Child Magazine | Durban February 2012

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p ar e n t s

no more madness tips to beat the rush

zero

tolerance stop the bullying

home truths what the experts wish they could tell you

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great public spaces to visit

back to

school

www.childmag.co.za

free February 2012

rediscover your city

health

education

entertainment

Welcome back to a wonderful new year.

As I write this, my youngest, Robyn, is covering her books and labelling her stationery in preparation for her first day in Grade 4. Brand new boxes of pastels, paints and coloured pencils lie on the dining room table ready to be delivered to school tomorrow morning. The sight of all the bright and shiny school supplies brings with it the promise of a fresh start and new beginnings – a new curriculum, new friends and, a little scary, a new teacher. “Please don’t let it be Miss X,” she wails, “she’s so strict!”

As a parent, the new year allows me a fresh start too. I’ve promised to be more patient, to let go a little and to trust that the foundation my husband and I have laid is strong enough to hold my girls steady as they make and mend friendships, and strive for fulfilment in the classroom and on the sports field.

Our job is done for 2011 and a new one lies ahead this year.

Here’s to a fabulous, promise-filled 2012. May it be all that you want it to be.

If you love the magazine, you’ll love our website. Visit us at childmag.co.za

Follow us on twitter.com/ ChildMag and facebook.com/ childmag.co.za

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Anél Lewis • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za

monthly circulation Cape Town’s Child magazineTM 45 129 40 257 Durban’s Child magazineTM 52 845 Joburg’s Child magazineTM

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Free requested Oct 11 – Dec 11

Durban’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: 1st Floor, MB House, 641 Peter Mokaba Road, Overport, 4091. Tel: 031 209 2200, fax: 031 207 3429, email: durban@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles, and other editorial content, are accurate and balanced, but cannot accept responsibility for loss, damage or inconvenience that may arise from reading them.

February 2012

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contents

february 2012

upfront 3

a note from lisa

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6 over to you

readers respond

23 dad’s blog

Marc de Chazal remembers how comics got him reading

features

regulars

14 bullying – level the playing field

6 wins

9

our new guest columnist, Gary Koen, tackles this sensitive issue

18 back to school basics

Child magazine shows you how to have hassle-free school mornings

12 upfront with paul

Paul Kerton feels strongly that parents need some down-time too

19 easy lunchbox ideas

best for baby – no substitutes

Anél Lewis explains why nothing beats breast milk

Ideas suggests some tasty treats to pack for school lunch

26 resource – my city

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Tamlyn Vincent compiled this list of family-friendly, cost-effective public spaces to explore

28 a good read

new books for the whole family

30 what’s on in february 38 last laugh

if your family wants to take care of you, let them, says Sam Wilson

classified ads 20 all the world’s a stage...

37 let’s party

doing drama can improve your

child’s self-confidence.

By Donna Cobban

38 family marketplace

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22 talk it through

Kim Maxwell says negotiation is key when it comes to parenting

24 no holds barred

want to know the truth? Paul Kerton tells you what the experts really think

health 8

maintain a natural balance

a healthy intake of probiotics could

mean fewer visits to the doctor.

By Lucille Kemp

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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February 2012

Cape Town

Durban

Johannesburg

shutterstock.com

Durban Girls’ College www.dgc.co.za

shutterstock.com

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February 2012

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over to you

letters

a thank you is always appreciated I would just like to say thank you so much for putting my holiday workshop in Child magazine’s calendar. I had a great response. Publications like yours really are of great value for me as a single parent and working mom wanting to grow my small business. I am not much of a magazine reader but I get very excited with each new issue. The articles and ideas are interesting, diverse and informative.

Georgia Your magazine really educates and keeps us well informed.

Now I can take care of my little angel because of you. Keep up the good work.

Nkosinathi Nomkonwana

stubborn little angel I really enjoyed the letter “one peaceful night” (Child magazine, December 2011/January 2012). My angel was born in September 2010, and she weighed only 1,4kg and was hospitalised for the first 27 days of her life. I still can’t believe how beautifully she has grown. Scarlet Rose still wakes up a couple of times during the night for her bottle.

I have tried every trick in the book to get her to sleep through the night, but it has just not worked. I have to comfort her and give her the bottle while she is half asleep, because I am a full-time, working mom. My routine is set

around hers and both of us are happy and healthy and that is all that matters.

Ruzaan

in disagreement As a parent who has carefully researched some alternative parenting methods, I find myself exasperated by scaremongering warnings that don’t properly present the facts. In “while you were sleeping” (Child magazine, December 2011/January 2012), the writer asserts that “co-sleeping has been proven to increase the risk of Sids”. This is misleading.

There is a difference between the attentive parent’s choice to co-sleep responsibly and the negligent choice to co-sleep when fatigued, intoxicated or after smoking. Safe co-sleeping reduces the risk of Sids as the mother regulates the infant’s body temperature and heartbeat.

In the same issue (“one, two, wee!”), the author states that according to an expert, elimination communication “is not recommended”. The practice is not early potty training as many assume, it’s just a matter of giving your child the option of using a toilet instead of soiling themselves.

Having tried it since my child was one day old, I can honestly say that a child has an inbuilt awareness of his own toilet needs. If we don’t train it out of them (very unnaturally) with nappies, it’s perfectly straightforward and unproblematic, and there is no potty-training drama.

Lisa Greenstein

download your resource Visit childmag.co.za/content/3d-guide and you can download our “dealing with difference A to Z guide”, with contact details of who can help, in A3 or A4 size in colour.

Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag and facebook.com/childmag.co.za

write to us You can also post a comment online at

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters to:

or

comments

childmag.co.za

marina@childmag.

co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

wins

giveaways in february sir, yes sir!

Boot Camp SA runs the popular Commando Children’s Party where onsite instructors have children negotiating commando obstacles, scaling cargo nets, traversing rope swings and leopard crawling through mud-filled trenches – think war cries, camo face paint, forest missions, muddy swamps and push-ups. Contact: 082 782 6432, durban@bootcamp-sa.co.za or visit bootcamp-sa.co.za One reader stands a chance to win a Commando Children’s party for 16 recruits valued at R1 940. Simply enter via childmag.co.za/wins-dbn and use the code “Boot Camp DBN”.

for life’s unforgettable moments The feminine, contemporary Pandora bracelet is designed to allow you to create your own look with interchangeable charms. Visit Pandora stores in Sandton, Menlyn, Fourways, Eastgate and La Lucia, selected Edgars stores and specialist jewellers. For more info, contact: 011 706 2377, info@sbh. co.za or visit pandora.net to view the entire collection.

One reader stands a chance to win a sterling silver Pandora bracelet with four charms and three Murano glass beads valued at R3 000. Simply enter via childmag. co.za/wins-dbn and use the code “Pandora DBN”.

splash out The all-new Huggies Little Swimmers with its unique, easy-to-open and close sides for convenient changing, is the only nappy of its kind in South Africa. The nappies prevent leakage, and are made from material that does not swell when wet.

One reader stands a chance to win Huggies Little Swimmers along with swimming lessons for your baby, a blow-up swimming pool and a branded towel, valued at R1 200. Simply enter via childmag.co.za/wins-dbn and use the code “Little Swimmers DBN”.

to enter simply visit childmag.co.za

or post your entry to PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Entries must be received by 29 February 2012.

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February 2012

congratulations to our November winners Jillian Takurparsad, Lorraine Gernetzky, Martinique Anthony, Chris Mawbey, Laura Butler, Amanda Griessel, Lynn Gait and Natalie Clavel who each win a Nivea Sun hamper; Candice Brayley wins a year’s supply of Weetbix; Melissa Wilson-Smith wins a Surcouf Flagship and Mel Gard wins a Tutti Frutti.

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February 2012

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health

maintain a natural balance Knowing when to give your family probiotics could mean

robiotics are naturally occurring microorganisms found in the digestive system, the skin and the body’s orifices. They balance out the bad bugs and are needed to build a strong immune system. It only takes one course of antibiotics, which kills off these good bacteria, to make us vulnerable to other disease-causing bacteria such as yeasts, fungi and parasites.

Common childhood illnesses and conditions, such as diarrhoea, constipation, eczema, fungal infections or lactose intolerance, have been found to be caused by a lack of probiotics in the body. This is why Cape Town pharmacist Felicia Rubin says, “If you settle the gut, you will settle the child.” She goes on to list the benefits of a probiotic supplement: “It is recommended for counteracting lactose intolerance as it helps the digestive system produce lactase, which in turn breaks down lactose. I have also found that many children suffering from eczema often benefit more from using a probiotic cream than other topical options. But as eczema is an immune deficiency of sorts, give your child probiotic tablets if you want a cure.” The ingested option strengthens the immune system, getting to the real cause of the problem. On this, it is important to take a quality probiotic that contains one billion units per serving of the bacteria bifidobacterium and lactobacillus.

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rich food from fermented products with live cultures, such as yoghurt, cheese or milk. Felicia also advises, “Avoid a problem by learning to spot a red flag. If you or your child are deficient in an essential mineral or are allergic to something that you are eating, pay attention to your body; it will speak to you through various symptoms such as a skin reaction or an upset tummy. Flag the allergens and eliminate them from your diet, or do research to find out what mineral you are lacking.”

a new age holistically speaking As probiotics are found naturally in our bodies, we can, for the most part, avoid supplementation if we ensure our family follows a balanced diet and if we breast-feed our babies. Breast milk contains a mix of carbohydrates, amino acids, fatty acids, hormones, immunity-enhancing antibodies, and assorted vitamins, minerals and enzymes that maintain a healthy colony of good bacteria in the digestive tract. If you bottle-feed, you could consider consulting your paediatrician about using a probioticfortified formula.

If anyone in the family is on a course of antibiotics, make sure you are all getting a healthy intake of probiotic-

Despite its apparent benefits, scientific research on probiotics is still in its early stages. Consumers, however, are buying into the value of the product. According to the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine, a department of the American Institute of Health, sales of probiotics in the USA have tripled from 1994 to 2003.

If you asked some doctors why this is, they might say it’s thanks to clever marketing campaigns. Then again, we can’t ignore the fact that taking probiotics while on a course of antibiotics does make us feel better and using probiotics during a nasty bout of gastro brings quick relief.

Despite the lack of conclusive evidence, probiotics remain a popular form of self-medication.

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

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fewer trips to the doctor, says LUCILLE KEMP.

best for baby

no substitutes As part of its “breast is best” policy, the health department will no longer give formula to mothers

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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at state hospitals, reports ANÉL LEWIS.

nly about eight percent of South African mothers choose to exclusively breast-feed their babies, despite the health benefits. To change this “unacceptable situation”, the government will stop providing formula, or breast milk substitutes, to mothers at state hospitals and clinics, unless a doctor prescribes it. There will also be formal changes to the way in which formula is marketed. National regulations on the marketing of breast milk substitutes are expected to be finalised and adopted as legislation within the next 12 months.

