession. Teaching is not like an ordinary nine-to-five job – it is indeed a calling.

Teachers form a vital cornerstone of education.

Having said that, I was aghast at the unrest displayed by striking teachers in the media. It was in stark contrast to pictures depicting pockets of learners, mostly Grade 12s, huddled on school playgrounds, forging ahead with independent study. Their calibre is remarkable compared to their insolent teachers who seemingly display careless and irresponsible behaviour.

I’m sure that teachers can resort to alternative means of industrial action instead of the mayhem and violence of the current strikes. Let’s restore some dignity and nobility to the teaching profession, and collectively lay a firm education for our children.

Mark Kleinschmidt

material out there, so home educating can be as expensive as you choose to make it.

The second point I disagree with is that children may get insufficient interaction with their peers. I belong to a home-schooling network, but most of my children’s friends are not home

thanks for my prize

schooled. Children who are home schooled also

Thank you for the awesome Karvol hamper that I won in the June/July giveaway. All the items will certainly come in handy. Thank you too for a fabulous magazine, and to the sponsor for the prize and the prompt delivery.

Erashini Govender

get the opportunity to socialise with people of all ages. This will stand them in good stead when they enter the job market one day.

The article stated that parents might find it difficult to distinguish between the role of parent and that of teacher. From the moment our children are born, parents start teaching them and home schooling is just an extension of this.

Another issue raised was that it might be a problem if your child shows an aptitude for a subject that you find difficult to teach. I was terrible at maths at school, but we have a fantastic maths programme and I am learning maths along with the children. If the going gets really tough, parents can consider employing a tutor to help with a subject.

On the issue that the parent would not only have to teach but also do research, prepare lessons and arrange outings; I have found that most curriculums have done all the prep for the parents. As for research, we teach our children how to do it and we investigate along with them. I have found that formal outings are easy to arrange when necessary, but often learning occurs on everyday occasions, such as shopping or going to the beach. Learning becomes a way of life, not just something that happens in school hours.

time more precious than things Let me begin by saying that I have never felt a compulsion to write a letter to any publishing company. I was so delighted to read the article “gimme more” (September 2010), that I just had to respond.

The feature echoes my sentiments about materialism – especially concerning the issue of time. I am a working mom who has been fortunate enough to be employed by a company that allows me to work from 7:30am to 4pm.The sole purpose for this is to allow me more time in the afternoons with my seven-year-old son and four-year-old daughter; helping them with homework, playing with them and just being together.

If I ask my children whether they would rather, (a) have my husband and I spend time with them, or (b) receive presents, they always answer that they want time with the family. I certainly hope your article inspires less materialism in today’s children so that they can enjoy the art of living more.

Anne-Marie Vincent

home-schooled children, allowing them to join in their activities, and some resourceful homeschooling parents offer coaching.

Chirani Meyer

October 2010

proud grandmothers I am grandmother of four girls and I thank you for the excellent magazine. I read it first then send it over to my daughter in the UK, who absolutely loves it. She circulates it among all her South African friends as well.

Jacqui Munns This weekend I picked up a copy of Child Magazine for the first time. Although I am not a young mother any more (I am a first-time grandmother), the magazine certainly stirred my curiosity and I was pleasantly surprised at what a wonderful magazine it is. And to top it all, it is free!

Keep up the good work.

Jadwiga Richmond

write to us We would like to know what’s on your mind.

Send your letters to: marina@childmag.co.za

Lack of sport facilities and coaches is not a huge problem as some schools welcome

enjoying our four-year-old son’s independence and the fact that he slept through the night.

I went for a pregnancy test and, when the result came back positive, I started crying – I’m not sure if they were tears of joy or fear. At my first appointment with my gynaecologist, I asked to be sterilised the moment the new baby arrived. I even insisted he wrote it on my file so that he wouldn’t forget.

Then I received the biggest surprise of my life. I was pregnant with twins! I burst into tears again. I kept thinking, “Why me? How can this happen?” I was so scared. On the way home, the waterworks were still flowing.

From then onwards my pregnancy was high risk, as my identical twin babies were sharing the same sac and one placenta. I was seeing the specialist and my gynaecologist every fortnight and at 30 weeks, the risk was so high that I had a Caesarean. Even as I was lying on the operating table, I reminded the doctor about the sterilisation.

Now, my precious babies are almost eight months old and they are doing brilliantly. We love every moment with them, and we even enjoy the attention they get from fascinated onlookers and visitors. Never in a million years did we think we’d be the proud parents of twins, never.

Moira Khumalo

double delight In May 2009 I started feeling nauseous and moody, and couldn’t understand what was going on. My husband and I were not trying for a second baby and, to be honest, we were not yet ready to go through the pregnancy and nappy change routine again. We were

or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

magazine joburg

magazine joburg

October 2010

wins

giveawaysin october on the move The popular three-wheeled maxi micro scooter is so much fun that your child won’t want to go anywhere without it. Well-designed and constructed, micro scooters are a great way to encourage mobility and exercise in your child – from five years old right up to the teen years.

Micro scooters safely improve balance and coordination while developing core stability and motor skills. The lightweight scooter has a lean-and-tilt steering mechanism and a unique three-wheel design. For more information contact micro scooters on 076 373 4796, info@micro.co.za or visit micro.co.za One reader of Joburg’s Child stands a chance to win a maxi micro scooter valued at R1 195. To enter, email your entry to win@ micro.co.za with “JHB Child Win” in the subject line or enter online by visiting micro. co.za/win before 31 October 2010. Only one entry per reader.

good looking annabella maternity will keep you looking stylish and feeling beautiful throughout your pregnancy and into motherhood. Their designs are feminine, comfortable and incredibly versatile. Your favourite styles will flatter you during and post pregnancy, and allow for discreet breastfeeding.

Readers of Joburg’s Child stand a chance to win one of five annabella maternity vouchers valued at R200 each, redeemable off your online purchase. To view the full range visit, annabellamaternity.com To enter, answer the following question: name one of the eight categories into which the annabella maternity range is divided? (Hint: log on to annabellamaternity.com and click on “our boutique”.) Email claire@annabellamaternity. com with your name, number and answer with “JHB Child Win” in the subject line by 31 October 2010. Only one entry per reader.

sleep tight When your little one has a cold or the flu and is battling to breathe because of congestion, try Nazo vapour patches. Suitable for children two years and older, Nazo vapour patches are designed to safely release the vapours of eucalyptus and camphor while your child is sleeping. Both these essential oils PHOTOGRAPH: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

offer symptomatic relief for the nasal congestion associated with colds and flu, making breathing easier.

Because the Nazo vapour patch is attached to your child’s clothes, it is safe and won’t disturb his sleep.

Now your little one can get the rest they need – and so can you. For more information contact Pharma Dynamics on 021 701 6080 or visit pharmadynamics.co.za Ten readers of Joburg’s Child stand a chance to win a hamper valued at R150 each, which includes a cuddly teddy bear and a pack of Nazo vapour patches. To enter, email win@childmag. co.za with “Nazo JHB Win” in the subject line or post your entry to Nazo JHB Win, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010 before 31 October 2010. Only one entry per reader.

Composition: each patch contains 187,5mg eucalyptus oil and 62,5mg camphor

October 2010

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the perfect push chair Mothercare, the iconic British retailer, recently launched in South Africa exclusively to Woolworths and they have brought with them the iconic Spin Pram. Suitable from birth to three years, the pram easily converts to the lie-flat position for your newborn baby with a removable bumper bar that makes getting your baby in and out of the seat much easier. There is also a four-position adjustable handle for perfect comfort when pushing, and a unique one-hand-fold mechanism for ease of use. The Mothercare range is now stocked at Woolworths Sandton 011 290 1011. For more information visit woolworths.co.za One reader stands a chance to win a Spin Pram valued at R6 999 from the Mothercare range compliments of Woolworths. To enter, email your details to win@childmag. co.za with “Woolworths JHB win” in the subject line or post your entry to Woolworths JHB Win, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010 before 31 October 2010. Only one entry per reader.

sweet dreams Along with a clean room, appropriate lighting, and a comforting soft toy, the perfect sleep environment for your child also needs the right bedding. Protect-ABed’s full line of mattress- and pillow-protection products offers the ultimate in protection from spills and stains, allergens and irritants such as dust mites and bacteria. The products are also breathable as they are not made of PVC. For more information on their wide range of products, from AllerZip Mattress Encasements to Pillow Protectors and their most popular product, the Super Deluxe Mattress Protector, visit protectabed.co.za Four readers of Joburg’s Child stand a chance to win a Protect-A-Bed family pack containing mattress and pillow protectors, valued at R750 each.

To enter, email info@protectabed.co.za with “JHB Child Win” in the subject line before 31 October 2010. Only one entry per reader.

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congratulations to our august winners Kavita Jana, Darshana Mistri, Farzana Khota, Rozana Abdul, Katrien Coetzee, Tracy Lotter, Faiza Ebrahim and Vicki Compere who each win in the My File About Me giveaway; Sharon Iyer who wins a Keedo voucher; Tanya Emery and Khathu Ligudu who both win a Crayola hamper; Jaco Terblanche and Linda Zeff who both win a Polka Dot Art Studio tea party; Deidre van der Bank who wins Catimini clothing.

October 2010

upfront with paul

Paul, Sabina and Saskia

h

ave you noticed how we all try to perfect in ourselves, and our children, what we are not good at, at the expense – in time and energy – of perfecting what we are already very good at? So instead of being Olympic standard at one or two things, we opt to be mediocre at many things.

Reinforcing this is the early need to experiment with lots of different “subjects” and “life skills”, since you don’t know if your child is good at anything until they’ve tried it – the old you’ve-got-to-be-in-it-towin-it theory.

10

October 2010

So let’s take maths (apologies to all the fabulous maths teachers out there.

I actually liked maths at school). Most children grasp counting, adding and subtracting. In modern society, they at least need to know how to count the change in their pocket and measure the distance between A and B. But when it comes to trigonometry and algebra, and advanced theorems – many children hit a wall. Yet we parents fret, employ an army of tutors, book extra maths lessons, and spend valuable hours coaching a child to pass the maths test. Then, having peaked, their interest dissolves into apathy. If they had spent the same amount of time practising and being coached at what they were already good at, or interested in, then the child would be a complete genius at that other thing.

Children should concentrate on becoming a genius at the things they love, says PAUL KERTON.

Educators argue that this is what most sophisticated education systems do (or try to): stream the children into a sensible short list of career and subject choices. Hoping that by the time varsity swings around they should be on course to excel at something, leading to meaningful employment. But do we stream them too late? In Outliers, writer Malcolm Gladwell claims that to be top at anything you need to put in a total of 10 000 hours of hard work.

There’s the humungous 800-plus-page tome Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance that dismisses talent and stresses that winners and expert performers of say, maths, ballet, piano or football, are made not born, championing that old nugget “practice makes perfect”.

Providing, and this is key, that you are practising what you love. Since if you love something you will want to work harder

at it, whereas if you don’t love it you will resent doing it and remain mediocre at it.

The other consideration is age. Not only the age when your child is streamlined and their “interest” discovered, but the month in which they were born. Get this: more than 60 percent of the footballers at this year’s sensational World Cup were born in January, February or March, with the remaining 40 percent spread over the other nine months. Why? Youth football is an age-biased sport with the cut-off at the end of each year. When picking a team you always pick the more “mature” boys and the boy born in January of any year is 11 months ahead – physically and mentally – of the December boy. So if your boy (or girl) is born on 30 December and wants to excel at sport, lie about his/her age.

Paul Kerton is the author of Fab Dad: A Man’s Guide to Fathering.

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PHOTOGRAPH: JILL BADER

square holes, round pegs…

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October 2010

11

blog

it takes a village For ANDY SCHWAB, raising a son living on the autism spectrum couldn’t be done without the community in which they stay.

12

October 2010

hand in hand The old African proverb: “it takes a village to raise a child” cannot be more true than when it comes to children living on the spectrum.

My son is very, very active, and loves the outdoors or going to the shops, just as long as he can be on the go.

Sometimes during these shopping trips Luca may get irritated and act up, which can be difficult for people to understand.

I have, however, learned that if we as parents share our son’s condition with people in our community – why he is

who he is and how they can interact and communicate with him – most people around us turn out to be very supportive and understanding. This is something for which I am most thankful.

We have been blessed with so much support from many people living in our community – neighbours, friends, family, people in the various shops that we visit and the other places we go. And the good news is: the number is rising.

There’s a particular recent experience, which affected us intensely, that I’d love to share. A few months back my son disappeared from our home. I was busy with a few chores and listening to him playing. Suddenly things became quiet. In those two minutes he’d climbed through a broken window we hadn’t yet replaced.

And while I checked each corner of our house in my desperation to find him, he had already headed out into the street

and around the block. As I set off into the road to search for him, around the corner came a man holding my son’s hand. The man, who it turns out is homeless, said he’d seen my son and realised something was wrong because he is never alone.

His wife had told him where we lived, and he took my son’s hand and returned him home safely. I cannot thank him enough for his quick thinking – and for doing the right thing at the right time.

That it takes a village to raise a child now makes even more sense to me than it ever did.

Readers, this is your column – it’s a space to air your views, share a valuable parenting lesson, vent your frustrations or celebrate your joys. Send your writing to elaine@childmag.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPH: Jürgen Banda-Hansmann

t’s well documented that autism or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) affects between one in 110 and one in 150 children of all ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds. Autism affects me through my son, Luca, 12, who has both autism and epilepsy.

I don’t think it’s something you ever feel ready for. Despite the fact that I was professionally involved with many people living with a disability, I could never have imagined what my life would look like or how I would cope. I was not ready, nor prepared for it. I guess few people are.

Our son’s condition developed at age two. It’s a journey that has needed

us to make some major adjustments to our lives.

However, we are most grateful to have a child like Luca. We appreciate that living with this condition wasn’t his choice, neither was it ours, but we have as much fun as other parents with their children.

health

breathe easy There are ways to stay on top of your child’s asthma. By LUCILLE KEMP

sthma is a chronic disorder of the lungs in which the airways narrow and mucous is secreted, due to inflammation, interfering with normal air movement. It affects 300-million people worldwide and, because it can be life threatening, is a scary condition to live with. Although there is no cure for asthma at present, effective treatment is available to control it, making it possible for your child to lead a normal life.

When trying to understand what makes a child susceptible to asthma, consider the child’s history with allergies or atopic eczema and the family’s history of asthma, especially on the mom’s side. Asthma has a strong link to allergies, such as hay fever, which “coexists in 80 percent of asthmatic patients,” says Prof Cassim Motala of Red Cross Children’s Hospital in Cape Town. The trigger may vary based on the individual child’s allergy, which could be to particular foods, dust, medicines, pet hair or air pollution. Along with allergens, symptoms are triggered by the common cold, exercise, irritants such as tobacco smoke (the number one no-no), cold air, emotional stress and even laughing, which can tighten the chest.

Asthma is identified by wheezing, shortness of breath, chest tightness and coughing. Dr Ishmael Mohlabi, a Johannesburg-based paediatrician, points out that asthma

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is “a respiratory condition and its signs and symptoms may overlap with those of other chest ailments”. Motala says that it’s difficult to distinguish from wheezy bronchitis, which often occurs in the first three years of life. After the age of three, recurring dry wheezing, especially in the middle of the night or early in the morning, is most likely due to asthma.”

airway. Control should be the main goal of treatment, however, “if your child is using their reliever pump more than three times weekly it is uncontrolled asthma,” says Motala.

Failure to control asthma will lead to excessive use of the reliever pumps and this is an indication that “medication and dosages may need adjusting,” adds Mohlabi.

be prepared take the three-part approach Avoid the triggers. This means treating the associated conditions such as hay fever, which may mean having to remove plants from your home or garden, not having pets and not smoking in the house (or at all).

Understand the disease. Learn and practise the correct and regular use of treatment especially with regards to asthma pump techniques. Children may be given their pump with a spacer, which slows down the speed of the spray coming from the inhaler so that less bronchodilator hits the back of the mouth and more gets into the lungs.

Medicate with relievers and controllers. Relievers are asthma pumps that contain bronchodilator medication and should strictly only be used when symptoms occur.

Controller medicine (corticosteroid) prevents asthma symptoms by treating the underlying inflammation in the

Motala provides a step-by-step plan when dealing with asthma attacks. Make sure you stay calm and patient, and give your child bronchodilator via pump or nebuliser as soon as possible. “Four puffs of a pump should be given three times at 20-minute intervals,” he says. Depending on the severity of the attack, says Mohlabi, you should also give your child corticosteroids. If your child’s breathing doesn’t improve; take them to the nearest emergency centre.

Though many children’s symptoms decrease as they reach adolescence, say both Mohlabi and Motala, the possibility of relapse later in life still remains. To stave off possible setbacks, the asthmatic should then always consider the impact their surroundings (and the triggers it contains) have on their condition. It’s no surprise then, when Motala says this also has implications for the career they choose.

October 2010

13

health

angel’s kiss CHAREEN BOAKE investigates birthmarks.

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October 2010

on the depth of these vessels, appear as pink, red or blue marks. The most common vascular marks are harmless macular or flat stains, usually pink in colour and called “angel’s kisses” or “stork bites” because of their appearance on the forehead, eyelids, nose, lip or back of the neck. These birthmarks tend to darken when babies cry or their temperature is raised. Marks on the face usually disappear by the age of two while the marks on the back of the neck may last until adulthood.

