Child magazine | DNB April/May 2018

d u r b a n ’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

magaz ne

April / May 2018

nurture your body, mind & soul health

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education

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contents

april & may 2018 - the good life issue

magaz ne

upfront

regulars

publisher

4 pub’s note Just in time for the Easter

8 health Emotional intelligence – how to

holidays, our Good Life issue is packed with feel good articles

develop and nurture it 10 pregnancy Find relief from backache

6 over to you Our readers have their say and

12 best for baby Get quality sleep for baby

share their news and views

and you

features

22 recipes Hassle-free, feel-good food to share with friends and family

14 gifted children Our advice on dealing with children with high IQs

30 a good read Popular reads for all – our selection of books for every age

17 digital decisions Can edtech really improve the learning experience?

31 what’s on in April & May Family events and holiday programmes

18 positively single How to survive and thrive as a single parent

34 finishing touch Letting go, living the good life and having fun

this historic French province

saving, investment and financial planning 28 the gift of words Why reading aloud to children is important

35 in the next issue of child magazine Bumper holiday – winter holidaying, staying germ-free and good food

24 financial freedom Anél Lewis discusses

editorial

Editor editor@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Anton Pretorius durban@childmag.co.za Freelance Copy Editor Brenda Bryden Online Content Manager online@childmag.co.za

art

Designers Candice Acheson studio1@childmag.co.za Mark Vincer studio@childmag.co.za

client relations

20 beautiful provence Join photographer Rachael Hale McKenna on a visual journey of

Lisa Mc Namara lisa@childmag.co.za

classified ads

Lisa Waterloo dbnsales@childmag.co.za Renee Bruning renee@childmag.co.za

print & digital advertising

34 let’s party Durban’s best party resource 34 family marketplace Family and communityrelated resource

Lisa Mc Namara lisa@childmag.co.za

subscriptions & circulation Nicolene Baldy subs@childmag.co.za

this month’s cover image is supplied by:

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Durban’s Child Magazine is published alternate monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 6, Canterbury Studios, 35 Wesley Street, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 0861 867 885, email: info@childmag.co.za.

Annual subscriptions (for six issues) cost R150, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by CTP. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child Magazine.

We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles are accurate and balanced but cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage that may arise from reading them.

Nicolene Baldy admin@childmag.co.za 0861 867 885

Joburg’s Child magazine 55 350 Cape Town’s Child magazine 47 817 Durban’s Child magazine 40 026 Pretoria’s Child magazine 40 173 Free requested Jul 17 – Dec 17

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Pub’s note What would our Good Life issue be without a few French-inspired recipes (page 22) to warm the hearts of your loved ones? During the holidays let your children join you in the kitchen as cooking is one of the most useful and rewarding life skills you can give them. Who knows, come Mother’s Day you may find yourself rewarded with a delicious Sunday lunch, or breakfast in bed! On the topic of moms, we look at the importance of striving for financial freedom (page 24), vital for your long-term security, and shortterm, you may find yourself planning a trip to France. Rachael Hale McKenna’s photos from her five years in Provence (page 20) will certainly inspire you to start saving. And, what’s a holiday without a good book for you and your children? See our selection of recommended reads for the entire family (page 30).

Happy Easter holidays and happy Mother’s Day!

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magazine | durban April/May 2018

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PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: Brooke Fasani | OTHER: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

Ah, what a treat, the Easter holidays are here at last.

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over to you

letters

Have your say – we value your thoughts, suggestions and feedback. editor@childmag.co.za the end of polio drops?

My son was born two weeks ago, but on visiting the local clinic it was discovered that, according to his clinic card, he had not been given the polio drops at birth. On contacting the hospital, they mentioned that the polio drops had been phased out. Is it true that hospitals don’t administer the polio drops anymore and why?

Shaun

Child Magazine responds: We spoke with a local Stork’s Nest clinic that said the polio drops are being phased out. Polio has nearly been eliminated, so the risk has been reduced. However, to ensure it is completely eradicated, it is important to keep vaccinating against this disease. As they are phasing out the vaccine, hospitals are

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experiencing a shortage. You can stay in touch with the hospital where your baby was born and return for the drops once they have more in stock. However, at 6, 10 and 14 weeks, babies receive an intramuscular vaccination against polio and you could wait for this.

fantastic magazine Thank you all so much for a fantastic magazine!

I thoroughly enjoy reading it. The articles are always so interesting and informative. The Feb/ Mar issue had an article entitled ‘Open Day 101’; offering advice on questions to ask and things to look out for at potential schools.

I found this interesting as it’s something my child and I will be dealing with very soon. I also enjoy the Events Diary and various ads in the magazine. Keep up the excellent work!

Lyndall Wood

magazine | durban April/May 2018

small pleasures I like the smaller format of your magazine very much. As a mom, I found the large format rather intimidating, and I now realise that it required more effort and time to read! The smaller version seems more appealing to someone with a busy life. Nonsensical I know, but just goes to show.

Catriona

lunchboxes revived Many thanks for the nice lunchbox tips in your Feb/Mar 2018 issue – Healthiness (and happiness) in a box. I gave up on the lunches I pack for my child as they always come back uneaten. I am most definitely going to try all the ideas you’ve mentioned in your lunchbox feature - they look great.

Tebogo

creating memories Thank you for the great Dec/Jan issue. Beside the very helpful and informative articles, which I always share with my daughter and daughterin-law, this issue allowed for great planning to keep my grandchildren busy during the holidays. Your guide to the activities in around my city helped create priceless memories for us to cherish forever.

Rowayda Ahmed Lansdowne Library

favourite author I look forward to getting my new edition of Child Magazine from the nursery school; and love the new smaller version that allows me to put it in my handbag to read during lunchtime.

I thoroughly enjoyed the interview with Julia Donaldson in your Feb/Mar 2018 edition. This is my children’s favourite author, together with Dr Seuss of course. My little girl was given Freddy and the Fairy and The Gruffalo for her first birthday by a friend and that was the start of this love affair with Julia Donaldson

books. I must say that we love those illustrated

by Axel Scheffler. I love that her books have also been translated into Afrikaans. We can’t wait until we can get hold of The Ugly Five here in South Africa. Our primary school has introduced a reading period each week and I can see what will be taken to read during this time. Thank you again for a wonderful mag full of interesting articles.

Beverley

a winner The new look Child Magazine is stunning.

And, it will fit into the children’s bags with ease. Well done!

Charmaine Kronendal Primary

Let us know what’s on your mind.

Send your letters or comments to editor@childmag.co.za

connect with us: childmag.co.za childmag.co.za childmag childmagsa

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Stay up to date with all our news and enter our weekly competitions by signing up to our newsletter. Subscribe at childmag.co.za

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

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health

emotional intelligence the soft skill of success

Emotional intelligence or EQ (emotional quotient) is vital for long-term performance and success. A social worker discusses ways to develop this skill.

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t the core of all parent’s hearts is the desire for their children to be happy and successful, both now and throughout their adult life. Parents hope to see their children not only thriving in the classroom and on the sport field, but also within their friendships and relationships. Children have an incredible capacity to build relationships, yet often struggle to make and manage friendships with their peers.

This results in emotional turmoil. For parents, it is heartbreaking to see their child unhappy and reportedly without friends. Oh for a magic wand! But, the reality is it takes hard work as well as developing a child’s emotional intelligence to attain a happy and successful persona.

in any social interaction. We discuss what we think made them (the animals) feel that way – linking an emotion to an experience. At this point, the focus turns back to the children who are asked if they have ever experienced the same feelings and how it felt in their bodies. We are constantly amazed at how willing the children are to share their feelings, and that they mostly do so spontaneously.

