Child magazine | DBN December 2017 / January 2018

healthy & happy families

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p ar e n t s

happy holidays! summer in the city things to tick off your bucket list best new year’s resolution ever

start a family tradition kitchen creativity

stock the pantry for quick & easy suppers

be the boss

back-to-school rules get organised for stress–free mornings 3 essential health checks

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Dec 2017/Jan 2018

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pub’s note The festive season is a time for family traditions: celebrating old ones and creating new ones with your children.

This year, both my daughters are going on holiday with friends leaving my husband and me home alone for Christmas! I can’t think of a better opportunity to try something new.

With this in mind, we asked three of our longtime (dare I say favourite) writers to share rituals that bring their families together (page 16). Surprise, surprise, they don’t all involve food – ok, one of them doesn’t. But if it is food you’re after, we have the silly season covered with delicious recipes from Tina Bester’s new book jampacked (page 27). The holidays are a great opportunity to spend some time in the kitchen, think pesto, relish and homemade tomato sauce. There’s your fridge stocked for quick-to-the table, school night suppers. And while next year may not be top of mind, remember that supplies are usually easier to find, and often cheaper, in December. Be the back-to-school boss (page 18), with help from six experts. With advice to get you organised, pack healthy lunchboxes, pick the right extramurals and settle your child into their new class in 2018. But before you get a little too organised, spend some time paging through What’s On in Dec and Jan (page 23), where our team has rounded up 101 things to do in the city – and so many of them are FREE, just like Child Mag. Wishing you a happy, happy holiday and a peaceful festive season. See you in 2018, with a beautiful new look.

Lisa Mc Namara PS: If you are travelling to Cape Town, please remember to use as little water as possible and re-use as much as you can.

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

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December 2017 / January 2018

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contents

23

We’ve got all the best events covered!

3 pub’s note 6 over to you

features 12 divorce and the holidays Amy Mac Iver offers practical advice for keeping the

holidays happy for children of separated parents and blended families

14 sibling rivalry – when it’s not all fun and games Nick Dall investigates a common problem that affects siblings and explains how best to cope with it

16 family rituals – a feast of family time Christina Castle explains how starting a

family tradition brought her family closer and may do the same for yours

18 be the back-to-school boss We asked the experts for their top tips on making this process as stress-free and exciting as possible

22 ten more things to do in the holidays Family-friendly fun for the summer break

regulars 7 health Going on holiday? You need a first-aid kit, here’s exactly what to pack 8 pregnancy We reveal all the secrets to surviving a summer pregnancy 10 best for baby – weaning 101 Parenting experts Meg Faure and Kath Megaw explain how to read your child’s cues so that it’s a happy interactive process

20 a good read Our selection of good holiday reads and stocking fillers 23 what’s on in December and January 26 in the next issue of child magazine 26 finishing touch Anél Lewis goes camping and survives to tell the tale 27 recipes – easy meals Fill the pantry with Tina Bester’s recipes for taking the stress out of school night suppers

classified ads 24 let’s party 25 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by: Cape Town

Durban

Joburg

Pretoria

Cape Town, Durban and Joburg: JAM Clothing | Photographer: Craig Scott Pretoria: Ackermans | Photographer: Shavan Rahim | Styling: Chernelle Wilson

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letters

over to you Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to

help needed!

hanging up on hang-ups

My name is Marcelle Smidt and I am the principal of Kiddi Care Academy in Valhalla. We have two campuses in Centurion. At our campus in Raslouw, we have special needs children, one with cerebral palsy. He can only get around in a wheelchair and has outgrown the one he currently uses. He is urgently in need of a wheelchair and we were wondering if there was any way you could help?

Marcelle Smidt

I read ‘help, I’m jealous of my stepchildren’ (childmag.co.za/content/help-i’m-jealous-my-stepchildren) recently. In my case, the stepmother is the one who is causing distress for my daughter. I don’t think she is an “evil stepmother”, she is just oblivious as to how pointless it is for a grown woman to be jealous and then take out that jealousy on an eight-year-old child. The separation between my child’s father and me was not due to any fault of my child. I refuse to punish her by acting in an alienating way towards her father, so I always try to foster good feelings and adopt a positive approach when dealing with him. The stepmother, however, can’t see beyond her past hang-ups with her own child’s dad.

Anonymous

Child magazine responds: Thanks for reaching out. Marcelle, you could try approaching the Gift of the Givers Foundation (giftofthegivers.org) or The sweethearts Foundation (sweetheartsfoundation.org) about a wheelchair donation. If any of our readers can help, please drop us an email at editor@childmag.co.za and we will put you in touch with Marcelle.

editor@childmag.co.za

who’s the boss?

I found ‘bossy boots’ (childmag.co.za/content/bossy-boots) a very helpful article. I was that bossy child, then I had a son who was a bossy child, and my brother’s granddaughter is a bossy child. Looking back, I think my own mom was also a bossy child. So I am wondering if there is some genetic predisposition to being a bossy child? Anonymous

There are certain things you never talk about at dinner parties – politics, religion and sport – someone always has a view that’s sure to ruin the mood. Once you become a parent, you can add vaccination and corporal punishment to the list.

Child Magazine recently ran a poll where we asked you to share your view on spanking children. The results are in, and here’s what you had to say …

it is completely unacceptable and illegal it should be reserved as a last resort of punishment spanking, is fine; after all, I got smacked and I’m alright spanking is a good way to discipline children

But what does the law say? Well, if you are in the spanking camp, you should know that your special defence is gone.

While it has always been a crime (of assault) to hit a child – even your own child – if charged, a parent had a special defence that said that if the chastisement was reasonable, he or she would not be found guilty. That changed on 22 October when the South Gauteng High Court ruled that the common law defence of reasonable chastisement is not in line with the constitution, and no longer applies in law. Judge Keitleigh made the ruling after an appeal by a father who had been found guilty of assault because he beat his 13-year-old son in a manner that exceeded the bounds of what’s considered reasonable punishment.

Childline South Africa welcomed the ruling and had the following to say on the issue: “A parent can no longer justify any form of physical discipline in response to misbehaviour or any other reason.

This does not mean that parents who use corporal punishment should be or will be prosecuted wholesale.

We hope that this judgment will encourage parents to reflect on their methods of discipline and acquire ways of helping their children modify their behaviour via parenting techniques and methods that encourage their children to develop positive decision-making skills and future thinking about the future consequences of their choices.

subscribe to our newsletter and win Stay up to date with all our news and enter our weekly competitions by signing up to our newsletter. Subscribe at childmag.co.za

“Children who experience fear of parents, caregivers and educators may be slower to learn, more likely to suffer a loss of self-esteem and confidence, and in some instances, more likely to use violence as a way of resolving inter-personal differences and conflicts. The temptation of many will be to say ‘I was smacked as a child and it has not harmed me’. Indeed, some children survive relatively unscathed despite harsh parenting techniques, but many do not and may enter early adulthood with few skills to deal with interpersonal conflicts and other challenges in relationships. Parents and caregivers should give clear and consistent messages about acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and should also make the effort to notice and appropriately praise good behaviour.”

The judge was very clear that she didn’t intend for parents to end up in jail. Instead, they need to find alternative methods of discipline or for the state to help by referring parents to appropriate intervention systems. The Parent Centre in Cape Town is one such organisation. Its main objective is to ensure the safety and development of South African children. It offers Parent-Infant home visits, Positive Parent Training, Teen Parent Training, Fatherhood Training and Parent support groups, and runs free workshops often.

To find out more or to book, visit their page at facebook. com/parentcentre.

If you live in Joburg, Durban or Pretoria, see page 15 for similar resources in your city.

Connect with us:

childmag.co.za twitter.com/childmag instagram.com/childmagsa facebook.com/childmag.co.za

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

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ILLUSTRATION: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

corporal punishment update

health

first-aid kits for family travel A long-awaited holiday can be ruined by the sudden onset of illness or an unfortunate minor accident,

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so make sure you’re prepared with a well-stocked first-aid kit.

veryone’s excited! The car is packed and you’ll soon be leaving for your family holiday. But don’t forget the first-aid kit. It doesn’t matter if you’re staying at a local hotel, or driving across country – accidents happen. When they do, you’ll reach for your first-aid kit, so it needs to be packed with the essentials.

pain Headaches, fevers, or muscle pain can spoil your holiday. Your kit should contain ibuprofen and paracetamol. Ibuprofen is a non-steroid pain reliever that also treats inflammation. It’s suitable for children over three months and weighing more than five kilograms. Paracetamol can be given to children over two months old for pain relief.

Don’t give these together and check with your doctor if they’re suitable for your child, especially if given with other medication. For treating sore muscles and aches, use an anti-inflammatory.

ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

sore tummies Take remedies for tummy ailments such as stomach aches, cramps, diarrhoea or nausea. Probiotics are a good way to maintain a healthy digestive system, especially after a bout of diarrhoea or a course of antibiotics. Speak to your doctor about whether you need probiotics and the right dosage for you and your family. Pack rehydration solutions as well. These are useful for restoring electrolytes and treating dehydration.

stings For treating stings and bites, have an antihistamine cream, syrup or pills. Antibiotic cream can also help prevent infection of cuts or bites. A calamine lotion or Aloe Vera gel can help soothe rashes, itches or jellyfish stings, although these stings can be washed in seawater or rinsed with vinegar. Pack an insect repellent that’s safe for use near children.

