Child magazine | CPT November 2013

C a p e

To w n ’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

pa r e n t s

16 ways

to build your child’s emotional intelligence

sitting strong

the science behind choosing the right desk for your child

bring a basket pick your own summer fruit

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November 2013

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Years ago I worked in poorly resourced schools in Gauteng where it was commonplace to see chains and batons hanging where the headmaster’s jacket should have hung.

Hunter House PUB L IS H ING

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Cassandra Shaw • features@childmag.co.za

These schools were ruled with a rod of iron. Many schools today are finding it increasingly difficult to effectively discipline children and there is a renewed call for corporal punishment. Three independent studies have shown that the majority of parents interviewed were not opposed to smacking their children to correct “bad” behaviour.

With all the hostility that we deal with in South Africa every day, do we not owe it to our children to find other ways to grow good citizens? Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I wish I’d spent more time working out how to effectively guide my eldest to a calmer, more constructive place during her fiery toddler years.

Resource Editor Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art Designers Nikki-leigh Piper • nikki@childmag.co.za Alison Els • studio2@childmag.co.za Mariette Barkhuizen • studio@childmag.co.za Mark Vincer • studio3@childmag.co.za

Advertising Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations Lisa Waterloo • waterloo@childmag.co.za

Subscriptions and Circulation PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: BROOKE FASANI

Nicolene Baldy • subs@childmag.co.za

Accounts Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

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I think if you get it right with a toddler; if you model the correct behaviour and reward the positives, this will stand you in much better stead for the teenage years. Managing instant gratification is essential to guiding children from the tricky toddler stage into courageous and compassionate teenagers. It’s up to us as parents to provide the hands-on involvement that experts agree is key to raising children who understand they’re part of, and responsible for, the optimal functioning of their family, their classrooms and ultimately, their community.

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November 2013

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contents november 2013

upfront 3 a note from lisa 6 over to you readers respond

features 14 building emotional intelligence EQ may be more important than IQ to be successful in life, so we should encourage it more in our children, says Glynis Horning

16 learning spaces having a customised place to work and create is important for children. By Tamlyn Vincent

18 healthy tuck shops by turning the school eatery into a healthy haven, we’re ensuring that our children eat right during the day, says Susan Stos

20 two schools of thought Donna Cobban recently moved to New Zealand and tells us more about their educational system

22 there’s a rat in the kitchen Marina Zietsman examines the home hazards lurking in your fridge and cupboards

24 a valuable learning tool should cellphones be banned from classrooms, or could they be a helpful educational aid? Janine Dunlop investigates

28 parenting within bounds your teenagers will be grateful one day if you set limits and discipline them, advises Gary Koen

regulars 8 upfront with paul screaming and shouting are not conducive to communication, says Paul Kerton

10 pregnancy news – UIF and maternity rights Anél Lewis looks at how the UIF system can work best for pregnant women and new parents

11 best for baby – under the sun the sun is a lot harsher on the skin of babies and toddlers.

By Cassandra Shaw

12 dealing with difference Glynis Horning explains what Borderline Personality Disorder is and what signs to look out for

38 resource – grab your bucket! summer’s here, so head out to the farms and pick some fresh fruit.

Compiled by Lucille Kemp

42 a good read for the whole family 32 east coast tables we offer you a few recipes from the book East Coast Tables: The Inland Edition. By Erica Platter and Clinton Friedman

35 money savvy don’t only teach your child how to save money, teach them how to invest it too. By Tamlyn Vincent

43 what’s on in november 54 finishing touch shopping with two toddlers is reserved for the brave, says Anél Lewis

classified ads

health 9 smoke screen Lucille Kemp points out why smoking a hubbly bubbly is bad for your health

49 family marketplace 51 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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November 2013

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Photo: Eugene Claase kidoagency.co.za

Photo: Eugene Claase kidoagency.co.za

shutterstock.com

Delfina de Faria

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November 2013

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letters

over to you fussy eater

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Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

I have a very fussy grandson, aged four, who just does not have an appetite.

From the day he was born, he didn’t want to eat. He just wanted his bottle and a bit of baby food. This has not changed for the last four years. He will eat a small bowl of cereal in the mornings and then he is off to school. At 12:30pm I collect him and his little sister, aged two. Even then all he wants is his bottle, whereas my granddaughter will eat anything that is placed in front of her.

He will eat a bowl of pasta for lunch and some pieces of chocolate (only one kind is permitted). Every once in a while he’ll eat some bacon, but even these must not be burnt or “funny looking”. Can someone please give us advice? We are all at wits’ end.

Peter Hart

soon. With three grandchildren, aged 10, seven and three, he loves visiting. And it is especially interesting to see my seven-year-old son imitate him. My son has ADHD and is also on the autism spectrum. It would be really helpful if you could assist with some information on schools that support learners who interact differently, or give information on support groups and social groups for parents and our little angels. And to add to the letter, yes, there would be no choice!

Zaheera Childmag says For information and contact details, visit childmag.co.za and search under “resource – dealing with difference”. The contact details for ADHASA (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Support Group of Southern Africa) is also listed. They’re a great source to steer you in the right direction regarding support groups.

help with ADHD

one for the girls

I want to thank Lindsay Sommer for the honest letter entitled “a letter to an autistic grandson”, (October 2013). It made me smile and cry at the same time, and I cannot wait to show it to my dad who will be visiting

Earlier this year I had the opportunity to accompany my seven-year-old daughter to the father-daughter barn dance at her school, filling in for my husband who was away on business. I was surprised that I was the only

November 2013

mom in attendance. I am sure that there were other children who wouldn’t have been able to bring a dad to the event. While it is good to have events for specific parents to share with their children, this should never stop your child from attending a school function. My daughter and I had fantastic fun and I had the chance to teach her a valuable life lesson: never let your gender stop you from doing something you want to do.

Sarah Jane Henshall

keep the faith In response to the letter from a mom struggling to find a school for her Down’s syndrome little boy (October 2013); as a teacher I say “don’t give up”. I had a Down’s syndrome boy in my class once. He changed our lives and we learnt about unconditional love and acceptance from him. We also learnt to laugh more and not to take ourselves so seriously. I loved him so much and so did the other children.

There are schools out there that would be happy to educate your son and they would be truly blessed if they allowed him to come to their school. Don’t give up, mom.

Susan Durandt

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toddler on safari I really enjoyed the article by Angus Begg. I think it’s so important to expose our children to different worlds from a very young age. And it does not have to be an expensive trip. In and around our cities there are many places to explore, which might cost the same as a trip to the mall over the weekend.

Clare

toxic shock syndrome Parents should be informed of the dangers of disposable nappies and toxic shock syndrome that these can cause.

My baby was treated with a severe rash, and only then did I find out the cause – disposable nappies. I have found an alternative product, which really works.

Alista

online response to the article “get the balance right” A very important question that needs to be added is: “At what age can a child start focusing on a sport?” I am a sports director and head of PE at a primary school, teaching children aged four to 12 years old, and ask myself this question all the time. Tim Noakes reckons children should rather take part in “play” as opposed to a specific sport until the end of their primary school years, but I don’t quite agree with this as I think children

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could start focusing on a specific discipline from about age seven or eight, before they learn incorrect technique.

That said, we currently have an issue with some parents demanding I run my soccer clinic for the three to four year olds throughout the year. My problem is that children are not taking part in any imaginative play, especially when a ball is involved. All they can and want to do is kick the ball. While kicking is a very important part of development, they should also be encouraged to play in other ways with a ball, like throwing or passing it.

Children should be encouraged to play around the house and in the garden. Using one’s imagination and being creative is a huge part of growing up, and doing the same sport three to four times a week at a young age could have limiting effects on this. Obviously the more “gifted” sportsmen out there will benefit from private lessons from a young age, but as the article states, perhaps one out of a million is “truly gifted”. Parents should be more realistic.

Stoffies to the article “circumcision – cut to the chase” It [circumcision] does not affect sexual functioning at all. It does not impair anything or disrupt any emotional, sleep or mental patterns. It has been proven to help in the prevention of spreading HIV by up to 70%. If anything, it is more hygienic and offers more sensual benefits as an adult.

Brad

to the article “let’s celebrate” While there are some great ideas here, I’m opposed to ridiculously overdone and overspent parties where parents try to outdo each other or are held hostage by spoilt children’s demands. My son’s birthday will be held at my home, with a homemade cake and snacks, and without a clown, carousel or mini petting zoo. Because I don’t want him to grow up thinking that’s what he automatically deserves, and that is what celebrations should be about.

Jonica to the reader’s blog “something yummy” This recipe for drop scones is healthy, simple and delicious.

I made a batch this morning and my family loved them.

Lara This is a wonderful recipe. I am always looking for new, sugar-free recipes for my children. So, I swapped the honey for sucralose.

Tracy Costa subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions.

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We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

November 2013

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upfront with paul

stop shouting You don’t have to shout to be heard.

PAUL KERTON explains why.

PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

i

went to pick up a soft-spoken writer friend last night – a single mom with three children. When I walked through her front door it was like somebody had maxed the volume on the entire house.

The children were at all points – north, south, east and west, upstairs and downstairs, and EVERYBODY, including the mother, was shouting and screaming at each other. Not out of anger or rage, or an attempt to chide or discipline. This was how – as a family – they communicated on a daily basis.

Nobody moved from where they were, or left what they were doing, to get faceto-face with the person they wanted to talk to, or even showed themselves at the door to their room to make it easier. All three children expected the mother to run to them. “Mom, where’s my green top?”, “Mom, come and check this drawing”, “Mom, the remote’s not working”. Then the children were shouting at each other from

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November 2013

one room to another. “Jess, what did you do with my beanie?”

Mom was screaming too. “Have you done your homework?” to some child; I don’t know which one. “You’d better take a shower tonight and wash your hair.” I hadn’t heard this much shouting since the Springboks won the World Cup at Ellis Park.

“Is it always like this?” I asked innocently.

“What?”

What? The house is a zoo. There’s one adult and three children over the age of nine literally screaming at each other every 10 seconds. The boy is watching television with the volume up, barking orders. It was like a mental hospital except nobody was sedated.

In my book, a loud parent means louder children. A loud teacher means a louder class. Once you are over the initial shock to get attention, shouting loses any impact and has no lasting effect. It jars and jangles the brain and raises your stress levels.

Saskia, Paul and Sabina

“What I meant,” I continued, “is do you always communicate through screaming at each other?”

Sadly, the answer was yes. Already the teachers had been complaining about her daughter Ellie’s shouting in class. Luckily she was a good enough friend for me to say, “Are you insane? The shouting is out of control and you’ve got to sort it out.”

And, over a glass of crisp Sauvignon Blanc we did. Problem was, they’d been screaming at each other for so long they didn’t know they were doing it. I suggested she get everyone around a table and talk

quietly about how the screaming was off the chart. First step: find the person you want to talk to and talk to them in a polite, controlled way. Second step: if it isn’t really important or entertaining, don’t talk. “Mom, help! I’ve broken my leg!” Then it’s okay to shout. “Mom it’s raining.” Who cares? She’s just got drenched bringing the toys in from the garden. And cut the laziness: “Mom, how do you spell ‘book’?” Learn to spell “dictionary” – and find out. Best advice though is, if someone shouts at you, ignore them until they show some respect.

Follow Paul on Twitter: @fabdad1

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health

smoke screen You may know it as a hookah, hubbly bubbly, water pipe, narghile, shisha or goza, but LUCILLE KEMP points out that you only really need to know that it is dangerous to your health.

ILLUSTRATIONS: shutterstock.com

false perceptions It has been trendy for some time to smoke a hookah pipe. It’s a social activity, it smells pleasant and the sweet flavour makes inhaling the smoke, without coughing, easier. The experience is made all the more attractive as it is perceived as somehow “better” than cigarette smoking. The bottom line, according to Cansa’s head of health Prof Michael C Herbst, is “hookah and cigarette smoke both contain nicotine, tar, carbon monoxide, arsenic and lead.”

Dr Richard van Zyl-Smit, head of the Lung Clinical Research Unit at UCT, says, “A single puff of a hookah probably has less toxins in it than a single puff of a cigarette but, when smoking a hookah, you inhale on average 100 times more smoke than you would when smoking a cigarette.

Herbst says, “The smoke produced in a typical hookah smoking session can contain about 36 times more tar and about eight times more carbon monoxide, than the smoke from a single cigarette.”

As people don’t smoke hookah pipes all day, every day, it is difficult to compare it

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with cigarettes, but inhaling any amount of a carcinogen should be avoided at all costs and when smoking a hookah pipe you are doing just that. Add to this the charcoal that is used to “burn the tobacco” and even more toxins and gases are inhaled.

“The flavouring makes the tobacco more palatable not less toxic,” says Van ZylSmit. Herbst adds, “The fact that the smoke passes through water doesn’t mean that hookah smoke is “cleaner” and it is just as addictive as cigarettes, with hookah smokers showing signs of addiction.”

health risks Van Zyl-Smit points out that as hookah pipes burn tobacco, the effects are very similar to that of cigarettes. Typically the most vulnerable to the effects of the smoke are children and pregnant women, and studies have shown an increased risk of lung cancer, and respiratory, periodontal and cardiovascular disease, as well as middle ear infections. The lead in smoke can also make children hyperactive, irritable and cause brain damage. The smoke can cause

reduced growth in unborn babies, and increase the risk of miscarriage, stillbirth and sudden infant death syndrome as well. Also, the communal nature of sharing a hookah pipe means you can get germs from others, such as the bacteria that cause TB or the virus that causes herpes.

far-reaching effects A hookah smoking session produces a great deal of smoke and often takes place in a public setting, sometimes even in restaurants, greatly affecting those around you. Herbst says the health risks presented by tobacco products apply not only to second-hand smoke, but also to the lesser known third-hand smoke, which is defined by Herbst as, “The gases and small particles in smoke that are deposited on every surface the smoker comes in contact with, which remains for very long periods of time; from the smoker’s hair and clothing to the environment the hookah was smoked in.” Young children may be affected when they crawl on contaminated surfaces and ingest toxins from hand to mouth.

smoking vs hubbly bubbly One typical cigarette session • 5–7 minutes • 8–12 puffs • 40–75ml of smoke per puff

One typical hubbly bubbly session • 20–80 minutes • 20–200 puffs • 0,15–1 litre of smoke per puff (equivalent to inhaling the smoke of 100 or more cigarettes) Information courtesy of Cansa

November 2013

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pregnancy news

UIF and maternity rights Although you want to spend as much time as you can with your newborn, before going back to work,

t

make sure you’re prepared for any possible loss of income while you’re on leave, says ANÉL LEWIS.

here’s so much to think about when you’re pregnant, and top of the list, if you are working, is how much maternity leave you can take and whether you will get paid for the time that you’re at home with your baby.

your rights The Constitution, the Employment Equity Act and the Labour Relations Act stipulate that no person may be discriminated against or dismissed because of pregnancy.

According to the Basic Conditions of Employment Act (BCEA), pregnant workers are entitled to at least four months consecutive maternity leave. Your partner is entitled to only three days paid family leave, says Ivan Israelstam of Labour Law Management Consulting in Joburg. You can choose to go on maternity leave a month before your due date, or earlier if there are health concerns, but you can only return to work after six weeks of giving birth. This also applies to a stillbirth. Women who have adopted a baby may only apply for three days’ paid family responsibility leave.

money Ivan says you are not automatically entitled to your full salary while you are on maternity leave. It is up to your company to decide on your salary package during this time, and this may depend on the number of years you have worked.

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claiming your benefits If you are receiving less than your full salary, or none at all, and your employer has contributed to the Unemployment Insurance Fund (UIF) on your behalf, you may claim benefits. You can also claim if you resign during your maternity leave. Members of close corporations or proprietary limited companies may also claim, but as a sole proprietor you may not. You may also claim UIF if you are adopting a baby under the age of two. Submit your UIF claim as soon as you start your maternity leave or within six months of the birth of your child. According to the Department of Labour, the amount paid is subject to the number of credit days you have accumulated, with the maximum being 121 days or 17 weeks. You get 60 credits for each year worked and you can expect to earn between 38–58% of your salary. The credits are calculated from the last four years of your employment record.

If you should miscarry in the third trimester or have a stillbirth, you can still claim UIF, but you will only get paid for a maximum of six weeks. You may claim more than once for maternity benefits within a four-year period.

what to do when You can download the application forms from the Department of Labour’s website (labour.gov.za) or from the

website of an agency specialising in maternity UIF claims.

