Child Magazine | Durban August 2010

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DURBAN’s

August 2010 Issue 36

Circulation 40 028

D U R B A N ’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p ar e n t s

www.childmag.co.za

love for

learning language

mind your

straight talk on mother-tongue instruction

who’s your

daddy! a father on mentoring his son

education

matters health

what type of school is best for your child?

education

entertainment

As I page through this, our education issue, I am impressed.

Our editorial team has gone all out to deliver you a great, no, an amazing read!

Our resource this month “education matters” on page 30 will go a long way in helping you decide on the right school for your child. The answer might just surprise you…

My daughter had to endure a year of mediocre education, bullying and pure misery, before I realised that the best place for her was the public school down the road.

It’s one of the finest examples of public schooling in the country, run by a principal out of the top drawer. Luckily for us, they had one spot open. And so, overnight, our lives were transformed.

I wouldn’t have predicted that my daughter would fare better in a public, co-ed environment. Or that she’d learn and gain more in confidence in her current class of 31 than in a smaller class at an independent school.

I had read as much as I could about different schooling and learning options and, importantly, had chatted to lots and lots of moms at different schools – plus school secretaries, teachers, and the PR people. But in the end, I went with my gut. And it seems that my intuition was right.

In an office of parents, the talk often falls to the education of our children. It’s with this in mind that we have tried to give you a launching pad for your own debates regarding the education choices you make for your children. From selecting a pre-, prep- or high school to delving into the mother-tongue debate (see page 16), there’s lots of fuel for discussion...

I promised you a good read.

Hunter House P U B L IS H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Elaine Eksteen • elaine@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • lucille@childmag.co.za

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Durban’s Child TM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: 1st Floor, MB House, 641 Ridge Road, Overport, 4091. Tel: 031 209 2200, fax: 031 207 3429, email: durban @ childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child TM . We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy.

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August 2010

contents

august 2010

16

upfront

regulars

3

a note from lisa

6

wins

8

ver to you o readers respond

9

pfront with paul u Paul Kerton adopts drastic measures to keep his children flu free

features

12 dealing with difference

understanding the world of the

gifted child, by Marina Zietsman

16 mind your language

Glynis Horning investigates

mother-tongue instruction 20 moving on

ways to help your child deal with a

friend leaving town. By Ruth Rehbock 24 l ike father like son Siviwe Minyi shares moments of bonding with his son

30 r esource: education matters Chareen Boake looks at different schooling options for your child 34 what’s on in august 42 l ast laugh Sam Wilson on reviewing restaurants

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26 when you are gone

lynis Horning looks at what the G law says about “custody”

health 10 b orn or bre(a)d? obesity in children is on the rise.

Donna Cobban finds out why 11 the itch you can’t scratch

tips for treating eczema in babies.

By Lucille Kemp

classified ads 38 family marketplace 40 it’s party time

24

10 this month’s cover images are supplied by:

thinkstockphotos.com

August 2010

thinkstockphotos.com

thinkstockphotos.com

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August 2010

wins

giveawaysin august treasured memories Keep and display all of your child’s memorabilia such as A3 artwork, photos, certificates, reports, badges, medals and CDs. That’s everything together in one safe place forever. My File About Me is an all-in-one, larger than A3 size, sturdy system that can store an entire life’s history that is designed to last. It includes a photo album, memory book, life file and treasure box. For queries contact 011 673 9817 or info@myfileaboutme.co.za or visit myfileaboutme.co.za Readers of Durban’s Child stand a chance to win a fun and colourful starter kit valued at R750 or one of six vouchers valued at R250. Email entries to sales@myfileaboutme.co.za with “DBN win” in the subject line together with your full name, contact numbers and suburb, by 31 August 2010. Only one entry per reader.

win a dream holiday Buy any Disney merchandise from your nearest Ackermans store and stand a chance to win a trip to Disneyland Paris for a family of four. You and your family will also attend the exclusive enchanted Disney ball and meet the special guests. The giveaway includes three days of fun at Disneyland Paris and two nights in an official Disneyland hotel.

Simply grab your entry form in store.

let children be children Since 1993 Keedo has been bringing fun, colour, style and comfort to thousands of babies and children around the world and epitomises quality and style. Inspired by nature, Keedo’s focus is also on respect for the environment. Head to your Keedo store at Gateway – Theatre of Shopping: 031 566 3268 or visit their e-store at keedo.com.

One reader will win a Keedo voucher to the value of R500 to spend in-store or online. To enter, email your details to win@childmag.co.za with “Keedo DBN win” in the subject line or post your entry to Keedo DBN win, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010 before 31 August 2010. Only one entry per reader. Terms and conditions apply.

colourful life Crayola products are fun and innovative. For many years Crayola has contributed to the development of young children by offering quality, mess-free products that enhance and stimulate creativity.

Crayola offers the right tools for colouring in, painting and drawing – such as Crayola Colour Wonder’s ink or paint, which needs just seconds to dry to magically reveal bright colours. Importantly, Colour Wonder won’t mark clothes, furnishings or children as the colours only work on Colour Wonder paper. Crayola is available at selected toy stores nationwide, for more information call 011 493 8300.

Readers stand a chance to win one of two Crayola Hampers valued at R550, which each include one Winnie the Pooh-themed Crayola Colour Wonder and a Crayola Happy Hands Art Mat, a Cars-themed Crayola “Colouring by Numbers” and a Crayola Maxi Sticker Kit. To enter, email your details to win@childmag.co.za with “Crayola DBN win” in the subject line or post your entry to Crayola DBN win, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010 before 31 August 2010. Only one entry per reader.

congratulations to our May winners Angie Wessels, April Bottomley, Brenda Coetzer, Claire Dafel, Donnae McReynolds, Gail Ngcobo, Hajira Alarakhia, Ismail A Carrim, Justine Lion-Cachet, Liesl Labuschagne, Loraine Samukelisiwe Ntethe, Mandy Turner, Marion Job, Melisa Robert, Munira Manjoo, Nicky Muller, Ntombizodwa Maseko, Raganie Israel, Tamsyn Young, Toni Mowat and Zakir Desai who each win a Naartjie gift voucher; Keshinee Barco, Briony Brookes, Tamlyn Hatton, Sandra Nalson, Amanda, Deljion and Sholina Reddy who each win a cast iron Le Creuset baker.

August 2010

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August 2010

letters

over to you standing together Thanks for running my letter in the June/July 2010 issue of Child Magazine (support on facebook). It has already brought together 20 people.

I have also received emails asking for advice and where to go for help. People are sounding very confused, helpless and misguided. I would be so grateful if you would run an article on dyspraxia.

Catherine [Look out for our October “dealing with difference” article, which will be on dyspraxia]

sweet dreams I have two girls, Alice (14 months) and Ella (three-anda-half-years-old). A few months after Alice was born, we started having trouble getting Ella to sleep. She had always been a fantastic sleeper and never fought going to bed. We suddenly had a child that would cry for us or call us repeatedly to come upstairs, long after her bedtime. We were exhausted.

One day, someone shared a brilliant idea with us: Ella was allowed a “special treat” and could sleep in her

August 2010

sister’s room. Alice was already asleep and we told Ella she could go to sleep in Alice’s room as long as she lay quietly and didn’t make a noise or wake up her sister.

It worked brilliantly. She felt secure with her sister, and went to sleep quietly and quickly. Later in the evening before we went to bed, we would move Ella back into her room so the two of them didn’t wake each other up in the morning. Luckily we have a spare bed in Alice’s room that Ella slept in but if you don’t, maybe even a mattress on the floor will suffice. Once Ella was falling asleep easily again, we saved the nights of sleeping with her sister for special occasions – such as when we were going out and had a babysitter.

You might find that even your five-year-old will enjoy being with her baby sister and may find comfort in knowing someone else is with her. I personally think it also helps to strengthen the bond between siblings.

Christine

some magic!

I love the book extract “give them a bit of magic” by Roni Jay in the June/July issue of Child Magazine. It is such a refreshing viewpoint in our society that touts structure and stimulation. A friend of mine advises, “The

best thing you can give your children is a little bit of boredom.” There’s nothing better to get their wonderful imaginations kick-started – or mom’s!

Emily

thanks for the help Thank you very much for having featured Mr Recycle in the resource in your April issue of Child Magazine. We were able to “create” another Planet Guardian as a result!

One of your readers also joined our project to Save Our Earth. Many blessings on you, and your magazine.

Martin Brink

write to us We would like to know what’s on your mind.

Send your letters to: marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

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upfront with paul

harsh medicine PAUL KERTON considers prescribing a bout of quarantine.

PHOTOGRAPH: JILL BADER

Paul, Sabina and Saskia

t’s that time of year when children get sick. Colds and flu invade small bodies with ease, yet no matter how old our children get and however many winters they have survived, they still don’t get it.

They wander about the house without shoes or socks; and head outdoors, no jacket, no hat – turning blue before our very eyes.

“Put something warm on,” we parents cajole.

“But I’m warm already? It isn’t that cold,” they argue, through almost chattering teeth.

“Put something warm on now!” we say

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slightly more sternly, adding, “or stay in your room.”

They surrender with a look that says, “what’s so important about being warm anyway?” Well, little Miss Short-Memory I’m glad you asked. If you get sick, firstly, you are miserable. Secondly, you will miss school at a crucial time in your development.

And thirdly, you will have to go to the doctor (no matter how mild the condition) so that he can tell us what we already know and give us a prescription for a range of medicines, which you will refuse to swallow without a monumental amount of blackmail and physical force and not before the sticky red goo has been spilled on the crisp new duck-down-duvet. So, having shelled out R180 for the doctor, and another R180 to the pharmacy, we now have to cough up

R120 for dry cleaning, and we’ve taken about four costly hours off work. Then we have to organise for someone to be at home while you recuperate.

And, because you are feeling at a low ebb and sorry for yourself, mommy caves in and lets you sleep in our bed, which means first mommy, and then daddy, gets ill and we have to buy even more (stronger) medicine, while feeling dreadful and taking even more time off work.

And, just as you are bouncing and jumping around, smiling with renewed good health, finally wearing something sensible and warm, your sister will start coughing and spluttering and the cycle will start all over again. So, please, dear daughter, put on something warm before I burst a blood vessel.

There is, of course, another school of thought that, in contrast to the mollycoddling above, dictates that when children get sick they need to be kept in quarantine. This means no contact with the outside world, no excitement, no sweets, no DStv… no special privileges. Harsh medicine perhaps, but that way: a) they get better quicker, b) they don’t pass it on and c) they realise how boring it is being sick, and suddenly think twice about running about the house near naked when it is minus four degrees. This may sound slightly Dickensian and rather Guantanamo Bay, but it does have the required effect. Well, according to my good friend and former US President, George “Dubya” Bush.

Paul Kerton is the author of Fab Dad: A Man’s Guide to Fathering.

August 2010

health

born or bre(a)d?

DONNA COBBAN looks at the ever-growing problem of obesity among children.

hile the United States may well be the epicentre of obesity, the rest of the world seems to be playing a fast catch-up game. According to the Chronic Diseases of Lifestyle Research Unit in South Africa, childhood obesity is an increasing problem worldwide with 22 million children under the age of five being classified as overweight. In South Africa 17.1 percent of children between the ages of one and nine living in urban areas are overweight. The reasons are vast and varied and the results of scientific inquiry just as diverse.