Hemangiomas are flat or raised marks that usually appear a few weeks after birth. Strawberry hemangiomas are bright red raised lesions commonly occurring on the face, scalp, back or chest. They grow quite rapidly and often disappear between the ages of five to 10.

Cavernous hemangiomas appear as a red-blue spongy tissue and the borders aren’t as visible as they are with other hemangiomas. They grow rapidly in the first six months and then slow down and often disappear by the age of 10. Port-wine stains are flat purple-to-red marks usually occurring on the face. Lighter port-wine stains may disappear but, in most cases, they remain and get bigger as the child grows, sometimes also thickening and

darkening to form “cobblestones” or lumps. Port-wine stains near the eye and cheek accompanied by seizures at birth as well as eye problems, may be evidence of a neurological disorder called Sturge-Weber syndrome.

should I be worried?

Sister Bronwyn Lendrum from Netcare Stork’s Nest in Sunninghill says “most babies are born with some form of birthmark; in the majority of cases these are hormonal and usually disappear within two years”. Johannesburg-based GP Dr Paula Smart says that if there is scarring or the birthmark looks more than just cosmetically unappealing, she would refer the child for further medical advice but she prefers to simply monitor them for two years. Dr Michael Jameson, a Johannesburg-based dermatologist agrees that if the birthmark is uncomfortable, prone to bleeding, situated near the mouth and nose or obstructing vision you should consult your doctor or dermatologist. He further suggests consulting your doctor about any concerns you may have because it’s not always possible to see whether a birthmark poses a danger by mere surface observation. Certain birthmarks can present themselves subcutaneously.

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PHOTOGRAPH: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

atches of discoloured skin on a baby’s body, present at birth or appearing a few months thereafter, are called birthmarks. Most birthmarks are painless and harmless, usually fading over time and sometimes even disappearing completely.

Pigmented birthmarks can appear anywhere on the body and the most common types, café au lait spots and Mongolian spots, are caused by dilated capillaries near the surface of the skin. Café au lait spots are salmon-coloured patches that tend to darken when exposed to the sun and usually fade as the child gets older. (When these spots present in groups of six or more, however, it may be a sign of a genetic disorder called neurofibromatosis type 1.)

Mongolian spots are more prevalent on darker skinned babies, bluish in colour and resembling bruises, they often appear on the buttocks, scrotum, lower back and sometimes on the trunk or arms. Moles are also considered birthmarks. They often darken after sun exposure and during the teen years and pregnancy. Certain moles can increase in size or may become cancerous.

Vascular birthmarks are caused by an accumulation of blood vessels below the skin’s surface and, depending

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October 2010

15

dealing with difference

ut of step MARINA ZIETSMAN looks at dyspraxia, a developmental coordination difference.

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October 2010

This motor coordination impairment must be beyond what might be expected given the child’s measured level of intelligence,” says Bradfield.

Children with developmental dyspraxia appear clumsy, uncoordinated, accidentprone and their movements don’t come fluidly or automatically. Jennifer Luther, Lauren Quintal and Lisa Halland, occupational therapists (OT) at the Child Integration Centre (CIC) in Johannesburg, say this is because “there is a breakdown in the transmission of the message from the brain to the muscles”.

They add “these children will have difficulty when first learning a task. The child may approach a task awkwardly and may use inefficient methods to do so. They will be unable to generalise learned skills to other tasks, such as transferring print writing skills to cursive writing.”

Symptoms of dyspraxia are evident from an early age (see “reading the signs”).

For the Johannesburg parents of sevenyear-old Sean*, the road to diagnosis has been riddled with confusion. “I was pregnant with my third child (Sean is the middle son), when Sean’s behaviour started changing.

He would walk and simply collapse. He could not hold things. At first we thought there was something wrong with his legs or hips, but tests showed he was fine,” says his mom, Karen*. Then they thought perhaps Sean was vying for attention because of the new baby, but his symptoms were too severe to be attention seeking. His speech was also delayed and he couldn’t, for example, do simple puzzles. At one stage they were convinced he was autistic.

When he turned three, his parents took him to a neuro-developmental paediatrician

and an OT. The diagnosis given was sensory integration disorder, but no mention of dyspraxia was made. “I read an article on the disorder by accident and then googled it. That was the start of his being correctly diagnosed.”

schooling options As dyspraxia is a developmental disorder, the symptoms change as a child grows older, says Bradfield. Many of its symptoms are also indicative of a number of other frequently diagnosed disorders, such as ADHD or autism, which often leads to misdiagnosis.

Sean was eventually moved from the mainstream nursery school and placed in a special-needs school. “He is cognitively on par with his age group, but his fine motor skills are two years behind those of his peers,” says his mom. “The school was a

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PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

ifteen-year-old Victoria Biggs describes life with her “hidden handicap as lying diagonally in a parallel universe – I’m always slightly out of step with everyone else... always with a skewed view of things,” she says in her book Caged in Chaos, a Dyspraxic Guide to Breaking Free.

Dyspraxia, otherwise known as developmental coordination disorder, is the difficulty of planning and executing gross and fine motor tasks in the correct sequence. It is found in approximately 10 percent of the population, with two percent experiencing severe problems. It’s also more common in boys than girls. Bruce Bradfield, a clinical psychologist in Cape Town says, “The condition is diagnosed when impairment in coordination has a marked negative impact on the child’s interpersonal and educational functioning.

life-saver for us. For the first time he has shown an interest in learning and sings nursery rhymes. It has given Sean a real confidence boost and, luckily, he carries that good self-esteem outside the classroom.”

Even though a special-needs school has done wonders for Sean, and his mom believes that he will most likely complete his education at such an institution, there are dyspraxic children coping in mainstream schools. Seven-year-old Francine* attends a mainstream school in Cape Town. Both her Grade 1 and 2 teachers believe she’ll continue to grow at this level of education.

Francine has also been misdiagnosed with ADHD, ADD and Asperger’s syndrome, but once dyspraxia was identified, her parents and teachers could constructively assist her. “Francine is the only learner in her class, for example, that uses a computer to complete homework and assignments,” says her Grade 2 teacher Yvonne*.

Both Yvonne and Francine’s Grade 1 teacher say her biggest challenge is adapting socially. “She’s intelligent, but shy and introverted and sensory-sensitive.

If there is too much noise, she simply shuts down. But she has learned to tell me when she feels over-stimulated, and she then moves to a quiet corner of the classroom,” says Yvonne. Francine sees the school’s social worker to help her deal with her social awkwardness and to help her adjust to new teachers when she changes grades.

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moving forward Whatever the severity of their dyspraxia, life can be a daily battle for these children, who are aware of their condition and often describe themselves as feeling out of place and incompetent. The OT team at the CIC say that in order to preserve their integrity the child may appear stubborn, inflexible and uncooperative. “They may feel frustrated as they know what they want done, but cannot achieve it,” they say.

But there are ways to help a dyspraxic child. Occupational therapists use a sensory integrative approach, which improves the child’s ability to interpret sensory information and ultimately helps to improve movement and their ability to learn new movements and tasks. Extramurals such as swimming, horse riding and judo are helpful for the same reasons. Both Sean and Francine, for example, love swimming, especially underwater, most likely because of their sensory-avoidance nature.

Bradfield says the treatment of dyspraxia needs to be multifaceted. “On the one level, treatment needs to be aimed at educating the child and their families regarding the nature of the disorder,” explains Bradfield.

“The second level aims at enabling the child’s development of coordination by putting goalorientated treatment structures in place, which include OT, speech and language therapy and perceptual motor training.” The third level Bradfield says, would focus on helping the child cope with the range of

interpersonal difficulties dyspraxia can cause.

To this end Bradfield suggests play therapy.

Ultimately therapy starts at home. “We try first of all not to treat Sean differently, but it’s hard sometimes,” says Karen. “When his brothers play cricket outside, he knows he can’t join them, so we make a plan to keep him busy. It’s all about patience, structure, practice and more patience.” The experts

say a child with a learning difference uses up to 10 percent more brain power, so praise effort and not output. As Victoria Biggs advises: “Try to teach in a way that your child can understand. He can’t modify the way he thinks, so you will have to modify the way you explain. Different minds cannot work in ordinary ways.” *Names have been changed

reading the signs the symptoms may include… by three years old • babies are irritable and have feeding problems • slow to achieve expected developmental milestones • skip the crawling stage and progress from the “bottom shuffle” to walking preschool – three to five years old • high levels of motor activity and excitability • easily distressed • bump into objects and fall over • hands flap when running • difficulty with pedalling a tricycle • lack of sense of danger • continued messy eating • avoiding toys such as puzzles • poor motor skills – can’t hold a pencil • lack of imaginative play • isolation within the peer group • left- or right-handedness not established • persistent language difficulties • sensitive to sensory stimulation • limited response to verbal instruction • limited concentration by seven years old • difficulty adapting to structured school routine • difficulty in physical education lessons • slow at dressing • barely legible handwriting • immature drawing and copying skills • limited concentration skills • literal use of language • inability to remember more than two or three instructions at once • slow completion of work • high levels of motor activity • hand flapping/clapping when excited • easily distressed • inability to form relationships with other children • sleeping difficulties • reporting symptoms such as migraine Courtesy Dyspraxia Foundation UK, dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk

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parenting

when your child is different Parenting a child with disabilities is a daunting challenge, but

There’s no formula for dealing with this, no magic path.

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earing for the first time that “your child has a disability is like a klap in the face,” says Adi de Hoop, 49, founder of the SpiritedKidz LearnsPace school and family education centre in Rivonia.

She suspected a problem when she started contractions at 24 weeks. “I’m well informed, so when Nimoe was born two days later, and the paediatrician said an echography of her brain showed all was fine, I wasn’t convinced. The fantastic healing mechanism of the brain means

it takes two or three months to show damage, and I insisted on other checks while she was still in hospital. (Tip to other parents: it’s hugely expensive to have these as an outpatient later.)”

Nimoe has cerebral palsy with complications. “Nothing prepares you for hearing it, absolutely nothing, even if you’ve intellectually grasped it,” she says flatly. “On a deep emotional level, your very identity is under attack.”

“It’s all so alienating, so terrifying,’ says Durban photographer Angela Buckland,

48, whose son Nikki was diagnosed as “low-functioning” at three months. “One of the hardest parts is accepting there can be no proper recovery – it’s learning to let go, and just do your best.”

“I wept when the specialist said Tariq had autism,” murmurs Liza Aziz, 41, Durban filmmaker and founder of Action in Autism and its early learning intervention and resource centres. “But I also resolved never to give up on our son. And so began one of the most painfully challenging but also deeply rewarding journeys of our lives.”

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PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

there are steps that can help you cope, says GLYNIS HORNING.

learning to cope

let yourself grieve

No two children with disabilities are alike, even if they have the same condition, says Jenny Head, principal of Pathways special needs centre for children with severe disabilities in Durban, and mother of a son with cerebral palsy. “So there’s no formula for dealing with this, no magic path. Every parent must find what works best for them and their particular child, family, and social and financial situation. But knowing certain things, and being able to find support, can make a major difference to how you cope.”

When you discover your child has a disability, you go through the same stages as with a death, says Jenny – denial, anger, blame, guilt, questioning why you, and fear you won’t cope. “You’ve lost the child you thought you’d have, your dreams for their future and yours, and your way of life.”

The stages don’t follow the same order for everyone, but it’s vital you let yourself go through them all, says Adi. “Because I’d anticipated what was coming, I didn’t go through denial. I just said ‘Okay, this

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is what it is, so what can I do to make things better?’ And I didn’t grieve properly – there wasn’t time, with a screaming, very demanding child and work to take care of. Eight years on, I’m still often an emotional wreck.”

Relatives and people in society often don’t know what to do or say when a family has a disabled child, and the embarrassment they feel often blocks them from offering helpful support to the family, says Stellenbosch psychology professor Leslie Swartz, author of Able-Bodied:

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parenting

It’s one of the most painfully challenging but also deeply rewarding journeys of our lives.

Scenes from a Curious Life (Zebra Press) and co-author with researchers Kathleen McDougall and Amelia van der Merwe of a photographic book on disabled children

by Angela Buckland, Zip Zip My Brain Harts (HSRC).

“With other big life challenges, there’s often a beginning and an end to the difficulties, so it’s possible to imagine future closure and acceptance,” he says. “But with a child with a disability, parents have a long journey ahead of them with no end in sight – it’s a life-long journey, and brings a change to every aspect of family life. At each stage of the child’s development, parents may experience a new sense of loss as they think about what they would have been experiencing had their child not been disabled. But they may also become more conscious of positive aspects.”

It can be hard to get a balance, and parents are often encouraged to focus only on the “specialness” of the child instead of expressing difficult emotions like anger, frustration and disappointment. But bottling emotions is unhealthy – they need to be released.

“Most mothers cope much as I did,” says Liza. “We cry, we shout, we fight and we busy ourselves in action!”

Getting support from parents on the same journey can be a lifeline not only for coping emotionally, but for negotiating what Adi calls “the minefield” of professional and alternative health practitioners you encounter along the way. “Some are very good, but some are not, and you’re so desperate you’ll try anything,” she says.

“Other parents can be invaluable, tipping you off about who is who, and offering practical advice and support.”

The best way to find parents in your area is to ask a medical professional. “Some say they can’t share patients’ contact details for professional reasons, but if you hear that, leave!” says Adi. “Decent doctors will gladly put you in touch.”

You can also contact organisations specialising in your child’s condition (see “support groups” on page 61).

start intervention early Get professional help the instant you think there may be a problem with your child, says Jenny. Take them to be assessed at your clinic, local hospital or a children’s assessment centre, and always get a second opinion.

find support Unburden with others in a similar situation, advises Swartz. “No-one understands as they do. Parents often feel isolated because of the extra work and financial load, and it can be socially awkward to go out.”

It’s common for relationships to crumble under the strain. “If a marriage has a slight crack, a child like this can destroy it,” says Jenny. Some fathers are involved and supportive, but many men ignore their emotions rather than deal with them, and can’t handle the sense of failure or the demands of parenting a special needs child. Some escape in affairs or walk out.

Once you settle on a professional you are comfortable with, do whatever therapy they advise. “It may not cure your child, but it will help them be the best they can be,” she says. Quality of life is not about abilities, but feeling safe, comfortable, well and loveable; being engaged in meaningful activities; learning as much as possible; and having achievements to be proud of, however small – even just being able to tie shoelaces.

“Keep reminding yourself of this,” Jenny urges.

help them be their best In an age when medical science seems to have answers for so much, it can be hard to accept that there is no cure for your child’s condition. It’s one thing to explore realistic options, but you can unnecessarily prolong

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– physical, sensory and intellectual, says Tammy Greyling, an occupational therapist at Pathways Pretoria. “Show them how to do as much as they can, from dressing to using the toilet – keep showing them over and over if need be.” Break down tasks and ideas, and use short sentences, simple words, gestures and pictures.

Don’t expect too much or too little, and give your child the chance to do things themselves before stepping in, she adds. “Don’t criticise mistakes, encourage them to try again. And be sure to give them the chance to help you, even just sorting socks – everyone likes feeling useful and appreciated.”

help yourself

your grief and pain – and strain your finances – by following false hopes, say she and Adi. These hopes don’t always spring from unscrupulous professionals being out to make money. Professor Swartz and his co-researchers report that doctors too can struggle to accept that there is no cure.

Some then “heroically try to do more and more investigations to find a cause or cure when they suspect – or even know – this quest is hopeless”. Others try to protect themselves from a sense of helplessness and despair by trying to cut off emotionally.

“What we need to learn from are those encounters where both the parents and the doctor get it right,” they conclude.

“Where it’s not about fixing problems, but about working together in a constructive, respectful and helpful way.”

Unburden with others in a similar situation, no-one understands as they do.

Finally, look after yourself – for your child’s sake and your family, but also because you too have rights and needs, says Swartz. “In later life, parents who sacrifice themselves entirely for their children can become a burden to them, relying on them in return.”

Accept any offers of help, and take time for yourself, even if it’s just a relaxing bath while someone else watches your child.

Brothers and sisters can feel neglected or be embarrassed by society’s prejudice, especially when they are adolescents. But some become more emotionally mature and compassionate – one of Jenny’s daughters has become a counsellor and works with children with disabilities. “It’s very hard having a child with a disability,” Jenny says, “but they will always enrich your life.”

If you find you can’t cope, and have signs of stress and depression (problems sleeping and eating, constant irritability, headaches), or still feel angry or guilty, it’s vital you take action, says Swartz. “Talk it over with a trusted friend or doctor or get counselling.”

“There comes a point where you must stop looking for an answer and just get on with it,” says Angie. Although each child is different, most respond best to intensive tutoring and stimulation. Depending on the extent of the disability, your child may be able to fit into a mainstream school or have to attend a school for children with special needs.

You can also learn to stimulate your child yourself in different areas of development

real relating how to support parents with a child with a learning difference or special needs • Don’t stare or comment, they notice.

• Don’t look the other way – make eye contact and smile.

• Don’t give advice, they’ve heard it all.

• Don’t offer well-meaning platitudes (“special parents are chosen to parent special children”); it’s patronising and can belittle their loss.

• Do give practical help if you see they need it.

• Do offer to do chores like shopping for them.

• Do offer to sit with the child while they go out, or simply take a bath or nap.