Your employer will forward a declaration of employment, a U-19, to the labour centre and you will need to submit your completed forms, copy of your ID and a medical certificate confirming the pregnancy. But note that you can only do this when you start your maternity leave. If you do decide to claim from the labour centre, make sure you have all the supporting documents and forms ready to avoid further time-consuming visits. You may also send someone to hand in the forms for you. Once the application is approved, the non-taxable benefits will be paid into your bank account. This usually takes about five weeks so make sure you are prepared financially for any shortfall in income.

a helping hand As queues at the labour centre can be long and daunting, many women prefer to leave the legwork to an agency with expertise in UIF claims. Helene Vermaak, of a Cape Town-based agency, says mothers want the help of a company that can get the claim submitted quickly and with minimal fuss. These agencies usually charge a once-off fee of between R400 and R700 depending on the services you require. Use a reputable agency that will only submit forms that are correct. The company should also keep you updated and help with any problems that may arise.

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best for baby

under the sun PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Ensure the safety of your baby and toddler’s skin this summer.

By CASSANDRA SHAW

i

t’s time to unpack your bathing suit, sandals and hats.

The hot summer months are finally here, and although you’ve been looking forward to spending them outside with your new young family, there are some important skin safety facts to consider before heading out the door.

a thin skin We all know that the sun can have damaging effects on our skin, but for babies and toddlers the sun can be quite dangerous. Baby skin is different to older children and

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adult skin and is extremely sensitive to the sun. “It has not yet acclimatised to UV rays, and the outermost layer of their skin is thinner and more delicate. The pigment cells that naturally protect from UV rays are also still immature and not fully functional,” says Dr Imraan Jhetam, a dermatologist based in Durban.

If a baby is exposed to the sun without proper sun protection, damages that happen early on in life can cause serious effects later on. Dr Dagmar Whitaker, a Cape Town dermatologist, says that a baby’s immune system is “not fully developed and when our skin is growing, the cells are particularly vulnerable to DNA damage.” She goes on to say that “When the genetic information (DNA) gets damaged [from sunburn], it changes a normal cell into a cancer cell which remains in your skin forever – although the cancer as such only develops later; 80% of all your UV damage occurs in the first 20 years of your life.”

combating the sun Babies younger than six months old should not use sunscreen. Instead, they should be kept out of the sun or be in the shade as much as possible, in addition to wearing long sleeves, pants and a wide-brimmed hat, says Durban based dermatologist Dr Ishaan Ramkisson. Also, make sure that they don’t overheat and that they drink plenty of fluids, he adds.

For babies and toddlers, apply and reapply sunscreen to exposed areas of the skin, not already covered by protective clothing, every two to three hours or when they come out of the water.

Sensitive areas like ears, the neck and cheeks should be covered by a broad-spectrum UVA and UVB protective sunscreen of at least SPF 30, and other areas should be covered with an SPF of at least 15 to 30, says Ramkisson.

It’s best if babies use a product that is free of hypoallergenics, fragrances and added chemicals found in adult sunscreens, such as para-aminobenzoic and retinyl palmitate, and benzephenones like dioxybenzone, oxybenzone or sulisobenzone. Find products that include ingredients like zinc oxide and titanium dioxide or special sunscreens made for infants and toddlers as they may be less irritating to their skin and may offer more protection.

sun safety tips • Try to stay out of the sun between 10am–4pm.

• Dress your child in SPF-rated clothing and use protective sunglasses.

• Wet or stretched clothing can decrease your child’s protection against the sun.

• Use an age-appropriate sunscreen and coat skin generously.

• Do not use expired sunscreens – they may deteriorate and become harmful to the skin.

• When walking or driving use a window mesh, or a cover for your pram.

when to have your moles looked at • I f you have moles that change shape, colour and size; moles that itch, bleed, cause any kind of sensation or develop a white halo around them • If your family has a strong history of melanoma • If it has been a year since your last checkup with a dermatologist

November 2013

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dealing with difference

moody or heading for BPD? Moodiness and risky behaviour can be normal in adolescence, but they may signal the start of Borderline Personality Disorder. By Glynis Horning

j

ade* was a charming but temperamental toddler, given to tantrums. By primary school her long-suffering, single mom Shirley* was being called in about outbursts in class, bullying and, on one occasion, a lunch box flung at another child’s head. But it was in high school that Shirley grew seriously worried. “Jade had seemed to quieten down, but I discovered her in the shower one day cutting her thighs. Scars showed she’d been doing it for some time. We cried together, but she kept pushing me away.” With therapy Jade was encouraged to use ice-cubes instead of a knife and to channel her emotions into dance classes, but by 16 she was sneaking out to local Durban clubs, drinking and taking drugs.

“Each time I confronted her she would be furious, then contrite and clingy, then she’d do it again! It was tearing me apart.” When Shirley announced that she was sending Jade to boarding school to help her pass matric, the 17-year-old locked herself in her room and took an overdose.

It was a psychologist treating her in hospital who gave Jade’s problem a name: she had traits of emergent Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This is a serious mental illness characterised by unstable moods, behaviour and relationships.

Many professionals are unwilling to diagnose it in young people, as technically their personality and brain are still developing until age 25. “In a percentage of adolescents strong personality traits of borderline are evident, but it’s important to view them as traits versus a set diagnosis, which has serious consequences for a growing individual,” says Janine Tommy, a Cape Town clinical psychologist. However, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders used by mental health professionals now makes provision for BPD to be diagnosed before 18.

who is it affecting?

It’s been estimated to affect around 3–14% of teenagers. “Adolescent behaviour is generally characterised by a higher degree of impulsivity,” says Joburg clinical psychologist Liane Lurie. “The adolescent brain doesn’t connect actions with consequences in the same way as an adult. Adolescence is generally characterised by difficulties in regulating emotions or overly amplified emotional displays.”

BPD tendencies affect boys as well as girls, she says, “though statistics on females may be more readily available as females tend to seek help or display emotional distress more readily than males.” The tendencies often occur alongside other conditions such as depression, anti-social personality disorders, anxiety disorders, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, eating disorders and substance abuse. (A major study by the US National Institute of Mental Health suggested that 85% of people diagnosed with BPD also meet the criteria for another mental illness.)

self-harming behaviour. “A combination of therapy and medication go a long way in creating a new sense of stability,” says Lurie.

Shirley attributes Jade’s progress to a combination of DBT, a course of antidepressants, and ongoing supplementation with omega-3 fatty acids (which some studies suggest may help reduce signs of depression and aggression). Now 22, she is studying towards a Masters degree in fine arts. “She still has her moments, but she can control them now, and she really wants to. I feel I’ve got my daughter back again.” * Names have been changed

signs that your child may have BPD • • • • • •

Difficulty regulating emotions and thoughts Intense mood swings lasting from hours to several days Inappropriate, extreme anger Extreme reactions of panic and rage to abandonment, real or perceived Intense, stormy relationships swinging between love (often idealised) and anger Impulsive, reckless, dangerous behaviour such as substance abuse, unsafe sex, reckless driving, binge eating and spending sprees • Abrupt changes in feelings, ideas, opinions, values, plans or future goals • Chronic feelings of emptiness • Feelings of being cut off from others and from reality • Self-harming, including cutting, burning, branding, picking or pulling skin and hair, excessive tattooing and body piercing, and self-starving • Recurring suicidal thoughts or attempts.

Having five or more of these symptoms for at least a year may indicate BPD, but if you notice even a couple, get help. Contact your doctor or (the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) 0800 567 567 or sms 31393.

causes

treating BPD BPD was once believed to be a lifelong problem, but it’s now estimated that with good treatment, around two-thirds of teenagers and a third of adults will no longer meet the criteria for BPD after about two years (though they may still have a raised suicide risk). “Treatment can raise an individual’s awareness around dysfunctional patterns of interaction and teach them how to shift their energies in more constructive directions,” says Lurie. Without treatment they have continued difficulties and an increased sense of despair and hopelessness.

Today the focus is on cognitive behavioural therapy to change core beliefs and behaviours, or dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), which helps borderlines test their concept of reality, be more “mindfully aware”, and have better control of their emotions and behaviour. Medication may be prescribed to control instability, impulsivity and

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what you can do • • • • • • • • • •

ive your teenager emotional support, understanding, patience and encouragement.

G Don’t try to control all their problem behaviours; work on an aspect or two.

Praise any progress and good behaviour (borderlines crave attention).

Use DBT with the whole family to create a therapeutic home (“Did X truly intend to hurt you, or was it an accident?”, for example).

Curb risk-taking by limiting or openly tracking teenager’s cellphone use, pocket money and free time, and explain calmly that it’s because you love them.

Keep regular meal and sleep times, and encourage exercise to reduce stress.

If they threaten or attempt suicide, get help immediately.

Don’t neglect yourself, your partner and other children.

Keep communicating with your partner and other caregivers to prevent being manipulated.

Don’t lose hope – treatment works, and your child will appreciate your efforts one day.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

The causes of BPD are still unclear, but recent research supports the idea of a biological basis in some cases – brain scans of borderlines have shown less activity in regions that help control emotions and aggressive impulses, and that deal with cooperation and trust.

Genetic factors, environmental factors and cultural ones are also likely to be involved, with a higher incidence of BPD reported in victims of violence and abuse. “Exposure to trauma at an early age while the brain and its emotional centres of regulation are still developing place an individual at risk,” says Lurie. “A compounding factor may be the amount of or lack of help or intervention a child receives after the event. Caregiver indifference and lack of soothing often lead to increased emotional trauma.”

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parenting

building emotional intelligence EQ may be more important than IQ for success in life, but are we doing enough to encourage it in both our sons and daughters? By GLYNIS HORNING

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frustration were transformed into one emotion, anger.

“Both boys and girls need to be taught to acknowledge their feelings and give appropriate expression to them,” says Steyn. “They should be taught to make responsible choices for how they will stand up for themselves and their values and opinions in life – this is healthy assertiveness.” But, there’s much parents can do to help sons and daughters develop EQ. Be attentive – respond quickly and consistently to your child’s emotional needs from the start so they develop a sense of security and self-esteem. This is the foundation of EQ, says Kidd. “Just don’t confuse responding with pandering.”

Accept their emotions and teach them to name them. Ask how they’re feeling, suggests Steyn. For example, “I see you frowning and hiding your face from me – are you feeling angry because you can’t get what you want right now?”

Name your own emotions and model how to deal with them: “I’m feeling angry, so I’m going to count to 10, take a bath or go for a walk until I feel calm, then we’ll talk about it.” There should be no screaming and shouting in front of children, says Steyn, “but let them see healthy disagreement and resolution later.”

Constantly tell sons as well as daughters that you love them, and hug them, and encourage Dad to do this too. It won’t spoil them or make boys “sissies”; it will make them more secure and confident. “Unconditional love and affection is vital so the child feels worthy and accepted for who they are, and not just when they do something amazing,” says Steyn. “It leads to feeling ‘good enough’ and worthy of love.”

Encourage children to speak about their emotions, Steyn says: “You look upset, would you like to talk about it?” Reassure teensagers that it’s okay to feel awkward and anxious, and encourage discussions about relationships with their teachers, friends or “flames”.

Try side-by-side communication instead of face-toface – chat while doing something with them, such as driving or working on a project; teenage boys, especially, will often open up more this way.

Use life moments, books, movies, even commercials to help children recognise the cues to what others may be feeling: “How would you feel if that was you?” Empathy is critical for building enduring relationships, says Kidd.

If they act aggressively, look behind the anger for anxiety, hurt or sadness issues: “You seem upset, are you feeling scared, hurt or sad?” But still explain the negative consequences of their actions, Kidd says.

Teach other ways to express anger from when children are very young, says Steyn: “I don’t hear you when you shout, hit or throw things. If you have a problem or want something, you need to tell me another way. How would it be if you did X?” Help children be aware of when they are stressed, and what causes it, says children’s life coach Julie Keating of Magic Blox in Joburg: “I see you’re biting your nails, or your fists are clenched. Is changing school or our family getting a new baby making you tense?”

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nowing how to get on with others and move smoothly through social situations is an invaluable life skill, and the key is emotional intelligence – the ability to understand our feelings and those of others, and deal with them.

“Children who have a higher EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) are more likely to be cooperative, sociable and optimistic,” says Avril Kidd, Durban EQ practitioner and representative of the Six Seconds EQ network in South Africa. They tend to be less impulsive and better behaved, and to have more friends and do better academically, helping them to grow into rounded, happy and successful adults.

It’s still unclear what role DNA and genes play in EQ, and while there has been considerable research suggesting that girls are more emotionally intelligent than boys, this may stem less from inherited gender differences than from us raising them, however subconsciously, with different social expectations. “EQ is not just a trait you are born with or determined by your genes, but is very much also determined by interaction with other beings and the environment,” says Joburg-based psychologist Karin Steyn.

Studies have shown that among other things, mothers use a greater range of emotions when playing with daughters and discuss emotions with them more, while boys are raised to repress their emotions, but this is changing: “I know many parents today are trying to avoid this sort of thing,” says Steyn. The danger with repressed emotions, she says, is that they can fester, causing anxiety, depression and aggression, and eventually erupt when triggered by disproportionately minor events.

In his bestseller Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (Owl Books), Dr William Pollack writes that boys were given an “emotional funnel” to express all their emotions – anxiety, fear, sadness and

Listen well – don’t interrupt or jump in with solutions unless they ask, she says. It can undermine their confidence in being able to find these for themselves.

Often children just need to feel heard, and talking about a problem dissipates it or delivers answers.

Acknowledge their perspective and give empathy, even if you don’t agree: “I know it’s hard to stop playing, but it’s time for dinner.”

Feeling understood helps children control negative emotions, says Steyn.

Give them ways to cope: “Come, let’s tell X how you feel about what he did”; “How about kicking a ball or going for a run so you feel better?”

Teach them soothing catch-phrases: “It was an accident”, “Everyone makes mistakes”, and positive self-talk: “I can do this” or “I tried my best”.

Teach them how to problem-solve: “You’re fedup with X because she won’t give you a turn, what could you say to her?” Teach them to use “I” messages: “I feel X when you do Y”, and to compromise: “What can we do so we’re both happy? Share?

Take turns?”

Notice when they show kindness: “I love how gentle you are with the new baby”. Any behaviour rewarded with your time and attention will continue, says Steyn.

Above all, model kindness and empathy – let them see you identify with the plights and feelings of others, especially during the season of giving. Whether you’re helping in a soup kitchen or donating toys for orphans, involve your children too.

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EQ vs IQ American psychologist and EQ research pioneer Daniel Goleman estimates that IQ contributes only about 20% to the factors that determine how successful you will be in life, and the other 80% is made up of other forces. EQ is important in how you: • are able to motivate yourself • persevere, especially with challenges • delay the need for immediate gratification and have good impulse control • regulate your moods and control your ability to think in spite of stress • have empathy for others • manage your relationships • maintain hopefulness.

It seems that it’s the balance between IQ and EQ that determines success. “Even someone with a very high IQ may achieve nothing without the ability to believe in themselves and create their own opportunities or sell themselves to others,” says Steyn. “IQ without EQ means nothing.”

A study in the Harvard Business Review found that leaders with more warmth outstripped peers who might have been better qualified. “People with warmth tend to manage their relationships better, are more able to be people that others would want to follow, and inspire others,” she says. “You can help children lead happy, successful and fulfilled lives,” concludes Keating.

mothers’ views on gender and EQ • K aren Monk Klijnstra, a Durban fashion designer and mother of Anouk (10), Maia (8), Lola (6) and Rudi (4): “Each of my children has a very different temperament, but I think my girls were more inherently empathetic at Rudi’s age. He’s very affectionate, but the girls tease that it’s more cupboard love – when he wants a treat in the cupboard!”

• Sharlene Khan is a biological scientist turned Durban stay-at-home mom to her son Amaan Azgar (30 months) and her daughter Azhara Laila (15 months): “It’s shocking to me how different they are already. My son’s a little fighter – if he wants something his sister has, he’ll simply grab it, and pull her hair if she resists, or try to smack her. She’s emotional and cries, but plans her revenge when he’s distracted, and takes the toy back with the cutest, most devious smile.”

• Ridza Beattie runs Rondebosch Moms and Tots and is the mother of Saskia (10), Kayla (9), Meera (7) and Joshua (6): “I think my children’s EQs are more linked to birth order and personalities than to gender.

I’ve raised them all to be loving, empathetic and strong, irrespective of gender or anything else, and they are.”

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your child’s life

learning spaces Growing minds and bodies mean that our children’s needs for desks and learning space change as they get older. By TAMLYN VINCENT

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hen it comes to “colouring” time, my son plants himself on the bedroom floor with books, crayons, stickers, the odd pine cone and glue, spread outwards. But I was taken by surprise when I saw his friend’s very neat little table, with a stack of drawings on one side and a tub of crayons on the other.

