Child magazine | DBN April 2015

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

fun

handwriting how it trains the brain

times don’t worry,

be happy see the

world without a visa

what’s in a name?

dealing with the problem child label

for lazy days your child &

free

social media

www.childmag.co.za

April 2015

mouthwatering meals

plus: school-night feast

p.24

fabulous deals to make you smile

health

education

entertainment

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

April is a fun month

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art Designers Nikki-leigh Piper • studio@childmag.co.za Mark Vincer • studio3@childmag.co.za Louise Topping • studio@childmag.co.za

Advertising Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations Lisa Waterloo • dbnsales@childmag.co.za

Subscriptions and Circulation Nicolene Baldy • subs@childmag.co.za

PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: BROOKE FASANI

Accounts Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

Lisa Mc Namara Publisher

Child magazine Online

Durban’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing,

childmag.co.za

35 Wesley Street, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 021 465 6093, fax: 021 462 2680,

Online Content Manager Marc de Chazal • online@childmag.co.za

PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 7, Canterbury Studios, email: info@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions

monthly circulation Joburg’s Child magazineTM Cape Town’s Child magazineTM Durban’s Child magazineTM Pretoria’s Child magazineTM

55 47 40 39

298 633 155 900

to advertise Tel: 031 209 2200 Email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za Website: childmag.co.za

but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not

childmag.co.za

ChildMag

childmagazine

South Africa’s best guide for parents

be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher.

We take care to ensure our articles, and other editorial content, are accurate and balanced, but cannot accept responsibility for loss, damage or inconvenience that may arise from reading them.

magazine durban

Free requested Oct 14 - Dec 14

All our magazines are printed on recycled paper.

April 2015

3

contents april 2015

14 3 a note from lisa

health

6 over to you readers respond

7 head above water Tamlyn Vincent explains why and when secondary drowning becomes a threat

features 12 too much information sharing on social media is popular, quick and easy. Christina Castle looks at possible dangers and taboos

14 expertly happy Lucille Kemp discovers the magic formula for happiness

16 what’s in a label? Samantha Page looks at how you can deal positively with behavioural challenges

18 no visa required Lucille Kemp offers a list of overseas destinations you can fly to on a whim

20 crucial cursive writing longhand is still important for our children’s educational development, says Marina Zietsman

22 programming for life not all cartoons are bad, but parents should be aware of the content and limit time spent watching television, says Daniella Renzon

31 laid-back delicious in her book, Lazy Days, Phillippa Cheifitz inspires with delicious recipes made with local produce

regulars 8 pregnancy news – tough, but wonderful Donna Cobban reminisces on what to expect when you’re expecting

9 best for baby – fit baby Anél Lewis finds out more about the benefits of exercise for your baby and toddler

10 dealing with difference – falling between the gap what if, for various reasons, your child with special needs doesn’t fit into any school?

Marc de Chazal finds out

24 resource – eat out specials a list of restaurants compiled by Tamlyn Vincent that offer special family deals

25 a good read for the whole family 26 what’s on in april 30 finishing touch Anél Lewis realises that children are great teachers of patience

classified ads 27 family marketplace 29 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

4

April 2015

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Cotton On Kids cottonon.co.za

Ackermans ackermans.co.za

Sarah-Jane Photography sarahjanephotography.co.za

Claudia De Nobrega Photography claudiadenobrega.com

magazine durban

magazine durban

April 2015

5

letters

baring it all I am a parent and am appalled to see so many moms strip their children naked when they play on the beach. Yes, the beach is where one wears less, but be respectful, if not for others, then for yourself. And instil the same self-respect in your children. It’s not right to expose your child’s body indecently in public places.

There are perverts out there that could be watching your child and possibly taking photos. Swimwear should be mandatory on beaches, even for toddlers.

Anonymous

growing problem of bullying I sympathise completely with parents of children who are bullied, and with parents of children who are bullies, who are at their wits’ end on how to resolve the issue.

I just don’t understand how a parent would make the conscious decision to let their child remain in an environment where they are being bullied, especially if they are aware of the situation. If the school refuses to take the matter seriously, you as a parent have a duty to remove your child from the harmful environment. If you knowingly let your child remain in it, then you are just as responsible as the bully for the deterioration of your child’s wellbeing.

Roshika Pillay

I feel so sorry for children, and their parents, who are victims of bullying. I feel that if the schools, where bullying is occuring, do not take the matter seriously, they should be named and shamed. It’s disgusting if the parents’ plea is not taken seriously. There should be zero tolerance for bullying.

Crystal

thanks to child magazine My child attends Noah’s Ark Highveld nursery. We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for sharing your educational and informative magazine. We love to read the articles and see that other parents go through the same things we do. It has also been helpful to find places and restaurants that accommodate children, and to find fun activities to do.

Avela Potelwa We would just like to let you know that we love your magazine. My daughter, Isabella, is learning to read and the highlight for her is when she gets your magazine at the library. I have to ask her several times if she has finished reading it, before I can indulge myself. Keep up the wonderful work. You are captivating young audiences too.

Tatiana and Isabella Godinho

over to you in response to “lazy parenting” (over to you, March 2015) While I agree that behaviour and discipline should be implemented at home, no parent can take responsibility for a teacher’s classroom situation. I have walked into many classes where the teacher has complete control over the class. I have seen swimming instructors that have two- to four-year-old children trained to the point where they know every single step of the routine, including where to be and how to behave when they have to wait for others to finish up. Raising children has never been the responsibility of parents only. People who I have never met have an impact on my child’s life: the maintenance guy at school, visitors that come by when grandparents babysit, the neighbours, to name just a few. As a parent I do not have control over every aspect of my child’s experiences. The sooner teachers realise that their influence on a child’s life could be equal to that of family members, the sooner parents and teachers will become an educational team for their children.

Elizka This letter speaks to my heart. I have been accused of being military-like in my approach to parenting, but I see great value in drawing clear boundaries for my children.

They have flourished within those boundaries and, yes, it can be all-consuming and tiring, but only while they are

Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine

6

April 2015

in response to “dear mommies of the posh suburbs…” (over to you, March 2015) As a misfit mom of three boys residing in the “posh suburbs” (without millions in the bank or a fancy car), who arranges playdates often, my advice would be: stop inviting someone that doesn’t want to come to your home. There are lots of other misfit moms who would love to have a playdate. If someone doesn’t want to arrange a visit or return the invitation, then move on. Personally, I’d rather my boys have lots of different friends than one best friend. If they do have a best friend then they must still be able to play with others. It is also the best way, besides parties, to get to know other moms. Another tip: I don’t invite less than two moms and no more than four to come along on a playdate – life happens and people cancel. It’s also very difficult for people with older children to arrange playdates because of the timing of after-school activities. But there is always someone who wants to join in on a playdate. Just widen your “search”. Ask your son’s teacher who he gets on with at school and take it from there.

I love doing playdates; it’s always loud and busy, the children have a blast, and you get to know new people.

Some you’ll like and some you won’t.

Jacky Mangnall

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

learning where those boundaries are. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted and it can’t be done in half measures.

Your children deserve all your energy and attention. They exist by your hand and your choice. Make them your priority. Thank you for an insightful publication.

Alison Geduld

to education) or the Public Protector (in the event that there is undue delay in provision of a service that has been promised).

Anonymous Childmag says See the article “falling between the gap” on page 10, which looks at the right of children with special needs to quality education.

your response online to “mainstreaming special needs children” Parents should be aware that the right to an education is guaranteed in the constitution. Schools are obliged not only to provide admission to the institution, but also to afford assistance to a learner in order that they are able to obtain the benefit of learning. This means that children with special learning needs should be accommodated and be provided with learning support in whatever form is required. I am the mother of a little boy who has ADD. He has just started Grade 1 and the principal of the school that he attends advised me to put him on Ritalin or remove him from the school. This is illegal. No child may be denied the right to an education, but also no person may be denied the right to make informed choices regarding healthcare. Parents who encounter problems are advised to contact the education department in their province.

In the event that the department fails to assist them and their child, they should contact the South African Human Rights Commission (if there is an infringement of the right

to “rules to live by” I disagree with rule number four that children need to have a say on where holidays are taken or what colour the house is painted. Those are adult decisions. They can decide between a chocolate or strawberry milkshake or what they’d like to wear to a party. Children are given too much say on adult things and it causes conflict between the parents when one sides with the child or the child doesn’t get what they suggested. The parents must be a united front and be parents to their children, not friends.

Children don’t need to make decisions about grown-up things – they have many years to do that later on in life.

Anonymous subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions.

To subscribe, visit childmag.co.za

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

magazine durban

health

head above water You may think your child is safe after recovering from a near-drowning, but secondary drowning is still a threat. TAMLYN VINCENT explains.

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

m

any parents, I’m sure, have had a heart-stopping moment of panic when their child struggles in the water. Maybe he’s gone under for too long, or sucked in water instead of air. Most of the time, children cough up the water, breathe again, and you relax because everything is going to be fine. Except it isn’t always.

Secondary drowning or dry drowning are unofficial terms, but refer to drowning that happens after someone has left the water. Usually the child, or adult, will have had a near-drowning experience or struggle in the water, sucking water into their lungs. Craig Lambinon, media spokesman at the National Sea Rescue Institute, explains that secondary drowning occurs when this water causes the lungs to swell, making you feel like you are drowning again. The lungs can’t produce enough oxygen, which makes it difficult to breathe. This usually happens four to six hours after the victim has been in the water.

magazine durban

these symptoms, call an ambulance and perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

preventing water accidents

water safety

• Supervise children around any water; children can drown in just a few centimetres of water.

• Ensure your pool is fenced off and has a net covering it when not in use.

• Pack away toys, pool equipment or other objects over which someone could trip.

• Educate children about pool safety.

• Warn children about the dangers of rough play, running around pools, doing flips into the water and diving into shallow water. Also be vigilant if Lilos are in the pool as children can easily become trapped beneath them.

wait and watch Lambinon recommends that you go to hospital for observation after a neardrowning. If symptoms develop, quick treatment is essential. If you don’t go to a hospital, Lambinon advises that the victim be observed for at least six hours after he has left the water. Children especially are

tired after such experiences and want to go to sleep. Observe them, says Lambinon, as symptoms may develop while they are asleep, and they may never wake up.

Symptoms to look out for include difficulty breathing, wheeziness, chest pain, persistent coughing, a fever and a change in behaviour or drop in energy level. If you notice any of

Secondary drowning isn’t common, but it does happen. And while it can happen to anyone, children are more at risk. Dominique Smythe, a swimming school instructor in Durban, says children who know how to swim are still at risk, but the threat is greater for children between the ages of one and four. Risk is increased when children and adults aren’t water safe, adds Smythe; rough play around water, diving into shallow pools, open access to water, and a lack of education and supervision all add to the risk. Teaching children to swim is one way to help prevent any type of drowning. Smythe recommends starting lessons between the ages of one and four years old. “Children five to 14 years old need to be water safe and be able to swim themselves out of dangerous situations,” says Smythe. It’s important not to overestimate your child’s swimming ability.

