Child Magazine | Durban November 2011

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

is your child getting enough?

f o r

p ar e n t s

retail therapy festive family markets

essential nutrients for all ages and stages

underage

stress what’s causing it?

www.childmag.co.za

November 2011

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Hunter House

My oldest daughter, Julian, was an outgoing, exuberant and hugely energetic toddler.

She kept me on the run to such an extent that I was sorely tempted to buy a toddler-taming harness.

P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Anél Lewis • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • lucille@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art Designers Nikki-leigh Piper • nikki@childmag.co.za Alys Suter • studio1@childmag.co.za Samantha Summerfield • studio2@childmag.co.za

Advertising Director Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations

PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: Brooke Fasani

Natasha Whittaker • natashaw@childmag.co.za Lisa Waterloo • capetown@childmag.co.za

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But instead, I gave in to running after her, losing weight but never my child. Fastforward several years: Julian is now an adolescent and I am again tempted to employ the help of a harness – a teenagesized one. I don’t consider myself overly protective, but in a world of underage drinking, drugs and dodgy party venues, I yearn to keep her close to keep her safe.

Thankfully, she has an amazing group of friends, many from when she was in fact a toddler, and they seem to keep each other safe and on an even keel. Over weekends our home overflows with teenagers from the surrounding suburbs. They drink gallons of ice tea and commandeer the pool, the TV and the music system. And I thought

it was just the toddler years that required vast reserves of energy with a good dose of patience.

The upside to parenting a teenager is that I’ve had years to hone my sense of humour.

As cute and entertaining as toddlers may be, it’s teenagers who have the monopoly on funny – Trevor Noah has nothing on them.

Boy, is it great to be the mom of a teenager!

If you love the magazine you’ll love our website. Visit us at childmag.co.za

Helen Xavier • subs@childmag.co.za

Accounts Helen Xavier • helen@childmag.co.za Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

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Durban’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: 1st Floor, MB House, 641 Peter Mokaba Road, Overport, 4091. Tel: 031 209 2200, fax: 031 207 3429, email: durban@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles, and other editorial content, are accurate and balanced, but cannot accept responsibility for loss, damage or inconvenience that may arise from reading them.

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November 2011

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contents

november 2011

24 upfront

health

3

10 pressure test

a note from lisa

6 over to you

readers respond

regulars

features

6 upfront with paul

12 manage your child’s stress

Jessica-A’isha Mouneimne looks at pre-eclampsia

ow can you help your children deal h with stress? Glynis Horning looks for the answers

teach your children the value of money very early, says Paul Kerton 8 wins

15 positive proof

28 resource – gone shopping

Joanne Lillie explains positive parenting and what it entails

18 is your child getting enough?

Tamlyn Vincent looks at which vitamins and minerals your child needs at every stage

a guide to fun, family-friendly markets as well as special Christmas fairs.

Compiled by Tamlyn Vincent

32 a good read

new books for the whole family

34 what’s on in november 42 last laugh

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Sam Wilson is a good loser. And she’s okay with that

classified ads 41 let’s party 42 family marketplace

20 it could happen to your child

recreational drug abuse is on the rise among teens. Dee Koch investigates

24 ‘tis the season for giving

not sure what teacher’s gift to

get? Here are some suggestions from Ideas Gifts

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26 fun and games

Christina Castle reminds us of good old-fashioned games that don’t need electronic devices

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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November 2011

Cape Town

Johannesburg

Durban

shutterstock.com

Kiids Boutique 021 762 8935

Mr Price www.mrprice.co.za

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November 2011

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upfront with paul

money’s too tight to mention Teach your children the value of money as soon as they can count, advises PAUL KERTON. Saskia, Paul and Sabina

letters

they want (if they are good, or lucky). And if the grandparents are around, they are likely to be very lucky indeed.

What children don’t understand is that a) we have to work hard to get the money, b) there is a limit to how much money there is, and c) they can’t get stuff they want every time they go near a shop, no matter how much they protest.

If an appliance supplement or a toy catalogue drops out of a newspaper at the weekend, they can point to a million things they want. The interesting thing is; because they have no concept of value or worth, the price is immaterial. They are governed more by instant gratification – it’s a great colour, it makes an annoying

noise, it’s big, it’s messy, it makes them look cool, it irritates the parents, it smells terrible. But they could choose a toy worth R20 or something that is R250, because the price is completely irrelevant; it’s the experience that counts. I was staggered when I took Sabina to a massive toy shop. She browsed for hours checking out everything. I was prepared to spend R180 on some dodgy-looking plastic pet family, but no, what she really wanted were those luminescent wristbands that cost R5 each. I bought four of those and she was unbelievably happy.

To instil the necessary value of money, we give them pocket money as soon as they can count. Not a lot, but enough for

over to you exercise for a good cause

on our facebook page in response to the website article “creating family traditions” We all have fond memories of childhood traditions and rituals, things that keep us sane and things that helped build us to be the best we can be with a strong sense of family and belonging. It is so profound and it makes one consider that simple things are exactly what children need most – and it does build memories to carry us when we’re older. They take us to that “happy place of childhood”, especially when we need something to hold onto.

Norah Papanicolaou in response to the website article “bullying – the parent’s guide” My niece witnessed a violent attack, using a knuckle-duster, on a girl at school by another girl. This bully is now targeting her. These things are not taken lightly. A case has been opened with the police, and the principal has been informed and is taking the necessary steps. Children should not be subjected to violence in schools. Stand together and fight against bullying.

Anonymous

branded clothing a no-no I wanted to buy my six-year-old son pyjamas but almost every pair was branded with Ben 10, Spider-Man or some kind of wrestling character.

As for girls, it is almost impossible to find clothing that is a) not pink, b) not covered in sequins, hearts or flowers and c) is not branded with Barbie, Bratz or some other inappropriate character.

The boutique clothing can be nice, but

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them to know they have a cash stash and to try and work out the economics of their purchase it’s also to learn that money is precious and you can’t leave it lying about.

I love it when Sabina asks to go into the garage shop on her own to get an ice cream. “Get the right change and get a slip,” I say, and she’s off like a demented greyhound, waving a R20 note. She always comes back beaming with independence, bearing the goods and the right change (she asks for it in a plastic coin bag). She then works out how much she has left.

This is never very much, but it’s much more than Greece has at the moment.

Paul Kerton is the author of Fab Dad: A Man’s Guide to Fathering.

it is outrageously priced and often not suited for playing in the park. As a result, I dress my two-year-old daughter in her brother’s old clothes, and, when she needs something new, I usually buy her something in the boys’ section. Readers might also be interested to know that in the UK, retailers have been banned from selling inappropriate attire that sexualises children.

Linda van de Vijver

My exercise regime involves a highspeed walk around my neighbourhood every weekday. I have been doing this for years. About three years ago, I added another dimension to my walks. I started greeting everyone I passed, usually in my limited Zulu. I receive the most heartwarming responses to my greetings and I am now a passionate ambassador for the Stop Crime, Say Hello campaign (visit sayhello.co.za).

About a month ago, I added a third dimension to my walks. I started taking plastic bags and picking up the litter on my route. When I first started, I was picking up three bags of litter a day.

This morning, I collected only half a bag. Recycling what I collect is also on my agenda. The litter collection has added about seven extra minutes to my exercise regime and about a hundred squats, which can only be good for me.

I firmly believe in the “broken windows” theory – that poorly maintained areas attract crime while neat and well-maintained areas discourage it. Almost every day I hear people complaining that the government is not doing enough about the crime in our country, but what are we doing? Apart from anything else, it is incredibly satisfying to do something that makes a difference, no matter how small that something may be.

Georgina Steele

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write to us Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to: marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

You can also post a comment online at

childmag.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

i

n austere times, as Greece, Spain and the entire eurozone hover on the brink of fiscal disaster, money matters are something children neither know nor care about.

Look at it from a child’s point of view. There are shops wherever they go and there is always something in those shops that they want. In fact, they want everything because they like accumulating possessions and stuff, because things are nice to have and their personal treasures define who they are.

Mommy and Daddy get money from a hole in the wall – how cool is that? They punch in a number and money comes out.

Fabulous. Then they buy the child the stuff

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November 2011

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wins

giveaways in november

in time for summer Nivea Sun’s new Kids Swim & Play Protection Lotion SPF 50+ for face and body offers maximum protection, and is an easily absorbed, extra water-resistant sunscreen. Another new and handy product to try is the Nivea Sun Kids Trigger Spray SPF 50+ with its easy-to-apply, trigger-spray mechanism. For more info visit nivea.co.za Eight readers can win a Nivea Sun Hamper valued at R530.

Simply email us or post your details and mark it as “Nivea DBN win”.

young tummies and taste buds Bokomo introduces a bite-size version of their famous Weet-Bix cereal, Weet-Bix Bites.

They are high in fibre, vitamins B1, B2 and niacin, and low in fat. These tasty treats come filled with real honey, berries or crunchy chocolate balls.

One reader can win a year’s supply of the Weet-Bix Bites range, valued at R2 207; six boxes per month, sent via courier to your home. Simply email us or post your details and mark it as “Weet-Bix DBN win”.

Le Toy Van Toys encourage creativity and imagination, and are designed with group play in mind. Timber Toys imports these non-toxic wooden toys, which comply with strict international standards, and are safety tested for the ages of three years and older.

For more information, contact Michelle: 071 898 7910, info@timbertoys.co.za, or visit timbertoys.co.za One reader can win a Surcouf Flagship pirate ship valued at R1 000 and another reader will win a Tutti Frutti (including furniture) valued at R1 700. Simply email us or post your details and mark it as “Timber Toys DBN Win”.

how to enter

congratulations to our September winners

Unless it is otherwise stated, emailed entries go to win@childmag.co.za

Brunhilde Taljaard who wins in the Toddler Sense giveaway and Janice Hornsveld, Shelly Kupferman, Nabeela Moolla, Raksha Anandray and Lathisha Bugwandin who each win a pair of Roller Kidz Heel Skates.

and postal entries go to PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Only one entry per reader is allowed and entries must be received by 30 November 2011.

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November 2011

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

lumber jack and jill

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November 2011

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health

pressure test JESSICA-A’ISHA MOUNEIMNE looks at pre-eclampsia, a condition that poses serious risks for you and your unborn baby.

very pregnant mom knows the nerves and excitement that accompany an antenatal visit. But before you even get a chance to see your little one on the monitor, doctors need to check your blood pressure and the protein content of your urine. High blood pressure disorders are among the most common medical problems in pregnancy, occurring in between five to 10 percent of every 100 pregnancies. According to Cape Town-based gynaecologist, Dr Phillip Zinn, pre-eclampsia is diagnosed when the mother has both elevated blood pressure and protein in the urine. “It arises most commonly in the third trimester of pregnancy, but can also occur as early as 20th week of gestation.”

a cascade of events later in the pregnancy that affect blood pressure and membrane interfaces throughout the mother’s body.”

cause

the risk to mom and baby

While the exact cause is unknown, Zinn says there’s evidence indicating that the placenta is somehow involved.