Everyone learns differently, and because of this everyone needs their own space in which to learn. While this space may be part of a communal area, or in a child’s bedroom, having an individualised space is important. “Every child is different and is stimulated in a different way,” agrees Andrea Kellerman, a Durban-based educational psychologist and Neurofeedback practitioner. She points out that some children need a cosy, comfortable place in which to learn. Others may not like lots of bright colours, as this may be overstimulating. Dr Joanne Hardman, an educational psychologist at UCT, adds that from about two to seven years old, children only really focus on one idea at a time. The presence of other children, or a disorderly space, can be overwhelming. “Having their own individual space makes learning more possible,” says Hardman. And if the space appeals to the child, he will feel good, which will translate into a positive learning experience.

Children also need to know that they can go to this space, says Kellerman. This may be so that they can finish their homework without distractions, or perhaps this is where they feel comfortable. A table in a communal part of the house can work for a young or only child, who feels more comfortable sitting near his parents. As Hardman says, “A four year old wants you to watch him achieve his goals.” But this may change as children get older or if there are several children in the family, says Kellerman. For these children, a more individual space may work better, where there are less distractions. Children take in about 40–50% of what they hear and read, says Kellerman. Distractions and interruptions means they will take in less. But Hardman says “learning – true cognitive change – cannot happen in isolation”.

So even teenagers need to learn through discussion, with peers or a knowledgeable adult.

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room to think

growing needs Finding the right table, and placing it where children will learn best, allows them to get into the right headspace. But choosing a desk also means thinking about physical development.

Joburg physiotherapist Nicole Hilburn says “A desk, which encourages a poor position can result in postural problems leading to back pain, headaches and muscle strain”. An uncomfortable desk also means children may avoid sitting in it. Hilburn adds that young children may sit poorly because of low muscle tone or weak muscles.

Desks that don’t fit the child are more likely to cause postural problems in older children and teenagers. Danielle Grobicki, an orthopaedic physiotherapist in Joburg, says that this can cause tension-type headaches, lower back pain and weakened postural muscles. Repetitive strain injuries from using a mouse for extended periods of time, can also become a problem, as can postural scoliosis, a reversible curvature of the spine caused by incorrect sitting postures. Grobicki says this discomfort means that teenagers can’t concentrate for long.

every child is different As children grow, they need a desk and a learning space that grows with them. “There is no such thing as a standard size. Every child grows at a different rate, so it is vital that a desk be chosen with the child present,” says Grobicki. Changing needs may also impact on the learning space. Younger children need more room for art supplies, while increased homework for older children requires more bookshelf or drawer space. Those who prefer bright colours may want posters, or those who need visual reminders need a pinboard.

A desk, which encourages a poor position can result in postural problems leading to back pain, headaches and muscle strain.

Computers, tablets and phones are also becoming more integrated into the sphere of learning. With technology on hand, children can access the internet as they learn. While this is a useful tool, it can be distracting. Kellerman advises some parental guidance or limiting the time for which they are allowed online, as well as the amount of time they watch TV. If children do need to do research for homework, Kellerman suggests that parents monitor what their children are reading. If children have their own computer on their desk, ensure that there is still space for other work, and that the computer is not the focal point.

As our children change, so too will their needs for a desk and their own learning space. With my son starting “big school” next year, he’ll probably have to relocate from the bedroom floor to a table in the dining room. Hopefully I can also fit in several baskets and a bookshelf to accommodate for the inevitable spread.

tips for choosing the right desk toddlers and preschoolers Young children would mainly use a table for mealtimes and play, so they don’t need anything elaborate, says Hilburn. A small table and chairs in a corner of the communal space should work. Keep necessary supplies in a basket or caddy for ease of access and tidiness. prep schoolers As children get more homework, they’ll be spending more time at a desk. At this stage, the height of the desk and chair become important, advises Hilburn.

Children need to be able to sit comfortably, with knees at a 90 degree angle, feet flat on the floor and elbows resting on the table. Look for a sturdy desk that encourages this position. Make sure there is enough room for books and stationery, either in desk draws or nearby, to avoid clutter. “An adjustable desk is handy as children grow taller,” says Hilburn. teenagers Teenagers will be spending plenty of time at their desks. They also need to be able to sit in the correct posture, and if they are very short, Grobicki suggests using a foot stool. Look for a supportive chair and ensure the desk isn’t too low, to prevent slouching. A novel idea is alternating the chair with a Pilates ball to encourage the correct posture, says Grobicki. If your teenager uses a computer, he should be eye level with the top of the screen. You can use a laptop raise, or even a telephone book, to lift up the screen. The desk should also be able to fit in books, stationery and a computer, without causing clutter.

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November 2013

17

i

t’s Monday morning. You cobble together some kind of lunch for your children, hoping it’s enough to sustain them for the day. But what if the tuck shop were a healthy viability?

a healthy break

healthy

tuck shops A child’s nutrition should be top priority. SUSAN STOS describes how we can improve our children’s overall health and wellbeing by focusing on their school tuck shops.

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Two years ago Stellenbosch Primary School decided to get serious about health education. Their journey is a blueprint for conversion. Dr Yasmine Celliers spearheaded the project.

She is a medical doctor with an interest in children’s nutrition; specifically how food affects their learning, behaviour and mood, and she’s a mom at the school.

The first step was to get the headmaster on board.

When presented with the facts about a healthy diet he granted his full support. She gave seminars to the teachers who passed the knowledge on to the students in an age-appropriate manner. It was important to involve the parents. Upon realising how easily they could contribute to their children’s health and academic success, they were sold, says Celliers. “We do our children an injustice by feeding them incorrectly. We must take action against obesity. A child who is eating well can achieve optimally.”

Once everyone was included, healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle became a point of pride for the school and they wrote health policies and a mission statement. Interested parents came to the party and formed committees to source better-quality food, some of it from the parents themselves.

The tuck shop underwent a physical transformation as well with bright colours and posters so the children would associate healthy eating with vibrancy and fun.

a need for something different According to the Heart and Stroke Foundation and their South Africa’s Healthy Tuckshop programme 2013, 17% of

South African children under 10 are overweight. One of the main problems is their diet. Things like excessively sweetened foods put many children on a physical and emotional roller coaster all day. A sugary cereal in the morning spikes blood sugar levels, after which there is a slump as the amount of glucose in the body drops, leaving children irritable, moody and unable to concentrate. This lasts until break when sweets and sweetened drinks precipitate another spike and slump until they get to lunch. And so the pattern continues.

A low GI breakfast of oats, for example, prevents those peaks and troughs by slowly releasing glucose. Snacks like fruit and nuts avert the drastic highs and lows that excessive sugar produces.

At the 2013 Sugar and Health Symposium, Dr Louise van den Berg, a registered dietician and senior lecturer at the Department of Nutrition and Dietetics Faculty of Medicine at the University of the Free State said that sugar, if eaten in moderation, can be part of a balanced diet.

However she warns about the ease of drinking nutritive sweetened beverages such as fizzy drinks, low-fat drinking yogurt, and flavoured water as some of these products contain up to 11 teaspoons of added sugar. Research has shown that our consumption of them should be limited.

According to the Food Based Dietary Guidelines for South Africa from the Food and Agriculture Organisation of the United Nations (FAO) we should “use food and drinks containing sugar sparingly and not between meals.”

The American Heart Association (AHA) states that “Sweetened beverages and naturally sweet beverages, such as fruit juice, should be limited to 118ml to 177ml per day for children one to six years old, and to 236ml to 354ml per day for children seven to 18 years old.” They also recommend limiting the amount of added sugars consumed to no more than half of a person’s daily discretionary

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nutrition

calories allowance. For women, “that’s no more than 100 calories per day, or about six teaspoons of sugar. For men, it’s 150 calories per day, or about nine teaspoons.”

However, sugar and our consumption of it, has now become a highly discussed topic. In a recent National Geographic feature on the subject, Richard Johnson, an American kidney specialist, says, “It seems like every time I study an illness and trace a path to the first cause, I find my way back to sugar.” He points to overwhelming global statistics where one-third of adults have high blood pressure now whereas 5% had it a century ago. The incidence of diabetes has more than doubled in 30 years.

In the 1980s fat was blamed for making us fat and there were fat-free products galore. Despite eating less fat,

provider, and if parents are not happy they should do something about it. Meyer concurs that the first step is education. “Knowing what’s in a product is important.”

Like Stellenbosch Primary, their biggest concern was sugar and additives, such as colourants, flavour enhancers, preservatives and artificial sweeteners, all of which have the most effect on children’s behaviour. However, labels are meaningless without knowledge.

Every additive is given an E number, some as benign as E300, E162 and E601 – vitamin C, beetroot juice and carotene respectively. E951, on the other hand, is aspartame, which Dr Celliers says, forms formaldehyde during its metabolism in the body. Several nutritionists state that if one has to choose the lesser of evils, rather

e-numbers E-numbers (E stands for Europe) are codes for the additives, natural and otherwise, that have been approved by the European Union and Switzerland.

However, several countries have banned a number of them.

E100 – E199 colourants E200 – E299 preservatives E300 – E399 antioxidants E400 – E499 thickeners, stabilisers, emulsifiers E500 – E599 acidity regulators, anti-caking agents E600 – E699 flavour enhancers

According to the Heart and Stroke Foundation 17% of South African children under 10 are overweight. people continued to get fatter because more and more salt and sugar were used to flavour the fat-free foods. It is common knowledge now that fat is essential in a diet but there are good fats and bad fats. Good fats are those found in natural products, such as avocados, olives, nuts and seeds. The bad fats are the trans fats, which have been completely eliminated at Stellenbosch Primary.

change for the better The parents at another government primary school, Jan van Riebeeck in Cape Town, are also concerned and have collectively decided that they want healthier food for their children. Heleen Meyer, parent at the school and food consultant, points out that a tuck shop is a service

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allow your children to drink a sugary cool drink than the sugar-free version with aspartame. Other additives to avoid include E102, E104, E110, E122, E125, E129, E211, which are found to cause allergic reactions and/or hyperactivity in normal children. And then there’s the perennial baddie E625 or monosodium glutamate.

So what is on offer at Stellenbosch Primary? The list is long and delicious, from nuts and seeds to crunchies and fruit. Meals include quiche, homemade sandwiches on whole-wheat bread and wraps with avo, good-quality meats, chicken and uncoloured cheeses. Not only are the fares healthy, so is the bottom line. Once parents understood the connection between a healthy diet, behaviour and academic performance, they wanted to support the tuck shop.

E700 – E799 antibiotics E900 – E999 glazing agents and sweeteners E1000 – E1599

additional chemical

help on hand Discover Vitality has a healthy tuck shop school challenge, with downloadable posters, lesson plans and a substantial cash prize for the winning school. For more info: visit vitalityschools.co.za The Heart and Stroke Foundation healthy tuck shop programme. For more info: visit heartfoundation.co.za/tuckshops Jamie Oliver has done a lot for school meals in the UK by reacquainting children with real food.

For more info: visit jamieoliver.com

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19

spotlight

two schools of thought Having emigrated overseas with her son, DONNA COBBAN discusses the

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n a recent Unesco statistics study, New Zealand was eighth in the education ranking of countries – not bad for a wee island in the middle of nowhere.

Finland was first, while South Africa did not feature. As a developing nation, this is not surprising. New Zealand and Finland are only home to a collective number not exceeding 10 million. South Africa, on the other hand, is home to 53 million people, so these sorts of rankings will never sit well with reality. In South Africa, if you live close enough to a school with good teachers and enough resources then you are likely to get a good education. Sadly both are often in short supply.

I moved to New Zealand last year – my son’s education being one of the motivating factors. We got here just before he turned five, which is the day children start school – right on their fifth birthday, no matter when in the year they are born. At first I found

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this strange, but it makes good sense. The Year 1 class starts small and grows as the year passes, the teacher has time to get to know the children and each new child is welcomed into a supportive environment where routines and expected behaviour have been set up.

which has three language immersion units, that wasn’t subject to zoning. The units accepted children who already spoke in their language, and after a few interviews we were accepted into the French Unit. My son’s father is from France and I thought it crucial our son become fluent in both

The children learn each other’s songs, dip into one another’s languages and come home understanding that many languages make the world go round.

As in South Africa, schools here are zoned and the zoning policy is strictly enforced, with the house and rental prices near the “better” schools pulling an unsurprisingly higher price. Our case was a bit different to most – for many years while still in Cape Town, I had my eye on a small state school in central Auckland,

English and French. In the first year of school he will learn in French for five days a week and in the years to follow he will learn in English for two days and French for three.

For this “state school privilege” – and it is a huge one – I pay $450 every year (about R3 500) – this goes towards purchasing learning materials in French. The other two

language units are Maori and Samoan.

The children learn each other’s songs, dip into one another’s languages and come home understanding that many languages make the world go round. This aspect of the school I readily embraced while other aspects were hard to get my head around: the security that I had become used to in South Africa just does not exist here.

Schools here have little in the way of locked gates; in our case you can literally walk off the street into the playground. While the likelyhood of a child being snatched here is remote, the downside is that over the December holidays half of the copper downpipes were stolen.

One change that struck former South African parent and teacher Belinda Ash* was “…the lack of school uniform at primary school and the seeming lack of authoritarian discipline.” I agree with her.

I am used to seeing a show of authority

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differences between the South African and the New Zealand schooling systems.

around schools as well as a strong branding of the school and it took me a while to get used to this. Belinda does add though that her “…initial prejudicial view of the link between a uniform and discipline was quite quickly dissipated, as it soon became evident that there was no relationship.”

The school day starts at 9am here, perfect for the non-working parent, but tricky if you need to be at work by 8am.

Luckily the moms at our school who don’t work are really supportive, so instead of using the expensive before-care option offered by the school, I drop my son off at one of his classmates’ houses on my way to work. He takes a packed lunch, but you can order a sandwich or sushi if you find the bread bin empty one morning. The day ends at 3pm with aftercare, again at a price, if you need it and there are also reasonably priced afternoon activities that keep them occupied till 4:30pm. At the moment I have him enrolled in a children’s history of art class and a Pacific drumming class.

So far I am unable to see a difference in teaching and learning styles, but when Belinda first arrived here she found she had to adjust her style of teaching to a “child-centred” approach whereby a child was taught at his/her level rather than being pushed to “pass” a grade. However, this is now changing with the introduction of National Standards, which Belinda thinks “…is a response to the fact that without the pressure to achieve at a particular level,

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a very wide gap has developed between top students and the tailenders. Now the pendulum is swinging back.” A comment made by Belinda’s husband on arrival in New Zealand was that “South Africa is very focused on content and knowledge whereas New Zealand is focused on process and problem solving.”

Angie Howse moved to New Zealand in 1998 and although she didn’t take up a full-time teaching position here, she saw three children through school and works part-time at a local school. The New Zealand system, she explains emphasises key competencies that develop a lifelong learner. “It understands that children will leave school and have to make their way in an ever-changing society. Five key competencies are: thinking, using language, symbols and text, managing self, relating to others, and participating and contributing.

As a result students need to be adaptable, and become risk-takers. She points out that everything they do at school is with those key competencies in mind.

While we talk about the differences between the two systems, she says she often sees South African parents struggling to come to terms with the New Zealand school system. “Many parents,” she says, “initially feel that there is a lack of discipline and that the children are given too much freedom, but they soon adapt to the new approach.” * Names have been changed

school options in New Zealand • state-funded schools • state-integrated schools based on religion (mainly Catholic) • private schools State schools are given a decile number, which is a classification of the socioeconomic background of the majority of the students.

A low-decile school will have a high proportion of students from low socioeconomic backgrounds and will receive more government funding, while a higher decile school will ask parents for a yearly “donation” and use this money to pay for the myriad “extras” all schools need. Parents may also be asked to pay for stationery. Private schools vary vastly in fees, some reaching up to $28 000 (±R233 200) or more annually.

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home

there’s a rat in the kitchen Avoid these common household hazards and you’ll spare yourself a trip to the emergency room, says Marina Zietsman.