April 2015

7

pregnancy news

tough, but

wonderful DONNA COBBAN gleans some surprising titbits from mothers who wish someone had told them what

t

he night my water broke, I stood outside at the back door looking up at a star-studded sky, aware that my life was about to change forever. I longed for a village of elders to whisper words of advice and then silently retreat.

Looking back, had they been there, they would have told me that breast-feeding is not easy. Fail to get it right and your nipples will crack open and fissures will appear the size of canyons. They would have sung the praises of lashings of lanolin cream to protect those precious nipples while leaving piles of chilled cabbage leaves by my side to ward off the heat of milk engorged breasts. “Don’t worry too much,” they would have advised. “Not a lot can go truly wrong at this point. Sleep when he sleeps, get out as much as you

8

April 2015

can, go for long walks with him in the pram and relish every second with this tiny human being... it passes so quickly.”

Apparently, reading or watching a movie while breastfeeding may result in less bonding time with your baby.

Were I to do it again I would shrug off such nonsense and use the quiet times when breast-feeding seemed to be taking forever to read more gripping novels and catch up on world news and interesting research. Georgia, mother of two young children, wishes someone had told her to read as many books as possible over 300 pages long that require a modicum of concentration. She has not, however, lost all hope. “I am told that this skill may return when my youngest turns five.” Sticking firmly to literature, Georgia suggests mothers-to-be should remember they are having a child, not taking an exam. “You don’t have to read every book in the universe and attend every antenatal class. Your child will still stick with you. In fact, ditch the baby books and read War and Peace.”

Ingrid, mother of one with another on the way, has sage advice for when you feel beloved relatives closing in on

you with all the best intentions at heart. You need to let go and let them help, she says. Some issues are, of course, easier than others, so it might be prudent to choose your battles wisely. Ingrid recounts her resistance to a new household appliance: “If your mother thinks you need a tumble drier and you really don’t think you do, but she’s not letting it go, let her buy it for you.”

When Ingrid was a mother-to-be she was constantly told by other parents how hard it was going to be. She became tired of the ominous warnings and resolved not to waste such negative advice on another mother-to-be in the family, who in turn was furious with her after the fact as no-one had told her about the tough bits. Ingrid has since resolved to tell people that while it can be tough, it is wonderful.

And that is just what it is – truly and utterly wonderful, mixed up with a bit of sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, self-doubt, confusion and exhaustion – sometimes in equal measures and sometimes not. But wonderful wins hands down in the end.

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

to expect when having their first child.

a

fit

baby PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

Physical activity is an essential part of a healthy lifestyle, but how soon should we get our children involved in exercise? ANÉL LEWIS finds out more about the benefits of exercise for babies and toddlers.

magazine durban

t what age should we get our children onto an exercise regime? As soon as possible, says Cape Town-based occupational therapist Zulfa Dominick, as exercise is in fact “playtime” that will stimulate your baby’s development physically and socially. It will also help with developmental milestones.

This can be done by joining a baby exercise class, or by incorporating fun exercises into your daily routine.

Keep up the exercise once your child starts to walk by encouraging age-appropriate physical activities. While your child’s physical activity lays a solid foundation for a healthy lifestyle, it also has significant benefits for their fine and gross motor skills, social interaction and confidence. The bonus of group exercise classes is that you get to meet other parents in a relaxed environment and make time to bond with your child.

what to expect Dominick says most of the exercises from birth to around 15 months are about stretching, massage and stimulation to make your baby more aware of his body and surroundings.

Exercise also stimulates visual, auditory and vestibular development as the baby is forced to rely on his senses to respond to the environment, says Dominick. When a child is stimulated through crawling over and under things, and swung during play, vestibular input is received. This allows the child to develop a tolerance for movement and improves gross motor coordination.

at home Dominick says the following exercises can be done with babies as soon as they show an ability to lift their head and press on their arms:

best for baby Muscle stretches Gently massage from the upper neck down the back in a criss-cross pattern, from the upper thigh down to the ankle, massaging the bottom and top of the feet, between the toes and moving the toes in a circular motion. Do the same with the upper limbs. This will promote good muscle tone and posture, and well-coordinated movements later on.

Vestibular exercises Facilitate crawling on a stable surface, gently guiding arms into the correct position and feet so that they don’t drag. Or, let your baby crawl over a raised pillow, roller or rolled pillow.

Standing and walking exercises Let your baby grasp your finger and then gently pull himself into a sitting position. Once your baby can pull himself up using your hand, then you can start doing trunk exercises by allowing him to sit up and play with a toy placed on the left side of his body, and then the right side. Note that the supported pull must be a gentle forward and up movement and not a direct upwards move, as this could cause dislocation at the glenohumeral (shoulder) joint.

Hand exercises From about two months, encourage an open hand by placing a rolled up sock in your baby’s hand or allow him to hold a soft toy. Move the fingers about individually, and then move them towards and away from the palm. At four months, let your baby reach for suspended objects to strengthen his shoulder girdle and arms. From about 12 months, you can introduce smaller objects and even buttons to stimulate the pincer grasp. Be sure to observe this activity at all times.

Feet exercises Encourage your baby to kick against an object such as your hand, a stuffed toy that makes sounds or a suspended ball.

April 2015

9

dealing with difference

falling between

the gap Many parents are finding that their children with special needs just don’t “fit in” to a specific school, for a number of reasons.

MARC DE CHAZAL investigates.

challenged or cognitively delayed, and they require specialised staff with a higher staff-to-pupil ratio.

slow march to inclusivity The White Paper 6 on Inclusive Education provides the framework to fulfil the right to quality education for children with disabilities, points out Liezl Schlebusch, a PhD student who has visited numerous schools and interviewed staff about parents’ journeys in finding the right school for their children. “The policy’s goal is to develop an inclusive education system that will recognise and accommodate the diverse range of learning needs,” says Schlebusch, “but the implementation is slow.

Currently, mainstream government schools are required to admit learners with special needs where it is ‘reasonably practical’.”

Sue Fowlds, principal of Wiggles & Squiggles School in Randburg, admits that inclusive learning environments are growing, but believes inclusion is complicated. “There will always be ‘that child’ who is too distracting, too boisterous, needs too much attention, is not keeping up with the group or is not coping with sitting, listening and responding appropriately in a mainstream class,” says Fowlds.

Are teachers in mainstream schools simply out of their depth when it comes to handling children with learning barriers? Sue Fowlds thinks so. “Teaching children with barriers to learning requires more specialised training and experience to meet their holistic educational needs. The child with special needs often throws a spanner in the works in

The focus of inclusion is on removing the barriers to learning so that all children can reach their full potential.

10

April 2015

a conventional classroom environment,” she says.

A child with special needs may be admitted into a mainstream school, but they still need to find their place in the school’s existing system, points out Schlebusch.

“Instead of focusing on changing the learner to fit into a specific educational system, the focus of inclusion is on removing the barriers to learning so that all children can reach their full potential,” she explains.

Fowlds agrees wholeheartedly.

It seems that we’re still a long way from achieving this. Children who use wheelchairs or crutches for mobility require ramps, suitable bag racks and wider aisles between desks.

Learning environments need to be adapted to accommodate them.

According to Fowlds, many schools prohibit parentemployed caregivers from accompanying learners and it doesn’t seem likely there will be budgets for state-provided support staff in the near future, which means that affected families of children with learning barriers must find a suitable remedial school – “a very long, tedious and often lonely journey,” she says.

for children with special needs on a central database with the Department of Education. “This will improve accessibility for the growing numbers of parents looking for the right school for their child,” she says. “I also believe teachers and facilitators need ongoing training in order to identify symptoms and behaviours, as there are numerous interventions available when something out of the ordinary is noticed. Teachers and support staff are not qualified to offer a diagnosis without a medical qualification, but they can suggest appropriate strategies for the child or refer parents to the right professionals, if they have the necessary training.”

The right to quality education can and should be realised for children with special needs.

Schlebusch is of the opinion that improved interaction with others and a suitable environment will enable children with special needs to “reap the social, emotional and cognitive benefits provided to all children in learning environments”. But the most important goal for these families is that their child is happy in a school environment, says Schlebusch. “Inclusion is more than just attending a school, though. It starts in our homes and in our community. By focusing on the strengths of a child with a disability and providing supporting environments that enable them to participate, we can create a truly inclusive society and achieve quality education for all.”

“It’s time that our special needs families – ‘the invisibles’ – were a bigger part of the community and their children more widely accepted into all areas of society,” adds Fowlds.

The right to quality education can and should be realised for children with special needs.

onwards So, what’s the way forward for frustrated parents at their wits’ end because they are being turned down continually when trying to enrol their children at schools recommended to them?

“We need teams of professionals to have a clear understanding of suitable schools in their vicinity that cater for children with a variety of learning needs,” advises Fowlds, who would like to see all of the specialised schools catering

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

p

atricia is a single mom from Joburg struggling to raise a child who has cerebral palsy. She cannot afford the R4 500 per month required to get her five-year-old daughter into a private, special needs school and the corporates she has approached for funding have all turned her down. To make matters worse, a government school also declined her application because her child, who is not toilet-trained, is considered physically and mentally challenged. It’s not the best solution, but Patricia has managed to get her daughter into a stimulation school that runs from 7am to 3pm for a substantially lower cost, freeing her up to find employment.

Patricia is not alone.

Many parents of children with special needs are running from pillar to post because their children allegedly don’t fit into a specific school – they are either not special needs enough or not remedial enough. New private schools are popping up in suburbs as a result, likely started by parents intent on a tailormade service for their own child with special needs. These facilities can become successful businesses, but they need to be registered with the Health and Education Departments. It’s only a solution for some children, however, as these schools and centres are usually privately run and the costs are picked up by the parents, indirectly marginalising people like Patricia who cannot afford it. They’re also faced with the same challenges when it comes to who fits into their school. Needs-specific schools tend to cater to a particular group of children, such as autistic, Down’s syndrome, cerebral palsy, physically

magazine durban

April 2015

11

spotlight

too much information CHRISTINA CASTLE navigates the ethical quagmire that social media presents and realises how important it is that we think before we share.

names are there and I recognise the school uniform. I can also pretty much work out what area of Cape Town they are in. With just one click I sometimes have direct access to that child. And I could be anyone. I am anyone. I am not sure I am comfortable with that or if I would be comfortable with that if I were that child’s parent.

permission to post I wonder how my Facebook friends feel about this, so I put the question out there and within minutes I have an overwhelming response from Sydney to Singapore, Cape Town to Calgary, Bloemfontein to Buenos Aires. All the respondents have children aged somewhere between seven months and 27 years old. And their thinking is unanimous.