“The scene is set for possible pre-eclampsia as early as 14 to 16 weeks into a pregnancy. This is when the placenta establishes greater control of its blood supply from the uterus by breaking down some of the muscle tissue in the blood vessels that supply the placenta. This breakdown of muscle tissue in the blood vessels is needed to optimise blood flow to the placenta through a low-pressure environment. For reasons thought to be immunological, this process does not take place efficiently and leads to

Dr Ron White, a Johannesburg-based gynaecologist, explains that in severe cases virtually every organ of the body may be affected. “The major risk involves the brain resulting in convulsions, stroke and blindness. The kidneys are also affected. Renal failure is not uncommon and requires renal dialysis. The liver can haemorrhage causing liver failure. There is a very high risk of death in these cases.” White adds that the baby is at grave risk too. “The vessels of the placenta supplying blood to the baby go into spasm and the baby is starved of oxygen and nutrients, which limits its growth, and means the

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baby may die.” This is one of the main reasons for more frequent antenatal visits in the third trimester. The timely delivery of the baby can make the difference between life and death for both mother and child.

symptoms high-risk factors While pre-eclampsia can occur in any pregnancy, there are pre-existing factors that place a pregnant woman at a higher risk, says White. These include a maternal age greater than 40 years; existing high blood pressure, or raised blood pressure occurring early in pregnancy; diabetes or pre-existing kidney disease; various heart diseases and having lost a baby in a previous pregnancy.

Zinn adds that the first pregnancy is far more likely to be affected than subsequent pregnancies.

“However, a pregnancy with a new partner should be regarded as having the same risk as with your previous partner. Pre-eclampsia in the first pregnancy presents a risk for recurrence in a subsequent pregnancy.”

With the only cure for the condition being to end the pregnancy, doctors need to weigh up the options; the risk to mother and baby and the risk of ending the pregnancy with a premature baby, which may require ICU care. Zinn warns, “The clinician is often forced to deliver a very premature baby in order to save the mother’s life and give the baby a chance of survival.”

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Symptoms may include severe headaches and swelling that suddenly gets worse, especially if it includes the face.

The symptoms of acute pre-eclampsia, which can come on very rapidly, include visual disturbances, lower or upper abdominal pain, persistent coughing, shortness of breath and blood in the urine. But Zinn warns that there are often no obvious symptoms until the condition becomes very severe, which can lead to an eclamptic fit.

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parenting

manage your child’s stress Are you stimulating your children so that they will succeed in life, or stressing

hen Cape Town businesswoman and single mom Tracy, 35, announced that she was moving her daughter from a small community school to a larger school, she began noticing her daughter “wasn’t her usual self”.

The effervescent 11-year-old wasn’t sleeping well, and began comfort eating, then experiencing thinning hair.

“She kept scratching her head, as though things were literally getting under her skin.” Tracy recognised the signs of stress. “It seemed crazy for a child so young,” she says.

But like most children today, her daughter was dealing with a demanding school curriculum, exam-style assessments unlike any we faced at that age, and extramurals that she loved but that filled most afternoons. “A couple of girls were also bullying her, and as a working parent, I wasn’t

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as available for her as I’d have liked,” Tracy adds. “With all that, the prospect of moving school seemed too much.”

She responded by enrolling her daughter in a stress management course. “It was amazing the difference it made just learning to breathe deeply and reconnect with herself when she felt under pressure; to visualise a stressful situation away in a bubble.” The girl’s sleep, hair and eating problems subsided, and she made the transition to her new school smoothly. “She’s been accepted, made friends, and received a glowing term report,” says Tracy. “I just wish I’d looked into the whole stress question earlier.”

Few parents do. Most of us seek guidance only once there’s a problem, reports Michelle Schoon, who runs Stress Free Kids SA in Cape Town. “And there are so many sources (of stress) today.”

sources of stress Research suggests that certain children may be naturally more susceptible to stress through an inherited high anxiety trait in their personality, but even for them much depends on how they’re raised to respond to pressure in life. Ironically, parents can exert considerable pressure themselve if they’re anxious, distant or over-demanding, or expose their children to problems outside their control.

“Today the most common reason primary school children give for worrying is their parents – arguing, leaving home, or complaining about money troubles,” says Schoon.

Their second biggest source of worry is bullying. Marilu Murray, a trauma counsellor with the Teddy Bear Clinic for abused children in Johannesburg, reports that bullying is on the rise, with children increasingly using online social

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PHOTOGRAPHs: shutterstock.com

w

them out? By GLYNIS HORNING

networks because they allow anonymity. Childline receives numerous calls about bullying, says Joan van Niekerk, the organisation’s advocacy and training manager. Most are from girls, who reach out more readily for help than boys. Tracy’s daughter experienced bullying when other girls ignored her, giggled when she walked by or spread rumours about her.

The most common reason children give for worrying is their parents – arguing, leaving home or complaining about money problems.

As children approach their teens, however, pressure comes increasingly from inside themselves as they strive to fit in socially and advance academically. Parents make this worse when they live out their own fears or live their fantasies through their children by piling on extramurals and pushing them to succeed. “Most parents just want their children to have opportunities they themselves didn’t have,” says Pretoria counselling psychologist Elise Fourie.

“But in some cases, I think narcissism plays a role, and parents hope to prove what good parents they are.” We grow anxious about our children’s performance, nagging and using fear of failure to motivate, instead of allowing them to learn from mistakes and showing them how to deal with these as positive growth experiences. This breeds anxiety, anger and resentment in children – they can fear being rejected if they don’t live up to our expectations, or

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just lose interest and refuse to compete. Overly involved parenting and micromanaging communicates a sense of inadequacy to a child, says Durban child and educational psychologist Dr Caron Bustin. “It encourages dependency and the child doesn’t learn to take ownership of his or her own pursuits.” The bottom line is that we live in a highly competitive society, she concludes. “This generation is more over-scheduled than any other, and the effect of raised levels of stress hormones can be considerable.”

effects of stress Stress triggers the body to release adrenalin and cortisone as part of its fight-or-flight survival mechanism. But when the stress continues and becomes chronic, constantly raised levels of these hormones can lower immunity. They can cause headaches and digestive disorders, asthma and allergies, and have been linked to heart problems and certain cancers.

Equally, worrying are the psychological costs of stress.

It can cause depression, even in primary school children, and lead to an escape in substance abuse, promiscuity, breakdowns and childhood suicide. Nearly one in 10 deaths of young South Africans are the result of suicide, and one in three patients hospitalised after attempting suicide are in their teens or younger, says Durban-based world suicide expert Lourens Schlebusch, author of Mind Shift: Stress Management and Your Health (University Press).

“Children don’t have the same tools for regulating stress as adults and experience burnout and exhaustion when it’s prolonged,” says Bustin. Those who are over-scheduled are constantly under the spotlight, expected to perform and compared to other children. Chronic stress has been

stress alert If your child shows these signs, encourage them to talk about possible worries. If they won’t open up, talk to their teachers or a professional counsellor – don’t ignore them.

• Mood swings • Tiredness • Tearfulness • Clinginess • Withdrawal • Anxiety • Irritability • Aggression • Bad behaviour • Loss of interest • Drop in marks • Changes in sleeping patterns • Changes in appetite • Regression (bed-wetting, thumb-sucking) • New habits (hair-twirling, leg-bouncing) • Stomachache

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linked to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and in the case of extreme stress, such as from lasting separation and loss, emotional, physical or sexual abuse, or witnessing violence (all too prevalent in South Africa today), studies indicate the brain itself can be affected. Researchers at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital in the US, for example, found children aged seven to 13 with post-traumatic stress disorder and high levels of cortisol showed a decrease in the size of their hippocampus, the part of the brain used for memory processing and emotion.

helping them cope It’s essential for today’s parents to be aware of the impact of stress, and recognise the signs in our children, so that we can take action early (see “stress alert”). We especially need to watch our motives and ourselves, and rein ourselves in if we start going too far. “Children need to be stimulated and be given skills so they can develop and find self-confidence and fulfilment in life, but we do more harm than good when we push them too hard to do too much,” says Cape Town clinical psychologist Thabile Zondi-Rees. Children need time with their family, and time playing with friends. “Play is their natural way of de-stressing, working through past experiences and planning future ones,” says Bustin. But more than anything, children need time for themselves. This is how they connect with their feelings, find perspective and develop their imagination and taste. “When you see your child ‘doing nothing’, whether she’s sitting on the front steps, seeming to stare into space, or re-reading a comic book for the hundredth time, let her be,” says US psychologist David Elkind, author of The Hurried Child:

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Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon (Perseus). “She’s just taking a little time out of her busy life to have a childhood.”

We also need to be role models for our children by balancing work, exercise, healthy eating and relaxation in our own lives, and participating happily, not obsessively, says Fourie. We need to help them select a realistic number of activities for themselves and set realistic goals.

One physical and one creative extramural is a healthy mix, and they should be things your child truly enjoys and can succeed at. Encourage them to commit to these so they learn that effort brings fulfilment, says Fourie. But if they try their best and don’t enjoy it, allow them to quit. “Learning to recognise that something isn’t working for you, and to say no, is also a valuable life lesson.”

Finally, coach them in some simple coping mechanisms for when they’re stressed – deep breathing, visualization or going for a run.

stress triggers Some children thrive on a busy schedule but others can break under it. It depends on their personality, motivation and stage of development. Watch these common stress points: Preschoolers: separating from parents; extramurals that expose them to competition before they’re ready Primary schoolers: unstructured classrooms; unclear or unrealistic expectations; fear of failure; first play dates and first sleepovers High schoolers: school work; peer pressure and bullying All ages: monitor children’s exposure to violence on TV and to adult discussions that could cause worry (about crime or money problems). Discuss what they see and hear to help them understand, and offer reassurance. Most importantly, make time to be with them each day so they know you are interested and available. Being able to express their feelings, exercising regularly (to release feel-good hormones) and eating nutritiously are all solid stress busters.

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parenting

positive proof JOANNE LILLIE finds out about “positive parenting”, an approach that aims to guide children to becoming happy, confident and accountable young people.

y

ou catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, this is the underlying message of positive parenting. The idea is that an encouraging and democratic – rather than autocratic – approach elicits the best response.

take and share responsibility for achieving happiness not only for their children, but for themselves and the family.

This is done by treating your child with love and respect and giving her responsibility for the consequences of

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Positive parenting requires positive parents – parents who focus on their strengths, adopt an optimistic approach and endeavour to build talent.

Positive psychology is the scientific study of the strengths that enable people and communities to thrive – essentially it’s the psychology of making people happier. The focus is on promoting mental health, rather than treating mental illness.

Applied to parenting, it means parents

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good and bad behaviour. Positive parenting techniques are appropriate for all children and personality types, because all children crave approval. Followers of positive parenting report greater contentment for themselves and greater confidence for their children.

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parenting by example Positive parenting requires positive parents, as children learn best by observing and copying us. Parents who focus on their strengths, have an optimistic attitude and look for opportunities to build confidence and talent are most likely to succeed.

“It is impossible to adopt a positive parenting approach outside of the context of a positive family,” says Dr Lingum Pillay, Durban-based clinical psychologist and president of the South African Society for Clinical Psychology.

It’s all about creating an environment in which children can grow and thrive through the challenges of the early years; it’s how we stimulate, challenge and discipline them.

the clearer and fewer instructions there should be.

If your child is in the stage of throwing tantrums, try and act proactively. “If you’re going to the supermarket, prevent an outburst by going for a shorter time, and making sure she is not hungry or tired. A young child cannot delay gratification or think through conflicts well, so you need to act to remove frustration as much as possible,” says Meyer.

growing happiness Amanda Marais, family law attorney and mom to Danie, eight, and Jaco, five, is setting the ground rules for her boys now. “Parenting is so much easier when I work with them as a team instead of in

Our job is to help our children distinguish between their short-term happiness and the long-term good of their character. discipline the positive way Part of a positive approach is focusing on what your child is doing right and offering plenty of praise and reward. Discipline is thus non-violent and non-punitive.