Linking our emotions to an experience helps us process and be consciously aware of the causative factors. Once we know what these are, we can then intentionally do something about it and self-regulate. These are the tools for managing our emotions – our own toolbox of ideas.

a critical skill

building happy relationships

Emotional intelligence has been highlighted as a critical skill to achieve success over and above academic performance. At Elkanah House School, we intentionally grow emotional intelligence as part of our core learning by recognising the value of this soft skill in developing happy and successful young people.

Parents often feel incapable of managing their children’s emotions, or getting them to share them. In response to this, I created an emotional intelligence game to assist children to grow in this area, and have fun while doing so. Go Fish for feelings is a game designed specifically for young children. The game comprises 14 different cards illustrated with South African animals, each of which represents a different emotion. The animals are set in scenarios that the children can identify with; in fact, the scenarios stem from the children themselves.

The very essence of emotional intelligence is being consciously aware of how you are feeling and intentionally regulating those feelings.

As the children play, we look at the selected animal card and speak about what we think the animal is feeling. When doing so, the focus is on the children’s body language and facial expressions; key data for engaging

Emotional intelligence is, however, more than just our own emotional awareness and self-regulation. It extends to those around us with whom we have relationships. It involves learning to recognise body language and facial expression in others. This recognition should be acted on and communicated intentionally to the other person through empathy, for example, “I can see you feel sad.”

This way the child learns to listen and communicate emotions with confidence. The outcome of developing and applying emotional intelligence in life is happy and healthy relationships.

As parents, if we want to grow our children’s emotional intelligence intentionally, we need to develop our own, thereby modelling to our children how we manage our emotions and communicate our feelings.

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magazine | durban April/May 2018

PHOTOGRAPh: Kat Grudko Photography | katgrudko.co.za

CINDY TOMS

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pregnancy

bust the backache Pain in the lower back is common during pregnancy, here’s how to find relief.

ROBYN KRAUSE & CAITLYN DE BEER

s

five ways to ease lower back pain during pregnancy By following these five tips, based on simple yoga positions, you can prevent tight hamstrings, a sore lower back and rounded shoulders: 1. cat / cow stretch: Position yourself on hands and knees and exhale while rounding your back, allowing your chin to tuck towards your neck, and drawing your belly in till you feel it lift (cat). Now, to move into cow, inhale and feel your belly fill up with air as you arch your back and allow your chin to point up to the sky. Do this several times.

2. supermans: Starting on all fours, extend and raise the opposite arm and leg at the same time. To make it more challenging and to get greater stretch in your back, you can try bringing the opposite arm and leg around to meet in the middle – think right knee to left elbow – while rounding your back. Return to the start position and repeat the exercise, switching the arm and leg combination. Try not to arch your back in the extension, but rather keep it straight. If you feel your abdominals engage, they are helping you to maintain balance.

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magazine | durban April/May 2018

3. hamstring stretch: You can do this in several ways.

Try it seated, with your legs out in front of you. Take a deep breath in, then as you exhale, allow yourself to hinge at your waist (or hips if your back is flexible) and reach for your shins or toes. You should feel the stretch in the back of your legs.

4. pelvic tilts: You can do these standing, seated on an exercise ball, or lying in bed. If you do these standing or on the ball, it is advisable to watch yourself (for the first few times) in a mirror to ensure that only your hips move and your upper back remains still. Imagine your pelvis (hips) is like a teacup and you are lifting and pouring the tea forward and backward. If you are doing this exercise lying in bed, you may find that your glutes activate when you tilt the teacup backward.

5. swimming: Swimming is a great exercise that you can continue throughout your pregnancy. This almost weightless movement through the water provides a nice break for the back and is a great workout for the legs and arms.

flourishing fit

Flourishingfitmoms is an online resource for pregnant women who hope to keep their bodies in shape and stay fit during pregnancy and then get active again after birth.

Robyn (left) at 36 weeks pregnant alongside her son, Mack.

Caitlyn (right) alongside her daughter, Sarah.

PHOTOGRAPH top: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

uffering from backache during pregnancy is not surprising – the causes range from your body’s hormonal changes to your baby’s weight and position in the womb.

But, did you know that by simply engaging a few muscles and being more aware of your core, you can alleviate the majority of lower back pain during pregnancy?

In the second trimester, your posture is everything. And it is usually around this milestone that you begin to experience lower back pain.

Your transverse abdominals (fancy term for inner abs) play a huge role in keeping your posture in alignment as you continue to gain weight throughout pregnancy. As your baby grows, your centre of gravity will cause the pelvis to tilt forward and the weight of the belly to hang.

However, as soon as you begin to engage your transverse abdominals, tuck in your tailbone and engage your seat, your posture changes and you will be more comfortable.

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best for baby

lullaby and goodnight Get quality sleep for you and your baby.

CHILD MAGAZINE

create a calm zone Set the scene for fuss-free naps by paying attention to the sleep environment as well as following a calm sequence to help baby wind down. The nursery should be decorated in muted colours with minimal visual stimulation.

Mobiles and toys in the cot signal a play zone when it is in fact a sleep zone.

Follow bathtime with a quiet and gentle massage for baby – this will not only soothe, but also encourage bonding. Gentle touch stimulates the central nervous system causing

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the brain to produce more serotonin and less cortisol (known as the stress hormone). After feeding, place your baby, drowsy but awake, into the cot. But remember, tummy sleeping is not recommended.

Your nursery should be kept at ideal temperature, between 21–22°C. A good baby monitor will display the room temperature and is also an essential piece of equipment for monitoring breathing. Newborns should sleep 16–20 hours a day; their nutritional needs mean that they will wake up every couple of hours. By six to eight weeks, they will drop one feed and get a good “core” sleep – their first real stretch of sleep.

baby still not sleeping?

Many childhood sleep disorders are behavioural, meaning they’re learnt and can therefore be unlearnt; but there are physical causes that

magazine | durban April/May 2018

should be ruled out, especially in babies. An immature digestive system may be prone to problems, such as lactose intolerance and reflux, which can affect sleep. Speak to a healthcare provider if you are worried about your baby’s snoring, teething, fever or suspected misaligned spine.

sleep apnoea and snoring Paediatricians will tell you that babies generally tend to be noisy breathers because their airways are narrow and filled with lots of bubbly secretions. The air passing through these causes many different vibratory sounds in the soft tissues of the airway, resulting in snoring.

Most of the time, these sounds subside as babies’ airways grow and they learn to swallow excess saliva. However, if your baby’s snoring is also accompanied by gasping and the snoring is loud, they may be battling to take in

ILLUSTRATION: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

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hat gem of wisdom – sleeping when your baby sleeps – passed onto every new mother is not as simple as it sounds. How your baby sleeps can be directly proportionate to how you cope as a new parent, read on for our tips on how to settle baby and catch a few ZZZs yourself.

air because the throat is narrowed or blocked, preventing sufficient air from getting into the windpipe and lungs. This amounts to the sleep disorder Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (OSA).

While obesity, allergies, acid reflux and structural abnormalities in the head and neck, such as a deviated nasal septum, can contribute to sleep apnoea, the number one cause for sleep apnoea in babies is enlarged tonsils and often adenoids too. A rigorous, highly respected study was published in Pediatrics in 2006 where it was found that children who underwent surgery to remove their tonsils are very likely to behave and sleep better one year later. Data was collected from testing sleep and breathing at night, and attention and behaviour during the day. About half of the children in the study who were found to have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) before tonsil surgery no longer met criteria for this diagnosis one year later. Other cognitive and behavioural issues also improved.

Speak directly with your ENT and find out what

their recommendations are. Some effective home remedies for first relief include using saline nasal spray, a nasal aspirator and a warm mist vapouriser. And, always remove allergens from your baby’s bedroom such as items that collect dust and animal fur.

fever The most common cause of fevers in babies is a viral infection such as the common cold, flu, viral gastroenteritis, chicken pox and measles.

