Child Magazine | Cape Town November 2009

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Cape Town’s

NOVEMBER 2009 Issue 65 Circulation 40 103

C a p e

To w n ’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

pa r e n t s

www.childmag.co.za

the internet

homework

keeping children safe online

for or against?

toddlers &

scenes from a mall

why it’s heaven on earth for your teenager

teenagers

family dynamics

health

education

entertainment

The sole purpose of our magazine is to make your life easier and happier...

Ju

If you are happy and sorted, we know your children will be too, and so the happiness grows…

We strive to offer support and solutions lia to your health, education and entertainment n, Lis dilemmas because, let’s face it, parenting is not aa nd Roby for the faint-hearted! And the last thing you want to n read in a mag is doom and gloom. Most of us are just trying our best – trying to be the best parent and partner … sometimes we win; sometimes we lose but through it all, we need support. I have found mothers to be the best and sadly the worst when it comes to support. Thankfully, I have a couple of amazing friends I can call up at the last minute to help with homework issues, lifts, sleepovers, bandannas or a packet of seeds we forgot to add to the shopping basket and need to hand in this morning!

For me, it’s all about what brings us together and that is the focus of our Toddlers and Teenagers issue, no matter what your children’s age gap.

On page 18, we look at the positive role step-parents can play in pulling a family together and, no, love just ain’t enough! On page 30, we explore the notion of raising assertive children. Children will have to learn to negotiate, reason and question situations if they are to cope in today’s competitive and often aggressive world. And that brings me to our feature on music on page 40 − I firmly believe that music is one of two things able to unite us no matter where we’ve come from or where we are going; the other is humour and that’s why we love Paul and Sam’s columns so much (thanks guys!).

Only 60 days to Christmas, so let’s love November!

Hunter House PUB L IS H ING

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Acting Features Editor Donna Cobban • features@childmag.co.za Calendar Editor Lucille Kemp • lucille@childmag.co.za

monthly circulation Cape Town’s ChildTM 40 103 Joburg’s ChildTM 39 849 Durban’s ChildTM 35 154

to advertise Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680 Email: ctsales@childmag.co.za Website: childmag.co.za

Copy Editors Nikki Benatar Debbie Hathway

Art Senior Designer Samantha Summerfield • sam@childmag.co.za Designers Mariette Cowley Nikki-leigh Piper

Advertising Director Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations Client Relations Manager Michele Jones • michele@childmag.co.za Client Relations Consultants Taryn Copeman • taryn@childmag.co.za Lisa Waterloo • capetown@childmag.co.za

To Subscribe Helen Xavier • subs@childmag.co.za

Accounts Helen Xavier • helen@childmag.co.za Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

Cape Town’s

All our magazines are printed on recycled paper.

Free requested July 09 - October 09

Cape Town’s ChildTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 7, Canterbury Studios, cnr Wesley and Canterbury Streets, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 021 465 6093, fax: 021 462 2680, email: capetown@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Cape Town’s ChildTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles are accurate and balanced but cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage that may arise from reading them.

November 2009

contents

november 2009

upfront

40

3 a note from lisa 6 over to you readers respond 10 readers’ blog you don’t need to break the bank when buying the teacher a gift

features

40 the sound of music when is the best time to expose your child to the rigours of music lessons?

Heather Brookes investigates

17 skin deep teenagers should follow a disciplined skincare regime from a young age

44 pirls of wisdom children are effective readers when they are able to understand the meaning of the story, says Caroline van der Mescht

18 the other parent being a step-parent is not for the selfish or those prone to jealousy, says Brigid Brown

48 wooed by the west coast Maggie Mouton found some family friendly spots right on Cape Town’s doorstep

22 it’s a mall world the mall is a second home to your teenager. Laura Twiggs gives advice

regulars

26 safe to surf?

Donna Cobban explains how to protect your children on the Net

12 upfront with paul what to do when your 10-year-old demands a cell phone?, asks Paul Kerton

30 stand up, speak up!

Tracy Ellis looks at ways to encourage assertive behaviour in children

13 health Q&A tips on how to prevent dehydration in your baby and toddler

34 ADHD Donna Cobban shares some reallife stories of families who live with this disorder

14 wins

38 the homework debate Claire Marketos and Lucille Kemp offer opposing views on whether your child should be given homework

15 health Q&A get rid of nasty mouth ulcers 52 the good book guide great new reads for the entire family 56 what’s on in november 70 last laugh the Discovery Channel taught Sam Wilson’s children more about nature than she ever could

22

classified ads 64 family marketplace 66 it’s party time

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

November 2009

Okaidi (Hyde Park, Joburg)

JK Kids Gear

Okaidi (Hyde Park, Joburg)

Contact: 011 325 4674

Contact: 021 551 8673

Contact: 011 325 4674

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November 2009

letters

over to you we want to help!

thanks!

I would like to thank everyone involved in making, editing and publishing Child Magazine and for the wonderful articles and interesting subjects discussed every month. I am writing with regards to the resource in the September issue entitled “help needed!”.

I have some children’s clothes and bed sheets to donate and have decided to help.

I will be forwarding these items to one of the organisations you’ve mentioned in your publication.

Michele

I want to say a special thank you to Child Magazine for your informative publication, which I receive monthly, and especially the giveaway (Dad’s nappy bag), which I was fortunate to win. I am sure my husband will enjoy using it.

Geeta Desai

lonely mom I felt as if the blog “the art of goodbye” by Tracy Ellis in the September issue was written for me. Apart from the fact that the writer lived in a foreign country, the entire blog applies to my life. She has won the battle of the travelling spouse, but I am still in battle. I am a mom of 10- and five- year-old girls, and never miss an issue of your magazine. Thank you for letting us lonely moms know we are not alone. I also know that one of the main reasons moms endure this loneliness when our husbands work far away is being able to provide the very best for our children, with one fulltime parent at home.

Vishay Ramdeyu

November 2009

Even though my boys are already 15 and 17, I just love your magazine. I picked up a copy the other day and found the articles, news items and advertisements really fantastic.

Kerrie

adoption issues Donna Cobban’s article entitled “adoption” in your October issue, was one of the best reads I’ve enjoyed in a long time. Apart from being able to identify with it, the article was well written and the life story of those parents could give hope to all out there who struggle to conceive. My brother and his wife were in the same boat, and after years of struggling, they’ve “allowed” a little baby girl into their home. I say allowed, because my brother was initially completely against adoption. He finally caved in when he saw my sister in law’s heart ache and her longing for a child. The change that little girl has brought into their home is astounding. In the end parenthood and having a family were victorious.

Anonymous

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no to party packs I also say “no” to party packs for the exact reasons as the ones mentioned in the October blog. Why should we give more junk to children already high on sugar? The toys in party packs usually break in the car even before you reach home after the party! When my daughter planned her fourth birthday party, we discussed it and agreed that there wouldn’t be a party pack in the conventional way. Instead, we bought a little souvenir for the children; it was a small wooden toy and no sweets. It cost the same as the traditional party pack, but Chloe is still playing with the spinning top she received. The parents thought it was a good idea and the children were happy to leave with a little present different from the one they got at their last birthday party. A lesson I learnt that day: don’t assume children only want junk food and plastic toys. Next year we’ll go one step further. I want the children to make something at the party that they can take home as a souvenir.

Mathilde Akar We have come up with an initiative that changes the idea of party packs from one of receiving to one of giving. The moms in our Union of Jewish Women group felt exactly the same way as Skip Novak and have come up with an alternative to party packs that will benefit all parties. The parents of the child having a party donate the money they would have spent on party packs to our group, which in turn buys food vouchers for crèches in the townships. The crèches are put

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through a detailed screening process before they are “adopted” in order to ensure that the funds we raise for them, and the goods that are donated, do indeed reach the intended recipients.

In exchange for the donation, we provide the parents with a colourful sticker for each child that reads “I gave my party pack to a hungry child”. This in turn teaches the birthday child as well as all their friends the values of charity, kindness, compassion and humanity. What better way for us as parents to instil such important values in our children?

Karen Kaimowitz and Vanessa Arelisky What a relief to hear a voice of reason. I appreciated Skip Novak’s thoughts on the party pack issue. As parents we can create and contribute towards a meaningful culture for our children by not caving in to party scene peer pressure.

Carmen Loureiro Hadas

November 2009

over to you

continued... when thieving becomes pathological

I was shocked that Child Magazine did not notice that the above-mentioned article

by Donna Cobban contained derogatory comments. The author writes “Some years ago, as a primary school teacher in Harare, Zimbabwe, I taught a class of economically marginalised misfits…” This statement is really shocking as it reveals the author’s attitude towards children. My question is: if the children are economically marginalised, is it their fault? Does this make them “misfits”? In my experience I have seen thousands of poor children rising out of poverty and playing important roles in society. This article shows me quite clearly that there are many teachers that should never teach as they are not willing to learn from those that they are teaching.

Heinz Hiestermann

Donna Cobban responds Dear Mr Hiestermann I am sorry you took offence to the term “somewhat economically marginalised misfits”. I think within the context of the article, the expression is not derogatory.

The term economically marginalised refers to those that have been marginalised on an economic level by society (certainly not through any fault of their own).

The word “misfits” was used to describe the fact that they were a group of children who did not fit in with the rest of the school – within the context of the article I had hoped this would be apparent. I apologise if you did not find this to be the case. I wholeheartedly agree with you that being born into poverty does not prevent you from playing an important role in society – something I strongly encouraged in every one of those children, many of whom have gone on to achieve wonderful things despite the difficulties of their upbringing. I hope that I have gone some small way towards restoring your perception of Child Magazine and perhaps altered your view on the kind of teacher you imagine I once was.

Donna Cobban

school admissions I would like to respond to the letter in the October issue of Child Magazine called “school admissions nightmare”.

1. One has to live in the feeder area of the relevant school in order to be placed on an “A” list. If one lives out of the feeder area, one is placed on the “B” waiting list.

2. Children residing outside the feeder area mentioned were either living there when the application was made, or the school had enough spaces to accept children from the “B” list in order to fill the spaces.

3. Children who live in the feeder area are only turned away if the Grade has already been declared full by the relevant Department of Education.

4. Schools can ask for any form of proof of residence, i.e. metro services account or lease agreement. A renter is a bona fide resident of a feeder area.

5. Race has nothing to do with enrolments.

6. Where a parent works has nothing to do with enrolments, even if the parent works in the feeder area.

7. Moving is a strong option in order to place one’s child in the school of one’s choice.

8. Applications for Grade 1 are made between July and September of the year before, i.e. the year the child turns six.

9. There are quite a few schools where the principal does not interview the prospective parents or learners.

Hope this will help the parent.

Gauteng primary school secretary

November 2009

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If you live in the area but apply after the first week of the third term, a good school may already be full. The trick is to be at the school the day the admissions open. A good school will have a long queue but it is worth the wait. You need two ID photos of your child, your ID book, your child’s birth certificate, a copy of your child’s inoculations card and often a small deposit is payable. A copy of your lights and water account is also required. It does not matter if you rent or own your house; you are still a resident in the area and the school may not reject you on those grounds.

If you meet all of the above requirements and are still denied admission, you can contact the Department of Education in your province and they will contact the school on your behalf in order to solve the problem.

Having said all this, be sure to choose a good school. Don’t simply choose the school with the smallest classes. Often the classes are small because no one applies at the school. My children go to a government primary school and my youngest daughter is in a class of 38. She is an ADD child and has coped fine, as the school employs superb teachers. Forty children with a good teacher is worth far more than 20 children with a bad teacher. Ask around and be careful not to look for the wrong things. We are so obsessed with small classes that we overlook other criteria, such as sports offered or extra support like OT. Ask yourself – what is it you really want for your child?

Optimistic teacher Is it really worth it to live in the right neighbourhood, drive the right car and live in the perfect house? We have learnt that this isn’t always the answer to earn respect. Yes, our child is getting a good education, but when we have a grievance or make a suggestion that concerns our child’s education, we are shown total disrespect from the most senior staff at his school. These senior staff do not think that our suggestions are important.

This has made us parents so despondent towards the school and we feel as if only the money we pay towards the school is important. Is it really what we want to teach our children: that you are not allowed to have a voice? Attending the right school does not mean everything is okay. Our children might get a good education, but the values they are taught at school are questionable. What is a good education without good values?

Concerned parents

narconon not what it seems In the September issue of Child Magazine, you provide the readers with contact details for Narcotics Anonymous and Narconon, among others, in the “horrible habits” article. I would just like to alert you to the fact that Narconon is a front for the Church of Scientology and not a bona fide organisation. They use the vulnerability of addicts and their families to lure them into their movement.

Additionally, their treatment of drug addiction is at best suspect and at worst dangerous. When contacted, Narconon usually attempts to deflect any suspicions that they are a front for Scientology.

Felipe Montoya

narconon responds The latest report by the South African Community Epidemiology Network on Drug Use (SACENDU) has estimated that over 15% of the South African population has a drug problem, which makes this statistic one of the highest worldwide.

Narconon is possibly the largest global structure that is doing something about the drug problem and was started by William Benitez, an inmate of Arizona State Prison in 1966. As a structure we are very fortunate to be able to use the technology that was developed by humanitarian L Ron Hubbard, which is used by governments and religions all around the world. It is my understanding that one needs to follow one’s own truth, but ultimately you need to become part of a solution in the fight against substance abuse. Narconon has an effective drug rehabilitation programme and its success should be the only basis upon which it is measured or judged. And given its success, it has more than proved its bona fide status and has a vital role to play in this field.

Paul Kruger Narconon Johannesburg

write to us We would like to know what’s on your mind. Send your letters to: marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

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November 2009

blog

the art of giving DREW BRIGHT believes teachers don’t judge their pupils

uying the perfect gift for the person-who-has-itall is very frustrating. Buying the right gift for your child’s teacher at the end of the year is sometimes downright impossible. What used to be a simple gesture of gratitude has turned into a contest – a competition among parents to see who can impress the teacher the most. As a parent I do not comply with conspicuous gift giving, but I’ve completely missed the boat so many times, that I’ve run out of ideas.

My daughter’s then-Grade 2 teacher used to be one of those plump, jolly people. Let’s call her Miss Brady. Miss Brady was always smiling; always ready to give hugs and share jokes. She enjoyed nothing more than a good tea party with loads of treats on offer. At the end of her year in Miss Brady’s class, my daughter proudly covered the box of Swiss chocolates in recycled newspaper, colourfully decorated with splashes of paint and glitter she applied

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November 2009

herself. Two days later, I ran into Miss Brady at gym.

She’d been on a strict diet for two weeks, and had started working out (Good on you, Miss Brady!). I could only hope that in a moment of weakness, she at least savoured the chocolates before tackling her new fitness regime.

My happy-go-lucky sports-mad son has never been one who wanted to impress teachers. A bottle of water as a year-end gift for a teacher will do just as well as far as he is concerned. One year my son actually showed some interest and helped pick out a gift for his favourite teacher. I covered the new range of earth-friendly, heavenly-smelling body pamper treats in very pretty pink paper and he excitedly shoved the parcel into his gym bag like a pair of old socks and hopped off to school. A less than devil-may-care little boy returned home that afternoon. What transpired was the following: before school one rich little monster brandished his gift to the class – a R1 500 gift voucher to a luxury spa!

My son might be a world-class athlete in the making, but he is not stupid. When he returned home somewhat shell-shocked and I asked what was wrong, he feebly asked me how much the gift he gave his teacher had cost.

What I would like to know is: is this the norm? Are we

really compelled to break the bank when buying the teacher a gift? Do parents compare their gifts before giving to make sure they’re on par? Do parents realise that they are competing among themselves?

I asked some colleagues and friends what they do to show thanks to their children’s teachers at the end of the year. To my relief these moms understood the motivation behind giving the teacher a gift. One mom makes homemade chocolate fudge with her children. For them giving a gift they’ve helped create is far more special than a mysterious white envelope with a voucher in it. Another mom prefers to give the teacher something practical, like a wall chart that she could use in the classroom.

I believe that most teachers do not judge learners by the value of the gifts they proudly hand over at the end of the year. It is the child who suffers when the parents set a standard of “my gift is bigger than yours”.

Readers, this is your page – it’s a space to air your views, share a valuable parenting lesson, vent your frustrations or celebrate your joys. Send your writing to marina@childmag.co.za

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by the value of the gifts they hand over at the end of the year.

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November 2009

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upfront with paul

modern dilemmas

for little dilettantes

What to do when your 10-year-old feels she’s ready to enter the

Paul, Sabina and Saskia

i

have the most basic cellphone. It has no camera, holds no music, has a mono screen and no games. It’s more gooseberry than Blackberry and doesn’t know what an email is. I love it. It works brilliantly.

My daughter now wants a cellphone.

Quite apart from my argument that she has no need for a cellphone at 10, she doesn’t just want any old cellphone; it has to have a camera, an MP3 player, be able to pick up her emails and boast state-ofthe-art games. If it is an Apple – that’d be nirvana. Who does she think she is, the vice-president of Investec? Who’s going to email her? Who does she want to call?

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Is she going to sit in class texting her mates: “Hey P, Wotz ans 2 Q 7?”

In the excitement of modern living, combined with her hectic schedule, she forgets things – her swimming cap, ballet shoes, homework – so she’s definitely going to forget her cellphone. And if she doesn’t forget it I can imagine some goon thinking: “Oh look, a 10-year-old girl with an iPhone. Thanks I’ll just ‘borrow’ that”. It isn’t like we’re living in Switzerland.

She wants to join Facebook and MySpace. The lower joining age is 16 or, at least, 14, so I say: “You’ve got a few years to go yet.” Yes, it’s a fantastic way of keeping in touch with friends. But all her friends are at school or in Cape Town; it isn’t like she needs to keep in touch with family in Perth. So, my answer is: no way.

