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To w n ’ s
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chuck the
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dress the part should play give way to fashion?
be invigorated moms take time out
spring into www.childmag.co.za
September 2011
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10+ ways to get fit for a good cause
health
education
entertainment
My husband and I recently celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Our agreement is that we don’t buy gifts. In fact, most years we can’t even remember the exact date of our wedding and have to call my mom-in-law to check. This year, however, my husband not only remembered, but he reneged on our agreement and bought me a present – a second-hand treadmill. By now all you psychologists out there are having a field day… Regardless of your analysis, I was thrilled. I have done little to no exercise since Robyn was born nine years ago, and I have reached the stage when enough is enough; I have to exercise. Every second morning sees me up at 5am, heading for “the baby room” that now houses our makeshift gym. I close the door, open the curtains, turn up Green Day as loudly as I can without disturbing my neighbour, who also greets the sunrise – but with prayer – and I run. I am not a natural runner, but somehow I manage to keep going because I am tired of being tired, and tired of looking and
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feeling out of shape. But this time I am not getting fit for summer, I am getting fit for me, and I’m loving it! So, this September, no matter what the weather is like outside, inside it feels like spring. If you need a goal to get you going, turn to our resource on page 35 for fun ways to exercise and support a good cause. I’ve picked my event – I hope you do too. Happy spring day.
If you love the magazine, you’ll love our website. Visit us at childmag.co.za
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Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za
Editorial
monthly circulation Cape Town’s Child magazineTM 45 054 40 071 Durban’s Child magazineTM 52 233 Joburg’s Child magazineTM
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Cape Town’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 7, Canterbury Studios, 35 Wesley Street, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 021 465 6093, fax: 021 462 2680, email: capetown@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Cape Town’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles, and other editorial content, are accurate and balanced, but cannot accept responsibility for loss, damage or inconvenience that may arise from reading them.
September 2011
3
contents
september 2011
upfront 3
a note from lisa
6 over to you
readers respond
14 reader’s blog Gareth Davies compares dog training with raising a child
32
15 dad’s blog
our children make us proud when they start being responsible, says Marc de Chazal
32 the skinny on eating disorders
children are becoming body conscious at a very young age. Angelique Serrao looks into this problem
health
10
features
is it just an allergic reaction or is it an asthma attack? By Anél Lewis
regulars 8 wins
16 high fashion versus child’s play
10 not to be sneezed at
a re we dressing our children in impractical clothes? Anél Lewis finds out
12 upfront with paul Paul Kerton reminds us that a car is not a playground
19 mom’s away!
35 resource – fun philanthropy
Lucille Kemp compiled a list of sport events that raise funds for charity
Donna Cobban speaks to a few moms who were bold enough to take a holiday without their children in tow
38 a good read 22 state of affairs
40 what’s on in september
why do husbands and wives cheat? Paul Kerton investigates
54 last laugh
26 a new baby makes four (or more)
new books for the whole family
Sam Wilson discovered roller coasters among the European castles
Joanne Lillie gives tips on how to introduce your new baby to your toddler
classified ads
30 declutter!
48 family marketplace
51 let’s party
experts give advice on how to organise your home. By Robyn Goss
this month’s cover images are supplied by:
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September 2011
Johannesburg
Cape Town
Durban
shutterstock.com
shutterstock.com
Accessorize www.accessorize.co.za
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September 2011
5
letters
over to you importance of taking responsibility
growing up too quickly Thanks for a great August issue. With all the things on offer for children, I sometimes feel sad that mine are grown up. Bettie
in response to the article posted online: what teachers wish they could tell you This article needs to be circulated to all parents. As a teacher, there is nothing more frustrating than a rude parent who thinks their child is never in the wrong and one that undermines the teacher. As the saying goes: “There are no problem children, only problem parents.” I’m going to print this and put it up on our staff board. If I were the headmistress I’d include it in the next newsletter to parents. Anonymous to read the article, visit childmag.co.za/content/ what-teachers-wish-they-could-tell-you
you that he is flourishing. His teacher cannot believe the change in him. I realize that this is going to be an ongoing lifestyle change, but I am happy that I did not resort to “conventional” treatment. I am leaving this issue of Child magazine on the teacher’s desk, and I hope that in future she will not be so quick to jump to the ADHD conclusion. A little encouragement and guidance for all children will go a lot further than medication. Andrea
best birthday bash ever give guidance, not medication Firstly, I would like to thank you for your wonderful magazine. I look forward to reading it every month. I have read the August issue with great enthusiasm as my son, who is seven, has concentration issues. He is also the youngest in his class; he only turns eight at the end of the year. When my son’s teacher told me that he has ADHD, I was devastated. However, I was not going to put him on medication as she suggested. The teacher also continually told me that my son was a bright little boy and this confused me. I did a lot of research and through the help of a friend who had been in a similar situation, I opted to seek the advice of a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) specialist. He explained to me that my son is a visual learner, and this has changed the way in which we do homework. Now there is no more fighting and begging in this home, just a happy little boy. I added omega-3 and omega-6 to my son’s diet and he has been taking supplements. I am pleased to tell
swimming lessons first I was three years old when my mother first got into the pool to drown-proof children. She worked at it for almost two years and, after months of research and attending numerous swimming courses, she developed her own method of teaching children to swim, starting them from the young age of six months. Even though she has now retired, she still gets absolute joy from climbing into the pool with her four grandchildren and revelling in what she has been able to teach them. From being the three-year-old who swam behind my mom at her first “job”, to now being a 32-year-old mom, I am fuelled by her passion. I spent many an afternoon after school watching her teach class after class. I knew that her method worked, but it wasn’t until I had my first child in 2008, that I really began to understand just how brilliant her approach is. My daughter started her “swimming career” in the bath on her first night home from hospital. She was not yet two when she could swim across the pool, coming up to breathe all by herself. Now I watch her, at the age of three, teaching her one-year-old brother to swim in the bath, and it is an indescribable pleasure. I wish the public would realize the absolute necessity of taking their children to swimming lessons from a young age, with an instructor who is suitably qualified. As a generation of new parents, we are often bombarded by other child-stimulation workshops, but these are far outweighed by the benefits of swimming. Not only are the children being stimulated during swimming lessons, but they are also being taught a life skill. I want to emphasise that new parents need to think “swimming” before anything else. Carmen Whelan-D’Arcy
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September 2011
I would just like to thank Child magazine and Acrobranch for the greatest birthday party my child has ever had. I won a party a couple of months ago through your magazine and redeemed the prize recently. Wow. The children had the best time ever. I don’t know why I bothered to even put any eats out, as we never saw them come to the table. Acrobranch is fantastic and very professional in what they do. Thank you again. Alison Rennison
turn it off! I read a quote today that reminded me of a few important and inspiring things: “If you find you don’t have time to do the things you love most, turn off the TV”. I realized that I had very quickly gone from someone who didn’t even own a TV to someone with a DStv connection and a plasma screen, and that they consumed my evenings. I thought back to all the times I had said to my friends, “since my baby was born, I never have the chance to read anymore” and that if I did get time to read, I just wasn’t using it. Then, I picked up my Child magazine and had a good laugh at a few of the articles. I actually felt as if I learnt something. Not only did a thing or two inspire me as a parent, but I also realized that the simple act of turning off the TV in the evenings, frees up a whole lot of hours for me to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes – reading. Your magazine was a great place to start. Nicole Stephens Follow us on Facebook and Twitter
write to us You can also post a comment online at
Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters to: marina@
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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
The Bill of Responsibilities for the Youth of South Africa (a pledge for learners) forms a large part of every child’s life. I have been teaching my students about their responsibilities, even though they are four and five years old. They are never too young to understand that they are responsible for the life they have and lead. We all signed our names to confirm that we understood and believed (in the bill), but younger students could draw a picture of themselves. Let’s encourage them from a young age to be responsible and to acknowledge the rights they are lucky to have. Lucy
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September 2011
7
wins
8
up to the challenge
keep rollin’
The much-anticipated Pediasure Toddler Sense Seminars, in association with TopTots, are being held countrywide in October this year. Join author and toddler expert Ann Richardson, and her guest speakers, for a morning of discussions on food, behaviour and development. For more information about the day, visit toddlersense.co.za One Cape Town’s Child reader stands a chance to win a double ticket to the seminar and a hamper from Metz Press, TopTots and Pediasure. Email us or post your details and mark it as “Toddler Sense CT Win”.
Turn your child’s favourite pair of shoes into roller skates – just adjust the size to fit their shoes, strap on the skates and let them roll away. Roller Kidz Heel Skates are great for exercise and can be adjusted to fit adult shoes too. Adults must weigh no more than 90kg. For a list of retailers that stock Roller Kidz Heel Skates visit rollerkidz.co.za Five pairs of Roller Kidz Heel Skates, valued at R350 each, are up for grabs. Simply email or post us your details and mark it as “Roller Kidz CT Win”.
September 2011
how to enter
congratulations to our July winners
Unless it is otherwise stated, emailed entries go to win@childmag.co.za and postal entries go to PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Only one entry per reader is allowed and entries must be received by 30 September 2011.
CA Dean, Marsha Jordaan, Marcela Cawood, D Pillay, Helen Cox, Annette Badenhorst, Heather Brown, Janice Johnson, Marilyn Levin, Michelle Anders, Reenen van Rensburg, Shiela Ward, Michelle van Stavel, Yazeed Naidoo and Zania Littler who each win an Acornkids pack; Georgia Setzer and Chantel Faulds who each win a Prima Toys hamper; Julie Hechter, Barbara, Dominique Bolligelo-Smith and Samantha Wilson who each win a Hush Clothing voucher and Deone de Goede, Vimla Naidoo, Meg Carter, Melanie Gilfillan-McEvoy and Jenny Warwick who each win Mega Bloks.
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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
giveaways in september
magazine cape town
September 2011
9
health
not to be sneezed at Your child is wheezing and struggling to breathe. Is it an allergic reaction or an asthmatic attack? ANÉL LEWIS finds out.
similar triggers n allergy is an abnormal immune reaction to an allergen, explains Prof Eugene Weinberg of the Allergy Diagnostic Unit at the University of Cape Town’s Lung Institute. If this reaction occurs in the nose or lungs, the body releases histamines and other chemicals, causing the mucous membranes to swell. This may lead to a runny nose and streaming, itchy eyes, and heavy bouts of sneezing. About one in five people in South Africa have an allergy of some kind, says Weinberg. There are various types of allergies, but it is the nasal allergy that is related to, and often confused with, asthma. Asthma is a chronic lung disease that affects the airways, making it difficult for someone to breathe. The small airways narrow and there is an inflammation of the membranes. There may also be an overproduction of mucous. Signs of asthma include a tight chest and wheezing, a dry cough and difficulty breathing. About 80 percent of all childhood asthma is diagnosed before the age of five and Dr Adrian Morris, a Cape Town-based
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September 2011
Spring can be an uncomfortable time for children who suffer from either condition, as both may be triggered by excessive pollen in the air. Other common causes include animal dander, mould, house dust mites, cockroaches and tobacco smoke. Both asthma and allergies tend to be inherited, and Weinberg says a child with a family history of hay fever, eczema or asthma is likely to develop an allergy. Asthma can also be triggered by a viral infection or environmental factors such as insecticides, a change in the weather, processed foods, extreme emotions and physical exertion. Children with asthma don’t have to avoid exercise, but they are advised to opt for activities requiring short bouts of energy. Swimming is often recommended.
treatment Asthma can’t be cured, but it can be controlled. Reliever medications offer immediate relief for the symptoms, and usually last four to six hours, while controller medications prevent the onset of an attack. Both can be administered in tablet form, with an inhaler, syringe or nebuliser. Make sure your school knows that your child has asthma and takes
medication. Dr Mike Levin, writing for the National Asthma Education Programme (NEAP) based in Johannesburg, says asthmatics should also be aware of any possible allergies that could trigger an attack. A rare trigger in younger children could be certain foods, such as cow’s milk. An allergy such as hay fever may be seasonal or more chronic. Hay fever can be treated with oral antihistamines or topical steroid nasal sprays. Weinberg says there is also a new treatment, using drops of the grass allergen, which can be placed under the tongue to desensitise a sufferer to the allergy.
famous asthma sufferers Rugby player Schalk Burger and Olympic gold medallist, swimmer Ryk Neethling.
useful contacts Allergy Society of South Africa 021 447 9091 or visit allergysa.org National Asthma Education Programme 011 643 2755 or visit asthma.co.za
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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
allergy expert, says that more than half of affected children will outgrow the condition by their teens.
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September 2011
11
upfront with paul
car control PAUL KERTON reminds his daughters that a ride in his hallowed chariot is a privilege, and that there’s no place in it for smelly jelly.
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cleaned my car the other day. Well, I lie, I actually took it to Land Rover for something minor to be fixed and they cleaned it inside and out. It was spotless. I drove around all morning delighting at the shiny dashboard, sparkling wheel trims, zen-like interior and clear windscreen. Then I picked up my daughters from school. Within five minutes, the car looked like a garbage truck. How do they do it? Where did that sticky stuff come from? “Oh that’s smelly jelly,” said Sabina, before she gleefully threw it at the windscreen – splat! – sending a trillion globules of red sticky jelly throughout the entire cabin; oblivious to the fact that her ice lolly was melting from the bottom up and dripping over my nice clean upholstery. “What’s that? Oh no!” A topless
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September 2011
red Koki was bleeding into the fabric. “You must put the tops back on,” I chided, as my nostrils were assailed by the most revolting smell. “Have you let one go?” “That’s why it’s called smelly jelly,” said my dear mischievous daughter, grinning. “Girls! We need to talk.” In a vain attempt to exact some discipline, I first tried to appeal to their aesthetic sense, explaining that the car is a vital means of transport with the accent on speed, comfort and safety and that it was not a good idea to have droplets of smelly jelly obscuring the sight of oncoming traffic. “Sorry Officer, I didn’t see you flagging me down because of the red mist on the inside of the windscreen.” The car is not a playroom. But then again, it’s not as if I
can ban them from the car. What are they going to do – walk home? When I was 11, I used to walk a kilometre from school to a train station, admittedly through a beautiful countryside, catch a train for three stops and then walk another kilometre home; mostly with other children, but often on my own. I realise you can’t always do this in South Africa (you can’t in the UK anymore either) but this chauffeured lifestyle is incredibly privileged and hellishly time- and petrolconsuming, whether it’s me, mom or Gran doing the driving. It also breeds a false expectation of the real world. When they grow up, get jobs and start experiencing stress, they will be doubly shocked when they have to find their own way home. The
least they can do in the meantime is treat our hallowed chariots with some respect. When we arrived home, they were both out of the car like pedigree greyhounds, leaving all their bags, books and rubbish behind. This was definitely not on and I brought them back to pick up every morsel of junk that was theirs. The new rule is: what you bring to the car you take away with you. Otherwise, minutes later, one of them will be screaming for her flipflops, only to find that they are under the passenger seat. Now, how do we get rid of that smelly jelly? “Hello, garage? My brakes are making this horrendous squeaking noise...” Paul Kerton is the author of Fab Dad: A Man’s Guide to Fathering.