Small babies can also develop a slight fever when teething, after immunisation, or when dressed too warmly. The best method for measuring your baby’s temperature is with an ear thermometer. Other reliable methods include using a digital thermometer to measure temperature under the arms, orally or rectally (care needs to be taken with this procedure); glass thermometers with mercury are less widely used. Fever can be home-treated with paracetamol, Ibuprofen or mefenamic acid (a non-steroidal, anti-inflammatory drug, found

in Ponstel, for example). Various generics are available, but look for alcohol-, preservativeand sugar-free remedies, and also administer the recommended dose. Aspirin in any form should never be given to a child.

spine and nervous system misalignments For babies who struggle to settle, consider consulting a paediatric chiropractor who will use gentle adjustments to correct misalignments in the spine and nervous system. This also helps stimulate the digestive system, which is why chiropractic treatment works so well on colicky babies.

read more: For a list of sleep trainers, paediatricians and chiropractors in your area: childmag.co.za/ resources/healthcare-practitioners For an article on SIDS: childmag.co.za/ content/brief-guide-sids#.WqJLbueYPb0

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dealing with difference

gifted children – pleasure or pressure?

Children with very high IQs often find school frustrating and alienating. Patience and understanding from parents and educators is key to their development and success.

CHILD MAGAZINE

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magazine | durban April/May 2018

PHOTOGRAPHs: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

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nly an estimated five to seven percent of children are considered intellectually gifted and while there are tests which can determine if your child falls into this category, Professor Shirley Kokot, an educational psychologist and president of Gifted Children South Africa, says that identifying the gifted child is not always necessary. “If a child is easygoing, enjoys the social life at school, loves doing well academically and has the personality to tolerate frustrations, there is often no reason to subject him to testing,” says Kokot. “It’s those children who are experiencing problems at school who need to be assessed so that the reason for their behaviour or unhappiness can be ascertained and better understood,” she adds.

Most gifted children don’t struggle socially, but the degree of giftedness plays a role in how they interact with others, says Kokot.

“Some gifted children thrive in leadership roles. If they are naturally sociable and gregarious, they find great fulfilment in being respected by their peers, while others find it difficult to relate to the ‘normal’ range of people with whom they come into contact and they tend not to know how to interact,” she explains.

missing the mark According to Dr James Webb, a clinical psychologist and author of Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults and A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, intellectually gifted children are often misdiagnosed with ADHD; oppositional defiant disorder; obsessive compulsive disorder; and mood disorders, namely depression and bipolar disorder. This stems from ignorance about specific social and emotional characteristics of gifted children, which are then mistakenly diagnosed as signs of pathology, he explains. In fact, 23 of the common markers for ADHD, expressed positively and not negatively, can also describe a gifted individual. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics: “Although gifted children generally do well, they may show behaviours that mimic ADHD. For example, they may appear hyperactive because they ask many questions and are so excited about learning. Or, they may fail to participate in age-expected activities because of their overfocus on an area of interest. Finally, boredom can lead to inattention as well as feelings of depression.” It’s not surprising then that the truly gifted child is not always top of their class, yet gifted children are often expected to be better than their peers at everything, something Webb cautions against. “Educators need to understand that these children cannot be brilliant at everything. A child may have an incredible vocabulary and the ability to hold her own when interacting with adults, but she’s still a child and needs to be allowed to behave like one.”

Although gifted children generally do well, they may show behaviours that mimic ADHD. For example, they may appear hyperactive because they ask many questions and are so excited about learning. harsh reality on soft issues When it comes to gifted children, parents need to ensure they don’t confuse intellectual ability with emotional maturity. Gifted children are fully aware they are different and often have heightened sensitivities, making them acutely aware of people talking about them, which can have a huge emotional impact.

According to Lisa van Gemert in an article written for American Mensa: “Gifted children often have different challenges than their typical learner peers. All children struggle with fitting in and finding their niche, and for most children, this is about wearing the right clothes or watching the popular movies and TV shows so they can be like other children. While gifted children may not care about those things, they do care about fitting in. And what they may really want is to be directed to other children or adults who share their interests.”

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dealing with difference

get with the programme  Kokot stresses the importance of offering children educational challenges at their level of capability, as you would for a talented sportsman. There are various organisations that offer special programmes for talented children. Participating in these gives them the opportunity to spend time with other gifted children, which is very important for their emotional and social development. In addition, these programmes give children the chance to satisfy their curiosity and need for mental stimulation.

Ethan* is one such example. An intellectually gifted child, Ethan was interviewed for and accepted into the LEAP (Learning Extension and Acceleration Programme) class at his school in grade 5 and now gets all the stimulation he needs and finally feels that he belongs. *Names have been changed

recommended resources:Â

Mensa: This is an international high-IQ society. The only qualification for membership is having an IQ in the top 2% of the population. There are Mensa chapters throughout South Africa.

Visit mensa.org.za Gifted Children South Africa: An organisation dedicated to helping parents and teachers of gifted children in South Africa.

Visit Facebook.com/GiftedChildrenSouth Africa or giftedchildrensa.co.za

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magazine | durban April/May 2018

digital decision:

choosing the right edtech device

PHOTOGRAPH: MEGANHANCOCKPHOTOGRAPHY.CO.ZA

While the idea of digital devices in the classroom is still frowned upon in some circles, many schools have reported great improvements in education through the active use of laptops, smartphones and tablets.

anton pretorius

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oday’s children are digital natives. Tech-savvy toddlers – as young as three or four years old – are often seen playing with mommy or daddy’s phone or tablet, and most probably, know their way around an iPhone better than you do.

Although tech is a huge part of our children’s lives, there’s a common debate in education circles on how – and if – digital devices should be allowed in schools. Critics claim that technology (including social media and texting) is a distraction, but supporters of edtech say digital devices make education more entertaining and engaging.

With so many devices to choose from, it’s difficult to determine which will help improve your child’s learning experience.

safety with smartphones In case of emergency, mobile smartphones can offer parents peace of mind when children are at school or on school outings, especially if the phones are fitted with tracking apps.

education

answers at their fingertips Access to the internet provides instant answers for curious minds, and today’s children grow up in a search and learn environment. Laptops, tablets and smartphones provide instant access to information. “Why is the sky blue?” “Why do leaves change colour?” – answers to these questions are only a few keywords and clicks away.

access to videos Digital devices can enhance the learning experience by giving students instant access to video content. Whether it’s the ‘Moon Landing’ or ‘Mandela’s Inauguration Speech’ – learning is made real and much easier to digest through video.

social learning Social media often has a negative implication. However, it can also be an educational exercise. Social learning helps students share information, thoughts and ideas and evokes discussions and debates on a subject.

When properly applied, social learning can help introverted students to come out of their shells.

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parenting

positively

single

Parenting alone is challenging, so make sure you surround yourself with supportive people.

HELENA KINGWILL

flying solo This may be why Donna Smith, a single mother from Cape Town, moved away from a group of other single moms she met in a corridor when she realised that they were caught up in complaining about their lives. Celebrated author Eckhart Tolle names this phenomenon “the pain-body” in his book A New Earth: Awakening to your Life’s Purpose. The pain-

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body is your emotionally-charged energy field that is activated when something has hurt or upset you.

When two or more people with a pronounced pain-body get together, this energy field becomes more powerful. The huddle of single moms Donna encountered seemed intriguing until she sensed that towering above them was the spectre of their collective pain-body. Donna knew that her equilibrium would have been disturbed had she joined the conversation, and she didn’t want to go there.

Tolle’s advice is to observe these things, and be aware of your reaction to them, so as not to be too drawn in emotionally.

Thelma Price, a mother of two from Cape Town, has married twice and is again single after experiencing both divorce and the death of a spouse. She says the worst part is feeling unacknowledged for the enormous amount of work you have to do as a single parent. Then there is the struggle with your own emotional burdens of grief and disappointment and, in the case of divorce, the awful feeling of having been rejected as a person. Thelma joined a

magazine | durban April/May 2018

women’s support group to find guidance, but soon left. “The women were fuelling each other’s anger at their ex-husbands. It seems to be an easy trap to fall into.”