But does that make me a fuddyduddy daddy? Who cares? Dress up games on the computer is one thing, being exposed to some of Facebook’s and MySpace’s less desirable “groups” (of which there are multitudes), and even less desirable individuals (more than multitudes), is another. Also, Facebook makes people who should know better do the strangest things, like the wife of Britain’s head of MI6 posting pictures of hubby dearest frolicking about on holiday in his underwear. (Which, sadly, tells you a lot about where British Intelligence is heading.)

Another dilemma is sleeping over. You don’t really think about this until it’s in your face – usually when you are picking her up after a play date and saying goodbye to the parents. You have a foot out of the

gate and then: “Is it okay if I sleep over?” she asks all doe-eyed, putting you on the spot. Well, er, yes, Gemima is a nice girl and, yes, her mom is very sweet and loving … but her stepdad – he is, well, dodgy. It’s the fangs and the hooded velvet cape that put me off. What if they don’t serve the right food? Their idea of a well-balanced meal could be chocolate and salt-andvinegar chips.

Sleeping over is a real test of your own levels of prejudice, snobbery and cultural tolerance. And it works both ways.

“Cynthia says she can’t stay over because you once ate duck, which is her most favourite animal, and her mom says you drive too fast.” Ouch! That hurt.

Paul Kerton is the author of FabDad – a Man’s Guide to Fathering and 82 Mistakes Parents Make (With Their Children).

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PHOTOGRAPH: JILL BADER

world of high-tech cellphones and Facebook?, asks PAUL KERTON.

QA

health & drink up!

What are the signs of dehydration in infants and children?

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• • • • •

• Sunken fontanelle (soft areas on an infant’s skull, covered by membrane) • crying without tears a dry mouth and tongue a dry nappy for three hours or more fever irritability skin doesn’t flatten when pinched and released.

What are the causes of dehydration?

The most common cause of dehydration in babies and children is diarrhoea and vomiting associated with certain types of viruses or infections. Rotavirus is a type of intestinal illness that mostly affects children under the age of five and can lead to severe dehydration due to watery diarrhoea. In rare cases, excess sweating due to high-temperature conditions may also lead to dehydration in children. If your child is suffering from diarrhoea or vomiting, it is very important to prevent dehydration and the loss of electrolytes. Infants and small children are much more likely to become dehydrated than older children or adults because, relatively speaking, they can lose more fluid quickly.

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How do you treat dehydration?

The first step is to give your child fluids that contain electrolytes, which will bring your child’s body back into balance. Plain water, juice and fizzy drinks are not good for treating dehydration. The salt content of water is too low, while cool drinks and juices have a high sugar content and ingredients that irritate the digestive tract.

How can dehydration be prevented?

Dehydration is most common when children are losing more fluids (through vomiting or diarrhoea) than they are taking in. If you are able to get them to drink enough fluids (even very small amounts during diarrhoea or vomiting), you can often prevent dehydration. If you give your child too much to drink too quickly, it usually leads to more vomiting. Children should also be encouraged to drink before they feel thirsty, because mild dehydration occurs before thirst sets in.

When should I contact a doctor?

Contact your doctor, pharmacist, local clinic or hospital if your baby cannot take fluid by mouth, is becoming weaker and noticeably dehydrated, or if severe diarrhoea continues for 12 hours or more.

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13

wins

giveaways

in november Cool in Keedo

Hop-its to The Baby Expo The Baby Expo takes place at the Cape Town International Convention Centre from 30 October to 1 November 2009 and features an extensive array of exhibitors showcasing products and services designed to make parenthood less stressful and more rewarding. One of the products that’ll be on show is Hop-its – a new educational toy launched at The Baby Expo in August. It’s an innovative take on the old-fashioned bouncy balls and comes in a range of exciting colours and animal shapes. Apart from their entertainment value, Hop-its improve children’s back muscles, posture, balance and hand-eye coordination and provide youngsters with hours of bouncing fun. (Psst: they also make excellent Christmas or birthday gifts.) For more information, visit hopits.com, or simply pop into The Baby Expo and visit the Hop-its stand. If you haven’t booked your tickets for the expo, do so today. Doors open at 9am and close at 6pm daily. For further information, visit thebabyexpo.co.za In celebration of this, five lucky readers will win a Hop-its valued at R185 each.

To enter, email your details to win@childmag.co.za with ‘The Baby Expo Win’ in the subject line, or post your entry to The Baby Expo Win, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010 before 30 November 2009. Only one entry per reader.

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As an established global brand, Keedo has been bringing fun, colour, style and comfort to thousands of children around the world since 1993. Keedo’s range is fully designed and manufactured in South Africa and unique designs epitomise quality and style. Inspired by nature, Keedo’s focus is – and always will be – respect for the environment and care for the planet. Find a Keedo store near you: Tygervalley: 021 914 1632; Cavendish Connect: 021 671 8374 and V&A Waterfront: 021 421 6743, or visit keedo.com.

One lucky reader will win a Keedo voucher to the value of R500 to spend in store or at Keedo’s online e-store. To enter, email your details to win@childmag.co.za with ‘Keedo CT Win’ in the subject line, or post your entry to Keedo CT Win, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010 before 30 November 2009. Only one entry per reader.

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QA

health &

mouth ulcers What is a mouth ulcer?

Mouth ulcers are little sores that have a whitish-yellow appearance. They are found on the inside of the cheeks and can appear singly or in crops. At some time in their lives, more than 10% of the population experience them. In general, the larger they are, the more pain they cause. Women appear to get these when they are very tired, run down or premenstrual.

What causes mouth ulcers?

• Nutritional deficiencies – when the body does not get sufficient nutrients, the immune system becomes less effective and conditions like mouth ulcers are more likely to occur.

• Food allergies – wheat can sometimes cause mouth ulcers, especially if it is re-introduced into the diet after some time.

• Stress • Accidental trauma – if you knock yourself with a toothbrush or bump into something, ulceration may result.

• Fluctuating hormone levels – for example, around the menstrual cycle.

How can mouth ulcers be prevented?

• Take multivitamins and mineral supplements, especially extra vitamin C. • Make sure you are eating a balanced diet. If you still get ulcers, check that you are not allergic to anything.

• Consult your GP. If you still have a problem, they might prescribe a zinc-based mouthwash or hydrocortisone pellets or cream.

• Get enough sleep and try some relaxation exercises if you are stressed out. A weekend away could do wonders to make your mouth ulcers disappear.

• Eat plain food and drinks. Avoid spices and salt.

• Avoid acidic beverages such as orange juice.

• Using a straw can help bypass ulcers in the front of the mouth. Avoid very hot drinks.

• Use a very soft toothbrush to brush your teeth.

Is there a natural remedy for mouth ulcers?

Astringent herbs like sage and myrrh are especially helpful as they tighten up weak gums and loose teeth, and treat mouth ulcers. Sage disinfects the mouth, while myrrh speeds up the healing process. Use a sage infusion as a mouthwash, or rub the sore gums with the leaves or a powder form of the herb. Dab neat myrrh tincture onto mouth ulcers and infected gums hourly.

Should you consult a doctor?

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Most mouth ulcers are not the result of a serious illness and usually clear up without treatment, but if they do not heal within two or three weeks, consult your doctor or a dentist.

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giveaways continued...

Jewellery by Janine

Congratulations to our September winners: Ken Tarr who wins an Ackermans gift card; Radiyya Chotia Reddy and Marilyn Williams who each win a Green Cross gift voucher and Helene Olivier who wins the Toddler Sense giveaway.

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November 2009

Goldsmith and jewellery designer Janine Binneman has been making jewellery for 12 years. Three years ago her daughter Stella asked her for an in on the action – for little girls’ jewellery – and soon after, the children’s range Stellarbelle was born. The Stellarbelle range includes charms, charm bracelets, earrings, christening pins, bangles and the very popular heart print.

Jewellery by Janine is bound to have what you’re looking for, having recently introduced the silver dummy chains and pins, and a range of little boys’ jewellery. For more information, call Janine on 082 468 3201 from 9am to 4pm weekdays, or view the Stellarbelle range at jewellerybyjanine.co.za Jewellery by Janine is giving away prizes to six lucky readers. The first prize is a heart print and handmade silver chain valued at R1 500; the second prize is one silver boy or girl pendant on a leather thong valued at R350; the third prize is four (one per reader) handmade, personalised silver necklaces, valued at R299 each. To enter, email your details to win@childmag.co.za with ‘Janine Win’ in the subject line, or post your entry to Janine Win, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010 before 30 November 2009. Only one entry per reader.

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health

skin deep Following a disciplined skincare regime from a

PHOTOGRAPH: WWW.SXC.HU

m

young age has far-reaching positive effects.

ost teenagers regard any skincare regime that requires more than washing their face a waste of time. After all, their skin is “young and indestructible”. However, this devil-maycare attitude may be detrimental in the long run – incorporating a disciplined skin routine at this age will ensure a lifetime of healthy habits and help prevent future skin issues.

When we were growing up we were told that sweets, chocolates, biscuits and fatty foods were major causes of spots. This has since been discredited and it is now widely accepted that male-hormone levels play a pivotal role in pimples popping up.

However, medical research has shown that certain foods can affect our hormonal balance – so a healthy eating plan during these hormonal years is essential.

It’s important for teens to know their skin type: normal, oily or combination. Most reputable skin clinics should be able to do a free skin analysis for your child and help them choose the correct products –

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from face washes, toners, moisturisers and exfoliators – best suited to their skin type.

The good news is that your teen does not have to suffer the spotty-faced trauma you once did – if your child is disciplined and follows a good day-to-day skincare regime, with reputable products, acne and problem skin can become a minor teenage issue. That said, when spots do appear, the trick is to not try to “magic them away” with “miracle-cure” creams and pills. You should only become concerned if the acne is acute and starts to disfigure the face. Should this happen, there are a range of remedies to help clear breakouts, but remember not all treatments have exactly the same result for everyone.

The best treatment for skin problems is, without doubt, prevention. A healthy diet, regular exercise and a skincare regime formulated specifically for their skin type will go a long way to ensuring that your teen’s skin remains beautiful and healthy.

Depending on your teen’s skin type, a healthy skin programme includes cleansing

with a mild cleanser twice a day and using a good moisturiser followed by a sunblock with at least an SPF15. Actually, this should form the basis of everyone’s skincare plan, irrespective of skin type or age.

If your teen has regular breakouts, washing more often, using very hot water, rubbing, scratching and popping spots will worsen the problem, as will exfoliating excessively with astringents and harsh masks.

Adding benzoyl peroxide, alpha hydroxyl acid or salicylic acids, which are found in cleansers, ointments, creams and lotions, can help to improve and lessen breakouts and scarring, but because these agents are potent exfoliators and contain bleaching chemicals they can also result in the skin becoming very dry and flaky.

Acne occurs when blackheads, whiteheads and folliculitis develop into swollen tender papules and pustules. The problem with acne is the blockage of sebaceous glands along the hair shafts, which leads to a build-up of oil and sebum – the perfect environment for bacteria

to thrive. The choice of treatment then depends on the stage of the problem.

Obviously, the worse the problem, the more drastic the treatment, but even then potent drugs such as Retin A (Roaccutane, Accutane) can still be avoided.

Information supplied by Dr Kamlen Pillay, Medical Director – The Wembley Clinic.

visit your GP or a reputable skin clinic when: • The acne becomes inflamed • The acne is not responding to over-the-counter preparations • The acne is causing scars • The acne is affecting your teen’s self-esteem • The acne is associated with coexisting medical problems and medications.

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feature

other parent

the

BRIGID BROWN offers some tried-and-tested advice for those

f, as a step-parent-to-be, you are in any way uncomfortable with the thought that you are not only marrying your fiancé/e but also their children and to some extent their ex, you’d better think very carefully about proceeding. Step-parenting is difficult and it is definitely not for the selfish, the self-absorbed, those prone to jealousy or neediness.

The good news is that contrary to what the fairytales would have us believe, not all steps are hated or barely tolerated; many enjoy wonderful, rewarding, loving relationships with their stepchildren. And how your relationship with your stepchildren turns out is mostly in your hands.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: WWW.COMSTOCKCOMPLETE.COM

about to become step-parents.

ou can’t usurp their position in their parent’s heart.

Y This is not a competition you can win. You will only create undue heartache for yourself and your partner if you allow yourself even the slightest chink of jealousy. There are many kinds of love – your partner’s love for his children does not lessen what he/she feels for you.

I f you were involved in any way, even just as a symptom, in the dissolution of their parents’ marriage, they will probably hate you. If you weren’t but you happen to be the first new, serious partner, they might also hate you. The only solution is to let time take its course and allow trust and a relationship to develop naturally.

ou cannot usurp their parent’s position. Don’t even Y go there. You are not their mother (or their father) and you never will be. You will (hopefully) be an adult friend they can rely on. (And the addition of your family to theirs means more presents at birthdays – I found that point played very well with our boys!)

ou can’t blame the children. They did not Y create this situation. The grown-ups they trusted to provide stability and reassurance have, for whatever reason, destroyed what these children knew as home – it is of little consequence if the adults in that home were unhappy. Given a choice, they’d rather their parents were still together.

Now, a stranger (that’s you) is being foisted on them. Wouldn’t you act up a bit?

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It sounds daunting, but the way will be smoothed if you can accept the above facts. There are also two golden rules to step-parenting. I discovered the first on the day after my husband proposed to me. When I excitedly phoned my mother to tell her the news, her immediate response was: “Oh, those poor children!” When I asked her what she meant by that statement, Mom was vaguely contrite, but went ahead anyway: “Never forget that no matter how much they may like you, they would far rather their father was remarrying their own mother than

“

“

ou cannot expect your stepchildren to love you – or Y that you’ll love them. You can’t even be sure you’ll like each other. All you and the children (including any stepsiblings) can expect from each other is respect (for their feelings, their space, their beliefs and their experience) – it comes down to basic manners and politeness.

But I’ve come to realise that it’s a different kind of love.

It’s a mother’s love. And my stepchildren don’t need that from me – they’ve always had it from their own, wonderful mother.

someone else. It is their dearest wish and now they know it will never happen.” Children never really get over divorce.

It’s more a matter of getting on with it, than getting over it.

My grandparents divorced when my mother was 21.

Mom did me a favour, though – in the moment when I was focusing on myself and my own happiness she reminded me of two little boys who were doing their best to live up to the expectations of the adults in their world, despite those adults having turned that world upside down. And for all that I’d rather my mother had been giddily happy for me, she taught me an important lesson at the very moment I needed to learn it.

Seven words became my compass and they should be yours too: when you are in doubt about how to

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proceed, when you’re feeling put upon, when you’re not sure whether you’re being unreasonable or are entirely justified in your affront/hurt/rage, ask yourself “what would be best for the children?” When you put the children’s best interests first, the way forward becomes obvious. Sometimes it means that for you to continue to be the best step-parent you can be, you need time alone with their father (or mother); another time it might mean

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a weekend away for them – with their father (or mother) and without you; sometimes it means standing up to them and saying “no”; other times it means cheering them on – “yes, yes, YES!” Here is the other golden rule of step-parentdom: never, ever criticise either of the children’s parents in front of them, no matter what the provocation. You can rant and rave to, or at, your partner but you may never divide the

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“

Step-parenting is difficult and it is definitely not for the selfish, the self-absorbed, those prone to jealousy or neediness.

loyalties of those children, even if you’re right. Of course, your partner and his (or her) ex-partner should not criticise you in front of the children either.

There will be many disagreements in the years to come. There are disagreements in all relationships, and all relationships have their ups and downs. And the two subjects most likely to cause serious problems in a stepfamily are: discipline and money. Consider that the discipline of children and money matters cause the most gnashing of teeth in any marriage; now add an ex, sprinkle on a bit of guilt, season with a dash of jealousy and soak liberally in “But Mom lets us jump on the sofa”/“Dad always used to let us watch age-restricted movies”. It’s a recipe, certainly, but whether for disaster or success is up to the adults.

Money is a notoriously touchy subject to bring up even when you know everything else there is to know about your partner. But in this case, you do need to know where you stand. Just as sensible people sign antenuptial contracts,

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sensible steps-to-be should make themselves aware of (or his) home. Bear in mind though that if the children the divorce settlement. You have a right to know where the are very young, it will make it easier for all concerned if money of the estate you’re going to build together goes, and the rules (bedtimes, eating vegetables) are the same in how much of it goes. Once you know that, how involved you both houses and as close as possible to what they’ve choose to be in money matters is a matter always known. As they get older they of personal preference, but at the end of the will be able to understand the concept useful websites day it is something that has been decided of different rules for different houses. health24.com in a court of law and obviously your partner Disciplining the children in your home familylife.co.za should not shirk his (or her) obligations. will at some point fall to you and famsa.org If you feel that he (or she) is overspending you and your spouse need to have parenting4dummies.com on the children, evaluate carefully what formed a strong partnership before step-parenting.com is in their best interest. If you still believe it’s ever an issue. Together, you and they are indeed being spoilt (perhaps in an your new partner must agree to certain attempt to make sure that the short time spent with them standards and how these will be maintained. You must is as wonderful as possible), you might gently suggest agree on these, calmly, before they become an issue. alternatives. Learning the value of money is an important And your partner should make it clear to the children that lesson for children – perhaps the money could be put into when he (or she) is not around, you are in charge and they investment accounts for them instead, maybe they could are to listen to you. learn to make do with age-appropriate pocket money The delicate nature of topics that affect your partner’s and one treat from Dad (or Mom) per weekend. But be children is why experts suggest counselling before the prepared to approach this subject when the children are marriage, in individual sessions and together as a couple. not in the room and when you are both calm.

I’d add a group counselling session for all the adults Money matters should never be discussed in front of involved (exes included) so you know you’re all on the children (there’s nothing they can do about the resulting same page when it comes to disciplining the children. And worry you’re putting on their shoulders). It is especially top-up sessions with an independent facilitator whenever cruel to expect them to take your or your partner’s snarky these are required. comments back to their other parent.

