Child magazine | CPT November 2015

C a p e

To w n ’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

pa r e n t s

soft toys, building blocks, robots…

good night

discover the secrets to healthy sleep

investing in the best toys for your child

careers of the future what will your child become?

grading your teachers’ gifts what they like and what gets an ‘F’

burned-out parents are you taking on too much?

let’s talk

www.childmag.co.za

November 2015

free

health

education

entertainment

Our November issue is all about exploring the modern playground.

Scientists believe that our need to connect with others is as fundamental as our need for food and water. In this modern internet age, connectivity is a double-edged sword.

It’s possible, like no other time in human history, to have multiple digital connections with family, friends and complete strangers, but our shiny gadgets are not necessarily fostering the deep and meaningful social connections we crave. This gives great cause to encourage our children to play together, just as we did in an age without personal computers and smartphones. However, we shouldn’t prevent them from enjoying the mind-blowing benefits of technological advances. As you’ll read in “when I grow up…” (page 12), the future is science fiction becomes reality. It’s simply important to help our children strike a balance. So, we hope you’ll enjoy our guide for toys that will help your child develop essential skills (page 26). Also, take a look at our book section for some wonderful reads (page 24).

There’s a whole lot more to enjoy in our November “tech & toy” issue, from great ideas for teacher gifts (page 18) to practical ways to create the best sleep environment for your child (page 7). Keep nurturing that beautiful, lifelong connection with your children.

Lisa Mc Namara Publisher

Hunter House PUB L IS H ING

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za

Child magazine Online

childmag.co.za Online Content Manager Marc de Chazal • online@childmag.co.za

Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor

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ChildMag

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South Africa’s best guide for parents

Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art

to advertise Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680 Email: ctsales@childmag.co.za Website: childmag.co.za

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monthly circulation Joburg’s Child magazineTM Cape Town’s Child magazineTM Durban’s Child magazineTM Pretoria’s Child magazineTM

55 47 40 40

390 800 274 228

Cape Town’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 7, Canterbury Studios, 35 Wesley Street, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 021 465 6093, fax: 021 462 2680, email: info@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Cape Town’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles, and other editorial content, are accurate and balanced, but cannot accept responsibility for loss, damage or inconvenience that may arise from reading them.

Free requested Jul 15 - Sep 15

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November 2015

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contents

november 2015

12 when i grow up...

regulars

3 a note from lisa 6 over to you readers respond

features

8 pregnancy news – her body, my baby Marina Zietsman looks at surrogacy, what the

12 when i grow up... what will the future job market look like for our children? Jocelyn Warrington finds out

15 the prison of perfectionism we want our children to excel in life, but beware of setting the goal posts too high. By Megan Hjelm

law says and points out the benefits

10 best for baby – see how they grow Anél Lewis finds out how percentiles and growth charts work

24 a good read for the whole family 18 gifts that count it’s that time of year again. Anél Lewis asks teachers which gifts they really appreciate

20 to burned-out parent, with love we spend all our time and energy on our children, but what about our own well-being? Lucille Kemp looks for answers

26 resource – toy time Child magazine compiles a list of toys and activities that can assist your child’s development at all ages

29 what’s on in november 35 next month in child magazine

22 simply salad we give you a few seafood-inspired summer salads to try at home from All Sorts of Salads by Chantal Lascaris

health

38 finishing touch Anél Lewis has decided to bring some silliness back into her home

classified ads

7 beautiful sleep creating a relaxing and hygienic sleep environment is important for a good night’s rest, says Marina Zietsman

36 it’s party time 38 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by shutterstock.com Joburg

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November 2015

Cape Town

Pretoria

Durban

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November 2015

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letters

over to you

letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

bullying: no laughing matter

taming toddlers

I read the article “bully-proofing your child” in the October issue of the magazine. Though some excellent points were made, I differ with the suggestion that a child who is relentlessly targeted by a bully “should move schools’’. What a message from the school! To the bully and his or her parents: we’ll make the problem go away, and to the child and his or her parents on the receiving end: tough luck! There’s nothing we can do, so you must start at a new school (with all the disruption, anxiety, cost and inconvenience that goes with it).

That is outrageous. I understand that legal steps are expensive and difficult, but if a head teacher has so little control over what happens to the children under his or her care, then that is a real indictment. When I was at school, there was a case of very nasty bullying and the headmaster simply listened to both sets of pupils and their parents individually, then called in the perpetrators and their parents and stated that they would no longer be doing it. No further discussion: just “this is unacceptable,” and so it stopped. What happened to strong leadership?

Caroline

We get Child mag from my two-year-old son, Daniel’s, school every month and we truly enjoy reading it.

The article on tantrums (“why is my child so angry?”, October 2015) was perfectly timed as we have recently experienced a few minor meltdowns, ending face flat on the floor in shopping centre aisles. But, we have enforced constructive and positive actions with lots of quality time with Daniel, trying to understand him better and work on what’s frustrating him and we have seen a complete change in behaviour, from total unpredictability to a cooperative, helpful, calm toddler.

Vicky

Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine

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Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your

November 2015

talking adoption My adopted children are 41 and 37 years old and I have been open about their adoption from the day they were born. Everybody knew. My children had no hang-ups and today are hard-working and wonderful parents. My daughter met up with her mother and siblings after she turned 18 and has a good relationship with them. Our relationship has not changed because of this and I have

even met up with her biological mother and family.

Please do not wait to tell your child the truth.

Henriette Stoddard

celebrating uniqueness Thanks for your awesome magazine. I love the October issue “dealing with difference”. As a parent of an ADHD child and a teacher, it spoke to my heart. In the end, it’s about trying to find the key for each individual, and celebrating the individuality instead of trying to fit stars into boxes. The focus should be on being happy parents and teachers first, as the children are so in tune with that sense of contentment. In fact, all children are so unique. After 25 years of teaching, I can still say I’ve never taught the same child twice. There is no formula for a “type” of child.

Lucy Buhr subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions.

To subscribe, visit childmag.co.za

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

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health

beautiful

sleep

Getting a good night’s sleep helps you stay healthy and alert. MARINA ZIETSMAN looks at certain factors that can interfere with you getting

ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

y

proper shuteye.

our bedroom is your sanctuary from the stresses of the day, and creating the best environment for sleep is crucial. The goal of a mattress is to allow you to lie still for a peaceful night’s sleep on your side, back or stomach.

The most vital issues when shopping for a mattress are support and comfort. While it is important that a mattress provides an adequate level of support for the spine, personal preference and comfort level is crucial when selecting one.

Choose organic, nontoxic hygienic materials as a mattress filler, or opt for a latex mattress. Avoid mattresses with springs and coils. These act as an incubator for mildew, mould and dust, as the area is damp and dark. To protect pillows and

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mattresses, encase them in protectors or slip covers. These will keep allergens at bay while shielding bedding from bed wetting, spillages, sweating, skin scales, and hair and body oils, which can soak into the filling. Choose woven fabrics that are tightly constructed so dust mites cannot wiggle their way through the fabric. The pore size of the cover must be less than 10 microns, which is the size of an average dust mite. And, replace your mattress every eight to 10 years.

cover it up Dust mites are a common trigger for allergies, and they can often be found living in your bedding. Replace old bedding with hypoallergenic alternatives. These are resistant to saliva and sweat, and are composed of natural fibres that can be washed at high temperatures and are chemical free.

Gaynor Walkey, who launched a family-owned pillow, duvet and linen manufacturing company in Cape Town in 1995, believes in the durability, practicality and value of cotton. “Cotton breathes, which regulates the body temperature. Cotton also lasts longer, and can fit into any budget, depending on the thread count you prefer.”

Certain fibre fills used in duvets and pillows also make a good home for dust mites and other allergens. Fillers that are eco-friendly as well as hypoallergenic include natural fibres such as kapok fillers, wool that is organically farmed and natural latex. Steer clear of synthetics, particularly polyester fibre and polyurethane foam. Replace your pillows every two to three years as 10% of a two-year-old pillow’s weight is made up of skin scales, mould, dead and living dust mites and their allergen-laden faeces. Walkey says before you buy any bedding, make sure it can be washed and sterilised.

“Even pillows and duvets must be cleaned, and ideally you should be able to pop these into the washing machine.”

have a good night The Sleep Council in the UK recommends the following: • Go to bed and get up at roughly the same time, all the time, which will programme your body to sleep better.

• Create a restful sleeping environment.

• Make sure your bed is comfortable.

• Do more exercise.

• Cut down on stimulants such as caffeine in tea or coffee.

• Don’t over-indulge.

• Don’t smoke.

• Try to relax before going to bed.

• If you can’t sleep, get up and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy again.

how much sleep per day is enough?

Newborns (0–3 months): 14–17 hours Infants (4–11 months): 12–15 hours Toddlers (1–2 years): 11–14 hours Preschoolers (3–5 years): 10–13 hours School-age children (6–13 years): 9–11 hours Teenagers (14–17 years): 8–10 hours Young adults (18–25 years): 7–9 hours Adults (26–64 years): 7–9 hours Older adults (65+ years): 7–8 hours Source: US National Sleep Foundation

November 2015

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pregnancy news

her body, my baby Starting a family is a wonderful journey, but for many couples unable to conceive, it’s a frustrating, emotional roller-coaster ride. Could surrogacy be the solution? MARINA ZIETSMAN finds out how the process works.

the choices There are two types of surrogacy: the seldom-used, outdated traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate herself provides the eggs and undergoes artificial insemination, or IVF with sperm from the would-be dad or from a sperm donor. The surrogate is therefore genetically related to the child. Nowadays gestational surrogacy is the preferred option, where the commissioning parents provide the egg and sperm, or if the parents-to-be are unable to produce eggs or sperm, donors are used.