New research suggests that children of women who smoked while pregnant may be more likely to be obese in their late teenage years. Other new research links the obesity gene, known as TMEM18, to the current obesity crisis, but there are those who dispute this and claim children of obese parents become obese because they emulate the behaviour of the overeating parent. Not so, say others; it is all

you are what you eat Whether it is the “thrifty gene” at work or not, Alison Lang, a Johannesburg-based clinical dietician specialising in paediatrics, believes the prevalence of certain foods and the ever-increasing frequency with which they are consumed may contribute to the obesity crisis. These commonly include convenience foods such as fish fingers, two-minute noodles, processed cereals, chicken nuggets, crisps, chips and sausages, along with excess calories found in iced teas, juices, flavoured water and fizzy drinks. Sadly, she says, she rarely sees the recommended “five fruit and vegetables a day” ever achieved.

overweight child, with parents acting as role models for healthy eating and an active lifestyle.

This is perhaps an easier path to tread than the “obesity runs in the family” premise.

This, according to Hoepfl, suggests that if a child under 10 has one obese parent, it doubles the child’s chances of developing adult obesity. If both parents are obese, there is an 80 percent chance the child will be obese. This sounds alarming, but the good news is that it is easier to change a child’s eating habits than it is to change an adult’s.

According to research by BUPA, a British-based health-insurance company, children should not be put on strict diets but rather helped to maintain their current weight through a healthy eating plan and increased exercise. This then allows them to grow into that weight, as they get taller.

The good news is that it is easier to change a child’s eating habits than it is to change an adult’s. decided months before the egg is even fertilised. Scientists claim that if a woman is overweight before becoming pregnant, her child is nearly three times more likely to be overweight by age seven, compared to a child whose mother was not overweight or obese. And while blame is being dished out, let’s not spare the busy working parent who grabs convenience food on the way home, which is often laden with trans fats and more than likely served in a larger quantity than the child needs.

Further, and equally fascinating research, was the theory of a “thrifty gene” put forward by geneticist James Neel in 1962. His thinking is based on the fact that populations have for thousands of years relied on farming, hunting and fishing as a means of obtaining food, which resulted in periods of feast and famine. Neel proposed

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Cape Town-based dietician Deborah Hoepfl believes there are some essentials of healthy eating that can significantly reduce obesity levels. These include having breakfast every morning, enjoying dinner together around a table every evening, choosing water as the family’s drink of choice, reducing TV time, maintaining an hour of moderate daily exercise, enjoying five fruit and vegetables daily, and not being forced to finish everything on your plate so you learn to self-regulate your appetite.

Interestingly, Hoepfl debunks the notion that obesity is largely genetic, explaining that there are indeed incidences where both parents are of a normal weight but the child is overweight. In these situations she recommends that the whole family adapt their lifestyle to accommodate the

In addition to this, BUPA warns that parents should never put a child on a weight-loss diet without medical advice, as this can affect their growth.

living off the fat of the land So there it is: endless research, testing, case studies, group studies, nation studies and published results about the causes of obesity. Among all of these, though, are two questions posed by American doctor David Katz, an internationally renowned authority on nutrition, weight management and the prevention of chronic disease, that require reflection. “Why,” he asks, “are we eating ourselves to death?”

And secondly: “Why would a putatively intelligent species do such a thing?” His answer is succinct: “Because we can.”

There are, he says, many explanations one might invoke, “from the cost of food, to its energy density, to stress, hectic schedules, technology and advertising.” But, he says, it all comes back to the most fundamental explanation of all. “Animals, including us, tend to get fat when circumstances allow.

Circumstances have never so generously allowed for obesity as they now do.”

doing the maths

food for thought Portion size has apparently been on the rise for a while. US researchers recently studied depictions of The Last Supper painted over the past 1 000 years, and found that the size of the main meals grew by 69 percent and plate size by 66 percent from the oldest painting (done in 1000 AD) and the most recent (1700s) paintings.

Classifying obesity in adults is easy: a BMI (the weight in kilograms divided by the square of the height in metres) of more than 25 is classified as overweight and a BMI greater than 30 is classified as obese. For children, however, the calculation is more complicated. A child’s BMI should be plotted on a BMI chart, which takes differences in age, sex and pubertal status into account. According to the International Obesity Task Force a BMI between the 85th and 94th percentile for age and sex is defined as overweight and a BMI at or greater than the 95th percentile is classified as obese.

Parents who are concerned about their child’s weight should consult their GP or paediatrician.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

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that these extremes in calorie intake resulted in people developing a “thrifty gene” that allowed the storage of fat during the feast periods in order to survive the famine. While helpful long ago, this gene now appears to work against those who live a Western lifestyle with an uninterrupted supply of calories and lack of physical activity, leading to unhealthy amounts of fat being stored for a famine that may indeed never arrive.

health

the itch you can’t scratch LUCILLE KEMP looks at eczema in babies.

PHOTOGRAPH: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

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czema starts out as an itchy skin irritation that when scratched becomes a rash. When scratching continues or the inflammation is exacerbated by external factors such as allergens, the area will flare up into a red and burning rash, that can then become scaly. When infected, it will appear as pus-filled blisters that may ooze or become crusty. Eczema mostly appears on children’s cheeks and scalps, the joints of their arms and legs, necks, back of the arms, the inside of elbows, the front of the legs and torso. This is called atopic or allergic eczema and “is the most common dermatologic condition in children,” says Dr Denga Makhado, a Johannesburg-based dermatologist.

“The gene that causes atopic eczema is also responsible for asthma and allergies,” she explains. Bloemfonteinbased dermatologist Dr Deon Rautenbach also says, “Most eczema cases, however, are mild and don’t warrant medical treatment, just moisturising.”

burning issue If your child has severe eczema, you’ll know that the big issue is treatment. Steroid therapy is an acceptable treatment but overuse of corticosteroid cream can cause stunted growth in infants. A good clinician will always consider

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the benefits of treating eczema versus the risks relating to corticosteroids. Durban-based paediatrician Dr Yatish Kara says: “I prescribe a mild one-percent hydrocortisone for short periods of time.” However, this is as a last line of defence. “I try emollient creams first, as eczema often improves with skin hydration. Also, the bacteria in eczema secrete a toxin that irritates skin and aggravates eczema, so I suggest an antibacterial cream.”

For steroid-wary parents, Rautenbach and Kara recommend immunosuppressant topical medication (calcineurin inhibitors), which don’t contain steroids but have an anti-inflammatory effect and relieve itching.

maintenance plan A child’s eczema may be triggered by anything from soaps, moisturisers, sweat and allergens such as dust mites, washing powder and cow’s milk to scratchy clothing and dry, winter weather. Parents should try to control the child’s environment where possible and alleviate the symptoms.

Scratching can cause more issues (such as infection) than the eczema itself so help your child understand that although scratching may feel good momentarily, it will make things worse in the long run. Also, keep your child’s

nails short and clean. For babies you may consider placing mittens on their hands. An antihistamine can be effective for relieving itchiness.

Use a perfume-free, soothing and intense moisturiser to wash your baby instead of soap, and apply the cream before putting them to bed. On this note, Kara says: “Be wary of expensive cosmetic creams – they cost a fortune and do little more than cheap emollient creams.”

Keep your child’s body at a lower temperature with loosefitting cotton clothing; use a dust-mite-proof mattress and wash clothes using non-biological washing powder.

Some experts believe it helps to breastfeed your baby for at least the first six months of their lives, and delay the introduction of solids. If you are breastfeeding, food allergies may be responsible for your child’s flare ups so steer away from cow’s milk, peanuts, eggs, soy, wheat and citrus fruits.

If you aren’t breastfeeding and your child doesn’t have a cow’s-milk allergy, you could use a hypoallergenic, partially hydrolysed formula. Then, of course, it is advised that you protect your child from tobacco exposure to prevent allergic conditions. The good news is that, according to Makhado, “most children will outgrow eczema and the symptoms become less and less as they grow older.”

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dealing with difference

sizing up:

IQ 130+

A high IQ might sound like a blessing, but for the intellectually gifted child it’s an asset that can be frustrating and alienating, says MARINA ZIETSMAN.

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or Durban parents Nadine* and Gary* the rocky road turned smooth when their son Ethan*, now 12, was tested and confirmed to be gifted. “Early in his school career we were asked to have him assessed for ADHD and were advised to put him on medication. He has always been a very active little boy, and we were told that some teachers were going to find it difficult to deal with him. He would demand attention and liked to be involved with everything. He has a great sense of humour, but was inappropriately disruptive in class.”

A second set of tests done later in that Grade 2 year confirmed what his parents had always suspected.

“He had always been way ahead of the typical developmental stages, so we weren’t surprised when he was found to have an above-average IQ (130 and up). It was a blessing to have confirmation that he was exceptionally bright, but then we had to figure out how to work with him and make him understand that certain behaviours are not acceptable. His quick wit can be funny, but not when the teacher is in the middle of a lesson!”

my child is gifted, now what?

Ethan is part of the estimated five to seven percent of children who are intellectually gifted. There are checklists of characteristics of gifted children (see “ahead of the pack”), but it is most often the parents or grandparents who first suspect something, as they watch their children fast-forward through the milestones set out in parenting books.

Ethan’s testing made all the difference for him and his parents, but according to Professor Shirley Kokot, president of the National Association for Gifted and Talented Children in South Africa and an educational psychologist, identifying the gifted child isn’t always necessary. If you would like to confirm your child’s giftedness, a few tests can be done to determine intellect.

These are usually pricey and, most importantly, must be done by a qualified professional such as an educational psychologist who specialises in gifted children, otherwise the results may not be accurate.

“If a child is easy-going, enjoys the social life at school, loves doing well academically and has the personality

that he was exceptionally bright, but then we had to figure out how to work with him.

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“

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PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATION: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

a blessing “toIthavewasconfirmation

to tolerate frustrations, there is often no reason to subject him to testing,” says Kokot.

“It’s children who are experiencing problems at school that need to be assessed, so that the reason for their behaviour or unhappiness can be ascertained and better understood,” she says. And, the earlier the detection the better. “Many gifted children have an enjoyable school career and go on to do well professionally, socially and personally,” she says.

missing the mark According to Dr James Webb in his book Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults: “Many gifted and talented children (and adults) are being misdiagnosed… The most common misdiagnoses are Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Mood Disorders… depression, and Bi-Polar Disorder.” This stems from ignorance about specific social and emotional characteristics of gifted children, which are then mistakenly assumed to be signs of pathology, explains Webb.

Mary Young, head of Verity Preparatory School and College in Durban (a school for gifted children), adds that 23 of the

common markers for ADHD, expressed positively and not negatively, can also describe a gifted individual. “To complicate matters”, says Young, “a number of gifted children display attention problems (if a topic is presented too slowly, for example) and other learning issues. Often the more ‘expected’ disorder becomes the point of focus to the exclusion of the giftedness.”

Another problem facing gifted children is boredom. According to Young: “Gifted children experience a world geared for those mostly operating on a different academic level to theirs as absolutely, mindnumbingly, depressingly boring.”

It might not surprise you, therefore, that the truly gifted child is not always at the top of his class. “A gifted child often presents the dichotomy of displaying obvious intelligence at levels beyond the rest of the grade, or shows excellence with personal projects at home, but does not perform at school or show any interest in school work,” explains Young. “A typically gifted child who has been at school for a while could be underperforming and doing just enough to pass,” she adds. We’re all familiar with the child who most teachers and parents feel could do a lot better “if only he would apply himself!”

It doesn’t help that people don’t “get them,” says Young. They are often

ahead of the pack The following are typical signs of giftedness. A gifted child may: • have an unusual memory; • pass intellectual milestones early; • start reading early; • have unusual hobbies or interests or an in-depth knowledge of certain subjects; • appear to be intolerant of other children’s inability to “get them”; • show an awareness of world events; • set impossibly high standards; • be a high achiever; • prefer to spend time with adults or in solitary pursuits; • love to talk; • ask questions all the time; • learn easily; • display a developed sense of humour; • be musical; • like to be in control; • make up additional rules for games.

(Courtesy of Mensa)

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“picked on and expected to be better than their peers at everything”.