A four year old is more than likely oblivious to the fact that her gorgeous little face may be appearing on a variety of social media platforms for the entire world to see.

He seems to want a certain amount of control and privacy over the social media platforms he is active on. And while he is certainly of the age to verbalise (to me) exactly how he feels about the subject, a four year old is more than likely oblivious to the fact that her gorgeous little face may be appearing on a variety of social media platforms on a daily basis for the entire world to see. Is that okay?

So I logged on to Facebook, which I tend to do once a day, and trawled through the posts in my Facebook world.

It’s after the weekend, so the page is full of photos of Sunday family lunches, sports matches, birthday parties, surfing lessons, lost teeth, playdates, pets… you name it, it’s photographed. And in those photos are children I know and those I don’t know. But I know them now. Their

12

April 2015

“Posting without permission is a no-no.”

Fiona Gordon Turner, Cape Town “No permission, no posting. The truth is, it will continue to happen regardless.”

Sam Sporides, Joburg “If I would not post it on the large public billboard that I drive past on my way to work, then I don’t.”

Sean Moffat, Hilton “While I do still post, I am very mindful of what I post and almost never include pics of other parents’ children.”

Lynette Lawley Day, Cape Town “I post a pic every now and again.

However, I make sure that there are no labels attached – no school name, bus number, no name on her clothing, etc. – that could identify where she is and when.”

Kathleen Daily, New York “I stopped posting pics of my children years ago as I realised it’s not cool for

the same reason I don’t like my photo to be put up without my permission. I have advised my children to be very careful as Facebook is part of your CV.” Jill Cawse, Port Elizabeth “I have become more aware of what I post after reading an article about how the things you put on the internet linger for ages – the advice was not to post anything that would embarrass my children later in life.”

Catherine Pate, Porterville “I rarely post much stuff, but would only include friends and their children if I am sure they are okay with it. The permanency of stuff that gets posted does worry me, though.”

Tania Kerr, Sydney

likewise. Remember, the same social values apply regardless of the medium.

Okay, Alex, you win. You are right. It is “100% cringe” that I share a photo of you on Facebook without asking your permission first. I will instead just save it to the screen of my smartphone to show my friends. They can then tell me to my face how much you have grown and just how much you look like me. Some of them will even tell me they like it. #cringe

great responsibility From privacy to protection to permanency, this subject certainly has many parents aware of the responsibility required to manage their own social media activity and that of their children. However, we are talking across the generations here and while many parents are familiar with social media, our children are experts across all platforms: Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube, Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr and more. Many children are using these platforms despite being under the legal age (13 years old in most cases).

And because many have access to these platforms via cellphones and other handheld devices, we do not have easy access to what our children and their friends are actually posting.

It is therefore critical that our children learn from an early age the responsible behaviour required when using social media. What is okay to post and what isn’t? What are the consequences of irresponsible posting? What goes online stays online – for years to come. Now that’s a difficult concept to grasp for a child who can’t think further than his next rugby game.

Social media is an exciting space that brings many of us lots of joy. Use it responsibly. Teach your children to do

how to stay one step ahead of your child’s social media activity • Familiarise yourself with all social media platforms.

• If your child is underage, do not sign them up. Age restrictions are there for a reason.

• Set the rules – make a set time of the day for social media interaction and be present when they are online.

• Encourage them to use the computer in a visible area of the house.

• Talk to your children about correct social media behaviour – its dangers and consequences.

• Show them the correct way to interact on social media. Don’t do or say anything on social media that you wouldn’t do or say to someone face-to-face.

• Establish privacy settings.

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH / illustrations: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

a

lex likes to give the impression that he is parentless, that his existence in the world is miraculous. “It’s just cringe, Mom.” That was my 14 year old’s response when he realised I had tagged him in a photo on Facebook. I could always load a few gory pics of the C-section to prove that I’m his mother, but I just wouldn’t do that to him (or me, for that matter). Until that time in the relatively near future (I hope) that he begins to acknowledge my existence again, I will not post any photographs of him on any social media platform without asking him first.

He seems not to have an issue at all, however, when his 22-year-old cousin posts a photo of the two of them fishing. Or when a school mate’s dad has photographed and posted him looking ever-so-buff on the rugby field.

magazine durban

April 2015

13

parenting

expertly i

happy

LUCILLE KEMP finds that there really is a magic formula for happiness.

think life starts to get better for most of us when we realise that quality of life does not centre wholly on achieving the dream of a nice home, job title or goal weight… That it’s about achieving happiness. And we can be happy without said home, job title, goal weight…

As parents, achieving happiness is not only a skill that we must learn for ourselves in order to keep moving forward, it’s a responsibility that we have to our children because, in their growing years, they’re looking to us to set the tone for their lives.

Glenda Weil and Doro Marden, co-authors of Raise Happy Children, say a large part of a parent’s job is to “delve into the conditions for creating the fertile ground in which happiness can flourish – not the happiness that appears in holiday brochures where the sun is always shining and everyone is smiling, but more where the happiness endures through the ups and downs of real family life.”

happiness ingredients

Apart from the basic universal human needs – for food, shelter, security and love – individual needs, that we want met, develop.

Focus on allowing your children the freedom to explore and try different activities to discover what brings them enjoyment, say Weil and Marden. When they have this focus they will be able to play to their strengths, which will bring them an overall sense of joy.

connectedness According to Weil and Marden, “Happy children have secure and loving relationships with their parents, get on with other children and have at least one good friend.” These relationships deepen and are strengthened through communication.

14

April 2015

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

knowing what makes you smile

Focus on quality time with your child, which may call for regulating TV and internet time. Encourage them to invite friends over and create opportunities for laughter, playfulness and show appreciation for all family members’ sense of humour, add Weil and Marden.

guidance Happy children know that they are loved and that their parents are in charge. Children tend to follow their desires the minute they arise, so you will have to teach them patience and delayed gratification – that there are many things out there that they have to wait for before they can fully enjoy them.

Focus on teaching them that it is possible to wait for things, however annoying the wait. Teaching them impulse control is crucial as there will be many times life calls for them to stop and think before acting.

doing something well We all get joy from deeds well done, children included, whether it is completing a difficult jigsaw puzzle or building a tower of bricks. Psychologist Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys, emphasises this by saying that a child should be able to cook a family meal by the age of 11.

Focus on allowing them to get stuck in and get creative.

Provide opportunities to learn new skills and master something appropriate to their age and ability.

realness Don’t get your family trapped in the happiness doctrine – you can’t expect to have fun all the time. Of this, the famed psychotherapist Carl Jung once said, “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning were it not balanced by sadness.”

magazine durban

Focus on letting your child know that you accept their feelings, whether joyful or painful, say Weil and Marden.

Acceptance and understanding are invaluable to your child.

resilience This is the ability to come through despite challenging circumstances; children who learn to cope with life’s setbacks and disappointments have a head start for happiness. With the proper support, disappointment can strengthen rather than weaken the child, say Weil and Marden.

Focus on preparing your child for the bumps in the road as opposed to constantly trying to clear the way for them.

optimism If you find that your child reflects a somewhat halfempty approach to life, know that, according to Weil and Marden, optimism can be taught.

Focus on challenging the view that nothing can be done about a problem by countering “I can’t” with “what’s stopping you?” Recall your child’s past successes and praise their efforts, not just their triumphs.

thankfulness Taking things for granted is the enemy of happiness.

Weil and Marden say that children who feel entitled are less content than those who have an attitude of thankfulness.

Focus on teaching your child to make declarations, such as saying three things they are grateful for at bedtime or writing down five things they are thankful for every Sunday.

giving As the saying by Norman MacEwan goes, happiness lies not so much in having but in sharing – children can be taught the joy of giving to others.

Focus on encouraging them to pick flowers for granny.

connecting with nature From climbing trees to flying kites, there is magic in discovering the outdoors.

Focus on showing them that there is a whole world out there. Share with your child the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.

morality and spirituality A deeper happiness arises when people live in tune with their values and morals. Giving your children a moral dimension can give their lives deeper purpose.

Focus on having rituals like lighting candles for birthdays or examining the intricate detail of flowers in the garden or quietly gazing at the stars together, which, say Weil and Marden, will fill your child with the wonder of existence.

finding the joy in the daily grind • L isten to music while at home together, giving each family member a chance to choose the tunes.

• Get sunshine and exercise every day.

• Break from routine, such as taking a different route to school.

• Make more time for loved ones not in your immediate family.

• Take daily family walks with the dogs before school or before dinner.

• Eat dinner outside at least once a week.

• Wake up a little earlier so you have more time to better enjoy the morning routine and the space you share with your dearest people.

April 2015

15

parenting

what’s in a

label?

Even the best-behaved children can display challenging behaviour, at times, but what if your child has been labelled a “problem child”? SAMANTHA PAGE investigates how you can deal positively with behavioural difficulties. imprison him; we give him the feeling of a life sentence. When we diagnose children with anxiety, impulsiveness or attention deficiency, we’ve given them a formal ‘condition’, which offers glum prospects.

(And indeed, we’ve provided a great excuse to sidestep any efforts at improvement – ‘I can’t possibly sit through class because I have ADHD’.) In fact, each of the aforementioned ‘conditions’ is nothing but a behaviour. We choose behaviours. And we can choose to adopt different behaviours.”

When we label a child we imprison him; we give him the feeling of a life sentence.

As the other parents stare wide-eyed, the mom apologises profusely and offers an explanation, “He has ADHD and was recently diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), so we’re still working out the kinks in social settings.” A collective nod spreads through the crowd as if these labels explain everything and, as more moms and dads chime in, attention shifts away from the boy, who is now using his juice straw and wrapper as a peashooter from his perch, to the myriad disorders represented in the children here today.

While ADHD is all too common these days, children are also being diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, ODD and generalised anxiety disorder. Although one can completely understand the need for a formal diagnosis so that parents can access a broader range of resources, one wonders whether, in some instances, these labels do more harm than good.

supporting change “Labels are loaded,” says psychotherapist Lisa Finlay. “When we label a child we

16

April 2015

But what if your child’s teachers have identified him or her as a “problem child”? What if you’ve become increasingly concerned by their behaviour? What if you’ve had one too many combative standoffs in public or social settings?