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PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN
Saskia, Paul and Sabina
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September 2011
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blog
basic training When it comes to raising pets and children, the same rules apply, says new parent and
a
s both a pet owner of two dogs, a four-year-old male Golden Retriever and a year-old female Labrador, and a new parent (of a seven-month-old little boy), I am really amazed at the similarities between training a pet and raising a child. Many people will say that dogs are dogs and children are children, but in actual fact, as Cesar Millan always says, they are both young animals that require exercise, discipline and affection from their owners or parents. Obviously some aspects of raising dogs and children differ, especially when the latter get a bit older, but the principles are the same. A dog or a child who is allowed free rein of the house will turn into a spoilt brat. Without boundaries, how will they learn what is acceptable behaviour and what is not?
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Anyone who has watched Dog Whisperer or Supernanny will notice that it is almost always the pet owner or parent who causes the problems. Cesar and Jo Frost spend more time on their shows educating the caregivers than dealing with the dog or child. For those who don’t believe me, tune into the Dog Whisperer on DStv and watch how Cesar handles problem animals. He remains calm and assertive at all times. Isn’t this something we as parents should strive towards? Sure it’s difficult when your little one throws a screaming tantrum in Woolies, but getting angry and upsetting yourself just makes things worse. If you remain calm, it makes the situation much easier to deal with. Cesar advises dog owners to follow through when they want their pets to
do something. How many times have you asked your child to pack up their toys, only to see them strewn around the room an hour later? Every time you tell them to do it and they don’t, and you don’t enforce what you want done, they get the upper hand. And we all know, getting them to change their ways once they are in control is extremely difficult. If you had just enforced what you wanted from the beginning, there would be no problems. Cesar asks all dog owners to exercise their pets daily. Do we do this with our children or do we plonk them in front of the TV when we want some time out for ourselves? If we don’t let them exercise at least once a day, their frustration builds, they don’t sleep well and they start acting up.
Of course, giving affection is a must for dogs and children, but what’s important is giving it at the right time. Don’t do it when your child screams or throws a tantrum. Rather give affection when it’s really needed; after a fall or when your child is calm and receptive to a positive reinforcement of your love. We could all improve our parenting skills if we stick to some dog training basics in the early years.
Readers, this is your column – it’s a space to air your views, share a valuable parenting lesson, vent your frustrations or celebrate your joys. Send your writing to features@childmag.co.za
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illustrationS: shutterstock.com / Nikki-leigh Piper
“child whisperer” GARETH DAVIES.
dad’s blog
my kingdom for a horse MARC DE CHAZAL’s daughter uses her initiative, and makes a few sacrifices, so that she can do something she loves.
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grew up on a farm where I was lucky enough to have my own horse. Her name was Tess and she was blind in one eye, but she could run like the wind. The trick to avoid startling her was not to sneak up on her “wrong” side. I had great fun riding her until she was too old to be bothered with outback riding and preferred her pasture. My daughter has now started horse riding lessons. The trick to avoid startling my bank account was simply to encourage her to finance the lessons out of her own pocket money – I have the guitar lessons covered already. But this financial commitment has not put her off in the slightest. She’s done the maths and may likely plead for one parent-sponsored lesson over and above the lessons that she can afford. I will try my best to help her as much
as possible, given how much I enjoyed riding as a child. So far, it looks as if she is a natural-born rider. While horse riding may not be the cheapest extramural my daughter could have chosen; it’s better than having her hang out at the mall all weekend. I’m also grateful that she’s taken her own initiative, not only to find a good horse riding school just a short drive from home, but also by making a few sacrifices of her own to cover the cost of (most of) the lessons. I reckon the value of learning to budget from an early age is priceless.
PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
The value of learning to budget from an early age is priceless.
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Read more of Marc de Chazal’s weekly parenting blogs on childmag.co.za
September 2011
15
spotlight
high fashion
versus child’s play
Are we encouraging our children to grow up too quickly by dressing
equined tops, padded bras and high heel shoes – all fine in a women’s clothing store, but should you be able to buy these items in the children’s section? Many parents say definitely not. But it seems as if finding appropriate, practical clothing for children is becoming increasingly difficult. Cape Town mother Debbie Hutton says she feels “disillusioned and nauseous” when she has to find outfits for her daughters aged five and nine. Both girls are big for their age, so she is already browsing in the teenage section. “Having to shop in the teenage department for a nine-year-old is challenging. The clothes are impractical for the general day-to-day activities of that age, such as riding a bike, kicking a ball and rollerblading. High fashion and child’s play don’t mix too well.” There is scientific evidence to back up Debbie’s concern. According to a study reported in the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, inappropriate clothing was potentially a significant barrier to children’s outdoor play. In some cases, children avoided playing games because they had been warned “not to ruin”
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their expensive outfits. Awkward outfits and unsuitable shoes, such as flip-flops, also hindered play. Liz Senior, a Johannesburg occupational therapist and founder of Clamber Club, says toddlers and young children will usually remove uncomfortable clothing if it bothers them while they play. Some schools have strict policies about clothing. The Royal Drakensberg Primary School warns parents that inappropriate clothing will be restrictive to children’s play and the New Beginnings Montessori School in Johannesburg advises against dresses, as they make climbing and sitting difficult for girls. When it comes to choosing baby and children’s wear, parents agree that safety, practicality, durability, suitability and cost are among their main concerns.
safety Woolworths, a popular choice for parents looking for children’s clothing, says each garment in its range is scanned with a metal detector to remove potentially harmful items. The retailer only uses nickel- and ferrousfree metal trims, their press studs have been tested to
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PHOTOGRAPHS: Losevsky Pavel / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
them in trendy, and often impractical, outfits? ANÉL LEWIS reports.
Maybe we would spend less money on occupational therapy if our children were allowed to dress in such a way that encouraged them to play. ensure they are securely attached and any decorative trim is tested for safety and durability. Jacadi, a brand of clothing for newborns to children 14 years old, and Okaïdi, which caters for children up to 12 years old, uses mainly 100 percent cotton, wool and denim for its clothing ranges. Both brands focus on the choice of fabrics, durability and practical style, says brand manager Nazreen Khota. Naartjie, which caters for babies and children up to the age of 10, describes its clothing as “rugged enough to endure long days of play, yet bright and colourful enough to reflect the playful, imaginative spirit of childhood.” Naartjie’s Esperanza Louw says the clothing is versatile and soft to allow for easy movement. “Children need to be children.” Their range, while stylish, is durable enough to withstand the rigours of the playground.
off the rack Megan Roberts, of Johannesburg, complains that she can’t find basic baby clothes. “You just don’t get plain babygrows past the age of six months anymore. Everything is so grown up, with frills and jeans for example. They are only small for a short time, why should we force them to grow up and wear adult clothes when they are so young?” The biggest gripe for parents of older children, particularly girls, is the dearth of age-appropriate items. Philippa Byron, of Cape Town, shops regularly for her nieces, aged four and six. The older girl is tall for her age, so Philippa has to look
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for clothes sized seven to eight. “I’m really struggling to find clothes that are age-appropriate. It seems that when children pass six years old, they become teenagers, or adults in fact.” Cape Town mother Nathalie Harper-Leblond says the clothing for small girls in the two to five year age group is unsuitable. “Their clothes are (mostly) synthetic, sequined, neon and branded. I do not want my two-year-old in a Bratz or Barbie outfit.” She is also concerned about the sale of padded bras for younger girls. Debbie complains that one retailer has a six to 16-yearold clothing section. “Really? Do six-year-olds have anything in common with 16-year-olds? Do they need to dress the same? Maybe we would spend less money on occupational therapy if our children were allowed to dress in such a way that encouraged them to play.” Philippa agrees, saying that the grouping together of clothing for children and teenagers is “ridiculous”. She adds, “It bothers me that some clothes for seven-year-olds have sexy elements too.” Debbie says retailers would stop stocking inappropriate children’s clothing if parents boycotted them. “Children grow up so quickly; too quickly in many cases. Can’t they just be children while they are children?” Brett Kaplan, Woolworth’s group director of clothing and general merchandise, says the retailer relies on “regular customer feedback” and “insights from panels of parents” when it evaluates the appropriateness and
appeal of a range of clothing. “(We) try to ensure that children’s wear is age-appropriate and offers customers something to suit their needs and tastes.” Louw says Naartjie strives to keep its clothing ageappropriate. “We never use black and we don’t do revealing outfits.”
September 2011
17
spotlight
brand overload
price watch
Debbie doesn’t let her girls watch the Twilight series, but then she has to stop them from wearing clothing emblazoned with their characters. Cape Town mother Zita Carmen Wicht says her “tomboy princess” does not want to wear Barbie clothing, but she struggles to find alternatives. The same goes for boys who get to choose between Ben10, Spider-Man or wrestling motifs for most of their clothing. Kaplan says, “Variety is important as we serve a diverse spectrum of customers. Character branded clothing accounts for a very small percentage of our children’s wear catalogue.”
Parents tend to opt for cheaper clothing for everyday wear, especially if they have babies who are starting to crawl, and then splurge on better quality items for weekends or special occasions. As children grow so quickly, it often makes better financial sense to buy the basics at mainstream department stores. Nathalie says she used to balk at the prices of the clothing at some boutique children’s shops. “But I have discovered that their clothes wash and wear really well, plus the cut on their dresses means that as your little one gets taller, the garment becomes a T-shirt. So, despite being expensive, I reckon it’s worth it.”
shopping tips 1. Make sure the item can be easily put on and removed. For babies, look for items that don’t have finicky buttons and clasps. Toddlers and older children should be able to dress themselves with ease. 2. Consider the season. For summer clothes, make sure the fabric is loose fitting and breathable. Some retailers sell clothing with an SPF. Winter clothes should be warm but not too restrictive. Dress your baby or child in layers that can be removed as the temperature changes. 3. Will the item be comfortable to wear? While a frilly skirt may look great, it will not pass muster on the playground. Also make sure waistbands and sleeves are not too tight, to allow for free movement. 4. Think about safety. Avoid anything with buttons, zips or ties for infants and toddlers. Opt for fire-retardant and anti-pill fabrics. 5. Infants have especially sensitive skin. Choose hypoallergenic fabric where possible. 6. Sizing is important. While it may be cost-effective to buy clothing your child will “grow into”, buying something that is too big may lead to tripping or awkward play.
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too much too soon? Many parents feel that clothing with suggestive slogans should not be on the racks in the children’s section. Cape Town-based clinical sexologist Dr Marlene Wasserman says that while these items can contribute to the sexualisation of children, and should be objected to, it is up to the parents to instil self-esteem and body knowledge. “Then it really won’t matter what the girl wears. She will see it as fashion and not let it impact on her sexuality, positively or negatively.” Girls are also starting to develop at a younger age, which means they are buying bras much earlier. British retailers have been lambasted for selling padded and plunge bras for girls from the age of seven. In SA, shops sell padded bras, starting at size 28AA, with their clothes for young girls. While the onset of puberty may create a need for a padded bra, Wasserman says peer pressure and the media could be drivers. They “feed into the girl’s need to feel grown up”. However, she cautions against letting girls think they are only as good as their breasts, as is often portrayed in the media. If you don’t want your child to wear a padded bra, give considered reasons for your decision. But be aware of fashion trends. You don’t want her to feel as if she is the only girl in her circle without one, says Wasserman.
magazine cape town
my story
mom’s away! You envied Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love, but would you be able to leave your
PHOTOGRAPHS: ilene grace / ashlea perrone / shutterstock.com
w
family to take a solo trip? DONNA COBBAN hears from three mothers who did.
hen I was about seven my father bought my mother a ticket to Bermuda for her 40th birthday – just the one ticket, for her to visit old friends. I was nervous and excited at the same time. Being without her was going to be hideous, yet eating her pre-prepared frozen meals and following her typed schedule made me feel grown up and ever so capable (even if I cried a little). I can still taste that trip – it sits at the back of my throat and when I’m feeling small and alone, at 40-something, I draw on that experience and remember that I rode the wave of her absence well and am now able to weather many of life’s dilemmas a little better because of it. So I go in search of other mothers who have taken some time away. In this age of helicopter parenting, they are not easy to find but when I do, they have a wonderful life lesson for other mothers: sometimes we need a little time with ourselves to be the best parent we know how to be.
magazine cape town
Johannesburg-based single mother Ilene Grace’s son was four when a good friend invited her on a 10-day holiday to Sri Lanka. Fortunately, Daniel was accustomed to being away from Ilene as he spent playschool holidays with her parents on their farm near Kimberley. Although he did not understand that Sri Lanka was much further away, their separation was nothing new for him. But for Ilene, who had been so deeply immersed in single parenting, the contrasts between the trip and her usual routine were stark. “You get to drive in a car without listening to Ed Jordan’s ‘Beautiful Creatures’, you stay up at night sitting at a cafè on the side of the road watching life go by. You read your own book on the plane as opposed to Adventures for Boys and you come back home, loving your child more than ever and knowing yourself again a little more than you did before you left.” During her time away, Ilene called home only twice. “I thought about Daniel every single day, but not in a pining and heartbroken kind of way. I missed him deeply and at times even wished that he was there with me to share in the experiences, but I was also ecstatic about not having to worry about routine
and food and how he would have coped with the gruelling hours spent in planes and taxis.” Ilene has a strong opinion about taking time out. “Your children will grow up one day and you will still have to be you. You cannot let your entire world revolve around them alone. You need time to remember yourself, feed your own needs. Once you teach yourself to let go a little, it is actually a really good feeling and better parenting is a by-product.” While reflecting on her adventure, which for any parent would undoubtedly also be an experiment at being apart from the family, Ilene has this to say: “Even though Daniel was always on my mind, there were times when I was so astounded by the beauty of the ancient ruins, the Buddhist temples and the statues that I lost myself completely. Those were the best days.”