In South Africa altruistic surrogacy is the legal option, which means a surrogate receives no financial gain for carrying a child. The intended parents cover only realistic expenses directly related to the pregnancy, such as medical costs, lawyers’ fees and costs for counselling. Altruistic surrogacy can use either a traditional or gestational surrogate.

It’s a powerful gift to be able to give a child to an infertile couple. what the law says Before any treatments or procedures start, the high court will demand a medical certificate from a registered healthcare practitioner stating that you are medically unable to carry a baby. “Surrogacy in South Africa is very well regulated and managed,” says Albertyn. “Most fertility clinics and surrogacy advisory groups or agencies will only work with gestational surrogacy, which makes it almost impossible to find loopholes in the law, and fertility clinics will not treat anyone for surrogacy without a high court order,” Albertyn adds.

In April 2010, the new Children’s Act changed the surrogacy process in many ways.

This act was put in place to protect the rights of all parties involved in the surrogacy agreement, including the child. The most important regulations that affect commissioning parents is that the surrogate mother can’t use her position as a source of income or for commercial purposes; the commissioning parents have to provide the surrogate with a medical aid and a life policy that will cover her during the surrogacy, and usually for up to three months following the birth; the surrogate will have no rights to the child after birth; and the commissioning parents’ names will be entered directly onto the birth certificate after the birth; there is no longer a need for adoption. “Every single surrogacy arrangement

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November 2015

needs to have a contract drafted between the parties and this contract or agreement needs to be approved by the high court,” says Albertyn. “So an important person in the surrogacy arrangement is the surrogacy attorney. The other parties involved include the fertility specialist and the psychologist who will assess the surrogate and intended parents and submit the report as part of the high court application.”

So, surrogacy is legally and medically possible, but it is not always easily accessible.

Being a surrogate mother is an emotionally and physically demanding task, and choosing a surrogate is not simply done by asking for a favour via email. Albertyn says that because of the strict laws regulating surrogacy and ensuring that it cannot be done for commercial gain, there are few women who are willing or able to be a surrogate. But there are women out there who unconditionally want to help childless couples start a family. The best route to follow is through an agency, where you can choose a surrogate, and get advice and support around the legal and psychological issues that are part of this journey.

my story Robynne Friedman, a lawyer with a special interest in surrogacy, is a mother of a surrogate-born baby. After many failed IVFs, 10 years of infertility treatment and three surrogacy cycles, Robynne was eventually blessed with her special baby. “I was desperate to become a mother,” says Robynne, “and the unsuccessful infertility treatments I went through were extremely distressing for my husband and me. I had been diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease and pregnancy posed a danger to my health. Surrogacy was the answer as I could still have a child related to either myself or my husband, knowing my child would be carried in a ‘safe tummy’.”

Robynne admits there were conflicting emotions after making the big decision.

“My biggest issue was trust. Could I trust this person to look after this pregnancy as well as I would have?” In the end, she was just grateful. “I had no concerns of any post-delivery issues with the surrogate, as the child was mine. I knew that I would always have an immense amount of gratitude to this surrogate for giving us the gift of a child – it’s a powerful gift to be able to give a child to an infertile couple. I think of my surrogate most days with such appreciation.”

Regardless of the time, cost and other factors involved in surrogacy, Robynne says the pros of choosing surrogacy far outweigh the cons. “One needs to go through the process knowing that there is a bigger picture – the birth of your child. Surrogacy can be a roller-coaster ride; the biggest hurdle to overcome is getting your surrogate pregnant,” says Robynne. “There is a misconception that surrogates fall pregnant the first time. It could take several attempts at IVF before you have a positive result.” Robynne says if everything is done properly and legally, the risks are considerably minimised. “Surrogacy is an easier process than adoption, as one is much more in control of the pregnancy and you are part of the journey, which facilitates the bonding to your child in utero. It can be a beautiful, wonderful experience where a third person is able to facilitate a miracle-in-the-making for you.”

are you surrogate material?

Potential surrogates are women between the ages of 21 and 42 who have had a previous successful pregnancy and a healthy birth. You also need to be mentally and physically healthy.

Visit surrogacy.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

n

icole Kidman followed the surrogacy route, as did Sarah Jessica Parker, Angela Bassett and Neil Patrick Harris. But surrogacy is not a “glamorous” choice; it’s medically motivated. Dr Sascha Edelstein, a fertility specialist, gynaecologist and obstetrician based in Cape Town, explains who can apply for surrogacy. “The intended mother may have been born without a uterus, may have an abnormal uterus [damaged due to illness or other factors] that cannot carry a pregnancy, or she may have had a hysterectomy,” says Edelstein. “The mom may also have a serious medical condition that could be exacerbated by pregnancy or cause risk to the fetus, such as a cardiac condition, in which case the pregnancy also places too much physiological burden on the mom,” Edelstein adds. Biological inability to conceive a child, such as same-sex male couples, could also lead to surrogacy, as well as in cases where recurrent pregnancy loss has occurred or where there has been recurrent failure of multiple IVF procedures despite the transfer of good-quality embryos.

Surrogacy is a complex option, which involves fertility specialists, lawyers, psychologists and contracts. As Tertia Albertyn, co-founder of a surrogacy advisory group in Cape Town, puts it: “You can’t choose surrogacy because you feel like it, or because you are ‘too posh to push’.”

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November 2015

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best for baby

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to babies, but height and weight charts will help you track your baby’s development.

ANÉL LEWIS finds out more about the percentiles and charts that track this growth.

k

nowing how much your baby weighs is a simple yet accurate measure of gauging whether your baby is getting enough food to grow, says Cape Town-based paediatrician, Dr Mike Greeff. But it’s not just a matter of grams and centimetres. The internationally standardised growth chart used by your paediatrician or clinic sister to plot your baby’s growth will also tell you how your child’s development compares to others. It charts a

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the plot The Department of Health issues all newborns with a “Road to Health” booklet that includes weight-for-age and weight-for-length charts for boys and girls. The charts are gender-specific as boys and girls gain weight at different rates; boys lean towards being heavier than girls.

The growth chart is divided into percentiles that measure a baby’s growth patterns ranging from zero to 100%. Dr Greeff explains that a child on the 50th percentile for height is taller than 50% of other children the same age.

Weight is plotted using the same percentiles, so a child on the 50th percentile in this category would be heavier than 50% of his peers.

Dr Greeff says children should ideally have proportionate percentile scores and if there are any problems with a baby’s food intake, the weight score will be affected first. The chart has four curves, with the 50th percentile considered the average. The top curve is the 97th percentile and the curve below the 50th percentile is the third percentile. Children measuring below the fourth and lowest curve would be severely underweight. Most children will fall between the 97th and third percentiles.

a rough guide A normal birth weight is about 3kg. The Association for Dietetics in South Africa notes that there is some weight

loss in the first week, but your baby should reach birth weight again within 14 days. Thereafter, a baby born at full-term should double its birth weight at the four-month mark, and then triple it by 12 months. A child’s length at 12 months should be 1,5 times the birth weight. The head circumference is measured to ensure that your baby’s brain is growing and developing normally. An average head circumference for a baby born at term and in the 50th percentile is about 34 centimetres.

growth factors While the percentiles and graphs may be confusing, the consensus from medical practitioners is to not fixate on the number. The charts should rather be used to gauge trends or the rate of growth, and to pick up any problems such as a drop in weight or an unexpected growth surge.

Growth may be affected by various factors including gestational age, birth weight, whether you are breastfeeding or using formula, the parents’ stature, nutrition, chronic illness or special healthcare needs.

keeping track online • Paediatric calculator – A growth calculator for birth to five years old • Baby Growth Chart – Allows you to monitor up to 10 children at once • Kids measure – An iPhone app that allows you to compare your child’s growth to the World Health Organisation’s charts • WHO Growth Charts for Babies, Infants and Children – Compatible with Apple iOS7 or later

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ILLUSTRATION: shutterstock.com

see how they grow

child’s weight and length, as well as the circumference of the head. While an important guide for your baby’s growth, the growth chart is just one of the tools that can be used to measure your child’s development. A child’s height, weight and head circumference should be checked and noted on a growth chart 11 times by the age of two.

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s

ixty percent of the best jobs in the next 10 years haven’t even been invented yet. At least that’s what world-renowned American futurist Dr Thomas Frey is fond of saying. The world will be a very different place when our children enter the job market. Where does one possibly begin, then, when it comes to steering them down a stable, yet enjoyable, career path?

“The idea of the traditional job is fast changing as we increasingly have access to the whole world via the internet,” says Andy Hadfield, tech entrepreneur and CEO of Forgood, an online platform that connects passionate people with needy organisations.

According to Hadfield, it will become impossible to pigeonhole the roles of the employees of tomorrow. “The companies of today are structured to find Mr Know-it-all – that one specialist, the expert who knows all there is in his field,” he explains. “But the next generation of careers will not be about knowing it all. Instead, companies will be looking for Mr Find-it-all – that employee who has the utility and aptitude to apply himself to finding the answers.”

Specialists, says Hadfield, are a dying breed. “Already we’re seeing employees being expected to perform beyond their

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November 2015

when i grow up...

With our hyper-connected world moving a mile a minute, the tried-and-true professions that we pursue today could quickly become a thing of the past. How do we career-proof our children to ensure they don’t get blindsided by the future?

By JOCELYN WARRINGTON allocated stations. Even interns, these days, are thrust out in front of the client.

In short, employer expectation levels are rising and will only continue to do so. In a world of dogmatic specialists, it is the generalist who will end up running the show,” he says.

the future is wired Despite a consensus that Jack-of-all-trades will rule the world, there are certain industries

that will offer strong job opportunities in the future. “The future is being written right now by a wave of exponential technologies. The big opportunities for 2030 and beyond lie in these fields,” says futurist Neil Jacobsohn, senior partner at FutureWorld International, a global business and technology think tank.