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parenting

park ’n

play

Children have the right to play, but how can we create safe spaces in our

s children, my friends and I used to spend hours playing in the garden, riding our bicycles in the street and playing with the other children in our neighbourhood. Most properties had no walls, and we could move freely among our friends’ houses. We were not aware of our parents keeping an eye on us, although they probably did. We felt carefree. Being safe hardly entered our heads – except for warnings about watching out for the occasional car while riding our bicycles in the road. Save for the weekly school sports practice and the inevitable piano lesson, we were free to play, and play we did.

Today, our children have somewhat different experiences. Seldom do children enjoy the kind of carefree communal play we once had. Reading this article, my

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12-year-old daughter exclaims: “You got to walk to your friend’s house? That’s so unfair. Why can’t I?” For most parents, keeping their children safe is a key concern. We don’t allow our children to walk alone to friends’ houses or go to the park without adult supervision.

We avoid parks and other open spaces that may not be safe. At home, we make sure the doors are locked, and we keep an eye on our children when they play outside.

Concerns about safety have for the most part curtailed free social play.

policy on play Early this year, at a nationwide consultation in Johannesburg organised by the International Play Association, South

African children’s organisations met to discuss conditions that prevent children from being able to play. The meeting was part of a worldwide consultative initiative across eight countries, to promote Article 31 of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Article 31 states that “every child has the right to rest and leisure, to engage in play and recreational activities appropriate to the age of the child and to participate freely in cultural life and the arts.”

In addition it says that “member governments shall respect and promote the right of the child to participate fully in cultural and artistic life and shall encourage the provision of appropriate and equal opportunities for cultural, artistic, recreational and leisure activity.”

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PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

a

neighbourhoods for them to do just that? HEATHER BROOKES finds out.

At this meeting, delegates identified the key challenges in guaranteeing South African children the right to play.

The greatest challenge highlighted was a shortage of safe public spaces for children to play and insufficient resources to develop and maintain them.

Delegates stressed the importance of play in children’s lives and the need for everyone – both government and ordinary citizens – to take responsibility for ensuring that children can play in safe environments.

The International Play Association advocates the critical importance of play in children’s lives. Play helps children learn about themselves and the world around them. Play develops social skills as well as language and vocabulary, logical thinking and problem-solving abilities. Play is also key to a child’s imagination and creativity. Play gives children the chance just to be, or to be who or whatever they want to be.

Organisations such as the Active Learning Libraries point out that there are different kinds of play. Creating a balance of these is essential. Creative play such as making things; imaginative play like make-believe and role play; active play that involves physical activities to develop coordination – these are all essential for a child’s physical and mental health and development. A balance between playing alone and with others is also important.

the economics of creative play The nature of play, access and parental involvement differs across culture and economic groups. Some cultures expect intensive parental involvement, while others tend more towards leaving children to engage in free play.

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Parental participation can stimulate and enhance the benefits of play. Free play without parental involvement allows children to expand their imaginations and choose their own activities that may not conform to any rules, said experts at the Johannesburg conference.

Whatever their culture or economic group, South African children have one thing in common: they do not have sufficient safe public play spaces.

How much does economic situation play a part?

Children from upper-, middle- and low-income groups may all have insufficient opportunities for play, but not always for the same reasons. Parents of more privileged children tend to overload their offspring with structured activities and often do not allow enough time for free play. In contrast, there are also many children in poor communities in South Africa who have become heads of households with adult responsibilities. Poverty means no or minimal access to toys and books as well as technological play resources that give children advantages they need to cope in a technological world.

Experts at the conference concluded that we haven’t done enough to address children’s opportunities for play in our country. Whatever their culture or economic group,

South African children have one thing in common: they do not have sufficient safe public play spaces.

piloting parks City planners do not always take children’s needs into account. Lack of funds and public support has resulted in a number of recreational facilities becoming derelict or being closed. When the Durban municipality closed Umgeni River Bird Park in 2009, concerned parents got together under the banner of The Child Friendly City Campaign to have the park reopened. As a result, June 2010 saw the gates opening again. Durban parents are now campaigning to revamp and reclaim the city’s parks. The eThekwini Parks Department has agreed to make Bulwer Park a pilot for rejuvenating other parks. “This pilot project plus the opening of the bird park shows that citizen action works,” says Dr Mary Galvin, member of The Child Friendly City Campaign.

Around the country, communities are attempting to reclaim public green spaces and make them appealing and safe. One such success story is the revamping of George Hay Park in Parkview, Johannesburg. Residents have succeeded in making their local park into an attractive, child-friendly and safe space. Michéle Karamanof, who lives in Parkview, has been one of the driving forces behind turning George Hay Park into a well-maintained and appealing area used by residents and children on a daily basis. And “it’s when residents use the parks, that security concerns fall away,” says Galvin.

Karamanof and other residents, along with the Parkview Residents’ Association, worked closely with Johannesburg City Parks to have the playground

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parenting

equipment renovated and to put safe surfaces under it all. An existing toilet block was fixed up and fenced to prevent vandalism and theft. City Parks funds a janitor for the toilet block seven days a week, and services the park on a regular basis.

“It has been all about creating ongoing relationships with City Parks and residents,” says Karamanof. The Residents’ Association and the church opposite the park fund a park keeper three days a week to keep the park tidy and clean. Parkview Residents’ Association raises money for the park by holding community fun days there. A combination of energetic people, an active residents’ association and local stakeholders cooperating with local municipal structures is the way to go, says Karamanof.

on your turf So what can parents in other areas do? Cynthia Morrison, the director of Active Learning Libraries in South Africa and president of the International Toy Library Association, gives some useful advice: “The time spent playing with your children or making the time to take them somewhere to play and just being there with them means so much and builds a stronger relationship.

“Find out about interesting and safe areas that together provide a good range of activities – playground equipment; rocks or safe trees to climb; sand; space for ball games; place to ride a push bike, trike or bike; an area for skateboarding or roller skating; or a stream to walk along on a dusty, natural path – as at the Sandton Field and Study Centre,” she says. “Lobby the municipality for more of these areas and to clean up existing ones. Volunteer to clean them up yourself and involve your children, their schools and other families in the community.”

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sign up Keen to get involved with organisations promoting

Fun. For more info contact: childfriendlycity@mail.

play? Here are a number of suggestions to get you in

ngo.za or visit childfriendlycities.org or pps.org

the swing of things…

International Play Association (IPA) was founded

A Chance to Play is a programme that links playing

in 1961 and is run by volunteers. Its mission is to

and sport with learning and training initiatives for

protect, preserve and promote the child’s right to play

disadvantaged children and youth. Contact: 011 482

as a fundamental human right. IPA is driving the Global

1768, tdh-actp@iafrica.com or visit a-chance-to-play.org

Consultations on Children’s Right to Play. For more

Active Learning Libraries South Africa is a toy-

info visit: ipaworld.org

library service that provides toys, games and play

Parkview Residents’ Association is happy to chat

equipment to schools and other organisations that

to other residents’ associations that would like their

need them, as well as training for those that receive

input on revamping the parks in their neighbourhoods.

the items on how best to use them. There are 200 toy

Contact: info@parkview.org.za or visit parkview.org.za.

libraries in South Africa. If you have good quality toys

Sunshine Association works with families and

and games to donate, Active Learning Libraries knows

communities for the development and inclusion of

of many preschools without play materials. Contact

children with special needs. They have daycare, a toy

Maxine: 011 484 0333, info@activelearninglibraries.

library and sibling programmes as well as home-based

org.za or visit activelearninglibraries.org.za

support. Contact: 011 642 2005, info@sunshine.org.za

Active Schools Association promotes play and

or visit sunshine.org.za

physical activity for cognitive, social and emotional

The South African P.L.A.Y. Forum will be launched

learning. It works to provide spaces for positive interaction

this year. It will be made up of professionals and

through play in school environments. Contact:

parents interested in better play spaces for children,

021 691 4012, craven@asi.org.za or visit asi.org.za

especially places to which the community has free

Child Friendly Cities Campaign is a global

access. For information about the launch contact

movement started by UNICEF now taken up voluntarily

Maxine: 011 484 0333

by a group of Durban parents to make eThekwini a

Woz’obona is an early childhood development service

child-friendly city. Their campaign aims to make public

group promoting children’s safety and early childhood

spaces such as parks, sporting and cultural facilities

development in preschools. It offers social support,

accessible, safe, well-maintained and appealing to all

child referral support as well as life skills activities and

children. Join them at Bulwer Park in Glenwood from

play support. Contact: 011 482 3647, wozjhb@

3pm–5pm on the last Saturday of every month for Park

mail.ngo.za or visit wozobona.org.za

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book extract

easy italian

Simple and delicious recipes from GENNARO CONTALDO’s latest cookbook.

PHOTOGRAPHS: SAM STOWELL

s you probably know, Italians have a lifelong obsession with food – but what you might not know is that they also have an obsession with the wellbeing of their children, almost to the point of madness!

From a very early age, babies join in with the family meals – sitting in their highchairs, observing and listening to what is happening at the table. Mothers and grandmothers ensure the babies have a properly balanced meal and they will be encouraged to have three small courses so that all vital nutrients are given. A big fuss is made over the babies if everything is eaten and, if it is not, the women in the household enter into serious discussions as to what they should give them for the next meal. This attention continues throughout their childhood – and sometimes even into adulthood until the son or daughter leaves home.

Still, I feel we Italians fuss too much over our children’s eating habits – as long as the children eat some good food, then it is okay. If they like pasta, give them pasta, varying the sauce if you can. Get them to help with the cooking and encourage them to try new things – if they like it, great; if not, don’t worry. I do believe if a child sees you trying new things and eating healthily, then he or she will do so in time, too.

I must admit, it is not easy to feed children, especially when they get to the age where they understand more about the world around them. They can refuse point blank to eat peas, or suddenly decide they don’t like cheese, even though up until the previous day cheese was their favourite food! Children are entitled to change their minds and to have their own likes and dislikes, and sometimes they will simply go through odd phases of refusing certain foods. Believe me – I have two six-year-olds so I know what it can be like!

I hope your children will enjoy the meals. But they are not just for children – the dishes can be eaten by the whole family.

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book extract

fritelle di patate potato cakes with leeks and bacon These are tasty and nutritious savoury treats that your children will love. They take very little time to prepare and cook, and make a nice snack or accompaniment to a meal.

Delicious for adults, too – I would serve the potato cakes with a green salad dressed with extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

600g potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped 4T extra virgin olive oil 1 leek, finely chopped 50g bacon, finely chopped 2 egg yolks 10g Parmesan cheese, freshly grated 60g cake flour salt (optional) Boil the potatoes in plenty of slightly salted water until tender. Drain and mash. Put 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a pan, add the leek and bacon, and sauté over a medium heat, stirring from time to time to ensure it doesn’t burn. Add the egg yolks, Parmesan, flour and a pinch of salt, if using, to the mash. Then add the leek and bacon, and mix well. With your hands, take a little of the mixture and form flat rounds. Heat the remaining olive oil in a large frying pan. Cook the potato cakes over a medium heat on both sides until golden.

Remove, drain on kitchen paper, and serve.

pasta e piselli tubettini with peas This quick and easy pasta dish is a complete meal, which is cooked using only one pan. It is popular throughout Italy and can be made in different ways, using other ingredients such as cream. I find cream a little rich, though, especially for children, so I add egg yolks at the end instead to make it creamy and more nutritious. It’s a great way to get your children eating eggs if they don’t like them – they will never know!

25g butter 4T extra virgin olive oil 1 small onion, finely chopped 2 slices of pancetta or bacon, finely chopped 200g fresh or frozen peas 4 basil leaves (optional)

1 litre hot water 60g Parmesan cheese, half shavings and half freshly grated 240g tubettini pasta 2 egg yolks pinch of salt (optional)

Heat the butter and olive oil in a saucepan, add the onion and pancetta or bacon and stir-fry on a medium heat for a couple of minutes, ensuring they do not burn. Stir in the peas and basil and cook for a further couple of minutes. Pour in the water, add a pinch of salt, if using, and the Parmesan shavings, and simmer gently for 10 minutes in order for the flavours to infuse. Add the pasta [if you can’t find tubettini, try farfalle (bow tie) or conchiglie (shell pasta)] and cook with the lid half on until al dente, stirring from time to time. Add more hot water, if necessary. The pasta needs to be able to cook properly but once it is al dente, the water should have been absorbed. Meanwhile, beat the egg yolks and grated Parmesan in a small bowl. Add this to the pasta and mix well until cooked.

Remove from the heat and serve immediately. Tip: you can add a few cherry tomatoes with the pasta to give the dish a little colour.

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muffin al mais savoury sweet corn muffins Muffins are fashionable now in Italy. They are a great teatime snack and, because they are homemade, you know you will be giving your children the best. If you prefer, you can substitute peas for sweet corn and omit the ham or replace it with salami. I dedicate this recipe to my nephew, Mario, who is a muffin maniac!

2 eggs, beaten 85ml milk 110g butter, melted 250g cake flour 2t baking powder ½t bicarbonate of soda

100g tinned sweet corn, drained 30g cooked ham, finely chopped 30g Parmesan cheese, freshly grated pinch of salt (optional) 8 paper muffin cases

Pre-heat the oven to 180˚C. In a bowl, combine the eggs, milk and melted butter. Gently fold in the flour, baking powder, bicarbonate of soda and salt, if using. Then stir in the sweet corn, ham and Parmesan. Divide between the 8 paper cases and fill to the top without levelling out. Bake in the oven for 30 minutes until golden. You can check if they are ready by inserting a wooden skewer – if it comes out dry, the muffins are done. Leave to cool and enjoy!

about the book Gennaro’s Easy Italian (Headline) shows enthusiasts of this country’s cuisine how “anyone, no matter how basic their skills or how limited their time, can make and enjoy tasty Italian food”. Followers of this popular chef will enjoy his comments which pepper the recipes offering a window into Gennaro’s family life plus the Italians’ obsession with food. Available at leading bookshops.

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parenting

raising a one & only

a

Respect the only child’s need for privacy and create intermittent relief from their conscientious scrutiny.

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t around three months, when I went for my first scan, the gynaecologist snapped on her rubber gloves as she asked me about a history of twins in the family – clearly she needs to prepare parents for the potential shock. I crossed my fingers and prayed for twins, as I knew that this was going to be my one and only pregnancy and therefore my one and only shot, so to speak, at producing siblings.

She quickly detected the beating of just one heart, while I silently mourned the absence of another. I wanted my son to have someone with whom to battle, to share toys and build forts. I wanted this person to be in the form of a brother or sister. I wanted them to dish out heavy chunks of what sharing and caring is all about and swing the odd heavy clout in his direction. This way he would learn what the real world was like – or would he?

Nearly three years on he appears considerate and thoughtful and on a recent picnic when he reached over and helped himself to the container of baby tomatoes, I sat back delighted as his father, an only child himself, showed him how to offer the tomatoes around to the picnic party, before tucking in himself – a valuable lesson learnt. One that perhaps might not have happened had we had more than one, as we may not have noticed in the mayhem.

However, before I can get too smug over my naturally sharing and caring child, I stumble across Carl E. Pickhardt, author of The Future of Your Only Child: How to Guide Your Child to a Happy and Successful Life. His book and his research have had rave reviews, so I pay close attention.

Pickhardt claims that paying undivided attention to your child can have two results. The strengthening side can lead to a strong sense of self-esteem and self-definition, while the problematic side may bring about self-concealment,

self-consciousness and becoming unduly self-centred in relationships. Along with this comes the danger of developing an “only attitude” – the belief that one’s welfare comes first and counts more than others. While I read this I can think of a number of folk with abundant siblings who suffer from a supposedly “only attitude”. Pickhardt is at pains to point out that it is the way in which the parents approach the issue that counts the most.

One issue that’s raised wherever I look is the issue of privacy and how parents respond to this. Speak to adult only children and they are bound to tell you that they had no room for secrets, no undercover teenage life in which to hatch an identity and a bit of independence. And it starts young. Susanna tells me how her son, then aged about three, loved to spend time in the back garden pouring water from container to container, and generally keeping himself occupied within his own private world. He would become enraged if he caught her spying on him – her only motivation was to soak up the cuteness of a three-year-old playing alone, but even this distant observation was felt too keenly by her only son.

Pickhardt’s advice in this regard is to encourage parents to seek a balance to the attention given and insist on a practice of mutuality and sensitivity, reciprocity and compromise in relationships at home. “Respect the only child’s need for privacy and create intermittent relief from their conscientious scrutiny,” is his final take on the matter.

(I resolve to stop peeking into the living room to watch my son in private play and although I will miss catching him reading aloud to his teddy, I now understand that he needs me to be totally out of his hair from time to time.)

I turn to Farhana Goga, a Johannesburg-based psychologist, for some good home-brewed advice. magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

Donna Cobban looks at the possible, and often imagined, pitfalls involved in parenting one child.

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The group gathers in size as they head towards the park – it’s like the Pied Piper of push chairs.

She tells me that instead of raising an only child, as opposed to siblings, you should perhaps consider that you have been tasked simply with “…raising an individual. A healthy, well-adjusted individual needs to be considerate, caring, kind, selfish, aware of their bodies, aware of themselves, be able to adjust, be able to budget, be able to hear ‘no’ and hear ‘yes’. Be able to take some time within themselves to figure out what they want.

To not take everything personally, and to shine. To be different and to be the same.”