“My son used to have hectic temper tantrums and I could see in his eyes that he was totally out of it,” says Denise Fry, mother of Liam (11). “The only way I could calm him was to hold him tightly, but at times this could take up to an hour. Also, he was not achieving the required developmental milestones, which was when my husband and I decided we needed a formal assessment. An educational psychologist diagnosed Liam with ADHD and pervasive development disorder and while I was grief-stricken at first, the tiger mom in me quickly took over, and I started to focus on getting my child the help he needed. I decided that I also needed support, so I attended a parental guidance class once a week to learn how to play to Liam’s strengths and work towards understanding

There’s a delicate balance between thinking every tantrum is a sign of a disorder and thinking it’s just a phase when assessing a child’s behaviour. him better. It’s been a long and difficult journey, but Liam is flourishing at a private school for children with special needs following the mainstream educational curriculum. It has helped immensely that his teachers are supportive, encouraging and compassionate.”

shaping behaviour There’s a delicate balance between thinking every tantrum is a sign of a disorder and thinking it’s just a phase when assessing a child’s behaviour, which is why a formal assessment can be hugely beneficial to parents, teachers and the child in question.

“A child acting out (biting, sulking, spitting, hitting) could be going through a phase – for example, when there’s a new baby in the home or parents are going through a divorce. The teenage years also bring behavioural problems due to surging hormones or peer pressure,” says Gauteng-based educational psychologist Leila Abdool Gafoor.

“However, professional help should be sought when parents have tried all strategies and failed to either establish what is causing the undesired behaviour or to succeed in changing it. Often children need an unbiased outsider to look into their lives and provide guidance and support in a manner that a family member cannot. Educational psychologists provide this assistance while encouraging positive growth and development,” adds Gafoor.

Often children with challenging behaviour are written off and banished to the back of the class or playground, but their parents, educators and mentors need to calmly coach them through the struggle and difficulty, instead of taking away that learning moment.

“My son, Simphiwe* (9), was diagnosed with ADHD in July last year. While it was a relief to finally have a diagnosis, which explained his lack of focus and inability to reach his full academic potential, my husband and I refused to use any labels.

Instead, we used mantras to empower him,” says his mom, Sindi*. “For example, ‘If you believe, you can achieve.’ ‘Be brave.

Be brilliant. Be you.’ ‘Try new things.’

“We believe that if we brand Simphiwe as anxious, he won’t take risks. If we allow him to use the ADHD label, we stop expecting him to behave and perhaps he would carry the label with him his whole life. Instead, we focus on his strengths, put forward compromises that produce win-win outcomes, and refuse to show up to every confrontation to which we are invited. Now, instead of being afraid of failure, he is more comfortable with trying and has excelled beyond expectation at school.”

It’s this focus on the positive as a support to parents, and self-regulation in children without undermining their confidence and individuality, which Joe Newman focuses on in Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline. Forty years ago, the author was the magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

t

he boy who has climbed up the umpire’s chair at the actioncricket party grins broadly, clearly dismissing the possibility of punishment as his mother sternly tells him to get down. Instead he basks in the satisfaction of having made it through the gauntlet of parents, officials and fellow 10-year-old partygoers. “Okay, no PlayStation for a week,” his mom counters firmly, but I see her resolve waning as the boy crosses his legs defiantly and settles into his lookout.

quintessential “problem child”. In 1970, when he was diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ritalin, his prospects seemed limited, but today he trains and consults with parents, teachers and school administrators to raise and teach healthy, respectful children.

“One of the keys to success with strong-willed children is that the boundaries and expectations must be the same for children at home, in childcare and school environments. Everyone involved with teaching and working with the child must be on the same page,” he says.

Newman also challenges parents and teachers to take the time to understand the differences of children with atypical behaviour and work to accept them as they are, even while trying to shape their behaviour so they can thrive at home, school or in social settings.

And just how does one achieve this?

One way is setting up what Newman calls “areas of choice”. Giving children choice is empowering but they have to be responsible for their choices. For example, if you’ve given a choice between

magazine durban

watching a TV programme or playing a computer game and the child chooses the game, he cannot lament the fact that he missed his favourite TV show, as it was his choice.

Another theme in Raising Lions is “Meet the Hand”, which deals with setting boundaries. “You state your need or set your boundary, but there is no yelling, no judgment and no shame. This recognises the child’s autonomy and empowers him, yet still aims to shape his or her behaviour,” explains Newman.

Every parent knows that some children are harder to handle than others, but happy, confident, caring children grow up in an atmosphere of flexibility and trust, supported by empathetic and realistic parents who are able to build on their child’s strengths and see challenging behaviour as an opportunity for growth, learning and living. And while you may not be able to always control your child, you can control your reaction to his behaviour. Remember, change always begins with choice. *Names have been changed.

behavioural problems you shouldn’t ignore 1 Aggressive behaviour If your child punches a playmate, you’ll step in, but other seemingly less-aggressive behaviour, such as biting or shoving, shouldn’t be ignored either. “If you don’t intervene, rough behaviour can become an entrenched habit. Plus, it sends a message that hurting people is acceptable,” says Cape Town-based educational psychologist Lisa Venter.

2 Constant interruptions It’s common for children to be so anxious to share something they interrupt you when you’re talking to someone else, but allowing children to constantly butt in doesn’t teach them to be considerate or patient. “As a result, she’ll think that she’s entitled to other people’s attention and won’t be able to deal with frustration,” says psychologist Jerry Wyckoff.

3 Tuning you out Having to tell your child three or four times to do something they don’t really want to sends the message that what you’re saying is unimportant and they are really in control. “I realised that my son ignoring me was a power play and if I allowed it to continue, he would entirely disregard my authority, so I’d walk over to him, look him in the eye and deliver my request in a fun but firm way,” says Sindi.

4 Bending the truth You need to confront dishonesty of any kind immediately but make sure you set rules. “It’s important that your child feels safe confiding in you, that you stay true to your word and that no matter what, your child feels loved even if their actions aren’t,” says Abdool Gafoor.

5 Displaying disrespect Eye-rolling, sharp retorts and sarcasm may start as early as preschool. “Teach and model suitable behaviour and help your child to appropriately express themselves in different situations. It’s also important to provide consistent consequences for unacceptable behaviour,” suggests Venter.

April 2015

17

getaway

no visa required South Africans can decide at the drop of a hat to visit many countries around the world without the hassle of applying for a visa. LUCILLE KEMP brings you some choice destinations.

africa

australia

kenya

fiji

The flight Fours hours and the country is one hour ahead Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see Maasai Mara National Reserve; Mombasa; The Great Rift Valley and Mount Kenya Family-friendly Family safaris, hot air balloon flights, guided bush walks led by red-robed Maasai warriors and hand-feeding giraffe at the well-known Giraffe Manor Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus, typhoid, cholera and meningitis

The flight Eighteen hours and the country is 11 hours ahead Maximum length of stay Six months as a tourist Must-see Experience Fiji’s largest isle, Vitu Levu; visit the Nadi region’s open-air souvenir market and pick up traditional Fijian crafts; hike the Taveuni Falls; fly to the Mamanuca islands and visit Monuriki, the island Tom Hanks made famous in Cast Away; see fire-walking on Beqa Island Family-friendly Bouma Falls; boat trip up the Navua River Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus, typhoid and polio

health advice • Take antimalarial medication where necessary • Prevent bug bites • Keep away from animals • Reduce your exposure to germs • Avoid sharing body fluids • Avoid non-sterile medical or cosmetic equipment • Ask your doctor what vaccines and medicines you need based on where you are going, how long you are staying and what you will be doing.

18

April 2015

zambia The flight Two hours Maximum length of stay Unlimited Must-see Victoria Falls; Kafue National Park and the Zambezi River source Family-friendly The Luangwa River Cruise; Saturday Dutch Market in the Kabulonga area of Lusaka; in November book a tour guide to see the wildebeest migration Vaccinations Compulsory: none.

Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus and meningitis

The flight Fifteen hours and the country is 11 hours ahead Maximum length of stay Three months Must-see Milford Sound; guided walk to the Fox Glacier; kayak through The Bay of Islands Family-friendly Rotorua for its Maori culture and geothermal phenomena such as geysers, boiling mud pools and huge volcanic craters; explore hiking and mountain biking, leisure and wildlife parks, scenic flights, lake and river activities Vaccinations None

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

new zealand

• Eat and drink safely

sri lanka

asia maldives The flight Seven hours and the country is three hours ahead Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see The HP Reef and the Banana Reef; Alimatha Island; Manta Point and the Hukuru Miskiiy (Old Friday Mosque)

Family-friendly The numerous resorts and the safe shallow lagoons with brightlycoloured fish Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A and typhoid

The flight Nine hours and the country is three hours ahead Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see The tea plantations; Batticaloa and the east coast; The Temple of the Sacred Tooth Relic; Yala National Park; Unawatuna and south coast beaches; Adam’s Peak night pilgrimage; the ancient ruins of Polonnaruwa and the Sigiriya Rock Family-friendly Pinnawala Elephant Orphanage; The Cultural Triangle and watch a Kandyan dance performance Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus and polio

north america bahamas

costa rica

The flight Sixteen hours and the country is seven hours behind Maximum length of stay Your passport must be valid for at least six months from date of entry Must-see Sandy Toes and Rose Island, which offers a pristine all-day inclusive private island experience Family-friendly Clifton Heritage National Land and Sea Park; Ardastra Gardens, Zoo and Conservation Centre Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: polio, tetanus, hepatitis A and typhoid

The flight Fifteen hours and the country is eight hours behind Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see Monteverde for cloud forest and rainforest exploration; Manuel Antonio beach; Arenal Volcano and Corcovado National Park for its mountains, hot springs and waterfalls – National Geographic has called it the most biologically intense place on Earth in terms of biodiversity. There are also cultural festival celebrations at various times of the year.

Family-friendly Zip-lining through Monteverde’s forest canopy; night-time

jamaica The flight Fifteen hours and the country is seven hours behind Maximum length of stay Ninety days Must-see Dunn’s River Falls; Dolphin Cove; Montego Bay; Bob Marley Museum; Martha Brae River; Green Grotto Caves and Lime Cay Family-friendly Chukka River tubing safari; horse-back ride and swim in Sandy Bay; family catamaran cruises that include snorkelling; a 120-foot waterslide and giant water trampolines Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus, typhoid and polio

magazine durban

turtle nesting at Refugio Nacional de Fauna Silvestre Ostional; learning to surf at Mal País and Santa Teresa; white-water rafting on the Río Reventazón or Río Pacuare and exploring the jungle rivers of Tortuguero Vaccinations None

south america argentina The flight Ten hours and the country is five hours behind Maximum length of stay Unlimited Must-see Iguazu Falls and the Perito Moreno Glacier up close via excellent and safe catwalk systems; a town off the beaten track; El Chalten; the Mendoza wine province; whale-watching in the Golfo Nuevo; seeing the penguin colony at Punt a Tombo national protected area and the Peninsula Valdes Wildlife Sanctuary for birds and marine species Family-friendly Horse-riding in the Pampas; Parque de la Costa amusement park;

Miramar Beach; Bioparque Temaiken Nature Reserve and Buenos Aires Zoo Vaccinations None

April 2015

19

education

crucial With the rise in popularity of digital media, cursive writing is going the way of the typewriter.