The expiry date on food containers is there for a reason. If something has expired, chuck it.

eggs These can be kept in the refrigerator for up to five weeks after purchase, but keep in mind that eggs drop in grades the longer they are kept. If you’re unsure, put the egg in a bowl of water. If it floats, it’s bad.

cheese Your normal varieties of block cheese can get mouldy and it’s okay to cut off the mould and still use the cheese. But if the cheese smells bad as well, bin it. Once there is mould in a container of cottage cheese or spreading cheese, it must be thrown out. If you love the pungent variety and don’t know if it’s gone off, stick to the expiry date.

other dairy The expiry date on milk, yoghurt and other dairy products is a good indicator, but sometimes these can still be consumed a day or two later. If your milk starts looking like your yoghurt and your yoghurt resembles your cottage cheese, get rid of them.

Don’t store cleaning fluids under your sink. Rather keep them on a higher shelf that children can’t reach, even when standing on a chair. Store flammable and combustable liquids away from ignition points like electrical panels and plugs, in cool, well-ventilated areas, as they are a fuel source.

air freshener

Judging any kind of meat (red, chicken, pork) by its colour can be misleading. Meat from older animals, for example, will most likely be darker in texture. Meat can also turn redder when exposed to fresh air. Trust your nose. If there is even a hint of an odour, do not eat it. The same goes for fish.

fruit and veggies

all-purpose cleaner

Mushy and mouldy fruit and veggies should be thrown out. Keep fruit and veg separate as fruit releases ethylene, which speeds up the ripening process of vegetables.

Many household cleaners contain ammonia.

This gas has highly bothersome fumes, which can irritate the eyes and lungs and may cause a rash or burn when spilt onto the skin. Never mix a product that contains ammonia with another substance, especially not with products that contain bleach as this can create a potentially deadly gas.

other refrigeration tips • Don’t store raw and cooked foods together. Put raw meats on the bottom shelf of the fridge so that none of the juices can spill onto the other foods.

• Food and drinks stored in the door of the fridge get the most heat, because of the closing and opening of the door.

November 2013

in your cupboard

Many of these products contain volatile organic compounds (VOCs) of formaldehyde, petroleum distillates, limonene, esters and alcohols. In an article by Bryan Walsh in Time Magazine (November 2011), Dr Stanley Fineman of the American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology says, “Air-freshener fragrances can trigger allergy symptoms, aggravate existing allergies and worsen asthma.”

meat

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• Cooked food should be stored in the fridge no more than two hours after cooking. Rice, especially, is a haven for bacteria. Cool down the warm rice with cold water immediately after eating, and place it in the fridge or freeze it.

• Don’t over-stock your fridge. Cool air needs to circulate to keep food cold.

• Clean your fridge regularly.

• Leftovers should be eaten within three to four days.

• Don’t put open canned food in the fridge.

Acidic foods can interact with the metal.

• Don’t wash fruit and vegetables before you store them. It speeds up spoilage.

bleach Standard household bleach contains sodium hypochlorite, a toxic skin irritant that is highly corrosive to the lungs and magazine cape town

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in the fridge

eyes. It can cause pulmonary oedema (fluid in the lungs) or vomiting and may induce a coma if ingested.

carpet and upholstery shampoo Some carpet cleaners contain the same chemical solvents that dry-cleaners use.

They produce fumes from formaldehyde, acids, pesticides, disinfectants and lye. As this process does not dissolve the dirt, the particles evaporate causing indoor air pollution. Poor indoor air quality can worsen asthma; cause headaches, dry eyes, nausea and fatigue; and can contribute to the development of respiratory conditions.

dishwashing detergent Automatic dishwashing detergents are harsher than other detergents. They can cause skin irritation and burns, and may be poisonous when swallowed. Handwashing detergents are not fatal, but can cause irritation in the mouth and throat.

drain cleaner This normally contains sodium hydroxide, potassium hydroxide or sulphuric acid. The latter is a very strong, corrosive chemical.

Depending on the concentration, sulphuric acid can cause severe burns on the skin and, if in contact with the eyes it can lead to blindness.

furniture polish This product typically contains naphtha, the main ingredient in lighter fluid; nitrobenzene, a substance used to make oil for cars and machines; pesticides and rubber and petroleum distillates.

laundry detergents and softeners Most laundry detergents contain bleach; fragrance – artificial fragrances are believed to consist of more than 3 000 synthetic chemicals; phenols; synthetic surfactants, which can be carcinogenic.

mould and mildew cleaners Swallowing and breathing in these product or spraying them in the eyes is potentially dangerous. It can harm airways and lungs, eyes, ears, nose, throat, gastrointestinal organs, heart, blood, the nervous system and the skin.

oven cleaner Many oven cleaners contain sodium hydroxide (caustic soda). These can remove paint and corrode certain metals.

The variety of active ingredients, found within household products, each have the potential to cause harm. Therefore, it’s advised that you immediately call a poison centre for advice, when an incident occurs.

five golden rules of home safety 1 Teach everyone emergency telephone numbers and keep them next to the phone.

2 Read and follow all package inserts, labels and instructions.

3 Attend a first-aid course and ensure that childminders do the same.

4 Identify and eliminate potentially unsafe objects, products and situations.

5 Never reprimand your child for reporting potential dangers.

Courtesy of Childsafe – childsafe.org.za

emergency hotlines

Tygerberg Poison Info Centre

Poison Hotline 0800 33 3444 Red Cross Children’s Hospital 021 689 5227

021 931 6129 Johannesburg Anti-Poison Centre 011 642 2417 or 011 488 3108

Concoct your own chemical-free household cleaners; for recipes go to childmag.co.za/content/ natural-cleaning-products

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education

a valuable learning tool y 13 year old says to me via instant messaging: “lolwksf”. “Pardon me?”, I reply. I have no idea whether he has just pocket-texted me, or that what he said is supposed to mean something.

“Laugh out loud while keeping a straight face,” he replies.

“Like this: .” Text-speak, while vernacular to teenagers, is a foreign language to the older generation. Not knowing it makes us feel old. But, like it or not, teenagers are fluent in this language. Their fingers fly over the tiny cellphone keyboard, their heads are filled with the online world of instant messaging, gaming and social networking. But does this world have any place in our schools?

using smartphones for recreational purposes only, to the detriment of their schoolwork, or that they are vulnerable to abuse by virtue of participating on social networks.

The latter is not an insignificant issue. Horror stories abound and have taken on the flavour of urban myth: girls lured to meet with online paedophiles masquerading as peers, photos and videos of children in compromising

teenagers and cellphones

Cellphones are an integral part of a teenager’s life and their potential should be harnessed, not quashed.

ban the cellphone The National Association of School Governing Bodies (NASGB) called for a ban on the use of cellphones in South African schools. Quoted in a News24 article of May last year, they argued that learners need to focus on their schoolwork and the ban would “protect them against irregularities on social networks”. Many of us tend to make this mental leap: we assume that all school-age children are

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“prevent them from learning anything”. But, does exposure to questionable content really affect children’s learning ability? Of the 127 comments on the News24 article, it seems that the majority thinks it does and sides with the NASGB: cellphones are bad and have no place in South African schools.

situations sent to entire schools and children exposed to pornographic content by accidentally accessing it while searching for something innocuous. It’s understandable that there is concern over the safety of children using the internet on their smartphones. The NASGB, however, is quoted in the News24 article as saying that not only do these images “pollute children’s thoughts”, they also

There’s no question that South African teenagers use cellphones extensively. A 2011 report from the Yoza project’s website showed that 90–100% of urban youth had cellphones, with 70% of those teenagers owning smartphones.

Some use their cellphones purely for pleasure, while others use them for educational purposes as well. After their four-phase study conducted in 2011, Marion Walton and Jonathan Donner published a paper entitled “Your phone has internet – why are you at a library PC? Reimagining public access in the mobile internet era” and found that MXit and Facebook were the most popular among teenagers using their mobile phones for internet access. Some of the teenagers they interviewed saw their

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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JANINE DUNLOP uncovers the advantages of using cellphones in the classroom.

phones as tools for pleasure rather than learning and viewed MXit as a completely separate space to the learning environment. On the other hand, some teenagers used the platform extensively as a homework aid by discussing their homework assignments and getting help from their peers.

information, I just say to my students, ‘Get out your phones and google it’,” she says. She also allows them to listen to music on their phones while doing class exercises. At Sun Valley Primary near Cape Town, Mathew Philips, the digital learning director, says that cellphones are used to enhance the curriculum and not as a replacement for the content.

Learners are encouraged to use their cellphones during structured lessons that include use of the technology.

schools do allow cellphones While researching this article, the most common answer received from a handful of South African schools in response to the question of whether cellphones were allowed in the classroom, was a resounding “No”. Not everyone is against it though. A teacher at a Cape Town high school, who wished to remain anonymous, says she “would love to use cellphones in the classroom,” but school policy prohibits her from doing so.

Lately however, some South African schools are not only allowing cellphones to be brought to school by learners, but also including them in lessons. Norman Henshilwood High in Constantia, Cape Town, is one such school. The principal, David Millar, is adamant that cellphones are an integral part of a teenager’s life and their potential should be harnessed, not quashed.

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cellphones as learning tools

Norman Henshilwood teachers allow cellphone use during lessons primarily for access to the internet and to enhance learning. Millar believes that schools should go along with technology trends to make learning relevant and argues that with the inclusion of cellphones in the classroom, he gets far more engagement from learners than without.

Learning, he says, has become more dynamic.

Similarly, Robyn Clark, a maths teacher at Sekolo Sa Borokgo, a private school in Joburg, has embraced the use of cellphones in the classroom. “If I ever need to find

There are also numerous initiatives in place that demonstrate that cellphones can be used as educational tools.

The M4Lit (mobile phones for literacy) project set out to explore the idea that cellphones could be used to support reading and writing by youth in South Africa. The premise, according to another report by Walton entitled, “Mobile literacies and South African Teens: Leisure reading, writing, and MXit chatting for teens in Langa and Guguletu”, was that teenagers were not reading for pleasure. During the pilot phase, a novel written and published in English and isiXhosa was distributed on a mobisite and on MXit. Readers could interact with each other about the story,

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education

make comments, participate in polls and enter writing competitions. The project was a resounding success and a second story was distributed. Both stories were read over 34 000 times.

The Yoza project grew out of this initial phase (www. yoza.mobi). Here, more stories in the Kontax series have been published, as well as others from various genres, like soccer and teen romance. By late 2011, the stories on Yoza had been read 300 000 times, with 145 000 unique visitors and 8 500 competition entries, proving that South African teenagers want to read and cellphones are a valuable tool for making this happen.

Not only are teenagers reading on their cellphones, they’re also getting help with school subjects, like mathematics.

Also on MXit, a project called Dr Math, referenced in Mobinomics: MXit and Africa’s Mobile Revolution was initiated by Laurie Butgereit, who started using MXit to help her son, Chris, with his maths. Chris would send the problem to her and, sitting at a computer in another part of the house, she would help him find the solution. The idea grew from there. Soon Chris’ friends were contacting Dr Math, as Laurie calls herself, for help with their homework.

Dr Math now takes the form of a group of undergraduates from the University of Pretoria’s Faculty of Engineering, who log on every day after school and help some 30 000 subscribers with maths problems. “For many children in South Africa, this is the most qualified tutor that they will have access to,” says Steve Vosloo, a mobile learning specialist at UNESCO, in a BBC Future website article.

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pros and cons As with any debate about the usefulness of cellphones among teenagers, the issue comes with pros and cons.

We can’t all afford to provide cellphones for our teenagers, so there are those who have no access, whether smartphones or otherwise. Millar recognises that this could become an issue should more educators in South Africa adopt cellphones as teaching aids. He finds at Norman Henshilwood, however, that learners who don’t have cellphones are assisted by their peers. Not every learner has the same kind of cellphone, says Philips from Sun Valley Primary, and devices vary in their functionality.

Teachers should try to use generic apps or ones that can be used across many different devices, like WhatsApp and BBM. Both Millar and Clark understand that cellphones can be a distraction for teenagers, but have found that policing their use is largely unnecessary. Use is self-regulated at Millar’s school: “If I walk past a student who is texting,” he says, “the phone gets put away immediately.” Clark’s students understand that if they are found to be doing anything other than schoolwork on their phone during class, it will be confiscated.

Text-speak is an issue identified by researchers for the Yoza project. The argument goes that teenagers using MXit adopt their own texting language and that their use of the English language is deteriorating. Interestingly, however, following some grammar and spelling errors in the Kontax stories that mistakenly slipped through

the editing process, teenagers submitted responses to correct these. “Remember that this is generation txt, who apparently can’t spell or write properly. This may be true based on the txtspk they used to inform us of the mistakes, but what is clearly evident is that when they read they know their spelling from their splng,” according to the Yoza project website.

get involved If use of the cellphone is to be seen as more than a leisure activity, then parents would do well to show an interest in it: • Ensure that a younger teenager’s browsing is controlled.

Set a time limit and install parental control software or apps.

• Familiarise yourself with the latest educational apps so that you can recommend them to your teenager. Set time aside to learn how to use them together.

• Find out what your teenager’s school cellphone policy is: do they allow it or not?

• Find out about safety measures at school so that your teenager’s cellphone isn’t at risk.

In an ITWeb article, media analyst Arthur Goldstuck, says, “Education should be the last place where technophobia is allowed, let alone entrenched in regulations.” If these success stories are anything to go by, he’s right. The use of cellphones for educational use in South African schools should be carefully considered, rather than banned outright.

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November 2013

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straight talk

parenting within

bounds Teenagers need limits, but they also need to test their growing independence. It’s about finding a healthy

rofessionals, myself included, talk about it often enough, but what exactly does it mean to say that teenagers need limits? When it comes to parents and teenagers discussing the role limits should play, things are not quite as straightforward.

You may be interested to know that the word “limit” has two meanings, both important. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a limit is a “point, an edge or a line beyond which something, or someone, cannot or may not proceed”. Most parents would applaud this definition and state that

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those are indeed the type of limits that teenagers need. However a second, equally relevant meaning of the word is “something that gets taken to the very extreme”, as in “pushed to the limit”, or that which “stretches the bounds of comprehension to the greatest degree imaginable”. Most teenagers would be very satisfied with this definition and would happily give this version a try. The reality is that both meanings are true and appropriate, and they can and must coexist.

Our challenge as parents is to discover a way of striking a balance that will be helpful to our teenagers and bearable for us.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

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balance between the two, advises GARY KOEN.

why do they need limits?

Our understanding starts by realising that as they become teenagers, everything about them changes, and as childhood slips slowly away from them, so too do their own internal limits. They are replaced by a range of new and unfamiliar needs, which in simple terms can be summarised as a need to discover themselves again.

As such, they are propelled forward into their new world by a driving mass of developmental forces that quite literally stretch every fibre of their being.

Their bodies expand and transform in a manner that is beyond their control. Hair pops out all over the place, their skin often does unthinkable things and their voices may desert them. Socially, they move into a vast new world filled with exciting people and experiences. They shift away from their parents as they gravitate towards this thrilling mixture of raw energy, confused confidence and edgy bravado. They also

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seek to distance themselves from their recent childhood, scoffing at its simple pleasures and mocking their earlier innocence. Everything that is happening to them is a move away from what they once knew and so it is unnatural for them to be able to limit themselves.

not entirely fair. The truth is that they are not fully formed; they are in flux. The developmental platform built up over the previous 12 years or so comes in for some serious assault, and overall this is not a particularly comfortable or comforting time for anybody. So it’s now that the value of

The truth for parents and for teenagers at this stage is that it is not so much about how much you can get right, as it is about limiting how much you get wrong.

This revolution takes place in a world that is not particularly welcoming or understanding. Similarly, the teenager is neither equipped, nor for that matter all that interested, in taking on any real responsibilities or challenges. While they are often loudly criticised for their extreme selfishness at this point, this is

the more prosaic, restrictive or boring adult version of limits becomes important.

healthy limits These external limits serve as a reminder to both parents and teenagers that they are not yet grown up. In fact, they are a rather long way from being grown up. The

real value of the external limits that you, the parents, represent is to be able to trigger your teenager’s own internal limits.

The truth for parents and teenagers at this stage is that it is not so much about how much you can get right, as it is about limiting how much you get wrong. Healthy parental limits allow children to test and ultimately find their own limits, and in so doing, consolidate their own internal guiding voice.

Teenagers expect to try and get away with breaking boundaries and challenging rules, but they don’t genuinely believe that they should be allowed to do whatever they want. If you cave in to their demands, you become useless to them and they have to find someone else who is capable of withstanding them. They may well survive without any limits, but your relationship will not. You are not doing your child any good by vanishing into the background or bending to their will. They will not feel

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gratitude. Instead, they will feel betrayed.