sri lanka
September 2011
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my story
india Ashlea Perrone, a Cape Town mother of two, restaurateur and part-time photographer, knows how busy life can be. She is devoted to her children and leaves her half-day job to shuttle, shop, cook and nurture them (a job that is often done solo as her husband runs the restaurant in the evenings). But Ashlea has consciously put the brakes on the speed at which life passes by. “Our children are only young for a very short period of time and as mothers, we also have to live our lives for ourselves, and not forget about who we are and what we really want out of our own lives.” Ashlea’s trip, a brief two weeks in India with a treasured girlfriend, was her first in over 10 years. “When I first received the invitation my reaction was ‘No way, sorry, absolutely not possible. My children, aged eight and six, are incredibly demanding and they need me’ – or so I thought.” But with her husband’s blessing, a five-page schedule of extramurals, parties and appointments set up for the family and the added bonus of visiting Italian grandparents who could help, she left for India. Ashlea’s initial feelings of guilt were intense and the physical act of driving
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to the airport was one of the most difficult things she had ever done. “I kept wondering if I was actually going to be able to go through with it,” she recalls. But thankfully she did. With each passing day in sunny Goa, with its warm ocean and relaxing beach massages, Ashlea felt a change; an unfurling of the self. “I had, for the past eight years, closed myself off from myself, and focused on bringing up my children in the best way I thought possible. But I wondered if this had been to my detriment and to theirs?” Ashlea chose not to contact them too often. “I felt that it would make our distance apart worse for them, and definitely for me. Somehow, I couldn’t help feeling far removed from reality back home.” But coming home was “nothing short of amazing”, she says. “Every second felt like a lifetime until I finally got to hug and hold my beautiful children and was able to finally say, ‘I’m home!’.” Within a few hours, life was back to its predictable routine, yet Ashlea felt different for two reasons. “I had that ‘had a great holiday’ feeling, which is still with me, and I had the experience of seeing my children and appreciating them all the more after some time apart.”
magazine cape town
Belinda Overend like Ilene, was also a single mother, but like any parent, married or not, she was delighted at the offer of some time away. Belinda, also from Johannesburg, had recently ended a demoralising and isolating relationship, she had co-leased an apartment with her best friend’s brother and was working at increasing her earning power. “I worked harder and longer hours than my team mates, and juggled debt like a professional circus act; terrified that I would lose the only income that was keeping a roof over our heads. My children were starting to notice that they were different and didn’t have the everyday luxuries that other children had in ‘regular’ households – this left me desperately sad and feeling totally inadequate.” Belinda’s sister, who lives in Santa Barbara in the United States, offered to fly her over for a break, but her company refused to give her leave. Belinda was devastated. “Perhaps I was at the end of the barrel at the time, but I knew deep down that it was time to trust myself and put my needs first. So I resigned without a clue about what I was going to do. I decided that I was going to go overseas for three weeks and I’d just have to figure it out – I let go of the fear.” This was going to be the first time Belinda was away from her children for longer than a day and she was understandably nervous. “I definitely suffered much more separation anxiety than they did.” Fortunately the children’s father had recently moved back to Johannesburg from Durban and he agreed to have them – it all seemed to fall into place. Armed with
a bunch of photos of the children, Belinda set off for a three-week holiday that included a visit to Santa Barbara, camping in San Felipe in Mexico and a week in San Diego. “The first week I felt awful. I had a pretty tight, co-dependent relationship with my children and being young when I had them, I didn’t really have the freedom to do much more than be a mom – a job I took, and still take, quite seriously. So I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with myself. I pined for them daily but my sister kept me occupied. We went out to restaurants, met up for lunch when she had to work, had dinners with her friends, did girlie things, watched movies, went to the beach with the dogs and just generally mooched about enjoying the familiarity of family. By being able to not do anything of mindblowing importance, with no financial implications or responsibilities, I was truly spoilt rotten.” Belinda went on to scuba dive, horse ride, play fireside scrabble and drink Margaritas. She recalls a wonderful night when, while sitting under the light of a full moon overlooking the Sea of Cortez, she “fell in love with life again”. Realising that she was only 30 and perhaps didn’t need to take life so seriously, she also acknowledged that she was still desirable. She conceded that adult company and conversation were engaging and long overdue. “I had to build more of that into my life. I came home a different person – renewed, invigorated and determined to give my children the best of what life has to offer.”
united states magazine cape town
September 2011
21
spotlight
state of affairs Why do husbands and wives cheat?
i
t is not that difficult to notice that your partner is having an affair. There is a not-so-subtle change in behaviour, which may range from extra grooming and new “friends” (who happen to be in town tonight only) to very late business meetings. Underwear suddenly becomes far sexier (for her) or cleaner and with no holes (for him). The guilty person will hurriedly log off the internet, whisper into their cellphone, change a favourite brand of cigarette or perfume and alter their speech patterns. Derek*, 25, a film set designer in Cape Town, explains his revelation. “She started coming out with two phrases
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that we never used: ‘Go figure’ and ‘Born up a tree’ instead of bon appetite at the start of a meal. She thought it was hilarious. Then we bumped into this guy she knew who said the same thing, in exactly the same tone, with the same half-chuckle at the end. As he said it, she looked at me as if she’d just stabbed me through the heart by accident. In a nanosecond, it was all over.” When suspicions are raised and alarm bells ring, what you choose to do about it is a tussle between head and heart. Ex-Mrs Jagger, Jerry Hall says, “There is nothing more humiliating than loving someone so much that you
forgive the infidelities.” Whatever your personal opinion or experience of the affair – as a harmless diversion or a family-destroying disaster – be sure that there is always some collateral damage.
why have one? The big question is, why do husbands and wives cheat on each other? The obvious answer: “because they can” is far too simplistic. There are motivations, emotions and elements that push even the most loyal among us to stray, but the argument “when one or the other’s needs are not
magazine cape town
illustrationS: shutterstock.com / nikki-leigh piper
PAUL KERTON investigates.
met”, is the best starting point. In His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (Revell), Willard F Harley lists 10 emotional needs that we all crave. Women’s needs are fundamentally different from men’s. While he needs physical attraction, admiration and sexual fulfilment, she is more inclined towards affection, financial support, honesty and openness. The discrepancy between the sexes is fuel for various degrees of friction. Harley advocates
sensed what was happening, he cut off her “allowance” and literally kicked her out. They are still fighting over the children, and the Merc, three years later. Penny Mansfield, director of the UK marriage centre One Plus One, notes that, “The tension that most of us live with is that we marry on the basis of romantic love, which rarely lasts, and once that diminishes and domestic drudgery sets in, our expectations are shattered.”
Whatever your personal opinion or experience of the affair – as a harmless diversion or a family-destroying disaster – be sure that there is always some collateral damage. concentrating on each other’s needs instead of our own – difficult for some, impossible for most. For Jenny*, 37, who enjoyed a privileged “Sandton lifestyle”, her problem was that she had no voice. “The relationship orbited around his importance, his job, his money, his everything. I had a seemingly envious lifestyle (a Merc, clothes from St Germain, tennis on Tuesday, riding on Wednesday…), but I was desperately unhappy and starved of affection and conversation. I woke up one morning and changed my life. I stopped being his servant and went out determined to meet somebody new, and did.” And thus began a torrid affair. When her husband
magazine cape town
Children do make sex difficult. Quite apart from the perennial parental excuse of “too tired”, there is the question of logistics. Gone are those exciting blue-movie moments of impromptu coupling. Sex becomes restricted, reduced to a quick under-the-covers, covert operation. Good for moles, not so good for passionate couples. Cape Town therapist, Natalie Edkins, reminds us of the common reflex of “splitting” where the man divides women into “Madonnas” and “whores”. “He no longer sees his partner as a sexual being, but as the nurturer and custodian of his child’s life – the “Madonna”. So, he looks for release elsewhere – often not anywhere he is proud of, with the “whore” – completely oblivious to his own partner’s needs.”
There is no doubt that the majority of women, and many men, naturally lose interest in sex during pregnancy and after the birth of a child. For men, it’s the realisation that he has been relegated to the back of the queue when it comes to love, affection and attention. Durban-based horticulturist Terence*, 35, says he felt invisible after his baby was born. “I couldn’t handle the mundane baby routine. It’s bad, I know, but I started working late and going out drinking with friends; anything to avoid going home. I hit it off with an intern at work and saw her about three times a week until the baby was walking. It felt awkward, but met my needs.”
September 2011
23
spotlight
As harried parents pass each other in the kitchen, they forget what brought them together in the first place. “Parenthood is swallowing marriage in that children have become the only focus,” says Pamela Haag in her new book Marriage Confidential, (Harper) where she defines the concept of a “semi-happy marriage”. Certainly, when partners lose that initial frisson and mutual respect, they stop communicating and caring and, more importantly, sharing a future goal together. When a partner suddenly feels taken for granted, unloved and unappreciated; those negatives mount until “Bang!”, somebody arrives who finds you attractive, listens to what you’re saying and is tactile and affectionate. Suddenly you’re sitting across a table sharing a bottle
men and 40 percent of women would. While the statistics vary, there is consensus that married men cheat more than married women. Is this because women aren’t as interested in being unfaithful or is it that they are simply better at concealing it? The statistics rise even more when you have a group of men or women on the loose, like at a conference, which creates a Petri dish for misbehaviour. The recipe is intoxicating: being away from home, a five-star location and a bed the size of a football field, expense account dinners, rivers of free booze, and more importantly, colleagues of similar age and circumstance who have the same things at stake. Plus there is that unwritten credo: “what happens at conference stays at conference”.
The tension that most of us live with is that we marry on the basis of romantic love, which rarely lasts, and once that diminishes and domestic drudgery sets in, our expectations are shattered. of Chardonnay with someone who doesn’t dribble or posset, or need a bib, and can hold a decent conversation. The attention is flattering, the conversation is refreshing and the sexual energy is doubly alluring. The parent emerges from their domestic smog. He is interesting; she is interested. We forget to separate children’s time from adult time. Crikey, you’ve been ferrying them about all day, cooking them meals, buying them clothes and helping with their projects; you deserve your “you” time. But there is always something else to do. Often, it takes a stranger to point out the obvious. When you are in the middle of this domestic frenzy you find yourself wondering: is everybody else feeling like this?
not getting caught Needs and emotions aside, not getting caught is a major driver when considering an infidelity. Ask 10 men and 10 women whether they would have an affair with a dishy member of the opposite sex if they thought they would get away with it, and eight out of 10 men will say yes, while five out of 10 women will. The rest are probably lying as global statistics overwhelmingly show that 85 percent of
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Situations where a flirtatious woman with attractive assets confronts a man do frequently arise. He may be flattered by the attention, and he will need to be strong-willed to say no. “I went to afterwork drinks with a few colleagues and this woman was in my face,” says Denzil*, an architect with a young wife and child. “She literally wouldn’t leave me alone.” His defence of “What could I do?” sounded pathetic as he hurriedly showed me photos of a very attractive woman. His inference was, what would I have done if she had slobbered all over me? It sounds lame, but men really are weak.
avatar affairs For some who are too scared, too tired or too busy to have a real affair, technology provides for what has become known as the “avatar affair”, where the man or woman is unfaithful only in spirit; either through suggestive messages or interaction on online dating sites and chatrooms. These are places where they can live out a virtual, and often very erotic, fantasy without meeting or touching, or breaking their partner’s heart. Harmless fantasy? Perhaps, but just remember to clear your computer’s memory before you fix the children’s packed lunches and go to bed. magazine cape town
how to affair-proof your marriage 1 Start adult time earlier, like lunchtime perhaps. 2 Go out on dates (with each other) at least one night a week. Don’t talk about the children. Whoever talks about the children first, pays. 3 Remember to have sex (tonight). Sex is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you do it the more you want to. Stop doing it and you just make up excuses for not doing it. 4 Encourage the children to play on their own. They don’t always have to be supervised. 5 Buy each other presents or a treat. This doesn’t have to be a pair of Bulgari earrings or La Perla underwear (well not always). It’s the thought that counts. 6 Spend more time together. Modern life is so hectic we tend to “tandem parent”, so that one parent is always with the children but both parents are never together. Go somewhere special together for part of the weekend, once a month at least. 7 Remember to touch each other. Be tactile and affectionate. Let your partner know that you know they are there, however brief the encounter. 8 Carry a baseball bat (only joking).
not always according to plan An affair is flattering, dangerous, wicked and naughty – all of those quasi-fantasies suddenly spring to life. Yet having an affair doesn’t always go according to plan. As in any relationship, there is ebb and flow; good and bad. It is hard work, as it takes a serious amount of scheming, lying and cheating which, in reality, most people don’t enjoy or find easy to do. Trying to fit it in with a tight business schedule, busy home life and in a place as small as South Africa, is incredibly stressful. At some point, the excitement fades and reality sets in, causing many to reflect on what they had and what they stand to lose. Often this is the tipping point in favour of a return to the nest. “At first it was great fun and very erotic,” says Sandra*, 32, a Cape Town interior designer and mother of three boys, “but it very quickly turned from exciting to, well, almost a chore. I started thinking twice about meeting, felt terrible about lying and was conscious of special family moments I was missing. I realised that what I had (with my husband) wasn’t that magazine cape town
bad. I sensed that my boys knew and were disappointed in me. The look on their little faces broke my heart.” A recent American study of 8 000 middle-aged divorced respondents concluded that divorcing a spouse is so stressful that it often causes permanent physical damage, even for those who go on to have happy second marriages. The divorced not only suffer a higher level of depression, but 20 percent more of them develop chronic health conditions such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes with 23 percent developing problems with mobility. I’d say most of us, certainly those reading this magazine, honestly wouldn’t be in a marriage if we weren’t attracted to our partner, didn’t believe in it as an institution, didn’t love our children, and didn’t want to make it work and have a rich and fulfilling life together. You can spend forever looking for that kernel of ultimate excitement we all crave, but essentially the trick is to provide for it in the relationship you already have. *Names have been changed September 2011
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parenting
and new baby
makes four (or more)
Is the thought of introducing your new baby to his sibling giving you sleepless nights? JOANNE LILLIE offers tips to ease your anxiety – and your increased workload.
before baby arrives Expanding your family is exciting and a cause for great joy, but it won’t be without its ups and downs. The trick in your last few months and weeks of pregnancy is to plan ahead and prepare yourself and your older children for the adjustment. • Dealing with guilt Ravaged by guilt about sharing yourself with another? Your first child is probably not too bothered by your divided attention. “Toddlers have other agendas, like collecting sticks and stones and playing make-believe games, and are pretty easily distracted so not as dependent on you as your newborn is,” says Ann Richardson, parent coach and author of Toddler Sense (Metz Press). • Do some explaining If your toddler is under the age of four, adopt a low-key attitude about the forthcoming arrival; she is still too young to understand the concept of pregnancy. A preschool child understands more, so about three to four months before the baby is due, tell her about the birth (she will most likely be asking questions about the size of your tummy by now), but don’t go overboard with too much detail unless she asks. Assure her that having another baby will not affect how much you love her. “I found that reading a book to my two-year-old daughter was helpful. I explained that I was going to hospital, and tried to keep it exciting and fun,” says Samantha du Plessis, stay-at-home mom to Chloé, two, and Alice, one month. (See box on page 33 for a list of books.) • Plan ahead Get organised in advance with precooked meals, an online grocery delivery service and a stocked pantry. • Involve your toddler Get them to help you shop for and set up the nursery; it will make her feel involved. It’s
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important to make the arrival of a new baby exciting and positive for the whole family. Refer to the new arrival as “our” baby.