But at what cost? MARINA ZIETSMAN finds out why longhand is still important for our children’s educational development.

i

n June last year, a concerned mother in the US phoned her Tennessee state representative and informed her that her son’s junior high school history teacher wrote homework assignments on the blackboard in cursive, which her son could not read. It wasn’t the teenager’s fault. Teaching cursive writing was not compulsory at the time, but this is about to change in a number of US states.

Some people may argue that cursive writing is an ancient skill, especially seeing that children are often introduced to communicating via keyboards from preschool age. But there are others who feel that cursive still has its place. Writing in Psychology Today William Klemm, a professor of neuroscience, says: “Scientists are discovering that learning cursive is an important tool for cognitive development, particularly in training the brain to learn ‘functional specialisation’ (the capacity for optimal efficiency). Brain imaging studies show that cursive activates areas of the brain that do not participate in keyboarding.”

Bunty McDougall is a Cape Town-based occupational therapist who has worked in the field of learning difficulties for 25 years. McDougall is also qualified in sensory integration (SI) and neuro-developmental therapy and currently develops resources for handwriting skills. “The functional specialisation of the brain is the ability of many parts of the brain to work together. It also activates the working memory centres of the brain,” she explains.

Virginia Berninger, a psychologist at the University of Washington, conducted a study of children in Grades 2 to 5. This research demonstrated that printing, cursive writing and typing on a keyboard are all associated with distinct, separate brain patterns. Berninger found that the children who wrote by hand consistently produced more words and ideas than those using a keyboard. She also established that the children with better handwriting showed greater activation in areas associated with the working memory.

In another study, Karin James, a psychologist at Indiana University, studied children who had not yet learnt to read or write a letter or a shape. The children were asked to copy the shape or letter they saw on an index card in one of three ways: draw it on a blank sheet, trace the image on a dotted line or type it on a computer. Afterwards the children were placed in a brain scanner and shown the same image. The results proved that the way in which the children duplicated the word or shape was profoundly different. When using their freehand to draw a letter, they exhibited increased activity in three areas of the brain that are activated in adults when they read and write. In comparison, the other two methods showed a much weaker effect. James also observed children writing letters and others just watching them doing the activity. She found that by physically writing the letter the brain’s pathways were engaged, which assists the learning benefits of handwriting.

McDougall says functional MRIs show us which parts of the brain are active during certain tasks. “It has shown that the sequential finger movements used when children are writing by hand activate the memory centres in the brain,” she says. “This is why writing things down helps us to remember them.” McDougall says these centres are not activated when keyboarding – or rather, the act of pressing down a key on a keyboard does not activate the memory centres in the same way. “This does not mean keyboarding does not have a place in education today,” says McDougall, “but we need to be aware of how critical handwriting is to learning. It is not just a communication tool – it’s a learning tool.”

write to read Current research has also shown a definite link between fine motor skill development (handwriting is a fine motor skill) in preschool and the reading and maths abilities of

20

April 2015

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: BRESCIA HOUSE SCHOOL

how the brain works

learners in Grade 2. McDougall says this is by no means based on one isolated study, but has been replicated to substantiate the link. “We need to focus on children’s fine motor skills development as the foundation for writing (composition) as well as reading,” she says. “The research done also shows that handwriting sets up the brain for learning to read.” Learning handwriting, says McDougall, is the precursor to composition, which is probably one of the greatest goals we want to achieve in school, and we need to know how to efficiently establish the handwriting foundations for this critical skill.

According to the American Psychological Association, first graders who learnt to write cursive received higher scores in reading words and in spelling than a comparable group who learnt to write in manuscript (unjoined letters). One possible explanation is the continuity of movement in cursive, whereas in manuscript writing attention is given to single letters. The continuous line in writing a word provides kinaesthetic feedback about the shape of the words as a whole, which is absent in manuscript writing.

fine tuning McDougall adds that children’s fine motor skills are deteriorating and this has escalated exponentially with the excessive use of the iPad. “Swiping and pressing does not develop the fine motor hand and the supporting muscles for handwriting,” says McDougall. “The foundational aspects for handwriting need to be introduced to children in a structured manner at preschool level. This means the development of the foundational muscles and movement patterns for pencil control and handwriting. This should be done in conjunction with the graded introduction and development of other fine motor skills required for Grade 1, such as cutting, folding, manipulating and letter formation.”

As the American tycoon, author and engineer Lee Iacocca once said, “The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen.”

fun exercises Fun activities to help preschoolers develop fine motor skills: Hiding the toys You will need playdough and some small plastic animals. Hide the animals in the playdough. Your child must then pull off the dough to find the animal inside. To increase the challenge, roll some balls with no animals hiding in them.

Stamping Place a facecloth or absorbent cloth in a tray. Saturate the cloth with paint and use as a stamp pad. You can stamp all sorts of objects: for example, use a toy car to drive across the pad and then across a sheet of paper. You can also use plastic shapes to make an imprint and make stamps from stacking cups, leaves, shapes cut from potatoes and sponges and shapes from shape sorters. Remember to use a big piece of paper and encourage your child to use all of it.

Gluing Make your own glue by mixing half a cup of flour and three-quarters of a cup of cold water into a thin paste. Boil the mixture for a few minutes over a slow heat until thick. Stir constantly. Thin with cold water and let the mixture cool.

Store in an airtight container. You can start by making a collage. Cut out pictures from old cards, magazines or newspapers. Add bits of fabric, buttons or feathers to your picture collage.

Courtesy of Play Learn Know by Dr Melodie de Jager and Liz Victor (Metz Press)

magazine durban

April 2015

21

parenting

programming

for life

Many parents use TV as a babysitter at times, but how does watching hours of cartoons affect a child’s

artoons can benefit children when they’re age-appropriate, support their developmental progress, aid in their cognitive, moral and social development, and encourage fantasy life, says KZN-based clinical psychologist Prof Lourens Schlebusch. “But when cartoons are used as babysitters, a child’s social interactions are with the fictitious characters in these shows. So many studies correlate aggressive behaviour with violence in cartoons as well as a desensitization to the suffering of others. It can cloud a child’s moral development and teach them negative models for social interaction,” he says.

Schlebusch suggests parents consider the nature of the shows, along with the amount of exposure children have to them, given their level of cognitive maturation, and ask: “What message does this show give my child?”

Senior vice president and country manager for The Walt Disney Company Africa, Christine Service, explains that Disney

creates their Disney Junior shows, targeting two to seven year olds, by working closely with parents and caregivers, utilising focus group research and an advisory board comprised of experts in the field of transmedia, storytelling, early education, language development, diversity, digital trends and literacy. All this guides Disney Junior’s learning and development curriculum. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, for example, introduces early mathematical skills and problem-solving, while Sofia the First gives girls a self-assured, independent and adventurous role model.

Nickelodeon brand head Tasania Parsadh says animators can take years to create a show. They consider the target age group, get input from psychologists on age-appropriate messages and try to support preschool curriculums. For example, Bubble Guppies is designed to support school readiness and develop emotional skills.

Dora the Explorer engages children in problem- and puzzle-solving and appreciation of difference and independence.

Being exposed to hours of violent cartoons can subliminally condition children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict.

22

April 2015

magazine durban

ILLUSTRATIONS: © DISNEY 2015 / NICKELODEON

c

development? By DANIELLA RENZON

Patricia Hidalgo, content and creative chief officer for Turner Broadcasting EMEA, says that they take great care and pride developing shows for top children’s entertainment channels such as Cartoon Network and Boomerang.

Gauteng-based play therapist, Dr Sheri Davimes, says parents should use content as well as age-appropriateness to discern what their children watch. She says, “A show such as Barney may annoy parents, but it holds appropriate lessons for children, teaching them vital social skills such as sharing, taking turns and kindness. Cartoons such as Charlie and Lola or Handy Manny do the same.”

Davimes warns, however, that being exposed to hours of violent cartoons can subliminally condition children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict or can help them get what they want. She says, “In real life it’s not funny to prank, hurt, tease and bully.”

Principal of Joburg-based Kairos School of Inquiry, Marc Loon says, “Cartoons are such an easy way to babysit a child that parents have become scared of their children saying, ‘I’m bored.’ This statement is actually a healthy opportunity for children to respond to an innate stimulus, to take initiative and discover their own creative, industrious, imaginative and even active potential.” When screen time begins to replace traditional forms of necessary functions such as childcare, imaginative play and social interaction, Loon cautions that cognitive problems are inevitable. These include: • the ordinary effort required to attend to a difficult activity, such as an academic task in the classroom, is suppressed because cartoons may train children to be passive; • the ordinary initiative required in imaginative play and social interaction in the child’s home environment is also suppressed; • attention problems can be expected when teachers inevitably can’t match the same level of exciting entertainment as a fast-paced cartoon programme;

magazine durban

• children tend to become bored quickly and don’t know how to entertain themselves; • the suppression of physical movement during hours of TV watching will often “leak” out during classroom time or homework time.

attention, we have a problem

savvy parents • A merican Academy of Paediatrics recommends no TV for children under two and thereafter not more than two hours daily.

• Bedrooms should be TV- and computer-free zones.

• Mealtimes should not include TV. • Eye specialists recommend children sit at least 1,5 metres away from the screen and not in a dark room.

• Stick to age-appropriate shows, especially when older siblings are controlling the remote.

• Monitor what they watch and discuss the content if they’re exposed to shows they’re not emotionally mature enough to process.

• Just because others are watching certain programmes, doesn’t mean your child has to.

• Encourage more outdoor play to develop muscle tone, posture, concentration and sleep.

• Substitute TV viewing for family time. Go on a picnic, ride bikes or build Lego.

Professor of paediatrics and director at the Centre for Child Health, Behaviour and Development in Seattle, Dr Dimitri Christakis agrees. In his popular TEDtalk he discusses his research findings in the field: “Prolonged exposure to this rapid image change during this critical window of brain development can precondition the mind to expect high levels of input that can lead to inattention later in life.” His research found that the more TV children watched before the age of three, the more likely they were to have attention problems at school age. Each additional hour they watched increased their chances by 10%. Educational programmes did not increase the risk of developing attentional problems, but violent cartoons increased it by 100%. Conversely, each hour of cognitive stimulation children received, such as being read to, reduced their chances of developing attention problems by about 30%.

Cape Town-based child and family therapist Lara Stern adds, “Fast-paced cartoons can lead to sleep disturbances and night terrors. The bright lights affect melatonin levels and can overstimulate instead of regulate and calm children before bed.” She says studies found that children who watched age-appropriate cartoons have more peaceful sleep. Stern suggests we consider what our children would be doing if they weren’t on the couch watching cartoons. Concerns around fine and gross motor skills would naturally be improved and many other areas of a child’s development would also benefit.