Teenagers are not in control of their own lives; they are not yet capable of looking after themselves properly, and therefore the reason that we have limits is to take the pressure off them, and provide them with the space and the opportunity to learn how to gain control over their lives without irreparably harming themselves.

limits can be lifesaving You have to understand that adolescence is about a child’s movement from a state of relative dependency towards independence; their transition to maturity.

However, as they stand poised on the cusp of their lives, with their whole future stretching ahead of them, they are in a very vulnerable position. They are often susceptible to picking up dangerous and destructive habits, which could ruin not only their lives, but yours too. So the last thing they need as they move towards independence is to get caught up in a lifestyle that is going to keep them helpless, useless and, worst of all, dependent on you.

If this happens, and they find themselves battling an addiction; if they can’t finish their degrees and their friends are all passing them by; if they have crashed their cars; if they have lost their boyfriends and girlfriends or if they can barely hold down a job, they will not look back nostalgically and thank their parents for being so lenient. They will not love their parents for never saying no and letting

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them do potentially harmful things. They will hate themselves and, in turn, they will come to hate their parents as well.

one of the best kept secrets Believe it or not, despite all the various status symbols on offer, most teenagers covet having strict parents. Forget about flashy cellphones, brand-name clothing, motorcars, holiday homes, and overseas holidays. The most valued status symbol among teenagers is having strict parents, as teenagers will grudgingly concede that these are seen as caring parents.

Strict parents are those that are willing to impose limits and suffer the consequences of their child’s outrage and, are willing to compromise, understand, and tolerate where necessary, but not give in. These parents are regarded as status symbols because their children and those around them believe that they really do care. While material trappings seem important as well, they never bring the lasting satisfaction and sense of fulfilment that being loved and cared for brings. However, I have to warn you that teenagers will emphatically deny this, and some parents may also trash this notion, simply because ultimately it is quite intangible. After all, how do you measure care?

Having said this, parents need to exercise discretion as to how and when to act. Blindly applying rules without any insight is not being strict. Furthermore, you have to remember that there is not only one right way. You are unique, your magazine cape town

child is unique and so is your relationship.

You have to find what is going to work for you. However, in working things out I believe it will be helpful to remember this simple principle: you cannot have only rules and no relationship, nor can you have a relationship without any rules.

relationship rules Having only rules and no relationship will breed resentment, bitterness and unhappiness. The authoritarian approach alone will simply not work. A “my way or the highway” approach generally results in a head-on collision. What little relationship there is gets lost and the breakdowns become irreconcilable. The gulf between the parents and child widens and ultimately they all drift apart to become uncomfortable strangers in each other’s lives.

On the other hand, having a relationship with no rules is a form of simply giving up and becoming your child’s buddy. The

friend were at home, envious of the others who were enjoying a good time out. They were filled with resentment towards their stubborn parents. So they decided they would host their own private party and raid the liquor cabinet while the mother was out.

She arrived home to find two extremely drunk and rather ill girls. The following day, feeling fragile and nauseous, Lucy worked through the feelings and events of the previous evening. Unbeknown to her, however, the police had raided said party and had made several arrests including some of her friends. Lucy’s school was in a massive uproar on the Monday. Parents were called in, lawyers were involved and her friends were in big trouble. That afternoon she admitted to her mother, “I’m only going to say this once, and then I will deny ever having said it, and you are never allowed to repeat it. If I ever want to do something that you believe is dangerous and reckless, you have to

The presence of healthy parental limits allows children to test and ultimately find their own limits, and, in so doing, their own internal guiding voice. parent’s world collapses into the child’s and whatever authority or influence you may have had ultimately disappears, and along with it any respect, trust or positive regard that your child may have felt for you. Simply put, you become useless to your child, and ultimately a burden, which they may eventually want to shrug off.

I believe that the majority of us are desperate to avoid either of those scenarios and are willing to do what we can to make our relationship with our teenager work better. Ultimately, it is the long-term relationship with your teenager you are trying to look after. It is the future that you are trying to protect and I cannot think of a richer reward in life than having a deep, meaningful and lasting relationship with your grown-up child.

A single mother and her Grade 10 daughter, Lucy, discovered this when Lucy was invited to an “open” house party. Her mother flatly refused to let her go, and Lucy was furious as all her friends were going. The night of the party Lucy and a

stop me, regardless of what I say or what I threaten to do. You are not allowed to let me do it. There, I have said it; now let’s leave it at that.”

And that is how they continued to fight their way through the rest of Lucy’s teenage years. She still protested and complained if her mother set boundaries, but her mother fought back equally hard. It was made easier because Lucy had specifically told her that she did need some limits. Not everyone will be as fortunate to receive such a clear set of instructions. However, I believe Lucy was brave enough to articulate what many others secretly know; they are not yet in control of their lives and they know they don’t understand everything.

Children who have been well looked after internalise a need to look after themselves. It is this need that serves as their internal limit to guide them when they make decisions. So yes, teenagers do need limits. Don’t be afraid to set them to ensure not only your child’s wellbeing and safety, but also your own.

about the author Gary Koen is a clinical psychologist in private practice with over 20 years’ experience, working mainly with adults and adolescents. He also does presentations at schools on a range of teenage-related topics. These include all the general aspects of normal adolescent development. He developed and successfully runs a course, “An introduction to adolescence”, aimed at parents. He is also working on a book that deals with the challenges facing parents and teenagers and, as a father of three, he is heavily invested in everything he says. For more information, visit garykoen.co.za

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book extract

east coast tables Try these recipes from East Coast Tables: The Inland Edition, featuring some

gordon and rekha’s yoghurtmarinated breyani

meat and marinade • 1½kg mutton/lamb cubes • 1 small bunch each dhania and mint, chopped • 5 stems thyme • 1½ tsp each garam masala, coriander and cumin powder • 1 tsp turmeric • 1½ Tbsp curry powder • 3 green chillies, roughly chopped • 2 tsp finely chopped ginger • 2 cloves garlic, chopped • 500ml plain yoghurt Combine all of the above, and marinate 2–4 hours in the fridge.

Gordon Kisten is Honeydew Dairies’ yoghurt factory manager – the man responsible for bringing home multiple national awards for this dynamic KZN Midlands enterprise. The recipe is long only because the Kistens have deconstructed the dish, step-by-step, to make it easier.

cooking the meat • 2 Tbsp oil • 1 onion, sliced • 2 cinnamon sticks • 4 bay leaves • 3 each cloves, star anise and cardamom

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Coat the bottom of pot with oil, and add onion. Fry until golden. Add spices. Stir and cook for 5 minutes. Add marinated meat mixture. Cook, covered, for 1 hour. Check the meat at 30–45 minutes. Stir gently. rice • 2 cups rice • ½ cup brown lentils • 1 tsp turmeric powder • 1 pinch salt Put the rice in a pot, and cover with water (2cm above rice). Add lentils, turmeric and salt. Boil for 1 hour. Strain and set aside. potatoes • 4 medium potatoes, peeled, sliced into thirds • 1 Tbsp oil • 1 Tbsp turmeric Microwave potatoes 5 minutes to soften.

Combine oil and turmeric, drizzle over potatoes. Roast at 190°C for 25 minutes.

to serve Combine rice, potatoes and cooked meat. Serve as is, or with roti. On the side: the following yoghurt dish…

kisten yoghurt salad A partner to the breyani above, this recipe from Gordon and Rekha is good with any curry, and though it has a bit of a nip, does the business for those who feel the need to tone down their Indian dishes. In the Kisten family, one of the children likes it hot and the other cooler. This salad/ sambal keeps everyone happy.

• 500ml plain yoghurt • ½ cucumber • 1 handful mint • 1 green chilli, roughly chopped • 1 small bunch dhania/coriander • ½ tsp garam masala • 1 pinch salt Whizz in a blender and refrigerate until ready to serve.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: CLINTON FRIEDMAN

of your favourite KZN celebrities. By Erica Platter and Clinton Friedman

spud’s spuds John van de Ruit and his partner and manager Julia Clarence, made it for us (they like to use Swissland goat cheese). These potatoes make an excellent side for braais, and are brilliant (Spud should know) for a midnight feast.

• 6 potatoes (the bigger the better) • 3 Tbsp butter, melted • Salt and black pepper • 1 log ash-coated goat cheese, crumbled • 2 Tbsp rosemary, chopped • 1 Tbsp chives, chopped • 1 tsp crushed coriander seeds • Olive oil

Bake the 6 potatoes at 200°C for an hour, turning once. (Cunning trick: if you place the potatoes on a baking tray on a bed of rock salt, they turn out better. I know it looks weird, but my grandmother, Wombat, assured me this wouldn’t blow up the oven.) Remove from the oven. When cool enough, slice the potatoes in half and scoop insides into a bowl. Take care not to tear the skins. Add the rest of the ingredients to a bowl. Mix well, but don’t lose the rustic look. Scoop the mixture back into the skins. Return to a 180°C oven for 25 minutes, or until warm and crispy.

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our famous ginger biscuits Valley Bakery in the Berg grows its own wheat, makes its own flour, and bakes its own gingerbread men (and women) from this recipe: perfect for children to ice for parties, for Christmas (hang them on the tree) or for fun.

• 1¼ cups butter • 4 eggs • 2 cups brown sugar • 1¼ cups golden syrup • 3½ cups flour

• 1 tsp bicarb • 1 tsp ground ginger • 1 tsp ground cinnamon • 1 tsp mixed spice

Mix the first four ingredients until creamy. Sift remaining ingredients four times. Mix all together to make a soft dough. Roll out. Use a biscuit or gingerbread man or any other cookiecutter to cut out shapes. Bake at 180°C for 12 to 15 minutes.

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book extract

pat lambie’s big match pasta They’re both brilliant, Sharks and Bok rugby prodigy Pat Lambie and this, his favourite quick meal – chicken pasta with red pepper and cashew pesto. It’s his first choice on the eve of a big game, for that important “night before” meal. And it was what, as a schoolboy, he always requested as his “last supper” at home, before the drive from Durban back to Michaelhouse after the holidays. He teams this chicken sauce with fresh tagliatelle.

• 6–8 skinless, deboned chicken breasts • Dash of olive oil • 1 onion, chopped • Heaped tsp crushed garlic • Heaped tsp crushed chilli • 2 chillies, finely sliced • Salt and pepper • 2 tubs red pepper and cashew nut pesto* • ½ small carton reduced-fat cream • Coriander leaves to garnish Cube the chicken breasts. Heat a small dash of olive oil in a pan, and gently fry the onion, garlic and chilli. Add the chicken seasoned with salt and pepper. Stir-fry

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until just cooked. Drain the excess oil from the pesto. Add the pesto to the chicken in a pan. Mix gently. When simmering, add cream. Reduce the heat, and simmer gently while cooking the pasta. When done, stir the pasta into sauce, toss well, and serve with ciabatta and a green salad. *You can buy or make your own red pepper pesto (see below). red pepper pesto • 6 red peppers, halved, de-seeded • 6 cloves garlic, sliced • 1 cup olive oil • Juice of 2 lemons • Zest of 1 lemon • ½ medium onion, sliced • ½ cup pecans • 1 slice bread • 2 tsp ground cumin • 1 red chilli, sliced • 1 tsp 5-spice • Salt and pepper

about the book East Coast Tables: The Inland Edition,

by Erica Platter and photographer Clinton Friedman, is the second recipe book published by East Coast Radio. It highlights foods and ingredients from KwaZulu-Natal’s inland region and offers recipes from local heroes like former

Fill the cavities of red peppers with garlic and a splash of olive oil. Roast at 220°C until blackening at the edges. Cut up roughly. Put into processor with the remaining ingredients. Whizz to a smooth paste (add more oil if necessary). Adjust seasoning – salt will be needed.

Springbok rugby player Stefan Terblanche and South Africa’s first MasterChef winner Deena Naidoo.

East Coast Tables: The Inland Edition can be purchased at all bookstores nationwide for R295.

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money savvy

egan’s children had been asking for a chocolate and when they were on special she explained that it was a good day to buy one. They were a reasonable price and wouldn’t use up all the children’s pocket money. Megan is a mom of two.

Both children get pocket money regularly, which they put into two piggy banks; a silver one for saving and another for spending. “Having pocket money helps them know how much they’ve saved and how much things cost,” says Megan. “They learn to value and appreciate money.”

out their saving goals. Introduce the concept of short-, medium- and long-term goals, explaining that saving up for a toy won’t take as long as saving for a bike, but they can do both at the same time, and have money left over. Draw up a savings chart, showing how much they have saved, what they still need, and how long it will take to reach their goals.

saving

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

budgeting Pocket money is a useful way to teach children about saving, says Thembeka Ngugi, a senior marketing manager at Old Mutual. Once children are old enough to understand budgeting, parents can use a spreadsheet to draw up a budget and work out how much pocket money to give.

Outline the items you think your children should buy for themselves, such as airtime, clothes and toiletries. Plus, include a little extra for saving. Go over the budget with your children. Show them what they’re expected to pay for and explain that if they overspend on extras, they may have to go without essentials. But if they spend carefully, they can save.

When it comes to saving, teach children to pay themselves first by putting away a portion of their pocket money, as part of their budget. From there they can work

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Children who have financial know-how can make their money work for them. TAMLYN VINCENT explores some moneymaking options.

When Megan’s children have saved enough money, she’ll take them to open a bank account. “Fostering financial literacy through age-specific savings initiatives from a young age is crucial,” says Lezanne Human, CEO of Investment Product House from FNB. Having a bank account allows children to watch their savings grow, and to understand financial concepts such as interest and compound growth. Ngugi explains that “with compound interest you earn interest on the money you save and on the interest that money earns.” Show children how interest works by offering to add a percentage of their savings to their account, says Human.

A bank account also means children learn how to go about banking, whether this is at the branch, online or through cellphone banking. Talk to children about how it is safer to keep their money in a bank account, says Angelique Ruzicka, editor at Just Money. But also explain that having a debit card means they need to be responsible, and keep financial details and pins a secret.

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Banks offer various products for different age groups and goals. Most banks don’t need parents to be a member to open an account for their children, but for children under 16, the bank will require consent from a parent or guardian. Parents will also need their ID, their children’s birth certificates and proof of residence. The Banks Act of 1990 says that once children turn 16, they can control their bank accounts without consent from a parent or guardian.

They also become liable for the account. So if children have saved up a tidy sum, encourage them to look at moving some of it to a fixed deposit account or an investment.

inflation. But, generally, with higher returns come more risk,” says Ruzicka. When deciding where to invest, speak to a financial advisor. Find out about the costs and fees involved, and when you will be able to access the money.

Help your children keep track of their investments by going through the statements or brochures provided by financial institutions. Ruzicka suggests making it a monthly family event, where you discuss budget, check finances and monitor investments. Turn it into a game by awarding prizes to whoever’s saved the most.

building a business investing “There are a whole host of savings options to consider, including endowments, bonds, shares, educational policies and unit trusts,” says Ruzicka. Get children interested by giving them a choice about where they’d like to invest.

One dad, Chris, says his daughter wanted to invest in something she knew, and chose the National Geographic Kids magazine, which is a publication of Naspers. Chris and his daughter now keep a regular eye on their Naspers investment, and have watched it grow over the years.

The type of investment you choose will depend on your savings goals, how long you can save for, the risk you can take and when you need to access the money, notes Ruzicka. Low risk investments mean you are less likely to lose some or all of your money. But you get less interest, so you’re less likely to beat inflation. If you have more time to invest, and you’re comfortable with some risk, try a riskier investment, such as shares or unit trusts.

“The higher the returns, the more likely you are to beat

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Children can also invest in a small business of their own.

Bruce Wade, from the Entrepreneur Incubator Academy in Cape Town, says that if children work in an area in which they’re naturally talented, they can turn this into a business model that can make money for them. Children with entrepreneurial inclinations will need to draw up a budget, so they can get a clear understanding of the costs of running a company. Items to factor in could include rent, supplies and marketing. Wade advises that children keep a realistic view of their finances, and realise that what they earn belongs to the business. If they reinvest the money back into the business, they can create more opportunities, which they can turn into more money.

However children choose to build their money, understanding how finances work teaches them how to handle their own money. Megan’s children are young, but she hopes that they will learn a sense of responsibility, to have a long-term saving plan and to put money away for their future.

financial phrases for money savvy children • Compound interest Interest earned on the initial amount plus any interest earned • Drawing up a budget Establishing income (money coming in) and costs (money going out) for a set period of time, such as a month • Inflation An increase in the general price of services and goods over a period of time • Investment risk The chance that you may lose some or all of your investment. Less risk usually means a safer investment, but more risk often yields bigger returns.

• Rule of 72 Lets you work out approximately how long it will take you to double your money. Divide 72 by the given interest rate. If this is 12, for example, then it will take six years to double your money.

