Child magazine | CPT October 2013 by Hunter House Publishing

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To w n â&#x20AC;&#x2122; s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

pa r e n t s

dealing with

seeing children for who they really are

difference fear factor

when children become overwhelmed

allergy alert common causes often overlooked

let them be

nurturing a well-rounded child

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October 2013

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Hunter House PUB L IS H ING

As I paged through this “dealing with difference” issue, I was struck by a common and all-too-familiar thread – intense fear.

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Cassandra Shaw • features@childmag.co.za

Fear has many faces. It can be overwhelming for children, and parents, to try to come to terms with the psychological and physical aspects of this commanding emotion. I have a friend who is currently going through a divorce. It’s devastating for her but terrifying for her daughter, who has been to the doctor often, only to be told she is not sick. This little girl fears losing her family, so she can’t sleep at night and it’s making her physically ill. This month, Donna Cobban, who was once our features editor and now residing in New Zealand, writes about her son’s food fears (see page 14). Pinpointing the real cause of a child’s fear is only the

Resource Editor Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art Designers Nikki-leigh Piper • nikki@childmag.co.za Alison Els • studio2@childmag.co.za Mariette Barkhuizen • studio@childmag.co.za Mark Vincer • studio3@childmag.co.za

Advertising Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

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beginning of getting them past it. “Fear it seems, is a powerful emotion and it deserves space, time and understanding,” writes Donna. It’s our job to model non-anxious behaviour for our children, regardless of our own fears. I know it’s easier said than done, but we should aim to raise children who have sound coping mechanisms if they are to flourish in an ever-changing, often scary world. We also need to ask for help, and learn to accept it.

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October 2013

contents october 2013

upfront

regulars

3 a note from lisa

8 upfront with paul allowing your

6 over to you readers respond

features 14 food fear Donna Cobban tells the story of her son choking and the emotional repercussions of the ordeal

16 self-publishing 101 want to publish a book? Cassandra Shaw brings you the facts

18 a toddler in the wild Angus Begg and his two-year-old son, Fynn, go on safari in the Lowveld

21 it’s who they are Ruth Rehbock explains why we should allow our children to be themselves

24 midlife crazy leading a healthy lifestyle should make the middle years child’s play, says Marc de Chazal

26 divorce dilemma Gary Koen looks at the impact that divorce and an unhappy marriage can have on children

children to develop sophisticated palettes can cause havoc, says Paul Kerton

10 pregnancy news – it’s noninvasive there is a new test for genetic fetal abnormalities with no risk to your baby. By Anél Lewis

11 best for baby – you’re not alone Tania Wener shares her rollercoaster experience with reflux

12 dealing with difference Brian Hayward and Cassandra Shaw explain what the revolutionary method Floortime is all about

29 resource – free for all Child magazine shares a few recipes that are free from common allergens

31 a good read for the whole family 32 what’s on in october 42 finishing touch date nights are as scarce as hen’s teeth in Anél Lewis’ home

classified ads

health

35 family marketplace

9 fruit with a bite Marina Zietsman looks into oral allergy syndrome

39 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

October 2013

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Jean Bourget Photo: Olivier Ribardière Jelli Children’s Boutique

Photo: CaseyBertie.com Clothing: Earthchild.co.za

Ackermans ackermans.co.za

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October 2013

letters

over to you in response to “a world of difference” My son is five years old and has Down’s syndrome. It has been an emotional rollercoaster ride simply to have him admitted to a day care, that I can’t imagine what we’ll be faced with once he is ready for school. We have heard the most ridiculous excuses as to why they [a “normal” school] cannot accept him. From “they are destructive children” to “I will have to appoint a nurse as they are not healthy children”. I found a day mother who looked after him from the age of eight months until he was four years old. Unfortunately she had to close her centre. During that time his progress was amazing. He learnt so much from his “normal” peers. After she closed we had the daunting task of finding another centre for him. No one was prepared to take the risk of having him at their school. Nonetheless, he is at a special needs school, and I appreciate that he has been accepted, but his progress is not the same. Inclusion is the best way forward for him, but the reality is that society does not seem ready for it. I pray that people will realise that we all have our disabilities; some are just more evident. All I want for him is to be able to reach his full potential. I am worried about how other children will treat him if he is

October 2013

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

ever accepted into a mainstream school. I know it won’t be an easy transition for everyone involved, but I need to give him every opportunity to grow and learn and become his own person. Thanks to the educators who go the extra mile. We all have a responsibility to shape the minds of the future. Anonymous

the bully teacher I recently watched a German television show that dealt with “mobbing”, or what we would refer to as school bullying. It is a very real phenomenon and in many cases takes place on the school grounds in front of teachers, who for some reason don’t regard it as serious. However, it can have profound effects on the victimised child. This child might start believing that they have “provoked” the bullying. It can even manifest itself with teachers using bullying tactics on children. While parents need to start taking responsibility for the disciplining of their children, I just hope that complaints against the teacher are taken seriously by parents and by the school administrations. I grew up in a time when “the teacher was always right”

and I didn’t have the courage to even tell my parents of certain actions by some teachers. Parents should regularly ask questions and listen to their children. Anonymous

lack of a reading culture I really enjoyed reading the article “read to write” (September 2013). I know not everyone is privileged to grow up in a home where reading and books are an important part of everyday life, but I still find it sad and shocking to see how many parents have an almost lacklustre attitude towards books. A recent study showed that as little as 14 percent of South Africans read, and as little as one percent buy books. One Sunday paper did a survey among their readers. The question was: when was the last time you read a book? Fifty-four percent said that they’ve read a book in the last month and 27 percent said they didn’t read books. As the American writer and philosopher, Elbert Hubbard said: “This will never be a civilised country until we expend more money for books than we do for chewing gum.” Carien Eksteen

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a letter to an autistic grandson Dear Benjamin, You were the first grandchild to be born in the family, and there was much excitement for your arrival. A few months later, there was some concern at how you never slept and your poor exhausted parents were living in Europe with no support system. Fourteen months later your baby sister was born, but by then, your parents, without discussing it with too many people, were starting to have some tests done to find out what was wrong. By the time you were two years old, your behaviour was almost unmanageable and, with your sister manifesting similar actions, the first mention of the word “autism” was made. This was enough to fill us all with such sadness and we had to read up about what autism actually meant apart from what we had seen on Rain Man. You are now eight years old, with a beautiful sister who is fortunately not autistic, but simply mimicked your obsessive behaviour patterns at a young age. Benjamin, we are sad that you are locked in this world of autism, but we say thank you every day for all the life lessons you, and your family, have taught us. Thank you for making us humble when we watch the daily struggles you and your family experience. They call them challenges and they certainly are that, and then some! Thank you for teaching us that through the smallest achievements, a family can feel such pride and so much

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love. These achievements are far smaller than those made by most growing children, but so precious when made by you. Thank you for teaching us to not be judgemental when seeing trying behaviour from other children. You look so beautiful and “normal” that your parents have received so many harsh comments when you melt down in public. Maybe the parents of those other children have also been awake since 3am as your parents are when you wake up, but you can’t be left in front of the television while they sleep in. Thank you for showing us the sacrifice made by your highly trained, professionally qualified mother, who has made it her business to learn all she can about autism and its treatment. So much so that she is now an absolute expert in many aspects of autism as well as the normal developmental challenges of childhood. Thank you for saying, “Don’t go Granddad” when we are about to leave after spending a weekend at your home. Wow, how special is that? Thank you for teaching us that it is okay to laugh at some of the weird things you do and that by laughing, we feel total acceptance of who you are. Thank you for ensuring your beautiful little sister innately understands that you are different, so when you mess up a drawing she has just finished, she can cry but somehow cope with a maturity far beyond her age.

Thank you Benjamin for making us so grateful for, and appreciative of, our other grandchildren who do not need to face the hurdles that you do, as you bounce around the room smiling – and causing a fair amount of havoc. Thank you Benjamin for teaching us patience beyond what we ever knew was possible. Through you, we have learnt that before going to a new place, we need to prepare you for the experience in many different ways – through pictures, words and videos, so that you can cope when you go into the world. Benjamin, your father once said: “If we had a choice between having you or not having you, there is no choice.” They love you with all their heart; in the purest form, as they know you will be their responsibility forever. They will not feel the pride of watching their son play for the first rugby team or standing first in class. They want you to be able to buy and pay for a litre of milk when you are older and will do everything in their power to help you reach that goal. Thank you Benjamin, our lives are so much richer with you in it. Lindsay Sommer subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions. To subscribe, visit childmag.co.za

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

October 2013

upfront with paul

off the menu Sometimes variety can be more trouble than it’s worth. PAUL KERTON speaks

’m all for giving children choices in every sphere of life, but when it comes to food, if you’re not careful, you can be too lenient at too early an age, and end up making a rod for your back. I used to hate olives as a child, but my children were eating olives and Parmesan cheese before they could talk, which we thought was “oh so continental” at the time, but this can get out of control. When I was growing up, the most exotic food you could get was an orange. Today you can get any ingredient from the remotest corner of the world fresh at your local supermarket, and tastes have changed radically. I don’t really mind what my children eat, providing it is healthy and nutritious and as long as they eat the same thing at the same time. As a parent there is a real skill in developing this taste union. Without this you can find yourself preparing 17 different versions of the same meal, spending a monumental amount of extra time and money on shopping and cooking, using

October 2013

Saskia, Paul and Sabina

twice as much fuel, and ending up with triple the usual mountain of washing-up. I shudder to think what it is like feeding three or more children a simple meal of bangers and mash when one is a vegetarian, and needs Quorn vegetarian sausages (but loves onion gravy), the other one prefers real sausages, but doesn’t like onions in the gravy, and the other child hates mashed potato and prefers fried potatoes that must be cut to geometric perfection in equilateral triangles and

presented as “crinkly at the edges”. Or one child likes real sausages flavoured with chilli and marmalade while the other only likes plain. If you’re that versatile – and many of us have to be – you may as well give up parenting and go and work at Marco Pierre White’s restaurant. In fact you may as well open your own restaurant. And there’s the rub. You cannot turn the TV on these days without a foodie programme being on. The world has been food mad for a decade,

which is cool – I love food, eating it and cooking it – but you have to remember that Nigella and Jamie have an army of little helpers who do the shopping, preparing and styling. Have you ever seen either of them doing the washing-up? No, neither have I. Greater food awareness and a sophisticated palette can reach irritating proportions when you’re in the middle of cooking a simple, nutritious and above all “speedy” omelette for breakfast before school. When junior looks over your shoulder and pipes up with: “Oh, it’s so much better with a touch of Viennese herb goat’s cheese, raspberry roulade, and a smattering of capers and almonds on top with a goulash of pomme nouveau.” “Well, thanks for that darling. I’ll remember that the next time I jet over to the Harrod’s Deli counter especially, but for now, you’ve got 10 minutes to eat this before we hit the school run.” Follow Paul on Twitter: @fabdad1

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PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

about the complexities of having a child with a sophisticated palette.

health

fruit with a bite MARINA ZIETSMAN looks at oral allergy

syndrome, and finds the culprits.

bout a week ago I bit into a succulent strawberry, and sadly I won’t be able to enjoy one again. The onslaught was immediate and brutal. A quick Google search told me something I didn’t know: oral allergy syndrome (OAS).

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

what is it? The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology says that this reaction occurs because the proteins found in some fruits and vegetables are very similar to those found in pollen. These proteins can confuse the immune system and cause an allergic reaction or make existing symptoms worse. This means that should you have a pollen allergy to grass, weeds or trees, you may have an allergic reaction to foods containing similar proteins to those found in the pollen. Prof Robin Green, a paediatric pulmonologist at the Department of Paediatrics and Child Health at the University of Pretoria and the chairman of the Allergy Society of South Africa says: “The patient has previously been exposed to the pollen allergen (protein) via the respiratory tract (the nose and lungs). These allergens are usually called Class II allergens, because they evoke a reaction to food, but not via the gastro intestinal tract. It is also more common for OAS to occur in adults or older children.”

spot the symptoms Dr Marinda McDonald, a GP in private practice in Joburg, with a special interest in allergies, says, “This allergic phenomenon does not generally progress to give a more serious reaction.

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There are however some cases where it does cause a runny nose, itchy eyes and, very rarely, anaphylaxis (a severe generalised allergic reaction).” Other signs of existing OAS include itching mouth, palate, ears and throat; a tingling in the mouth, palate or throat; watering eyes and sneezing; swelling of the lips, mouth, tongue, face or throat (very rare); some body parts may even itch when handling the raw fruit or vegetable; existing eczema might flare up; and a sensation of the throat tightening.

managing OAS

the main offenders

“The reactions to the food normally occur in its raw (uncooked) state. Thus, once the food is cooked or processed, it can usually be eaten. Peeling the food can also help to remove the offending allergen,” says Green. He adds that it is important that you ascertain whether all or only some of the cross-reacting foods in a specific group cause a reaction for you individually; you may be able to eat some of the other fruits and vegetables in the group and so not deprive yourself of essential nutrients. McDonald says, “A healthcare professional who has knowledge of allergies can evaluate the risk of the reaction involved. A good clinical history by an experienced doctor is also advised.” Antihistamines might offer some relief, says McDonald, but in severe cases, seek medical help fast. “OAS is a lifelong burden and, at this stage, is not curable,” says Green. “It’s probably best to simply avoid foods that cause your OAS.”

If you are allergic to the following, you may develop or have OAS when eating these fruits and vegetables: Birch pollen – apple, raw potato, carrot, celery, hazelnut, pear, peach, plum and cherry Mugwort pollen – celery, apple, peanut, kiwi fruit, carrot, parsley and spices (fennel, coriander, aniseed, cumin) Ragweed pollen – melons (watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew) and banana Latex – avocado, kiwi fruit, chestnut, papaya and banana Courtesy of the World Allergy Organization *Note: In South Africa there are other pollens that can cause a reaction.