April 2015

23

resource

eat out specials Dining at any of these restaurants can save you some money and will be a real treat for the family. Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT As an upmarket, Mediterranean-themed restaurant, Olive and Oil offers a variety of dishes to suit any taste. This includes your little ones, who can choose from a dedicated children’s menu before heading off to the playroom.

For parents, the seafood comes grilled and basted in their secret basting sauce, and the steaks are highly recommended. However with pizza, pasta, poultry and plenty more on the menu, Olive and Oil caters for everyone.

Special offer Children eat free on Sundays Opening times Open for lunch and dinner; times vary depending on the branch Location Bulwer Rd in Glenwood, Lillies Lifestyle Centre in Hillcrest, Chartwell Dr in Umhlanga and Cascades Shopping Centre in Pietermaritzburg Contact 031 201 6146 or glenwood@oliveandoil.co.za, 031 765 6214 or hillcrest@oliveandoil.co.za, 031 561 2618 or umhlanga@oliveandoil.co.za, 033 347 1131 or pmb@ oliveandoil.co.za or visit oliveandoil.co.za

oscars café hillcrest With its indoor and outdoor seating, Oscars Café offers a comfortable, relaxed setting. Heaters and blankets allow guests to enjoy the fresh air, even on chilly evenings.

They offer good quality home-style food with flair. Enjoy hearty breakfasts, sumptuous lunches and delicious dinners that satisfy everyone from age five and older.

You’ll find quality food at affordable prices, making it good value for families.

Special offer Children under 10 years old can eat for under R50 and receive a free milkshake with their meal.

The children’s special does change from time to time, so be sure to ask what they’re offering when you arrive.

Opening times 7am–9pm daily Location Lillies Lifestyle Centre, Old Main Rd, Hillcrest Contact 031 765 7326, oscarsh@mweb.co.za or visit oscarscafehillcrest.co.za

panarottis This Italian-style eatery caters for the whole family, serving up generous portions of food made from fresh ingredients. Focusing on convenience and health, you

24

April 2015

can also order wheat- and gluten-free pizza bases.

Children are also top priority, and get a free lucky packet with every children’s meal ordered, while the Dough-itYourself pizza tray is designed to let them create their own pizzas, right at the table.

Special offer “Children eat free on Sundays” allows children 12 years and younger to order their choice of pizza or pasta from the children’s menu. On Tuesdays you can buy one, get one free when ordering any standard size pizza or pasta. Breakfast specials are only R24,90 each and include the unique Breakfast-on-Pizza or a plated Grilled Supremo Breakfast. See the website for the full T&Cs for specials.

Opening times Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner; time varies depending on branch Location There are Panarottis branches located throughout South Africa and internationally Contact 086 000 7262 or visit panarottis.co.za

rj’s This family steakhouse is famous for its ribs, which come with a choice of bastings. But there is a variety of other options to choose from, which includes breakfast and a children’s menu. The Play Zones keep children busy while you enjoy your meal, and you can also book your next children’s party at RJ’s.

Special offer There are specials on most days of the week, but look out for the Monday buy one burger, get one free special. On Tuesdays, children eat for half-price when ordering from the children’s menu, and parents can order a 200g rump or sirloin for R72,95.

Opening times Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner Location There are RJ’s branches located throughout KwaZulu-Natal Contact rjs@rjskzn.co.za or to find your nearest branch visit rjskzn.co.za

spur steak ranches Ideal for families, Spur Steak Ranches offer a variety of family-friendly services, from the play areas and the colouring-in pages that arrive at your table, to the balloons and Secret Tribe magazine that’s free in-store. Burgers

and steaks are always a treat, but you’ll also find chicken, seafood and vegetarian options on the menu.

Special offer Free burger Mondays lets you buy a single original Spur beef, chicken, rib, soya or Texan-fried chicken burger and get another one free. If you’re having a birthday party at Spur, the birthday child gets a free meal.

Opening times Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner; time varies depending on branch.

Location There are Spur Steak Ranches located throughout South Africa as well as 29 international outlets.

Contact 0860 007 787 or visit spur.co.za

woodcutters This family restaurant with its rustic atmosphere caters for families and friends with their daily specials and live music on Sundays. The outside terrace offers a great spot for a family lunch or early evening dinner. As they’re a steakhouse, they specialise in steaks, ribs and burgers, but you’ll also find chicken, pizza, seafood and more on the menu.

Special offer There is a two-for-one rib special on Wednesdays and Sundays, and a buy one, get one free burger on Thursdays. On Tuesdays, any steak off the menu is R79,90, and Monday Madness gives you a choice of curry, calamari, 200g rump, fresh fish or chicken fillet, with rice or chips for R63.

Opening times 11am–10pm daily Location 48 Buckingham Terrace, Westville Contact 031 266 1843, admin@woodcutters.co.za or visit woodcutters.co.za

wimpy As one of South Africa’s leading quick-service restaurants, Wimpy offers a wide range of burgers, along with breakfast and coffee. When ordering off the children’s menu, you can also swop chips for a salad, except for the breakfasts.

Special offer If your child orders off the children’s menu they get a free drink.

Opening times Varies depending on branch Location Branches are located all over South Africa Contact 011 315 3000, 0860 094 679, info@wimpy.co.za or visit wimpy.co.za magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

olive and oil

books

a good

read

toddlers

preschoolers

Stick Man Book and Floor Puzzle

By Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler Darkness Slipped In

By Ella Burfoot

The Something

By Rebecca Cobb

Who’s In My Family?

By Robie H. Harris

(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R140) Daisy is busy playing when Darkness slips in through her bedroom window.

But she isn’t afraid – she takes him by the hand and together they dance the night away. With darkness imagined as a friendly night-time visitor, this playful rhyming story makes a great bedtime read for toddlers from the age of three years old, and it’s perfect for reassuring children who are afraid of the dark.

(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R127) Underneath the cherry tree in the garden is a small hole. Our little hero is convinced there is something in the hole. When his ball disappears down there, he can’t stop thinking about what could be hiding in it.

Is it a little mouse’s house? The lair of a hungry troll? Or maybe a dragon’s den?

Whatever it may be, he’s determined to find out. This is an imaginative adventure for children from three years old.

(Published by Walker Books, R145) This is a fun look at the many kinds of families that make up our world, for children from four years old. Join Nellie, Gus and their parents at the zoo, where they see all kinds of children and families, both animal and human. Then Nellie and Gus invite friends and relatives for a big dinner at home. The warm, humorous illustrations and friendly conversations will help young children feel that whoever is in their family, it is perfectly normal and wonderful.

early graders

(Published by Scholastic, R269) This gift box set includes rhyming fun from the creators of The Gruffalo. One morning, Stick Man goes for a jog and forgets to watch out for an excited dog. Suddenly Stick Man becomes the stick that the dog wants to use for his favourite trick, and soon Stick Man is being used for all sorts of things: a flag mast, a cricket bat, a river game. As summer changes to winter, Stick Man is lost and frozen. How will he get home to his family tree again, where his Stick Lady love and three stick children are waiting for him? Read this classic story then complete the big 24-piece floor puzzle.

parenting

for us

preteens

Homeroom Diaries and teens

By James Patterson and Lisa Papademetriou Get Into Art: Animals

By Susie Brooks (Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R109) This is a brilliant new way to inspire children from seven years old to get into art. This activity series explores a wide range of artists’ work while encouraging children to develop their own skills and techniques. Get Into Art is perfect for active young artists of all abilities. Art projects are varied, intriguing and clearly explained and will act as a springboard for plenty of artistic experiments. magazine durban

(Published by Random House Group, R189) Margaret “Cuckoo” Clarke recently had a brief stay in a mental institution following an emotional breakdown, but she’s turning over a new leaf with her “Happiness Project”. She’s determined to beat down the bad vibes of the haters, the terror teachers, and all of the trials and tribulations of high school by writing and drawing in her diary. And when life gets really tough, she works through her own moments of uncertainty through imaginary conversations with her favourite literary characters. This is a very funny read from the number one bestselling author for children from 12 years old.

A Song for Issy Bradley

By Carys Bray

Quick and Easy Weaning

By Annabel Karmel

(Published by Random House Group, R257) This is the story of Ian Bradley – husband, father, maths teacher and Mormon bishop – and his unshakeable belief that everything will turn out alright if he can only endure to the end, like the pioneers did. It is also the story of his wife, Claire, and her desperate need for life to pause while she comes to terms with tragedy.

The book explores the outer reaches of doubt and faith, and of a family trying to figure out how to carry on when the innermost workings of their world have fallen apart.

(Published by Random House Struik, R210) Weaning your baby can be a tricky milestone for any parent, but with her years of experience and wealth of expertise, Annabel Karmel is on hand to help. In this book she aims to take the stress out of your baby’s transition to solid food, guiding you through the weaning process stepby-step, from your baby’s very first purée to introducing more complex flavours and textures. The book also features 100 speedy, simple, yet delicious, recipes.

April 2015

25

calendar

You can also access the calendar online at

what’s on in april

childmag.co.za

Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see.

Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT

4 sat

special events

27

FUN for children

27

only for parents

28

bump, baby & tot in tow

29

how to help

29

SPECIAL EVENTS Africa’s largest Easter egg hunt The Easter Bunny has hidden tokens in all the nooks and crannies across the marine theme park. Find the tokens and redeem them for eggs.

FUN FOR CHILDREN

ONLY FOR PARENTS

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

Easter holiday club Explore the shores of Treasure Beach and learn about the environment this holiday.

Crown of the Russian Ballet Experience the world of fine Russian culture when this esteemed ballet company tours.

Hypnobirthing – The Mongan Method Prepare yourself emotionally, mentally and physically for a calm birth.

67 Blankets for Nelson Mandela Day Knit or crochet blankets to keep people warm, in honour of Madiba.

26

April 2015

magazine durban

2

SPECIAL EVENTS 3 friday

thu

Hot Pots and Hot Cross Buns Zulu Zen potter Andrew Walford hosts his Easter exhibition, showcasing Japanesestyle ceramics. Refreshments available.

Ends 6 April. Time: 10:30am–5pm.

Venue: Shongweni. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 769 1363, 082 794 7796 or visit andrewwalfordpottery.com

classes, talks and workshops

4 saturday Africa’s largest Easter egg hunt Children taking part receive a goodie bag with a treasure map, plus the aquarium and uShaka Kids World have more fun activities. Also 5 April. Time: hunt 7am, Easter Dolphin Show 9am. Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: R130. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

Splashy Fen Music Festival Top live acts, food outlets and a craft market are available at the festival, plus there’s a family campsite and children’s entertainment. Ends 6 April. Time: varies.