Ronnel Rothschild of Cape Town, who has raised her son alone for the most part of seven years, says: “Although support groups provide a safe space, separate from society, where the common issue is being a single parent, these dynamics make it easy for them to turn into whinge clubs, unless they are well facilitated.

Therapy is ideal, if you can afford it.” She advises single parents to enjoy their free time doing something positive, rather than spending it complaining about the difficulty of their situation.

a societal norm According to Statistics SA, only one-third of children live with both parents. Although a third of these are left with grandparents, the rest usually end up with their mothers. Despite the fact that it is such a common modern phenomenon, single mothers are still not given much social or physical support by the system.

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

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he fear of having to raise children alone is probably as ancient as marriage itself.

Throughout history, a woman who is widowed or divorced has faced the risk of discrimination, isolation and poverty. Today, being a single parent is not unusual, but the historical stigma still hovers like a dark cloud.

Even with modern conveniences, it’s tough to parent alone. But, as with other challenges, the outcome of your situation is determined by your mental attitude. If you behave like a victim, you will not only become a victim of your circumstances, but so will your children.

It is essential that you maintain a positive attitude and get the help you need.

Loneliness can be one of the greatest stumbling blocks for a single mother trying to maintain a positive attitude. “You have to do everything on your own, as there is one less set of hands,” says Marana Bosazza, a mother of four who single-handedly runs an organic vegetable farm and food gardens at schools in the Ciskei. She has been a single mother for seven years. “Single dads go through the same thing. It’s a problem caused by the modern nuclear family.”

Traditional African tribal society is probably the most forgiving environment to be a single parent in, as childcare is shared communally.

Marana suggests sharing households with another single parent. “If you both have

children, you can help each other and it’s a great way of finding support, short of staying with family.”

She admits that single parenting can be relentless. “Burnout is a common problem.”

She advises other single parents to get enough sleep and go for regular massages. “Stressed people need to be touched. The stressed single parent doesn’t necessarily get physical touch except from their children. Then they take out their stress on their children. So, you must have a physical outlet.”

In spite of all this, Marana has no regrets.

“Getting divorced was the best thing I have ever done. I am a whole person now. Seven years ago, I hardly knew who I was. Now I am

survival kit for single moms (and dads) • forgive and let go of anger and blame towards your ex. It doesn’t serve you; it just keeps you trapped in negativity and pain and jeopardises your children’s relationship with their other parent.

• don’t try to be a supermom. Be honest about the help you need and don’t be afraid to ask for it.

• be organised and plan ahead. Preparing lunchboxes and clothes for school the night before may help prevent panic in the morning. Cook and freeze food ahead for evening mealtimes, or shop online for ready-made evening meals, which may be a lifesaver when you are too tired to cook.

• be realistic about how much you can take on and don’t overcommit.

• get over the guilt factor. Your child will notice if you constantly feel you have to compensate for the other parent’s absence, and they will use it as leverage to manipulate you.

• save money where you can: change to a cheaper moisturiser, downscale your DStv or cellphone contract. Good financial planning is the path to true independence and liberation.

• if you’re a mom and have a son, find him a male mentor you approve of.

• find your new tribe. Make a conscious effort to create a community of people

completely transformed. I even look different.”

There are plenty of upsides to being a single mom. Ronnel says she is relieved to not have to split her time and energy between her child and her partner. She also doesn’t have to consult someone about decisions. “Being married doesn’t necessarily mean one has more help. Many fathers are absent,” she points out.

“I am so grateful to have my son in my life that I never feel hard done by.”

... the worst part is feeling unacknowledged for the enormous amount of work you have to do as a single parent.

who can relate to your situation, and make them your new family.

• when you decide to start dating, avoid bringing a new man into your home until you are really sure he is for keeps.

This is a hard lesson to learn. Your children want constancy and security, not to be casting agents for the new “dad” character in their movie.

• don’t sweat the small stuff – prioritise happy children over a tidy home.

• get a hobby or a special interest that allows you to express yourself creatively. This can be an excellent outlet and can even potentially generate a second income.

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travel

life’s pleasure in provence ...

A dream come true for photographer Rachael Hale McKenna and her family who lived in the south-east of France for five years. rovence is still beautiful. Vast areas of it are still wild and empty. Peace and silence, which have become endangered commodities in the modern world, are still available. The old men still play their endless games of boules. The markets are as colourful and abundant as ever.

There is room to breathe, and the air is clean.

We first saw Gordes 16 years ago and in the region of beautiful villages, it was the most spectacularly beautiful of all. Honey-coloured and perched on the top of a hill, with long views across the plain to the Luberon, it was what estate agents would call a picture postcard come to life. There was a Renaissance chateau, narrow streets cobbled in rectangular stone and the modest facilities of an unspoiled village: a butcher, two bakers, a simple hotel, a seedy cafĂŠ and a post office run by a man recruited, we were sure, for his unfailing surliness.

the days pass slowly but the weeks rush by Family dog Alfred enjoys some shade underneath a giant almond tree on the property.

Photographer Rachael Hale McKenna, her daughter, Charlize, and husband, Andrew, get accustomed to lazy summer days in Provence.

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magazine | durban April/May 2018

PHOTOGRAPHs: RACHAEL HALE MCKENNA | top right photoGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

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RACHAEL HALE MCKENNA & PETER MAYLE

There is something about lunch in France that never fails to overcome any small reserves of willpower that I possess.

I can sit down, resolved to be moderate, determined to eat and drink lightly, and be there three hours later, nursing my wine and still open to temptation.

I don’t think it’s greed. I think it’s the atmosphere generated by a roomful of people who are totally intent on eating and drinking.

And while they do it, they talk about it, not about politics or sport or business, but about what is on the plate and in the glass. Sauces are compared, recipes argued over, past meals remembered and future meals planned. The world and its problems can be dealt with later on, but for the moment, la bouffe (the food) takes priority and contentment hangs in the air. I find it irresistible.

Flowers and plants and tiny new season vegetables were everywhere, and café tables and chairs sported on the pavements.

There was a feeling of activity and purpose in the air, and one or two optimists were already buying espadrilles from the multi-coloured racks outside the shoe shops.

about the book

Bestselling photographer Rachael Hale McKenna turns her camera on Provence in a joyous celebration of the historic province of south-eastern France that has so captivated artists, writers, lovers and travellers for generations. For the Love of Provence R405, is published by Quivertree and is available at leading bookstores. Visit quivertreepublications.com 21

feel-good food

recipes

Sharing a delicious, stress- and hassle-free meal with friends and family is one of the best ways to live the good life.

One 28cm quiche serves 6–8 people, depending on what else you serve with it. for the crust • 85g soft butter • 85g flour • 85g grated cheddar cheese

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Mix these ingredients until they come together as a ball of dough. Do not over-mix.

Spread the dough with your fingers to cover the base and sides of the pie dish.

There is no need to pre-cook the crust. for the filling • 1 ½ cups cream • 5 eggs, lightly beaten • 1 tbsp flour • salt and freshly ground black pepper Preheat oven to 180°C. Use any vegetable and cheese combination, following a basic principle of about 2 cups cooked vegetables and 1 cup cheese.

Spread the vegetables and cheese evenly over the uncooked crust. Pour the egg mixture (the filling) over this and bake until nicely browned: about 35 minutes, or until the centre of the quiche is firm to the touch.

magazine | durban April/May 2018

salade niçoise Serves 4.

for the salad • 4 large free-range eggs • 200g baby potatoes • 200g fine green beans, tailed • 3 handfuls rocket, washed • 300g baby Rosa tomatoes, halved • 200g pitted black olives, halved • 2 tbsp capers, rinsed

PHOTOGRAPHs: Craig Fraser

quiche

• 2 x 225g tins solid packed tuna in oil, drained and broken up into decent chunks.