October 2013

pregnancy news

it’s non-invasive You can now test for genetic fetal abnormalities, at no risk to your unborn baby, from as early as 10 weeks into your pregnancy. ANÉL LEWIS finds out more about cell-free DNA analysis.

had an uneasy second pregnancy after blood tests showed that I had a one in 50 chance of having a baby with Down’s syndrome. Despite this being my only positive result – my baby’s nuchal fold was normal and there were no other soft markers – I knew my age put me in a high-risk category. I was reluctant to have an amniocentesis as it carries a risk of miscarriage. If only I had known about cell-free DNA testing, which can be done with a Harmony Prenatal Test at The Fetal Assessment Centre in Cape Town. This new screening test poses no risk to the baby, and has a 99,5 percent detection rate.

benefits

no more tests

Although current screening tests, such as serum blood tests and ultrasounds are also non-invasive, they have false positive rates of up to five percent, or for one in 20 women. These patients may go on to have more invasive and often unnecessary tests. With the Harmony Test, the false positive rate drops to just one in 1 000 women, says Morris. But she emphasises that it is not a diagnostic test, and an abnormal result would not be enough for a patient to consider termination as an option. “You would still need to get an amniocentesis because there is a 0,5 percent chance that the baby is normal.”

Morris says the test does not replace the 12-week scan. The fetus will still be examined and if the nuchal fold exceeds 3,5mm, the mother will have the option of an amniocentesis, irrespective of the Harmony Test’s result. This is so the doctor can check for other abnormalities, such as Trisomies 18 and 13. If the Harmony result is negative and the NTS is also normal, then no further testing is necessary and the mother would return for her anomaly scan at 20 weeks.

what it is

what’s involved?

Dr Shannon Morris, The Fetal Assessment Centre’s coordinator, explains that the Harmony Prenatal Test can be done as early as 10 weeks into pregnancy and uses only the mother’s blood. Diagnostic tests, such as the chorionic villus sampling that involves testing a sample of the placenta, or an amniocentesis that tests fluid around the baby, are more invasive for the fetus. This new test isolates the baby’s DNA and can reliably detect genetic fetal abnormalities, including Down’s syndrome, says Morris. You can also find out the baby’s sex much sooner.

Blood is drawn from the mother’s arm and the sample is then flown to the Ariosa Diagnostics Laboratory in California. It takes 12 to 14 days to get the results, which means the patient knows her risk before the 12-week nuchal translucency scan (NTS), says Morris. All parents are offered genetic counselling before they decide on the test. Possible causes of a false positive result include a placenta that has not produced enough of the plasma protein A, or if the DNA of a vanishing twin with Down’s syndrome is still detectable. If the test yields no results, the centre will take another sample.

October 2013

who qualifies? “Anybody who wants to can be screened, but the test is perfect for older women, or those who dread having an amniocentesis,” says Morris. It can be used on singleton babies, twins, IVF pregnancies and donor ova. So far, the Cape Town centre is the only one in the country offering this screening test, although others are in negotiations with similar laboratories overseas.

the price of peace of mind As the cost of the test depends on the rand/dollar exchange rate, it does not come cheaply. Morris says it would cost R8 000, about the same as an amniocentesis, taking into account the laboratory fee. It’s currently not covered by medical aid.

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you’re not alone

best for baby

TANIA WENER discusses the emotional impact of reflux.

oming home with your new baby is wonderful. The two week honeymoon passes in a haze of swollen breasts and visitors. Things are tiring but good. Then one day the incessant high-pitched screaming begins, and you don’t know what’s hit you. Your baby refuses to drink or is feeding too much, hardly sleeping and needs to be constantly held and rocked. Your peaceful sleeping angel has been replaced with an overwhelming little person. Welcome to the world of reflux.

what is reflux? Reflux occurs in babies when their milk flows back up their oesophagus. This is normal, lasting until they are about eight months old, and it doesn’t usually bother most babies. Dr Lauren Lee, a Cape Town GP, notes that when reflux is causing pain and discomfort it is called Gastrooesophageal Reflux Disease (GORD). Silent reflux is where the milk only comes as high as the oesophagus and does not come out of the mouth, which takes longer to diagnose and can be missed. Heredity tends to be a factor and premature babies are particularly at risk.

challenges Reflux affects every aspect of family life; it is an exhausting process that can leave you resenting your new baby, partner and life in general. I was one of those parents, and can fully understand how challenging it can be and the strain it can put on the

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best of relationships. From the moment our daughter was born, she did not stop crying. Pulling away every time I tried to breast-feed her was frustrating and resulted in me expressing each feed. Sleep only came after hours of bouncing and holding her upright. Watching her arch her back and thrash around in agony caused a constricting pain in my heart. Those first weeks left me feeling overwhelmed and isolated. My husband began calling me “the snapping turtle” because every time I opened my mouth I sounded angry and desperate. Anxiety became my new unwanted friend. The experience took me from being a confident, independent woman and broke me down into what felt like nothingness; second guessing and hating myself. Being misunderstood becomes one of the major isolating issues.

effects on siblings and relationships The situation became more complex with the birth of my second daughter. She arrived a year and a half after my first. She also had reflux. My eldest daughter needed me, but once again I was busy rocking her screaming sister. Many men also report feeling isolated from their partners and children. With the mother busy feeding and calming the baby, it’s easy for fathers to feel sidelined. Plus, the extra financial strain of doctor’s visits, medications and formulas can overwhelm and tarnish even the strongest of marriages.

getting through it Cape Town paediatrician Dr Deon Smith notes that many mothers in his practice need help for either depression or postnatal distress when dealing with reflux for an extended period. Seeing a postnatal counsellor is essential. Surrounding yourself with a support system is also important and asking your partner to help look after your other children can help. Try to get as much sleep as you can and remember to take everything step-by-step. It will end. Eventually, it gets easier and you’re able to build your lives again.

quick tips for baby • E levate the head side of her cot, to help the milk stay down. • Keep your baby upright for 10 minutes and burp your baby after each feed. • If your baby is refusing to feed, try sitting on an exercise ball with them or gently rocking them while you’re feeding them. • Let her suck a dummy. • Keep nappies loose to avoid extra pressure over the stomach area. • Consult a doctor about medication. • If you are breast-feeding, alcohol, caffeine, dairy and other triggers can exacerbate the problem.

October 2013

dealing with difference

the wonders of floortime A revolutionary technique, mainly for children with developmental challenges, is finally taking

root in South Africa. Brian Hayward and

Cassandra Shaw discuss the Floortime method.

t birth, Lucio was cortically blind. Doctors said he wouldn’t walk, his blindness couldn’t be cured, and he would unlikely live past his teens. Today, although Lucio is severely autistic, he’s a healthy, happy 13 year old with near-perfect vision. He can walk largely unassisted and is able to communicate his needs to his parents. When he was 17 months his mother, based in Amsterdam, took him to a developmental educationalist who was using an increasingly popular technique with mentally and physically challenged children – to astounding effect. The technique is called DIR (the Developmental Individual difference Relationship-based model). It’s otherwise known as “Floortime” because it centres around interactions with the children, mostly on the floor in their preferred space. Despite the model being used in abundance in North America and Europe, the use of Floortime in South Africa is more isolated.

breakdown When American child psychiatrist Stanley Greenspan and psychologist Serena Wieder first developed the concept in the late 1980s, it sought to replace more restrictive childdevelopment techniques with one based on celebrating each child’s uniqueness and concentrating on their quality of life. “Floortime pulls together the best of OT, psychology and speech therapy,” says occupational therapist Kerry Wallace of Polka Spot Early Intervention Centre in Cape Town. Being built on three pillars (DIR: Developmental, Individual difference and Relationships), floortime is a client directed approach. The therapist assesses the child’s emotional stages of development, takes the child’s individual processing differences into consideration, and encourages involvement from those central in the child’s life, says Wallace.

With Floortime, children’s developmental goals are decided not by a general societal standard, but by assessing what they are capable of achieving at their level. This philosophy filters into the interaction with each child, with adults meeting them at this level. “People tend to do things to – or for – children with challenges, but what Floortime encourages is to do things with the child,” says South African-born Marius De Vos who has Master’s degrees in education and psychology and who started his own school for autistic children in Amsterdam before recently moving back to South Africa. He also points out that historically, children with disabilities have suffered from the drive towards normalisation. “This method tries to find ways for children to connect with the rest of the world without taking them away from themselves,” he explains. “It’s not about saying, ‘You are nine years old, so you should be able to do this’. It’s about looking at the child and seeing what their next developmental step is and working towards that. You don’t approach children in terms of what they can’t do, but in terms of what they can do. Everybody can do something. That’s what you latch onto and where you try to meet them,” he says. “Floortime is also a coaching model”, says Wallace. It includes and teaches parents, or whoever’s in the child’s world, how to work with, understand, and better deal with their child.” Other treatments are so therapist based, and especially with young children, their parents need to be involved right from the beginning. They are often the ones that get the best response from their child anyway,” she adds. Plus, if parents are involved, the model “can work anywhere for the child, and the parents’ newly found expertise can be used from different angles,” she explains.

October 2013

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Floortime pulls together the best of OT, psychology and speech therapy.

fitting in The model provides a roadmap for the treatment of developmental, learning and emotional challenges and diagnoses. The widespread applicability is possible because it’s based on a theory that focuses on capacities fundamental to the development of all children. It’s also a comprehensive model with a range of interventions that can be tailored to specific underlying sensory processing, motor and learning challenges as well as family and cultural factors, says Wallace. She adds that it is an approach used in dealing with children who are anxious, have attention difficulties, language delays, learning challenges, and sensory processing, Autism or Asperger’s disorders, but that it can be used for all children of all ages. Wallace explains how they first “meet the family, work with them, find out their needs and formulate a way forward. Parents frequently bring their children in for speech therapy, due to language delays and that’s where the process usually starts. An OT will then work with them and shift them onto something else that fits their individual situation. It’s a very flexible process,” she says.

seeing South African results When De Vos returned to Port Elizabeth last year, he brought with him a physiotherapist trained in Floortime. They spent a week at the Aurora Special Needs Centre for physically and mentally challenged children, training staff in Floortime. One year later, staff members have noted significant developments in children who had previously eschewed any sort of interaction. Irma Jacobsz, a teacher at the centre for the past eight years, explains the changes in six-year-old Melanie*. “She was very into herself,” playing in front of the mirror. “For us, it was a matter of not knowing how to teach her [before being introduced to Floortime],” she says. After 15 minutes with De Vos, Melanie was interacting with him as he mimicked her behaviour. A thick jacket, which Melanie kept on no matter what – her “second skin” – was removed with relative ease as De Vos engaged with her using the Floortime principles. “There had been no attempt to deal with what the coat meant to her,” says De Vos, “so I worked with her in ways that included the coat in our interaction. When I wanted to move her arms so we could pretend to be birds together, instead of holding her hands I pulled the coat. And so she slowly accepted me as part of the experience, and I just slowly worked the coat off her.” This year, as teachers have continued using Floortime with children, Melanie has continued to improve. During a class sing-along, Melanie began interacting, holding up her hands to clap with the teacher – a remarkable action for a child with autistic traits, says Jacobsz. * Name has been changed

training and affiliation

resource

Co-creator of the DIR Floortime method, Serena Wieder, started the Profectum Foundation, an NGO that offers online Floortime training to professionals and parents. Profectum has also been establishing international affiliates throughout the world and Polka Spot’s NPO, Spotlight Trust SA, is the Profectum affiliate in South Africa. Their aim is to train people and ultimately make Floortime culturally relevant in South Africa.

• A utistic-like: Graham’s Story – a film by Erik Linthorst • Building Healthy Minds by Stanley Greenspan (1999). • A Tale of Two Schools by Claudia Wallis (Time magazine May 2006) • The Interdisciplinary Council on Developmental and Learning Disorders (ICDL): visit icdl.com • Polka Spot Early Intervention Centre: visit polkaspot.co.za • The Profectum and Spotlight Trust: visit profectum.org and spotlight.org.za

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October 2013

spotlight

food fear Helping your child overcome a traumatic event can take time. DONNA COBBAN tells the story of her son’s

he early morning sun slanted through the window, warming the kitchen. I put the kettle on and reached for a tea bag. My mom, who was visiting us at the time, handed a plum to her hungry five-year-old grandson. I was going to get egg and toast along with fruit and yoghurts onto the table as soon as the tea was made. The plum was intended to fill the gap while he waited – he has always had a voracious appetite.

floor. I breathed sweet breaths of deep relief as a sobbing, yet safe child crawled onto my lap. That, I thought, was that. He made no mention of the incident, ate his breakfast and behaved normally. The next day was the same, as was the next, but then suddenly and without warning, his pattern changed and he refused to eat. Here was a child, who had until now eaten with great gusto. He devoured stems of broccoli and tucked

It was over in a second and we both slid to the floor. I breathed sweet breaths of deep relief as a sobbing, yet safe child crawled onto my lap. Perhaps it was a mother’s instinct, why else would I turn to look at a silent child behind me, sucking quietly on a juicy plum? The pip was momentarily lodged in his throat; he looked up at me with alarm and was met with a panic-stricken mother swinging into action as I grabbed hold of him and slapped him hard between the shoulder blades. It was over in a second and we both slid to the

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into lentil bakes and hearty soups with great gratitude, but now he ate nothing – well almost nothing. Runny yoghurt with no floating fruit pieces was tolerated; juice and water and sometimes milk were acceptable – but nothing else. I tried begging, I tried pleading and I tried bribing – nothing worked. He was resolute in his decision to not eat anything that needed chewing and then swallowing. Not long after

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food scare and how they dealt with it.