According to Jacobsohn, data is the new gold. “Data analytics will be huge and the new ‘hierarchy of needs’ will be defined as DIKW – turning Data into Information

into Knowledge and, ultimately, into Wisdom,” he says, adding, “While data will become increasingly valuable, it will only do so when it becomes meaningful.”

Intrinsically linked to the growth in data analytics will be robots in various shapes and sizes, and much smarter computers, doing the majority of tasks on our planet, claims Jacobsohn. “Robots are already heavily employed in manufacturing, but in future these will become increasingly intelligent, and will be able to learn and perform new tasks,” he maintains. “Artificial intelligence (AI) is a major science being studied by vast numbers of organisations, including Google, Amazon and the like.

American computer scientist, inventor and futurist Ray Kurzweil, the leading proponent of AI, postulates that ‘the singularity is near’ – that moment when machines become more intelligent than human beings. Many are worried about the prospect, including leading lights like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Stephen Hawking.

But others believe that AI will free humanity from endless drone-like tasks and make life immeasurably better.”

New-age manufacturing, says Jacobsohn, is another field with future career potential: “Techniques such as 3-D

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

your child’s life

printing and even 4-D printing (implanting ‘intelligence’ into materials so that they can ‘self-form’) will replace labour-intensive ‘dirty’ manufacturing techniques. Airbus has the ambition to 3-D print an entire jet aircraft by 2050. We’ve only just begun to radicalise how we make things.”

However, Jacobsohn points out that, while 3-D printing will recreate manufacturing, there will still be a need to move “things”, be it foodstuff or products manufactured in local print shops. “And people will need to move themselves. Newworld logistics and transport will be key fields,” he asserts. “Autonomous vehicles and high-tech mass transit systems are opportunities of tomorrow.”

Underpinning all of these is the need for infrastructure: the computing hardware and software that is driving this revolution.

“Computing will change as concepts like neural processing become a reality, but there will still be a strong demand for the devices on which computing happens, and the software that drives it. That implies a need for the rare earth minerals required to make computing happen,” says Jacobsohn.

And because we’re facing a future in which “energy will be reinvented”, if you’re

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Encourage your children to recognise that maths is a life skill. And to avoid work that is easily replicated by machines. in coal mining, start planning your exit now, he advises. “We have just reached the point where the world is adding more energy capacity through energy forms other than oil, natural gas and coal put together. China has announced massive plans to invest in solar and wind power and every motor manufacturer in the world is working on electric vehicles. The tipping point has been reached, and investment into new, alternative forms of energy is

soaring. A future of clean, plentiful and cheap energy beckons. But first we have to break the destructive stranglehold of the existing energy giants.”

Finally, Jacobsohn explains how learning itself will be redefined: “In 2015, tens of millions of people in every corner of the world are studying at the best universities on earth – Yale, Harvard – free of charge, through the thousands of MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses). By 2030,

education will become a constant. We will learn new things every day, through easy access and advanced memory-stimulation techniques. Why? Because we will have so much more time on our hands.”

survival skills In a technology-driven world, maths and science skills will shoot people to the top of the employment ladder, predicts Jacobsohn, who is, nevertheless,

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your child’s life

quick to point out that “at the same time, there will be a need for hard-core engineering skills.”

But parallel to the importance of numeracy, there will also be an increasing requirement for “humaneness”, he says.

“Financial institutions will employ artists and designers to create services that are ‘human friendly’. Architecture and product design will focus on usability and workability. Music has become a core part of life as connectivity has put it within everyone’s reach. And health will be a field of opportunity, as we live longer and demand more from our lives.”

According to Hadfield, less tangible skills, such as focus and commitment, will give the employees of tomorrow a competitive edge. “In a world where we are constantly bombarded by every imaginable kind of stimuli, it is easy to get distracted.

Those who can maintain a singularity of purpose – in short, who can get things done – will have a decided advantage over their more easily sidetracked colleagues,” he says.

Hadfield’s number-one piece of advice to parents is, “Teach your children about the dangers of job hopping. As Nqobile

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November 2015

Dlamini, the head of Corporate Citizenship at Microsoft SA, put it: ‘Don’t quit when your job gets hard, quit when it gets easy.’

We see it already in today’s workplace – the gen-Xers who are hiring millennials complain of the impossibility of finding an employee under the age of 28 who has been in the same job for more than two years. Not only is flitting from one position to another potentially very destructive to your career, but the reality is that you don’t learn if you don’t stick around.”

And Jacobsohn’s advice: “Encourage your children to recognise that maths is a life skill. And to avoid work that is easily replicated by machines – jobs as drivers or labourers will eventually become redundant. Teach children to explore their minds and the world around them. Read to them when they are young; engender a love of knowledge and curiosity. Explore the internet with them – there is a world of fascination out there. Encourage their interests in experimentation and new ideas, and be prepared to have them challenge you and your thinking. Be open to discussion and debate – make dinner times about an exchange of ideas. And, above all, have fun.”

jobs of the future According to futurist Neil Jacobsohn, here are nine new jobs that will likely be available in 2030: • Personal profile manager People will employ specialists to “groom” their online profiles for improved personal and business interactions.

• Personalised medical providers Medicine will be personal, with drugs created just for you, to match your personal profile and requirements.

• Vertical farmers Urban gardening and farming will happen inside buildings, to produce food right where it is needed.

• Body-part manufacturers Already in 2015 scientists are printing prototype human kidneys and other organs.

• Memory-augmentation specialists Right now we use only around 12% of our brains. Specialists will help us unlock much more in the future through all sorts of devices, drugs and techniques.

• Climate assessors Climate change will continue to narrow humanity’s options, but special teams will be at work assessing and addressing climate problems as they arise.

• Time managers The most rare and special commodity remains time. Experts will assess your life and advise on how to maximise it through technology.

• Virtual entertainment and tour organisers Feel like climbing Kilimanjaro?

You will be able to do so from your armchair through immersive virtual reality, or in real life (at a significant cost) through specialist tour organisers.

• Virtual everything! Experts in any field you can imagine will be on hand to help you do whatever it is you need to do – virtually. This includes, of course, your electronic virtual personal organiser, which will be Siri x 1000 on steroids.

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parenting

the

prisonof

perfectionism

We naturally want our children to achieve greatness, but setting impossible goals can do more harm than good. MEGAN HJELM looks for ways to strike a balance.

PHOTOGRAPH AND ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

a

perfectionist strives for flawlessness and judges their performance against exceptionally high standards. So what’s wrong with that?

I’ve always been unwilling to give up my perfectionistic tendencies, because they represent excellence and have given me every achievement I’ve ever had. I used to mention that I was a perfectionist in job interviews, in answer to the question: “What is your weakness?” I knew it would

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impress a potential employer, no matter how miserable it made me. When you possess this characteristic, it makes you good at what you do.

But, somehow, when you watch your child building her own prison of perfectionism – the one you didn’t notice you had built around yourself – you truly see the downside: the self-ensnaring trap of trying to be perfect and setting impossibly high standards.

it comes down to numbers Unfortunately, childhood and adolescence are punctuated by a series of numbers to determine “success”. I think back to my early days of groggy parenthood and recall the smug moms who counted hours of unbroken sleep, percentile growth rates, words spoken – and the shame I felt whenever my babies didn’t measure up. When our children are a little older, they are plunged into a formal school

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parenting

system and everything they do gets a number: academic marks, eisteddfod performances, ranking of sports teams, placement in individual sports like crosscountry, numbers of goals scored, and – later – kilograms on a scale. All are chances to gather an accolade, a pat on the back.

To parent a perfectionist in this world is a precarious balancing act. “In primary school I watched my daughter blossom before my eyes,” says Mary, 43, mother of two. “She hadn’t loved preschool; all that playground politics. She shone when life became more structured and she loved achieving. I saw her becoming a real allrounder and my heart felt like it would burst with pride. Until she stopped sleeping.”

With every achievement, a perfectionist’s web of anxiety increases: the need, the drive, the fear of failure (or, more accurately, the fear of not being exceptional or excellent). A perfectionist’s self-talk goes something like this: “What will people think if I don’t get over 80% this year?

Imagine if I didn’t make the netball A-team or the first swimming squad – it would be so embarrassing. I’ve been up there for three years; I feel that life will fall apart if I’m dropped. So I must do more, practise again, go over my work one more time, try and eliminate all potential errors.”

making mistakes Making mistakes is critical to learning and growth. Avoidance of mistakes can lead to fear and paralysis. Mistakes may be messy, yet they can lead to greatness. Just look at babies learning to walk, Thomas Edison and the light bulb, Steve Jobs and Apple. But when you’re a perfectionist, mistakes can feel devastating and you may develop a fear of getting things wrong and getting into trouble.

William Elliott, Cape Town-based psychologist and executive life coach, says: “Guide and correct mistakes, but encourage children to keep taking risks and make new mistakes that are part of learning.” Imagine the potential in a world where parents ask their children

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not what they achieved or did today, but what mistakes they made. Imagine the unconditional acceptance that children would feel in their bones.

Elliott says: “It is vital to not link love and achievement in our parenting.

Children should feel a constant, warm welcoming love that does not go up with achievement (and down with mistakes). Let them feel lovable all the time, for who they are, not for what they achieve. Otherwise external validation will slowly replace self-validation, leaving them dependent on success to feel worthwhile.”

When all else falls away, what is left of your sense of self when you don’t “succeed”?

What is on the inside?

Linda Bruce, author of Motherhood and Me (Oshun Books) and founder of learning programmes that develop and enhance young children’s emotional intelligence and social well-being says, “By measuring ourselves externally, we’re setting ourselves up for a roller-coaster ride.” Linda believes that “self-esteem and self-worth are your birthright. You are all entitled to these qualities because of who you are, rather than because of what you’ve done or achieved.”

the real world

When you’re a perfectionist, mistakes can feel devastating and you may develop a fear of getting things wrong and getting into trouble.