at the time of the birth The initial meeting may well influence how your first child feels about and reacts to his sibling. It’s important to accommodate his feelings. • Hospital visits There are two distinct schools of thought on whether to have your toddler visit you in hospital or not. Some say it will be traumatic for you to disappear for two or three days without your child knowing where you are. Johannesburg childcare consultant and parent coach Stephanie Dawson-Cosser suggests: “Take your toddler on a tour of the hospital and explain that this is where mommy is coming to have the baby, then let her visit you there. This way the building is familiar, it normalises going to hospital and it’s not something to be feared.” Others argue that it is more traumatic for a small child to have to say goodbye to you when visiting hours are over. “He may not understand why you can’t come home with him, or why he can’t stay with you. This unnatural separation
can cause distress. You have such little time with your precious newborn before going home to ‘face the music’, it is a special time to bond with your new baby without distractions, so use it fully,” says Richardson. A toddler is also unnecessarily exposed to germs in hospital. As long as he’s happy and content in his home environment, with a predictable routine and plenty of emotional support, he should take your absence in his stride. • The moment of meeting Whether at home or in the hospital, when your older child sees you and the new baby for the first time after the birth, you should not be holding the baby. Rather focus all your attention on your first child; greet her warmly and hug and kiss her as usual. • The power of gifts “I had a gift for my older child, Caylyn, for each day she came to visit at the hospital. This was a real hit and to this day she still remembers what her brother gave her when he was born. It made all the ‘ooing’ and ‘aahing’ over him go unnoticed and she didn’t act up during the visits. She wanted to hold her brother, which we allowed, and this made a difference for her,” says Jacqui Fincham, Cape Town environmental consultant and mom to Caylyn, four, and Patrick, two.
Find some time each day for her. A special outing alone with your first-born or an activity of her choice goes a long way to making a small child feel secure. PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
hen contemplating the arrival of our second baby, my husband and I found ourselves besieged by a host of anxieties quite unlike those we had felt at the birth of our first. Least of our concerns were the actual birth and whether we’d know what to do. Our fears now centre on how to manage two different routines, and how to make our means and our love stretch to two. Is it possible to love another child as much as we love our first? Fortunately, help is at hand. Here, experts and moms offer tried-and-tested solutions.
magazine cape town
magazine cape town
September 2011
27
parenting
bringing baby home Arriving home after the birth is when most moms find the challenges really begin. It’s important to keep things as normal and as calm as possible – the whole family will benefit. And don’t be shy to ask for help. • Routine is your friend Sticking to your toddler’s routine scrupulously makes the whole family feel more secure. It’s best to fit the baby’s routine around the toddler’s. • Don’t give in It’s normal to worry about having enough time, energy and love for another child, so don’t fall into the trap of over-compensating by allowing your toddler to always get her own way.
• Find special time The best way to reassure your first-born and reinforce your love is to find some special time each day for her. A special outing alone with her or an activity of her choice goes a long way to making a small child feel secure. Having her own-age friends over to play is another great idea, as the focus is on her. • Little helper, not little mommy Your child will help as much as he can, within the bounds of what feels comfortable for him. Allow special time for him to be a child – to do child-ish things. There are other times to be a helper. “It’s important that he isn’t always referred to as “big brother”, let
Put together a little box of age-appropriate wrapped goodies for your toddler and keep this in the baby’s room… when you are busy with the baby and can’t attend to your toddler, choosing a surprise will keep her busy so you can finish what you are doing. • Keep “no” to a minimum Try to avoid making interactions between toddler and the baby negative by saying “no” too often. If you’re always saying, “don’t touch the baby”, your toddler will cotton on that touching the baby gets your attention and will continue to do it. It’s a good idea to let your older child hold the baby in a safe situation (sitting in an armchair, for example) that you can supervise. If your toddler isn’t interested, encourage participation but don’t force it. • Dealing with jealousy Your older child might not have the vocabulary to express himself, but this doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling angry, jealous or betrayed. Help him name his emotions, for example: “I know you are feeling cross because Mommy is busy with the baby.” Jealousy is quite normal at this age. Show him safe ways to vent – like digging a deep hole in the sandpit or going outside with you to shout as loud as he can, suggests Dawson-Cosser.
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him be himself. Be careful of giving labels as this is an important time for his sense of identity,” explains Dawson-Cosser. • When you don’t have time to play Mothers-of-two (or more) become the ultimate multi-taskers. Try reading to your toddler while breast-feeding the baby, for example. Or while you’re cooking, introduce a kitchen cupboard that can be unpacked. • Get a goodie box “Put together a little box of age-appropriate, wrapped goodies for your toddler (for example a small box of Smarties or a toy bottle), and keep this in the baby’s room,” suggests Richardson. When you’re busy with the baby and can’t attend to your toddler, let her choose a surprise. “The process of choosing and unwrapping will buy you some time to finish what you’re doing,” she says. • Coping with the extra workload Use every bit of help offered. Turn off your phone when you’re resting and limit visitors to a specific time of the day. If you have a granny or a nanny on standby, make lists of magazine cape town
Try not to be Superwoman. Remind yourself that you can let go of some things (like housework). At this time the main thing is adjusting to your children. tasks for them so that you can give yourself and the children the attention you all need to adjust. • Regression sessions Expect a regression in your toddler’s behaviour. She may demand a bottle or dummy again, or start wetting her bed. Keep calm, give her what she asks for, and know that it will pass with time, suggests Richardson. • Sharing: yours versus mine Usually toys and clothes that your first child has outgrown can be tucked away after she’s stopped using them and brought back for the new child without an issue. But if there’s a “that’s mine” reaction, introduce the item in the context of belonging to the family, for use at a certain life stage, says Dawson-Cosser. Say: “when you were a baby you used this; now you are a big girl, and it’s the baby’s turn to use it”. This technique depends on the child’s ability to understand negotiation. If the gap is very close, you might need to give each child time with the item. “I asked my daughter to help me select some of her old things that she was too big for, so that the new baby could use them. If the child willingly gives them up herself, they don’t feel they are being deprived,” says Lisa Lait, a Johannesburg-based marketing manager and mom to Robyn, five, and Rowan, three. • Business as usual Quite often, a second child arrives as the first is learning to use the potty, or starting playschool. Keeping things
as much the same as possible at the time of the birth helps a child to feel more secure. “You don’t want a child to feel they are being sent away because there is only space for the new baby in the house,” says Lait. • Brief your visitors When visitors arrive to see the new baby, let her show them to the nursery, and allow her to help open the baby’s gift, this way she will feel included. “I asked friends who came to visit at home to please ask permission from Robyn to see her little brother when they arrived and this worked really well,” says Lait. • Don’t forget Dad Look after your relationship with your partner – remember that you are in this together. • Happy you, happy babies It’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. Your mental health is extremely important while parenting. “Try not to be Superwoman. Be aware of perfectionism, and remind yourself that you can let go of some things (like housework). At this time the main thing is adjusting to your children,” says Dr Alison Sampson, a Durban-based clinical psychologist with an interest in maternal mental health. She recommends regular exercise and lots of social contact to manage stress and anxiety. If you are battling to sleep when the children sleep, or you have frightening thoughts, it may be time to talk to your doctor, a psychologist, or contact the Postnatal Depression Support Association (visit pndsa.co.za).
reading list • • • •
aby Brother/Baby Sister by Felicity Brooks (Usborne) B Big Sister/Big Brother by Marianne Richmond (Sourcebooks Jabberwocky) There is Going to be a Baby by John Burningham (Walker Books) There’s a House Inside my Mummy by Giles Andreae (Orchard)
magazine cape town
September 2011
29
how to
declutter! Controlling mess is a problem for many of us. ROBYN GOSS asks the experts for their top spring-cleaning tips to keep the chaos at bay. before you start • Make a list of all the areas that frustrate you the most and start organising there, says Tracey Foulkes of Get Organised. • Try to make your organising fun – play music, challenge yourself to beat the clock or ask someone to help. • Start with an end picture in mind. Do you want a minimalist-style environment or would you like to see your belongings displayed on open shelves? When you know what you’re working towards, you’ll know when you’ve reached your goal. • Organise your home to suit your life: set up areas that are used purely for work or for play, advises Ciska Thurman of My Life Organised.
plan of action • When confronted with disorder, it’s best to tackle the mess by being methodical. Work from one side of the room to the other, from top to bottom. “First deal with the things you can see, then get stuck into cupboards and drawers,” says Judith Penny of All Sorted. • Have a set of boxes ready, labelled “Give Away”, “Throw Away”, “Put Away” and “Store”. • Touch each item and make an immediate decision: Do you want it? Do you love it? Do you have a better one? What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t keep it? • Get rid of anything you haven’t worn in a year. If you’re struggling to let go of something, “flag” the hanger. If you still haven’t worn the item after six weeks, then be strong and get rid of it, says Isabelle de Grandpre of Neat Freak. • Order your groceries by dividing them into categories and lining them up next to each other: group pastas, cans or cereals, for example. Not only will you know where to find everything, but you will also see when something is running low.
“I declutter by going through my children’s old toys after each birthday or Christmas and weeding out everything that hasn’t been played with for a while. This has to be done secretly and in the dead of night because they will never agree to throw away anything. When I’ve got a nice, big pile of outgrown toys, I donate them all to charity. It’s a lot easier to throw out things when you know they are going to be loved and played with by other children.” – Fiona Snyckers, writer and mother of three
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keeping it tidy • Move all the boxes out. Put the “Give Away” and “Throw Away” boxes into your car to take to the charity shop, dump or recycling centre. Take the “Put Away” box and put items wherever they belong. Take the “Store” box, label it and pack it out of the way. • Foulkes recommends that you set up a maintenance system to ensure the clutter never creeps back: maybe you could commit to doing a quick whip around the lounge before going to bed; or put a container in the room where clutter tends to build up and empty it when it’s full. The idea is to keep doing a little bit as you go along so it’s never an overwhelming task again. magazine cape town
ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
get rid of old toys
• Heidi Meyer of Cloud 9 organised says everything must have a home. “When leaving a room, pick up things that don’t belong and put them away. Don’t put things anywhere “just for now” – they will stay there and the clutter will grow. • Keep linen sorted by folding the sheets and one pillowcase into the remaining pillowcase. This makes it easy to recognise the set and everything is together when you need it. plan meals ahead of time • Keep cupboards tidy with clever storage “I shop with a week’s meals in mind devices. Anything from special dividers and write out the week’s menu on to old shoeboxes can be used to divide a whiteboard in the kitchen when the space in your cupboards. I unpack the groceries, so there’s • Label things, so you know where not too much head-scratching they belong. when it’s dinner time. I cook two • Make repairs as soon as they’re needed. meals in one night sometimes, If something is broken and can’t be and make enough for lunches.” fixed, get rid of it immediately. – Louis Greenberg, writer, freelance • Use clear containers or baskets on top editor and father of two of cupboards for extra storage and get under-the-bed organisers, says Jeanne Viljoen of Beorganised. “There is often wasted space in deep or corner cupboards. Use a Lazy Susan to make these spaces more accessible.” • Suspend a rack from the kitchen ceiling, as an alternative and attractive way of hanging pots and pans. • The inside of cupboard doors can provide plenty of additional storage if you attach organisers to store items such as foil, wax paper and cling wrap.
handy tips • Nikki Jackson, from i organise, says you can keep your counter tops clear by dropping keys, sunglasses and post into a basket or bowl near your door. • Use a letter spike or mail stand for your post. Read, file or throw away post as soon as it comes in. • Have a mounted black/white/notice board where tasks, to-do lists and information can be written and read by the family. You’ll eliminate small pieces of paper and have a visual reminder of what needs to be done. • Store remotes, cords, video cameras, cellphones and camera chargers in their own drawers or funky storage boxes and label them accordingly. • Buy in bulk. You’ll be amazed at how much time and effort you’ll save. • Use technology to organise your life. Whether it’s your cellphone diary, your laptop or your iPod, learn and use their functions. Use the website toodu.co.za to set up an online to-do list. They will match you up with service providers who can help you get things done.
keep clutter in one place “The best thing I bought is a pigeonhole cupboard. I put everything into it while it waits to go to its real home: children’s toys I pick up off the floor, post I can only get to later, clothes on their way to the cupboard. That way the floor and other surfaces are always clear, the clutter is only in one place and I can tidy it all from there.” – Geci Karuri-Sebina, executive manager of South African Cities network and mother of two
For places that need donations visit childmag.co.za/resources/help magazine cape town
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spotlight
the on eating disorders With children as young as five becoming body conscious, ANGELIQUE SERRAO advises parents
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for her? Why cope with reality when everyone else will do it for you? It’s put a huge strain on my family. There’s a lot of blame out there, especially against mothers.” Kim says the first inkling that something was wrong was when Carla was 14 years old, but she only realized just how serious the problem was when she turned 16. “I noticed she was always unhappy and upset about school. I put it down to her age. Then there were little behavioural things; she had problems with other girls and she felt hard done by all the time. She became a perfectionist and could not stand the idea of anyone doing something better than her.” Then some of the girls at school held a competition to see who could lose weight the fastest. While the other girls soon gave up, Carla continued. She first cut out “bad food”, or anything containing fat, but eventually she wasn’t eating at all.
Through years of counselling, Kim has learnt that eating disorders, like anorexia and bulimia, begin at an early age and the sooner they’re treated the better the prognosis for the child. When Carla was diagnosed at 16, her behaviour had already become entrenched.
warning signs When Kim first took 14-year-old Carla to the doctor, suspecting she had an eating disorder, he brushed it off. “Our GP interviewed her and she came across as so reasonable, that he said there was nothing wrong with her.” Kim then called a psychologist, but he said he only dealt with adults. Two years passed, and the situation worsened, but even then Kim struggled to find help as there are not many psychologists who deal with children’s eating disorders in South Africa.