“Educators need to understand that these children cannot be brilliant at everything,” says Young. A child may have an incredible vocabulary and the ability to hold her own when interacting with adults, but

harsh reality on soft issues Gifted children are fully aware they are different. If the reason for their difference is not recognised early, they might feel there is something wrong with them. In addition, they often have heightened sensitivities. This makes them acutely aware when others are talking about

Many gifted and talented children (and adults) are being misdiagnosed…

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she’s still a child and needs to be allowed to be, and behave like, a child.

them, which can have a huge emotional impact. Parents need to ensure they don’t confuse intellectual ability with emotional maturity.

Nadine says Ethan felt constantly victimised. “In Grade 2, before his giftedness was diagnosed, my son’s self-confidence took a knock. He and his teacher did not connect. She treated him like a disruptive child, and his classmates followed suit, telling him to ‘stop being naughty’. He defended himself with scuffles at school. Despite his high IQ, his

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emotional IQ was low. And because of his sensitive nature, he was easily hurt.”

However, most gifted children don’t struggle socially. “Some thrive on taking on leadership roles and if they are naturally sociable and gregarious, they find great fulfilment in being looked up to by their peers and others,” says Kokot. “The degree of giftedness also plays a role. Those who are way above the rest cannot relate to the ‘normal’ range of humans with whom they come into contact and tend not to know how to interact.” Nadine says Ethan also struggled to relate to his peers, because they “don’t get things. He used to get quite irritated and short with them, but as he is growing older he is learning to discern and make adjustments to his attitude without being condescending.”

Young adds that gifted children seek friends based on intellectual compatibility, which might mean they prefer adult conversation or choose friends who are older than they are. Some try hard to fit in with their peers, mostly “to keep things peaceful, though many gifted children have long ago learned – from necessity – to make peace with their own company,” says Young.

“Ethan’s bedroom is always a chaotic mess of creation, filled with science projects and experiments,” says Nadine.

“He’s happiest alone in his room, working feverishly on his own projects. He writes, directs and produces his own films – and only comes out for food and drink breaks, which need to be enforced by Mom.”

get with the programme How can you help your child to reach his full potential, negotiating any emotional stress in the process? “The very first thing is to be honest about any and all information requested of you,” says Young. “Be prepared to be a reliable source.” Kokot stresses the importance of offering children educational challenges at their level of capability, just like you would for a talented sportsman.

There are various organisations that offer special programmes for talented children. These give them the opportunity to spend time with other gifted children, which is very important for their emotional and social development. In addition, these programmes give children a chance to satisfy their curiosity and need for mental stimulation. (See “reach for the stars” on page 15 for other ways to encourage and nurture gifted children).

For Ethan’s parents, getting him into such a programme was essential. In Grade 5 he was interviewed for the LEAP (Learning Extension and Acceleration Programme)

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class at his school and accepted. He now gets all the stimulation he needs. He finally feels that he belongs and has the opportunity to excel. “It’s a huge relief after all the years of being told that we were to put him on medication – essentially to slow him down so he would conform to class structure,” says Nadine.

Sadly, the South African curriculum does not include special programmes for gifted children, and very few schools offer them. “South Africa needs educators and parents who understand giftedness and its ramifications. It is a huge tragedy that giftedness has been deleted from teachers’ training,” says Kokot. “I suggest parents of gifted children sit in the principal’s office and refuse to budge until someone takes action. Work with the teachers and offer to help in supplying additional materials for enrichment projects.”

Parents of gifted children need to have tenacity, endurance and, says Young, “a lot of energy to keep up with the mental gymnastics, questioning and debate surrounding your decisions.” As your child grows older you’ll need to stay sharp to keep up – which means one of the benefits of parenting a gifted child is that it’ll keep your brain (and, hopefully, you) young. * Names have been changed

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reach for the stars Tips for helping gifted children reach their full potential • Do not dismiss ideas or fantasy discussions as silly or irrational.

• Try to avoid imposing solutions to problems on them.

• Provide alternative viewpoints in discussions.

• Join the library and allow your child to take out books in the adult area.

• Get the educators involved.

• Educators should not give the gifted child more work, but more interesting/challenging tasks.

• Educators should encourage gifted

children to explore topics in more depth than their peers.

• Educators should not expect gifted children to learn by repetition.

• If they want to explore topics or projects suitable for older grades, allow them to do so. You can’t expect them to wait until next year.

• Do not exclude them from general adult conversation about topics such as politics, finance or world events.

• Take them to as many interesting places as possible.

• Join or form a support group.

• Read as much as you can on the topic.

• Never skimp on requests for books.

• Get an Internet connection and teach your child to search intelligently.

• Engage with each new teacher and explain your child’s position and characteristics.

• Expect to be in many parent/ teacher meetings.

(Information supplied by Mary Young, Verity Preparatory School and College, Durban) For more information, visit mensa.org.za or get in touch with the National Association for Gifted and Talented Children in South Africa, 021 873 4951.

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education

South Africa’s mother-tongue education practices have been implicated in everything from poor education results to the loss of African languages and cultures in the move to English. Glynis Horning reports.

hen Thembi*, a 41-year-old Durban receptionist, heard her daughter Sli* was one of the 40 percent of South African pupils who failed matric last year, she was convinced of the cause. It was not her daughter, whose books Thembi had to remove at 11:30pm most nights, such was the girl’s zeal to learn.

It was not the township school north of Durban and its teachers, whose efforts in the face of limited resources she appreciated. No, it was the language issue.

Our education authorities have publicly acknowledged the importance of mother-tongue education. As Naledi Pandor, Minister of Education until last year, put it in 2006: “Study in the mother tongue should introduce a diversity of learning opportunities that have been unavailable in South Africa in the past. The policy recognises that past policy and practice has disadvantaged millions of children, and it promotes the effective learning and teaching of the previously neglected indigenous languages of

“Sli did very well until Grade 3; she was our hope for the family,” Thembi sighs. “Then in Grade 4 she started all these big subjects like science, and it was all taught in English! She would bring books home, but her English was still poor, she had started learning it only in Grade 2.

My English is not good too, and I know nothing of these subjects so I could not help. If Sli could have learned in isiZulu for longer, she would have done better!”

Thembi doesn’t know it, but there is considerable research to support this. As a statement, issued by the FW de Klerk Foundation earlier this year, put it: “Experience all over the world has shown that if children receive most of their primary-school education in a language they do not understand – and that their teachers often cannot speak properly – their cognitive development can be seriously impaired.”

Researchers such as Dr Kathleen Heugh, who has run large-scale studies in literacy education in sub-Saharan Africa, have shown children get far better results receiving primary-school education in their mother tongue. And the South African constitution enshrines children’s right to mother-tongue tuition: “Everyone has the right to receive education in the official language or languages of their choice in public educational institutions where that education is reasonably practicable.”

South Africa.”

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of schooling, but they will need to find a school offering it – not easy for less-common languages – and there seems no firm plan to extend mother-tongue beyond that. “The language chosen by the learner as a language of learning and teaching shall be taught as a subject, or as a first additional language from Grade 1,” Motshekga told press in Pretoria. “The teaching of English will occur alongside mother-tongue instruction for those learners who choose English as a language of learning and teaching.”

Mother-tongue bilingual education is a noble idea but challenging to implement.

– Genevieve Koopman, director of general education and training, Western Cape Opposition parties support it: “I’m all for continuing with mother tongue right up to tertiary level,” says DA MP Juanita Kloppers-Lourens, shadow minister of Basic Education. “You always think and function more smoothly in your mother tongue,” adds Kloppers-Lourens, an Afrikaans speaker, who did part of her LLB in English.

So why have we been slow in practically advancing mother-tongue education? In July this year Basic Education Minister Angie Motshekga announced changes as part of a new curriculum, Schooling 2025, to replace OutcomesBased Education from next year. Pupils will theoretically be able to learn in their mother tongue for the first three years

The Department of Education admits there is a problem. “The present situation, in which English is the preferred language of learning and tuition (LoLT) in the intermediate phase, impedes learning and leads to poor mastery of both English and the mother tongue if proper instruction in both languages is not strengthened,” says Bobby Soobrayan, newly appointed director-general of Basic Education in Pretoria. The transition to English as a LoLT (currently in Grade 4, though policy doesn’t officially restrict it to this) happens “too abruptly and often before learners have fully developed the necessary cognitive skills in their home languages,” he concedes. In a bid to address this, the Western and Eastern Cape are piloting a programme of extending mother-tongue education to Grade 6. “Should the impact yield positive spins, it will be rolled out countrywide,” he says.

But it’s a complex process. For one thing, Julie Viljoen, languages publishing manager at OUPSA, which has been asked to provide books in English, Afrikaans and Xhosa to support the project, says only Grade 4 books have been bought so far. “We haven’t completed Grade 5 and Grade 6, and now that’s on hold because the curriculum is changing.” OUPSA has developed style guides for all 11 languages to cover common terminologies, she durban’s

PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

unpacking the problem

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The present situation, in which English is the preferred language of learning and tuition in the intermediate phase, impedes learning and leads to poor mastery of both English and the mother tongue.

– Bobby Soobrayan, national directorgeneral, Basic Education says. “But is it viable to develop all those languages for a higher education level? For example, Ndebele is such a young written language, and stories are mostly told, not written. Will the government start projects to help change this? And will the number of people who would use these books warrant it? Policy supports indigenous languages and bilingualism, but it would need drive and commitment from government.”

As things stand, Genevieve Koopman, director of general education and training in the Western Cape, who recently took over the Language Transformation pilot project, reports finding little improvement in schools where it is being tried. “This is for the sheer reason that schools did not follow the model as prescribed,” she says.

“To make MTBBE (mother tongue-based bilingual education) work requires huge resources and effort. There’s a need not just for textbooks in mother tongue, but for teachers to be given proper training in MTBBE, and to be committed to sticking to mother tongue in the classroom. Parental awareness and involvement is vital. It’s a noble idea, but challenging to implement.”

Interestingly, one of the biggest obstacles to mother-tongue education is the attitude of parents. An HSRC survey has shown that “most South Africans prefer the use of English as the language of instruction from Grade 1 (with the exception of the Western and Northern Cape, where they prefer Afrikaans). English is the language of perceived potential upward educational mobility among almost all black Africans.”

Soobrayan concurs: “Parents fear that learning through a language other than English restricts children’s potential to enter the global world with ease,” and there’s a perception it does not pay off in terms of economic viability, he says. “An important lesson in this regard is to compare benefits

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enjoyed by Afrikaans-speaking people who have used Afrikaans throughout the education system.”

“It’s good to learn English because it can open many doors,” says Ndela Nelson Ntshangase, a lecturer in Zulu at the University of KwaZulu-Natal. “But it’s sad if children lose their mother tongue and culture!”

And that is exactly what has been happening in South Africa, reports Professor Vivian de Klerk, Dean of Students at Rhodes University and former Professor of English Language and Linguistics, who has researched language shift. “More and more black parents have been sending their children to former model C or independent schools if they can afford it, to give them what they believe to be the best possible education – in English. African languages have taken second place, and in some cases children are losing them completely.”

When children lose their mother tongue, De Klerk warns, they stand to lose their culture, sense of pride and identity, and sense of community. “It’s mostly the elite who can afford the better-resourced Englishmedium schools,” she says. “Their children often end up unable to communicate with other members of their community and even family, especially those in rural areas.”

The children best able to retain their mother tongue are those living in areas where they can keep using it, De Klerk says.