The strong stance, which calls for the active promotion, protection and support of exclusive breast-feeding, has been mostly welcomed by the health care sector. Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi says South Africa is one of 12 countries worldwide where infant mortality is on the increase. “It is undeniable that breast-feeding is the very best way to nourish babies – there is, literally, no substitute for it.”

Motsoaledi is unequivocal about its merits. “Breastfed babies are better protected against infections like diarrhoea, respiratory illnesses, allergies and ear infections; they are at much lower risk of malnutrition

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and as adults, are at a lower risk of chronic lifestyle diseases such as obesity, coronary heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Mother-child bonding is also accelerated through breast-feeding. This means that breast-feeding is not just about nutrition.”

He says mothers benefit from breast-feeding, as it lowers their risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer. The World Health Organisation also confirms that the benefits for HIV-positive mothers far outweigh the risks. The chance of the baby being infected, once put on antiretrovirals, is greatly reduced with exclusive breast-feeding.

State hospitals in KwaZulu-Natal have already stopped subsidising formula milk and the other eight provinces are expected to follow suit this year. If a mother does decide to bottle-feed, she will now have to pay for her own breast milk substitute. The state will, however, prescribe formula for the babies of mothers who cannot breast-feed for medical reasons.

so what does that mean for you?

Although patients at private hospitals and clinics will still have access to formula, and are able to buy formula if

they choose to bottle-feed, proposed changes to labour legislation will enable all mothers to make a more informed choice when it comes to the feeding of their babies.

Motsoaledi says the workplace is one of the many barriers to exclusive breast-feeding. “Most working environments are not supportive of breast-feeding.”

There are proposals to extend maternity leave to encourage mothers to breast-feed exclusively for longer than three months. A minimum of six months is considered healthy practice. The workplace needs to be an enabling environment for breast-feeding, and there should be a clean environment where a working mother can express, as well as facilities to store breast milk.

Breast-feeding rooms and crèche facilities would help create workplaces more conducive to breast-feeding, says Motsoaledi. Furthermore, the “aggressive” promotion of formula by manufacturers will be restricted by the formal adoption of international marketing guidelines. These will extend to bottles and other products too. Labels should include, for example, information about the importance of breast-feeding and promote cup feeding as the preferred alternative.

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advertorial

upfront with paul

time for tough love Parents have the right to a life too, says PAUL KERTON, so don’t feel guilty about being a bit selfish occasionally.

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rgent notice to all parents – be more selfish. Lift up your head from that cluttered floor full of scattered toys and wet towels long enough to think about yourself and grab some me time before you hit 50, the children scoot the nest and you are left wondering where your life went.

That’s right. You have a right to a life too! It sounds obvious, but in the middle of parent overload we forget and it often takes some interfering outsider – like me – to point it out. Yes, modern life is more exacting than before. We have a thousand more decisions a day to make than our parents did, technology has made more work rather than less (how many phone numbers and email addresses do you have for one person?) and money really

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February 2012

is too tight to mention. Children have always ruled any loving family to a certain degree, but today, more than ever before, children dominate our lives morning, noon and night.

Our generation of children is a demanding, mollycoddled lot where the child often dictates the pace. Talking about the tail wagging the dog, I was watching a group of parents the other day at a function, fussing over their young children and it was as if the children were disabled.

Here were healthy, bouncing children with strong legs and arms, and inquisitive minds, who were too lazy to get off the couch to fetch their own sauce from the table. There is something very wrong here. It seems like every day is National Children’s Day. Okay, we all want our children to be happy and

will do everything in our power to make sure they get the best start, but they also need to take responsibility for their own life – or some of it at least.

A warning to all parents – the consequences of not being selfish are catastrophic. First you lose self-respect, secondly you forget to have fun and thirdly you no longer have a marriage, you merely have a domestic home help agency with demanding but non-paying clients. Also the children don’t get to practise their skills.

We all have the illusion that it is quicker for us to do things for our children than it is to take the extra time needed to train them to do it themselves, which is why we always have the monkey on our back.

If you find yourself losing patience and

saying “Don’t worry, I’ll do it”, you may as well draw a target on your forehead and give your child an assault rifle. Stop right there. Think. Crikey, if someone can train a Labrador to cross the road, I’m sure you can train your child to put his shoes on the correct feet.

Children love merit charts and rewards but we parents are terrible at docking off points for clothing left on the floor, bedrooms that resemble post-war Libya and general clumsiness. Stop being so soft and cuddly. Take away the TV, the computer, the Nintendo and the MP3 player – the things that they love. And don’t just threaten, do it.

You’ll feel so much better.

Paul Kerton is the author of Fab Dad 2: from walking to talking… and beyond.

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PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

Saskia, Paul and Sabina

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straight talk

level the playing field New guest columnist, GARY KOEN, says a zero-tolerance approach

hen you hear that your child is being bullied, your first question will probably be, “Why is this happening to my child?” Your child, as the victim, is likely asking the same thing. But these are the very questions a bully wants you to ask. Bullies rely on doubt, confusion, deception and intimidation to get away with what they are doing. But they also need an environment that, either tacitly or implicitly, allows what is happening to continue.

what is bullying?

Betrayal and secrecy form the cornerstones of all successful abuse, and a culture of silence generally

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protects bullies, even encouraging them. A bully’s actions are usually covert, and they will go all out to discredit their victims, even portraying themselves as the ones who have been maligned. This is particularly the case with a bully who is highly regarded by the school. Parents are often discouraged to learn that, after notifying their child’s school of a bullying incident, their child is now also regarded as a snitch for disclosing what happened.

Bullies feel a sense of triumph and perverted fulfilment in inflicting pain and suffering on others. Their perception is that, because they are so far above this other person, they are allowed to say and do whatever they want without the other being allowed to react. It is very seldom that

the victim possesses the power or has the support to withstand the bully. In fact, the violent bully often provokes the victim to get a reaction, relishing the opportunity to “justifiably” attack them by claiming that they started it.

types of bullying Boys live in an external world, with the focus on the physical, so they are more prone to physical bullying where size, a desire and propensity for violence and the sense of satisfaction that comes from the suffering of others make for a cruel and frightening combination. Girls are naturally more inclined towards the internal, making them more adept at psychological bullying. This is a

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PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

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to bullying will help eradicate this scourge from our schools.

more seditious type of abuse, where the constant verbal barrage of putdowns, insults, and attacks on a person’s character, colour or class, gradually erodes their selfconfidence and self-worth, leaving them feeling demoralised and worthless.

A type of sexual bullying is also happening in some schools. This is where a group of boys targets lessdeveloped classmates, taunting them and at times groping them, making the experience more akin to a prison rape than an adolescent joke.

Cyberbullying is a new and destructive form of technological bullying that children, parents, teachers and the justice system are still coming to grips with. While

and consequences of all forms of bullying, for both the victim and the perpetrator. One of the main reasons the justice system would rather these issues be resolved in a restorative fashion is because the legal consequences could result in children being criminally charged, giving them criminal records. This highlights the seriousness of bullying behaviour – a message which does not seem to be getting through to a lot of children.

when can it start?

While bullying is not a normal part of human development, it can, and does, often occur during the first few years of school. During pre-primary and early primary school, it

The simple solution to the problem of bullies is to try and create environments in which bullies cannot thrive, and the only way that you can do that is to change the way our schools operate.

South Africa does not have any specific laws that deal with cyberbullying, the forms it takes are covered by other criminal offences. These include crimen injuria, which refers to the serious and intentional violation of another person’s privacy or dignity and assault, where a person receives a threatening or frightening message from another person.

While parents are entitled to follow a legal route to redress some of these attacks, they need to know that these issues are far from clear-cut, and generally the justice system would rather they be resolved through diversion programmes and other social agencies. Schools need to educate parents and pupils only about the dangers

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would not be uncommon for boys and girls to mock and tease a child with some basic difference. Yet, as cruel as it is, they don’t know any better. If parents and teachers are able to intervene during this stage, they can usually change this form of behaviour and instil a sense of empathy. Most children are able to learn this fairly quickly. However, it becomes abnormal when bullying behaviour continues beyond these early years. As children become teenagers, there is a real developmental need for power or, rather, to feel empowered and to feel a sense of achievement for doing things that they are good at. The frightening thing about bullies is that their sense of control and achievement

is gained through victimisation and humiliation, and what makes them so dangerous is that their bullying behaviour does indeed gratify this fundamental need.

what the schools are doing Schools have an ongoing responsibility to confront and expose this culture and to communicate in no uncertain terms the consequences for offenders. According to the constitution, schools have a statutory obligation to provide an environment for their learners that is “not harmful to their health or wellbeing, and which guarantees their physical, emotional and cultural safety”.

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straight talk

This means that all forms of bullying behaviour are considered serious offences.

The parents of children who have been bullied have the right to press charges against the offenders. Many admirable anti-bullying policies and programmes are offered by organisations such as the Children’s Resource Centre, and the Western Cape Education Department, encouraging children to empower themselves, to become aware and accepting of each other’s differences, and to confront and object to all forms of bullying and abuse. However,

advice for parents We are not going to be able to eradicate bullies completely. Bullies are a fact of life; there are too many developmental factors for any single school to control.

Parenting is difficult to get right all the time, and there will always be nasty and destructive individuals. Therefore, parents who discover that their child is being bullied, need to go directly to the principal. Concerns about your child’s safety have to be heard at the highest level. You will also soon find out whether

Bullies feel a sense of triumph and perverted fulfilment in inflicting pain and suffering on others. for such programmes to truly succeed, our children also need to trust that their schools will support them. They need to have faith that their teachers will take a clear stand against bullies and their behaviour.

The responsibility for the eradication of bullies from schools has to rest mainly with those who are in charge – it has to begin with the principal. The simple solution to the problem of bullies is to try and create environments in which bullies cannot thrive, and the only way that you can do that is to change the way our schools operate.

the school is committed to upholding and implementing their bullying policies.

While an uncompromising stance against bullying should be the priority of every school, parents need to weigh up the value of fighting against a system reluctant to take responsibility or proper action against bullying behaviour.

In one case, the parents of a Grade 8 boy only discovered that their son was being bullied at the boarding school he attended after they were contacted by a housemaster who grew concerned

books about bullying for children from the age of three

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Chester Raccoon and the Big Bad Bully (Tanglewood Press)

By Audrey Penn

Little Lucky Lolo and the Very Big Boy (Giraffe Books)

By Adrian Varkel

From the author of the New York Times bestseller The Kissing Hand, beautifully illustrated by Barbara L. Gibson, comes the story of Chester Raccoon as he learns how to change a bully into a friend.

In this delightful local tale, Little Lucky Lolo learns that he should speak up when dealing with a bully and that sometimes it helps if you show the bully that kindness and team work are more important than being nasty.

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about the boy’s behaviour. They were shocked to discover that their son had been relentlessly and continuously bullied for several months. This came to light after he developed symptoms consistent with severe anxiety. After an investigation, the bully was identified and given counselling and a warning to stop what he was doing.