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PHOTOGRAPHs: shutterstock.com
c
arla*, from Johannesburg, is 1,8 metres tall and weighs just 45kg. “That doesn’t sound very thin, but for a girl that tall, it means she’s just bone,” says her mother Kim*. “That’s the kind of thin that means you can’t sit down because you get sores.” The average weight for a woman of that height is 65kg. Carla is in her 20s, and has been suffering from anorexia since her early teens. “She’s been at death’s door. Her kidneys have been damaged and she has lost all her teeth. This is my daughter – a stunningly beautiful girl who is smart, but who has emotional problems,” says Kim. As a mother, Kim has experienced various emotions over the years as she has tried to heal her daughter, and guilt has topped the list. “I’ve had to realise she won’t recover unless she wants to and how can she do that when this disease is a comfort
to look out for food problems from an early age.
Often anorexics are obsessive and aspire to reach and maintain extraordinarily high standards, says Cape Town-based clinical psychologist, Graham Alexander, of the Crescent Clinic Eating Disorder Unit. Bulimics, however, are ambivalent about themselves and others. But Alexander says it’s difficult to generalise as one disorder can turn into another. There is often a recognisable pattern in the families of sufferers, he says. “The parents are often either over-involved or negligent and unavailable. Such families may reveal a history of depression and addiction and tend to mask their problems from the outside world.”
about it. “Parents need to watch what they say,” says Kooverjee. “They need to make sure they are role models.” Encourage healthy eating, but don’t be excessive. Johannesburg dietician Deborah Jacobson says parents may be at fault when children are inappropriately concerned with their body image. “Children do get fussy about food, but most of the messages they get are from their parents,” Jacobson says. If you say “starch is bad”, your child will believe it. “Children emulate what their parents are doing. It happens so often that a mom is scared of food and of her weight, and this is passed
The incidence of younger sufferers is increasing, with some rare cases of children under the age of 10 needing treatment. sharing responsibility While media and peer pressure do have an impact, parents have a large part to play. “Blaming seldom works, but a parent’s relationship with themselves has a huge influence on a child’s (self-image),” says Alexander. Jasmine Kooverjee, a psychologist at Tara Psychiatric Hospital in Johannesburg says the parents’ influence is so important, that treatment at Tara begins with a family session. “Parents tend to step back when they cannot handle a situation, but you must be firm and monitor your children. Make them sit down to dinner. It will be much harder for a child to hide their eating habits that way.” She says children will pick up on small things, such as a mom who goes to gym every day. Also, if a child is overweight it can be dangerous for parents and siblings to tease them
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on to the child. Often I advise parents to deal with their own fears about food before trying to deal with the child’s problems.” It’s not just anorexia parents have to watch out for; bad habits can also come from eating too much. Jacobson says being overweight leads to poor self-esteem, depression, heart disease and diabetes, which is being detected in children as young as four or five. Jacobson advises parents to get help if they suspect a problem. “I often find that parents don’t really know what normal is.” Kim agrees. “Get help as soon as you start to wonder if something is wrong. And don’t just go to any therapist. You need someone who knows what to expect because children know how to tell you what they think you want to hear.”
the signs In her book Life Talk for Parents (Zebra Press), Izabella Little says many parents don’t realise how common eating disorders have become. She advises parents to look out for any obsession with weight or rapid weight loss. • Children may start hiding food or giving their school lunches away to friends. • They may develop low self-esteem and poor body image, dressing in baggy clothes. • Look out for the use of laxatives or diet pills, moving food around the plate to look as if it has been eaten, excessive snacking, a refusal to eat in public and excessive exercise. • There could also be signs of depression and sufferers may become withdrawn, socially avoidant, tearful, lethargic, agitated and irritable.
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spotlight
Blaming seldom works, but a parent’s relationship with themselves has a huge influence on a child’s self-image.
starting young International studies show an increase in eating disorders in children under the age of 13. While it’s still more common in teenagers, younger children are showing signs of fussy eating that could become more serious later on. They are also becoming more body conscious and it is not uncommon for a five year old to jog around the house because they want to lose weight. One US study found that by the time girls are nine years old, 30 to 40 percent of them have been on diets. Dublin psychotherapist Marie Campion says children as young as three are vomiting meals, showing signs of food refusal and a desire to avoid nourishment. Children are being taught about good food and bad food too early, which can be destructive.
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Irish psychiatrist John Griffin says he has seen children as young as nine suffering from anorexia. He believes that by the time teenagers are diagnosed, the disease is already well established. While anorexia or bulimia in children under the age of 14 is not as common in South Africa, it does occur. Kooverjee says she has worked with only three or four cases of serious eating disorders where the children were under the age of 13. “But this is probably because at that age group it’s often overlooked. Parents simply think it’s a stage their children are going through. They don’t realise there is a problem until it has become more advanced.” Alexander says the incidence of younger sufferers is increasing, with some rare cases of children under the age of 10 needing treatment. “One must distinguish between the traditional eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia) and disordered eating, like food refusal, that is found in childhood,” says Alexander. While food refusal was often a demonstration of defiance, persistently worrying behaviour with food should not be ignored. The younger the child when the problem is diagnosed, the easier it will be to address the negative behaviour, says Kooverjee.
types of eating disorders Anorexia and bulimia are the most common, with one in 10 girls likely to develop one or both. But recent research shows a rapid rise in boys with these disorders,
says Alexander. “In my experience, male anorexics tend to account for much of their weight loss through excessive exercise.” Binge eating is when the sufferer eats large amounts of food in a short space of time, and feels out of control, says Alexander. There is not usually any compensatory behaviour, such as vomiting, to prevent weight gain. Orthorexia describes people who are excessively preoccupied with “health foods” and organic alternatives, and they will avoid anything that is fatty or processed. Alexander says there does seem to be an increase in children adopting eating preferences, such as vegetarianism. “Sometimes the increase in vegetarianism is simply because it is in vogue, but our media reflects the trend towards exceptional eating habits. The majority of anorexics become vegetarian to limit their caloric intake.” Childhood obesity is also prevalent as children opt for junk food and a sedentary lifestyle in front of the TV or computer. *Names have been changed
get help Tara Psychiatric Hospital 011 535 3043 Crescent Clinic in Cape Town 021 762 7666 Annex at Entabeni Hospital 031 204 1300
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resource
fun philanthropy Get fit while you get involved. LUCILLE KEMP suggests charitable sports events that should be on your fitness calendar, and some that you can do this month.
COOP and WHOOP
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COOP: cycle out of poverty and WHOOP: walking and hiking out of poverty Join this group of determined women who have, for the past two years, been on gruelling cycle races to raise sponsorship and funds for the Goedgedacht Trust. This year, they have planned four cycle tours, and added a Walking and Hiking Out of Poverty tour. The funds raised go to the Goedgedacht Trust, which runs a centre built from the money raised by previous events. This centre gives the Riebeek West community a facility where people can learn and play. It offers access to a library and a computer room and provides a big hall for events and functions. Rooms are also available for adults to attend workshops, craft classes and antenatal clinics and take part in a myriad of other activities. Date held annually in February, March, April, August, September and October Contact Liz 082 552 3298, Lisa 083 647 7980 or Ann 083 461 9462
sunflower fund fun run/walk Run or walk 5km to help those who have been diagnosed with life-threatening blood disorders. The Sunflower Fund’s sole aim is to sustain the South African Bone Marrow Registry. The event is for all ages and fitness levels. It starts at 11am in Mouille Point and there are prizes up for grabs. Entry includes a Sunflower Fund bandana. Date 18 September 2011 Contact 021 701 0661, 021 701 6790, events@sunflowerfund.org.za or visit sunflowerfund.org.za
bank of america chicago marathon This well-known marathon will see you crossing the globe to make a difference. Entrants with the Jag Foundation must commit to raising R25 000 as a donation for the organisation before leaving for Chicago. Jag gives young people an opportunity to achieve their potential through sport and education. They have programmes in running, riding, rugby and water polo. Date 9 October 2011 Contact Marius 021 702 7880 or visit jagfoundation.org.za
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resource
the myschool move for your health 6km fun run/walk The 6km fun run/walk forms part of the Landmarks Challenge and takes place in the RondeboschClaremont area. To encourage children’s involvement, the schools with the most participants win cash prizes to buy sports equipment. There are also other spot prizes up for grabs. Proceeds from the event go to Red Cross Children’s Hospital. Walkers and runners are also encouraged to bring a soft toys with them to race day, which are dropped off at the hospital. Date 6 November 2011 Contact 021 659 5649 or move4health@ssisa.com
SPCA Royal Canin Wiggle Waggle Walkathon
spca royal canin wiggle waggle walkathon This is a popular family walk that appeals to children of all ages. Dogs of all shapes and sizes can be entered; more than 1 750 took part last year. Those pooches that are too small or too old to make the distance can be carried or pushed in prams. The day includes entertainment, music, food and pet product stalls and giveaways. This is the Cape of Good Hope SPCA’s biggest fundraising event. Date 6 November 2011 Contact 021 700 4141, events@spca-ct. co.za or visit spca-ct.co.za
discovery cape times big walk This is the biggest timed walking event in the world, and takes place annually in our back yard. Thousands of walkers of all ages get into the gees at various starting points from Boundary Road in Newlands, Grand Parade in Cape Town, St George’s Grammar School and Fish Hoek beach. The distances are 5km, 13km, 20km, 25km, 50km and 80km. Charities that benefit include Nazareth House, Steenberg Foundation and breast cancer fundraising organisations. Date 13 November 2011, with a “Little Big Walk” for enthusiasts between the age of two and seven on 6 November 2011 Contact visit bigwalk.co.za
the cape town global diabetes run/walk
dave spence memorial 10km race
This Sea Point walk is fun for the whole family, with attractions such as face painting, spot prizes and entertainment, including dancing and gymnastics, healthy food stalls, and free health tests for blood glucose and blood pressure, as well as eye tests. The walk has a special family fee of R80 entry for two adults and two children and money raised goes to Diabetes SA Western Cape. Date 19 November 2011 Contact 021 425 4440, capewc@ diabetessa.co.za or visit diabetessa.co.za
This race is in memory of Dave Spence, a former SA running coach, and many others like him who have coached athletes in the township. Participants run through the previously segregated areas of Gugulethu and Manenberg. This is another event where the Jag Foundation is the beneficiary. Date held annually in July Contact Marshal 084 650 8785 or Thobile 073 318 2563
community chest twilight team run An annual fun run that attracts an everincreasing number of Capetonians who, dressed in an array of costumes – from dragons to ballerinas, place greater emphasis on civic mindedness than their athleticism. All the proceeds go to the Community Chest, which helps more than 400 beneficiaries in the Western Cape. The Community Chest helps with sustainable community development and poverty alleviation. Date 6 December 2011 Contact Najuma 021 424 3344, najuma@ comchest.org.za or visit comchest.org.za
You can choose to do the full marathon (42,2km), half marathon (21,1km) or if you want something shorter, which is also suitable for a child younger than 16, you can take part in the 5km fun run, with medals for all finishers. The run, which has been held for the past 33 years, takes participants through the vineyards and strawberry fields around Stellenbosch. The Animal Welfare Society Stellenbosch (AWSS) is the race beneficiary. The Stellenbosch United Church runs refreshment stalls at the finish where coffee, cool drinks, snacks and light meals are sold to raise funds for their church projects. Date 19 November 2011 Contact Hans 072 290 8179, hugoh@arc.agric.za or visit helderbergharriers. co.za and to enter, visit mrprice.co.za
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This fun run/walk can be a 10km or a mini “marathon” of 4,2km. The point is to honour women – so start with the women who mean the most to you and encourage your mom, granny or aunty to run or walk the distance with you. The Sunflower Fund benefited from this event in 2011. Date held annually on 9 August Contact wdc@edgemeadrunners.org.za or visit womensdaychallenge.org.za
rcs gugulethu reconciliation day race This race coincides with the celebration of Reconciliation Day, and teams run through Gugulethu, Nyanga East and New Crossroads. People come in droves to hand out sweets along the route and the runners get a feel for one of the oldest townships in the Western Cape. The charity usually supports churches, such as JL Zwane Memorial Church and Centre and the 3rd Gugulethu and Ikwezi Scouts. Date 16 December 2011 Contact Marshall 084 650 8785 or Thobile 073 318 2563
cansa relay for life
mr price winelands
women’s day challenge
The whole family can take part in this festive, overnight camp-out, which includes activities designed to keep teams awake from sunset to sunrise. The evening starts with a 30-minute candle-lighting ceremony and the survivor’s lap of honour. Then teams of 10 to 15 friends, neighbours or family members set up camp and ensure that there is always a team member walking around the track. Proceeds go to Cansa’s prevention, education, earlydetection, advocacy and patient-care programmes. The Cape Metro region is home to five legs of this global movement to fight cancer: Athlone; Mamre, Atlantis and Pella; Mitchell’s Plain; Parow and Goodwood. There is also a youth relay with Varsity College in Rondebosch. Date held annually in March Contact Helena 021 689 5347 or Adeliah 021 689 5347 or 071 104 4274
blisters for bread charity family fun walk Many participants dress up to get into the spirit of this energetic, family fun walk along the Atlantic Seaboard. You can go easy on yourself with the 5km walk, step it up a bit with the 10km route or go harder with the 18km challenge. There is entertainment for all ages at the finish, including food vendors and live music. The proceeds go to the Peninsula School Feeding Association. Your entry fee feeds 16 school children on the association’s vital feeding programme. Date held annually in August Contact 021 511 7130 021 447 6020, kristi@psfa.org.za or visit psfa.org.za
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magazine cape town
September 2011
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books
a good read for toddlers
for preschoolers
for early graders
Cockadoodle Moo Compiled by John Foster
How Many Sleeps? By Amber Stewart and Layn Marlow (Oxford University Press, R65) Toast is a very excited little fieldmouse, because in just a few sleeps it will be his birthday. Every day Toast asks his mom, “How many sleeps till my birthday?” Mom initially says it’s too many to count and then one day, she finally says it’s enough sleeps for them to start thinking of invitations. But Toast is not the only one asking how many sleeps are left. His dad is busy making him a special present and he’s scared it won’t be finished on time. Any small child who has experienced the anticipation of a birthday will cherish this beautifully illustrated book.
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(Oxford University Press, R97) This is a beautifully illustrated collection of rhymes and poems for the very young. With farmyard animals, fairies, frogs, fancy dres s and everything in between – there’s a poem for every occasion. This lively collection has contributions from Shirley Hughes, Jez Alborough, Richard Edwards and Tony Mitton. Among the more than 80 poems and rhymes included are Bath Time, I wish I was a Centipede and Snow in the Lamplight.
rhyme time
Mister King’s Incredible Journey By David du Plessis (Random House Struik, R80) Mister King the penguin lives on a rocky island near the South Pole. One day a boat appears and Mister King watches as some fishermen row to the shore. The fishermen have never seen such a strange bird, so they catch the frightened penguin and take him back to their boat and sail off. If Mister King ever wants to see his home again, he will have to be very brave and find his own way back. This is a tale of courage and compassion. At its heart, the book considers issues of conservation, nature’s wisdom and our responsibility towards our fellow creatures.