Put the eggs in a pot of cold water and bring them to the boil. Let them cook for 7 minutes. Remove from the pot, crack the shells and put in cold water to cool down. Bring a pot of salted water to the boil and add the potatoes. Cook for about 12 minutes until cooked through. Remove them with a slotted spoon and add the green beans to the pot. Cook for 3–4 minutes. Drain the beans and refresh in icecold water. Assemble the salad. for the dressing • 3 tbsp olive oil • juice of 1 lemon • 1 tsp honey • 1 handful basil leaves • 6 anchovy fillets, finely chopped • salt and freshly ground black pepper Whisk together and drizzle over the salad just before serving.

until set. When cooled down, refrigerate for at least 2 hours.

To serve: run a knife around the side of the tin. Invert the serving plate over the tin and flip over. Leave the tin for a while so all the caramel can run onto the serving plate.

Serve with whipped cream.

créme caramel

Serves 6.

• 100g castor sugar • 250ml cream • 1 x 385g tin condensed milk • 3 free-range eggs, lightly beaten • 75ml Bulgarian yoghurt Preheat the oven to 180°C. Melt the sugar over a low heat in a small metal cake tin until caramel forms. Be careful not to burn it. Move the tin about to cover the bottom and sides of the tin. Thoroughly beat the remaining ingredients together and pour over the caramel. Place the tin in a baking dish and half-fill the baking dish with boiling water. Bake for about 50 minutes

about the book

Louise Gelderblom, an avid reader, ceramicist and enthusiastic cook, is the author of the cleverly titled The Book Club Cookbook: Eat Your Words containing recipes for popular, prepare in advance, no-fuss dishes, most of which she has tried out on the members of her bookclub, Eat Your Words, over the years.

Published by Quivertree, the book is available at leading bookstores for R320.

Visit quivertreepublications.com

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resource

financial freedom for women Women are required to do most of the planning when it comes to the family’s wellbeing, but are they doing enough to ensure that they will be able to meet all the family’s financial needs?

ANÉL LEWIS

saving vs investing It is important to distinguish between saving and investing. Your choice will be determined by your goal. Saving often refers to a short-term goal such as going on holiday in a year’s time, buying a car or a house. When you talk about investing, you have a much longer-term horizon, with a minimum of a five-year plan. By knowing how much capital you will need, when you will need it and what for, you can set out a plan for saving and/ or investing to ensure you reach your long- and short-term goals.

saving Boitumelo Mothoagae, a financial advisor with Liberty Life, says: “If you start saving early, you can start with a small amount because the compound interest over time will add more to your money.” The later you start, the higher your premiums will need to be. “It does not have to be a large amount. Even just R100 a month in a unit trust will get you into the habit of saving.”

Daryll Welsh, head of product development at Investec Management Services, says: “Government’s introduction in 2015 of a Tax-Free Savings Account (TFSA) provides investors with a great incentive to save. The simplicity of these products makes them particularly appealing for firsttime investors wanting to enter the savings market.”

how a TFSA works A TFSA allows a maximum contribution of R33 000 a year or R2 750 a month. You could contribute for just over 16 years before reaching the maximum allowed contribution. If your investment returns were 10% a year after all costs, the value of the investment after this period would be about R1,2 million. Considering inflation, the equivalent value would be about R478 000. If your child keeps it invested until their retirement age at 65, instead of cashing it in at the age of 21, the value in today’s money would be about R2,9 million.

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planning is key to investing

The average South African If you have a short-term goal to save household allocates only R500 a month, you may look at putting of its it in your bond or a high-yielding income account that you can access easily. For towards saving of some this you won’t need an advisor, however kind ­— Old Mutual if you have a longer-term goal in mind Savings and Investment Mothoagae says it’s critical to consult Monitor, 2017 a financial advisor who will consider your needs before suggesting a plan of action. “We are moving away from one-size-fits-all. As financial advisors, we need to determine what your needs are to ensure the investment is tailor-made for you.” Do your homework and ask your prospective planner pertinent questions. Make sure you choose a certified financial planner and clarify any commission charges upfront. “When you are looking for a financial planner, get someone who talks at your level and does not use jargon,” says Mothoagae. Make sure you understand the fees associated with any policy you choose as well as your financial planner’s fee or commission structure. There may be an upfront fee for the product you choose and then an annual fee which needs to be taken into account when working out the true yield of your chosen investment option.

Once you have a clear idea of your life plan, you can invest your finances to achieve the goals that you have for your life. “This may entail allocating a portion of your funds to retirement, a portion for your children’s education, life insurance and perhaps even some funds towards your immediate or short-term goals and dreams,” says Potgieter.

Fortunately, it is never too late to start making your money work for you. “If you have not planned for your retirement and you are nearing the retiring phase of your life – don’t panic. It only means that we have to look at your financial planning from a different perspective and make sure that your life plan supports your financial situation,” says Potgieter.

“Your financial plan needs to be reviewed at least once a year, or as your needs change,” adds Mothoagae.

playing the market The Johannesburg Stock Exchange (JSE) describes a share as “literally your share of a company”. Individual or ordinary shares are bought and sold to make short-term profits. As these are vulnerable to market volatility, which could be affected by interest rate hikes and even political instability, it’s advisable to trade on one of the more successful companies that have proven track records on the JSE. A good broker will help you identify shares with the best returns. First National Bank (FNB) recommends holding several shares in different industries so that you have a diversified portfolio.

PHOTOGRAPHs: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

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have to admit to glazing over when I hear people talking about interest rates and equity shares, even though I know I need to make informed decisions about my financial security so that I can plan ahead for my family as well. True financial freedom is only possible if one is able to make informed choices about savings and investment.

Kim Potgieter, director and head of life planning at Chartered Wealth Solutions, says: “As women, we often spend our time and energy looking after our children and we forget to look after ourselves. It is true that women generally live longer than men, and according to Stats SA and Ipsos marketing research firm, women’s earnings can be between 23–27% less than their male counterparts.” So, it’s best to start saving as soon as you can.

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resource

It is also advisable to invest in shares in a number of different companies.

According to 10X Investments, shares have the highest expected long-term return over periods exceeding five years.

In a statement released last year, in the last eight years.

Donna Nemer, director of capital markets at the JSE, said Exchange Traded Funds (ETFs) are investments that track the performance of a group or a basket of shares. They can be bought and sold in the same way as an ordinary share. The Satrix Top40 is a single investment giving you exposure to the 40 biggest shares on the JSE. By buying one share in an ETF you have access to the performance of many different companies. You can also opt for online brokerages if you want to manage your own portfolio.

FNB data shows that there has been a fivefold growth in share investment

by women

contingency plans Life is not without its curveballs, and a divorce, a failed business venture, or sudden illness could cause considerable financial stress.

Fortunately, there are measures you can put in place to ensure some peace of mind. Potgieter recommends an antenuptial marriage contract with the accrual system in place. “Unfortunately, divorce normally results

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in conflict about the way in which the assets should be divided and the marriage contract determines to a large extent how this will be done.

With the accrual system, the stay-at-home mother should also benefit from her partner’s financial gain and achievements during the time they were married.”

Mothoagae says women who may be forced to take breaks from their employment because of maternity leave, should include a maternity benefit in their retirement annuity to minimise any loss of income during this period. “If you are forced to dip into your savings for an emergency, try to make some contribution in each month so that your savings are not obliterated,” adds Mothoagae.

only 44% have an education policy

or say they are saving for their children’s education — Old Mutual Savings and Investment Monitor 2017

education fund 101 It’s best to start saving for your children’s education as soon as you find out that you’re pregnant, says Mothoagae. “Consider the type of school your child will attend and what it will cost, taking into account annual inflation. Saving for your child’s tertiary education requires lower premiums

because compound interest over 12 years will work in your favour,” explains Mothoagae. Just a tip – make sure the policy is in your name and not your child’s. Trying to access funds in a minor’s name can be a bureaucratic nightmare, and there are few 18 year olds who would use a lump sum wisely.