If you or your child uses an epinephrine pen, ensure it is packed and within easy reach.

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burns Preventing burns is the easiest solution – pack Cansa-approved UVA and UVB sunscreen and practise caution when it comes to hot water, campfires and gas.

If burns do happen, you’ll need burn dressings. These come pre-packaged in a variety of sizes. You can use burn gel or Aloe Vera gel to soothe minor burns and sunburn. Don’t break blisters caused by a burn and don’t put ice, ointments, butter or other ‘remedies’ on a burn.

plasters and bandages Don’t forget bandages: strip bandages, triangular bandages, elasticated rolled bandages and gauze dressings are essential. Pack plasters, especially waterproof ones for swimming. Spray-on plaster is handy for grazes and cuts on joints or fingers. Include Micropore, a versatile plaster that can be used on deeper cuts when you can’t get a wound stitched straight away. Pack sterile wipes for cleaning cuts, stubbed toes and grazes.

equipment ✻✻ ✻✻ ✻✻ ✻✻

Tweezers A pair of scissors A cold pack Disposable latex gloves

✻✻ A syringe and medicine spoons ✻✻ A thermometer is essential. Know your child’s resting temperature, so you have a point of comparison.

Finally, pack any cold, cough or prescription medication you need. Read the medical leaflets provided to check age-appropriate dosages. Replace anything that’s expired or about to run out. If you’re unsure of anything, consult a doctor or pharmacist. You may be heading off for a fun family holiday, but it’s best to be equipped to deal with any bumps, bruises or sore heads.

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pregnancy news

the secret to surviving

a summer pregnancy Sailing through a summer pregnancy is a breeze with our handy hints and plenty of pampering. Child Mag finds out which treatments are safe and will make your body feel its best.

Benefit: A good facial may remedy some of the hormonal complexion changes many expectant mothers experience, including excessively dry or oily skin and acne, as well as melasma – a dark skin discolouration on the face that is sometimes referred to as the pregnancy mask.

Beware: Avoid treatments that use any harsh chemicals, retinoids or salicylic acid.

Ask to be propped up in the second and third trimester. Try a natural facial, and test products on the skin on your wrist first.

pedicure Benefit: Gives sore, swollen feet the boot by reducing swelling and increasing circulation.

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Beware: Having your nails painted is fine, but the smell may be overwhelming, so have them done in a well-ventilated room.

If you’re worried about the fumes, ask for a phthalate-free nail polish or take your own to the nail salon.

prenatal massage Benefit: Having a massage can go a long way to easing the strains and pains of pregnancy. It relaxes tense muscles and alleviates common pregnancy woes such as lower back aches, leg pain and swollen legs and feet.

Beware: Always ask for a therapist trained in pregnancy massage. If your bump is bulging, you’ll want to avoid lying on your stomach.

remember Always tell your beauty therapists that you’re pregnant before they begin your treatment.

If you’re not sure whether something is safe, speak to your doctor or wait until after you have finished breastfeeding. The golden rule is if a product can be absorbed into your bloodstream, it is potentially dangerous to your baby.

suntanning Benefit: Sun exposure typically increases your vitamin D levels and has a number of other health effects unrelated to vitamin D production, including enhancement of mood and energy, melatonin regulation and the treatment of skin diseases.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

facials

Beware: As your skin is likely to be more sensitive when you’re pregnant, sunscreen is a must. Look for zinc oxide and titanium dioxide sunscreens, which sit on the top of the skin. It’s also a good idea to stay out of the sun during peak hours and to wear protective clothing. Avoid tanning beds or anything that causes your body temperature to rise. Sun exposure can have an impact on stretch marks.

Never tan if you are using a stretch mark cream or oil of any kind. When you tan, your skin colour darkens, but your stretch marks won’t, making them even more visible.

pregnancy as possible. There are various topical creams, vitamin-based products and oils on the market that may prevent and minimise stretch marks. To avoid stretch marks keep a watch on weight gain during pregnancy, and continue with moderate exercise and good eating habits.

If you do find your stomach riddled with streaks, consult a dermatologist who may recommend alternative approaches, such as laser treatment or cosmetic surgery after your baby is born. The good news for light-skinned women is that the pesky marks tend to fade from pink and purple to a silvery-white colour over time.

more on stretch marks

avoid

According to the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, stretch marks usually occur on the abdomen, breasts, buttocks, hips and thighs and develop about 24 weeks into pregnancy. They are caused by hormonal changes that affect the elasticity of the skin. The journal reports that genes do come into play, so if your mother battled with stretch marks, take preventative care and keep your skin well hydrated as soon into your

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If your beauty routine includes any of the following, wait until you have had your baby, or until you’ve finished breastfeeding, before continuing them. ✻✻ Body wraps, saunas, spas or any type of treatment where your body temperature rises substantially ✻✻ Botox or anti-wrinkle creams with Retinol ✻✻ Piercings or tattoos ✻✻ Tanning beds (to avoid at all times) ✻✻ Teeth whitening

10 tips for travelling when pregnant

1. A ir travel is allowed till about 37 weeks but, from 28 weeks you should carry your doctor’s written consent on you.

Without consent, some airlines may not allow you to fly if they assess that you simply look “ready to go”.

Approximately 12–28 weeks is the safest time to fly, as the chance of complication is smallest.

2. Check airlines’/cruise liners’ specific rules regarding travel during pregnancy.

3.

Swollen feet are common after a prolonged flight, so wear compression stockings on the flight.

4. Car seatbelts should be worn with the cross-strap between your breasts and lap, starting beneath the bump.

5.

Avoid long distance journeys, night driving, and share driving duties with a companion.

6. Sadly, seasickness may be worse in pregnancy. If you are booking a cruise, it’s important to check the medical facilities available onboard and at the docking ports.

7. Familiarise yourself with the medical facilities available at your destination, ahead of time, because desperately seeking medical help in a totally unknown environment will only add to your stress.

8. Check your travel insurance company’s cover for possible complications or medical issues during pregnancy.

9. It’s common to feel dizzy, nauseous and tired during pregnancy so, stay rested, hydrated, take your supplements and eat regular, healthy meals.

10. It is difficult to predict the potential risks of travel. For example, doctors didn’t know about the dangerous Zika virus a few years ago and that travel to South America would not be advisable during, or if planning, pregnancy.

So, err on the side of caution, which includes avoiding malaria, yellow fever and other vaccination areas during pregnancy, where possible.

Compliments of Cape Town gynaecologist, Dr Novikova.

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best for baby

weaning

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101

Weaning should be a collaborative effort between healthcare professionals, the parent, and the baby. Enter COLLAB weaning.

A new book, Weaning Sense by Meg Faure and Kath Megaw, brings you a fresh, innovative approach to feeding babies. One that is perfect for all babies and their moms: COLLAB weaning will influence not only the way you wean your baby, but also many aspects of the parenting path. Weaning in its ideal form should be a collaboration between advisors who guide you, yourself, your wishes and personality and, of course, your baby.

That’s where COLLAB weaning comes in.

Collaboration, by definition, suggests the action of working with someone, or with a group of people, to realise something successfully.

a new way of parenting COLLAB weaning is a team approach to the early introduction of solids. It is an approach that considers your baby as central to the process – her age, development and sensory personality. It encourages moms to guide their babies in the context of these factors as well as science and what we know about healthy eating. So while you may manage the choices, they are made in the context of your baby. Very importantly, COLLAB weaning takes the pressure off you and your baby, allowing you to write your own weaning story.

COLLAB is an acronym that will become a way of parenting for you. It stands for: cues: Recognising and respecting your baby’s cues for readiness will guide you as to when your baby is ready to wean.

Your baby will also give very clear cues within each feeding session (for hunger and fullness) and respecting these cues, interpreting them for your baby and offering food (or stopping a meal) in the context of these cues is the most critical contribution you can make to ensure your child has a healthy relationship with food; and in the long-term, prevent obesity. It is only by understanding your little one’s cues that you can wean collaboratively (chapter 2). own person: Your baby is her own person and will not wean like the baby next door. Some babies engage with new textures with gusto, while others need a blander and slower route to whole foods.

Knowing your baby’s sensory personality is the secret to weaning happily. Using the

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IMAGES: craig fraser

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he start of your baby’s weaning journey will have significant implications for their health and their emotional development, as well as playing a role in preventing feeding disorders. Science tells us that the first 1 001 days (pregnancy to two years of age) have a dramatic impact not only on your child’s whole life but on the next generation as well. This is true for brain development – a baby needs to be stimulated. It is true for emotional wellbeing – a baby needs to be loved.

It is true for health – a baby needs a nutritious diet. But your baby’s feeding journey impacts on way more than just health – its affects their entire person.

As a parent, this knowledge brings with it a heavy weight of responsibility. It is no wonder decisions at this time can feel overwhelming. Transitioning from an exclusive milk diet to solid food raises many questions: When is the right time?

How will I know when my baby is ready?