There are myriad permutations on the makeup of the Similarly, you are about to set up a home together stepfamily. Each scenario comes with its own challenges and you have a right to run that home in a way that might for a step-parent. But if you put the children’s needs first be different from the way your partner’s ex now runs her and foster strong supportive relations between all the

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adults involved, you can’t go wrong. It will also show the ex-partner that you will not hurt their children or ride roughshod over their feelings (imagine how much the thought of a “wicked step” worries an ex).

By the way, what I said about not having the right to expect love … it’s true. All you may expect is respect. But if you’re very lucky, love does develop. I would kill for my stepsons. I did not have children of my own when I married my husband. Now that we do have two littlies I worried that maybe I love them more, and that my stepchildren are aware of that. But I’ve come to realise that it’s a different kind of love. It’s a mother’s love. And my stepchildren don’t need that from me – they’ve always had it from their own, wonderful mother. I love them in a completely different way, and I know they love me back, in their own way, too.

What a rare gift.

recommended reading Active Parenting For Stepfamilies by Michael Popkin and Elizabeth Einstein (Active Parenting Publishing, 2007) Two Happy Homes: A Working Guide for Parents & Stepparents After Divorce and Remarriage by Shirley Thomas (Springboard Publications, 2005) Stepparenting without Guilt by Maurine Doerken (Blue Dolphin Publishing, 2000) The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Stepparenting by Ericka Lutz (Paperback, 1998) How to Win as a Stepfamily by Emily B Visher and John S Visher (Brunner-Routledge, 1991)

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feature

it’s a

mall world Most tweens like nothing more than spending a day at the mall – without you. Don’t panic – just set some rules for your mallrat. By LAURA TWIGGS.

d

ianne*, 13 years old, says she comes here every Saturday during the term, and would spend every day here in the holidays, “if my mom would let me.” When I talk to her, it’s a beautifully sunny spring day in Cape Town and Dianne and a group of six or seven friends are hanging around the artificially lit food court at an upmarket southern suburbs shopping mall. When they’re not tapping furiously away on their cellphones, they’re checking out a group of guys across the way, giggling to each other, and taking careful note of what passers-by are wearing. “Look! Look!” says Dianne’s best friend Mandy*, suddenly intensely animated and focused. She elbows Dianne in the ribs with urgency. Then it’s, “No, don’t look. Don’t look. Is he looking at us?”

“He” is a boy of about 14, jeans slung low on his hips, his spanking-new big-brand sneakers making their own entrance. He joins a group of four boys dressed much the same, and they peer furtively out from carefully coiffed sideswept fringes over to where the girls are sitting while making a show of jostling each other.

As an adult, I regard malls as tedious places to shop conveniently, but clearly there is a lot more to malls in these young people’s lives. There’s a complex web of nuance, interaction, excitement and thrill that I’m witnessing, and I’m sure I’m only plumbing the surface of what’s really going on. I get the clear sense that I’m embarrassing them by hanging out with them, but they’re far too polite to say anything and, besides, I know Dianne’s mom.

American psychologists, who have spent decades looking into the psychology of mall culture, say that hanging out at malls peaks between the ages of 12 and 15, and that for young teens, the malls operate as a “third home”, after their house and school. Even though it might look like wasted time to us adults, it occupies a vital place in their lives. American associate professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, Kimberley Schonert-Reichl, goes so far as saying that it’s even a “developmental necessity”.

else can this age group (12–15 years) meet and “ Where view the opposite sex, see and be seen, and hang out

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It seems bizarre. Indeed, such thinking goes against many parents’ current instincts to keep their children away from malls. And, in light of the bad press teen activities in malls has had, as well as the several mall heists that have garnered enormous press attention, these instincts are understandable. But, they may not be in their children’s best interests. It is at this age (12 to 15) that the importance of peer perceptions and peer relationships are at their highest. And in our individualistic modern culture – with its absence of community spaces, its reliance on high walls and fortress-like homes, not to mention unsafe streets – the public and fluid space of the mall is the safest meeting space available. Where else can this age group meet and view the opposite sex, see and be seen, and hang out with friends – all vital developmental milestones?

Cape Town-based counselling psychologist Dr Rosa Bredekamp says that the mall has become our equivalent of the town square or the marketplace. “Children are born into families and a particular culture, from which they learn and develop their views of the world,” she says. “In our day and age, most Western societies are dominated by consumerism and easy access to amenities. The previous notion of the marketplace has changed and now we have malls in every city and town.”

Very interestingly, she reminds us that today’s tweens can’t be separated from technology, and that their needs develop around the constant, instant communication that is the fabric of their lives. “From very young, the children of today are exposed to computers, television and DVDs. They can communicate with one another via Skype, MXit and Facebook. Sometimes they don’t even know who they are talking to. But to them it means they are never alone; there is always someone out there ready to engage,” she notes.

In this context, the face-to-face and physical social contact that malls enable becomes even more important. (In three different Cape Town malls, I quizzed pre-teens and young teens about what they would be doing if they were not currently at the mall with their friends, and the vast majority said that they would either be playing games on Cape Town’s

PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: WWW.COMSTOCKCOMPLETE.COM

Generally speaking, toilets in shopping malls are located at the end of long and sometimes lonely corridors. Insist that your teens, boys as well as girls, visit toilets in pairs or preferably in threes. Remind them to visit the toilets before a movie starts as this is when toilets are busy. If they have to go during the movie, they must take a friend.

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with friends – all vital developmental milestones?

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Drop off your children and pick them up; don't let them make their own way to the mall.

Decide and agree on pre-arranged times, and on how much time your children may spend at the mall at a stretch. Don't accept loose arrangements, like: “I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

Don't use the mall as your “babysitter” service.

Be open about the dangers of meeting strangers in malls. Even if your children feel they know someone from Facebook or MXit, don’t allow them to meet anyone they have not met in person.

Use the time driving from the mall to talk about what happened during their time there.

If you are worried, accompany your children to the mall but don't attempt to hang out with them once there.

While they connect with their friends, go and see a movie or do your shopping, and agree on a designated meeting time and place away from their gathering spot.

Make sure your children agree never to visit a mall without your knowledge and consent.

Always know which of their friends they will be meeting, and ensure that you have met them before. Have the contact numbers of their closest friends.

Make sure you and your children know where the mall management office and security hub are located.

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their computers, using MXit, or surfing a social-networking site. Almost all of the boys I spoke to said they would most probably be playing war games. (I couldn’t help thinking that they were far better off hanging out with real-time friends in the food courts!)

And Dr Bredekamp agrees. “In the hustle and bustle of the mall there is a sense of energy and exhilaration; things children and teens enjoy. For them, going to the mall is like a mini vacation and they return to their lives feeling refreshed and relaxed,” she explains.

Despite what the news would have us believe, it seems that only a very small percentage of tweens get into trouble or engage in high-risk activities while visiting the mall. For most of them, it’s really about being “out there”.

“I don’t have to spend money when I’m at the mall,” points out 12-year-old Damian* at a large northern suburbs mall.

“My friends and I know that there are some troublemakers sometimes, but we avoid them. We come every weekend and we sort of know the security guards by now. We keep away from the older guys. When we try on clothes, we fold them and put them back properly. We don’t want to not be allowed in the shop next time. We all know one guy who has been banned from the mall. We wouldn’t want that to happen to us.”

However, Dr Bredekamp notes that parents need to be very aware of their children’s malling modus operandi. “When parents drop off their children at the mall, they believe their children will be safe,” she says. “This is not necessarily the case, and therefore parents should know who their children are meeting and what they are intending to do. They should set a time limit on how long the child may be in the mall. They should also place a limit on the amount of money the child may spend. We need to teach our children responsibility about money and spending. They should be taught never to wander off on their own or to talk to strangers.”

When parents drop their children off at the mall they “believe their children will be safe. This is not necessarily

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mall rules

the case and therefore parents should know who their children are meeting and what they are intending to do.

A further thing to be vigilant about is that your child does not use the mall as a meeting place to hook up with anyone they have met only in the virtual arena of MXit or a social-networking site. Because of the dangers posed by this, it’s imperative – even if your children are allowed to enjoy the mall on their own – that the subject is an open one and that there is no secrecy around their mall activities.

And certainly, no matter how essential a bit of malling may be, it’s never a good substitute for family bonding. “Although children, in particular teens, like spending time with their friends, they also have a need to interact with their parents to feel loved and cherished,” says Dr Bredekamp. “Parents should find the time to engage with their children and preferably to expose them to a variety of experiences. Children need this for healthy development and personal growth. Children by nature are adventurous and enjoy the outdoors. Here, they can connect with nature and themselves, rejuvenate and be better equipped to deal with all the challenges they face in their daily lives. Furthermore, being together as a family allows time for discussions, bonding, and getting to know each other more intimately.”

The malling activities have their place, but time spent in malls should never erode gentle family time. “In a relaxed environment children open up and start talking about their joys, fears and concerns, so it’s vital that parents build this in.

It’s now that parents have an opportunity to listen and to guide and direct,” says Dr Bredekamp. “Malling should only be one aspect in their lives, which needs to be balanced. It’s only through balance that they gain a better understanding of the world and how to manage in different situations.”

As I leave the girls at the food court, their faces show visible relief. Dianne and Mandy apply lipgloss, and giggle as they pout at each other. It looks like “he” is about to come over, probably seeing my departure as his cue. The air is charged, and their energy and excitement is palpable, no matter how “cool” they may try to appear. I can’t help thinking that today, for them, nowhere else in the world could possibly be as full of significance and as thrilling as this mall, which for me is only about the tedium of shopping. And, as I depart, I experience a wave of gentle envy. *Names have been changed Cape Town’s

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feature

safe to

surf

DONNA COBBAN looks at the perils and pitfalls of the online world and

?

shares a few ideas on how to keep your children protected.

Children and teenagers can disappear from the real world long before they learn how to function effectively within it.

There are pages and pages of people’s “chats” about suicide – the best way (with doses of meds needed according to your body weight), the easiest method if you care about the loved ones left behind (death in a foreign country with no ID), and the least painful. (One youngster suggests carbon-monoxide poisoning, but another retorts you need an old clonker of a car with bad gas emissions for it to work properly. Not so, says another, my neighbour two doors down did it with a brand-new Audi.) Yes, these teens are mainly North Americans, but there are reasons the world is now called a global village – they may as well be two doors down. While many of them are clearly just addicted to

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PHOTOGRAPHS: WWW.COMSTOCKCOMPLETE.COM

few months ago I attended an informative event hosted by the Computer Society of South Africa (CSSA). The subject was “How to Keep Children Safe Online”.

Guest speaker Adrie Stander, senior lecturer at UCT’s Department of Information Systems shared some statistics, which were nothing short of alarming. Child pornography is on the increase, and hosting an illicit website is not that hard – you just have to change domains every half an hour or so and hop between servers in eastern European countries to avoid detection.

In addition to this, Adrie tells us, child-pornography sites are difficult to find as they are often encrypted and take place in “private rooms” (sites that are not available to the public). Adrie warns of the dangers of online “grooming”, where a paedophile will spend many months befriending children and gaining their trust. Addiction to child pornography, Adrie says, “is much like any other addiction – the more you use it the more you need it. It is not unusual to find over 600 000 images of child pornography on an addict’s machine.”

I sit quietly, listening to the sad statistics – the number of sexual predators removed from Facebook last year was 90 000, yet the number of specialised police personnel assigned to cybercrime in our country is 30!

That night, I pondered what life may have been like if the internet had been around when I was a teen and what I might have chosen to Google way back when. Slowly I type the words, “I want to die” into the Google search bar and sit back. (While I was not an unhappy teen, I was at times angry and frustrated and had a keen sense of melodrama.)

My Google results are initially disappointing, but after a few jumps back and forth between a few broken links and a few dead ends, I am in a suicide-cult site.

While we willingly lay down rules for our children in the real world, shouldn’t we be doing the same online?

the drama of the idea of an early death, there will sooner or later be some who are serious in their quest to end their life.

My stomach churns, I want to drop this research and run. I leave the site filled with a deep sense of sadness and turn to another popular topic “pro ana”. I type the words into my search bar and wait, all the while wishing I was doing something else. Pro ana is a term for the promotion of anorexia – websites have been set up so teens can encourage one another towards self-starvation. A kind of flipside to the standard support groups, these are “let’s help you destroy yourself” groups.

One site gives me dire warnings about being 18 before I enter and even threatens me with some federal law, should I not be. I click, no-one encourages me not to eat, but I am in a world where fat is the enemy, psychologists are the anti-Christ and food is the new bubonic plague. Any young teen with weight issues who stumbles across this site is heading for more than just body-weight troubles.

The blurred boundaries between a child’s online world and the real world are another reason for parents to start paying more attention to what their children are doing. Children and teenagers can disappear from the real world long before they learn how to function effectively within it. As was the literal case in a small village in Wales, where 13 suicides Cape Town’s

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took place within the early part of 2008 – most of the young victims knew one another. A suicide pact was suspected and what soon transpired was that they had all spent hours on the social-networking site Bebo – where the opportunity to have an internet-memorial wall made in their honour was one of the suspected motivating factors.

The majority of these young people did not suffer from depression and their decision to die came as an utterly devastating surprise to their parents. One of the mothers knew that her son spent time on Bebo where he had a page, but she added: “I have no idea how to get on these sites or what the children are talking about.”

While we willingly lay down rules for our children in the real world, shouldn’t we be doing the same online? We are careful not to let our young children out of our sight in a shopping mall, and we lay down strict curfew times for teens, yet online we allow them to wander about alone.

Most good filtering systems can block pornographic sites, hate sites and dodgy chat rooms, and they give you the option to stop things like over-age online games.

Lourentius van der Westhuizen certainly thinks so, and it was the words of one of these very parents that motivated him to develop netparent.co.za, an application he has been working on for over a year and which was recently launched.

Netparent.co.za allows you to load a list of words or information relevant to your child onto a customised dictionary, which will then trigger an alert and send you an SMS when one of these listed words is either typed, present on a website, or is received or sent within the body of an email. You are then given the option of remotely blocking or unblocking the screen on your computer via SMS, should you deem this necessary. While some parents may welcome the ability to silently and secretly monitor their children’s internet activity, Van der Westhuizen prefers transparency, adding: “You should let your children know you are trying to protect them, and not spy on them.”

When talking to fellow parents of active internet users, I am alarmed to discover that not many parents have any filtering software loaded. “I trust them” is the most common response. That may well be so, but can we trust the internet not to unwittingly open up a page of disturbing pornographic images when all your 10-year-old is looking for are the mating habits of mice?

Most good filtering systems can block pornographic sites, hate sites and dodgy chat rooms, and they give you the option to configure an application to stop things like gambling and over-age online games. “But,” say the doubters, “they’ll just find a way around it.” True, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t, at least, try to protect them.

In addition to over-the-counter filters, Windows Vista comes with a built-in parentalcontrol function that is located in the control panel. Another handy feature that helps to filter content is on the Google page where, under internet options, you can click on Content, which then enables the Content Advisor. Here, you can filter out violence, nudity, tobacco, drug and alcohol images, as well as a whole host of other nasties. Access to both these methods of parental control should be password-controlled and limited to the computer’s administrator account.

If your family is a bit chaotic, like most, you may find that one child grabs your laptop to search for something quickly, while you attend to dinner and letting the dog out and a host of other household chores. All this, while another child has maxed out his social-networking time on the upstairs computer. A possible alternative to this scenario is to get each child the latest Classmate PC by Intel. It’s not often I get excited by technology, but this little laptop can be hauled out and used on the kitchen floor. The screen swivels

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360˚, so you get to look at cool stuff with useful websites them, check up on homework, keep them netparent.co.za grounded in real time and keep stirring the risotto. It’s robust, and the screen safekids.com won’t crack easily. And when you slam it netsmartz.org shut, it turns into a writing tablet. It comes commonsensemedia.org with state-of-the-art access management, wiredsafety.org allowing you to set limits on time and defendyourchild.com access. And it’s not that pricey!

So you have done what you can in terms of filters, but they still need daily guidance. Teens, especially, don’t self-sensor and that funny pic of Mark Harvey’s bottom at the latest sleepover gets downloaded, sent around and pasted onto a few social-networking sites – even little Mark thinks it’s kind of funny. What Mark doesn’t consider is that in the not-too-distant future, his CV may be lying on his chosen employer’s desk, his cum laude law degree ripe for the picking, until that potential employer goes on to pipl.com to check Mark out. That pyjama-party picture might well lose him the job of a lifetime.

Then there is the time factor – if we monitor mall time, bedtime and TV time, then so too should we monitor online time, particularly when it comes to social networking. British psychologist Dr Aric Sigman certainly believes that this is where the true danger of internet use lurks. Commenting after the Welsh suicides in 2008, he noted that: “The damage done by displacing key periods of emotional and social development with time in front of a screen doesn’t have the sense of dramatic risk that internet paedophilia does. The effects may seem vague, but they are reaching far more children. Yet the penny only drops when there is a school massacre or suicide by internet.”

report any child-abuse images or text, visit: fpbprochild.org.za/ReportAbuse.aspx or call them on 0800 148 148 saps.gov.za/children/child_abuse.htm virtualglobaltaskforce.com Cape Town’s

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feature

!

stand up, speak up r

in children, while ensuring that aggression remains at bay.

ebecca, a 36-year-old mother of two, was faced with a difficult situation when her eldest daughter Katie started Grade 1. Katie has been raised to respect adults, and although a little bossy with her friends, by nature she is a responsible and honest child, who has never been in serious trouble. Shortly into the first term, she was given a detention slip by her teacher for causing a ruckus in the school bathroom.

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Katie arrived home in tears and explained that a classmate had been slamming the toilet doors for fun.

She asked her to be quiet but the girl did not listen.

Katie issued a louder warning but the girl continued. At the exact moment the teacher entered the bathroom, Katie was standing with her hands on hips, yelling at her classmate to stop. The teacher reprimanded Katie but when she tried to explain she was promptly shushed

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TRACY ELLIS looks at ways to encourage assertive behaviour

and issued with a detention slip. Katie was devastated, as she was trying to warn her classmate of the outcome of her behaviour, and now she was being punished.