Mothoagae says unit trusts for education may be easy to access, but they are taxable. Endowment policies are better suited to less disciplined savers as there is a five-year wait before you can access the funds.

However, these polices are taxed at 30%. A normal savings account may sound like the easier option, but the interest rate may not be high enough to compete with inflation.

looking ahead Potgieter says there are several retirement options to consider, including investment in a retirement annuity, unit trusts or Satrix shares. If you are employed, you will probably belong to the corporate pension or provident fund. Regardless of which option you choose, it’s important to invest a portion of your money towards retirement. “When you are saving, you save for freedom of choice; the choice of how you want to live your current life as well as how you would like to see your life pan out after retirement,” says Potgieter.

financial checklist for your child’s education Rita Cool, financial advisor at Alexander Forbes Retail, offers the following tips: • If you earn a monthly income remember to budget for school fees (MUST be paid).

• If you use your annual bonus to pay school fees upfront, you could score a discount.

• Most people use education plans for high school or university fees, so the period is much longer and they don’t make all the contributions before school starts. You also don’t use up all the savings in year one, and your assets continue to grow each year while you draw a portion.

• A tax-free savings account works similar to a unit trust, but with no tax on interest, dividends tax or capital gains tax charged within the fund. You can contribute up to R33 000 per year, either as a lump sum or monthly with a maximum of R500 000 over a lifetime in your child’s name.

You can withdraw at any stage.

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education

give the gift of words Reading aloud to children not only gives them quality time with you, it can also foster a lifelong love of reading.

ne of my clearest childhood memories is snuggling up with my siblings and listening enrapt as my mom read to us about Frodo and his adventures in The Lord of the Rings. To this day, I still enjoy reading this story and, for that matter, any good book. So, the challenge is to instil a lifelong passion for books in our children and ensure they love reading from when they are just tiny toddlers right through to adulthood. The best way to do this is by reading the stories in books aloud.

“Reading aloud helps a child become a successful reader later in life,” says Joburgbased teacher, remedial therapist and owner of a business offering parent and teacher courses on reading, Marian Bailey. Adults who read aloud to children, whether in the classroom or at home, develop what Bailey calls the three Ls: Love for reading, Language and Listening.

This means children learn to read more easily, gain general knowledge, know where to find information and have a greater chance of academic success.

develop language skills “Hearing stories read out loud helps a child’s language development as it teaches children how words are supposed to sound,” says Jill Eggleton, an international consultant on literacy. According to Eggleton, reading aloud extends and enriches children’s vocabulary and encourages listening comprehension. It demonstrates how inflexions work in speech, for example, how raising your pitch at the end of a sentence turns it into a question.

Children also learn about sentence and story 28

structure, and visual literacy, in other words, understanding pictures.

“Parents can read to their children from when they are less than a year old until they are independent readers,” says Bailey. Adults then become an example of how enjoyable reading is and how it opens up new worlds and adventures, notes Bailey. Where else can children learn about pirates, princesses, cats and dogs, or travelling to the other end of the world, or even to different worlds? Creativity, imagination and curiosity are all developed when you read to children. Bailey says that taking time to read aloud also creates a special time for parents to bond with their children.

They can benefit socially as well, as they learn about different emotions and how characters deal with conflict or other difficult situations.

This assists them in learning how to express themselves and their emotions and teaches them how to behave in society.

make it interactive “Learning to read is a journey for a child,” says Bailey, “and parents and teachers can work towards inspiring this passion in children.” Reading to children allows parents and teachers to expose youngsters to stories they aren’t yet capable of reading themselves.

Discussing different types of literature in the classroom helps children to think about what they are reading. Eggleton points out that children need to understand what you are reading, so answering questions and discussing the story is a good way to help them get there. If the children ask and answer questions about what they have read or heard, then they are thinking about the book.

According to Eggleton, people only continue to do the things that bring them pleasure, so worksheets or tedious activities at school won’t encourage reading. She says that to foster lifetime readers, teachers and parents

magazine | durban April/May 2018

need to be enthusiastic. When reading aloud to children, expressive reading is key. Change your tone and pitch, use different voices and make it interesting and fun. Start reading to children from a young age says Bailey, so they grow up with a love for reading. This will inspire them to learn how to read for themselves. Bailey also suggests exposing children to a range of books and reading material and playing reading games such as “I Spy”.

“You have to choose the right books for reading aloud,” says Eggleton; books that are dull, nonsensical or not relevant for children make reading harder and difficult to comprehend. Bailey suggests choosing books that are well-written and well-illustrated. Other key features to look for include: • Rhythm or rhyming in the story • Repetition of words or actions • Rich and varied language • Stories that are length- and ageappropriate. If your child is losing interest, the book might be too long • Visual information, which includes imagery and pictures • Stories that illustrate emotions, such as humour or fear • Imaginative stories • Interesting stories and those that are based on your children’s interests • Stories that are relevant to real life and your child, and with interesting characters to whom children can relate.

Creativity, imagination and curiosity are all developed when you read to children.

PHOTOGRAPH and illustration: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

TAMLYN VINCENT

best age-appropriate books for reading aloud 0–5 years The Boy who Cried Ninja by Alex Latimer (Peachtree Publishers) An imaginative, well-illustrated book about the importance of telling the truth.

Winnie the Witch

by Valerie Thomas (Oxford University Press) A wonderful story with a vivid ending, as Winnie decides she needs more colour in her life.

The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson (Macmillan Children’s Books) A funny, rhyming story about a quickthinking mouse and his stroll through the dark woods.

Another Mother by Jill Eggleton (Juta and Company Ltd) A story about a newly-hatched emu chick who finds his mom so scary that he goes looking for another mother. This book comes with guide notes.

5–8 years The Kiss that Missed by David Melling (Hodder Children’s Books) A captivating fairy-tale quest. The King blows his son a goodnight kiss, but completely misses. A knight must now go in search of the lost kiss.

Rabbit and Frog by Jill Eggleton (Juta and Company Ltd) Rabbit and Frog show off their specialised jumping skills – Rabbit can scale a tall bush with ease, while Frog makes light work of getting across the pond. Notes from the storyteller are included in the book.

Fergus Crane by Paul Stewart (Corgi Children’s Books) Wonderful illustrations (by Chris Riddell) and exciting adventures abound as Fergus Crane – a young boy who lives in the Archduke Ferdinand Apartments with his mom, Lucia – goes off on a quest to save his school friends.

8–11 years Skellig by David Almond (Laurel Leaf Library) This story questions what is real and what is imaginary when Michael encounters a strange, emaciated creature in his garage.

The Wolves of Willoughby Chase by Joan Aiken (Red Fox) An historical fantasy about two orphan girls’ escape from their wicked governess.

11–13 years The Spiderwick Chronicles by Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black (Simon & Schuster) A story about three siblings and their adventures with a fantastical menagerie of strange creatures.

Millions by Frank Cottrell Boyce (Macmillan Children’s Books) A thrilling adventure involving two boys and a bag full of money and the bank robbers who are hot on their heels.

reading to help you help them

101 Ways to get your Child to Read by Patience Thomson (Barrington Stoke) This book focuses on helping those children who struggle to enjoy reading. It details the types of reading problems and reveals how a child’s mind works.

Helping your Child to Read by Katie Ruttle and Annemarie Young (Oxford University Press) A guide through all the stages of your child’s early reading development.

Explaining the skills children need to develop as well as providing supporting activities and games.

Lighting the Literacy Fire by Jill Eggleton (Juta and Company Ltd) This book shows teachers how to develop children’s oral language skills and comprehension.