But the victim’s parents decided that this did not constitute an effective response and didn’t afford their son sufficient protection from the bully, so they removed him from the school. It took him almost two years of therapy to recover from his ordeal.

dealing with the bully Schools often try to understand and counsel the bully. On some level, bullies are also victims and they may also need compassion and understanding, but schools need to make it clear that understanding is not going to be the first thing that happens. The bully must be stopped first and then it must be seen whether they can learn a different way of behaving. Parents of bullies must realise that the risk their children pose to others in their immediate environment, and to society in the future, is far greater than their individual need for understanding.

consequences for the victim There is a tendency to view the victims of bullies as being too sensitive, overprotected or immature. While some of this may be true, there is still no reason for anyone to gang up against them and abuse them. No-one has the right to harm someone else in any way. Not many people appreciate the difficulty and complexity of dealing with someone who has been bullied. In many ways, it is similar to dealing with someone who is suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder. The victim feels shame for being bullied and tainted by what has happened to them. They fear that they have been contaminated by their trauma, which will now separate them from society.

This is often combined with an entrenched

belief that they must have done something to deserve what happened to them.

These children have to be reminded that they have suffered the equivalent of a crime, and the bullies are no different from someone who breaks into your house and assaults you. The message has to be that what happened was wrong, and that they are not at fault. While many schools have counsellors who are able to offer support to bullied children, parents need to know that sometimes these children need an intervention from a skilled clinical psychologist. Parents also need to educate themselves about their rights, and the responsibility of the school, when it comes to preventing bullying from occurring.

Gary Koen is a clinical psychologist in private practice with over 20 years’ experience, working mainly with adults and adolescents. He also does presentations at schools on a range of teenage-related topics.

These include all the general aspects of normal adolescent development.

He developed and successfully runs a course, “An introduction to adolescence”, aimed at parents. He is also working on a book that deals with the challenges facing parents and teenagers and, as a father of three, he is heavily invested in everything he says. For more information, visit garykoen.co.za

for teenagers

Dear Bully (HarperCollins Publishers) Edited by Megan Kelley Hall and Carrie Jones Top authors for teens share their stories about bullying – as silent observers on the sidelines of high school, as victims, and as perpetrators. This collection is at turns moving and self-effacing, but always deeply personal.

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Playground (Quercus) By 50 Cent Inspired by 50 Cent’s own adolescence, and the mostly true story of a former bully, this book is a hard-hitting and inspirational story of the redemption of a bully. 50 Cent (his real name is Curtis Jackson III), admits that writing this book was a personal journey for him.

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how to

back to school basics Getting the family ready for school or other activities often requires military-like precision. CHILD MAGAZINE offers these tips to make your mornings hassle-free.

above board Get a whiteboard or a pin board where you can organise everything from the week’s menu plan to extramural activities. Get your children to write in what they would like to have for supper and school lunch on each day of the week. On the side or at the bottom, draw up a shopping list of items you will need to get for the meals. This makes weekly shopping a cinch. You can also include a list of things that need to be done for that week. This could include reminders of people who need to be contacted about play dates or lift club schedules. Assign each person in the family a colour to make the board easier to read at a glance.

Children collect a lot of art, and while you would love to exhibit every papier-mâché dinosaur and every finger-painted sun, you will soon run out of wall space. At the beginning of each term, invest in two files with plastic sleeves for each child.

Use an A3 file to store art and photographs of larger, three-dimensional artworks and projects. You can also turn your child’s art into funky gifts or decorations. Trace the design from a painting onto fabric and use it to make a unique doorstopper, cushion cover or wall hanging.

Artworks can also be given a new lease on life by transforming them into jewellery boxes, letter sets or wrapping paper.

An A4 file can be used to store school notices and other important information from your child’s teachers. You could also use a file or binder, with colourcoded tabs for each child, to store these papers. Place the file or folder in a central place, such as on the kitchen counter or on the desk in the study, so that everyone knows this is where notices must be stored.

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be prepared There’s nothing worse than finding out at the last minute that your child has a party on the weekend and you don’t have a gift. Avoid running to the shops like a mad person by having a well-stocked gift and wrapping paper drawer. Throughout the year, buy things that could make good emergency gifts. Store these in the drawer, along with pretty wrapping paper, labels, cards for various occasions and other decorative items. Also keep a supply of basics, such as Cellotape, glue, string, brown paper, stamps and adhesive labels, in case you need to cover books or send a parcel. If you use drawer dividers, you could also have a section for buttons and thread that match your children’s school uniforms, should you have to repair something in a hurry.

school readiness Get your child into the habit of packing their case and laying out their uniform the night before. This will make mornings less frenetic, and you will also be able to see if any buttons are missing or if any items need to be ironed. Shoes should also be polished the night before. You can help ease the morning rush by setting the breakfast table and packing most of their lunchboxes after dinner. Encourage your child to keep an updated diary of tests, projects and extramurals. Most schools require parents to sign these homework books each day, so that you are aware of their work.

By keeping an updated diary, they will also know what to pack for the next day and what they can keep at home. Many children lug weighty bags to school because they don’t know what books or items they will need. In the last week of the school holidays, ease them into the school routine by waking them up earlier and enforcing stricter bedtimes.

respect School rules exist to instil respect for your child’s school, for himself and for others.

• Make sure your child’s hair is neat and tidy, that uniforms are ironed and presentable and that shoes are polished. A neat uniform shows that your child respects his school and himself.

• Make sure clothing is wellmarked and don’t take valuables to school. Teachers cannot accept responsibility for items that are lost or stolen.

• Don’t be late for school or other school activities without a valid excuse. Late children miss out on the start of the school day, and possibly vital information. It also shows a lack of respect for their teachers and classmates’ time.

• Make sure your child has lunch and other necessary items for the day. Many schools frown upon parents bringing the lunch to school during the day, as they want children to learn responsibility and time management.

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

flip for art

book extract

easy lunchbox ideas These tasty recipes from IDEAS take the hassle out of deciding what to make for dinner or pack for school lunch.

beef and sweet-chilli sarmie

serves: 4

Preparation time: 15 minutes | Cooking time: 4 minutes • 30ml olive oil • 8 beef minute steaks • 120ml sweet-chilli sauce • 40ml freshly squeezed lemon or lime juice • 1 cucumber, peeled into ribbons

• • • • •

1 avocado, peeled and thinly sliced 60ml plain yoghurt 30ml low-fat mayonnaise sliced bread or rolls coriander to garnish

1 Heat the olive oil in a non-stick pan over a high heat. Fry the steaks in batches for a minute on each side until cooked through. Remove from the heat and drizzle half of the sweet-chili sauce and 10ml lemon juice over the steaks.

2 Place the steaks on top of sliced bread or rolls. Top with cucumber ribbons and avocado slices and season to taste.

3 Mix together the remaining sweet-chilli sauce and lemon juice with the yoghurt and mayonnaise. Spoon on top of the salad ingredients. Add some fresh coriander to garnish.

citrus chicken kebabs

about the book

serves: 4

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 2 hours marinating time | Cooking time: 10 minutes • 4 chicken breast fillets, cut into large cubes • 100ml olive oil • 125ml fresh orange juice • 60ml fresh lemon juice • 20ml lemon or lime zest

• • • • • •

2 cloves garlic, crushed 50ml chopped origanum 3ml salt 8 kebab sticks 1 onion, cut into wedges 1 lemon, cut into small wedges

1 Place the chicken cubes in a sealable plastic bag.

2 Mix the olive oil, orange juice, lemon juice and zest, garlic, origanum and salt thoroughly. Pour the mixture over the chicken in the bag and seal the bag. Massage the marinade into the chicken for approximately two minutes. Refrigerate for two hours or overnight.

3 Thread the chicken cubes onto the kebab sticks, alternating the meat with onion and citrus wedges.

4 Grill or braai the kebabs until just done.

couscous with chickpeas

serves: 4

It can be somewhat of a challenge to come up with exciting yet nutritious meals for the family each night. This full-colour cookbook, Ideas: 365 Recipes for every day of the year (Human & Rousseau), takes the guesswork out of meal planning. With a recipe for each day of the year, you will never again have to wonder what to cook for dinner. They are also organised into months, making it easier to cook something with the ingredients that are in season. The dishes are varied, with everything from honey, mustard and rosemary pork chops to salmon fish cakes, spicy vegetable dhal and Moroccan burgers. The quick recipes will appeal to harried working parents, busy housewives and even the novice cook. It is available at good bookstores nationwide.

Preparation time: 10 minutes

PHOTOGRAPHS: Ideas / shutterstock.com

• • • • • •

150ml couscous 200ml vegetable stock, hot 1 can chickpeas, drained ½ yellow pepper, diced ½ red pepper, diced 30ml chopped coriander

1 Place the couscous in a large bowl and pour the hot stock over it until it is just covered. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and allow to stand for five minutes.

2 Once all the liquid is absorbed, use a fork to separate the couscous. Add the remaining ingredients and stir through.

magazine durban

February 2012

19

parenting

all the world’s a stage…

Drama is about more than just bright lights and costumes, says DONNA COBBAN. It can also help

g

rowing up there was no greater joy than staging a play for my parents’ friends and visitors. With drinks and peanuts in hand, they were herded through to the seating area while we hid behind a curtain in joyful anticipation of what was to come. I have no recollection of the madeup scripts and only a dim memory of the cast, all pulled from neighbouring houses, but what I do remember is the darkened seating, the illuminated acting area… and the curtain. Fifteen years later as a postgraduate drama student, the same magical effect was felt, just on a slightly different scale. While drama may have received cutbacks in schools and garnered disdain from parents wanting their children to

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February 2012

pursue engineering degrees, we need to remind ourselves that along with sport, drama is part of who we are.

When I talk to drama experts about its benefits, there are a number that come up repeatedly, such as “communication,

Johannesburg South. “By giving children opportunities to succeed in drama, they start to believe in themselves instead of believing they can’t do things.” Tim says this is intrinsically linked to the teaching of drama in the formative years.

Through the medium of drama, children can find ways of expressing emotions in a safe and contained way. self-esteem and confidence”, all essential skills children will need to have happy and contented lives, says Tim Hulse, principal at the Helen O’Grady Drama Academy in

Gill Brunings, director of the Rising Star Performing Arts Academy in Durban, says that children start discovering the performing arts, not just drama, as soon as

they are born, through music, rhythm and role-playing. “Formal tuition can start from the age of three. However, training should not be too structured and pigeon-holed as a child needs to explore and discover their own self and space around them. This is one of the foundations of developing selfconfidence,” she advises.

And while there are numerous life skills that come with doing drama, there are also the less obvious ones. Gill tells of how a class of Grade 7 students was working towards a performance for the South African speech and drama festival.

“One lesson covered breathing techniques and most of the students thought it was silly to learn how to breathe, saying sarcastically,

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: Igor Bulgarin / Shutterstock.com

your child develop self-confidence and discipline.