“When parents move to previously white suburbs, children can lose their mother tongue in just two years. And when this happens, it’s hard to reverse.” It’s better by far to take steps to prevent that loss (see “speaking solutions”).

looking forward “There is no doubt that English is a language of wider communication, hence instruction in home language needs to be accompanied durban’s

by strengthened quality teaching of English as a first additional language,” says Soobrayan. But while government policy states that the first additional language (English) should be taught alongside mother tongue from Grade 1 (Schooling 2025 reiterates this), in practice this has not been the case to date. “Each school has its own policy at present, but most schools introduce English as a second language in Grade 2,” says Monono Mdluli, foundation phase lecturer at Wits Schools of Education. “In Grade 4, when all subjects must be taught in English, there are problems. Grade 4 is a crucial transitional grade when, instead of just doing literacy, numeracy and life skills, children move on to eight different learning areas [six subjects in Schooling 2025] including the sciences.”

Systemic evaluations, and the annual national evaluations done at Grades 3, 6, 9 and 12 show children are not coping, she says. “Formal research should be done to find out what role not being taught in mother tongue for longer may play.”

Like most education professionals, Mdluli does not advocate African mothertongue education be extended past Grade 6. “Many of our languages do not have the books or vocabularies for all subjects, especially the sciences. But a few more years of mother-tongue tuition in primary

school could make a major difference to school results.”

It’s surely worth a try. South Africa’s matric results have declined steadily from a 73 percent pass rate in 2003 to some 60 percent last year. And in the last Progress in International Reading Literacy Study (PIRLS), South Africa came last, reports Paula Gaines, research and development manager of the Molteno Institute for Language and Literacy NGO in Johannesburg.

“Malawi, Botswana, Kenya and Tanzania invest a lot less money in education than we do and get better results,” she says. “And though many factors are involved – including poor teacher training under apartheid that still needs to be adequately addressed, and throwing out lots of babies with the bath water when Curriculum 2005 was replaced by the National Curriculum Statement (NCS) – the language issue is part of it.”

It seems that as the FW de Klerk Foundation statement concluded, “Mothertongue education is an essential basis for sound education. The challenge is to persuade government to do much more to ensure that it becomes a reality – and to convince parents that their children will receive a better education if they are taught (at primary school) in a language they can understand.” * Surnames withheld

speaking solutions Make a plan. Discuss your approach to your children’s language learning early on, and stick with it. Until puberty, children can easily absorb any second language they are exposed to regularly, but it’s better for them to be properly grounded in their mother tongue first, says Professor Vivian de Klerk, Dean of Students at Rhodes University. From the outset, one or both parents should always speak their mother tongue at home. “If one parent does this, they must do it consistently,” she says. “If the other parent speaks the second language consistently too, there will be no confusion for the child.”

Choose a mother-tongue-medium preprimary and primary school, if possible. “Evidence shows that children get their academic understanding by drawing on their mother tongue,” says De Klerk. “If they start a second language too early they can battle to make progress in either language or in their education in general, and their confidence can suffer.”

If children attend a second-language-medium school, speak only your mother tongue at home. Manono Ndluli, foundation phase lecturer at the Wits School of Education, put her 10-year-old daughter in an English-medium private school, but speaks to her only in Setswana, while her husband speaks only Zulu. “Now she speaks all three languages well.”

Give children pride in their language and culture, and praise them when they speak it well. Read to them, tell them stories and teach them songs about their culture in their mother tongue.

Correct gently. If children forget and address you in their second language, answer in their mother tongue. If they make mistakes, simply repeat what they have said with the mistake corrected.

Encourage friendships with mother-tongue speakers. Attend cultural gatherings where it is spoken, and make regular visits to relatives who speak your mother tongue or encourage telephone chats.

Tell children the potential benefits of being “balanced bilinguals”, says Carey Myles, author of Raising Bilingual Children (Mars Publishing).

These include exposure to a wider range of experiences and perspectives, more flexible thinking, increased creativity, better problem-solving ability, and greater education opportunities and marketability in the world of work.

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parenting

moving on Your child’s firm friend is moving to another city – how can you help them cope with the sense of loss?

anging out with friends can be lots of fun. For youngsters, however, it’s vital for their development.

Children need playmates to learn to engage with others. It’s during the formative years that children test their ability to share feelings and thoughts and forge bonds with others, until what they learn becomes intuitive. Interacting with their peers and creating friendships teaches children a whole repertoire of social skills needed for life.

When a child plays with a friend, he has to learn, for one, how to share. “This means being able to say ‘no’ to yourself,” says Cape Town-based child and adolescent psychotherapist Judy Davies. “It takes time to acquire the skill and usually the younger the child, the harder it is to learn.” Friendships also teach children to understand how a friend feels, to be able to see the issue from another’s

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point of view. In relating to others you need to be willing to compromise, take turns and follow rules.

Friendships also enable children to see how their peer group reacts to them, says educational psychologist Simona Maraschin, from Parkhurst, Johannesburg. “Positive feedback from peers means a child will feel accepted, secure and safe. Children need friends early on in order to test their ability to be independent, creative, spontaneous and autonomous,” she explains. In addition, friendships help children learn to trust and connect with others.

Besides allowing children to discover different facets of their own personalities, friendships offer colour, warmth and diverse experiences. “Friends add so much to the enjoyment of life,” says Davies. “Friends show a growing child how relationships with non-family members enrich

your life. Critically, they also show how life outside the family can be safe and enjoyable.”

And what of the issue of having a “best friend”? “Best friends only really become important in later primary school when personality starts to take shape, at around nine or 10 years old. Young children need a variety of friends,” says Davies. “There is however a difference between girls and boys: towards the end of preschool you’ll notice how girls prefer a ‘best’ friend or close friends while boys really love playing in a group.”

so long, not goodbye Aside from the valuable lessons children learn from friendships, they derive a lot of joy from their interaction with their peers. But what happens when friends have to

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PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

By RUTH REHBOCK

part company? Perhaps your child’s bosom buddy moves to a new neighbourhood or you have to move your child to another school. “How your child deals with a loss of this kind depends on a few factors,” says Maraschin. “These include the age of the children and whether or not they can continue seeing one another even though they are at different schools.”

Nadine Milner, mom to 30-month-old twins Tegan and Dylan, and six-year-old Jordan lives in Bruma, Johannesburg. She decided it would be best if Jordan repeated middle group at preschool this year. “He had the physical skills he needed to go up but emotionally he wasn’t mature enough for Grade 0. The one thing that concerned me was that he would have no friends in the new class.”

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It took three to four months before Jordan started making friends in his new class. “At first we tried to continue the friendships from the year before, however they stopped wanting to spend time with Jordan. In a way it was the best thing that could have happened. Right from the first day his new teacher made a point of telling me not to keep up the friendships with the children from the previous year. “It’s much more important for Jordan to make new friends in his new class,” she said.

Nadine didn’t make a huge issue about Jordan making friends. When he told her no-one would play with him at school, she would ask about other times during the week when he did enjoy himself with a few classmates.

“Gradually he started to talk about ‘special’ boys in his class and he sees them on play dates, but not every

Friendships also teach children to understand how a friend feels, to be able to see the issue from another’s point of view.

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week. Jordan just needed time to find his feet, although there were times this year when I was very worried and asked the teacher to make sure he played with someone at break time.”

Children mostly prefer to have friends in their class, but if parents are supportive there’s no need to lose contact with friends at other schools. “I feel it’s extremely valuable to keep in touch with friends, particularly for children of eight or nine and older. Primary school children start to need the security of friends,” says Davies.

The Internet, email and phones make it easier to keep in touch today. You could, for instance, help your child Skype a friend who has moved to another country.

“It’s critical to remind children of their friends who are not around every day – it’s definitely not a case of ‘out of sight out of mind’. In this way we teach children the value of relationships,” says Davies.

Davies also believes that when a child’s friend changes schools (or your child does), it’s a good idea to mark the occasion with a small get-together. In this way, she says, you are acknowledging and validating your

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child’s experience of the change or loss.

However, she adds that, generally, the younger the child the sooner the contact breaks down.

learning to lose Although it’s hard to see our little ones hurting, learning to deal with loss is an essential life skill. Having a good support system will, however, make all the difference. “If you guide, support and assist your child to cope with the loss of a friend, they won’t crumble. In fact, having to make new friends will build social confidence and resilience,” comments Maraschin.

Nine-year-old Koketso Lekganyene from Midrand had to change schools when he moved from Grade R to Grade 1. He didn’t know a single soul in his new class, but luckily he did make friends after a few months. “It was really difficult early in the year,” says his mother, Ellen. “Koketso was lonely and withdrawn and mostly kept to himself at school. Although I tried to push him to talk to his classmates he said they didn’t want to be with him. He didn’t want to go to birthday parties either.”

Ellen persevered and managed to convince him to accept a few birthday party invitations. These slowly paved the way towards the establishment of friendships.

“Once he’d been to a couple of parties where he relaxed and played with other children from the class, he spontaneously began to spend time with a couple of the children at school. It took around three to four months, but Koketso now has four firm friends.”

So what else can parents do to support their child in making new friends?

If she’s struggling to make friends in class, encourage her to take part in team activities such as soccer or enrol her for dancing, gymnastics or art classes (something in line with her interests), where there’s a safe but new “space” in which to foster friendships. Also arrange play dates for your child – but don’t go overboard. For a Grade 1 child, start by aiming for one durban’s

Having to make new friends will build social confidence and resilience. play date a week. And for children who are missing their old friends, Maraschin offers the following advice: “if possible, keep contact with the friend outside school or slowly ‘wean’ a child of a friendship if the tie has to be severed completely.”

being prepared Dealing with losing a friend is often only one aspect of a larger change that your child might be going through. It may be part of a larger loss if the family moves to a new neighbourhood, city or another country. These moves would compound the loss for any child,” she says.

“The best way to get through loss, if it’s expected, is to prepare your child for the change. “Talk about it and why it must happen but also be warned – your child may need to ‘grieve’,” says Maraschin.

“Talk to your child about his feelings.

Accept and acknowledge whatever he feels, whether it’s anger, sadness or frustration. And if a child takes a knock in confidence, encourage new experiences and point out positive aspects of the change. Talk about his disappointments and comfort him when things don’t go smoothly,” she advises.

It’s important to remember that our children will make friends on their own terms, in their own time and, if they lose a friend, will react in a personal way. As parents we may be able to help soften the bumps a little but your child is still going to have to ride them through. By helping them to negotiate their way successfully through the loss of a friendship and the building of new relationships, you are assisting them in gaining important skills for life.

reading matter A handful of helpful children’s books Friendship According to Humphrey

by Betty G. Birney What is Friendship: Games and Activities to Help Children to Understand Friendship

by Pamela Day The Berenstain Bears Lose a Friend

by Jan Berenstain and Stan Berenstain Arthur Loses a Friend by Marc Brown

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parenting

like father like son SIVIWE MINYI wonders about how he’s shaping his son’s understanding of what it is to be a man.

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human too Our bookshop conversation got me thinking about how I was going to honour and respect my son’s emerging masculinity. He has already begun to develop a picture of heroes from some of the books he reads and the DVDs he occasionally watches, and these give him an idea of what it means to be a man. But a lot of masculinity is not “taught” but “caught”. This means that I need to be modelling something of value.

It’s okay to cry.

These are not girl matters.

They belong to us as people.

Broadly speaking, society expects men to be physically strong and emotionally robust and never show signs of “weakness”. Boys are encouraged to imitate older boys and men, and discouraged from imitating girls and women.

But I so wanted him to realise that he’s human. I have

told him that it’s fine to be attached to a particular doll or a teddy bear. And that it’s okay to cry. These are not girl matters. They belong to us as people.

When I first raised this, he found it a little funny. That was before he witnessed me dealing with being bitten by a dog. That day I cried. He cried too. I also saw how he winced in pain when he was tackled while playing his first rugby match.