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books

a good read

fun reads for little folk Elephants don’t grow on trees

By A H Benjamin (Bumble Books, R145) Mr Tusker loved elephants. He wanted an elephant of his very own; so much that he even dreamed about them and what fun he could have.

But wherever he went everyone told him: “ELEPHANTS DON’T GROW ON TREES!” Until one day Mr Tusker discovered something very odd …

Available in English and Afrikaans.

The Baby Brother Curse

By Michelle Sacks (Bumble Books, R145) When Boo hears that her mum is expecting a little boy, she thinks it’s the very worst news in the whole world.

She pictures her brother all smelly and yucky and terrible, and spends nine months bemoaning her awfully bad luck. Until the big day arrives. Available in English and Afrikaans.

My Great Expedition

By Justin Fox (Bumble Books, R169) In 1973 at the age of six, Justin Fox went on a grand tour of Europe with his parents – from Cape Town to London, Paris, Munich, Vienna, Rome, Athens and the Greek Islands. This is his story of the magic of travel and the experience of other places and people – all of which has made him one of today’s great travel writers.

Do Not Open This Book

By Andy Lee (Human & Rousseau, R135) This guy will do anything for you not to open this book. Threats, bribes, reverse psychology – you name it. A hilarious new book from radio extraordinaire and all-round funny guy, Andy Lee. Young readers will love doing everything they’re asked not to. With bright and entertaining illustrations, this story will become a family favourite.

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learning is fun Vula Bula Books (Molteno Institute for Language and Literacy) Living in South Africa, it is hugely beneficial for children to learn one of our African languages. Knowing an African language promotes social cohesion, respect and appreciation for diversity, showing children that while others are different, they have the same inherent value. It also fosters a greater sense of belonging to one country and geographical environment.

The Vula Bula African language readers are very effective in teaching children to read and speak an African language. Available for learners in grades 1–3, these readers offer a range of engaging stories for children in isiXhosa, isiZulu, Ndebele, Sesotho, Sepedi, Setswana, Xitsonga and Tshivenda.

Visit vulabula.co.za where learners, teachers and parents can download the Vula Bula African language readers free of charge.

Schools wanting bulk copies can buy them at cost online and have them delivered.

for us Achtung Baby – The German Art Of Raising Self-Reliant Children

By Sara Zaske (Picador, R227) When Sara Zaske moved from Oregon to Berlin with her husband and toddler, she was surprised to discover that German parents give their children a great deal of freedom. In Berlin, children walk to school by themselves, ride the subway alone, cut food with sharp knives and even play with fire. German parents did not share her parental fears and their children were thriving. Was she doing the opposite of what she intended, which was to raise capable children?

Through her own family’s often funny experiences as well as interviews with other parents, teachers, and experts, Zaske shares the many unexpected parenting lessons she learned from living in Germany. Achtung Baby reveals that today’s Germans know something that other parents don’t (or have perhaps forgotten) about raising kids with selbstandigkeit (self-reliance). The book provides many new and practical ideas parents everywhere can use to give their own children the freedom they need to grow into responsible, independent adults.

No More Perfect Marriages

By Mark & Jill Savage (Moody, R178) No marriage is perfect, but every marriage can get better. It’s all about having the right expectations and growing in love. Mark and Jill guide couples in the fundaments of growing a healthy marriage, sharing how they came back from infidelity and restored intimacy to their marriage. Learn how to guard against the ‘slow fades’ that threaten every marriage, and get tools and tips for cultivating a stronger connection with your spouse.

what’s on in april & may

calendar

For more events go to childmag.co.za/whats-on or submit an event for our June & July issue before 4 May to durban@childmag.co.za 25 March

JFF Family Fun Day The Jes Foord Foundation is hosting a family fun day at WavePark Gateway. Enjoy a funfilled day (11am–9pm) with loads of entertainment and activities for the children. Food and refreshments will be on sale from the various food stalls. Visitors can bring their own chairs and picnic blankets. Tickets cost R100 for adults and R50 for children.

Contact: 086 133 3449 or admin@jff.org.za 27 March

An Evening with Jonathan Roxmouth The star of The Phantom of the

Opera, Beauty & The Beast, and more recently Che in Evita, Jonathan Roxmouth will dazzle the house with great songs, catchy melodies and iconic characters.

Show times are Tuesday to Wednesday (8pm), Friday (2pm), Saturday (8pm), Sunday and Monday (2pm). Tickets cost R150.

Contact Tina’s Hotel, Rhumbelow Theatre 031 764 7843 or info@ tinashotel.co.za 29 March

Cinema Night The monthly independent pop-up cinema event AFRI CINE is back in 2018 for another season, bringing you a selection of top feature, documentary and short

films from across the African continent. Address: 166 Bulwer Road, Glenwood. Contact: KZNSA Gallery 031 277 1705 or gallery@ kznsagallery.co.za

Peter Rabbit The mischievous and adventurous hero who has captivated generations of readers now takes on the starring role in his own irreverent, comedy film. In the film, Peter’s feud with Mr McGregor escalates to greater heights than ever before as they rival for the affections of the warm-hearted animal lover who lives next door. The film opens in cinemas on 29 March. Visit numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com

30 March

Capoeira Indaba The 2nd African Capoeira Indaba will take place from 30 March– 1 April 2018 at the BAT Centre in Durban, South Africa. The event aims to add another link in the chain that reconnects the AfroBrazilian art of capoeira with the African continent; sharing culture, knowledge and experiences.

Times are: Friday (6pm), Saturday (11am), Sunday (11am). Ticket prices range from R100–R500.

Contact: Mark 082 467 8218 31 March

Have a Ball Visit the Cornubia Mall, Mount Edgecombe for the world’s

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calendar largest ball pit, containing 2.2 million plastic balls. Suitable for young and old, the ball pit will be open to the public (9am–5pm) until 15 April and promises loads of fun.

Gardens on 31 March and 1 April. Eggsplorer tickets are R85 and spectator tickets are R20 (available from webtickets. co.za or Pick n Pay). Free entrance for children u/1. Doors open from 10am–2pm. Contact: info@ theeventcompanysa.co.za 11 April

Reach for a Dream Golf Day

The Beacon Eggsplorer Durban’s biggest Easter egg hunt is back and visitors will be hopping with ‘eggcitement’.

In partnership with Beacon Chocolates, this event will take place at the Durban Botanic

Come show off your swing at the 12th annual corporate golf day at Mount Edgecombe Country Club.

The event aims to raise funds to realise the dreams of children with life-threatening illnesses. A fourball ticket will cost you R4 600. Tee-off is 10am.

Contact: Charmaine Premlal 031 566 2220 or fundraisingkzn@ reachforadream.org.za 21 April

Autism Run/Walk Show your support for Autism Awareness by walking the walk

11 May

Slipper Day 2018 This is a simple and fun way to support Reach For A Dream.

By buying a R10 wristband and wearing your slippers out of the house, you are supporting children and adolescents who have been diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses.

Wristbands can be purchased from Pick n Pay, Wimpy or any Reach For A Dream branch.

Visit reachforadream.org.za/ campaigns/slippers-day

on 21 April (8am). The 5km walk/ run and 10km run takes place along the beachfront promenade, beginning at Natal Mounted Rifles (corner of Masabalala Yengwa Avenue and Isaaih Tshangase Road). Register at Musgrave Shopping Centre on 14 April (10am–2pm) and 20 April (3pm– 5pm). Prizes are up for grabs for best home-made banner or best blue outfit. Entry: R80 (5km) and R100 (10km). Children u/2 enter for free. Contact: 031 837 0352 or blueandyourun@gmail.com.