I consider writing this on my kitchen wall, keeping it as a set of so-called desired outcomes as I raise my son and as some useful guidelines for living my own life.

myths and truths So why has the only child family got so much flack over the years? I was delighted when the lead story in Time magazine in July of this year read as follows: The Only Child Myth. I lapped up the story,

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brushing past recession reasons et al, and quickly learned that the myth maker of the troubled only child was Granville Stanley Hall. In the later years of the 1800s (1896 to be exact) he ran a study Of Peculiar and Exceptional Children and for decades his findings were believed and revered, and he was regarded as an expert on the matter. Apparently a report he was involved in ended as such: “It will be noticed that all creatures which have large families… have less trouble in rearing them than those which have only one or two young. Little pigs are weeks ahead of young calves, and the young partridge, with its dozen brothers and sisters, is far more teachable than the young eagle.”

Thankfully his theories have finally been thrown aside and the only child at last has a break. Yet it seems there is still room for improvement when raising an only child, but the focus has now turned to the parents as it is the energy behind the parenting that

ultimately affects the child and many of us will find that we are committing at least one of Pickhardt’s “Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child”, which are as follows: overindulgence; overprotection; failure to discipline; overcompensation; seeking perfection; treating your child like an adult and overpraising.

I linger on the second sin and know that I am guilty and that I am going to have to fight hard to let the bumps and scrapes that come with living be really felt. I know where my inclination to overprotect comes from, and so it comes as no surprise when

I read the following in Pickhardt’s book: “It is very important to remember that parents with multiple children who have a child die are still left with other children. They remain active parents because their parenting responsibilities continue. This is not so with parents of an only child. Should that child die, not only are attachment to and investment in the child lost, but so too their entire identity and role as parents. This is partly why parents of an only child are so careful, conscientious and conservative, why they are so protective. They have so much to lose.”

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socialising sorted As I ponder all of the new evidence and advice on only children I draw my own conclusions. With the frequent need for both parents to be working, many onlies are spending their early years surrounded by other children in a daycare centre or some such similar set up, and it’s here that they are acquiring social skills and learning to put up with the odd clout and not always having it their way. But what about the onlies at home?

Marie, mother to one daughter, tells me how she was loathe to put her child into a childcare facility and so chose to keep her at home with a nanny when she had to return to work. She was acutely aware that with an absence of cousins and family nearby she would need to make sure that she spent time socialising with other children regularly.

Today her daughter and her nanny are regulars at the local park – everyone knows where everyone else lives and they call out as they pass by, the group gathers in size

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as they head towards the park – it’s like the Pied Piper of push chairs. On colder days they stop by one another’s houses for tea and for the children to play together. Marie has relaxed, watching as her daughter’s friendships develop and seeing how she loves to come home to a quiet house once she has done playing.

Another mother tells me how she drops her child and his nanny off once a week at a friend’s house. The boys, who are the same age, will spend part of the morning in tears as toys are snatched away, but in the end they come away happy and their mothers can see the enormous value that exists when two boys, familiar with one another, can kick and push and quickly make up.

When I quiz Farhana about ways to encourage sharing she tells me to relax.

“Children”, she says, “will naturally learn to share, engage and to give each other turns – it is natural, and it is also natural and okay if they don’t want to share everything.” She then puts the same questions to us adults.

“Do you as an adult want to always share?

Do we judge you for it? So, why judge the child?” Farhana goes on to point out that sharing soon becomes a two-way process, where if you share certain things with your

child, then the child learns to self-regulate and the process then becomes natural.

“And if they don’t want to share a special toy with a friend, ask them what they would like to share,” she advises.

ideas to grow a sociable child • make a weekly play date and let the other child take a not-too-treasured toy home for the week and let your child see it being returned • become a big brother or a big sister to a child in need – go to bbbssa.org.za for more info • play regular board games and let your child lose • make regular lunch/braai/picnic dates with other families

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fighting fit SIMONE GRAY guides parents through the different martial arts available to children.

t

he successful eighties movie Karate Kid, featuring Ralph Macchio, certainly had a generation of teenage girls’ hearts a flutter – and a wave of young boys trying to catch flies with chopsticks while practising the crane kick. The remake, featuring Jaden Smith (Will Smith’s son) and Jackie Chan will kick off on South African big screens as this issue hits the streets.

It will no doubt boost a whole new generation’s interest in the martial arts. And,

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while 12-year-old Jaden might succeed in making these disciplines newly cool, there are a number of other reasons this old (and I do mean old!) physical activity is great exercise for children.

Jeanette Bensted-Smith, a paediatric physiotherapist from The Children’s Therapy Centre in Petervale, says that martial arts have an effect on four key aspects of children’s physical development: strength, cardiovascular endurance, balance and coordination. “The sustained hold positions in different stances help develop the strength of the trunk and limbs,” says Jeanette. Forward punches and kicks also

help to develop the strength of the shoulder and pelvic girdles, and contribute to the development of bilateral integration. Martial arts emphasise control rather than speed during movements, which means children recruit the correct muscles rather than compensating by rushing the movement (and using the incorrect muscles as it is easier). The total body workout improves cardiovascular fitness, and kicking while maintaining a good upright position as well as sustaining different stance positions naturally improves balance. Finally coordination is developed through different sequences of punches and kicks.”

Pat Gordon, a Cape Town occupational therapist who has worked with children with learning differences for the past 25 years, often recommends a martial art as an extramural activity because of the many benefits and its limited expense (compared to something like horse riding, for example).

She says, “The exercises build up muscle tone and core stability and at the same time involve a lot of reciprocal activity, which develops the use of both sides of the body and is certainly beneficial to children.”

No matter what martial art is chosen it can be used as a powerful educational and personal-development tool. Coupled with

magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM, ILLUSTRATIONS: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

A black belt is a white belt that never gave up!

the emphasis on discipline and respect (for the teacher, the parents and the participant), which lie at the centre of all martial arts training, each session provides a focused and fun form of physical exercise, a chance to gain self-confidence, learn social skills, self-control and worthwhile lessons in self-defence.

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knowing your karate chop from your judo throw There are a variety of disciplines from all over the world available on our shores. Japanese martial arts include aikido, judo, jujitsu and karate to name the most prevalent. The most popular Korean martial arts export is taekwondo, while kung fu is the well-known

martial art that originated in China. The newest kid on this ancient block is the AfroBrazilian capoeira. While detailed information about each type is best demonstrated by experienced masters, a brief introduction of the above styles will give you an idea of the martial art that might best suit your child.

aikido What distinguishes aikido (way of harmony) from most other martial arts is its nonviolent character. This is a defensive martial art that aims to neutralise an incoming attack through a variety of techniques

including joint locks, immobilisation pins, and throws to bring the attacker under control – preferably without damaging either person. Unlike many other martial arts, there is absolutely no element of competition in traditional aikido training.

There are no tournaments, no matches, no winners or losers.

You can start aikido from the age of five or six years old, however Bruce Allemann, Fourth Dan Aikido of Fish Hoek Aikido Club in Cape Town, recommends starting at about nine years old, unless separate training is available for the five to eight years age group.

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You should be able to judge the safety by watching how well children are falling without mishap – and loving it.

judo In contrast to aikido, judo (gentle way) is a martial art primarily focused on competition and is based on moves similar to wrestling. Points are awarded to competitors based on techniques, pins, and overall opponent control. During judo competitions, opponents are often in close physical contact, so children interested in judo should be made aware that this is a physical, demanding and, at times, intimate discipline.

Michael Job (Sixth Dan) from The Judokan, a judo club situated in Wynberg, Cape Town, says, “Despite the physical contact, injuries are extremely rare, compared with other contact and even non-contact sports. Beginners are taught to fall properly, and you should be able to judge the safety by watching how well children are falling without mishap – and loving it!”

Coaches prefer to take children of at least six years or older. Many young children train only once a week, but twice a week is preferable, certainly for teenagers and seniors.

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Martin Dixon, chairman of the Ju-jitsu Association, says the recommended starting age is four or five years.

Commitment to training is essential. He says, “The difference between a white belt and a black belt is that a black belt is a white belt that never gave up!”

karate Karate (empty hand) is perhaps the most well-known martial art. Although it uses both aggressive and defensive moves, karate stresses defensive tactics. In karate you will use throwing, punching and blocking.

A child can begin karate at the age of four years old. The club cost varies but be aware there are a variety of tournaments, gradings and gashukus (training camps) to stimulate students’ interest. These activities form the foundation of their development and personal enrichment in karate, but they do add to the overall cost.

Training usually starts at twice a week for 45 minutes to an hour depending on age.

Gradings occur on Saturday mornings every three months and the camps and tournaments happen during the year.

jujitsu

taekwondo

Jujitsu (compliant art) is one of the oldest styles of martial arts. It is based on unarmed self-defence and involves sparring.

Although jujitsu was developed almost 400 years ago, its basic purpose remains the same: to defend yourself against armed or unarmed attackers. Although the primary focus is self-defence, clubs also cater for those who wish to do jujitsu to keep fit, and even those who want to learn something new and have fun while at it. Jujitsu works on physical and mental development by teaching agility, timing, flexibility and a knowledge of the body.

Taekwondo (the way of the foot and fist), considered the most competitive martial art, is characterised by impressive displays of high standing and jumping kicks as well as punches and fast footwork. It combines self-defence, sport, exercise and meditation with the aim of developing physically, mentally and spiritually. Taekwondo was originally created for the military and holds onto that tradition with brutally effective techniques for practical self-defence, although this training is coupled with moral and ethical best practice to ensure skills learned are not misused. magazine joburg

Taekwondo is popular with people of both genders and of many ages. Children from the age of five years old are welcome at selected dojangs (training halls).

kung fu Kung Fu (well done) is a multifaceted martial art that includes duan quan, tai chi chen and black tiger kung fu. The physical aspects include throws, sharp blows, holds, chops, grappling and other techniques of selfdefence. The philosophical teachings of this martial art combine threads of Buddhism and Taoism, and it teaches children selfdefence, self-respect and self-awareness through discipline and hard work.

The different styles of kung fu accept students at different ages. Ian Galvin of the Chinese Martial Arts and Health Centre in Durban recommends a minimum starting age of seven years. The average time of training is usually between 30 and 45 minutes, twice a week.

to music and song. The game is fluid and frenetic, ranging from the acrobatic to the defensive. It is characterised by extensive use of groundwork, as well as sweeps, kicks and blocks. The music and fluid motion has made this the fastest growing martial art in South Africa. Children are taught strength, flexibility, coordination and self-defence.

Sofia Stathopoulos from Capoeira Cordão de Ouro SA says, “Children may begin at three or four years old, although they usually start at around six years of age. Usually children do a one-hour long class a week. She adds, “What sets capoeira apart is the holistic combination of movement, dance, music and culture.

Children benefit from capoeira because it allows them to develop a strong sense of confidence and discipline in a highly creative and fun environment.”

capoeira

PHOTOGRAPH: CORDÃO DE OURO SOUTH AFRICA – capoeiracdo.co.za

Capoeira combines aspects of self-defence, dance and acrobatics. It was created by African slaves in Brazil during the 16th Century. It is the most laid-back in attitude but the most vibrant of the martial arts discussed here. Participants form a circle (roda) and take turns sparring in pairs in the centre

A group of four and five year olds learn capoeira with Contra-Mestre Espirrinho

why they like it…

“I love it the best. It is fun. I like the jumping, playing and balancing.”

– four-year-old Nurah, who does capoeira “I like the music and the funny games.”

– Sarah, five years old, who also does capoeira “I like doing katas and the boxing. I feel healthier and like the exercise. Before I was always so shy and scared of people, and now I’m not so much any more.”

– Sakeenah, 12 years old, who does karate

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how to

game on Learning is most effective when it’s fun! Here are 10 games that will teach, entertain and stimulate your child, without breaking your budget. By JULIA LAMBERTI

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This is an interactive game that can be played by one or more children and adapted to suit any age group, while teaching a variety of topics in an accessible way.

Hide an object or picture in your home or garden and ask the children to find it and rush it back to you. They essentially recognise the word you say, search until they find the item, and bring it to you in an upbeat game setting.

You could, for example, hide pictures of farm animals and designate a picture of a barn as “home base”. You can then reward them accordingly. The choice of topics is endless and in that way children can learn about a variety of subjects.

connect the dots This game is best suited to children of preschool age, and helps them memorise the alphabet and numbers.

Use a scrap of paper and pencils to draw an incomplete picture. The incomplete part would contain some dots, which if connected in the right way, complete the picture.

To help the children connect the dots in the correct order, write an alphabet or number against each dot, in chronological order. This is a simple, creative way to familiarise youngsters with letters and numbers and their correct order.

sentence savvy This game is a great way to better children’s vocabulary and can be played by two or more players from the age of about nine and older. It is also a great indoor activity for the winter months and only requires pencils, pens and a timer. It begins with players agreeing on a word four to seven letters long. Players then create a sentence using the letters of each word, in the order they appear in the word. If the word is “shirt”, for example, the sentence could be “Sally helps Ian rent trucks”. The rules are that you cannot use the main word selected (shirt) or repeat words twice in any sentence. Set a time limit of a minute or longer for the players to construct their sentences. Each player then reads their sentence and a point is given to

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PHOTOGRAPH: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

recognition, running and rewards

players who have a sentence that makes sense. A new word is chosen after each round and the players can decide how many rounds they play. The player with the most points at the end is named the victor.

fill the gap!

This activity helps children at all developmental stages improve their spelling. You will need magazines, blank paper, pencils and scissors. Cut out pictures of different items and write the incomplete spellings of each picture in large letters against the items. To win the game, players fill in the blank spaces within the words with the correct letters. The words you choose for this game can be anything for which you can find a picture. In the initial phase, choose simple and short words, and advance with more complex words as the game progresses, or as appropriate for the age of the participants.

mismatch magic This is a great indoor game for a small group of children, five years and older. Divide the children into two teams and have one team leave the room while the others alter objects in the room. (You can also use a number of objects arranged on a tray.) After three minutes the other team will return and has one minute to try to spot the mismatches. Any changes that do not get noticed score one point for the team that made them – and the team with the highest score wins. This is a great game to improve memory and concentration.

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naming game This game can be played by anyone five years and older. It’s a fun activity to help alleviate boredom on long trips and can be played by two or more participants. Each player takes turns naming things from categories such as “animals”, “cities” or “geography”. Each person must then give another example of the proposed topic, one that starts with the last letter of the previous name called.

So, if the first word is “elephant”, the next person could call out “tiger”, followed by “rhino”, for instance. It’s a great way to keep the mind alert, refresh your children’s general knowledge, and solidify their understanding of the alphabet.

treasure hunt This game familiarises little ones with the look and feel of money. Bury coins in a small baking tin filled with sand and then have your toddler or slightly older child find them with a plastic spoon or their fingers. Identify each coin they unearth and have them sort their “treasure” into piles. Just remember that coins are a choking hazard for very young children so keep a close eye on them as they rummage.

total recall This memory game can be played by two or more players from the age of six years old and up. You will need a tray with a dishtowel to cover it, 20 small objects (or fewer depending on the age of the players), paper and

pencils. Get players to form a circle around a covered tray of items and then remove the cloth for a minute or two.

Once the tray is covered again, players then get three minutes to write down the items they recall seeing on the tray. The winner of the game is the person who lists the most correct items.

word association For two or more players from the age of seven and older, the game begins with a player shouting out a word and the other participants responding by each shouting out a word they think of in relation to this word.

If a word doesn’t relate to a previous word, it can’t be used. Play goes around to the left, with each player coming up with words at a more rapid pace. A player who takes too long, or who gives a word unrelated to the previous one sits out for the rest of that round. A point is given to the “last man standing” in each round, and you can decide beforehand how many rounds you are going to play.

shop spotting When you are in the supermarket, you can play a letter- and number-finding game with children as young as six years old. The idea is to have children try to find certain letters and numbers on packages and tins.

This is a fun way to keep them occupied and mentally engaged, and you less harassed as you make your way down the aisles.

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what not to ask Families who adopt cross-racially are often the subjects of unwanted scrutiny. Donna Cobban speaks to a few of these parents about the stress this probing can cause.

meet the families: Laurie* and Craig*, mother and father to two adopted daughters aged two and three, with a room being kitted out for adopted baby number three due to arrive before the end of the year.

Heather* and Catherine*, both mothers to an adopted daughter, aged three, with a second adopted baby girl expected soon.

Julia* and David*, mother and father to an adopted son and daughter, aged five

Erica* and Tony*, mother and father to an adopted girl and boy, aged four and two.

w

e are in the local restaurant of a small Western Cape town – there’s my son, my friend Laurie and her two girls. We are on holiday for a few days and have selected this spot to have lunch because there is a small play area for our children, all of whom are under four. As we sit down, I notice a couple staring at us, the man mutters something under his breath, looks in our direction and shakes his sad head at us, as if the world as he once knew it is now finally coming to an end.

Laurie doesn’t see this. I bristle and am on the verge of walking over to him and telling him what I think of him, when I stop

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myself. Our children matter far more than this man does and, for their sake, he is best ignored. He didn’t shake his head because our children were loud or out of hand, no, he shook his head because Laurie’s girls are black and coincidentally, the rest of us, Laurie included, are white.

Later when he has left and the children are out of earshot I share the experience with Laurie, who is no stranger to the interest, both positive and negative, that her diverse family attracts. Laurie is of the belief that “our children choose us, and that we will be called to parent a specific little soul, regardless of how that little soul comes to us”. Nothing could be truer when magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM, ILLUSTRATIONS: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

and two, and a biological son, aged 18 months.

you see Laurie, her husband Craig and their two daughters together.