Nicholas By Rene Goscinny and JeanJacques Sempé (Phaidon Press, R110) This is a hilarious book to read out loud to your early grader. The Nicholas books have been bestsellers in France and are fast becoming very popular in the Englishspeaking world. Whether they are at home or at school, Nicholas and his friends are caught up in hilarious escapades that always result in confusion – at least for their parents and teachers. Rene Goscinny, the author of the Asterix series, brings Nicholas’s adventures and exploits to life. And just like with the Gaul, your child will laugh out loud – with you.
magazine cape town
for preteens and teens
for us
parenting book
Springbok Kitchen Compiled by Duane Heath
Muddle Earth By Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell (Macmillan Children’s Books, R85) Children between the ages of nine and 12 will not be able to put down this laugh-on-every-page read. Where would you find a perfumed bog filled with pink stinky hogs and exploding gas frogs, a wizard with only one spell, an ogre who cries a lot and a very sarcastic budgie? Welcome to Muddle Earth… Joe Jefferson was just an ordinary schoolboy, but something strange happened and now he is Joe the Barbarian, summoned to wrestle dragons and be very brave. Joe doesn’t feel much like a warrior hero (he doesn’t look much like one either), but evil is stirring and someone has to save Muddle Earth.
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Viva, Mr Mandela By Jomarié Dick (Human & Rousseau, R157) This book pays tribute to Nelson Mandela in five parts: his childhood in the Eastern Cape, his political awakening in Johannesburg, his imprisonment on Robben Island, his years as president and his subsequent status as a world icon. Inside, there is a blog-format diary of children visiting Robben Island. “Did you know?” boxes cover interesting snippets and the photographs and illustrations show highlights from his political career and personal life. The author has included information about comrades, politicians, sporting heroes, movie stars, musicians and ordinary people who have been touched by Madiba, as well as quotes relating to important events in his life.
(Struik Lifestyle, R180) It’s Rugby World Cup month and what better way to celebrate than to cook with inspiration from current and former Springboks. To warm up, try Schalk Burger’s Banana Loaf. For a braai, splash out with Robbie Fleck’s Crayfish and Salmon Steaks or Jan “Boland” Coetzee’s Springbok Loins. In the kitchen, you can cook up John Smit’s Thai Chicken Curry and end it off with Bismarck du Plessis’ Custard Cake. This book celebrates the love of food, family and rugby and all proceeds go towards the Chris Burger/ Petro Jackson Players’ Fund.
pick of th mon e th
Your Sensory Baby By Megan Faure (Penguin South Africa, R187) Worried about why your baby is crying or not getting enough sleep? This book shows you that the answers to these problems lie in understanding how to read your baby’s body language and signals. You can use this knowledge to develop a flexible routine around your baby’s needs, creating a gentle schedule that will guide your child into peaceful, easy sleep and calm periods of wakefulness. This will ensure that you don’t struggle to get your baby to sleep when she is alert and wanting to play. Understand your baby’s senses to avoid over-stimulation, a leading cause of colic, and get the answers to many other parenting questions from bestselling author, mother and occupational therapist, Megan Faure.
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calendar
what’s on in september
You can also access the calendar online at
childmag.co.za
Here’s your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by LUCILLE KEMP
3
FUN FOR CHILDREN – p44
ONLY FOR PARENTS – p47
The Chacma Children’s Castle A new place to play at the Tokai market.
Symphony Choir of Cape Town With UCT Symphonic Wind Ensemble.
bump, baby & tot in tow– p50
how to help – p50
HypnoBirthing coffee morning Socialise and learn more.
Time to Dream charity dinner For Foundation Backbone’s annual camp.
SPECIAL EVENTS – p42 Out The Box Festival of Puppetry and Visual Performance Be entranced by puppetry, installations, performance art, dance, object theatre, shadows, film, multimedia and stop-motion animation.
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PHOTOGRAPH: CY market – Ronel Pompe Photography
sat
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calendar until end of August, thereafter R100 per person. Book through Webtickets: visit webtickets.co.za International Food Fair Join in a fun1 thursday Camps Bay Preparatory School art filled day with games for the whole family; auction Tasty homemade soup and bread from pony rides and inflatable playgroups is served at this parents’ evening. Time: to delicious delights from around the world. 6:30pm for 7pm. Venue: Camps Bay Time: 10am. Venue: cnr Parklands Main Rd Preparatory school hall, The Drive. Contact and Dorchester Dr, Parklands. Cost: adults Hildegarde: 021 438 8075 or admin@ R5, children free. Contact Cathy: 021 556 campsbayprep.co.za 5969 or office@cbcstjohns.co.za Mzansi Magic Market Day This 3 saturday entrepreneurial project gives children aged Franschhoek Uncorked Festival 7–15 years the opportunity to sell their Franschhoek wineries in and around the products directly to the public and win scenic wine valley welcome the spring by huge prizes. Time: 10am–2pm. Venue: showcasing their exciting new vintages and Canal Walk, main promotion area. Cost: releases, and putting on a host of special free. Contact Patti: 083 310 9765 or patti@ events for visitors. Also 4 September. Time: finewomen.co.za 9am–5pm, daily. Venue: participating Out The Box Festival of Puppetry and wineries. Cost: early bird R80 per person Visual Performance Audiences of all ages will be entranced by puppetry, installations, performance art, dance, object theatre, shadows, film, multimedia and stopmotion animation, presented by outstanding local and international artists. Workshops and seminars are also scheduled. Ends 11 September. Times, venues and costs vary. Contact: 021 462 5811 or visit outtheboxfestival.com or book through Computicket: 3 and 4 September – Franschhoek Uncorked Festival 0861 915 8000
SPECIAL EVENTS
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3 September – Mzansi Magic Market Day
Toffie Food Festival and Conference A gathering with international and local food experts including Julie Powell on whose life the movie Julie & Julia was based. Also 4 September. Time: 8am till late, Saturday; 9am–4pm, Sunday. Venue: Cape Town City Hall. Cost: R1 500 includes meals, talks, workshops and food tastings. Contact: toffie@thepresident.co.za or visit toffie.co.za Two-day Mountain Warrior trail run This stage trail run on the slopes of the Simonsberg and Stellenbosch mountains is split into a long distance course covering a total of 66km, with 36km on day one and 30km on day two, and a short distance over 30km, covering 15km per day. In addition, participants can take part in a 10km trail run
night race. Also 4 September. Time: 9am, Saturday; 8am, Sunday. Venue: Rustenberg Wine Estate. Cost: 66km R950, 30km R675, which includes a complimentary First Ascent Piranha pullover, lunch on the first day, breakfast and the prize-giving lunch on day two. For more info: visit 4x4teambuilding. com or enteronline.co.za
8 thursday Melkbosstrand Private School free trial day Have you ever wondered if your child should be at a different educational facility? Experience a typical day at a school in a natural farm environment. Time: call to confirm. Venue: M19 Rd, Melkbosstrand Way, Melkbosstrand. Cost: free. Contact: 021 553 1530 or visit melkbosprivate.co.za
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9 friday Botriviera Spring Festival The wineries of Bot River gather to celebrate the advent of spring. Wine lovers, nature lovers and families get together in a carnival spirit for gastronomy, tastings, entertaining activities and local artists. Ends 11 September. Time: 10am–late, Saturday; 10am–3pm, Sunday. Venue: participating wineries in Bot River. Cost: free–R100. For more info: visit botriverwines.co.za
Fiddler on the Roof Rich in historical ethnic detail, Fiddler on the Roof has touched audiences around the world with its humour, warmth and honesty. Also 10, 11, 14–18, 21–25, 27, 29, 30 September and 1 October. Time: varies. Venue: Artscape Theatre, Hertzog Boulevard, CBD. Cost: R90–R200. For more info: visit artscape.co.za
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10 saturday Wellness seminar A day of pampering is planned with various free beauty treatments and services on offer, including cholesterol and eye testing, massage, crystal healing, hair and makeup and more. Speakers include Marlene Wasserman, renowned sexologist and better known as Dr Eve, giving tips on sexual health. Time: 9:45am. Venue: Lanzerac Hotel and Spa, Stellenbosch. Cost: R265 including breakfast, refreshments, pamper treatments and goodie bags. Contact: jackie@adventurebootcamp.co.za
16 friday
23 September – Simon’s Town Spring Festival
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Look & Feel Good Expo This familyfriendly expo offers activities, talks and workshops, as well as the latest products and services relating to health, wellness, greening, beauty and nutrition. There are laughter therapy workouts, yoga classes, fitness equipment displays, makeovers and spa treatments as well as The Art of Play Kidz Zone, a play-and-learn area that provides a safe, entertaining and educational environment for the children.
September is clean-up month Start your spring-cleaning efforts by focusing your attention on nature and our environment. Today is International Coastal Cleanup Day so gather a group and decide on what section of beach you’ll be looking after for the day. Cleanup SA week is 13–18 September. For more info on what to recycle at home, school or at the office: visit recyclingday-sa.co.za
Ends 18 September. Time: 11am–6pm, Friday; 9am–6pm, Saturday; 9am–5pm, Sunday. Venue: CTICC. Cost: adults R70, learners R40, children under 10 years free. For more info: visit ifeelgood.co.za
Square. Time: 10am–1pm, Friday’s concert; 11am–12pm, Saturday’s carnival roadshow. Venue: varies within Simon’s Town. Cost: free. Contact Cindy: 021 785 1515 or visit emzantsi.org.za
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24 saturday
Open Book Festival Details of the festival still have to be finalised. Follow their website for further information. Ends 25 September. For more info: visit http:// openbookfestival.co.za
Annual Wellness Fair The Craft Market & Wellness Centre celebrates a holistic lifestyle. Additional vendors line up to showcase their products and services, which vary from herbal remedies to performances by Dragon Power demonstrating Muay Thai martial arts on the Amphitheatre from 3pm–4pm on both days. Also 25 September. Time: 9:30am–6pm. Venue: V&A Waterfront Craft Market & Wellness Centre and V&A Amphitheatre. Cost: free. Contact: 021 408 7840 or visit waterfront.co.za
23 thursday Simon’s Town Spring Festival A weekend of events is planned to celebrate Heritage Day. Highlights include a music and dance concert at Simon’s Town School and the giant puppet parade from Jubilee
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calendar Bergvliet Primary School Heritage variety show Features children at the school and past pupils. Time: 2:30pm and 6:30pm. Venue: Bergvliet Primary School hall. Cost: adults R30, children R20. Contact Sanette: 021 715 1103 or sanvog@bps.wcape.school.za
30 friday Greyton Children’s Festival Features of the festival include scrapbooking, drama workshops, a fun run, art and crafts, workshops, family dinners and cooking classes. Time: tbc. Venues: DRC Hall, Oak & Vigne, Vanilla Café, Rockhopper Adventures, Via’s Deli, Zebra Moon, Scrap Angels, Little Birdy Bookshop and The Post House. Cost: varies. Contact: 079 350 9658 or info@greytonchildrensfestival.co.za
workshops. 3, 10, 17 and 24 September. Time: 11am–12pm. Venue: Scuola Italiana del Capo, 1st floor, The Grimley, 14 Tuin Plein St, Gardens. Cost: R60 per lesson or R200 per month. Contact: 021 461 8261 or info@scuolaitalianadelcapo.co.za Iziko Museum Heritage month programme Activities include a live spider and creepy-crawly display, making an orchid for Tretchikoff, traditional dance performances, drumming sessions, a magic show, Ghoema entertainers and an open mic session. 19–25 September. Time: varies. Venue: Iziko South African Museums. Cost: free entry into all Iziko Museums. Contact: 021 481 3800 or visit iziko.org.za
25 sun
Fire and fynbos awareness day Volunteer Wildfire Services uses this day to create awareness around what their volunteer firefighters do, and why it is important to protect our precious natural heritage and sensitive mountain water catchment areas. Attractions include food stalls, tree abseiling, fire truck rides, snake shows, treasure hunting with a difference, magic shows and live music. Spot prizes are presented throughout the day. Time: 9am–4pm. Venues: Old Manor House, Assegaaibosch, Jonkershoek, Stellenbosch. Cost: free entry. Contact Hayley: 072 219 3988 or jonkershoek@capefires.com
FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science Children’s extramural classes Every Friday, children aged 5–15 years can participate in art and crafts, life skills and drama activities. 2, 9, 16, 23 and 30 September. Time: 3pm–5pm. Venue: OIS Centre, old Strandfontein Rd, Ottery. Cost: R20 per child per week. Contact: 021 704 1462, 074 106 0713 or auntykskidsklub@ polka.co.za Italian Theme Lab Learn to speak Italian by participating in fun activities and creative
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9–25 September – Iziko Museum Heritage month programme
Mural art classes for adults and children Time: 9am–12pm, every Saturday. Venue: No 1 General Schalk Burger Close, cnr General Chris Muller Rd, Welgelegen. Cost: R800 per person, which includes a four-hour mural lesson, refreshments, paints and materials, and a
mural board. Contact Lisa or Theo: 072 972 5568 or 072 359 7958 Proud to be ADHD ADHD Awareness Day is on 14 September and with that Adhasa is inviting all school children to take part in their poetry competition. Write a poem showing how the different and positive symptoms of ADHD can help you. There are prizes to be won and winning entries are published in their book Proud to be ADHD. Different age groups are available. Closing date is 10 September 2011. Cost: R20 entry fee and entry forms are available on
their website. Poems can be posted to PO Box 3704, Randburg, 2125; faxed to 086 604 7124 or emailed to adhasa@telkomsa. net. Contact: 011 888 7655, info@adhasa. co.za or visit adhasa.co.za