• Shares When you buy shares you purchase a unit of ownership in a company or asset. This doesn’t give you control in the company, but entitles you to a share of the profits. If the company loses value, so will your shares.

• Using a spreadsheet Lets you use a grid to outline financial data, such as your budget. Electronic versions calculate amounts automatically.

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children’s banking possibilities

online tools • N edbank’s MyMoneyMap helps you manage money, as it allows parents and children to work together to set goals, budget and track savings.

• N edbank’s budget spreadsheet can be downloaded from their website and covers income and expenses for the month.

• Old Mutual’s Budget Tool is a downloadable spreadsheet that allows you to factor in your projected and actual monthly expenses and income.

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ABSA

FNB

Nedbank

Banking options for under 18s

The MegaU is a transactional account, which is debit-card based.

The Fluid Account is a transactional and savings account.

Nedbank 4me is a transactional account with 4saving, 4spending, 4growing and 4good.

What these accounts offer you

Free debit card purchases, airtime top-ups, and there are no monthly fees. Access the account through internet and cellphone banking.

Get free email and SMS notifications, plus earn interest on savings.

No opening balance required, no fees charged on balances R500 and over, and no bank fees charged on card swipes. For balances under R500, there is a R5,80 monthly fee. Earn interest on the savings balance.

Access savings at ATMs, online or on cellphones. Parents with a linked account get extra eBucks.

A R10 opening deposit is required. There are no monthly fees, free initial transactions and thereafter reduced pay-as-you-use pricing.

Nedbank adds R2 per month for transactions into the Save4me account, plus you can support a cause at no extra cost and earn competitive interest rates. Free self-service banking available.

Standard Bank The (sum)¹ account, for children 0–16 years old.

R20 opening balance fee, no monthly management fees and four free electronic transactions per month. A bundle fee of R20 is charged for more than this.

Access the account online or through cellphone banking and buy airtime via cellphone. The Puresave savings account offers between 1,50% and 2,27% interest.

Note: pricing was correct at time of going to print, and may be subject to change.

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resource

grab your bucket!

Fruit picking is a novel experience for a city-based family; quite removed from an average Saturday at a bustling mall and more

Klondyke Cherry Farm, Bo-Swaarmoed Area, Ceres Pick your own cherries with family and friends before having a picnic or braai under the trees. Short fynbos walks and mountain biking routes can also be enjoyed on the farm, as well as bass fishing in the farm dam.

Other reasons to visit The Lakenvlei dam, 5km away, offers trout fishing. There is a 4x4 mountain trail, quad biking and hiking in the neighbouring Matroosberg Nature Reserve. Contact Ceres Tourism for information on activities in the greater Witzenberg area. Outside the fruit picking season there is often snowfall on the farm.

When to go From around 22 November until approximately the first week in January, 8:30am–4:30pm, daily.

Cost This year the entry fee is R20 per person.

Children under five are free. Price per kilogram is still to be confirmed.

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Directions Klondyke is 30km outside Ceres. Take the left turn to Wellington (R44), which becomes the R46 and passes Tulbagh, onto Ceres. Or, travel through the Huguenot tunnel and, before Worcester, turn left onto the R43 to Ceres. The R43 joins the R46 at Mitchells Pass. Drive straight through Ceres, and after 12km turn right onto the Bo-Swaarmoed Pass Road. Travel a further 18km until you get to a line of pine trees. The farm is on the right-hand side.

Contact 023Â 312 1521, 087 550 0232, info@klondyke. co.za or visit cherryfarm.co.za

The longest spit of a cherry pip in competition, is 28,51m by Brian Krause from the US. This was at the International Cherry Pit-Spitting Championship at Eau Claire, Michigan in 2003.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

engaging than an amble in the park. Compiled by LUCILLE KEMP

Mooiberge Farm Stall, Stellenbosch

Polkadraai Strawberry Farm, Stellenbosch

Children will be enthralled by Mooiberge’s colourful scarecrows, called The Spice Girls, as well as scarecrows riding bicycles and driving tractors. They’re found in the strawberry fields where, excitingly enough for children, you’ll be picking your berries.

Other reasons to visit In addition to the fruit picking, the farm stall offers variety on its shelves in the way of sauces and preserves, fruit rolls of every flavour, bottles of curried vegetables, pickled habanero chillies, nut oils and biltong.

When to go From mid-October until their strawberry season is over, 9am–5pm, Saturday and Sunday.

Cost To be confirmed; call to enquire.

Directions On the corner of the R44 and Annandale Rd situated between Stellenbosch and Somerset West.

Contact 021 881 3222 or mooiberge@mweb.co.za

The farm keeps it simple and maintains the focus on berry picking only, which delightfully enough includes raspberries.

When you’re on your way out, be sure to stop at the farm stall for its range of dried fruits, jams, preserves and estate wines. The farm is located only 30 minutes from the city.

Other reasons to visit On Sundays the Polkadraai festival grounds offers live music.

When to go September to December, 9am–4pm daily.

Cost R3 to enter the strawberry fields, children under six free. The strawberries you pick are R27 per kilogram.

Directions From the N2 take the Baden Powell Dr offramp (exit 33) and turn left towards Stellenbosch on the R310. Drive approximately 6km and turn left on the Vlaeberg Road and drive to the end of the road until you see the farm. From the N1 take the R300 off-ramp and drive towards Stellenbosch. From the R300, take the Stellenbosch Arterial Road or M12 off-ramp. At this off-ramp, turn towards Stellenbosch and drive for approximately 8km to the farm.

Contact 021 881 3854, info@polkadraaifarm.co.za or visit polkadraaifarm.co.za

In Greek mythology, it is believed that the wild strawberry has its origins with the goddess Aphrodite who, after hearing of the death of Adonis, wept to such an extent that her tears fell down to earth as small red hearts.

Hoogwater Farm, Wolseley Take your family for a fig “pick and eat” and enjoy bespoke long-table picnics set among the peach orchards. Ladera Artisan Wines, situated on the farm, offers wine tasting and sales every Saturday at 10am. Note that there are no credit card facilities.

Other reasons to visit Horse About, situated in the Witzenberg Valley between Wolseley and Tulbagh, can

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Hoogwater Farm

take your family on a horseback trail, which is a popular feature with children. Closer to Ceres, the adventurous can drop in at Ceres Zip Slide Tours.

When to go From mid-January to March, 8am–1pm, every Saturday. Weekdays are by appointment only and they are closed on Sunday.

Cost R40 entry per person and R5 per punnet of fruit taken home (punnets are provided). Eat as much as you like in the orchard.

Directions Hoogwater Farm is on the R43 road, towards Ceres, in Wolseley.

Contact Madri: 083 762 2803 or madriwilson@gmail.com

In 1994 South Africa exported 40 million cartons of citrus fruit, earning roughly R1,34 billion, according to industry sources.

The fresh fig is best eaten raw although it may be lightly baked with goat’s cheese, or poached for a dessert. Dried figs make good snacks and can be added to cakes and desserts.

Redberry Farm, George As well as strawberry picking, which is offered all year round with a concentrated period in summer, there is a huge amount of entertainment for the children

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Redberry Farm

including pony rides (Friday afternoons and Saturdays), bumper boats (Saturday), bubble ball (Saturday), mini train rides, a maze and a large outdoor playground. There is also a tea garden and farm stall. During the holidays, all activities run every day.

Other reasons to visit Nearby, families can visit the Outeniqua Farmer’s Market and the botanical tea garden.

When to go Strawberry picking is all year round with the main season from September to early January, 9am–4pm, Monday–Saturday. They are closed on Sunday, Christmas Day and Good Friday.

Cost Strawberry picking: R15 (small container); R25 (large container); pony rides: R10; mini train: R20 (adults) and R10 (children); bubble ball and bumper boats: R20.

Directions Geelhoutboom Rd, Blanco, George. As you enter the farming area just outside George on the Geelhoutboom Rd, Redberry Farm is the first beacon along the Outeniqua Country Hop Route. Visit the website for GPS coordinates.

Contact 044 870 7123, marketing@redberryfarm.co.za, visit redberryfarm.co.za or like them on Facebook

If you aren’t going to eat the fruit you pick straight away, avoid washing it. This can lead to it spoiling faster.

Wildebraam Berry Estate, Hermitage Valley, Swellendam

Wildebraam Berry Estate

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The Hermitage Valley in Swellendam is the biggest youngberry producing area in the world. While picking your youngberries and blackberries, be sure to monitor your toddler closely as there are thorns on the plants. On the weekends from 16 November until their berry festival, families are welcome to bring a picnic and relax on the lawns overlooking the Langeberg Mountains, while children can enjoy the pony rides.

Other reasons to visit The Wildebraam Berry Festival is planned for 30 November and it offers children’s activities, food stalls and more. Not far from the farm, little ones can visit Sulina’s Fairy Sanctuary and the family can mountain bike and hike in Marloth Nature Reserve, which is a mere 1,5km away from Wildebraam.

Their private cellar also offers a renowned magazine cape town

liqueur and deli tasting. Swellendam has several art galleries as well as the Drostdy Museum. Bontebok National Park, De Hoop Nature Reserve and the Robertson Wine Route are nearby attractions.

When to go 16 November to 24 December, 8am–4:15pm, Monday–Friday; 9am–3:15pm, Saturday; 10am–2:15pm, Sunday. Only closed on Christmas Day, New Year’s Day and Good Friday.

Cost R5 entry. Blackberries are approximately R15 per kilogram, Youngberries are approximately R17 per kilogram. General tasting of the jams, deli, chilli products, syrups and liqueurs (over 18 only) is free.

Directions From the N2 Cape Town, as you approach Swellendam, turn left onto the R60 in the direction of Ashton/Worcester. When you get to the four-way stop, continue straight for approximately 1,5km. Turn right at the Hermitage signboard and travel 100m. Take your first left onto a dirt road (following the Hermitage signs) and continue straight for approximately 400m. The Wildebraam entrance is on your left.

Contact 028 514 3132, 082 380 2080, hospitality@wildebraam.co.za or visit wildebraam.co.za

Youngberries are rich in vitamin A, which is necessary for good eyesight. It also contains vitamin C, vitamin B1 and calcium.

De Krans Wines, Calitzdorp De Krans Wine Cellar is situated in the picturesque Gamka River Valley near Calitzdorp.

The farm dates back to 1890 and they produce award-winning port. The types of fruit they offer are apricots and grapes.

Other reasons to visit Away from De Krans, you can enjoy the Klein Karoo region on a mountain bike, a tractor or in a canoe, and grab a bite to eat at a cosy bush pub. For the road trip, the region has a few inviting mountain passes to explore.

When to go End of November to the first week in December (apricots), and middle of February to the middle of March (grapes). Contact the cellar for dates. Open 9am–5pm, Monday–Friday; 9am–3pm, Saturday. Closed on Good Friday and Christmas Day. Directions On the R62 between Ladismith and Oudtshoorn, turn off the main road opposite Shell Garage and follow the directions. The farm is opposite The Landmark, on the left-hand side.

Cost Contact the cellar for prices. The cost for fruit picking differs every year.

Contact 044 213 3314 or dekrans@mweb.co.za

De Krans Wines

fruit picking tips • B efore heading out to a farm, call ahead. The farms are subject to variable weather conditions and may not have ripe fruit available for picking.

• Be sure to wear a hat and sunscreen – you may be in the full sun for a while.

• If you plan to take fruit home, bring a container or cooler to prevent it from spoiling on the car trip back home. A container with a large surface area will prevent bruising.

• Respect the farmers and other fruit pickers by gently picking the fruit and not damaging the plants.

• Draw cash as some farms don’t have credit card facilities.

• For the fruit picking select the fullest, firmest, darkest fruit in the field, pluck gently (to avoid bruising) and package safely.

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books

a good read for toddlers

for preschoolers

Teeny Weeny looks for his Mummy!

By Jannie Ho

The Magic of Kirstenbosch

By Donnaleen Coue

(Published by Nosy Crow, R76) Teeny Weeny is a little bit worried: he can’t find his mommy anywhere. Still, she can’t have gone far. Perhaps mommy is behind the tree? No, that’s Cat. Is she busy on the playground? No – only Crocodile, Dog and Pig are there.

Perhaps she’s in the house? But it’s only Giraffe, Zebra and Leopard in there. Maybe Mom is sitting behind the wall, but it’s only Bear with a very nice looking ice cream.

Mom’s also not in the tree – there are only birds and Monkey. Is she in the flowers? No, that’s Elephant and Panda. All little readers from the age of one will enjoy pulling the sturdy tabs to help Teeny Weeny in his search, and they will identify with the story’s sweet, happy resolution.

(Published by TD Harry Advertising, R120) Join Ami, and her best friend, Ziggy, as they embark on a magical journey through one of Cape Town’s most beautiful sites, Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden.

Once in the garden they set up a picnic, and then enjoy playing hide and seek and “I spy”, trying to spot all the different birds. But then Ami hears someone crying. It is a nature fairy called Sihle, and her friend Sally the squirrel is in trouble. Ami and Ziggy manage to save the day and with the help of Sihle, they encounter all of the garden’s secrets, transport to a magical fairy village and learn an important lesson about protecting and caring for our environment.

for early graders Britannica Junior: Encyclopedia for Southern Africa Publisher: Mike Jacklin (Published by Jacklin Enterprises, R7 200 for the set of 10) Britannica Junior is a treasure chest of facts. The 10 volumes introduce young readers to interesting people, places and concepts. The articles help students think about the world around them, from the ocean depths to the furthest parts of the universe. Numerous colour photographs, maps and tables keep students engaged and add to their understanding of the contents. The 10 volumes of the Britannica Encyclopedia contain articles on more than 2 300 relevant topics. In the front are clear instructions of how to make the best use of each volume and tips on tracking multiple-name tricky subjects. Order the set from 011 265 4200 or cgouws@jacklinenterprises.com

for preteens and teens Rooftoppers

By Katherine Rundell (Published by Faber and Faber, R113) Everyone tells Sophie she was orphaned in a shipwreck, but Sophie is convinced her mother also survived. When no one believes her, she sets out to prove them wrong. On the run from the authorities, Sophie finds Matteo and the other rooftoppers – children who live in the sky. In a race across the rooftops of Paris, will they help her find her mother, before it’s too late? This is a beautiful story about pursuing your dreams, written for children between the ages of nine and 11 years old. Rundell was also the author of The Girl Savage, about a young girl that spent most her life on an African farm, but is eventually sent to boarding school in England.

parenting book The Honest Toddler

By Bunmi Laditan (Published by Orion Publishing, R122) The internet’s most infamous toddler, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm on the Honest Toddler blog and on Twitter, has captivated hundreds of thousands of fans online. Are you a confused parent to a toddler? Are you constantly disappointing the small child in your life? This book can help you become a better servant/parent to the toddler at the heart of your world. You’ll learn about everything from meal preparation (hint: just put the crackers on a plate), play date etiquette (Don’t touch. Just don’t.), to how time-outs make you look like a fool. The book says a firm “no” to fashionable parenting trends and instead embraces the big questions.

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for us Occasion for Loving

By Nadine Gordimer (Published by Bloomsbury Publishing, R143) Jessie and Tom Stilwell keep an open house. Their code is one of people determined to maintain the integrity of personal relations against the distortions of law and society. The impact on the home of Boaz Davis and his wife Ann, arrived from England, and Gideon Shibalo, the Stilwells’ black friend, with whom Ann starts a love affair, is dramatically concurrent with events involving Jessie’s strange relationship with her mother and stepfather and her son from a previous marriage. Telling their story against the background of South Africa in the sixties, Nadine Gordimer speaks with unsurpassed subtlety and poignancy of individuals and the society in which they live.

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calendar

You can also access the calendar online at

what’s on in november

childmag.co.za

Here’s your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by LUCILLE KEMP

30

FUN FOR CHILDREN – p46

ONLY FOR PARENTS – p48

Festive ideas market Original gift ideas ranging from decor to the latest fashion, jewellery and more.

Ballet class with Dance Crew Open to women and men, this class is conducted by Amy Gould.

bump, baby & tot in tow – p50

how to help – p51

MamaMagic, The Baby Expo The expo offers the latest products and services, expert advice and seminars.

School shoes project Pupils are asked to donate their school shoes if they are not going to be worn again.

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com / Victoria Romburgh

sat

SPECIAL EVENTS – p44 FamFest The day features live music, freshly prepared, seasonal market grub and a wide variety of family-friendly games and entertainment.