Register online at blueandyou.co.za 26 April

Jumble Sale

6 April

Peppa Pig Live in South Africa An action-packed, rollicking stage show based on the awardwinning television series. Designed to give young fans an unforgettable first live theatre experience, this fully immersive musical production features familiar and original songs, plus an interactive sing-a-long. Shows are at 10am and 12:30pm daily until 22 April at The Playhouse. Tickets are R199–R399. Book at computicket.com

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Spend some time browsing through an extensive range of quality goods for sale at the Child Welfare Durban & District Jumble sales on 26 April and 25 May, (9am–1pm). Find the thrift shop at 20 Clarence Road, Greyville.

6 May

Music at Makaranga Featuring Matthew Mole and supporting acts, the day promises to be fun for the whole family with great food and breathtaking views of the picturesque Makaranga

Garden Lodge in Kloof. The event begins at 12pm. Tickets are R140; available from webtickets.co.za

13 May

Vasco Restaurant Choose from the buffet of seasonal specialties, local seafood, Midland veal and Indian cuisine at Vasco’s Restaurant. Savour your favourite buffet items with South African wines at the Hilton Durban hotel. For Mother’s Day, a lunch buffet is available, specially themed with eight different food stations. Cost: R450 per person. Booking is essential as space is limited. Contact: 031 336 8100

High Tea or Lunch at Oyster Box Hotel The Oyster Box in Umhlanga has two offers available on Mother’s Day. There is a high tea from 2:30pm to 5pm in the Pearl Room with a goody bag and the talented Eric Canham to serenade and set the tone for the afternoon. The high tea will cost R450 per person. The second option is a lunch from 12pm to 3pm. A splendidly decadent six-course meal is on offer for R750 per person at the Ocean Terrace restaurant, where Blommie, the Oyster Box inhouse florist, will craft each mum a posy. Contact: 031 514 5000 or visit oysterboxhotel.co.za

An ‘Easy’ choice for Mother’s Day Let the Big Easy Winebar & Grill at Durban’s Hilton hotel help you celebrate mom! Savour a familysharing lunch menu while enjoying live musical entertainment at only R415 per person. The menu offers a combination of fresh food, local specialties and Ernie Els’s personal favourites, inspired by the cultural crossroads of South Africa. There’s an extensive wine-by-the-glass offering from Ernie’s signature range. Contact: 031 336 8100

Cargo Hold uShaka Treat mom to a three-course lunch. For only R345 per person, the menu includes cured salmon trout with warm potato salad, Mozambican prawns with coriander pesto, and a warm chocolate pudding with vanilla ice-cream for dessert. You can

also opt for the two-course option (main and dessert) for R295 per person. There will be two sittings – 11:30am and again at 2pm. Contact: 031 328 8065 or ushakamarineworld.co.za 17 May

UB40’s SA Tour Britain’s most successful Reggae band of all time, UB40, will perform their all-time classic hits at the Durban ICC, at 8:30pm.

Tickets from R290; available from computicket.com 18 May

Camelot A magical musical classic based on The Once and Future King, this stage production explores the enchanting and inspiring tales of King Arthur and his knights of the round table. It shows at various times at the Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre until 3 June. Not suitable for children u/8. Tickets are R180– R250. Book at computicket.com 25 May

International Tekkie Tax Day Leave a little sparkle and wear your tekkies on International Tekkie Tax Day! Paying your tekkie tax can help support more than 250 welfare organisations across South Africa. Shoelaces are available for purchase at various Toys R Us and Babies R Us stores. Contact: 012 663 8181, tekkietax@mweb.co.za. Visit tekkietax.co.za

holiday programmes

Stage Make-up workshop Children aged 9–13 years old have fun with a Mad Hatters Tea Party theme on 3–4 April, while children 14–18 years of age learn stage make-up techniques such as ageing, period, or fantasy make-up on 5–6 April. Workshops

run from 7:30am–12:30pm at Durban Actors Studio, 11 Albert Terrace, Point Waterfront.

Registered DAS students pay R500, and non-students pay R550. Contact: 031 332 0173, info@durbanactorsstudio.co.za or durbanactorsstudio.co.za

techniques and strategies and teaches how to apply these to your individual circumstances.

The course runs as a small group from 3–6 April (9am–1pm), at Kip McGrath Education Centre Umhlanga or Kip McGrath Education Centre Bluff. Cost: R2 950. Contact: 031 566 1110, 082 042 2556 or kipmcgrath.co.za

open days Kiddies Paintball This is a supervised paintball activity for 10–15-year-old children. It takes place on 4 April (9am–1pm) at Giba Gorge, 110 Stockville Road, Westmead. Cost: R250 per person or R1 100 for a group of five. Contact: 082 782 6432 or info@boot-camp.co.za

Snake safety course Crocworld Conservation Centre (Old Main Road, Scottburgh) will be hosting Snake Safety courses for children between the ages of six and 12 on 3–4 April (10am).

Cost: R120 per child. Bookings are essential as space is limited.

Contact: Martin 078 484 1859 or 039 976 1103 or mrodrigues@cbl.co.za

Kiddies boot camp

Curro Castle Mount Richmore open day Learn more about this Curro Castle on 26 May. The school is situated in Salt Rock on the KZN North Coast. Contact: 087 285 1671 or curro.co.za

markets

The Morning Trade This artisan produce market is open every Sunday at 15 Station Road, from 8am–1pm. Find out more on Facebook: @TheMorningTrade

I Heart Market North Find a wide range of different, locally designed products that have been carefully selected for their quality, originality and design appeal. Takes place on 31 March (9am–3pm) at Blythedale Event Bowl. Visit Facebook: @IHeartMarket

Children aged 5–14 years take part in fun activities including the obstacle course, a hike to the waterfall and loads of team activities. It takes place on 5 April, (7:30am–4:30pm), at Boot Camp SA, Giba Gorge, 110 Stockville Road, Westmead. Cost: R250 per person or R1 100 for a group of five. Contact: 082 782 6432, info@boot-camp.co.za

Study Skills course Learn how to study smarter. The course, for grades 5–7 or 8–12, focuses on developing study 33

finishing touch

m

let go, and enjoy the ride...

Urged on by her children, a leap was taken and fun was had by all.

ANÉL LEWIS

y daughter Erin announced recently that she has no interest in being an adult. I can’t say I blame her – there are days when deciding what to cook for supper and the myriad other responsibilities of being a grown-up are hugely overrated. But, I was intrigued to know why my seven-year-old was already wise to the ways of the world.

“Adults are boring. They sit behind their computers and they don’t have any fun,” she explained. I tried to sway her by listing all the exciting things that she would be able to do one day, such as driving a car and travelling around the world. But she wasn’t convinced.

“I don’t want to grow up and have to work all day and never laugh.” Fair point, I thought, and left it at that. But I felt somewhat saddened that her impression of adulthood may have been tainted by my dispirited attitude to the daily grind.

Erin, Craig, Conor, and Anél

A few days later, we were at a nine-yearold’s birthday party where the children were having an absolute ball on a massive water slide.

“Mom, you have to come in with us,” begged Erin. I have to be honest – the thought filled me with dread. What would people think of this 40-something woman flailing down the water slide like a dizzy manatee? And, what if they spotted my wobbly thighs and flabby arms?

I stood at the base of the slide, trying to explain to Erin and Conor that middle-aged

let’s party For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/ resources/birthdayparties

34

magazine | durban April/May 2018

moms and slides are not really a good combo, and that they should go down with their friends instead. Then Conor reached for my hand.

“Come on, Mom. We don’t give up.”

I took a deep breath and climbed up the stairs, trying very hard to not think about the fact that people were probably still listening to tape cassettes the last time I was on a water slide. But within seconds we were shrieking with laughter as we flew down the slide, and I completely forgot about dimpled thighs and the to-do list that needed to be ticked off before school the next day. “You see, adults can have fun too,” shouted Erin, flushed with excitement. I guess sometimes, we just have to let go a bit and enjoy the ride too.

Anél Lewis has added at least one lighthearted activity to her family’s monthly to-do list, so that they can all be reminded that even adults can have fun and live the good life.

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