this he started to become anxious for those around him and on hearing anyone cough he would rush over and check if the person was alright; always wanting to know what it was that was stuck in their throat. I drew pictures to show him what happens when you swallow something. It didn’t work. Nothing convinced him that the danger had passed. The days turned into weeks and still there was no change. After a month I gave up trying to “fix” the situation, and just let it be. I made sure he had access to as much runny yoghurt as he wanted. I offered him what I was eating, and then I just ignored it as best I could. His weight dropped, but not dramatically and he was still blessed with abundant energy. I decided that after six weeks of this I would take him to see a doctor, but the thought did not inspire me as he was in no danger of dying and I knew there was little a doctor could do to convince him to eat. Thankfully that action never had to be taken as he eventually began to eat. At first he started on soft white bread with honey. Bananas soon followed, as did tomato soups and pasta with melted cheese. He still scrutinised everything seriously, sifting through it to check there was nothing he might choke on. I let him take the lead and today, four months on, we are almost back to normal. Brown toast has only recently been deemed acceptable, but he still won’t go near anything hard such as nuts or sweets, and he thinks popcorn is the absolute pits.

what the professionals say Scouring the internet for others in a similar position produced disappointing results, yet the first doctor I spoke to had a similar problem with his own child. Dr David Nye, a Cape Town-based GP, homeopath and acupuncturist, watched his then six-year-old son refuse to eat any solids after seeing his older brother choking. It took him six long

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weeks to come around to eating solids again. Nye’s advice is not to panic. “Try to find out what triggered the reaction and feed the child with liquid or semi-solid foods for as long as it takes to return to normal.” Knowing now that the entire scenario was largely psychological and not physiological, I turned to a psychologist for further input. Robynne Thomson at the Sandton Psychology Centre tells me that the best way for her to make sense of my son’s behaviour is to see it within the context of trauma. “The incident of swallowing the pip and the consequent fright that your son got was obviously a traumatic experience for him and a common response to trauma is to avoid anything associated with that event. Eating and swallowing solid food would have been an association with the traumatic event and he was obviously too fearful to do this.” While she says she is not suggesting that my son had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), she does tell me that “if one looks at the diagnosis of PTSD one can see some similarities and parallels with the pattern of behaviour displayed, one of which involves ‘the loss of physical integrity’. “In the case of your son,” she explains, “choking could be defined as a loss of physical integrity and your son getting a big fright could be seen as reacting with intense fear.” Thomson says that there are three symptom clusters in PTSD, one is the avoidance of traumatic reminders which she says my child was clearly displaying. Seen within this context I realise how my initial reaction was a waste of time – thinking that my powers of persuasion were going to sway his legitimate fear was somewhat naive of me. Fear, it seems, is a powerful emotion and it deserves space, time and understanding – no matter what the trigger is and no matter how long the healing may need.

Robynne Thomson’s helpful steps • Deal with the behaviour as one would any other traumatic event. • Acknowledge the child’s emotions of intense fear. This validates them and helps the child know that you understand them and take their emotions seriously. • Assist the child in feeling a sense of mastery and control over the feared situation. This can be done in a variety of ways: from playing games (such as the child cooking for, and feeding their toys, siblings, animals and parents) to encouraging the child to recount the story of the traumatic event. • Gradual introduction to the feared situation would be helpful, such as introducing soft foods and liquids and then slowly, more solid food. If one could give the child an array of food to choose from, this would also encourage a sense of mastery and control over the situation. • Teaching the child how to manage their anxiety by getting them to relax when you can see they are getting anxious, such as breathing deeply, can also be useful. • Role modelling non-anxious behaviour can be helpful – for example eating your food with gusto and remarking on how good and comfortable you feel while doing so. • If the child is refusing food and liquid for longer than a day or two, seek medical advice as small children can be at risk if they become dehydrated and malnourished.

October 2013

how to

It’s not as easy as you think. CASSANDRA SHAW passes on advice

K Rowling said that the Harry Potter books “strolled into her head fully formed”. But, we’re not all JK Rowling, and it’s not often that you come up with or know that your story ideas are guaranteed to put you onto the Forbes Top 100. So, before you put pen to paper, here are a few things that you’ll need to think about.

margie orford’s take Internationally acclaimed Cape Town based author, Margie Orford, has been involved in the publishing world for a number of years. She has written in a variety of genres, was a commissioning editor at a small publishing house and also worked as an investigative crime journalist. She was first published in a magazine at the age of 16 and wrote her first book for young children in 1996. Since then, she has written close to 40 books, some that have been translated into multiple languages. “It takes a long time to be an overnight success,” she says, but she sees writing as a career and a lifelong vocation. When asked about her journey as an author, Margie says that she “never had a

October 2013

barrier to being published.” Having worked in the industry for so long, she knew what publishers were looking for and how to fit her work in commercially with theirs. “The hard bit for most is getting your first book published. Publishers tend to look at you like you’re a mental patient,” she says. Start out with newspapers, magazines, and commissioned pieces to build up a track record and gain experience writing marketable text, she says. When it comes to the writing process, Margie’s advice is to “be gentle on yourself and let it develop as if it’s a baby – to a point – then you need to separate, edit and be ruthless on your story.” Once you think it’s complete, it’s important to give it to a good critical reader, that you trust, she says. “Don’t give it to family or close friends.” Give these people specific instructions; ask them to give you their overall impression of what worked for them, which characters were underdeveloped, and ways to improve – not to just pick out spelling and typos, she says. At this point, it’s crucial to believe what they say. “If 10 people tell you that your writing is [rubbish], believe that, put it in a drawer and write something else,” she says. In publishing, “you can’t think that something is good because you wrote it. You need to detach your feeling of investment from your feeling of saleable value,” she adds. Having built her career in this industry, Margie is fully behind traditional publishing, and firmly believes that if your writing fits into their domain, it will be published. magazine cape town

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from the professionals.

If faced with rejection, she suggests seriously considering the publisher’s feedback. “Believe what they say. It’s not like showing a poem to your mom when you’re six. Writing happens in a very intimate and vulnerable space and you have to put it out into a very harsh and money driven market,” she says. Although it’s not a nice feeling, she adds, there are certain questions that any aspiring author should ask themselves: Have you applied to the right publisher? Have you followed their submission guidelines? Does your book fit in with their list? Have you been patient? Margie warns against self-publishing. “People get ripped off with this all the time. Some self-publishing companies can charge a fortune and it can look terrible,” she says. If, however, it’s something that you are set on doing, Margie advises that you be really careful with the reasons why you are writing a book. “Do a self-evaluation to assess this and ask yourself what you need through this process. Speak to your friends, your shrink, whoever,” she says.

linda fellowes’ experience Self-published South African children’s writer of titles such as Eric in It’s a Piece of Cake and Nicole in The Surf is my Turf, Linda Fellowes has a different take on selfpublishing. “I started writing because my son wanted books where things were real. He was interested in stories that offered a mix of a children’s story and real life – things that he could relate to,” she says. When it comes to producing your book, Linda recommends the use of an

experienced illustrator and graphic designer whose work appeals to you. They know the rules for page layout, number of pages, types of paper, and they’re usually connected with the printing industry, she says. She also speaks of the benefits of hiring a professional editor. “They help you organise your thoughts more clearly and generally get more out of you,” she says. She also mentions the importance of taking on their advice. “They know what they’re doing. Don’t be offended by their red pen, it is there to help you,” she adds. After applying to a few traditional publishers and receiving positive feedback, but being given no definitive answers and asked to wait, she decided to print herself. “Having the backing of a big publishing house definitely has its advantages as you get a lot of publicity and there is no financial risk to yourself,” but, she decided to take the risk anyway. Linda stresses the importance of hiring an agent. “Getting your books into a bookshop is tricky and selling your book is where 90 percent of your time will be spent,” she says. When asked about her experiences as an author, Linda says, “The nicest surprise is when a child tells you it’s his favourite bedtime story. It’s an interesting road, so enjoy the journey.”

how to self-publish • • • • •

ead and write a lot and take a writing class. Keep a notebook and do research. R Choose a genre. The cost to produce educational and children’s books are higher. Look at character development and how to shape a story. Know your audience and develop a price structure. Choose a self-publishing path and/or company with care. There are several options for different needs and many vanity publishers. Read the fine print on contracts, beware of hidden costs and ask for quotes. • Decide if you want to publish a book, an e-book or both. E-books can reach more people but a book has a longer shelf life. • You can find free marketing platforms for your book like Facebook or Twitter, or start blogging about it. Market your book locally first.

things to consider • E xperienced editors and designers can be expensive. • Traditional publishers have a waiting list of one to two years, and there are no guarantees. • Traditional publishers prefer established writers. • It’s hard to sell your book to a bookstore; invest in a distribution agent. • The publishing process can take 3–8 months. • Total costs can be roughly R10 000–R50 000+. • Fully illustrated books are expensive, especially if in colour. • Printers get busy close to the holidays. • The average fees the middlemen will take from sales: bookshops 40%–50%, agents 9–10%, distributors (including agent’s fee) 20–30%, online sites: 30–40%. *Information courtesy of Clare-Rose Julius from Porcupine Press, Derek Thomas of Ready to Print and Sally Shaw of Self-Publish SA.

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October 2013

t a toddler in the wild

ANGUS BEGG and two-year-old Fynn go on a memorable father and son adventure in the Lowveld.

October 2013

he noise outside our reed-walled hut is deafening, wild and encroaching. My two-and-a-half year-old son, Fynn, has never heard anything like it, and wraps his little arms around my leg. A short, sharp intake of breath illustrates his unease. In his mind something horrible and large is out there beyond the thin walls of our thatched hut. And it’s getting closer. In adult reality it is no more threatening than hundreds of Bubbling Kassina frogs, those of small body and loud voice. There must be a thousand of them outside, and the three-quarter reed wall does little to soften their song. “Frogs,” repeats Fynn after me in a conspiratorial whisper. If you had to ask most tourists to the African bush why they go on safari, whether from Joburg or London, you would find the answer surprisingly simple. As clichéd as it is obvious, most are seeking to replace the unforgiving pace of modern city life with a brief return to nature. To breathe in her scents, take in her landscapes and to witness her wildlife. While time and increasing wealth have proved there is indeed a place for raspberry jus, Indian cotton sheets spun

of a gazillion threads and massage spas in the bush, they have until recently never before been part of “the bush” and the sense of escape that belongs with it. And when it comes to little ones, this is perhaps even more so, for the sounds, textures and almost otherworldliness are so much more important than aircon, sherry in the carafe and 24/7 attention to designer detail. It is this absence of “puffery”, the adherence to bushveld basics, that distinguishes Umlani Bushcamp, one of the many lodges and self-catering camps – deep in South Africa’s Timbavati Game Reserve – from most of the bushveld pack. And it’s at night that the difference is felt most clearly. By design, our experience is one of complete immersion. Crickets, frogs, badgers, nightjars and owls rustle and tweet themselves awake. Without aircon and bricks ‘n mortar to seal out the bush, the imagination is left to run wild – especially when that heavy breathing of the leopard saws its way through the subconscious. Which is pretty much what happened to us. Instead of imagining a third-person world of dry river-beds and knob-thorn acacias, my mind began plotting a

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PHOTOGRAPHs / ILLUSTRATIONS: Angus Begg / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

getaway

hypothetical escape route, just in case the absurd took hold of the situation and the feline leapt into our (outside) bathroom. I was wishing Fynn was awake to hear primeval at play. But he wasn’t, and we woke to a beautiful morning, with scary frogs replaced by panicking Francolins and Weavers busy about their nests. Rising with the bushveld in autumn is an awesome bloody privilege – and I don’t use the word lightly. The game-drive was leaving at 5:30am, and I’d resolved to miss it if Fynn wasn’t awake. Being so little, I know how important it is – for my own sanity as much as the other guests – that he gets his full quota of sleep. I also wanted to witness his waking to this brand new world. Thankfully David, the camp manager, had arranged a separate drive for us. The game-drive is good. Just as the faintest drizzle begins to tickle, we spot a leopard – Ginger, our guide, and the tracker had been looking for him. Remarkably, he has four kills in a tree; three steenbok and an impala. In between dodging the drops and clutching firmly on to my inquisitive son – ensuring that he stays in the vehicle – I get the odd shot.

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The average game-drive is three to four hours, and although I’ve brought along juice, rusks and a couple of apples, by the time we find our next leopard I realise that rather than hungry, he’s bored. By now we’d found another leopard, and are well-positioned to watch a male on a kill beneath an imposing Jackalberry tree, alongside a dry riverbed. This is when Fynn decides he wants to exit the vehicle. He howls on being restrained. I mutter serious thanks that we are alone. Back at camp, all he wants is egg – sod the veggies, home-made bread and crème brûlée. Usually a brilliant eater, his eating – a bit like his routine – has been all over the place. That’s travelling with children. On our way back to our hut and the anticipated nap, David asks in that exquisitely polite manner that only the English can pull off, how we’re doing. David is a curious fish. You can tell he’s super-competent and efficient just by the way he moves – I could swear there’s a touch of Sandhurst* military in him. But at first meeting he does seem allergic to children. He tells me (in a wonderfully candid manner) that the closest he’s been to

Fynn insists on carrying his own bags – even today almost two years on

children is his nephew, “and that’s close enough”. Which admittedly leaves me a little on edge as to what to expect. I have a vision of spending the next 24 hours walking on egg-shells. On our exploration of the camp after his nap, we had meanwhile found a drum in the boma – with the proverbial fireplace in the middle. Naturally it demanded to be thumped. Not entirely without rhythm, but a little noisy and possibly over-enthusiastic – I’d imagine not ideal for some guests’ idea of a bushveld breakaway. The pots in the kitchen also demanded his attention, so one of the cooks, Leeneth – who took a particular shine to Fynn – moved the drum to the kitchen.

And this is where Africa stands a world apart. My experience has shown that the local staff can’t seem to get enough of babies, toddlers and preschoolers – and Fynn is welcomed into the kitchen. The staff love him, as others have done since he visited his first lodge when aged just a tiny six months, and his ease with people first became evident. With that in mind, I’ve given myself the luxury of a babysitter for the afternoondrive. Leeneth will be with Fynn. He’s happy when she takes over. But it doesn’t go entirely to plan. The further out we drive, responding to sightings reported by fellow driver-guides around

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getaway

the Timbavati, the more guilt sets in, and I curse myself. Forget the eagle-owl or lioness and cubs, I’m missing my boy, and sharing every waking experience with him. I’m wishing I was back in camp. Apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual. Fynn is beaming on my return – he’d been living the social highlife in the staff village, with drums at his disposal and playing with Leeneth. And when it wasn’t Leeneth, it was the guides – Elvis or Ginger – always showing an interest in little Fynn. That’s something many forget when travelling this simultaneously luscious and dusty continent – its capacity for human connection. It wouldn’t be what it is without its people.