Today we respond to what we feel. At this level, I feel that my son and I have connected.

show some respect The “girls-are-smelly” comment got me thinking about how my son is learning to treat people. Specifically, how he is learning to treat women. Children learn from their parents and those around them, and he is already learning lessons from his sister, who is three years older than he is. One day I overheard them having a discussion about respect. “Listen to me,” said his sister with an assertive voice, “look at the way our father speaks to mummy: he is full of respect and does not fight with her.”

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PHOTOGRAPH: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

e caught me by surprise. We had just started perusing the shelves of a well-known bookshop, when my then five-year-old son Okuhle shouted from the other end of the shop: “Come on, chief, those books are for girls – there are real books on this side.”

A few people turned to look at me. I hid my embarrassment and responded: “Okay, I’m on my way…”

“Girls smell, you know, and I don’t like their books,” he continued.

I laughed, which was my way of hiding the serious realisation that my son had started to create a picture in his mind about the world of boys and men.

Visiting a bookshop is a monthly ritual for my son and me. Our brief interaction there opened the door to an interesting topic: boys and how they relate to others. In that moment I became fully aware of just how much the roots of boys’ behaviour lies in broader culture and what happens in their homes. And it made me realise that I need to acknowledge and be proactive about my role and responsibility in shaping Okuhle’s understanding of what it is to be a man.

A lot of masculinity is not “taught” but “caught”. This means that I need to be modelling something of value.

I was stunned, and humbled. It brought home the idea that before fathers can teach sons about respect and nonviolent behaviour, we need to be modelling it. And, given the high levels of domestic violence in our country, this is very important.

One morning he said to me: “Chief, I would like to be respectful of all people. I shall try just like you.” This is a lifelong lesson, one he will practise for the rest of his life.

This lesson says that girls should never be hit, and that he should stand up for those who are bullied in class.

lessons on the field It also got me thinking about how I am helping to build my son’s character. There have been times when my son has been selected as captain of his school cricket team.

This requires him to show leadership and discipline. Boys at this age tend to be competitive and winning is all-

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important. When they lose, it is as if the world has come to an end.

Okuhle and I have watched a number of cricket and soccer matches together. On those occasions I have asked him to watch how the captains behave in the presence of the opposing team, and to take note of how captains are appreciative of others. (It’s not an easy lesson to teach because on the field boys are expected to play on the other team’s fears and weaknesses.) Then at the end of every match we exchange notes about what he has learnt. The outcome has been fascinating.

He speaks of captains who encourage and praise teammates; of captains who take responsibility when their team loses. Sometimes the captain of a winning team will speak highly of the opposition. I then challenge my son to practise this even when he is not captain – to seek to praise and acknowledge any effort from the opponent.

We have also spent time looking at stories of sportsmen who have decided to be honest even when the call will go against them. One such story we shared involves tennis star Andy Roddick who, in May 2005, performed one of the greatest gestures of sportsmanship on a tennis court.

Roddick, leading 5-3 in the second set, had a triple match point, and his opponent, Fernando Verdasco, was about to serve. Verdasco’s serve appeared to land just wide and was called out by the linesperson. Roddick, however, called the ball in, after checking the mark on the clay court and conceded the second-serve ace to Verdasco.

Verdasco went on to win the match. The lesson: Roddick may have lost the match but he gained credibility and trust. He also gained a lot of respect from people for his selfless act.

I can’t wait for another visit to our favourite bookshop.

I sense another lesson coming on.

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spotlight

when you are gone If something happened to you tomorrow, who would bring up your children?

Take steps now to secure their future care, writes GLYNIS HORNING.

wife in Johannesburg. “I don’t know if it’s late-onset guilt and nostalgia – he wept buckets at Sharon’s funeral – but it’s killing me,” sighs Riaan. “He’s started smsing the boys, promising them material comforts

years, Riaan*. The soft-spoken 43-yearold teacher has sons of his own, aged six and 10, and the four are like brothers, he says. “Sharon’s ex left her for another woman when she was still pregnant with her younger boy, and except for paying maintenance, he’s taken virtually no interest in them. He’s a pressured businessman and once told me it was a relief that the boys had another father because he had so much else on his plate!”

Yet within weeks of Sharon’s death her ex was demanding that his sons live with him, pressing for them to join him and his

and gizmos beyond those I could afford even if I approved of them. Sharon would have been horrified, but I don’t know what to do!”

This is typical of the dilemmas that can arise over child care (previously known as “custody”) – especially if you don’t understand the law or take what measures you can to make sure your wishes are carried out if you are no longer around.

“Parents who are or have been married to each other, or who have never been married but where the biological father has qualified to have parental responsibilities

overriding provision “The the court will look for is

“

the child’s best interests.

– Candice Eve, associate, Shepstone & Wylie

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and rights, are co-guardians of the child, unless one of them has been awarded sole guardianship to the exclusion of the other by a court,” says Judy Cloete, a director at Miller du Toit Cloete Inc in Cape Town. “In the ordinary course of events, the surviving parent becomes the sole natural guardian and carer of the child.”

The court must consider the commitment the person applying has shown towards the child, the extent to which they’ve contributed towards the child’s expenses, the relationship between the child and the person whose parental responsibilities and rights are being challenged, and any other fact the court feels should be taken into account.

fit and proper If you have sole care or sole guardianship (and orders granting this are rare, Cloete says), then (in terms of Section 27 of the Children’s Act 38 of 2005), you can appoint a “fit and proper person” to have care or guardianship of the child if you die – but the appointment must be contained in your will. However, even if you’ve only been granted care (as opposed to sole care) of the child on divorce, your ex-spouse automatically obtains care on your death, cautions Mary O’Gorman, principal family advocate for KwaZulu-Natal. And if you nominate another person in your will to have care or guardianship, your ex-spouse will have to agree to give up the rights to these before the provisions of your will can take effect.

The “overriding provision” the court will look for is the child’s best interests (protected by the South African Constitution and the Children’s Act), says Candice Eve, an associate at Shepstone & Wylie in Durban. “If your ex is a co-holder of parental rights and responsibilities, then yes, he will automatically gain care and guardianship of your child. But if he’s an unfit parent, the court may well afford care or guardianship to any other person who applies (under Section 23 or 24 of the Act).”

rights and responsibilities “The handling of child care when a parent dies, as when there is a divorce, should be done in a way that keeps friction and unpleasantness to a minimum, and makes for as easy a transition as possible for the child, who will also be dealing with grief,” says Pearl Ramotsamai, a counsellor with FAMSA Durban. Deciding what you want for your child upfront, speaking to the major players if possible, and spelling out your wishes in your will are the best way to ensure that.

“Any wish you have regarding the care of your child can be recorded in your will and will be enforceable, provided you have sole care and guardianship,” says Eve. But this will still be weighed against the rights of the other parent or other interested parties, such as the child’s grandparents, aunts or uncles.

The right to care for your child is one of the parental rights and responsibilities assigned to a parent, says Eve. The Act defines “care” to include providing the child with a suitable place to live, safeguarding and promoting their wellbeing, protecting them from mistreatment, bringing them up, and “generally ensuring that their best interests are paramount”. durban’s

PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

w

hen Sharon*, a 32-year-old Durban alternative-health therapist, died after a short illness last year, she assumed her sons of seven and nine would keep living with her partner of the past five

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“

The older and more mature the child, the more their wishes would be taken into account.

– Judy Cloete, director, Miller du Toit Cloete Inc

In most cases parties are given full or certain parental responsibilities and rights, says Cloete. These can include caring for the child, keeping contact with them, acting as their guardian and contributing to their maintenance. “If you have full parental rights, it’s taken to mean that you have all these rights and responsibilities,” says Eve.

“

the child’s rights Your child has rights too. “In terms of Section 31 of the Act, their views must be taken into account on any decision regarding the assignment of the caregiver or guardian,” Eve says. “And in terms of Section 10, every child of an age, maturity and stage of development able to participate in any matter concerning them has the right to do so in an appropriate way, and the views they express must be taken into consideration.”

There’s no specific age at which a child can make their own decision, says Cloete, “but in practical terms, the older and more mature the child, the more their wishes would be taken into account”. For younger children, who also have the right to legal representation, the problem can often be overcome by “a skilled legal representative working together with a psychologist or social worker, to convey to the court the child’s views and wishes, and to give input on what’s in the best interest of the child in the circumstances”.

If you die and your child’s other parent is no longer alive, surviving grandparents on either side can apply for the child’s care or guardianship, and the same criteria will apply as for any applicant, says Eve.

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psychologically speaking When deciding who to give care of your child in a will, your prime considerations should be stability and security, says Ramotsamai. “Familiarity is very important, so encourage your child to spend time with these people if they don’t already.”

If a child’s relationship with you ends, and they have no other strong, supportive, secure relationship, it’s been shown that they react with a greater need to control whatever other relationships they can come by, say Eleanor and Michael Willemsen in The Best Interest of the Child (published online by the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics).

To do this, the child may become preoccupied with getting and keeping the attention of caregivers, teachers and friends at the expense of growing their own wings and confidence. Or they may dismiss the importance of relationships, and focus on their activities and achievements at the expense of having fulfilling relationships. Either way, they risk having problems in adulthood with close relationships, parenting, and establishing a healthy balance between independence and closeness, warn the Willemsens.

But there are other vital considerations too when deciding who should care for your child. Is this person willing and able to help them develop their skills, interests and character strengths? “Look closely at their own character, lifestyle and values,” says Ramotsamai. “Are these what you want for your child?” *Names have been changed.

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willpower!

“It’s vital to draw up a legal will, and the creation of a testamentary trust is a proficient way to ensure your family’s needs are catered for,” says Varsha Sewlal, head of office at the Master of the KwaZulu-Natal High Court, Durban. “If you die without a will, your estate will be settled in terms of the rules of Intestate Succession, and families are often torn apart by disputes over distribution of assets.”

Sewlal’s office frequently deals with estates where a father dies and has had children with different mothers.

“Often if provision is not made for all children, these children have difficulties accessing benefits,” she says.

“On occasion we encounter mothers deliberately trying to exclude heirs. Should proper provision not be made, these children are at risk of not inheriting at all.”

As a parent it’s your duty to provide to the best of your ability for your child, and a will can ensure that your estate is distributed according to your wishes, Sewlal says. “It’s your final opportunity to do the right thing.”

If you die without a will the proceeds from your estate are automatically vested in the Guardian’s Fund. Appointment of an executor and the verification process are often lengthy, delaying access to funds from the Guardian’s Fund. “Dying without a will is tantamount to throwing your child to the wolves,” Sewlal says. “A will can ease tensions and distress, leave certainty for your loved ones and diffuse infighting.”

Besides a will, every parent should form a trust to see to the needs of minor children. “A trust can stipulate the specific arrangements you wish to make,” she says. Keep in mind that the biological parent is always the natural guardian, but, as explained earlier, care (custody) can be awarded by the High Court on application in the best interests of the child.

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resource

education

matters

Choosing a school that will suit you and your child can be daunting. CHAREEN BOAKE investigates some of the different schooling options available to help you make that all-important decision.

public schools

a public school may suit you if…

• there’s a suitable school close to your home.

• the school in your catchment area offers the standard of education and extracurricular activities you are looking for.

• you value cultural diversity. Public schools are often more diverse than independent schools.

• the fees are more in line with your budget than those at private (independent) schools.

• you need to apply for a reduction in school fees based on your financial circumstances.

• you’d like your children to wear school uniforms.

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• you would like your children to enjoy a wide variety of sports and extramurals, many of which are included in the school fees.

a public school may not suit you if…

• you want your child to be in a small class and receive plenty of personal attention.

• there’s no suitable public school in your area.

• the school does not have sufficient resources for remedial assistance.

• the school fees have been raised to subsidise salaries for additional educators in order to decrease class sizes.