We need to look clearly, in a spirit of warmth and compassion, at our own hooks. It is incredibly hard not to get sucked into the rosy glow of pride and vicarious living that our children’s achievements give us. I try so hard to keep balanced and I tell my daughters (and myself) that although I am delighted that they worked hard and were rewarded for this, their achievements don’t mean everything; what counts is the people they are inside. But, I have to admit that there is nothing like those tears that spring to your eyes when your child’s name is called out at prize-giving or you watch him score a try. Nothing like it.

self-confidence versus self-esteem Self-confidence (confidence in one’s own abilities and judgement) is definitely enhanced by achievements. However, selfesteem (feeling good about yourself) is often earned independently of achievements.

So, how do we nurture self-esteem in our children? We can do this by being truly present for them, whatever that may mean: playing with them, cuddling, listening, switching off our cellphones. This will make them feel worthy and important.

And, in this way, they learn about selfworth and self-love.

what about striving for excellence?

I hear this argument often. How can you embrace mistakes? What about teaching your children to strive for excellence?

How will they be successful later on in life without doing this?

There is no denying the importance of discipline and hard work. But perhaps we need to probe our own views of success.

Alain de Botton, writer and philosopher, asserted in his TED talk, “A kinder, gentler philosophy of success”, that we need to make sure our views of success are truly our own.

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November 2015

We think we are setting up our children for the real world by emphasising achievements.

But is the real world really structured this way? In some ways, climbing the corporate ladder is like school and includes measures like performance evaluations, money earned, promotions and titles received.

But in many ways, some perfectionists flounder when they begin working and money, promotions and deals become their drug of choice. We must remember that there are so many non-traditional options in the working world nowadays, particularly in an entrepreneurial environment like South Africa. The real world of work often requires flexibility, innovation and creativity – qualities not always synonymous with perfectionism.

Natalie Barker from the University of Gothenburg conducted a study about how elite athletes cope with the transition to the real world. She found that certain personal characteristics, like perseverance and organisational skills, helped the athlete to thrive in the real world. However, other characteristics, including perfectionism and hyper-competitiveness, had the opposite effect.

An open-hearted awareness of our children’s tendencies and vulnerabilities – and our own – can lead to great change.

As parents, an awareness of the pitfalls of perfectionism can be a great gift to our children.

parenting perfectionists • • • • • •

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When I was at school my vision of a successful career (definitely gleaned from the prevalent philosophies of the time) was to choose something I was really good at. As an adult, after years of sleepless nights, I finally decided that my authentic vision of success was to do something I loved, that engaged and absorbed me. It turned out that some of the things I was good at, I didn’t love to do. I agree with Steve Jobs’ words to the graduating class of Stanford University in 2005: “And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”

Be present when you’re with them and nurture their self-esteem.

Listen – there is nothing more healing than feeling understood.

Honour their mistakes.

Praise the hard work and the specifics instead of just the achievements.

Encourage them to do what they love.

Teach them to relax and live in the moment by having fun as a family. If you step outside your own comfort zone, this will teach them to step outside theirs.

Probe your own definition of success.

Be brave enough to let them fail.

Be patient; they need to learn life lessons in their own time – you will be their safety net when they do fall.

magazine cape town

magazine cape town

November 2015

17

education

gifts that

count

After the long school year, it’s time to get your child’s teacher an appropriate and heartfelt gift.

ANÉL LEWIS finds out what teachers really want, and what would get an “F” in their books.

what to give The tricky part is figuring out what to give, and who to include on your thank-you list. Do you give something to all the teachers, or just the class teacher? Once you’ve firmed up your recipient list and settled on a budget, you can start thinking about the ideal gift. And don’t leave it to the last minute. The end of the year has a nasty habit of sneaking up on one, and take it from me, the express garage shop does not have a lot of options that say “thank you for teaching Johnny how to read this year”. Bear in mind that your child’s teacher could be getting up to 30 gifts, depending on the size and generosity of the class.

Nicole Masureik, a Cape Town-based high school teacher, gives personal gifts an A+.

“Something that says the child or parent has thought about who you are as a person.”

Nicole says there are some generic gifts, including wine, chocolate, flowers and gift vouchers that are perennial favourites with pedagogues. “Female teachers might love a voucher for a manicure, pedicure or back massage after all the marking,” she says, and ideas for male teachers include tickets to the rugby or cricket, or a CD. “However, the most important thing is to thank the teacher. Just because we are paid to teach doesn’t mean that our work should go unnoticed or without thanks.”

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what to avoid Unless you know your child’s Grade 3 teacher is mad about lavender or shea body butter, it’s probably wise to steer clear of the smelly bath stuff and candles. Nicole agrees that the candles, perfumes and home decor items are probably best left for teachers you know well. She’s not a fan of the “creams and bath stuff”, but says some of her colleagues are not averse to the odd bath salt ball. “At the end of the day though, I’d rather get something than nothing, because it shows they appreciate my effort.” But even the most magnanimous of teachers, with a penchant for long soaks in the tub, would find 17 wicker baskets filled with bath bombs a bit too much. Also, give aprons and T-shirts with “kiss the teacher” slogans a wide berth, especially if your child has siblings who would still have to come through the class. Those parent/teacher meetings will be decidedly awkward if your gift the year before was lingerie or a “teachers do it with class” mug.

handy gifts Valencia Dentlinger, who teaches in Namibia, has received dozens of craft baskets during her career. Most of these were passed on to her children when they were younger, and used to store their toys and other trinkets. Valencia, who now teaches Grade 12, says gifts from pupils at this stage are the exception rather than the norm. Arlene Johnston, a former primary school teacher from Cape Town, says effort outweighs the cost when it comes to gifts from pupils. “My favourite presents were the ones made by the pupils themselves – particularly the ones with mistakes and spelling errors. I just loved and still love those.”

Arlene received her fair share of unusual gifts over the years, including a dress and some “crazy” ornaments. But she says she loved it when the children made and baked iced cakes or biscuits. “Some were really unappetising and unappealing, but it was the effort that counted.”

Nicole says the gifts don’t have to be expensive. “I much prefer a letter from the child just saying thank you to a ‘I have to get you something because my mom says I do’ present. Something from the heart trumps everything.” Many teachers admit that chocolates and sweets are among the least liked end-of-year gifts. But, they also say they wouldn’t say no to something homemade – a jar of chillies decorated with a beautiful ribbon, or a hand-painted pot with herbs would make welcome alternatives to the usual box of assorted chocolates. Vouchers are always a safe bet, especially for male teachers who probably have at least one box of unworn socks and garish ties tucked away at the back of the cupboard. There are also only so many “best teacher” mugs, ornaments, magnets, laminated certificates or stationery items that one teacher can display, so try and avoid these twee tokens of your child’s appreciation. A beautifully drawn card or handpainted ornament made by your child would probably mean the world.

Irrespective of the gift, make sure the card is handwritten or decorated by your child if they are not yet able to write. To avoid the risk of the teacher getting duplicate gifts, suggest a class collection so that she gets one special gift from the whole class, with a card bearing a special message from each child. Other ideas include getting something for the classroom, or a yearbook or photo album with special memories from the year. The trick seems to be to keep it simple, and to keep it real. Unless you know the teacher well, opt for gifts that won’t be regifted or dumped in a dusty cupboard as soon as the final bell rings at the end of term. magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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ccording to lore, in the olden days – circa the 1800s – poorer families couldn’t afford to pay for their children’s education, so they would thank teachers by sending them produce – usually apples or potatoes – from the farm. Nowadays, unless that apple comes with an electronic device bearing the same logo, a piece of fruit – no matter how shiny – just isn’t going to cut it. Teachers work long hours and spend at least 20 hours a week teaching our children everything from Letterland and multiplication to life sciences and career guidance. They wipe noses and disinfect scrapes, they coach our divas to perform in school concerts and help our budding Boks shine on the sports field. It’s a tough job, so don’t forget to send a token of your appreciation at the end of the school year.

magazine cape town

November 2015

19

parenting

If all your time and energy goes to your child, what is left for everything else in your life, including yourself?

By LUCILLE KEMP

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t’s a dark and stormy night. Mom is spending the night in with her husband and six-month-old baby. Their son, who is 10, is having his first sleepover at Gran and Grandpa. Just past 7pm the phone rings at Mom and Dad’s place. It’s their son and he’s crying to come home.

Husband is refusing to head out in the bad weather. He’ll be fine; Mom and Dad will be there in the morning. Gran and Grandpa are an hour’s drive away. But Mom is beside herself. Her son wants to come home.

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What do you think she does next? What would you do? (Incidentally, Mom sets out into the dark and stormy night with her baby, returning just after 11pm, having rescued her son from his grandparents.)

constantly on-call Were you to have gone as well, apparently you’re part of a problem. You’re part of a generation of fraught parents that, through constantly pandering to your child’s every need because you worry that supposed poor decisions made for them will weigh

one mom, Cassandra*, work out that she needed only 30 minutes to herself after work every day, before getting home, to be an infinitely more patient mom in the evenings.

It took outside intervention for Cassandra to come to that realisation because she no doubt felt guilty that she was not there enough for her child, that she continued to put herself under pressure to race home and “be there”, thus proceeding to be the stressed out mom she didn’t want to be.

As Larissa points out, parents’ proverbial oxygen tank needs to be full before they can attempt to fill their child’s tank.

Jani eventually came to a place where she could admit and attend to her own needs and therefore started living a more balanced life.

modern parenting the real monster Even though, theoretically, we know that “the best we can is good enough”, we get sucked into the world that wants us to compare ourselves to the next person – our minds far too readily tap into the white noise out there telling us that we could be doing more, causing us to constantly identify how we are falling short as parents, says Larissa.