Exactly what should I be offering my baby as a first food?

baby marrow purée

butternut purée

green veggie purée

berry and beetroot purée

gem squash and cream cheese purée

information in chapter 3, you will identify your baby’s sensory personality and learn how that personality engages with food and the weaning process. low pressure: There is enough pressure on moms to follow a pattern, conform and achieve. Weaning is not a race. Weaning is not a competition. Weaning is a journey, not a destination. So take the pressure off yourself and off your little one. This is vital in our modern world of ‘fast’ everything. led by science: It would be wonderful to entirely ‘wing’ parenting, but in the face of decades of valuable research we have to consider the science to be sensible.

Sensible feeding involves filtering noise and opinion and understanding what dietary science tells us about early infant feeding.

This does not create rules for weaning, but safe boundaries within which to work. The knowledge of early infant feeding that we have gained through science and research is revealed in depth in chapter 4.

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garlicky kale and sweet potato purée

minty salmon purée

age appropriate: Research can and does guide us towards the age at which babies are best weaned. It is certainly not a certain week of life, for example, week 17 or 24, as is commonly presented. It is rather a window period of around four months in which sensible weaning should begin. Knowing the science and the age, you can then be led by your baby’s interest and personality, and will know when to get going and what to offer first. You can learn more about this in chapter 5.

teamwork makes the journey better

baby-friendly: As your little one grows, they develop self-regulation, which is the

Your baby will not lead the process of weaning, but neither will your healthcare professional. Science, knowledge and

ability to manage their own physiology, emotions and behaviour. Feeding is one area where self-regulation can be mastered. Being baby-friendly is all about facilitating baby’s own self-mastery in all areas, including feeding, right through the toddler years. It is the best way to prevent fussy toddler eating. This is discussed in chapter 6.

advice create a basis, but the exact journey involves teamwork between you and your baby. As with all wonderful journeys in life, it involves collaboration. COLLAB weaning will influence not only the way to wean your baby, but also many other aspects of your parenting path, making parenting your little one a sensational journey, the respectful nurturing of a life for long-term physical and emotional health.

About the book

Weaning Sense, is Meg Faure and Kath Megaw’s new book, is a scientific approach to the introduction of solids, taking into account your baby’s individual personality. It is published by Quivertree and is available at all leading bookstores for R320.

Visit quivertreepublications.com

December 2017 / January 2018

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dealing with difference

divorce and holidays AMY MAC IVER offers some tips on how to navigate the holidays and ensure children’s wellbeing and happiness.

... connecting with your children no matter where they are has never been easier.

put little ones first

be flexible

Experts agree that the most important thing is to put your children first. Children can become confused, angry or disappointed about the situation. Nadia Thonnard, Founder of the South African Divorce Support Association (SADSA), says, “Instead of being able to look forward to those times that create childhood memories, they learn to anticipate times of conflict between their parents, resulting in them developing a sense of guilt about enjoying the time with the chosen parent as well as the parent they are leaving.

Children only live in the present. They do not concern themselves with plans in the future, so when their present is transformed into a battlefield it is scary for them.”

Ernst suggests reframing the holiday for children with an emphasis on what they gain, instead of what they lose.

“Children usually gain additional holidays, with both parents entertaining them in a way that is quite different to what they would have had if they were all still living in one house.

Often children get opportunities to go away twice during a December holiday. One child once told me how she gets more presents now that her parents are divorced because she has two step-parents who now also give her presents.”

“Remember that your children did not have a say when you chose to separate,” says Thonnard. “Following legalised parenting schedules is a road that needs to be tackled with more flexibility than rigidity. Unfortunately, being flexible is often challenged when a parent confuses their needs with their children’s needs,” she says.

Children are usually quite happy celebrating an event a day or so later, so don’t get hung up on dates and details.

plan in advance The best way to ease the stress is thorough planning well in advance. It creates a clear structure of the holiday, providing security for the children. It helps if parents can establish a kind of holiday rhythm that is predictable for the children and in which they feel that they spend a fair amount of time with each parent.

Planning is even more crucial in cases where the relationship between parents is hostile. In some situations one or both parents are unable to communicate effectively or show any level of flexibility. This is where a mediator will likely need to intervene and create a precise breakdown of which days children will spend with either parent, collection times and drop off locations. You should then run through the plan with your children, so you can manage their expectations for the holiday. Your lawyer or local family counsellor will be able to put you in touch with a mediator should you need one.

embrace technology These days most smartphones have apps like FaceTime, Skype and WhatsApp, so connecting with your children no matter where they are has never been easier. Most parenting plans allow for scheduled communication with your children while they are away, and video calling helps make you feel a little bit closer. If this isn’t included in your parenting plan, it is worthwhile seeking to have the communication parameters modified.

start new traditions One of the best ways to create a positive atmosphere for yourself and your children is not to dwell on the past, but rather establish creative new traditions for the future.

Gather the family together and enjoy a special Christmas day movie, create a new art project together each year or volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank to teach your child the true meaning of giving.

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gift wars Help your child make or buy a gift for the other parent, as much as you may not feel inclined to do so. By doing this, you are showing respect for the other parent, and teaching your child thoughtful and gracious behaviour, which will benefit them later in life.

At the same time, don’t enter into a gift war with your ex. If communication between the two of you is good, discuss what you’ll be giving your children and agree on how much you’ll spend on gifts. If not, choose presents you believe are appropriate for your child, and try to be enthusiastic and supportive when they tell you about the gifts they received from the other parent.

take care of you Lastly, look after yourself. Make sure you get lots of rest, don’t skip your exercise routine, eat well, call on your friends and family for support and breathe deeply. You will cope much better with the holidays if you practise good self-care, and you’ll set a good example for your children at the same time.

There are benefits to having some time to yourself at the end of a busy and stressful year. And, hopefully as my friend Jamie will learn, if you slow down and take advantage of the quiet time you can recharge your batteries and be ready to welcome your children home with fresh ideas and lots of energy to take into the new year. * Name has been changed.

putting a positive spin on it For parents: ✻✻ You benefit from some time alone to regroup and reflect. ✻✻ You have an opportunity to rediscover old hobbies and interests. Consider taking a trip or going on an adventure with friends or on your own.

For children: ✻✻ A blended family often provides children with more loving and supportive people in their lives. ✻✻ Children end up with two rounds of presents on special occasions. ✻✻ Multiple holidays and trips for the children, as both parents will want to take the children away from time to time.

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PHOTOGRAPH AND ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

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y friend Jamie* has endured every parent’s worst nightmare. Two years ago he lost his middle child to an unexpected illness.

Tragically, that was just the start of a journey that’s left him in unimaginable pain. Grief saw his wife take comfort in the arms of a neighbour, and shortly afterwards their marriage dissolved. She is a high-flying career woman, he’d been a stay-at-home dad. He’s had to sell his home, find work and try to manage his other two children, who live primarily with him.

But now Christmas is around the corner and the idea of letting his boys go away with his ex, even for just a few weeks, is a thought he can’t bear. He isn’t alone.

With divorce attorneys estimating that around 50% of marriages in South Africa end in divorce, it’s become commonplace for children to be shuffled between homes over the holidays. This can be especially difficult for newly separated families, as it causes upheaval to routine and feelings of sadness in both parents and children.

Clinical psychologist Larissa Ernst says holidays are a stressful time in most families anyway. Add in the dynamics of a blended or divorced family and you often have unpleasant feelings such as loss and frustration to deal with.

“During this time children often experience a sense of loss and that they are missing out. They often wish that they could just split themselves in half and experience the best of both worlds at mom and dad. It is also extra difficult if one parent goes on an exciting holiday whilst the other remains at home – and the child has to stay with the parent who remains at home. For children, it can also be a time of adjustment – for instance, a new life partner joining them on a holiday which brings about extended time spent with someone with whom they have not yet bonded. This enhances chances for family conflict as well,” says Ernst.

So, what’s the best way to navigate the holidays while keeping stress to a minimum?

magazine durban

December 2017 / January 2018

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parenting

sibling rivalry when it’s not all fun and games Managed correctly, a bit of sibling rivalry can be an opportunity for growth.

But left unchecked it can result in lifelong issues, investigates NICK DALL.

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orkshop facilitator at The Parent Centre in Wynberg, Pat Coombe, says “you get parents who say ‘Oh, my kids never fight’, but I don’t believe them,” and she should know, having worked with children (and their parents) for 41 years. “Parents who say this are probably just being unobservant ... fighting doesn’t have to be physical.”

it’s not fair!

That being said, sibling rivalry is completely normal and it really doesn’t have to be a problem either. Small disagreements are a part of life and they teach you how to reach a rational solution. Sibling rivalry is dangerous when the same kid always loses, especially if there is physical abuse involved. “The crux of sibling rivalry is jealousy ... of possessions, achievements or time,” Coombe explains, “And it’s all about perception. If a child feels he’s getting the thin edge of the wedge this is all that matters.”

The children who suffer most with sibling rivalry are those with low self-esteem.

“Children who are full of real confidence and compassion can speak out when something is not right,” says Coombe, “their inherent self-esteem prevents them from overreacting.”

Parents can often be the root of a child’s poor self-esteem, as physical or verbal punishment diminishes self-confidence. To reduce sibling rivalry, the parents have to actively build confidence in their children, but – and this is where things can get complicated – to do so, the parents themselves need to have good self-esteem.