Rebecca was equally upset. Why hadn’t Katie been more assertive? She should not have been intimidated by her teacher and should have insisted respectfully on being heard. Rebecca contemplated confronting the teacher herself but she also backed down as she did not want to be “one of those interfering parents who does not respect the teacher’s authority”. She decided to let Katie go to detention in the hopes that, if nothing else, she would learn to stay away from disruptive classmates in future and not attempt to rescue them from themselves. But as valuable as that lesson may have been, it would not teach Katie how to speak up for herself when dealing with authoritative figures.

Malcolm Gladwell, in his latest book, Outliers suggests that talking things through with our children, reasoning and negotiating with them, and expecting them to talk back

and question us, teaches them how to interact comfortably with adults and to speak up when they need to. They learn that it is alright to assert themselves, even when that person is older or an authority figure.

I once believed you should never allow your children to reason or negotiate with you – you should stand your ground and let them know that you are the parent and they are the child. But I now see that parenting is not all black and white. In fact, most of it is grey and, whether we accept it or not, we negotiate, reason and question situations every day of our lives and we all benefit from asserting ourselves appropriately.

So, why not teach our children these skills and equip them to cope in today’s fast-paced and often aggressive world? The world our grandparents grew up in – where the idea that children should be seen and not heard – doesn’t quite cut it in today’s world. That said, there is a difference between being assertive and

How do we teach our children to be assertive without adding to the worldwide epidemic of disrespectful, rude and obnoxious youth?

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aggressive. How do we teach our children to be assertive without adding to the worldwide epidemic of disrespectful, rude and obnoxious youth?

While channel surfing recently, I happened across celebrity psychologist Dr Phil giving an explanation on the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. He described an assertive person as someone who gets what they need but with respect to the rights of others, whereas an aggressive person gets what they need at the expense of another person. I have never been a die-hard Dr Phil fan but I thought his explanation summed it up pretty well. It all boils down to respect – for others and for ourselves.

Michele Perkins, a counselling psychologist based in Durban, runs self-esteem workshops for children. She believes being respectfully assertive is linked to a healthy self-esteem. She feels parents have a vital role to play in teaching their children to be assertive. “Parents need

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assertiveness versus aggression Use these examples to talk to your children about the correct way to assert themselves If a brother or sister snatches your book Aggressive: “Give me my book NOW!” Assertive: “I’m busy reading that book. Please give it back to me and when I am done you can have it.”

Passive: “Take the book. I don’t need it anyway.”

A friend at school keeps calling you a silly name and you don’t like it Aggressive: “Call me that again and I’ll thump you.”

Assertive: “I don’t like it when you call me that. If you do it again I may choose not to play with you.”

Passive: Cries and walks away.

to role-play and practise social conversations with their children,” she says. “Stay connected to them by asking specific questions about their day and then be real with them by using examples from your own life to help them figure out the best way to deal with a situation they are facing.” She continues: “There is an appropriate time for being assertive. It is perfectly alright for a child to challenge an adult, but they need to wait for a gap in the conversation. Tone of voice is also important.”

In my own family, I have tried to teach my children that no-one has the right to make them feel guilty, ridiculed or scared, that they are allowed to change their minds, to say “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand”

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and to make mistakes. I also reinforce that anger is an acceptable feeling but it is not an effective tool for being assertive.

Perhaps we need to be aware of what we are modelling as parents. Our children are highly impressionable imitators and they are watching our every move. Do you look people in the eye when you speak to them? Do you yell at your children to get results? Do you give in to others against your inner voice? Examining our own behaviour is often a great starting point to understanding why our children are either too passive or too aggressive. Perhaps Rebecca should have intervened in Katie’s situation and modelled assertive behaviour?

Someone asks a favour of you but you are too busy Aggressive: “No, I’m busy. Do it yourself.”

Assertive: “I really can’t do it today but I might be able to help you another time.”

Passive: “Sure. I’ll stop what I’m doing.”

Helping our children to become assertive will improve their self-confidence as well as their ability to make choices and follow through on them. It will help them to withstand peer pressure and may well save them from being targeted by the school bully. In turn, it will help them with the concept of compromise and how to take other people’s feelings into account. And ultimately, a strong sense of self will help them succeed in whatever they put their hearts, minds and efforts into.

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feature

ADHD DONNA COBBAN shares some stories from the frontline

t

hese days, many parents of children with endless amounts of energy live in silent fear that soon after the start of Grade 1 the teacher will call and suggest there might be more to your children’s wild shenanigans.

“Perhaps,” says the clipped and curt tone, as she cuts to the chase, “perhaps, your child has ADHD?” What follows leaves you floundering, as the pressure builds for a swift diagnosis in order to stem the tide of your wild child.

Denise* knows this feeling well and she now spends every afternoon on the turf of the local park with her son, seven-year-old Jack*. They have skipping-rope races, play beach bats, which have been renamed “park bats”, and they run – after soccer balls, golf balls and one another.

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After dribbling the ball home, they collapse exhausted through the front door. “I do this religiously,” says Denise.

“Perhaps,” says the clipped and curt tone, as she cuts to the chase, “perhaps, your child has ADHD?” “Sure there are days when I think I can’t stand another round of plastic golf – but the payoff is too great because if we miss an afternoon of wild abandon, you can be sure that the next day, the teacher is going to bear the brunt of that unspent energy. Which is unfair, to Jack, who needs

to learn, and on his dedicated teacher, who needs to teach another 24 children effectively.”

After extensive testing, Jack was diagnosed with ADHD last year and through a combination of diet and exercise, he takes no medication and copes well in his mainstream class. This is one of the good stories – comprising a good teacher-parent relationship and little medical intervention.

Yet sadly Jack and Denise are an exception to the norm, as the diagnosis and understanding of ADHD is, by and large, fraught with misunderstanding, misdiagnoses and miscommunication.

The reasons are perhaps historical, with their roots laid firmly in North American soil. It was here that

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of the ADHD battlefield, along with some possible solutions.

medical-insurance companies started pushing doctors towards a quick diagnosis, forcing doctors to label the condition in order to cut the costly bills coming in from therapists, heavy-metal and allergen testing, and dieticians, to name a few. “Give them Ritalin and let us (and them) reap the rewards,” seemed to be the general cry. What followed was an unprecedented explosion in script writing, resulting in nearly four-million young North Americans using the drug to manage their ADHD. Here was a Schedule II drug being used to calm six-year-olds.

There were mixed reactions: it was met with anger, and also welcomed with relief.

Paul* is one of those children for whom Ritalin was a blessing. His mother Anna* had tried the homeopathic route to no avail, tried the diet, tried the chiropractor. Then after much deliberation and paediatric consultation, she decided to try Ritalin. “While we were worried about all the negativity surrounding Ritalin, we decided that if his self-esteem was to be saved, we had to help him no matter what.” The results, she says, were nothing short of remarkable: “The Ritalin worked immediately and he was a changed child. Over time, he managed to enter mainstream schooling, with an

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the ADHD child is: • curious; quick witted; thinkers; aware of surroundings • independent; assertive; energetic; mediator • comic-timing; intuitive; bright; brave • enthusiastic; impulsive; strong willed; fearless • determined; sharp; intelligent; sensitive • achieving; doing many things at once; inspiring • creative; opinionated; fascinating; critical • challenging; flexible; imaginative; inquisitive • funny; questioning; cute; bright; laid back • loads of energy; an original thinker; a spokesperson.

Courtesy of Heather Picton increased dosage of Ritalin to help him with the longer day.

With the help of supportive teachers, friends, family and Ritalin, Paul ended his high-school career on a real high – when he was given the Perseverance Award at prizegiving. But what really mattered was the standing ovation he received from the school along with the tears of joy shed by his teachers.

Today, Paul is a well-adjusted young man and free from medication. He attends a practical course at college, where he is top of his class for the first time in his life. One of the advantages Paul had over many young children today is that there wasn’t an urgent rush to label the condition – at least three independent assessments conducted by experts were needed before the ADHD diagnosis was given.

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But what really mattered was the standing ovation he received from the school, along with the tears of joy shed by his teachers.

suggested reading Teaching and ADHD in the Southern African Classroom compiled and edited by Anita Decaires Wagner and Heather Picton (Macmillan, 2009) Hyperactivity and ADD: Caring and Coping by Heather Picton (Wits University Press, 2005) The Manual That Never Came With Your Child by Debbie De Jong and Jane Jarvis (Struik Publishers, 2008) How to cope with ADHD: A South African Guide for Parents, Teachers and Therapists by Helena Bester (Human and Rousseau, 2006)

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“is It’shyperhisnotbrainhisthatbody.

“

Heather Picton, founder and CEO of the Attention room, she had attributed this upset to her recent divorce.

Deficit and Hyperactivity Support Group of Southern But the psychologist told her, this was ADHD at work Africa (ADHASA), believes that many cases of ADHD – resulting in his frustration at not being able to cope like are misdiagnosed as there are “many other conditions other children. and situations, such as divorce, stress, illness, sensory So with much trepidation and with the sole motive of difficulties, learning difficulties and others improving her son’s quality of life, she got that could produce similar symptoms”. a Ritalin script from a paediatrician and a few successful Elaine* and her son William’s* journey is headed down a road she is now sorry she ADHD folk a perfect example of this. Having been an tried. Josh’s school work saw immediate Albert Einstein overly active child in Grade 1 and 2, Grade improvements, but his personality shifted.

Galileo 3 seemed to up the scales altogether. “The He became withdrawn, rarely laughed and Mozart teacher,” explains Elaine, “had been attending shed four kilos in six months. Lana recalls Wright Brothers some local talks about ADHD and felt she was the days where Josh managed to eat Leonardo da Vinci in a good position to diagnose a child with breakfast and swallow his pill – resulting Danny Glover hyperactivity problems. At one point she gave in a loss of appetite throughout the day Walt Disney it to me in writing that ‘whatever homeopathic until the pill’s effects wore off, after which John Lennon drugs William was on were not working and it he was able to eat again. The other side Greg Louganis was time to move on to Ritalin’.” Elaine also effect was insomnia. With each return Winston Churchill Henry Ford suspected that a recent accident her husband visit to the paediatrician, they were told Stephen Hawking and William had been involved in was a it was the dosage that needed adjusting Alexander Graham Bell contributing factor to William’s “acting out” and then all would be well. But after six Hans Christian Andersen behaviour. But the teacher was insistent that months of trying, and when Josh stopped Thomas Edison ADHD was the issue at play, so Elaine took growing (another common Ritalin side Agatha Christie William to be assessed by a psychologist, effect), she stopped giving him the drugs Whoopi Goldberg specialising in ADHD. After a few costly and started to explore other avenues.

Thomas Thoreau sessions, the tests clarified that although One popular avenue among ADHD Dustin Hoffman William was a busy child, he did not suffer sufferers is to change the diet and to Robin Williams from ADHD. Elaine was delighted and a year eliminate all synthetic food dyes, artificial Louis Pasteur on in Grade 4 William is doing well. When flavourings, and synthetic antioxidants.

Beethoven Elaine asked William’s current teacher if she According to the Feingold Association, had read his file from last year, the teacher which promotes the use of the Feingold smiled and told Elaine that she prefers not to read a child’s diet, “Humans have a remarkable ability to tolerate exposure file until well into the year. to harmful substances, but we’re not identical, and some of Lana*, mother to Josh*, has a rockier tale to tell. She us can handle more than others.” This explains why the was a bit taken aback when her son’s teacher called her same diet won’t necessarily work for all ADHD children and in and told her she thought he should be assessed as perhaps too why Ritalin works for some but not all. Some his handwriting and reading were not up to scratch. Lana children, it claims, may just have an allergy to an abnormal was less than worried – so what, he’s left-handed, all leftsubstance in the food or in the environment, and may not handers are messy writers. But she took him anyway and have ADHD. Not hard to believe when you look at their list of was speechless when the psychologist told her he had E numbers and additives to avoid. So there it is again – the ADHD. “But he has never seemed hyper,” she argued with possibility that your child can be easily misdiagnosed. the psychologist. “It’s his brain that is hyper not his body,” According to Heather, “A diagnosis of ADHD should was the response. But Lana was still not convinced. While only be given by a psychologist, neurodevelopmental he would have regular tantrums and sometimes wreck his paediatrician, child psychiatrist or neurologist, and is

usually based on the guidelines laid down in the DSMIV R. (Diagnostic Statistics Manual IV Revised). She is steadfast in her belief that it is far too complicated a diagnosis to be given without a thorough investigation of the presenting symptoms. She goes on to tell me that ADHASA believes in a holistic approach. She believes that medication and therapy may be part of the treatment but adds, “many children’s symptoms might be alleviated if a few changes are made in the child’s lifestyle – from exercise and healthy eating to feeling wanted and loved in the family circle. Ideally,” Heather concludes, “this should be a way of life in families, whether the child has challenges or not, whether the child is on medication or not. Our modern lifestyle is supposed to give a better quality of life but in many ways we and our children are losing out on the essentials.” *Names have been changed Throughout this article the abbreviation ADHD has been used, as this is the official term used in the DSMIV R.

recommended websites heather.picton.nom.za adhasa.co.za feingold.org Cape Town’s

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big issue

the homework

debate

NO

Claire Marketos

Mom of an eleven-year-old girl and a boy of six, Claire Marketos is also a qualified teacher with an honours degree in psychology. She is presently a parenting and educational consultant.

Fifteen years ago, when I was a teacher, I gave my learners homework because that is what a good teacher did, without stopping to question whether homework was, in fact, beneficial for them. Now as a mom of a sixth grader, I can see how homework interferes with my daughter’s life at home, and wish to apologise to former students and parents for my naïvety.

We’ve heard parents grumble in the school parking lot about homework dominating family life and most of us are familiar with arguments with our youngsters over it.

“I hate doing homework. It’s boring,” children lament.

“Just get it done,” parents tell their children, although instinctively we know that youngsters are stressed and anxious because they do not have enough free time to pursue their own interests and to be themselves. Despite all the negativity surrounding homework, parents and teachers still support it because they convince themselves that there must be some benefit to homework, even though they can’t see it.

Research by Professor Harris Cooper of Duke University, North Carolina (in 1989 and 1999) shows that there are “no academic benefits from homework in elementary school.” In other words, homework doesn’t help children learn better.

Then why give it?

Some parents say homework helps them to see how well their child is doing in class and is a way of communicating with the teacher. Surely teachers could send the child’s class work home and communicate with parents through notes and phone calls, rather than assigning homework everyday, Alfie Kohn suggests in his book The Homework Myth.

Others contend homework prepares children for the future by “developing good work habits”. Yes, if they plan to work alone on a dreary, compulsory job, which they have no say or interest in, Kohn points out.

Some teachers say they assign homework because they do not have enough time in the school day to complete the prescribed curriculum. Kohn suggests “more hours are least likely to produce better outcomes when understanding or creativity is involved.” By working smarter rather than harder, teachers can get through the prescribed work without assigning homework. How much time do we need for learning to take place?

“BGUTI ­– Better Get Used To It,” parents tell their children. Life is full of things we have to do even if we don’t like it. That is true, “but what are we willing to do to our children in order to teach them this?” Kohn asks. “Perhaps being in school seven hours a day is demanding enough?” BGUTI-type thinking also teaches children to accept the status quo in life rather than seeking alternative ways of doing things.

Children have a natural innate curiosity to seek out the information they need. We should listen to what our children are telling us and find ways to nurture their love for learning rather than giving them homework because it is something that has always been done.

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ILLUSTRATIONS: MARIETTE COWLEY

We should listen to what our children are telling us and find ways to nurture their love for learning rather than just giving them homework.

Should children be given homework?

CLAIRE MARKETOS and LUCILLE KEMP offer opposing views on this heated topic.

YES

Lucille Kemp

Lucille Kemp is Cape Town’s Child’s calendar editor. She graduated from the University of KwaZulu-Natal with a B Soc Science degree, majoring in English and Media & Communication.

Homework is the platform for learning, and learning is meant to be pleasurable.

When I came across the statement “say no to homework” a few months back, I was outraged. I’m usually all for change in the name of progress but, try as I did to apply my mind to this plot to stamp out homework, like anti-cellulite cream, it smacked of faddish hype.

In its purest form, homework is a learning tool that allows children time and space to learn at their own pace under the guidance of a parent, which prepares them for the outside world as much as the school experience itself. Homework equips children with the ability to persevere, think independently, manage their time, be self-reliant, confident and self-disciplined.

When parents know how to help their children, homework can be viewed in much the same way as a remedial class – that time outside the classroom that provides children with another opportunity to arrive at their light-bulb moment. When children understand, they feel motivated and in control, and school becomes fun.

Sadly, this is not the reality of most homework because often there is just too much, it’s too difficult and it’s boring.

Homework as we know it only begs a little quality and quantity control. Children shouldn’t be negotiating reams of homework long after their attention span has dwindled. They should be given a winning chance by doing assignments that have well-defined instructions and a clear outcome. Work that means something to children will hold their involvement and motivation levels.

Ken Resnick, a Joburg-based educational psychologist with 20 years’ experience in helping children with learning problems, emphasises that, “for children to stay stimulated they need to know why they are being asked to do a particular task.

Homework is not the problem; the issue needs to be looked at more holistically. I have seen time and again a parent’s positive approach towards homework impact remarkably on the child’s own attitude.”

Ken believes issues with homework start at home: “Children struggling with their homework stems from a parent not understanding what they need in order to learn, and a lack of discipline.” On the other hand, “motivated and confident children will know that giving up is not an option if they are to feel good about the end result.

In turn, they will bravely take on a challenge because their natural fervour for learning has been fostered by parents who know when to get involved and when to back off.”