‘we have been breathing for 13 years’.” The lesson progressed nevertheless and after the festival, one of the students came to Gill and said, “This is the first time I have been able to stand on the stage and talk without needing my asthma pump.” The breathing techniques enabled him to control his nerves and breathe steadily. “Even if this child never stands on the stage again, he now knows that he can control his breathing and reduce the risk of a potentially lifethreatening situation,” says Gill.

School plays, I was once told, are the best way to judge a school. If all the children are having fun, and are involved in the process, then the school is likely to be a good one. But if only a few children are chosen to shine and the costumes look as if they were borrowed from Broadway, then it might be best to steer clear. Deborah Gildenhuys, who runs the Spotlight Drama Studio in Cape Town, believes passionately in the power of live performance. “It improves confidence, encourages team building, teaches time management and develops attributes like perseverance, commitment, discipline and self-awareness.”

However, those rehearsals you drive to for weeks on end are, in Deborah’s opinion, of more benefit than the performance itself, as it is within this creative process that problem solving and teamwork are learnt.

magazine durban

While we encourage our children to excel at sports, we don’t necessarily do the same for their minds. Little minds, as with grown ones, are often the most crowded of places and here, drama therapy can be “an effective tool for self growth and development in healthy children, as well as an excellent medium for healing for those who have experienced trauma, loss or difficulty with coping with life’s challenges”, says The South African Association of Drama Therapists.

“Through the medium of drama, children can find ways of expressing emotions in a safe and contained way. This not only allows them some distance from their own lives but gives them access to feelings that would otherwise feel dangerous and overwhelming.” For example, a child who plays with a witch puppet can safely express strong feelings of anger and rage in that role. Through drama, they can also try out different ways of responding to a situation and thus learn that there are more effective types of behaviour.

Children are able to develop a stronger sense of self, more confidence and improve their ability to relate to others. So whether upfront on stage under the bright lights, backstage in the dark helping to put together a donkey costume or at home with a dressup box and a borrowed pair of heels, drama has the power to transform and heal.

why drama should take centre stage • It develops the ability to deal with emotions, understand their own values and make sense of their life.

Exploring what life means enables them to shape their own lives.

• It allows for the integration of cultural experiences. Sharing and enjoying values from across cultures promotes understanding, tolerance and cooperation.

• It helps young people develop their capacity for empathy, which requires imagination and maturity.

• It encourages risk-taking. This pushes young people to overcome obstacles and be flexible and tolerant.

Risk-competent people are more able to cope with the uncertainties and challenges of the future.

Courtesy of Rising Star Performing Arts Academy

drama programmes in your area Helen O’Grady Drama Academy For branches nationwide visit dramaafrica.com Spotlight Drama Studio 021 794 0243, spotlight@telkomsa.net or visit spotlightdramastudio.co.za Rising Star Performing Arts Academy (Durban) 083 326 3257, gillian@ risingstaracademy.co.za or visit risingstaracademy.co.za

February 2012

21

parenting

talk it through How do once-independent people, with active social lives, make the transition to being selfless parents?

It’s about negotiation, says KIM MAXWELL.

i

didn’t expect to be doing the bath, bottle and bed routine solo for the first couple of nights after my husband’s return from a three-week trip in New Zealand. He was delighted to see our 14-month-old son, Daniel, after the long separation, but was severely jetlagged and nursing a chest infection after a succession of aeroplane journeys. Usually this “my turn/your turn” situation would spark an argument, but I silently let him ease into our domestic routine and keep the germs to himself. It worked. On the second night, supper was put together with no urging on my part. And a few days later, my husband orchestrated an early pram walk to buy croissants so I could have a rare lie-in. Bliss.

I’d felt quite virtuous about playing single working parent to our busy boy for such a long stretch. Our weekday nanny also played her part, but I hadn’t predicted being called into an office fulltime for a few days at short notice, while simultaneously managing grocery shops, meals and my toddler’s frequent waking in the night. Yet, if I’d moaned, my husband would’ve retorted that I’d encouraged his overseas trip.

feeling resentful or worse, placing the child in the middle of their fights?

be honest about who’s doing what Louise Roos, 40, of Cape Town, put her career on hold to spend quality time with her baby, Elli, now 10 months. But after starting a practice as a women’s trauma counsellor at her Blouberg home, Louise realised she needed to apply her own professional advice. “One day my husband mentioned he’d like to get to gym more often and I went off about his ‘inconsiderate’ comment. I was spending a lot of isolated time at home and felt resentful. It seemed like I was making most of the sacrifices, around the house and with childcare, and his life didn’t seem to have changed as significantly,” says Louise. “Eventually, I did what I advise my young mother clients to do: I compiled a list of ‘who does what’ and looked at the underlying reasons for why I felt irritated. I started understanding that it was unrealistic for him to play an equal part in the household and childcare, as well as working full time and providing for us.”

Georgina Crouth, 37, a newspaper journalist in Johannesburg, drops her

Comparing notes with friends, it struck me that the stormier aspects of our parenting relationship were mirrored by the experiences of other couples with babies or toddlers under the age of four. There is so much emphasis on the changes for parents of newborns, yet after a year on the job we were all still negotiating tasks or time with our partners as we adjusted to the everchanging demands of our little ones.

Daycare and childminders lessen the load for working parents during the week.

But after hours and over weekends, whose turn is it to stimulate your child with books or games in the park, to change the dirty nappy, prepare and supervise mealtimes and keep up with the dishes, garden or laundry? And how do very independent partners on an equal footing, with active personal interests and social lives, maturely make the transition to selfless parents, without bargaining endlessly,

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February 2012

15-month-old daughter at daycare each morning. “My husband leaves home before I do and often gets in late, so I also cook and get Kalyn ready for bed. I sometimes finish extra work at midnight, get up a few times at night to tend to Kalyn, and rise at 5:30am.

We have a domestic worker, but not a livein carer,” she says. Georgina’s husband is actively involved over weekends, happily entertaining their toddler, which allows Georgina time for other pursuits. But her lack of sleep puts stress on their weekday relationship. “I get very grumpy when I’m tired, and moan about everything from my husband’s snoring to his failure to wake up for Kalyn.” Georgina and her husband recently reached a compromise that helps.

He now provides dinner – home-made or takeaway – twice a week. “Some of our arguments are about differences in opinion about parenting styles,” adds Louise. “As couples we need to discuss and agree upon magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHs and Illustrations: shutterstock.com

Mothers often feel like they’re spread in too many ways. Fathers often don’t step up enough.

Roles often need to be redefined.

parenting methods, but also have a back-up alternative for when things are unpredictable.

That’s often easier said than done.”

have realistic expectations Cape Town clinical psychologist Janet Bytheway says mothers should set realistic limits and partners shouldn’t automatically expect dinner on the table. “Maybe the partner needs to lend a hand. Instead of using expressions such as, ‘I’m lucky my husband offered to grocery shop’, rather say, ‘These are the tasks that need sharing between us’. Mothers often feel like they’re spread too thin. Fathers often don’t step up enough. Roles often need to be redefined.”

Leigh Weir-Smith, 37, of Johannesburg, was juggling too much after the birth of her first child. This work-from-home business owner is mother to four-year-old Isabella and nine-month-old John. Backto-back meetings and weeklong business trips used to be par for the course. But after having her second child, Leigh decided the additional income wasn’t worth the strain on her marriage and family. “I’m fortunate to have an incredibly hands-on husband, but being away puts pressure on your home environment, and on you,” says Leigh. So she scaled down

significantly. “No more travelling and I only work half-days so that my children get the attention they deserve. It makes my life more pleasant as the stress of trying to be Super Mom is removed.”

Time out for parents also helps. “I’m learning that young children are so allconsuming that it’s important for partners to give one another some ‘me’ time, or they end up feeling resentful,” says Louise.

“I have a monthly girls’ dinner out that I’ve attended for years. My husband loves kitesurfing, so most weekends I drop him off with his gear. It’s only two hours, but it means so much to him. He always comes back with a big smile, feeling more ready to handle a challenging night if Elli isn’t in the mood for sleeping. Ultimately, that helps me.” Leigh says regular date nights boost their relationship. “It requires effort to get off the couch and go out, but it helps us reconnect without being interrupted.”

Talking without interruptions – or interrupting – lessens the negotiating we’re inclined to do as life partners.

Bytheway says couples also need to have conversations about their values, especially when it comes to discipline. “When couples start to have that conversation – and most of us don’t because we bumble into it – we make progress.”

tips to smooth the way • D urban clinical psychologist Sumayyah Khan suggests that parents schedule tasks. “It may seem tedious but a schedule helps a home run smoothly. Visible lists also lessen arguments because tasks can’t be refuted,” she says.

• Parents should delay discussing big issues for later. Children are sensitive and where too young to understand harsh words, can sense the tone of an argument.

• But arguing isn’t always bad. Children can benefit from watching their parents negotiate in a mature, respectful manner, according to Khan. “Allow your partner to voice their opinion, stay calm, don’t name-call, sulk or use physical aggression. Be constructive, not destructive. Your child will observe healthy problem-solving techniques.”

• Cape Town clinical psychologist Janet Bytheway says parents shouldn’t underestimate the challenges of parenting. “Eighteen months after childbirth we expect a return to normal routines and usually it doesn’t happen.

Understand that the first three years are hectic as your children are incredibly dependent on you.” Golf may have to wait.

• Keeping score isn’t helpful. There should be frank conversations about what each brings to the partnership, but not in the heat of an argument.

Acknowledge financial contributions, childcare roles, chores and, perhaps, one partner travelling frequently and the other slipping more frequently into a childcaring role because a babysitter seems extravagant.

• Sometimes drawing up a spreadsheet of expenditure – particularly for a parttime earner who spends frequently on smaller items such as gifts and school fêtes – can be important to show their worth in the relationship.

magazine durban

February 2012

23

straight up

no holds barred

PAUL KERTON gets the experts to spill the beans, anonymously, about the things they wish they could tell you.

s parents, we rely on various professionals to look after and educate our children. But these people also have to put up with our irritating demands and quirks. What would they tell us, if they could speak to us honestly?

the preschool teacher What annoys you?

I hate Mondays because the children have been spoilt rotten all weekend with their parents and now they have to come back to school and be disciplined (by us).

What is the worst thing us parents, do?

The worst thing that happens daily, and that clearly upsets the children (and annoys us), is parents who insist on coming into the classroom, supposedly to try to settle their child. It doesn’t work, it makes things worse and the separation is ultimately more traumatic for the child and disruptive for the others.

Not believing the teacher Most parents think their children are perfect, or they are in denial. We may say, “We feel there may be an issue with Johnny’s social skills because he keeps hitting and biting other children”. The parent replies, “Nonsense, there’s nothing

wrong with Johnny, it must be the other children”. As professionals, we just want to get the child the support they need as that helps everyone concerned. But parents often won’t accept what the education professionals are trying to tell them.