Kerry Skinner, an educational psychologist based in Sandton, views sibling rivalry in very much the same way. “There are so many benefits to the sibling relationship,” says Skinner, “disagreements can be used as an opportunity to learn life lessons. But if a disagreement escalates, then you as a parent have to intervene.”

Intervening is easy, doing it sensitively not so much. Saying something like “This is such a silly thing to fight about,” belittles both children’s feelings and does nothing to diffuse the situation. Regardless of what Barney has to say on the matter, kids cannot share and adults aren’t too good at it either ... how would you feel if your spouse commandeered your smartphone or your favourite coffee mug?

Both experts offer very similar advice for conflict resolution. “Put an arm around each child,” says Coombe “and talk about the issue calmly and maturely. Look each child in the eye and listen to what they have to say.” When a compromise doesn’t seem likely, Skinner suggests diffusing the situation: “It looks like you’re having trouble deciding who can play with that toy, so it’ll be easiest for me to take it away.”

“Absolute equality is impossible,” continues Skinner. “Parents who try to bend over backwards to be fair, create frustration for everyone. Each child experiences affection differently, needs different things and is a different person.”

✻✻ Boys tend to have more rivalry than girls, and same sex siblings generally fight more – especially if the age gap is small. The size of the family and a child’s position in the family also both make a big difference. You can’t really change any of this, but you can empathise with each child. Thinking back to your own childhood often helps. ✻✻ Children are always listening. Comparing (“Amy could already swim when she was your age”) and labelling kids (“She’s the sporty/shy one”) is never a good idea as it sows the seed of jealousy. ✻✻ A child who is wheelchair-bound and one who’s a Springbok gymnast may seem very different, but they can both have a negative impact on their families as their siblings resent the extra attention heaped on them. It’s not uncommon (or abnormal) for a sibling to say “I wish I could be the one in the wheelchair.”

what you can do The single most important thing is to treat every child as an individual. “A beautiful garden is made up of delicate daisies and hardy aloes, wise old oak trees and sweet-smelling jasmine,” says Coombe, “you wouldn’t get angry with a daisy for not growing into an oak tree and the same should go for parenting. Lots of South African parents seem to want their children to be oak trees.”

Families where both parents work long hours can be at a disadvantage when they get home in the evening and everyone is tired. “If you don’t spend time with your children, you don’t know them,” says Coombe, “instead of filling weekends with hundreds of outings and engagements, try to focus on spending time at home doing normal things as a family.”

“Life isn’t fair,” says Skinner, “but we all have our needs and they have to be met differently. Instead of giving equal amounts of things or time, give according to individual need. Instead of showing equal love, love each child uniquely. If a child’s ‘love tank’ is feeling empty, they will perceive parental attention to another child as threatening and this will promote jealousy.”

The single most important thing is to treat every child as an individual.

what’s really going on?

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December 2017 / January 2018

PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

When it comes to sibling rivalry, prevention is most definitely better than cure. If you’re struggling with sibling rivalry at the moment, it’s quite likely some of the following factors are at play: ✻✻ Tension between parents is picked up by kids and mimicked. If you and your spouse can’t solve disagreements maturely, you can’t expect your kids to know how to do so. Flare-ups often occur at the end of the day when kids (and parents!) are feeling hungry, tired and neglected. If this is a pattern in your household, consider changing your routine. ✻✻ There are phases in your life when sibling rivalry will be more prevalent. The birth of a baby, moving house, or starting at a new school. Use positive language and reinforcement to help your kids through these periods. ✻✻ Competitive families light the fire of sibling rivalry. If winning (academic, sporting or otherwise) becomes important, you can expect problems because there’s no way everyone will reach the same standards. magazine durban

The crux of sibling rivalry is jealousy ... of possessions, achievements or time.

nobody’s perfect It’s also important to remind yourself that it’s OK to make mistakes. “Parents should give themselves time out when they feel they can’t regulate themselves,” says Skinner. “If you do overstep, talk to your kids about it and apologise. Practise what you preach and use your mistake as an opportunity for growth.”

“Possibly the greatest thing you can do with your life,” says Coombe, “Is to really enjoy being a parent. The fun and pleasure of being a parent is amazing. Look at your children with soft eyes, and the rest will fall into place. It’s never too late to become a better parent, and there’s always something more you could learn.”

languages of love

Gary Chapman’s bestseller, The 5 Love Languages of Children, identifies five ways that children speak and understand emotional love. Every child has a primary love language, a way in which he or she understands a parent’s love best.

Words of affirmation: In communicating love, words are powerful. Words of affection and endearment, words of praise and encouragement, and words that give positive guidance.

Quality time: Quality time means giving a child your undivided attention. It makes the child feel that he is the most important person in the world.

Receiving gifts: Most children respond positively to gifts, but for some, receiving gifts is

get in touch

The Parent Centre: theparentcentre.org.za (Cape Town) Focus on the Family: safamily.co.za (Durban) The Family Life Centre: familylife.co.za (Joburg) Famsa Pretoria: famsapretoria.co.za (Pretoria)

their primary love language Physical touch: For children who understand this love language, physical touch will communicate love more deeply than words.

Acts of service: When that child asks you to fix a bicycle or mend a doll’s dress, they do not merely want to get a task done; they are crying for emotional love.

Gary Chapman: 5lovelanguages.com

magazine durban

December 2017 / January 2018

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parenting

family rituals – a feast of family time Family rituals are a vital part of family life. Be they religious events, physical pastimes or just an excuse to eat, rituals are about bringing the family together as one, writes CHRISTINA CASTLE.

assed down through generations or made up on the fly, the point of the family tradition is that it means something to your family. In the Castle household, the family ritual seemed to appear from nowhere but has become the most cherished time of the week for everyone (even the dogs).

It’s Sunday afternoon, the end of a busy weekend. Alex (17) has been on the cricket field for most of it. He did manage to squeeze in a bit of social life last night, which may explain why he went out for a duck this morning. Dylan (20) has just appeared. He spent the weekend at a music festival somewhere up the West Coast. He looks filthy. Dylan doesn’t live with us anymore. He lives in large digs full of university students. It too is filthy.

Greg (50) has just emerged from an afternoon snooze. And I (40-something) have had my nose in a book for the last couple of hours. It’s time to think about that braai. I just hope we have something to throw on it.

For as long as I can remember, the Sunday evening braai has been a stock standard weekly ritual in the Castle household. From when the boys were little and I was 30-something, around five o’clock on a Sunday we’d emerge from our various corners of the house and gather as a family around the Weber. The boys learnt how to make a braai and even a salad and we all learnt to value the time we spent together as a family.

As the years have rolled by, our lives have become busier and, in many ways, more separate. It’s often difficult to find the time to be together. Our work, school and university lives are demanding. We tear through the work week, chat in abbreviated monosyllables on the WhatsApp family group, dine at different times and hope to God that someone has remembered to feed the dogs. While we get the rest of the week so wrong, I do believe that we get Sunday evening so right. Our Sunday evening braai has become an absolute constant – by default really. It was never intended to be a Castle family ritual. It just became it. And it is cherished.

how to create your own family rituals

✻✻ Think long-term. Create an occasion or event that will become important to you all for years and even generations to come.

✻✻ Just let it happen naturally. Don’t force the issue. ✻✻ Rituals or traditions don’t happen overnight. Give it time to become what it is supposed to be. ✻✻ Be consistent in how and when you participate in this event or activity. ✻✻ Choose an event or a pastime that you all enjoy and want to be part of. ✻✻ Make the circle bigger – while a ritual is an activity or event unique to your family, let it be inclusive and open to others to participate in. I even let my mother-in-law join us and Dylan has invited his girlfriend on the odd occasion. ✻✻ Don’t create too many rules. Be open to letting it follow its own course. It may

two Child mag writers share their family rituals ...

When I was a little girl, my two older sisters and I spent most Saturday and Sunday afternoons in front of our hi-fi, which was a radio/turntable combination with giant speakers. With our ears firmly pressed to the towering boom boxes, we made music and memories, singing together, playing our vinyls and trying out new dance moves, and this tradition has carried over into our adult life. Most of our family gatherings today still involve singing, dancing and music Samantha and her sisters in whatever form brings us joy.

My nieces and nephews play a variety of instruments and as our voices harmonise and weave together our collective stories, we feel close, cared for and carried, no matter what was, is or will come. It’s the kind of ritual I know our children will keep going and hopefully their children too.

Samantha Page, media consultant and writer

Our family has developed a rather keen interest in reality shows, such as MasterChef and America’s Got Talent. We love getting to know the contestants and betting against each on who will walk away with the top prize. So, we have declared Friday evenings to be “reality show” night, and to create an even more fun experience, we also make our own hamburgers. The ingredients – cheese, gherkins, lettuce and different sauces – are laid out in front of the TV and Erin and Conor Conor and Erin get to design their own burger. The best part of it all is that we get to eat our “hammies” in front of the telly, while we cheer on our favourite contestants.

Anél Lewis, mom and writer

become something better than you could ever have imagined.