So, we buy the books on how to raise children that are eco-friendly, gluten-free,

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ILLUSTRATION: shutterstock.com

to burned-out parent, with love

heavily on their self-esteem, level of happiness and potential for success one day, has turned parenting into a chore. This sees you working round-the-clock for your children, says Jennifer Senior, author of All Joy and No Fun. Cape Town-based clinical psychologist Larissa Ernst consulted with Jani*, a mother of twin daughters, who was severely anxious and overwhelmed. “It became clear that she was focused on being the perfect parent for her daughters, attending to their every need and even deciding to become a stay-at-home mom in order to do so. This left her not only emotionally and physically depleted but also unfulfilled and isolated.”

However, Jani could not face and discuss her own needs as she felt that it would make her a bad mother.

Senior notes that it’s this frantic mode of 24/7 parenting that will lead to burnout, leaving you feeling exhausted, drained, overwhelmed, off-balance and feeling as though you’re failing your children even though they are your number one priority.

According to Joburg life coach Robyn Aitken-Smith it is precisely because you have made your children the centre of your world (while trying to be everything to everyone else) that you are spread thin and feel like you’re failing. Joburg-based relationship coach Stephanie Dawson-Cosser helped

disease-proof, financially-savvy, bilingual, and so on.

From the minute one family started seeing Cape Town-based family therapist Talya Ressel, due to the 5-year-old’s high levels of aggression at school and extreme anxiety whenever his mom left him, it was clear to Talya that she needed to work with mom Rebecca* before addressing the son’s issues as the mom was suffering from burnout. Rebecca was too embarrassed to admit that she wasn’t enjoying being a mother, that she loved her child but

the price of our happiness In Senior’s TED talk (2014), she dabbles with the fact that parents set happiness as the ultimate goal for their children and this is actually bringing us down.

“The one mantra no parent today ever questions is ‘All I want is for my children to be happy’. While wonderful, it is an elusive goal as teaching children happiness is not like teaching them how to ride a bike.” There is no curriculum for it. Rather, happiness is the by-product

It is precisely because you have made your children the centre of your world that you are spread thin and feel like you’re failing. didn’t really like him, that she missed her career and hated chatting with the other mothers at school, and because of this felt she was failing her child and he was acting out to punish her. “Through building Rebecca up and helping her set more realistic expectations for herself, Henry’s* behaviour settled tremendously without him needing any direct intervention.”

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of other things. After years of research Jennifer suggests letting happiness take care of itself and that parents rather focus on creating productive, moral children and hope that happiness comes to them by virtue of the good they do, their accomplishments and the love they feel from their parents.” *Names have been changed.

combat burnout plan Advice courtesy of life coaches Robyn Aitken-Smith and Stephanie DawsonCosser, family therapist Talya Ressel and clinical psychologist Larissa Ernst. warning signs • Ongoing physical, mental and emotional exhaustion • Lack of interest or desire to engage with your children and/or with activities that previously gave you enjoyment • High levels of anger, irritability and resentment – little things set you off • Constantly feeling overwhelmed in all areas of your life, that nothing you do is good enough • Difficulty sleeping • Skyrocketing anxiety levels • Increase in illness • Feelings of loneliness avoid burnout • Drop the unrealistic goals and expectations, which only frustrate and demotivate.

• Stop being critical of yourself.

• Accept support from others.

• Stop comparing yourself and your child to others.

• Detach from technology regularly.

• Connect with your children and partner through regular chats.

• Make time for adult-time.

• Slow down.

• Stop only instructing your children, and start playing with them.

• Stop “doing” and start “being”.

• Learn to let things go, and ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can happen?”

• Prioritise yourself.

• Explore new ways to manage stress as this will improve interactions with your child.

• Don’t try to control and micromanage all situations or experiences involving your child.

• Stop striving for perfection, and considering anything less as a failure.

• Stop seeing your child’s behaviour as a direct reflection of your ability to parent.

• Don’t overschedule your and your child’s life.

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book extract

simply salad Salads are the perfect medium for bringing out the delicate flavours of succulent fish and seafood. We’ve chosen a few from All Sorts of Salads by CHANTAL LASCARIS for you to try at home.

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• ¼ cup chopped fresh basil • 1 round feta cheese, chopped ingredients | dressing • ¼ cup olive oil • 1 tbsp white wine vinegar • 2 tbsp lemon juice • 1 tsp white sugar • salt and pepper to taste method Heat a griddle pan and grill the calamari rings with a touch of olive oil and lemon juice until just

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cooked. Remove from the pan and drain on paper towel.

Add the chorizo to the same pan and grill until almost crispy.

Drain on paper towel.

Slightly mash a quarter of the chickpeas, leaving the rest whole.

Combine all the ingredients in a large bowl.

Whisk together the dressing ingredients and pour over the salad, tossing well. Chill it in the fridge before serving.

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©

ingredients • 100g calamari rings • olive oil and lemon juice for grilling • 1 chorizo, sliced • 410g can chickpeas, drained and rinsed • 1 red onion, peeled and finely sliced • 1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped • ½ cup halved cherry tomatoes • ¼ cup finely chopped cucumber • ¼ cup chopped fresh mint

PHOTOGRAPHS:

I love the addition of chorizo to this already lively salad. Chorizo is a well-spiced pork sausage that originated in Spain.

It is usually smoked, which means you can eat it without cooking it. The unusual red colour and smoky flavour is due to the large amounts of paprika in the spice mix. Depending on the type of paprika used, the sausage can be either spicier or sweeter.

Serves 4

Penguin Random House South Africa Pty Ltd/Matthys van Lill

calamari, chorizo and chickpea salad

fishcake salad Here is a recipe for making fishcakes from scratch, but if you simply don’t have the time, buy readymade ones instead. Either way, this makes for a filling main course.

Makes 12 fishcakes ingredients • 450g white fish, chopped • 1 whole egg • ¼ cup breadcrumbs • onion, peeled and chopped • ¾ tsp green curry paste or 1 green chilli, deseeded and finely chopped, depending on taste • ½ tsp dried dill • salt and pepper to taste • oil for frying ingredients | sweet potato chips • 2 sweet potatoes, peeled and finely sliced • oil for frying ingredients | salad • 2 cups mixed salad leaves (I like rocket and watercress) • 1 red onion, peeled and sliced into rings • 1 cup halved baby tomatoes • ¼ medium cucumber, sliced into rounds • 3 tbsp pomegranate arils • 1 cup fresh pea shoots or micro leaves ingredients | dressing • ¼3 cup sweet-chilli sauce • ¼ cup olive oil

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• ½ tsp green curry paste • 2 tbsp lemon juice method In a blender, whizz the fish, egg, breadcrumbs, onion, curry paste or chilli and dill to form a rough paste.

Don’t let it get too mushy or the cakes won’t keep their shape. Season generously with salt and pepper.

Break off bits of mixture and form into small balls. Flatten slightly. Put on a plate and chill in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Heat a little oil in a frying pan over medium-high heat and add the

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fishcakes. Cook for about 3 minutes on each side or until cooked through.

Drain on paper towel.

To make the sweet potato chips, heat some oil in a pot and fry the potato slices until crisp. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towel.

Scatter the salad leaves either on a platter or individual plates. Add the onion, tomatoes and cucumber and scatter over the pomegranate arils.

Place the cooked fishcakes on top of the salad, then add the potato chips.

Whisk together the dressing ingredients and pour over the salad.

Top with the pea shoots or micro leaves and serve.

about the book The author admits that salads can become boring if you don’t try something new, but you’ll find the assortment of recipes in All Sorts of Salads by Chantal Lascaris (Struik Lifestyle) anything but boring. Healthy eating is the underlying theme of many of the salad recipes in her book, although there are a few rich and exotic options to keep things interesting. You will find old favourites, vegetarian, fish and seafood, chicken, meat, fruit and a chapter on salad dressings. If you like things uncomplicated and convenient, you’ll find lots of inspiration here. All Sorts of Salads is available at good bookstores for R230.

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a good

books

read Start to Learn: Words

Donna Wilson’s Creative Creatures

By Donna Wilson (Published by Kingfisher, R164) Make quirky, creative characters to be used as games, cards, key rings, kites and more. With easily sourced material, simple techniques and clear instructions, each activity is a joy to create.

(Published by Human and Rousseau, R140) This colourful introduction to words will delight and inform preschool children. The combination of bright, appealing photographs and stimulating questions will encourage interaction and enhance learning. The book will also help improve speaking skills.

Winnie’s Big Bad Robot

By Valerie Thomas and Korky Paul (Published by Oxford University Press, R124) Winnie is very pleased when she turns her cardboard robot into a real one, but when the naughty robot takes Winnie’s wand, things start to get totally out of control.

Danger is Everywhere

By Docter Noel Zone (Published by Puffin Books, R146) Docter Noel Zone is a “dangerologist” and he wants to remind you that danger is everywhere, and turn you into a dangerologist too. With hilarious tips on what to do, you’ll be prepared.

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Family Fun

By Lisa Mc Namara (Published by Map Studio, R195) Are you looking for fun and interesting things to do with your family in Cape Town, Joburg, Durban and Pretoria?

This informative guide will inspire you to get out there and explore your urban surroundings. You’ll find great things to do with children of all ages, as well as treats for parents.

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The Poohsticks Handbook

By Mark Evans (Published by Egmont, R181) This is a fun exploration of the game, Poohsticks, as invented by Winnie-thePooh, which he plays with his friends at the edge of the forest. In this humorous edition, Mark Evans explains the rules and the history, and gives variations of this fun game about sticks, bridges, rivers and friends.

Let’s Build 3D Models: Wild Animals at the Waterhole! and Farm Animals in the Little Red Barn!

By Brenda Apsley and Paul Morton (Published by Human and Rousseau, R139 each) Children from the age of three years old can build the models of the animals, read about their adventures and then use the models as counters in a fun game included in the back of the book.

Busy Machines: Up and Away!