But this doesn’t mean you overlook bad behaviour. “Parents tend to think they must ignore inappropriate behaviour and be completely permissive, but the goal is to maintain a high standard of accountability and be kind and respectful at the same time,” says Johannesburg child psychologist and play therapist Karin Meyer. Agreeing on rules together, as well as the consequences for breaking them, works well.

For positive parenting to succeed, you need to have a good relationship with your child and open channels of communication. The approach works with children’s natural desire to please their parents; they want our approval.

“Learn about and understand your children, their strengths and weaknesses, their needs, wants and desires, and their drivers. Learn to talk and listen attentively to them. This is empowering you to be a positive parent,” says Pillay.

You also need to look at the child as a whole: does he get enough sleep; does he eat enough healthy food; is there a routine in the house? The smaller the child,

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opposition. For example, when fighting breaks out I calmly ask them to each go to their room to think about what they are doing and come back later to discuss their feelings. I never shout or chase them away or punish them – I simply tell them if I don’t like something they are doing and explain why. I talk in a way they understand, on their level, face to face, and this generates understanding and mutual respect,” she says.

Establishing positive patterns now means Amanda, who is a single mom, will be better able to deal with confrontations as the boys become teenagers. “My children are confident and positive individuals, and the greatest benefit I see is that they can come to me and talk about absolutely anything. They are very open to thoughtful discussion; they feel they are being heard, and they have a say in situations that affect them.”

One of the concerns some parents have is that their children might feel so confident they no longer respect parental authority.

Rather, the shift is from parental authority to parental responsibility, says Dr Pillay. “Critical to this is making sure that boundaries are set early and that discipline is carried out in the context of continuous respect and love. Be aware of the words you use, your tone, your non-verbal expressions and gestures. This magazine durban

goes a long way in cementing a positive parenting style,” he says.

hand in hand This kind of involvement is the key to positive parenting for Urvashi Maganlal, business consultant and mom to Meera aged 11 and Misha, seven. “I try to take a more inclusive approach rather than one of ‘because I said so’. Explaining is at the core of positive parenting and my children find my guidance easier to accept when they understand the reasons for it.”

This may be a longer and more difficult way of parenting than simply dictating, but the benefits are that children take time

to think about things, and you don’t find yourself in an “us versus them” situation, says Urvashi. “The children see that we are all affected, and they are involved in the process of agreeing on rules and the consequences of breaking them. As a parent I consciously strive to be more patient and rational, rather than frustrated and angry,” she says. But, be careful, parents often mistake heaping praise for being a positive parent. “Strive for a realistic balance by being consistent, and remember your child is a child – don’t give her too much responsibility (control), as this amounts to unintentionally abdicating your parental responsibility,” warns Pillay.

quick guide to parenting more positively Apply these principles to parenting, suggests child psychologist and play therapist Karin Meyer: day to day • Provide healthy meals, enough rest and a stable routine.

• Play with your child – find something you both enjoy and engage with him in his world.

• Don’t ask open-ended questions (what do you want for breakfast?), rather let your child choose between oats and toast.

• Praise, don’t punish. building self-esteem • Get to know your child and allow him to get to know himself too.

• Make self-statements together: this way you are affirming your child, showing him he matters.

Ask about the things he likes and doesn’t like and make a board where your child draws these things (or cuts out pictures if

magazine durban

he is very small): This is me – things I like. This is not me – things I do not like.

• Use I-messages: rather than saying “you are a brilliant artist”, say “I like your picture. I think it is brilliant”.

• Create experiences of mastery for your child, such as completing a puzzle or learning something new. discipline • Give easy-to-follow instructions.

• Explain and discuss boundaries.

• Teach right from wrong by example; children learn by observing.

• Teach your child that anger is okay, and how to deal with it appropriately.

• Offer your child alternatives and choices.

• Set limits to keep your child safe.

• Have regular family meetings to clear the air and discuss solutions for specific behaviour.

• Balance your child’s developmental needs with common sense.

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17

health

is your child getting enough?

TAMLYN VINCENT looks at which essential vitamins

babies Most babies will receive all of the nutritional supplements that they need from the breast or formula milk that they drink, says Cape Town-based nutritional therapist Megan Perry. However, some babies may need additional supplements, especially if they were born premature. According to Natasha Martins, a paediatric dietician in Durban, “a vitamin D deficiency may occur in breastfed infants if the mother’s diet is low in this vitamin.” Formula-fed babies should not need additional vitamin D, unless they

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are drinking less formula than required every day. Formula-fed babies should also get enough iron from their diet, if they are drinking the recommended amount. But the amount of iron that breast-fed babies receive from breast milk, after six months of age, is not sufficient to meet the infant’s requirements, says Martins. Infants can get additional iron through their diet or through supplementation. However, Perry warns that calcium and tea slow the absorption of iron, so these supplements should not be taken with their milk or with tea.

While breast-feeding is best for babies, some moms may want the option of feeding with formula. Again, there are so many types of formula available, that it may be difficult choosing the right one to meet all of your baby’s nutritional needs. If your baby has a medical condition, such as lactose intolerance, your doctor should advise

which formula you should use. Otherwise, Martins suggests firstly following the age indication on the formula, and secondly “looking for the added benefits”. DHA/ARA (docosahexaenoic acid/arachidonic acid) have anti-inflammatory properties, while probiotics aid stomach health. “Omega-3 and -6 are also important,” adds Perry, who suggests that you consider an organic formula.

toddlers Children grow rapidly at this age and therefore need a range of vitamins and minerals to help with the development of their bones, the immune system and the brain, among other things. Children should be able to get most of these supplements from their diet, but they can also get an ageappropriate multivitamin. Martins points

out that toddlers often need additional vitamin A and D supplementation, as these requirements are usually not met through diet alone. Toddlers may also need vitamin C and B6, iron, calcium and magnesium, adds Perry, as well as omega-3 and zinc.

preschoolers and early graders If children are eating a varied, balanced diet they shouldn’t need vitamin or mineral supplementation, says Martins. However, fussy eaters or those not getting all of their vitamin requirements through their diet may need supplements. “It is important to be following a balanced diet according to a child’s age-appropriate food pyramid,” says Perry. Children should get sufficient omega-3 fatty acids from their diet, advises Martins. A vitamin C supplement can also be taken.

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

w

e all want what is best for our children, and we want to make sure that their nutritional needs are met. But with so many supplements and multivitamins out there, it can be difficult knowing where to start.

and minerals your children need as they grow.

pre-teens Again, children at this age should be receiving most of their nutritional needs from a balanced diet. If they have a limited diet though, they can take a multivitamin.

Perry suggests that children take an ageappropriate multivitamin that contains “valuable vitamins and minerals including zinc, magnesium, iron, B-vitamins, folate and vitamin C”. Pre-teens should also take a separate omega-3 supplement, says Perry.

teenagers “The teenage years are a time of increased vitamin and mineral requirements,” says Perry, but it is also a time when teenagers may develop poor eating habits. Because of this, Perry recommends that teenagers take a good multivitamin that contains vitamin B complex, vitamin C, vitamin E, calcium, iodine, iron, magnesium, selenium and zinc.

Teenage girls will also need more iron than boys, especially when they begin to menstruate. Perry adds that girls may want to take a supplement that helps ensure healthy looking skin, while boys may look for vitamins that help build their muscles.

Evening primrose oil is a good source of the important omega-6 fatty acid, which helps to regulate heart function

magazine durban

and balance hormones. This can help with mood swings and pre-menstrual syndrome. It can also be used as a cream to promote a healthy skin.

general tips • Multivitamins are intended as a supplement, and not as a replacement to a healthy balanced diet.

• Vitamins and minerals come in different forms: they are easiest to absorb in their food state, and you can ensure a vitamin- and mineral-rich diet by eating a variety of whole, unprocessed foods as well as plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.

• If your child is a fussy eater, or is not eating a balanced diet for any reason, then speak to your healthcare practitioner before giving additional supplements to your child, either in pill or liquid form.

• Multivitamins should be ageappropriate as children’s needs change as they grow. However, most teenagers can take an adult multivitamin.

• Avoid multivitamins that are high in sugar or colourants, especially for younger children.

See childmag.co.za/content/vitamins for a comprehensive list of vitamins and minerals, what they do and natural sources for each of them.

vitamins and minerals Vitamin A is good for normal growth and development, bone growth and tissue repair. It also boosts the immune system and promotes good vision and healthy skin.

Vitamin B complex converts food to energy, develops red blood cells and fights infection. It is good for muscles, nerves, a strong heart and healthy skin and hair.

Vitamin C is an antioxidant and helps absorb iron, grow bones and teeth, and promote healthy ligaments.

Vitamin D builds strong bones and teeth, and helps absorb calcium and other minerals.

Vitamin E protects cells and tissue, which helps to build healthy muscles and red blood cells.

Vitamin K helps clot the blood.

Calcium promotes the growth of bones, teeth and muscle, and improves nerve function, blood clotting and cell structure.

Iodine regulates metabolism and growth.

Iron helps build muscle and red blood cells.

Magnesium helps regulate the body by contracting and relaxing muscles and nerves, and binds calcium to teeth and bones.

Omega-3 and -6 promote heart, brain and eye development and improve concentration and attention.

Selenium is an antioxidant and improves thyroid function.

Zinc promotes growth, and helps hormones and enzymes work properly.

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19

spotlight

it could happen to your child Drug abuse is on the radar of most schools. Why are our children tempted to experiment with these dangerous substances? DEE KOCH investigates.

why children turn to drugs Grant Jardine, director of the Cape Town Drug Centre, says adolescence can be seen as the bridge between family and the real world. He talks about this period of development as if it were a halfway house. “If taking drugs while in a group proves to be the path of least resistance, then adolescents will often choose to take the drugs rather than risk being kicked out of the group.” Durbanbased psychologist Sherona Rawat is sympathetic to

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the teenager’s need to find solace in drug use. She cites tired and overly busy parents, geographically absent grandparents and less affiliation with teachers as some of the reasons children lack role models and cohesion.

As the child becomes isolated from loved ones and more involved with the chaos of the world he might be living in, he seeks stronger means of escape.

“Nuclear families are rare and parents divorce and remarry, making the family considerably larger and more diluted, to put it bluntly.” She adds, “As the child becomes isolated from loved ones and more involved with the chaos of the world he might be living in, he seeks stronger means of escape. Drugs provide that escape.”

who’s doing what?

Nikki Munitz, a counsellor at Houghton House, a registered treatment centre in Johannesburg, reports that the most common drugs bringing teenage patients into treatment are marijuana, cat or kat (methcathinone) and crystal

meth or tik. “Crystal meth is cheap and easy to find, so teenagers start using it because, with their limited access to funds, it is the ‘easiest’ option.”

SA HealthInfo, a South African government-initiated project, notes in their 2010 report that crystal meth users in the Western Cape and in Gauteng are getting younger.

Jardine says this is worrying, as the younger you start using drugs the less likely you will be able to stop. While it may take a while for the negative health effects of drug use to manifest, the child or teenager’s psychological and emotional development is quickly affected. “Once a teenager starts taking drugs, they stop learning what their peers are learning and they miss out on a crucial formative process. This means that a 17-year-old drug addict, if he started using drugs at the age of 14, will be trapped in that age,” says Jardine.