Always wanting to bend the rules We have school rules so that a) the school doesn’t fall apart and b) the children develop some sort of moral code. Parents want special treatment for their child even if it means breaking the rules. They say it won’t matter if Johnny is late, comes to school with flu, wears the wrong clothes, has sweets in his lunchbox or brings very expensive toys to school. “Just this once” is their pet phrase. It does matter.

the children’s entertainer Pushy parents When we are face painting, there is always one parent who pushes her child to the front of the queue and blatantly demands her child be done first. This upsets everybody and is so unnecessary. Everybody gets a turn and children queue nicely. If you’re late, get to the back.

Taking over I hate it when the birthday child’s parents insist on changing the rules of the games

There isn’t a person alive who enjoys a trip to the dentist. However, modern dentists do make an effort to help children feel comfortable. Give them a break.

If only their parents wouldn’t interfere The biggest mistake parents make is to pass on their own fear of the dentist.

Phrases such as, “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt that much” and “If you survive this we can go to a movie”, create anxiety where there probably was none. Dentists can be fun people and can teach the children about their teeth in an engaging way.

Sitting in with the child and directing proceedings The worst thing is when the mother is in the room and she keeps leaping up out of her seat at the slightest murmur or grimace from her loved one. Dentistry is quite a complex procedure, with drills and sharp tools operating inside small sensitive mouths. We don’t need parents spooking us halfway through a root canal. My dental nurse once got such a fright that she almost leapt out of the window.

Preparing your child Don’t lie and tell them they “won’t feel a thing” or they “won’t have to have an injection”, because that puts pressure on me.

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magazine durban

illustrations: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

the dentist

the doctor Today’s parents are all annoying, internet health experts Parents often bring in their child with certain symptoms but before I can ask any pertinent questions, they offer up a dozen amateur diagnoses gleaned from the internet. If I suggest something different, they sit there and start arguing with me.

I feel like saying, “With respect Mr Smith, you are a plumber, if you want to be a doctor, go and do seven years at medical school!”

How sick is sick?

It’s annoying when a parent calls me at 6:45pm (when I have just sat down for dinner) simply because she has to bring her (it’s usually a mother, I’m afraid) snottynosed daughter to the clinic. You would think the child is almost dying, but the child then arrives in her hockey gear after being to practice all afternoon. If your child is well enough to play sport, don’t waste my time. Parents generally overreact to the slightest sniffle.

Desperate for medication Nine times out of 10, the child doesn’t need anything apart from rest, love and careful monitoring. Yet the parents aren’t happy unless you give them a prescription for a raft of tablets and potions. They literally won’t leave my surgery until they have a script in their hand.

or the order of things. We do things in a set order that works for us, and the children. There is often great method in our perceived madness.

Parents should be seen and not heard The worst thing is when I have the children quiet and paying attention to a story, and the parents start laughing, joking or talking on their cellphones really loudly in the next room. This happens all the time. Then there are parents who bring (noisy) babies to a child’s party.

sports coach Not everybody can be captain Unfortunately there are only so many positions on a team and most sports have specialised positions. So while we try to accommodate everyone, it really is impossible. Dads and rugby teams are the worst. I’ve almost had a fist fight because one son wasn’t the standoff half and the kicker. Not everybody can be captain, yet dads will argue for hours and follow up with phone calls about why their son should be playing in this or that position.

Don’t be late So many children are late for practice or for the team bus on match day. If somebody is consistently late then I’m sorry – no excuses – they don’t play. magazine durban

the babysitter or carer If you don’t need a babysitter, don’t hire one I hate it when the mother hangs about and starts dictating what I do. We have our own methods that are often very different from the parents’. That’s usually why the child likes being with us. If the parent stays and interrupts everything we do, she kills the special relationship and bond between the child and myself.

Don’t say “help yourself to anything in the fridge” if you don’t mean it I made myself a cheese and tomato sarmie once and the father went insane. Yet on the way out, he had said I could help myself to something to eat.

Being treated as a general slave and dogsbody My absolute worst is when you’re hired to look after the baby or toddler, but you have to wash up and sweep the outside deck. One woman wanted me to help paint the baby’s room. I’m a babysitter, not an odd-job man.

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resource

my city Fall in love with your city by exploring these family-friendly public spaces in your area.

Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT.

museums Durban Natural Science Museum This museum is about life on earth, the earth itself and its history. It is home to a life-sized reconstruction of the T–Rex, as well as many other modelled exhibitions.

Contact: 031 311 2256

Port Natal Maritime Museum Learn about Durban’s maritime history by visiting a turn-of-the-century tug boat, or take a tour of the steam boat’s engine room. There are maps and models to see, as well as brass diving gear, canons and an old minesweeper. Contact: 031 311 2231

Mini Town

Warrior’s Gate Moth Museum of Militaria

Children can learn about Durban at this museum-with-a-difference. You can wander around the miniature models of some of Durban’s iconic buildings and venues. There is a mini harbour, airport and train track. Contact: 031 337 7892 or minitown@live.co.za

This military museum illustrates South Africa’s involvement in both World Wars.

Visitors can see uniforms, relics from battles, medals and more. There are also exhibits of insignia from different units of the order, also known as Shellholes. Contact: 031 307 3337 or mayvdm@telkomsa.net

The Golden Mile

bicycle / walking routes This walkway next to the beach captures the sights and sounds of Durban, as people walk, rollerblade or cycle. Vendors sell different crafts, and the rickshaws add colour to the scene. For more info: visit durban-tourism.com

Umhlanga Promenade A wide, bricked pathway runs alongside Umhlanga beach, with trees and bush to offer protection from the wind and sun. There are lifeguards along the promenade and the shops and restaurants of Umhlanga are nearby. Contact Umhlanga Tourism: 031 561 4257 or visit umhlangatourism.co.za Mini Town

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magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

The Golden Mile

swimming pools parks

Kings Park Pool This Olympic-sized, indoor heated pool is used by clubs and for training, and is open to the public. There is an outdoor pool, which can be used for diving. This venue is ideal for experienced swimmers. Contact: 031 312 0404

Durban Botanic Gardens

La Lucia Library

Stroll through the trees, stop by the lake to view water birds or walk through the Ernest Thorp Orchid House. There are also educational tour options for school groups. Contact: 031 322 4021, dbginfo@durban.gov.za or visit durbanbotanicgardens.org.za

tots, storytelling and holiday activities. The children’s section has Zulu, English and Afrikaans books and DVDs for all ages.

Contact: 031 572 2986

Westville North Library

Kings Park Pool

Rachel Finlayson Pool A beachside swimming pool, with three sections, accommodating all levels of swimming experience. There is a paddling section for children, a standing area and a deep section. There are ablutions and changing rooms. Contact: 031 312 0404

Westville Swimming Pool Located in central Westville, this wellmaintained swimming pool is open all year round. Changing rooms and ablutions are available. Contact: 031 311 1111

This friendly library holds children’s activities, where toddlers can enjoy story time and make a craft, every Tuesday. They also have holiday activities. Contact: 031 262 3219 or eml47@durban.gov.za

public transport Ricksha Bus See Durban from a different angle as this colourful bus takes you on a tour of the sights. The open-top doubledecker bus travels past well-known sites, including Durban Harbour and Moses Mabhida Stadium. School groups are welcome. Contact: 031 322 4209 or RickshaBusOffice@durban.gov.za

libraries Hillcrest Library

Map of Durban Botanic Gardens

Jameson Park Famous for its rose gardens, this park offers visitors the chance to take a leisurely walk across wide lawns, or see a magnificent display of roses.

Contact: 031 322 4080

Mitchell Park

This public library has storytelling for children twice a month. Ask about the holiday activities in the longer school holidays. Contact: 031 311 2731

Spacious lawns, shady trees and colourful flower beds can be enjoyed by visitors to this park. There is a playground for the children, or visit the zoo and see a variety of small animals. Contact: 031 322 4080

The Eco Park Kloof Library A colourful reading area for the children is perfect for activities and holiday programmes. Look out for the completion of their new project, which will give pupils a place to study. A reading area, discussion room and desks are available. Contact: 031 764 7543 or eml92@durban.gov.za

La Lucia Library There are activities for everyone, from icing classes and book clubs, to moms and

magazine durban

Umgeni Steam Railway

Umgeni Steam Railway The train travels from Kloof to Inchanga where there is a market with crafts, foods and a museum. Children will love travelling on an authentic steam locomotive, waving at passers-by and going through tunnels. Contact: 031 303 3003, robbie@umgenisteamrailway.co.za or visit umgenisteamrailway.co.za

This rehabilitated park and wetland emphasises sustainable living and offers activities such as bike rides, walks and play areas. Contact: 031 467 0308, info@ bluffecopark.co.za or visit bluffecopark.co.za

Umgeni River Bird Park Four walk-through aviaries give you a chance to see rare, exotic and African birds up close. Contact: 031 579 4600 or education@urbp.co.za

Mitchell Park

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books

a good read for toddlers

for preschoolers

for early graders

the r keepe Splish, Splash, Splat!

By Rob Scotton Published by HarperCollins Children’s Books (R77) In this story for children between the ages of three and five, Splat does not want to have a play date with Spike. Spike will break his toys and eat all of his fish sweets. And he does not want to learn how to swim, because water is scary and wet. But when the rest of their classmates rush straight into the pool, Splat and Spike find that they may have more in common than they thought.

Will Splat overcome his fear of water and get into the pool? And will Spike do the same?

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Hubble Bubble Granny Trouble

By Tracey Corderoy and Joe Berger

star book

Published by Nosy Crow (R110) If your granny was a little bit, well, different from other grannies, would you want to change her? Or would you end up thinking you love her just the way she is? In rhyming text, a little girl whose granny is (whisper it) “a witch”, gets fed up with dealing with the problems she creates, so she tries to reform her. But a reformed granny is boring, and maybe it’s more fun to cook up a big pot of gloop with granny’s witchy friends after all.

The Roald Dahl Treasury

By Roald Dahl Published by Puffin Books (R163) The Roald Dahl Treasury is a delightful collection of stories for children seven and older, by and about Dahl, the great storytelling genius. Four themed sections – Animals; Magic; Family; Friends and Foes and Matters of Importance – introduce some of Dahl’s best-loved characters, including Willy Wonka, the BFG, the witches, the Twits, James and Matilda. In each section you will find complete stories, poems, memoirs and letters, as well as some unpublished poetry and letters.

Kingfisher First Encyclopedia

By Anne Civardi and Ruth Thomson Published by Kingfisher Books (R190) With more than 90 entries, organised in alphabetical order, this encyclopaedia is a handy tool for inquisitive children.

It covers a wide variety of topics, from animals and cars to prehistoric life and sport. All entries have vibrant colour artwork and photographs and it has been laid out in such a fashion that it is fun to use. With bite-size chunks of information children can learn about history, geography, literature, space and other topics.

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for preteens and teens

for us

e scienc and maths 50 Amazing Things Kids Need to Know About: Science and Mathematics

By Penny Johnson and Anne Rooney Published by Quercus Publishing (R100 each) Specifically written by educational experts, these books are suitable for children aged seven to 11 years.