• you have concerns about the better, more experienced educators leaving for larger salaries in the private sector.

• the school’s security is insufficient due to lack of funds.

• you’d prefer for your children not to be affected by possible educator strikes.

For more info visit education.gov.za or schoolguide.co.za durban’s

PHOTOGRAPHS: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM

Either partially or fully subsidised by the government, these schools follow a syllabus set out by provincial and national government. Admission is usually dependent on feeder areas within the school’s vicinity.

independent schools This is a broad term used to classify schools that are either privately owned or privately governed. They vary tremendously, from religious to secular, and from culturalintegratory schools to schools based on philosophical beliefs.

an independent school may suit you if…

• you want your child to learn in a smallish class.

• you want to be able to choose a school based on your cultural, religious or language preferences.

• you don’t live in the feeder area of a school you like. Independent schools generally don’t have a catchment area, but your child may need to write an entrance exam or attend an interview.

• you want to have more say in the running of the school. Independent schools are governed by governing bodies, parents and educators.

• you value the school’s traditions or think it’ll be beneficial for your child to be part of the school’s pastpupil network.

• you want to offer your children wider opportunities in fields such as sport, drama and music.

• you want to offer your child an education in a facility that is stocked with a large amount of top-quality equipment, which, in subjects such as chemistry and biology, can allow learning that’s more hands on.

• you want your child to write a schoolleaving exam that qualifies them for entry into a foreign university. Certain schools allow learners to write A-level or Abitur exams, for example.

an independent school may not suit you if…

• you don’t have the budget for the often expensive school fees.

• you’d prefer not to have to pay extra for sports, extramural and administration fees, which are often not included in school fees.

• the school doesn’t have a uniform and you want your child to wear one – casual clothes can be more costly.

• you don’t want your child to be in an environment where there can be pressure to conform with regards to the latest fashions, toys and gadgets.

For more info visit isasa.org or saprivateschools.co.za

cultural integratory schools These are independent schools that promote and seek to instil the culture, language and ethos of their country of cultural origin. They are usually open to children of all cultural ethnicities and provide education in line with South African regulations.

In addition to South African matric certificates, certain schools also offer students the option of studying towards a school-leaving certificate valid in the country of cultural origin.

a cultural integratory school may suit you if…

• you want your child to learn to speak a foreign language.

• you like the school’s ethos and values.

• you want your child to retain or learn more about your family’s cultural roots.

• you want your child to pursue tertiary study abroad.

a cultural integratory school may not suit you if…

• you’re unfamiliar with the language and culture of the particular school.

• the fees are beyond your means.

• the appropriate school is not close to your home. There are not many cultural integratory schools and you may not reside within an easy commute of your required school.

For more info visit isasa.org or saprivateschools.co.za

faith-based schools These are independent schools that offer a curriculum that integrates secular and religious education.

a faith-based school may suit you if…

• you have strong religious beliefs.

• you want your child to have a religious foundation, even if you don’t have strong religious beliefs yourself.

• the school offers a community with the same religious ethos and beliefs as your family.

• the class sizes are small and the facilities of a standard with which you are happy. durban’s

a faith-based school may not suit you if…

• you want your child to interact with children who have different religious backgrounds. This means your children may miss out on opportunities to rub shoulders with those different to themselves, which may lead to limited understanding of others.

• the fees are more expensive than your nearest public school.

• you are not able to offer the same religious traditions and beliefs within your home.

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and development of each child. Children are, therefore, given regular assessments rather than tests.

a montessori school may suit you if…

montessori schools The Montessori method aims to provide a developmentally age-appropriate curriculum and to educate by learning through all five senses. Children in a Montessori environment learn at their own pace and according to their own choice of activities, rather than at a group pace or a roster. The educator’s role is to watch over the environment and to provide guidance for children rather than to lecture or lead them. Educators don’t set assignments nor do they dictate what should be studied or read. Children are usually placed in three-year age groups, forming “communities” in which the older children impart knowledge to the younger ones. Montessori discourages traditional competitive measurements of achievement such as tests and exams, and focuses rather on the individual progress

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• you value a holistic approach to education. Montessori promotes the emotional, social and spiritual needs and growth of children as much as their intellectual and physical development.

• you value the independence children will be taught, as well as them being in an environment in which they are encouraged to make informed decisions from an early age.

• you like the idea of children not being expected to conform to set standards of achievement. Children are nurtured according to their individual interests and talents.

• you think your child will thrive in this individual-based approach. Here, children learn at their own pace. It would suit a family that is comfortable to support their child’s individual growth.

a montessori school may not suit you if…

• you don’t want your child to have to cope with moving schools and education philosophies for primary school. There are very few Montessori primary schools and high schools.

• you want your child to attend a mainstream primary school. The two

approaches are very different, which means certain children may battle to make the switch.

• you don’t like the idea of being unable to compare your child’s work to that of his or her peers.

• your child finds it difficult to work independently. The environment can be demotivating for some children.

For more info visit samontessori.org.za or montessori.edu

waldorf schools Waldorf schools offer a curriculum responsive to the developmental phases in childhood while encouraging creativity and free thinking. During the preschool years, academics are de-emphasised and children are encouraged to “be children” through play and creativity. Artistic mediums of education are encouraged and many subjects are introduced to children through craft, woodwork, music and gardening.

Minimal academics are offered in Grade 1 and children learn to read in Grade 2 and Grade 3. Waldorf schools also discourage traditional measurements of achievement such as tests and exams, and focus on the individual progress and development of each child. During the primary school years, the educator, who ideally remains with a class from Grade 1 to Grade 8, writes a detailed evaluation of the child at the end of each school year.

a waldorf school may suit you if…

• you like the idea of your children not having to conform to set standards of achievement. They are nurtured according to their individual interests and talents.

• your family or children are particularly artistic or creative.

• you want your child to receive a high level of personal attention.

• you value a holistic approach to your child’s education. Waldorf seeks to promote education through “complete unity of body, soul and spirit”.

• you believe the security of being with the same educator and classmates for the first years of schooling will benefit your child.

a waldorf school may not suit you if…

• you think you may need to move your child to a mainstream school at some point. Because of the significant differences in the pacing of the various curricula, it could be a difficult adjustment for your child.

• you have concerns about your child finding change difficult to handle. Having the same educator and classmates for the first eight years can make some children change-averse.

• there are significant personality clashes between your child and the educator or other classmates. The problem will not

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resolve itself in the new year, as your child’s class and teacher are likely to be the same for a number of years.

• you or your child are particularly competitive. The Waldorf environment is non-competitive.

• you want your child to learn computer skills from an early age. Waldorf educators feel the appropriate age for computer use in the classroom is high school.

• TV is a big part of your family’s life.

Use of electronic media, particularly TV, is largely discouraged because it is believed to hamper the development of a child’s imagination.

For more info visit waldorf.org.za

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home schooling Also called home education or home learning, home schooling refers to educating children within the home environment rather than through formal schooling. Children are educated either by parents or tutors, using a homeschool curriculum.

home schooling may suit you if…

• you want to instil family values, or a culture you feel your child can’t learn through a third party.

• you have strong religious beliefs and, because of these, object to certain lessons offered by schools. Or you want religion to form a thoroughly inclusive aspect of your child’s education.

• you want to ensure your child’s safety is within your control at all times.

• you’re keen to provide your child with a specialised education programme, tailored to their educational needs, learning preferences and pace.

• you need to cater for a child who’s unable to attend mainstream schooling for reasons that may include a learning difference, for example.

• you have a career that involves travelling for long periods at a time, and want your children to be able to travel with you.

• you want to limit your child’s exposure to negative social influences – such as peer pressure, school bullies, drug use and under-age drinking.

• you are affected by transportation

• you want your child to be exposed

problems or live in a remote area far from suitable schools.

to educators and students who have different opinions, values and world views to that of your family.

home schooling may not suit you if…

• you’re hoping for a cheap option. You won’t have to pay school fees, but you will need to purchase a curriculum and this can be expensive.

• your children cannot be part of a broader home-schooling network, otherwise they may get insufficient time to interact with children their age.

• developing a sense of belonging to a school group is important to you.

• you believe it’s important for children to be in class with peers of different backgrounds and beliefs.

• you find it difficult to draw a distinction between your role as a parent and that of an educator, and are either overly strict or too lenient.

• your children show an aptitude for certain subjects you didn’t study or find difficult, such as a maths or physics.

• you want your children to learn what it’s like to compete with other students for academic accolades.

• you can’t devote sufficient time to the process – you will not only teach but also have to do research, prepare lessons and arrange outings.

• you want your child to play sport but don’t have money for private coaching or membership to sports clubs.

For more info visit pestalozzi.org, south-african-homeschool-curriculum. com or saprivateschools.co.za/homeschooling

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calendar

what’s on in august Things to do, places to go, ways to give back, talks and exhibitions plus loads of fun for the whole family. compiled by Tamlyn vincent

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special events

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FUN for children

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only for parents

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bump, baby & tot in tow

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how to help

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SPECIAL EVENTS The Great Train Race Jump aboard the Inchanga Choo Choo and watch runners race a steam train.

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FUN FOR CHILDREN

ONLY FOR PARENTS

Rayz Kids World Opening at uShaka Marine World, this new section offers a giant sandpit, Africa’s biggest jungle gym and much more for children 2–10 years.

Super Troupers This show at the Barnyard Theatre is a tribute to ABBA, the Bee Gees and other music from the ‘70s.

August 2010

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

The Baby Expo This year’s show celebrates the magic brought to our lives by children.

Become an Organ Donor August is Organ Donor Month so register online to become a donor and save lives.

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PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATION: THINKSTOCKPHOTOS.COM/ADDITIONAL RESEARCH: SUSAN TISSIMAN

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1

SPECIAL EVENTS

sun

1 sunday Penzance Preprimary fun day offers activities from games to model aeroplanes.

Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Penzance Rd, Glenwood. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 205 2880 or penpre@mweb.co.za

2 monday National Science Week Ends 7 August.

Visit the Old Mutual MTN ScienCentre for great exhibitions and to do fun experiments. Time: Monday–Thursday 9am–7pm, Friday–Saturday 9am–9pm, Sunday 9am–6pm. Venue: Upper level, Gateway Theatre of Shopping. Cost: adults R24, children R25. Contact: 031 566 8040 or visit gatewaysciencecentre.co.za Jodi Piccoult at The Book Boutique Join the author for a talk and book signing of her new book House Rules. Time: 6pm.

Venue: 18 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti.

Cost: free entry. Contact: RSVP to Kerry 031 903 6692 Young Artists Unite presents Found and ...Something Borrowed, Something Blue..., two exhibitions exploring old traditions with a modern approach. Suitable for high school students and older. Ends 21 August. Time: Monday–Friday 10am–4pm, Saturdays/holidays 10am–1pm, opening night 6:30pm. Venue: artSPACE, 3 Millar Rd, Windermere. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 312 0793 or visit artspace-durban.com

3 tuesday Maternity and Paediatric open day Baby care workshop for moms and those expecting. Time: 9:30am–1pm. Venue: 3rd floor, Ethekwini Hospital and Heart Centre.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 581 2447

5 thursday The Guitar that Rocked the World Family show celebrating guitar music. Ends 29 August. Time: Saturday 2:30pm, Sunday 6pm.

Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, UKZN. Cost: R95; evening R140. Book through Computicket: visit computicket.com

7 saturday Rayz Kids World has its grand opening at uShaka Marine World, featuring a giant sandpit, treasure cave, Lego building lounge, Water Canon Zone and Africa’s biggest jungle gym. For children 2–10 years. Tiny tots and parents also catered for. Time: grand opening 10am. Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: R35. Contact: 031 328 8000 or visit ushakamarineworld.co.za

Kids Cycle for Fun with Ola Milky Lane at the Illovo Eston Mountain Bike Challenge. Serious mountain bikers ride through Tala Valley Game Reserve.