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magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

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magazine durban

December 2017 / January 2018

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resource

be the

boss back-to-school

We asked the experts for their back-to-school advice to make it a stress-free and exciting process. get organised Getting started before the holiday season begins is a good idea. You may find what you need in the new year, but stocks maybe limited. Once you have your supplies, label everything. Make your own labels or order online from itsmine.co.za, justlabels.co.za or thelabelstation.co.za

Top tip for moms and dads: Don’t turn on the TV, check email, social media and or your phone. Do only what is necessary to get out of the house on time. You’ll thank us later.

– Heidi Meyer from Cloud 9 Organised

stay organised

new beginnings

To keep track of chores, extramurals and other activities, use a magnetic chore wall chart with different colour magnets for each person. Or, create a planner on a whiteboard.

Divide the board into 31 blocks for the month’s activities or draw a block for each person.

You could also set up a Google Calendar with a different colour representing each family member, then synchronise everyone’s activities and devices.

Prepare children for the first day of school by maintaining an air of excitement about going back to school. Speak positively and encouragingly about making new friends and trying new extramural activities. Remember that change is always difficult, it will take some time for a child to settle. Relationships formed in the previous class took a year to develop. Be a little patient. These issues almost always fade as a child becomes comfortable with their new environment.

If you suspect your child is being bullied, however, or if you have any other concerns always chat to your child’s teacher first and then possibly the grade head. Dealing directly with the principal should only be necessary when you feel that you have not been heard by the teacher. Do not react immediately to every little unhappiness expressed by your child or try to solve the problem for them. Let them try to resolve issues first. When it comes to balancing school work, homework and extramurals, ensure your child is not overcommitted. Extramurals are important, but not to the extent that they place undue stress on your child.

– Shane Cuthbertson, Executive Principal at Thomas More College.

share responsibility Children should be responsible for organising their school books and anything else they need. Smaller children can be assisted, but allow older children to take charge and if they forget something – face the consequences. Continually rescuing your children robs them of vital life lessons. Make sure your requests are age-appropriate, tangible and simple, and reward children with positive reinforcement.

keep it simple Make notes in your planner of what each member of the family is doing during the week.

Include homework assignments, after-school events, social invites and sports activities.

Before bedtime, make sure your children put their clothes or uniform out for the next day. Help little ones by limiting choices so that there won’t be issues in the morning.

Prepare lunch boxes and water bottles the night before. Have a set routine ensuring that all homework is done and school communication completed and signed the night before.

Pack bags and place at the door, with sport kit or other necessary items for the next day.

Consider creating pigeonhole units with a special space for each person. Hang your car and house keys close to the exit.

homework help Create a bright and organised homework space with everything at hand. Introduce routine so children know when to do homework, and schedule time for a snack or a play break.

Keep the space neat, tidy and quiet, avoiding distractions.

get organised with a little help from us

download our weekly planning calendar online at childmag.co.za/downloads

sporting chance Children should be encouraged to take part in a sport. It is a great way to socialise and develop self-discipline. Expose them to a variety of sports, so they can find out what they like or don’t like, and what they have an aptitude for. As they grow older, and their skills become better in a certain sport, they can decide to stick to one or two sports. It’s advisable to let them participate in both individual and team sports, so that they can develop different skill sets. Team sports help them develop feelings of belonging and cohesion, which play an integral role in early development. Support your children in everything they do, offer to lift and watch them play a match. Many parents want their child to be the best, to be successful and a winner. But, remember that it’s not always the coach’s fault if the team loses. However, if they do feel the coach is not delivering, then this should be addressed through the correct channels. Children, and parents, should understand the sensation and meaning of winning and losing!

If your child isn’t particularly sporty, try to demonstrate the importance of a healthy and active lifestyle by playing with them. Kick or throw a ball with them, ride bikes, and swim in your local pool. School sport isn’t everything, but staying healthy and active is important, so make fitness fun.

– Lindi Prinsloo from Coaching Dynamics

outing to the aquarium math test

volunteering the SPCA

2:30 soccer

family fun night

dinner with grandad

library books due

A great way to start off the school year is to incorporate reading into your daily routine.

Reading time, both to the child and/or with the child reading, allows the development of a variety of skills. It allows for print awareness, conversation and vocabulary development.

It also aids in story comprehension that includes listening memory and sound awareness.

These pre-literacy skills play an important role in reading development at a school level and should be a part of daily routines both during holiday and school time. Games such as ‘I spy’ or ‘Mommy went to market’ are also fantastic for improving sound awareness and auditory memory.

– Laura Cramb, Speech Therapist

eyes and ears Most schools offer hearing and eye tests, both of which play an important role in ruling out possible barriers to learning or identifying such barriers as early as possible in your child’s school year. Remember that hearing can change due to ear infections, glue ear, or viral infections such as measles and mumps, so it’s advised to undergo hearing screening

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PHOTOGRAPH AND ILLUSTRATION: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

read right

on a yearly basis before the age of seven. This is particularly important as children below that age aren’t able to verbalise changes in vision or hearing.

Speech therapists form a valuable part of the support staff at school. Through early identification of language, speech, literacy or auditory processing difficulties, children are able to receive the support needed at a one-on-one level and at a classroom level through collaboration with staff. Early identification allows children to become more confident as they achieve success.

Look out for these speech red flags: ✻✻ children who have difficulty reading and spelling, sounding out words, breaking words into parts, and who rely solely on sight word recognition ✻✻ children who struggle to follow instructions of increasing length ✻✻ children who struggle to form clear structured sentences in conversation and who battle to answer questions related, for example, to what they did at school ✻✻ children with various articulation (pronunciation) errors – Tamsin Geddes, audiologist

eat right, eat smart Breakfast should ideally include some form of protein and fat. Try eggs served on a slice of wholegrain, rye or gluten-free toast with some avocado. French toast is a winner. The next best thing is rolled oats served with chopped nuts and a little honey. Opt for raw honey over sugar, but limit this to one teaspoon.

Lunchboxes should include a range of foods with some form of protein (leftover chicken, cocktail meatballs, MSG-free biltong), good fats (nuts, seeds, olives, avocado), at least two different types of vegetables, a wholegrain (bread, crackers, wraps, pasta, brown rice cakes, or corn thins) and a fruit. If a child opens a lunchbox and finds a colourful spread, they are more likely to eat.

tips for good nutrition Hannah Kaye, a nutritional therapist, offers parents the following tips to ensure the quality of their children’s nutrition. ✻✻ If a child is fed a diet high in sugar and refined carbohydrates at the same time as a diet low in good fats, vitamins and minerals, they cannot be expected to concentrate or have the nutrients needed for neuronal health. That’s an oversimplification, but everything we eat affects us in some way – it’s important to make sure that the majority of the diet has a beneficial impact. ✻✻ The field of ocular nutrition is relatively new, but some good research is coming out on the importance of certain phytonutrients in eye health – for example, the carotenes found in yellow/orange vegetables. Additionally, DHA, an omega-3 fatty acid, essential for eye health is mostly found in fish. ✻✻ Parents need to pressure tuckshops to stock healthy food. Parents should also educate children about what constitutes healthy eating so that they can make good choices. ✻✻ Not-so-obvious sugars include dried fruit – two pieces of dried yellow cling peach constitute a whole fruit – rice cakes with yoghurt or chocolate topping, and fruit yoghurt. It’s usually tough to find healthy treats in shops. Make your own biscuits, bars and granola that are low in sugar and high in good fats.

Look out for coconut and nut bars sweetened with dates, these are great graband-go snacks to keep in the snack drawer. ✻✻ Children should drink water at school, fruit juice is extremely high in sugar and has little nutritional value. Energy drinks are also high in sugar, often contain caffeine and are loaded with additives and colourants. Many contain amino acids in high amounts that may not be safe for children. If your child

Snacks when children get home. If they get home at 3pm you can give them a small meal – boiled egg, wholegrain crackers, vegetables or some leftovers from the night before. If they get home at 5pm, it’s usually better to opt for something like a small handful of nuts with an apple. If you eat dinner at 7pm, and your child is ravenous at 6pm, offer up salad.

A ravenous child should be up for eating a salad. If not, the child isn’t that hungry.

– Hannah Kaye, nutritional therapist

magazine durban

has a healthy diet, they should have enough energy to get through the day. A protein smoothie before exercise may be a good idea for very active children.

If your child is constantly tired, speak to your healthcare provider to rule out conditions such as anaemia.

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books

a good read for early graders

storytime – books by local parents and authors Lucy and Mum’s Shoes

By Emily Child (Imagnary House, R149,90) Lucy is fascinated by the sounds around her, especially the sound of shoes. Infused with a surreal eccentricity, this story uncovers what it means to “love the shoes you’re in”. Buy online: imagnaryhouse.com The Amazing Talent Show

By Lynn Bedford Hall (Penguin Random House, R80) A delightful story of a little girl called Mattie. With no siblings, farm life is lonely, until one night when something magical happens. Join her as she journeys to dreamland to attend the animals’ talent contest.

Underwater Zoo

By Ed Jordan and Alan Glass (Pan Macmillan, R120) Beautifully illustrated and filled with fishy facts and underwater riddles. Take your children on an educational ocean adventure in a zoo situated below the sea.

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Angry Owl Goes Swimming

By Kerryn Ponter (Penguin Random House, R70) Charming illustrations bring this humorous story about an owl determined to have the best swimming day ever. Things don’t go according to plan and owl learns a few valuable lessons along the way.