By Julie Fletcher (Published by Scholastic, R116) Small hands can turn the chunky, shaped pages with bright illustrations to discover lots of busy vehicles zooming across the sky.

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Thomas and Friends (Published by Penguin Books SA, R65 each) All little boys love Thomas the Tank Engine, and this series, titled the Thomas Story Library, has a whole set of Thomas adventure books for little ones up to the age of three years old.

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resource

Playing with toys gives children a chance to develop essential skill sets.

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oys are entertaining. What’s more, choosing the right toy can help children develop certain skills, which will help them achieve developmental milestones. Liz Senior, occupational therapist and founder of Clamber Club, says that playing with toys helps children practise skills that are essential to their development. Children can develop within age-appropriate milestones, says Senior, by having experience with and exposure to a variety of activities.

Senior suggests looking for toys that will interest and challenge your child,

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but also, choosing a mix of toys to promote a variety of skills. Try toys that encourage explorative play, where children can solve problems and use all of their senses. Fantasy, creative and constructive play, as well as physical or perceptual play, such as with puzzles, are all good options. Senior adds that we shouldn’t get too hung up on toys that are geared towards specific milestones. She suggests choosing toys that engage children, that strengthen their inner curiosity, and that let them have fun.

milestones and skills Milestones are reached when children achieve a level of competence in specific areas of development.

Fine motor skills: the development of smaller actions, usually of the hands and fingers.

Gross motor skills: children learn larger movements of legs and arms.

Language skills: the ability to speak, listen, read and write.

Cognitive development: children learn to process thoughts, including memory, attention, learning new information and understanding.

Social skills: children learn to communicate and interact with others.

Emotional skills: the ability to manage, express and self-regulate emotions.

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PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

CHILD MAGAZINE has put together a guide for toys that can do just that.

stage: 0–2 years old

stage: 3–6 years old

Gross motor skills: Large play mat with soft toys Play mats facilitate tummy time, making it comfy and safe, and placing toys out of reach encourages crawling. Occupational therapist Megan Faure says tummy time develops the back and extensor muscles, which, when balanced with tummy muscle strength, facilitates rolling and, later, crawling. The early focus on this muscle strengthening likely means that progress from tummy crawling to leg crawling will be quicker.

Gross motor skills: Toys with wheels Any toy that can be pushed is great for your child’s whole-body muscular development, improving their strength, balance and coordination as they move with their cars or push their doll’s pram.

Fine motor skills: Dress-up box Buttoning, zipping, pulling over, and sliding head, arms and legs successfully into garments will develop fine motor skills such as hand and finger strength. Your child uses the small muscles of their hands and fingers when they tie a cape or baker’s apron and button their jacket. Dressing up

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Fine motor skills: Bath toys, including jugs, cups, animal squirters and foam shapes These encourage fine motor development through the various hand actions of squeezing, sticking, plucking, dunking, scooping, filling and pouring. Extended time in the bath also builds strength in the hands and arms as your child wades through the resistant water to get to their toys.

Language development: Shape sorters Sorters that use blocks or shapes, with numbers or colours on them, help children develop basic vocabulary and concepts.

Some shape sorters even say words as you put the shape into the hole, helping children learn new words.

Cognitive development: Stacking toys and wooden building blocks These help develop problem-solving and understanding of consequences, logic and size relationships. These can also help counting skills, if you have ones with numbers on them. You can get stacking trains, cups, rings or animal shapes.

as a fairy or Batman just makes learning this skill more appealing.

Language development: Play sets Farm sets, tea sets or any pretend play sets help children learn basic nouns and verbs associated with the sets. Children also interact with, and through, the sets during pretend play, so they copy what they hear others say and learn to communicate.

Social development: Action figures and dolls Toys that mimic family life and encourage role playing, such as pretend household items and character toys, stimulate your child’s social development. Through pretend play and role playing, children are able to express their emotions and navigate new social dynamics.

Emotional development: Storybooks and art activities Art activities provide children with a way to articulate their needs, wants, wishes and feelings. Storybooks that deal with feelings and behaviours can help children to better understand life experiences, develop friendship skills and empathy, and learn coping strategies.

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resource

stage: 7–9 years old

stage: 10–13 years old

Gross motor skills: Bicycle Your child will build leg-muscle strength through the pedal action, along with arm and hand strength as a firm handgrip for steering the bicycle is needed. Riding a bicycle requires, and will improve, good core stability and balance, coordination skills and overall strength and endurance.

Fine motor skills: Construction toys and puzzles Intricate finger work and manipulation are required to piece together or model efficiently and will advance their manual dexterity and hand-eye coordination.

Language development: Story cubes Story cubes or story dice are blocks with various images on them. Children roll a few of the blocks and make up a story using the images. These build storytelling skills,

Gross motor skills: Swingball set Connecting ball with bat requires speedy reactive arm movement, which calls for a certain level of strength and hand-eye coordination. Learning to hit the ball back to their friend with enough force is the aim of keeping the game going, so gross motor skills are brought into play automatically.

Language development: Language apps There is a variety of language apps that help children reinforce their home language, or improve on a second or third. You could also try word game apps, or those that test their knowledge and vocabulary.

Cognitive development: Robotic kits and Technic Lego These engage and build on knowledge of how things function, while teaching principles of science and mathematics.

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vocabulary and imagination, and stories can be told orally or written down.

Cognitive development: Science and discovery kits Let children experiment and make, mix, build and learn about new things. Look for experiments, solar kits, or those that let you grow plants. Not only will children learn about how stuff works, they will also have to apply logic and solve problems.

Social development: Board games Group activities such as board games teach children to control impulses, follow the rules, take turns, share and collaborate, handle disagreements and win or lose gracefully. These are important when it comes to developing friendships.

Emotional development: Chore charts Chore charts help build self-pride and a sense of mastery and accomplishment in a fun way.

Apart from teaching practical skills, chores also help develop emotional intelligence, teach children selflessness and empathy, instil a sense of responsibility towards others, and may just generate a newfound respect for the things you do for them.

Social development: Video game consoles Some video games require cooperative play and interactions between team members. Video games create a common ground for children to make friends, structured time to hang out and a topic of conversation among peers. Consoles with motion-sensing input devices also encourage physical exercise. You should still monitor video game play the same way you monitor television and other media.

Emotional development: Charades Being successful in social interactions depends on children’s ability to navigate these and interpret others’ perspectives and emotions. In a game of charades children engage in a variety of social skills, from reading body language and social cues to using gestures to convey important information.

magazine cape town

calendar

what’s on in november

You can also access the calendar online at

childmag.co.za

Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see.

Compiled by LUCILLE KEMP

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FUN FOR CHILDREN – p31

ONLY FOR PARENTS – p34

Summer wonders family walk Explore Kirstenbosch on this familyfriendly walk, led by garden guides.

Culture Connect tour of Boschendal Enjoy the fine Cape Dutch architecture and gardens.

bump, baby & tot in tow – p34

how to help – p35

Playgroup in Italian A fun-filled class for toddlers who learn basic Italian while playing.

Cancer drive Helping SA is hosting a cancer awareness campaign to raise funds for children with cancer.

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM AND Grobler du Preez: Shutterstock.com

sat

SPECIAL EVENTS – p30 Cycle in the City A spectator-friendly criterium festival invites cyclists of all ages and fitness levels to compete in a full range of crit race categories.

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7 sat

14 saturday

Cycle in the City A spectator-friendly criterium festival invites cyclists of all ages and fitness levels to compete in a full range of crit race categories. A criterium is a bike race consisting of several laps around a closed circuit. Danny MacAskill and his Drop and Roll crew are displaying world-class trick jumps and technical riding. There are also bands, jumping castles, carnival rides, stilt walkers, balloon sculptors, a roaming clown, sweet treats and more.

Time: 9:30am–9pm. Venue: Cape Town Stadium.

Cost: free entry. For more info: engencycling.co.za

SPECIAL EVENTS 1 sunday

and Thursday, 9am–9pm Friday. Venue: Sarda, Constantia. Cost: adults R30, under 18 years old free. Contact: 083 679 4495, 079 556 9474 or info@thegiftfair.co.za

Freshlyground at Paul Cluver forest amphitheatre Pack a picnic or buy something to eat at the venue from the selection of gourmet food vendors. Draft beer, wine, cider and soft drinks are on sale. All profits from tickets sold go towards the Thembalitsha Foundation, a local NPO, which restores hope via healthcare, education and training projects across the Western Cape. Time: 5pm. Venue: Paul Cluver Forest Amphitheatre, Elgin. Cost: R250. For more info: hope.org.za Open day at Elf Montessori An information session on the Montessori Method. Time: 10am–11am. Venue: suite 101, 28 Main Rd, Mowbray. Cost: free.

Contact: 021 685 8119 or elf.montessori@ gmail.com

Open family day Friends of Rietvlei, Milnerton Aquatic Club and SANCCOB are hosting a day of fun with a fishing competition, bird hide walks and demos along with power boating, windsurfing, stand-up paddling and sailing, as well as a large swimming pool and a toddler’s

Toy Run Cape Town The aim of the run is to collect and distribute toys and gifts to less privileged children up to 18 years old, while enhancing the image of motorcyclists. Time: 10am motorbikes leave their start venues.

Venues: starting points Grand West Casino and Entertainment World or Tokai Shopping Centre; end point William Herbert Sports

Fun House carnival and market day Featuring jumping castles, water slides, face painting, entertainers and more. Time: 10am–5pm. Venue: Fun House Come and Play, Durbanville Hills. Cost: R100 per child, adults free. Contact: 082 770 3286 or funhouse4every1@gmail.com

Ground, Wynberg. Cost: no entry without a toy. For more info: toyrun.co.za

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4 wednesday The Constantia Gift Fair An inspiring and creative space to shop for oneself and others, and enjoy scrumptious food and wine, as well as for children to play. The fair raises funds for the South African Riding for the Disabled Association (Sarda). Ends 6 November. Time: 9am–5pm Wednesday

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14 November – Open family day

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festival benefits ACVV Huis Maudie Kriel for the aged. There is also a 10km family-friendly walk, market stalls, face-painting and games for children.