Learning is meant to be pleasurable, and homework is a platform that teaches the qualities that will help make this experience a rewarding one. Furthermore, children who embrace homework are learning to learn on their own steam and will be able to rely on their own capabilities that much more. Working independently on a late-night project due on the boss’s desk the next morning is a reality for many – something homework may go a long way towards helping.

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feature

the sound

of music

We all want our children to be little Mozarts, but there is a right time and place to expose them to the rigours of music lessons, says HEATHER BROOKES.

any parents believe that learning a musical instrument is an essential and enriching part of a child’s education. When we listen to accomplished musicians, we think to ourselves: “Gosh, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to play like that?” Perhaps you played the piano when you were young and then gave it up? Now, hearing someone else play so beautifully, makes you feel sad that you didn’t continue. How often do we hear this refrain of regret?

So when your children express an interest, you happily cart them off to music lessons. But after the initial excitement of learning how to play “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”, they soon learn that it will take considerable time and effort before they can realise their dream of playing like the musicians who initially inspired them.

Much like learning to speak a language, it takes several years before you reach a level of technical ability to be able

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The greater variety of musicmaking your children experience, the more fun they will have. to play whatever you choose and do it well. Playing a musical instrument requires the physical training of a professional athlete, more coordination and accuracy than any sport, and the cognitive processing and memory capacity of a chess master. It requires hours of regular practice involving constant repetition. To top it all, these skills must combine with an emotional and expressive capacity, much like the ability to turn language into poetry.

From the ages of 11 to 13, children often want to give up music lessons. Their technical capacity still limits what they can play. They get bored with the time and effort it

takes to master the necessary techniques, and they no longer enjoy it. Some parents let their children stop, while others force them to continue enduring their frustration.

Is it possible to keep the passion and enjoyment alive?

Is it possible to prevent children from wanting to give up before they have achieved at least sufficient mastery to play music on their own? Here are a few ideas:

when should children start music lessons?

Don’t start your children too early. Of course, if they are picking out minuets on the piano at three, like Mozart did, by all means pack them off to the Juilliard School in New York immediately. A child should at least be able to count up to 10, know the letters of the alphabet and be able to sit and concentrate for 10 to 15 minutes, suggest John Ziegler and Nancy Ostromencki on the website pianoeducation.org.

Generally, it is probably not worth starting until about the

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age of six or seven, as most children will not yet have the coordination, agility or cognitive-processing skills required.

If you start a child too early, progress is generally slow, frustrating and not worth the time and money. From about seven, children see the rewards of their efforts sooner.

Consider a general music education course or basic lessons on the recorder before the age of seven.

how do you know whether your child has talent?

Dr Robert Cutietta, in his book Raising Musical Kids: A Guide For Parents, distinguishes between aptitude, the child’s natural potential and achievement, and the child’s skill on an instrument. Children who have musical potential usually play with much greater sensitivity of expression and learn music relatively quickly.

However, he points out that many children can still reach a high level of skill on an instrument with less musical aptitude. Talent does not guarantee children will achieve, if they do not practise regularly and put in the hard work necessary. It is possible to enhance children’s aptitude, believes Dr Cutietta, by exposing children to many different musical experiences particularly in their preschool years.

how can you get your child to practise and enjoy it?

How to get your child to practise is the bane of every parent’s and music teacher’s existence. Unfortunately, regular practice is essential for progress. Like mastering

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any skill, 95% is hard work, the other 5% is talent. What is key for a child to learn is to practise effectively. This means spending minimum time for maximum results. Do not make a child practise for a set period of time. Rather, let your child focus on one aspect or task for the day and get it right. If it takes five minutes, that’s fine, the practice is over.

Endless repetition for no purpose other than to fill the time slot gets boring, and children will often practise in errors.

Encourage your children not only to practise what has been set, but to experiment. Find simple, fun pieces that your children can sight-read. Let them fool around on their instrument and create their own tunes and sound effects.

Playing “The Pink Panther” theme tune on a string instrument with all the silly sound effects is guaranteed to elicit a laugh.

While it may be helpful to have a set time to practise each day, being very rigid about this may curtail your child from spontaneously sitting down to play when they feel like it. Spontaneously picking up an instrument to play is a sure sign that your child is enjoying making music and developing intrinsic motivation. If your children show resistance to practising, link it to something they really want to do. In other words, if they learn the first five bars of a new piece, they can then play their favourite computer game.

The greater variety of music-making your children experience, the more fun they will have. Learning simple versions of Christmas carols or “Happy Birthday” and other popular songs means your child can enjoy the rewards of being able to contribute to different occasions. There

Ruby sings the Blues

By Niki Daly Ruby’s voice is so loud that her neighbours call her “Boom-box”. The children at school don’t want to play with her because of this. Then her jazzplaying neighbours have an idea... How Ruby turns trauma to triumph is delightfully told in this story about the love of music. (Published in South Africa

by Songololo)

November 2009

41

Daily practice is not essential for the young beginner. are various websites, such as sheetmusicplus.com, where you can order and download all sorts of music your child might want to play. If these and music-making activities, such as playing with other people, form a greater part of your children’s music learning, they are unlikely to get bored and want to give up.

how do you choose a suitable teacher?

Make sure the teacher you choose is open to discussing and implementing an approach that best suits your child’s wants and abilities. Try and find a teacher who thinks outside the box and does not focus solely on mastering set pieces. Learning to improvise, playing music by ear, learning the latest pop tunes, playing jazz, and composing are fun activities.

Avoid teachers who only teach children how to prepare for exams. Practising three exam pieces for six to nine months is soul destroying. Some teachers want to enhance their reputation, so they put too much emphasis on exams

top tips for encouraging your child(ren) to practise • Let children put fun stickers on a calendar for each day they practise.

• Encourage children to practise before being allowed to do a favourite activity.

• Break up practice sessions into smaller time slots focusing on different tasks.

• If a piece is difficult, help them to break it down into smaller sections so it is less daunting and they are able to feel they have achieved something sooner.

• Do not force or threaten children into practising. This will create a lasting negative attitude.

• Do not criticise a child’s playing. Always find something positive to say.

• If they appear to be fooling around, do not tell them to practise properly. Fooling around can be good practice too, as long as it is not the only thing they do.

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in order to get all their pupils to excel. Their anxiety transfers to their pupils and the need to excel is driven by the teacher rather than the pupil. Annette, 44, recalls how she never had to ask her daughter to practise until the teacher began to make a huge issue about doing well in exams. “Before, my daughter was internally motivated. The moment exams were introduced, practising became an issue.”

Avoid teachers who won’t let your children move onto new pieces because they can’t play an existing piece perfectly. They will become bored quickly and want to give up. If a child is not ready for a more challenging piece, the teacher can extend the child laterally by developing other skills and extending the child’s repertoire of pieces at an easier level.

Don’t let your children tackle pieces beyond their capability. This often happens with talented youngsters.

The temptation to give children more difficult pieces to show off their virtuosity may destroy their blossoming talent. When pieces are technically too difficult, children struggle. Overextending a child, in order to master a piece, often leads to frustration, boredom, dissatisfaction and burnout. If the child struggles, this also leads to a sense of failure. The child thinks: “If my teacher has given me this piece, I should be able to master it, so what is wrong with me?” If the child manages to play the piece, a combination of nerves and not being fully in control technically often leads to performance disasters. This unnerves children, making them more prone to nerves and panic attacks in performances. Ultimately, a child’s nerves overcome the ability to play in public or in exams.

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what instrument is appropriate for your child?

Some children seem to have more aptitude for string instruments, others for wind instruments. Some children take naturally to the piano, while others may not be as adept at the hand coordination it requires. When choosing the piano, remember it is primarily a solo instrument and playing it can be a lonely business. Create chances for your child to play duets and accompany other children on the piano. However, a basic knowledge of the piano is vital for many aspects of music, such as composing. Playing a wind or string instrument means your child can participate in a band or an orchestra even at beginner’s level. Not every child feels comfortable playing solo. Playing with an accompanist or with a group is a lot less nerve-racking and a lot more fun.

when is it appropriate for your child to stop lessons?

This decision depends on what your children wish to achieve and why you supported them learning music in the first place. Beth Luey and Stella Saperstein, in their book The Harmonious Child: Every Parent’s Guide to Musical Instruments, Teachers, and Lessons, suggest that when

children are able to play with ease, have reasonable sightreading skills, know the basics of music theory, can tackle a piece of music on their own with the correct rhythm and phrasing, and enjoy music, then they are musically literate.

Some children may want to go further and make a career out of music, while others who choose a different career can still play in a band or an orchestra or create their own music group. Their ability to continue along a path of their choosing and enjoy music-making means they have a lifelong skill that will give them great pleasure. The time they spent and your investment should never be considered a waste.

what should your role as a parent be?

It is important for parents to examine their motivations for encouraging their child to learn a musical instrument. Is it for the child’s enrichment? Do you want your child to become an accomplished musician, or do your ambitions go even further? Perhaps a Mozart, a Yehudi Menuhin, a Yo-Yo Ma or an Arthur Rubinstein? What parent doesn’t dream of their childreen getting up on stage and wowing everyone with their virtuosity? Does your desire stem from an unfulfilled ambition or a need to boost your selfesteem? Children tend to take on, and try to fulfil, their

recommended reading and resources • The Harmonious Child: Every Parent’s Guide to Musical Instruments, Teachers, and Lessons by Beth Luey and Stella Saperstein (Ten Speed Press/Celestial Arts, 2003).

• Raising Musical Kids: A Guide For Parents by Dr Robert Cutietta (Oxford University Press, 2001).

• pianoeducation.org, by John Ziegler and Nancy Ostromencki, offers lots of good ideas regarding how to assist children to learn and perform successfully.

• sheetmusicplus.com is a site where you can download and order music that is adapted for different levels. If you order music, you pay the cost of the book plus $8,99 (approximately R80) for postage. Delivery takes one to three weeks.

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parents’ expectations. Ambitious and pushy parents result in children denying their own aspirations and extending themselves beyond their ability and what they can really cope with. Joburg piano teacher, Lorna Heher, says: “The worst thing parents can do is to mould their child’s progress according to their own expectations.” Not every child is soloist material. Some children are simply uncomfortable with performing solo. Other children find the endless repetition involved in mastering an instrument not sufficiently intellectually stimulating. It is crucial for children to discover and realise their own potential and find ways of music-making that match who they are.

Heather Brookes trained as a pianist but changed careers in her early 20s to pursue a career as an anthropological linguist, specialising in nonverbal communication.

expert advice from a Joburg-based piano teacher • Daily practice is not essential for the young beginner.

• Do not expect a young child to ‘practise’ alone.

Young children aren’t sent off to do their reading and other homework by themselves.

• Do not expect a child to practise at the end of a long day.

• Avoid using the word “practising” too often. Rather use “playing”.

• Buy or hire a good instrument for your child to play.

A bad-sounding instrument only discourages a child.

• Photocopied music cannot replace the enjoyment of an appropriate music book.

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feature

pirls of wisdom As parents we know how important it is to read to children from an early age but is that enough?

a

lmost as soon as my son was babbling I thought “Aha! Let the reading begin!” and we started paging through picture books. I knew that researchers agree on the benefits of early reading and that children, who are read to at home, start formal schooling with important knowledge about books and writing even though they may not actually be able to read. This knowledge includes simple ideas like a book having a right side up or pictures being related to the words.

We forget how artificial these conventions are and how long they take to learn. Home reading does not only help young children beginning school … few things make as much difference to children’s progress throughout

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primary school as a parent who reads to them. Reading at home increases children’s contact with written words and reinforces the value and pleasure of reading. However, when I was reading to my son, there was an aspect of the activity that I left out entirely. I read, we read, we laughed, we snuggled, but over the years we seldom talked about what we were reading. We were so keen to immerse ourselves in other worlds that we never talked about them.

There were times he actively resisted discussion: “Read, Mom, read!” he would protest. Maybe he sensed a lesson coming on…

But when we are reading to children, we can’t ignore the fact that reading is about grasping the meaning on

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PHOTOGRAPHS: WWW.COMSTOCKCOMPLETE.COM, WWW.ABLESTOCK.COM

CAROLINE VAN DER MESCHT investigates.

more levels than simply who did what, where, to whom.

Readers also need to understand symbolism, implication, idiom and figurative language, and to interpret characters’ feelings and motivations. Even very young readers should understand (in a simple way) how these elements contribute to a story, but Progress in International Reading Literacy Study (PIRLS) suggests that most South African school children are not able to do this. You may ask whether it is possible for a six-year-old reading The Three Little Pigs to understand character and motivation. Yes, it is.

A question most six-year-olds can answer, like “Why did the wolf want to eat the little pig?” asks for just that kind of understanding.

PIRLS is an international research project for reading literacy in 43 countries. Its local study investigated the reading ability of children in their fourth year at school and is the first wide-ranging study of reading literacy in South Africa. It was published in 2008 and reveals a crisis in reading in our schools.

details of PIRLS research In South Africa, 14 657 Grade 5 children were assessed in both their language of learning and their home language,

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where these were different. Grade 5 children were used because many schools switch to English as a language of instruction in Grade 4. The scores were no less than shocking – the children averaged last internationally with 302 points, 100 points under the benchmark for the low category of the study.

Reading is about grasping the meaning on more levels than who did what, where, to whom.

The director of the PIRLS report in South Africa estimates that 60 points relate to about one year’s schooling. This places average South African Grade 5 readers three years behind the international average of Grade 4. In other words, our children read their home language about four years behind children in other countries in the study.

It is wise to view statistics and generalisations with caution but, in this case, the PIRLS findings are extremely reliable. PIRLS research meets rigorous

international standards at every stage to the extent that the PIRLS report is used by many countries to make policy changes in education. As well as testing over 15 500 children, the PIRLS researchers collected information about their reading experiences at home and at school. Special care was taken that every language group, every socio-economic group and every region of the country was represented.

The finding that South African children are not reading effectively is serious news for local teachers and parents.

If children can only understand parts of who did what, where, to whom, they are missing too much of what they are reading and their education will suffer at every level. Fortunately, education departments and schools are already responding with concern to the PIRLS report and many formal and informal reading initiatives are being implemented. Also, reading is a priority in the new curriculum which allocates 40% of the Foundation Phase to teaching reading. A closer look at the curriculum shows that it is completely in line with international reading trends.

In fact, our children should be effective readers.

So what has gone wrong? The PIRLS statistics make some problems (as well as their solutions) very clear.

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For example, 60% of South African primary schools do not have a library or classroom library – so books must be supplied. This is especially important as less than half of the children have 10 or more books at home. South African class size was the highest in the study so efforts need to be made to reduce the teacher-to-pupil ratio. In addition, many children receive fewer than three hours of reading instruction a week, even though the curriculum requires more than six hours to be spent on reading. Clearly school management needs to put more effort into meeting curriculum requirements.

It is less clear what may be going wrong in wellresourced schools where children get over six hours of formal reading tuition a week. Children from these schools should have excelled in the PIRLS tests but did not. Why? The reading tests followed a standardised international model. Great care was taken with the reading passages so that the words, idioms, social situations and physical contexts would be familiar to all participants. The questions were set carefully for children in their fourth year of schooling and were also in line with curriculum requirements for children at that level.

The PIRLS results show that South African children could only answer “retrieval” questions, that is, questions that ask for explicitly stated information – who did what, where, to whom.

To put the PIRLS results further into context, in an education system with competent readers the average

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reader should be on the intermediate benchmark of 500 points: 32 of the 43 countries achieved this. Russia was the highest performing country with an average of 565 points, well over the high benchmark. Only 5% of Russian children read under the low benchmark.

In comparison, the only group in South Africa that averaged over 500 was English-speaking children reading in English with 513 points. However, they had had an extra year of schooling compared to their international counterparts, so no language group in South Africa can be satisfied with the PIRLS findings.

With the South African average being 302 points, well under the low benchmark, it is clear that our children lack the most basic reading skills. They struggle with questions at the intermediate, high and advanced levels of reading.

To use an example from The Three Little Pigs, South African children could answer “What did the first pig build his house with?” but not “Would you rather be the wolf or the little pig?”

Some teachers and parents feel that it is ridiculous to ask advanced questions of children who are just learning to read. However, the PIRLS study showed that children need to be asked a full range of questions from early on. The learners for whom the more complex reading strategies are first introduced and emphasised in Grade 1 achieved the highest number of points as compared to the learners for whom the skill is only introduced in Grade 4.

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It is a mistake to imagine that these questions are too difficult. Many other countries introduce them successfully to young readers in their first year at school and they are a requirement in our own curriculum.

This is where parents can be of help in expanding their children’s reading – simply by talking about what they read with them, which was what I had forgotten to do with my own son. Now the PIRLS research suggests that our home reading should include simple, open discussion, appropriate to the age of the child. This will enable them from early on to expect questions and answer a range of questions.

Unless children are effective readers, able to understand texts and answer appropriate questions on them, their education will suffer at every level.

Parents can help enormously by encouraging children to interpret stories and answer questions like “What else could the little pigs have done about the wolf?”

Parents should be made aware of what kinds of questions need to be asked and explore ways of engaging children’s interest and understanding through discussion of stories.

readers at the advanced benchmark (625 points and above) were able to: • Interpret figurative language • Distinguish and interpret complex information from different parts of the text • Integrate ideas across text to provide interpretations about characters’ feelings and behaviour. readers at the high benchmark (550–625 points) were able to: • Recognise some textual features, such as figurative language and abstract message • Make inferences on the basis of abstract or embedded information • Integrate information to recognise main ideas and provide explanations. readers at the intermediate benchmark (475–550 points) were able to: • Identify central events, plot sequences and relevant story details • Make straightforward inferences from the text. readers at the low benchmark (400–475 points) were able to: • Begin to make connections across parts of the text • Retrieve explicitly stated details from literary and informational texts.

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getaway

wooed by the

West Coast

A weekend in the country can work wonders, but day trips are easier on the budget and energy levels. MAGGIE MOUTON

Above: The restored farm buildings at !Khwa ttu are centred around a typically bare werf (yard).