For a number of years they tried to conceive and when having a baby the normal way didn’t pan out as expected, they adopted. “I would not change a thing about the way our family was made, or how our wonderful children came into our lives,” she tells me. “What I would change, if I could, for the benefit of my children, would be the prying questions of strangers.

“The fact that our children have darker skin than we do seems to make our family an object of fascination wherever we go, and we are invariably confronted with questions that can be extremely personal. These questions did not worry me much when the girls were babies, but now that the girls are older and understand almost everything that is said, I find these questions really difficult because I know the girls are interested in what is being asked as well as the answer,” says Laurie.

We want acknowledgement as a family, as mother and child, as brother and sister, regardless of the fact that we look different.

“How do I reply to: ‘What happened to their real mom?’ or ‘Do they have the same mom?’ when I am the only mom they know? How does it make my girls feel when people ask ‘are they real sisters?’ and then push me for an answer that will satisfy them?” she continues.

And the questions don’t stop at the girls’ biological history. Laurie, who cannot imagine having any children other than her own two beautiful girls, is often taken aback when strangers ask whether she has her ‘own’ children – an equally confusing question as her children stand by and listen. It’s a question of such a personal nature that we would think twice about asking it of a neighbour or an old friend we hadn’t seen in many years.

Laurie and the rest of the families in this story have seriously pondered these invasive requests for information from complete strangers and can draw no satisfying conclusions, other than that magazine joburg

cross-racial adoption is not yet common enough for it to be boring, for it to be nothing other than what it is – a family out and about.

One day it will stop heads turning and people staring, it has to. Skin colour shouldn’t matter. But in the mean time these families continue to face challenges they shouldn’t have to.

colour code A couple whose family has without a doubt had a tougher time in the public eye than most, are parents Erica and her husband Tony, who were raised in a conservative Afrikaans community. They wanted more than anything to be parents. After many failed IVF treatments, they turned to adoption. Erica tells me that looking back at that time of her life she sees adoption as “an ever-present golden thread of hope that held everything together during those brutal IVF years. The only thing that made IVF a more viable option at that time, and I am extremely sad to admit it today, was race.”

Today Erica is mother to two beautiful children who happen to be a different race to her and her husband, and today she could not feel more differently about the racial difference. She and Tony do draw curious stares – they are a striking couple and often the subject of unwarranted attention.

Erica tells me about a beach holiday on which they purposefully sat apart from other families to avoid attention. Two men returning from a fishing expedition

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No, but I mean, are they real brother and sister?

walked past and said loudly “Ag shame, look, they are trying to be @#$&! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.” This, Erica recalls, is the third worst thing that has been said to her about her diverse family. When she tells me what the other two things are, I cry, and then I elect to exclude them from this article as they cannot reflect a majority opinion – at the very least I have to believe that, and hope with all my heart for these families and beyond that I am right.

ousting interrogation While not all the families I spoke to have been on the receiving end of such disdain, they have all been subjected to questions of a highly personal nature. Erica narrates for me a scenario all parents of siblings in this article are familiar with: Stranger: “Are they brother and sister?”

Parent: “Yes.” Stranger: “No, but I mean, are they real brother and sister?”

Parent: “Yes.” Stranger: “Oh, sorry, I know they are [while making funny eye gestures] ‘brother and sister’ but are they reeall?”

Parent: “Yes!!!”

Erica says of the scenario: “This

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question is irrelevant – whether or not they share the same biological mother, there is nothing fake about their relationship.” The other mothers are quick to agree on this and almost all move on to the next most commonly asked questions “Where is her/ his real mother?”

“I am the real mother,” rarely satisfies this asker. But it is here that curious information gatherers will most likely be met with a brick wall as all the mothers have a similar answer to Laurie’s, which is as follows: “I am completely open to talking about adoption and the way in which it has built my wonderful family, but there are simply some stories that are not public domain. There are some stories that are the girls’ own, and they should be the ones who decide how much of those stories they want to share, when they are old enough to make those decisions.”

Julia chooses to tell people that “all the information about my children’s birth and biological background belongs to them. What they do with the information is ultimately up to them. But, the important part is that they are my children, always will be, and they are brother and sister, and always will be”.

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I would not change a thing about the way our family was made, or how our wonderful children came into our lives. attention attention I ponder the senseless scrutiny under which these families live. I am a single mother, but no-one ever asks where my son’s father is or why his blonde hair differs to my own brown locks. Clearly I fit into the colour-by-numbers palette of our society and am left largely alone.

Yet the attraction we do draw is of the assuming kind. My son is big, so his father must be a rugby player. These sorts of comments we get daily and I have never thought much of it, until now, when I learn that assumptions of the positive kind in cross-racially adopted families are too rare a thing.

Heather says that, over the Soccer World Cup, they were at a hotel in town

and started chatting to a North American family. Not one question was asked about their daughter and when the mother turned to Heather and said: “You have the most beautiful daughter,” Heather felt pride and big salty tears in one go – she doesn’t get enough of that.

Erica has another similar story. “I remember once standing in a shopping queue (a dreaded place where you usually get asked ignorant questions). Another mom saw how my son complained about wanting a sweet at the cash point and said to me, “We moms have got our work cut out for us.” The fact that she acknowledged me as a mom, just like her, struggling with the same issues that all moms do, was so liberating.”

Erica says that their GP has not asked a single question about the whole adoption thing. “It was never relevant to the issues at hand (the children mostly had flu) and he was never prying. He just accepted us as a family and that truly is all we want. We want acknowledgement as a family, as mother and child, as brother and sister, regardless of the fact that we look different.”

While all the families feel the object of too much attention, they all feel more connected to the society in which they live and this Julia notes, has been a really positive experience. “My husband and I and our youngest child have been given a bridge into communities that I believe we wouldn’t have had, had we not adopted.

My son does not fail to get greeted by other Xhosa men – normally in Xhosa.

My daughter has her hair braided by the Xhosa ladies of the neighbourhood without me even asking. These are invaluable interactions in our diverse and complicated society. I feel like I am being held by these people too – and we all seem to be holding my children – as a community – not as individuals.” *Names have been changed

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resource

art & soul Creative therapies have become an effective way to treat wounds that medicine just can’t reach. By LUCILLE KEMP

art therapy what it is… Art therapy gives the child a chance to express and explore their thoughts and feelings through producing their own artwork. Using art as a means of communication and self-expression is less threatening than using just words. The child’s artwork forms the focus of discussions between the child and therapist as it represents the child’s thoughts and feelings. The sessions should be led by the child at their pace so that they have the chance to explain what their artwork means or represents.

case in point… Johannesburg-based art psychotherapist Samantha Davis tells how art therapy helped a seven-year-old boy with emotional and behavioural problems to identify his emotions in a useful way – as he found he could control the art materials he was using, he also found control of his emotions. Another verbally through his free play with the art materials.

who it helps… Art therapy provides an opportunity for children to play; it is confidence building and self validating. Insight, self-awareness and self-reflection develop as the child is given the freedom to experiment or creatively test ideas.

Art therapy teaches the child creative problem solving, especially when they feel their artwork has turned out “wrong”. It has proved to be helpful for children with depression, emotional and behavioural problems, autism, ADHD, developmental delay and those with learning difficulties.

for more information… visit arttherapy.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

eight-year-old boy living on the autism spectrum learned to communicate non-

drama therapy what it is… Drama therapy concentrates on play and improvisation, allowing the child to express their feelings and emotions in an unthreatening environment.

The two main techniques used in drama therapy are role-play – where something in the story line relates to the child’s situation – and mask-making – the mask allows the child to hide behind the created character making it easier to face uncomfortable emotions. case in point… Johannesburg-based drama therapist Kirsten Meyer spent six months working with a group of HIV-positive children aged seven to 11 years to develop their emotional, social, and mental abilities. Kirsten describes how the role-playing gave the children enough distance from their HIV status to allow them to voice it for the first time, and vent over the issue of secrecy and disclosure within the group, as well as in their lives. who it helps… Through roleplaying in a group setting, drama therapy can be good for a child’s social skills, teaching them how to tolerate others and how to better react to others and their differences. It is also helpful for children who have suffered from abuse of any kind. Allowing them to wear a mask can be a safe way for these children to bring their problem to the fore and to confront their emotions. It increases selfesteem and general confidence, builds up self-defence mechanisms and reduces disruptive behaviour. for more information… visit dramatherapy.co.za

music therapy what it is… Music therapy uses music-making as a means of communication and emotional expression. This is achieved through structured activities such as singing, listening, playing instruments, composition, improvisation, movement to music, music and imagery as well as talking about the music or experiences in sessions. case in point… The Music Therapy Community Clinic was invited by the Cape Flats suburb of Heideveld to offer music therapy sessions to children who were dealing with a death in the family, were witnesses to violence, subject to physical, emotional or sexual abuse or had an absent parent. The various musical activities in the music-therapy programme helped the children deal with their trauma and process emotionally disturbing issues. It empowered them to deal with difficult life experiences in the future. who it helps… Music therapy aims to improve a child’s emotional and social abilities.

Music therapists also work with children with learning disabilities, those with mental illnesses, the mentally and physically handicapped, the terminally ill and the traumatically brain injured. for more information… visit music-therapy.co.za or visit the University of Pretoria website up.ac.za

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resource

poetry therapy play therapy

what it is… The poetry therapist assists the

what it is… Play therapy uses games and toys to help children express their

child in coming to terms with and expressing the meaning of their experience or disease by using and creating poetry. The focus is on the message and meaning of the poem rather than the words. Poetry therapy uses the rhythm, image, mood and metaphor of the poem to get through to the child but for poetry therapy to remain effective, says Clanwilliam-based poetry therapist Professor Wally Willies, “the process must be adapted to the age of the child”. For example, reading poems to a three-year-old might soothe away temper tantrums because of the rhyme and rhythm, but a 10-year-old will probably benefit from the content and style of a narrative poem. Poetry therapy trains the child to access the meaning of their own thoughts and feelings and to understand people around them. case in point… Wally describes how a four-year-old girl had become inexplicably disruptive as soon as lunch- or suppertime arrived. The counsellor and mother hit on the strategy of singing the girl’s favourite nursery rhyme “Hickory Dickory Dock” to distract her from her refusal. Wally says, “After a week of chanting this together, punctuating the rhythm with spoonfuls of food, the negative associations with disciplined eating changed through the enjoyment of rhyme, rhythm and positive anticipation.” Wally also explains how five weeks of poetry therapy helped create a more positive attitude in a 10-year-old boy who had become withdrawn and silent as a result of his parents’ divorce. Also how four sessions of poetry therapy helped an 11-year-old girl find a sense of calm and peace after she was hospitalised for a bone marrow transplant, and had become afraid of dying. who it helps… Poetry therapy will help the child to understand and make better sense of their situation, as well as their own thoughts and feelings. It is said to help those with obsessive-compulsive disorder, low self-esteem, those suffering from anger issues or any child in a circumstance where they feel emotionally overwhelmed. for more information… visit poetrytherapy.org

emotions, thoughts, wishes and needs. It works particularly well with children from three to four years old. Rather than having to explain what is bothering them, play in a non-threatening environment allows the child to communicate at their own level and pace. The child is thus able to feel at ease about getting in touch with feelings, which she may not be aware of or may be too scared to admit to or face.

The therapist actively participates in the process assimilating stressful experiences from the child’s life in order to prompt the child to deal with them, says Stellenboschbased play therapist Helene van Niekerk. A play therapy session usually involves activities to facilitate sensory awareness, helping them become more aware of their emotions and thoughts about an event or something that they might be worrying about subconsciously. These activities include smelling different things, touching a variety of textures, working with music, clay, paint, stories, puppets or sand.

case in point… Helene describes how play therapy helped an eight-year-old experiencing separation anxiety. Helene asked her to make her sadness out of clay while she had her own clay puppet talk to the child’s “sadness”. This helped the therapist discover why she was feeling sad when she was separated from her parents and enabled the therapist to talk to the child about what she could do to empower herself. Play therapy helped the girl to discover what she was feeling and why, and helped her to feel more in control of her emotions and behaviour.

who it helps… Children experiencing anger, loss, divorce, crisis and trauma, relocation, hospitalisation and chronic illness; those who suffer from anxiety, depression, ADHD and autism, and those with a wide variety of social, emotional and learning problems.

for more information… visit associationplaytherapy.org.za or playtherapy.co.za

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sandplay therapy what it is… Sandplay therapy is a non-verbal form of psychotherapy, ideal for children from the age of six years. The sand represents the unconscious. The child unknowingly recreates their unconscious in the sand. This allows them to see their issues and, once recognised, to correct these themselves. Sandplay therapy allows the child to make use of miniature figures to create their own sand stories. The miniatures represent everything in the world, from religion and race to animals. Durban-based clinical, family and marital therapist Reyhana Seedat says “the child’s sand scenes go from chaos to struggle and finally to resolution – when the meaning of the child’s unconscious thoughts become clear”. The therapist observes and does not interpret anything to the child, which allows a child’s own realisations to surface and for recovery to take place in the child’s own time.

case in point… Reyhana explains how an 11-year-old girl came to her with “failure to thrive” as a result of not eating, which was brought on by problems at home. The sandplay stories she created were centred on setting the table with food but her initial choice of table from the collection of miniature figures was a coffin. After the fifth sandplay session, she made a breakthrough and chose an actual table from the miniatures on which to place the food.

who it helps… Sandplay therapy frees inner feelings and memories where the child regresses to past experiences, facilitating healing. Sandplay therapy breaks down inhibitions with spontaneous play, something that comes naturally to a child.

the power of animals Although animal-assisted therapy doesn’t fall under the creative therapy heading, it’s very valuable in treating children. It is used in numerous health-care facilities as an added therapy for cognitive improvement in children with developmental disabilities. The animals used for animalassisted therapy must have a calm temperament and friendly disposition. They must be obedient, gentle, enjoy being with people and like to be stroked and fussed over. Animals used include horses, dogs, cats, rabbits, dolphins and elephants.

Of these, it’s worth highlighting horse therapy or equine facilitated learning (EFL), the essence of which revolves around the child being in the presence of a horse (more than caring for or riding a horse). This has a healing quality, making the child calmer, more communicative, and less likely to become fixated on negative events. EFL has shown to work effectively with ADHD children, who are able to focus on grooming or leading the horse, when they usually struggle to concentrate for long periods. Children with autism who are withdrawn will begin to express themselves, often using new words or gestures. Because of their relationship with the horse, the

Since sandplay is a creative form of therapy that doesn’t use

child starts to realise what they can achieve, and their overall self-esteem gets a boost. EFL also

talking, it allows for exploration and insight into deep emotional

helps children with Asperger’s syndrome, bipolar disorder and severe antisocial and aggressive

issues such as anger, depression, grief and for those difficult and

behaviour. It is effective with those who struggle to communicate, interact with other people and

deep-seated emotions arising from abuse.

carry out instructions.

for more information… visit sandplay.co.za

magazine joburg

for more information… visit equine-therapy-programs.com

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books

a good read for toddlers

Busy Harbour and Busy Funfair

By Rebecca Finn

Roaring Rockets

By Tony Mitton and Ant Parker

(Campbell Books, R65 each) There is a lot to keep little fingers and minds busy in these books. They can use their fingers to push, pull and turn tabs that will bring the fairground and a world of water to life. The books encourage hand-eye coordination and the lively text introduces rhyme and rhythm. Children as young as eight months will find the stories simple enough to follow and the activities and illustrations will keep toddlers turning the pages. Other titles in the Busy Books series include Busy Farm, Busy Town, Busy Park, Busy Airport, Busy Garage, Busy Railway and Busy Beach.

(Macmillan Children’s Books, R62) Children can join a trio of wacky animals as they blast off into space. Little boys, aged two to six years, will love the big, bold illustrations. The adventure starts with an action-packed blast off, includes a trip to the moon and ends with a sizzling splash into the ocean when they return home.

Children’s poet Tony Mitton is a former primary school and special-needs support teacher. He is also the author of the award-winning The Red & White Spotted Handkerchief.

Busytime – Push, pull and play!

By Emma Damon

read and play

(Macmillan Children’s Books, R62) With lots of flaps to lift and pop-up surprises to reveal, little readers will love this bold, bright interactive book that brings playschool to life. The text introduces rhyme and rhythm and all the tabs encourage interaction. Most toddlers will recognise all the fun things to do and explore: the dressup box, the art and crafts corner, the time for messy play and the music room. Also look out for the other book in the series, Playtime.

for preschoolers Fancy Nancy’s Perfectly Posh Paper Doll Book

Christian the Hugging Lion

By Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell (Simon and Schuster, R98) This is the true story of Christian the lion, now told to children four to eight years old. Christian was born into a long line of zoo lions. When John and Ace bought him from Harrod’s exotic pet department he was a three-year-old cub. But Christian soon grew too big to live with them in their small apartment, so Ace and John flew him to Kenya so he could learn how to live in the wild with other lions. To give their beloved lion a chance to adapt, they put off their first visit for several months. When Ace and John finally went to see him, he had not forgotten his London family – and he greeted Ace with a big hug.

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(Harperfestival, R56) Girls between the ages of four and eight just love the Fancy Nancy books

by Jane O’Connor. This book offers eight pages of outfits and over 70 stickers to mix, match and create gorgeous outfits for Nancy and her best friend Bree. There are two paper dolls and clothing options for soirées (that’s French for parties Nancy will tell you), glamorous balls, dates with friends and even fashion garments for a slumber party. The book includes instructions on how to put together the dolls and their stands, how to make the paper outfits and use the stickers.