Ends 22 November. For more info: eselfontein.co.za

27 friday Titanic Expo The exhibition features realistic models and artefacts that were recovered from the wreckage of the infamous RMS Titanic. 27 November 2015–March 2016. Time 9am–6pm.

Venue: Watershed, V&A Waterfront. Cost: adults R135, children 5–17 years old R85, students and pensioners R90 and a family package of four R320. For more info: titanicexpo.co.za

19–22 November – Baby and Toddler Expo

splash pool. Entertainment also includes face-painting, balloon art, crafts, crazy soccer and a jumping castle. PinkDrive is there with a mobile clinic offering free breast examinations and prostate checks for only R50. Time: 7:30am–5pm.

Venue: Rietvlei Milnerton Aquatic Club, Grey Ave, Flamingo Vlei. Cost: free entry.

Contact: 021 444 0315 (Table Bay Nature Reserve) or 021 557 7090 (Milnerton Aquatic Club)

19 thursday Baby and Toddler Expo Various baby and toddler brands are on display, showcasing the very best in products and services. Ends 22 November. Time:

magazine cape town

9am–7pm Thursday–Saturday, 9am–5pm Sunday. Venue: Tyger Valley Shopping Centre, Bellville. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 914 1822, info@tygervalley.co.za or tygervalley.co.za

20 friday Herschel Carnival Enjoy the rides, refreshments, stalls and Christmas market.

Time: 3:30pm–9:30pm. Venue: Douglas Murray Field, Herschel Girls’ School, Claremont. Cost: adults R20, children free.

Contact: 079 408 6515 The Eselfontein Festival This mountain bike, trail run and motorbike enduro festival begins with a 10km MTB night ride in the Witzenberg mountains. The

red herring salad, venison roast with spätzle and red cabbage, beer on tap, bratwürst, bubbly and salmon rolls.

Children can enjoy games. Time: 10am.

Venue: 240 Long St. Cost: free entry.

Contact: 021 423 5947

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science Clay Café Not only can you and your child paint and decorate bisque, which is later fired and glazed for you, you can enjoy Clay Café’s pizza and paint night every Thursday. There is also a children’s playground, and three “go-boing” nets for children to enjoy. You are welcome to

28 saturday Mommy and Me Expo For health advice, nourishing tips, products, educational activities, nursery décor and furniture, toys and useful equipment, financial solutions, security options, CPR education and safety programmes. There is a play park and daily fashion shows. Also 29 November. Time: 9am–6pm. Venue: Weltevreden Estate, Stellenbosch. Cost: adults R50, children R20, under 1 year olds free. For more info visit Facebook: Mommy And Me Exhibition St Martini Church Christmas bazaar Shop for art and crafts, breads, jams, biscuits, Christstollen, cakes and coffee,

27 November – Titanic Expo

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13 November–30 December – Wildebraam berry picking season

drop in with your child without booking.

Time: 9am–5pm daily and until 9pm on Thursday. Venue: Old Oakhurst Dairy Farm, Hout Bay. Cost: R35 plus the value of the unfired bisque (R20–R250). Contact: 021 790 3318 Fabric painting workshop For adults and children. 21 November. Time: 8:45am–10:45am. Venue: Pinelands. Cost: R40 per kit. Contact: 021 531 8076, 082 391 4954 or wendyadriaan@telkomsa.net Make your own gift packaging Learn how to fold your own gift bags and boxes, make your own labels and tags, decorate gift packaging and more.

For 10 years and older. 14 November.

Time: 9:30am. Venue: Bellville Art Centre, Bellville Library. Cost: R350 each, which includes materials and refreshments.

Contact: 083 234 9669 or workshops@ creativeaffairs.co.za

classes, talks and workshops Summer wonders family walk Led by garden guides. 28 November. Time: 9:30am–11am. Venue: gate 1, Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden. Cost: free, but garden entry applies. Contact: 021 799 8783 or kirstenboschinfo@sanbi.org.za

family outings Pennypinchers Origin of Trails This MTB race is done in two stages over 27 and 28 November. Starting in the heart of town, riders make their way to the

mountains to tackle jeep track, single track, steep climbs and pulsating descents.

There is live entertainment at the finishing venue, where families and friends are invited to join in the fun. Time: 7am.

Venue: Stellenbosch. Cost: R850, R950 or R1 050 per participant. For more info: stillwatersports.com

finding nature and outdoor play Marine Game Drive Join Ocean Adventurer on their luxury catamaran for a cruise along the coastline from the V&A Waterfront to Camps Bay and Clifton, and back. Along the way you’ll encounter the Cape fur seal, dolphins, sun fish and many species of birds. All tours last 90 minutes. Time: 11am, 1:30pm or 4pm daily. Venue: the vessel departs from a jetty in front of the clock tower, V&A Waterfront. Cost: adults R250, children 12 years and younger R125. Enquire about the combo tickets, which gets you a Marine Game Drive plus entrance to the Two Oceans Aquarium. For more info: marinegamedrive.co.za Wildebraam berry picking season 13 November–30 December. You can pack a picnic and enjoy the beautiful surroundings after picking. Time: 8am– 5pm Monday–Friday, 9am–3pm Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Wildebraam Berry Estate, Hermitage Valley, Swellendam.

27 and 28 November – Pennypinchers Origin of Trails

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Cost: R6 per person entering fields.

Contact: 082 380 2080, info@wildebraam. co.za or wildebraam.co.za

markets Durbanville Craft Market With approximately 200 stalls, you can shop for top quality art, crafts, books, food, and see an art gallery and clay museum for an enjoyable morning in the gardens.

7 November. Time: 8:30am–2pm.

Venue: Rust-en-Vrede, Durbanville. Cost: free entry. Contact: 072 173 1040 or durbanvillecraftmarket@gmail.com Earth Fair Market Top quality traders selling locally produced and artisan foods.

Time: 3pm–8:30pm Wednesday, 9am– 2pm Saturday (Tokai) and 11am– 3:30pm Thursday (CBD). Venue: South Palms, Tokai on Wednesday and Saturday and St George’s Mall, CBD on Thursday. Cost: free entry. For more info: earthfairmarket.co.za Festive Ideas Market Gather some ideas, and stock up on gifts and deli delights. There is ample secure parking.

28 October–1 November. Time: 9am–6pm Wednesday–Saturday and 9am–3pm Sunday. Venue: Simondium Country Lodge, Franschhoek. Cost: R30. For more info: festiveideas.co.za Groote Post Monthly Market If you’re exploring Darling for the day make a pit stop at this market, which features artisan foods, art and crafts, homeware and décor. Children can enjoy tractor rides, face-painting, water balls, guided horse rides, target shooting and more.

29 November. Time: 10am–3pm.

Venue: Groote Post Country Vineyards, Darling. Cost: free. For more info: grootepostcountrymarket.co.za

29 November – Groote Post Monthly Market

Oranjezicht City Farm Market This community market sells the produce of independent local farmers as well as artisanal produce. Do a weekly food shop, try some great cooked and raw foods and help build an alternative food system.

Time: 9am–2pm every Saturday. Venue: Granger Bay site of the V&A Waterfront.

Cost: free entry. For more info: ozcf.co.za/ market-day/ Stellenbosch Slow Market The market features specialty food and wine producers, food artisans, local farmers, natural and organic merchants, clothing, jewellery, seasonal goods and designer ware. Time: 9am–2pm every Saturday. Venue: Oude Libertas, Stellenbosch. Cost: free entry. For more info: slowmarket.co.za magazine cape town

21 and 22 November – Kidz Skouspeel 2

on stage and screen Kidz Skouspeel 2 A production featuring Lollos and Lettie, Tjiff and Tjaff, Liewe Heksie and Tyger Valley mascots Tom and Tina together on one stage in real time. For 1–9 year olds. 21 and 22 November. Time: tbc. Venue: Tyger Valley Shopping Centre, Bellville. Cost: R80. Contact: 021 914 1822, tygervalley.co.za or book through computicket.co.za Sunny Skies Nursery School yearend concert Their concert this year is called Sunny Skies Hypermarket. 7 November. Time: 2pm–3:30pm. Venue: Bergvliet Primary School hall. Cost: free; donations at the door welcome. Contact: 021 712 5657 The Elves and the Shoemaker A shoemaker and his wife are very poor and are worried that they will not be able to sell any shoes. Then two young elves pay them a visit and turn pieces of leather into beautiful shoes. For 2–11 year olds. 23–27 November. Time: 9:30am and 10:45am.

Venue: Baxter Theatre, Rondebosch. Cost: R20. Contact: 083 364 8284 or elton@ lilliputplayers.co.za The Galileo open air cinema A variety of movies are featured in various charming Cape Town venues. 31 October 2015– 29 April 2016. Time: 6pm. Venues: Hillcrest Quarry (Tuesday), Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden (Wednesday), V&A Waterfront (Thursday), various rotating venues (Friday), various wine estates Saturday. Cost: R79–R149. For more info: thegalileo.co.za

playtime and story time Blasters Enjoy a meal while the children play or drop them off for a few hours

Oranjezicht City Farm Market November 2015

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while you do your shopping. Blasters has hi-tech electronic tagging to ensure each child’s safety and security. Time: 9am–10pm and until 6pm on Sundays. Venue: Cape Gate Décor Centre, Brackenfell. Cost: adults free, children 4 years and older R40, children under 4 years old R30. Contact: 021 981 7555 Rush Trampoline Park There are special toddler sessions daily for ages 4 years and younger. Time: 10am–9pm Monday– Thursday, 9am–10pm Friday and Saturday, 9am–8pm Sunday. Venue: Stadium-onMain, Claremont. Cost: R100–R140 per hour for the first hour. For more info: rushsa.co.za Saved by the dogs Walk a dog, play with a puppy and have fun, compliments of Tears Animal Rescue. 11 November.