While tik may be getting plenty of media coverage, huffing seems to be on the increase too. Life Talk, an organisation that provides both adolescents and parents with support by way of an active online forum, describes huffing as “the intentional inhalation or sniffing of a chemical substance, either through a rag or sprayed directly into the nose or mouth, resulting in a quick euphoric effect, an initial excitement and lowering of inhibitions followed by drowsiness and possible agitation”. It can also be fatal.

A 15-year-old high school boy, from an independent

drug use in schools The Medical Research Council surveyed 10 270 pupils, between Grades 8 and 11, at 192 government schools from all nine provinces and found that: • 12,2% reported ever having used inhalants; • 12% reported ever having used over-the-counter prescription drugs; • 7,4% reported ever having used mandrax; • 6,8% reported ever having used club drugs, like ecstasy; • 6,7% reported ever having used cocaine; • 6,6% reported ever having used tik; • 6,2% reported ever having used heroin.

The 2nd South African National Youth Risk Behaviour Survey 2008 While schools approached for comment were reluctant to comment on the extent of the problem among their pupils, the MRC statistics suggest that the proportion of illicit drug use is not negligible and that young people are at risk of damaging their health. The legal and economic consequences of using these drugs could also affect their education and future prospects.

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

t

he day I discovered dope I also discovered what it felt like to “belong”. I came from a loving home and went to an expensive school, but as I sat in the lonely transit lounge awaiting adulthood I still needed to know I was going to be okay with a capital “O”. So I cruised with a crowd that consisted of a 30-year plus man who wore black leather pants, gambled and smuggled drugs across international borders; a Rastafarian saxophonist who was years later caught up in a car theft syndicate; a Danish cough mixture addict, and a punk who wore a blue candlewick dressing gown to match his mohican. I worshipped them and took ongoing puffs from the things that they rolled.

My mother eyed them with a mixture of justified suspicion and horror, and endured sleepless nights hoping I would emerge intact. Then one day I stopped. I awoke to the realisation that smoking this stuff was no longer fun.

The fact that I did stop remains a small wonder as addiction flows strong through my family’s genes. But stop I did and no matter how uncool I then seemed, that desperate need to belong and be like everyone else no longer mattered – adolescence was behind me.

In hindsight, I was incredibly lucky as marijuana, dope, weed, or whatever name you choose to give it, is by no means harmless – we all react differently to different quantities and I have a number of friends who were not so lucky. I will be eternally grateful to my mother who welcomed that motley crew into her home, despite her fears, just to keep me close. Melinda Ferguson is living testimony to the caution that drug abuse can happen to anyone. Her book Smacked (Oshun Books) is a scary and compelling roller-coaster account of the loss of her children, career and home to drugs. She attended a good Johannesburg school, was a prefect there and went on to study at UCT, but she still succumbed to drug abuse.

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21

spotlight

Sandton school, died earlier this year from heart failure after inhaling household aerosol. He was described by his principal as “a good boy”. Life Talk says they have been receiving an increased number of reports of huffing, “at least 10 times more than in previous years”.

For some, the huffing of substances such as thinners or deodorant may be the first step towards a dependence on other drugs.

Adrian, who is now over 40 and lives at his mother’s house in Johannesburg, started sniffing thinners, poured on the collars and tie of his school uniform, in Grade 9. His marks began to drop drastically and it came as no surprise when he failed Grade 10. A few weeks into his second year of Grade 10, the principal informed his mother that Adrian and four other boys were caught with drugs. Three of the boys were disciplined and allowed to finish school. They stopped

what can you do?

Adrian’s version of events is nothing short of sobering for teenagers and parents alike: it can happen to anyone, irrespective of your income or education. Jenny Wanting of DARE, a Johannesburg-based training organisation and outpatient treatment centre for substance abuse, says teenagers may be resistant to warnings if their parents may smoke, drink or use drugs regularly. “Often the general level of permissiveness among parents makes it hard for the teen to see their own actions could be harmful.” Munitz does not believe we can stop teenagers from trying drugs, so the best option is to be upfront and to talk to your children about it. Tell them that drugs might make you feel good temporarily, but warn them that they come with a host of possible consequences. Teenagers need to know the facts to make informed decisions.

The drugs have stunted my emotional growth, and have definitely caused some brain damage. I can’t do the things I used to be able to do and work out before. drugging and went on to matriculate. But Adrian was expelled and his drug use continued. His family had to endure years of outpatient help, tough love and rehabilitation.

He did manage to turn his life around in his early thirties, and all was going well until he needed to take morphine for thirddegree burns. The use of the drug, albeit prescribed, drew him back onto the path of drug dependence, one from which he has never fully recovered.

Although Adrian no longer uses hard drugs, he has an ongoing addiction to cough mixture. “The drugs have stunted my emotional growth, and have definitely caused some brain damage. I can’t do the things I used to be able to do and work out before (because of the effects of the drugs).” His drug use has deprived him of an education and the career choices he would have had.

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What do you do if your child asks questions about your drug use? Cape Town clinical psychologist Gary Koen says, “They are not really interested in your experience, what they actually want to know is if you will talk about it (what drugs are and the consequences of taking them).” He advises parents to “get over their own anxiety”, as children are in fact testing your capacity to engage in the conversation. “Create the space to have that discussion.”

Life Talk agrees, saying you should keep the channels of communication open with your child. Encourage hobbies that support a healthy lifestyle so that activities such as drinking, drugging and huffing become less attractive. Remain involved in their life, taking an interest in their opinions, thoughts and views and encourage them to assert themselves so that they are able to stand up to others and negative peer pressure. magazine durban

signs of drug abuse Physical appearance • Not taking care of hygiene and grooming • Not sleeping or sleeping too much • Loss of appetite • Weight loss or gain • Hyperactive or under active Personality • Disrespectful – verbally or physically abusive • Angry, paranoid, confused and extreme mood swings • Depressed – less outgoing • Very secretive and lies about movements • Stealing or losing possessions of value • Has lots of money or always asking for money • Withdraws from family and its activities Social activity/school performance • Drops old friends or activities • Absence from school • Loses interest in schoolwork – lower marks • Sleeps in class • Loses concentration or has trouble remembering things Courtesy of Rape Wise

for help and information Life Talk visit lifetalk.co.za Cape Town Drug Centre 021 447 8026 or visit drugcentre.org.za Houghton House 011 787 9142 or visit houghtonhouse.co.za Sharp 0861 233 428 or visit sharptreatment.com Narcotics Anonymous (NA) 083 900 6962 (national helpline) or visit na.org.za Sadag Substance Abuse Line 0800 121 314, sms 32312 or visit sadag.org Sanca 011 781 6410 or visit sancanational.org.za Tough Love 0861 868 445 or visit toughlove.org.za

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23

book extract

’tis the season for giving These handmade goods from IDEAS GIFTS will make superb end-of-year presents for your children’s teachers.

clay pendants

pendants. make these unusual Use air-drying clay to You will need • white polymer clay craft shop) a raised motif (from a • rubber stamp with rs • small cookie cutte • rolling pin • kebab sticks • leather thong

To make 1 Round pendant Ro ll a piece of clay until it is 3mm thick. Press the rubbe r stamp lightly onto the clay and cut out the motif with a round cookie cut ter.

Press a hole through the clay using a kebab stick and leave to dry on an uptur ned wine bottle. When dry, lift carefully and thread a lea ther thong through the hole.

2 Heart-shaped pend ant Make as before, bu t use a heart-shaped cookie cutter and leave to dry flat.

braai kit

themed gift hampers

for the king of An all-in-one kebab kit foil container the braai: line a large vings and add with some wood sha basting brush, kebab skewers, a (see adjacent tongs and a spice rub ipe). You could mustard seed rub rec basting sauce, also add a marinade or ricots. braai spices or dried ap

Great ideas for hampers include a tea kit, a chocoholic’s dream or a box filled with Asian delights such as stir-fry sauces. Or get inspiration from these:

baker’s delight

baking will Anyone who enjoys making for love this gift box piping bag, cupcakes. Arrange a rations and paper cups, cake deco spoons on a couple of wooden tie with a d a mini muffin tin, an pretty ribbon.

mustard seed rub

Combine 30ml musta rd seeds, 30ml celery seeds, 30ml dried thyme , 15ml salt, 5ml ground black pepper, 5ml cay enne pepper, 5ml papri ka and 5ml brown sugar.

This mixture is ideal for rubbing into pork, ch icken pieces or seafoo d.

For a honey-mustard basting sauce that’s suitable for chicken or pork, mix a teaspoon of the rub into 15ml hone y.

caffeine fix

Any coffee lover will en joy this gift box packed with all the ingredients for that perfect cup of coffee. Line a wooden box with raffia, then pack in a small plu nge pot, a bag of coffee beans, sugar stirrers and some treats to en joy with the coffee, such as bisco tti, rusks or shortbread. Tie the box with a pretty ribbon and deco rate with a paper bow.

french flair

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November 2011

about the book Finding the perfect gift, especially during the festive season when the shops are packed, can be frustrating. Why not make some simple but thoughtful homemade presents that won’t break the bank and are fun to do? Ideas Gifts (Human & Rousseau) has compiled this beautiful book

PHOTOGRAPHS: ideas

Tre at so me on e sp ec ial to a so ph ist ica ted an d decadent French-the med gift box. Fill a clear box with a bottle of spark ling wine and delicious Fre nch treats such as maca roons, nougat and meringues.

Add a gourmet French ch eese and beautiful knife.

Use pretty scrapbooking paper, ribbon and lace to de corate the box.

that will inspire you to make something unique for any occasion. Available at all good book stores nationwide.

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November 2011

25

straight up

fun and In today’s techno world where most games involve a console or a computer screen, CHRISTINA CASTLE hauls out the old favourites to keep her family entertained.

i

swear our game of Snakes and Ladders is possessed. Nobody has ever won a game of this particular Snakes and Ladders. Actually, one person has – once, it was me but I cheated. Not my finest moment, but after three-and-ahalf hours of climbing up and slithering down with no result, I simply had to put an end to it.

Snakes and Ladders lives in a chest of drawers in our lounge with a multitude of games the boys have received as presents over the years or inherited from family.

Some have never even been opened and still sit neatly wrapped in a box covered with Cellophane. Others have been test

times we know the answer to practically every question.

Our next favourite has to be Monopoly.

While I am still a Monopoly purist and prefer the original London version, the boys have adapted to the new World Edition with great ease. I mean, who doesn’t get used to credit card convenience? The game still takes an entire afternoon to complete and nothing quite beats the thrill of making it along Millionaire’s Row to GO without landing on Mayfair, Park Lane or today’s city equivalent – Riva (had to Google that one), Montreal and even Cape Town. “Two hundred dollars please, Mr Bank.” Sorry, it’s now two million. You’ve got to love inflation.

driven once or twice, but the old favourites have been downright abused and have started to show their age.

Take for example our South African issue of Trivial Pursuit. It’s a collector’s item and I’m convinced it’s going to be worth a lot of money one day. In the meantime, it’s keeping us all entertained as we rattle off dated questions with equally dated answers. I mean, how long ago did we lose the Transvaal and USSR? What’s more, it has been played so many

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Memory is not my favourite anymore, for obvious reasons. Jenga is guaranteed to be very noisy, especially on a Saturday afternoon when you’re trying to grab a snooze. Cluedo is criminally cryptic and appeals to the detective in all of us – was it Miss Scarlet in the library with the candlestick? Scrabble is brilliant when we don’t follow the rules and we’re allowed to make up words and spell phonetically.