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ith plenty of space for children to roam, the San centre at !Khwa ttu and the environs of Darling, both about an hour’s drive from Cape Town, offer wholesome getaways for families who want to spend time in nature and enjoy good food and wine.

Much of !Khwa ttu’s appeal lies in the simplicity of the surrounding countryside.

Formerly a wheat farm, this 850-hectare

nature reserve is characterised by gentle undulating hills and hazy vistas over the Atlantic Ocean – from Table Mountain in the south to Langebaan Lagoon in the north.

The San-owned and -operated cultural centre is also a training centre for the San, who – at !Khwa ttu, at least – call themselves Bushmen. San from as far afield as Kimberley, the Kalahari and

even the Caprivi attend formal courses here and do on-the-job-training in, among other things, the hospitality industry and entrepreneurship.

Of special interest are the San guided tours, which entail a trailer-and-tractor ride along farm roads – a sure delight for any child. During the bumpy ride, the guides point out zebra, bontebok and herds of bounding springbok – indigenous

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PHOTOGRAPHS: MAGGIE MOUTON

w

took a trip and found two family-friendly spots right on our doorstep.

They demonstrate the use of ancient tools, including igniting a fire with sticks (no matches in sight!). species reintroduced in recent years. The land is being rehabilitated, they explain, pointing to the clearing of alien trees, to restore the fynbos.

During a short nature walk, the guides identify various tracks in the sand – all remarkably delicate, considering the size of the animals, particularly the eland. The winding trail leads to a replica traditional village, which, in the silence of the veld, seems eerily real. This is where, not so long ago, the now-extinct IXam San and their neighbours the Khoi lived and roamed.

While we are seated around a smoky fire, the guides – dressed in game-ranger uniforms and speaking in the round, earthy tones of their native Northern Cape – relate aspects of Bushmen heritage. When they demonstrate the use of ancient tools, including igniting a fire with sticks (no matches in sight!), we look on somewhat disbelievingly, only to gasp in wonder as the first smoke swirls up from the wood.

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On our last visit we were lucky to have four massive eland – traditionally the Bushmen’s most revered animal – munching away at the trees around the enclosure, almost as if eavesdropping.

And on a morning hike along the Eland Trail, the children managed to get within metres of four lazily grazing zebra – a true digicam moment.

We went back up to the top of the hill where a collection of beautifully restored

West Coast farm buildings surround a typically bare werf (yard). Here longsuffering parents can reward themselves with Swiss chef Vivienne’s gourmet take on springbok pie, smoked-eland pasta or roasted organic veggies (grown at !Khwa ttu). The cosy restaurant with its stone walls and beautifully proportioned sash windows and French doors, plus a welcoming log fire in winter, offers a child-friendly menu and some lovely regional wines – all as reasonably priced as the food.

Apart from an insightful photo gallery depicting San life, past and present, the centre also has a crafts shop, specialising in authentic San-produced items and textiles. Guests who’d love to linger in the farm-like atmosphere, can overnight at the cottage-style guesthouse below the restaurant. It sleeps six at only R750 per night and is simply but cosily furnished, with a huge fireplace in the kitchen and views all round.

Below left: The view from the veld toilet or “cloakrooms” at the boma, an open-air venue on the highest hill.

Below: A bird hide next to the stream provides endless entertainment for adventurous children – once they’ve overcome their fear of the scarecrow inside.

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do it in Darling

Above: Painter Elmie Smit’s quaint Greek-style studio at the end of High Street. The studio is just one of 13 artist studios listed on the Darling Art Route Map.

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From !Khwa ttu, it’s another 20 kilometres or so to Darling, arguably one of South Africa’s most transformed dusty dorpies – certainly since its famous citizen Pieter-Dirk Uys set up a theatre of camp, kitsch and politics in the old defunct train station.

Thanks to Tannie Evita’s effervescent charm, Evita se Perron is flourishing. It is a hub of creative enterprise – and social transformation. And with its fake flowers, wacky cement sculpture and silly water features the adjacent Boerrassic Park appeals to children of all ages.

A closer look at the Darling calendar reveals that this is The Village of Festivals, starting with a music festival in February and ending with the rowdy Rocking the Daisies in October. But it’s September that takes the cake with attractions every weekend, beginning with the unique Voorkamerfest – an arts festival that takes place in people’s lounges, or front rooms – from Victorian mansions to township shacks. Members of the audience buy tickets, hop on a taxi and get dropped off at various homes to attend shows in

Above: A trip down nostalgia lane, a landmark in the village – Leon Lewis’s pottery shop in Station Road has been in business for 26 years. The house dates back to 1853 and is one of the oldest buildings in Darling.

pot-luck style. You can’t choose which show you want to see – yet every year this festival is sold out months in advance.

Adding to the spring feast of local art is the on-the-ball Darling Art Gallery, whose Art Route Map allows you to visit 13 established artists in their studios, among them former art lecturer Andrew Munnik in the restored mission church, the acclaimed Nicolaas Maritz at Mamba Art, township artist Sandy Esau who

exports worldwide, potter Leon Lewis, whose shop in Station Road has been a familiar sight for 26 years, and Elmie Smit, whose decorative celebrations of flowers, vases and African fabrics all but sold out at her 2008 exhibition. Her quaint Greekstyle studio is at the end of High Street, across the road from fellow artist Nina van der Westhuizen.

But still the pick of the bunch is the annual Wild Flower Show – now in its 92nd

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The Darling calendar reveals that this is The Village of Festivals, starting with a music festival in February and ending with the rowdy Rocking the Daisies in October. year – a true plattelandse event involving food tents (think potjiekos and braaivleis), craft stalls, tractor rides and an impressive indoor display of some 300 species of wild flowers exuding a heady fynbos-andhoney scent.

Features like rock pools, stuffed animals, tortoise shells and the occasional shed snake skin keep children curious and entertained. This hugely popular event coincides with an equally abundant Orchid Show at Duckitt Nurseries, South Africa’s biggest orchid nursery, just outside the village on the R307.

Several farms and reserves are open to the public in spring, allowing families and bus-loads of pensioners to get up close to fields of kelkiewyn, bobbejaantjies and kalkoentjies and the endangered lachenalia, found only in the Renosterveld, areas of which have been mercifully preserved here.

If the verdant veld doesn’t cure your winter blues, then any of Darling’s four

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wine estates, known for their good-value wines, just might. Don’t miss historic Groote Post (circa 1706) along the scenic Darling Hills Road.

Its stately Cape Dutch wine cellar produces a delectable Sauvignon Blanc and affordable Old Man’s Blends and its award-winning Hilda’s Kitchen counts among the region’s best farm restaurants, as do the seasonal lunches at Cloof Wine Estate (en route to Malmesbury).

Another beautifully renovated venue well worth visiting is Darling Olives (on the R315), where visitors can try lip-smacking olive products such as pastes, chutneys, jams and even chocolate bars.

Back in the village, The Marmalade Cat (try their chicken pie) and Simoné’s

Restaurant, combine arty décor with great food and sunny patios. Fittingly, the enterprising Mantis Mall with its antiques, quaint tea garden-cum-nursery and superefficient bookshop, The Book League, is two steps away from the famous Perron – where it all began with a Tannie leading the way: Get creative, skatties!

where to stop, stay and fill up The Farmyard (opposite Melkbos turn-off): Great atmosphere and bakery, breakfasts and lunches, jungle gym, jumping castle and farmyard birds Vygevalley Farm Stall (opposite Jakkalsfontein turn-off): Sunny tea garden, aromatic coffee, freshly baked cakes and bread !Khwa ttu San Centre khwattu.org Tel: 022 492 2998 Darling Tourism darlingtourism.co.za Tel: 022 492 3361 Recommended Guesthouses Trinity Lodge (from R300 pp sharing, B&B); Darling Lodge (from R325 pp sharing). self-catering: Waylands farmhouse (R230 pp sharing.)

Above left: Another positive spin-off of Evita se Perron’s success – Mantis Mall is a beehive of creativity, comprising an antique shop, nursery, funky tea garden and The Book League – arguably one of the best bookshops in the Western Cape.

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books

the good for toddlers

A Time for Fairies

By Kirsten Miller (Reach Publishers, R129) For a short time in the life of every child, it’s possible to create wonder and magic. This book does just that. A little girl experiences the joy of creating a fairy garden, and to her amazement finds a letter from the fairies addressed to her. It is a story of magic and mystery, inspiring us to keep the wonder within our children alive for just a little bit longer. Beautifully illustrated with bright colours and big, lively pictures by Shayle Bester, A Time for Fairies will especially have young girls enchanted. Books can be ordered from atimeforfairies.co.za

Ian Beck’s Fairy Tales

By Ian Beck (Oxford University Press, R153) This collection of five fairy tales from Ian Beck, one of the most celebrated children’s writers and illustrators, is a wonderful, inspiring read. Children can follow Red Riding Hood on her eventful journey to her grandmother’s cottage, join forces with the villagers who come together to pull up an enormous turnip, run around with the Gingerbread Boy, toss and turn with the princess whose sleep is disturbed by a pea and join the three little pigs as they try to outwit the wolf. Every child should have a collection of fairy tales on their bookshelf.

Little by Little

By Amber Stewart & Layn Marlow (Oxford University Press, R94) Scramble the otter can’t swim, which is a bit of a problem. Have you ever heard of an otter that cannot swim? There are plenty of things on his can-do list, but on his can’t-do list, swimming remains his biggest obstacle. Little by little, he becomes more confident in the water and, soon, with the help of his sister, he is splashing about with his friends. At the heart of this gentle story about learning a new skill is its message of encouragement for toddlers. As Scramble’s sister says: “You see. You started small … and finished big.”

Thomas & Friends: The Railway Stories Read by Michael Angelis

audio book

(BBC Audio, R132,95) These three stories from the bestselling Railway Series are read by Michael Angelis, the narrator of TV’s Thomas & Friends series. Stories included are Four Little Engines, where little ones are introduced to four new engines: Skarloey, Rheneas, Sir Handel and Peter Sam; Percy the Small Engine: Percy is the youngest and probably cheekiest of all the engines; and The Eight Famous Engines, where Percy’s curiosity gets the better of him, and all the engines get to go to London. Music, sound effects and original Thomas & Friends songs are included.

This audio book is available from all leading bookstores as well as the Listener’s Library.

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book guide for early graders Bettina Valentino and the Picasso Club

By Niki Daly

pick of the month

(Farrar Straus Giroux, R102) In his first chapter book, award-winning author and illustrator, Niki Daly tells the story of Bettina Valentino, a budding young artist who likes art that jumps off the wall and hits people in the eye like a wound-up ninja. But at Bayside Preparatory School, Bettina’s art is not appreciated by her very prim and proper art teacher. When the school hires a new art teacher – Mr Popart, who is full of inspiring lessons and walks around barefoot to soak up the energy of the Earth – Bettina is in art heaven. Until some parents start complaining about Mr Popart and want him kicked out of school. It’s time for Bettina and her art-loving friends to save Mr Popart. There are some fantastically unique and refreshing characters in this little book. Young readers will absolutely love Bettina.

(I Am Reading) Doughnut Danger

By Anthony Masters (Macmillan Children’s Books, R90) The I Am Reading books now come with a CD so children can follow the story word for word. Providing the right mix of support and challenge for newly independent readers, this series bridges the gap between picture books and chapter books. In Doughnut Danger, Ricky’s rat gang is back to cause trouble. The mice trio – Max, Molly and Mel – has just moved into the doughnut factory and no rat is going to make their lives miserable. Easyto-read type makes reading this book a pleasure.

(I Am Reading) Jumping Jack

By A.H. Benjamin (Macmillan Children’s Books, R75) In another I Am Reading book, Jack can’t stop himself from jumping through the town. When his uncle tells him not to eat the special jumping beans, Jack can’t resist and pops them into his mouth immediately, with disastrous and hilarious results. Each page is filled with brilliant colour pictures and easy-to-read type. The chapters are short and numbered and the sentences clear and simple. The I Am Reading series also offers tips for beginner readers.

Oxford Children’s History of the World

By Neil Grant (Oxford University Press, R130) This book covers the entire history of the human race, with illustrations and easy-to-use chapters. It’s well written and clearly organised and will serve as a lasting information resource. There is substantial coverage of each topic, with feature panels that focus on the detail of the subject. Photographs, illustrations and maps bring the events to life. The comprehensive glossary and index make for easy research. There is also an illustrated timeline that places events in chronological perspective for young learning minds. This book is a must-have for projects and a real contribution to children’s understanding of the past.

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books continued... for pre-teens and teens The Mummy Snatcher of Memphis

By Natasha Narayan (Quercus, R111) In the first book of the series, you will meet Kit Salter, a girl with a taste for adventure. Kit and her friends Waldo, Isaac and Rachel peek at a famed mummy in an Oxford museum. They are shocked to hear rattles and groans coming from a large packing case. The friends are soon entangled in a mystery that takes them from London’s East End to the burning Egyptian desert. Over the course of further books they will travel by yak, camel and steamship to China, Tibet and India. This is an adventure novel in the true sense of the word.

Genes for Teens

By Dr Nonhlanhla P Khumalo (Yigugu Publishers, R180) This book introduces genes and their widespread influence on teenagers. It takes the form of laidback discussions around sex, pregnancy, hormones and skin colour – and encourages readers to live purposeful lives. The book sets out to demystify topics that affect teenagers in a manner that is scientific yet interesting. Sections of the book may be a little taxing for young readers, but children as young as 12 years old will understand most of it.

Nonhlanhla Khumalo has a degree in medicine and surgery from the University of KwaZulu-Natal, and graduated with a PhD from UCT. Order the book from On The Dot: email direct.sales@onthedot.co.za

The Eyeball Collector

By F.E. Higgins (Macmillan Children’s Books, R135) When his butterfly-collector father is swindled to within an inch of his life, a vengeful Hector leaves the city of Urbs Umida in pursuit of a fiendish villain with a glass eye. The trail leads to Withypitts Hall, a foreboding Gothic mansion as warped as its inhabitants and their secret schemes. Soon Hector finds himself embroiled in mysterious deeds more poisonous than his worst imaginings. In the end, Hector must choose between his desire for revenge and his father’s advice not to become like those who wronged him — but his choice doesn’t prevent the climactic end…

Flying for Frankie

By Pauline Fisk (Faber and Faber, R107) Charis Watts’s life is painfully ordinary. Watching TV and following her older brother around is about as exciting as it gets. Frankie Bradley, though, lives the life of a princess.

With her rich parents, posh schools and fancy clothes, she seems to have it all. Despite their differences, the girls become best friends, forming a bond that fills the loneliness they each feel deep inside. But when Frankie becomes ill, their bond is put to the test. This wonderful novel is the story of two girls learning to live life to the fullest in the face of terminal illness.

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for us The Lady and the Poet

By Maeve Haran (Pan Macmillan, R100) Set against the intrigues of the dying years of Elizabeth’s reign, The Lady and the Poet tells the passionate story of the forbidden love between the poet John Donne and Ann More, a girl who dared to rebel against the conventions of her time. Ann is handsome rather than beautiful, and has an indomitable spirit, which endears her to her grandfather, who encourages her to learn. Against all odds, the love between John and Ann flourishes even when faced with vehement opposition from his patrons and her family.

Theirs was a marriage of minds and true hearts.

South Africans In London

By Gary Robertson (Reach Publishers, R204) This book contains a wealth of information about ex-South Africans living in London. These are not backpackers or people on their two-year gap holiday, but former South Africans who have lived in London for years. They talk about their social and business lives in London, friends and family, property, accommodation, holidays, sport, work, networking, children, schooling, healthcare and transport. This is the first in a series of books about South Africans in cities around the world. Future titles will include South Africans in Auckland, among others.

The Manual that never came with your Child

By Jane Jarvis & Debbie de Jong (Struik Publishers, R127) Jane Jarvis, an educational psychologist, and Debbie de Jong, a remedial therapist, have the remedy for parents and caregivers struggling to cope with the demands of modernday living. The book gives guidance to help them raise happy, well-adjusted and independent children. Written in layman’s terms, the book is generously interspersed with humour and full-colour cartoons and photographs. It provides practical advice on a range of topics from how to improve your child’s ability to plan, to helping your child tackle homework, sensible discipline, what food to serve to optimise brain power and much more.

featured book Café food at home

By Gael Oberholzer (Struik Lifestyle, R119) This is a practical cookbook based on the bistro-café principles of preparing key ingredients in advance, and using them to create a variety of dishes. It will guide you to making bistro-style food at home, such as imaginative wraps, superb salads and traditional comfort food. The recipes are easy and suit today’s on-the-go lifestyle.

A handy list of store-cupboard essentials is included. Gael Oberholzer is a selftaught cook with a passion for fresh, tasty food and she was the chef-patron of the Gourmet Coffee House in Cape Town. Café Food at Home also offers delicious treats, perfect for birthday parties.

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calendar

november

1 sunday

Children up early? Andy Pandy: The Box That Chimed is on CBeebies at 6am.

CBeebies, Channel 306 on DStv, is perfect for preschoolers 0–7 years The Baby Expo Here is the ideal opportunity to gain knowledge about pregnancy, being a parent and embracing the latest products. Time: 9am–6pm. Venue: Cape Town International Convention Centre.

Cost: adults R50, children under 10 years free (two children free per adult); entrance to Barney Show is free. Contact Exposure Marketing: 011 704 6695 or visit thebabyexpo.co.za Summer sunset special starts today and runs until 28 February 2010. For four months you pay half price to travel to the highest sundowner spot in the Mother City. Time: after 6pm only. Venue: Table Mountain Cableway. Cost: return tickets for adults R80, children under 18 R40. Contact: 021 424 8181 or visit tablemountain.net Moms and Tots bookings for 2010 now open This is a programme developed for toddlers 1–4 years, designed to enhance coordination and perception skills. Contact Lunette: 021 785 7721, 083 487 5446 or visit momsandtots.co.za Tafelberg Olde School Market is an outdoor market with stalls that specialise in fresh gourmet produce, organic goods, home bakes, preserves, clothing, art, natural health and bric-a-brac. Time: 9am– 2pm. Venue: Tafelberg School, Main Rd, Sea Point. Cost: free entry. For more info: email oldschoolmrkt@gmail.com Opening weekend of a fun new indoor play centre with a baby area, coffee shop, and lots of place to play.