Tina Tadpole

By David Bourke (Imagnary House, R149,90) Tina is a different kind of witch, especially being green and all. At school she was always the odd one out. Prepare for nose snorting, hair pulling, eye watering laughs! Buy online: imagnaryhouse.com

Nicko – The Tale of a Vervet Monkey on an African Farm

By Penny Haw (Penguin Random House, R130) A true tale of Alice Kirk and Nicko, the baby vervet monkey abandoned near her farm in the KwaZulu-Natal Midlands. The story carries young readers (age 9–12) through a range of adventures and emotions from the wonderfully wacky and hilarious to alarming and sometimes sad.

Crongton Knights

By Alex Wheatle (Atom, R130) The Guardian Children’s Fiction Prizewinner 2016. Poor McKay. He never asked for trouble ... but during one madcap night of adventure and danger, he will find out who his true friends are and what it means to stick with your family. A very funny, moving story that shows that lessons learned the hard way are the ones you’ll never forget.

Cupcake Diaries – 3 books in 1

By Coco Simon (Simon & Schuster, R125) Join Katie, Mia, Emma and Alexis as they form the Cupcake Club and fast friendships. This book includes three stories in the Cupcake Diaries series: Mia’s Boiling Point, Emma, Smile and Say “Cupcake!” and Alexis Gets Frosted.

How Cheetah Got His Tears

By Avril Van Der Merwe (Penguin Random House, R50) Cheetah boasts that, as he can run faster than any other animal, he is the real king of the beasts. A story that explores the perils of boasting as well as the capacity to accept defeat with grace and humility.

magazine durban

holiday reads for us Mothers

By Cath Weeks (Piatkus, R295) For fans of Jodi Picoult and Dorothy Koomson, this heart-rending and suspenseful novel illustrates the trials of watching our children grow and the anguish involved in letting them go. It’s about mothers and daughters, the battles between them, but also the everlasting bond that they share.

The Late Show

By Michael Connelly (Orion Publishing Group, R250) Los Angeles can be a dangerous city. Detective Renee Ballard, works ‘The Late Show’, the notorious graveyard shift at the LAPD. Some nights are worse than others, and tonight is the worst yet. Two cases: a brutal assault, and a multiple murder with no suspect. Ballard knows it is always darkest before dawn. What she doesn’t know is how deep her dual investigation will take her.

Harmony

By Carol Parkhurst (Hodder UK, R195) How far will a mother go to save her family? The Hammond family is living in DC where everything seems to be going just fine, until it becomes clear that the oldest daughter, Tilly, is developing abnormally – a mix of off-the-charts genius and social incompetence. The family turns to Camp Harmony and the wisdom of child behaviour guru Scott Bean for a solution. A story about family bonds and surviving the unthinkable.

magazine durban

food for your brood Ella’s Kitchen – The Easy Family Cookbook the orange one

By Ella’s Kitchen (Octopus Publishing Group, R275) Contains more than 100 easy-to-make and delicious family recipes that bring everyone together to share in life’s foody adventures. An absolute must for busy families with hungry tummies to feed up and down the family tree.

Mamma – reflections on the food that makes us

By Mina Holland (Orion Publishing Group, R450) A wonderful collection of oral histories with recipes exploring the influence of family on our relationship with food. In this fascinating trip around the globe, the book features interviews with some of the world’s best-loved cooks including Jamie Oliver, Yotam Ottolenghi, Claudia Roden, Alice Waters, Stanley Tucci and many more. It’s about bringing food back to basics, about going home.

Lizzie Loves Healthy Family Food

By Lizzie King (Trapeze, R415) With over 100 delicious recipes, helpful meal plans and shortcuts, this cookbook is every health-conscious parents dream come true. Nutritional health coach and mum of three Lizzie King knows how tough it can be to feed a family, fast, and keep them healthy: lack of time, fussy eaters and weaning babies can make any alternative to cooking from scratch seem tempting. Every recipe is quick to make, bursting with flavour and has all the vitamins and minerals you and your children need to stay healthy.

for parents Parenting Checklist

By Wendy Roux (Staging Post, R289) Parenting Checklist is a handbook that draws on the author’s experience as a parent and schoolteacher. It is aimed at empowering parents who are raising young schoolgoing children, ages 4–11. Amidst all of the judgmental and conflicting advice given to moms and dads, Wendy reaches out in a clear, reassuring way to all parents who feel both as overwhelmed and as fulfilled by parenting as she does. The book covers a range of childcare topics such as choosing a school, making up a first-aid kit, planning a child’s birthday party and what to make for supper.

Well researched and presented in a practical, easy-to-use checklist format. For more information and to buy at a discounted price of R250 from the author, go to parentingchecklist.co.za

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holiday fun

10 more things to do in the holidays Keep your children busy over the summer break with some family-friendly fun.

visit your local library for storytime and choose a book to take home. Most libraries run holiday programmes and have wonderful storytelling hours. Don’t forget to return your books or get an extension if you are going to be out of town for a while.

make a family book or a movie.

Encourage your children to write a story about their holidays and illustrate it, or film Christmas on a smartphone and turn it into a family movie.

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relive your childhood. Camp out in the garden, roast marshmallows and stargaze with your brood.

pay a visit to a Christmas market and bargain hunt together for unique gifts.

Let your children give their suggestions and help choose thoughtful presents for your family and friends. play garden games.

Collect small stones and rocks to make alphabet pebble tiles and play Scrabble outside. Play giant Jenga, grass twister or tic-tac-toe. Play pool noodle croquet, with noodles placed over tent pegs in a hoop. Have sack, three-legged and egg-and-spoon races.

ride a train. Take a day trip and enjoy the sights along the way. Most of these trains stop at quaint off-thebeaten tracks, where you can spend the day before heading home. take a cultural tour. Experience different aspects of your city by exploring out-of-the-way corners with a guided tour, on foot or catch the Red Bus if you can.

start a garden and plant a veggie patch. Start a herb box, plant a flowerbed or turn an old fish tank into a fairy garden or terrarium. Getting dirty is fun and so good for your children.

bake a gingerbread man, then decorate it with small sweets and icing (mix icing sugar and water together for a basic icing). Feeling more creative? Try a gingerbread house.

gingerbread men (and women)

Holiday fun or ice and hang on the tree 4 eggs 2 cups 1¼ cups butter brown sugar 1¼ cups golden syrup 3½ cups flour 1 tsp bicarb 1 tsp ground ginger 1 tsp ground cinnamon 1 tsp mixed spice Mix the first four ingredients until creamy.

Sift remaining ingredients four times. Mix all together to make a soft dough. Roll out. Use a biscuit or gingerbread man or any other cookie cutter to cut out shapes.

Bake at 180°C for 12–15 minutes.

magazine durban

ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

write a letter to your family or special friends overseas and include some photos.

calendar

what’s on in

December & January PHOTOGRAPH: istockphoto.com

hurry! catch ‘em while you can 27 November

30 November

Books2You Book Sale

Uncle Jumbo’s Christmas Party

Get great savings on books, just in time for Christmas. Find the perfect gift for your little reader at the sale which is on from 8am–4pm until 1 December at 38 Jan Hofmeyr Road, Westville. Contact: 031 705 7744 or info@books2you.co.za

This annual children’s pantomime stars Uncle Jumbo, Noddy, Big Ears, Mr Plod and some new friends. Food and drink is available for purchase at the show. Lots of fun is guaranteed.

Take along a wrapped and clearly

magazine durban

labelled present for Santa to give to your child and a present as a charity donation. Shows are at 7pm Monday– Saturday, until 9 December at the Kloof Town Hall. Tickets are R50, available at Kloof Village Mall Spar.

Contact Shaun: 082 665 0039

2 December Christmas baking

For more events go to childmag.co.za/whats-on or submit an event for Feb/Mar before 5 January to durban@childmag.co.za

1 December

Christmas Lights Annie’s Busy Bees at 37 Romsey Grove in Ellis Park switch on their Christmas lights.

Take a new toy to donate to Toy Story. The lights will stay on until 2 January. Contact: gary.anne@mweb.co.za

December 2017 / January 2018

23

calendar

Paddington 2

2 December

6 December

Paddington is now happily settled with the Brown family in Windsor Gardens, where he has become a popular member of the community, spreading joy and marmalade wherever he goes. In his search for Aunt Lucy’s 100th birthday present, Paddington spots a unique pop-up book. But when the book is stolen, Paddington must find the thief. This family movie opens in cinemas today. Visit numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com

Christmas baking

Mini World Youth Day: Durban

Get ready for Christmas and learn how to make traditional shortbread, mince pies including the fruit mince, and a Yule log.

The workshop runs from 9am–11:30am at Meryl’s School of Cooking, Kloof. Cost R330. Contact: 031 764 6577 or meryl@ merylschoolofcooking.co.za

Young Catholic people from Southern Africa unite to celebrate their Christianity, community and unity while experiencing the chosen theme of “young people, faith and vocations”.