Venue: Underberg. Cost: R625, children 4–11 years old R175. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

5 sunday

21 tuesday

Up Close and Personal Guitar maestro Barry Thomson presents an unplugged salute to artists who have influenced his life.

Time: 2:30pm and 7pm. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Westville Country Club, 1 Link Rd. Cost: R170. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

Platinum Jukebox This journey of music and dance starts with the gramophone in the 1920s and ends with the iPod. Ends 31 May. Time: 8pm Tuesday–Saturday, 2pm Sunday. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: R145 Wednesday–Saturday, R110 Tuesday, R100 Sunday. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres. co.za or visit barnyardtheatres.co.za

18 and 19 April – The Royal Drakensberg MTB Challenge

18 saturday The Royal Drakensberg MTB Challenge Weekend activities include a family fun day on Saturday. Sunday is race day, with rides for experienced and novice riders, plus a Kids Zone. Race proceeds go to Royal Drakensberg Primary. Also 19 April. Time: varies. Venue: All Out Adventures, Northern Drakensberg. Cost: varies. Contact: 082 406 8980, info@alloutadventures.co.za or visit royaldrakmtb.co.za

magazine durban

Breathing Space, Glenwood; The Rickshaw Collective, Umbilo. Cost: R90–R130, depending on age group. Contact: 073 540 9210, daniella.hartman@gmail.com or visit Facebook: New Daisy Arts Studio

features an excerpt from Act 2 of The Sleeping Beauty and the one-act Romeo and Juliet. Ends 29 April. Time: 7:30pm.

Venue: Playhouse Opera Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban. Cost: R150–R280.

Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

FUN FOR CHILDREN

25 saturday

art, culture and science

St George’s Day The British Cultural and Heritage Association celebrates St George’s Day with their annual traditional feast.

Time: 1pm. Venue: Rob Roy Retirement Village, 3 Rob Roy Crescent, Botha’s Hill.

Cost: members R120, nonmembers R130.

Contact: 031 202 6174 The Grand White Dinner A secret dinner picnic for friends who want to spend an evening together, dressed in white with a touch of green. Time: 3pm. Venue: a secret location in Durban. Cost: R270–R370. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

Art lessons Children 8–17 years old learn painting and drawing methods. Time: 9am–11am every Saturday. Venue: High Ridge Rd, Durban North. Cost: R130 per hour. Contact: 074 178 9388 or sdyson@ remax-panache.co.za HartBeat Music and Art Studio Fine art, private piano and djembe drumming lessons. Time: weekly lessons vary. Venue: Leaping Lizards, 37 Valerie Dr, Gillitts. Cost: varies. Contact: 083 470 5743 New Daisy Arts Studio art classes Fine art classes for children, teens and adults, cover drawing and painting techniques, plus some ceramic art, sculpture and printmaking. Time: varies.

Venues: Home Grown Learning Centre, Hatton Estate; The

28 tuesday Crown of the Russian Ballet The programme opens with Tchaikovsky’s one-act ballet Manfred. The second half

Brain Gym classes This is a movementbased learning programme for children 2–6 years old. Time: varies, Monday–Friday.

Venue: at your preschool. Cost: R380 per term. Contact: jennalee.s@gmail.com or visit cognitivetraining.co.za Dynamic Studying Grade 4 course Study skills and exam techniques for Grade 4 pupils. 8 and 9 April. Time: 8:30am–12pm.

Venue: Ashton International College, Ballito. Cost: R700. Contact: 082 379 1429 or angelamccall@telkomsa.net Helen O’Grady Drama Academy Speech and drama classes promote confidence, communication and creativity. Foundation, intermediate and youth theatre classes available. Time: after school hours. Venue: varies. Cost: R650 per term. Contact: 031 562 0679 or durban@helenogrady.co.za Little Learners Prepare Grade R children for Grade 1. Time: 1:30pm–2:50pm Monday– Friday. Venue: Kip McGrath Umhlanga, 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 1110, admin@kipumhlanga.co.za or visit kipmcgrath.co.za

21 April–31 May – Platinum Jukebox

family marketplace

April 2015

27

calendar

Sugar Bay Holiday Camp Campers 7–17 years old enjoy free themed activities. Camps begin 29 March, and 5, 19 and 26 April. Time: drop off from 3pm.

Venue: Sugar Bay Holiday Resort, 21 Nkwazi Drive, Zinkwazi Beach.

Cost: R3 799. Contact: 032 485 3778, holidays@sugarbay.co.za or visit sugarbay.co.za

RSPA Theatre School A term of acting, singing and dancing. For children 5–19 years old. Registration closes 27 April.

Time: varies. Venue: varies. Cost: varies.

Contact: info@rspa.co.za or visit rspa.co.za

family outings Books2You book fair Time: 10am–3pm 16 April, 7:30am–1pm 17 April. Venue: Pitlochry, Westville. Also at Kainon 22 April, and St Mary’s DSG 20 and 21 April. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 705 7744 or orders@books2you.co.za Sugar Terminal tours Scheduled tours run from Monday to Friday. Time: varies, from 8:30am. Venue: 25 Leuchars Rd, Durban. Cost: adults R16, children R8.

Contact: 031 365 8153, tourguide@sasa. org.za or visit sasa.org.za The Inchanga Choo Choo Travel by steam train through the Valley of 1000 Hills. 5, 6 and 26 April. Time: 8:30am and 12:30pm. Venue: departs from Kloof Station, Stoker’s Arms. Cost: adults R180, children 2–12 years old R130. Contact: 087 808 7715, 082 353 6003 or visit umgenisteamrailway.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play Flag Animal Farm With rescued animals, an indoor play centre, coffee shop and more. Time: daily milking show 12pm and 3pm, daily reptile show 1:30pm, meet Barney 11:30am and 2:30pm Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Sheffield Beach. Cost: R35 entry. Contact: 032 947 2018 The Animal Farmyard Feed the animals and see milking demonstrations. Time: 9am–4:30pm daily, milking 10:30am and 3:30pm. Venue: 3 Lello Rd, Botha’s Hill.

Cost: entry R15, rides R5. Contact: 031 765 2240 or visit animalfarmyard.co.za

holiday programmes Disney performance workshop Children 9–15 years old work on songs and dances from hit Disney productions.

28

April 2015

Registration closes 27 March. 7–9 April.

Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Westville Theatre Club, Attercliffe Rd. Cost: R500. Contact: info@rspa.co.za or visit rspa.co.za Easter Holiday Club Join the Treasure Beach team for holiday fun, including beach walks, games and learning how to become more sustainable. 8 and 9 April.

Time: 8am–4pm. Venue: Wessa Treasure Beach Education Centre, 835 Marine Dr, Bluff. Cost: R110 for both days. Contact: 031 467 8507, sithembile.shozi@wessa. co.za or visit treasurebeach.co.za Kandies Kids holiday programme A fun holiday programme for children 2 years old up to Grade 4. 30 March–3 April.

Time: 7am–5:15pm. Venue: 5 Beachway St, Durban North. Cost: R120 per day, includes breakfast, lunch and snacks. Contact: 031 573 2210 or kandiesadmin@arcap.co.za

markets Essenwood Market There are free pony rides as well as entertainment for children. Time: 9am–2pm every Saturday.

Venue: Steven Dlamini Rd, Essenwood.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 208 1264, info@essenwoodmarket.com or visit essenwoodmarket.com Golden Hours Family Market This is a fundraising initiative of Golden Hours Special School. Time: 10am–3:30pm every Sunday. Venue: Uitsig Rd, Durban North.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 083 262 3693 Open Markets The charity shops, tea garden and nursery are open. Time: 8am–12pm every Monday and Saturday, 9am–1pm 26 April. Venue: Kloof and Highway SPCA, 29 Village Rd. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 764 1212/3 The Morning Trade Find fresh ingredients, homemade specialties and wholesome, locally produced food. Time: 8am–1pm every Sunday. Venue: 8 Morrison St, Durban. Cost: free entry. Contact: info@ themorningtrade.co.za or visit Facebook: The Morning Trade The Play Market A craft and food market for the whole family. 12 April. Time: 9am–2pm.

Venue: Giba Gorge MTB Park, Westmead.

Cost: R10 park entry. Contact: 071 307 0823 or gotoplaymarket@gmail.com

on stage and screen Avengers: Age of Ultron As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to The Avengers to stop his terrible plans becoming reality.

This live-action sci-fi is suitable for older children. Opens 24 April. For more info: visit numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com Cinderella A live-action feature, Cinderella tells the story of Ella, a young girl left to the mercies of her stepmother when her father dies. But her fortune changes when an invitation arrives for a ball at the palace, and she has the opportunity to meet her Prince Charming. Opens 3 April. For more info: visit numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com Penelope Pixie’s Birthday Adventure This fun family show follows Penelope Pixie’s adventure up Magic Mountain. 30 March– 12 April. Time: varies. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. Cost: R60. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

3 April – Cinderella

Platinum Jukebox 21 April–31 May. Time: 8pm Tuesday–Saturday, 2pm Sunday.

Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway.

Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres.co.za or visit barnyardtheatres.co.za

playtime and story time Children’s story time For ages 3–8 years. Time: 10am every Saturday. Venue: The Book Boutique, 26 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti. Cost: free. Contact: 031 903 6692 or thebookboutique@gmail.com Down Syndrome Kids and Parents Play Group Families of children with Down’s syndrome aged 0–6 years old and siblings get together for support. 25 April. Time: 9:30am–12pm. Venue: Sica’s Guest House, 19 Owen Ave, Berea. Cost: free. Contact: 083 642 5736 or kellylynhorn@gmail.com Lucky Bean A safe children’s outdoor playground and indoor playbarn, with a coffee shop where moms can relax. Time: 9am–4pm Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: R20 entry.

Contact: 082 216 3892, info@luckybean. co or visit luckybean.co

sport and physical activities Ice hockey Children develop agility, strength and coordination, as well as selfconfidence and teamwork skills. Booking

Disney Onstage – Jonathan Roxmouth Expect songs made famous by Disney films. 28 March–10 April.

Time: varies. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. Cost: R120. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

essential. Time: 8:45am–9:30am every Sunday. Venue: Galleria Ice Rink, Amanzimtoti. Cost: varies, first lesson free. Contact: 072 237 3114 or visit durbaknights.wordpress.com Michelle Clark Dance Academy Ballet, modern and tap dancing lessons for children from 3 years old. Time: varies.

Venue: Kloof Civic Hall, Old Main Rd. Cost: varies. Contact: 072 483 6222 or mcclark. dance@gmail.com

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Modern Buddhism meditation programme Weekly meditation classes.

Time: 10:30am–12pm every Saturday.