classes, talks and workshops Djembe drumming workshop in Somerset West Every Thursday during school term children enjoy these highenergy workshops with stories, songs and drumming games. For 3–10 year olds. Time: 1:30pm and 2:30pm. Venue:
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Church of Christ, cnr of Irene Ave and Lourensford Rd, Somerset West. Cost: R40 for 30 minutes or R120 for four consecutive weeks. Contact Lana: 071 871 5839 or lana@drumkidz.co.za Drumkidz northern suburbs workshop Moms join for a coffee and some crafts, while their children play Djembe drums to stories, songs and games. For ages 3–9 years. 3 September. Time: 9am–10am. Venue: Bon Appetit Coffee and Craft Shop, 65 Protea Rd, Protea Heights, Brackenfell. Cost: R38 per child, which includes an activity sheet for each child and crafts for moms. Enquire about the open day on 7 September. Time: 4:30pm–5pm. Venue: 4 Coyne St, Protea Heights, Brackenfell. Contact Jill: 071 685 5072 or jill@drumkidz.co.za Happy Holistic Kids programme This teaches children and parents how to use holistic skills in their everyday lives to deal with aggression, anxiety and anger. Time: call to enquire. Venue: 21 Gideon Malherbe Crescent, Edgemead. Cost: R375 for two one-hour sessions including a helper’s kit. Contact: 082 466 7925 or charnedk@ mweb.co.za Kindermusik Sessions stimulate all-brain development through music, instruments and props. For ages 0–7 years. Go for a free preview. Time: varies, Monday–Saturday. Venue: NG Church Bergsig, Vierlanden. Cost: varies, call to enquire. Contact Louise: 021 976 4690, 074 102 5617 or lsteenkamp0@gmail.com
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30 September–4 October – Family Retreat
family outings Family Retreat This retreat offers parents a chance to develop mindfulness, and learn and practice the art of deep listening, while children 4–16 years can expand their self-awareness through creative expression using music, art and movement. There is free time in the afternoons for families to enjoy hiking, swimming and boating or visit local resorts. At the end of each afternoon, there is a session of family Chi Kung. In the evening parents spend time reflecting and children engage in storytelling. 30 September–4 October. Time: varies. Venue: Bodhi Khaya, Overberg. Cost: R2 000 per parent, R3 500 per couple, R1 000 per child. Contact: 028 388 0156, 072 385 6978, info@bkr.co.za or visit bodhi-khaya.co.za
finding nature and outdoor play Eagle Encounters bird of prey exhibition Interact with eagles, falcons and owls. 18 September. Time: 12pm–4pm. Venue: V&A Waterfront Craft Market &
Wellness Centre. Cost: donations. Contact: 021 408 7840 or visit waterfront.co.za Farmyard Frolics A hands-on farmyard experience, which covers the milking of a simulated cow or goat, making your own traditional handmade butter, and a tasting. While parents relax and soak up the atmosphere of Imhoff Farm, children can have fun in the farmyard. For children aged 3–13 years. 17 and 24 September. Time: 10am–11am. Venue: Higgeldy Piggeldy Farmyard, Imhoff Farm. Cost: R45 per child. Contact Annalise: 079 012 0131 or farmyardfrolics@gmail.com
markets Antiques Fair Antique collectables on sale such as jewellery and cutlery. 4
September. Time: 9:30am–6pm. Venue: V&A Waterfront Craft Market & Wellness Centre. Cost: free. Contact: 021 408 7840 or visit waterfront.co.za Bay Harbour Market A bustling market with metal artists at work, a juggler on stilts, the smell of fish on the braai, Malaysian spices and citrus fruits on sale. Time: 9pm–5pm, Saturday; 10am–4pm, Sunday. Venue: 31 Harbour Rd, Hout Bay. Cost: free entry. Contact: 083 275 5586, info@bayharbour.co.za or visit bayharbour.co.za Elkanah House Schoolyard Market Browse the interesting stalls that have a range of deliciously prepared gourmet food and art and crafts. There are also plenty of fun activities to keep the
Information morning at Stellenbosch Waldorf School Activities such as crafts, storytelling and games for children aged 5–8 years. Organic farmer’s market offers breakfast, organic produce, wood-fired breads and pizza. 3 and 24 September. Time: market and children’s activities 9am and introductory talk 10:30am–11:30am. Venue: Spier Wine Farm, off Annandale Rd between the R44 and R310 just outside Stellenbosch in the Winelands. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 881 3867, admin@waldorfschool.org.za or visit waldorfschool.org.za
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CY Market A showcase of creative talent of over 150 décor exhibitors. Old thatch-roofed guest cottages with beautiful green doors are transformed into 12 breathtaking rooms. Fun fair, food, wine and children’s entertainment available. 29 September– 2 October. Time: 10am–7pm, Wednesday–Friday; 10am–5pm, Saturday; 10am–2pm, Sunday. Venue: Alba Guest Farm, Vissershok Rd, Durbanville. Cost: R15 for adults and children older than 14 years, children under 14 years free. For more info: cymarket@vodamail.co.za
little ones occupied while you indulge in the well-known Schoolyard breakfast. 24 September. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Elkanah House, 85 Sunningdale Dr, Sunningdale. Cost: free entry. Contact Michelle: 021 554 8586, michellej@ elkanah.co.za or visit elkanah.co.za Laborie Lazy Days Market Celebrate National Braai Day by purchasing braai meat and having it prepared for you while you survey the stalls with their freshly baked breads, delicious confectionery, aromatic coffee, cheese, olives, charcuterie and other exciting local produce. There is also an array of art and craft stalls and ample children’s entertainment. 23 and 24 September. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Laborie Wine Farm, Paarl. Cost: free entry. Contact Ann: 082 909 1116, info@laboriewines.co.za or visit laboriewines.co.za
24 September. Time: 8am–12:30pm. Venue: Nitida Cellars, M13/Old Tygervalley Rd, Durbanville. Cost: free. Contact Getha: 083 651 0699, getha@nitida.co.za or visit nitida.co.za The Obs Holistic Lifestyle Fair The market offers a wholesome food section, atmospheric world music and two DreamWeaver play areas and children’s activities. 4 September. Time: 10am–4pm. Venue: Observatory Recreation Centre, off Station Rd, Lower Main, cnr Drake and Collingwood St, Obs Village. Cost: adults R10, teenagers R5, children under 12 years free. Enter half price by donating clothes, blankets, books and toys at the gate for their monthly “Count Your Blessings” Donation Drive – items redistributed to selected charities. Contact: 021 788 8088, holisticfair@mweb.co.za or visit holisticlifestylefair.yolasite.com
on stage and screen Cinderella This magical retelling of the classic Disney tale hits the stage with performances by talented youngsters and a couple of theatrical dads. 18–21 September. Time: 3:30pm, 6pm or 7:30pm. Venue: Herzlia Constantia Primary, Old Kendall Rd, Constantia. Cost: R50. Contact Hayley: 082 886 2526 Get Squiggling! Series 2 premieres 22 September This plain, white world doesn’t stay boring for long, as plenty of colourful characters, who are drawn using Squiglet’s magical set of crayons called Squiggel Sticks, leap off the page and come to life. Time: 6:50am on CBeebies (channel 306 on DStv). The series continues every day at the same time.
Laborie Lazy Days Market
Nitida’s Farmers’ Market Enjoy a homemade breakfast, pancakes and roasted coffee at the market or take home pre-cooked spareribs, marinated spatchcock chickens, Portuguese, Italian and Mediterranean delicacies, or pick up a chilli sauce, homemade rusks and crunchies smothered in dark chocolate.
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Get Squiggling! premieres 22 September
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The Wizard of Oz Elkanah stages this familiar classic – Dorothy is swept away to a magical land in a tornado and embarks on a quest to see the Wizard who can help her return home. 1–3 September. Time: matinee 2:30pm, evening 7pm. Venue: Theatre@Elkanah. Cost: R50. For more info: visit elkanah.co.za
playtime and story time Noordhoek Farm Village activities Ideal for children 3–10 years. 3 September: Spring Crafts; 10 September: Mini Master Chefs; 17 September: Puppet Fun; 24 September: Heritage Day Delights. Time: 10:30am–12:30pm, every Saturday. Venue: The Bandstand, Noordhoek Farm Village. Cost: free. Contact: 021 789 2812 or visit noordhoekvillage.co.za Supafun An indoor play venue with scooters and animal bouncers, a jungle gym, trampoline, playhouses, fantasy dressup and more. Time: 10am–6pm, Monday– Friday; 10am–5pm, Saturday; 10am–3pm, Sunday; 10am–2pm, public holidays. Venue: shop 23, The Paddocks, Racecourse Rd, Milnerton. Cost: R40 per child − unlimited play supervised by parent; R40 per child per hour − drop-and-shop. Contact: 021 552 4776 or visit supafun.co.za The Chacma Children’s Castle A new place to play at the Tokai market. The castle is named after the many Chacma baboons that inhabit the area. Parents must supervise their children. Time: 9am–1pm, every Saturday. Venue: Porter Estate Produce Market, Tokai. Cost: R20 per child. For more info: visit woodenelements.co.za Thumbelina story time There’s a puppet show to go with this classical tale on 3 September. Children’s story time takes place every Saturday as usual. Time: 11am. Venue: 71 Roeland St. Cost: free. Contact: 021 462 2425
sport and physical activities 5km fun run/walk This event is to help raise funds for the Sunflower Fund. It only takes two test tubes of blood to become a donor. 18 September. Time: 11am. Venue: Mouille Point. Cost: R50, which includes a Sunflower Fund bandana. Contact: 021 701 0661, events@sunflowerfund.org. za or visit sunflowerfund.org.za Giants Gymnastics Fun-filled classes for children aged 3 and older. The classes develop coordination, flexibility, strength, discipline and confidence. Time: classes take
1–3 September – The Wizard of Oz
place Monday–Wednesday and Saturday. Venue: Blouberg Primary School. Cost: call to enquire. Contact Donna: 082 294 3276, dmarriott@telkomsa.net or visit giantsgymnastics.co.za Lourensford fun run There is a farmer’s market on the same day. The first 100 athletes receive medals and there are awesome prices for first, second and third places. There is also a Loop da Loop children’s race, lucky draws and drawstring goodie bags for the first 1 000 entrants. 17 September. Time: hiking trial 8am–10am, 9am–11am and 10am–12pm, 3km walk (pram- and wheelchair-friendly): 8am, 5km walk/run (stroller friendly): 7:45am, 8km run: 7:30am. Venue: Lourensford Estate, Somerset West. Cost: free–R50. Contact: 021 847 2333 or info@lourensford.co.za
only for parents classes, talks and workshops Animal Communication workshop With Amelia Kinkade, America’s famous animal whisperer. Learn to interpret the subtle cues that are the basis of animal communication in a practical two-day workshop. 3 and 4 September. Time: 10am–5pm, daily. Venue: Firlands Equestrian Estate, Gordon’s Bay. Cost: R1 800 for both days. Contact Sandy: 082 372 3388 or metaflexology@gmail.com Cool, calm, collected parenting A talk presented by Stephanie Maurel from Stephanie Maurel Family Wellness Consulting. 24 September. Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Breathe Pilates
3, 10, 17 and 24 September – Noordhoek Farm Village activities
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Fat Pig This award-winning Broadway play tells the story of Tom, a 30-something professional, who finds himself unexpectedly falling in love with Helen, a plus-sized librarian. The show follows the unlikely couple’s budding relationship, and the obstacles they face in a society preoccupied with appearances. 6–24 September. Time: 8:30pm, Tuesday–Saturday. Venue: On Broadway Theatre, Long St. Cost: R125. For more info: visit onbroadway.co.za
Studio, Shop 7A Sherwood Court, cnr Dreyersdal Rd and Children’s Way, Bergvliet. Cost: R250. Contact Zinta: 082 804 4577 or studio@breathepilates.co.za Corporate governance seminar Join Professor Mervyn King for an eyeopening, one-day seminar in which he unpacks everything you need to know to ensure good corporate governance in your business. 7 September. Time: 8am–3:30pm. Venue: CTICC. Cost: from R3 750 per delegate. Contact James: 011 880 4808, james@frontfoot.co.za or visit frontfoot.co.za Craft course Empower yourself and learn a new skill with this five-week course. Lessons cover jewellery beading, glass and wood decoupage, fabric painting techniques, mosaics, scrapbooking and card making. Time: 2pm–5pm, Saturday or 10am–1pm, Tuesday. Venue: OIS Centre, Old Strandfontein Rd, Ottery. Cost: R500, including materials. Contact: 021 704 1462, 074 106 0713 or stages@polka.co.za Finger pruning demo at Ludwig’s Roses 17 and 18 September. Time: 10:30am. Venue: Klein Joostenberg Deli, R304 Stellenbosch, off the N1. Cost: call to enquire. Contact: 021 884 4552, marie@ ludwigsroses.co.za or visit ludwigsroses.co.za Healthy sensory habits for 21st century parents A dynamic half-day workshop with Annemarie Lombard exploring sensory intelligence: how the brain processes the environment and influences
Ends 18 September – Habitat exhibition at The Gallery
our children’s attention, emotions and behaviour, and the seven senses and their impact on learning and development. Time: 8:30am–1pm. Venue: tbc. Cost: R450, includes refreshments, goodie bag, CD with workshop notes and sensory screening for children. Contact Sandra: 082 397 3606, events@sensoryintelligence. co.za or visit sensoryintelligence.co.za Learn CPR and save a life Paediatric nursing sister Lee-Ann White runs a CPR course for parents, childminders and au pairs. Discovery Health members earn Vitality points for attending. 3 and 17 September. Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Pinelands. Cost: R220. Contact Lee-Ann: 021 531 4182 or 072 283 7132 Mixed media art classes Explores basic techniques and mixed media, introduces the essentials of art making, and use of
different techniques and media such as pencil, ink and jik, pen and ink, acrylic ink, gouache, acrylic paint and silicone rubber. Time: 9:30am–12:30pm, every Friday. Venue: Kirstenhof. Cost: call to enquire. Contact: 021 702 0510, 083 472 8368 or visit art.co.za Out of breath and can’t keep up with your children? Freedom Fitness is offering a free 45- to 60-minute consultation for people looking to get into shape and improve fitness levels with the help of a personal trainer. All fitness levels catered for. Freedom Fitness comes to you. 10, 17 and 24 September. Contact Paul: 079 173 6414 SA Childcare and First Aid Training Centre Provides all members of the community with the skills and knowledge to react confidently and competently if faced with an emergency situation.