Make and Do Craft

By Bethany Perkins and Natalie Boyd (Priddy Books, R55) This fun to use foldout book has 22 crafts for you and your children to enjoy making together. Children aged five-plus can have fun creating paper flowers, a musical drum, can robots, an Easter bunny, a treasure chest and much more.

With each activity the book makes suggestions about when the activity will work best (for a party, for example), which are quick and easy to make, which will make great gifts and which will brighten up a bedroom. The foldout easel format of the book makes it easy to use. It’ll keep little ones creatively busy for hours. magazine joburg

for early graders

Abby’s Aquarium Adventures

By Heidi de Maine and Keli Hazelton (Creda Communications, R90) The sea is a fascinating place and children can join Abby on an adventure that will take them from the rivers in the Amazon to the oceans of the world. Discover the creatures that live in and near the sea and the people who get to work with them. Abby is an aquarist and will share many secrets with you. This is the first book in a series of South African books that will look at marine life, life in an aquarium, animal careers and conservation. For outlets or to order, email abby@telkomsa.net

African Seashores

By Sally MacLarty (Random House, R45) Children will enjoy hours of fun colouring in with this selection of Africa’s seashore life.

There are more than 40 images to colour in, each accompanied by an interesting caption to help budding artists and young naturalists learn about the seashore as they work through the book. In the middle of the book is a gallery of all the creatures and plants in full colour, providing a clear guide as to which crayons or paints to use when colouring in the outlined images. Sally MacLarty, who lives in the Karoo, is an illustrator specialising in the fields of education and natural history, and particularly in children’s books.

Peter Kent’s City Across Time

By Peter Kent (Macmillan Children’s Books, R152) Using detailed cross-sections, this visually delightful book shows how an early settlement evolves into a bustling modernday metropolis. Children can see new buildings spring up on the rubble of the old, follow once-grand structures as they are gradually buried and see how other buildings survive through the centuries. The lively, warm and friendly illustrations are packed with absorbing and eye-opening details and eagle-eyed readers will have hours of fun spotting the descendants of one particular family though the centuries. magazine joburg

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books

for preteens and teens

visual feast

Gods & Heroes

By Matthew Reinhart and Robert Sabuda (Walker Books, R260) Part of the best-selling Encyclopedia Prehistorica series, this book takes young readers on a grand pop-up tour of centuries-old myths and legends. They can explore the banks of the Nile of Ancient Egypt and visit Zeus’s kingdom on Mount Olympus. The book also explores the frozen lands of the Norse Gods, ventures to the Far East where the Jade Emperor ruled from the heavens and visits the wilds of Oceania, where the jealous Pele’s volcanic rage simmers just below the earth’s crust.

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The Mousehunter – Mousebeard’s Revenge

By Alex Milway (Faber Children’s Books, R106) This is the third instalment in the very popular The Mousehunter series.

In the first books young readers met Emiline Orelia, who dreams of becoming a great mousehunter someday. She works as a mousekeeper for the wealthy Isiah Lovelock, bestselling author of The Mousehunter’s Almanac. In Mousebeard’s Revenge, the Old Town is playing host to the International Mousing Exhibition and it should be the greatest event the world has ever seen. But one person is determined to ruin everything. The thug Mousebeard is back and Emeline and Scratcher are facing their biggest adventure yet.

Shine

By Kate Maryon (HarperCollins Children’s Books, R107) Twelve-year-old Tiff loves her mother, who is glamorous and brilliant fun. She always gives Tiff new things, but there is one problem: Tiff’s mom doesn’t buy things. She takes them.

And when she gets caught, Tiff’s world comes crashing down.

Tiff is packed off to go and live with her mom’s family on a tiny island – a family she didn’t even know existed.

Tiff thinks the island of Sark must be the dullest place on the planet, but life is full of surprises…

magazine joburg

for us

Worst Case

By James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge (Random House, R215) The son of a wealthy New York family is kidnapped and held hostage. His parents can’t save him, because this kidnapper isn’t demanding money. Instead, he quizzes his prisoner on the price others pay for his life of luxury. Michael Bennett leads the investigation, and with 10 children of his own, he can’t understand what could lead someone to target a child. This is an actionpacked read – in true Patterson-style, it’s a real page-turner.

magazine joburg

parenting books

Ja, No, Man

By Richard Poplak (Penguin Books, R52) Richard Poplak was born in Johannesburg in 1973 and emigrated to Canada in 1989. This is an eerily familiar portrayal of the life of an ordinary white South African growing up in apartheid South Africa. Told with humour and self-awareness, Poplak’s story brings to life his gradual understanding of the difference between his country and the rest of the world. A startlingly original memoir that veers sharply from the everyday to the bizarre, Ja, No, Man is an enlightening, darkly hilarious and, at times, disturbing read.

Happy Kids

By Cathy Glass

Every Parent’s Nightmare

By Bruna Dessena

(Harper Collins Publishers, R110) In this guide, parenting expert Cathy Glass introduces you to the three Rs – request, repeat, reassure – her effective technique for bringing up well-behaved and happy children. Based on 25 years of fostering experience, in which Cathy has cared for more than 50 children, many with emotional and behavioural problems, Happy Kids contains the secret of her parenting success.

(Quickfox Publishing, R114) The author has been a child abuse activist for more than 17 years and she was a Childline counsellor. In this book she discusses the signs of abuse, the abuser and the grooming process, how to address the problem, supporting a child, the legal process and preparing for court. She gives the facts without melodrama – this book is a valuable tool for both parents and teachers.

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calendar

what’s on in october Things to do, places to go, ways to give back, talks and exhibitions plus loads of fun for the whole family. compiled by CHAREEN BOAKE

special events

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FUN for children

55

only for parents

60

bump, baby & tot in tow

61

how to help

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1 fri

SPECIAL EVENTS Mamma Mia! A Broadway spectacular featuring some of Abba’s most popular songs.

ONLY FOR PARENTS

bump, baby & tot in tow

BSG Triathlon

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how to help

It’s all in the genes campaign

Swimming, cycling and running

Orlando Towers

Toddler Sense seminar

Slip into your favourite pair of jeans

action for the whole family.

Adrenalin-fuelled fun for parents.

Top tips for taming toddlers.

for charity.

October 2010

magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

FUN FOR CHILDREN

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calendar

pinotage, food, live bands, games and prizes. Time: 7pm. Venue: The Cradle Restaurant, Kromdraai Rd, Lanseria. Cost: adults R260, children R60. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Sing along to Mamma Mia! This is a fundraising event for Kids Haven charity, which aims to rehabilitate children living and working on the streets. Time: 3pm.

Venue: Teatro at Montecasino. Cost: R300.

Booking essential. Contact: 011 706 7959 or kidshavenevents@gmail.com

SPECIAL EVENTS 1 friday Despicable Me is the animated story of a super villain called Gru who dreams of stealing the moon. Along the way he encounters three strong-willed little orphaned girls who view him as a potential father. With the voice and humour of Steve Carell. Time: varies. Venue: premieres in 3D in theatres nationwide Lufthansa Johannesburg Oktoberfest Traditional Bavarian food, music and lots of Bavarian beer. Children’s entertainment available on the weekend. Ends 4 October.

Time: Thursday–Friday 3pm, Saturday 6pm, Sunday 11am. Venue: Hyatt Regency Hotel, Oxford Rd, Rosebank. Cost: adults R85, children R35. Contact: 011 280 1234 Mamma Mia! Some of Abba’s greatest hits are woven into a tale set on a Greek island.

Ends 12 December. Time: varies. Venue: Teatro at Montecasino. Cost: R115–R390.

Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Rage Expo Africa’s biggest gaming exhibition features the latest gaming gadgets and entertainment technology.

Ends 3 October. Time: Friday 10am–6pm, Saturday 9am–6pm, Sunday 10am–4pm.

Venue: Coca-Cola Dome, Northgate. Cost: R50, weekend ticket R80, family ticket R150.

For more info: visit rageexpo.co.za

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3 sunday

3 October – The Petersburg Quartet

Sleeping Beauty The classic tale of the sleeping princess. Ends 10 October. Time: varies. Venue: People’s Theatre at Joburg Theatre Complex, cnr Loveday and Hoofd St, Braamfontein. Cost: R75–R85. Booking essential. Contact: 011 403 1563/2340 or visit peoplestheatre.co.za

2 saturday My Dream Career workshop for teenagers The fairy godmother, Donna McCallum, is presenting a workshop for Grade 9–12 learners. This creative, interactive workshop aims to help learners uncover their passions, talents, dreams and

strengths, enabling them to make the right career choices. Time: 10am–6pm. Venue: Crawford College, Benmore Rd, Sandton.

Cost: R495. Booking essential. Contact: 084 207 0202, info@mydreamcareer.co.za or visit mydreamcareer.co.za On The Night Pack a picnic basket for a night of amazing pyrotechnics and live music. Time: 3:30pm–10:30pm.

Venue: St John’s College, St David Rd, Houghton. Cost: R130. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Pinotage on tap Enjoy Winelands celebrations in Gauteng with unlimited

The Petersburg Quartet This group reproduces famous classics and Russian folk music with barbershop-style acapella. Time: 4pm. Venue: Joburg Promusica Theatre, Christiaan de Wet Rd, Florida Park. Cost: R175. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com World Animal Day fun run and walk Socialised dogs on leads as well as their two-

2 October – On The Night

magazine joburg

legged parents can enjoy a slow walk or a fast run to celebrate this special day. Time: 7am. Venue: The Society for Animals in Distress, The Paddocks, Plot 20, Moerdyk St, Vorna Valley. Cost: R50. Contact Bev: 078 458 9143 or visit animalsindistress.org.za

Northgate. Cost: adults R65; scholars, students and pensioners R40. For more info: visit lookandfeelgoodexpo.co.za

9 saturday Rocking the Gardens This is a fully sustainable, ecofriendly music and lifestyle festival collaborating with Greenpeace and WWF. Enjoy the green market, gourmet food and drink village plus entertainment

by South Africa’s most popular bands including Zebra and Giraffe, The Dirty Skirts and the Springbok Nude Girls.

Ends 10 October. Time: 11am. Venue: Emmarentia Botanical Gardens, Olifants Rd, Emmarentia. Cost: R120–R280. For more info: visit rockingthegardens.com

5 tuesday Happy Days with The South African Youth Choir On tour to the Northern Provinces, the SAYC presents a concert of interesting choral works in association with the UP Youth Choir and the Singkronies Kamerkoor/Chamber Choir. Time: 7:30pm.

Venue: Musaion, University of Pretoria Campus, cnr Lynnwood Rd and Roper St, Hatfield. Cost: R40–R50. Booking essential. Contact Hannie: 011 793 2334 or hhpromo@mweb.co.za

6 wednesday Monkey Nuts Matthew Ribnick, well-known for the comedy production, The Chilli Boy, returns to the stage with his hysterical storytelling comedy. Time: varies. Venue: The Fringe at Joburg Theatre Complex, cnr Loveday and Hoofd St, Braamfontein.

Cost: R130. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

7 thursday Fascinating Expeditions and Adventure Talks is an evening of presentations by South African adventurers.

magazine joburg

6 October – Monkey Nuts

Their stories of adventures on land, water and in the air are sure to keep you enthralled.

Time: 7:20pm. Venue: Wits Theatre, Station St (off Jorissen St), Braamfontein.

Cost: R95. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

8 friday The Look and Feel Good Expo showcases a range of products and services, workshops, demonstrations and displays focusing on health, wellness, the environment, beauty and fitness. Ends 10 October. Time: Friday 11am–6pm, Saturday 9am–6pm, Sunday 9am–5pm. Venue: The Coca-Cola Dome,

12 tuesday Bandana Day in support of The Sunflower Fund. If you don’t yet have your bandanas, you can still purchase them from Pick n Pay stores and BP Express outlets. The Sunflower Fund bandanas are a symbol of solidarity for patients suffering from leukaemia. For more info: visit sunflowerfund.org.za M-Net “Drive for the Cause” golf day This fundraising golf day for PinkDrive aims to raise funds to further breast cancer awareness. Time: subject to tee off.

Venue: Johannesburg Country Club. Cost: R400. Booking essential. Contact Gina: 082 805 6098, gina@cloud9golf.co.za or visit cloud9golf.co.za

16 saturday Living among the stars The moon and Jupiter are visible in the sky tonight.

Join Maropeng’s resident astronomer for a journey through the star realm, followed by dinner. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Eagles Fare Restaurant, Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens, Malcolm Rd, Poortview.

Cost: R160. Booking essential. Contact: 082 671 8382, 083 414 9843, eaglesfare@ tiscali.co.za Swartkrans walking tour and picnic Swartkrans is one of the Cradle of Humankind’s richest fossil sites and is usually closed to the public. Enjoy a rare opportunity to observe a palaeontological dig and be guided around the site by scientist Morris Sutton, who is currently excavating the site. Savour a refreshing picnic after your walk. Time: 9am. Venue: Sterkfontein Caves, off Kromdraai Rd, Cradle of Humankind. Cost: R350. Booking essential. Contact: 014 577 9000 or visit maropeng.co.za 17th ADHASA conference Join the Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Support Group as they discuss topics such as diagnosis and medication, sensory integration, inclusion, remedial studies and more. Ends 17 October. Time: Saturday 8:30am–4:30pm, Sunday 8:30am–noon. Venue: University of the Witwatersrand. Cost: R690. Booking essential. Contact: 011 888 7655, adhasa@ telkomsa.net or visit adhasa.co.za

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calendar

Be a pizza chef Children can make their very own cheesy pizza and stand the chance to win one of 10 Barbie Kitchen sets. Pizza chef promotions run from 10am– 2pm. Barbie competition ends 31 October.

16–17 October Toys R Us Boksburg, 23– 24 October Toys R Us Montana, 29–30 October Toys R Us Fourways. For more info: visit toysrus.co.za

18 monday Body Beautiful Spend time with your child learning self-awareness and appreciation through movement. Enjoy a makeover as well as craft making. Ends 22 October. Time: 10am–4pm (morning or afternoon session). Venue: Jellyfish, Bedford Village Shopping Centre, cnr Van Buuren and Nicol roads, Bedfordview.

Cost: R200 per day, includes refreshments.

Booking essential. Contact Sacha or Jennii: 011 024 2379 or visit jellyfishkids.co.za

21 thursday EFC Africa Twenty-four of South Africa’s best fighters will be pitted against each other in this extreme fighting spectacular.

Time: 7:30pm. Venue: Cola-Cola Dome, Northgate. Cost: R225–R795. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

Fun activities for moms and children. Ends 24 October. Time: 9:30am–5pm. Venue: Sandton Convention Centre, Sandton.

Cost: adults R50, children R20, under 6 free. For more info: visit babaindaba.co.za or kidsindaba.co.za

24 sunday Jewish Heritage in Song The Jewish Male Choir celebrates its 25th anniversary.

Time: 7:45pm. Venue: Linder Auditorium, Johannesburg College of Education, 27 St Andrews Rd, Parktown. Cost: R150–R180.

Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

27 wednesday Winex Wine lovers can meet local and international winemakers and taste the fruit of their labours. In addition you can sample handcrafted cheese, olives and olive products and view local and imported wine accessories. Ends 29 October. Time: 5pm.

Venue: Sandton Convention Centre Pavilion.

Cost: R90. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

22 friday Oktoberfest A beer garden, oompah band, activities for children and traditional games for adults too. This is a weekend of German fun and festivities. Ends 23 October. Time: from noon. Venue: Outer Limits Restaurant, Broadacres Shopping Centre, Cedar Rd, Broadacres. Cost: adults R30, children free. Contact: 011 467 7938 or visit outerlimitsrestaurant.co.za SABC Education Baba Indaba and Kids Indaba This annual event showcases everything from baby furniture, dummies and nappies to fashion for moms. The new Kids Indaba focuses on children aged 6–12 years and includes educational exhibits, entertainment, fashion, sporting and physical activities, healthy living and toys.

27 October – The Joburg 2010 Stamp Show

The Joburg 2010 Stamp Show Philatelists and those who have recently discovered stamp collecting can participate in five days of exhibitions, events and entertainment.

Time: Wednesday–Saturday 9:30am–6pm, Sunday 9:30am–3pm. Venue: Sandton Convention Centre. Cost: tbc. For more info: visit joburg2010stampshow.co.za Eating disorders in adolescence Adolescents are affected by exam stress, the festive season, summer holidays and peer pressure, all of which increase body awareness and can result in serious eating disorders, the most lethal and disabling of all psychiatric conditions. Professor Christopher Szabo, Head of Clinical Psychiatry at Wits University, is presenting on this topic. Time: 6:30am. Venue: Brescia House School, Sloane St, Bryanston. Cost: tbc. Contact SAALED: 011 648 5779 or membership@saaled.org.za

28 thursday

22 October – Baba Indaba

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Littlest Pet Shop Competition Go to Toys R Us and check out their Littlest Pet Shop collection at the opening of Reggies Clearwater Mall. With every purchase you get one sticker. Collect three stickers and stand a chance to win one of 120 labradoodle pets or a Littlest Pet Shop hamper. For more info: visit toysrus.co.za magazine joburg

Little Cooks Club holiday programme

29 friday Crowded House live in South Africa Well-known for hits like “Don’t Dream It’s Over” and “Something So Strong”, this Kiwi-Aussie rock group is sure to take you back a few years. Time: 8pm. Venue: Big Top Arena, Carnival City, Brakpan. Cost: R212–R466. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Daughtry This Grammy-nominated group makes a debut appearance in South Africa. Time: 7pm. Venue: Coca-Cola Dome, Northgate. Cost: R221–R399. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

30 saturday Halloween Spectacular Magicians, puppet shows, face-painting, Halloween cupcakes, and many more ghostly and ghoulish treats. Time: 9am–4pm. Venue: Serendipity, 48 Keyes Ave, Rosebank.