Science reveals 50 of the most amazing things that science can do.

Find out what keeps planes in the air, how explorers survive in the South Pole, and how to make your own zoo.

Mathematics breaks down number crunching in a way that won’t bore you to tears. Learn how to speak in outer space, how to break out of jail and how lottery numbers work.

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Top 10 of Everything 2012

By Caroline Ash and Alexander Ash Published by Hamlyn (R235) The bestselling book of lists is back, packed with fascinating facts that will astound, amuse and intrigue you. Discover which part of your body is most likely to be attacked by a shark. Find out which countries have the highest prison populations. Read which stadiums are the largest all over the world and find out more about the most-visited galleries and museums. There are lists covering topics ranging from the universe and earth, music, life on earth, entertainment, the human world, the commercial world, town and country, things that move, culture and learning and sport. This is a fun book the whole family can enjoy.

100 Most Important Science Ideas

By Mark Henderson, Joanne Baker and Tony Crilly

When Your Blessings Don’t Count

By Linda Lewis

Published by Quercus Publishing (R205) This book unravels the fundamental concepts at the heart of three of the most groundbreaking disciplines of science: genetics, physics and mathematics. In a series of 100 concise and accessible essays, the authors explain the answers to the most exciting and important scientific questions that have had a profound influence on our way of life and the world around us. Packed with helpful diagrams, everyday examples and enlightening quotations, this indispensable overview is ideal for anyone who wants to understand these often daunting but increasingly essential topics.

Published by Metz Press (R130) Written with profound empathy by a research psychologist, who not only specialises in postnatal distress (PND), but has also suffered from it, this book tells it like it is.

PND is becoming more prevalent and it is estimated that one in three women may suffer from it. But PND can be overcome.

In this book, Lewis shows you how to bring back the joy and happiness you thought you had lost forever. She helps you recognise the symptoms and gain an understanding.

Filled with positive suggestions based on personal experience, this book is an indispensable tool for recovery.

February 2012

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calendar

You can also access the calendar online at

what’s on in february

childmag.co.za

Here’s your guide for what to do, where to go and

16 thurs

special events

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FUN for children

33

only for parents

35

bump, baby & tot in tow

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how to help

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SPECIAL EVENTS The Unlimited Dusi Canoe Marathon Get down to the finish line on Saturday to support the paddlers.

FUN FOR CHILDREN

Sciencentre Early Childhood Development room See their specially designed educational toys and workshops.

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February 2012

ONLY FOR PARENTS

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

Don’t Dress for Dinner A comical farce about a husband, his wife, his mistress and a foolproof plan.

Little Life pregnancy and baby workshops Informative talks for expecting moms as well as new moms and dads.

Shake the World Buy your bracelet and show your support for the UN’s Millennium Development Goals.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / Nibs van der Spuy and Guy Buttery in concert – Deborah Roussouw

who to see. Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT.

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February 2012

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calendar

12 February. Time: varies. Venue: Midmar Dam. Cost: varies. Contact: 0861 643627 or visit midmarmile.co.za Little Life pregnancy and baby workshops Educational talks for expectant and new moms and dads.

Time: 9am–12pm. Venues: Life Hospitals: Chatsworth, Empangeni, Westville, Mount Edgecombe and Pinetown. Cost: free.

Contact: 031 313 7920

SPECIAL EVENTS 1 wednesday Back-to-School Moms’ store tours Dieticians take moms on tours around Woolworths to inform them of healthy lunchboxes, meals and snacks for children. Time: after working hours.

Venue: Woolworths, Hillcrest. Cost: free.

Contact: 021 486 2900 or amandamhluzi@ woolworths.co.za

14 tuesday

3 friday Nibs van der Spuy and Guy Buttery in concert This musical duo gives audiences old favourites and new compositions. Time: varies. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre; also at Crawford College North Coast. 10 February. Cost: varies. For more info: visit guybuttery.co.za or nibs.co.za One Life BBC Earth Films brings audiences stories from the natural world. These adventures are told by Daniel Craig, with HD film footage and musical scores from great composers. Opens today at all cinemas.

6 monday Understanding ADHD A workshop for parents, teachers and caregivers, highlighting the complexity of ADHD. Time: 6pm–9pm. Venue: Equal Zeal, Durban North. Cost: individuals R150, couples

10 February – Highbury Golf Day

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February 2012

18 sat

Valentine’s Masquerade Ball For an enchanted evening of music, dancing and entertainment, dress in your best red, white and black masquerade outfit. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Sugar Bay Resort, 21 Nkwazi Dr, Zinkwazi Beach. Cost: R175 or R1 800 per table of 12. Contact Storm: 032 485 3778 or tours@sugarbay.co.za

Little Footsteps Montessori Preschool open day There is a ballet demonstration and group singing. Time: 9am–10:30am.

Venue: 10 Quillhall Lane, Kloof. Cost: free.

Contact Taryn: 072 726 8339 The Old Mutual Music at the Lake Valentine Concert Time: tbc. Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea. Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 322 4021 or visit durbanbotanicgardens.org.za

15 wednesday R250. Contact Claudette: 031 266 9382, 082 331 3434 or jordan.psychologist@ gmail.com or Janene: 083 385 9269

9 thursday Blood Orange This is the endearing and funny story of Gecko, a boy who looks at the world somewhat differently. Ends 10 February. Time: 7:30 pm. Venue: Hilton College Theatre, Hilton. Cost: R60. Contact: 033 383 0126 or tickets@hiltoncollege.com Don’t Dress for Dinner This comical farce tells the story of Bernie, who is planning an evening away with his mistress while packing off his wife to her mother’s. However, the foolproof plan isn’t going well. Ends 26 February. Time: varies. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, University of KwaZulu-Natal, Glenwood.

Cost: R130; Valentine’s performance R160. Book through Computicket: visit computicket.com Melanie Lowe and Krystle T Two Durban girls showcase their new albums. Ends 12 February. Time: 8pm; also 3pm Sunday.

Venue: Stirling Theatre, Italian Club, Durban North. Cost: R80. Contact: 076 786 1127 or bookings@stirlingtheatre.co.za

10 friday Highbury Golf Day This annual event sees golfers playing in a four-ball alliance format. There are prizes up for grabs.

Time: varies. Venue: Kloof Country Club.

Cost: R2 200 per four ball. Contact: 083 286 8569, dale@promodc.co.za or visit hpsgolfday.co.za

11 saturday aQuellé Midmar Mile Now in its 39th year, this open-water swimming event plays host to local and international competitors. Also

Maris Stella open evenings For parents with girls from preschool to Grade 12. High school 15 February, Pre-School and Primary School 23 February. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Maris Stella, Berea. Cost: free. Contact: 031 209 9426 or visit marisstella.co.za

16 thursday The Unlimited Dusi Canoe Marathon Entrants must be qualified paddlers, 15 years or older. Ends 18 February. Time: varies. Venue: Pietermaritzburg to Durban.

Cost: varies. Contact Mary: 033 342 1528 or info@dusi.co.za

18 February – Pregnancy workshop

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The Meditators This local reggae band celebrates Bob Marley Earth Day with music that appeals to all generations and cultures. Time: 12pm–5pm. Venue: Wahooz Beach Bar, uShaka Marine World.

Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 328 8000 or visit ushakamarineworld.co.za

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science

Rising Star Academy

18 saturday

26 sunday

Pregnancy workshop Moms-to-be and dads enjoy a morning of interactive talks, demonstrations and more on pregnancy and other baby-related topics.

Time: 9:30am–12:30pm. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, 471 Kassier Rd, Assagay.

Cost: free. Contact Tricia: 031 768 8009, tricias@hillcresthospital.co.za or visit hillcresthospital.co.za

Mind, Body, Soul Fair There are over 100 health, holistic, esoteric and spiritual exhibitions. You can also find entertainment, delicious food and talks. Time: 10am–4pm.

Venue: Westville Civic Centre, Buckingham Terrace, Westville. Cost: free entry. Contact Shalini: 072 428 3431

Phezulu Safari Park Experience Zulu culture, tour the crocodile and snake park or enjoy a game drive. Time: 8am–4:30pm daily; Zulu dancing at 10am, 11:30am, 2pm and 3:30pm. Venue: Old Main Rd, Botha’s Hill. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 777 1000 or visit phezulusafaripark.co.za Sciencentre Early Childhood Development room Children 0–5 years old and their parents can enjoy fun educational activities, workshops and more. Time: 9am–6pm. Venue: Upper level, Gateway.

Cost: entry fee R15. Contact: 031 566 8040 or visit sciencecentre.co.za

classes, talks and workshops Drumming for families Sessions include drum hire, beginners’ lessons and instruction.

Time: 4pm–5pm, every Sunday. Venue: Stables Lifestyle Market, Jacko Jackson Dr, Stamford Hill. Cost: R30. Contact: 083 704 4879 or jonathan@3i.co.za Rising Star Academy Weekly classes are offered to develop your child’s theatrical and musical skills. Different classes available for various age groups. Time: varies. Venue: varies. Cost: varies. Contact: marketing@risingstaracademy.co.za or visit risingstaracademy.co.za

23 thursday An Evening of Ballet This fundraiser showcases the talents of dancers who have been selected to perform at the Cape Town International Ballet Competition. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Courtyard Theatre, Steve Biko Rd, Berea. Cost: R40. Contact Taryn: 072 726 8339 Oil painting workshop Get the basic knowledge of oil painting as well as practical step-by-step aids. Also 24 February. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: 8 Turkeyberry Lane, Simbithi Eco-Estate, Ballito. Cost: R500 or R600. Contact Jane: 032 946 1339, 082 486 2126 or blacklaw@telkomsa.net

Roxy Surf School

Roxy Surf School Surf lessons for children 7 and older, and moms. Time: 8am–9:30am, every Saturday; 9:30am–11am, every Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Marine Surf Lifesaving Club, Addington Beach. Cost: R250 per month. Contact Alan: 076 877 5143 Yoga for children This exercise develops strength and flexibility while improving concentration and coordination. Time: 3pm, every Friday. Venue: Centre of Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North. Cost: R40. Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@rautenbach.co.za

25 saturday Paddle Pop Adventures Become the ultimate Paddle Pop warrior. Help Paddle Pop Lion on his quest to find the three hidden powers of martial arts and win back his kingdom. Also 26 February. Time: mall hours. Venue: The Pavilion, Westville. Cost: free. For more info: visit paddlepop.co.za

magazine durban

Consider Us installation The metal sculpture represents an appeal by children to consider them when making decisions that will impact on the environment. Time: 7:30am–5:45pm, daily. Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 322 4021 or visit durbanbotanicgardens.org.za

family outings The Pottery Gallery Paint your own mug or bowl. There is a coffee shop, plenty of pets, a giant tea pot, a play area and more. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: M4, near Ballito. Cost: price varies depending on item painted. Contact: 032 946 3232

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31 jan

Dancing in the Street Audiences experience the sights and sounds of famous festivals, celebrations and carnivals. 31 January–11 March. Time: varies. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: R130 Tuesday; R95 Sunday. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@ barnyardtheatres.co.za or visit barnyardtheatres.co.za

Umgeni Steam Railway The train travels through the Valley of 1000 Hills.