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SPECIAL EVENTS 1 friday MamaMagic, The Baby Expo The expo offers the latest products and services, expert advice and seminars, live entertainment and prizes to be won. Learn how you can make your own photo book with Burble pix; Little Finger Prints, handmade silver jewellery will be there; and discover the Snuza Mobile baby monitors. Ends 3 November. Time: 9am–6pm daily. Venue: Cape Town International Convention Centre. Cost: R50, children under 10 free.

For more info: visit mamamagic.co.za

Wines2Whales mountain bike events Starting in the winelands of Somerset West, teams of two cross 13 wineries, 26 private farms, six mountains, historic roads, mountain passes and nature conservation areas over three days before finishing in Hermanus. You can choose between the funfilled W2W MTB Adventure (1–3 November), a slightly more relaxed W2W MTB Ride (4–6 November) and the action-packed W2W MTB Race (8–10 November). Sign up for the challenge or show support on the route each day. For times, start and end points and other details of the routes, contact: 076 118 0874, entries@wines2whales.co.za or visit wines2whales.co.za AISCT international and local university fair Representatives of universities in the USA, Canada and Europe, as well as local university advisors, will be available to discuss their academic and scholarship programmes with prospective students. For parents and children 15 years and older. Time: 2:30pm–4:30pm. Venue: The American International School of Cape Town. Cost: free. Contact Ms. Beato: wbeato@aisct.org

2 saturday

2 November – Cape Town International Kite Festival

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Cape Town International Kite Festival There is a variety of kite-making workshops, non-stop kite-flying, craft and food stalls as well as children’s rides and entertainment on the Coke Gig Rig. Also 3 November. Time: 10am–6pm, daily. Venue: Zandvlei lawns, Muizenberg. Cost: adults

2 sat

School bazaar at the German International School Children can enjoy go-karting, the foefie slide and field games while the adults browse the Christmas shop, bookstore and pick up a bargain at the flea market. Traditional German goodies on offer include bratwurst, leberkäse and bretzel. There is a beer tent with live music in the afternoon. Time: 11am–9pm.

Venue: The German International School of Cape Town, Bay View Ave, Tamboerskloof. Cost: adults R30 and children free entry. Contact: bazaar@dsk. co.za or visit dsk.co.za/basar_d.html

R20 and children 2–12 years R10. Contact: 021 447 9040, info@cmhs.co.zaor visit capementalhealth.co.za/kite/ Hout Bay Green Faire Attractions include eco-house building demos, veggie-growing information, inspiring talks, recycled art, healthy food stalls and more. The Planet Warriors children’s festival features the Trash to Treasure Eco-fashion show, a talent contest and green innovations.

Time: 10am–6pm. Venue: Kronendal Primary School, Hout Bay. Cost: adults R20 and children R10. For more info: visit houtbaygreenfaire.org Stellenberg open gardens Historic Stellenberg opens its magnificent gardens to the public to raise funds for Cape Mental Health. Also 3 November. Time: 9:30am–5:30pm. Venue: 30 Oak Ave, upper Kenilworth. Cost: R30; donations

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to Cape Mental Health welcome. Contact: Doreen: 021 761 2948, 083 300 1196 or stellenberggardens@ovenstones.co.za Joining Hands launch Pebbles Project is launching the Joining Hands initiative with MC Michael Mol. Guests can enjoy a five-course meal, award winning wines, live entertainment and an address by David Grier, inspirational speaker, extreme adventurer and celebrity chef. This is followed by a charity auction. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Rhebokskloof Wine Estate, Paarl Valley. Cost: R450 per person. Contact: 021 869 8386 or functions@rhebokskloof.co.za

4 monday Bridging BrightStart School open day Kidz Discovery helps your child embrace formal learning with confidence, curiosity and creativity. Interested parents can register their 2½–4 year olds with the school today. Email Kathy your child’s full details and your contact information.

Time: 12:15pm. Venue: Kidz Discovery, The Drive, Camps Bay. Cost: free entry into the open day. Contact Kathy: 083 654 2494, info@kidzdiscovery.co.za or visit kidzdiscovery.co.za

5 tuesday Kamers This venue brings you hard-tofind, high-end true craft. There is a selection of the best originally designed wares – from jewellery, gourmet food products, ceramics and soft furnishings to decor

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accessories, garden gear, designer clothing and accessories. Ends 10 November. Time: 9am–6pm daily. Extended shopping hours until 8pm on Friday evenings. Venue: Webersburg Estate, Stellenbosch. Cost: R50. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit kamersvol.com or follow them on Facebook

Herschel Christmas Carnival

6 wednesday The Constantia Gift Fair Ends 10 November. Time: 9am–5pm, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday; 9am–8pm, Thursday and Friday. Venue: Constantia Gift Fair, Sarda, Brommersvlei Rd, Constantia.

Cost: R20 entry. Contact Carryn: 083 679 4495, Hayley: 079 556 9474 or info@ thegiftfair.co.za

14 thursday

There are rides, climbs, games, entertainment for the young, a Christmas market, a great range of food and a dance floor.

Time 4:30pm–10pm. Venue: 14 Kenmar Crescent, off Herschel Rd, Claremont. Cost: free entry; rides and climbs vary. Contact: info@ herschel.org.za

22 fri

The Durbanville Gift Fair Ends 17 November. Time: 9am–5pm, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday; 9am–8pm, Friday.

Venue: D’Aria Wine Estate, Durbanville.

Cost: R20 entry. Contact Carryn: 083 679 4495 or Hayley: 079 556 9474 or info@ thegiftfair.co.za

29 friday The Pennypinchers Origin of Trails This individual, two-day mountain bike stage race is a combination of single-track that to date has been unknown to the mountain biking community of Stellenbosch. Also 30 November. Time: 7am. Venue: starts on Church St, Stellenbosch; ends at Paul Roos Gymnasium. Cost: varies. Contact: 086 138 3591, entries@stillwatersports.com or visit stillwatersports.com

30 saturday FamFest The day consists of live music, freshly prepared, seasonal market grub and a wide variety of family-friendly games and

entertainment. Also 1 December. Time: 10am–9pm, Saturday; 10am– 6pm, Sunday. Venue: Constantia Sports Complex. Cost: adults R80, children over 2 years old R40. Contact: 021 462 1529 or visit famfest.co.za The Chaeli Campaign Grand Prix Experience an inclusive sporting environment where both able-bodied and differently-abled individuals participate.

Support this cause, while recognising the International Day of People with Disabilities (3 December). Time: tbc. Venue: Bergvliet Sports Association. Cost: tbc. Contact Shelly: 021 761 4326, shelly@chaelicampaign.co.za or visit chaelicampaign.co.za The Franschhoek Cap Classique and Champagne Festival Local winemakers offer the finest Méthode Cap Classique.

The theme for this year’s festival is black and white, with an emphasis on spots and stripes. In keeping with tradition, a prize is awarded to the best dressed couple on each day. Also 1 December.

Time: 12pm–5pm. Venue: grand marquee on the lawns surrounding Franschhoek’s Huguenot Monument. Cost: R200, children under 18 enter free. Book through Webtickets: visit webtickets.co.za The St Martini Church annual Christmas bazaar Expect games and crafts, cake, bratwurst and beer on tap.

There are many German specialties on offer. Time: 10am. Venue: 240 Long St. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 423 5947

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FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science Abeille Ruche School art exhibition Art works that have been produced by the pupils of Abeille Ruche School during the year are on display. 28 November. Time: 5pm–7pm. Venue: Abeille Ruche School, Century City House, Park Lane, Intaka Island, Century City. Cost: free. Contact Liz: 021 559 8902 or abeilleruche@lantic.net Free fabric painting workshop For adults and children. 23 November. Time: 8:45am–10:45am. Venue: Pinelands. Cost: R35 for the kit. Contact Wendy: 021 531 8076, 082 391 4954 or wendyadriaan@ telkomsa.net Sue Nepgen’s children’s art classes The current programme consists of a variety of creative 2D and 3D work in different mediums and themes, including drawing and painting techniques, clay sculpture, chalk pastel and charcoal work, painting on canvas, as well as colour work using a technique with wax and artists’ turpentine.

For 4–13 year olds. Time: weekday afternoons and Saturday mornings. Venue: Michael Oak Waldorf School, Kenilworth or 28 Klaasenbosch Dr, Constantia. Cost: R590 a term, including materials and firing; prorata fees for late joiners. Contact Sue: 021 794 6609, 021 794 4723, 083 237 7242 or snepgen@xsinet.co.za The Tanzanite Experience This museum and interactive concept store provides guided tours that reveal the history and rarity of tanzanite. Touch pads along with light and sound demonstrations and a replica mine complete the experience.

From 6 years and older. Time: 9am–5pm, Monday–Friday. Venue: Studio 316, 2nd floor, The Foundary, Cardiff St, Green Point.

Cost: free for tours. Contact: 021 421 9797 or michele@tanzaniteexperience.com

classes, talks and workshops Cooking with Hannah Cooking classes for 2–10 year olds. Recipes include potato souffle. Enquire about the December holiday programme. For 2–10 year olds.

Time: 3pm–4pm, Wednesday and Friday; 2pm–3pm, Thursday. Venue: Bergvliet.

Cost: R765 per term. Contact: 082 569 8666 or cookingwithhannah1@gmail.com

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Schoolyard Market This community market offers fresh food, art and crafts and a hint of Parisian flair. 30 November.

Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Elkanah House High School Campus, 85 Sunningdale Dr, Sunningdale, Tableview. Cost: free entry.

Contact Michelle: 021 554 8586, michellej@elkanah.co.za or visit elkanah.co.za

30 sat

Frostings and fondant: biscuits for the Christmas biscuit jar Baking and decorating of shortbread, chocolate shortbread and ginger biscuits. Learn how to use royal icing and fondant on the biscuits with Christmas inspired ideas. For 8–16 year olds. 30 November. Time: 1:30pm–4:30pm.

Venue: Little Cooks Club Brackenfell Studio.

Cost: R250. Contact Renate: 082 332 7546 or renatel@littlecooksclub.co.za The Kids Cooking Club classes For weekly or term classes, school outings and holiday clubs, a cooking and baking programme at one of the three venues. Venue: Stodels (Constantia), EarthWorx (Hout Bay) or Mugg & Bean (Blue Route Mall). For 3–15 year olds. Cost: call to enquire. Contact Taryn: 083 309 8024, thekidscookingclub@gmail. com or visit thekidscookingclub.co.za

family outings Cape Handlers Dog Club family day Create a fun mosaic kit and enjoy jumping castles, doggy demos and food stalls. For 5 years and older. 9 November. Time: 10am.

Venue: Theo Marais Park, Milnerton. Cost: R60 per kit. Contact: 021 552 4870, jacqui@ mosaicworks.co.za or visit mosaicworks.co.za

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finding nature and outdoor play La Gratitude Duck Race and Craft Market There is stalls, refreshments, a dog show, a model helicopter demo, a magician, pony rides, a jumping castle, face painting and the plastic duck race. 2 November.

Times: 10am–1:30pm for crafts, tea garden and child-friendly activities; 1:30pm–3pm for the duck race. Venue: La Gratitude Preprimary School, 14 La Gratitude, Pinelands. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 531 4961 or lagratitude@polka.co.za Volunteer Wildfire Services open day Helicopter and fire-fighting displays. Firekids collect badges by doing all the activities.

There is a foam party afterwards as well as the best-dressed Firekid competition.

Adults can sign up to help the organisation fight wildfires next season. 30 November.

Time: 9am. Venue: Newlands Fire Base, Newlands Forest, off the M3. Cost: free entry. For more info: visit capefires.com

markets Country Chic Christmas market Find local and imported gift ideas, food and beverages, children’s games, face painting, tattoos, sandpit digs and more. Children can bring a letter for Santa. 16 November.

Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Constantiaberg Preprimary School, cnr Haylett Ave and Schoolside Rd. Cost: free entry. Contact Lara: 082 694 6087 or larat4231@gmail.com Festive ideas market Get original gift ideas ranging from decor items for the house and garden to the latest fashions, jewellery, French linen and other pamper products.

There is a deli and a children’s corner offering performances and activities. 30 October–3 November. Time: 9am–5:30pm, Wednesday–Saturday; 9am–4pm, Sunday.

Venue: Simondium Country Lodge, on the

R45 between Paarl and Franschhoek. Cost: adults R20, children free entry. Contact: 021 874 1046 or visit festiveideas.co.za Jolly Carp Organic Market Offers fresh organic vegetables, eggs, honey, rooibos tea in different flavours, curry paste, breyani, lamb curry and butter chicken.

Time: 10am–3pm, every Saturday. Venue: 38 Sasmeer Rd, Retreat. Cost: free entry.

Contact Petrina: 072 302 3254 or visit menngos.org.za Market Day at Lilliput Preprimary With craft items and activities for children.

2 November. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Lilliput Preprimary School, Fairway St, Tableview. Cost: free entry. Contact Jane: jane@talkommobile.co.za.

MPS Farmyard Food and Craft Market Food and crafts produced by locals and there is activities, a dog competition and Eagle Encounters from Spier. 9 November. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: Melkbosstrand Private School (M19 between R27 and N7). Cost: free. Contact: audreyp@melkbosprivate. co.za or visit melkbosprivate.co.za Porter Estate market Time: 9am–1pm, every Saturday. Venue: Porter Estate Market, Tokai. Cost: free entry. For more info: visit porterestate.co.za The BMC Family Market Offers art, crafts, decor, homemade foods, jumping castles, sand art and a jungle gym. 2 November. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Bergvliet Methodist Church, Bergvliet.

Cost: free. Contact: 021 715 3045, familymarket@bmchurch.org.za or like their Facebook page: BMC Family Market

on stage and screen Afternoon Delight Alas Academy, a performing arts and music academy holds their end-of-year showcase. 17 November.

Time: 2pm–4pm. Venue: Kommetjie

Organic vegetable box initiative Harvest of Hope’s micro-farmers in Nyanga, Kayelitsha and Guguletu grow organic vegetables, which are boxed and delivered to various collection points, situated around Cape Town, every Tuesday. A small box costs R87 and a medium box costs R121. To sign up, contact: 021 371 1653, marketing@ abalimi.org.za or visit harvestofhope.co.za

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calendar Primary School, Teubes Rd, Kommetjie. Cost: R35. Contact: 021 782 6552, alasacademy@ gmail.com or visit alasacademy.co.za Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom premieres on 28 November A chronicle of Nelson Mandela’s life up to his inauguration as the first democratically elected president of South Africa. For more info: visit sterkinekor.com or numetro.co.za Old Mutual Summer Sunset Concerts – Prime Circle 24 November. Time: 5:30pm for 6pm. Venue: Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden. Cost: adults R120, 6–21 year olds R85. Book through Webtickets: visit webtickets.co.za Sunny Skies Nursery School yearend concert The title is “A day at the Beach”. 16 November. Time: 2pm. Venue: Bergvliet Primary School, Children’s Way, Bergvliet. Cost: free, but donations are welcome. Contact Daneel: 082 781 3080 or sunnyskies@telkomsa.net

playtime and story time Brackenfell Library storytelling sessions An hour of storytelling and a craft session for preschoolers. Larger groups should book. Time: 10:30am–11:30am, every Wednesday. Venue: Brackenfell Library, Paradys Rd, Brackenfell. Cost: free.

Contact Trudi: 021 980 1261 Cupcake decorating playdates Children are taught how to make flowers from plastic icing and also learn different piping techniques. Each child makes

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24 November – Old Mutual Summer Sunset Concerts – Prime Circle

a garden-themed cupcake as well as a monster face cupcake to take home. Time: 2:30pm–3:30pm, every Friday. Venue: Bugz Family Playpark, 56 Tarentaal St, Kraaifontein, Joostenbergvlakte. Cost: R70, which includes cupcake class and entry to the park. Contact: 021 988 8836 or party@bugz.co.za Jannatul Firdous Preschool Madrassah open day You can register your child for 2014’s Islamic learning programme.

For 3–6 year olds. 30 November. Time: 11am. Venue: Littlewoods, Ottery (opposite Chinatown). Cost: R100 registration, R150 per month. Contact Aunty K: 021 7041462, 074 106 0713 or kidsklub1@polka.co.za

sport and physical activities Double Dirt Run #2 Experience the beauty of some of these conservation areas, while raising funds for Conservation at Work. For 7 years and older. 9 November.

Time: 7am registration. Venue: Simonsberg Conservancy, Stellenbosch. Cost: R55– R105. Contact: 021 884 4752, info@ dirtopia.co.za or visit dirtopia.co.za Global Diabetes National Walk/Run This event raises awareness of diabetes and encourages people to live an active, healthy lifestyle. 30 November. Time: tbc.