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17 September. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Cape Town Medi-Clinic, Hof St. Cost: R250. Contact Daniele: 084 593 2314 or satrainingcentre@gmail.com Therapeutic massage open day For body stress relief, for relief from aches and pains and for pregnancy massage. Book your free 30-minute consultation. 24 September. Time: call to enquire. Venue: southern suburbs. Cost: free. Contact Caroline: 082 717 0700 Weekday personal mastery Art workshops for adults. Eight people per class. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: No 1 General Schalk Burger Close, cnr General Chris Muller Rd, Welgelegen. Cost: R580, includes expert facilitation, refreshments, workbook and materials. Contact Lisa or Theo: 072 972 5568 or 072 359 7958
on stage and screen Symphony Choir of Cape Town The choir performs Carmina Burana by Carl Orff, accompanied by the UCT Symphonic Wind Ensemble. 27 September. Time: tbc, check website. Venue: Jameson Hall, UCT campus. Cost: R80 full price, R60 pensioners. For more info: visit scct.co.za
out and about Annual Women’s Expo Crafts, shoes and fashion, healthy eats and treats, beauty products and services. Children have access to the activity corner. 10 September. Time: 10am–8pm. Venue: OIS Centre, Old
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Strandfontein Rd, Ottery. Cost: adults R10 (ladies only), children under 10 years free. Contact: 021 704 1462, 074 106 0713 or awomensnetwork@polka.co.za Asha Zero: Micro Cluster Picnic solo exhibition Since the first solo exhibition in 2008, Asha Zero’s work has taken the local and international art world by storm. Zero’s paintings are laboriously produced and time-consuming to make, hence there are few of them – they’re snapped up by observant collectors who buy any Zero work they can find. 13–17 September. Venue: 34FineArt, 2nd floor, The Hills Building, Buchanan Square, 160 Sir Lowry Rd, Woodstock. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 461 1863 Habitat exhibition at The Gallery Paintings and drawings are on show by famed South African artist Brahm van Zyl. Large-scale cityscapes are placed in direct contrast with the landscape and architecture of the Karoo. 14 August–8 September. Time: 10am–6pm, daily. Venue: Grande Provence Heritage Wine Estate, Franschhoek. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 876 8630 or gallery@grandeprovence.co.za Innesense Cellar2Cellar trail run and wine experience Wine your way through 12 kilometres of picturesque Paradyskloof vineyards via Vriesenhof, Dornier, Kleinood, Waterford and Stellenzicht. Along the route the most spectacularly dressed trail runner wins their weight in wine as do the winners of the more serious men’s and women’s trail run.
Festivities include a farmer’s market, entertainment and pamper treatments. 17 September. Time: 8:30am, while a staggered start every 15 minutes ensures a leisurely atmosphere at the cellar tastings. More serious participants can opt for the trail run without wine starting at 8am. Venue: start and finish at Paradyskloof, Blaauwklippen, off the R44 between Stellenbosch and Somerset West. Cost: trail run with wine R250, trail run without wine R100. For more 8 and 9 September – RMB WineX Cape Town info: visit 4x4teambuilding. com or enteronline.co.za Epilepsy SA They have counselling RMB WineX Cape Town A full list of services for individuals and their families, exhibitors is visible on winex.co.za, as well and support groups have been formed in as a festival guide and a list of wines response to common needs. The Share available for online purchase. Chill out at the and Care Programme aims to help people deli section with oysters, cheese and tapas. with epilepsy to obtain information about 8 and 9 September. Time: 5pm–9pm, daily. surgery. Contact: 021 703 9420, wcape@ Venue: Cape Town International Convention epilepsy.org.za or visit epilepsy.org.za Centre (CTICC). Cost: R100–R140, which Muscular Dystrophy Foundation includes tasting glass and unlimited tastings. of South Africa They offer emotional Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 support and genetic counselling. Through or visit computicket.com newsletters, members are kept informed of activities and receive research updates. support groups Contact: 021 592 7306 (weekday mornings), Angelman Syndrome support Contact cape@mdsa.org.za or visit mdsa.org.za. For Shawn or Alida: 039 737 4613, 083 635 the Parent Project contact Maxine: 083 662 0237 or phiz@mweb.co.za 2189 or maxine@riverhillprop.com
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The Compassionate Friends annual gathering Accommodation is in rooms that sleep 3–7 people so you can choose to stay in a group, alone or as a couple. All meals are included. 30 September–2 October. Time: enquire on booking. Venue: Jan Kriel School, Kuilsriver. Cost: R550, Friday night sky lantern evening R75, Saturday night dinner and variety show R75, Sunday lunch and balloon releasing R75. Contact Suzette: 084 568 8402 or support@ tcfcape.co.za
The South African Inherited Disorders Association (SAIDA) An umbrella organisation for support groups of most inherited disorders. SAIDA is also actively involved in promoting the understanding of and education about the many inherited disorders that occur in South Africa. For more info: visit saida.org.za
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classes, talks and workshops Home birth gathering The theme for this gathering is “The Father’s Role at the Birth”. A few fathers share their experiences as well as give practical advice. 25 September. Time: 2pm–4pm. Venue: Erin Hall, Erin Rd, Rondebosch. Cost: R50; R80 for two. Refreshments served. Contact Ruth: 078 557 9070, ruth@homebirth.org.za or Lana: 073 514 9754, doulalana@vodamail.co.za HypnoBirthing coffee morning This is a reunion for all HypnoBirthing moms and an invite to moms-to-be to learn more about it. 10 September. Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Erin Hall, Erin Rd, Rondebosch. Cost: free. Contact: 073 085 6645, kim@beautifullyborn.co.za or visit beautifullyborn.co.za Parent Centre moms-to-be and momsand-babies group Time: 10am–12pm, every Thursday. Venue: Kingsbury Maternity Hospital, maternity section, second floor, Wilderness Rd, Claremont. Cost: R40 including refreshments. Contact: 021 762 0116 or zaiboe@theparentcentre.org.za
playtime and story time Baby and toddler classes Small classes combine singing, movement and rhythm using percussion instruments. For children 6–18 months and 18 months–3 years. Time: 9am and 10:30am. Venues: Wriggle and Rhyme Bergvliet, Constantia, Sun Valley and Wynberg. Cost: R390 per term plus a once-off joining fee. Contact Kirsty: 079 740 4561, info@wriggleandrhyme. co.za or visit wriggleandrhyme.co.za
2 September – Casual Day
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Moms and Tots workshop For moms and their toddlers to spend quality time together while having fun and stimulating their love of learning. Venues: branches in Rondebosch, City Bowl, Somerset West, Tableview, Lakeside, Durbanville, Fish Hoek and Hermanus. Contact Lunette: 021 785 7721 or for branch details visit momsandtots.co.za Mom’s Club For moms and babies. At least once a month there is a speaker on a baby-related topic. Time: 10am–11:30am, every Tuesday during term. Venue: Medway Youth Centre, cnr Medway and Milford Rds, Plumstead. Cost: free. Contact Barbara: 074 580 4480 or eachus.rosemary@gmail.com Sea Point Library story time 10am– 11am, every Wednesday for preschoolers and younger. Contact: 021 439 7440/1 SuperStars baby and toddler activity workshops Aimed at providing your baby or toddler with a safe and supported environment in which to play and explore. Time: varies according to age group. Venue: Little Picasso’s Café, Northumberland Close, Parklands. Cost: R550–R650 per term, eight lessons per term. Contact Angelique: 082 431 3608 or superstarsworkshops@gmail.com
support groups Cape Town Adoption Support movie club After the screening of the movie, Mother and Child, the group discusses the adoption themes emerging from the film. Proceeds from the evening are used to purchase items needed for the Zanokhanyo Children’s Safety Home. Parking on upper campus P5. Booking is essential. Time: 5:30pm–8pm. Venue: Lecture Theatre LS1A, Leslie Social Science Building, UCT. Cost: R50. Contact Jean: ct.adoption.support@gmail.com Cleft Friends support group For parents with babies born with cleft lips and palates. Visit the website to find out more about the Haberman, a special needs feeder for your baby. Contact Heléna and Matthew (son was born with a cleft in the soft palate): 082 393 1206, 079 527 1504, helena@cleftfriends.co.za or Madge (who was born with a unilateral cleft lip and cleft of the soft palate): 084 517 9914, madge@ cleftfriends.co.za or visit cleftfriends.co.za La Leche League breast-feeding support groups Panorama: 5 September 10am. Contact Carol: 021 558 5319 or Irma: 084 258 8203. Milnerton MediClinic: 6 September 9:30am. Contact Juliet: 021 556 0693. Durbanville: 20 September 10am. Contact Trudy: 021 913
2816 or Tiffany: 021 913 3586. Parow: 21 September 10am. Contact Dilshaad: 021 930 2475. Parklands Intercare: 28 September 10:30am. Contact Elaine: 021 976 8537. For meetings in Rondebosch, Fish Hoek and Malmesbury, contact Juliet: 021 556 0693. Entry is free and pregnant and nursing mothers are welcome. Postnatal Depression Support Association The organisation offers help for moms and their families. You can also join the chat group. Contact the national helpline: sms “help” and your name to 082 882 0072 for them to contact you. Head office: 021 797 4498 or visit pndsa.org.za
reading material, which is then distributed to needy schools. Book collection boxes are in place at The Constantia Village, Golden Acre, Longbeach Mall, Picbel Parkade and Montclare Place. For more information: visit growsmart.org.za
how to help Casual Day A fundraising event on 2 September for people with disabilities in South Africa. This year’s theme is “Rock ’n Roll: Worn to be Wild”. All ages are welcome to join. Show your support by buying a R10 Casual Day sticker. Contact Wynand: 021 595 4900 or fundraising.no@ epilepsy.org.za Charity dinner and auction Enjoy bubbly and canapés on arrival. South African personality Soli Philander is your MC and entertainment for the evening. Auction items include diamonds, art, a champagne dinner, vintage wines and whiskies, a Riedel crystal glass hamper and a voucher for the Mount Nelson Hotel. The dinner is in aid of TLC Outreach Project, a non-profit welfare organisation caring for destitute youth. 1 September. Time: tbc. Venue: Pepenero, Mouille Point. Cost: R500. To RSVP: visit pepenero.co.za and for more info: visit tlcprojects.org.za Growsmart book collection drive Shopping centres owned by Growthpoint Properties are actively involved in Growsmart by hosting book drives to collect
Bright Start The programme places previously disadvantaged children in prominent local schools, with proven educational standards, by obtaining sponsors to finance their education. There are currently 17 children in the Bright Start Programme and they’d like to increase this number by getting the necessary funding and sponsorship for more children. If you would like to make a donation or sponsor a child, contact Fiona: 021 790 0458, fiona@brightstart. org.za or visit brightstart.org.za
Growsmart book collection drive
Oaks of Righteousness Foundation Youth development in Mitchell’s Plain and surrounds. They are completing a three-month life skills programme, which covers bullying, effective communication, and preparation for a job. At the end of September, they hope to have an awards ceremony but require assistance with the eats and treats for the evening. They seek juices, cakes, chips, fruits and table décor to help make this evening a success. If you can assist, contact Wendy: 021 393 5249, 074 542 0419 or oaksyouth@yahoo.com Santa Shoebox Project 2011 Bring joy to a child during the festive season and participate in this year’s heartwarming Santa Shoebox Project, which collects Christmas gifts for underprivileged children who may never have received one before. The giftwrapped Santa Shoeboxes need to be dropped off at central distribution points across the country between 21 October and 6 November. The shoeboxes will be dispatched to more than 300 children’s homes, orphanages and other childcare institutions across the country. Register from 1 September via santashoebox.co.za. Contact: info@santashoebox.co.za or visit thesantashoeboxproject.wordpress.com Time to Dream charity dinner The formal dinner/dance promises great food, a stunning venue, lucky draws and a lot of fun while raising funds for the Foundation Backbone annual camp for 60 children in October. Their master of ceremonies is Willem Erwee from Radio Tygerberg. 3 September. Time: 6pm. Venue: Eensgezind wedding and function venue, Durbanville. Cost: R300; tables seat 10 guests. Contact: info@foundationbackbone.co.za or visit foundationbackbone.co.za
don’t miss out! For a free listing, email your event to lucille@childmag.co.za or fax it to 021 462 2680. Information must be received by 6 September for the October issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za
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it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit
childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties
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last laugh
a rollicking roller-coaster ride SAM WILSON and her sons experience the exhilarating ups and downs of overseas travel.
i
just spent a month in Europe with the family. (Actually, I was saying, “we summered in Europe”, but even close friends started throwing things at me, so I decided to rephrase.) Now, we are not big travellers. Hell, I get homesick going on overnight business trips. But my sister-in-law had a baby early in the year, so we’ve been stowing our journo pennies in a big jar so that we could all go, pat the baby and make a family round trip of it. As this was our sons’ first time overseas, we asked them what they most wanted to see while staying with their Wimbledon-based Uncle Quent, and then their Tante Tina in Hamburg. “The Wombles! Hamburgers!” giggled the boys. “You don’t think we actually managed to save up enough money, do you?” said Andreas, crossly. “Now, be serious. We have to plan our itinerary.”
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“Well, I want to go to London to see the Rosetta Stone,” said Benj, surprising us all. “Isn’t that in Egypt?” I said, before getting silenced by what I like to call the Eyeball Roll. “And I hear roller coasters are better overseas,” said Joe. There was something I could work with. “I’m in,” I said to Joe. “Let Dad take Benj to Egypt. You and me, let’s ride some roller coasters.” We went to Wimbledon first. The Wimbledon Common, to be exact, where a fantastic movie-style funfair was cranking out its wares in the middle of the pouring rain. “Come on. Let’s be brave. Let’s go on that spider-like ride over there.” “That one called The Extreme?” Joey asked, doubtfully. “Yep, that one. How bad can it be? I mean, we can see the ride’s plug, for heaven’s sake.” I cajoled, hoicking Joe into the seat next to me.
Ten minutes later, Joey was patting me on the back as I sat shaking under a stand of sopping candyfloss. “That w... was... “ I gibbered, “So. Very. H... h... horrid.” “I didn’t expect it to spin upside down either,” said Joey, sounding shaky but much more composed than his mother. “Especially not while the wet seats themselves were rotating on their own axes. That was unbelievably hard core.” We recovered reasonably well; Joey by discovering the Dodgem cars and me by, well, having a small cry and inhaling two huge packets of greasy chips. (I have always found carbs very calming.) But this experience had a really interesting result. Joey and I have now become immune to roller coasters, of all shapes and sizes. I know this as our lovely German relatives kindly spent the next three weeks showing us literally every roller coaster
up and down the country. (We had put in an early request.) If it looped like a spiral straw, free fell from a great height, spun like a Tasmanian devil, smacked into a pool of jelly or blared Wagner while turning you inside out... we got strapped into it. We just stepped nonchalantly out again, high-fived and rejoined the queue. I have never felt so cool in all my life. So, my sage holiday advice? Go see the Rosetta Stone, Stonehenge, Woodhenge (who knew?), cathedrals, plays, towers, castles and landscapes – but also make sure you take the time to scare the pants off yourself, in a new and quirky way. Who knows what new things you may learn about yourself before you need to repack the laundry? Sam Wilson is the Editor-in-Chief of Women24, Parent24 and Food24. She thinks the British Museum should really give a lot of that stuff back to the countries they took it from.
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PHOTOGRAPH: Andreas SpÄth
Joe, Sam and Benj