Children compete in their own race or play in the Kids’ Zone. Time: tbc.

Venue: Eston Club, Eston. Cost: tbc.

For more info: visit roag.co.za

CANSA Relay for Life Walk or run in a relay for 12 to 24 hours to support and raise funds. Entertainment, food and games provided. Time: tbc. Venue: Maritzburg College, Pietermaritzburg. Cost: 15-member team R500. Contact Treya: 082 774 3338, monty@mc.pmb.school.za or visit pmbrelay.co.za Walk for CHOC (Childhood Cancer Foundation SA) Walk 8km from the border to the top of Sani Pass where lunch awaits. Bring a valid passport and a warm jacket. Time: 8am. Venue: Sani Pass Hotel.

Cost: R150. Contact Joy: 031 764 4827 or shark15@iafrica.com Happy Valley Day and Edu-Centre is a new school hosting open days every Saturday in August and September. Time: 9am–noon. Venue: 80 Old Main Rd, Kloof.

Cost: free. Contact Nicky: 082 875 5564 or Karen: 082 603 3562

8 sunday Just Jinjer Experience the soulful music of this local band. Ends 9 August. Time: 8pm. Venue: Barnyard Theatre, Gateway.

Cost: R150. Contact: 031 566 3045 or visit barnyardtheatre.co.za Old Mutual Music at the Lake featuring Jason Hartman Relax at the lake with a picnic, while your children explore the gardens. Time: 2:30pm. Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens. Cost: early birds R80, on concert day R100. Contact: 031 202 5819, visit durbanbotanicgardens. org.za or book through ticketbreak.co.za

9 monday National Women’s Day Celebrate women this month. Take in a concert or attend a luncheon.

8 August – Just Jinjer

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The Highway Dragon’s annual Blanket Run Time: 9am. Blanket donations from 11am. Venue: bikers meet at Hyper-bythe-Sea, Durban North. Finish line at Girl Guides Hall, Pinetown. Cost: blanket/clothes donations. Contact: 083 285 0815

11 wednesday Ladies Charity Function in aid of SPCA. Benefit brunch, with a guest speaker, to celebrate women. Time: 10am. Venue: Westville Country Club. Cost: R120.

Contact Janine: 031 764 1212/3 Roseway Waldorf School open day Tour of the school plus refreshments. Time: 9am. Venue: Alverstone, near Hillcrest.

Cost: free. Contact Tessa: 031 768 1309, rosewayadmin@telkomsa.net or visit rosewaywaldorf.co.za

12 thursday Umhlanga College open evening for Grades 4–7. Time: 5:30pm–7pm. Venue: 21 Preston Dr, Prestondale, Umhlanga.

Cost: free. Contact: 031 566 5736

platters must be pre-ordered from Michelle: 031 563 3877. Time: 7pm. Venue: Hellenic Hall. Cost: R130. Contact: 031 566 2220 or prkzn@reachforadream.org.za

21 saturday Consol training and development equitation series for pony and junior riders. Ends 22 August. Time: 8am– 4:30pm. Venue: Cyril Geoghegan Stadium, cnr Masabalala Yengwa Ave and Smiso Nkwanyana Rd, Stamford Hill.

Cost: free entry for spectators. Contact: cindymeekers@telkomsa.net Vedic Lifestyle Expo I­nternational speakers on subjects from astrology to yoga, workshops and vegetarian catering.

Ends 22 August. Time: Saturday 9am– 5pm followed by one-on-one sessions and entertainment, Sunday 8:30am– 4pm. Venue: ICC Durban. Cost: two days R500, one day R300. Contact Nafeesa: 031 303 9852 or visit vediclifestyle.co.za

14 saturday Choir Extravaganza This fundraising event hosted by Stella Preprimary features choirs celebrating women and children. Drinks and snacks served. Time: 2pm. Venue: Frere Road Presbyterian Church, Glenwood. Cost: adults R25, children R10. Contact: 031 205 6934 or 074 247 8994 John Wesley Preprimary School family fun day offers activities, games, and much more. Time: 10am–2pm.

Venue: 4 Daventry Place, La Lucia. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 562 0239 or email jws@trinitymethodist.co.za

15 sunday Women’s Day Celebrations with threecourse meal, spa massages, a guest speaker and more. Time: 11am–4pm. Venue: Imbizo Conference Centre, Sibaya Casino.

Cost: tbc. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

16 monday CANSA’s Night of 100 Stars Some of South Africa’s biggest stars come together for an evening of entertainment to raise funds for CANSA. Time: 6pm. Venue: Suncoast Casino. Cost: R500 per head, R5 000 per table. Contact: 031 205 9525 or spargoolall@cansa.org

19 thursday Reach for a Dream Foundation comedy evening with Michael Naicker. Food

24 August – Mercury Wine Week

24 tuesday Mercury Wine Week Sample and buy wines from the country’s top estates at the 32nd Mercury Wine Week. Ends 26 August.

Time: 5:30pm–8:30pm. Venue: Suncoast Casino. Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 308 2556 or visit themercurywineweek.co.za.

27 friday The Baby Expo This year’s show is all about “mama magic” and offers a Barney show, children’s play area and expert advice on parenting. Ends 29 August.

Time: 9am–6pm. Venue: ICC Durban.

Cost: R50, children under 10 free entry. Book at computicket.com or visit babyshow.co.za

28 saturday Charlton Scholars’ spring walk and craft day Time: 8:30am. Venue: 24 Marievale Dr, Kloof. Cost: free entry.

Contact Mrs Duminy: 031 764 3731, 082 456 8481 or charltonhs@mweb.co.za The Great Train Race Jump on board and watch runners race the steam train.

Time and venue: supporters catch the Kloof train at noon; runners leave Inchanga at 2:30pm. Cost: adults R150, children R120.

Contact: 087 808 7715, 082 353 6003 or visit umgenisteamrailway.co.za

29 sunday

16 August – CANSA’s Night of 100 Stars durban’s

Compendium Triathlon for athletes and families. It includes triathlon and duathlon events for ages 8 and older. Time: 6:45am. Venue: Grass Sundeck, Suncoast Casino. Cost: from R80. Download August 2010

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registration form at bactiv.biz Contact: 031 764 1885 or info@bactive.biz

30 monday Deaf Awareness Week strives to create public awareness about deafness. This extends throughout September with events like Casual Day on September 3, which supports all those with disabilities. For more info contact: kznda@telkomsa.net

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science artSPACE and Young Artists Unite present Found and …Something Borrowed, Something Blue. The exhibitions explore old traditions with a modern approach. 2 August–21 August. Time: Monday–Friday 10am–4pm, Saturday 10am–1pm, opening night 6:30pm.

Venue: 3 Millar Rd, Windermere. Cost: free.

For more info: visit artspace-durban.com

classes, talks and workshops New Daisy Arts Studio Art lessons for adults and children 6 years and older.

Time: weekdays 10am–noon and 3:30pm– 5:30pm; Saturday age 11 and up 9am– 11am and age 6–10 11am–12:30pm.

Venue: 65 Ethelbert Rd, Malvern. Cost: R250 per month. Contact: 073 540 9210 or email daniella.hartman@gmail.com Roxy Learn to Surf Group or individual lessons for ages 7 and older. All surfboards, rash vests and wetsuits provided. Every Tuesday in August. Time: noon–5pm.

Venue: Suncoast Beach. Cost: R150 per hour. Contact Alan: 076 877 5143 Tots n Pots hands-on cooking and baking classes for children 2–12. 21 August: Great lunch box ideas. Time: 10am. Venue: Tots n Pots Kitchen, @Hirsch’s Homestore, La Lucia Ridge. Cost: R90, booking essential.

Contact: 073 631 2299 Yoga for Children develops core strength and flexibility while improving

The Animal Farmyard offers daily milking demonstrations, a playground, pony and tractor rides, and foefie slide. Open daily 9am–4:30pm; milking at 10:30am and 3:30pm. Venue: 3 Lello Rd, Botha’s Hill.

Cost: entry R10, rides R4.

Contact: 031 765 2240 or visit animalfarmyard.co.za

concentration. Every Tuesday. Time: 2:30pm. Venue: Centre for Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North. Cost: R40.

Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@ rautenbach.co.za

family outings Rayz Kids World at uShaka Marine World, features a giant sandpit, treasure cave, Lego building lounge, Water Canon Zone and Africa’s biggest jungle gym. For children 2–10 years. Time: 9am–6pm. Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: R35. For more info: visit ushakamarineworld.co.za The Inchanga Choo Choo travels from Kloof Station to Inchanga and back on 29 August. Time: departs 8:30am and 12:30pm; returns 10:30am and 3pm. The train also journeys through the Midlands to Nottingham Road Hotel on 8 August. Time: departs 10am. Venue: Pietermaritzburg station. Cost: adults R150, children R120. For more info: visit umgenisteamrailway.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play 1000 Hills Bird Park is home to many rare and exotic birds. Time: 8am–4pm.

Venue: 1 Clement Stott Rd, Botha’s Hill.

Cost: adults R25, children R15. Contact: 072 927 8242 Crocodile Creek is home to 7 000 crocodiles. See baby crocs hatching. Open daily. Time: 9am–5pm. Guided tours at 10am, 11:30am, 12:30pm, 2pm and 3pm; feedings at 11am and 3pm. Venue: Tongaat.

The food market

Cost: adults R50, 11–18 years R30, 4–10 years R20. Contact: 032 944 3845 or visit crocodilecreek.net Dangerous Creatures Face some of the world’s most poisonous reptiles including the black mamba. Time: 10am– 5pm daily. Venue: uShaka Marine World.

Cost: R25. Contact: 031 328 8000 or visit ushakamarineworld.co.za

markets Essenwood Market Fresh food, homeware, clothing, jewellery plus children’s activities.

Every Saturday. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Essenwood Rd. Contact: 031 208 1264 or visit essenwoodmarket.com Farmer’s Market Fresh produce. Time: 10am–1pm. Venue: Jimmy Bellows Sports Field, Westville (Thursday); Autumn Dr, Umhlanga (Wednesday); Amanzimtoti Sports Club (Tuesday). Contact Rob: 082 413 1887

family marketplace

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durban’s

Fever Tree Market Every second Sunday.

Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Claremont Farm, Salt Rock. Contact: 082 775 3998 or 082 336 3222 Golden Hours Family Market Fundraising initiative of Golden Hours Special School.

Adventure playground, breakfasts and roast meat lunches. Every Sunday. Time: 10:30am–3:30pm. Venue: Uitsig Rd, Durban North. Contact Lyn: 083 262 3693 i heart market Locally produced clothes, jewellery, ceramics, children’s clothes and toys, food and veggies. Date: 7 August.

Time: 8:30am–1pm. Venue: DLI Hall, 5 DLI Ave, Greyville. Contact: 079 496 4788 Shongweni Farmers and Craft Market Organic and local produce and crafts. Every Saturday. Time: 6:30am–10am. Venue: cnr Kassier and Alverstone Roads, Assagay.

Contact Christine: 083 777 1674 The Litchi Orchard Farmers Market

The food market Local produce, a children’s corner and tea garden. Last Saturday of every month. Time: 8am–2pm.

Venue: The Hellenic Community Centre, Durban North. Contact: 083 777 5633 or visit thefoodmarket.co.za The Litchi Orchard Farmers Market A covered market with live music and children’s playground. First and third Saturday every month. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Seaforth Ave, Foxhill. Contact: 084 205 6151

on stage and screen Buccaneers at Upper Deck Interactive dinner theatre that entertains the whole family. 22 July–4 September. Time: dinner 6pm; show starts 7pm. Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: entry R60, buffet R135. Contact: 031 328 8000 Old Mutual Music at the Lake featuring Jason Hartman 8 August.