Venue: Green Point. Cost: tbc. For more info: visit diabetessa.co.za Kids on Cloud 9 The club offers coaching in soccer, cricket, kinetics, dancing, horse riding and more. For 4–13 year olds. Time: 9am–6pm, Monday–Friday. Venues: southern and northern suburbs, and the Atlantic Seaboard. Cost: R380 per term. Contact: 084 777 1212, coachgrant@kidsoncloud9. co.za or visit kidsoncloud9.co.za Rugbytots free taster Join for a morning of rugby-orientated games. There are spot prizes. For 2–7 year old boys and girls.

9 November. Time: 8:30am–9am (2–3½ year olds), 9am–10am (3½ –5 year olds), 10am–11am (5–7 year olds). Venue: Rondebosch United Church, Belmont Rd, Rondebosch. Cost: free, but register prior to the event. Contact: 079 410 1728, steed@ rugbytots.co.za or visit rugbytots.co.za The Bridge House Mile Swimmers may enter with or without a wetsuit. They will advise the water temperature, by email, the day before the event. When registering, ensure you have the wetsuit status correct.

Map is on the website. 4 November. Time: 7am registration. Venue: Franschhoek Dam. Cost: varies. Contact: 079 558 3168, info@ energyevents.co.za or visit energyevents. co.za or bridgehouse.org.za

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Ballet class with Dance Crew Open to women and men, the class is conducted

by Amy Gould with company dancers demonstrating the movements. 16 November. Time: 12pm–1:30pm. Venue: Theatre On-Main, Church Rd, Tokai. Cost: R100. Contact Amy: 021 715 9510 Capriccio! Arts Powered Preschool 2014 info week An opportunity for interested parents to view the school facilities, get more information on the concept that combines Montessori education with arts-focused learning, as

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well as meet the team. For parents of 2½–5 year olds. Time: email or call to arrange an appointment. Venue: 10A Ascot Rd, Milnerton. Cost: free. Contact Elbe: 021 551 7008, 081 271 0572, info@artspreschool. co.za or visit artspreschool.co.za Family and Friends CPR 2 November.

Time: 9am–12:30pm. Venue: Constantiaberg Mediclinic, Burnham Rd, Plumstead. Cost: R250. Contact Kathy: 021 705 6459, training@pec.co.za or visit pec.co.za Fifth annual Haskell Vineyards open day Taste the new releases and attend a master class. 9 November. Time: 10am–3pm; master class 10:30am–12pm. Venue: Haskell Vineyards, Annandale Road, 10km from Stellenbosch. Cost: free. Contact Marika: 021 881 3895 or marika@haskellvineyards.co.za Mom’s night off cookie class and dinner Gather a group of moms for a two-course dinner and learn how to successfully ice and decorate Christmasthemed cookies. 15 November. Time: 7:30pm–11pm. Venue: The Red Kitchen, 75 Southfield Rd, Plumstead. Cost: R380.

Contact Andrea: 082 293 3092 or visit theredkitchen.co.za Montessori Centre SA registrations 2014 9 November. Time: 10:30am– 12:30pm. Venue: Auburn House Montessori, 3 Auburn Rd, Kenilworth. Cost: free registration.

Contact: 082 900 3192, capetown@ montessorisa.co.za or visit montessorisa.co.za Teacher-nanny course An educational course run by a teacher for nannies and

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X-Tri Series This is a new off-road triathlon series consisting of the Xtri-Lite on Saturday, which is ideal for children over 15 years old. On Sunday is the challenging XtriUltra. Also 17 November. Time: 9am daily; 5:30pm for pasta parties on 15 and 16 November.

Venue: along the Breede River in the Langeberg Valley. Cost: varies.

Contact Rainer: 082 449 7666 or visit xtri.co.za

16 sat

au pairs focusing on how to stimulate the children in their care. A certificate is given on completion of the course. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: Rocking Horse Play and Swim School, 76 Arum Ave, Kommetjie.

Cost: R500. Contact Vicki: 021 783 3417, 083 372 5300 or vickbrander@gmail.com The Mommy Club Takes place once a month on a Saturday. Time: call to enquire.

Venue: Zeekoevlei. Cost: R100 per single session. Contact: themommyclub01@ gmail.com

on stage and screen Russell Brand’s The Messiah Complex tour Comedian and author Russell Brand comes to South Africa on his first world tour. The Messiah Complex is a dissection of various social and religious figures and the reality of their lives through comparison.

19 and 20 November. Time: 8pm. Venue: Artscape Opera House. Cost: R300–R500.

Book through Computicket: 0861 813 9000 or Artscape Dial-A-Seat: 021 421 7695 Suzanne Vega performs at Paul Cluver Forest Amphitheatre There are only 600 seats available in the natural forest, set inside a nature reserve, so every ticket is a golden-circle seat for this American singer/song writer’s show. Bring your own picnic. 2 November. Time: 8pm Friday; 7pm Saturday. Venue: Paul Cluver Forest Amphitheatre. Cost: R450. For more info: visit cluver.com The Barber of Seville This is the third of three operatic masterpieces and brings the 2013 season to a high-spirited conclusion with Gioachino Rossini’s masterpiece. 20–24 November. Venue: Artscape Theatre. Time: 7:30pm, Wednesday–Friday; 6pm, Saturday; 2:30pm, Sunday. Cost: R125–R175. Book through Computicket: calling 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

The Galileo open air cinema Experience memorable films under a ceiling of stars.

Time: 6pm doors open; the movie starts at sunset. Venues: Hillcrest Quarry, Tygerberg Valley Rd, Durbanville – every Tuesday, 5 November–22 April; Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden marquee lawn, Rhodes Drive – every Wednesday, 6 November–23 April; V&A Waterfront croquet lawn, Dock Rd – every Thursday, 7 November–24 April.

Cost: R70 for basic tickets, R10 for blankets, chairs can be rented on the website at a discounted rate or at the venue. Contact: 071 471 8728, hello@thegalileo.co.za or visit thegalileo.co.za

out and about Cape Town Festival of Beer Activities include food and beer pairings, guided beer tours, beer-pong tournaments, workshops, blind tastings and homebrewing demonstrations. Entertainment from top SA bands as well as rugby, live on the big screens. 22–24 November.

Time: 12pm–10pm, Friday and Saturday; 10am–7pm, Sunday. Venue: Hamilton RFC. Cost: R120 per day pass. Book through Webtickets: webtickets.co.za or for more info: visit capetownfestivalofbeer.co.za Masked Massacre Murder Mystery dinner The evening is titled “Tokoloshe Murders – An African Halloween”.

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calendar Get to the bottom of a gory Halloween murder mystery before the Tokoloshe strikes again. Dress code is “What scares you?”.

1 November. Time: 7pm. Venue: Moyo Kirstenbosch. Cost: R300. Contact: 084 993 8040 or lente@bepartofthemystery.com The annual Bosman Wine Release celebration weekend This is the annual release of new vintages from Bosman Family Vineyards. Trained crèche staff provide entertainment for smaller children. There is a jumping castle and colouring activities, a friendly game of touch rugby, cricket or paintball fun. A special children’s snack station is also provided. 16 and 17 November.

Time: 11am–4pm; 12pm–3pm in the cellar.

Cost: R150, children under 12 free. Contact: 021 873 3170, taste@bosmanwines.com or neil@bosmanwines.com

support groups Parent Support Group Conducted by a certified peer group facilitator in the various areas of childhood development, feelings and behaviour, peer interaction, discipline, nutrition, self-esteem, communication and listening. Moms and toddlers welcomed.

Time: 10am–12pm, every Tuesday. Venue: Stages Lifestyle Centre, Littlewoods, Ottery (opposite Chinatown). Cost: R40 per session, including refreshments. Contact: 021 704 1462, 074 106 0713 or stages@polka.co.za Proud 2B LGBTI Parents A regular meeting for LGBTI Parents to discuss parent-related issues. 20 November. Time 7pm–8:30pm. Venue: Triangle Project, 2nd floor, Elta House, 3 Caledonian St, Mowbray.

Cost: free. Contact: 021 686 1475, health2@ triangle.org.za or visit triangle.org.za The Chaeli Campaign Parent Support Group Once a month the group meets.

Time: call to enquire. Venue: Chaeli Cottage, 18 Culm Rd, Plumstead. Cost: free. Contact Shariefa: dimples@hotmail.co.za

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Beautifully Born HypnoBirthing course Five-week, full antenatal course focused on natural birth. For 20 weeks pregnant and onwards. 14 November (Durbanville); 20 November (Plumstead).

Time: 7pm–9:30pm, every Thursday

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Feed a school child for a year The Peninsula School Feeding Association is asking you for R395, which will provide a hungry child with food for an entire year. To Adopt-A-Child: visit psfa.org.za

(Durbanville) or Wednesday (Plumstead).

Venue: Durbanville and Plumstead. Cost: R1 650 per couple, including all materials and refreshments for five weeks. For more info: visit beautifullyborn.co.za Grow Your Baby’s Brain parent day This talk is essential for all expecting and new parents. Dr Nils and Jill Bergman cover the latest neuroscience of how the baby’s brain grows during pregnancy and how important the birth and the first hours of life are for the baby’s physical health and emotional attachment to parents. 2 November. Time: 8:30am–1pm. Venue: Vincent Pallotti Conference Room. Cost: R150 per person or R250 per couple. Contact: 021 531 5819, jill@ninobirth.org or visit ninobirth.org Labour – The Big Issue. Or is it? This workshop deals with pain relief options in labour, different labour methods, breastfeeding and more. It’s geared to prepare parents for parenthood. It is run by registered professional nurse Sydney Grove and a lactation consultant and gynaecologist.

23 November. Booking essential. Time: 8:30am–5pm. Venue: Colosseum Hotel, Century City. Cost: R1 150 per couple, which includes morning and afternoon tea/ coffee, snacks and prizes. Contact: 078 101 6704 or grovemediconsulting@gmail.com MamaMagic, The Baby Expo 2 and 3 November. Time: 9am–6pm daily. Venue: Cape Town International Convention Centre. Cost: R50 per person, children under 10 free. For more info: visit mamamagic.co.za

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The Parent Centre Moms-to-be and Moms and babies groups Mediclinic Cape Town: 10:30am–12:30pm, every Tuesday.

Mediclinic Constantiaberg: 10am–12pm, every Thursday. Cost: R50 including refreshments. Contact: 021 762 0116, reception@theparentcentre.org.za and for regular updates visit The Parent Centre fan page and theparentcentre.org.za Tots n Pots ‘Learning to love good food’ A fun-filled, hands-on workshop spent cooking or baking a variety of healthy snacks, meals and yummy treats.

Venue: Stodel’s Café, Constantia. Time: 3pm, Wednesday and Thursday (2–6 year olds); 9:30am, Friday (2–3 year olds); 9:15am, Saturday (mixed class 2–10 year olds). 9 October–27 November. Cost: R720 per term (eight weeks) or R90 per class.

Contact Chene: constantia@totsnpots.com or visit totsnpots.com

playtime and story time Moms and Babes Claremont A mom and baby stimulation class using ageappropriate toys and exercises such as gross/fine motor skills, messy play, use of all the senses, music/movement and baby massage. For 2–12 months. Time: 10am and 3pm, Monday–Thursdays. Venue: Claremont. Cost: call to enquire. Contact Di: 082 746 3223 or reesdi@mweb.co.za Wriggle and Rhyme A relaxed music programme for children 6 months–3 years old. Classes follow a different theme each term and use music, movement, props and instruments. Time and cost: call to enquire.

Venue: Claremont, Constantiaberg and Fish Hoek. Contact: info@wriggleandrhyme. co.za or visit wriggleandrhyme.co.za

support groups La Leche League’s breast-feeding support groups Kenridge: 4 November.

Contact: 021 975 9264. Durbanville: 19 November. Contact: 021 913 2816 or 021 913 3586. Parklands: 9 November

(2pm). Contact: 082 330 5352. Parow: 20 November. Contact: 021 930 2475.

Parklands Intercare: 27 November. Contact: 021 553 1664 or 021 556 0693. Paarl: 5 November. Contact: 021 872 5297.

Rondebosch: 12 November. Contact: 082 814 7210. Fish Hoek: 12 November.

Contact: 021 782 9240. Stellenbosch: 12 November. Contact: 082 940 9685.

Malmesbury for telephonic help. Contact: 083 265 5458. Hermanus for telephonic help. Contact: 082 696 3584. Pregnant and nursing mothers are welcome to attend. Time: 10am unless otherwise stated. Cost: free entry. For more info: visit lalecheleaguesouthafrica’s Facebook page or llli.org

it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

how to help Keedo Prem Project A portion of every Keedo Ragdoll sold is donated to a NICU to help premature babies. The dolls are available at Keedo stores. For more information, contact: 082 412 1737 or marie@ibench.co.za Ncedolwethu Edu-Care Centre The centre can accommodate about 35 children. Many of these children rely on the centre for their only meal of the day. If you would like to help them, please contact Nadine: 021 900 2650 or nadine@vhf.co.za School shoes project Pupils are asked to leave their shoes at school on the last school day of the year if they are not going to be worn in the new year. They are then refurbished and sent to SALT, a not-for-profit project. You can also arrange collection or drop off at 4 Cotswold Drive, Milnerton. Contact: 082 800 7566 or 4 Middelberg Close, Claremont. Contact: 079 505 1018 or Vivobarefoot Concept Store, Cape Quarter, Green Point. The deadline is 8 January 2014. Contact: 082 800 7566

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to capetown@childmag.co.za or fax it to 021 462 2680. Information must be received by 1 November for the December/ January 2014 issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

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it’s party time

continued...

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finishing touch

“help, please – aisle four…”

ANÉL LEWIS explains how painful a quick trip to the grocery

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outstretched. Time for the first trick of the day – I hand out fruit sticks for each child.

This buys me enough time to get both children mobile and into the first aisle.

Everything is calm until Conor spots the toys. He starts flailing his legs, while simultaneously making the universal gesture for “give it to me” with his hands.

I try to ignore him, but he’s starting to look like one of those painted mime artists you see at tourist spots. People start to stare.

I take a sharp left into the dairy aisle to get each child a yoghurt. Conor is easily distracted by food, and calm ensues.

My saving grace on shopping expeditions are those ladies handing out samples. This usually buys me some extra time to shop as each child munches on a meatball, piece of steamed fish or whatever else is being dished out. But there are none on duty today and I have to rely on my own skills of distraction.

With three aisles to go, the wheels start to fall off. Erin gets antsy, and tries to climb

out of the trolley. Conor goes blood red and resumes his very vocal chorus of “no” while I try to manoeuvre him as quickly as possible through the queues so that I can pay and escape.

I’ve got no more snacks or distractions to come to my rescue. So, I am forced to break into a shaky rendition of “Annie Apple” in the chips’ aisle.

We leave the store, but I have forgotten about the mechanical bus outside. Both children start gesticulating madly. Feeling guilty that my attempts to keep them entertained during this ordeal have been a bit hit-and-miss, I agree to a few minutes in the bus. But it seems my showmanship is still in demand. Erin is petrified of the moving bus, yet she insists that I insert a coin to make the thing shudder and beep. Almost on cue she starts crying, while Conor hides behind the trolley. And me? I’m half way inside in the gyrating bus, singing about a bus conductor and wheels that go round in an

attempt to calm her down. Suddenly that medication-free root canal doesn’t seem so bad.

Anél Lewis is a mother of two, who has finally realised that until her children are old enough to drive themselves to the shops, online shopping may be the only way to preserve her sanity and spare other shoppers from further renditions of “The Wheels on the Bus”.

Erin, Anél and Conor

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PHOTOGRAPH: STEPHANIE VELDMAN

g

oing shopping with two toddlers is a bit like having a root canal without the happy gas. You’ll probably survive the ordeal, but why put yourself through the pain? Ask any mother who braves a supermarket on a Saturday morning – you dare not venture forth without an arsenal of tricks. It starts pretty much as soon as you walk into the shop. In my case, Erin insists on sitting in a blue trolley. This is fine and dandy if there is one at hand. But what happens if there are four or more trolleys stacked in front of the blue one she has spotted? Yes, that’s right. You find yourself pushing trolleys apart and away in all directions, much to the chagrin of the hapless shoppers behind you.

Once Erin is settled, it’s Conor’s turn.

He can’t say “blue” yet, but he can shout “no” at the top of his lungs. And if he’s not in the mood to ride in the trolley that morning, he does a wonderful interpretation of someone “planking” with arms and legs

store can be with two small children in tow.