But the game that wins hands down in our family, which requires no board, magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

But the game that wins hands down in our family, that requires no board, dice or pieces, is Charades. This is where we get to showcase our raw talent.

dice or pieces, is Charades. This is where we get to showcase our raw talent. I have watched an eight-year-old perform the entire story of David and Goliath, a 68-year-old pretend he was Spiderman and a 14-year-old stumble through the Encyclopaedia Britannica. These are the moments that stick with you forever.

“Oh, such a wholesome little family they

are,” I hear you say. “They probably eat carrots, nuts and celery while playing their games together.”

What I haven’t mentioned is another game I like to play. It’s a personal favourite of mine when I find the boys playing Xbox on a beautiful day. It’s called Murder in Broad Daylight and usually includes Mrs Castle in the TV room with a chain saw.

find more games • T he Treasury of Family Games by Jim Glenn and Carey Denton (Reader’s Digest) • Games Children Play by Kim Brooking Payne (Hawthorn Press) • Instant Games for Children: 101 Fun-filled Children’s Games by Susan L. Lingo (Barnabas) • Great Games for Young Children by Rae Pica (Gryphon House) • Games to Play with Toddlers (Gryphon House) Also visit gameskidsplay.net for the rules of popular games.

games unwired Do you remember, as a child, playing with very little but your imagination and possibly a skipping rope? Encourage your child to also play outdoors by rediscovering the retro-cool games we enjoyed as children.

• Hide and seek Mix it up by playing sardines, where one person hides and everyone else seeks. When you find the person hiding, join them in their hiding spot.

• Capture the flag Ideal with a larger group, split into two teams. The object is to run into enemy territory and capture their flag (e.g. a T-shirt). Being tagged sends you to jail, but your team members can get you out.

• Tag There are many variations one can play. If you have a swimming pool, Marco Polo is an old favourite. In shadow tag you touch each other’s feet instead of tagging their body. Another version of tag is kick the can, when the “it” person tries to tag people, who then go into a captured zone. If one of the free players manages to kick the can, the captured players are freed.

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27

resource

gone shopping TAMLYN VINCENT suggests some of the best markets to visit with your family, as well as upcoming Christmas markets you won’t want to miss.

When 8pm–12pm, second Saturday of every month. The Christmas market is on 12 December Where 16 Queen’s Ave, Westville Top features Visitors can find a variety of homemade goods and treats, including toys, biltong and jewellery. The Victorian tearoom offers refreshments and market-goers can also pop into the museum.

Find out more Lilian: 079 377 3399 or harriet.mulder@gmail.com or Shirley: 078 507 9395

German Club Indoor and Outdoor Craft and Flea market When 10am–3pm, every first and last Sunday of the month Where 7 Barham Rd, Westville Top features Come rain or shine, this market brings you handcrafted, specialised goods and exclusive jewellery. The German Club serves lunches and for the children there is a play area with swings.

Find out more Lilian: 079 377 3399 or harriet. mulder@gmail.com or Julie: 079 137 0935

Glenwood Food and Craft Lover’s Market Essenwood Market When Every Saturday morning; the Christmas Market is on 24 December. Visit the website for festive season hours Where Essenwood Rd Top features A food and craft market with fun activities for children, a variety of stalls and delicious food. There is also a special Christmas market for lastminute shopping.

Find out more 031 208 1264, info@essenwoodmarket.com or visit essenwoodmarket.com

Farmers’ Market When and where 9am–1pm every Wednesday, at Prestondale, Umhlanga and 9am–12pm every Thursday at Jimmy Bellows Sports Club, Westville Top features A small community market selling fresh produce and delectable homemade foods, all at reasonable prices.

Find out more Martin: 084 840 2646 or underwood@telkomsa.net

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November 2011

I heart market When 9am–2pm, the first Saturday of every month Where Masabalala Yengwa Ave, Stamford Hill Top features A fun experience awaits visitors to this market, with its interesting and unique crafts, handmade treasures and homemade treats. Find them at their new home at the Moses Mabhida Stadium.

Find out more thejoyteam@ gmail.com or visit iheartmarket. blogspot.com

When 6am–10:30am, every Saturday Where Cnr Kassier and Alverstone

Karkloof Farmers’ Market When 7am–11am, every Saturday Where On the D507 outside Howick Top features A fresh produce market in a country setting, this foodie market offers something for everyone. Try the freshly baked breads and chocolate brownies, or sample some Nguni biltong.

Find out more Andrea Gibson: 082 820 8986, andrea@karklooffarmersmarket. co.za or visit karklooffarmersmarket.co.za

When 8am–2pm, on a Sunday in the middle of every month; call to enquire Where Bulwer Park Top features This is a beautiful, familyorientated market that has jazz for the adults and fun activities for the children.

There is a jumping castle and pony rides, in a secure area with childminders, so mom and dad can enjoy browsing the stalls.

Find out more Tracy Brewis: 072 552 8152

Rd, Assagay Top features This family-orientated market offers visitors a wonderful selection of crafts, food and other products. There are a variety of breakfasts to choose from and an undercover area with tables.

Find

out

more

Christine

Standeaven: 083 777 1749, info@ shongwenimarket.co.za or visit shongwenimarket.co.za

Kloof Country Market When 9am–12:30pm, the first and third Saturday of every month Where Robyndale, 10 Msenga Rd Top features This country market places emphasis on finding different, eco– friendly and homemade goods and creative crafts.

Find out more Linda: 082 454 3181 or linda@ healinghandskzn.co.za

Golden Hours Family Market When 10am–3:30pm, every Sunday Where Uitsig Rd, Durban North Top features Crafts, food and fun are all available at this market, which aims to raise funds for Golden Hours Special School. There is clothing, pet accessories, yummy treats and more, plus children can enjoy playing in a designated area. Live music finishes off the scene.

Find out more Lyn Wilson: 083 262 3693 or goldenhour@telkomsa.net

Shongweni Farmers Market

Marianhill Monastery Tea Garden and Craft Market

Stables Lifestyle Market

When 8:30am–12:30pm, every Saturday (except the 2nd Saturday of every month) Where Marianhill Monastery, Pinetown Top features A craft market that sells homemade goods and handmade crafts.

Enjoy tea, coffee, cakes and light meals at the tea garden.

Find out more nosipho– tmlambo@hotmail.com

When 6pm–10pm, every Wednesday and Friday night; 10am–5pm, every Sunday Where 9 Jacko Jackson Dr, Stamford Hill Top features Housed in the old stables in Durban, this market has stalls offering a wide and interesting array of crafts, décor, fashion, toys, books and more.

Find out more Marc: 084 353 5866 magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Bergtheil Museum Craft Market

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resource

The Food Market When 8am–1pm, on the last Saturday of every month. The Night Market is 4pm–10pm, 22 December Where Hellenic Community Centre, Durban North Top features A food lovers gathering with a delectable assortment of local produce including pork, pâté and cheese, as well as fresh herbs, olives and fruit juice.

Children can visit the children’s corner while you browse.

Find out more Nick: 084 505 0113 or visit thefoodmarket.co.za

The Kloof and Highway SPCA Open Markets When 8am–12pm, every Saturday Where Village Green, 29 Village Rd, Kloof Top features With 11 charity shops, bargain hunting has never been easier. Children can play in the large garden and on the jungle gym.

Find out more 031 764 1212/3 or fundraising@kloofspca.co.za

mistletoe

59th Annual Country Fair When 9am–5pm, 1 November and 9am–3pm, 2 November Where Collisheen Estate, Ballito Top features The Christmas Fair Fund is hosting its annual country market, giving visitors the opportunity to spend the day in the country while doing some Christmas shopping. Entrance is R30, and includes tea and cake. Proceeds go to charity and tickets are available at the door.

Find out more Mariella: 083 268 3884

Christmas Bargain Hunt When 8am–12:30pm, 26 November Where Durban and Coast SPCA, 2 Willowfield Crescent, Springfield Park Top features This mini–market brings you a great selection of goodies just in time for Christmas. It is held in an under-cover area, and features a special nursery section, a coffee shop, and children get the chance to meet Father Christmas.

Find out more Lauren: 031 579 6546

Crafters’ Market When 8am–1pm, 26 November Where Salvation Army Church, 103 Montpelier Place, Greyville Top features This market provides a platform for skilled crafters to sell their products. Find unique Christmas gifts and handmade crafts while supporting the community.

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Find out more Captain Moya Hay: 031 303 1812, 078 144 1334, familycarecentre@gmail.com or visit salvationarmy-durban.co.za

Deutsche Schule Durban Christmas Market When 5pm–9pm, 4 November Where The Deutsche School, Cowies Hill Top features A German market that offers everything from Christmas decorations and cards to toys, books, jewellery and leather products. Enjoy some glühwein while the children take part in different activities.

Find out more 031 267 1307 or visit dsdurban.co.za

Highbury Christmas Fair When 10am–4pm, 4 November and 9am–2pm, 5 November Where In the Centenary Hall, Highbury Preparatory School, Hillcrest Top features There are Christmas gifts and crafts as well as clothing, jewellery, bags, décor and more. Also on offer are food stalls and a tea garden.

Find out more Chantelle Burgin: marketing@hps.co.za or visit hps.co.za

Karkloof Farmers’ Christmas Market When 7am–11am, every Saturday in December. The evening market is held 5:30pm–9pm on 15 December

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The Ridge Country Market & Dog Walk

The Litchi Orchard Market When 9am–1pm, first and third Sunday of every month. The Nite Market is from 5pm–9pm on the last Friday of every month Where Seaforth Ave, Salt Rock Top features Best described as a melting pot of good food, culture, community and creativity, this undercover outdoor market focuses on fresh, local, and sustainable produced food.

Find out more Jeremy or Jeani: 032 525 5118, info@litchiorchard.co.za or visit litchiorchard.co.za

When 10am–2pm, first Sunday of every month Where Coastal Horse Care Unit in Cato Ridge Top features This country market has a variety of fresh produce, refreshments and homemade goodies and crafts. Take your dogs and join in the doggie mile.

Find out more Gill: 073 550 3061 or Kay: 083 657 8767, info@ coastalhorsecareunit.org.za or visit coastalhorsecareunit.org.za

& markets Far left: Shongweni Christmas Market Middle: Highbury Christmas Fair Left: 59th Annual Country Fair

Where On the D507 outside Howick Top features Festive foods and fabulous gifts are available at this country market, so visitors can stock up on delicious goodies and find unique gift ideas. You won’t want to miss the carols by candlelight evening market, where the whole family can enjoy scrumptious meals and sing along.

Find out more Andrea Gibson: 082 820 8986, andrea@karklooffarmersmarket. co.za or visit karklooffarmersmarket.co.za

Peter Pan Pre-Primary Christmas Market When 5:30pm–9pm, 2 December Where 3A Cobbleset Lane, Pinetown Top features Get into the Christmas spirit while you browse the stalls and enjoy a hotdog or cheese footlong for supper. Children and families can join in singing carols by candlelight.

Find out more Shereen: 031 701 5513, 073 881 1617 or peterpanprincipal@ telkomsa.net

Shongweni Christmas Market When 9am–4pm, 16 December Where The Farmers’ Market Grounds, cnr Kassier and Alverstone Rd, Assagay Top features Handmade crafts and gifts, and original Christmas décor are on offer at this festive market. There is also delicious homemade food, so you can find the perfect Christmas roast and more.