Fynn loved Elias, and vice-versa. Here he’s demanding “a drive”

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Fynn is almost two years older now, at the grand old age of four and a half. In that time I have endeavoured to introduce him to a heritage he wouldn’t have on any other continent. We’ve been lucky to visit different lodges in different provinces, and more recently went camping with a crèche friend and his dad (that is a tale for another time) in the Cederberg. And each time he asks more questions – as all readers of this magazine will know – starting with the ubiquitous, “Daddy, why?”. *Sandhurst – that establishment where the male offspring of the royals go to prepare themselves for their forthcoming obligatory duties, like Prince Andrew in the Falklands and his nephew Harry in Afghanistan…

He loved the boma – including the fireplace

things to know Where The Timbavati Reserve, in Limpopo province, forms part of the Greater Kruger National Park and lies nestled between the Kruger National Park in the east, the Klaserie and Umbabat Private Nature Reserves in the north and the Thornybush Private Nature Reserve in the west. As there are no fences between the Kruger National Park and Timbavati, the reserve enjoys a wide variety of game, including the big five. When The Timbavati gets about 550mm to 600mm of rain per annum, with the wet season occurring from November to March. Summers are hot with a maximum temperature of 38°C in the months of January to April. Because of the summer rainfall, the bush comes alive, but the thicker foliage restricts game viewing. The best time of year to visit is winter, for better game viewing and mild day temperatures, though nights and early mornings are cold. Famous for Timbavati is best known for its white lion population, which was discovered in the 1970s. These white coats are not because of albinism, but from a condition called “leucism”, in which the pelt is white but the eyes and skin are pigmented. Malaria Since malaria does occur in the Timbavati region, particularly in the summer months, visitors are advised to take prophylactics (speak to your healthcare professional first). However, there are a few simple precautions for protection against mosquito bites. Apply mosquito repellent, especially around sunset, and particularly on the feet and ankles. In the evenings the arms and ankles should be covered by wearing socks and shoes and a light, cotton long-sleeve shirt. Mosquitoes are mostly active at night, so the use of mosquito repellent is essential. Mosquitoes also find it difficult to settle in a breeze, so leaving the ceiling fan on at night keeps them away.

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parenting

it’s who they are

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RUTH REHBOCK emphasises that you cannot mould your child into something they are not.

hen I first thought about what a well-rounded child would be like, I realised it’s a tough topic to cover. Is everyone’s view of “well-rounded” the same? Do we, as parents, consciously think about how we can make our children well-rounded individuals? I know I didn’t think about it when he was a baby and it was only once he went to junior school that I realised I had a few hurdles to jump. Like any mom, I want him not to be shy and quiet, to socialise easily and to love being physical. In short, everything I had not been. I wanted him to enjoy soccer and cricket, to love playing “rough and tumble” with other boys and to want to sing in a choir. Of course, I had lessons to learn. He did not want to do any of these things I thought would make him wellrounded and it got me wondering about my own parents’ expectations of their children. Luckily, it only took a year of Grade 1 to realise he won’t be the boy I want him to be. My job is to offer opportunities for him to explore who he wants to be and to support him when he feels he isn’t up for the task. He enjoys science, boxing, Lego and video games, and will probably never play a team sport, so I had to accept that it’s impossible to fashion your child into the kind of person you or your spouse want them to be. An important part of being a well-rounded child, say the experts, is having good selfesteem, which teaches you to value people for who they are. Lee-Anne Eastwood, an

educational psychologist based in northern Joburg, whose work focuses on developing every child’s potential, says, “Well-rounded children tend to appreciate other children and people for who they are, rather than for a specific ability they have. They also tend to see themselves as inherently worthwhile rather than placing their value on a specific activity in which they excel. Both are vital to a healthy perception of themselves, which promotes healthy relationships with others.” Susan Stiffelman, an educational psychologist and author, says, “The goal as a parent is to help your child feel competent and confident, and to help her develop a sense of passion and purpose.” Thus, the process of becoming a wellrounded individual begins at home, but must be continued at school through academic and extramural activities. It’s through taking a risk, whether it’s learning tennis, playing in a band or doing science experiments that children will learn that they can cope with the challenge of learning something new. Psychologists agree that it’s critical to experience a variety of activities other than those in which they excel. “If a child shows talent or specific skills involved in an activity like drawing, for instance, and he focuses all his time and energy on that, he may never experience doing an activity purely because it is enjoyable, whether he is good at it or not,” says Eastwood. “It’s about taking pleasure in the process of ‘doing’ rather than in one’s performance,” she says.

The goal as a parent is to help your child feel competent and confident, and to help her develop a sense of passion and purpose.

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October 2013

parenting

just do it One area that all schools include in the curriculum is physical activity, which is critical to mental and physical health, no matter your age. Most children are naturally physical and energetic, therefore teachers and parents can channel that energy into sport through emphasising the pleasure of going outside to play games or run races. Although many South African schools’ team sports are gender-based, girls and boys can get involved with athletics, swimming, hockey, chess and tennis. Sandy Smith, principal at Kenridge Primary School in Cape Town, says they try not to favour one sport above another. They always give recognition where it is due and encourage all children to get into sport. “Of course, we want our children to do well at everything they do though.

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We also teach them it’s not always about winning, or being the best, but about one’s own gratification and personal sense of achievement. We encourage them to try their best, yet we don’t want them to feel devastated if they don’t come first,” says Smith. Clinical psychologist Jaydon Immerman, who works with schoolchildren and whose aim is to develop their coping skills, says, “When your child starts doing sport, get him to focus on having fun, rather than on winning. Competitive sport can happen much later.” What’s more, don’t push your child into team sports. He may prefer individual sports like boxing, swimming or golf; or other activities like music, art or drama. Immerman emphasises that it’s important to give your child a range of experiences and opportunities that will develop his inner talents and not inhibit his confidence. Experts also agree that sport improves your quality of life – physically, psychologically and even socially. Sport improves confidence and provides enjoyment and fulfilment. It also teaches children valuable life lessons: the importance of hard work, discipline and commitment, while team sport improves communication and develops a sense of responsibility. They also acknowledge that family and their schooling should always come first and that putting pressure on a child to do sport will cause stress and, in all likelihood, turn them off sport for life, says Immerman. At Kenridge Primary School the emphasis is not on success but on helping children to explore their talents and their potential through a range of extramurals. “I believe we need to accept that children are individuals with their unique talents and need to be guided to make good choices,” says Smith. “Over the years I have seen parents fall into the trap of trying to live their lives through their children, which has a very negative effect on children. Only when truly accepting children for who they are, can parents support their children. As adults, it’s up to us to guide children so they can make educated decisions, and we must support them through the process,” she adds. We can never say our child “let us

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down”, because whatever they do is about their interests, talents and challenges, and not about ours at all. The good news is that children are exploring avenues previously not open to them. Smith says that more girls take dancing and choir, but many more boys now do drama and music. “The boys particularly enjoy drums, guitar and keyboard lessons, because these instruments are ‘cool’.”

giving to others “One of the greatest gifts that a parent can give their child is a sense of what they can do for others,” says Eastwood. Even preschoolers can help clear out toys they no longer need. Parents can also encourage older children, if they get pocket money, to donate to a charity of their choice. “I feel that giving back to the community is really important because children need to be actively involved in making the world a better place for all. But don’t force the issue – it must become a natural part of your child’s life. If children support causes with which they can identify, charity will seem relevant and they’ll get much more satisfaction out of giving,” says Smith.

what to aim for A well-rounded child, therefore, is one who is confident, adaptable and able to socialise with his peers. It also means he is comfortable expressing his feelings, fits in well at school and within the family, and is relaxed enough to explore different facets of his personality. My son loves playing the game Tron: Legacy, conquering the electronic landscape and slaying maladaptive programmes. On occasion he also takes all his bears and soft toys outside for a picnic, which makes me smile every time. One writer believes that showing children there are different facets of life is a good way to create a well-rounded child. KW Callahan, in his article, “Attempting to Raise a Well-

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Rounded Child”, says that children should be exposed to “urban” and “rural” activities and these can be enjoyed in the country and in the city. He says showing children the reality of those who are wealthy versus those who have little is very important too. Callahan also mentions there are two ways in which to be “educated” – formally, at school and being “streetwise”, both of which will broaden a child’s outlook on life and their understanding of others. No child or adult wants to struggle with feelings of anxiety, trepidation and self-doubt when faced with a new situation. Fortunately, scientists, psychologists and educators now offer us the knowledge and insight we need to develop our children’s self-esteem and confidence, the most effective way to create a well-rounded child.

plant the seeds • S upport and encourage your child to try new activities, whatever it is: chess, scrapbooking, soccer, tennis, art or golf. • Praise effort more than success. • Don’t discourage your child from doing activities that don’t seem to “fit” the stereotype. Show acceptance and encouragement if your son wants to do dancing or drama. By the same token, allow your daughters the freedom to play soccer or chess or to be fascinated by technology. • Encourage your child to have as many friends as possible, including those of the opposite gender. • Teach by example. Choose a charity to which the family gives on a regular basis and get involved with charity drives at school. • Most importantly, accept your child for who he is.

October 2013

health

midlife crazy Marc de Chazal looks at the health changes of midlife and finds out it need not

be a crisis if you follow a healthy lifestyle.

ou will likely start feeling your age as you approach and enter your 40s. I know I have. I’m not sure if my hearing is declining yet (it will), but I’m straining to read the fine print on food labels, so my eyes have definitely started to weaken. Although people are staying healthy to a more advanced age, we’re all destined to experience physical, hormonal and even emotional changes as we get older. Other than a decline in hearing and sight, as we age, we’ll also begin to experience a decrease in height, greying hair, an increase in wrinkles, a metabolism slowdown that can result in a middle-age spread, bone mass deterioration and a steady decline in strength. Men will experience a gradual decrease in their testosterone levels, which tends to happen between the ages of 45 and 50. When this drop happens at a quicker rate, the condition is called andropause, but it doesn’t affect all men the same way that menopause affects all women. The decrease in oestrogen levels in women is what eventually ushers in menopause. These hormonal changes in both sexes can give rise to moodiness, fatigue and nervous system changes. If we better understand what’s happening to us and what our partners may be experiencing, the health changes of midlife need not become an overwhelming crisis.

Research shows that skin ageing is affected by our genes as well as by external factors, such as overexposure to the sun. The intrinsic ageing of our skin usually begins in our mid-twenties when collagen production slows down. We’ll eventually see the visible signs of this ageing process in the mirror, as fine wrinkles develop and our skin becomes thinner and more transparent. A decrease in oestrogen levels, which often starts long before menopause, can result in drier skin and even acne around the mouth and jawline for women. Our genes control just how quickly these signs appear for each of us. Premature ageing, on the other hand, is something we can control. External factors that will prematurely age skin include repetitive facial expressions, gravity, sleeping positions and smoking. “Sun exposure is the biggest contributor and not only causes the visible signs of skin damage, such as age spots and deep wrinkles, but also skin cancer,” says Dr Ishaan Ramkisson, a Durban-based dermatologist. “Skin cancer is the most common cancer in South Africa, but it is highly curable with early detection and proper treatment. If you notice anything changing, growing or bleeding on your skin, consult a dermatologist immediately,” he advises. Ramkisson also stresses the importance of using a good, broad-spectrum sunscreen all year round and wearing protective clothing and wide-brimmed hats when outdoors for extended periods. As we age, our bones shrink in size and density. “We reach our peak bone mass at around 20 years of age,” explains Dr Stanley Lipschitz, a geriatrician in private practice in Rosebank, Joburg. “In the absence of disease, we maintain bone mass and bone quality until the 40- to 45-year mark, but natural bone formation decreases from this age.” Menopause also contributes to a decrease in bone mass, which can make postmenopausal women susceptible to osteoporosis, a disease causing bones to become porous and prone to fractures. The National Osteoporosis Foundation of South Africa (NOFSA) reports that one in three women and one in five men will get this disease – potentially four to six million South Africans. “Women have a lower peak bone mass than men, so bone loss is

October 2013

magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterSTOCK.COM

skin and bones

more problematic given that they may lose large amounts of bone in the first two to five years of menopause,” says Lipschitz. “Younger men and women can preserve bone by following a healthy lifestyle – a good diet with adequate calories, protein and calcium, moderate exercise, not smoking and moderate alcohol consumption. In addition, bone loss especially in later life can also be prevented by medication – calcium, vitamin D, hormone therapy, where appropriate and other bone specific agents such as bisphosphonates and strontium ranelate.” NOFSA recommends that all women younger than 65, and anyone of any age at risk, have a fracture risk assessment done. Speak to your doctor about this.

spare tyres Men and women often struggle to maintain a healthy body weight as they age. Muscle mass naturally diminishes as we get older. If we don’t exercise enough and follow a healthy diet our body composition shifts to more fat and less muscle. A woman’s hormonal changes in her 30s and 40s can also affect her weight. The most profound weight gain, according to the Mayo Clinic, happens in the years leading up to menopause, but is not inevitable after menopause. The reason is a combination of lifestyle factors and genetics. Excess weight gain after menopause increases the risk of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and cancer, notably colon and breast cancer. Research shows that gaining as little as two kilograms at the age of 50 can increase the risk of breast cancer by 30 percent. Men today have about 20 percent less testosterone on average than men the same age did 20 years ago. The jury is still out as to the specific reasons for this, but there is evidence that suggests weight gain and a sedentary lifestyle have an influence. “Being overweight may result in a greater decline in a man’s testosterone, but the natural age-related decline in the hormone is not necessarily a reason for weight gain,” points out Dr Zaheer Bayat, an endocrinologist at Helen Joseph Hospital, which is attached to Wits University. “Genetic and lifestyle factors contribute to potential weight gain, so it’s important to watch what you eat and get enough exercise. A healthy lifestyle will actually boost testosterone levels, which will have many benefits, including fighting depression, improving cognitive function, increasing muscle mass and decreasing body fat, strengthening your heart and bones, and improving libido and erections,” he adds.