Time: 11am–2pm. Venue: The Company’s Garden. Cost: free. Contact: 021 785 4482 or 061 722 7903

12,5km R115 and 15km R125. For more info: dirtopia.co.za YogaWise Your child will learn the basic postures and concepts of yoga in a fun and supportive environment. For 3–7 and 8–13 year olds. Starts 5 and 7 November. Time: 3:30pm–4pm and 4:15pm–5pm Thursday and 8:30am–9am and 9:15am–10am Saturday. Venue: Atlantic Beach Golf Estate, Melkbosstrand. Cost: R60 per lesson or R1 200 for six months (R46) per class.

Contact: 072 693 3347 or yogawise.co.za

sport and physical activities Scorpio Trail Run The 5km run is popular with walkers and novice trail runners.

8 November. Time: registration from 6:30am; race times 15km: 8am, 12,5km 8:15am, 7,5km: 8:30am and 5km: 8:45am.

Venue: Dirtopia Trail Centre, Delvera Farm, Stellenbosch. Cost: 5km R80, 7,5km R95,

classes, talks and workshops

14 November – Culture Connect tour of Boschendal

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Culture Connect tour of Boschendal Enjoy one of the finest examples of Cape Dutch architecture and stunning gardens. There is entertainment and lunch for children. 14 November. Time: 10am–3:30pm. Venue: Boschendal Wine Estate, outside Stellenbosch. Cost: R600, including lunch with wine. Contact: 072 377 8014 or kate@cultureconnectsa.com

on stage and screen

11 November –Saved by the dogs

bump, baby & Tot in tow

A Night at the Operetta Take picnic baskets and blankets and laze on the lawns in front of the Manor House, while enjoying Strauss, Offenbach, Lehar and others performed by South Africa’s top operatic vocal talent. Wine is sold on the premises. 14 November. Time: 4pm.

Venue: Plaisir de Merle, R45, Simondium.

Cost: adults R120 and children under 18 years old free. Contact: 021 874 1072 or plaisirdemerle.co.za Private Presley – A Salute to the King Sean Bovim’s rock ‘n roll ballet features over 30 of Elvis Presley’s hit songs, including “Love Me Tender”, “Jailhouse Rock”, “Blue Suede Shoes”, “A Little Less Conversation”, “Hound Dog” and many more unforgettable hits. 12–28 November.

Venue: Baxter Theatre, Rondebosch. Cost: R150–R285. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000

out and about Eat Out Awards The event honours the country’s top 10 restaurants and the chef of the year, among other accolades. No

under 18s allowed. 15 November. Time: 12pm. Venue: Mistico Equestrian Centre, Paarl. Cost: R1 495 per person. For more info: eatout.co.za Elgin Open Gardens There are 21 gardens open in the Elgin, Vyeboom and Bot River districts. Full details of these, with a map, and other events can be found on the Elgin Open Gardens website. 31 October and 1, 7 and 8 November. Time: 10am–5pm. Venue: Elgin, Vyeboom and Bot River. Cost: most gardens charge a small entrance fee; others are free.

Contact: 021 844 0154, 078 021 2101 or elginopengardens.co.za Summer wonders walks On 7 November: useful and medicinal plants, 14 November: meet the trees and more in the forest, 21 November: survival strategies and use of different types of leaves. Time: 9:30am–11am. Venue: gate 1, Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden. Cost: free, but garden entry applies. Contact: 021 799 8783 or kirstenboschinfo@sanbi.org.za

support groups LGBTI (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex) parents’ regular meetings Contact Heather for further details on meetings and events. Venue: Triangle Project, 2nd floor Elta House, 3 Caledonian Rd, Mowbray. Contact: 021 686 1475, health2@triangle.org.za or triangle.org

Hypnobirthing antenatal course For pregnant women and their partners.

Northern suburbs: 23 November– 21 December. Time: 7pm–9:30pm every Monday. Venue: Origin Maternity Hospital, Hennie Winterbach St, Panorama. Southern suburbs: 11 November–9 December.

Time: 6:45pm–9:15pm every Wednesday.

Venue: Birth Options, 12 Victoria Rd, Plumstead. Cost: R1 750 per couple.

Contact: southern suburbs: 071 334 5627 or catrin@beautifullyborn.co.za, northern suburbs: kim@beautifullyborn.co.za or beautifullyborn.co.za

playtime and story time Little Maestros: Brilliant Bach Classical music is a great developmental tool for children to learn in. Babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. 10 and 21 November. Time: 11am–11:45am.

Venue: Youngblood Gallery, Bree St. Cost: adults R80 and children R20. For more info: biblioteek.co.za Playgroup in Italian A fun-filled class for toddlers who learn basic Italian while playing. For 12–36 months old. Time: 10am–11:30am every Friday. Venue: La Dante, 137 Hatfield St, Gardens. Cost: R760 per eight-week term. Contact: 021 465 8261 or ladante.co.za

support groups The Parent Centre Mom’s Circle groups A weekly supportive space for moms-to-be and moms with babies up to one year old. Time and venues: 10:30am–12:30pm at Constantiaberg Mediclinic, Plumstead every Thursday and Cape Town Mediclinic, Gardens every Tuesday. Cost: R50. Contact: 021 762 0116, reception@theparentcentre.org.za or theparentcentre.org.za

Wear Purple for World Preemie Day Help give babies the best chance at life by helping to raise funds to expand and upgrade the Groote Schuur Trust’s specialist hospital care, when you buy a sticker for R10. To donate online, contact: newborns.org.za

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don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to capetown@childmag.co.za or fax it to 021 462 2680. Information must be received by 30 October for the December/ January issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za 7, 14, 21 and 28 November – Summer wonders walks

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how to help Cancer drive The campaign raises funds for children with cancer in state hospitals. There are many children without comfortable pajamas for their stay in hospital, who also do not have much to keep them busy. The funds raised through this campaign is used to buy clothing and toys and assist children and their parents

to travel to and from the hospital. People are requested to donate R100 by bank transfer. For more info on Helping SA’s credentials and for bank details, contact: helping-sa.co.za Smile Foundation SA The team transforms the lives of children living with treatable facial conditions such as cleft lip and palate, burn effects and facial paralysis. They bring people together to provide expert surgical intervention before, during and after surgery. For more info: 0861 276 453 or smilefoundation.co.za

next month in it’s happy holidays Smile Foundation SA

dec/jan issue on streets 19 nov

look out for: mamma mia! a single mom and her sons experience Italy

fun ways to keep children learning during

the long holidays

fabulous familyfriendly things to do and see in dec & jan

sun and water safety tips

plus

get psyched for

BACK TO SCHOOL get organised for the new year uniforms, stationery, lift clubs, check-ups, and more To advertise call: (021) 465 6093 or email: ctsales@childmag.co.za Booking deadline: 2 Nov Material deadline: 5 Nov magazine cape town

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it’s party time

For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

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magazine cape town

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a

t some stage, probably during the endless struggle of potty training and the discovery of three sticky sweets glued to the leg of the couch, I lost my sense of fun. It had been obscured by the cushions piled up as a makeshift fort, covered in a pool of red juice congealed on the lounge carpet, and crumpled with the pages that were torn out of my favourite magazine before I even had a chance to glance at the letters page.

I’ve lost my sense of fun to the demands of parenting. And I know I am not alone.

A snap survey in the school parking lot revealed that for many moms, the ability to make it through the day has all but obscured the ability to have unbridled, uninhibited fun.

I feel as if I have forgotten how to give in to the silliness. I know how to make Erin’s favourite grated cheese sarmies and how to mix Conor’s porridge at just the right consistency. I know which cartoon to put on in the morning so that I can sneak in an extra five minutes in the shower before they call me to change the channel. But when it comes to just laughing and playing with them, I’m falling short.

Erin, Anél and Conor

frivolity rules The responsibilities of parenting can suck the joy out of life sometimes, but ANÉL LEWIS is learning to just give in to silliness every once in a while.

Parenting is not for sissies – it’s hard graft. But it would be a pity if this meant we forfeited our ability to give in to a little bit of frivolity every now and again.

Sometimes, you can get a lot more done if you yield to a bit of tomfoolery along the way. Dressing Conor is an exercise in patience. He usually runs around the house to avoid being changed. Playing tag before

work is not my idea of fun, so I usually scream at him to stop and get dressed.

But recently I gave in and gave chase as he sidestepped the pants I was about to put on him. Laughing, he raced around the dining room table. Soon Erin joined in, and all three of us charged through the house before we got ready to leave. Sure, it made us a few minutes later than I would have

liked on a busy school morning, but it was worth it to hear their shrieks of delight.

A few days ago, Erin wanted to do art in the kitchen. This involved lots of paint and glitter and bits of paper. Conor painted his hands green. Erin knocked over the glitter and most of it ended up on the floor. As they snipped and glued, I found myself having to work really hard to ignore the carpet of glitter. Conor swiped at Erin’s face with his green hand, leaving a smear of paint on her cheek. She laughed and returned the favour. Before I knew it, I had been added to the tribe. The children found it hilarious and I forgot all about the floor and the glitter. The important thing is that we managed to turn something quite ordinary into a memorable and, yes, fun experience.

A lot of parenting is about routine and rules, discipline and to-do lists. The challenge is to somehow find ways of injecting these with a little bit of frivolity; even if it means having to scoop up glitter from the floor for days afterwards.

Anél Lewis is bringing silly back to the Lewis household, despite the very real risk that she could arrive at work with the odd smear of green warpaint on her left cheek.

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PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

finishing touch