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Find out more Christine Standeaven: 083 777 1749, info@shongwenimarket. co.za or visit shongwenimarket.co.za

St Mary’s Annual Christmas Fair When 8am–3pm, 18 November Where St. Mary’s DSG, St. Mary’s Rd Kloof Top features Imagine getting all of your Christmas shopping done in one morning? There are over 50 stalls at this festive market, giving visitors a wonderful variety of gifts, products and more to choose from.

Find out more 031 764 9800 or visit stmarys.kzn.school.za

The Litchi Orchard December Markets When Farmers’ Market 9am–1pm, 3 December; Night Market 5pm–9pm, 9 December; Christmas Market 9am– 1pm, 17 December; Litchi Fest 12pm –8pm, 21 December Where Seaforth Ave, Salt Rock Top features Spend time with family and friends this festive season, while enjoying the ambience of a country market. You can also enjoy some of the juiciest litchis as they kick off the season with a Litchi Fest.

Find out more Jeremy or Jeani: 032 525 5118, info@litchiorchard.co.za or visit litchiorchard.co.za

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books

a good read for toddlers Bravo, Boris!

By Carrie Weston and Tim Warnes

for preschoolers best bedtim e story

(Oxford University Press, R120) Miss Chuck takes the class camping, and everyone is very excited. Boris is the biggest, bravest and most helpful camper of them all. He is ready to step in whenever his little classmates find themselves in trouble. Everyone needs a friend like Boris. Bravo, Boris! follows on from the success of Oh, Boris!, which has sold over 400 000 copies internationally. Apart from the beloved Boris, children are sure to enjoy the cast of entertaining characters as well as the theme of loyalty and teamwork.

Rhinos Don’t Eat Pancakes

By Anna Kemp and Sara Ogilvie (Simon and Schuster, R90) This is a delightful story from the creators of Dogs Don’t Do Ballet. A purple rhino escapes from the zoo and makes himself at home in Daisy’s house. When Daisy reports this phenomenon to her parents, they don’t believe her. They are too busy to listen to such silliness, they say. Daisy has no choice but to befriend the large, lilac creature, and together they have loads of fun. Until Daisy’s mom and dad decide to take her to the zoo to see a real rhino. Imagine their surprise when they learn that a purple rhino has escaped from the zoo…

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for early graders

Marshall Armstrong is New to Our School

By David Mackintosh (Harper Collins Children’s Books, R90) In this book, the young narrator makes it clear that the new boy in class is very different from anyone else. Marshall’s ear looks like a shell. His laces are straight and not crisscrossed. His freckles look like birdseed on his nose. The narrator is convinced that poor Marshall will never fit in. That is until he invites the whole class to his birthday party, and everyone finds out that Marshall Armstrong is actually cool.

Children will learn how wonderful it is to be different, and to never judge a book by its cover.

James and the win a book s Giant Peach et

By Roald Dahl and Quentin Blake (Puffin Books, R130) To celebrate the 50th anniversary of this Dahl classic, Puffin Books has brought out a new edition by one of the world’s greatest storytellers.

We are giving away one set of the Roald Dahl Phizz-Whizzing Collection valued at R1 000. Email your details to win@childmag.co.za with “DBN Roald Dahl win” in the subject line before 30 November 2011. Only one entry per reader. For more info on the books, visit penguinbooks.co.za or followthatpeach.com

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for preteens and teens

for us

parenting books

The Pachyderm Tree

By Jill Morsbach (Shuter & Shooter, R64) After an accident in a game park, spoilt city boy Frankie Frans finds that he is able to “mind talk” with animals. He is persuaded by a group of desperate elephants to lead them on a quest to find the Pachyderm Tree of the ancient elephant legend. The elephants have no choice – if they do not find the tree and eat of its magical fruit, a terrible fate awaits them. Tragedy strikes and blood is shed as elephant meets man. And then, as the clouds move away, a miracle unfolds. This is an exciting read for preteens that deals with conservation issues that young readers can relate to.

Anne of Avonlea and Kidnapped

By L.M. Montgomery and Robert Louis Stevenson (Oxford University Press, R75 each) This publishing house has revamped a collection of children’s classics. Included are the stories of Anne, now 16 and ready to take her place in Avonlea society as a teacher at her old school, and the Stevenson classic, Kidnapped, where orphan David Balfour is thrown overboard a prison ship and he sets off to find justice and revenge with wanted rebel Alan Breck. Other classics in the series include Black Beauty, Little Women, Treasure Island, The Jungle Book, Pride and Prejudice and many more.

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Starting Over, One Cake at a Time

By Gesine Bullock-Prado (Allison & Busby, R185) She is the younger sister of actress Sandra Bullock, but don’t expect her to reveal her famous sibling’s secrets. As head of her celebrity sister’s production company, Bullock-Prado had a closet full of designer clothes and the ear of all the influential studio heads, but she was miserable.

The only solace she found was in her secret hobby: baking. With every sugary, buttery confection to emerge from her oven, Gesine took one step away from her glittering, empty existence, and one step closer to her true destiny. Before long, she and her husband left the trappings of their Hollywood lifestyle to open their dream bakery in the stunning Vermont Mountains.

Toddler Sense

By Ann Richardson

parent ing made easy

(Metz Press, R145) Toddlerhood is a time of tremendous growth and development. It is also a time of tantrums and conflict. Knowing what constitutes normal toddler behaviour will help you accept this and will go a long way towards effective, guilt-free and realistic parenting. Your toddler learns through his senses, and to guide him, you need to “practise wisdom with sense”. Now fully updated and expanded to include the latest relevant research, this popular follow-up to Baby Sense tells you how to recognise and understand your toddler’s unique sensory profile, manage stimulation, solve bedtime battles with age-appropriate sleep training, and prepares you for a host of other issues you’ll need to deal with.

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calendar

what’s on in november

You can also access the calendar online at

childmag.co.za

Here’s your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT.

9

FUN FOR CHILDREN – p38

ONLY FOR PARENTS – p38

1000 Hills Bird Park Learn about birds and take a ride on the zip line.

Pilates in Motion Improve your general wellbeing and fitness.

bump, baby & tot in tow– p40

how to help – p40

Pregnancy Yoga Spend some time learning to breathe and relax.

Kloof and Highway SPCA Donate supplies to help the rescued horses.

SPECIAL EVENTS – p36 Galaxy Rock! This intergalactic rock adventure is an original South African Youth Theatre musical.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / Cinderella – Val Adamson

wed

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SPECIAL EVENTS 1 tuesday 59th Annual Country Fair The Christmas Fair Fund brings you a festive market for early Christmas shopping. Also 2 November.

Time: 9am. Venue: Collisheen Estate, Ballito.

Cost: R30 entry, includes tea and cake.

Contact Mariella: 083 268 3884

2 wednesday Drakensberg Boys Choir concert Also 9, 16, 23 and 30 November. Time: 3:30pm–5:30pm. Venue: Drakensberg Boys’ Choir School, Champagne Valley, Drakensberg. Cost: adults R100, children R50. Contact Lauren: 036 468 1012 or bookings@dbchoir.co.za

3 thursday Veritas Awards wine tasting An opportunity to taste award-winning wines and brandies. Time: 5pm–8pm. Venue: Deloitte Head Office, Umhlanga. Cost: R100. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

4 friday Deutsche Schule Durban Christmas Market This is a German market, with everything from Christmas goodies to traditional German food. Time: 9am–4pm.

Venue: 34 Stafford Rd, Cowies Hill. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 267 1307 Highbury Christmas Fair There are over 50 stalls for all your Christmas shopping needs. Time: 10am–4pm, also 5 November 9am–2pm. Venue: Centenary Hall, Highbury Preparatory School, Hillcrest. Cost: free entry. Contact Chantelle: marketing@hps. co.za or visit hps.co.za Rock Legends The six-piece classic rock band, Cort Marshall, performs hits from the ‘60s and ‘70s. Also 5 and 11–13 November.

Time: 8pm, Sunday 3pm. Venue: The Stirling Theatre, The Italian Club, Durban North. Cost: R80. Contact: 076 786 1127 or bookings@stirlingtheatre.co.za

5 saturday

4 November – Rock Legends

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November 2011

Christmas Market Find a selection of Christmas gifts, clothing, jewellery and more, plus visit the tea garden. Time: 9am–4pm.

Venue: Gateway Country Lodge, 3 Woodland

Close, Prestondale. Cost: R20, includes cake and coffee. Contact Megan: 083 550 0489 or Jenny: 082 457 2542 or jennyb@live.co.za

6 sunday Global Diabetes Walk Over 3 000 people walk to create awareness of diabetes, and to raise funds for Diabetes South Africa. Lisa Raleigh gives exercise and diet classes and there is a wellness expo. Time: 8am. Venue: Suncoast Casino, Durban Beach. Cost: R30. Contact Pat: 082 499 5222 or mw.nerve@mweb.co.za

9 wednesday Galaxy Rock! Support our talented youth in an original SA rock musical.

Ends 12 November. Time: 7pm. Venue: Seabrooke’s Theatre, DHS. Cost: adults R60, children R40. Contact Andrea or Gill: 082 994 0984, 083 326 3257, enquiries@risingstaracademy.co.za or visit risingstaracademy.co.za MTB Ride for Dogs A fun morning of mountain biking to raise funds for animal clinics. Price includes park entry, bike ride, refreshments and a goodie bag.

Time: 8am–12pm. Venue: Giba Gorge, Westmead. Cost: R150. Contact: 082 782 7969 or 082 491 3226 Reach for a Dream Ladies’ Golf Day Get a four-ball together and help make dreams come true. Time: 8am. Venue: Umhlali Country Club, Ballito. Cost: R300 per player. Contact Anna: 031 566 2220,

prkzn@reachforadream.org.za or visit reachforadream.org.za

10 thursday Burblepix Photo Book workshops Learn how to make your own photo book.

Booking essential. Also 24 November. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: 16 Ivy Rd, Pinetown.

Cost: free. Contact: 031 701 8019 or info@ burblepix.co.za

11 friday Ready… Steady… School A workshop on helping children prepare for school, presented by a psychologist and therapists. It covers motor development, visual, auditory and language skills, and cognitive and emotional skills. Time: 6pm.

Venue: Solution Church, 20 Buckingham Terrace, Westville. Cost: R100. Contact: 031 266 9382, 082 331 3434 or jordan. psychologist@gmail.com

12 saturday Expectant parents seminar A seminar for parents expecting twins, triplets or more. Time: 12:30pm–5pm. Venue: Parklands Netcare Hospital, Overport.

Cost: member couples R150, non-member couples R180. Contact Edie: 082 338 2625, kzn@samultiplebirth.co.za or visit samultiplebirth.co.za Tiny Handz basic sign language training The signs taught are for use with children who fall into the special needs

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13 sunday Old Mutual Music at the Lake The concert features Goldfish. Time: 2:30pm.

Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea.

Cost: early bird adults R80, children R20.

Contact: 031 322 4021 or book through Ticketbreak: visit ticketbreak.co.za

15 tuesday

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Boep Idles This spoof of Pop Idols asks what happened to the idols of yesteryear?

Ends 31 December. Time: varies. Venue: The Heritage Theatre, Hillcrest. Cost: R190, Tuesday and Sunday R165. Contact: 031 765 4197 or visit heritagetheatre.co.za

Cinderella

Children love this classic tale of sat a young girl who is rescued by a fairy godmother and meets her prince. Ends 31 December. Time: varies.

Venue: The Playhouse Opera Theatre, Durban CBD. Cost: R80–R130. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

spectrum, and who have verbal challenges.

Time: 8:30am–3pm. Venue: Netcare St. Augustine’s Hospital, Berea. Cost: R730, includes lunch, material and certificate.