critical junctures The so-called midlife crisis is widely documented, but clinical psychologist and Unisa senior lecturer Dr Lesiba Baloyi says the phenomenon should be considered more of a defining moment than a crisis. “In my experience, the psychological impact related to ageing is rather complex. It’s not a given that a man will turn 50 and suddenly adopt out-of-character behaviour or rush off and have an affair,” explains Baloyi. “It does happen, of course, that middle-aged men in particular, will try to find an alternative reality. The more common issue I deal with in my practice is the inability of men to adapt to their life changes, or what I call the midlife developmental stage. In these cases I find that there are far deeper issues than just growing old that need to be addressed. He may be experiencing irritability and decreased energy, possibly because of a natural decrease in testosterone, but an emotional distance from his partner is the bigger issue. It’s important to explore the underlying relational or emotional reasons for this. I strongly advise that people find ways of healthy engagement with their loved ones. There is no substitute for positive conversation,” he says. Culture can further complicate matters for those of us reaching our middle years. Baloyi says that the concept of manhood in black culture is inexplicably linked to sexuality, so a flagging libido or erectile dysfunction can create more stress for black men, sometimes resulting in clinical depression.

live long and prosper Ageing is inevitable, but our lifestyle clearly impacts on just how healthy we will be into advanced age. Okinawans in Japan seem to have got it right. They have a history of ageing slowly and delaying or avoiding the chronic diseases of ageing. They boast more people over 100 years old per 100 000 people than anywhere else in the world. They also have the lowest death rates from cancer, heart disease and stroke, which are the top three killers in the US. According to the Okinawa Centenarian Study, the secret to their longevity is a combination of genetics and lifestyle factors. They eat fewer calories, resulting in a lower level of free radicals in their blood, which improves cardiovascular health and lowers the risk of cancer. They have 80 percent less risk of breast and prostate cancer and 50 percent less risk of ovarian and colon cancer. The traditional Okinawan diet is rich in complex carbohydrates and plant-based foods, and low in fat, and they stay physically active. We may not join the ranks of the centenarians, but all the specialists consulted recommend that we pay careful attention to our lifestyle – following a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, staying physically active, managing our stress and keeping a positive outlook. Regular medical checkups are also advised to ensure that any potentially detrimental health changes are detected early and treated. magazine cape town

October 2013

spotlight

GARY KOEN discusses the emotional impact that a divorce or an unhappy marriage can have on your children.

October 2013

result, make it difficult for parents to put their children’s needs first. In this respect, before deciding whether to separate or stay together, parents need to take stock of some basic truths. These truths apply to all parents, but perhaps those parents who are caught up in the bitterness, anger, sadness and regret, so prevalent during a divorce, need special reminding.

responsibilities Firstly, the one thing you are truly responsible for in this life is your child; irrespective of your job, the amount of money you earn or how many people report to you. What your children do with their lives remains your responsibility. You will always be either a mother or a father and they will always be your son or daughter. You are inextricably linked forever to

whatever paths your child may choose. Be aware that at some deep undeniable level you have played a significant role in having forged that path. You cannot avoid this responsibility, because whatever action you take, it will have some significant bearing on their lives. Children don’t choose to be born; they had no say in that decision. They are here purely as a result of a choice made by you. It is a child’s fundamental right to be looked after. It is not some favour we are doing them, nor is it a privilege that they ought to be grateful for. You are going to place enough expectations and pressures on your children as it is. So, once parents are reminded about these basic, yet vitally important truths, they can move on and decide what to do about their marriage.

decisions When weighing up the pros and cons of staying together or separating, the first thing parents need to do is ask themselves whether they have explored every avenue to make their relationship work. How hard have they tried to understand what caused the breakdown? Can they say that the issues between them are so deep and insoluble, that the very best situation is to separate? Parents need to dig deep and look honestly inside themselves to answer these questions. Getting divorced is a hard thing to do. Divorce is difficult on the children, and divorce will be difficult on the parents too. Parents must be careful not to delude themselves into believing that divorce is the easier option. If one considers the amount of time, energy, effort, commitment and

magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

am often asked by parents who are struggling with difficult marital issues, whether it’s better to stay together and maintain the family structure for the sake of their children, or remove the tension and conflict by getting divorced. My answer in each case is that at least their thinking is on the right track. Ultimately, the right decision will enable them to be better parents. Unfortunately when it comes to divorce, the children are the ones who get hurt the most and the only way to minimise the hurt is to make them and their interests the main priority. However, a family is not like a block of chocolate that can be easily broken up and divided. A family is one of the central pillars around which most peoples’ lives revolve. When that pillar crumbles, the levels of pain and hurt that

sacrifice that goes into getting married and creating a family (energy that’s normally positive and fuelled by hopes and dreams), they must also realise that to undo this will take an equal amount of energy, effort and time. Also, the energy which fuels divorce is generally filled with sadness, anger, fear and worry. Once parents have reached the painful conclusion that their marriage is damaged beyond repair, the next step is to discover whether there is a way to break the marriage without breaking the family. Divorce means the end of a marriage, but does it have to mean the end of a family?

putting on a front The option of parents staying together for the sake of their children can only be properly achieved if they are capable of maintaining the essence of what represents a family. Parents cannot stay together if they are only going to look like a family. They also have to live as a family. Parents need to seriously ask themselves whether they can stay with a partner they loathe, and yet simultaneously present the united front necessary when raising a family. A family is a dynamic entity. It is not static

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or placid. It moves, grows, demands and changes. The parents who stay together for the sake of their children need to be able to move, grow and adapt; and they need to be able to do this as a unit, not as two separate individuals. Parents who stay together for the sake of their children must not pursue a separate life while maintaining the illusion of being a couple, and believe that this will still be in the best interests of their children. A home is not a 24-hour fast food restaurant where parents can freely come and go whenever

When they become teenagers they tend to start digging in their heels, and so begin the confrontations.

it’s not only about you A crisis precipitated by a parent is one of the hardest things for a teenager to bear. Some crises may be unavoidable, and cannot be helped, be they a parent becoming critically ill, being involved in an accident, suffering personal trauma, or experiencing a severe financial setback. All of these crises may lead a parent to

A family is not like a block of chocolate that can be easily broken up and divided. they want. Neither are parents free to seek out and have their own needs met elsewhere. Open marriages rarely work, but when there are children involved, open marriages are destructive. Children may be little, but they are not stupid; and they don’t stay children for very long. Parents need to be aware that when children are much younger, they are simply swept along by whatever maelstrom happens to be gripping their parents’ lives at the time.

become basically ineffectual in their child’s life, which can have a very negative effect on the adolescent. However, even in these circumstances, teenagers are generally accepting and understanding of these stresses if their parents are willing to acknowledge the difficulties and to talk to them about what is going on. The simple message is that even in a crisis, it’s a parent’s job to parent and do their best to clear the space so the teenager can carry

on living a full life. A parent’s willingness to engage with what’s going on in their child’s life, to own up and take responsibility for their child’s feelings and to understand whatever their children feel and say, can go a long way in resolving difficulties and protecting their relationship. This however is very different from the parents who cause the crisis. A teenager does not need his parents to bombard his life with their breakdowns and issues. The decision to get divorced and to break up a family would certainly rank among the most disruptive events in any child’s life, but for a teenager the effect can have longlasting effects on their relationship with both parents. Often the frustration is simply the disbelief that two competent adults were incapable of finding an alternative solution. But the frustration can deepen and intensify if they find themselves having to deal with the emotional fallout that invariably accompanies these crises. Parents need to realise that they can’t turn to their children for emotional support in a crisis that they have caused. This is hard for teenagers who are struggling with their own lives and identities. The last thing they need is to be thrust into

October 2013

spotlight

the role of caregiver. If a teenager’s life gets consumed by the ongoing emotional demands of their parents, it could lead the teenager into depression.

splitting sooner or later Similarly, parents who opt to stay together, despite their relationship being an empty loveless void, need to be sure that they can meet the demands of their children properly. While they must not bombard their child’s life with their crisis, they must not fill it up with their emptiness either. Children, who grow up in homes where the atmosphere is filled with eerie detachment and chokedup bitterness, often struggle later on in life to identify and express their own feelings. Sadly, some even express anger towards their parents for not having divorced. The charade can be more painful than the reality. Also, parents who have managed to maintain the facade of a cohesive family until the point that there children leave home, are often shocked by the level of dismay and distress their adult children feel when they announce their divorce. While it is easier for grown up children to cope with their parents’ divorce, many still feel confused by their decision, and may even begin to question their own childhood; wondering what was real and what was a lie. The decision to stay together for the sake of the children can only work if children are able to look back and feel that

October 2013

they had a good family experience, and that despite their difficulties, their parents really did love them and tried their best to offer them everything that they needed. If at a later stage of their lives they wish to separate, then it should be a choice that they are allowed to make. However the same principle must apply to couples who decide to separate sooner. Often the issuing of a summons

has dissolved. It’s a working document, which evolves to the changing demands of the family. While a parenting plan is a noble and well-intentioned concept, the law itself does not effectively possess the language to properly describe nor account for the pain and suffering that follows the breaking up of a family. There is a gulf between what is legally sound, yet emotionally and psychologically flawed, which is why the

It’s a parent’s job to parent and do their best to clear the space so the teenager can carry on living a full life. for divorce amounts to a declaration of civil war between the two parental parties, and the children become the unwilling spoils. The family, once a hallowed and shared space, becomes a battleground where the lines between “good” and “bad” become blurred as children are pushed into “choices” in which they have no say. Trying to steer a sensible path through this legal, financial and emotional morass is a hard thing to do. In 2005 the Children’s Act introduced the “best interests of the child” principle, which among other things requires the divorcing parents to come up with a comprehensive parenting plan. The parenting plan is a reminder of the rights and responsibilities that each parent will continue to exercise even after the marriage

idea of mandatory parenting classes for divorcing parents is mooted. The idea is to equip parents with an understanding of their children’s developmental stages, and to put in place plans to try and meet these needs. The primary goal is to help parents

put their own hostility aside so they can focus on the needs of a family for who they are responsible. In some American states, the process is so strict and comprehensive, that until each of the divorcing parents are capable of enjoying a family dinner without any incidents of abuse and tension, they are not permitted to get divorced. Some may also argue that a similar process should be in place before people decide to get married and have children. The fundamental message for all parents who find themselves in this situation is that in many respects, a successful divorce takes as much, if not more, work than a successful marriage. Giving up on marriage must not mean giving up on family. While the parents’ commitment towards one another may end, the commitment to their children and family has to remain as strong and steadfast as ever.

about the author Gary Koen is a clinical psychologist in private practice with over 20 years’ experience, working mainly with adults and adolescents. He also does presentations at schools on a range of teenage-related topics. These include all the general aspects of normal adolescent development. He developed and successfully runs a course, “An introduction to adolescence”, aimed at parents. He is also working on a book that deals with the challenges facing parents and teenagers and, as a father of three, he is heavily invested in everything he says. For more information, visit garykoen.co.za

magazine cape town

resource

free for all For those who can’t eat certain things, and those who can

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com / NIKKI-LEIGH PIPER

eat most things, there’s a recipe here for you.

Many children and adults are unable to eat certain foods for whatever reasons. They may be diabetic, wheat intolerant or need to avoid dairy. Child magazine puts together some tasty treats that are either wheat-, gluten-, dairy- or sugar-free or vegan.

muesli ingredients • 250g gluten-free oats • 200g mixed nuts (almonds, walnuts, Brazil nuts, cashews and macadamia nuts) • 75g mixed seeds (sunflower, pumpkin, sesame and flax) • 2 tsp ground cinnamon • 175g dried fruit (goji berries, cranberries and raisins) • 5 tbsp runny honey • 4 tbsp olive oil method 1 Preheat the oven to 180°C. Put the dry ingredients (including the cinnamon, but not the dried fruit) on a baking tray, drizzle with honey and olive oil, coat well and spread out. 2 Place the tray in the oven for 25–30 minutes, mixing every 10 minutes or so, until the entire mix is golden brown. 3 Remove from the oven, mix in the dried fruit and let it cool down. 4 Once cooled, serve with milk or your favourite yoghurt.

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tip: This recipe is gluten-free, sugar-free and wheat-free. Gluten-free oats can be found at health stores. Serve the muesli with fruit salad and fruit juice for a dairy free option.