Time: 2:30pm. Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens. Cost: early birds R80, on concert day R100. Contact: 031 202 5819 or visit durbanbotanicgardens.org.za or book through ticketbreak.co.za The Guitar that Rocked the World 5–29 August. Time: Saturday 2:30pm, Sunday 6pm. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre. Cost: R95, evening performances R140. Book through Computicket: visit computicket.com

playtime and story time Books and Books children’s story time Every Saturday. Time: 10am. Venue:

durban’s

Shop 42 Kensington Square, 53 Kensington Dr, Durban North. Cost: free. Contact: 031 563 6288 or booksandbooks@ telkomsa.net Children’s story time A story followed by a craft or activity. For ages 3–8 years. Every Saturday.

Time: 10am. Venue: 26 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti.

Cost: free. Contact: 031 903 6692 or thebookboutique@gmail.com Clamber Club open days Activities include a jungle gym, sand pit, balancing beams, hoops and balls. Suitable for pre-schoolers and children must be supervised. 6, 13, 20 and 27 August. Time: 11am–4pm. Venue: Hellenic Community Centre, High Grove Rd, Durban North. Cost: R20. Contact: 074 101 2616 Steam train rides Experience a ride on a miniature steam engine at the Durban Society of Model Engineers. Second and fourth Sunday every month. Time: 11am– 4pm. Venue: 4 Hinton Gr, Virginia. Cost: R5 per ride. Contact: 083 284 6469

sport and physical activities Compendium Triathlon for athletes and families. For ages 8 and older. Date: 29 August. Time: 6:45am. Venue: Grass Sundeck, Suncoast Casino. Cost: from R80. Contact: 031 764 1885 or email info@bactive.biz

Meditation classes for moms

Kids Cycle for Fun at the Illovo Eston Mountain Bike Challenge. Date: 1 August.

Time: tbc. Venue: Eston Club, Eston. Cost: tbc. For more info: visit: roag.co.za

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Homeopathy Workshop Natural and homeopathic first-aid remedies for treatment of children. 21 August. Time: 9am–noon.

Venue: Musgrave Park, 18 Musgrave Rd. Cost: free. Notes optional R90. Booking essential. Contact: 031 202 3082 Meditation classes for moms every Friday morning. Time: 8:30am– 9:30am. Venue: Hillcrest Library, 24 Delamore Rd, Hilldene, Hillcrest.

Cost: R25. Contact: 031 765 2162, meditateinhillcrest@gmail.com or visit meditateinhillcrest.org

August 2010

39

it’s party time

Toptots

Yoga on the Beach Classes held every Thursday for adults and teens, from beginners to advanced. Thursday 5, 12, 19, 26 August. Time: 5pm–6pm. Venue: Suncoast Zone. Cost: free. Contact: 031 201 8585

on stage and screen Friends of Music Festival A classical music concert series, featuring various piano and tenor recitals. 10, 17 and 31 August. Time: 7:45pm. Venue: Durban Jewish Centre.

Cost: R70. Book through Computicket: 083 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Just Jinjer 8–9 August. Time: 8pm. Venue: Barnyard Theatre, Gateway Theatre of Shopping. Cost: R150. For more info: visit barnyardtheatre.co.za Reach for a Dream Foundation comedy evening with Michael Naicker.

19 August. Time: 7pm. Venue: Hellenic Hall. Cost: R130. Contact: 031 566 2220 or email prkzn@reachforadream.org.za Super Troupers A tribute to music of the ‘70s. Date: 13 July–29 August. Time: varies.

Venue: Barnyard Theatre, Gateway Theatre of Shopping. Cost: Wednesday–Saturday R120; Tuesday and Sunday matinee R85.

26 August is ladies’ night and includes dress up, goodie bags and more. Contact: 031 566 3045 or visit barnyardtheatre.co.za

support groups ADHASA Support Groups for adults and children with ADHD. Contact Stuart: 031 298 8896 or Robin 082 499 1344 CANSA Support Durban North Support group for survivors, relatives and friends.

Second Tuesday each month. Time: 9:30am–11:30am. Venue: Durban North Methodist Church Hall. Cost: free. Contact Sheila: 031 564 2510 (for Cansa in other areas 031 205 9525) Childhood cancer parent support group Contact Gill: 084 831 3683 or visit choc.org.za for various meetings.

Compassionate Friends Support group for those who have lost a loved one. Fourth Sunday every month. Date: 22 August. Time: 3pm–5pm. Venue: ABSA premises, 20 Hunter St, Durban CBD. Cost: free. Contact: 031 335 0463 or 082 458 3663 Depression and Anxiety South Africa Call the national helpline on 0800 20 51 21 for referral to the support group in your area.

Diabetes SA Contact: 0861 222 717 or durban@diabetessa.co.za Down Syndrome Association KZN Intuthuko Support Group meeting for those with Down Syndrome together with their families. Third Saturday every month.

Date: 21 August. Venue: Anglican Church Hall, Umbilo Rd. Contact: 076 978 9811 FAMSA offers family and relationship counselling, parenting guidance, conflict resolution and more. Venue: 30 Bulwer Rd, Glenwood. Contact: 031 202 8987 Reach for Recovery Breast Cancer Support Group Contact: 031 205 9525 or 072 248 0008

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Breast-feeding workshop 31 July. Time: 9am–noon. Venue: Caritas Boardroom, Netcare St Augustine’s Hospital. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 268 5083 or santis@ kzn.netcare.co.za Little Life Baby Workshops Talks, demonstrations, maternity unit tours and more. 7 August. Time: 9am–noon.

Venue: Life Chatsmed Garden, Life Mount Edgecombe, Life The Crompton, Life Westville hospitals. Cost: free entry.

Contact: 031 204 1408 or lisa.thomas@ lifehealthcare.co.za Maternity and Paediatric open day and baby care workshop. 3 August. Time: 9:30am–1pm. Venue: 3rd floor, Ethekwini Hospital and Heart Centre. Cost: free entry.

Contact: 031 581 2447 or 031 581 2454 The Baby Expo This year’s show is all about “mama magic” and offers a Barney show, children’s play area and expert advice on parenting. 27–29 August. Time: 9am–6pm. Venue: ICC Durban.

Cost: R50, children under 10 free entry. Book at computicket.com.

For more info: visit babyshow.co.za

playtime and story time

Donate to the SPCA

Durban Botanic Gardens Take a stroll around the gardens and let your baby enjoy the outdoors. Time: 7:30am– 5:15pm daily. Venue: Sydenham Rd, Durban. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 309 1170 or visit durbanbotanicgardens.org.za

Moms and Tots and Moms and Babes Workshops Time: varies. Venue: branches in Umhlanga, Durban North, Highway area and Glenwood. Cost: tbc. Email info@ momsandtots.co.za or visit momsandbabes. co.za or momsandtots.co.za Story time at La Lucia Library Join other moms and little ones for a children’s story and the chance to relax. Time: 1pm every Wednesday and Friday. Venue: 1 Library Lane, behind La Lucia Mall. Cost: free. Contact: 031 572 2986 Toptots Children from 8 weeks–4 years can join activities ranging from music to free play to pilates. Time: varies. Venue: varies. Cost: about R810 per term. Contact: 031 266 4910, email info@toptots.co.za or visit toptots.co.za

support groups Moms and Babes support group This month’s talk introduces baby massage.

10 August. Time: 9am–10:30am. Venue: Alberlito Hospital, Ballito. Cost: free.

Contact: 032 946 6956 or 032 946 1826 The South African Multiple Birth Association Support group for families with multiples. Join for resources, social network, functions and seminars.

Contact: 082 338 2625 for counselling, kzn@samultiplebirth.co.za or visit samultiplebirth.co.za

how to help Become an Organ Donor August is Organ Donor Month. There is a severe shortage of organ and tissue donors. To find out about Corporate Civvies Day, other events or how you can help contact: 0800 22 66 11, durban@organdonor.co.za or visit odf.org.za SPCA Make a donation or volunteer your time. Contact Mary: 031 579 6534 or visit spcadbn.org.za The Avril Elizabeth Home is a care facility for intellectually impaired children and adults. Elizabeth Anne’s and Purity Toiletry brands have pledged again to donate 10 cents to this home for every product sold. For more info: visit avril.org.za The Sunflower Fund is a nonprofit organisation that raises money to build the South African Bone Marrow Registry, giving leukaemia and other blood-disorder patients the hope of finding a donor match. Contact: 031 266 1148 or steph@sunflowerfund.org.za TREE (Training and Resources in Early Education) focuses on educating young children from marginalised communities. They need funding, second-hand toys, clothes, books, recyclable waste and more. Contact: 031 579 4711/2/3/4 or visit tree-ecd.co.za

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za or fax it to 031 209 2200. Information must be received by 5 August for the September issue and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published.

Durban Botanic Gardens

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durban’s

August 2010

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last laugh

SAM WILSON on the fun of reviewing eateries with her children.

Joe, Sam and Benj

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August 2010

m

y day job includes reviewing restaurants. (I know. You hate me.

Many do.)

I do so love a good restaurant. I love the crisp linen and the joy of wielding a really good steak knife. What I especially love is that feeling when the food arrives and it looks and smells just perfect, and you have to restrain yourself from doing a little dance of happiness. (The same one you do in a changing room when the piece of clothing you’re trying on fits perfectly.)

Luckily my sons are also very fond of restaurants and are now old enough not only to accompany me but also to throw in their two cents’ worth.

It’s terrifically cool to review restaurants with children. Firstly, it really freaks out the waiters. Secondly, children don’t feel the need to coo in quite the same way adults do when they are fussed over. They are also a lot more frank.

Take Benjamin, for example. A few nights ago, he came with me to review a local sushi joint. “Can I have a whole lot of salmon, please?” he asked the waiter.

I cringed a little, but only on the inside.

After all, isn’t that what many of us, in our heart of hearts, want to say to waiters in sushi restaurants?

There’s a particular joy to watching a child eat sushi, especially if they eat it like Benj – casually yet with all the slurpy happiness of an aquarium seal at show time. It contrasts so sharply with the way so many Western adults eat sushi – reverently following pretentious little ginger-wasabi-soya sauce rituals, acting as if the food is judging us, rather than the other way round.

But while Benjamin always scores the sushi gigs because of his salmon obsession, it is his older brother, 10-yearold Josef, who is the real reviewer in our family. Seriously – it’s a little unnerving.

“Is it just me or do these porcini mushrooms really overpower the sole?” he said the other night.

“Is it just me or is your job ruining our child?” Andreas whispered to me over his wine glass.

And he’s right. We do have to be very careful to remind the children of the ridiculousness of our standard of eating

out, especially when compared to our household income. Also, they have to know that one day, Mommy will change jobs again and we will all be back in the Spur faster than you can say “Cheddamelt”.

In the meantime I’m really savouring scenes like the one last week, where Joe was sitting, groomed and gleaming, in one of the country’s swankiest restaurants, sampling a Yorkshire pudding, artfully dabbed with a hearty gravy.

“Are you enjoying that, little man?” asked the waiter.

“Very much,” Joey replied. “It tastes almost exactly like French toast with Bovril.

And I love French toast with Bovril.”

I don’t know what I enjoyed more. The fact that he was right or the part where the waiter turned puce with restrained laughter, and threw off all pretensions of grandeur for the rest of the evening.

Here’s to our children, who never let us get away with unnecessary puffing up.

And to fish fingers with tomato sauce, for keeping our palates true.

Sam Wilson is the Editor-in-Chief of Women24, Food24 and Parent24.

durban’s

PHOTOGRAPH: Andreas SpÄth

from fish fingers to sashimi – and back