Cost: tbc. Booking essential. Contact: 011 447 7386 or visit serendipityplay.co.za Howlo’ween Get down to the zoo for some howling good fun. Pack a picnic basket.

Time: 5pm–8pm. Venue: Johannesburg Zoo, Upper Park Dr, Forest Town.

Cost: adults R50, children R30. Contact: 011 646 2000 or visit jhbzoo.org.za Trick-n-treat market and spooktacular day Children can dress up as something to scare or amuse and enjoy a day of fun, food, crafts and entertainment. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: Risidale Primary School, cnr San Michelle Rd and First Ave, Risidale.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 074 247 8180 or sally@designaid.co.za

R150, children R75–R125. Contact: 012 548 4090, sales@friendsoftherail.com or visit friendsoftherail.com Warfair’s Junior Club This hobby entails the building of plastic and pewter miniatures, painting and using them on a tabletop battle field to gain a tactical advantage.

Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Warfair gaming venue, 35 Langeman Dr, Kensington. Cost: R400 annual membership. Contact Fabio: 082 431 2242 or fabiocosta@iburst.co.za

FUN FOR CHILDREN holiday activities Beading workshops Children can learn to bead earrings, cellphone charms, keyrings and watches. Every day until 3 October.

Time: subject to booking. Venue: Elements, Blairgowrie Plaza, Conrad Dr, Blairgowrie.

Cost: from R75 depending on items made.

Contact Michelle: 082 492 0562 Calabash traditional drumming workshops Let your child learn about African traditional music and instruments like mbiras and djembe drums. Time: 9am–noon and 1pm–5pm. Venue: your choice. Cost: R120, includes a snack. Contact Calabash: 078 261 6675, calabashcreations@gmail. com or visit calabashmc.blogspot.com Craft workshops Workshops offering craft activities to create gifts with mosaic, decoupage and beadwork. 1 October. Time: 9am–noon. Venue: Seedpod Studio, inside Broadacres Garden Centre, Cedar and Valley Rd, Broadacres. Cost: half-day R180, includes all materials. For more info: 011 465 0375

31 sunday Revlon CHOC celebration of life fun walk Pack a picnic and unite to support children with childhood cancer. Dogs welcome. Time: from 6am. Venue: Zoo Lake, Lower Park Dr, Parkview. Cost: R50 (4km), R60 (8km), R70 (12km), children under 12 R30 for all distances. Fee includes a Revlon gift. Contact Desre: 086 111 3500 or visit enteronline.co.za Take the train to Cullinan Do a mine tour or visit some of the craft shops and museums. Braai fires are provided with every trip, or you can have lunch at one of the restaurants. Time: 8:30am. Venue: departs from Hermanstad train depot, Pretoria. Cost: adults R175, pensioners magazine joburg

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Creative Kidz Enjoy crafting, painting, drawing, baking and photography in a creative and secure environment. Ends 4 October. Time: varies. Venue: The Creative Workshop, 4 Kingsway St, Paulshof. Cost: R110. Contact Karen: 083 453 4621 or visit crystalessence.co.za Fun at the zoo Fun, educational programmes for children. 1–8 October.

Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Johannesburg Zoo Education Centre. Cost: tbc. Booking essential. Contact Lebo: 011 646 2000 (ext 216) or lebo@jhbzoo.org.za Little Cooks Club holiday programme for children aged 7–15. 1 October. Time: 9am–noon. Venue: Houghton/Parkhurst. Cost: R200 per class. Booking essential. Contact: 082 764 4065, colleen@littlecooksclub. co.za or visit littlecooksclub.co.za Serendipity holiday programme Fun days filled with free and organised play, art and crafts, baking and story time. Suitable for children aged 2–10 years. Time: 8am– 12:30pm. Venue: 48 Keyes Ave, Rosebank.

Cost: half-day R120, full-day R180, includes lunch, refreshments and activities. Booking essential. Contact: 011 447 7386 or visit serendipityplay.co.za

arts, culture and science Artjamming Art studio for children and adults. Time: Monday–Friday 9am–5:30pm, Saturday 9am–4pm, Sunday 10am–3pm.

Venue: Artjamming, Blubird Shopping

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Centre, cnr Athol-Oaklands Rd and Fort St, Athol. Cost: dependent on canvas size and materials. Contact Kayla: 083 379 2069, blubird@artjamming.co.za or visit artjamming.co.za Art of play Hands-on, fun studio with over 20 creative categories for children aged 2–12 years. Parents can relax in the coffee shop. Time: Monday–Saturday 10am–noon, 2pm–4pm. Venue: 3 Forssman Close, Barbeque Downs, Kyalami. Cost: tbc.

Contact: 071 830 0918, info@artofplay. co.za or visit artofplay.co.za Fastrackids This early childhood education programme is for babies and children aged 6 months–8 years and is designed to help improve creativity, critical thinking and communication skills while preparing your children for school and life.

Fun activities are offered on a daily basis.

Time: 8am–5pm. Venue: Broadacres Shopping Centre, Cedar Rd, Broadacres.

Cost: varies. Contact: 011 467 0230 or visit fastrackids.co.za Pottery Junxion Art studio where you choose and paint your own pottery.

Also offers regular workshops on dry-brushing, paint techniques, antiquing and mosaics. Time: Monday–Friday 9am–4pm, Saturday 9am–2pm. Venue: 5 Glendower Place, 99 Linksfield Rd, Dowerglen. Cost: varies. Contact: 011 453 2721, paint@potteryjunxion.co.za or visit potteryjunxion.co.za

Sci-Bono An interactive science museum with exhibits and fun experiments to do.

Time: Monday–Friday 9am–4:30pm, Saturday 9am–4pm. Venue: Sci-Bono Discovery Centre, Miriam Makeba St, Newtown. Cost: adults R20, children. R10. Contact: 011 639 8400 or visit sci-bono.co.za Smudge Indoor art and crafts studio suitable for children aged 3–13 years.

Offers beading, painting, drawing as well as a music room, dress-up room and book lounge. Also a coffee bar. Time: Tuesday– Friday 10am–5pm, Saturday 10am– 4pm, Sunday 10am–1pm. Venue: 21A Valley Centre, 396 Jan Smuts Ave, Craighall Park. Cost: R110 for the first hour, R55 for every hour thereafter. Includes all art materials. Contact: 011 501 0234 or visit smudgeart.co.za

classes, talks and workshops Little Cooks Club holiday programme, for moms and children aged 2–15 years, aims to introduce children to cooking and healthy nutrition. Also offers cooking classes for domestic workers. Venue: Rivonia, Fourways, Fairland, Mondeor, Edenvale/ Bedfordview, Pretoria. Contact Christine: 083 556 3434, christine@littlecooksclub. co.za or visit littlecooksclub.co.za Sensory strategies and healthy habits for parents This one-day workshop covers topics such as sensory overload on your child’s attention, emotion and behaviour,

healthy habits to reduce sensory overload and stress as well as choosing the right activities. Time: tbc. Venue: tbc in Pretoria.

Cost: tbc. Booking essential. Contact Carina: 072 522 9183, carina@cleverfish. co.za or visit sensoryintelligence.co.za The Children’s workshop for girls ages 9–13 is based on the book A Cowgirl and Her Horse. 2 October. Time: 2pm– 5pm. Venue: Strubens Valley Public Library Auditorium, Fredenharry Rd, Strubens Valley, Roodepoort. Cost: free, booking is essential. For more info: 083 364 5240

family outings Angelo’s Kitchen Italian restaurant where children can make their own pizzas.

Time: noon–9:30pm. Venue: Coachman’s Crossing, Peter Place, Bryanston. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 463 5800 Bambanani Restaurant offers a children’s play area with childminders.

A variety of children’s entertainment on Wednesday. Time: Tuesday–Friday 10am– 10pm, Saturday 8am–11pm, Sunday 8am– 9pm. Venue: 85 4th Ave, Melville. Contact: 011 482 2900 Flora Farm offers a garden centre, restaurant and play area. Time: 8:30am–5:30pm.

Venue: cnr North Rand Rd and Trichardt St, Boksburg. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 894 2377 or visit florafarm.co.za Frog Terrace Bistro Family-friendly restaurant with outdoor play equipment

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as well as a range of children’s art and crafts. Time: Tuesday–Saturday 8am–5pm, Sunday 8am–3pm. Venue: Leaping Frog Shopping Centre, Fourways. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 465 7090 Goblin’s Cove Fantasy Restaurant is set in a forest with a lake and playground with jungle gyms, sand pit and an aviary.

Time: Wednesday–Saturday 8:30am– 9:30pm, Sunday 8:30am–5pm. Venue: R24 Magaliesburg/Hekpoort. Cost: free entry. Contact: 014 576 2143, goblins@ worldonline.co.za or visit goblins.co.za Gold Reef City Adventure theme park with specialty rides for young and old.

Time: Wednesday–Sunday 9:30am–5pm.

Venue: Northern Parkway, Ormonde. Cost: weekend R140, weekdays R100, toddlers R90. For more info: visit goldreefcity.co.za Irene Dairy You can see a fully functioning dairy, buy farm-fresh products or enjoy a meal at the country café. Children can play on the tractor and feed the cows. Time: 8am–5pm. Venue: 100 Nellmapius Dr, Irene. Cost: free entry. Contact: 012 667 4012, countrycafe@willoworld.com or visit willoworld.com Lifestyle Garden Centre offers a play park and farmyard with free pony rides and a restaurant overlooking the play area.

Time: 8am–5pm daily. Venue: cnr Beyers Naudé Drive and Ysterhout Ave, Randpark Ridge. Cost: free entry. For more info: visit lifestyle.co.za

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Elephant Sanctuary

Mike’s Kitchen This restaurant offers a large indoor play area. Time: 11am– ­10pm. Venue: Alberton Crossing Shopping Centre, cnr Ring Rd West and Helston Ave, Alberton. Cost: free entry. For more info: visit mikeskitchen.co.za Ngwenya Glass Village has a glass shop, several curio shops, a brewery and restaurant.

Puppet shows and sing-a-longs are held every Friday. Time: varies. Venue: off Beyers Naudé Dr, Muldersdrift. Cost: free entry. For more info: visit shadesofngwenya.co.za Stonehaven on Vaal Riverside garden restaurant with children’s activities. Time: varies. Venue: Baddrift Bridge, Sylviavale AH, Vaal River. Cost: free entry. Contact: 016 982 2951 or visit stonehaven.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play A Walk at The Wilds This informal group walk takes you through Johannesburg’s secret garden. Well-behaved pets are welcome. First, second and fourth Sunday of each month. Time: 7am. Venue: meet at St John’s College, St Patrick Rd, Houghton. Contact TJ: 082 554 9972 or visit wildswalk.co.za Bushbabies Monkey Sanctuary offers guided tours through indigenous forests on wooden walkways where you can view a variety of exotic primates. Time: 9am–4pm.

Venue: Hartbeespoort. Cost: adults R250, children 3–14 years R125. Contact: 012 258 9908 or visit monkeysanctuary.co.za

Chameleon Village Reptile Park Anacondas and diamond-back rattlers are some of the venomous creatures you can see. Time: 8:30am­–5pm. Venue: N4, Hartbeespoort. Cost: free. Contact: 012 253 1451 or visit chameleonvillage.co.za Croc City Crocodile Farm View crocodiles and hatchlings at close range.

Time: 9am–4:30pm. Venue: Old Pretoria Rd, Nietgedacht. Cost: adults R45, children R25. For more info: visit croccity.co.za Cubs and Scouts Children aged 7–18 years can learn practical life skills while enjoying wholesome outdoor fun such as camping and hiking. Time: varies.

Venue: several. Cost: varies per term. Visit: scouting.org.za

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Elephant Sanctuary Guided tours give you the opportunity to touch and feed elephants in an indigenous environment.

Time: 8am–4pm.

Venue: R512, Hartbeespoort. Cost: adults R425–R525, children R215. Contact: 012 258 0423/ 0332 or visit elephantsanctuary.co.za Kiddies hike at Bartlett’s Farm Children aged 8 years and older can spend an exciting day with mom and dad in the Magaliesberg.

Watch out for a variety of game and learn valuable hiking techniques. 3 October.

Time: 7:45am. Venue: meet at Gateview House, Hendrik Potgieter Rd, Constantia Park. Cost: adults R70, children enter free.

Booking essential. Contact Marion: 087 940 1903 or visit jhbhiking.org.za Klipriviersberg Nature Reserve Six hiking trails of varying difficulty offer the opportunity to enjoy this nature reserve.

Time: 7am–6pm. Venue: Silent Pool, Frandaph Ave, Mondeor. Cost: free entry.

Contact Tony: 082 454 6114 Lion Park Home to several carnivores including white lions. You can play with cubs and enjoy a game ride. Time: Monday– Friday 8:30am–5pm, Saturday and Sunday 8:30am–6pm. Venue: cnr Malibongwe and R114, Lanseria. Cost: adults R115, children R80. Contact: 011 691 9905, lionpark@ cknet.co.za or visit lion-park.com Lory Park Zoo Sanctuary for a large variety of wildlife, including Bengal tigers. Time: 10am–4pm. Venue: 80 Kruger Rd, President Park, Midrand. Cost: adults R50, children R30. For more info: visit lorypark.co.za Montecasino Bird Gardens Home to birds, mammals and reptiles. Enjoy a meal at the Flamingo Café or be thrilled by the Flights of Fantasy bird show. Time: 8:30am­– 5pm. Venue: Montecasino, Fourways. Cost: adults and children over 10 R38, children under 10 R22,50. For more info: visit montecasino.co.za

Montecasino Bird Gardens

Predator World Enjoy a 50-minute horse ride with an experienced guide.

Time: subject to booking. Venue: Predator World, R556, near Sun City. Cost: adults R385, children R369. Includes entrance into Sun City, hamburger, wedges and a drink. Contact San-Mare: 014 522 6900, 076 817 6869 or visit predatorworld.co.za

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The Ann van Dyk Cheetah Centre

The Ann van Dyk Cheetah Centre Offers a three-hour guided wildlife tour to view cheetah, African wild dog and other large cats, birds and antelope. Not suitable for children under 6. Time: varies.

Venue: De Wildt, Hartbeespoort area. Cost: R245–R345. Booking essential. Contact: 012 504 9906/7/8 or visit dewildt.co.za Trees Eco Fun Park Picnic venues, tunnels, obstacle course and outdoor games. Time: 10am–6pm. Sunday by arrangement.

Venue: 2 Totius Rd, Cloverdene, Benoni.

Cost: R20. Contact Nicolette: 082 458 1504 or 083 452 2104

markets 44 Stanley fine food market This Friday night market offers Indian, Thai, African Kwanza and Hari Krishna vegetarian food.

Time: 4pm–8m. Venue: 44 Stanley St, Milpark. Cost: free entry. Contact Robyn: 083 311 4768 Bryanston Organic Market Stalls offer everything from organic clothing, children’s toys and art to coffees and foods. Time: 9am–3pm, every Thursday and Saturday. Venue: Culross Rd, off Main Rd, Bryanston. Contact: 011 706 3671, jules@bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za or visit bryanstonorganicmarket.co.za Bunny Park Crafters Market Activities for children, a tea garden and many stalls offering everything from pet accessories to homebakes. Time: 9am–2pm. Last Saturday of the month. Venue: Southvale Rd, Boksburg East. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 896 3890 or 011 899 4361 Craighall River Market Enjoy a wide variety of art and crafts and organic produce. Children’s playground and pony rides available. Time: 8:30am–1pm, every second Saturday. Venue: Colourful Splendour Nursery (REEA), Craighall Park.

Contact Roy: 011 465 3413 or jmsinek@ mweb.co.za Irene Market Offers over 300 stalls of art and antiques, food stands and a licensed tea garden with a safe children’s entertainment area. Time: 9am–2pm.

Second and last Saturday of each month.

Venue: Smuts House Museum, Jan Smuts Ave, Irene. Contact: 012 667 1659 or visit irenemarket.co.za magazine joburg

Market in the Park This monthly market is filled with crafts, jewellery, games, tasty treats and more. This month is bark in the park, which features a dog show. 3 October. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: River Café grounds, Field and Study Centre, Louise Ave, Parkmore. Contact Lorraine: 011 465 1281 or 083 655 8012 The White House Market Over 50 stalls sell homemade and crafted goodies. Set under shady trees with a tea garden. Time: 9:30am–4:30pm. First Saturday of each month. Venue: Kliprivier Dr, Mulbarton (behind Southern Brickyard). Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 565 3268

Norscot Manor Library Story time for children aged 2–8 years. Time: 3pm– 3:30pm, every Wednesday. Venue: 16B Penguin Dr, Norscot Manor. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 705 3323 Yeesh! Fun for kids Supervised soft-play indoor playgrounds with coffee bars where parents can relax. Time: Tuesday–Sunday 9am–5pm. Venue: Unit G6, Woodmead Commercial Park, Waterval Crescent, Woodmead and 5 Main Rd, Bryanston.

Cost: R40 per hour. Contact Woodmead: 083 923 2306, Bryanston: 073 230 6531 or visit yeesh.co.za

on stage and on screen

Abseiling and Caving Adventure For the less-active, they also offer hiking in the Magaliesberg. Time: every Sunday 11am.