The five-day formal gathering brings together young people 18–35 years of age, and includes community engagement, prayerful activities, discussion groups and pilgrimages. The event takes place from 9am, 6–10 December, at the Durban Exhibition Centre. Visit miniworldyouthday.co.za

Christmas Carnival Annie’s Busy Bees hosts their annual festive carnival. It’s open from 9am–2pm at Crusaders Sports Club. There is no entry fee. Contact: gary.anne@mweb.co.za

Anomaly This solo exhibition by Corné Eksteen runs at ArtSpace until 23 December and explores the polarities between the controlled and unpredictable. There is a walkabout with the artist on 9 December at 11am, and the gallery is open Monday–Saturday from 10am. Visit artspace-durban.com

South Coast Summer Beach Tour Sinbad the Sailor This family pantomime is a riotous romp over the Seven Seas, in the company of Sinbad the Sailor and his madcap crew and family!

With gloriously colourful sets and costumes that evoke the exotic mystery and magic of the Arabian Nights, and exciting music and dance, this is an unforgettable experience for the entire family. Performances 2:30pm Tuesday–Sunday and 7pm on Fridays until 7 January at the Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre. Pay R120–R230; book through computicket.com

Kicking off with the Harvest Music Festival, this festival sees a variety of fun family events including beach games, summer fashion shows, talent contests, beach sports and more taking place at various South Coast beaches until 27 December. For programme details, visit wozaniafrica.co.za

Italian Opera Evening This celebration of music takes place at The Playhouse Drama Theatre from 6:30pm–9:30pm. Tickets for the evening are R180 and are available at Computicket.

Visit dantedurban.com

Chill at SnowWorld

5 December

Fabulous snowy fun for children of all ages at Gateway Theatre of Shopping.

From ice slides to snow ramps and an Animals of the Ice Age Expo, there’s plenty to keep the children entertained. Open from 1 December–7 January, 10am–6pm daily, closed 25 December and 1 January.

Tickets from R30–R80 for a 45-minute session are available at webtickets. co.za, and children under 2 years of age participate for free. Visit gatewayworld.co.za

Going, Going A delightful family show that sees an orphaned rhino find his identity through colourful storytelling, vibrant song and puppet theatre. Expect 45 minutes of foot-stomping fun. All funds go to Project Rhino. The show will be staged for Durban schools at the Rhumbelow Theatre at 9:30am and 11:30am. For costs and bookings, contact jeanvanelden@gmail. com or visit events.durbantheatre.com

Mim will run a workshop for the children on how to make simple Christmas tree decorations. Performances are at 10am, at the Rhumbelow Theatre until 15 December.

Visit events.durbantheatre.com

Exciting activities They’re shaking things up at The Pavilion Mall for the festive season with a number of exciting activities for children including epic karting, laser tag and photos with Santa among others. From 6–24 December (9am–7pm). Visit www.thepav.co.za for more information.

Our Story Magic This popular children’s work is a collection of enchanting tales written by author/ poet and storyteller Gcina Mhlophe. The collection offers a wonderful opportunity to explore folklore stories through a theatre piece using dance, song and storytelling.

Children will leave the theatre with an everlasting message to build positivity into their little lives. Performances are at The Playhouse, with various dates and times available, until 10 December. Tickets are R50; book through computicket.com

7 December

Christmas Puppet Pantomime

10 December

Suzy and Granny are back with a beautiful Supa Dupa Christmas Eve story. Hear all your favourite children’s Christmas songs and sing along as Granny talks about Yuletide traditions, Santa gets stuck up the chimney, and the Christmas Angel reminds us of the love we share. Afterwards, Auntie

Carols at The Wavehouse

Sea Quest Holiday Course Join in a two-day adventure to help solve Thandi Turtles’ problem at uShaka Sea World. Thandi is passionate about the marine environment and troubled by the amount of litter on our beaches. This course includes shows, arts and crafts, colouring in games and sessions with uShaka Sea World staff. It takes place from 8am-4pm, 7–8 December.

Booking is essential and tickets are available at education@seaworld.org.za

Take your family to enjoy the carols and a fun look at the Christmas story. A variety of food is on sale. The carols are from 7pm–8pm at The Wavehouse, Gateway.

Entry is free but booking is essential.

Contact Ruth: 064 734 6290

10 December

Pottery Exhibition Admire world-class ceramics by Andrew Walford and amazing views of Shongweni dam and game reserve as you relax with friends while the children enjoy the play clay area. There’s also breyani, biscotti, mince pies, homemade lemon juice and tea or coffee. The open day is from 10am–6pm. Visit andrewwalfordpottery.com

let’s party

24

December 2017 / January 2018

magazine durban

12 December

Bryan Adams As part of his Get Up World Tour, Bryan Adams is performing all his hits live. Catch him at the Durban ICC at 8:30pm. Tickets are available from R515–R1 080; book through computicket.com

uMhlanga Summer Festival

Markets Donation Station Jumble Sale

This annual festival brings a variety of family-centred holiday activities to uMhlanga. The beach festival runs from 14–23 December and offers plenty of fun, games and activities on the main beach.

The Mr and Miss uMhlanga Beauty Pageant finals take place at 11am on 16 December on the Millennium Stage, and the uMhlanga Trail Run and Walk is on 17 December. For details, visit umhlangatourism.co.za

Find a large variety of quality goods for sale at competitive prices, including shoes, crockery, toys, books, linen, or new and second-hand clothing. Funds raised go towards the needs of the children in the care of Child Welfare Durban and District. Open from 9am–1pm on 1 December at 20 Clarence Road, Greyville. Visit Facebook: Child Welfare Durban and District

20 December

I heart Market

Carols by Candlelight

The I Heart Market offers a unique, stressfree environment to shop for gorgeous, locally-made products. Find everything you need from jewellery, art, fashion, home décor and accessories to environmentallyfriendly upcycled or repurposed goods, and second-hand gems. The market is open from 9am–2pm on 2, 9 and 16 December and 6 January at Moses Mabhida Stadium.

Visit Facebook: I Heart Market

14 December

Part of the uMhlanga Summer Festival, this event takes place from 7pm–8pm at Granada Square and sees carollers singing along to Christmas classics under the stars. Father Christmas will arrive on the back of a Harley Davidson and guests are invited to take along unwrapped toys to be gifted to underprivileged children by the Rotary Club of Umhlanga. Visit umhlangatourism.co.za

22 December

Ferdinand the Bull This animated family film opens in cinemas and tells the story of a giant bull with a big heart. After being mistaken for a dangerous beast, he is taken from his home.

Determined to return to his family, he rallies a misfit team for the ultimate adventure. Set in Spain, Ferdinand proves you can’t judge a bull by its cover. Visit numetro. co.za or sterkinekor.com

19 January

Fresha Fest!

A free, fun, family alfresco theatre festival on North Beach. The Fresha Festival starts late afternoon on Friday with a performance showcase to provide an overview of the weekend ahead. The festival continues on Saturday and Sunday from 12pm–5pm offering a full afternoon of diverse, family-friendly, free short shows.Visit freshafestival.co.za 21 December

A Christmas Celebration This festive season show celebrates Christmas through song. With a mixture of stirring gospel numbers and a medley of classics, the show offers a varied musical performance with a sprinkling of dance numbers. It stars Judith Sephuma, the full KwaZulu-Natal Philharmonic Orchestra (KZNPO) and more. Suitable for the whole family, it will leave you feeling festive.

Shows are at 7pm on 22 and 23 December at The Playhouse. Tickets are R50–R120; book through computicket.com

Oyster Box’s Carols by Candlelight Gather family and friends for dinner, music and magic at the Oyster Box’s annual Carols by Candlelight. Enjoy a plated starter, buffet main course and plated dessert at R490 per adult and R250 per child, from 6pm. Contact: 031 514 5000 or restaurants@oysterbox.co.za

Holiday programmes Cooking Kids holiday courses Children can take part in a Mini Chef competition with judges, prizes and loads of fun, from 12–14 December. Classes run from 9am–10:30am at Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Pay R570 for all three lessons. Contact: 031 764 6577 or meryl@merylschoolofcooking.co.za

Junior Ranger holiday camps Does your child dream of being a game ranger when he grows up? He can start right now with the Gwahumbe Junior Rangers’ Camp. This three-day two-night camp teaches children about their favourite animals, plus they get to see how nature can provide them with everything they need to survive in the bush. The camp is suitable for children 8–13 years old and runs from 13–15 December at Gwahumbe Game and Spa, Mid–Illovo. It costs R1 650. Contact: 082 347 6536

The Shongweni Farmers & Craft Market Christmas Extravaganza Starting from 2pm on 15 December, the Christmas Extravaganza at the Shongweni Market offers a wide range of craft and food items. The Christmas market continues from 6:30am on 16 December and 9am on 17 December. Shopping hours have also been extended for the usual Saturday markets in December, now running from 9am–1pm. Visit shongwenimarket.co.za

family marketplace

magazine durban

December 2017 / January 2018

25

finishing touch

the joys of camping ignited Much to her surprise, ANÉL LEWIS discovers that camping, despite the lack of luxury, is actually fun.

in the next issue

And now, weeks after that trip, we find that we can deal with any complaints of boredom by hauling out the sleeping bags and giving Erin and Conor free rein with the lounge pillows to fashion their own campsite. And the best part of keeping the spirit of camp alive, even at home, is that I can keep the children happy without having to forego life’s little luxuries. If only I could get them to eat mielies there as well …

Anél Lewis has bought a fold-up camping bed to ensure that she is well prepared for her family’s next foray into the wild. She’s also tucked a spare pair of pyjamas into the bag, just in case.