First 10 children per day for the weekend get a free gift. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: The Playshed Oude Molen Eco Village, Alexander Rd, Pinelands. Cost: for the first hour children under 3 R25, children 3–12 years R30. Contact Madré: 074 196 2778 or email madre@iafrica.com

nature. From 30 October–7 November, excluding Sunday to Wednesday. Time: weekdays 8pm and Saturday 2:30pm and 6:30pm. Venue: Masque Theatre, Muizenberg. Cost: R50–R60. For more info: 021 788 1898 Children and trauma is the topic at the Monday Moms workshop. Assistant social worker manager Helene Louw informs parents how to indentify the symptoms of trauma and outline how parents can be the healer. Time: 10am and 2pm. Venue: Nu Metro Cinema 12, Canal Walk. Cost: free registration. Contact: visit canalwalk.co.za

3 tuesday

Twinning projects – a new buddy system among schools? Through the generosity of the Rotary Club of Newlands and the Centre for Early Childhood Development, Monterey Preprimary has been given the opportunity to dedicate the services of one of its middle group teachers to five preprimary schools in Lavender Hill.

This is a township about 30km south east of Cape Town. Each education centre houses 70 to 80 children, who are at school from 7am–6pm. The centres are generally ill-equipped and under resourced; some require infrastructure. Many of its teachers have been babysitting rather than educating, and are now eager to take on new challenges. Rotary has faith in Monterey’s legacy of excellence in educating young learners and has supported a dream for disadvantaged schools to twin with schools of best practice and transfer experience gained over many years. For more info on this project: visit newlands.org.za

4 wednesday

Learn to draw This fun course for adults is aimed at beginner drawers who will learn basic drawing techniques. Ends 18 November.

Time: every Wednesday, 7pm– 9pm. Venue: Bergvliet High School.

Cost: R240. Contact the Continuing Education Office: 021 712 0979 or visit bhs.org.za

5 thursday

DRUMKiDZ workshops are held every Thursday and are ideal for children 3–8 years. Time: 2:30pm. Venue: Merry PopIns, 201 Bree St, Cape Town. Cost: R265 for eight lessons (30 minutes each) payable in advance. Casual attendance is R45 per lesson. Contact: 021 434 7610, email info@drumkidz.co.za or visit drumkidz.co.za Sign & Rhyme for babies up to 3 years.

Children put signs to songs, rhymes and stories. Time: 10:30am–11:30am. Venue: Bellville. Cost: R650 per six-week course including certificate, music CD, bag, pen and weekly notes. Contact: 084 207 6900 or email clea@babyhands.co.za The Waldorf curriculum is discussed for kindergarten and classes 1–12. Also 11, 18 and 25 November. Time: 10:30am– 12pm. Venue: Puppet Theatre, Constantia Waldorf School. Cost: suggested donation

of R30 towards tea and the speaker.

Contact Sophia Family Centre of Lifeways: 021 794 1492

6 friday

GlenBridge Golf Day GlenBridge is a school that caters for 99 intellectuallydisabled learners, ranging from 6–18 years, across the Cape Peninsula. Players and sponsors are needed for the Golf Day. Time: first tee-off 11:15am. Venue: Mowbray Golf Club. Cost: R300 per person or R1 200 per four-ball. To book contact: 082 441 1125 or for more info: Jenny: 021 712 2075 between 7:30am and 2:30pm Art classes start Experimental play paint classes by artist Marieetë. Ideal for children 3–5 years. Venue: The Playshed, Oude Molen Eco Village, Alexander Rd, Pinelands.

Cost: R350 per month or R100 per session.

Contact Madré: 074 196 2778 1 November – Summer sunset special PHOTOGRAPHS: WWW.COMSTOCKCOMPLETE.COM, WWW.SXC.HU

what’s on in

For a free listing, fax your event to 021 462 2680 or email it to lucille@childmag.co.za. Information must be received by 10 November for the December/January issue and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published.

Compiled by LUCILLE KEMP

2 monday

Abigail’s Party is a theatre performance that is a wonderful depiction of human

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Cycle out of poverty A cluster of women, most of whom are 40-something, are taking part in a fourday off-road cycle tour from 5–8 November in aid of Paths Out of Poverty (POP) programme, an outstanding development programme that helps farm workers and their families escape the cycle of poverty that is so entrenched in their lives. The ladies are covering 150km over four days.

Day 1 Cycling inland through the Cape Winelands from Cape Town to Riebeek Kasteel, ending in the historic town of Wellington. A good night’s sleep will be high on the agenda.

Day 2 The cyclists brave the challenging and picturesque 8km climb up Bainskloof Pass. A well-earned swim and lunch at Tweedetoll picnic spot should perk up the group as they wind their way through the farmlands and forestry to the second overnight stop in the captivating valley of Tulbagh.

Day 3 Today gives the ladies a taste of real off-road riding as they tackle part of the 40km mountain bike trail of Kluitjieskraal, just outside Wolseley, before riding on to their last overnight stop at Goedgedacht, a beautiful old Cape Dutch farm situated on the slopes of the Kasteelberg and home to POP. Day 4 Although slightly shorter, this leg is the ultimate challenge as the ladies confront the imposing Kasteelberg MTB route in Riebeek Kasteel. The tour ends at Goedgedacht with a fun family day and braai with the children and councillors of POP. If you would like to take up the challenge and participate in the tour, contact Lisa on 083 647 7980. Alternatively, you can sponsor a rider or make your own contribution to this worthy charity. For more info email Liz: lizo@in-briefmedia.co.za or Mandy: mandysayer@mweb.co.za or find out more about POP by following the link from goedgedacht.org.za

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7 saturday

Storytime Get your children to the Book Lounge today and bring along their teddy bears for a picnic in the shop. Children will be read tales and enjoy a feast thereafter.

Ideal for children 3–8 years. Time: 11am every Saturday. Venue: 71 Roeland St, Cape Town. Cost: free. Contact: 021 462 2425 ‘Tis the wedding season Elbeth Gillis showcases her latest wedding collection while chef Sanel prepares delectable crayfish. One guest will win a night at the exclusive Dock House Boutique Hotel & Spa. Booking is essential. Time: 12:30pm.

Venue: OYO Restaurant & Cocktail Bar, V&A Waterfront. Cost: R250. Contact: 021 419 6677 or email events@vahotel.co.za

Craft Day Children have fun making beaded and paper crafts. They learn creative and motor skills through craft activity. Puppet show included. Events also on 14, 21 and 28 November. Time: 10:30am–12:30pm.

Venue: The Bandstand, Noordhoek Farm Village. Cost: free. Contact: 021 789 2812 or visit noordhoekvillage.co.za Magic and illusion abounds at the annual Amy Biehl Foundation gala dinner with Yvonne Chaka Chaka and Colin Moss.

Time: 7pm for 7:30pm. Venue: The Grand Ballroom, CTICC. Cost: R1 000 per person or R10 000 for a table of 10. For more info or to RSVP: email ilchen@amybiehl.co.za The annual Milnerton Primary fête and fun fair day Time: 9am–6pm.

7 November – ‘Tis the wedding season

Cape Town’s

7 November – Farmhouse Rocks A live music concert with open space for children to enjoy. Cape Town institution, Bed on Bricks, will be performing. Time: 3pm. Venue: Cape Farmhouse Restaurant, junction of M66 and M65, bottom of Redhill Rd or 3km past Scarborough. Cost: adults R50, students R40 and under 12s free. For more info: email info@capefarmhouse.co.za or visit capefarmhouse.co.za

Venue: Milnerton Primary School. Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 920 5166 or 021 555 2796 during office hours to book an arts and crafts stall Spring Fayre Attractions include handmade Waldorf crafts, wholesome food, children’s activities and a variety of stalls. Time: 10am–3pm. Venue: The Gaia Waldorf School on the Oude Molen Eco Village, Pinelands. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 447 0546 or visit gaiawaldorf.co.za Porter Estate Produce Market Summer specials on fresh food and fun activities for the little ones. Time: every Saturday 9am– 1pm. Venue: top of Tokai Rd, signposted from the Steenberg Circle. Cost: R5 for parking. Contact Gail: 082 334 5434 or email info@pepmarket.co.za

8 sunday

Bouchic pre-loved sale Clear your closet and sell your clothes to earn extra cash at the Bouchic sale. Get a new wardrobe from the Bouchic pre-loved sale. Cocktail party and VIP sale preview on Friday, 6 November, 7pm. Sale also on Saturday, 7 November. Time: 10am–8pm. Venue: Fashion TV Lounge, 114 Hout St, Cape Town. Cost: R50 for the sale and R300 for the gala cocktail party. (Friday 10% off all purchases at the sale and a three-hour preview). For more info and to book: email tickets@bouchic.co.za

9 monday

Ladies’ craft classes Time: 10am– 1pm. Venue: Stages Lifestyle Centre

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448b Lansdowne Rd, Lansdowne. Cost: R75 per person including material.

Contact: 021 696 7457 (office hours); 021 703 9294 or 074 106 0713 (after hours) Waybuloo The four Piplings are happy, loving and caring creatures. They are inquisitive and playful. Yojojo is full of fun, Lau Lau is creative, Nok Tok is practical and inventive and De Li is thoughtful. Time: daily at 8:30am, 12:30pm, 4:30pm and 8:30pm from Saturday 7 November on CBeebies, channel 306 on DStv

10 tuesday

Senior primary open day Places still available for Grade 4 and 5 for January 2010.

Time: 9:30am–10:30am. Venue: Auburn House School, 3 Auburn Rd, Kenilworth.

Cost: free. Contact: 021 797 7872 or email info@auburnhouse.co.za

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11 wednesday

A big thank you The new world-class operating theatre complex at the Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital is now open. The Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital would like to thank all companies and individuals who showed their support. For more info: visit childrenshospitaltrust.org.za

13 friday

Monterey Preprimary School is hosting a market, the perfect place to do some Christmas shopping. All crafters are welcome. Time: 5pm–7:30pm. Venue: Norman Henshilwood High School, Denbigh Rd, Constantia. Contact: 021 762 6251 or visit henshilwoodhigh.co.za Body Control Pilates is having a four-week fitness session starting today.

Gradually improve your core stability, strength and range of movement.

Therabands are ideal fitness gear as they are versatile, inexpensive and portable – you can literally tuck your workout into your pocket and go on holiday. Suitable for all levels of fitness. Ends 4 December. Time: 11:30am–12:30pm. Venue: Body Control Pilates Studio, cnr Dreyersdal Rd and Children’s Way, Bergvliet. Cost: R320 for four weeks. Contact: 082 804 4577 or email studio@bodycontrolpilates.co.za

12 thursday

Celebrating 75 years of ballet in the Mother City The Cape Town City Ballet presents Balletscapes and Happy Birthday Ballet from 11–22 November. The final performance on Sunday 22 November is an entirely different programme and will be a glamorous gala entitled Happy Birthday Ballet. Time: Balletscapes runs nightly at 8pm with matinees on Saturday at 2pm and Sunday at 3pm.

Gala starts at 7pm. Venue: Artscape Opera House. Cost: R95–R150. R220 for tickets on 22 November. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or call 021 421 7695

14 saturday

Talking to the teachers Attend an open house to learn more about the Montessori fully accredited, early childhood training course. Time: 10am. Venue: Auburn House School. Cost: free. Contact: 021 797 7872 or email info@auburnhouse.co.za Country craft market featuring genuine handcrafts at over 200 stalls. Also 28 November. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: 186 Main Rd, Somerset West. Cost: free entry.

Contact Gill: 021 852 6608 or Lesley: 021 843 3287

12 November – African Landscapes

Sun Valley Primary School family fun day and fun run A day filled with fun and games for children and parents, loads of activities, food stalls and prizes. Time: fun run starts at 7:30am and fun day opens at 8am. Venue: Sun Valley Primary School, 13 Brigantine Ave, Sun Valley. Cost: R10 entry fee, pre-purchase ride tickets cost:

Cape Town’s

tbc. Contact the school: 021 785 2722 or Ingrid: 082 445 0830 Get involved with other women making a difference and help by donating baby products to this worthy cause. Women of Worth reaches out into the local communities of Helderberg and Cape Town and is hosting a fashion day for about 300 women. Proceeds will be donated to Bosom Buddies volunteers, who visit the Helderberg Hospital to donate baby bags filled with clothes, a blanket and hygiene products to mothers in the maternity ward. For details of how to get involved, contact: 021 853 7771 or email wise@thebayfhc.org.za Solms-Delta’s Saturday Sunset Supper Concerts Celebrate the arrival of sunny days and long, balmy evenings and listen to the folk music of the Cape.

The Kaapse kos buffet caters for both the herbivores and carnivores among us, and children’s dishes are also available. Ends 19 December. Time: every Saturday 6pm– 8:30pm. Venue: Solms-Delta, Franschhoek Wine Estate. Cost: adult R150 and children R65 including food. Contact Annelize at Fyndraai restaurant: 021 874 3937 or for a full events listing visit solms-delta.co.za Global diabetes run/walk Today is World Diabetes Day. This event is in aid of Diabetes South Africa. Time: registration

Cape Town’s

7am, start 8:30am. Venue: race starts at Moulle Point Lighthouse. Cost: adults: public R30, members R25; children: public R20, members R15; family special (two adults, two children under 12): public R80, members R65. For more info: 021 425 4440 or visit diabetessa.co.za

15 sunday

Swop your child’s school shoes for running shoes Schools are invited to a 6km fun run (or walk) and stand a chance of being one of four schools to win a portion of R20 000. The ADT School Challenge forms part of the Landmarks Half Marathon with the Red Cross Children’s Hospital Trust as the event’s official charity.

All funds donated to the Trust will go towards upgrading the surgical ward at the hospital. Athletes are asked to bring a soft toy with them on race day, run with it and drop it off in the ADT vehicle and collection boxes outside the hospital. Entries for the School Challenge close on 30 October and to qualify for the prizes, there is a compulsory school registration on Friday, 6 November at Western Province Cricket Club Sports Centre from 4pm–7pm. If you’re not attending on the day you can support the Red Cross Children’s Hospital by dropping off soft toys in collection boxes at any participating Sportsmans

Warehouse. Time: race starts at 7am, cut off start time is 9am. Venue: start and finish at Western Province Cricket Club Sports Centre, Rondebosch. Cost: varies.

Contact Nic: 021 657 3331 or email landmarks@wpcc.co.za. To enter visit entrytime.com or pick up an entry form from any Sportsmans Warehouse

hop fusion. Take this insert along and get a free trial class. Time: call to enquire. Venue: Methodist Church hall, Marchmont Rd, Muizenberg (behind Muizenberg Junior School). Cost: call to enquire. Contact Danielle: 021 789 2873, 072 040 2401, email dancefusions@gmail.com or visit dancefusionsa.com

16 monday

17 tuesday

Dance Fusion Academy offers a range of dance classes for all ages. From movement and dance classes to modern jazz and hip

Letterland workshop Parents, teachers and au pairs learn how to use what they have at home to stimulate and encourage 15 November – ADT School Challenge

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19 November – World Cup Show Jumping qualifier

learning through play. Fabulous ideas for ages 3–7. Time: 8pm–9:15pm. Venue: 11 Middleton Rd, Claremont. Cost: R70. For more info: email rlighton@mweb.co.za or visit reneelighton.co.za Community river cleaning All children and parents are invited to join in protecting our environment. Willowbridge Shopping Centre and council is initiating a cleaning action along the river at the back of Willowbridge to create a clean picnic area and walking routes. Volunteer your time and efforts and enjoy the picnic.

Time: 9am–noon. Venue: at the back of Willowbridge Shopping Centre on the grass. Cost: free. Contact Elrika: 021 914 7218 or Andrea: 082 218 3383

18 wednesday

Have you got four hours a week to give away? Why not join a jolly band of volunteers at Help the Rural Child charity bookshop in Fish Hoek. Contact Nicky: 021 689 8392 “Night of a Thousand Stars” Join Cape wine master, Allan Mullins for a tasting of Constantia Valley bubbly varieties.

Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Steenberg Cellar Door and Tasting Room facility. Cost: R80 per person. Contact Lida: 021 713 2326 email info@steenbrg.co.za or visit steenberg-vineyards.co.za

19 thursday

The spectacular World Cup Show Jumping qualifier features the cream of local and national riders at junior and adult level. This is the most prestigious

stage of the South African League of the World Cup Show Jumping Championship.

This event is also an Olympic Games qualifier. There is a range of cuisine on sale all weekend, entertainment, and a children’s corner. Ends 22 November. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Glenellen Farm, Hout Bay. Cost: free entry. Contact Judy: 082 449 1458 or Derek: 083 275 5284 The Secret Lunch Hour This has been created with the demands of a busy schedule in mind, and guarantees that within 90 minutes you’ll be back at your desk looking and feeling fantastic, without anyone suspecting a thing! After a 45minute luxury spa-treatment (which can include a facial, mini massage, manicure or pedicure) and a decadent two-course lunch at the Executive Club restaurant, sweeping 360 degree vistas of the cityscape and Table Bay, you’ll leave feeling pampered and relaxed. Valet parking included. Subject to availability; booking essential. Time: valid Monday to Friday. Venue: Arabella Spa, Westin Grand. Cost: R500 per person or R950 for two. Contact Arabella Spa at The Westin Grand Cape Town to book your secret lunch hour: 021 412 8200 or email arabellaspa@westincapetown.co.za

20 friday

The Cunning Little Vixen presents a series of scenes in the life of various animals and people, which illuminate how life is all at once strange, funny, unexplainable and beautiful. Ends 28 November. Time: 7:30pm. Venue: Artscape Theatre. Cost: from R125. Contact Nadia: 021 410 9807,

22 November – Frogs beyond the Pond Take your children to this wonderful exhibition and prepare to be just as delighted. Also, ask after the children’s frog sticker and activity book, which is available for R10. Time: 9:30am– 6pm. Venue: Two Oceans Aquarium, Dock Rd, V&A Waterfront. Cost: adults R88, children 4–13 years R42 and children under 4 free.