October 2013

resource

parmesan and parsley crust hake with mayo

for the mayo to go with the fish

choc chip cookies

ingredients • 4 boneless, skinless hake fillets • 2 eggs, beaten • 1 cup Corn Flakes, ground up in a mortar with a pestle • 1 cup fresh parsley, chopped • grated zest of 1 lemon • 1 cup grated Parmesan • olive oil

mix together the following • 4 tbsp mayo • 1 heaped tsp of wholegrain mustard • juice from half a lemon • the other half of the parsley

• 50g butter

method 1 In a flat dish, mix the Corn Flakes, lemon zest, parmesan and half the parsley together. 2 Put each fish fillet in the egg, then into the crumb mixture, back into the egg and again in the crumbs. 3 Fry the fillets in a pan in a little bit of olive oil.

ingredients • 60g castor sugar • 60g brown treacle sugar • 1 large egg • 1 tsp vanilla essence • 150g gluten-free cake flour • 1 tsp baking powder • 100g dark choc chips

tip:

This is a wheatfree recipe. You can use frozen hake fillets, which you will need to defrost about an hour before you cook them.

method

1 Preheat the oven to 180°C. 2 Beat together the butter, vanilla essence, sugar and egg.

3 Add the flour and baking powder and beat again. 4 Stir in the choc chips and mix well. 5 Place tablespoons of the mixture onto a lined baking tray and bake for 12–15 minutes.

tip:

This recipe is gluten-free. Replace the sugar with a substitute such as stevia or xylitol and the choc chips with diabetic chocolate, chopped into smaller pieces, for a sugarfree version.

healthy recipes at your fingertips • G reen Market Baking Book by Laura C Martin – A collection of baking recipes that only use sugar substitutes, while also suggesting vegan, dairy- and glutenfree recipes. • Herbivoracious by Michael Natkin – This vegetarian cookbook offers creative meals that provide the essential proteins and nutrients. Plus there are vegan and gluten-free recipes. • Vegan Cooking for Carnivores by Roberto Martin – Healthy, easy and accessible vegan meals. • Find vegan, vegetarian, gluten- and dairy-free recipes on the Jamie Oliver website: jamieoliver.com/recipes/category/special-diet

October 2013

magazine cape town

books

a good read for toddlers

for preschoolers

I am an Artist By Marta Altes (Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R191) This is the perfect book for anyone who loves making art and making a mess. Meet the boy who can’t stop creating art. He loves colours, shapes, textures, movement and everything inspires him: his socks, the contents of the fridge, even his cat gets a new coat of paint. But there’s just one problem: his mom isn’t quite so enthusiastic. In fact, she seems a little cross. But this boy has a plan to make his mom smile. He’s about to create his finest piece yet and on a very grand scale. This is a sharp, silly, fabulously funny book for children from the age of three, which shows that art is everywhere.

The Name of the Tree is Bojabi By Piet Grobler and Dianne Hofmeyr (Published by Human & Rousseau, R145) The animals are very hungry, and then they see a tree covered in ripe fruits. But wrapped around the tree is the largest python they have ever seen. Python will only let the animals eat the fruit if they can tell him the name of the tree. Only the King of the Jungle knows, and he is far away. This is a story for children between five and seven, who enjoy silly names and rhymes. The repetitive element reinforces the idea of being on a journey and the power of the story lies in a little tortoise that offers the other animals hope and the African inspired illustrations.

for preteens and teens Warp: The Reluctant Assassin By Eoin Colfer (Published by Hyperion Books, R203) This is the first book in a new series for children aged nine to 12 years old, by the bestselling author of the Artemis Fowl series. The reluctant assassin is Riley, a Victorian boy who is suddenly plucked from his own time and whisked into the twenty-first century, accused of murder and on the run. Riley has been pulled into the FBI’s covert W.A.R.P. operation (Witness Anonymous Relocation Program). He and young FBI agent Chevie Savano are forced to flee terrifying assassin-for-hire Albert Garrick, who pursues Riley through time and will not stop until he has hunted him down. Barely staying one step ahead, Riley and Chevie must stay alive and stop Garrick returning to his own time with knowledge and power that could change the world forever.

for early graders

My Monster Mayhem By Anita Pouroulis and Sholto Walker (Published by Digital Leaf, R80) The little girl in this book has a big problem: her house is overrun with all kinds of horrible monsters and they’re getting her into trouble. She battles against them heroically, leaving lights on at night and splashing bath water to scare them away. But mom doesn’t understand why she behaves this way; she even thinks her daughter’s being naughty. Can you imagine that? The book has outstanding artwork, is powerfully imaginative and is great fun to read to your preschooler. Also don’t be put off by the monster element. Little ones tend to be more interested in the storyline and the rhyming text.

Dogtective William Travels the World By Elizabeth Wasserman and Chris Venter (Published by Tafelberg Publishers, R115) Adrian is 12 years old and an only child. He spends a lot of time with his dog, William, which the family adopted from the SPCA. But only Adrian knows William’s secret: he understands human language and he can talk, and he is a dogtective (dog detective). Under the pretence of going on a soccer tour, Adrian and William, make arrangements to travel to Istanbul where, in true espionage-style, William’s contact awaits. From there the hunt for the villain, Scurvy Scabscratch, takes them to Venice, Paris, Amsterdam and, finally, London, with a couple of thugs hot on their heels.

parenting books Whatever, Mom: Body Piercings and other Power Struggles By Dr Linda Friedland (Published by NB Publishers, R195) Is there a right way of parenting teens? And how can we find the resources in ourselves to get through this difficult time and bring our children up well? This is a practical and informative guide to handling the challenges parents face when their children enter this complex and transformative phase. Find out about how best to deal with the issues that concern you most as a parent, including communication problems, alcohol and substance abuse, teenage love and sex, bad manners, poor school performance, eating disorders, and internet and cellphones. This book is packed with common-sense from a parent who has been there herself.

for us The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul By Deborah Rodriguez (Published by Little, Brown & Company, R125) In a little coffee shop in one of the most dangerous places on earth, five very different women come together: Sunny, the proprietor, who needs an ingenious plan, fast, to keep her café and customers safe; Yazmina, a young pregnant woman stolen from her remote village and now abandoned on Kabul’s violent streets; Candace, a wealthy American who has finally left her husband for her Afghan lover, the enigmatic Wakil; Isabel, a determined journalist with a secret that might keep her from the biggest story of her life; and Halajan, the 60-year-old den mother, whose long-hidden love affair breaks all the rules. As these five women discover there’s more to one another than meets the eye, they form a unique bond that will forever change their lives and the lives of many others. magazine cape town

50 Things you really need to know: Happy, Healthy, Pregnancy By Ali Monaghan (Published by Quercus Publishing, R129) Having a baby can be a daunting prospect, with a bewildering amount of advice and guidance to absorb. 50 Things You Really Need to Know: Happy, Healthy Pregnancy condenses it all into 50 essential pieces of information, giving you insider tips from real-life experiences. From breaking the happy news to creating a birth plan, getting the best from your care providers to baby-proofing your home, and how to cope with everything in between (including your own mother) – this book will tell you everything you need to know about your pregnancy in easy-to-manage, bite-sized chunks. October 2013

calendar

what’s on in october

You can also access the calendar online at

childmag.co.za

Here’s your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by LUCILLE KEMP

FUN FOR CHILDREN – p34

ONLY FOR PARENTS – p36

Spring surf fun day for special needs children Lyndon Read Surfboards and the Autism Surf Project are hosting a fun day at Big Bay beach.

Science Out Loud This month’s talk is “The Imperfect Storm – Science of Surfing” by Steve Pike of Wavescape.

bump, baby & tot in tow – p38

how to help – p38

Famsa “prepare for baby” Interactive group sessions comprise psycho-educational, experiential and reflective elements.

Friends of Vista Nova Raise funds for this government school that accommodates children with cerebral palsy and other learning disabilities.

SPECIAL EVENTS – p33 Impi Challenge The Impi Challenge and Impi Elite Race are set over 12km each, with 18 and 25 fun obstacles respectively. Family and friends are encouraged to join in and support.

October 2013

magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

sat

SPECIAL EVENTS 1 tuesday Kidz Discovery Meet & Greet and mini open day Register for the Kidz Discovery Babies, Toddler and Preschool preparedness programme (3 months– 5 years), crafts and art classes for term four as well as 2014. Enrolments into the Bridging BrightStart school in 2014 for 2½ –4 year olds is also welcome. Time: 10am–1pm. Venue: The Drive, Camps Bay. Cost: free entry into the open day. Contact: 083 654 2494 or info@kidzdiscovery.co.za

5 saturday Parklands College open day Interested parents are invited to view the school’s facilities. Time: 10am–1:30pm. Venue: 91 Raats Dr and 50 Wood Dr, Parklands and 1 College Ave, Sandown. Cost: free entry. Contact: 0861-EDUCATE (3382283) PediaSure Toddler Sense Seminar Join Sr Ann Richardson and her guest speakers for a morning’s discussion about the toddler years. Time: 8am–1:30pm. Venue: Kenilworth Racecourse. Cost: R295, includes goody bags, prizes and tea. Contact Debbie: 031 262 4962, bookings@toddlersense. co.za or visit toddlersense.co.za Sarda open garden The garden was established on bare, flat clay soil in 2001. Ambling through this garden is a tranquil, inspiring experience. Time: 10am–5pm.

magazine cape town

Venue: Water Oak Farm, Klein Constantia Rd, Constantia. Cost: R30 entry and R20 for tea/coffee and cake. Contact: 021 794 4393 or visit sarda.co.za The Freshpak Fitness Festival The Fitness Challenge for teens consists of a 2,5km run, 450m swim and 1km run. Younger children can take part in FitKids, which is a 1km run, 200m swim, 1km run or the Run for Fun, which is 1km. Time: from 9am. Venue: Clanwilliam Dam Resort. Cost: R25–R55. Contact Clare: 082 921 8636 or Colleen: 082 895 4833, tridusport@mweb. co.za or visit freshpakfitnessfestival.co.za The Vine School open day View samples of the Ambleside curriculum and experience a lesson. Childcare and refreshments are provided. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: 37 Denver Rd, Lansdowne. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 696 3220, info@thevineschool. org.za or visit thevineschool.org.za

18 friday Robertson Wine on the River This festival offers more than 300 wines from 40-plus wineries, gastronomic delights, boat cruises, live music, children’s activities and more. Ends 20 October. Time: 11am–8pm, Friday; 10am–6pm, Saturday; 11am–3pm, Sunday. Venue: Goudmyn Farm, R317 between Robertson and Bonnievale. Cost: R75–R250, children under 18 free. Contact: 023 626 3167, mmouton@robertsonwinevalley.com, manager@robertsonwinevalley.com or visit wineonriver.com

5 sat

Season of Sauvignon

Each of the 10 participating wine farms put their own creative spin on welcoming back white wine season. Trendy food trucks, pop-up garden-parties, family-friendly picnics, traditional fish braais, bands, bistros and tastings of the latest vintage form part of the festivities. Also 6 October. Time: varies. Venue: Durbanville Wine Valley. Cost: varies. For more info: visit durbanvillewine.co.za

19 saturday

20 sunday

Impi Challenge The Impi Challenge and Impi Elite Race are set over 12km each, with 18 and 25 fun obstacles respectively. 19 October: Impi Elite Race and Impi Challenge; 20 October: Impi Challenge. Time: Impi Elite 9am; Impi Challenge 19 October 9:15am, 20 October 8:15am. Venue: Lievland Wine Estate and Wiesenhof Legacy Park, Stellenbosch. Cost: R350– R550. Contact: info@impichallenge.co.za or visit impichallenge.co.za

It’s all in the genes Down’s syndrome awareness day Wear jeans and a sticker on the day in support. Stickers can be purchased from DSSA. For more info: 0861 369 672, dssa.odo@icon.co.za or visit downsyndrome.org.za

22 tuesday Trevor Noah – It’s My Culture This show takes you with Trevor to New Zealand, Zambia, New York and London. Ends 2

October 2013

calendar November. Time: 8pm, Tuesday–Saturday; 5pm, Sunday. Venue: Baxter Theatre. Cost: R180–R220. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000

25 friday Art for Me For the first time in Cape Town, view works by some of SA’s most influential and emerging artists under one roof. Enjoy interactive theatre, workshops and a children’s area. Ends 27 October. Time: 12pm–9pm, Friday; 10am–9pm, Saturday; 10am–6pm, Sunday. Venue: The Lookout, V&A Waterfront. Cost: adults R100, children under 12 R50. For more info: visit artforme.co.za Look and Feel Good Expo For the beautyand health-conscious. Time: 11am–6pm, Friday; 9am–6pm, Saturday; 9am–5pm, Sunday. Venue: Sandringham Farm, Stellenbosch. Cost: adults R70, children under 12 free. Contact: 0861 115 318

children’s marketplace. There is also a funfair area, a market, beer garden and wine-tasting section, a coffee shop and food stalls, sports competitions and live entertainment. Also 27 October. Time: 10am. Venue: Muizenberg Pavilion. Cost: free. For more info: visit entrepreneurexpo.co.za Spier Secret Festival Offerings include tastings of 30 of South Africa’s top Chenin Blanc wines, Spier’s wine bar, farmyard petting pen, paper-rocket ship-making, braaiing stokbrood, face painting and fresh produce from Ethical Meat Merchants. Top local restaurants have pop-ups serving lunch. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: Spier Wine Farm. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 809 1100 or visit spiersecretfestival.co.za

26 saturday Colour Me Crazy 5km run and colour fest Expect a kaleidoscope of colour, energy, dancing, music and fun as you’re blasted with coloured powder at each kilometre in the 5km race. Goodluck, Locnville, DJ Mixi, Dean Fuel and Roger Goode perform. Time: 9am. Venue: Ostrich Ranch, N7. Cost: R290–R320. Contact: info@colourmecrazy. co.za, visit colourmecrazy.co.za or book through quicket.co.za Entrepreneur Expo Highlights include a technology and innovation section and a

October 2013

26 October – Spier Secret Festival

27 sunday Slanghoek Triathlon Time: 8am, road triathlon; 9:10am, long MTB triathlon; 10:10am, short MTB triathlon; 12pm, junior triathlon. Venue: Breeland Cellar, Slanghoek Valley. Cost: R240–R550. Contact Agne: 082 517 4799 or visit iqela-events.co.za

30 wednesday American International School of Cape Town open day Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: 42 Soetvlei Ave, Constantia. Cost: free. Contact Helen: 021 713 2220, admissions@aisct.org or visit aisct.org