PHOTOGRAPH: craig lewis

the same. Fortunately, one of our camping crew has a penchant for decorative board shorts, and we eventually spotted him (or at least his shorts) in the distance. Relief flooded through us and we happily set up camp.

Besides the delight of having to balance on an undulating inflatable mattress, I also had two nights of sleeping in the same T-shirt to look forward to as I had forgotten to pack any pyjamas. Meanwhile, at Camp Conor next door, my son was merrily unpacking all 478 of his Hot Wheels cars and Erin and her friends were playing dressup in the 14 onesies she had packed “just in case”.

After the excitement of the long drive and the thrill of eating mielies roasted on an open fire (why is it that at home, mielies are “yucky” but, dish them up on a paper plate and suddenly they’re “the best thing ever, Mom”?), the children were ready for their first night in a tent. We heard their animated whispers for a good few moments before they fell into a deep sleep that only fresh air can induce.

Over the next few days, we braaied and swam, the children performed an impromptu concert around the campfire and we made new friends. I learned to balance on the floppy mattress and we got accustomed to hardly seeing our children unless they needed snacks. I found myself coming around to the whole camping vibe. I mean, who needs pyjamas and a warm shower anyway?

Conor, Erin and Anél

et tre

on s

s

omething magical happens when you let a child spend a couple of nights in a sleeping bag and a tent. Throw in some open space, a mountain waterfall or two and a few unfamiliar but friendly faces, and you have created their idea of Utopia. We discovered this recently when we took Erin and Conor on their first camping trip.

I, for one, was not too enamoured with the thought of spending a couple of nights on a blow-up mattress, and the thought of negotiating the seven-minute walk to the nearest ablution blocks with no aid from Eskom to light the way did not fill me with joy.

The much-anticipated camping weekend got off to a rocky start – quite literally – as we realised that our sedan was not designed for the 190-degree, off-road incline (and subsequent descent) to the campsite. As a result, we announced our arrival with the rather unflattering “thwack” of a punctured tyre. We were mortified, but the children thought it was incredibly “cool” to make a noisy entrance.

And of course, it was a great talking point to ignite some new friendships right off the bat.

Once the tyre was changed, our next challenge was to find our friends in the sprawling campsite. It was about 35 degrees by then and Erin and Conor were thirsty and anxious to get settled. The search for our site would have put “Where’s Wally” to shame. Every tent looked exactly

25

January

february/march is our

school’s back issue mom, my tummy’s sore we look at ten (good) reasons to miss school and stay home.

is my child different? delayed speech, no eye contact, no full sentences, what’s really going on?

lunchboxes from shopping lists to breaktime bliss, we’ll help you create Instagram-worthy snacks your children will love and eat!

expecting? we look at baby names, what they mean and how to choose the

school open days

right one for your child.

…are the best place to start when you are looking for the right school for

new baba at home?

your child. We tell you when, where

don’t let nappy rash or eczema ruin those perfect early days. From

and what to look for.

prevention to cures, we’ve got you covered every step of the way.

To advertise call: 0861 867 885 or email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za | Booking deadline: 9 January | Material deadline: 11 January 26

December 2017 / January 2018

magazine durban

recipes

easy meals jam-packed with goodness With the real gift of the holiday season being family time, jampacked by Tina Bester inspires you and your children to cook with the season’s offerings and fill your pantry with mouth-watering relishes, pesto and sauces. Once the shelves are stocked, school night suppers become quick, easy and layered with flavour. onion relish This sweet-piquant relish takes a cheese sandwich – or a homemade burger – to new heights.

Makes 3 x 250ml jars 125ml olive oil • 2kg onions, peeled and sliced • 200g brown sugar • 250ml red wine vinegar • salt and freshly ground black pepper Place the olive oil and the onions in a large pot and cook for about 40 minutes until the onions have browned and caramelised. Add the brown sugar, vinegar, some salt and a good grind of black pepper and cook for a further 10 minutes until the onions are thick and syrupy. Spoon into sterilised jars and seal.

mushroom and gorgonzola toasts with onion relish It’s definitely worth making the polenta bread for these toasts – the sweet corn flavour is the perfect partner for the onion relish and strong taste of the Gorgonzola cheese.

Serves 4–6

roasted red pepper and cashew nut pesto The rich, savoury-sweet flavour of this pesto makes it a favourite in our house.

Makes 500ml 4 red bell peppers, halved and seeds removed • 5 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil • 1 tsp balsamic vinegar • 30g fresh basil leaves • 50g finely grated Parmesan cheese • 3 cloves garlic, crushed • 100g roasted cashew nuts • ¼ tsp freshly ground pepper • a good pinch of sea salt Preheat the oven to 180˚C. Place the peppers, cut-sides down, on a baking tray.

Roast the peppers until they are soft and cooked and their skins are slightly charred.

Remove from the oven, place the peppers in a bowl of cold water and peel off the skins.

Place the peeled peppers and the rest of the ingredients in a food processor and blend until you have a thick paste. Adjust the seasoning if necessary.

The pesto keeps well in an airtight container in the fridge for about 4–5 days.

All recipes courtesy of Jampacked by Tina Bester. IMAGES: craig fraser

For the polenta bread: 40g instant yeast • 400ml warm water • pinch of castor sugar • 250g strong plain flour, plus extra for dusting • 250g fine polenta (must be fine polenta otherwise the bread is too coarse) • 1 tsp sea salt • 2 tsp olive oil, plus extra for greasing • 60ml olive oil, plus extra for drizzling • 400g wild mushrooms • freshly ground black pepper • 1 clove garlic • 30g wild rocket • 100g Gorgonzola cheese • 1 x 350ml jar onion relish To make the polenta bread, preheat the oven to 220°C. Mix the yeast and water together in a jug, then add the sugar and about 2 tbsp of the strong white flour and leave for a few minutes.

Mix the remaining flour and polenta together. Place the flour mixture on a clean worktop and make a well in the centre. Pour the yeast mixture into the well and knead it into the flour, adding a little more water if required. Add the salt and oil and knead hard for about 10 minutes. Line a loaf tin with baking paper and place the dough in the tin. Allow it to rise until it has almost doubled in size. Bake the risen dough for 45–50 minutes or until it has cooked through. Tap the bottom of the bread tin and listen for a hollow sound. Cool on a wire rack.

To make the topping, heat half the olive oil in a pan and cook the mushrooms in two batches with a good grind of black pepper. Toss them in the pan until they are golden brown and set them aside.

To assemble the toasts, cut 4 slices of polenta bread, drizzle with a little olive oil and toast in a hot griddle pan.

Cut the clove of garlic in half and rub each slice of bread with the cut side of the garlic.

Top with rocket, slices of Gorgonzola, the cooked wild mushrooms and a good dollop of onion relish.

tomato sauce Once you’ve had this with your chips, you’ll never crave store-bought tomato sauce again. This is the real deal!

Makes 1 litre

roasted red pepper and cashew nut pesto with homemade spaghetti This is the perfect midweek dinner and is also a delicious choice to serve to friends who are vegetarian.

Serves 4 For the spaghetti: 400g flour • 4 eggs • 1 quantity roasted red pepper and cashew nut pesto For the spaghetti, place the flour on a clean kitchen surface and make a well in the centre.

Crack the eggs into the middle and lightly whisk, slowly bringing the flour into the centre until the dough starts to come together and all the flour is combined. Turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 4–5 minutes until the dough is smooth. Wrap it in clingfilm and let it rest for 30 minutes.

Divide the dough into four and pass the dough through the biggest setting on the pasta machine.

Repeat this 5 or 6 times, folding the dough over each time.

Set the pasta machine on the next setting and pass the dough through, repeating 5 or 6 times on each setting until you reach the narrowest setting.

Lay the sheets of pasta on nonstick baking paper. Repeat the process with the other portions.

Pass the thin pasta sheets through the spaghetti cutter on the pasta machine.

Cook the pasta for 3–4 minutes in a large pot of salted water. Mix through the pesto and serve hot.

1.5kg tomatoes, roughly chopped • 1 red onion, diced • 2 cloves garlic, crushed • 2 tsp freshly ground black pepper • 2 tsp mustard seeds • 2 allspice berries • 2 whole cloves • ½ cinnamon stick • 1 tsp paprika • pinch of ground chilli • 70g brown sugar • 80ml apple cider vinegar • juice of ½ lemon • 1 tsp sea salt Place all the ingredients except the brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice and salt in a pot and simmer slowly for about 30 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from the heat and allow the mixture to cool. Once cooled, place the tomato mixture in a food processor and blend until smooth.

Strain the blended mixture through a sieve and into a saucepan, making sure you have extracted as much juice as possible from the pulp. Place the saucepan on a medium heat and stir in the remaining ingredients. Simmer for 10–15 minutes. Pour into sterilised bottles or jars.

This sauce will keep for up to three weeks in the fridge.

About the book

Tina Bester, fondly known as the Queen of Tarts, is the author of five bestselling cookbooks. Her latest book, jampacked, R255, is published

by Quivertree and is available at leading bookstores.Visit quivertreepublications.com