Contact Monita: 082 218 7339, contact@ tinyhandz.co.za or visit tinyhandz.co.za

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18 friday Ladies’ high tea A Mad Hatter’s tea party with a talk on skincare by Dr Len Nel. Time: 12:30pm. Venue: Hotel Izulu, Ballito.

Cost: members R190, non-members R250.

Contact Wendy: 072 100 7025 or wendy@ bofnetworx.co.za St. Mary’s Annual Christmas Fair Visitors can choose from a wonderful variety of gifts, products and more. Time: 8am–3pm. Venue: St. Mary’s DSG, Kloof.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 764 9800 or visit stmarys.kzn.school.za

26 saturday Crafters’ Market This market provides a platform for skilled crafters to sell their products, including beadwork and Christmas decorations. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: The

Salvation Army Church, 103 Montpelier Place, Greyville. Cost: free entry. Contact: Captain Moya Hay: 031 303 1812, 078 144 1334, familycarecentre@gmail.com or visit salvationarmy-durban.co.za Glenridge Pre-Primary School jumble sale Find good quality, secondhand items.

Time: 8:30am–11am. Venue: 10 Rif Rd, Berea. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 261 7272 or visit glenridgepps.co.za Jeep Apparel South Coast Surf Carnival A surfing contest with kitesurfing, longboarding, paddlesurfing and waveski surfing. There is a free surfing clinic. Ends 27 November. Time: 7:30am–5pm. Venue: Scottburgh Beach. Cost: free to the public, competitors R200 per division. Contact Paul: 083 560 1185, mw.nerve@mweb. co.za or visit nerveevents.blogspot.com John Wesley School Fun Day Stalls sell food, crafts, clothing and more. Children can enjoy a water slide, jumping castle and sports tournament. Time: 9am–4pm. Venue: 30 Bamboo Lane, Pinetown. Cost: free entry. Contact Dominique: 084 624 5962 Remembrance Day Parents who have lost a child to cancer or a life-threatening blood disorder can join Choc at their annual Remembrance Day. Time: 10am–12pm.

Venue: Junior College Preschool, Inkosi Albert Luthuli Central Hospital, Cato Manor.

Cost: free. Contact Agie or Gill: 086 111 2182, dbn@choc.org.za or visit choc.org.za The Action in Autism bring-andbraai They provide the fire; you take the

family and food. Games provided. Time: 10am–3pm. Venue: The Soccer Stadium, University of KwaZulu-Natal, Glenwood.

Cost: R25 per family. Contact: 031 207 4858 or actioninautism@gmail.com

27 sunday DBG Artworks Local artists display their work. Time: 9am–4pm. Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea. Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 309 1170 Mind, Body, Soul Fair A Christmas celebration with a variety of health, holistic, esoteric and spiritual exhibitions. Time: 10am–4pm. Venue: Westville Civic Centre, Buckingham Terrace. Cost: free entry.

Contact Shalini: 072 428 3431

26 sat

Christmas bargain hunt Find bargains to buy and support animal welfare. Time: 8am –12:30pm. Venue: Durban and Coast SPCA, 2 Willowfield Crescent, Springfield Park. Cost: free entry.

Contact Lauren: 031 579 6546

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27

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science artSPACE November exhibitions include The End (Of The World As We Know It) . Time: 9am–5pm, Monday–Friday; 9am–2pm, Saturday. Venue: 3 Millar Rd, Stamford Hill.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 312 0793 or visit artspace-durban.com The Durban Natural Science Museum Home to exhibits about the earth.

Time: 8:30am–5pm, Monday–Saturday; 11am–5pm, Sunday and public holidays.

Venue: City Hall, Anton Lembede St, Durban CBD. Cost: free. Contact: 031 311 2237

classes, talks and workshops 3D cupcake workshop 5 November. Time: 2pm–6pm. Venue: Broadway Methodist Church, Durban North. Cost: R450. Contact Maria: 072 837 9198, emmalaunder@gmail. com or visit sugarmedurban.blogspot.com Drumkidz Djembe drum sessions for children aged 3–7 years. Time: Glenwood: 8:30am–9am, every Saturday; Kloof Library Hall: 3pm–3:30pm, every Thursday. Cost: eight lessons R295. Contact: 083 631 6064 or visit drumkidz.co.za Get Ready for School programme Introduces formal learning to Grade R learners. Time: varies. Venue: Suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R140. Contact: 031 566 1110, umhlanga@computers4kids.co.za or visit computers4kids.co.za Roxy Surf School Surf lessons for children 7 years and older, and moms.

Time: 8am–9:30am, every Saturday; 9:30am–11am, every Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Marine Surf Lifesaving Club, Addington Beach. Cost: R250 per month. Contact Alan: 076 877 5143 Saturday cooking classes Fun cooking classes where children learn new skills and tasty recipes. Time: 9am–10am, every Saturday. Venue: Oscars, MacKeurtan Ave, Durban North. Cost: R800 per term, R100 per lesson. Contact Sam: 079 124 8839, sam@totsnpots.com or visit totsnpots.com Yoga for children Yoga develops strength and flexibility. Time: 3pm, every Friday. Venue: Centre of Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North. Cost: R40.

Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@ rautenbach.co.za

sun

Annual Durban Motorcycle Toy Run Bikers ride through Durban suburbs to support, and collect toys for, underprivileged children.

Donate toys or clothes, and join in the festivities. Time: parade leaves The Pavilion 9:30am. Venue: Amanzimtoti Sports Ground. Cost: varies. Contact Jo: 072 648 5572, Tubs: 083 443 3091 or Les: 083 487 6846

family outings Books2You Fair For children’s books at affordable prices. Time: 10am–4pm, 1 November; 7:30am–2pm, 2 November.

Venue: St Henry’s Marist Brothers College.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 907 1573 or visit books2you.co.za The Inchanga Choo Choo Take the train through the Valley of a Thousand Hills.

27 November. Time: 8:30am or 12:30pm.

Venue: departs from Kloof Station. Cost: adults R150, children R120. Contact: 087 808 7715, 082 353 6003 or visit umgenisteamrailway.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play 1000 Hills Bird Park Home to rare and exotic birds, there is also a sweet shop, play area and zip line too. Time: 8am–4pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 1 Clement Stott Rd, Botha’s Hill. Cost: adults R25, children R15. Contact: 072 927 8242 or visit 1000hillsbirdpark.co.za The Animal Farmyard Visit the farmyard for daily milking demonstrations, a playground, and various rides. Time: 9am–4:30pm daily, milking at 10:30am and 3:30pm. Venue: 3 Lello Rd, Botha’s Hill.

Cost: entry R10, rides R4. Contact: 031 765 2240 or visit animalfarmyard.co.za The Barn Swallows Witness three million barn swallows coming to roost. Take along a picnic, chairs, binoculars and mozzie spray. Time: 4pm, daily. Venue: Barn swallow viewing site, Mount Moreland, Umdloti. Cost: R10 donation. Contact: 031 568 1557 or visit barnswallow.co.za

markets

The End (Of the World As We Know It)

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Bergtheil Museum Craft Market Homemade goods, a Victorian tearoom and a museum. 12 November. Time: 8am–12pm. Venue: 16 Queen’s Ave, Westville. Cost: free entry. Contact Lilian: 079 377 3399 or harriet.mulder@gmail. com or Shirley: 078 507 9395 Essenwood Market Fresh food, children’s activities and a range of stalls.

Time: 9am–2pm, every Saturday. Venue: Essenwood Rd. Contact: 031 208 1264 or visit essenwoodmarket.com German Club Indoor and Outdoor Market Handcrafted goods and exclusive jewellery. 6 and 27 November. Time: 10am–3pm. Venue: 7 Barham Rd, Westville.

Cost: free entry. Contact Lilian: 079 377 3399 or harriet.mulder@gmail.com or Julie: 079 137 0935 I Heart market This is a craft market with treats for the whole family. 5 November.

Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Masabalala Yengwe Ave, Stamford Hill. Contact: 079 496 4788 or thejoyteam@gmail.com Kloof Country Market Find quality products and homemade goods. 5 and 19 November. Time: 9am–12:30pm. Venue: Robyndale Centre, 10 Msenga Rd, Kloof.

Cost: free entry. Contact Linda: 082 454 3181 or linda@healinghandskzn.co.za Mariannhill Monastery Tea Garden Craft Market Homemade and handmade goods and crafts. 5, 19 and 26 November. Time: 8:30am–12:30pm.

Venue: Mariannhill Monastery, Pinetown.

Cost: free entry. Contact: nosiphotmlambo@hotmail.com Shongweni Farmer’s and Craft Market You can find delicious organic and local produce and crafts. Time: 6:30am–10am, every Saturday. Venue: cnr Kassier and Alverstone Rds, Assagay.

Contact Christine: 083 777 1674 or info@ shongwenimarket.co.za Stables Lifestyle Market Look for crafts, décor, fashion, toys, books and more. Time: 6pm–10pm, every Wednesday and Friday; 10am–5pm, every Sunday. Venue: 9 Jacko Jackson Dr, Stamford Hill. Cost: free entry.

Contact Marc: 084 353 5866 The Food Market You can buy locally produced foods. 26 November. Time: 8am–2pm. Venue: The Hellenic Community Centre, Durban North. Contact: 084 505 0113, info@thefoodmarket.co.za or visit thefoodmarket.co.za The Kloof and Highway SPCA Open Markets There are charity shops, a nursery, tea garden and more. Time: 8am–12pm, every Saturday. Venue: 29 Village Rd, Village Green, Kloof. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 764 1212/3 or fundraising@kloofspca.co.za The Litchi Orchard Farmer’s Market Covered market featuring live music and a children’s playground. 5 and 19 November.

Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Seaforth Ave, Foxhill. Contact: 084 205 6151 or jeremy@ litchiorchard.co.za

on stage and screen Big Top Rock Rock ‘n roll at the circus. 18 October–8 January. Time: varies. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: Tuesday R135 and Sunday R100. Contact: 031 566 3045 gateway@barnyardtheatres. co.za or visit barnyardtheatres.co.za Cinderella A romantic tale of a girl who meets her prince. 26 November–31 December.

Time: varies. Venue: The Playhouse Opera Theatre, Durban CBD. Cost: R80–R130.

Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Galaxy Rock! Support this original SA rock musical. 9–12 November. Time:

7pm. Venue: Seabrooke’s Theatre, DHS, Musgrave. Cost: adults R60, children R40.

Contact Andrea or Gill: 082 994 0984, 083 326 3257, enquiries@risingstaracademy. co.za or visit risingstaracademy.co.za Old Mutual Music at the Lake With Goldfish. 13 November. Time: 2:30pm.

Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea.

Cost: adults R80, children R20. Book through Ticketbreak: visit ticketbreak.co.za

playtime and story time Books and Books children’s story time Time: 10am, every Saturday. Venue: shop 42 Kensington Square, Durban North. Cost: free. Contact: 031 563 6288 or booksandbooks@telkomsa.net Steam train rides Ride a miniature steam engine at the Durban Society of Model Engineers. 13 and 27 November.

Time: 11am–4pm. Venue: 4 Hinton Grove, Virginia. Cost: R5 per ride. Contact Gerald: 031 205 1089 or 082 569 1383

sport and physical activities The Wavehouse Features a variety of attractions from the FlowRider, to the skate park and rock climbing wall. Time: 10am–4pm. Venue: Gateway, Umhlanga.