Venue: 5 Dover Rd, Westville. Cost: R60 donation per class. Contact: 031 266 0148, info@meditateindurban.org or visit meditateindurban.org Pilates in Motion classes Pilates and Booty Barre classes available. Time: varies.

Venue: Glenwood. Cost: varies. Contact: 082 443 4533, info@pilatesinmotion.co.za or visit pilatesinmotion.co.za Spanish course Take a three-month intensive Spanish course with a qualified teacher from Seville, Spain. Starts 7 April.

Time: 6pm–7:30pm every Tuesday and Thursday. Venue: Musgrave area. Cost: R3 000, printed material R500. Contact: 081 253 7252 or diana.spanish@yahoo.co.za

on stage and screen Crown of the Russian Ballet 28 and 29 April. Time: 7:30pm. Venue: Playhouse Opera Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R150–R280. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Up Close and Personal Featuring Barry Thomson. 5 April. Time: 2:30pm and 7pm.

Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre WCC, Westville Old Boys Hall, Westville Country Club, 1 Link Rd. Cost: R170. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

out and about Easter high tea An Easter-themed high tea takes place in the Palm Court. The cost includes a gift for each guest. 3–6 April. Time: 2:30pm–5pm. Venue: The Oyster Box Hotel, Umhlanga. Cost: R320.

Contact: 031 514 5000 or restaurants@ oysterbox.co.za magazine durban

support groups ADDicted to Life They address the concerns of parents or guardians of children with ADD or ADHD. Hosted at St Augustine’s Hospital, Glenwood. Contact: 031 822 8573, 083 293 2145 or visit Facebook: ADDicted to life team Choc – Childhood Cancer Foundation KZN For info, contact: 086 111 2182, dbn@choc.org.za or visit choc.org.za Dyspraxia South Africa support group A support group for parents and/ or caregivers who have children and young adults dealing with dyspraxia. Contact: info@dyspraxiasouthafrica.co.za or visit dyspraxiasouthafrica.co.za Overeaters Anonymous Support for compulsive overeaters. Contact: 011 640 2901, sms 076 274 5474 or visit oa.org.za Sadag For those suffering from depression or drug abuse or who may be suicidal. For more information or referral to a support group visit sadag.org

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Edubabe Childminder training, first aid workshops and cooking classes. Time: varies.

Venue: Glenwood. Cost: varies. Contact: 071 968 1007 or durban@edubabe.co.za Edu-Maid Childcare courses and child stimulation workshops run over two three-hour sessions. Time: varies. Venue: Sunningdale. Cost: R700. Contact: 084 821 6668 or eleanors@servatech.co.za HypnoBirthing – The Mongan Method This five-week course prepares moms- and dads-to-be for calm, comfortable births.

Time: varies. Venue: Cowies Hill, Westville.

Cost: R1 800 per couple. Contact: 082 538 1173 or callen.gerrits@gmail.com Pre- and postnatal yoga classes Moms and babies, or pregnancy yoga available.

Time: varies. Venues: Giba Guest House, Hillcrest or Wirikuta, Assagay. Cost: R260 per month, first class free. Contact: 083 560 5390, isabel@blissfulbellies.co.za or visit blissfulbellies.co.za Pregnancy yoga Gentle yoga for momsto-be. Time: 9:30am–10:45am every Saturday. Venue: The Yoga Sanctuary, 49 Delaware Ave, Glenashley. Cost: R260 per month. Contact: 076 410 1410 or angela@ rautenbach.co.za

Moms and Babes and Moms and Tots workshops Programmes stimulate, develop skills and promote bonding.

Venues: Amanzimtoti, Berea, Durban North, Umhlanga and the Highway area. Cost: varies. For more info: visit momsandbabes. co.za or momsandtots.co.za Shongololo Shakers Music, puppet and movement classes for children 0–4 years old. Time: varies. Venue: Durban North and Winston Park. Cost: varies.

Contact: 060 350 7323, 083 893 5155, info@shongololoshakers.co.za or visit shongololoshakers.co.za

it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

support groups Mothers 2 Baby For new and old moms finding motherhood challenging. Mom and baby welcome. Time: 10am–11:30am, third Thursday of every month. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, Kassier Rd. Cost: free. Contact the clinical psychologist: 061 453 3718

how to help 67 Blankets for Nelson Mandela Day This initiative encourages people across the world to knit or crochet blankets to keep needy people warm. Schools, corporates and individuals throughout the country are encouraged to take part by delivering a blanket or adopting a knitter to do it on their behalf. School challenge closes 15 April. For more info: visit 67blankets.co.za The Collect-a-Can National Schools Competition Children learn about recycling while providing schools with the opportunity to raise additional funds.

Schools that register for the competition can get learners to collect cans to win great prizes. Prizes are awarded to the schools that collect the most cans per month and per year. Big schools are awarded for collecting the most cans per school, while the second category recognises small schools that collect the most cans per learner. Competition closes 31 October 2015. Contact: 011 466 2939 or visit collectacan.co.za

playtime and story time Baby Bright Stars Interactive classes for moms and babies. Time: varies. Venue: Westville. Cost: R900. Contact: 083 777 4578, kelly@babybrightstars.co.za or visit babybrightstars.co.za Little Me Moms and Toddlers playgroups Fun workshops for toddlers 1–3,5 years old and moms. Time: varies.

Venue: Sunningdale. Cost: R90. Contact: 084 821 6668 or eleanors@servatech.co.za

The Collect-a-Can National Schools Competition

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za. Information must be received by 1 April for the May issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

magazine durban

April 2015

29

finishing touch

hustle and bustle ANÉL LEWIS learns a few lessons in patience from her children.

30

April 2015

in. And then came the really tricky part – moving forward. I started to get frustrated.

At work, I am teased for my tendency to rush from one place to the next. As one colleague said, I tend to “bustle”, often at great speed. Walking leisurely is not my strong point. So, as you can imagine, doing the slip-slop shuffle was a real test of my patience.

But then, instead of urging Conor to hurry up, I decided to slow down and match his tentative steps. I looked down at my boy learning a new skill and delighted in the touch of his hand trustingly clasped around mine. Life can be so frenetic – I am really trying to find joy in the many special moments I share with my children.

Children are great teachers of patience – something I never expected to have in such short supply when I became a parent. These lessons in calmness can manifest themselves in the strangest ways. Like when I suddenly find myself standing for almost an hour

next to the railway line so that Conor can see the train go past just once, or leaving the house with Mardi Gras blue eyeshadow after a makeover session from Erin.

When she first came to me with my make-up bag, as we were about to dash out of the house, I was irritated. We would be late for school. There would be traffic. But if I said no, I would miss out on a precious bonding moment with my daughter.

She was thrilled to be part of my morning routine, and was quite opinionated about what I should wear to match my newlypainted face. And it wasn’t the sensible heels I had picked out earlier, the ones that would allow me to dash from one appointment to the next in my customary way.

It was my old pair of slip-slops – and there was no chance I could bustle about in those.

Anél Lewis now wears slips-slops to work on Fridays, just as a reminder that life is not always about the bustle.

I looked down at my boy learning a new skill and delighted in the touch of his hand trustingly clasped around mine.

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

t

here’s a wonderful saying about not really knowing someone until you have stood in, and walked around in, their shoes. Well, I could add to that and say you don’t really know the true meaning of patience until you have watched a two year old putting on slip-slops for the first time, and then trying to walk in them. Have you ever tried to explain to a headstrong toddler the seemingly simple motion of moving their feet in a shoe so that the V-shaped thingy is squeezed between their toes and they can move forward? I don’t even know the technical terms for the parts of a slip-slop, so imagine how much fun I had trying to explain it to Conor. But, he had watched Erin glide effortlessly into her pair of sandals and he was determined to do the same.

It took a while to get the shoes on, and the left one kept on sliding between the third and fourth toe, instead of between the big toe and the second one. But eventually Conor managed to get both feet

Erin, Anél and Conor

magazine durban

book extract

laid-back

delicious These unfussy recipes from PHILLIPPA CHEIFITZ’s Lazy Days use local produce in easy, mouthwatering dishes that will not disappoint.

marinated mushroom and mozzarella sandwiches serves 4

grilled whole eggplants with bruschetta

ingredients • 250g portabellini mushrooms, cleaned and sliced • 200g soft mozzarella ball, torn into shreds • basil leaves for the marinade, mix together • ½ cup olive oil • juice of 1 large lemon • 1 clove garlic • crushed sea salt and milled black pepper

serves 6

method Mix the mushrooms and mozzarella with the marinade. Leave for a few hours or overnight in the fridge. Use as a sandwich filling together with the basil leaves.

ingredients • 6 medium eggplants (or allow 1 per person) • olive oil • fresh lemon juice • sea salt and milled black pepper for the bruschetta • ciabatta loaf, sliced • olive oil • 1 head garlic, halved

method Prick the eggplants and grill on the braai until charred outside and meltingly soft inside. To make the bruschetta, brush the sliced bread with olive oil, then toast over the coals. Remove and smear with the halved head of garlic.

To serve the eggplant, slash a cross on top of each one, squash the sides to open and flavour with olive oil, lemon juice and seasoning.

braaied fish steaks with lemon and basil dressing serves 4 ingredients • 4 fish steaks, about 750g • sea salt and milled black pepper • olive oil for the dressing, blend together • cup olive oil • ¼ cup fresh lemon juice • handful of basil leaves • grated zest of 1 lemon • sea salt and milled black pepper for serving • hot steamed potato slices • shredded crispy lettuce

baked peaches with raspberries

method Season and oil the fish. Grill over the coals until starting to char but still moist inside.

Immediately place on a pile of potato slices and lettuce, drench with dressing and serve.

PHOTOGRAPHS: CRAIG FRASER

about the book Lazy Days (Quivertree Publications) by Phillippa Cheifitz is a stunning cookbook that embraces the laid-back nature of holidays on the West Coast, so typically characterised by white silky sands, hot sun and cold ocean waters. The recipes selected for this cookbook perfectly complement such long and lazy days where people can take short siestas, sunset strolls and enjoy picnics or braais, afternoon teas and sundowners. The food is simple and delicious, showing off the local best.

The cookbook has wonderful variety, including food for picnics, light lunches, braais and long lazy dinners, with the accent on family meals. Lazy Days is available at good bookstores for R345.

serves 6 ingredients • 6 firm ripe dessert peaches • ¾ cup sweet wine for serving • fresh raspberries • icing sugar • fresh mint • vanilla ice cream or cream (optional) method Halve the peaches and remove the stones. Place in a baking dish. Pour over the wine and bake at 190°C for 15 minutes or until tender. Serve chilled, filled with raspberries, sprinkled with icing sugar and garnished with mint. If you like, serve with vanilla ice cream or cream.