31 thursday Chase the Sunset trail run The 5km and 10km routes meander through the vineyards offering spectacular scenery. Take a headlight and dress in Halloween costumes to stand the chance to win a prize. Spectators can enjoy a wine tasting. After the run the Durbanville Hills restaurant is open for dinner. Time: 5pm. Venue: Durbanville Hills. Cost: R60 per runner, R85 a hamburger. Contact Simone: 021 558 1300 or sibrown@durbanvillehills.co.za The Cape Town Military Tattoo 2013 This modern tattoo is described as a kaleidoscope of movement and music, comprising a series of short, fast moving acts. Ends 2 November. Time: 8pm. Venue: The Castle of Good Hope. Cost: adults R80– R100, children under 12 R40–R50. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science Bugz Family Playpark’s science class The class teaches children various experiments. The professional staff assist and explain the theory behind each. For 8–12 year olds. 4 and 25 October. Time: 2:30pm–4pm. Venue: Bugz Family Playpark, 56 Tarentaal St, Joostenbergvlakte, Kraaifontein. Cost: adults R25, children R99, including juice and an ice cream. Contact: 021 988 8836, party@bugz.co.za or visit bugzplaypark.co.za CapeGators Kids Club For children 3–13 years old. This month’s activity is a Boot Camp Fitness Session. 12 October. Time: 11am–12pm. Venue: CapeGate Shopping Precinct, Brackenfell. Cost: free. For more info: visit capegatecentre.co.za Free two-hour introductory fabric painting workshop For adults and children. 19 October. Time: 8:45am–10:45am. Venue: Pinelands. Cost: R35 for a kit. Contact Wendy: 021 531 8076, 082 391 4954 or wendyadriaan@telkomsa.net Sue Nepgen’s children’s art classes The fourth term’s programme consists of a variety of creative work in different mediums. Term starts first or second week of October. Children may join in at any stage after this point. For 4–13 year olds. Time: afternoons and Saturday morning. Venue: Michael Oak Waldorf School, Kenilworth or

magazine cape town

African Penguin Day Two Oceans Aquarium is hosting a mini Penguin Waterfront Waddle to the Mouille Point lighthouse and back. The route is about 5km. Time: 9am. Venue: meet at Two Oceans Aquarium, V&A Waterfront. Cost: free for the waddle, entry fee to the Aquarium applies. Contact: members@aquarium.co.za or visit aquarium.co.za

12 sat

girls 4–13 years old. For time, venues and costs, contact: coachgrant@kidsoncloud9. co.za or visit kidsoncloud9.co.za Tots n Pots classes Children cook a variety of healthy snacks, meals and treats. Starts 9 October. Time: 3pm Wednesday and Thursday for 2–6 year olds, 9:30am Friday for 2–3 year olds, 9:15am Saturday for 2–10 year olds. Venue: Constantia Tots n Pots, Stodel’s Café. Cost: R720 per term (8 weeks) or R90 per class, if space available. Contact Chene: constantia@totsnpots.com or visit totsnpots.com

family outings

28 Klaasenbosch Dr, Constantia. Cost: R590 a term, including materials and firing. Prorata fees for late joiners. Contact Sue: 021 794 6609, 021 794 4723, 083 237 7242 or snepgen@xsinet.co.za

classes, talks and workshops Headstart Swim School free mini lesson See the pools and meet the team. Children get a free 10-minute lesson. Walkins on the day accepted, but prebookings take preference. 20 October. Group lessons for advanced pupils learning strokes. Time: 11:30am–1:30pm. Venue: 36 Franklin Rd, Claremont. Individual lessons for beginners

of all ages. Time: 2:30pm–4:30pm. Venue: 104 Queen Victoria Rd, Claremont. Cost: free. Contact Rochelle: 021 674 7681 or headstartswim@gmail.com Kids Cooking Class This incorporates eight weeks of cooking. Children choose one healthy dish and one treat. For 4–12 year olds. Starts 3 October. Time: 3pm–5pm, every Thursday. Venue: Montana Rd, Camps Bay. Cost: R960 for the term or R120 per lesson. Contact: 021 437 1150, janis@ nicetouch.co.za or visit nicetouch.co.za Kids onCloud9 Explore and Experience Club The club offers educational tours, fan days and social outreach days. For boys and

The Freshpak Fitness Festival 5 October. Time: varies. Venue: Clanwilliam Dam Resort. Cost: R25–R55. Contact Clare: 082 921 8636 or Colleen: 082 895 4833, tridusport@mweb.co.za or visit freshpakfitnessfestival.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play Nature’s Treasure Box art workshop Children take part in games, storytelling and an exploratory walk in the garden. Children create and decorate a treasure box for the items they collect from nature. For 6–9 year olds. 26 September. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Gold Fields Environmental Education Centre, Kirstenbosch, Rhodes Dr, Newlands. Cost: R50. Contact Nusrat: 021 799 8670, n.harnekar@sanbi.org.za, s.hey@sanbi.org.za or visit sanbi.org.za

markets Ottery Indoor Community Market A variety of goods are on offer such as clothes, crafts, jewellery, novelties and food. There is also a tea garden, entertainment, demonstrations and lucky draws. Time: 3pm–9pm, every Friday. Venue: OIS Centre, Old Strandfontein Rd, Ottery. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 704 1462 or xpostalls@polka.co.za Santam Swartland Wine and Olive Route farmers market The market offers wine, olives and the award-winning olive oil. There is entertainment for the family. 5 October. Time: 10am–4pm. Venue: Stone Cottages, Kirstenbosch. Cost: free entry; R40 for wine-tasting, which includes a wine glass and tasting vouchers. Contact: 022 487 1133 or swartlandinfo@westc.co.za The BMC Family Market Music, art, crafts, decor, a tea garden, homemade foods and children’s activities are on offer. 5 October. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Bergvliet Methodist Church, Wesley Ave, Bergvliet. Cost: free entry. Contact: 021 715 3045 or familymarket@bmchurch.org.za WPPS Christmas Market Find ladies’ clothing, jewellery, food and deli gifts, stocking fillers, Christmas decorations and early Christmas gifts, a tea garden, cappuccino bar and more. 31 October. Time: 10am–4:30pm. Venue: Western Province Preparatory School, Stansbury Hall, 49 Newlands Rd, Claremont. Cost: free. Contact: 021 761 8074

family marketplace

magazine cape town

October 2013

calendar

26 sat

Spring triple trail run Take part in the first trail run of spring. Time: 7:30am–11:30am. Venue: Dirtopia Trail Centre, Delvera Farm, R44, Stellenbosch. Cost: R50–R105. Contact: 021 884 4752, theteam@dirtopia. co.za or visit dirtopia.co.za

on stage and screen Halloween special on Disney XD Watch a special Camp Lakebottom marathon. There will also be Halloween-themed episodes of other shows all day, and the movie, The Addams Family Reunion at 3:45pm. 31 October at 5pm on Disney XD (DStv Channel 304). Improguise South Africa’s award-winning improvisation company returns with a live family-friendly soap-a-thon, performed in aid of The Rape Crisis Cape Town Trust. 26 October. Time: 9am–midnight. Venue: The Little Theatre. Book through Webtickets: visit webtickets.co.za Teen Beach Movie: Dance-Along special This month the new version of the movie gives viewers a chance to learn the dance moves to the song, “Surf’s Up”. 11 October. Time: 5pm on Disney Channel (DStv channel 303). For more info: visit disney.co.za

playtime and story time Brackenfell Library story hour For 2–5 year olds. Time: 11:30am, every Wednesday. Venue: Brackenfell Library, Paradys St. Cost: free. Contact: 021 980 1261/1375 or gertruida.duplessis@capetown.gov.za

sport and physical activities Children’s integral yoga day Children can participate in Hatha Yoga, music, gardening, and art and crafts. For 3–12 year olds. 27 October. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Ananda Kutir Ashrama, 24 Sprigg Rd, Rondebosch. Cost: donations welcome. Contact: 084 919 4864 or mala@live.co.za Cricket School of Excellence junior club and Friday group coaching They offer small group coaching and a junior club (Rondebosch venue only) for 4–13 year olds. Net sessions, fielding sessions and match-related games are covered. Time: 3:30pm–5pm, every Friday. Venues: Rondebosch Boys’ High School, Herzlia Constantia, International School of Hout Bay,

October 2013

Jan van Riebeeck Primary School, Elkanah House Senior Primary and Van der Stel Cricket Club. Cost: R600. Contact: 0861 123 273, info@cricketschool.co.za or visit cricketschool.co.za Delvera Hi-Tec Full Moon Hikes Enjoy a picnic while watching the sunset over Table Mountain, and then see the full moon rise. 18 and 19 October. Time: 5:30pm–8:30pm. Venue: Dirtopia Trail Centre, Delvera Farm, R44, Stellenbosch. Cost: adults R60, children under 12 R25. Contact: 021 884 4752 or visit dirtopia.co.za Free Dance Totz trial class For 3–6 year olds. 30 and 31 October. Time: afternoon classes. Venue: upper Kenilworth, 30 October; Tokai, 31 October. Cost: free. Contact Inge: 072 904 4848, fun@ dancetotz.co.za or visit dancetotz.co.za Kirstenhof Dance and Pilates Studio Join in their ballet, modern, hip-hop and Pilates classes. Time: call to enquire. Venue: 14 Windhover St, Kirstenhof. Cost: varies. Contact Liane: 021 701 2750, 082 739 0100 or lianepenny@gmail.com Sporting Chance holiday programme In the areas of cricket, field hockey and soccer. 23–27 September. Time: call to enquire. Venues: Kelvin Grove, Newlands; Constantia Sports Complex, Constantia; Kenridge Primary School, Belville. Cost: call to enquire. Contact Marike: 021 683 7299 or visit sportingchance.co.za Spring surf fun day for special needs children Lyndon Read Surfboards and the Autism Surf Project are holding a fun, nonpressurised day of surf lessons for children with special needs. 6 October. Time: 9am. Venue: Big Bay Beach, Blouberg. Cost: free. Contact Tish: 078 623 7938 Teddy Tennis at The Glen Country Club Tennis for 2–8 year olds that is accompanied by music. Time: 2pm, Monday–Friday. Venue: The Glen Country Club, Clifton. Cost: call to enquire. Contact: 083 679 0731, mark@teddytennis.com or visit teddytennis.com

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Advanced nanny cooking course The course teaches new dishes such as teriyaki salmon and sushi. 2, 9, 16 and 23 October. Time: 9am–12:30pm, every Wednesday. Venue: 5 Montana Rd, Camps Bay. Cost: R1 550 for a full course. Contact: 021 437 1150, 082 319 9215, janis@nicetouch. co.za or visit nicetouch.co.za Child development talks 9 October: oral motor difficulties related to feeding challenges. 10 October: play therapy. 16 October: identifying and assisting with speech and language difficulties. 17 October: sensory diet ideas to improve alertness and concentration. 23 October: building blocks for fine motor development. 30 October: co-parenting challenges and strategies. 6 November: social-emotional development of preschoolers using Floortime. Time: 7pm–9pm. Venue: Polka Spot Early Intervention Centre, 21 Roodehek St, Gardens. Cost: R200 per session. Contact: 021 462 1508, info@polkaspot.co.za or visit polkaspot.co.za magazine cape town

Family and Friends CPR 5 October. Time: 9am–12:30pm. Venue: Constantiaberg Mediclinic, Burnham Rd, Plumstead. Cost: R250. Contact Kathy: 021 705 6459 or training@pec.c.za Halloween charity class Join in making a three-tier cake for charity, in a Halloween theme. The recipients are the children of Lawrence House in Woodstock, which houses refugee orphans. 30 October. Time: 6:30pm–9:30pm. Venue: Julie’s Cake Studio, shop 5 Newlands Quarter, cnr Dean St and Main St, Newlands. Cost: R450. Contact Julie: 021 686 2372, julie@juliescakestudio. co.za or visit juliescakestudio.co.za Ladies’ four-week craft course 7 October: wooden decoupage. 14 October: fabric painting. 21 October: beaded jewellery. 28 October: glass decoupage. Time: 10am–1pm. Venue: Stages Lifestyle Centre, Littlewoods, Ottery. Cost: R150 per person per lesson or R500 per course, which includes materials. Contact: 021 704 1462, 074 106 0713 or stages@polka.co.za Language workshop Find different ways to teach reading and writing to children to make it more enjoyable. For parents and teachers. 12 October. Time: 9:30am–11:30am. Venue: ELF Montessori Teacher Training, 28 Main Rd, Mowbray. Cost: R50. Contact: 021 685 8119, elfsecretary@gmail.com or visit elfmontessori.co.za Montessori teacher training info evening 9 October. Time: 6pm–7:30pm. Venue: Auburn House School, 3 Auburn Rd, Kenilworth. Cost: free. Contact: 021 797 7872 or capetown@montessorisa.co.za Nannies basic cooking courses A fourweek course covers simple, tasty, familyfriendly meals focusing on low-fat, healthy and special diets such as gluten-free, dairy-free and kosher. 1, 8, 15 and 22