Contact: 021 418 3823 or visit aquarium.co.za.

Two Oceans Aquarium would also like to say a big thank you for being able to transfer R34 633 to the Amphibian Ark, an international frog breeding programme in zoos and aquariums. The money was collected from the donations in the wishing well for “Small change to make big change – making cents for frogs”.

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email info@capetownopera.co.za or visit capetownopera.co.za Return from Oz, the sequel to Wizard of Oz, features songs suitable for the whole family. Ends 28 November, excluding Monday to Wednesday. Time: weekdays at 8pm, Saturday at 2:30pm and 6:30pm and Sunday at 3pm. Venue: Masque Theatre, Muizenberg. Cost: R50–R60. For more info: 021 788 1898

21 saturday

Every mountain in life can be climbed one step at a time The Spice4life Foundation and Reach For A Dream invites everybody to support Reach For A Dream in their quest to climb Table Mountain.

The climber will collect donations and give them to the fundraising facilitator on the day at the start of the climb. For more info: email genevieve@rfad.org.za or michelle@spice4life.co.za Sunset Hike Enjoy your snacks while watching the sun set behind Table Mountain. The Delheim MTB day and hike on 22 November. They also organise fullmoon hikes. Contact them for dates and venues. Time: 6pm. Venue: Dirtopia Trail Centre, Delvera Farm, on the R44 near Stellenbosch. Cost: adults R40, children under 10 R10. Contact Nicolene or Arina: 021 884 4752, email theteam@dirtopia.co.za or visit dirtopia.co.za Celebration Day Free cupcakes for all parties booked (10 children minimum).

Enquire about the children’s art exhibition on 27 November. Time: call to enquire.

Venue: The Playshed, Oude Molen Eco Village, Alexander Rd, Pinelands. Cost: R350 per month or R100 per session.

Contact Madré: 074 196 2778 or email madre@iafrica.com

22 sunday

Fun in the sun Allow your children to take part in an adventure race which includes running, cycling and tubing.

Time: registration 8:30am, adventure race 10am. Venue: Oaklane Cottages, Grabouw.

Cost: pre-entry R160 per team, R80 per child; late entry R200 per team, R100 per child; adult and child team R120. Contact: 072 853 5802 or visit juniar.co.za The 10 secrets of 100% happy people Patrick Holford will present a talk on his book during a whirlwind tour of the country. Time: 10am. Venue: Spier Wine Estate. Cost: R200 per person. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000, visit computicket.com or for more info: 011 340 8000 or visit bioharmony.co.za

Calling all angels to help make a Christmas wish come true The next time you have a cuppa using a tagged tea bag, please remember to save, dry, empty and send it to Original T-Bag Designs, Unit 4, Kronendal Business Park, Main Rd, Hout Bay, Cape Town.

“Why?” you ask. Original T-Bag Designs is facing a crisis. Following a highly successful Christmas gift, toy and décor exhibition in Johannesburg, the company has had massive orders for its tea bag angels but they don’t have enough stock to make them.

They are appealing to people to send in theirs. The dried tea bags are emptied of their tea leaves, ironed and made into angels − a simple idea that goes a long way to creating jobs and help uplift the standard of living of people in Imizamo Yethu. For more info: 021 790 0887, email info@tbagdesigns.co.za or visit tbagdesigns.co.za

23 monday

The Kidz2Kidz Santa Shoebox Project is an inspiring community initiative, which collects personalised Christmas gifts for socially disadvantaged youth. Thanks to those who donated Santa Shoeboxes in support of the Kidz2Kidz project, there will be many more happy children on Christmas Day. For more info: visit kidz2kidz.co.za The Night Before Christmas This delightful, family story revolves around young Emily and a brave mouse called Eddie. Ends 28 November; also 3–24 December.

Time: 11am and 2pm. Venue: NewSpace Theatre, 44 Long Str, cnr Long and Hout Str. Cost: R50. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or contact: 021 422 5522

There is no such thing as an unwanted child … only an unfound family Masigcine, which means “let us cherish”, is a registered children’s home in Mfuleni housing 28 orphaned, abandoned and HIV-infected children, aged 3 months to 6 years. Masigcine strives to ensure that the children receive the very best from their environment so that when they leave the home, their lives have been enriched and a good foundation has been set. Masigcine would like help to cover cost of living expenses.

Even though the home receives a government subsidy, R500 per child per month is required to cover basic costs. You can make a real difference by either giving something practical that is needed on a monthly basis – disposable nappies, non-perishable foods and toiletries – or setting up a direct debit of anything from R50 a month. Contact: 021 909 1397 or 084 404 1296, email masigcine@gmail.com or visit masigcine.org.za Cape Town’s

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The elves and the shoemaker This fairytale takes place during Christmas time in Cape Town, where a German shoemaker lives with his wife. They are very poor and are worried that they will not be able to sell any shoes. Two young elves pay them a visit and make it the best Christmas they ever had. Ends 23 December. Time: varies. Venue: Concert Hall, Baxter Theater.

Cost: R35. Contact: 021 558 2650 or book through Computicket: 083 915 8000

24 tuesday

28 November – Hout Bay Green Faire A fun day for the whole family showcasing green products and services, conscious cinema, the recycled market, great children’s edutainment, wind and solar power, energy and water saving devices, healthy refreshments, talks, green house-building demos with live music and a fire show at sunset. Time: 10am till late. Venue: Kronendal Primary School, Hout Bay. Cost: adults R10, children under 12 R5. For more info: visit houtbaygreenfaire.org or envirochild.org

Baby Talk workshops These are ideal for mothers and toddlers (0–5 years). Time: 8:30am–10am. Venue: Stages Lifestyle Centre, 448b Lansdowne Rd, Lansdowne.

Cost: R30 per mother and child (members R20). Contact: 021 696 7457 (office hours); 021 703 9294 or 074 106 0713 (after hours)

26 thursday

Your Parenting Style and Your Child’s Temperament Educational psychologist Dr Hannelie Kotze will lead the topic of discussion for the Mothers’ Group meeting. Time: tbc. Venue: the boardroom at Milnerton Medi-Clinic, Racecourse Rd, Milnerton. Cost: free. Children up to one year are welcome to attend with their mothers. Contact Jacky: 083 328 0238 Fill your Christmas stocking Make a note in your diary not to miss the annual Christmas market. This ever popular craft market promises to make Christmas shopping an absolute treat with a variety of goods on sale at 180 stalls. Get creative with your gift list with glorious handcrafted

presents such as glassware, jewellery, needlework, paintings, confectionery, pottery and toys. A jumping castle, painting table and colouring facility will keep little ones occupied. Ends 5 December. Time: 10am–8pm. On the last Saturday, 10am– 2pm. Venue: Dutch Reformed Central Church, Stellenbosch. Cost: free entry.

Contact Miemie at the church office: 021 883 3850 on weekdays 8am–1pm Gift ideas for gardeners Attend this talk

by Anna Celliers that is held at participating Stodels Nurseries. Discount vouchers are available and tea is served. Seats are limited.

Time: Belville 10am and Milnerton 1pm.

Venue: Belville: Eversdal Rd, Milnerton: Racecourse Rd. Cost: free. Contact: Milnerton: 28 November – Drostdy-Hof Country Christmas Market

25 wednesday

Puck’s Story This show is a lighthearted take on Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Ends 20 December. Time: Wednesday to Saturday at 8:30pm. Enquire about matinee shows for children and schools. Venue: Kalk Bay Theatre, 52 Main Rd, Kalk Bay. Cost: R30. Contact Simon: 082 658 2004, email templar@iafrica.com or visit kbt.co.za

family marketplace

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27 November – Dress your child and help another

021 528 4000, Belville: 021 919 1106 or email customercare@stodels.com Parentz Chatz for moms in Blouberg area and surrounds. Get together for a chat, something sweet and an inspiring guest speaker. Enquire with Angelique about future events. Time: 10am–noon.

Venue: Earth Café, Parklands. Cost: R60.

Contact Angelique: 082 453 4313 or email angelique@equalzeal.com

is manufactured in Cape Town. All the proceeds are intended for an orphanage in Gordon’s Bay to help pay for food and school fees. Time: 10am–6pm. Venue: Deer Park Café; 2 Deer Park Dr, Vredehoek.

Cost: from R50 for a headband to R260 for a Liberty dress. Contact La Marelle: 082 889 7087

27 friday

Summer Celebration Concert is the Cape Town Male Voice Choir’s end of year concert. As per tradition, guests are invited to bring an unwrapped toy for a needy child. These will go to the Red Cross

Dress your child and help another La Marelle is a French-inspired clothing range for children 2–12 years, which

Cape Town’s

28 saturday

Children’s Hospital for distribution. Time: 7:30pm. Venue: Cape Town City Hall. Cost: R85 with R10 from each ticket going to the Red Cross Children’s Hospital Trust. To book contact Elizabeth: 082 468 7504 or email aecon.e@mweb.co.za Learn CPR and save a life Paediatric nursing sister Lee-Ann White is running a CPR course for parents, child minders and au pairs. Discovery Health members earn Vitality points for attending. Booking is essential. Time: 10am–noon. Venue: Pinelands. Cost: R200 per person. Contact: Lee-Ann: 021 531 4182 Drostdy-Hof Country Christmas market Avoid the manic mall rush this year and kick off your festive season shopping spree at Drostdy-Hof’s annual Christmas market and country day. Enjoy a relaxing day in the country just over an hour’s drive from Cape Town. Time: 10am–3pm.

Venue: De Oude Drostdy, Tulbagh. Cost: free entry. Contact De Oude Drostdy: 023 230 0203 The St Martini Church is having its annual Christmas bazaar. Come and share in the fun with the whole family. There are games and a puppet show for the children, crafts and cake for mom, bratwurst and beer on tap for dad. There are many German specialties on offer to buy or to enjoy. Time: 10am. Venue: 240 Long St,

Cape Town. Contact the church office: 021 423 5947 The Von Memertys – A Celebration Ian von Memerty, star host of Strictly Come Dancing, is joined on stage by his wife and children in a magic musical celebration of life. Time: gates open at 5pm; concert starts at 7pm. Venue: Paul Cluver Amphitheatre, Elgin/Grabouw, N2 Kromco Exit. Cost: R160. Contact: 021 844 0605 Open day An introduction to Tjoklitbekkies playgroup and NAET (Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Technique) Time: 10am.

Venue: 14 Sebastian Str, Durbanville. Cost: free. Contact Annette: 082 315 3400, email hello@naetcape.co.za or visit naetcape.co.za Christmas craft market There are 30 different craft stalls, food stalls, tea and cake garden, music, Christmas cake raffle and photo opportunities with Father Christmas.

Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Constantiaberg Preprimary School, Meadowridge. Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 374 7191

29 sunday

Old Mutual Encounter features Claire Phillips and Neo Muyanga. When these two get together you know you’re in for a concert to remember. Time: gates open 3:30pm, 5:30pm–6:45pm. Venue: Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden, Rhodes Ave, Newlands, Cape Town. Cost:

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Breastfeeding or considering it? It is said that children that are breastfed have a better immune system and score slightly higher on IQ tests, especially if born prematurely. Breast milk may also protect baby from childhood leukaemia.

Breastfeeding is healthiest for mother and baby, enjoyable and rewarding, environmentally sound, convenient and it saves money. La Leche League offers breastfeeding information and support through its monthly meetings. For a resource of valuable reading material on the topic, more information on this organisation, and to find out about their workshops for the month: visit lalecheleague.org Why not get to the Baby Expo from 30 October to 1 November and learn more about the clothing that makes this motherly function more practical. Peek-a-Moo makes garments that look good and embrace all the complexities of breastfeeding.

Their range includes camisoles, vests, T-shirts and long-sleeved shirts. What sets them apart from their competitors is that they sell fun and functional breastfeeding tops at reasonable prices. For more info on The Baby Expo visit thebabyexpo.co.za

adults R65, Botanical Society members R55 and scholars R40. For more info and tickets: call 021 799 8783/8620 or visit sanbi.org or webtickets.co.za Cats The all-singing, all-dancing musical spectacular starts today. Time: varies. Venue: Artscape Theatre. Cost: R100–R375. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 Charity Toy Run This year is the 27th annual Toy Run where all licensed motorcyclists on any roadworthy, licensed motorcycle are donating toys to over 200 children’s homes in the Western Cape.

Spectators can support the procession along the routes or join in at the event.

Bring one or more toys as an entry fee.

Time: leave from Ratanga Junction at 9:45am or Pick n Pay Hypermarket Ottery at 10:15am. Venue: Maynardville. Cost: one or more toys. Contact: 021 703 8121, email rodneytoyrun@polka.co.za or visit toyrun.co.za

30 monday

Kid Co-operation This workshop, facilitated by Pat Coombe, is ideal for parents of children 6–12 years. It is aimed at helping them to get their children’s cooperation without nagging and shouting through teaching skills of assertiveness and delegation. Also 7 December. Time: 9am–noon. Cost: R240 per person; R360 per couple. Venue: Parent Centre, Upper Level, Wynberg Centre, 123 Main Rd. Contact: 021 762 0116, email safura@theparentcentre.org.za or visit theparentcentre.org.za

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it’s

party

time

29 November – Sterling celebrates summer Top allwomen string quartet Sterling Electric Quartet heralds the beginning of summer at a picnic concert. Considered one of South Africa’s hottest musical acts, Sterling reinvents classical music in exciting contemporary styles and transform club hits into pop classics with rich orchestral arrangements. The Quartet’s live performances have been likened to that of Vanessa Mae. Patrons can either bring their own picnic baskets or pre-order picnic platters and are encouraged to buy some of the fine Nederburg wines available on site rather than bringing their own. Time: gates open for the picnic concert at 3:30pm and the performance starts at 5pm. Venue: the lawns of the Nederburg Manor House. Cost: R60 per person and the picnic baskets can be ordered at R90 per person.

Contact Irma: 021 809 8106 or email ialbers@distell.co.za

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it’s party time continued...

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last laugh

square-eyed, but nature-savvy SAM WILSON takes her children into the countryside, only to find out some interesting things about her very plugged-in sons.

a

ndreas and I recently had one of those moments – when all you want to do is up sticks and find a small plot off the beaten track with an appropriately rustic, whitewashed dwelling where you can live simply, growing your own vegetables. You know, when you’ve just had it with the deadlines, pointless admin, office politics and traffic jams of the city … and you start imagining yourself in a quiet, peaceful place, with a hoe in your hand. Even though you aren’t entirely sure what a hoe is and what you would do with it.

Unfortunately, we simply don’t have the guts for such a drastic life change, so we did what most city folk do when they feel out-citied. We hauled our cookies into the country for a weekend away, our trusty MPV stocked to the side mirrors with camping equipment and boxes of healthful snacks, like trail mix and bran flakes.

Whenever we do this, I become terribly gung ho. It’s almost as if I am trying to give my urban children a “Countryside 101”

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crash course in a single weekend. The thing is, I was born and bred on a tarmac. (I know, slightly pathetic, but I am willing to bet my binoculars that some of you do it too.)

This time, we found ourselves in a small private reserve on the Bainskloof Pass. Gloriously covered in spring flowers, nestling between two majestic ravine/ridgetype things, this was clearly the place where I was going to share my (not-oftenpractised) love of nature with my sons. I could feel it in my water bottle.

“Look around you, boys!” I exclaimed, about an hour and a half into a hike. (Horribly red in the face, I needed to do something to assert myself, as the rest of my family had not even broken into a sweat.) “Look at all the unspoilt beauty; isn’t it glorious? Look!

There are some … LBJ birds! And there’s a lot of … fynbos! And how cute are these little dewy red plants on the path?”

My eight-year-old son Benj bent down to look at them, and then looked up at me all brimming with enthusiasm.

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call them cute; they’re carnivorous,” he said, about to touch one.

“Don’t touch it!” I shrieked. “Everyone, step away!”

“Don’t be silly, Mommy,” said Joe, my 10-year-old. “Sundews don’t eat human flesh, they eat little insects that stray across their path. Look at this area – it’s all sandstone, with very little soil. These plants have evolved to get their nutrition where they can find it.”

I looked across at Andreas, who gave me a “how could you not know this?” shrug.

(There are downsides to marrying a person with four degrees in geology.)

“Boys, has Daddy taken you on secret field trips without me? How do you know this kind of thing?” The boys looked at each other and then at me, a little pityingly.

“I am sorry, Mommy, it’s because you spend all day at work – you don’t get to watch nearly as much TV as you should.

The Discovery Channel often features

carnivorous plants, and other interesting and unusual aspects of our amazing planet.”

As I stood staring, open-mouthed, the walking DStv advert, formerly known as Joe, took the opportunity to give Benj a little nudge. “Hey look, Benj,” he whispered. “I think that’s a yellow bishop.”

“I think you’re right,” Benj whispered back. “And look, his back feathers are all puffed up … it must be mating season.”

And with that, they skipped off down the trail, leaving me and my preconceptions in tatters. I know that my children watch a lot of nature documentaries, because cartoons weird them up, but I had no idea they were learning to do more than drool peacefully.

It seems I owe my TV and, perhaps, city life an apology. I shall be treading both our nearby trails and our tarmac a little more circumspectly for a bit.

Sam is the Editor-in-Chief of Women24.com, Parent24.com and Food24.com, and remains undecided about flesh-eating plants generally.

Cape Town’s

PHOTOGRAPH: TAMMY GARDNER

Benj, Sam and Joe