Cost: varies. Contact: 031 584 9400, info@ wavehouse.co.za or visit wavehouse.co.za

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Bruce’s Boot Camp Lose weight, tone up and get fit. Twelve sessions over four weeks. Begins 21 November. Time: varies. Venue: Durban North, Glenwood, Morningside or Westville. Cost: R650.

Contact Simine: 082 556 5540, simine@ theperfectfit.co.za or visit theperfectfit.co.za Christmas workshops Get together with friends for an evening of cooking, table décor and bubbly. 21 November– 9 December. Time: 6:30pm–10pm, Monday–Friday. Venue: 6 Sackville Place, Durban North. Cost: R250. Contact Linda: 082 836 9365 or nicolin@telkomsa.net Mom’s IT lessons Learn introductory and advanced computer skills. Time:

Freedom from painful emotions A meditation course on coping with stressful feelings. 13 November. Time: 10am–1pm.

Venue: Mahasiddha Buddhist Centre, 2 Hollings Rd, Malvern.

Cost: R130. Contact Phuntsog: 031 464 0984, info@meditateindurban. org or visit meditateindurban.org

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9am–12pm, every Wednesday. Venue: Suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R140. Contact: 031 566 1110 or visit computers4kids.co.za Pilates in Motion A qualified instructor helps you develop core strength, tone, and more. Time: 4:15pm and 5:15pm, every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday; 9am, every Thursday. Venue: Musgrave.

Cost: varies. Contact Laura-May: 082 443 4533, info@pilatesinmotion.co.za or visit pilatesinmotion.co.za

on stage and screen Boep Idles This show looks at the idols of the ‘60s and ‘70s. 15 November–31 December. Time: varies. Venue: The Heritage Theatre, Hillcrest. Cost: Tuesday R190 and Sunday R165. Contact: 031 765 4197 or visit heritagetheatre.co.za

15 November–31 December – Boep Idles

Rock Legends Listen to hits from Pink Floyd, Deep Purple, Bad Company, Uriah Heep and more. 4–5 and 11–13 November. Time: 8pm; Sunday 3pm. Venue: The Stirling Theatre, The Italian Club, Durban North.

Cost: R80. Contact: 076 786 1127 or bookings@stirlingtheatre.co.za

support groups Adhasa support groups Meetings are irregular. Contact: Stuart 031 298 8896 or Robin: 082 499 1344 for details on Adhasa meeting times and support Cansa support Durban North 8 November. Venue: Durban North Methodist Church hall. Contact: 031 564 2510 (for Cansa support groups in other areas call: 031 205 9525) Childhood cancer parent support group Choc schedules regular support meetings. Contact Gill: 084 831 3683 or visit choc.org.za Compassionate Friends Support group for family and friends who have lost a loved one. Time: 3pm–5pm, the fourth Sunday of every month. Venue: Absa premises, 20 Hunter St, Durban CBD. Contact: 031 335 0463 Down Syndrome Association KZN Intuthuko Support Group meeting for those with Down’s syndrome and their families.

19 November. Venue: Anglican Church Hall, Umbilo Rd. Contact: 031 464 2055 or 076 978 9811 Durban Autism Support Group For mothers of children with ASD. Informal coffee mornings are held four times a year. Contact Di: 083 443 8385 or dimaitland@tiscali.co.za magazine durban

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Christmas Boxes Fill a shoebox with supplies for someone less fortunate. Boxes will be given as a Christmas gift to children under 12 and teenagers.

For more info: 082 891 1722, 082 441 8133 or greyvillechurch@ halomail.co.za

Speak Easy Support group for those who stutter, their family and friends. For more info: visit speakeasy.org.za Sugarbabe Foundation Parents of children with diabetes or interested individuals are invited to form support groups. Contact Eldice: 031 266 1280 or sgrbbfoundation@gmail.com

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops

Famsa This organisation offers family and relationship counselling. Contact: 031 202 8987 or visit 30 Bulwer Rd, Glenwood Hoping is Coping These are support groups for those newly diagnosed with cancer and their families. Contact: 011 646 5628, lgold@icon.co.za or visit cansa.org.za Overeaters Anonymous Members can share solutions to the problem of compulsive overeating. Contact: 031 708 6014 or 083 456 6971 Pflag parent support group This is for parents of gay and lesbian children.

29 November. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Amanzimtoti Group Activities Room. Cost: free. Contact Martin: 082 853 7235 Reach for Recovery Breast Cancer Support Group Meets for bring-andshare morning teas. Contact: 031 205 9525 or 072 248 0008 Sadag This is for those suffering from depression or drug abuse or those who may be suicidal. For more information or referral to a support group: visit sadag.co.za

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November 2011

Childminder training and first aid workshops Nannies, au pairs and first-time parents get trained in the essentials, including hygiene, home safety and more. Four-day course. Time: 9:30am–2:30pm. Venue: Glen Anil. Cost: R1 650. Contact Kate: 071 968 1007 or durban@edubabe.co.za Infant massage workshops Structured baby massage. Time: 2:30pm–4pm, every Wednesday. Venue: Lasting Impressions, 35 Caefron Ave, Westville. Cost: four sessions R550. Contact Alison: 031 267 0435, 083 661 6682 or lasting.impressions. studio@gmail.com Nanny training This two-part workshop gives domestic workers skills to work with babies and toddlers according to their milestones. 5 and 12 November. Time: 8:30am–12:30pm. Venue: Ballito. Cost: R800. Contact Cheryll: 082 857 6374 or theparents@telkomsa.net Pregnancy Yoga Learn beneficial postures, breathing techniques and relaxation for moms-to-be. Time: 4pm, every Wednesday; 9:30am, every Saturday.

Venue: Centre of Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North. Cost: R170 per month.

Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@ rautenbach.co.za Toddler and nanny workshop It focuses on behaviour management and child development for toddlers with their nannies. 3 and 24 November. Time: 8:30am–9:30am. Venue: Ballito. Cost: R65. Contact Cheryll: 082 857 6374 or theparents@telkomsa.net

playtime and story time Clamber Club Children can play on the fun equipment and in the garden.

Time: 12pm–4:30pm, every Friday. Venue:

The Hellenic Community Centre, 6 High Grove Rd. Cost: R30. Contact: 083 785 4332, dbn-north@clamberclub.com or visit clamberclub.com Moms and Tots and Moms and Babes workshops Children learn through play and socialisation. Time: varies. Venue: branches in Amanzimtoti, Umhlanga, Durban North, Highway area and Glenwood. Cost: varies. Contact: info@ momsandtots.co.za or visit momsandbabes. co.za or momsandtots.co.za Muslimahs and Tots workshops Interactive programmes build relationships through play; geared towards Muslim parents. Time: varies. Venue: branches in North Beach, Overport and Umhlanga. Cost: varies. Contact: muslimahsandtots.co.za Toptots Children 8 weeks–4 years can join age-appropriate classes to learn and play. Time: varies. Venue: branches in Durban North, Ballito, Glenwood, Kloof, Hillcrest, Westville and Hilton. Cost: about R810 per term. Contact: 031 266 4910, 082 876 7791, info@toptots.co.za or visit toptots.co.za

support groups Mothers 2 Mothers For new and experienced moms, who are finding motherhood challenging and need comfort and support. Time: 10am–11:30am, every

Monday. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, Kassier Rd. Cost: free. Contact Hayley: 078 640 7949 The South African Multiple Birth Association This was formed for families with multiples. Contact: 082 338 2625 for counselling, kzn@samultiplebirth.co.za or visit samultiplebirth.co.za

how to help Bless a Granny and Grandpa Spoil neglected grannies and grandpas this Christmas, and show them that they are important and loved. Choose a special granny or grandpa or give a generic gift. For details and information contact Kim: 076 612 9060 or robinhoodfund@ telkomsa.net Kloof and Highway SPCA Horse Care Unit The rescued horses are in need of hay, shavings and tack. Donations can be collected. For more info contact Val: 031 764 1212/3 or Barbara: 083 270 1371 Toy Story Help start a new story this Christmas by dropping off new toys for underprivileged children, or making a donation for food parcels for child-headed households. Drop toys at Game or East Coast Radio or make donations at Game till points. For more info: visit ecr.co.za

looking ahead Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs This fairy-tale show opens for the festive season on 6 December at the Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre. Book through Computicket: visit computicket.com Uncle Jumbo’s Christmas Party This children’s pantomime, with characters like Noddy and the Smurfs, opens on 2 December at the Kloof Civic Hall. Contact Ross: 083 309 6538 or ross@paprika.co.za

6 December – Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za or fax it to 031 207 3429. Information must be received by 4 November for the December/ January issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

magazine durban

it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

magazine durban

November 2011

41

last laugh

the good loser SAM WILSON prides herself on her non-competitive style of play.

But her family says this deprives them of the joy of beating her.

i

am an exceptionally good loser. My older brother, Quentin, would say it’s because I have such an incredible swathe of stuff to be good at losing at... and he’d be right. Quentin, is one of the most coordinated people on the planet, and he has been comprehensively beating me at an unimaginably broad range of games, from tennis to tiddlywinks, for over 35 years now.

Unfortunately for him, I was his only sibling for many years and we didn’t have a spill of cousins to play with. On the upside, he did teach himself to be ambidextrous, simply so he didn’t have to gnaw on his own squash racquet in boredom while playing against me. And I learnt to lose with a smile, hell, often even a laugh, because I loved playing with Quent. Also, in all fairness, he was pretty damn good.

This is probably why I just don’t get parents who have to beat their children

when playing games against them. “But it’ll teach them character,” earnest parents tell me. “And then, when they do finally win – they’ll know they did it by themselves, properly, and without being given any special treatment.”

Funnily enough, you never hear anyone applauding their children for learning to eat with a knife and a fork all by themselves, “without special treatment”, or teaching themselves to read “without any of that Jack and Jill nonsense”. Nope, it’s an argument curiously just reserved for games.

I am not saying I am lacking any competitiveness, but I have never really understood competition for competition’s sake. Sure it’s nice to win, but I just can’t get myself to feel horrified when I lose at a game I was taking part in just because I enjoyed it.

Of course, this leads to other problems in my family. It’s no fun playing against

someone who honestly doesn’t care if they win or lose, as was underlined for me during a family Sunday at our house.

“You know what’s even more annoying than the way you don’t mind losing?” asked my son, Josef, after we were finishing up a marathon session of Risk. “The way you win like it was just one of many possible outcomes. It’s like the smuggest smugginess of all smuggery.”

“I know!” exploded Quent. “Isn’t she the worst, most insufferable winner ever?”

Huh? Here I thought I was a veritable paragon of non-competitiveness, when – apparently – I had just found another way to win: by not letting anyone else enjoy the fight. So I’m not the world’s best loser then.

Clearly, it’s hard to dissect one’s own gamesmanship; and one woman’s nonchalance is another’s brain-squeezing irritation. Clearly the answer, as with most

things (annoyingly enough), lies somewhere in the middle.

But that doesn’t make sense to me either. How can someone be reasonably competitive? And if that is the goal, it’s definitely not what we are teaching in mainstream schools or on our national sports fields.

It’s a poser, and an important one – because teaching children to play nicely is the clear precursor to teaching them to interact respectfully with others. But that’s the bigger board game strategy. My more immediate tactics just involve me letting Quent and Joe play against each other for a bit instead.

Sam Wilson is the Editor-in-Chief of Women24.com, Parent24.com and Food24.com. And no, she is not available to join your poker evenings. She has seen that movie before.

family marketplace

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magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: Andreas SpÄth

Joe, Sam and Benj