16 wed

Starfinder Astronomy Course The course comprises four sessions covering an introduction to the celestial sphere, a start at identifying constellations and their coordinates, the turning of the celestial sphere, variations with latitude, the annual motion of the sun, constellations of the Zodiac, rising and setting of the sun and the earth’s wobble, the movement of the moon and planets, the visible sky and black holes. 16, 23 and 30 October and 6 November. Time: 7:30pm–9:30pm. Venue: Iziko South African Museum, Planetarium. Cost: R300, which includes lecture notes, tea and a certificate of attendance. Contact: info@iziko.org.za

magazine cape town

October. The second session starts on 29 October. Time: 9am–1pm, every Tuesday. Venue: Montana Rd, Camps Bay. Cost: R1 500. Contact Janis: 021 437 1150, 082 319 9215, janis@nicetouch.co.za or visit nicetouch.co.za Off the Rails Micklefield School presents a fashion extravaganza, incorporating guest speakers Julie Ranzani, Andries van Schalkwyk and Candice Kannemeyer. Fashion vendors are selling fashion items, you can win spot prizes, and enjoy goody bags, drinks and snacks. 9 October. Time: 6:30pm–9pm. Venue Micklefield School, 81 Sandown Rd, Rondebosch. Cost: R180. Contact: 021 685 6494 or admin@ micklefield.co.za Science Out Loud This month’s talk is “The Imperfect Storm – Science of Surfing” by Steve Pike of Wavescape. 30 October. Time: 5:30pm for 6pm. Venue: Cape Town Science Centre, 370B Main Rd, Observatory. Cost: free, but donations are welcome. Contact: 021 300 3200 or info@ctsc.org.za Super Nannies nanny training course Give your nanny the confidence and skills to care for your child in the safety of your own home. They cover childcare, first aid, stimulation and nutrition. For nannies taking care of babies, toddlers and young children. 4–25 October (CBD), 9–30 October (southern suburbs), 8–29 October (northern suburbs). Time: 9am–12pm, every Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Venues: Deer Park House in Cape Town, Birth Options in Plumstead, Panorama Breastfeeding Clinic in Panorama. Cost: call to enquire. Contact: 021 461 6508 or info@supernannies.co.za Sushi-making class Two evening sessions working with fresh, quality ingredients. 16 and 23 October. Time: 6pm–10pm. Venue: 432 Main Rd, Observatory. Cost R850 for two sessions. Contact Noleen: 082 820 0011, noleen@stircrazycatering. co.za or visit stircrazycatering.co.za Teacher-nanny course A practical course run by a qualified teacher for nannies, which focuses on how to educationally stimulate the children in their care in an age-appropriate way. 5, 7 and 8 October. Time: 8am–1pm (5 October) or afternoon (7 and 8 October). Venue: Rocking Horse Play and Swim School, Kommetjie. Cost: R500. Contact Vicki: 021 783 3417, 083 372 5300 or vickbrander@gmail.com The Mommy Club The weekly, two-hour sessions offer expert guest speakers and once-a-month pamper sessions. Date and time: call to enquire. Venue: tbc. Cost: R100 per single session and R80 per session if you take out a three-month club membership. Contact: themommyclub@webmail.co.za The physiological basis of learning This class provides up-to-date science behind the learning process. It offers reasons and practical drug-free solutions for hyper/ hypo-activity, autism, dyslexia and other learning and behavioural challenges. Your facilitator is Dr Carla Hannaford, biologist and noted author of the bestselling book Smart Moves – Why Learning is Not All in The Head. 5 and 6 October. Time: 11am–5pm. Venue: Burgundy Golf Estate, Burgundy. Cost: R1 600. Contact: 083 456 0032 or cellie@telkomsa.net October 2013

calendar Upcoming evening parenting classes “Second time around” is a talk for parents expecting baby number two, with paediatric sister Alex Turner and psychologist Robyn Smith. Expectant parents can experience an antenatal class with a difference with “Preparation for parenting”, which focuses on the baby and the adjustment to parenthood. Venue: Kids Clinic, Camps Bay. For dates, times and fees, contact: 021 438 0020 or info@kidsclinic.co.za

on stage and screen Godfrey Johnson in Mr Johnson Multiaward-winning cabaret artist Godfrey Johnson presents his brand new musical. 9–26 October. Time: 8pm. Venue: Kalk Bay Theatre. Cost: call to enquire. For more info: visit kbt.co.za

out and about Cotlands Pamper Day This day of fashion, beauty and pampering includes high tea, treatments from Isa Carstens academy, lunch and goody bags. 12 October. Time: 8:30am–3pm. Venue: Laurent, Lourensford Wine Estate. Cost: R250 per person. Contact Lorraine: 082 875 3521 or lorrainehirst@telkomsa.net Host a Cuppa for Cansa This is a fun way to raise money for the work Cansa does in local communities. A Cuppa for Cansa can be large (for 100 people or more) or it can be small and intimate (for a group of friends, a church group or a book club) at a venue of your choice. To raise funds for Cansa, get as much sponsored as possible towards your event, sell tickets and attract ticket sales by getting lucky draw prizes for the day. For more info: visit cansa.org.za The Clos Malverne MTB Experience The day consists of a 20km guided cycle and three-course food-and-wine-pairing lunch at the Clos Malverne restaurant. A minimum booking of four is required. Time: 12pm, Tuesday–Saturday. Venue: Clos Malverne Wine Farm, Devon Valley Rd, Stellenbosch. Cost: R495. Contact: 021 882 2022 or visit closmalverne.co.za

support groups Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersexed (LGBTI) parents support group Every three months, LGBTI parents meet to discuss topics about parenting in general and LGBTI parenting in particular. The group also meets every three months at a child-friendly venue. Time: 7pm–8:30pm, Wednesday or 2pm–4pm, Saturday. Venue: Wednesday: Triangle Project, Elta House, 3 Caledonian Rd, Mowbray; Saturday: various child-friendly venues. Cost: free. Contact: 021 686 1475, info@triangle.org.za or visit triangle.org.za Parent support group This is conducted by a certified peer group facilitator, who specialises in childhood development stages, behaviour, peer interaction, discipline, nutrition, self-esteem, communication, assertiveness, family matters, role play and school readiness. Time: 10am–12pm, every Tuesday. Venue: Stages Lifestyle Centre, Littlewoods, Ottery (opposite Chinatown). Cost: R40, which includes refreshments. Contact: 021 704 1462, 074 106 0713 or stages@polka.co.za

October 2013

Stellenbosch: 8 October. Contact Olga: 082 062 0206 or Francia: 082 940 9685; Malmesbury: contact Selma: 083 2655 458 for telephonic help; Hermanus: contact Emma: 082 696 3584 for telephonic help. For more info: visit their Facebook page lalecheleaguesouthafrica or visit llli.org

how to help

12 October – The Sunflower Fund National Bandana Day

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Baby Essentials with Meg Faure, co-author of Baby Sense 8 October: preparing for your baby; 29 October: preventing colic and managing a fussy baby; 5 November: connecting with your baby; 12 November: routines and other options; 19 November: sleep; 26 November: stimulation. Time: 10am–11:30am. Venue: Wellness Warehouse, Kloof St. Cost: R200 per session or R900 for the course of six sessions. Contact: 021 462 1508 Famsa’s “prepare for baby” classes Interactive and supportive small group sessions, comprising psycho-educational, experiential and reflective elements and exercises. Time: 7:30pm–9:30pm, every Wednesday; 10:30am–12:30pm, every Saturday. Venue: 9 Bowden Rd, Observatory. Cost: R990 per couple for 3 sessions. Contact: 021 447 7951 or Lynette: 021 447 0170 Moms and Babes A weekly activity programme for babies 2–12 months old and caregivers/moms. Claremont. Time: 10am and 3pm, Monday–Thursday. Cost: call to enquire. Contact: 021 671 8690 or reesdi@mweb.co.za. Milnerton. Time: 10am–11:30am, every Monday–Thursday. Venue: 11 Watermeyer Rd, Blouberg Rise. Cost: call to enquire. Contact: 082 334 1988 or tanya@momsandbabes.co.za Motherhood Matters baby massage classes At this four-week baby massage course moms learn to communicate with their babies through loving touch. Moms also get ongoing breast-feeding and baby care advice from the registered midwives. Small groups of 6–8 moms and their babies. Ideal for babies from 4 weeks to 6 months old. Starts 9 October. Time: 10am–11:30am, every Wednesday. Venue: Kirstenhof. Cost: R500. Contact: 071 875 2668 or megan@motherhoodmatters.co.za

Parent Centre moms circle group These groups are suitable for moms with babies up to one year old. Mediclinic Cape Town, Hof St. Time: 10:30am–12:30pm, every Tuesday. Mediclinic Constantiaberg. Time: 10am–12pm, every Thursday. Cost: R50, which includes refreshments. Contact: 021 762 0116, reception@theparentcentre. org.za or visit the Facebook pages: Tuesday Moms Group (Parent Centre) and Thursday Moms Group (Parent Centre). Also visit The Parent Centre Facebook page and theparentcentre.org.za for regular updates Pregnancy and moms with babies classes They offer pregnancy yoga, doula support, antenatal and post-pregnancy aromatherapy, reflexology treatments, baby massage and mom-baby yoga. Venue: Sunshine Health Academy, 2 Deer Park Dr, Vredehoek. For times and costs, contact Gayle: 082 958 4801 or visit sunshinecolouracademy.com

playtime and story time Babies Read Books puppet show and storytelling For babies and toddlers every Tuesday. Professional storyteller Sharon Geffen is in attendance every second Tuesday. Time: 9:30am. Venue: Kloof St Library, 122B Kloof St. Cost: call to enquire. Contact: 021 424 3308

support groups Born Sleeping A South African-based support group for bereaved parents who have lost a baby. They are not professional counsellors, but they can offer a listening ear and some practical advice. Contact: bornsleeping@gmail.com or visit http:// bornsleeping.wordpress.com La Leche League’s breast-feeding support groups: Panorama: 7 October. Contact Marna: 021 975 9264; Durbanville: 15 October. Contact Trudy: 021 913 2816 or Tiffany: 021 913 3586; Parklands: 12 October (2pm). Contact Kim: 082 330 5352; Parow: 16 October. Contact Dilshaad: 021 930 2475; Parklands Intercare: 23 October. Contact Simela: 021 553 1664 or Juliet 021 556 0693; Paarl: 1 October. Contact Jonette: 021 872 5297; Rondebosch: 8 October. Contact Natasha: 082 814 7210; Fish Hoek: 8 October. Contact Tammy: 021 782 9240;

Adopt a Cot Individuals or corporates “adopt” or sponsor a baby for a certain period. You decide the duration, and what you would like to give or do to assist. Basics such as formula and nappies are the kinds of things needed. Contact: 072 240 4331 Elusive Fort Race Day Help Cape Town Child Welfare raise funds while having a fun day at the races. There is a dedicated children’s activity area. Time: 11am. Venue: Kenilworth Racecourse, Peninsula Room. Cost: R450. Contact Siro: 021 638 3127 or siro@helpkids.org.za Friends of Vista Nova The organisation raises funds and other support for Vista Nova School (VNS), which is a government school that accommodates children with cerebral palsy, physical challenges and developmental challenges. They have various projects you can support, including Support a Star, for school and bus fees; The Classroom Building Project; and The Friends of Vista Nova for the sustainability of their organisation. Vista Nova teachers need contributions towards teacher and therapist salaries. Contact Karen: 021 686 1652, 072 631 9866 or fundraiser@fovn.co.za NSRI Campaign The National Sea Rescue Institute (NSRI) is run by unpaid volunteers who are on standby 24/7. Donations and sponsorships cover their annual running cost of R27,5m. Be part of their popular Car Competition, which helps raise funds. Grand prize: two Mitsubishi vehicles (a Pajero and an ASX); second prize: R250 000 cash; third prize: a trip for two on the Queen Mary from Cape Town to Southampton, including return flights. Tickets cost R595 and there are only 28 000 tickets available. To enter, contact Corrie: 021 430 4721, sales@searescue.org.za or visit nsri.org.za/ ways-to-support-us/pajero-competition/ Santa Shoebox drop-offs Don’t forget to drop off your packed and wrapped Santa Shoeboxes at a branch near to you, at the end of October. For more info, visit santashoebox.co.za The Sunflower Fund National Bandana Day 12 October. The Sunflower Fund has once again teamed up with Pick n Pay and Round Table Southern Africa, to sell bandanas for R25. Swipe your Smart Shopper card when you purchase your bandana, and you could win one of five R10 000 shopping vouchers or one of five iPads. Contact: 0800 12 10 82, lauren@sunflowerfund.org.za or visit sunflowerfund.org.za

don’t miss out!

Starts 9 October – Motherhood Matters baby

For a free listing, email your event to capetown@childmag.co.za or fax it to 021 462 2680. Information must be received by 4 October for the November issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

massage classes

magazine cape town

itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s party time For more help planning your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

magazine cape town

October 2013

itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s party time

continued...

October 2013

magazine cape town

October 2013

finishing touch

make a date! Despite the difficulties of taking a night off, ANÉL LEWIS knows the

Erin, Anél and Conor

n email popped into my inbox recently, informing me that “research shows that dating once a month significantly improves relationships”. It goes on to say that 92 percent of couples who make the elusive “date night” a priority have increased satisfaction in their relationships.

October 2013

With two small children under the age of three, our version of a date night is if we both manage to stay awake during an episode of MasterChef. Organising someone to watch the children and finding a night where one of us isn’t working late, takes about as much organisation and manoeuvring as one of Jacob Zuma’s cabinet reshuffles. But it’s not only the synching of our online diaries that makes date night a bit of a pipe dream, it’s also the subtle mind games that Erin plays to make sure we don’t plan an escape sometime between her bath- and bedtime. She has gotten wise to our tricks and can sniff a date night a mile off. If she notices that I have not removed my shoes after coming home, she will quickly tell me, “You’re not going out, Mom. You’re here now.” Suddenly there’s 101 things I have to paint, read, see and do with her before I can ever leave the house again.

So we used to lie and say that we were going shopping. Erin bought it, for the first few times. But when we started forgetting to bring her something back from “the shops” she realised what we were up to, and now she insists on coming with us. With our hopes of some alone time dashed, Craig and I started losing track of each other in the hurly-burly of supper, school runs and story times before bed. Remember how a poster of the singer from that Norwegian boy band of the eighties, A-ha, could get your pulse racing? Well, trapped in the Groundhog Day of domesticity, all it took was for Craig to change a nappy, or offer to make Conor’s bottle, to get my heart beating. I was okay with this diluted, rather tame version of romance. I mean, we’d had our wine and cheese picnics in the vineyards when we were still footloose and fancy-

free. Who said trying to make eye contact while our toddlers unravelled three rolls of toilet paper at our feet couldn’t be sexy? And then that email arrived, reminding me that date night is not a “nice-to-have”, but a must-have to help us keep the flame flickering, and to make us nicer people again when we come home after “shopping”. So now we make a concerted effort to set aside some time just for us. We’ve just given up on the elusive date night by settling for date anything – date mornings, date lunch breaks, even date five minutes. Satisfaction guaranteed! Anél Lewis can’t remember when she finished a plate of food, never mind ordered off a menu while out with her husband. She’s accepted that the “date night” is as elusive as the yeti, and has settled for staring longingly into her spouse’s eyes, while the children eat their noodles.

magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPH: STEPHANIE VELDMAN

importance of spending a few special moments with her husband.