Venue: Wild Cave Adventures, Cradle of Humankind. Cost: adults R220, children R180. Booking essential. Contact: 011 956 6197 or visit wildcaves.co.za Battlezone Outdoor paintball adventure park. Time: Monday–Saturday 8:30am– 11:30am, 11:30am–2:30pm and 2:30pm– 5:30pm, Sunday 11:30am–2:30pm and 2:30pm–5pm. Venue: cnr Sloane St and Main Rd, Bryanston. Cost: R100, includes gear. Booking essential. Contact: 082 818 0345 or visit battlezone.co.za Boogaloos Skateparks are of international quality and offers skateboarding fun-parks for skaters and non-skaters alike. Time: varies. Venues: Brightwater Commons, East Rand Mall, Montecasino and Festival Mall.

Cost: R30. Contact Quintin: 011 608 1101 or visit boogaloos.com BSG Energade Triathlon Series and Kids Series Swim, cycle and run your way to good health and have fun doing it. Tots, moms and dads can all participate in this family event. 10 October Pretoria; 24 October Germiston Lake. Time: registration times vary. Venue: Roodeplaat Dam, Pretoria and Germiston Lake.

For more info: visit kidsseries.co.za or bsgenergadetriseries.co.za Children’s yoga classes Children develop strong, flexible bodies, balance and coordination. Venue: Mmuthlwa Guest Lodge, Norfolk Rd, Carlswald, Midrand.

Contact Carla: 082 402 8169 or carladg@ vodamail.co.za

African Tapestry This musical tapestry of African folktales, dance and music ends 9 October. Time: Monday–Saturday 10:30am and 2:30pm. Venue: The National Children’s Theatre, 3 Junction Ave, Parktown. Cost: adults R80, children R70. Book through the theatre: 011 484 1584/5 or visit jyt.co.za Jock of the Bushveld This animal classic is on stage until 10 October. Time: varies.

Venue: The Mandela at Joburg Theatre Complex. Cost: R195–R345. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 Mamma Mia! Ends 12 December. Time: varies. Venue: Teatro at Montecasino. Cost: R115–R390. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Move It! Ends 7 November. Time: varies.

Venue: The Lyric Theatre, Gold Reef City Casino. Cost: R100–R285. For more info: visit goldreefcity.co.za

playtime and story time Bonaero Park Library Story time for preschool children. Time: 9:30am, every Friday. Venue: Aero Centre, Atlas Rd, Bonaero Park. Cost: free. Contact: 011 921 2981 Build-a-Bear workshops Create your own teddy bear or stuffed animals. Daily.

Time: dependent on store. For venues and more info: visit buildabear.co.za Egoli Café and kids play area Monitored indoor and outdoor play area, climbing wall, jumping castles and jungle gym. Time: Friday noon–5pm, Saturday and Sunday 9am–5pm. Venue: 17A Terrace Rd, Eastleigh, Edenvale. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 609 4755 or visit egolilodge.co.za

sports and physical activities

Outdoor markets

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Compu-Kart Raceway Indoor go-karting venue suitable for children 10 and older.

Time: 10am–9pm. Venue: Stoneridge Shopping Centre, cnr Modderfontein and Hereford Rds, Modderfontein. Cost: R50–R250, dependent on number of laps. Contact: 0861 465 278 or visit compu-kart.co.za Daytona Adventure Park Take your own dirt bikes or hire quad bikes. Time: 9am–5pm.

Venue: William Nicol Drive, Fourways (past Dainfern). Cost: varies. Booking essential.

Contact Greg or Vic: 083 625 1537 or 072 202 743 ITA Tennis offers group or private lessons for children and adults. Mini-tennis starts from 3 years. Time: varies. Venue: several. Cost: varies. Contact Michele: 083 443 3391, michele@itatennis.co.za or visit itatennis.co.za Jozi-X Extreme fun-park suitable for children aged 4 and over. Time: 10am– 5pm. Venue: cnr Main Rd and Sloane St, Bryanston. Cost: varies. Contact Marco: 082 456 2358 or visit jozix.co.za MTN Toyota Cycle Park Geared for moms, dads and junior cyclists on mountain bikes or BMXs with differing skill levels.

Time: 6am–6:30pm. Venue: 1A Libertas St (off Sloane St), Bryanston. Cost: from R50. For more info: visit cyclepark.co.za Runnin’ Rebels Soccer Development soccer aimed at children 6–11 years. Time: varies. Venues: Bedfordview, Fairmount,

Fourways, Parkmore, Zoo Lake. Cost: varies. Contact Alan: 011 646 5461 or visit runninrebels.co.za Sandboarding at Mount Mayhem Similar to snowboarding but without the cold. Time: Saturday and Sunday 10:30am–3:30pm. Venue: Mount Mayhem, Boksburg. Cost: R250, includes equipment and instructions. Booking essential. Contact Marco: 082 605 1150 or visit jozix.co.za The Ski Deck Bumboarding snow fun down a 20m slope. Ski lessons also available. Time: Monday–Friday 9am– 5pm, Saturday 9am–2pm, Sunday 10am– 1pm. Venue: The Ski Deck, 74 Bond St, Ferndale, Randburg. Cost: R60 per child for two hours of bumboarding. Contact: 011 781 6528 or visit ski.co.za Wonderwall Indoor climbing wall for beginners to advanced climbers. Time: Tuesday–Thursday 10am–10pm, Friday 10am–9pm, Saturday 9am–6pm. Venue: Unit 1 Kya Sands Industrial Village, 22 Elsecar St, Kya Sands. Cost: adults R60, children R40. Contact: 011 708 6467 or visit wonderwall.co.za

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Basic first aid and CPR course Fullycertified, three-hour course for anyone who looks after children. The course is

Orlando Towers

valid for two years and attendees are issued with a certificate. 23 October.

Time: 2pm–5pm. Venue: Greenside. Cost: R290, includes refreshments. Booking essential. Contact: 076 291 6997 or visit northernstaraupairs.co.za How to Talk so Kids Will Listen Psychologist Wendy Hartsman delivers a six-week course to assist parents in communicating with their children.

Topics include praise and self-esteem. 14, 21 and 28 October and 4, 11 and 18 November. Time: 9:30am–11:30am. Venue:

Jabula Recreation Centre, Athlone Ave, Sandringham. Cost: R1 440. Claimable from medical aid. Booking essential. Contact Wendy: 011 454 1709 Left-hand learning workshop for teachers and parents of children aged 3–7.

Understand the differences for a left-handed child in the classroom, learn guidelines for teaching left-handed children and be aware of possible learning problems associated with left-handedness. Booking essential. Time: registration 9:15am, workshop 9:30am– 11:30am. Venue: Health and Baby Centre,

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52 Kingfisher Dr, Fourways. Cost: R250, including refreshments and workshop material. Contact: 072 300 7066 or email programmes@lefthandlearning.co.za

out and about Orlando Towers Bungee jump, power swing, base jump or rap jump your way to an adrenalin-fuelled thrill. The not-soadventurous can view the fun from the platform below. Time: subject to booking.

Venue: Orlando Towers, Dynamo St, cnr Old Potch Rd, Orlando, Soweto. Cost: R260–R480. Contact: 011 312 0450, 071 674 4343 or visit orlandotowers.co.za

on stage and on screen Evita The rise and fall of Argentina’s first lady, Eva Peron, is played out in this hit musical.

Ends 31 October. Time: varies. Venue: Pieter Toerien Main Theatre, Montecasino. Cost: R125–R295. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

support groups Aids Helpline 0800 012 322 Anorexia and Bulimia Family Support Group Assists carers and sufferers. Contact: 011 887 9966 or visit edsupport.co.za Autism South Africa 011 484 9909 or visit autismsouthafrica.org CHOC Advice and support for families affected by childhood cancer. Contact: 086 111 3500 or visit choc.org.za

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Compassionate Friends Support group for bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents. Contact: 011 440 6322 or visit compassionatefriends.org.za Diabetes South Africa 011 886 3721 or visit diabetessa.co.za Down Syndrome SA 0861 369 672 or visit downsyndrome.org.za Epilepsy South Africa 011 816 2040 or visit epilepsy.org.za Hi Hopes Early intervention programme to help parents of deaf or hearing-impaired children up to 3 years. Contact: 011 717 3750 or claudine.storbeck@wits.ac.za Johannesburg Bipolar Support Association Contact Linda: 011 485 2406 or visit bipolar.co.za PACSEN – Parents for children with special educational needs Counselling, support and information. Contact: 012 333 0149 or visit pacsen.co.za Respect Me Support for children affected by bullying. Contact Kelly: info@respectme. co.za or visit respectme.co.za SA Inherited Disorders Association 011 489 9213 Schizophrenia and Bi-polar Disorders Alliance Support group for carers and sufferers. Contact: 011 463 9901 or visit supportsabda.co.za South African Cystic Fibrosis Trust offers emotional support to cystic fibrosis patients and their families. Contact: 011 022 2464 or visit sacftr.co.za

The Family Life Centre Marriage, divorce and couple counselling, single parent and step-parent support groups, family counselling as well as play therapy, grief counselling and trauma debriefing.

Venue: 1 Cardigan Rd, Parkwood. Contact: 011 788 4784/5 or visit familylife.co.za Tough Love This self-help programme and support group helps families affected by unacceptable adolescent behaviour such as drug and alcohol abuse and verbal or physical abuse. Contact: 0861 868 445 or visit toughlove.org.za Women and Men against Child Abuse Medical, psychological and followup therapy and treatment for children and their non-offending family members or caregivers who have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused. Contact: 011 789 8815, tania@wmaca.org or visit wmaca.org

Toddler

Sense

Seminar

in

association with Toptots. Enjoy a morning with Sister Ann Richardson, author of Toddler Sense and co-author of Baby Sense, as well as several guest speakers. Gain valuable insight into topics about toddlers’ sleep patterns, health and nutrition, behaviour

bump, baby & Tot in tow

and discipline, potty training, the

classes, talks and workshops

Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: Rosebank

Baby food cooking class For moms with babies aged 6–12 months to learn to prepare their own homemade food for their babies. Time: 9:30am–noon. Venue: Little Cooks Club, Rivonia. Cost: tbc.

Booking essential. Contact Christine: 083 556 3434, christine@littlecooksclub.co.za or visit littlecooksclub.co.za

power of play and more. 9 October.

Union Church, cnr St Andrews Rd and William Nicol Dr, Hurlingham.

Cost: R290, includes refreshments and a goodie bag. Booking essential.

Contact Debbie: 031 262 4962, 082 467 8236, toddlersense@toptots. co.za or visit toddlersense.co.za

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calendar

Jungle Tots open day If you’re looking for a preschool for 2011, this open day is for you. 16 October. Time: 9am–noon.

Venue: Jungle Tots Constantia Kloof, 6 Pauline St, Constantia Kloof. Contact Alana: 082 497 1182 Moms and Babes and Moms and Tots Interactive workshops for parents with babies and children 2–12 months and 1–3 years. Workshops include guided play with age-appropriate toys. Venue: several. Contact: 011 469 1530 or visit momsandbabes.co.za

playtime and story time Hedgehog Lane Outdoor fairground with a Ferris wheel, merry-go-round and

Cats9lives

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October 2010

miniature Hedgehog Express Train, a creative studio, bakery and hair salon. Time: 9am– 5pm. Venue: Garden Shop, 278 Main Rd, Bryanston. Cost: adults free, children R18.

For more info: visit hedgehoglane.co.za Jimmy Jungles Indoor adventure playground with supervised, secure facilities for toddlers and children from 6 months up to a maximum height of 1,4m. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Shop 60, Stoneridge Centre, Modderfontein. Cost: R30 per hour. Contact: 011 452 2180 or visit jimmyjungles.co.za Jungle Rumble Indoor playground and party venue with allocated baby area for birth–3 years. Time: Tuesday– Saturday 9am–5pm, Sunday 10am– 5pm. Venue: Panorama Shop & Leisure Centre, cnr Kliprivier and Jordie Rds, Mulbarton. Cost: R15–R45. Babies under 10 months free. For more info: visit junglerumble.co.za Parkview Library story time Suitable for children under 3 years. Time: 10am.

Every Monday. Venue: Parkview Library, 51 Athlone Ave, Parkview. Cost: free entry.

Contact: 011 646 3375 Piccinos Indoor soft-play area suitable for children aged 2–6 years. Coffee shop for moms. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Norwood Mall, Hamlin Rd, Norwood. Cost: R40 per hour. Contact: 011 728 0928 Yeesh! Fun for kids Supervised softplay indoor playgrounds with coffee bars.

Time: Tuesday–Sunday 9am–5pm. Venue: Unit G6, Woodmead Commercial Park, Waterval Crescent, Woodmead and 5 Main Rd, Bryanston. Cost: R40 per hour. Contact Woodmead: 083 923 2306, Bryanston: 073 230 6531 or visit yeesh.co.za

support groups Adoption South Africa For more info: visit adoptionsa.co.za Bedwetting Support Group Monday– Friday 8am–5pm. Contact: 083 289 6640 La Leche League Breastfeeding support group. For more info: visit llli.org South African Multiple Birth Association Contact: 0861 432 432 Post-natal Depression Support Association Assists mothers and families affected by post-natal depression. Contact: 011 786 8803, 082 429 2279 or visit pndsa.co.za SA Preemies Support group for parents of premature babies. Contact: 080 773 3643 or visit preemiesforafrica.org

have shown that volunteering releases the body’s feel-good hormones. 15 and 16 October. Register at myggsa.co.za Help Collect-a-Can get into the Guinness Book of Records Encourage your school to collect as many cans as possible. Not only can your school win great prizes but you are helping with recycling unwanted cans. Contact: 011 466 2939 or visit collectacan.co.za It’s All in the Genes campaign aims to raise funds for Down Syndrome awareness. On 20 October you can help by wearing jeans, a skin mark tattoo or green ribbon, and donating R5. Contact Roxanne: 0861 369 672, 082 608 0078 or visit downsyndrome.org.za Sunflower Fund Race4Change Challenge your friends or sponsor someone in their race efforts, whether it’s a run or a cycle race. Register at race4change.co.za

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event

how to help Cats9lives is a non-profit organisation that re-homes and sterilises abandoned and feral cats. Contact Engela: 072 391 5035 or visit cats9lives.co.za Do It day Join Greater Good South Africa and volunteer for any good cause. Studies

to joburg@childmag.co.za or fax it to 011 234 4971. Information must be received by 11 October for the November issue and must include all relevant details.

No guarantee can be given that it will be published.

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it’s party

time

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October 2010

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it’s party time continued...

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October 2010

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October 2010

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last laugh

confessions of a laptop addict

a

Joe, Sam and Benj

ndreas asked me the other day: “What are we going to do about the screen addiction?”

“I have no idea!” I responded. “The boys do spend a helluva lot of time in front of screens, don’t they? But they don’t play violent games, and they are often watching Discovery channel.”

“I am not talking about the boys, Love,” he said, gently shaking his head. “I am talking about you.”

The worst bit? He’s right. How can you limit your child’s screen time when your own is hideously uncontrolled?

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My laptop is practically another appendage, and if I haven’t tweeted about something, it hasn’t really happened. All day, every day, I email, SMS, facebook, google, blog, tweet and IM. But then I am paid to do so.

It’s the evenings that are the problem, though – when I come home and do exactly the same thing. As I write this, a creeping coldness is working its way up the back of my neck, as I realise the last person I say good night to many evenings is my boss, before I close my laptop and tuck it under my bed. Then in the morning, my sleepy fingers fumble for my iPhone, where I check my mail, the news and my twitterstream before both eyes are even fully open.

For relaxation I watch back-to-back episodes of the series du jour on, yes – you guessed it – my laptop. I was once having a marathon viewing session, when Joey came in and feigned a shuddering death next to me: “Aarghh! I’ve lost my mother to Lost!”

And Andreas, for all his gentle fingerwaving, is not much better. He collects speeches and interviews from favourite thinkers and authors, and spends hours poring over the home PC downloading things and checking his gazillion thoughtful RSS feeds. (That’s what clever people do on the Internet while we are sending each other lolcats.) Not so bad, perhaps until you add in all the sports channels on DStv, and the fact that he’s the only person I’ve ever met who will watch the entire Tour de France, in addition to the usual rugby, soccer and cricket.

So, is it any wonder the boys have as many friends on Club Penguin as they do IRL? (That means “in real life” for your nonlolcatters out there.) Not really.

Why am I telling you all this? Because we reached a turning point this weekend. We are currently watching our way through the Star Wars movies, and I was gobsmacked by how my sons know the names of every

random character, planet, spacecraft and alien in the series.

“Boys, there are hundreds of names and characters in these movies, you can’t possibly know them all,” I said, partly in horror but partly in pride.

Benj looked at me, quizzically. “You know that Star Wars Wii game you bought for my birthday? You know how it’s called ‘The Complete Saga’?”

“Well, we haven’t really played anything else for a month,” Joey told me.

It was a moment, folks. The next day, we sat down as a family and decided to limit ourselves – parents and children – to two hours of home screen time every day, which includes the computer, smartphones, the Wii and the TV. I’ll let you know how it goes. We’re looking forward to seeing, well, the sun.

And possibly IRL itself.

Sam Wilson is the Editor-in-Chief of Women24, Parent24 and Food24.

magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPH: Andreas SpÄth

SAM WILSON comes clean about her issues with the screen.