26 February. Time: 8:30am and 12:30pm.

Venue: Stoker’s Arms, Kloof Station. Cost: adults R150, children R120. Contact: 087 808 7715 or visit umgenisteamrailway.co.za uShaka Kids World Children 2–12 years can enjoy creative and adventure activities.

Tiny tots and parents also catered for.

Time: 9am, Wednesday–Sunday. Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: adults R10, children R45. Contact: 031 328 8000 or visit ushakamarineworld.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play 1000 Hills Bird Park Meet rare and exotic birds, visit the sweet shop, or take a ride on the zip line. Time: 8am–4pm, Tuesday– Sunday. Venue: 1 Clement Stott Rd, Botha’s Hill. Cost: adults R25, children R15. Contact: 072 927 8242 or visit 1000hillsbirdpark.co.za Crocodile Creek This is home to 7 000 crocodiles. See baby crocs hatching.

Time: 9:30am–5pm, daily; guided tours at 10:30am, 11:30am, 12:30pm, 2:30pm and 3:30pm; feedings at 10:30am and 2:30pm.

Venue: Tongaat. Cost: varies. Contact: 082 920 0730 or visit crocodilecreek.net Duck and Deck Animal Farm Children can see farmyard animals, ride a pony or play on the jumping castle, while parents enjoy a cup of coffee and a snack. Time: 9:30am–4pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 3 Willow Way, Assagay. Cost: R15. Contact: 031 768 1029 or visit duckanddeck.co.za The Animal Farmyard See daily milking demonstrations, have the chance to bottlefeed newborn animals, enjoy pony rides and a foefie slide. Time: 9am–4:30pm, daily; milking 10:30am and 3:30pm.

Venue: 3 Lello Rd, Botha’s Hill. Cost: entry R10, rides R4. Contact: 031 765 2240 or visit animalfarmyard.co.za

markets Essenwood Market Fresh food, children’s activities and a range of stalls.

Time: 9am–2pm, every Saturday. Venue: Essenwood Rd. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 208 1264 or visit essenwoodmarket.com

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February 2012

Farmer’s Market Non-refrigerated fresh produce. Time and venue: 9am–1pm, Wednesday, Prestondale; 9am–12pm, Thursday, Jimmy Bellows Sports Fields, Westville. Cost: free entry. Contact: 084 840 2646 or underwood@telkomsa.net Golden Hours Family Market Fundraising initiative of Golden Hours Special School. Time: 10am–3:30pm, every Sunday. Venue: Uitsig Rd, Durban North. Cost: free entry. Contact Lyn: 083 262 3693 I Heart Market Hand- and home-made crafts for the whole family. 4 February.

Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Masabalala Yengwe Ave, Stamford Hill. Cost: free entry. Contact: 079 496 4788 or thejoyteam@gmail.com Kloof Country Market Find quality products and home-made goods. 4 and 18 February. Time: 9am–12:30pm. Venue: Robyndale Centre, 10 Msenga Rd, Kloof.

Cost: free entry. Contact Linda: 082 454 3181 or linda@healinghandskzn.co.za

4 and 18 February – Kloof Country Market

Mariannhill Monastery Tea Garden Craft Market Home- and hand-made goods and crafts. 4, 18 and 25 February.

Time: 8:30am–12:30pm. Venue: Mariannhill Monastery, Pinetown. Cost: free entry.

Contact: nosipho-tmlambo@hotmail.com Shongweni Farmer’s and Craft Market Organic and local produce and crafts. Time: 6:30am–10am, every Saturday. Venue: cnr Kassier and Alverstone Rds, Assagay. Cost: free entry. Contact Christine: 083 777 1674 or info@shongwenimarket.co.za magazine durban

Stables Lifestyle Market Crafts, décor, fashion, toys, books and more. Time: 6pm–10pm, every Wednesday and Friday; 10am–5pm, every Sunday. Venue: 9 Jacko Jackson Dr, Stamford Hill. Cost: free entry.

Contact Marc: 084 353 5866 The Food Market For locally produced foods. 25 February. Time: 8am–1pm.

Venue: The Hellenic Community Centre, Durban North. Cost: free entry. Contact: 084 505 0113, info@thefoodmarket.co.za or visit thefoodmarket.co.za The Litchi Orchard Farmer’s Market Covered market featuring live music and a children’s playground. Shop for quality food as well as art and crafts. 4 and 18 February. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Seaforth Ave, Foxhill. Cost: free entry. Contact: 084 205 6151 or jeremy@litchiorchard.co.za Umhlanga Antiques Fair Enjoy browsing among antiques. There are nearby restaurants and shops and there is plenty of parking. 19 February. Time: 9am–3pm.

Venue: Umhlanga Centre, 189 Ridge Rd, Umhlanga Rocks. Cost: free entry. Contact James: 082 821 9031 Wonder Market There is something for everyone, from stilt walkers and puppet shows for children to vintage jewellery, food vendors and more. 5 February. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: Chris Saunders Park, Gateway. Cost: free entry. Contact Tarryn: 079 747 7661, wonder@wondermarket. co.za or visit wondermarket.co.za

on stage and screen An Evening of Ballet This fundraiser showcases the talents of young dancers. 23 February. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Courtyard Theatre, Steve Biko Rd, Berea. Cost: R40.

Contact Taryn: 072 726 8339 One Life BBC Earth Films brings audiences amazing stories from the natural world.

Narrated by Daniel Craig, with incredible HD film footage and musical scores from great composers. Opens 3 February at cinemas nationwide.

playtime and story time Books and Books story time Children listen to fun stories. Time: 10am–11am, every Saturday. Venue: Kensington Square, Durban North. Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 563 6288 or visit booksandbooks.co.za

Books and Books story time

magazine durban

9am–10am, Thursday. Venue: Umhlanga Rocks. Cost: R350. Contact Tracy: 082 852 4890, tracy.mills@telkomsa.net or visit nutritionsolutions.co.za

on stage and screen

Sunfit

Children’s story time A story followed by a craft or activity. For ages 3–8 years. Time: 10am, every Saturday.

Venue: 26 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti.

Cost: free. Contact: 031 903 6692 or thebookboutique@gmail.com Steam train rides Ride a miniature steam engine at the Durban Society of Model Engineers. 12 and 26 February.

Time: 11am–4pm. Venue: 4 Hinton Grove, Virginia. Cost: R5 per ride. Contact Gerald: 031 205 1089 or 082 569 1383

sport and physical activities Durban Ice Rink Open seven days a week. Time: varies. Venue: 81 Somtseu Rd, Durban. Cost: from R40. Contact: 031 332 4597 or visit durbanicerink.co.za The Wavehouse Enjoy the flowrider, the skate park and rock climbing wall. Time: 10am–4pm. Venue: Gateway, Umhlanga.

Cost: varies. Contact: 031 584 9400, info@ wavehouse.co.za or visit wavehouse.co.za

only for parents classes, talks and workshops 3D cupcake workshop Have fun learning about icing sugar art and cupcake decorating. 4 February. Time: 2pm–5pm.

Venue: Broadway Methodist Church, Durban North. Cost: R400. Contact Maria: 072 837 9198, emmalaunder@me.com or visit sugarmedurban.blogspot.com Childminder training and first aid workshops Nannies, au pairs and parents get trained in the essentials, including hygiene, home safety and more. Fourday course. Time: 9:30am–2:30pm. Venue: Glen Anil. Cost: R1 650. Contact Kate: 071 968 1007 or durban@edubabe.co.za Domestic cooking classes Basic and advanced classes. Time: 9:30am–12:30pm, Tuesday and Friday. Venue: Ballito. Cost: basic course R320, advanced course R350. Contact Lewaine: 082 378 1912, lewaine@fineyoungcooks.co.za or visit fineyoungcooks.co.za Lasting Impressions business networking The Robin Hood Foundation features at this meeting. 17 February. Time: 8am–10am. Venue: Lasting Impressions, 35 Caefron Ave, Westville. Cost: R120. Contact Alison: 031 267 0435, 083 661 6682 or info@lasting-impressions-studio.co.za

Life Purpose workshop Rediscover yourself and find your pathway to success.

4 February. Time: 9am–4pm. Venue: Durban North; venue to be confirmed on booking. Cost: R400. Contact Stephen: 071 889 5121 or info@stephensmith.co.za or Tracy: tracy.mills@telkomsa.net Meditation classes Learn the art of inner peace. Time and venue: 7pm–8pm, every Tuesday, Collingwoods Guest House, Kloof; 8:30am–9:30am, every Friday, Maitreya Centre, 14B Cadmoor Rd, Assagay.

Cost: R30. Contact: 071 355 8225 or meditateinhillcrest@gmail.com North Coast Art Group meeting The first meeting of the year promises an interesting talk, plus tea and snacks. 11 February. Time: 9:15am–12pm. Venue: Catholic Church, 2 Newport Ave, Virginia.

Cost: visitors R30, members R20. Contact Jeanette: 082 963 5352 Sunfit Functional fitness classes help you stay fit this summer. Classes include yoga, kettlebells, Zumba, kickboxing or bootcamp; depending on the day. Time: varies, daily.

Venue: Sundeck, Suncoast Casino. Cost: free.

Contact: marketing@lisaraleigh.co.za Weight loss challenge A 12-week course where you learn about nutrition, health management, are shown how to lose weight and gain energy. Begins 1 and 2 February. Time: 5pm–6pm, Wednesday or

Blood Orange An endearing and funny story, directed by Greig Coetzee and performed

by Craig Morris. 9 and 10 February. Time: 7:30pm. Venue: Hilton College Theatre, Hilton. Cost: R60. Contact: 033 383 0126 or tickets@hiltoncollege.com Don’t Dress for Dinner Hilarious confusion sets in when Bernie plans to pack off his wife to her mother’s, so he can have an evening away with his mistress. 9–26 February. Time: varies. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, University of KwaZulu-Natal, Glenwood.

Cost: R130, Valentine’s performance R160.

Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Melanie Lowe and Krystle T 9–12 February. Time: 8pm; also 3pm Sunday.

Venue: Stirling Theatre, Italian Club, Durban North. Cost: R80. Contact: 076 786 1127 or bookings@stirlingtheatre.co.za The Meditators Celebrate Bob Marley Earth Day with this local eight-piece reggae band. 26 February. Time: 12pm–5pm.

Venue: Wahooz Beach Bar, uShaka Marine World. Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 328 8000 or visit ushakamarineworld.co.za

support groups Adhasa Support Groups Meetings are irregular. Contact Stuart: 031 298 8896 or Robin: 082 499 1344 for details on Adhasa meeting times and support Al Anon and Alateen Support groups for those affected by drinking. For more info, contact: 031 304 1826 or visit alanon.org.za Cansa Support Durban North Second Tuesday of every month. Time: tbc. Venue: Durban North Methodist Church hall.

Contact: 031 564 2510 (for Cansa support groups in other areas, call 031 205 9525) Childhood cancer parent support group Choc schedules regular support group meetings. Contact Gill: 084 831 3683 or visit choc.org.za

3 Nibs van der Spuy and Guy Buttery in concert

fri

A theatre tour with old favourites and new compositions. Time: varies. Venue: 3 February, Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre; 10 February, Crawford College North Coast.

Cost: tbc. For more info: visit guybuttery.co.za or nibs.co.za

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moms-to-be. Time: 4pm, every Wednesday; 9:30am, every Saturday. Venue: Centre of Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North.

Cost: R170 per month. Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@rautenbach.co.za

playtime and story time

Walter Sisulu Paediatric Cardiac Foundation

Child Welfare Durban and District The organisation provides support, development and care for orphaned or abandoned babies, as well as counselling for birth parents. They also investigate and manage cases of neglect and abuse. For more info: 031 312 9313 or childwelfaredurban.org.za Compassionate Friends This support group is for families and friends who have lost a loved one. Fourth Sunday of every month. Time: 3pm–5pm. Venue: Absa premises, 20 Hunter St, Durban CBD. Contact: 031 335 0463 or 082 458 3663 Depression and Anxiety South Africa For referral to the relevant support group, call the national helpline: 0800 20 51 21 Down Syndrome Association KZN Intuthuko support group meeting for those with Down’s syndrome and their families.

Contact: 031 464 2055 or 076 978 9811 Durban Autism Support Group For mothers of children with ASD. Coffee mornings are held four times a year. Contact Di: 083 443 8385 or dimaitland@tiscali.co.za Famsa Offers family and relationship counselling. Visit 30 Bulwer Rd, Glenwood.

Contact: 031 202 8987 Hi Hopes Home intervention programme for children who are deaf or hard of hearing.

Contact: 082 897 1632, dianne.goring@ hihopes.co.za or visit hihopes.co.za Hoping is Coping Support groups for those newly diagnosed with cancer and their families. Contact: 011 646 5628, lgold@icon.co.za or visit cansa.org.za Overeaters Anonymous Members share solutions to compulsive overeating.

Contact: 031 708 6014 or 083 456 6971 Pflag parent support group This is for parents of gay and lesbian children.

28 February. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Amanzimtoti Group Activities Room. Cost: free. Contact Martin: 082 853 7235 Reach for Recovery breast cancer support group Get together for bringand-share morning teas. Contact: 031 205 9525 or 072 248 0008 Sadag For those suffering from depression or drug abuse or who may be suicidal. For more information or referral to a support group: visit sadag.co.za Speak Easy Support group for those who stutter and their family. Contact Imraan: 082 786 3718 or visit speakeasy.org.za

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bump, baby & Tot in tow

Clamber Club Movement and stimulation classes for children 1–4 years old. Time: varies. Venue: Hellenic Community Centre, 6 High Grove Rd, Durban North. Cost: R80 per lesson; R800 per term. Contact Yasmin: 083 785 4332, dbn-north@clamberclub. com or visit clamberclub.com Lucky Bean Moms can relax while children play in the safe, gated playground. Time: 9am–4:30pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: first child R20, second child R15. Contact Donnae: 082 216 3892, info@luckybean.co or visit luckybean.co

classes, talks and workshops HypnoBirthing Expectant couples learn about HypnoBirthing as an alternative birthing option. 2, 8, 15, 22 and 29 February. Time: 6pm–8:30pm. Venue: Durban North Children’s Medical Centre.

Cost: R1 300 per couple. Contact Patti: 079 220 2639, patti@babyjourney.com or visit durbanhypnobirthing.co.za Infant massage class A four-session class teaching easy techniques that support bonding, help relaxation and improve development in the early months. Time: varies depending on booking. Venue: varies. Cost: depends on venue and class size. Contact Dana: 076 387 5425, peace@ nurture-now.com or visit nurture-now.com Infant massage workshop Structured baby massage course starting 8 February.

Time: 2pm. Venue: Lasting Impressions, 35 Caefron Ave, Westville. Cost: R550. Contact Alison: 031 267 0435, 083 661 6682 or info@lasting-impressions-studio.co.za Little Life pregnancy and baby workshops 11 February. Time: 9am– 12pm. Venues: Life Hospitals: Chatsworth, Empangeni, Mount Edgecombe, Pinetown and Westville. Cost: free. Contact: 031 313 7920 Moms and baby yoga Interactive classes for moms and babies teaching postures, breathing and relaxation. Time: 1pm, every Thursday. Venue: Centre for Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North. Cost: R170 per month. Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@rautenbach.co.za Pregnancy body stretch Moms and babies welcome. Time: 8:10am, Monday and Wednesday. Venue: Lasting Impressions, 35 Caefron Ave, Westville.

Cost: R320 for eight lessons. Contact Alison: 031 267 0435, 083 661 6682 or info@lasting-impressions-studio.co.za Pregnancy workshop Interactive talks, demonstrations and more. 18 February.

Time: 9:30am–12:30pm. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, 471 Kassier Rd, Assagay.

Cost: free. Contact Tricia: 031 768 8009, tricias@hillcresthospital.co.za or visit hillcresthospital.co.za Pregnancy yoga Beneficial postures, breathing techniques and relaxation for

Lucky Bean

Moms and Tots and Moms and Babes workshops Children learn through play and socialisation. Time: varies. Venues: branches in Amanzimtoti, Umhlanga, Durban North, Highway area and Glenwood. Cost: varies. Contact: info@ momsandtots.co.za or visit momsandbabes. co.za or momsandtots.co.za Muslimahs and Tots workshops Interactive programmes build relationships through play; geared towards Muslim parents. Time: varies. Venue: branches in North Beach, Overport and Umhlanga. Cost: varies. Contact: muslimahsandtots.co.za Toptots Children 8 weeks–4 years can join age-appropriate classes to learn and play.

Time: varies. Venue: branches in Durban North, Ballito, Glenwood, Kloof, Hillcrest, Westville and Hilton. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 266 4910, 082 876 7791, info@ toptots.co.za or visit toptots.co.za

support groups La Leche League Worldwide breastfeeding support organisation. Contact Jane: 031 309 1801 or visit llli.org/southafrica

Mothers 2 Mothers For new and old moms who are finding motherhood challenging. Booking essential. Time: 10am–11:30am, every third Thursday of the month. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, Kassier Rd. Cost: free. Contact Hayley: 078 640 7949 The South African Multiple Birth Association Support for families with multiples. For counselling, contact: 082 338 2625, kzn@samultiplebirth.co.za or visit samultiplebirth.co.za

how to help Join the Do Nation The South African National Blood Service needs to collect 3 000 units of blood every day. SANBS appeals to regular donors and those who would like to join this cause. Contact: 0800 119 031 or visit sanbs.org.za Shake the World This campaign encourages everyone to support the UN’s Millennium Development Goals and become proactive agents of social change. Start the change by wearing a handcrafted bracelet made through fair trade by South African women. Find bracelets at Edgars outlets. For more info: visit shaketheworld.org Tops and Tags Bottle tops and bread tags are collected and recycled to generate funds for wheelchairs. There is a drop-off point at 42 Brooklyn St, Jacobs, Bluff, or community centres can request a drop-off box. Contact Dominica: 031 468 1810 or dominicak@interwaste.co.za Walter Sisulu Paediatric Cardiac Foundation The team works with public and private hospitals to ensure that their funding and research can reach everyone.

You can donate R30 by smsing “believe” to 42400. For more info: visit wspcf.org.za

Looking Ahead Cansa Shavathon Prepare to shave or spray. Corporate events are on 1 and 2 March; public events take place at shopping centres on 3 and 4 March. For more info: visit shavathon.org.za

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za or fax it to 031 207 3429. Information must be received by 3 February for the March issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

magazine durban

it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

magazine durban

February 2012

37

last laugh

lessons from an anti-stoic SAM WILSON says there’s no need for a stiff upper lip when you’re bedridden and have family around to perform random acts of kindness.

i

have a dodgy lower back and every so often a particularly problematic disc herniates and I find myself confined to bed for a week, looking like an acupuncturist’s pincushion. Yes I know, I need to get serious about Pilates... and I will, okay? As soon as I stop being defensive. I have a bag of frozen peas on my back and two solicitous sons reading next to me as I write this.

I’ve been here all week. They come and go.

Working through the five stages of whininess (faked bravery, low moaning, why me’ing, light sobbing and violent cabin fever), I feel I have come to an important parenting realisation. Actually, I don’t know if it’s important, it just works for me, so I’m going to say it in print with some gravitas and hope you buy it. There is no need to be stoic in front of your

children. In fact, stoicism may be bad for your children.

I informed my very own sons of this theory not two minutes ago, when I came up with it. “I thought Stoicism was a Greek school of guys who believed in self-control above all else,” said Josef puzzled. “I don’t see how that fits here.”

I retorted, “And I thought that the schooling system was supposed to be slipping, which clearly doesn’t fit here.”

Benj, as ever, jumped to the rescue.

“I see what she means. Mom is like the opposite of a stoic. She has no self-control.

Every time we come to see how she is, she’s moaning about something new: her back hurts, her pills aren’t working, her water is too far away, why don’t we have any chocolate...”

I would have bristled, but that may have hurt, or disturbed my intricate pillow

arrangement. “There is such a thing as over-proving a point, Benj, but hold that thought about the chocolate; I want you to take it up with Dad later.”

He had the gist of it, of course. I get really cranky when I am bedridden, as I can’t stand not being in control, or at least at the centre of things, in my family. In these prone weeks, the power dynamics shift, and the boys are soon performing random acts of awesomeness without even noticing.

They bring toast, tea, Nik Nak sandwiches (don’t knock them till you’ve tried them), ice packs and fresh-faced, smiley company.

And it shines up my heart no end.

While stoicism may be a good trait to have in the army, it’s not necessarily a good one to have in a family. Families are about pooling your resources – physical and emotional – and helping the ones who are having trouble. It’s about learning

to let people know how you feel, and knowing how to listen. It’s about learning how to ask, when loved ones have to give, and understanding the importance of that underlying balance.

I usually emerge from these weeks of enforced bed rest with not only my sheepish Pilates resolutions, but energy and strength drawn from the tender way my family treats me when I am in need; and clear of any resentment, because I got to be just as needy as I needed to be. I think more children, especially sons, should learn first-hand – preferably in small doses – that moms can also need kid gloves sometimes, and chocolate.

Now, where did Benj go?

Sam Wilson is the digital editor at Woolworths. She was lying when she said she’d finished with the five stages of whininess. She’s still in stage three.

family marketplace

38

February 2012

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: Andreas SpÄth

Joe, Sam and Benj